Guest Post: Take Back February – A Three-Part Guide To Restoring Our Holiday State Of Mind
January is for resolutions, but some say the real work begins in February — today's guest poster, Desiree Moore of Greenhorn Legal, LLC, wonders if that isn't the case… Pictured: Dawn of a new day, originally uploaded to Flickr by rlanvin.
I have been thinking a lot lately about the way we judge time, and how we can change the way we feel about something depending on when we are feeling it. December is a great example. In December, there is a buzz in the office. For many companies, it is the end of the fiscal year. The holidays – or just some unbridled time away from the office – are around the corner. There is a sense of winding down, of peace.
And in January, we come back to the office with a renewed energy. With hope. Our personal and professional resolutions are in tow, and the weight of last year is a distant memory. This early lightness is surely an insight – this year is going to be a great one.
If you are like me, however, by February, it is back to business as usual. The resolutions find their place at the bottom of the to-do list (Spinning at 6 a.m. – no thank you). The cyclical nature of working in an office – traditional or otherwise – starts to weigh on us again. Bosses, colleagues, adversaries, and clients are back to being unreasonable (or annoying – whatever). If you are in a cold place, the early winter snow has turned to slush and being outside is unpleasant. So we count down to Friday as if this is some benchmark of something, make the most of the weekend, and do it all over again. And again. Oh man.
Let’s stop right here (before this gets any more depressing) and sort this out. What is it about December? What about January? Aren’t these just artificial points in time? I understand that in those months we are given a break from our everyday lives – but can’t we mimic the thought patterns and perspectives of those months, even if just in some small way, and carry those good feelings with us throughout the year?
I can’t say I have any definitive answers, but, after giving it some thought, I do have a few ideas:
Take Note Of “Endings” Throughout The Year
Part of what is meaningful about December is that it marks a clear, unequivocal end. It is the end of the year, and often the end of some of the big projects, deals, or cases we have been working on for months. We can set our professional clocks to zero and start over again. This, in itself, is energizing.
Throughout the year, however, we have the tendency to gloss over similar “endings.” Instead of allowing ourselves the satisfaction that comes with finishing something, we move forward constantly in a linear fashion. We’re onto the next project without hesitation. This year, consider doing this differently. Take note of your endings. Do something affirmative when you finish something significant to mark that you have done so. Get a manicure. Take a long lunch or a walk outside. Organize your office and file away any documents related to the finished project. The ritual you choose doesn’t matter as much as the awareness. Allow yourself a moment to recognize that you have completed a cycle, and move on to the next project with the strength and satisfaction that accompanies this.
Calendar Events To Look Forward To
When you pick up a new calendar, there are certain events pre-printed inside. Hanukkah, Christmas, New Year’s Eve, among others. This month, choose three to five events to add to your calendar, in addition to these big events. The events do not have to be big (or costly) ones, though they should be markedly different from your everyday plans. Ideally, your events will involve some preparation and some investment of time so you build up to the event and enjoy it even more when it comes. (This will also prevent you from wishing your time away until the event, as we all tend to do.) Plan an adventure weekend trip, host a themed dinner party, invite friends to visit you (and plan a tour of your city). Fill your calendar with a few out-of-the-ordinary things to look forward to throughout the year and emulate some of that excitement you feel when the holidays and end of year are approaching.
Make Time For The Things That Are Important
At bottom, the end of the year, the holiday season, is meaningful because we are given permission to relish in the things that are important to us. It is professionally acceptable to do so. We take time away from work, visit with friends and family, and indulge in good food, shopping, and other things we love. While we can’t realistically do this in excess year round, we also can’t afford to do the opposite – to let our work consume us, to neglect the people and things that make our lives full. Throughout the year, make time for the things that are important to you. Make a wine date with close friends. Cook a celebratory meal on a random Friday night. Buy gifts for others. Do something charitable. Whatever you choose, you may find that this alone restores you to that December and January state of mind (yep – even in February).
Readers, when do you buckle down for your resolutions? How do you keep that resolve throughout the year?
