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Updated: Nov 29, 2022 245 Comments · by

Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: High-Rise Tapered Ankle Trousers

The Personal Shopper (TPS) | ·

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A woman wearing a white top, black pants, and beige ankle boots

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

When I had my first internship in law school, the overwhelming majority of my professional wardrobe was from Target. Many years later, I’m delighted to report that it’s a great resource for putting together “grown-up” outfits without breaking the bank. T

These tapered, relaxed-fit trousers would be a great foundational piece for anyone in a business casual setting. Add a sweater and some loafers for a more casual day or blazer and blouse if you’ve got an important meeting.

The pants are $28 at Target and come in women’s sizes 0–18 and women’s plus sizes 14W–26W. They also come in four other solids and a very cute plaid print.

Sales of note for 8.30.24

  • Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
  • Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
  • Boden – 20% off
  • Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
  • Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
  • Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
  • Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
  • White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale

About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

  1. Anonymous

    I’m still not used to this silhouette. I suppose the pleats would look better and more balanced to me if the pants were longer.

    • Anonymous

      Yeah not going back to pleats in my lifetime. They widen this pear-shape exactly where it is not needed.

    • Anon

      I am a short pear. I fear I would achieve a maximum Stumpy Stumperson look in these. Or maybe just a very T-Rex silhouette.

      • Anonny

        Yes. I don’t get this cropped pant trend. It’s winter. My ankles will be cold.

    • Anonymous

      The pants are about 1″ too short in the photo on this site — at least if you’re planning to wear them with a boot underneath like this photo. If you click through to Target, I think the first customer photo wearing the purple plaid version has the right length, but she’s also wearing pumps so she’s showing skin.

      This look was pretty standard when I started work in the late 90s and were a few years out of style at exactly the time What Not to Wear was popular– so I always associate them with middle aged women who need an update to mid-rise bootcut or straight trousers. Now that I’m a middle aged woman who needs an update, I’m kinda loving the look.

      • PolyD

        I think you’ve put your finger on why I find this style unflattering and frumpy, too (I’m in my 50s).

        I think it’s a hard look to style, too. Hard to figure out which shoes to wear, what kind of top to wear… I’m okay with more relaxed styles of pants than skinny pants, but I don’t think I will be doing pleated and tapered.

      • Anne-on

        This. I am a firm believer that straight pants should be hemmed to hit either the ankle bone (which is apparently called negative break on men) or ‘no break’ which juuuust kisses the top of the shoe’s laces/instep.
        Yes, I am an old lady who has firm opinions on tailoring. Sigh.

      • NYNY

        I have feelings about cropped pants too, but they seem to be counter to most of the hive. I’m sure there’s some mathematical formula to explain it, but I like high-rise pants to be cropped. It’s almost as if there’s an ideal waist-to-hem length for pants, so the lower the waist, the longer the hem and conversely, the higher the waist, the higher the hem. I also like full-length high-waist pants with wide legs, but only with a slim-fitting top. Otherwise, I feel like I’m drowning in fabric.

        For reference, I’m in my 50s, shortish, and an hourglassy pear.

        • NYNY

          Forgot to mention that this type of cropped pants mean I can rock substantial shoes. Give me all the lug soles and chunky boots. A shoe to really stomp the patriarchy!

          • Anonymous

            Same! I have collected some “big shoes” in the nature of Office of Angela Scott but not that brand and this seems like their moment. But I need some new cropped pants to give them their due.

    • MagicUnicorn

      I would like to host an open mic night during my Pants University course; y’all are welcome to participate.

      • Curious

        Magic Unicorn,if you actually did this some evening, I would go (or watch the recording) and donate $10 to whatever cause you wanted or pay for your time.

        • MagicUnicorn

          Oh god, that warms my heart and also has me nervously laughing! I love all of you but am a ridiculous introvert IRL. While I would have a blast lurking on a zoom happy hour, I truly have no talent for planning or hosting events.

          If anyone has been entertained by my random judgy-pants musings this week and feels moved to donate, I am a fan of literacy advocacy and would like to suggest supporting this library (whose millage has failed yet again): https://www.gofundme.com/f/fund-patmos-library-for-2023

          Guttmacher.org is another cause I appreciate.

  2. Leatty

    What’s on your holiday wishlist this year?

    So far I have a ton of books, an emergency kit for my car, and some winter accessories. Most of the stuff I really want is more expensive than my family members should spend (furniture and art for new house), and they don’t believe in giving gift cards or forgoing gift giving.

    • Cb

      We are doing a pretty small celebration this year.. I asked my husband a paper screen protector and stylus for my iPad after seeing a student using it, a lotion bar, and a fun striped jumper from the gap. There’s a gorgeous shop near my parents’ in Portugal, so I asked my mom for one of their wool scarves in a cheerful colour and a blanket.

      For my birthday (a few days before Christmas), my son (aged 5) and I have planned an extravaganza as he’s off school – conveyor belt sushi for lunch, a trip to the natural science centre, and the bookshop to get a pile of books for me (and probably him), and a stop for vegan chocolate cake. He said “it’s my treat, mummy”, and I told him he might have to hit daddy up for some cash. We will meet my husband after work for the Christmas market and go on the carousel / wheel.

      • Leatty

        That’s adorable! I’m a big fan of practical gifts and experiences. DH is happy to oblige on the experiences front, but family members are less enthusiastic about that.

        • Cb

          Yeah, my mother in laws will demand a list, so I send them a cookbook that I’d like, which feels expensive enough to interest them but something I’ll use etc.

    • Anon

      I am a magpie and live beautiful sparkly party clothes. Do I need another ball gown or taffeta maxi skirt or faux fur stole? Probably not. But that is what makes my heart flutter.

      FWIW I got into maxi skirts because they hide the fleece leggings underneath (worn with flat boots with rubber soles, also hidden). Faux fur is surprisingly warm. Look is cuter than my usual goth-lumberjack winter look.

      • Anon

        oh hi, we are twins! I do not have a life where I wear sequins and yet I own 2 sequin dresses and have my eye on this fabulous sequin suit.

          • A nonny nonny

            That. Cape. Is so great! I am already fantasizing about what I would wear with it.

          • Coach Laura

            Oh, I want this cape. With absolutely zero places to wear it. I could wear it over a pnte dress…except that I don’t go anywhere dressed up now. That’s why I like sewing (but don’t have enough time)…I can sew impractical things like this.

        • Anon

          Not the original magpie here, but I used to have a job where I attended two black tie parties every year. It was my favorite!

    • AIMS

      Everything I want feels too overwhelming to actually do for me at present. I’d love for someone to just come and declutter my whole apartment but that would require me to be involved and that feels like a lot. I would also love for someone to come paint the walls without involving me in the moving of furniture etc that is required. Redecorate and same issues. Not sure if anyone remembers that great essay we all read in school, “I need a wife,” but I think that’s basically what I want – just someone to come help deal with my life while I have a nice c*cktail at a fancy holiday bar somewhere. Maybe I just need to win the lotto and hire a great personal assistant.

