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If you're partnered in an official way, how much did you spend on your wedding, civil union, or commitment ceremony? Where did you save; where did you splurge? How do those choices sit in your memory — and what would you advise someone planning their wedding now?
We haven't talked about wedding finances in far too long — I wrote in broad strokes many years ago about the importance of being on the same page, in general, as your partner with money issues, as well as with specific advice to not let the food portion of the wedding budget overwhelm the experience.
Getting ready for a wedding? We've discussed pre-nups, as well as how to plan a wedding when you're working long hours — and readers shared where they went on their honeymoons. We've also talked a ton about wedding etiquette at the office.
My Biggest Financial Regret About My Wedding
For my $.02 — I STILL regret the food at my wedding, which I primarily remember as “mushy” — not a great memory for either salmon or steak. The food may have been particularly yucky because the speeches went on way, way, too long, but that is another story for another day.
On the flip side, I still remember a friend's wedding where instead of a seated dinner they had stations around the room with hot, fresh, essentially pre-hangover food like egg sandwiches, french fries, and so forth.)
Here's How Much Readers Spent On Their Weddings
So I thought we'd take a look at some of our Money Snapshots — looking at the raw data, I'm kind of surprised by how many people had really frugal weddings; there are lots of folks who kept it under $10,000 and even more who kept it under $20,000.
The breakdown: Out of 101 submissions, 66 people shared financial facts about their wedding with us, including one person who had no idea how much it cost —
- 17 people paid less than $10K for their wedding (which is totally what I said we were going to do for ours and… yeah that was a total swing and a miss)
- 15 people were between $10K–$20K
- 21 people were between $20K–$50K
- 10 people spent more than $50K
- and 2 people spent more than $200K
In the era of Say Yes to the Dress where brides are often conditioned that a $20,000 wedding dress is 1000% normal… these are really refreshing figures! Lots of people noted that while their parents paid some, the bride and her partner often paid a lot also. Lots of people reported getting their wedding dress on deep discount, in fact.
Readers who are coupled, how much did you spend on your wedding/civil union/commitment ceremony? What do you think were some of the savviest ways you saved money? What were some of the instances where you splurged? If you had a small wedding due to the pandemic, are you “making up for it” with a bigger party? Do tell!
(A fun corollary question: What do you remember from other people's weddings, both good and bad, and how did that affect the financial choices around your wedding?)
Psst: If you’d like to fill out the form and be considered for a future personal money snapshot, please click here to submit your response! You can see a PDF of the questions if you want to review them ahead of time. See others in the Personal Money Snapshot series here.
Stock photo via Stencil.
Anonymous
We spent about 10k for our 30 person wedding this included historic venue rental, amazing hot Italian food with a custom pasta bar, desserts from a local bakery, and open bar.
Senior Attorney
We spent a ginormous amount on our wedding (coming up on five years ago) and I don’t regret a penny of it. We had nobody to please but ourselves (we were and are VERY VERY OLD) and we always say our wedding is what would happen if you left two eighth-graders home alone with the checkbook for the weekend! The only thing I regret is that that we didn’t splurge on the drone camera to fly over the parade…
Sunshine
We spent $1,000 on our wedding, including attire and rings. We are two super introverts who had no interest in a wedding, and so we did the minimum and hosted a small meal for our families after getting married by a judge. No flowers, no photographer. It was perfect for us and, after 6 years, we don’t wish we had done anything differently.
I love looking at other people’s wedding pictures, including people I don’t even know. They always look so happy and gorgous!
Anon OP
We did this too. Except it was ~900 with a photographer and no one there but the two of us, the photographer, and the officiant. It happened to be restaurant week so we went out and got a great deal on a nicer meal than we otherwise would have had for like $100. Highly recommend.
Anon for this
This was very similar to what we did. Husband wore a nice suit, I wore a pretty dress and we got married at a parsonage with just our moms present. Whole thing was less than $500 and we will celebrate our 11 year anniversary later this year.
iliketoknit
It’s so nice to see others who felt this way! We got married by a judge (the witness was the narcotics ADA who had the hearing before us) and went out to a nice dinner after. My parents threw us a reception about 4 months later, in the social hall at their condo complex (it was nice, I swear). The room was free, we didn’t do music/dancing, just food and some flowers. Our rings were probably $2500 total and my dress (a regular sundress) was maybe $60? I enjoy seeing other people’s wedding pics but never ever ever wanted one of my own.
