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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
In the early 2010s, I lived in Gap bootcut trousers for the office. The fit was perfect, they were machine washable, and they were well within the budget of someone with six figures of law school debt. I was inconsolable when they were discontinued.
Imagine my delight when I was scrolling through Gap Factory and saw these bi-stretch flare pants for sale. They’re not exactly the same as my beloved pants of yesteryear, but they’re pretty close. I’m looking forward to wearing this slightly stretchier version into the ground, but this time I’m buying an extra pair to keep in reserve.
The pants are $41.99 at Gap Factory — with an extra 20% off at checkout — and come in regular sizes 00–20, tall sizes 4–16, and petite sizes 00–14.
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Anon
Unlike the old Gap pants (beloved here as well), these are mostly cotton. I would expect far more fading of the black.
anon
Ah, bummer. I have learned my lesson about buying cotton pants in dark colors. :(
Anonymous
I used to get them dry-cleaned to keep them from fading. Now I just don’t wear dress pants.
Anony
Washing inside out. Doesn’t prevent the fading of the black, but does help.
Anon
I periodically wash all of my faded black clothing in a load with some liquid black Rit dye poured into the wash water (and no detergent), and then do a second rinse/spin cycle with white vinegar in to help set the dye and get rid of any light streaking. It refreshes everything nicely.
Anonymous
I’m mid-30s. People can’t hear me. It doesn’t seem to matter how loud I am, it seems that my voice tone (? pitch? Frequency?) is too high or too low. I don’t think I have an incredibly high-pitched voice, but I did sing soprano in high school. I hear other female voices as higher than mine, but that might be normal. People can hear me on the phone and on zoom, but men especially cannot hear me in a group setting – sometimes even 1:1. To clarify, this isn’t men interrupting me or ignoring me, this is repeatedly asking me to speak up or telling me they did not hear me. I’ve tried lowering my voice which seams to help, but I can’t do that all the time. It kind of hurts my throat. Any suggestions?
Anon
Speech therapist. We can’t sort this out from afar without knowing you; however, a speech therapist is equipped to tell you what the problem is.
Anonymous
Don’t do the E Holmes fake baritone. Think back to your voice lessons–relax the back of the throat and use breath support.
Anon
Her story baffles me
Anonymous
It’s not because you are a soprano. I know lots of sopranos whose speaking voices carry quite well. It’s likely that you are not speaking as loud as you think you are.
anonshmanon
for that possibility, I’d also get my ears checked.
not you
Men usually lose high-frequency hearing as they age. It’s not you, it’s them. But if you want them to hear you, you either need to be in a quiet space, or you need to lower your voice. They truly can’t hear it, and many people are not as good at reading lips as you might think (especially if you use acronyms and technical jargon)
Anonymous
I find that they can “hear” better if you make eye contact periodically while speaking with them. It helps focus their attention and get them to lip-read more, which I think they do without even realizing it.
Anon
She said men especially, it men only.
Anon
Seems like her hearing is fine, it’s others who need to get their ears checked.
anonshmanon
When I have blocked ears (regardless of whether it’s built up earwax, an ear infection, or I am wearing earplugs), I automatically speak more softly, but I hear myself fine so it’s hard to gauge. That’s why I suggested it.
Anonymous
Have your friends and family commented on this over the years, or is this an issue that has only shown up now or at this particular workplace?
It sounds like you might need to work with a voice coach to find a way of increasing your volume that doesn’t harm your vocal cords.
Anonymous
People tell me this and it’s because I am not speaking loudly enough. I have to deliberately speak louder than I think I need to. A speech therapist isn’t a bad idea.
Anonymous
I have had this issue my entire life. It really is just that I perceive myself speaking louder than I am. I have to consciously project like I’m on stage, using my diaphragm, basically all the time. It’s been really nice to use Teans and phone so much the last few years because but really helps with this issue. I’m an outspoken person and a lawyer – it’s not that I don’t have confidence, just I have trouble accurately judging my voice volume.
Anecdata
Is it on zoom meetings, in person, or both? and do you notice a difference in large group meetings vs 1:1?
anon
I have a friend who has this issue. It has nothing to do with pitch. She just speaks really softly and/or doesn’t “project” well.
Anon
Yes, this. High or low pitch doesn’t matter as much as vocal projection.
Not the OP, but in my mid-40s and have spent my entire life being told I speak too softly. It’s like the opposite of having hearing loss; I feel like I am yelling at the volume necessary for others to comfortably hear me. I find it helpful to pretend I am on the phone with an elderly person whenever I really need to be heard. Whatever it is that I do in that situation makes me project so others can hear me.
Anon
Hearing loss happens first with higher frequencies. But you’re not saying only old guys past 60s having trouble
Anon
This is an issue with my supervisor. She clearly has botox (or similar) injections regularly, so her mouth doesn’t open enough for her voice to project. I doubt that is OP’s issue, but I mention it in case botox is a contributing factor.
Anon
I have this exact same problem and you’ve described it better than I could have (and lol no Botox history). It’s made worse by the fact that I’m much shorter than many men so in standing environments it’s even worse. I don’t have a solution but paying attention to your responses. I’m not a quiet person, after cocktail events etc I often feel like I’ve been yelling.
Anononon
Does this happen in loud places (conferences, restaurants, etc.) or in small meetings? My voice is somehow the exact pitch of white noise, so despite the fact that I am generally a very loud person, I’m functionally inaudible in a crowded cocktail hour. I’ve found the solution is actually to pitch my voice slightly higher for those situations, not lower. Not squeaky and sing-song, but just a little higher than normal. I sing contra-alto, so this may not be your issue.
Anon
I have a hard time hearing people who don’t move their mouth a lot when talking. It makes me realize that there’s definitely a lip reading element to hearing people when they speak, especially when there’s a lot of background noise, like break time at a conference.
Anon
This is true. One of the best people to ask about this is a court reporter. I’ve been in situations where court reporters at a deposition have to ask people not to cover their mouths with their hands when speaking. A great way to get on a court reporter’s good side is to gently remind your client to keep their hands away from their mouths.
Anon.
Are you enunciating properly, opening your mouth for all those vowels, and speaking at a pace that’s easy to listen to you? All those could be contributing factors aside from the volume itself.
I agree that a speech therapist might help identify ways to improve you being heard.
Anonymous
Is there background noise in these settings?
Different voices get masked or drowned out by different backgrounds. My voice disappears in a setting with medium pitch background noice. A male soft male base is drowned by soft motors.
In a crowded place with music higher pitch is often more audible.
If you are not heard in more quiet settings, you may be talking too softly, and softer than you think. Sometimes this is due to hearing loss, people who lose hearing often talk more softly or louder than before due to less ability to gage own voice.
If it’s the same people who repeatedly ask you to speak up, they might have deteriorated hearing. Group settings are one of the first things that are more difficult.
Anonymous
My teenage daughter is perfectly capable of being loud, but when she is intimidated she speaks softly and mumbles. Have you tried focusing on enunciation and speaking more loudly than you think you need to?
Anon
check out Peacock Voices. They specialize in this kind of coaching
Anonymous
Outfit of the day?
Me: navy jumpsuit from Athleta, black loafers, and a cream and navy patterned pashmina while at the office. Gold watch and earrings.
Senior Attorney
Greetings from Santorini! Navy/white polka dot swimshorts, navy tank top, flip flops, straw hat. Life is goid!
Anon
So glad you made it to Greece and are having a fabulous time, SA!
Anon
I honeymooned in Santorini :) Have a fabulous time!
Anony
I wish I was there with you!
DC Inhouse Counsel
Black zelle joggers, navy and white striped scoop neck t shirt, camel J Crew sweater blazer and vejas. Comfy plane clothes for my flight to Italy!
Tess
How exciting! Have a wonderful trip!
Anonymous
Slim Trina Turk sage green trousers, silky cream blouse, army green ballet flats with basket weave treatment. Friday slanting towards date night.
Anonymous
This sounds lovely
Anon
Gray tank with a light, loose denim shirt over with tapered olive green pants. Mauve loafer-sneakers (no idea how else to describe them).
Basically I’m dressing like Chessy from the 1998 Parent Trap.
DC Inhouse Counsel
That sounds like I great outfit and I fully support a Chessy look!
Anonymous
Chessy’s style is timeless. The predecessor to coastal grandmother.
Anon
Jean shorts and a sweatshirt over here :D
ALT
Currently wearing light blue with stars pajama pants and a ratty old tee. Will shower in a bit and put on some sort of athleisure attire. Clearly it’s a WFH day!
Anon
I’m still in my Jockey loose cotton pajama pants and a Jockey cotton t-shirt. They coordinate, at least? I’m on my 9/80 day today.
Anonymous
Similar. Sat down to check e-mail before showering and got pulled into a mini-crisis. Will put on Free People overalls with a tie back and a ribbed tank top from Michael Stars after showering. Also wearing my designated indoor pair of Olukai flip-flops in an attempt to stave off a plantar fasciitis flare-up.
Anon
Cream wide-leg linen jumpsuit with gold strappy sandals and sunglasses that I apparently forgot have been perched on my head in the office for the past 3 hours.
Jo March
Nike shorts, cottont-shirt from Old Navy in a floral pattern that works on Zoom, gray cardigan for Zoom, house slippers
Anon
White, linen, wide-leg pants with a white tank, silver chain and hoops, white textured linen jacket as needed.