      • Anon

        I would like to live in a catalog or a professionally staged house (or my house without my clutter in it). I think for 2023, I should just toss a file box weekly or at least monthly.

      • Anonymous

        Ok. My dream would be to bust into someone’s home and stage it like a catalog. The problem is I’m an incredibly impractical human being who insists on while linen couches with young children and 70 dollar hand soap and has decluttered to the point where if we misplace our one corkscrew it’s a problem and I’m allergic to the concept of “homey.”

          • Anonymous

            Triplet here! I make my daughter put a blanket down on my white couch when she has friends over.

          • Anon

            If I send you my address and whatever fee you need, I promise to send the dog to daycare for a day or two and you can gave at it.

        • AIMS

          Would you like to come over?
          My dream is for someone to streamline everything to the point of austerity so that I can buy stuff to make it all cozy.

          • Anonymous

            I’m really going to look into this. Let me go buy an LLC for “stage of life” or something equally inane and then spend my day’s throwing out everyone’s stuff and making their homes impractically perfect.

        • Seafinch

          My mother bought white coaches 33 years ago when I was 12 and had four younger siblings and one of them is in our summer place and looks pristine!

    • Anonymous

      If you’re furnishing a new home you might want to consider asking for smaller decor items. I’m not a maximalist with accents for the home but a small marble tray for your hand soap, a decorative box for your remote controls or glass jar with pretty matches goes pretty far when the rest of the home is sparsely decorated. I like west elm and cb2 but my mom is a home goods shopper and scores pretty good finds if I give her enough direction on this type of thing.

    • Vicky Austin

      Nice gloves, a few books, new cookie sheets and one of those brown sugar keeper discs.

      There’s a lot I’d like to just save for (baby, etc) but relatives want to give us Something to Open, so here we are.

      • Curious

        Yes to gloves! We are going more frugal this year, so Costco running gloves with touch fingers and Rishi turmeric tea are the big ticket items.

    • Anonymous

      I asked my parents and sibling to go in together to get me some nice raised garden beds, which are surprisingly expensive. Mom: “How about we just give you cash instead?” Mom’s really softened on her “it must be a physical object” stance the older she gets…

    • London (formerly NY) CPA

      A Serena and Lily duvet (the Westport) that I’ve been lusting over for several years. My life is so full of stuff that I just want an upgrade of one big thing I use all the time, rather than a bunch of small things.

    • Anon

      I would love some financial help for my part-time Masters program, but my family doesn’t do money as gifts (which I am fine with – it feels transactional). Since most of my money now goes towards grad school, my Christmas list is all over the place (aka everything I’ve wanted or needed for the past several months). I also moved in August an am living alone for the first time so need some apartment things (that in the past, my roommates had).

      Obviously, I only expect a small fraction of what is on this list!

      Clothes/Shoes:
      – Buffalo plaid Shacket
      – Wide leg work pants
      – Work dress
      – LS blouse or work top that is not a sweater
      – Jeans (straight leg)
      – Blue and white striped blouse
      – Warm bathrobe
      – Fake Boston Birkenstocks
      – Platform boots

      Apartment stuff (so it turns out I love cooking, I just hated sharing a small kitchen with several roommates):
      – Hand mixer
      – Cast iron skillet
      – Chef’s knife
      – Planters for the balcony
      – Indoor plants
      – Cocktail or martini glasses
      – Cocktail shaker
      – Muffin tin
      – Mandolin
      – Pie dish
      – Wall decor?
      – Lamp for living room
      – Record player

      Fun stuff:
      – Paint by numbers or other craft kit
      – A specific trinket dish and pair of earrings from a small business near me

      Every year I try to convince my mom that the makeup, nail polish, toiletries she puts in my stocking should be the ones that I actually use, but I fail at that :)

      Because I’m in school, I don’t have as much time for experience gifts but I am giving experience gifts to my mom, my dad, and my brother (and will go with them to each of the things).

      • anon

        My birthday and holiday wish lists are basically a wedding registry at this point (as a singleton who loves cooking and hosting). Every year I ask for more pieces from a particular Crate and Barrel collection. I’ve amassed a respectable number of plates, barware, and serving dishes this way. It’s no fun to buy salad plates with my own money but I love having all the matching gear.

        • ALT

          This is me too right now…I’m working on upgrading my college-era kitchen stuff to nicer things I actually love rather than hand me downs from my parents or siblings.

          So on my list are:
          Everyday dishes
          New mixing bowls
          A knife set or at minimum a nice santoku knife
          Enameled cast iron Dutch oven
          Gift cards to refresh my work wardrobe
          Black booties since mine are wearing out

          I am on a big ornament kick this year and want my tree filled with ornaments with personality vs boring orbs, so I have found ornaments that correlate with all of my family and friends’ hobbies and will be giving those as part of their gifts.

    • Anon

      If any of you all want cast iron, I highly recommend Smithey. They are like buttah. And they are pretty.

      • Vicky Austin

        Engraveable?? Just added another idea to my impossible-to-buy-for dad’s Christmas file! Thank you!

        • Anon

          They are amazing. Apparently all cast iron used to have a ground-down smooth finish, which is why the old stuff is amazing and the new stuff is OK (I love my Lodge, but it’s not a Smithey).

    • Anon

      I asked for gold huggie earrings since I usually wear studs and want something a bit different. I’m having more fun with buying gifts than wanting gifts, though.

    • Clementine

      I want a WaterPik for my teeth, a new kindle (old one doesn’t hold a charge), and more of those xoxo clear plastic containers that you use for pantry/cabinet items.

      On the clear plastic containers – I will never have one of those gorgeous, Khloe Kardashian pantries; however, we did get them for cereal and I’ve found my kids are more apt to eat what we have and close them so things stay crisp. I long have had containers for flour/sugar/cornmeal as we buy in bulk; however, the dream now is to have containers for things like crackers and pasta.

      Everything else I want is either $5 (a fancy coffee) or $2500 (a Peloton Tread).

    • Anonymous

      Someone to clean my house the same way Go Clean Co on instagram cleans her house.

      Agreement with DH to get a weekend nanny for one weekend a month so I can focus on doing admin and life tasks without guilt (e.g. take stuff to donation centers, do returns/trips to UPS, focus on a home project, or something like get my haircut, massage, or facial).

      • Anonymous

        I hope you get that weekend nanny. I would have loved to have this job (assuming the family treated me well) when I was in college and when I had a true 9-5 shortly after. This also fits with my current lifestyle of setting aside a single day each month (say the 5th of each month) to take care of these kinds of tasks.

    • Anonymous

      I want season ski leases for the whole family. If we use them enough this season, next year I will ask Santa to buy us all skis.