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Desiree Moore is the President and founder of Greenhorn Legal, LLC. Greenhorn Legal offers intensive practical skills training programs for law students and new lawyers as they transition from law school into their legal practices. Ms. Moore is also an adjunct professor at Loyola University Chicago School of Law and was an associate at the law firm of K&L Gates. She can be found on Twitter at @greenhornlegal. Join Desiree for a live, career-defining CLE seminar this month in Chicago, Illinois.
No helpful hints from me about keeping resolutions– am horrible with diet and exercise.
My only offering is this: go out on the odd weeknight to do something you like, see your friends, go out with a beau, have a spontaneous dinner (no, not date night, NFW) with the hubby, etc.
Two primary reasons for this:
(1) if you go out somewhere on a weeknight, esp. dinner, you have a chance of getting better service because places aren’t jam-packed, and the establishment will think you’re a local and
(2) it makes me feel like less of a salmon, forced to swim upstream Mon-Fri and then, en masse “allowed” to go out on Fri/Sat night. The idea that corporate will control when I go out and have fun really bugs, and hordes of people also make it less fun for me. This makes me feel like I own my time more.
I’m a big fan of the random weeknight dinners too–it’s definitely quieter and you do tend to get better service. And your favorite dessert items that would ordinarily be gone on a Saturday night are more likely to be available!
I just did the random-dinner-out-on-a-Wednesday thing with a coworker and his wife last week. It was such a refreshing break from the workweek slog. We decided we need to schedule more stuff like that (especially since we discovered Wednesday is that particular restaurant’s half-priced wine night).
Great suggestion. I have a standing Wednesday night get-together with a group of friends at a local bar/restaurant. Wednesday night is trivia night at this particular restaurant. It’s nice to have something to look forward to mid-week and, of course, is a great excuse to drink beer and eat wings in the middle of the week. :)
We’ve been going out to a trivia night every week this year and it’s been a lot of fun. We both work from home, so any excuse to leave the house and do something vaguely interactive is appreciated.
Totally agree. I’d rather go out on a Wednesday than a Friday sometimes — going out on a Friday is not only exhausting, but you’re fighting the masses for parking/tables/reservations, etc. Going out on a Wednesday (or other weeknight) feels like something special, like you’re out having fun while others are toiling away at work or running errands.
I like going out on weeknights too, but it is usually more rushed (to get home/put kids to bed/go to the restaurant) and harder to get a sitter.
That’s a great suggestion. I always feel like I’m cheating when I go out on a school night.
However, recently I’ve been training for a half-marathon, so I’m supposed to work out every night. Boo.
This is my problem too. Going out on a weeknight generally means blowing off my workout…something I usually can’t justify doing. The guilt alone would probably ruin my dinner!
The hubs and I did this just last week. We each were having a rough day at work, so we each cut out about an hour early and went to a late afternoon/early evening movie, then out to dinner.
I guess I’m the outlier, but I don’t love going out on the weeknight. It’s primarily because right now I have a very long commute and am constantly sleep deprived anyway, so I feel like events on weeknights just cut hours out of a day that is already about 5 hours too short. I don’t mind early happy hours or coffee dates with friends, but longer or later weeknight events are always a pain when I have to go. I like to have the freedom to linger and chat with people without worrying about getting home to bed.
This is a great suggestion. And falls nicely into the category of doing something a little out of the ordinary with your days – something to look forward to. Thanks for raising this!
not the only outlier. love doing weeknight stuff when i can- and my friends often do- but vast majority of nights, am too tired, even when not pregnant. and need to be on top of things early in the am, rested as much as possible. that said, sometimes before pregnancy when i used to drag self out, the contrast with work, interaction/stimulation/fun etc. often made me more energized, even if i got home at 10pm. now i basically live to wear my yoga pregger pants after escaping maternity work clothes, and choose activities accordingly.. have gone to neighborhood friend’s movie gathering on a recent tues with pillow and sweatpants:)
In terms of resolutions, I think it helps if you treat it as an on going process. E.g., if you’re trying to quit smoking and end up having a cigarette, it doesn’t mean you should now give up or allow yourself to have a smoke each time you go out. It just means that you had a cigarette, and now you have to continue not having any. I’m by no means great at keeping resolutions but I find it does help to have a less all or nothing approach to the whole thing.