Anon
Royal blue linen cardigan, navy and white pintuck top, navy cotton pants, flat Keds. Traveling home from a conference.
Anon
Black wide-leg pants in a heavy wrinkle-free fabric, Marc Cain kimono top (a white short sleeve v neck crepe blouse), black square sunglasses, pearl stud earrings, and black strappy sandals with a medium block heel.
Anonymous
dark blue jeans, black polka dot blouse from costco, black sweater blazer, neon yellow necklace, neon pink earrings, black converse. (working from home and going to a parent/teacher thing.)
Jules
Black matte jersey shift dress with white tipping at the split neck and short sleeves from a Liz Claiborne Target brand that I have had, no lie, SINCE 2003! (I have a picture of me in it from that year to prove it.). It still looks great, and the slight a-line shape has let me wear it thorugh weight changes varying by as much as 20 pounds. I will cry real tears when it finally gives out. Wearing it at my casual office with dark gray platform perforated sandals from Jambu and a black open cardigan, with silver jewelry, but I have a white blazer and Vivaia pumps in my car because there’s a small chance I’ll need to go to a hearing later today.
Zoomer
Ew why are you talking about 2003.
Anon
what’s your problem?
Anon
Calm down, she was joking.
Anonymous
Heh.
Trish
Heh.
Jules
hahaha
anon
Working from home, with some appointments sprinkled in.
Top: The JCrew Factory top featured here a few weeks ago, in white.
Bottoms: High-waisted navy linen shorts
Shoes: Espadrilles with white soles
I feel pretty cute today!
Anon
Currently sipping coffee in my Amazon brand robe, but I’m going to go cowork in a bit and I’m thinking Old Navy linen pants and a simple white tee. Maybe a white denim jacket if I get chilly (I always get chilly). I pretty much wear the same gold jewelry every day, and I’ll do some slightly off-white sandals.
Seafinch
My favourite (non-nursing friendly) Boden floral dress (nap dress adjacent?), jean jacket, and brown leather clogs. My two month old (and four year old) slept until 0900 so I had coffee alone, put make up on and met my amazing boss to review my annual review. He pushed me ahead and I am being evaluated for promotion which is really gratifying since I have intentionally mommy tracked myself. Feeling pleased as I enjoy a fancy salad out before I head home to resume my mat leave duties (and put on a horrific homemade pumping bra).
Anon
Olive linen pants, grey elbow-sleeved tee, Birkenstocks, silver watch. Office day!
ScandiCorp
Miami vice theme party tonight, so channeling Crockett and Tubbs (or something) in a long line white suit with shoulderpads and scrunched sleeves, a pastel (lavender) t-shirt, white loafers sans socks and sunglasses
Anon
What are you looking forward to this weekend? What is bringing you joy today?
Anonymous
I got a new dress!
Panda Bear
Not joyful, but looking forward to getting caught up on work, finally…. on the happy side, I am planning my vacation to England later this summer. Love the planning almost as much as the going!
Anon
Looking forward to taking a day trip to a nearby city and meeting up with friends on Sunday. My joy today is that my dad made homemade biscuits and put some in my freezer for me and I’m having them for breakfast soon.
Anon
I have some new books (like tangible books, so looking forward to NO SCREEN TIME and checking out from the wider world).
Also, I have a dinner reservation one night. Is it wrong to pick an entre I would eat but won’t love b/c it is paired with risotto, which I adore in all of its infinite varieties?
Anon
Not wrong, but I’d ask if you can pair the risotto with an entree you like more. They might do it, especially if you’re wiling to pay an upcharge.
Anonymous
I would ask to sub the risotto for the side on an entree you love.
Anon
Mountain biking this weekend. Trump being indicted is bringing me joy today.
Anon
+1 to both mountain biking and indictments bringing joy
Anonymous
Not looking forward to a packed schedule this weekend, but the following weekend the dog and I will have the house to ourselves for 24 glorious hours while my husband drops our teenager off at a summer program. This will be just the second time I have been home alone overnight since she was born. The dog and I are planning on a long walk to the lake, reading, and dinner at our neighborhood restaurant with a dog-friendly patio. Of course I will pay for this later on when I have to go pick the kid up, but I’ll take what I can get.
Anon
Enjoy this time. I would lose my mind if my husband did not travel several times a year. There’s nothing quite like being alone at home.
Anon
My husband is taking my 5 year old to his parents over Labor Day weekend, and it’ll be the first time I’ve been home alone since my child was born. I’m already looking forward to it!
Anon
I miss DH when he’s gone on work travel but I think the fact that he travels the amount that he does for work is great for our marriage.
anon
Today’s joy: My garden. Looking forward to relaxing on the patio tonight.
Weekend: Pride parade with my family. Hopefully some time in the pool. And leaving Sunday for vacation!
Anonymous
This weekend, jazz brunch. Today, making granola; the hours to bake are no problem when you WFH.
Anonymous
Looking forward to dinner with a friend tonight and an otherwise unscheduled weekend. My weekends are usually packed with engagements and a visiting BF but this is an exception.
Anon2
Checking out the new taco place at lunch today and dance class tomorrow.
Cb
We do homemade pizza and movies every Friday and have invited my son’s best friend and his family to join. I like low key hangs.
Anon
Getting a pedicure and seeing friends.
Gail the Goldfish
Hunter pace this weekend! It’s like fox hunting minus the hunting–basically a timed trail ride with jumps. It’s my favorite riding activity.
Anon
The post above reminded me that I have everything on hand to make risotto, including homemade stock, so now I’m looking forward to doing that this weekend. I enjoy the meditative process of making it.
Anonymous
Taking my kids to watch a bunch of alpaca and llamas get haircuts and maybe strawberry picking, dinner out with old friends and a new baby sitter, I’m trying a new fish recipe for Sunday. Plus my kid has a bowling party tonight so I get to grab a beer and chat with the parents from his school.
Anon
That is adorable, llama and alpaca haircuts.
Anon
Ok I want to go to wherever this is.
Anon
Love this.
KS IT Chick
Wear shoes that you maybe don’t care about for llama and alpaca haircuts. We got to see how they are sheared last year, and they were generally unhappy about the process. They expressed their displeasure by spitting up several days worth of partially digested food with surprising accuracy. Our hostess was wearing new shoes and admitted she was going to have to toss them afterwards because the smell wouldn’t ever be gone.
Anonymous
Ugh. This sounds like an occasion for wellies!
Anon
It’s going to be a busy weekend for me, but mostly with things I enjoy. Looking forward to quality time with my mom, with my boyfriend, with some friends, and with myself! I’m determined to find at least a couple of hours to just be alone and chill and not feel guilty about any work that isn’t getting done!
Anon
It’s my birthday! I’m going out for comfort Filipino food at Kasama, which just won a James Beard award.
Anon.
Happy birthday!
Anon
Thank you so much. Have a great weekend!
anonypotamus
It’s my birthday too! We are doing a spa day with massages and hot springs soaks and a fancy lunch and a movie.
Anon
Yeah for our birthdays!
Sounds like you will have a fantastic day. I like your style!
Anon.
Traveling to my home country for the summer on a combined vacation/WFH trip (7 weeks total!). While I don’t look forward to the travel itself, I look forward to seeing family and having a vacation.
Also, I am proud of my husband and I to have started preparations early with 3-4 small things on the list evry day this week, from errants to laundry to house and garden stuff. So it feels like we aren’t too stressed this time, unlike other times. Now, off to prepare random dishes from whatever is still in the fridge.
Seafinch
Our patio was a mess so I negotiated with myself that if I repainted the ancient Ikea table I could buy new chairs. My husband lifted the frost heaved patio stones last weekend and is re-leveling this weekend so hopefully we have a new space to enjoy this weekend. Out former Au Pair is coming to visit tonight before she starts traveling. And I am taking my 7 year old and her best friend out Sunday for a fancy tea and shopping for their birthdays. Looking forward to it all!
Anon
That I do work from home so when I woke up with a headache, I drank coffee, took advil, got an ice pack and went back to sleep for a bit. It is gone. There were so many days that I worked in an office and wished I could just go in two hours later because I was dragging or had cramps.
Anon
Being able to manage my chronic migraines at home vs going to the office and hoping my meds will keep working (and having to find someone to drive me home if they didn’t) has been game-changing for me. Most of the time I can rest a little and keep working, and if I have to take more meds, I can do it without worrying that I’m not safe to drive.
Anon at 12:51
What I once saw referred to as hippo-ing. I plan to wallow around the shallow end of a pool sipping a cold drink.
Anon
Omg I love this and calling it “hippo-ing”
Anon at 12:51
I must admit it’s not original to me. Gonna try to find the origin…
Anon at 12:51
Not original to me. From one of Jill Conner Browne’s Sweet Potato Queen books. The first one I think.
Anonymous
It’s a beautiful day today, it’s looking like at least part of a deal I’ve been working on since November might close today, and my family may go cherry picking this weekend…. My husband makes amazing brandied cherries.
Anonymous
What do you do with brandied cherries? Ice cream topper? They sound delicious!
ScandiCorp
I love these topics for all the second hand joy it gives, and for all the good ideas it inspires.
Anon
Swimsuit shopping with my tween who looks great in everything….
Sitting in my lovely plant filled patio.
Anon
I’m dipping my toe into the bootcut water but I’m finding that none of my footwear works. With skinny pants, ballet flats and sneakers were great! But with a flare, I’m finding I need at least a little heel, except pumps with jeans look too 1990.