    • Seafinch

      No real wishlist; I have managed to cut out all gift giving. My husband will pick up a few tokens for my stocking of things we already need. He usually chooses a book for me and replaced a beloved Chef’s knife that had broken last year. My Dad’s love language is gifts so he will ask for an idea and I will find an easy to buy appliance type thing. My French Press is on its last legs, maybe that. I have one friend who sends treats and don’t get anything else, which is great by me. We spend a small fortune on food over Xmas and usually support community members and that is my preference.

    • Anon

      I asked my husband for a cashmere sweater, with a link and notes on color and size, from J Crew. My first time buying/requesting cashmere from them, so I hope it’s nice.

      I receive gifts from my sisters and they always specifically want an Amazon wish list, so things I would ordinary just buy for myself from October through Christmas go on my wishlist instead. It’s a pretty eclectic list but it has things like socks for boots, books, cookbooks, accessory bags, and a Pendleton wool throw in case someone is feeling generous!

    • pugsnbourbon

      I already bought myself the thing I really wanted – a press for my lino printing! It was on sale. I just got the notification that it’s being delivered today and I’m SO excited!
      So my wish list is all paper, lino and ink. And a couple pairs of earrings, naturally.

      • Anon

        I am really excited for you. What size press did you get? What size prints do you typically make? Do you do other types of printmaking? I loved printmaking in college but haven’t done it since then.

    • Senior Attorney

      We’re doing a trip to Portland to visit my son for Christmas, and a big trip in February, so that’s really all I want or need. I am hoping my husband can restrain himself this year. He is getting slippers per his request and then a fun winemaking-related surprise.

    • anon a mouse

      I’m asking for a fancy shower cap because I’m tired of using the plastic ones I get from hotels. And sorting trays for my winter puzzle hobby (seriously, the weather turns cold and I just want to hole up and do puzzles). Also a new apple watch band (taking suggestions for good sources). And the new Smitten Kitchen cookbook.

  3. An.On.

    Is there a braided hair look for white women that doesn’t look childish? Or, another question – how are people styling their hair these days?

    • Anonymous

      Do a Dutch braid on one side of your head and gather all your hair into a ponytail.

    • PolyD

      When my hair was longer and all one length, I’d do a half up style and braid the up part into a ponytail – so, I’d pull back the top front of my hair and braid it starting at the back of my head.

    • theguvnah

      I’m still a fan of modified crown braids (I usually just do one side, starting from my side part and then trailing it to a low bun or ponytail) when the occasion calls for it! I especially like it with a neutral or masculine outfit and small classic earrings. Otherwise it looks too princessy.

    • JM

      I used to do a Tonya Harding – take the hair that would be in a half-up and braid just past the crown and then the rest loose in a ponytail. Thanks for the reminder – might try to bring it back except that I’m old enough to remember her so maybe I’m too old for the braid!

    • Anonymous

      It’s hard to describe but I used to do two Dutch braids, but stop at the base of my neck and secure the bottom in a low pony tail with a tortoise shell barrette. Or do one French braid and similarly not braid all the way down and secure the bottom in a low pony. Both got compliments at work.

    • Annony

      Two really easy styles …

      1 – Do one french braid, then tuck the tail of the braid up behind it
      2 – Do two Dutch braids (start just slightly above the ears) and then (depending on how long your hair is) pin one braid along the back of your head, tucking in the end, and then tuck the other braid behind it

      Spin pins are really helpful for these,

    • Anonymous

      I think it can work if the braids are looser, asymetrical, or uses different braid styles than a regular threeway braid. Twists are a good way to get the hair out of your face, either into a half-do, clips or a fuller braid starting further back.

  4. Lyssa

    I’m looking for some really warm, non-schlubby, lounge pants. I have some fleece-lined leggings (Baleaf), which are OK, but I’m still cold. If I search for “warm pants,” I get a bunch intended for outdoor use. I want something mostly to wear around the house, but would not make me feel like I hadn’t bothered to get dressed and would be OK to wear to run errands and such, and are very warm.

  5. Anon

    A 2023 goal is to hang some curtains. I am short and my husband is not handy. From trying this as a single person, this is a 2-person job. Also, hanging a curtain rod (not to mention picking one out), getting the length and # of panels right, is a Task (at least for me). If there were a trade that owned all of this, I would gladly hire them (or just an interior decorator who executed windows only). But I am guessing I can hire the tall teen across the street (his school lets out around 3, so during spouse’s work hours) and he can take direction and we will get it done (I am friends with his mom)? But then I will have to be good on where to hang it exactly. I have ladders and drills and all that. It’s just a 5 trips to home depot and hope all parts are in the box and the curtains are all as ordered and you have hook / etc. allowances. Ugh. This feels exhausting but I liked the result so much in my last place.

    • Anon

      You can hire a handyman. I think you are overthinking this process, though. You could totally do it alone though it’s fine not to want to.

      • Anon

        I feel like for any big windows (like longer than my wingspan) it is hard to do. And those are where I want curtains most (privacy plus a nice visual). Le sigh. For me, I also never know to avoid the molding or just stick a rod into it and don’t even really know the fine points of what a good job looks like. Long-term renter who is child of renters (so decades of no motivation to spend money to improve a space unless in things I can take with me and use in the next place). Is there a Caroline Winker video on this? Pls yes let it exist.

        • Anon

          You literally just drill the brackets into the wall and hang the rods. It’s not worth this angst!

          • Anon

            Right! And Michelangelo just removed enough marble from the giant chunk to revel the David statue lurking within. I think that there is a difference between doing something and doing it well. The adverb makes a difference.

          • Anon

            This is a terrible idea unless you already know how to drill. If you mess it up, you’re really damaging your home. Hire out.

          • Another Anon

            How is it a terrible idea to drill into your wall? There’s not much that can go wrong. A hole in the wrong spot is very easily fixable. Not sure how you could cause real damage there.

          • Anon

            Holes in moldings and walls are not easily fixable, they often look terrible unless you get them professionally fixed. Skip the repair work and get it done right in the first place.

          • Anon

            Drill into wall? Drill into brackets? The EH thing was more width and height. Some walls are plaster and others are drywall. Lots of window molding and trim. I would say it’s nothing, but it affects where to measure to height-wise and width-wise. When I got louvered shutters for some windows, those people knew their game well. But they don’t do curtains or even something like Roman shades.

          • Another Anon

            Holes in the walls are very easily fixable? You dab a little spackle on it and if you wipe it flush with the wall, there’s no need to even sand. Does every renter not do this when they move out?

          • Anonymous

            I have had this same task on my list for years — since I bought my house — and I have definitely decided that the answer is to mount the rod into the wall, not into the window moulding. My windows are original to the house and imperfect, so I really don’t want to mess with them. But also, I think you want the height from mounting the curtains from above.