Same approach re dieting: just because you gorged on cheese or chocolate or whatever one night doesn’t mean that your days of healthy eating are over. Just start over the next day with a renewed focus on eating well. (Guess what I gorged on last night?)
I agree – it’s so easy to quit once you’ve done anything that you perceive to be out of line with the perfect resolution. I love abandoning the all or nothing approach. Great suggestion. Thanks for the comment!
I call it the “one day at a time” approach. Each morning, I commit to what I want to achieve THAT day. I don’t think about what I didn’t do yesterday or what is ahead of me for the next week.
So – in the cigarette example (although I don’t smoke), the commitment would be “I won’t have a cigarette TODAY.”
I am pretty sure it was Kat who recommended that you keep your vitamins at work so you’ll be more likely to remember to take them over the course of the day. Thank you! I brought some to the office about a month ago and have remembered to take them every single day since then for the first time in my life. Of course, I don’t always take them on the weekends because I’m not always here, but five or six days a week is far and away better than the previous zero days a week.
Y’all should give it a try if you have a hard time remembering to take them at home.
I keep mine next to the coffee pot so it’s impossible to miss.
Maybe it’s the time of year that is making me extra cranky (on topic, sort of!). I have gotten several messages through Facebook today about making a little heart on your page as a sooper-sekrit-girls-club support breast cancer research sign. It annoys me beyond all belief. I just looked up research funding at a major US research funding agency and breast cancer research gets more than twice as much money as the next well-funded cancer, colorectal cancer, which has a lower incidence (although maybe 1/3 lower, not 50% lower) but actually kills more people (both as number and percent of cases). I am wondering how many Friends (and friends) I would lose if I put up a status update to the effect of please do not try to involve me in any more breast cancer awareness activities. I think we are aware enough.
I would be much happier if some of this energy was put toward advocating fixing the US healthcare system so people don’t have to decide between breast cancer treatment or mortgage payments, or that survivors of childhood cancer wouldn’t have to worry about having a hard time getting coverage as adults because of their “pre-existing condition,” which I know the Affordable Care Act is supposed to take care of, but I don’t see it as a permanent fix.
Yeah, remember when women were posting a color as their Facebook status (and it was supposed to be their bra color! gasp!) or a place in their house (which was supposed to be where they put their purses down) and it was a cutesy secret girls know what’s going on thing that would “support breast cancer research” — how on earth it supported anything I’ll never know. That made me irrationally mad too.
My theory is that breast cancer gets more support than the others because people (in a very twisted way) think it’s sort of s*xy. People can think and talk about b**bs when they talk about breast cancer. You can have “I love b**bs” bumper stickers. I’ve even seen an auction to support it where the paddles you held up looked like b**bs. It’s infuriating to equate cancer with s3xiness.
Yeah, I agree that it’s kinda screwed up to equate those things, but I’m pretty sure it was a deliberate marketing choice by Komen and others, not a result of the perverted masses. From their perspective, it makes sense. Sex sells (see PETA). Their purpose is to raise as much money as possible, so voila, use sex if you can. And all those bumper stickers are racy in the most PG way, like a Hooters restaurant or something.
There is a whole other interesting debate about the morality/ethics of funding certain diseases over others, without regard to efficiency, in the sense of most people helped per research dollar (for the actual diseases, not foundations). I think we’ve ventured into that before on these forums, concerning charity walks and stuff. It’s a topic I find really interesting.
FB is annoying generally. I hate all of those type of requests on any topic.
B**bs- not always sexy:( Mid-pregnancy, a mole of mine in middle of one has tripled in size. Probably benign, but I have high risk for skin cancer. So got it removed late today. Not pleasant and now sore. But better safe than sorry, was quick, no need to mess around with that risk, and doc said way better to do now than when breastfeeding. Get results Friday… glad before the weekend.