Anon
We spent about $12,000 back in 2008 in the Midwest. We were two years out of college. We paid for almost everything ourselves out of our savings (which was a stretch, but we both had college paid for which obviously was a huge privilege.) My parents paid for the rehearsal dinner at a local brewery, his parents gave us $1,000. It was so long ago it’s probably not even worth writing about, but our main ways to save money were to invite fewer people (~80 attended) and not do floral centerpieces (my MIL and I made them). We also had a friend’s dad be the photographer for $1K – he is a pro photographer but not a wedding photographer and he agreed to do it. Otherwise, we had a florist, plated catering from our university venue (I remember it was very important to us to not have a buffet), a DJ, full bar, dress from a bridal shop (about $800), etc.
What I remember about other people’s weddings – does the venue match the guest numbers (was I/were others shoved off in corners where we couldn’t see or hear what was happening?), how long do I have to wait for food (not so much the food itself unless it is terrible, which most isn’t), whether the ceremony was substantive/personal, and the speeches/love in the room. Otherwise, unless it is truly amazing luxury (circulating top shelf champagne service and Michelin chef catering at your parents’ estate in the hamptons? Why yes I will have another glass!) I don’t remember the flowers, the favors, bridesmaid’s dresses, or what have you.
Gabbie
Ours was very similar. Got married end of 2007. 60 guests,$12k with rings and dress. The venue was a beautiful restaurant with a private room, $500 with a food/beverage minimum, we had city and water views on one side, and a beautiful fireplace on the other. We did do flower centerpieces but I went with the florsit who provided flowers to the restaurant and got a discount. Our big splurges was food/drink and photographer. I still absolutely love my pictures almost 14 years later.
Completely agree smaller guest list helps a ton!
Cat
My parents paid for our ~$50K wedding. Having been to a ton of weddings prior (big family and I’m in the middle of the cousins age-wise), we prioritized the stuff that we cared about as guests – (1) venue, food, and drink, (2) having a great band, and then (3) everything else. We spent fairly little on flowers because the venue was gorgeous on its own, skipped the cake entirely, and had a very small bridal party.
If we were getting married now in our late 30’s we would probably do a small ceremony & dinner with just our parents, siblings, and a few close friends – would estimate spending $5K by the time we paid for the fancy dinner and wine for everyone.
pugsnbourbon
$5k, 10 years ago in the midwest. My parents paid for the venue as a gift (county park) and both our parents split the rehearsal dinner. My grandmother paid for the cake and my aunts put together a “cookie table.” It was very DIY; my brother and future BIL helped with setup on the day-of. We paid for the food, bar, our outfits, etc.
We were the only guests at a riverfront BnB on our wedding night. There was a restaurant next door – when we got back that night I stood in the windows facing it pretending to be a ghost in my dress. I was … fairly drunk.
Vicky Austin
hahahahaha
Senior Attorney
Heh I love this!
Anonymous
I think you may have just identified the one thing I might spend significant money on for a wedding (which would for me be an elopement or courthouse ceremony with no guests) — buying out a BnB to ensure we were the only guests.
Anon
I’m told our food was amazing (which is why we picked the place) but we got completely hijacked by one or two guests who talked our ear off and used up hours of our time. The place cleared our plates before we had a bite.
My biggest regret is not being assertive with inconsiderate guests.
Senior Attorney
If it’s any comfort, nobody ever gets to eat at their own wedding.
Note to future brides: Make sure you get a to-go box if it’s important to you to taste your wedding food!
No Face
I had a buffet. The rule was that my husband and I got our plates first. We ate while everyone else was getting their food.
Senior Attorney
You are wise, No Face. ;)
Mrs. Jones
We did similarly: We were the first ones at the reception venue, after walking up the church aisle and directly into a waiting car. They had a little table upstairs with an assortment of all the buffet food, so we ate and then went down to the reception.
Anon
I ate because… why not? Everyone sat down and we were like – it’s time to eat and listen to speeches. I have blood sugar problems and it’s not cute to starve the person who is spending five thousand dollars to feed other people.
Anonymous
Same! I was eating the food I picked, dammit. (I am very food motivated, what can I say)
Kate
Have a day-of coordinator. The first thing I told her is that I’m not going to be one of those brides who doesn’t get to eat at her own wedding reception. We had a sweetheart table and the day-of coordinator ensured we got to eat!
