Frugal Friday’s TPS Report: Three-Quarter Sleeve Cardigan

225 Comments

1. Morning! I’m starting a new job as a more senior member of the team. Can anyone provide advice for newer sr members? (I’m not a big wig, but I’ll be directly overseeing a larger team, which I’m nervous about)

   Also – for those of you who do manage others, are you friends with them also? I ask because in my current job, I don’t directly oversee someone but I’m higher up than that person. However, after we became friendly, she promptly stopped doing the work I requested or whined about it cause she thought we were “friends”. I tried distancing myself, but the whole cold shoulder thing hasn’t seemed to work. I’m worried about this in my next job – befriend junior members to make them feel comfortable with me or come off cold and isolated?

   1. To help with the response, are you a senior member of a team under a manager, or are you now the manager, i.e., you do the evaluations, you have the power to hire and fire.

      1. I’m not the most senior member on the team (more higher ups will be consultants) but I will be the lead on the team on a day to day basis and most senior person the clients and regular team members will deal with on a regular basis. I will be evaluating others and will have the power to suggest firing (although due to the nature of the company it is VERY difficult to actually fire anyone). Thanks!

   2. I don’t have any specific advice but I will say, I would try to be friendly but avoid being friends with the people you’re managing. I had difficulty the first couple years at my firm when I was actually friends with some of the staff and they wouldn’t do the work I assigned or wouldn’t take it seriously. I’m on good terms with everyone I work with and we’re friendly, but they’re not my friends. I think that distinction is important.

      So I would say be friendly, ask people about their weekends etc., but don’t talk about your personal problems with your staff like you might with your friends.

      1. Yay! Fruegel Friday’s! I love Fruegel Friday’s and Nordstrom’s sweater’s, but I prefer cashemere. I supose that it would NOT be fruegel for Nordstrom’s to put them on sale, so they put VISCOSE up for bargan’s, but VISCOSE is NOT Cashemere! FOOEY!

         As for the OP’s I agree. You can NOT be to freindly with your employee’s, particularly if you are the boss and female, as we are, and your underling’s are male. Most men AUTOMATICALLY think that if a woman is freindly to them and their boss, that they will be abel to have sex with them. That could NOT be farther from the truth. I work with Mason, and keep my distance, mainley b/c he already is haveing sex with LYNN, but also b/c he is younger then me and kind of a dummy. I do give him work assignment’s which he does a lousy job on, but I do NOT socialise with him after work, b/c that would look bad. The OP is doeing the right thing if she does NOT get to freindly with peeople she works with.

         This weekend, the guy from the Berkshire’s is goeing to call me. I told him I could talk to him between 3 and 4 tomorrow, so he will call me then. I think he like’s me but I am NOT sure Dad will want me to persue this releationship b/c he is up there and I am down here. We shall see. YAY!!!!!

      2. Thanks! I tried to draw this distinction at my current job but it was difficult to do because we all spent so much time together (e.g. Travel for work, happy hours, long hours in the office, etc). Before becoming friends with my current colleague I was told I was a bit unapproachable, although I was nice and friendly…. Such a hard balance!

      3. I think this is exactly correct. You can be friendly, but you also don’t want to give the perception of favoritism. So – don’t go to lunch every day with the same direct report(s), only chat with them, only keep them in the loop on important matters, etc.

   3. I definitely had to change my way of interacting with people when I moved into a senior management position. Previously, I had been friends with a lot of my co-workers, gone out for drinks, had a group of buddies at work that I did lots of stuff with. When I first moved into a senior leadership position, I thought that it would still be a good idea to stay “just one of the gang” in terms of hanging out with people who reported to me. Like the mom on Mean Girls: “I’m not a regular boss; I’m a COOL boss!”

      It took me a while to realize that people who report to me are looking for a leader, not a friend. People want a boss who is consistent and fair, who can support them in their work and help resolve issues that arise.

      There are some folks who report to me who I probably could be good friends with under other circumstances, but I don’t want to play favorites, so I am now a little bit reserved from the folks who report to me – we have a good rapport, we chat about vacation plans and sports teams etc, but it is very different from the “out for drinks, talk and tease about a bunch of stuff, complain about work” that was part of the old friendships I had with colleagues.

      I have been lucky that my closest friend from my pre-management days moved up the ranks in a pretty close timeline to when I was, so she and I were able to remain close because we were pretty much always at similar levels.

      1. Thanks everyone!

2. I have one of these cardigans in the viscose and it did not hold up well. Despite washing it with care according to the instructions it shrunk and after each successive wash looked more worn. I purchased it in April so I’ve not had it long.

   1. Curious – how did you clean them?

      I only throw my target cotton ones in the washing machine (front loader that washes gently), and even those I wash on the delicate cycle with woolite.

      For other blends/cashmere and cardigans I try to keep nice for work, I hand wash only… even if the instructions say machine ok. I also try to not wash often. Hang up after wearing, steam/iron if needed, and only wash when you have to.

      I’ve had a hard time in general finding quality cardigans that last that are nice enough looking for work. I like jewel tones, and often the dye bleeds when you wash and you lose some of the robust color over time and they don’t look as nice.

   2. I’m surprised. I’ve had the white one for over a year and it’s held up very well except for the ribbon placket getting yellowed.

   3. I returned on a couple of years ago after it pilled horribly with only a month or so of us. I hadn’t even washed it yet. Aside from that, it was a really great cardigan. I was so sad to return it. Although the return was easy, the salesclerk blamed me for the pilling because I probably wore it with a seatbelt or purse strap ::eyeroll::

      I haven’t been able to bring myself to buy another – although I have plenty of halogen clothing – but given Nordstrom’s great return policy and that it seems to be hit or miss, I wouldn’t necessarily warn others off it.

3. I’m hoping some partners will chime in to let me know how they would feel about this situation. I work in a small firm with four partners (I’m a third year associate), two of whom I work with often. We recently opened another office in a different city and the partners split their time between offices. One of the partners I work with is always busy and although I do most of my work for him, he almost never has time to discuss it with me. Whenever he’s in the office I’m in, he’s running around like a mad person or in the named partner’s office all day. It’s making it really hard to do my job not only because I can’t discuss issues with him, but more so because by the time I get the chance to talk to him, it’s down to the wire and the project/assignment ends up being a fire. As a result, I feel as though I’m just going through the motions and not really learning anything and I also think my work suffers because it’s so rushed. I’m debating whether to talk with this partner about the problem but I’m curious as to how a partner would view this. My fear is that he will say something along the lines of “I’m a partner and this is just how it is.” I want to be respectful because I understand how busy he is, but at the same time I don’t want my work product to suffer because I can’t nail him down. Thoughts? TIA!

   1. I think you can approach him from a place of understanding. “I’ve seen how hard you are working, how much you have to get done in such a short time, and I want to make sure I’m helping you as best I can. I wonder if there is some way we can set aside a designated time to talk about the work I’m doing for you earlier in the process so that you don’t have to deal with fire drills. What do you think? Would that be helpful? Is there anything else I can help you with?” I wouldn’t frame it in terms of you not learning what you need to (because though he should care, often people who are so overwhelmed find themselves … just not able). But the fire drill is good for no one – you, him, the client – so he should be receptive to ways of dealing with it, so long as you are careful not to suggest it’s his fault, even if you suspect it is. Good luck!

      1. I think this is good, but I’d streamline it a bit, first in an email that doesn’t look too much like brown-nosing. And I’d suggest a phone call if he is extra busy when he’s actually in your office. “With the new office, it seems like it is harder to connect to discuss ongoing issues on our cases. Can I coordinate with [his secretary] to set up a phone call each week so we can manage the status of your cases?” Then follow up in person if he doesn’t respond, “hey, what do you think about a weekly status call?”

         1. yes, I agree – the conversation I described only works in person. And only if it seems genuine while you are saying it. Good suggestion.

   2. How about email? Spend some time on the assignment (read the whole file/assignment, figure out the law, really understand what’s in front of you and what is being asked of you). Then get what you can done, identifying the holes that need to be filled in. Then send him an email status report with where you are, what you think the answer is, what else you need to know, and what is left to be done. As you get better at this, you won’t feel like this is such a fire drill.
      I think you have to approach legal work as problem solving. Actually working through the problem is how you learn. The partner may know the law a little faster and a little better, but doesn’t have the answer to the problem. If there is a concept that is really tripping you up, can you ask someone else in the firm? Or can you look at previous filings/memos/deal documents to see how someone else approached the issues?

   3. I’m having a very similar issue. I have a partner who is so busy I’m afraid he’s about to have a panic attack. I am new to the firm and this practice area (although i have some experience in it), and he never gives me assignments until the last minute and when he does it’s at the emergency stage. He also got it into his head that I’m “too busy” to work for him, but the problem is that I’m “too busy” to do a 40 hour assignment in 10. Further, he doesn’t delegate and the complains that no one is helping him. I have sat down with him to try to get assignments and tasks in advance and was lectured with a “when i was an associate i never received guidance and I never said no to a partner and you just need to work harder” talk. That’s why I was there! To get work! I don’t need my hand held but i DO need to know what matters he wants me to work on and at least some hint of what he wants. I’d love advice from partners as to how to handle these situations…

      1. I know I sound like an apologist for junior partners, but do try to be understanding. I have been an associate, and a junior partner, and now a senior partner, and I can tell you unreservedly that being a junior partner is the WORST. You are still learning, your career is still insecure, you are still under someone’s thumb. But now you have all of this responsibility, not only for major parts of the case, but you have these associates who want you to take a ton of time you do not have to train them. Usually, too, junior partners are in the stage in life where they have multiple small children. It can be horrible. And delegating is not as easy as it seems, when it’s you responsible for the ultimate outcome and you have had numerous bad experiences with the quality of the work of the people you delegate to. He should handle his workload better, yes, but think about whether you can help. Do the 40 hour assignment in 10 hours. Just do your best at it. Once you earn his trust, try to take some of the burden off him by being there, and being reliable and with a great attitude. Is that fair to you? Probably not. But it’s what’s best for your career if you can lump it.