          • Anon

            All of you advocating for a little sparkle and wall holes are the reason I will not let my tenants touch the walls with a drill or hang curtain rods and have written this into my leases. O.M.F.G.

          • Anon

            I am so puzzled by this whole thread. As far as tasks go, this is a pretty easy one. And if you mess up, the holes are so small, a little filler will fix it right up. No “serious damage” and you can’t even tell it’s been fixed.

          • Anon

            If it’s drywall, even the special anchors can fail if they are not exactly the right ones. You did it yourself, it looks nice, then one day you come home and lightweight curtains have pulled the curtain rod half down, along with some drywall of course. Then you hire a handyman to fix a fist sized hole in your drywall, repaint, and do a professional job of curtain rod installation.

          • Anon

            So many great links (OTOH, if bad things and bad choices happen to Emily Henderson with stuff that is $$$, what hope do I have?) in here. Thanks!

        • Anon

          My walls are very hard plaster so I put my screws into the molding. Either way is fine, depending on the height you want. I vote handyman!

    • Anon

      You’re really overthinking this. Hanging curtains is not a big deal. You can easily hire someone.

    • Anonymous

      Shade store will make you perfect custom window treatments with a lifetime guarantee and they’re a pleasure to deal with. But we’re talking about about 500 a window, probably closer to a thousand. But they’ll be beautiful and absolutely perfect.

      • Anon

        This is good to know. For things I do once every few years, I tend to do a mediocre job and learn for the next time, and then so much time passes that I’m still mediocre. I like an expert. I don’t change my oil or do my dental work (even though at least I understand how to replace the oil and filter and all that). Ditto replacing car headlights and re-aiming them — once was enough to go to a real mechanic who does this stuff all the time and is good at it.

      • Anon

        We just got 14 new window treatments from Blinds dot com and it cost us $2k. We got very basic cordless cellular shades in a non-custom color, so nothing fancy at all. But a vast improvement over the janky, dirty, mostly nonfunctional wood-look vinyl slat blinds that came with the house. My husband is pretty handy but showed me how to install the hardware in each window and I did several myself, with no assistance. Took us less than half a day to get all of the blinds installed and it has made an amazing difference; I wish I had done this a long time ago. The blinds we got are “light filtering” so even where we have them down for privacy, a lot of light gets through, which is exactly what I wanted (the light was one of the first things I loved about our house).

        We still do have curtains on a couple of windows where it makes sense, but the blinds are soooo much nicer. OP, if you haven’t considered ordering shades, go to one of the online blinds websites and look at the options available. There are blinds of all kinds to choose from; there may be an option that would work better than curtains for the windows in question.

    • Bette

      TaskRabbit is great for tasks like hanging curtains.

      I found a talented handyman on TaskRabbit a while back that I now hire independently.

      I schedule him for an hour or two every couple months to do random things like hang pictures on a brick wall, fix the broken towel rack, unclog my bathtub drain, etc. I pay him $20 per hour plus money for supplies and it’s incredible.

      I am actually pretty handy but lack the time. It’s dramatically more convenient to have the handyman do it.

    • Anon

      This is what Taskrabbit and apps like Handy are for. You can hire this out in 5 minutes.

    • Anon

      Hire someone in December. I think a lot of people try to make extra money during the holidays and now might be a perfect time to just get it over with.

    • Anonymous

      Get a stepladder and a level. Read the instructions that come with the curtain rods.

    • TrixieRuby

      task rabbit. Lots of workers do this. Watch them and learn, and THEN you can direct the teen across the street. also, watch some youtube videos from interior designers about ways to place the rods–on the wall, the trim, the ceiling, etc.

  6. Anon

    I need earmuffs for daily wear on my commute to and from the office. Any recommendations?

    • Pomme-Grenade

      I have Uggs earmuffs that I enjoyed as they are cute and warm. I would suggest trying on a few pairs at Nordstrom (or any big retail store) as not all earmuffs have the same fit…

    • Anon

      I have a super warm, wool knitted headband that works great for this in case you want to explore options other than earmuffs.

    • MagicUnicorn

      I like whatever those kind are that have the band that goes behind your neck, under a ponytail. Blanking on the brand, but they stay put on me better than over the head ones do and are more comfortable on my picky ears.

  7. Cuyana - Black Friday sale?

    Do you know if there is usually sales at Cuyana during BlackFriday? I am looking to purchase a tote bag and a few clothing items but can certainly wait until next week to see if there are any % rebate.

    • Anon

      I don’t know. I had posted last week about getting a leather tote as a gift. With input, I had narrowed it to the Madewell zip-top transport tote, or the Cuyana zippered tote that just restocked this week. Madewell was slightly less pricey, but it’s 40% off today, so that sealed the deal and I purchased the transport tote.

  8. anon

    I would love an update from the reader with the mother with the 1200-sq ft house in the country with one bathroom and the SIL who wants an overflow rental, and the similar recent one with . . oh, the details escape me. Similar, though. I am truly interested, it’s not to gloat or to say “oh how terrible!”

    I’m hardly having a Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving myself – – my adult daughter and I are on Weight Watchers, so it’s us and the three cats; possibly one festive beverage.

    • Anne-on

      I feel like we all deserve a thread of the most ridiculous holiday demands/stories of family meltdowns with names changed to protect the (not so) innocent…

      • Monday

        Carolyn Hax hosts a “hootenanny of holiday horrors” in one of her Friday chats every December. (There’s usually a wedding edition in the summer too.) It tends to be heavy on unreasonable family demands!

        • Anne-on

          Here’s a vote for a Holiday horrors open thread! Let’s all find catharthisis through each other’s misery ;)

      • Anon

        If we do it I will trot out my tale of thanksgiving past that makes everyone feel better about their worst thanksgiving

        • Anonymous

          When I was 11 I set our kitchen on fire trying to make doughnuts on thanksgiving morning. Everyone was fine and the kitchen only suffered minor damage, but we could not cook thanksgiving dinner and had to go out.

  9. Single Struggles

    My vent for the morning, if you’ll indulge me. Why is dating so frustrating?! I went through a divorce a few years ago, am 35, and have been trying so hard to find my person. I had a great connection with a guy recently, but just broke up with him last night. I’m confident he’s not the one, but break-ups still suck. And the holidays are coming up, which makes me feel more lonely. I have amazing friends and family, but it’s not the same as having a partner.

      • Anon

        My friend just told me she deleted the apps! Dating breaks are sometimes necessary.

        • Anon

          I think a dating app break between the beginning of November and Valentine’s Day is nearly essential.