Anonymous
I got to eat to the point of bursting at my wedding, which was great because the food was amazing. We still get compliments on it years later (small restaurant reception).
SC
I ate at my wedding. When guests came up to the table and talked to us, I kept eating. Our photographer snapped candid photos of us visiting with aunts, uncles, cousins, etc., and I have food in my mouth in all of them. Eleven years later, I think it’s hilarious. The food was delicious.
Anon
FWIW, one of the things that made it easier to eat was having a reception line at the end of the ceremony. (We went around and talked to everyone at the reception, too.) Since everyone had already gotten a hug and a hello, there was less need for people to talk to us during the meal.
Anonymous
I actually don’t know how much mine cost because my parents paid for a lot of it and wouldn’t tell me what they paid, but I think they paid around 25-30k for ~75ish guests. We paid around $6-7k, I think, which included a subsidy on hotel rooms for our guests (venue required a certain number of rooms be rented and their rates were expensive, so we just paid a portion to get it down to what we felt was a reasonable rate for guests), hair/makeup for me and bridesmaids, wedding rings, dress alterations (my mom bought the dress, I paid for the alterations). We prioritized the venue and the food/alcohol–it was important for me that everything be in one area so people didn’t have to drive or otherwise be transported between ceremony/reception/back to their hotel rooms. Our wedding was at a resort that was a destination for most of our guests, but anywhere we picked was going to be a destination because most of our guests were spread out all over the country. We did stations for food and it was excellent. I would not have spent a lot of money on at all was flowers and paper, which happened to be two things my mother really cared about, but since she was paying, I let her pick whatever she wanted (I mean, within the bounds of things I liked). I’m sure she spent far, far more on them than I would have. We had a DJ because I wanted to be able to talk to my guests, and I’ve never been to a wedding with a band where the band wasn’t just deafeningly loud (we are not dance people). The photo booth (another thing my parents wanted that I didn’t care about and wouldn’t have spent money on) turned out to be a surprisingly big hit. We were toward the end of our friend group to get married, so we had been to a lot of weddings by the time we planned our’s and therefore knew what we wanted to prioritize. I don’t remember anyone’s flowers or invitations. I do remember the food (and the cake! I love cake) and the venues.
Anonymous
Forgot to include that included a welcome reception with drinks and hors d’oeuvres the night before and a brunch the morning after.
Anon
That’s so funny about the cake! I love cake but I have never eaten cake at a wedding – I’m always on the dance floor or at the bar and miss it
anon
We tried to elope, but ended up having 13 guests for a-la carte lunch at a restaurant (which my parents paid) and cake at a relative’s home. All of our wedding gifts were cash, so we came out ahead. Maybe $200 for the paperwork, $150 for my dress and I will not tell you how cheap the rings were.
Anon
Invited 100 people; 75 showed up (friends and family are scattered all over the country). Just shy of $15,000 for a church ceremony followed by a brunch wedding at a unique, historical venue.
Where we saved: BRUNCH. The food was delicious and there was a lot of variety. Brunch lends itself to things like a raw bar, a mimosa station, and tapas, as well as fancy versions of normal brunch food; it cost half of what dinner would have.
We also “saved” on my dress (just shy of $1,000, gorgeous), flowers from Costco (best thing ever), making our own decorations, and using the venue as the decoration. Used my iPod for the music.
I wish we had splurged on an item that was very specific to our venue. It was $500 and I was just in hard-core “we don’t need extras; extras add up” mode. Upon later reflection, it was the wrong choice to save money there because it was such a unique thing that would have been a lot of fun for our guests, fun for us, and is something that has some significance to me as well. Of the venues like ours in America – of which there are maybe a dozen – ours is apparently the only one that has this option.
Curious anon
Ok now I want to know what the $500 thing was!
Anonymous
Well now I have to know. The only truly unique thing I recall when looking at wedding venues was the Old Exchange in Charleston will let guests tour the jail in the basement during the happy hour…
Anon
With a lot of google searching, I found that a second venue that has the same option. Specifically looking at other, similar venues, it does not seem to be an option. We had our reception at a well-known horse track.