How do I solve this riddle? I’d love something comfy enough to wear on the weekends with flared lighter wash jeans or to work with dark wash. All the stores are showing bootcut pants with strappy sandals that don’t seem to make any sense to me, so maybe nobody knows?
For reference, the pants I got are the Veronica beard Beverly, which were very flattering to my postpartum stomach. I initially couldn’t fathom even half tucking a shirt into jeans, but they are really really flattering. I left the store feeling like daisy jones! The booties that I was getting away with in the winter don’t work for summer, and now I’m stumped on how to wear these pants.
Anon
I feel like with cropped flares (which seem to be what is on offer everywhere — hard to find a full-length pair of pants, which I desperately wanted this winter), pointy-toe flats work well. The key is to be showing your ankle, and then that’s enough visual break for it to work. I’ve also worn heeled clogs (like Swedish Hasbeens), but also the flares were cropped.
I have a pair of full-length flare jeans and I really think they only work with heeled boots (mine are mostly western-style), but I don’t love the fullness of the legs. I much prefer a bootcut pant if full length.
For kids in my city, I see platform Chuck Taylors and low-cut Nike AF1s with all sorts of pants. Also Doc Martin type boots and lots of Birkenstocks. I’d do those for weekends.
Anonymous
I just got some full-length bootcuts (Mother Weekender) and wear them with clogs.
Anon
I’ve always felt showing your toes helps with the look of wide leg pants of any sort, so I’d be wearing some sort of wedge sandal.
Anon
Agree a heel is needed for flares to work (unless they are cropped). For summer, I’d do espadrilles or another wedge sandal. Think 70s.
anon
Specific recs since you are already at a VB price level – the See by Chloe platformed sandals. The leather is super soft and the shoes are surprisingly comfy, plus the shoe is chunkier so it balances out better. Also, and I know it is cliche, the platformed golden goose or other equivalent sneaker.
DeepSouth
The Veronica Beard x Dr. Scholls sandals seem perfect for this. They are taunting me from all my ads right now.
Anon
Are those the ones that are like the Candies slides from the 80s?
Wedding Attire
Can I wear black to a 6p outdoor wedding with “cocktail” as the dress code? It’s in June in the south. I’m a +1 and don’t know the attendees well so don’t want to stick out in a bad way.
Anonymous
If you don’t want to stick out, I wouldn’t.
NYCer
+1. I think very few people will be in black at an outdoors June wedding. I would look for something floral tbh.
Anon
I feel like black is the most popular color dress to wear as a wedding guest, but I’m also not from the south.
Anon
I’m in the northeast and I only really see black dresses at winter black tie weddings.
Anon
In my NE circles, people do wear black but with bright accessories.
In my SE circles, black would stand out a lot especially in the summer.
Anon
I’m in the south and would not do this. Maybe it varies by fanciness of the couple, but I’d expect to see brighter or lighter colors because it’s a happy occasion and it’s really hot outside here right now.
Mrs. Jones
+1
Anon
+1. I’m usually fine with black at weddings, but not in the south.
Anonymous
At a 5pm outdoor wedding in April in the South, I found that about half of the women were wearing black. It surprised me, but in a good way. It would have made picking an outfit simpler if I had considered black.
Anon
I wouldn’t, look for something floral and on the dressy side.
anon
This is over a decade ago but my northern immediate family attended an extended family wedding in the south. Without coordinating we all wore black, and, several people came up to us and said, “oh you must be [Cousin’s] northern family.” So, we definitely did stick out.
Anonymous
I attended an afternoon wedding in Texas indoors Memorial Day weekend and half the female attendees wore a black dress. I thought it was odd but also shrug. Attire was “dressy casual” which is a term I generally hate because it’s so vague, but I also know the bride didn’t care if you came in your pjs.
Anonymous
Echoing the black will stick out in a Southern wedding comments, especially in June. Go for something more colorful or floral.
Anon
I’ve worn black to weddings in California. It helps if the black is relieved by another color. I used to have a shawl type thing that was dark pink, green and blue floral print on a black background. You could also lighten it up with shoes and bag in a lighter neutral or metallic. Just so you don’t look like you’re dressed for a funeral.
Anon
Bless your heart, darlin, CA is not the south.
Anon
Thank goodness
Anon
I wore a black cocktail dress to a summer wedding in the south that took place at a barn. It was fine. I’m from the north, everyone knows I’m from the north, and it was very “me.” There was so much going on that I didn’t feel out of place.
Anon
I was married in the South, and no one wore black that I can recall. I’d recommend a colorful sundress or something floral.
LSC
If you decide on an alternative…think Lilly Pulitzer
Anonymous
Or don’t if that is not your thing. Southerners are not a monolith and no one I know ever wears Lily P.
Anon
Exactly. I know a couple people who like LP and similar, but 98% of women I know don’t wear it. No one I know wears black to an outdoor wedding in summer, though!
Anon
For those of you with a good bit of walking in your commute who also don’t wear socks with your shoes, what are your go-to shoes for no blisters or hot spots? I feel that the pandemic, and living in socks for years, made my feet these delicate hothouse flowers, that need tights in the winter and socks to keep the blisters at bay. I have one pair of flats that are decent for no-blister walking, but they don’t fit snugly enough for a lot of fast-ish walking; instead, I glide around at lunchtime and for walking several blocks, but I can’t really WALK in them b/c they flop off a bit even with heel snuggies. I’d love a flat-ish shoe that I could wear walking and at my desk. A casual shoe would be fine — it’s 2023 and all sorts of shoes fly at work now. Fisherman sandals? Espadrilles? I’ve tried loafers, but have a high arch or some other foot archetecture that made the top of the loafer a bit too tight for comfort. I now appreciate my hose-to-work days b/c I could fast-walk miles to the metro each day in heels with no blisters.
Anon
Sneakers. All the shoes you describe are horrible for walking long distances in, of course you have blisters.
Anon
+1 Sneakers and no show socks. It’s a no brainer.
Anon
Castaner espadrilles, usually found on sale. Also Birkenstocks.
Anon
Teva sandals
Anon
This is the way. God I love my tevas.
Anon
No show socks have been a winner for me. I have some fancy ones from Smartwool and some not so fancy ones from Target. Both work well. Right now I’m wearing a pair from Target under a pair of Talbots Izzy cinched (flat) espadrilles.
Anon
I have a pair of Dansko loafers that are comfortable sockless. Fit varies from brand to brand so you may want to try more loafer options if the ones you tried didn’t work for you.
Anne-on
When I was commuting into NYC from a borough in my 20s I just wore low profile tennis shoes on my commute and changed in the office, as did nearly everyone else (a drawer full of shoes was a pretty standard thing for every woman I knew). Now that I don’t have a desk anymore I usually wear Rothys, Sperry loafers (the insole is pretty cushy and works for my duck feet), or flats with straps on them (I tend to step out of my shoes). Kate spade and Boden are the most comfortable ones for my feet.
Are those shoes *truly* comfy? No, but when I’m going in it’s to meet with senior folks or present so I typically need to deal with ‘hard’ (leather) shoes. Even then if my feet are being especially crabby or the weather is awful I’ll wear comfy shoes in and carry my nice shoes in a small bag to swap in once I’m there.
anon
Birks!
Anon
Birks don’t give me blisters but they cause me arch pain.
Mpls
Birks give me blisters with a lot of walking. I have the Mayari, and I don’t know if the cross over the toe holds the foot on the sole in a particular way, but they don’t work as a distance walking shoe for me. YMMV, obvs.
Anonymous
Have you tried using a blister stick on the areas that rub? Dr. Scholls has a good one, but anything intended for chug rub will also work. I coat my heel bone.
Anonymous
Boots or booties in winter, fashion sneakers in summer. Many years ago I used to be able to walk quite a ways in heels from Cole Haan in narrow sizes with Nike Air technology, but it would trash the soles and they have long been discontinued. Dress shoes just aren’t made for actual walking.
Anon
Dansko sandals. Currently wearing the Tiffani style. In the winter I sometimes wear the closed clogs, but I wouldn’t wear them all day in a business casual office. They’d be commuting shoes.
Wedding Dress
Want to help me shop for a wedding dress? I have an appointment at the BHLDN store near Boston. Here’s a link to their inventory: https://www.anthropologie.com/bhldn-stores-chesnut-hill-dress-samples
What should I try on? I realize I won’t have a true sense of the dress until I put it on, but would love some thoughts to help me narrow down the options!
I’m 5’2, about 105 pounds. Fall wedding with an outdoor ceremony and indoor reception.
Anon
Do you like the lacy stuff that’s popular now or do you feel like you prefer a more streamlined, modern look?
For a fall wedding – are you feeling like you want to be more covered-up and so the high necklines that are current right now are a good choice? Are you getting married in a house of worship where being more conservative/covered up is the expectation or requirement?
Do you want to wear a veil?
Is your style generally more trendy, classic, modern/updated but conservative, romantic, etc.?