   4. Does the partner have a secretary you can talk to? A partner at my old firm was like this and never had time if you popped into his office, until we discovered the sure-fire way of getting his attention was getting an appointment put on his calendar, and emailing him the materials you wanted to talk about 24 hours in advance.

4. Thoughts on quality of the handbags? I am thinking specifically of this one: http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/lodis-audrey-collection-jessica-leather-tote/4070740?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&contextualcategoryid=2375500&fashionColor=Toffee&resultback=523

   I travel a lot and need to carry a 14″ laptop. Would like to have a nice leather bag with a lot of functional pockets and a top zipper, but also don’t want it to look too “business-y” or like a briefcase, and I think this one is right on the line.

   1. I don’t have any personal experience with that brand’s quality, but I think the bag is beautiful and sophisticated and not at all like an old-school briefcase.

   2. I’ve been biased against Lodis bags since one died on me after schlepping around some GMAT prep materials for a month or two. I’m sure Nordstrom would replace it, so probably not as much of an issue.
      The bag looks gorgeous. I’d also suggest the Dagne Dover bags if you want a bit more organization inside.

   3. That bag is gorgeous.

   4. I only use mine about once a week, but my Lodis briefcase still looks new after years of use.

   5. I had a Lodis laptop bag from about 2005 that I used to death until it looked beat up in about 2011. Very hightly recommended from me although I can’t speak to this years collection. You see them accessionally at TJmax. I might also try Amazon for one from last year before spending full price.

   6. I have an Audrey and I used it daily for commuting for 3+ years. I use it now just for important meetings and interviews – it still looks new. Mine is the Brera tote in black with the red edging. The only wear is that the red edging on the handles (not on the cross-body strap or any other place) is wearing off but it is not very visible to the casual observer. I really love it and was worth every penny. The one you picked is gorgeous and with nordstroms backing up the brand, I think it’s a safe investment.

      1. Great – thank you all!

5. Recommendations for the V-neck, 3/4 sleeves equivalent to these cardigans? Will pay more for quality that will last.

   Trying to avoid boxy shapes for more fitted ones.

   1. Replying only to say that my now years old V-neck halogen cardigans are my absolute favorite and most worn items of clothing in my closet. I so wish they would carry this style regularly.

6. What fall TV are you watching? Now that Parenthood and Parks and Rec have ended and Mindy has moved to Hulu, I only have Big Bang Theory and The Good Wife (plus trashy Bravo shows), and I think both of those are past their prime. So I’m looking for new shows to watch – either new this fall or still airing so I can catch up on past seasons and watch new episodes this year.

   1. If you haven’t started Modern Family and Blackish, they’re my favorite sitcoms right now.

   2. Jane the Virgin!!!

   3. How to Get Away with Murder
      The Middle
      Modern Family
      Fresh off the Boat
      The Muppets

   4. Nashville. Switched at Birth. Project Runway. DCC Making the Team.

      1. +1 Nashville, also The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt on Netflix.

      2. Thank God someone else is watching DCC Making the Team! Every year, I cross my fingers that it will be back for another season. I assume it doesn’t get very good ratings since they keep moving around the time slot and messing with the number of episodes.

         I don’t know why I love it so much – it’s the only reality show I watch and it can get kind of repetitive, but I really love it.

         1. I love it so much. I think I’ve watched every season. And I just don’t get why girls who can’t do kicks even try out! They do a kick line at every show! I love Kellie and Judy because while they are insane, they’re very clear and open about what they need.

            1. +1 re DCC. I’m the only person I know who watches it, and all my friends think I’m insane. I also love Kellie and Judy (and Kitty!).

         2. My husband thinks I’m insane but I love DCC too!

   5. Scandal and Criminal Minds

   6. Brooklyn Nine Nine!

   7. Scandal is pretty good and I’m obsessed with How to Get Away with Murder.

   8. Empire

7. I found out earlier this week that there are electronic “shavers” that remove the pills and fuzzies from your clothing, and since some of my favorite skirts and dresses have pilled like crazy I immediately ordered one on Amazon. Got it yesterday and immediately went to town on my pilled garments, and wow, what a difference it’s made! It’s very satisfying to use as well, I highly recommend getting one, a good one only costs around $10.

   I know you can also use a shaving razor, but fabric shavers are so much more effective.

   1. Which brand did you get? Years ago I got one from BB&B that I wasn’t impressed with, but I definitely need one!

      1. Conair

   2. Totally agree. I love mine.

8. Does anyone use computer glasses of some sort to reduce eye strain? I already wear very powerful contacts, but lately I’ve been having a really hard time with the screen as the day goes on, and notice that I can barely read, say, words on a TV screen, at night after work. My job has me in front of the computer literally all day. Any suggestions on types or where to get something that will help? I’d prefer to start with something cheap, since I really don’t know if it will help or not.

   TIA!

   1. Lyssa, girl, they are your only eyes. Go to your eye doctor.

      1. I’ve got an appointment coming up. But I’m hoping that there’s an OTC solution. (And really hoping to avoid needing a higher prescription, yet again!)

   2. I am due for an annual eye exam, but this year my eyes hit a wall of sorts. I went to the drugstore and bought a pair of $20 magnifying readers (so 1.0) and it has made all of the difference in reading a screen and also the d!mn tax code and regulations.

      I am otherwise 20/20, so I don’t wear the glasses except at work (but I keep another pair at home).

      Presbyteria = official medical term for your eyes are old and tired (I think it’s that something in the eye is less elastic for changing focus as you age).

      I am 45.

      1. +1

         On the recommendation of my optometrist, I have a pair of cheap drugstore +1 glasses for computer use. Made all the difference!!!

   3. Very nearsighted here with decent amount of correction (around -6.00). I had a somewhat similar issue a year ago with eye strain although it was most noticeable with reading/desk work. I wore a pair of low power readers and that helped a bit, but not perfectly. Also tried multi-focal contacts and that helped some, but again, not perfect. My doctor decided my eyes were likely over corrected and lowered my prescription. It made a huge difference. I lost a small amount of distance vision (so I’m not 20/20 or better anymore) but no more eye strain and no more reading glasses.
      For a short term solution, also work on giving your eyes breaks and focusing on something far away periodically.

   4. when I started law school, my eye doctor recommended that I get two sets of glasses – one for general wear, driving, etc. and one for computer work/reading. (Not “reading glasses,” just a different prescription – less powerful.) So I switch back and forth. That has helped *so* much – it is annoying to switch but I can feel that my eyes are much less strained and can see so much better.

   5. Are you wearing contacts while you’re at the computer? Can you switch to glasses instead? There’s less chance they’ll get dry and irritate your eyes with the computer.

   6. I installed the Eye Care extension in Chrome – it reminds me every 20 minutes to look away from the screen. Probably won’t solve your problems, but it made me realized how little I look away if unprompted.

      1. This! Lyssa, this may be your problem. I have great glasses but if I spend all day looking at the computer or reading without taking conscious breaks, I’ll not be able to see to read after a day at work. Eye care extension or a timer is the only thing that works. I use it as my cue to stand up and walk around too, as experts say you should do that once or twice in an hour of desk work.

         Every 20 minutes (or hour at least) focus on something 20-30 feet away – use your eyes to follow the curve or line of an object and try to relax.

   7. I switched to progressive glasses (so bifocals with no line) for most days, and it helps. The “bifocal” part is really barely a prescription – it’s more like the main part (for seeing far away) is my regular prescription, and the bifocal part is barely reading glasses (almost more like plain glass).

      You could also try getting a bigger monitor so you can adjust the words larger without cutting off the sides of the document, adjusting the contrast ratio, adjusting the resolution to make the words larger, and getting a glare reduction screen on the monitor.

      I prefer the way I look in contacts, but I have had to acknowledge that my eyes are better and happier with glasses. My biggest problem I have had as I get older is that if I spend a lot of time staring at a fixed length (like a computer monitor) I have a terrible time making my eyes shift back to a different focal length – when I try to look at a paper on my desk or wall, especially if wearing my contacts, I have to close my eyes and rub them to get them to “snap” back into focus. I hung an interesting print on my wall behind my monitor, and now I make a point to shift my focus to that from time to time which helps too.

      Also, don’t you have 2 young kids? My optometrist said women’s eyes often shift when pregnant, and sometimes shift back or shift differently. So you definitely need a prescription review, as your current one might not be correct. Lack of sleep (which I am also assuming is your case with young kids) also screws up my vision a little bit – my brain just can’t be bothered to decode words that are small-ish when tired.

      Can you read the same size words on the TV screen in the morning? Or is it really that you can’t read them anytime of the day, but only notice it at night since that’s when you watch TV?

   8. As everyone pointed out, cheap doesn’t really cut it when it comes to your eyes. I’m a CPA, not an attorney, but I definitely have had the same eye strain and vision issues you are experiencing. I was miserable when I tried to wear glasses and I was going through 2 week disposable lenses every 3-4 days because my eyes got so dry and miserable at work.

      Finally, my optometrist referred me to a specialist who does Vision Shaping Lenses. they work similarly to a retainer for your teeth, by reshaping your eye’s natural lenses while you sleep. I put them in when I’m going to bed and take them out when I get up. As a result, I don’t have to wear ANYTHING on my eyes during the day, which is amazing. I have 20/20 vision when I get up, and around midnight its 20/25ish so it last long enough to work all day and go out in the evening. They seriously have changed my life.

   9. Might be too late for you to see this, but I got a 2nd prescription for computer glasses from my eye doctor. I was having trouble with the middle distance on my progressive lenses and it just wasn’t worth the eye strain. I ordered much less expensive glasses from Zenni and I keep them in my office. So worth it!