Anon for this
25k all in for a dream wedding at a historic house with about 25 guests. We wanted a small wedding and splurged on a beautiful, all-inclusive venue ($10k – all food, full bar, cake, all rentals, tent), a stellar photographer ($3.5k), and the most killer wedding planner ever ($1k). It was a completely stress-free day. It was the most stunning wedding — I don’t regret anything about it. We saved money on not buying any decor (gorgeous location), minimal flowers, and not upgrading anything (they gave me an upgrade book with different linens and chair options and I literally just threw the packet away once I got home). I think we spent the money very wisely. Everything we did was 5-star perfect and we didn’t worry about anything else. I look back and still pinch myself that I could have that amazing and lovely of a wedding with everyone we loved (and small, we didn’t want it big).
anon.
Same for a similar wedding for ~28 people including getting married in a historic cathedral (minimal flowers since hello stained glass), cocktails at a bar, and a sit down meal cooked to order with an open bar. Big expenses were 3,000 for the planner who was given a mood board with directions of “execute, I don’t need to be involved in decisions”, 3,000 for gorgeous flowers for the reception room, 3,000 for a photographer and can’t remember the food bill. Photographer and planner typically handled the high budget weddings and had a blast doing a smaller one. Best part – we hired out all the set up and take down so we could just arrive at each event and not have to worry about a thing.
Vicky Austin
My parents: my dress, bridesmaids’ dresses & a couple tuxes, food, tables/tent for outdoor reception, flowers, Costco champagne = $7K
Finagled for free or skipped: reception venue (DH’s grandparents’ home), photographer (my aunt who would have done it anyway), DJ/band nonsense (our sisters collaborated on a playlist that people are still asking me about 3 years later)
DH’s folks: most of the tuxes & one bridesmaid’s dress, tracked down a specialty cider we wanted = probably not more than $1K
DH and me: invitations & programs, rings, miscellany = maybe $1K and most of that was rings (we also covered the honeymoon but I don’t consider that a cost of the wedding, per se)
Anon
We spent about $10-12k on our wedding that was in a private room at a swanky restaurant, 20 guests. We had a ginormous feast with lots of booze. If I had to do it over again I would spend a couple extra thousand on a wedding planner/coordinator because I was so stressed that I didn’t enjoy the day.
JTM
We paid ~$15K for our wedding 6yrs ago, not including our 2 honeymoons. We paid for the majority of it ourselves with small contributions from both of our moms. Our wedding was a destination for both families and most friends, and we wanted to show them a good time. We had a unique venue which required we use their caterer, but they were fantastic and the food was delicious. Looking back, I’d do it all over again the exact same way, except I’d find the way to pay for a videographer – our wedding photographers were awesome and I love our photos, but I wish I could rewatch our vows, or the best man’s toast.
Anon
$5k-ish? Open air chapel at a park in the mountains. Immediate family only. Restaurant dinner afterwards. Splurged on gorgeous flowers. Saved by only having the photographer cover the ceremony (with ~40 minutes beforehand for couples photos and family shots). Gown was a sample. Wouldn’t change a single thing. It was perfect. (Rings not included – they were more than the wedding ha.)
Lisa
My wedding was postponed from last summer to this summer, so the final total is still TBD — that said, I know it will be over $50k, as the initial estimate last year was right around there (for 100 people) and then we got hit with some nice surprises like a $3k shuttle bus bill that isn’t really optional due to our venue’s location. I spent about $4k on my dress including alterations; it was a top priority for me, but it’s the boring things like shuttles and catering equipment rental that really add up.
My one financial regret, although I don’t know if I actually regret it because our venue is gorgeous, is picking a DIY venue in the middle of nowhere (it’s on a 1.5 lane mountain road, hence the mandatory shuttles) where we have to rent and bring in EVERYTHING. The venue was half the price of others we looked at, but we’ll make up that cost and more in rentals.
Kate
$35k in DC in 2018, about 90 guests, we were mid-30s. Church wedding followed by early afternoon reception at a historic venue with cocktails indoors and dinner outdoors, with in-house catering. Brought our own alcohol (wine and beer only) and no DJ/dance floor. No speeches except to welcome everyone to the dinner. Only regret is that I did not drink any prosecco because I didn’t want to have to go to the bathroom in my dress.
AZCPA
I am shocked that $10k or $20k is being considered frugal.Our wedding was going to be about $4k, and we didn’t think that was cheap. Ended up eloping during Covid, so $200.