From the link I really like these:
https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/willowby-by-watters-orianna-high-neck-open-back-lace-wedding-gown?category=bhldn-stores-chesnut-hill-dress-samples&color=011&type=STANDARD&quantity=1
https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/watters-frances-high-neck-lace-sheath-wedding-gown?category=bhldn-stores-chesnut-hill-dress-samples&color=011&type=STANDARD&quantity=1
https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/jenny-by-jenny-yoo-briony-cap-sleeve-deep-v-beaded-floral-wedding-gown?category=bhldn-stores-chesnut-hill-dress-samples&color=011&type=STANDARD&quantity=1
https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/bhldn-nassau-long-sleeve-deep-v-embroidered-side-slit-wedding-gown?category=bhldn-stores-chesnut-hill-dress-samples&color=011&type=STANDARD&quantity=1
The great thing about shopping in-person is that you can try on a few different silhouettes and see what you like best. Since you’re so petite, I’d be cautious about any of the really voluminous dresses that I’m seeing they have in inventory – it may look like the dress is wearing you. But there are some really nice options, I think.
Anon
If I were you, I’d try a few different styles on to see what speaks to me. I personally like the ones with lace overlay that look kind of bohemian. But you might like a sleeker style, especially once you try on! My only real thought is that the second one with the big shoulder bow would look a bit odd in an outdoor ceremony, but if you love something like that, then I’d say go for it anyway!
anon
I bought my dress from BHLDN in Atlanta years ago and they do limit the number of dresses you can try on. I think its something like 5 or 6.
think about the dresses you wear every day. Do you like a fit and flare? Do you like more fitted throughout?
Anonymous
That’s obnoxious! You are going to spend over $1K on a dress and they limit how many you can try on?!?
anon
For sure it’s a silly policy when you compare it against other bridal shops. Again this was like 8 years ago and in the Atlanta store, but they have very tight appointment times and I think the dress limit is to help hold you accountable to that.
Definitely not the place to go if you want the champagne princess say yes to the dress experience. No judgement on that experience but I had a very specific idea and budget of what I wanted to wear so a limit was nbd to me.
Anon
+1 and 5 is a very low number! I can see that they don’t want a bride spending all day in there trying on 50 different dresses, but good grief almost everyone I know tried on more than 5 dresses.
little baker mouse
I am petite like you, and for my wedding I picked a dress similar to the Wtoo by Watters Bettinia. In general I liked the trumpet or mermaid shapes on myself. I also wore a very high heel (I think around 4″!) to elongate the look, but I wasn’t on my feet all night because we had a sit-down dinner.
Sheaths also worked well for me.
With a fall wedding in the NE, you’ll need a jacket or other warm layer for the outdoor ceremony, so I would factor that into the search (what will look good with a wrap or little jacket, what will work with the lines of the dress, etc.), and think about hair and accessories (veils, etc.) while you’re at it.
How fun! I hope you find something that you love!
Anonymous
I like the Angelica and the Charlotte for you.
Anom
Don’t expect to find anything on your first trip to a store. I went to a David’s Bridal first bc it was low stakes and I could just try stuff on for the heck of it. I am 5’1”, 100lbs, so also a small petite. I’m pretty busty, so what worked for me was a dress with a lot of structure in the bodice. As a smaller person, you may need to shop around more to find something that doesn’t overwhelm you!
Something I wish I’d done was not bothered with a train. I went to one wedding where the bride wore a veil for the ceremony that was her train. But she is taller and fashion-y, so perhaps better at pulling that off. I did a fingertip length veil that I bought for $20 online. Totally worth it.
Anon
Try on all different silhouettes even if you think you won’t like them. I went to my appointment at Kleinfeld’s (in 1990 – deal with it) certain that I knew what I wanted, with pages torn from magazine of various versions of what I “knew” I wanted. I tried on some of those. Then the saleswoman brought me a couple different things to try on, and one of them was *IT* as soon as I tried it on. The exact opposite of that I “knew” I wanted, and it looked fabulous. Even in photos all these years later.
Anonymous
This. You don’t know what will look good on you until you see it on. Keep an open mind.
Anon
i could never wear it, but the Jenny Yoo Angelica off the shoulder is beautiful, the watters skylar v neck and then for a different sillouhette, the Jenny Yoo Lawrence Square Neck Open Back Taffetta
Anon
Does anyone know of a service to record grandparents’ stories? We will be seeing my elderly parents next weekend and I thought it would be fun to have my kids interview them. I have been wanting to record their memories – I could use my phone but was wondering if there were any services that were geared for this – kind of like creating a memory book.
anon
Story corps!
Anon
I love this idea. I recommend just using your phones because if you wait until you find the perfect service, it may never happen, plus phones are just so easy to use.
Cat
Storyworth was advertising heavily last year.
Anon
We bought StoryWorth for my father, and he did one or two weeks only. The storyteller must email his/her answers. There is no dictation option. If your parents will not type emails, don’t use StoryWorth. I would recommend the StoryCorps option. They might have an app?
Anon
I’d just use a voice to text app
Anonymous
not a story but there are books with recording devices that you can have them narrate into. search “recordable book” on amazon.
Anon
I love Modern Heirloom, she’s a historian and does a very personalized approach
https://instagram.com/modernheirloom
Anonymous eponymous hippopotamus
Hi – I don’t have any recording services ideas for you, but your post reminded me strongly (in a good way) of the Duplex Planet ‘zine by David Greenberger – have you heard of him? Pretty awesome stuff.
From the Wikipedia for duplex planet: “ It contains transcriptions of his interviews with elderly residents of senior centers and “meal sites” in the Massachusetts area. For many years, the zine focused on the residents of the Duplex Nursing Home, located in Boston.
The Duplex Planet has subsequently found larger audiences in other forms — which are all derived from the original template — including book collections, spoken-word recordings, and a series of concerts. A series of personal commentaries drawn from Greenberger’s experiences with this body of work has aired regularly on National Public Radio’s “All Things Considered”.
Some of the Duplex Nursing Home residents, all identified by name, became recurring characters in the zine and its various offshoots and adaptations.”. Anyway, I think you would enjoy it, I know I found it highly entertaining. Just a thought.
busybee
Lots of pretty options! I’m your size. When I was trying on wedding gowns, I found that dresses with long sleeves overwhelmed my frame. I also preferred dresses that nipped in at the waist and were looser in the skirt both for comfort and because the more fitted skirts emphasized my short legs.
Anonymous
Please dissuade or enable me. I have stumbled across a sequined mini dress that seems to be perfect in every way. It is cut so as to make my shoulders and legs look awesome. I currently have no occasion to wear a sequined mini dress, but if I suddenly needed one I’d never be able to find something like this again. I do not have tickets to a Taylor Swift concert. I might be able to get by with it under a fake fur jacket at the opera, but it would probably embarrass my family. Where does a 40-something mom who likes to pretend that she is not yet hopelessly uncool but who is also a fan of classical music wear a sequined mini dress? Or has that ship sailed?
Anon
NYE party? I mean if it’s not crazy expensive and you absolutely love it, I’d say get it.
Anon
This. I have a sequin dress that I love to wear to NYE!
anon
I’m not a huge fan of buying clothes for imaginary or fantasy occasions, but if you love the dress and it’s perfect in every way, maybe you’ll find a place to wear it.
Anon
Ha! I’m the exact opposite, I have a fantasy section of my closet. It’s a bit field of dreams but I’ve found the opportunity to wear the fantasy items present themselves once the clothes are there. OP, absolutely get the dress, you never know what might come up. And give yourself permission to wear it and not save it.
Anon
Trying without a bad word
Ha! I’m the exact not the same, I have a fantasy section of my closet. It’s a bit field of dreams but I’ve found the opportunity to wear the fantasy items present themselves once the clothes are there. OP, absolutely get the dress, you never know what might come up. And give yourself permission to wear it and not save it.
Anon
I also have a “field of dreams” section of my closet and it’s kind of surprising to me how often I end up digging in there to get something for a night out, a special event occasion, or clothes for a spontaneous trip to Vegas with friends or my husband. I try not to buy things that don’t have a daily (or at least weekly) purpose for me, but if I find a great piece at a good price, I’ll buy it and more often than not – I’ll end up wearing it eventually.
Anon
If you can afford it, buy the dress. It is a royal PITA to try to find a great formal/semi formal dress on short notice.
Date night
Political event (victory party)
Alumni cocktail hour
Anon
Buy it and go to the opera! Leave the fam at home if they can’t cope with your awesomeness.
Anon
If you want to get it just to hang in your closet and dream about where you might wear it, that’s also ok.
Anonymous
I would definitely buy it and then just find a place to wear it. Wear it out to dinner! It’s not “dinner appropriate” but those people don’t know where you’re going after dinner. Maybe you’re off to see Taylor Swift or headed to some fabulous party. They don’t know. So wear with confidence!
Anonymous
I have zero occasions in my life to wear a dress like that, and would have to plan very hard to figure out where or how I could put myself in a setting that allow me to wear it. I get invited to no party ever where that dress would work. I go to no events where that dress would work. I can’t imagine what kind of event I would possibly feel comfortable wearing it to.
Is your life like mine, or can you name actual events you tend to go to where you’d wear this, they just don’t happen to be on your calendar right now? If not, would you be comfortable owning the dress just to wear it for a date night?
Senior Attorney
Buy it and host a dress up party so you can have an opportunity to wear it!
Anon
+1 have a dinner party or a cocktail party and have fun wearing it. It sounds beautiful!
Anon
If you don’t have a real event to wear it to, would it work for a fantastic Halloween costume?
Anonymous
I still sometimes think about a silver sequined mini dress I didn’t buy like a decade ago and totally should have. Buy the dress. Wear it for New Year’s Eve.