   10. Definitely see an eye doctor. Also, for me, the eye strain was from dry eyes. My eye doctor pointed out that when you stare at the screen, you don’t blink as frequently, and your eyes dry out, which stressed your eye.

9. Paging e_p! Update us on what’s going on? Is everything ok with DH?

   1. Is Dear Husband really an appropriate moniker?

   2. She has been posting as Former Preg3L and is in the process of getting divorced.

      1. Yeah we haven’t heard as much from her on tumblr because her ex found her tumblr and was causing her problems. Big jerk. But I think, as hard as it’s been, things may be getting better.

         1. Big jerk is a big understatement. I was never personally in touch with her via tumblr or elsewhere, but if you are, send her anon stranger internet strength vibes please. I’m so glad she took a stand for herself and her daughter.

            1. Yes, well this is her “big jerk” DH and you all have been had by her. I supported her throughout law school, paid her bills, provided everything for her from study tables to tuition payments. It’s quite inexplicable to me not only that she wept here on this board but rarely told anything resembling the truth.

               By way of example, I paid exactly $82,627 to Brooklyn Law School in support of her career dreams and ambitions, supported her through the rigors of law school, listened to her complain endlessly about classes and professors, proofread her resumes and note drafts, took her on vacations and out on the town. She had quite a life compared to the tales she told here.

               She has claimed in her divorce papers that, “In addition to paying my law school and all related expenses, I contributed significantly to the household expenses… I earned approximately $30,000 each year during law school”

               Does anyone know (or can you offer an explanation) for how you earn $30,000/yr (gross income), live in a 2BR in Brooklyn Heights and accomplish this feat, while your selfless husband makes payments of $82k?

               I’m a little fuzzy on the math, but I certain absorbed my share of her tears for three years with little more than a thank you from her dad

            2. You’re trolling this site for posts about her? Wow. I guess you’re still unemployed…

            3. Corporette Report! Thanks Kat & Cat!

            4. So I actually didn’t believe her. But if you really are him, now I do and it all makes sense. I thought her stories were too out there to be real, but you certainly proved her right. You sound absolutely insane and this is so incredibly creepy. It is kind of shocking to me that you don’t realize how creepy this makes you look.

         2. Yeah, she told me about her tumblr when we first met… kept posting to it throughout. Only thing that is hard to believe is that I kept making her tuition payments, in spite of what I was reading in her posts (which bear no resemblance to the real life she lived)

         3. what kind of problems did she say he was causing her?

            btw, big shout out to Shayla who called Troll back in October 2012 – she was right on the money and pretty quick about it

            1. Corporette

         4. I wonder what kind of problems he was causing her?

            I thought I saw a post on here that said he knew about her tumblr the whole time and was just patient with her and never said anything about it, just accepted her as she was. Like he tried to just support her and encourage her, even though she wrote some pretty terrible things about him!

            Law school is expensive and he must have been paying all the bills because I don’t think she was working. Brooklyn’s not cheap ladies!

            1. @Kat he’s back.

               Also dude, I didn’t fully believe EP because it seemed outrageous. You are proving you are even crazier than she said. Go get a hobby. This is super creepy and you seem unhinged.

10. Update us on what’s going on? Is everything ok with DH?

11. Got in to a blowout fight with a friend who went away to law school this year last night (lots of tangent issues in our friendship because of that). Having a hard time bouncing back today. Is it 5 pm yet? Where is my bottle of wine?

    1. Sorry about your fight. Sounds like you need the barbell when the bar…

       1. Going to deadlift after work, then gym BBQ after. It will all be okay, right?

          1. Everything is okay after deadlifting. Go for a PR. I bet you will hit it! Channel all that hurt and anger into it. Then recover with some meat at that BBQ.

12. I’m think I want to become a stay at home mom but I’m terrified to pull the trigger. My children are young (ages 1 and 3) and currently I work full time as in-house counsel. My boss recently refused my request to work part time. I love and trust my children’s daycare, I an fine not seeing them during the work day but hate to do anything that causes me to miss time with them mornings, evenings and weekends (save for a once a week date night or the occasional girls’ night). Because my husband works 60-90 hours/week I am responsible for more of the childcare, carpooling and cooking than he is; we outsource cleaning, yard work, things like that. I feel pulled in way too many directions, I feel like my heart and my head isn’t in my work, I have zero time for self care and I find myself constantly angry at my husband who is admittedly pulled in more directions than I am and does hours of work after the kids are down for the night (often after I’m asleep too). I know one alternative to staying at home is finding an amazing nanny/house manager but I’m hesitant. Part of my hesitation is financial as I earn slightly below market and would essentially be handing over my entire paycheck for the nanny, part time nursery school for the 3 year old (non negotiable that we’d keep that), and other outsourcing. On the other hand, I feel like if I leave the workforce now, I will never, ever return and I’m not sure I’m ready to lose that part of me. If any current or former SAHMs are reading this, I’d love your thoughts on the matter.

    1. ^ Typos clearly back up my assertion that my head isn’t in it.

    2. Nonsense. You would not be spending your whole salary on care. You AND YOUR HUSBAND would be splitting that, because they are also his children to take care of.

       If you leave the work force now you probably won’t return. And if you do it will be to a much lower role. Think, receptionist. Look around. You are not the one special person who will on-ramp perfectly. You will lose your identity. And what will happen when he gets bored with a stay at home wife and leaves you? How will you provide for yourself?

       If you just genuinely cannot imagine anything better than staying at home, fine, take those risks. But that’s not at all what you are saying. Do not give up your entire future potential for a few hard logistical years.

       1. She might mean that the cost of care would be equivalent to her salary, not that it would come solely out of her pocket.

          OP, is there any way your husband can ramp down his career?

       2. Love the hyperbole!

          1. What hyperbole? This is exactly the call generations of stay at home moms made. And it sucked. Learn from that.

             1. And lots of women think working long hours sucks and wish we could stay at home and take care of our kids the way our moms did. I hate this attitude that so many women in highly educated, high-earning jobs have that being a SAHM is the worst. thing. ever. I work, but I find SAHMs way less judgmental about “the other side.”

       3. This comment is so ridiculous and over the top, especially: “And what will happen when he gets bored with a stay at home wife and leaves you? How will you provide for yourself?” Being a stay at home mom is not for everyone, and I agree that it is a very risky decision because if you don’t like it it’s hard to go back. But the leap to “your marriage will fall apart” is absurd. I believe there are studies done that marriages with stay at home partners are generally happier, and even if that’s not true, it’s certainly not true that all or even most stay at home moms have marriages that end in divorce.

          Also, she’d be a stay at home MOM not a stay at home WIFE. Big difference, and incredibly offensive to refer to her as a stay at home wife.

          1. Yeah for now. But when her kids go off to college she’ll be a housewife. Plain and simple. And she can do so much more with life than that.

             1. Taking time off for a few years doesn’t mean she can’t go back to work sometime between now and the SEVENTEEN YEARS in which her youngest child goes to college. Good grief. You are being so black and white about this. I’m not saying it won’t hurt her career but there is a huge difference between “she might not achieve the same career success and income” and “she will NEVER WORK AGAIN.”

       4. Explore other part-time options. Consider hanging out a shingle, working as legal counsel for groups you care about, finding part-time in-house work, or otherwise keeping your skills sharp.

          Also consider the monetary value of continuing to work. Consider how burned out you are, and how many more years of the craziness you have.

          And factor in whether or not you want more kids.

          1. I agree with exploring other part-time options. I would not want to stay at an employer that refused my request to go part-time anyway. There are many, many part-time options available, and it sounds like that was initially what you wanted to do in the first place, until your current employer shot it down.

             You do not have to work as much as you are working now, and you also do not have to be a full time SAHM. Many attorneys with small children who work a part-time or even half-time schedule (not big law where they are on call all the time so the “reduced hours” aren’t really reduced, but smaller practices where if they’re not at the office, they’re not at work). My understanding of in-house jobs is that they want their lawyer available most/all of the time, and that may be why they rejected your part-time request. I would find somewhere else to work.

             I agree with the commenter below that quitting work completely sounds like a last resort. It would be different if you completely wanted to be a SAHM, but it sounds like you want a balance, and I think you can find that by leaving your current job for a more flexible one.

       5. They get disturbed and they may bite.

          1. I agree with the troll here though…He might not get bored and leave her, but – What happens when he gets hit by a car on a charity bike ride? Or falls off a treadmill and dies in Mexico?

             1. It is possible to work again after being a stay at home mom! It may not be easy to re-enter the work force at the same level and same salary, but the idea you can never earn money for your family again is preposterous. Every woman I know who has tried to go back to work after staying home has eventually succeeded, and life insurance would provide a cushion for the time it takes/additional education or certifications needed.

             2. Those scenarios are precisely what life insurance and disability policies are for. Particularly in cases where a spouse stays at home.

             3. Yes, life insurance is what happens when he falls off a treadmill and dies in Mexico (for me, not for Sheryl Sandberg). Honestly, if he were to die, I’d probably quit immediately. Not because of the life insurance proceeds but because I’d have more important (to me) things to focus on.

             4. Life insurance. And if your spouse died, wouldn’t you want the flexibility to spend more time wit your kids rather ham having to go to work?

             5. I agree with a conflicted Mom. If I had kids and my DH were to die I would want to quit immediately to help my kids weather the storm. You might be able to negotiate that by quitting, but you’d be lean in and ask.

          2. Um what? I’m not a troll. This is my sincere advice. I see my mothers friends moving into tiny condos with no money to enjoy their twilight years and it breaks my heart. I don’t think it does anyone a service to pretend like this is easy.