LaurenB
I’m an Old, but my parents paid about $40K for a wedding for 200 people in the mid 1980s. I don’t know what that translates to today. This, however, included multiple events such as a pool party for out-of-town guests, bridesmaids’ luncheon, the wedding/dinner itself (held at a hotel) and brunch for departing guests the day after. I remember my dad gave a budget of $1,000 for the dress, I tried on a $1,800 dress (without realizing the price tag) and he cried and said wrap it up. (He was in the fashion business so he had a great eye.) We had a great time and really nothing I would have changed, to be honest. If I think about marrying off my own kids, I would prioritize entertaining people for the whole weekend with brunches and so forth, but I would probably only serve wine versus an open bar, just because we (husband and I) don’t drink very much. I would be fine if my kids wanted something more modest and small TBH – I think in those days there was a lot more of my dad inviting his business associates than they do nowadays.
Vicky Austin
Aw, that story about your dad is very sweet.
Mal
I was going to say the same – what a beautiful memory. :)
Anonymous
Agreed, so sweet!
Senior Attorney
That is super sweet!
Google says your $40,000 in 1985 is $100,000 today.
LaurenB
Holy cow! What can I say, it was the 80s. Lots of conspicuous consumption. Important to serve filet mignon instead of chicken, waiters had to have white gloves, cherries jubilee for dessert which was a “show”, a band instead of a DJ, blah blah blah. Very different and much more individualistic and creative today!
roxie
“If I think about marrying off my own kids” – sorry but this phrase grosses me out. So old school, so sexist. Your children are not pawns whose ownership you are transferring from you to someone else.
NYNY
We spent ~$15K for 150 guests in 2005. Splurged on a beautiful venue in Santa Fe (far from us, but close to a lot of family who couldn’t travel easily) and amazing photographers. Saved on several things – food, drinks, dress – by having a fairly casual vibe. Received flowers and cake as wedding gifts from family members, which was a huge savings and made it really special, and got a mariachi band at a discount because one of my husband’s cousins is a member. I loved every bit of it and wouldn’t change a thing.
Anon
Ok having a mariachi band at your weddings is #goals and the one tidbit I’m envious of in reading all these posts!!
Anonymous
We spent ~25k on the wedding (120 guests) and about 10k on the honeymoon when we got married in 2009. We were young- both 25- and my parents paid for $10k, we paid for the rest and then got a gift of $10k from DH’s parents at our wedding. DH’s parents also paid for the rehearsal dinner (which I included in the 25k- it was probably $1500 or so). We were both living in a VHCOL area and ended up choosing a venue in a HCOL near most of my family.
12 years out, I think we did the right thing for us at the time. I had a hard time spending so much money (the saver in me wanted to put my parents’ 10k toward my loans and get married at the courthouse), but I really enjoyed the big party. And looking back at photos, we’ve lost several close family members and a dear college friend of mine since then and it was the last time they were all together.
Note: the wedding rings are included in the 25k since I know what they cost but my engagement ring is not. DH paid for that and I believe it was ~10k.
Anon
We spent $345 on the Las Vegas chapel (upgraded package with real flowers!) and $5000+ on dinner and drinks for a small group of friends.
Curious
We spent around $50K for a 140 person wedding in 2019. Our priorities were food, drink, and dancing — giving our assembled guests, most of whom had to fly to the wedding, a great time. Venues and food in Seattle are expensive (we spent $10K on venue and $17K on food, beer, and wine for the day of, as well as $4K for the rehearsal dinner). We also spent $4K for 9 hours of photography, $3K for a DJ, $2.5K for a coordinator, and some amount — maybe $1.2K? — for flowers. My parents covered a large fraction of the cost. I wouldn’t change a thing. It was wonderful.
Anon
My parents paid for almost all of it, $5,000 back in 1999. That included venue (we had the ceremony and the reception in the same place), food, alcohol (champagne only – it was a brunch reception), my dress, etc. We had about 35 people, close friends and family only. We are still married 22 years later. If I had it to do over again, I would elope; it was a small wedding but I was the first child/grandchild to get married and my husband is an only child, so details got way overcomplicated. I liked my wedding but it wasn’t worth the hassle and drama leading up to it.
However, if I were to get remarried at some point in the future, I would do a ginormous blowout because I’d be paying for it myself and most of the people who had strong opinions about minor details of my first wedding are gone now. I would be able to do exactly what I (and my fiance, I suppose) wanted, whatever I wanted.