Literally (and I mean literally) nothing on FB annoys me more than people with their “I know 99% of you won’t repost this but my true friends will” for whatever stupid *ss thing they chose to post about. Come on, just because I don’t copy and paste your inane comment about cancer or whatever doesn’t meant I don’t care about cancer or whatever, its just that I think your post is stupid. Its the FB equivalent of old men on the subway telling me to smile. It pisses me off. It makes me want to GIVE people cancer. GRARRR. Seriously, seriously, seriously!!!
Also….if they think that somehow their copying and pasting that thing on facebook helps fight cancer in anyway or actually supports people with cancer in anyway, they are stupider than I’d like to think any of my FB friends should be.
Okay….rant over.
For now.
This to both of your comments! I could not have said it better myself. Even when I do agree with some of the sentiments I won’t re-post on principle.
I block visibility of people’s news feeds that do too many such things… love it. Get their messages/invites, not their noise.
I’m sorry–I know you’re venting here, but I have watched too many people suffer from cancer, including my late father, to be able to take lightly the concept of wishing it on anyone. I agree with your and PollyD’s sentiment, but I don’t think anyone ever really feels like “giving people cancer.” Thank you.
I promise I don’t really want to give people cancer. I’m sorry. Really…I’m a good person and I was just being hyperbolic. :-(
But seriously…I hate those things.
Can I give them….hang nails? Those are more appropriate to the crime I think.
+20 LL points!!
Hahaha, I was so happy that someone else had as much rage as me towards those facebook posts that I completely glossed over the whole give them cancer thing.
Hang nails are definitely more appropriate……………. or paper cuts. The really bad ones from heavy caliper paper.
LOL! How about bunions?
I guess my issue with breast cancer awareness is that it seems to overwhelm all other cancer awareness. Maybe it will trickle down to other cancers, I don’t know. But people with lung cancer still get “blamed” for it, even though one of the fastest-growing groups of lung cancer patients is never-smoking women. Katie Couric aside, no one wants to talk about colorectal cancer too much, and it’s not exactly rare. Although they’re less likely to die from it, prostate cancer treatment can be devastating for men, as much if not more so than breast cancer treatment (incontinency, anyone?). I don’t want to pit cancer patients against each other, but I just wish other sites would get some attention, too.
I would never wish cancer on anyone, but I reserve the right to be annoyed by the Pink.
It’s a bit chain-letter-ish, no? And yet, I give them a pass because it does help with the awareness/public display of support thing.
Public awareness isn’t your bra color, or the color pink, or any other bs people do to be cute. How many of those people actually know any fact about breast cancer? How much money it receives, how many people die, how often you should do a self-exam? If you really care about something, inform people. If you want to help people, empower them to understand what you’re talking about. Colors don’t do anything for a disease; information does.
I **HATE** when people do that on Facebook!!!!!!!!!!!!
A client invited me to a hockey game. What do I wear? Definitely cannot justify buying team apparel when I need other things so much more, so that’s out of the question.
Nice jeans, a long sleeve t-shirt, and maybe a shrunken blazer (or a blazer in velvet) or a fun vest or something like that.
My firm often does hockey games for clients in San Jose (Silicon Valley). We even have an event Friday–maybe it’s a small world? Everyone wears what they wore to work or something more casual. I usually wear comfortable shoes, jeans, a sweater with a layer underneath (I get chilly in hockey stadiums) and a scarf or jacket I can wear for additional warmth.
I wouldn’t worry about team colors, maybe check the visiting teams colors and avoid those (unless you have a reason to cheer for the visiting team–like it’s your hometown).
My firm handed out team hoodies for our last event–now I have team apparel.
Dang, karenpadi, I’m at the wrong firm! That’s awesome.
Yeah, it’s an awesome perk. :-)
I agree with TCFKAG–bring the jacket because, depending on where you sit, it can be cold. Have fun!
It depends what day it is. I go to hockey games for business quite often and I have never worn team colors.
If I’m going during the weekend I wear dark jeans, wedges (I hate walking stadiums in heels) a wool or other warm blazer.
If I’m going during the week, I wear whatever I’d wear if I was meeting them somewhere else but a bit warmer. If I am comfortable with the client and know they won’t show up in a full suit, I’ll wear wool slacks, flats or wedges and either a nice sweater with a collared shirt underneath or a blazer. If I don’t know the client well or if I suspect they will be wearing a suit, I’ll suit up. If they suprise you and show up casual, mention something about coming straight from the office so they know why you are dressed up.