             1. Same here. I completely agree that it’s really in everyone’s best interest for both partners in a marriage or a relationship to maintain their ability to work. I’ve seen people stay in bad relationships because they can’t afford to leave, or the opposite, can’t afford to divorce because of the alimony payments they’d have to make if they’re the breadwinner. Having one income earner instead of two is also a big source of stress on a marriage – the income earner is “stuck” in that they have to “lean-in” and keep a job that they might not love to support the family and resentment can come easily from that. For the partner who isn’t earning income, they are dependent on the other person and when you’ve been independent, this is a really hard thing to become. Over time, you do lose your ability to go back to work if you stay out of the workforce for too long. A year or two could be okay, but it’s hard to get a job even when you have one, let alone when you aren’t working at all. You get stale fast. And you lose your networks.

                It’s really really hard to balance everything in the short term, but I think it’s worth the investment of spending extra on child care (get a nanny/don’t save as much during the young years, etc.) to make sure you stay gainfully employ-able.

                Also, to the OP – you said your boss denied you going part-time, but have you explored other options like working at home a few days a week or working a 4-10 or 9-80 schedule so you have a little more flexibility? In my experience, part-time is a raw deal anyway – you usually end up doing 100% of the work for 80% of the pay. There may be some more ways to scale down at work without dropping out.

    3. I’m not a mom so I definitely can’t comment on which choice would be better, but I do want to urge you to re-frame the financial implications of hiring a nanny. First, you and your husband are a team and money is fungible, so it’s not YOUR salary that is going to the nanny, it’s a percentage of your joint income. Second, even if that is a large percentage right now, your continued work will enable you to have a much higher salary when the kids get older, and likely a lot more choice in future career options, so the value of you working remains higher than the value you would pay to hire a nanny (when you don’t factor in the value of your happiness in either option – that part you have to calculate yourself!).

       1. I’d add other benefits you may not be counting – SS benefits, retirement accounts, financial independence, etc., in addition to the salary you are making and reputation you are building.

    4. Time for a family discussion.

       How long is your husband going to be working 60-90 hours per week? Is this alright with you and your family, now and in the future?

       1. Exactly. I would flat out refuse to take the responsibility of majority of childcare and household maintenance. They are his children too, his house too and he has to share the responsibility.
          Also, I would not want to give up the earning power and become dependent on my husband because who knows what the future holds.

          1. I have essentially zero qualms with the portion of logistical responsibilities he shoulders.

    5. My advice would be not to do it. I’ve seen too many women (and men) end up in terrible positions when they can no longer viably support themselves. Keep your job. Your husband should keep his job. Pay for more help and just recognize that’s the price of admission for keeping your ability to make your own choices open. Don’t end up being the woman who can’t leave a bad marriage (maybe it will always be good but maybe it won’t) because you can’t afford it or create stress in your marriage by making your husband the sole breadwinner. That’s tough on him and tough on both of you if his career is anything less than perfect or if he wants a change. Fix the things you can fix now. Dedicate some time to yourself somehow – work that out, you can if its important (and it is). Hire more help, babysitters/nannies/ whatever. The kids will be fine. Keep your job.

       1. +1. Please keep working. You never know. Your husband’s career may fall apart. Your marriage may (it does happen even if it seems mean to say). As my working mother always told me, the time in your life when your children are small is so hard, but it is also a very small part of your life. You need to think about what comes next. I would have quit if I could have when my kids were that age, but now all of them are in school full time, it is all much easier, and life has shown me how much my family needs me to have this job. Hang in there! It’s so so hard but you can survive, promise.

          1. I will also add that, thank goodness my mother worked (quite a novelty in her day in our social sphere) as she ended up having to cover for years of my father’s completely unexpected unemployment, as I am doing now with my husband. Life is less predictable than you may think or hope.

    6. Even if it is all of your cash take-home salary, don’t forget benefits, 401K, etc in that equation, along with potential salary growth for staying in (v salary * .65 if you decide to take time off).

       I would *want* to stay home much, much more (I do) than I was feeling harassed by the job / home situation before I walked away. And I’d never quit on a bad day — I think you can’t quit until a month or so after that when you have tried other things and you honestly cannot work things out any other way.

       I like my work and clients, and I hate/LOATHE the juggle at times, and my husband is not remotely helpful on this front. But I want a paid-off house some day and $ to retire with and a real end point is in sight if I stay in (plus, those children *may* be college material and/or may want help paying for weddings). So I can quit in a huff, but the long-term pain is truly worse IMO than the short-term pain. I would love, LOVE to stay home though.

    7. Can you look for another job that’s part time? That’s what I did when I had a 14-month-old and a really demanding full time Biglaw job. I got lucky and landed at an amazing firm with awesome people doing amazing work. I’ve had many opportunities over the years to ramp back up to full time and partner track, but I had more kids and decided to stay part time. There are contract brief-writing opportunities here and there (we hire lots of people to do this) that come with telework options.

       All that said, I think staying at home for some years is a perfectly acceptable alternative. Personally, I reserve the right to take that option any time I decide my current setup isn’t working for my life/happiness. And plenty of people do fine at on-ramping when the time comes, although some struggle. You’ll never have these years back, and you have to make the best decision for you about what you want to do with them.

    8. I work in Big Law (albeit a lifestyle firm), and my husband is a physician in an academic center. We have a nanny for my one and three year old, and we estimate that we save a minimum of 6 hours a week by employing her. Not having to do a drop off is huge. Not having to pack up your kids in the morning is huge. Having someone do your kids laundry and light housekeeping is huge.

       We pay our nanny on the books for 50 hours a week, and it costs about $43,000 a year. I would be surprised if your salary as an in-house counsel would not cover that. Honestly, daycare in our area at the type of center I would want for two would cost about that much. (I have heard that often people save money on a nanny with two kids as compared to daycare.)

       If you would send your son to preschool regardless of whether your were a SAHM or not, that should not factor into your decision. Also, something that should factor into your decision is the years of increased earning potential that you would likely be giving up to get through a couple of difficult years.

       Think to yourself, would saving 6 hours a week make you feel more sane? If you could enjoy your kids until the very last minute before you leave for work and right when you come home (instead of packing them up and commuting with them), would that improve your quality of life? I know that it is difficult, but as working professional women, we have a lot of options to hire help.

       1. Our tax bracket is such that after taxes my earnings aren’t far from what you pay your nanny, especially if I don’t get a bonus that year (my bonus is entirely beyond my control).

          1. Yes, but you are buying your ability to stay in the work-force and not lose years of building your skills, reputation, retirement, etc. I’m not saying go, and I’m not saying stay, but if this is your only concern, then I think it’s the wrong thing to turn your decision on.

             1. Exactly.

             2. You’re right. I’m too focused on the immediate financial impact.

             3. Agree – if this is truly just a financial decision, it needs to be made in terms of cash flow over your entire career.

                But it’s ok for it not to be a pure financial decision, too. :)

             4. And it needs to be made in terms of your *family’s* cash flow, not just yours.

                You don’t need to outsource more because *you* work full time. You need to outsource more because your *husband* works 60-90 hours a week AND you work full time.

                Question: did you enjoy your time at home on maternity leave? Do you actually like cooking, cleaning etc? Being in the house all day every day with 2 kids? I hate it. Hate it with a passion. I love my kids, but I just am not cut out for all day, every day childcare. I have determined that I am better off working, even if we are just breaking even, because I just can’t hack the at home stuff.

                Does your boss know that by refusing part time, you are considering leaving? Would you stay if he let you? As a last resort, if you said “I need to go part time or I have to quit” would he change his mind? Never use an ultimatum unless you intend to act on it, but in this case, it sounds like you are considering acting on it.

                Is there anyone in your network that went part time, or hires people in your field for contract work? Could you contact those people to see how they did it, and if they know of any openings?

                Last, do you really just need a vacation (staycation)/few days to yourself after a lot of long weeks? Do you feel this way all week, or is this just Friday after a long week getting to you?

       2. I agree with everything Anonymous at 11:09 said, but I will also add-these are the most difficult times of your professional career. Soon (within 5 years) your children will be older and off to school and things will be infinitely easier. So, it might be best to reframe your thinking a little-will having a nanny make things manageable for me in the next 1-2 years. I personally would not leave a job due to household burdens if I thought they’d be better in 1-2 years, unless I was in a career where demand was so strong that I knew I could be hired without any difficulty. Outside of medicine, I can’t think of too many of those careers. I also have the benefits for our family and my employer’s retirement contribution is very good, and those two things have been huge for our family’s financial stability over the years. Even with daycare/nanny costs, my salary has allowed us to contribute to college savings accounts for our kids, which was a huge priority for me and driving factor in my employment decision. YMMV, however.

          1. this. i felt like you when my kids were that age. Now they are 5 and 8 and its so.much.different. sure, there are still some tough things, but generally, its way easier.

             We have used two different day cares, 2 different nannies, and we recently got an au pair. They have all been wonderful in their own ways, and each was right for our family at the particular time. However, in the grand scheme of things, I probably would have got an au pair sooner. Its way, way less expensive (about $18,000/year for up to 45 hours a week), and she helps with so much stuff. I was worried about having someone living with us, but we have enough room and its really pretty cool. If you have the space, you might want to look into that.

             1. I actually found being a working mom to be more difficult once my child was in school. Before she started school, she went to an amazing high-quality day care center. I dropped her off before work and picked her up afterwards. I didn’t even have to pack her lunch. But now that she is in school, there are very few after-school care programs available, and none of them are of decent quality or offer transportation to extracurricular activities. Then there is the homework to deal with. An after-school nanny is more expensive than full-time day care. If it’s hard now, it will just get even harder as the kids get older.