Anon
Co-signing this.
Anon
Can you share a link please? I’m also interested…
OP
It is the Tatum by Dress the Population, currently $50 off at Saks. What I like about it is the v-neck and thin straps cut high on the shoulder. These dresses usually have a tank silhouette with wide straps and a U-neckline, which doesn’t do much for me.
I ordered it! Now I need to throw a fancy party or convince my husband to take me to Vegas.
Senior Attorney
Hooray!!
Anon
Yaaaasssssssss!!!!
Anon
I say get it and then make up your own occasion to wear it! You could host a party, or get some friends together to go out and the theme is “wear that thing you love but have no occasion for”. I really want to do something like this myself. Life is short, wear the sequins!
OP
Thanks for the enabling. I just ordered it, and not a moment too soon because it was the last one in my size.
Flats Only
Cruise Ship formal night. New Years eve party (even a casual one).
Cerulean
Be sure to try it on and move your arms around, every sequin top or dress I’ve bought has chafed horribly under my arms! I recall a particularly uncomfortable NYE one year in a dress I just had to have.
Anonymous
Ooh, good point.
CrowTRobot
Buy it and go to Vegas. “No ragrets”
Annony
I would absolutely buy it and wear it to dinner, happy hour, brunch, whatever and just announce that I was feeling fancy, eff it.
You could also style it more casually with sneakers, or a denim jacket, a white button down, etc.
Glad you went for it! Don’t let it just sit in your closet!!
anon
Dumb question, but I have a few tops where there is a small button at the nape of the neck, and a a small elastic piece that holds it all together. On one of these tops, the elastic has snapped. Is this fixable by a tailor? I’d hate to lose the shirt, but if it’s an expensive fix, I’m not sure it’s worth repairing. (I do many things well, but sewing is not one of them.)
Cat
just take it to your dry cleaner and ask – but the answer is probably yes, easy, since it’s just opening a small portion of the seam and stitching replacement elastic back in.
Anonymous
Depends on what you consider “expensive.” It is not a difficult fix but I can easily envision a tailor charging $15 or so.
Velma
This would be simple mending to do at home. It’s easy to replace the elastic with a small tack to the inside or to substitute a piece of narrow matching ribbon. I can’t imagine the ROI would make it worth taking to a tailor unless you love the top and it was quite expensive.
Anonymous
I am capable of making a lot of minor repairs and alterations myself but somehow it seems like a huge unmanageable chore. I will often just take it to the tailor if that seems easier.
Anon
I am all thumbs when it comes to sewing but even I could do this fix at home; I’m sure there’s a YouTube tutorial out there that I could follow and it should just take a few hand stitches to replace the loop.
Anon
My dry cleaner has fixed that for $5
Anon
This is a very easy fix and worth it even on a cheap shirt if it is an item you like.
Anon
Are you talking about an elastic loop that goes over the button? You don’t even need a tailor. That’s a few stitches with a random hotel sewing kit. Definitely not an expensive fix if you take it into the cleaners to have them fix it.
Anonymous
Love the boot cuts, I wore them from 2010 to 2017, and was thrilled to see them back at Veronica Beard. I bought new ones from Code Bleu at Dillard’s, my source of inexpensive jeans.
Anon
Skincare question: the skin on my neck has been itchy and is now a bit puffy and pink. My face is oil prone and can take harsher products (eg, glycolic toner, vitamin c) which I was also putting on my neck. I’ve stopped that but am looking for neck specific products now. If you have similar skin, what do you use on your neck? The neck puffiness is really highlighting my horizontal neck lines, which was already something I disliked.
Jo March
I have a similar tolerance difference between my oily face and sometimes sensitive neck. I can handle 0.05% retinal on my face 5 nights per week, but on my neck, I use retinol 3-4 nights per week. I worked up to both slowly….if I take a week break (ex: travel), I have to ease back into it instead of picking it up at that same frequency. I have found that if I go in too aggressively with retinol on my neck, that’s what causes the itchiness for me. I have never used a neck-specific product, only a gentler version of face products to account for the delicate neck skin, but others may have better suggestions. My skincare focuses on retinoids & SPF and that’s about it.
Anon
I always show a contact allergy or irritation on my neck first. Pare your skincare back to a gentle cleanser like the La Roche Posay one and a very bland moisturizer, then see if it goes away. Do not buy a specific neck product – this is not the time to add another product / another piece to the puzzle. Figure out what is irritating your neck skin from your current routine first.
For what it’s worth, my neck irritation has historically been to sunscreens, so I’ve had to find new ones. But in my case it was the Biossance and Rose Inc SPFs (same company) and they finally pulled the Biossance because lots of people had this problem.
If you’re treating acne with benzoyl peroxide products and they get on your neck; that can also be irritating. I had that happen with an acne wash containing BP.
Good luck figuring out what it is!
Anonymous
My neck skin can’t tolerate anything stronger than Vitamin C, so I use C there and the AHA acids and retinoids only on my face.
DeepSouth
my neck is also sensitive, and I liberally use Gold Bond Neck and Chest cream. It’s super cheap at the drugstore and really is hydrating without irritating. I use a smidge of my vitamin C serum a few times a week, but this stuff every day and am pleased.
Cerulean
I would head to a dermatologist, puffy and itchy seems like a reaction! More products in this area could just irritate it further.
anon
I’m going on vacation next week and will be doing a ton of walking. If you were me, would you bring a pair of New Balance sneakers that are definitely in the fashion/athleisure category? Or proper running shoes? The NBs are very comfortable but I’m also not sure if they’re meant to be used heavily in one go.
Anon
New Balance sneakers are fine for vacation walking for me and we typically do 8-10 miles a day on vacation.
Anonymous
Running shoes unless you have walked long distances in the fashion sneakers before. You don’t want to ruin your vacation with unhappy feet.
Anonymous
I would definitely pack the NBs personally. I have never found that any NB aren’t up to tourist-level walking, and I don’t feel confident wearing true running shoes unless exercising.
Anon
I’d personally do fashion sneakers because even with a lot of walking, I’m stopping to eat, shop, sightsee, etc. I save the workout shoes for actual workouts.
Senior Attorney
I am currently on vacation and my NBs are doing fine including a full day of walking around Athens.
Anon
Bring multiple pairs so your feet don’t get tired. It’s good to change it up if you do a lot of walking.
Anonymous
+1. Yes shoes take up a lot of suitcase room, but worth it.
Anon
I feel like I have sensitive feet, but I’ve never brought multiple pairs of sneakers on vacation and it’s been fine. I do wear sneakers for almost everything though (only exception would be a fancy restaurant or ballet or something like that).
Anon
I’m at Disneyland and you can’t throw a stick without hitting a pair of Hokas.
anon
LOL. I’m a Brooks girl, but Hokas seem to be insanely popular for non-workout occasions.
anon
OK, wearing the NBs! They will go with more outfits and also are nice and ventilated.
Anon
To be perfectly honest, I don’t think there is a great deal of difference between a pair of NB sneakers vs NB running sneakers. If they’re comfortable, then wear them.
Anon
If I have a sewing machine (it’s a basic Brother) and I wanted to get more into sewing as a hobby, what kinds of projects should I start with?
I find using the machine to hem pants and make minor clothing or bedding repairs very relaxing; I have a friend who sews and I’m always impressed by the baby blankets and quilts that she makes. But I’m not in a phase of life where I have a lot of people around me who are having babies, and wouldn’t be sure what to do with blankets if I made them, other than donate them, which I guess would be fine. I have thought about trying to make simple linen clothes, as I’ve looked at Eileen Fisher basic tunic tops and pants and said “I could probably sew that myself” many times. But don’t know if those kinds of projects are better for people who have more experience.
If you machine-sew as a hobby, where did you start?
Anonymous
I started by making basic Eileen Fisher-inspired tunic tops, it’s definitely doable! And very satisfying, for me at least. Elizabeth Suzann patterns might be a good place to start. I also like Paper Theory patterns for a similar look and with more sew-alongs available.
Zoomer
Take a class. You might ask on your local Nextdoor but the independently owned fabric store near me offers them.
Failing that, the pattern books at a fabric store will have a section for quick and easy patterns. If you’re thinking about clothing, I’d start with a skirt. If you’re thinking about home decor, I’d start with a pillow cover or two.
Anon
Trying again, sorry if this posts twice
Take a class. You might ask on your local Nextdoor but the independently owned fabric store near me offers them.
Failing that, the pattern books at a fabric store will have a section for quick and easy patterns. If you’re thinking about clothing, I’d start with a skirt. If you’re thinking about home decor, I’d start with a pillow cover or two.
Anonymous
I like home sewn linen napkins as a useful and relaxing project. A perfect apron.
Adjusting fit on clothes. Silk pillowcases. Mending and repurposing clothes. Face muslins. Grocery produce bags.
Anonymous
I started with flannel pajama pants and shorts and then progressed to Halloween costumes. The easiest fabric to sew will be something that isn’t stretchy or slippery, like flannel or quilting cotton. Knits are tricky. Set-in sleeves are the devil.
Mpls
Start with woven cotten fabrics (stable, won’t shift on you when sewing).
Try indie patterns – they tend to better at more detailed steps. Patterns from the Big 4 (McCalls/Simplicity/Buttericks/Vogue) tend to be pretty bare bones.