COVID Wedding
Our plan for a March 2020 wedding was cancelled due to COVID, and there was a $2400 photographer bill, $150 coordinator deposit, $150 hair and makeup deposit, and ~$150 in decorations that we couldn’t get back, as well as a ~$4500 Delta Vacations Voucher for a cancelled honeymoon that we still have to use.
We ended up eloping the day before the Governor shut our state down, so actual expenses ended up including $1,000 to our church for letting us use the chapel and performing our ceremony, $900 for the elopement photographer I found at the 11th hour, $200 for my dress + $400 in alterations (it was ready by our elopement day so why not wear it?) and $1200 for my husband’s custom made suit, which we made our investment item since we thought he’d wear it a ton, only to go into lockdown for 15 months. Oh, and $50 for a cake we bought at a local bakery and $10 for hotdogs, fries, and milkshakes for lunch after the ceremony.
Curious
I’m sorry for the loss of your wedding as you planned it and the associated $$. My sister is also a COVID bride and it just wasn’t fun.
Anonymous
About $15K for a city hall wedding and restaurant reception. The number includes buying out the restaurant for 55 guests and albums from the photographer afterward. I was surprised it ended up costing as much as it did since my dress was $250, we used my husband’s late father’s ring, etc., but the cost was death by a thousand paper cuts. No regrets though.
Anonymous
$35k for a 70-ish person wedding at a downtown loft venue in DC in 2015. Most of the money was spent on catering and venue; we did our own music, alcohol, and flowers for very cheap. The food was really good, and everyone had a great time!
anon
We spent around $75k 8 years ago. Splurged on venue (great location that was easy for guests and naturally beautiful so not a lot of decorating needed), food (very important to us – we had a big cocktail hour and a four course sit down dinner), alcohol (top shelf open bar) and band for 200 people and hosted an after party with appetizers and beer/wine at a bar down the street. Our parents chipped in about $30k total and we paid the rest and had a longer engagement to help save. It was a lot of money to us at the time but looking back we could have spent more and I probably would have upgraded a few things. My husband was the one who really wanted a big wedding but I’m really glad we did it – it was so nice to have all the people in our lives in one place celebrating us for the day (we also both have large-ish extended families). We also have had some people pass away and I’m so happy we have professional photographs of them smiling and dancing.
I remember thinking my wedding dress was absurdly expensive at like $1200 but I loved it, we totally saved on invitations (we ordered decidedly not fancy ones online), flowers (cheapest option from a local florist – they were lovely but not fancy), we took a shot on a new photographer who did a fabulous job and now charges 4x what we paid, we had a very basic cake and noped basically any extras. If we were to do it again, I’d upgrade our flowers, get a videographer, gotten a full choir at the church and get nicer invitations and hosted a brunch the next day
Way too much!
I am guessing that my parents and ILs spent $25k on our wedding in the early 2000s.
Money was tight for my family. The budget spun way out of control from decisions that The Moms made and/or guilted me into. In desperation, I went to David’s Bridal alone and bought the cheapest dress I could find that sort of fit. It was $99. Still so sad that I never got to enjoy shopping for a dress. The dress was the only thing that I could control, and I knew we were way over budget.
I felt ugly, angry, and heartbroken for most of my wedding.
Seeing and reading how different it is for other brides makes me so sad. Last month my boss mentioned that she was going to shop for wedding dresses with her daughter and I almost burst into tears.
Anon
Hugs from this internet stranger.
This might not make you feel better: my family tried to do that to me, and I became the family pariah for putting my foot down.
Annie
$5k all in, including rings, venue (Forest Service rental site), food, booze, photography, school bus rental to bring guests to venue, his suit, suit for our nephew, rented tables and chairs, compostable plates/cups/silverware, thank you gift for the judge that officiated, hair/makeup and day of coordinator. 80ish people. We also did a rehearsal dinner at our house and his folks paid probably $200 for bbq. My mom and aunt made my dress and probably spent $100 on fabric and my aunt did the flower arrangements and probably spent $100 on bulk flowers.