       3. Thank you though for pointing out the 6 hours. Might seem silly to some, but that’s HUGE. There are time savings I’m overlooking here…

          1. I second the au pair idea. Or a part-time nanny. I’ve seen friends with part-time helpers who just do drop-off/pick-up and it’s a great help. Two (independent of each other) had a SAHM who wanted flexible work, and the care-giver brought her same age child with her, arrived in the morning, fed and changed my friend’s kids and took them to day-care, then did pick-up in the afternoon along with errands like dry-cleaning and quick meal pickup or similar. She was also available on day-care closures or for sick child help. The other had a college student who also needed flexible work and did drop-off in the morning, then went to class and then did light housework, meal prep and then pick-up in the afternoon. This college student was also available during school holidays for full-time care and occasionally for sick kids, depending on their schedules.

             I agree with everyone who said not to quit on a bad day.

    9. Husband and I are definitely a team and money, regardless of how it arrived in our bank account is joint. We do not differentiate in that regard. I know the way I framed it makes it appear otherwise. What I meant was that I don’t know that I want to work so much that it’s worth it to me for us to be worse off financially to make that happen (if two salaries – outsourcing < one salary). One thing I didn't mention is that our benefits are through my job, benefits through his aren't great but aren't horrible… might mean looking into ACA. But our money is our money.

       Husband will be working 60-90 hours per week for the next 10-12 years per our current mid term financial plans.

       Husband and I have talked about this for 2+ years… choice is mine, I just can't make up my mind. That's why I'm looking for input here.

       1. Try the nanny. See how you feel. If it doesn’t work you can always change your mind.

          And consider changing your plan because it’s not working well for you. Your current mid term financial plans aren’t an unbreakable vow, and his job changes should also be a consideration.

       2. I don’t know your exact finances, but I am nonetheless almost certain that you will come out ahead financially over the course of your lifetime if you stay in your job. That’s true for the vast majority of professional-level women. You may barely break even now, but over the long haul, the gains of staying in the workforce almost always outweigh the savings.

          That’s not to say that you should stay in your job. The financial cost may still be worth it to you. But be honest with yourself about the cost. It’s not just lost income now – it’s also lower salary when you come back into the workforce, probably for the rest of your career.

          I tend to agree that looking for a part time role somewhere else may be the way to go. And that you should get the nanny even if you do that.

       3. I don’t understand what you mean when you write that “Husband will be working 60-90 hours per week for the next 10-12 years per our current mid term financial plans.”?

       4. I would never stay home. I hate just being “mom” and I like my job. I like the idea that I’m setting an example for my kids as a working mother, so they see having a job as the norm. I don’t want them to think that sometimes people just sit around all day so that they structure their life toward that end.

          THAT SAID, I think that if you want to try staying home, DO IT. If it feels right for you then go for it! Especially with your husband gone all the time and it sounds like your home life is pretty frantic right now. If you can be the one that is handling everything, then I think it would be best for your kids if you go for it.

          I would not want to be married to someone with the workload of your husband, regardless of the money. But it sounds like you are already in that position. So I think that making the best of it would involve you being home more and taking on more of a house manager role. Just be very clear-eyed about what it would entail: You’d have to do the arranging for appointments, etc. You’d be on call for school events etc. In other words, go into it knowing what you’ll have to be doing and what you won’t get anymore (promotions, adult conversation during the day, respect). If you still feel the pull to do it, I think you should go for it. I think your children will be happier with at least one happy parent, regardless of whether that parent works outside the home or not.

          1. this 1000+ times. Thank you for your practical perspective. I wouldn’t want to stay at home, but I completely understand why some people (women AND men, btw) make that decision. My husband went part-time and he loves it. That may be an option for you at another job.

             But if you want to stay home for non-financial reasons, then do it. if you are looking purely for financial reasons, I agree with other commentators that this is a long-term cost and there is a better solution.

       5. No decision is permanent. Try the nanny. If you still want to stay at home after that, you then can make a fully informed assessment as to why you’re making that decision.

          I’m a working mom, but I completely understand your desire and how you’re being pulled in both directions. Don’t buy in to the doom and gloom higher in this thread. Do what works for you and for your family. MANY families are perfectly happy and function well with a SAHM that used to be in the workforce.

          This was interesting to me, as well: http://www.thelunchboxdiaries.com/making-the-decision-to-stay-home/

       6. Also consider whether there is a different job potential? Or ask for telework option for 1-2x a week vs. asking for a part time gig? I have similar age children and found that by asking to WFH 2x a week helped w/ the juggle a LOT

          I’d also point out that several moms with older children have reiterated that it was better to stay in the work force in the early years, and then seek more flexible hours when the kids are a little older – rather than the other way around (i.e. exiting the workforce when your child is born and your career maybe less established, and then trying to re-enter after a hiatus). Even just a few more years can give you time to set yourself up for a earn a job that has more flexibility and will foster relationships that will help ensure your professional reputation into the future.

    10. I felt like you when my son was small. I would have given anything to have quit work and been a SAHM, but I was the primary wage earner and that wasn’t an option.

        Fast forward 25-plus years and I’m SO GLAD I stuck it out. Life happens although Anonymous at 10:43 was pretty harsh, there is truth to what she says. Leaving the workforce is quite risky for any number of reasons.

        I agree that your first step should be to try the nanny. If that doesn’t work, or at the same time, look around for a less demanding job rather than quitting entirely. And yes, talk to your husband about whether your mid term financial plans are still reasonable in light of what your reality has turned out to be.

        Hang in there! It’s hard but it does get better!

    11. As others have said, don’t quit on a bad day. Still, it sounds like you want and need a change.

        Have you explored other jobs that are less demanding–part-time somewhere else, government? Rather than walk away entirely, perhaps you should spend 6 months really looking for a position that allows you to keep working but just less. That can make a huge difference. I think the issue has been framed as all or nothing (job that I don’t love and doesn’t let me do less versus SAHM), but there’s a lot of other paths out there that might provide a better balance.

        I’m in a similar situation to you. The early years with kids are hardest to be away from them, I’ve found. Once they hit pre-K/K, it starts to ease up a bit: I started to feel like I was less the center of their universe. So one thing I’d add is that this tough, being-away-from-them notion abates as they grow more independent and get more of their own lives (school, activities going). A different care arrangement (nanny) may also help.

        I had very long maternity leaves with my kids (one was a year), which was great for many reasons but especially because it became really clear to me that I’d be a worse parent and even more unhappy staying home than working. Obviously that’s my very personal take, but the high of being out from under the 9-5 wears off pretty quickly. For some people, it’s incredibly fulfilling; for others (me), it would cause even more resentment/unhappiness about only being a parent and spouse, and loosing the professional part of my identity. So another factor to consider is how you’d handle the emotional side of things/decreased adult interaction/functioning solely as a parent for much of your day.

        Quitting entirely strikes me as a step of last resort. If you’ve always wanted to be a FT parent, then sure, it may be less dramatic, but if, like many of us, you’ve invested a lot in your education and career, and have concerns about future earning potential, savings, sanity while home, etc.–I’d counsel really exploring whether there isn’t another way to do it.

    12. If you want to read some SAHM posts from a different readership, review the Mr. Money Mustache forums. There are people posting for advice on the same situation frequently there. If you can weed out the extremes on both ends there is a lot of rational advice in the middle to help you make your decision.

    13. I stayed home with my kids for about 9 months when they were just over a year old. That was enough for me – I needed adult interaction to stay sane. I guess you could say I ‘leaned out’ for awhile, did not return to the legal field right away, took a small paycut, but it was worth it for the flexibility and balance. When my kids were in 3rd grade, I returned to the legal field with a pay increase and the ability to set clear expectations about what my hours would be. Now that they are approaching the end of high school, I’ve survived a divorce, remarriage and the recession and I’m really glad I tried the SAHM thing, realized quickly it wasn’t for me, and was able/willing to make other choices. I’m working in local government now, and very satisfied with both my family life and work life. You do you, but like others have said, don’t quit on a bad day. Think it through, explore all of your options and then make an educated decision, considering all of the consequences. Good luck.

    14. Book suggestion: Leslie Bennetts, “The Feminine Mistake: Are We Giving Up Too Much?”

    15. I’d also think about how your kids will view your decision and benefit (or lose) from your decision. My husband and I are both the product of stay at home moms and we both think our moms wasted talent, obsessed and smothered us, went kinda crazy at home, blamed our Dads, and today we feel they can’t totally relate to our current lives of working through kids…that said we love our moms and appreciate that they tried so hard.

        1. Totally this for my family too.

    16. I could have written this post so many times. I will say, I’ve found that when I think I most want to be a SAHM it’s a reflection of not being happy with my current job situation. The reality is, I would not be a good SAHM. A good test is how you feel during the weekends. Do you love and cherish being with the kids all day (obviously not 100% of the time, but for the most part) or by the end of the weekend are you glad to have another outlet? If you really feel that you would be happy at home with the kids all day, then by all means give it a shot. You can always change your mind after a year if you discover it’s not what’s best for you and your family. While getting back into the workforce after an absence is tough, it’s not impossible.

        I really wouldn’t focus on the paycheck aspect if you think you want to keep working (unless you would be paying out more in childcare/outsourcing than you would be bringing in). Instead I would try to look at it as keeping your foot in the door so that in a few years you can be making more money and hopefully have a better position that gives you more flexibility.

        Finally, hang in there. In my opinion this is the toughest time. The kids are still entirely dependent on you for every little thing, expenses are through the roof and everyone is stressed and tired. Try to cut both you and your husband some slack. You are doing the best you can and that’s totally fine. You don’t need to decide exactly where everyone will be in 15 years, just figure out what is the best decision for your family right now and then reevaluate every 6 months or so.

        1. Plus one million to everything West Coast Lawyer said, and many other wise words above. I want to tell you that you are still in the hardest phase of parenthood and it stinks that that has to coincide with hard/transitional times in our careers.