    • Anon

      Ugh yes dating is incredibly difficult! I was single for 4 years before I started dating my current bf. I went on so many dates in NYC, sometimes 5 in one week. My single friends have all had similar experiences. I actually briefly dated someone who believed that women should just be beautiful like a Victoria’s Secret model and men should just make all the money. I expect a lot more from a man than just a nice paycheck!! I’m not entirely sure what is happening with men these days but it’s slim pickings out there. You definitely have my sympathy and there are a lot of women in your position. It’s not just you.

    • Anon

      Aw sending you hugs! A break up around the holidays is tough. I remember one time I knew I wanted to break up with someone but didn’t want to do it over the holidays but then it was just hanging over my head the whole time. Better to do what you need to do rather than wait. Hope you can indulge in some self care!

      • Single Struggles

        I definitely considered that before breaking up with him! Went back and forth for a few days thinking it would be fine to keep him around another 6 weeks just so I’m not alone over the holidays, so glad to hear your perspective. Thanks for sharing that :)

        • Anon

          My ex broke up with me right before Christmas a few years ago. I worked right near the tree in NYC. I left my office and cried while walking around seeing all these happy tourists. It screamed start of rom com movie and now I look back and laugh! It was still probably one of my most fun NYE that year just hanging out with friends.

    • Anon

      I hear you so much. I got divorced at 33 and everyone told me to “take some time to myself before dating” but what they didn’t get is that I was lonely after many years in an unhappy marriage! I dated a lot of really terrible people and bad matches. Luckily I met my person and just got married again at 37.

      Two pieces of advice if you want them. Keep trying, because my husband and I kept missing each other on the apps because we were each seeing someone or taking a break when the other was swiping, so it took some luck before we were both on there at the same time. Big hugs because breakups are hard, even when you know it’s the right thing. And second, therapy. Even now I keep finding new ways that my first dysfunctional marriage and divorce are making it hard for me to be happy in a relationship. I feel like I would have screwed this up like 10 times by now if I didn’t have that help.
      Good luck and big hugs!

    • Anon

      It’s because you’re looking for something special and rare and that’s awesome. Congratulations on valuing yourself and breaking up with the wrong guy. I reframed awful to analogizing dating as going antiquing and looking for that special painting. It could take a while to find the perfect piece to buy, but the looking can be really fun. Have a good time dating, you’ll meet new people, try new places, have new drinks, have funny stories. And one day of you keep at it, you’ll probably find your rare and special person.

    • Anon

      Dating is miserable. I don’t want to go all Smug Married and really want to avoid it. I got married at 37, four years ago, and both my husband and I think dating these days is just awful and soul sucking. Someone made a crack on twitter about how, vis a vis romance, Gen X must feel like they got on the last helicopter out of Saigon.

      The only positive thing about it is that when people finally meet the one, they move FAST. It’s like they all think “I have seen what else is out there, it sucks so hard, I have no desire to spend one more second in that life, let’s do this thing.” I know multiple people who got married within a year of meeting their spouse.

    • Anon

      I have honestly given up as well (like the commenter above). I have been on dating apps for years and I just don’t see myself ever getting excited about someone through a phone screen, and first dates where you are also literally meeting the person for the first time just feel like we are both looking to “hire” someone (like a job interview). I hate that society’s views on dating have shifted to the apps…I genuinely want to be asked out in public like people were in previous decades but it feels like that will never happen in 2022.

    • thanksgiving anxiety

      I would get off the apps. I have much better luck with people I’ve met IRL who do not use them.

      • Anon

        How do you meet them though? I’ve never gotten to an “asking someone out” stage IRL

        • Anon

          I also think the problem is I look very young and most people who are single in my area are about a decade younger than me. Online dating at least gives you the basic demographics, age, religion, etc.

          • Anonymous

            Ha! I had the same issue until I decided to just date them at any age. It has been really fun so far. but at nearly 50 I don’t really care about getting married, so YMMV.

        • thanksgiving anxiety

          The serious and current relationships I’ve had originated from meeting a friends of a friends while out, random guys at concerts, random guys at networking events, random guy who sat next to me at the bar while I was having dinner alone.

          When I tried online dating I felt most of the guys were just using it as a catalog of women for casual s*x and met a lot of dark triad types. I don’t remember the stats but you can look them up, it’s essentially a small percentage of men getting all of the matches. To be honest, I didn’t like what it was doing to me because I was also starting to view men as very disposable because it was so easy to get a new one. I liked coffee meets bagel the best bc it limits swipes but this was awhile ago.

          I could go on about my theories but it’s all generalizations and kind of depressing. There’s always a chance it can work out and if your mental health can handle it, of course online dating increases your odds of meeting someone. It wasn’t worth it for me.

    • Anon

      Commiseration from a 42 yr old in a non-metropolitan area who was just recently broke up with by someone I truly loved and had an amazing connection with (for reasons out of my control). It was the most emotional breakup I have ever been through in my life and the idea of trying to date again in my area is so depressing. I met this guy at an in-person event but it is so so so hard to meet people IRL vs the apps. GAHHHHHH

  10. Anon

    I am literally shaped like Gru from Despicable Me. Broad shoulders, large chest, both of which are wider than my hips, and then very skinny calves. Help me dress myself for both work and casual. I’ve already thought of trying wide leg pants to balance out my Gru silhouette, but I’m also short and they just look baggy and frumpy on me.

  11. Kelly

    We are upgrading our furniture. I tend toward the eclectic and like a lot of the furniture at Anthropologie. However, I don’t know about the quality. Can anyone speak to that (or recommend other “colorful” not too modern brands to consider)! Thanks!!

    • Anonymous

      I’m often the voice of “let people buy new furniture” here but if this is your jam I think you’ll be really successful with antique and vintage pieces particularly if you are open to reupholstering.

    • Anonymous

      It has been a while, but my parents purchased a sofa there years ago and it was actually a Mitchell Gold + Bob Williams piece, which is high quality. I think they are sourcing from other brands so it may be a piece-by-piece issue.

    • anon

      Oka. It’s a British brand trying to make inroads into the US. Lots of color, but more traditional than modern shapes. Anthro furniture quality is generally commiserate with the price (as they are just rebranding furniture from other brands). You might also want to go to a traditional furniture store and explore the custom fabric options.

    • Gail the Goldfish

      Nadeau has a similar vibe if you have one near you. Not really my style so I don’t have any to speak to quality.

  12. startup lawyer

    Has anyone purchased anything from Ayr? Is it just like another Everlane in quality?

    • Anon

      I’m not sure I’d analogize to Everlane. It’s fine. I bought and returned a pair of jeans that were decent quality and just didn’t fit me right. Returns were pretty easy if I recall correctly.

    • Sallyanne

      Yes, I have a couple of their button downs (the deep end) and a fabulous cream sweater that I don’t see one their web page. I am really happy with the shirts and sweater, quality but and fit better than Everlane for me. I am interested in their jeans but I hate buying jeans online.