Remember: If the game is during the week, then a good number of people will be coming straight from work and will be dressed ‘up’ so you won’t stand out like a sore thumb. Also, it’s COLD! No peep toe shoes. Wear layers if possible.
This is something we talk a lot about in my seminars for new lawyers. For sporting events with clients, I tend to favor khakis, a collared shirt, and a fitted blazer. You are dressed down, but not too casual in the event your client decides to dress nicely. Have fun!
I wouldn’t actually recommend this as a coping strategy, but it definitely gets me through February: be the opposite of a normal person.
I love cold weather, snow, gloom, rain, blizzards, gray skies, darkness, and blankets of cloud. They energize and invigorate me, and make me feel as happy and loved as if a unicorn just pooped a rainbow all over me. I am overjoyed to wake up on a mid-winter morning knowing it the day won’t bring unrelenting sunshine and heat. I am relieved for every day that’s not a summer day.
I don’t need holiday buzz to get me through December. I don’t make resolutions to fuel my January. (Not that I don’t support them, but I’m secretly happy when the New Year’s crowd starts to taper off and the gym gets less crowded.) I didn’t choose to be this way, and people think I’m just being sarcastic when I say I hate summer and that sunshine gives me migraines. But at least I’m happy half the year.
Now if only someone would invent a darkness box (why do only regular SAD people get fancy light boxes? what about us Reverse SAD people?) to get me through summer.
I’m totally with you! Bright sunshine doesn’t exactly give me migraines but it does feel oppressive, and I don’t like it glaring in my eyes. And I hate sweating in the heat. Cool, quiet, overcast days are my favorite. And I like fall/winter fashion a lot more than spring/summer as well.
I hear you. I am really sad that it has only snowed once (ONCE!!!!!!!!) this winter. Arr.
This is me too. My favorite seasons are autumn and winter. Autumn means winter is just around the corner. Winter means snow, which means skiing, which is my favorite thing to do besides sleep. The more snow the better. Winter darkness to me is exciting and energizing since it means the ski season is just beginning. Sunny winter days are the best for long ski tours. February, March, and April are some of the best months to ski.
Intense sunlight gives me a splitting headache. Heat and humidity makes me sweat buckets. I carry an umbrella in the summer to give myself some shade. People probably think it’s ridiculous. The last time I went to Hawaii (which was otherwise lovely) I got a nasty case of heat rash ALL OVER MY FOREHEAD. I had tiny, raised, red, sweaty, glistening bumps on my face for a week. I couldn’t cover it with a hat because the sweaty rashiness would have been intensified. It was gross. And it wasn’t even that hot since it was December.
I’m so so so so happy to see this thread. It’s not just me!
I love living in Seattle and its pensive grey skies:) I have skin cancer risk, and the sun stresses me out. Also I just find the fog relaxing, if I’m working anyway- doesn’t make me feel like I should be playing beach volleyball or having a picnic. Tea + working on a report- no problem under soothing rainy skies.
I do like how it is never super cold here though- that got old back east.
YES YES a thousand times yes.
I am in California this winter after a lifetime of Chicago & Boston winters. It’s been 63 & sunny every. damn. day. Until today! Today has been cloudy and misty! I am in heaven. Chilly-ish, damp heaven.
I guess we can just sit inside refrigerator boxes on sunny days! Or drape a dark blanket over ourselves & our computers. Like a fort.
I am really excited about this fort idea.
This is so funny. I love the simple advice – be the opposite of normal. That’s actually quite good advice in a lot of situations. Thanks for the great comment!
OMG, are you me?
Reverse SAD is a thing. I have to use a light therapy box in the summer, because I refuse to leave my house in the heat. I become significantly depressed in the summer and have sought therapy, which is where I learned reverse SAD is a thing. And it hasn’t really gone away with this f-ing fake winter we’re having. Ugh.