If you find a pattern you like, search the pattern number online to see if you can find a sew-a-long and you can at least watch someone else make it. and they can talk thru some of the tips/tricks for that particular make.
Take a class! There’s a lot of seam finishing and assumed knowledge that itsn’t spelled out in pattern instructions.
But mostly just try it out. The first stuff will be frustrating, but I guarentee you will learn something every time you do it.
Oh, and your iron is you best friend while sewing. Press your seams every. single. time.
Cerulean
I’m not great at sewing, but I also find it relaxing. I’ve hemmed store-bought curtains, taken in the waist of a skirt and a dress, and have made curtains for under the sink in our laundry room, a throw pillow cover, and pajama pants. I use it probably 3-5 times per year and really enjoy it. It all fits on top of a small rolling cart with drawers that I can tuck in a closet (and all my sewing supplies fit in the cart), so I don’t feel guilty about it not being used frequently.
Anon
Closet Core patterns has a learn to sew class that I took.
COBRA
I’m about to switch jobs and want to take a week off fully unemployed in between (yay!). I’m kind of hoping my current job will just keep me on their health insurance through the end of the month, but if that’s not the case, I’m trying to figure out what my options are. I know in theory that COBRA can be elected retroactively, but in practice, how does this work? Have any of you had to do this before?
I’m leaning towards not signing up for COBRA immediately and only signing up retroactively if an emergency comes up that week (I don’t have any chronic issues). But how does that work? Like if I get into a car accident that week and go to the ER, do they bill me the full amount, then I have to be lucid enough to call COBRA immediately and they’ll reimburse?
Anon
Correct, you don’t need to sign up for COBRA in advance. I’d recommend filling out all the paperwork and having it ready so if you’re in a car accident or something like that, the process of electing it will be simple for your family to handle. But odds are you will be fine and never need COBRA.
Anonymous
Don’t do cobra for a week. You have 60 days to elect. You don’t need to do it from a coma.
Anon
Most plans run to the end of the month, check with your benefits department.
Anon
I don’t think that’s true. Maybe industry dependent? I’m in higher ed and my insurance has always terminated on the last day of employment.
Anonymous
Also in higher Ed and it’s very common for medical insurance to run until the end of the month
Anon
I’m also in higher ed and mine has always gone until the end of the month, though in at least in one of those jobs, it didn’t start until the first of the month after I was hired, so that seems only fair!
anon
Same with us. Honestly, when we let people go (which is not often, but does happen), we always do it the first week of the month so they have insurance for the balance of the month. It’s an unofficial-official policy of ours. I’m in MA. Maybe carrier or state dependent? Also in finance, fwiw.
Anon
This is definitely industry/company specific. I’ve seen it both ways, end of the month or stops on last day of employment even if that’s the 10th of the months.
Betsy
You have 60 days to sign up for cobra. If something catastrophic happens you don’t need to send in the cobra paperwork while you wait for the ambulance, unless it’s day 59. When I’ve switched jobs in the past I’ve just told someone close to me about the period of time where I would have to sign up for cobra in case I was in a coma, and worried not one bit about it beyond that! But definitely check with your employer when your insurance will cut off, because many companies keep you on their coverage through the end of the month.
Anony
You have 60 days to elect COBRA, and then another 45 to make the payment after your election, so in your case you can retroactively enroll in COBRA if you find you need it.
anon
Are there any particularly good bug zappers or really anything that will kill fruit flies, gnats etc? I’ve got rid of most of them but trying to manage the few that I think will always just be flying around. Amazon seems to have poor reviews for all of them.
Anonymous
Pouring boiling water down the kitchen drain on a daily basis will do the trick.
JTM
I have the Zevo device that you plug into your wall and it works very well.
Anon
Put all fruit and veg in the fridge for a few days. Set out a little ramekin filled with vinegar + water and a pump of dish soap. They’ll all climb into that and die.
anonshmanon
+1, this works for me. If you have a spot with good light, you could also add a carnivorous plant to your kitchen. It keeps flies in check and is easy to care for.
Anon
If you have houseplants, they may be fungus gnats, and I’ve got tips for that as I bought an infected plant from a very chi-chi plant store that was infected with them, and have been battling them ever since.
Anon
Oh yeah, if this is the case you have to apply pesticide to the soil or throw out the plant.
Anon
I got rid of ours by soaking BT (which is a bacteria, not a chemical pesticide) mosquito pellets in water and using the water to water my plants. Worked amazingly well after two applications.
Sarah
How many credit cards do you have?
I have the credit card I opened as a student with Capital One. I use it when I travel internationally since it doesn’t have foreign transaction fees.
I have another credit card I opened with Chase that actually gets good returns. But it does have foreign transaction fees.
I now want a better card with no foreign transaction fees. I was thinking of getting the Capital One venture. It feels weird to have so many credit cards though? I don’t want to close the oldest one bc that’ll affect my credit score.
I charged almost everything to a credit card but pay them all off promptly.
Cat
like 10, including store-branded cards that I use for loyalty programs like Nordstrom, Jcrew, Verizon. Like you I never carry a balance. If you’re loyal to a particular airline, look into one of their branded cards. If you’re not, Chase Sapphire is a popular one. If you travel a lot, a card with a decent-sized annual fee but that gives you lounge access may be well worth the $.
Anon
I’m currently trying to get more involved in playing the airline points game, so I have like 15 cards open at the moment.
The ones I actually use regularly are these:
-Target mastercard for all Target purchases (5% discount)
-Chase Amazon Visa for Amazon purchases (3x points on Amazon)
-American Airlines Aviator mastercard that gets 3X on AA, 2x on other travel and 1x on everything else and helps me earn AA elite status
-Chase Sapphire Preferred visa for dining, including Doordash (3x)
The latter two don’t have foreign transaction fees and are regularly used abroad.
Anon
Two, Chase Sapphire Preferred, everything goes on that and I mean everything that can be charged will be charged, we use the points to travel and get at least one or two free trips a year that way. Worth the fees. Have an old AmEx for backup. No store cards. Best rewards come from using one card exclusively.
Anon
Many. My husband and I use different cards so we each have our current favorites, plus an old United credit card for miles. Then the credit cards that came with our joint bank account (they issued both a debit and credit card when we opened the account) and the same for my business account.
The only store card I have is Nordstrom.
Anon
One Amex and one Visa. I charge everything to the Amex (except vendors who take only Visa) and use the points for fancy travel. Pay off the balance on both each month. I don’t understand all the other games people play with this.
Anon
Same here!
Anon
I’m the same as you, posted above about our Chase/AmEx household. FWIW, I used to do your approach of all AmEx except visa vendors and my husband convinced me to switch. The rewards on the premium Chase card if you enjoy travel are impossible to beat. Of course autopay changeovers are a hassle.
Anony
Same.
Anon
I don’t play games anymore since I’m too busy but pre kids I had a bunch of different cards and maximizing rewards and hacking ways to transfer points and whatnot was a fun hobby in and of itself and let me take way fancier vacations than I ever could have dreamed to afford at the time.
Anon
None. Never have, likely never will. I am mid-40’s and the sky hasn’t fallen yet.
Anon
None. Never have, likely never will. I am mid-40’s and the sky hasn’t fallen yet.
Anon
Yeah when I met my husband (in grad school in our mid-20s) he had terrible credit because he had never had a credit card. My parents opened one for me in high school and told me to always pay it in full, so I already had an excellent credit score. His score was still pretty bad when we bought a house at age 30, but we were approved based on my score. I will open credit cards for my kids as soon as they’re able to drive.
Anon
The week I turned 18, my parents hauled me down to the bank where I took out a $500 loan. I am an Old, so that was big money back then. The money was put in my savings account and used to pay back the loan, not spent. Having proven that I would not spend money just because I could, the next year was a credit card.
Thanks to the parents I have a 40+ year credit history. Thanks to them, when it came time to buy my first house I had fantastic credit and never had to worry about getting a loan. I only wondered about how good a rate I could get, which has been the case every time I have used credit. I bought a car with credit one time because it was time for a new car and I saw a commercial about Nissan offering 0.9%. The dealership tried to give me the “not everyone will qualify for that rate” speech and I’m like “just process the loan please”.
I’m not bragging, mainly because it’s my parents, not me, that I credit with starting my credit history early and teaching and demonstrating “good financial habits for middle class people”.
So if you are a young, and maybe your parents didn’t advise in this manner, here I am to do so. Do not ever go get a loan just to get something big that you otherwise cannot afford. Do get loans, starting early, and judiciously from time to time thereafter, to build yourself sold credit. It will help with a house. And it will be a safety net for big emergencies. Caveat, if you have trouble controlling your spending or are subject to making large impulse purchases, this is a nope. You need to go the route of only minimally if ever using credit.
Anon
I just…do? I honestly didn’t realize it was supposed to be a problem and had no issues getting a mortgage. I remember being asked for paycheck stubs and work history, maybe a recent bank statement, but nothing outrageously onerous or difficult to provide.
Funny anecdote: when I got my first and only auto loan a couple of years ago, the bank I used for it reached out after the fact trying to sell me a credit card with ridiculously high rates & fees and a very low limit. I told her I was not keen on the hundreds of dollars in fees and asked why I might want such a card. The sales rep said it would help build out my credit history, which they had noticed was “skinny” during the auto loan approval process. I asked why a skinny credit history was a concern, and she warned me it would make it very difficult for me to get things like…auto loans.