  13. Anon

    Does anyone have any favorite resorts that provide opportunities to both lay on a beach and do lots of activities? I’m trying to find a spot with lots of physical things to do (hiking, paddle boarding, kayaking, or similar) but also a place to spend some time relaxing. Flexible on location.

    • anon

      I haven’t been, but Club Med resorts are known for this. I’d check out the Club Med in the Turks & Caicos–I did a snorkeling trip in the Turks & Caicos, and several guests and one employee from Club Med were on the same excursion and seemed happy with it. But that was over 10 years ago.

    • Anon

      Pretty much any Caribbean resort will have opportunities for watersports like kayaking, paddleboarding and snorkeling. If you really care about hiking, Hawaii is the best place. But there is also some nice hiking in the Caribbean in places like PR, USVIs, St. Lucia. I adore Turks and Caicos for the snorkeling and beautiful beaches, but I would not go there if hiking is a priority. The island is flat as hell.

      • Anon

        Not for me. Moorea was nice but no nicer than Hawaii or the Caribbean in my mind. Landscape wise it’s very similar to Kauai. It was Bora Bora that wow-ed me and made the time and expensive of French Polynesia with it.

  14. Anon

    I’m fantasizing about traveling next year. What destinations are at the top of your list and why?

    • Anonymous

      Patagonia. It looks like another planet. I want to go while I am still young enough to be allowed to hike on the glacier.

        • Ness

          Yes and no, there are two options. The one that really goes into the glacier has an age restriction ( Suitable for people between 18 and 50 years only whitout exceptions and with good health) the mini treking is for everyone (well, between 18 and 65). I did the Big Ice and it is one of the coolest things I have done in my life.
          https://hieloyaventura.com/en/home/

    • Anon

      Big picture bucket list? Antarctica, safari in South Africa, Maldives, Galapagos, Svalbard Norway to see polar bears, Patagonia, Nepal, going back to Australia and New Zealand (I went as a kid). Wildlife and nature are clearly big themes here.

      In 2023 we’re planning trips to southern Spain and the Algarve region of Portugal, the Amalfi Coast of Italy, and Switzerland. Hoping to do Australia in 2024.

    • Anonymous

      Paris. We’ve never been and it was our next international trip we were going to plan in 2020 and well, time to get back to that. We try to take 2 vacations a year and still deciding on what the second will be–we will either do a chill week on a beach somewhere or a week at a national park. Tentatively thought about Yellowstone in late summer/early fall and shockingly it still has reservations (i thought it was one where you basically had to book a year in advance), so we may do that.

  15. Anon

    Speaking of Christmas lists, my boss told me last week that I will be sent on some international business trips in early 2023 to visit sites in India, Malaysia, and/or Japan, which I am thrilled about!

    My previous business travel has been limited to attending three 2-3 day of conferences, all within the US. In my personal life, I love to travel but my international travel is limited to Europe, Canada, and the Caribbean. I have not traveled internationally since 2019.

    So, in light of this information, is there anything I should be putting on my Christmas list? Anything I need for (extended) business travel, very long flights (longest flight I’ve ever been on was direct to Italy from NYC), or travel to Asia? My work wardrobe is LOFT business casual: work pants + blouses or sweaters, work dresses, rarely blazers, I wear heeled sandals or boots, but tossed all my pumps after leaving a more formal job 4 years ago.

    Also, just any tips on travel (especially business travel) to these countries would be appreciated!

    • Anonymous

      I have not been to those places, but I would certainly look into getting a set of outlet converters and small electronics that can be used in those places (hair styling tools in particular, but whatever else you might travel with).

    • Anne-on

      I think this is a great opportunity to ask for some new wheeled luggage/packing cubes/toiletry sets! I’ve found my colleagues in Asia more formal, so maybe some comfortable leather flats and a blazer or two? I also LOVE my C cashmere wrap from Bloomingdales – grey or camel would go with just about everything and it’s light enough to roll up and stick in a work bag but warm (and large enough) to wrap up in if the plane or office is freezing.

      • OP

        Good point! I have a wheeled carry on, but nothing bigger. I don’t know what the itinerary will be yet, but if I do two locations it will likely be over one week. I do need new packing cubes, though!

        I have a pair of non-chunky loafers I love, so those should fit the bill but maybe a fun blazer (I just have plain black or trendy plaid, so maybe something in the middle). Cashmere wrap is also a great idea for the plane!

    • Anonymous

      Compression socks! I like Bombas. Cute new masks, people still wearing them in Asia. Summer Fridays Jet Lag mask. The best to sleep in for tons of moisture. A nice eye mask.

    • Cat

      My MVPs for long flights – compression socks (Bombas are great), an eye mask that has little molded cups over your eyes (so your eyes and lashes don’t feel squished), and an iPad full of downloaded shows and movies bc sometimes the in-flight entertainment doesn’t work.

      I am officially a packing cube convert – even though it’s technically extra material, it helps your clothes stay so much more organized and un-wrinkled because if you pack them carefully, you don’t get all the squish-wrinkles from garments shifting around and settling in tr.nsit.

    • Anon

      My travel MVPs are the bigger carryon from Away and their matching packing cubes. Also AirTags for your luggage. In Japan people dress almost exclusively in navy, black, tan and white with sensible block heels for work, definitely on the formal side/ minimalist chic.

      • Anon

        Is Away luggage really worth the cost? I’ve had my TJ Maxx roller carry on for 7 years and it’s been great. I don’t see the hype about nicer luggage, but am ready to be converted if I’m wrong!

        • Anon

          No I don’t think it’s worth the cost. I had an Away bag that was confiscated by United (long story, but they changed their policy so you can’t take it as a carryon unless you can remove the battery, and my bag was a first gen one without a removable battery) and I replaced it with a $50 Target spinner from the kids section. I like the Target bag more.

        • Anon

          I think so but I’ve never bought Target luggage so I can’t compare. Their compression system lets me pack a ton, same with the cubes, and their wheels are amazing.

      • OP

        I am a black, grey, camel person so that should fit my wardrobe well! Will look into block heels – feels very practical but still on trend!

        I never check luggage, but if this is a longer trip I likely will so Airtags are a great idea, thanks!

    • Anon

      Lucky you! Business travel is easy when you’re in business class, they will have everything you need for a long flight. If you’re in coach though you definitely need to prepare to sleep well – travel pillows, eye masks, and ear plugs are helpful. Definitely need a tooth brush. Maybe even a seat cushion if you have trouble sitting all day.

        • anon

          When I travel long haul in coach, watching TV/movies on the in-seat screen helps pass time. Bring headphones with a jack that you can plug in. in case the screen doesn’t work, download stuff on your phone. Also having some kind of neck pillow helps me get some sleep.

          • OP

            Thank you! I have an iPad that I will load up, for sure! I’m awful about sleeping on planes, but the few times I’ve been successful, it’s included a neck pillow :)

        • Anon

          Check with your company before you book coach, many let you upgrade to business for trips like you’re talking about.