           Think about the nanny. I had one when my kids were that age and wow, what an amazing lifesaver it was. After paying her on the books, my working made a negative impact on our household income and yet I would do it all over again (although I am still really upset about the taxation issue – I made a lot more money than she did, and would have been THRILLED to give her that much, but we couldn’t afford to because she was already costing us all-in more than my net salary).

           Here are some ways she saved my life / our family’s life / my marriage in the nearly 2 years we had her:
           – I never had to think about feeding my children. Ever. She showed up, made breakfast, made lunch, usually had dinner ready too (for all of us). And it was healthy.
           – I never had to worry about the kids laundry, changing their sheets, making their beds
           – The kitchen? Clean EVERY evening
           – Toys? Arranged and put away
           – Preschool needed something? She’s got it. Or she reminded me to get it.
           – Playdates? My kids had more friends than I did thanks to her.
           – Spanish? (Important for my family, but too draining for me to deal with)

           She was priceless and I miss her so much (she became part of the family!). It was a short time period in the scheme of a lifetime of work. I LOVE my job/career and I never wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, but the juggle is hard and in my field working part-time doesn’t really work, so it’s either full speed or drop out – for the years when the kids are so little, enlisting all of the help you can get is just worth it.

           Think about the long-term implications of dropping out of the workforce, and also about whether you really like what you do or the fact that you do something outside of the house. If you really really want to be a stay at home mom, you can probably figure out how to do it. But it might just be a fantasy because this stage is REALLY hard! Good luck!

        2. @WestCoast Lawyer I think you hit the proverbial nail. My satisfaction with my current job is at an all time low.

           1. So it sounds like you definitely need to make a change. But that doesn’t necessarily mean it needs to be all the way to quitting to be a SAHM.

              My suggestions are:
              -Get a nanny. Or find a babysitter that you like and trust so you can have an occasional evening off or go to the gym some Saturday mornings.
              -Do you like to cook (or does your husband)? If not, look into whether you’d rather have a nanny or hire someone to make you meals. Or is there some other service that you could outsource (more cleaning, laundry, etc)?
              -Look for another job that you don’t hate. Preferably part time, but you may find that full time that lets you work from home or has a shorter commute or on-site daycare or similar would be worth it too
              -Make an exit plan. If things aren’t better in 6 months and you haven’t found another job, then quit
              -Do all the planning as if you were going to quit. Make your budget for life without your salary. Research whether you are better off taking health insurance through the ACA or your husband’s job. Heck, write a resignation letter. Then maybe work would suck less if you can tell yourself “I can quit anytime I want, but right now I’m choosing to work”

              And then, take an afternoon vacation half day and go get a haircut/pedicure/go to the gym/take a nap/whatever self care item works for you. Because you are burnt out and you need it.

           2. Could you also consider a nanny short-term? You have likely gone straight from a working pregnancy, post birth recovery to back to work with a sleepless baby to doing this with a second child. That’s not a great space to make decisions. Would some extra help for 6mths -12 mths give you some breathing room to figure out what you want to do whilst not completely exhausted? Good luck – figure out what’s right for your family and fight for it. I know what DH and I do wouldn’t suit everyone but our family is happy so we will stick with it.

    17. I “leaned out” this past spring, and overall am thankful for it. Sure, I miss aspects of working, and it’s a it of a financial workout, but by and large, I like it. There are trade offs for everything. I accept that I probably can’t on ramp in 5-10 years if I want to return to a high paying job. That said, I still have my education and my experience, and those things don’t disappear. I also acknowledge that if I went back to full time work, it wouldn’t be in the same field (previously law and I got burnt out). Don’t believe the trolls about your husband getting bored with you. Our marriage has actually improved since I leaned out, and not for any misognistic reasons – there are just less demands on our time, and it gave us a bit of breathing room.

        1. Again, it’s a real thing that happens. And a legitimate concern to raise.

           1. Yes, but it’s not a given. And spouses become bored with each other, two income households or not.

              1. And that doesn’t make opinions to the contrary trolling.

    18. I feel your pain. Try to ignore some of the really harsh and extreme comments on here.

        I would do what others have suggested and take it one step at a time. Go with a (part-time?) nanny first. Try it out. I would start looking for a position that may allow for a part-time commitment. I would honestly give just about anything to be part time. Last, even if you decide to do the SAHM route, there really are a lot of good opportunities to do contract work. I have friends who own their own firms, doing high quality work, and they contract assignments out/portions of projects out, largely to people just like you with great experience who need to slow down for a bit. You can create your own firm, which takes care of any gaps on your resume, and do contract work as needed.

        One step at a time…. I’d be hesitant to go from working full time to SAHM. It’s a big change and one you may not enjoy. I’d slow down in various ways and adjust from there to see what works for you.

        I certainly don’t think that if you stop working now you have to stop working forever. That’s bonkers. I know (and have interviewed) plenty of people who came back to work after SAHM for a few years. I hired someone who actually put her years as a SAHM on her resume. I realize I may not be the typical interviewer, but it was neat – she owned it and explained it up front. she also explained what she did during that time frame- volunteer work, etc – that grew her network. Again, an unusual approach but something to consider.

        1. Thanks for that last paragraph in particular.

           1. This is the fantasy. I get that you want to buy it, but don’t make plans based on the rosiest of outcomes.

              1. Not making plans on it, just appreciating the fact that the poster recognized the value in non-workplace work!

              2. It’s simply not a fantasy. I’ve seen it. I’ve hired that person. If it’s not your reality, fine, but that doesn’t make it fantasy.

              3. Just responding with my anecdotal evidence, since the comments from Anonymous were starting to annoy me. I was part of the hiring team at my mid-size company who hired someone into a mid-level role and she had been a SAHM for the past three years. While it wasn’t on her resume, she volunteered to explain the gap in her resume during the interview. We are a woman-owned company which certainly may play into this being a non-issue, but it was never discussed as a potential issue or concern behind closed doors. If anything it’s a strength. She’s been a fantastic addition to the team.

    19. Two things.

        1. Have you ever been financially dependent on someone before? It changes the power dynamics in all kinds of subtle and overt ways. I hated when my husband was financially dependent on me and I hated when I was financially dependent on him. Our marriage improved dramatically once we both had jobs. It’s amazing how petty you can get. And we have what I would consider to be a very good relationship. An example: my sister and her husband have a good relationship too, and she’s a SAHM. But my brother in law texted me when they were moving into their new house because he was frustrated with some of my sister’s decorating choices after “I paid so much money for this house”. He didn’t say “we”, he said “I”. It’s that kind of subtle unconscious way of thinking about things that can creep in and undermine a relationship. It’s not going to come out today. It’s not going to come out tomorrow, but you can bet that when they get into a blowout fight someday, it’s going to come out. If you make the money, you have the power.

        2. You say you are starting to resent the hours he’s working and you’re upset that you don’t have time to take care of yourself. None of that changes if you quit working. Only once you’re a SAHM, you have to hire someone to take care of the children so you can go get a pedicure. And you have to rely on your husband to pay for both the babysitter and the pedicure. Right now, you can theoretically leave on your lunch break and go get one and pay for it yourself. You just aren’t making it a priority. Believe me, I totally understand. My husband and I both work way too much and we have a 1 year old. It is SO HARD to make time for yourself. But sometimes it is the different between sanity and a complete breakdown.

        If you want to quit your job and become a SAHM because you’re super into childcare and housework, then by all means, do it. But if you want to quit your job because everything is overwhelming and hard right now, please just hold on and try to figure out some alternatives.

        1. +1,000,000 to “if you make the money, you have the power.”

        2. As to #1, yes and no. I think it’s easier if the pendulum has swung in the opposite direction financially at some point in time. I made more than a million dollars in ~6 years in Big Law while my husband was in grad school earning a $25,000 stipend. We bought our house with money I earned and much of our savings accounts is filled with money I earned. I’m home now and he’s the only one filling our bank accounts currently but I don’t feel like it’s “his” money, because so much of our finances and day-to-day existence was made possible by my earnings. It’s true that if I stayed home forever, he would out earn me, but for the forseeable future I feel very equal. I also don’t feel like I can’t get a pedicure without spending his money, because I have earned so much more than him over our lifetimes – and lots of my money went into savings, so I think of getting a pedicure as taking from my savings (while my husband covers our day-to-day expenses with his salary).

           Also, choice of spouse is everything. My spouse is not the type to say (or feel) “I make the money, I have the power.”

           1. I think you’re proving the point. Your earnings made the current lifestyle possible, so you do indeed have economic power in the relationship.

              1. I’ve seen several high power moms quit then be unable to return, due mostly to sexism and also a bit of age-ism. Those ages are the worst! It will get better. And yes get an awesome nanny. One who will also clean and prepare dinner and maybe do the shopping too. Get hubby or a backup babysitter to come on a Sat afternoon so you can get a massage or a pedicure or just go read a book. Do some self-care. Maybe start to look for a different job? Good luck.

13. Do any of you have the Lo and Sons Brookline bag or any other bags from them? I’ve been thinking about getting that bag for months and I think I might get it (there is a 20% your purchase if you sign up for their newsletter so that definitely motivated me). My current leather work bag is okay but I probably have another 6-8 months of life left and its not big enough for my 13 inch macbook air. I also want a bag big enough to carry around my GRE study materials and change of clothes for when I sleep over friends places or overnight somewhere.

    1. I have the Brookline, and I love it. It is about 2 years old now and has held up great. It fits my 15″ laptop and a small file or two.

       I don’t know that it would hold a change of clothes, though. I can cram a set of gym clothes into mine but it is tight.

       1. Thats good to hear that its held up, I was also hoping it would last a few years so I can use it in grad school. I wish it was sold in stores so I could try it out but I’ll probably just buy it. I also like that its waterproof, has pockets, under $200, etc. . Thanks!