FWIW, I got great rates on both my mortgage (3%) and my auto loan (under 2%). It is a myth that you must have credit cards to build a credit history, and it is also a myth that you can’t access financial products at reasonable rates without a robust credit history.
Anonymous
I don’t like using debit cards because you get large holds put on your money when you rent a car or check into a hotel, and you have much less protection against fraud. Much safer to use a credit card or charge card and pay it off in full each cycle.
Anon
Not quite there – I have one. At least for me, the points game isn’t worth it – I tend to justify more spending “because offers.”
anon
Two non store. One is primary and one is back up/held on to just because of credit history. Chase Sapphire Preferred is primary and Capital One is secondary. That’s all my husband has, but then I have a few store cards – Jcrew, Loft, Banana, Macys – in my name alone. I only use them at the respective stores and are paid off instantly.
Anon
Fidelity – 2% cash back on everything
Costco
Amazon
I’m not a traveler, but do purchase frequently from Costco and Amazon. So those work best for me.
Anonymous
If it were up to me, I’d have 2, my 2% cash back Citi and a CapitalOne Quicksilver for no foreign transaction fees, but my husband likes to play the rewards game, so we have like 6 (one gets 5% back on groceries, 5% off at Lowes, 3% back on gas, etc.). Yes, half the time I forget which one I’m supposed to use for which item to maximize rewards, despite writing on them what I’m supposed to use it for. If one of your’s is an AmEx, though, I do think you need at least one other that is a Visa or Mastercard for those places that don’t take AmEx.
Anon
AmEx Platinum and USAA Visa. That AmEx does not have foreign transaction fees. I’m not sure about the other versions of AmEx.
Facing a mass exodus of platinum card holders that couldn’t much use the travel benefits during the pandemic, AmEx really stepped up to have offers for credits (like $20 per month credited back against a New York Times subscription, or $100 annual credit for charges at Saks) that were not travel related, and they continue to do so. I find that I can work the offers, not spending money that I wouldn’t be spending anyway, and I either cover the otherwise extravagant annual fee or I come close to doing so. The customer service on that card is stellar.
Anon
Frivolous question: do you have any recommendations for home/interior design blogs written by bloggers with money? I want to see a no-holds-barred renovation down to the studs in San Francisco, a huge remodel of a family compound on Martha’s Vineyard, a “here’s a house tour of my ancestral estate,” and so on. I’m tired of learning how to repurpose a Billy shelf you found in the dumpster or how to hem your mother’s bedspread into a divider for the home office you share with two roommates. Please, give me escapism and mansions? Bonus points for horse properties, historic, and New England.
Anonymous
Historic, New England, and maybe not no-holds-barred but definitely rich. There’s more shiplap than I care for in this and some of the similar homes but they are pretty!
https://instagram.com/uncommon.farmhouse?igshid=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ==
Anonymous
Not a blog but also New England, farm, and rich.
https://www.bostonglobe.com/2022/02/10/magazine/designers-mission-impossible-make-an-antique-filled-1790-farmhouse-family-friendly/
anon
DanielKanter on Instagram. Pretty serious DIY remodel with casual mentions of here is this expensive piece of art that I just happened to grab from my parents basement.
Anonymous
Wait, Daniel Kanter falls into this category? I love his blog and Instagram and have followed for more than ten years. I don’t really pay attention to his art, but I’ve never considered any of his renovations as falling into the category described above. I get the sense his family was not poor, but not super wealthy 1%ers. Curious as to what art he has that falls into this category.
Anonymous
Yeah, this poster is not answering the request. I think he has some mid century furniture and art that would have been widely purchased by upper middle class professionals in the 1950s/60s that he’s inherited from his grandparents or parents, but nothing OTT. (Like, items I’d use if I were doing sets for a TV show about a NJ family in Montclair in the 70s-80s where at least one of the adults is a psychologist.)
Anon
I love Daniel Kanter so much, but I don’t think his projects are at the scale that OP is looking for.
Cerulean
Yeah, I think of him as the opposite. Make do (typically with great results!) on a small budget. He’s big into salvage and using up what he has.
Seafinch
Yes, 100% the opposite most of the time. I love him for that as someone with no money and two crappy houses to fix up!
Anonymous
I have the opposite problem–can’t find any interior design blogs that target people with normal budgets. Check out Mindy Gayer Design.
Anon
Apartment therapy
Anonymous
Architectural Digest.
Anonymous
Patrick aherns work is gorgeous, especially if you love historical New England vernacular style with a jaw dropping budget, but it’s not step by step like a blogger does. He has an insta schtick where he makes suggestions to add charm to your regular tract home and it’s brilliant but also amazingly expensive and now I want to put a cedar roof on my 1960 farm ranch.
Anon
Ugh his work from the 90s-00s is nice, but now it’s just so extreme (and ridiculously large) that it’s really ugly. But yes, I like his instagram ideas for normal houses. Maybe Dianarosepier on instagram? Just bought a house in Fairfield CT and is sharing the process. Mackenzie Horan has shared her house renos too (but soooo much blue and white). What about Elements of Style (Erin Gates)? I don’t follow her anymore but she’s a decorator based in Wellesley MA who also is updating her kitchen I believe.
1123
Agree on Erin gates, I almost wrote that. Have to disagree on Patrick ahern because I swoon when I see all of it , but maybe you’re seeming his work in real life? I’m sadly not.
1148 poster
Yes, he’s done a couple friends’ houses! He does nice work, and every detail is very thoughtful – I personally just feel the details sing more when it’s less than 4k square feet, which he doesn’t do much of any more. The big houses tend to look very this-person-is-not-from-around-here for my frugal New Englander sensibilities ha.
1123
Wow!!! This is probably why it appeals to me as a Long Islander who has never set foot in Martha’s Vineyard. Like a New England fantasy through the eyes of a Long Islander…which think Patrick was…
Anon
Eye and brain candy:
https://josephpelllombardi.com/
anon
I feel like Hill House Vintage might suit you – it’s basically a woman with exquisite taste who lives in a historic home in England and does fabulous design and domestic projects. Her vibe is classical British but with a bit of a 1950s La Dolce Vita thing and I love everything about it. She’s also quite a good and thoughtful writer.
PLB
+1 She’s amazing.
Anon 2.0
Not a blog, but I do like looking at house projects on Houzz, sorted into the $$$$ category.
BeenThatGuy
Look up Sarah Richardson. She’s a Canadian designer that used to have a TV show.
Seafinch
Yes.
Anon
Man with a Hammer (historical in England, DIY), Jhinterior design (US and France fancy houses), mcgrath2 (NYC area fancy houses) on instagram are good for this.
Anotheranon
No suggestions but thank you for asking for this information that I didn’t know I also wanted.
Anon
+1
Anon
+1 Another perfectly delightful time suck!
Anon
UK House & Garden has what you need! Also Man With A Hammer on Instagram is great as well for following one person doing one home.
Anonymous
Really rich people aren’t going to do step by step instas because of the work involved. You need to tap into the high end interior design instagram for pretty pictures— but they’re not going to be showing that many in process views. For more general influencer content with luxurious interiors (her own and some of her client work), you could check out Elements of Style. I love Phillip Mitchell Designs work. For a deep dive reno with amazing results, you could also check out the archives of Urban Cottage Home’s blog— the blogger fully renovated his Cambridge, MA Greek revival home and has super fun collections of pottery, etc.
Anon
Remodelista, for things like “Paris pied a terre gets art deco update” and “London Townhouse meets scandi style.”
Anon
Thanks so much everyone!!
Kelsey
Anyone have a reco for good flip flops for men? I’m happy to pay $$ for quality that won’t fall apart and are comfortable for long walks.
anon
My husband likes his Olukai flop flops.
Anonymous
Same. My husband has high arches and can walk miles in his Olukais.
Anon
I went with Okabashi but mine just fell apart (after a lot of wear but still), so now I’m less hopeful that they’ll last.
I really like Xeros for “bare foot” feel but prefer arch support for longer walks.
Cat
Reefs – they have plain leather styles too.
Anon
Rainbows.
brokentoe
Vionics have great support.
Gardens
Any recommendations of where to get a large brimmed, straw hat?
I love the Bittersweet colors huge hats, but not their price tags!
Anon
I have a foldable one from Target that’s great for vacation!
Gardens
Thanks! Sounds like a convenient one to get for the car. I would love a slight upgrade with structure
Anon
Same! I bought mine there pre-pandemic and is still going strong. Just added a ribbon for a chin strap so I can wear it in breezy weather, too.
Anon
Actually, a lot of those look great!
Anon
ThredUp has tons of these; I’ve bought two already for this summer.
Anon
I actually got one at Costco recently that I love!
Gardens
I similarly have this problem, but my voice is in the low frequency range. In group settings etc… I must speak much louder and make my pitch higher with more variation in pitch. This is a strain, and causes my voice to sound worse with time – more gravely, tiring to talk and I start to lose my voice. Noisy bars are the worst for me, as the alcohol dries out my throat even more. I loose my voice so quickly.
i have no solutions. I hate that I have to artificially change my voice.
Anon for this
Rome lodging advice? Planning our first trip for early October and trying to narrow down which neighborhood would be best for us. From other travels we know we like to be well-connected (like near a good subway or rail station), not super hip (bc we’re not), not necessarily right in the thick of the most popular tourist neighborhoods. We’ve found it can be nice to stay adjacent to one or two major tourist things so that we can enjoy them when the tour groups have departed for the day. Like in Paris we were much happier staying on Place St Dauphine (tip of Cite) than we’d been staying in the heart of the 6th, and in Barcelona we stayed just across the plaza from Sagrada Familia. Equivalent for Rome?