          • OP

            Our company policy is that only VPs and above are eligible for business class, and I am a mere senior analyst.

    • Anon

      A tote bag with a sleeve that can fit over the handle of a roller bag is great for travel. I have a Tumi tote that’s fantastic for work.

      • Anonymous

        OMG yes! I wish I had known this before going to a two-week trial out of town. And thank goodness I had the good sense to pick some up on Day 3 when my feet had swollen to twice their size. I hadn’t worn them since a medical issue as a teen and they were not top of mind but somehow I thought to get them when I was also buying new shoes and they really saved me.

    • No Face

      When I traveled for business, I really loved having a whole set of the personal care products that I use everyday. I kept that set in a toiletry bag that I could toss in my suitcase before each trip.

      • OP

        I think it will only be 1-2 trips a year, so I probably won’t get a whole separate set, but I do have almost all of my products at home in travel sizes in my gym locker, so I will just bring that with me on the trip!

    • ALT

      Anything for India clothing-wise I’d recommend loose fits, thinner breathable fabrics and things you don’t mind getting dusty or dirty (there is so much dust everywhere), even in the cities.

      I never had to dress business-y on my work trips, so no help there, but get all of your shots ahead of time and bring medicine for digestive issues, you’ll more than likely need it.

      Also bring a suitcase with enough room for souvenirs or one of those packable duffles you can use on the way home for souvenirs…I bought SO MANY textile gifts for people and myself and I honestly regret not buying more because I love a block print with my whole heart.

    • Flats Only

      Away Medium suitcase – it is wonderful. New iPad mini to load up with movies and books.

    • Anonymous

      Battery pack? Something like the Anker power strip that’s a cube and has 3 USB ports and 3 ac outlets? New sunglasses? New toiletries or makeup pouch?

      I personally love Muji’s suitcases since they’re so light, but maybe wait to see if the prices are better in Japan?

      Oh for Malaysia and Japan – sometimes the hotel will provide indoor slippers, but sometimes they don’t. But it’s a not a bad idea to have a cheap $5 dollar pair from Old Navy or Marshalls on hand in your suitcase.

  16. Anne-on

    Our new rescue kitten has been very needy and regularly sits on my desk/behind my computer while I work. In an effort to combat seasonal depression/general ‘blahs’ I’ve been burning scented votive candles more regularly. Kitten was fascinated by the light and did the patented cat ‘nudge, nudge, nudge’ to the canle while I was on a call – I only realized this as the candle was knocked off my desk splattering hot wax on me, my floor, and nearly lighting my trashcan on fire. My colleagues found the explanation for my sudden shriek/going off camera/on mute HILARIOUS when I came back. Kitten (of course) was unharmed. Sigh.
    Happy Friday all…

      • Anne-on

        Seriously. My previous beloved cat was SO fascinated by fire that she lit her whiskers on fire once with the tapers on our thanksgiving dinner table. That was fun.
        We always put candles up on high/narrow mantles to avoid the curious kitten/large dog with a tail that is right at coffee table height, but this was a new ‘treat’ for me while working. Guess that only gets to happen when the cat is shut out of my office. Sigh. At least I gave someone else the gift of a funny story for their work day!

        • Anonymous

          We have a gas fireplace (that we never used) and I turned it off because the cats would just sit and stare at the pilot light and even with a screen in front of it I didn’t trust them.

          • Anne-on

            Kitten is 100% fine. She is currently torturing our large senior dog who is very sweet and just trying to nap in the sun but twitching paws/tails are irresitable and must be pounced on. Also watching the progression from the kitten’s absolute terror of the (overly enthusiastic) dog trying to smell her to now being besties and wanting to play 24/7 is hilarious.

    • Anon

      Oh no!! My BFF had a similar situation – she was on camera when her cat got too close to a candle and singed some fur (he is fine), leading to her shrieking and a lot of commotion!

  17. ACK!

    I am giving my 2 weeks notice TODAY to my smol firm where I’ve been obsessed with my work and clients over the years but have just felt really undervalued (they could have just PAID me and I would not have even looked) and taken advantage of (mentoring and training all new associates free of charge, including keeping the train on the tracks while partners travel for bizdev)

    so nervous, why does this process never get easier?
    And thanks to you anonymous strangers for pumping me up when I begrudged being a mid-level, old millennial associate. I’m going in house!

    • Anon

      Congratulations!!! I would just tell your boss halfway through the day, coast the rest of the day and go get drinks at 5pm! It’s just like ripping a bandaid and then you won’t have to worry all weekend.

    • Anon

      Yay for you!! Congrats!! Sounds like a great move. Hope you can get some quiet time before the new job starts!

    • No Face

      Congratulations!!! I always hate quitting but it feels so good when it is over.

      Especially the part where I turn off my work email notifications on my phone because I am not doing anything outside of standard business hours, make plans at 5pm, hand off cases to other people. It is the best.

  18. Anonymous

    If you are at a senior level and well-known in your small field, how do you discreetly signal to your network that you are interested in new opportunities without its being awkward or getting back to your employer? I have begun having these conversations for the first time in years and one was kind of weird and awkward.

  19. Anonymous

    Feeling so blah today. In the last 5 days, I broke things off with a situationship, found out I didn’t get a job I was a finalist for that I really wanted (interesting work! 25% pay raise! more PTO! great boss!), am still dealing with residual exhaustion and brain fog from Covid a few weeks ago. I do not enjoy my current job; work is stressful but slow and boring with bad leadership and doesn’t pay great. Part time grad school has me very busy, exhausted, and feeling poor. I’m emotional about some family stuff this time of year (just missing those who are no longer with us) and it’s finally winter weather, so am breaking out my winter wardrobe where nothing fits due to COVID weight gain. I live in the North and I hate the cold and darkness of winter.

    I normally lean on my parents for emotional support but they’re having (non serious, but time/energy consuming) health and house problems right now, so don’t want to bother them too much. My friends are great but half are deliriously happy with their lives (in which case, I am truly thrilled for them) or are in very similar boats to me (so we can commiserate, but also I don’t want to put too much on them because it’s a downer. It also leads to a cycle of co-ruminatlon which is not great for any of us).

    Nothing on its own is that bad, and I’m not feeling depressed or anything (my SSRI is actually working very well). I have plans to go back to therapy, but the appointment isn’t for a few weeks. It’s just one of those weeks where it all hits at once. In fact, this is one of the first times I’ve been in such a funk in the past few years where I’m confident it’s not a mental health issue and is just a “life is temporarily hard right now” issue. Living alone and being single is mostly great, but also sometimes it’d be nice to have someone else to handle things or share the burden with.