    2. You need the OG to haul that much stuff.

    3. If you want room for a change of clothes, you might consider the OMG.

       I have the Brookline. After three years of being shoved under plane seats on a weekly basis, it’s a bit beat up but still serviceable. However, sometimes I wish it were a little bigger. If I could pick again / if I get another bag it will be the OG or OMG. I’ve seen people carry the OMG to work and it still looks very professional.

    4. I got the Brookline for when I started grad school last fall – so far, it still looks good.. It’s held up fairly well, though I only use when I’m actually in a class and carrying books to work for lunch studying. I did use it on a recent vacation as my carry-on and it did fine. Definitely not big enough for a full change of clothes, though I can usually fit a spare pair of shoes in it during the winter months if I have to.

14. Hi all, I am wondering whether to spend $ on replacing a bunch of my pants and wanted to see if recent changes are likely to stick.

    I’m in my mid-30s and a few months ago I went from being fairly active (working out 5-6 times/week) to very active (working out every day, sometimes twice a day). This is due to new flexibility in my work schedule. I also went from doing mostly cardio to doing lots of resistance training.

    Lately I have very flat/muscular abs but apparently wider hips or a larger butt. I was already somewhat of a pear and it’s now a little more pronounced, I guess? So I am wondering whether these changes are due to more muscle work, or whether it’s true that hips tend to widen a little in your thirties, or something else is going on? Has anyone else experienced this, and any thoughts about whether I should invest in new pants?

    1. When I hit 31ish I all of a sudden went from a slightly hourglass shape (mostly up top) to a VERY hourglass shape. I never had much of a butt or hips before and then *BAM!* My boobs also went up at least a cup size. Some of this is due to doing the exact opposite of you but some of it is normal hip opening. I’d invest in the new pants. For your booty, though, squats and other strength training exercises will cause a more bubble butt shape. But I’d roll with it because I’m sure it looks fab!

    2. When I entered my late twenties, my hips and breasts got fuller, despite maintained exercise and steady (healthy) eating patterns. You’re not alone.

       1. +1

          I was 25 and getting dressed for a NYE party, to be exact. Party attire that I’d worn the previous year didn’t fit across my hips, even though I’d actually lost a few pounds.

    3. I’ve always fluctuated based on the level of my physical activity and how hard I’m training (at times I’m rather intense).. Since my late 20s, Ive bought my basics in two sizes – usually a 6 and an 8 – to accommodate fluctuations. I’m in my mid 30s now. I wouldn’t wait to buy things that fit. If you lose weight, just save the larger sizes for another time when you creap up. Always good to have regular checkups in case there’s a hormonal or other physical explanation. Health issues have definitely surprised me in my 30s – I’m healthy but my body’s not as tolerant of abuse that’s for sure.

15. I want to randomly thank whomever gave a suggestion last week about wearing a suit a few times week to work in order to avoid coming across as too casual. I’m a new associate and there are 2 groups on my floor — my group dresses more casually, but I sit down near the other group, which is more formal. Also, I’m still building my wardrobe and trying to slowly acquire dresses / blouses / etc that are appropriate for work and that make me feel confident.

    I started wearing a suit a few times a week, and I think it’s great. It makes me feel more comfortable on the days that I don’t wear suits, because I don’t worry that I’m going to come off as “too casual.”

    Also, I find that wearing a subtle lipstick makes me feel quite confident, too. I picked that up from a judge I’d worked for, who was in her 60s and would always “put on her lips” before presiding. I think it’s a nice touch.

16. 1) The no drinking is going great. I feel amazing.

    2) pimples are ruining my face. However I happened to have a derm appointment for a general skin check today. It was my first time ever seeing a derm and the skin check was all clear (yay!). Then she started to discuss my acne and I asked if it could be “quitzits” and she laughed. So apparently that’s not a real thing. It is possible that the hormonal changes due to less alcohol could be causing but likely it’s just my adult acne being terrible. So… she prescribed me a pill and some cream (with retin-a too! wahoo!). I NEVER knew that acne is considered a “medical condition” and therefore insurance will cover treatment. I. AM. SO. EXCITED.

    Any of you ever had adult acne and how did oral/topical prescription treatments work for you? What were you prescribed and what was your experience?

    1. I had really bad acne in high school, and finally, just before graduation, I went to a really good dermatologist who figured out that benzoyl peroxide and salicylic acid were not good for my face (turns out I had rosacea as well) and I needed other stuff. So I got topical reinoid, clindimycin lotion, and oral antibiotics. Helped immensely, and soon she was able to ease me off the antibiotics so I was just on the retinoid.

       I also found that tea tree oil helped a lot! I just used the night lotion from the Body Shop while still on the prescriptions, and their aloe cream helped counteract the irritation from the treatments, but after a couple of years my prescriptions ran out and my dermatologist left the practice, so I started using tea tree oil as my only acne treatment, and it worked about as well as the prescriptions did!

    2. I have been chasing adult acne my whole life and a couple different things worked at different times.

       1. spironolactone, which I had to demand

       2. once I found a very good derm, retin-a combined with a topical antibiotic. Which sounds weird because at other times this did NOT work for me. However, the retin-a they make now is time released, AND she had me build up the dosage over 6 weeks so I didn’t get the dry skin & peeling which I think was triggering for my skin before.

       3. pregnancy (haha)

       4. Cerave face wash and moisturizer, every day twice daily. I am generally suspicious of claims that one OTC product is any better than another, but this really seemed to make a big difference.

       What didn’t work: Proactiv, differen and other prescription meds.

       Hope you find what works for you!! it’s kind of a journey. And I wouldn’t totally discount ‘quitzits’. I really felt like I detoxed after a divorce (more due to lifestyle changes than anything – less sugar, no alcohol, less processed food) and that those changes also triggered acne. But that was where the spironolactone seemed to help.

       1. WORD to #3.

          I was terrified of not being able to use the acne medications I’ve relied on to keep my painful cystic acne somewhat at bay. Turns out, the second I got pregnant those nasty giant, deep, painful cystic breakouts would disappear and I’d get the occasional mild sweat pimple, but basically have the perfect, amazing skin I’ve wished for since I was 12.

    3. I am 30-years-old and have been dealing with acne since I was 12. I went through the normal rigmarole of antibiotics and topicals from my PCP with little result. A year ago, when I started to get acne on my back, I finally went to a real dermatologist. She prescribed Tretinoin (0.025%) and Sprinolactone (100 mg). For women my age, acne is usually hormone related, not bacteria. Hence, the Spiro.

       My back acne cleared up within literally a week. It was amazing. It has been about 6 months, but my skin has looked the best it has looked since puberty. Still a lot of discoloration from previous breakouts, but I’m hoping the Tretinoin can remedy that.

       Not sure whether there is causation… but I did start the Whole30 diet about 2 months ago. There was a marked improvement in my skin since I began cutting out dairy, wheat, alcohol, etc.

       It has taken me 18 years to make an impact on my acne… I guess better late than never!

       1. I’m also a big fan of spirinolactone + retin-A topicals (prescription strength).

          I also had lifelong acne, and terrible shame and insecurity as a youngster because of it. My parents never thought to take me to a Derm, and I also thought it wasn’t considered a medical problem and covered by insurance and was only for “rich people”, so I never went. Money was tight.

          In my 20’s, a new primary care doctor put me on OCPs to help my heavy periods/pain with periods, and waived at my awful skin…. “it will help with THAT too….”. Ugh, such shame shame shame I felt….

          OCPs did help my acne some, but not enough. My painful cystic acne got worse as I got older, and I eventually needed to get off OCPs for other reasons.

          Only in my 40’s did I finally see a derm. She instantly diagnosed me and gave me spironolactone and retin-A. Sprinolactone does make me pee a little more so I need to hydrate well, but no side effects and no more cystic acne. In addition, I am less “hairy”, with fewer dark hairs growing on my face (more shame!!!) and my body odor improved dramatically! I couldn’t wear shoes without socks before, and now I can.

          I still got small acne in my T zone, but the retin-A stopped that. Retin-A also improved my pore size, and maybe helped some of my acne scars, but unfortunately….. I waited too long. Most of my acne scars are here to stay.

          But I agree… better late than never!

       2. I’ve had hormonal acne issues since I had my IUD inserted. I went to a derm and they put me on Epi-Duo, which is helping a little but not a ton. I have my annual with my GP next week and I’m going to see if he’ll put me on spironolactone, which my coworker used to great success. I frankly hated the derm I saw, too, which didn’t help, and the copay on my plan is $60 so I don’t want to keep trying them out.

    4. I’ve had acne since I was a teenager. After trying basically everything known to man except Accutane, the only thing that helps is Bactrim (antibiotic). What didn’t help: other antibiotics, birth control, spirnolactone, pretty much all topicals (some help for a while, then stop being effective). So basically the one thing I’ve learned in 15+ years of dealing with acne is if something isn’t helping, try something else/someone else. I’ve been through a lot of dermatologists.

17. Anyone have tips for getting chewing gum out of clothing, when it already accidentally went through the washer and dryer and now it’s really smashed in? (Don’t ask…)

    1. Try putting it in the freezer and then chipping it off.

    2. I used Goo Gone on a polyester/rayon dress and it worked perfectly without damaging or bleaching the fabric at all. If the item is otherwise ruined already, it’s definitely worth a try.

       1. I’ve had Goo Gone act like bleach on clothes, so spot test it first on the inside hem or something if you try it

    3. You could try gum remover. It is a spray sold at places like office supply stores. I think it basically freezes the gum and then it just kind of chips off. I found it worked much better than just ice when our kid got gum on our carpet. Not sure if it would discolor clothing though. It did not damage our carpet.

    4. Thanks everyone! I don’t think freezing will work because it’s really embedded in the fabric now, though I’m willing to give it a try, and I’ll try Goo Gone as a backup too. It’s really just a cheap maternity shirt, but I’m down to my last month and really don’t want to buy any new cheap maternity shirts.