BOSTONANONIAN
I’m so glad to see this! My fiancé and I have a super long engagement (courtesy of covid, but it’s honestly been nice) and are about a year out from our wedding. We’re planning to spend around $30-35k all in for 100-140 guests in the Boston area. We found an incredible venue that includes pretty much everything (even a planner/day-of coordinator and personal staff to make sure the bride and groom actually eat), and were able to talk to a friend of a friend who had been married there and gave it a huge thumbs up. We’re splurging on what we care about – a beautiful space that can accommodate everyone we love, great food, a well-priced open bar, and a lot less leg-work on our part. We’re splurging on our photographer as well, who is amazing (our engagement shoot was so much better than I ever imagined), and compromised on music with a great DJ rather than a band to stay in budget. We don’t care about flowers and decor (the venue is beautiful on its own) or invitations, so we’ll be cutting costs there, and skipping any extras (the included white linens and white chairs are just fine for us), and we also saved by deciding on a Sunday wedding. Sunday rather than Saturday saved us enough to be able to invite the big guest list we wanted. We looked at A LOT of options around our area and on Cape Cod, and to have everything (and everyone) we wanted, including a beautiful outdoor venue, this turned out to be the best way to do it. I don’t know if it was all worth it yet, but I feel pretty good about it!
Allison
Sounds lovely. What venue is this?
Anon
$20K for ~120 people over 3 days. We did it on family land, so the venue was free, and lots of friends camped out and helped a ton over the entire thing
– $2K for a rocking band
– $10K for fancy dinner/brunch / tents / tables & chairs (by far the most expensive thing, but seems cheap in hindsite
– $2K for other dinner
– 1.5K for other breakfast
– $600 for photographer?
– $1-2K for Costco wine and liquor, mixers and apps (friends/family were bartenders over all the nights)
– $300 for my dress, $300 for flowers which friends arranged
– $1K to fly out our officiant (friend) and put him up in a nice hotel
It was awesome
Anon
Wedding planning advice: make a spreadsheet. Weddings are death by a thousand cuts, as mentioned above.
My spreadsheet had three columns: estimated cost, actual cost, amount of money paid. I had over 20 line items: dress, alterations, save the dates, wedding invitations, postage, officiant fee, musician fee, church decorations, church wedding coordinator fee, tuxedo, hotel, flowers, veil, hair/makeup, venue insurance, marriage license, photography, premarital education fee, cake, venue. As random things cropped up, they got added to the spreadsheet.
This amazing spreadsheet also had another page with the venue information. I could plug in number of guests, approximate number of guests who drink (we had a lot of people who don’t drink and a lot of hard drinkers, so…), optional extras, their stated taxes and gratuities, mandatory fees (coat check, bartending fee, etc.), and that would feed into the “estimated” portion of the “venue” line on the front page.
A third page was 80% ironic and 20% very serious: it included all the stuff that I was told I “needed” but noped out of. That page came to fifteen thousand dollars worth of extras. It helped keep me on budget because I saw how fast “just this one thing” added up, and how little it all would have changed the event.
It also helped me push back on the Wedding Crazy. “It’s funny you should say that – I’ve been keeping a running tally of all the things that people suggest but we’re opting out of, and it’s already over ten thousand dollars.” Because Aunt Martha will tell you that of course you need envelope calligraphy and Cousin Kevin will be mad that you’re doing a playlist instead of a DJ and your snotty SIL is going to be appalled that you didn’t hire a trolley for the guests and….
I would also suggest all-inclusive venues if you can find one that you like. I much preferred going in to know how expensive it would be rather than get nickel and dimed to death.
Pay attention to how your venue charges fees. I found a lot of places became expensive because they had high venue fees plus high minimum food and beverage spends. One place had a really affordable food menu, but charged per-person on drinks (we had a lot of people who don’t drink) and did their per-person by wine and liquor, so if we wanted an open bar for wine and liquor, it would be $30 per person for wine and another $30 per person for liquor. Another place was affordable until the taxes, gratuities, and service fees got added on: every place had the state sales tax and some sort of gratuity or fee; this place did a 25% gratuity AND a 25% fee. Ultimately, the fancy venue that was very straightforward with their costs was not any more expensive than the cheap places that found new and innovative ways to charge extra money.
anon
+100 to your last two paragraphs. Our “fancy” venue was actually a bit cheaper than other cheaper options once I ran all the numbers
Anonymous
I’m not married, never have been, and don’t know if I ever will, but I really like your advice.
Anon Big Wedding
I am not completely sure but I think my parents paid about $100K for my wedding and maybe more. The venue (our church) was free and we did not spent a lot decorating it (it is a beautiful spot without it) so it was mostly just programs, flowers for the altar, and the musicians.