    Normally I treat myself to something like a massage or some shopping when I feel this way, but money is tight (grad school). I also have a list of things I like to do to get out of a funk (socialize with friends, spend time on a hobby, exercise more, cook something fun, deep clean the apartment) I”m still too tired/brain fogged to do from COVID (I’m sleeping 9-10 hours a day, but also feel groggy and overtired when I’m awake). For dealing with the winter, in the past I leaned hard into “embrace the winter” aspect and I got a sunlamp , but it swung from the 70s to the 20s here in about 3 days and so I’m not yet prepared for this cold (and I have outdoor social plans all day tomorrow, which I’m not mentally or physically prepared for). I’m lighting candles and trying to make my apartment cozy, but I just moved in on Oct 15 (and then got Covid very soon after) so it’s still a bit of a disaster. I plan on decorating for the holidays soon, but don’t have supplies so can’t do it yet (they did not survive the move, sadly).

    If anyone has any affordable and low-energy suggestions on how to break this funk, I am ALL EARS.

    • pugsnbourbon

      I’m sorry – this is a lot! I’m glad you have a therapist appt. scheduled.

      For the outdoor event – pick up some of those Hot Hands warmers – one for each hand and the toes of your shoes. It makes a huge difference.

      For getting out of a funk – with you still recovering from Covid it makes sense that you’re resting as much as you can. Can you throw some money at making your couch or study space or bed a real retreat? Not saying spend $1k on sheets, but a really cozy throw blanket or pillows that make you smile. Get some coffee or tea or cocoa you really like and a new mug from TJMaxx or something. Hang in there and I hope you feel better soon!

      • Anonymous

        Thank you! I really think that without the COVID I’d be fine (since I could do my normal activities) but I’m just too tired to do so right now. Working + school + taking care of everything in my life myself + trying to maintain some semblance of social life and hobbies and exercise is already exhausting, so adding COVID in has really wiped me out. There might be a pastry and coffee run in my near future, thanks for the idea.

    • Anon

      I usually buy myself a few small Christmas gifts (things that my parents won’t understand – lol!) and I was feeling down after a breakup/career setback recently so I just opened them early.

      I just got back from a work trip and my plan for this afternoon is to do minimal work (keep myself green and that’s it) and light a fancy new candle and paint my nails with my new Olive & June nail polish and get sushi delivered, even though I don’t normally splurge for delivery (but business trip means I have no food in the house anyway!), I will probably log off early and watch trash TV and go to bed early and catch up on rest (I sleep terribly in hotels, so I’m exhausted from my trip).

    • Anon

      Sometimes I “dress well to test well” even though I”m no longer in school. Even if I’m not leaving the house, I’ll do my full skincare routine, and maybe even do my hair and/or makeup. I’ll wear lounge clothes but nicer ones, not my schlubby old sports stuff (my college gave athletes the most comfortable sweatpants ever, but they are ugly, oversized, and blah!).

      I am a product of my environment! If my apartment is picked up, I feel 100% better. If I do my nails or am wearing something cute, I feel better. I try to eat comfort food that isn’t going to make me feel bad later (cheese and crackers or guac and chips or sushi vs Ellios or Doritos or ben and Jerrys). I light candles and use cozy blankets. It’s low cost (I own most of these things already) and low effort (can do skincare, hair, make up in 10 mins) but makes me feel better.

      I learned here when I’m burnt out some activity makes me feel better than vegging on the couch, but sometimes I’m too tired to read, go for a walk, etc but maybe I’ll pick at a puzzle or paint my nails while watching trash TV.

  20. Anon

    PSA that Elizabeth Holmes (Theranos) is to be sentenced at 1pm ET. Should be interesting. Link to WSJ article I just read to follow.

  21. Anon

    For the first time in my career, I got so upset in a meeting today that I decided for the sake of my mental health I needed to take the rest of the day off, and put in for sick time and signed out.

    Anyone else ever done this? Part of me feels like I should be tougher and just deal with the fallout of this person completely overstepping their bounds, disrespecting people, and having no compunction about asking for completely unreasonable things even in the face of clear information about why the ask is a bad idea. And then throwing a tantrum when we weren’t unquestionably enthusiastic about what she wanted to do. It’s not the first time this kind of thing has happened to me. But for some reason, today, I am just done. I don’t want to postmortem the meeting with my colleagues. I don’t want to try to work out next steps. I don’t want to look for another job (which I probably should do). I just want to sit on my couch and watch Love Is Blind for the rest of the day. Maybe things will look better on Monday?

    • Vicky Austin

      That sounds perfectly justifiable to me. Sometimes the last straw really does break your back; it sounds like relaxing with brain-popcorn television is just what you need.

    • pugsnbourbon

      Good on you for doing what was best for you. Things will be better Monday and even if it’s still crappy, you’ll be able to handle it.

    • anon

      Good for you! I’ve done this once before. I was going above and beyond to clean up management’s mistakes. Everyone acknowledged that I was single handedly keeping the team afloat. Then when discussing bonuses I learned I was at the very bottom of the discretionary range. I shut my laptop at noon, made a strong drink, and began job hunting that day.

      • pugsnbourbon

        I know you were probably at home, but I also like the image of you Don Draper-ing it and pulling bourbon out of your desk drawer.

  22. Anne-on

    Does anyone have any favorite belgian/french style hot cocoa recipes? We’re having a holiday open house and I thought we’d have a hot cocoa bar using our slow cooker and offer crushed mints/marshmallows/homemade whipped cream/caramel/raspberry sauces as toppings. I’ve only made hot cocoa from a powdered mix before (the Jacques Torres one) which was good but not great for the price.

    • Anon

      I’m not familiar with Belgian or French hot cocoa, but what about Mexican hot chocolate? Specifically abuelita.

      • Curious

        To make a similar drink, heat chocolate in a double boiler, then stir in hot milk, so that you have basically melty chocolate on the bottom and milky chocolate on top. Add whipped cream and a coffee biscuit and you have my best memory from Rotterdam.

  23. Anon

    I want to buy a new suit for the very rare occasion (like once a year) I need to suit up. This will be my only suit. I’m trying to decide between Ann Taylor (~$200) and Brooks Brothers (~$500). Which would you buy? I know AT quality these days but what is BB quality?

    • Anon

      I’d go with the cheaper option because you only wear it once or twice a year and it might not fit in 3 years.

      • Team AT

        Agree- AT and maybe get it taillored if you need it. That extra money and quality will be wasted on something that you use infrequently and maybe in a couple years you’d want something different. Also quality matters more for longevity/wear and it sounds like you’re more the equivalent of a little old lady driving to the grocery store once a week level of wear and tear.

    • Cat

      tbh I think JCrew suiting is better quality and in-between those two on price point. But of those two would go AT for such a rarely-worn item.

    • Anon

      Brooks Brothers filed for bankruptcy in 2020, and then got acquired. I haven’t bought anything from them since, but I would not be surprised if quality has suffered.

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