Anonymous
We stayed near Termini and it worked out well. It is not the most scenic spot but there were places within immediate walking distance for shopping and food plus a couple of tourist spots and then of course it is central to everything. It was especially nice when arriving and leaving, and that mattered because we left Rome for 3 days and then came back for a few.
Anon
Check out Trastevere (the other side of the Tiber).
Anon
My husband and I were just in Rome and stayed in the Campo De Fiori neighborhood. It was perfect for us, great restaurants everywhere and a relatively easy walk to almost everything. It was also easy to catch a cab when we needed one. We stayed near Termini on our way back through Rome and it was a completely different vibe. Much busier and less neighborhood-like.
Anon
Piazza navona
Two Dogs?
Does anyone have two dogs? We have a 11 year old lab and my husband would like to get a 2nd dog (likely another lab). His hope is that our dog will partially train the new lab. This is also layered with he never wants to be without a dog and would like to have the dogs overlap.
I’m a bit on the fence as I am worried about the extra time, care, and cost (mostly re boarding when we occasionally travel). We have also never had a puppy as we got our dog was she was about a year-ish old. She also came house broken and crate trained!
If you have two dogs, is it pretty much the same as having one – or is it significantly more work (and/or enjoyment!)
anon
I have 3, the youngest of whom is 11 months old and the oldest is 10. 2 things- 1) puppies are a lot of work and there is no way around that 2) That said, if you get a puppy and do the training work up front AND both of your dogs are similar breeds or otherwise have similar needs, then over time the work will scale really nicely to probably not that much more than the work for 1 dog. My first 2 dogs are both toy breeds and that’s how it worked for them. My 3rd is a high energy midsized to large dog, and we’re getting there but it is significantly more work.
I generally agree wiht your husband’s hypothesis, just be aware of the work up front. Or adopt an older dog whose personality you already know and is already trained etc.
Anon
All of this. We added a puppy when our senior dog was 4, and the first year was rough – the junior dog was a lot needier than the senior dog was as a puppy (she ate everything she could get into her kennel – her blanket, her bed, my work bag when i left it on top of the crate) , and he was not impressed to have a tiny, nippy, whiny sidekick. Now that we’ve had her for a year, things are significantly easier. They eat the same food, they woof at the same things, they go on adventures together around the yard. The senior hound makes sure the junior hound gets treats and keeps an eye on her and is surprisingly doting.
Caveat: i have Great Danes, so at 4 our senior dog was fully an adult and turning into a grumpy old man.
Anon
I’m your husband. Please post all the pro’s for this approach, folks – I need some persuasive commentary!!
Anon
I’m a fan of having “overlapping” dogs, but how much of the job of acclimating the new dog is taken up by the other dog really depends on the other dog.
I fostered for many, many years and it wouldn’t have been possible without my dog, the best uncle-dog ever, who showed them all the ropes. I’ve had other dogs since that are fine with new packmates, but don’t go out of their way to interact. They accept the new roommate, and play a little, but that’s it.
If you don’t want a puppy, there are plenty of adolescent and adult dogs that need homes and make great pets.
bird in flight
We have a 4 year old golden retriever cocker spaniel mix, and just got a puppy a couple months ago (golden cocker mix again). I was the one who didn’t want the second dog, but will admit my husband was absolutely right. Our 4 year old dog loves having a friend, they play and play and wear each other out. Puppy gets to come to work with me (and sleeps all day, easiest daytime puppy ever to be honest) and so it give the adult dog a break. I wouldn’t say that the adult dog has helped with training at all; we’v had our share of puppy accidents and older dog totally ignores everything about it.
We did buy pet insurance; I kept waffling on getting it with the one dog, but with two dogs I feel very reassured that we have it.
It is harder to decide what to do when we go on vacation (harder to ask family to watch two dogs vs one) so we’re boarding. I called a kennel we’ve used before and they have a half rate for the second dog when the dogs sharing a room, which will work out quite well in a few months. We normally kennel the pup during the night but we have had a few nights where we’ve all fallen asleep in the front room and the little puppy doesn’t roam or bother the big dog while sleeping.
Overall it’s been great. I’m glad we got the puppy when our dog was four, vs older, because he still has lots of energy to play.
OP
Husband? ;)
Anon
The double vet bills can be eye wateringly expensive. Pick your boarding faculty carefully and you can find a place that will put them together in a room or a run where you pay full price for Dog 1 and a lesser charge for Dog 2, so boarding is maybe not so bad. It is double the joy. And I’m with your husband on the theory of having more than one so that when one dies you are not sitting in a quiet, dog-less house and wondering when to get a new one and how much trouble it will be to train and/or acclimate it to your house and life. I know a female attorney with two roommates and anywhere from 12 to 16 dogs, all in a huge old house on some land, and for me, this is “goals”.
Anonymous
I have three rescue dogs. One was mine, one was my husband’s and one was my mother’s but she couldn’t take care of it anymore due to old age. I think it is a lot of work and money, and I wouldn’t have more than one dog in another situation (and I love dogs). After all of them pass (and I hope that takes a long time!), we will get only one dog.
Anonymous
I had 2 for 13 years. The older dog may discipline the younger one and they do learn from their elders a bit, but you will still need to obedience train and housebreak a new dog. That said, once that part is over, I found they would entertain each other some and daily hassle is about the same for two as for one. The cost does double, though. There aren’t really savings for two. They do often bond tightly. I lost one last year and now my remaining old man is pretty heartbroken, even nearly a year later.
Anon
I am with your husband about never wanting to be without a dog and wanting the dogs to overlap (and to know each other and kind of pass on the baton), but does it have to be a puppy or could you get another year-ish old housebroken and crate trained dog?
OP
That’s my hope – that we’ll find another 1-3-ish year old dog, but we’ll see!
Anon
Puppies are a TON of work. I think it would be insane to get a puppy.
I’ve always been a dog person (grew up with a dog and always had one in my household except for a brief period in college and my 20s), but I’m firmly in the camp that we will not replace our 13 year old chihuahua mix when she passes away. The per dog cost is very non-trivial (for us it’s mainly boarding costs – we travel frequently and we have a trusted and reliable dog sitter, but she costs $50/night) and since having having a kid I feel much less need for a dog. I’m kind of touched out from the kid, truthfully, and the last thing I want to do is snuggle with a dog. We will potentially consider another dog when our kid is old enough to take care of it, if she really wants one. But so far she does not seem very interested in dogs and tbh it’s a huge relief to me.
Anony
Just went through this with this same breed. 10 year old lab, got a puppy lab a year ago (older dog is now 11 obviously). I found that 10+ is too old for the dog to help train the puppy, as he is old and grumpy now. And, as you probably know labs don’t live much past 10. In hindsight, I would have gotten the puppy, or younger dog, when the older one was like 5 or even 8.
Anonymous
My aunt and uncle do this with their labs–new puppy every ~5 years. They currently have 3 labs.
Anonymous
Ugh, we are facing this decision with our 9-year-old rescue Golden. I don’t actually want another dog and think having two dogs would be a pain and kind of unfair to her (she is a very happy only dog who likes to do her own thing most of the time and doesn’t get along with other dogs at the kennel), but I don’t ever want to be without a dog.
brokentoe
If you do this, please get the same breed. Unlike everyone else’s experience, we had a Golden Retriever and added a German Shepherd puppy when the Golden was 7. He spent the last 5 years of his life under a table or desk, staying far away from her. I felt really badly for him because she ruled the roost. I currently have 2 Goldendoodles who are 6 months apart in age, and are best buddies despite having very different personalities. I worry about how one of them will cope without the other – and at 14 YO, it’s coming sooner rather than later. :(
Ano
So I fell in love with the mauve dress Kristen Bell wears in the For Hers commercial. It has a frayed hem, a detail that I love. It’s an old season Nanushka dress that’s sold out everywhere but I was able to track down a pre worn one in my size. But the seller had it taken in at the bottom. Not a dealbreaker for me but would a tailor be able to recreate the frayed hem? The DIY videos I’ve seen on creating a frayed edge on fabrics don’t look too complicated but wasn’t sure if this was a reasonable ask for a tailor.
Anonymous
I have no idea what this dress is, but the fabric it’s made from is key. As a medium-skilled home sewist, I could easily fray a hem if the fabric was decent to work with, so I can’t imagine it would be unreasonable to ask a tailor to do it.
Anonymous
The pictures I’ve found of this dress haven’t had a real close-up of the hem, but it seems to me like the frayed effect is made by an added fringe on the hem, not a fraying of them main skirt fabric itself. At the very least you’d have to have a sewed hem above the frays to stop it unravelling beyond the hem. This would mean loosing at least three inches of the dress length.
The fabric is thin and slippery (triacetate) and the job of making the frays would be tedious and require patience, but could probably be done. IF, however, the original frays were an added fringe, you’d have to make sure to check if the dress is cut in a way that the threads will fall down, and not at an awkward angle. That might happen if the fabric is cut on the bias.
Anon
If this is the dress, that’s a sewn-on fringe. If the reseller didn’t save the fringe when hemming the dress, you will never be able to match it.
https://posh.mk/3OlZi67mvAb