18. Can anyone comment on the quality of Sole Society shoes? They have such cute styles and the prices are reasonable, but I’m curious about how they hold up. TIA!

    1. They’re about on par with 9-west. They were much better when they first started, but recently not so great.

19. Thoughts on Amazon prime? Thinking of pulling the trigger with the reduced rate today.

    1. I regret it. I just really don’t use it enough to justify the cost.

    2. I’m the opposite of Anonymous. We use Amazon ALL THE TIME and Prime rocks my world. Especially for gifts/holidays – order early enough to get the Prime free shipping and the cost of them gift wrapping the presents is still cheaper than what I would have paid to ship myself and wrap myself. Score!

       1. Should have refreshed before I posted but YES to the gifts. Makes my life so much easier.

       2. My house runs on Amazon Prime. My kids watch the instant videos, it’s a rare day that we don’t have an Amazon box by the front door, and all my presents to people are shipped via Amazon. It’s the best $$ we spend each year.

    3. Do you want it for the shipping or the TV/movie streaming?

       For streaming, it’s less than a year of Netflix.

       For shipping – how much stuff do you get from Amazon on a regular basis?

       I personally wouldn’t do it, because I don’t buy much from Amazon and use Netflix via Chromecast, which is not compatible with Amazon streaming.

       1. There is a way to Amazon stream via chromecast using your computer by casting a tab. It’s a little bit of effort at first but we do it occasionally. We have Prime for the shipping and not the streaming, so this is just a bonus.

    4. I definitely use it enough to justify the cost. I love the two-day shipping (and my area has Prime Now), and it actually saves me from adding on items that I don’t “need” in order to get free shipping otherwise. I need to do a better comparison of the shows we watch on Netflix to see what’s available on Amazon Instant, but there’s a lot there if you don’t currently use Netflix. If you have a Kindle, you get the lending library and special book deals. I believe there’s also additional cloud storage, especially for photos and music options, but I don’t use those as much.

       1. I haven’t done a thorough comparison but Amazon Prime has all the old seasons of pretty much every HBO show (not the current seasons) and also has The Americans, where Netflix doesn’t. Both of those things are pretty awesome, IMO.

          1. +1. We have Amazon Prime, Netflix streaming only, and Hulu. It’s only slightly more expensive than one month of cable used to be before we cut it, so it is totally worth it to us to have them all.

             1. Isn’t the sum total of those three things only like $30 a month? Your cable must have been very cheap, I don’t know anyone who pays less than $100 a month.

             2. I meant that our yearly total for Amazon Prime, Netflix streaming, and Hulu (for 12 months) is only slightly more expensive than one month of cable used to cost us.

    5. I think it depends on how much you’d use it and whether you would use the streaming/lending library/music services. I had it last year and not sure it was worth it. I was hoping to use it for “pantry” items and my pantry box was never full enough, plus they still make you pay for shipping. This year I was debating renewal in light of the coming baby and then my stepfather got a membership and shared it with me so now I have it, which I am happy about it. I definitely appreciate it around the holidays and for gifts, and it’s great for dog stuff – greenies, no chew spray, whatever, and Neutrogena eye make up remover that I love and can’t find in most drugstores. You can also share it with a friend/family member so if you have someone in mind, I’d say $67 split in two would definitely be worth it.

    6. I’ve had it since 2009 and just don’t find it worth it anymore, but I forgot to cancel this year before it renewed.

       It’s lost value for me because so much of what I want to order–cleaning products, toiletries, laundry, etc (all the stuff you might get at the regular grocery store, because I shop at TJs but still want my regular brands of toilet paper)–are not Prime. I tend to use Soap.com for that stuff, which annoyingly is owned by Amazon but not part of Prime.

       Other issues I have with it–they frequently use USPS or fly by night local couriers, who refuse to deliver packages to my door. I am not able to get home when the HOA manager has office hours, but that’s where delivery services insist on taking everything. I’ve tried switching to having everything shipped to my office, but for some reason that adds 1-2 extra days to the “Prime” delivery date vs. my home zip code, even though they are both downtown central business district zip codes with less than a mile between the two addresses. Oddly, Amazon will promise Sunday delivery to my office building when it is closed and inevitably delivery is attempted and fails, but they don’t offer that to my residential address. Lastly, prices are often outrageous compared to getting the item in store, to where I can’t justify the convenience (and my tolerance for paying for convenience is pretty high).

       I don’t use the streaming at all.

       1. Oh, also Prime Now was a total letdown for me. You have to use a separate app to order, and the prices are often higher than on the main website. Secondly, the delivery is not “free” in the sense of being included in your membership fee, because there is a suggested tip for the driver based on the amount spent. I tried to order noise cancelling headphones one day when I couldn’t handle my loud office any more, and it was going to cost $30 to tip the courier to drive them 20 minutes. You don’t *have* to tip, but I get the sense that Amazon is not paying the drivers much so I feel obligated to, and yet don’t want to pay that much for delivery, so I end up not using it at all.

    7. I use it All. The. Time. Instead of going to the store, if the pricing is similar, I’ll order through Amazon. I do use the Amazon Video for binge sessions too.

       1. This, exactly.

    8. Maybe this is because I recently moved to a smaller town more than an hour from a major city, but the two-day shipping has suddenly become total BS. Most of the time when I go on there, it says “Free two-day shipping!” but the estimated time in fine print tells a different story (for example, if I order on Wednesday you would think it would get there on Friday but it usually gets there on Monday or Tuesday). I use the streaming service but not nearly enough to justify the $99, especially with cable (which I can’t cancel because my husband needs ESPN). I don’t use the free Kindle book borrowing, because they have a really poor selection (no recent releases or bestsellers, mostly stuff that is only a couple bucks anyway). So for me, only the shipping is worth the price, and since that is no longer working, I’m planning to cancel when it comes up for renewal (unfortunately it *just* auto-renewed).

       1. If you want to cancel cable but for ESPN, check out Sling. We used it briefly. $19.99/month. Came with live Fox, CNN, ESPN, and several other networks. We just canceled it because we don’t want it enough and Hulu/Netflix is fine with us.

    9. We use it all the time. Christmas presents, birthday presents, oops I broke a widget, etc. I use it for shampoo, and a lot of other things that aren’t available to me unless I drive an hour away to a specialty store. I also use it to avoid going to Target and wind up buying $75 of stuff I hadn’t intended to buy before I walked in there.

       Heck, we bought a mattress on Prime! That in and of itself probably paid for it.

       We also use the streaming every day with a Roku – but we don’t have Netflix or any other paid streaming services, so I can’t compare it to those.

       I use the Prime Music service to make playlists for working out at the gym – again, nothing super special, but it’s free.

       My husband, sister and father are all on our “household” account, so that helps justify the cost too, since they also can use the 2 day shipping.

       1. Yes! We’ve bought several TVs and other very large things through Amazon Prime. Having them delivered to our doorstep was pretty amazing.

    10. Love it. We’ve placed 54 orders already this year, which sounds insane, but I have a ton of stuff on subscribe and save, like laundry detergent, fabric softener, dish soap, bathroom soap, deodorant, shampoo, batteries, water filter for the fridge, air filters, etc. I figure it saves me at least two hours a month of running errands and I love not running out of things.

        1. This is us. 84 orders last year. I’m also a subscribe and save fanatic – razor blades are a great deal on there!

    11. Thanks all. We buy frequently from Amazon so it sounds like it may be worth it for the faster shipping for us. Great to learn about some of the other benefits as well.

        1. Look at your orders list under “my account”. Go add up all the shipping charges (estimate$5 for anything you got free shipping on that you wish had come sooner).

           If it’s more than $50 in shipping in the last year, I’d say you will pay for it and then some with today’s deal.

    12. Love it!! 2 day shipping is the best. Also watch their tv shows.

20. I am a too-busy working mom. I bought a dress in 2 sizes from Nordstrom’s website a year ago and wasn’t crazy about the fit on either and intended to bring them back to the store to return. I never did. I get that their policy is to take everything back, but I feel bad that it is soo0 long ago. Should I eat the cost or bring them back?

    1. Sell them to a consignment store or on EBay. I know others will say bring them back and I know that Nordstrom builds the cost of their generous return policy into their prices, but I don’t think it’s reasonable to ask Nordstrom to bear the cost of your oversight since there is nothing wrong with the product. They are a year old and cannot be returned to stock and re-sold, and there’s nothing wrong with them so they can’t be returned to the manufacturer for credit.

       1. But that’s why Nordstrom has Nordstrom Rack, no?

          1. That’s probably where they would end up, but my understanding is that Nordstrom Rack is for things which Nordstrom bought but which did not sell in their stores. E.g. their buyer’s error in assessing public interest.

       2. Agreed. Defects would be one thing, but this was on you.

    2. Bring them back! Part of the reason I buy from Nordstrom is because they really pride themselves on their customer service – which includes returns. I purchased something a year ago and never wore it and took it back. They made the return with no questions asked!

       1. I should also add that I worked at Nordstrom during college and this happened all the time (old returns). Seriously – the employees at Nordstrom have seen ooooooooold returns and will take them back as long as they weren’t worn.

    3. Take them back and don’t think twice! You’re not abusing the policy – you are USING the policy that allows you to do so.

    4. You don’t to lose much by at least trying to take them back, what’s the worst that could happen? If they don’t, for some reason, sell them to consignment shops, or on ebay, or see if any of your friends might want to take them off your hands.

    5. Definitely take them back.

21. Warning – rant ahead.

    I am on a webinar and the leader of the webinar does not realize that his slides are not advancing thus leaving us clueless and unable to follow along. We are all noting in the “Chat” section that we can’t see them. In addition, many of us have sent questions to the host to bring his attention to it. Nothing.

    Why don’t you look at the chat/questions!?!?

Comments are closed.