But we invited 250 people and most of them showed, our reception venue was both amazing and expensive, there was an open bar, midnight food trucks, brunch the next day, the food was great, we had a really good photographer. We rented a couple of houses for family and the bridal party. All in all it was pricey.
I would have happily gotten married with just our immediate family in our church with a dress I already owned and gone to a nice dinner later, which would have cost maybe $1K but when I told my mother that she looked like I had just suggested killing puppies. I have three brothers and am the only daughter (and my whole family runs to boys). She really, really wanted to plan a blow out wedding. My response was to tell her a few nonnegotiable items and then that she could plan whatever wedding she and Dad wanted to pay for. It was quite the party and we had family fly in from three continents to attend. I had a blast and have no complaints but it was definitely more for the family than for me or my (very lovely and patient) husband – whose was bemused by the whole thing.
I drew the line at the horse drawn carriage.
Alanna of Trebond
I spent about $60k for a 200 person Indian wedding in 2014. I saved up for it over two years from my biglaw job and my clerkship. It was great and I loved going to vendors who were expecting someone else to pay and making all of the decisions. We still don’t really know how much our honeymoon cost but it was around $20k for a monthlong trip to Argentina. Both were excellent decisions. I regret not getting a videographer, but it felt too expensive at the time. We look at our photographs often and we love our memories of that day.
C
We eloped with an elopement package at a B&B for… maybe $1000 about 10 years ago? Cake, officiant, photographer and flowers included + suite with jacuzzi. Venue permitted a few guests as well. Dress was about $200 with alterations (cocktail dress) and wedding rings were about the same (each), I think? Shoes were ~$150. DH wore stuff he already had. Such a relaxed and lovely day.
Pep
I’m an Old, and I was married in 1994. We paid ~$15K, exclusive of rings and honeymoon. My parents chipped in $5K. To this day they don’t know that the total was three times that amount, they’d be horrified LOL.
I wanted to elope the first time around, but my XH was from a traditional NY/NJ Italian family and that idea got shot down quick. Of course, that family didn’t want to PAY or PLAN the thing – that fell to us. That said, it was a great day and everything turned out really nice.
Right now, we are knee deep in finalizing the preparations for my long time BF’s son’s wedding in October.
Annie Q
We got married at the justice of the peace in a city about an hour away (there was less of a waiting period there than in our hometowns). So with gas, a stop to buy a camera (this was before cell phones) on the way, and a stop for burgers on the way home, it was maybe $50. My family was annoyed that I didn’t have a ceremony they could attend, but they got over it. It helped that my husband and I moved to Italy right after getting married and lived there for three years, so everyone could come visit (and did). I just never wanted to spend tens of thousands on some rituals that didn’t mean much to me. On the other hand, we spent tens of thousands on my stepdaughters’ weddings, and had a blast at both.
Andrea Fong
I *think* we spent about $30K for 90 people, including my dress and my husband’s ring, flights, hotels, etc. We got married in wine country in 2009, so $30K felt/feels like a steal, because truly it’s hard to even rent a venue for that price. I remember thinking at the time that it was an insane amount of money and that we should elope, but I’m so glad we went forward with it. There is really something to be said about getting up in front of everyone you love and declaring your love and commitment for one another.
Minor regret of not having a more professional caterer as they messed up a number of logistical things (which felt major at the time but now I can’t remember them! ha!), but the food was great. I also regret not having a videographer but that felt like too much of a splurge at the time. I do remember someone telling me I would regret that move and they were right!
One thing I will say to couples getting married now is that we use the photographs from our wedding all the time. We’ve sadly had a number of recent deaths in our family and we are constantly going back to the wedidng pictures and finding great images of our dearly departed. So although I *think* we spent more heavily on the photographer than we could have, we are still getting so many benefits from it. My sister used a new photographer who was trying to establish her business and she still regrets that. Photographer just didn’t know how to position people right, didn’t remind her about her bouquet, etc.
babyweight
My guess is $50k for 200 guests 15 years ago. My dad set a $25k limit, but that was for the wedding day itself. Then he didn’t tell me how much the flowers ended up costing, so I know floral went over budget. My FIL paid for the sit down rehearsal dinner for 100, including a pianist and a cocktail hour. We did a pretty big “after hours” post-reception party on our own dime. Then there was the honeymoon, which was “exotic,” and subsidized by my FIL. I bought my dress second hand through Ebay. I don’t regret a penny of it, but no one went into debt, which would change my mind.