At the beginning of 2011 I decided I would keep a google doc that listed monthly accomplishments. I don’t tend to make resolutions, but I think this is much more helpful to me. At the beginning of the month I would write a few small goals or things that I wanted to accomplish that month. Then at the end of the month I would go back in and keep the things I did do under that month and add any other things I did. Some things ended up being more significant (got a new job, lost 5 pounds,etc) and some were small (bought and wore red lipstick, took my dog walking at a new park, cooked a new recipe, went to a new restaurant with friends, read a book, etc). I have really enjoyed having this list of accomplishments. It helps me remember fun things I did. Also, when I am feeling a bit down I look back at the list and feel proud of the things I have accomplished. This does not take much time at all and I keep my list on a google doc, so it is easy to update from anywhere.
I love this idea!
This is fantastic. Such a great way to keep goals in mind and to enjoy the goals we do accomplish. Great suggestion! Thanks for the comment!
This is adorable.
I can live with winter normally, but since my European location has been it by the new ice age lately, I’ve been longing for spring more than usual. I seriously think my nose is in danger of falling off. And we haven’t even had lots of snow to compensate.
(I normally wear skirts in winter. I’ve had to give up. Today’s attire: long underwear, two pairs of socks, fleece-lined boots, singlet top, long-sleeved t-shirt, long-sleeved woollen sweater, thickest trousers I could find. Plus a cashmere scarf, a beanie with ear-flaps lined with fake fur, and a down coat. And two pairs of gloves. Thank goodness my office is pretty informal. And all the gear is justified – I’m constantly going in and out between buildings, so there’s no way I can just pretend to be dignified by removing all the layers when I get to work. Australians are not designed for this sort of thing…growing up I had no idea that -20C even existed as a temperature!)
I’m so with you on this!! My skirts are NOT coming out, it is just too cold!
Got to ask – where in Europe are you? If you don’t mind sharing?? :)
Germany, up north. In a city no-one’s heard of, but I’m really rather fond of the place. (Something of a fashion desert, but that’s handy at this time of year!)
Oh yay! Ich wohne in der “Grossstadt” im Süden, war aber vorher im Saarland, auch so ein bischen Mode Wüste. ;) Falls Du mal hier im Süden bist (vielleicht ende September z.B.??) bitte Bescheid sagen!! :)
All that for -20C? Well, if you’re an Aussie it can be understood. If you still want to wear skirts, you could look for something called a “thermo skirt”. Like this one:
http://www.outnet.eu/skhoop-eu/original-skirt.php
They’re surprisingly easy to move in and keeps your thighs and bum warmer. I have one myself but haven’t brought it out this winter yet, though I’ve seen lots of ladies around Stockholm wear them.
-20C is seriously cold!
In the past, I’ve been with the majority of resolution-makers, in that my resolutions faded away by the end of January. This year, though, I set clear deadlines for achieving them, and scheduled more resolutions for other months. In this new mindset, the start of February has become a reminder of just how fast the time goes by, giving me renewed motivation to work hard each month so I can reach my overall goals for the year. Because when December comes around again, I want to look back and see that I’m in a much better place!
I completely agree! It would be ideal to get to December and feel that you had control over the course of your year. Your perspective and deadline – approach is great. Thanks so much for the comment!
One of my favorite things about working in academia is that you get several of these “new beginnings” every year. Fall semester is just full of promise and you have so many plans that you’d let percolate over the summer. The start of Spring brings a new schedule and new faces, and then the absolute delicious promise of summer – even if you’re working through it, that work is often more relaxed.
I love this comment. You raise such a good point about academia. You are, in a sense, on your own timeline. This makes accomplishing some of the things I raise in the article that much more feasible. Thanks for sharing your perspective!
No real point to share this, but at work at my global company everyone is just now doing their 2012 goal/objective setting. It’s kind of funny. Someone pointed out we can fill out the pie chart as 10%+ complete already:)
That’s actually an interesting approach – create your goals after the New Year so they’re not stale by the time February rolls around. I like it!
I’m gone to convey my little brother, that he should also go to see
this blog on regular basis to take updated from hottest reports.
Wow! This blog looks just like my old one! It’s on a totally different topic but it
has pretty much the same page layout and design.
Outstanding choice of colors!