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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 183 Comments · by

Frugal Friday’s TPS Report: Jersey Blazer

The Personal Shopper (TPS)· Under $150

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. H&M Khaki Green Jersey BlazerH&M just launched its online store, and it's a lot of fun to poke around, particularly if you're looking for a few trendy pieces to add to your collection. For $34.95, it's hard to go wrong with this jersey blazer. It comes in black and gray (as well as this “khaki green,” which I've gone back and forth on but ultimately decided I like). It's lined with satin, is machine washable, and comes in sizes 2-16. Not bad. H&M Khaki Green Jersey Blazer Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail [email protected]. (L-0)  

Sales of note for 8.30.24

  • Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
  • Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
  • Boden – 20% off
  • Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
  • Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
  • Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
  • Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
  • White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale

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Comments

  1. Veronique

    Has anyone ever tried on a jersey blazer? Would the fit be similar to a ponte blazer but thinner? I’ve never seen one before…

    • NYNY

      I tried one on in a dept store once, but didn’t buy it. It was lightweight and came off as very casual. I was looking for something for casual Fridays to wear with denim, but it looked more juniors department than I felt comfortable with.

      In comparison to today’s pick, the one I tried was unlined. This may have a little more structure because of the lining.

    • j

      I have a Vince jersey blazer I got at a thrift store for very cheap. Even though it’s by a “luxury” brand, it’s denitely not for work.I actually wear mine much like the model pictured above with leather pants. The biggest hazard with inexpensive jersey blazers, along with the things that NYNY mentioned, is that they will get that washed t-shirt fade (slightly lighter around the edges) after a few washes and will lose any semblance of shape they once had.

  2. Ellen

    Yay! Fruegel Friday’s! I love Fruegel Friday’s and this fruegel blazer from H&M!!! I can go there at lunch if I go early to order it b/f my dad stop’s by in his humuoungous SUV to pick me up! I am all packed and ready to go with him on his special assignment. We are headeing first to Princeton University, where he must talk to a MENTEE who is goeing to start working where Dad used to work next year, and then we are headeing right to Langeley, which is suposedley near DC (I never heard of it) where we spend the weekend! YAY!

    Dad will NOT discuss specific busness, but he will tell me alot more about the ideas he put in his PDF report to the manageing partner, and give me a few “tips” on how to aproach the manageing partner about sweeteneing the partnership “POT” for me. I love this concept but have some troubel articuleating all of this stuff to the manageing partner with a straight face b/c I know that he will know that Dad has been coacheing me!

    Anyway, I lost 1 pound with my fitbit, so that is good, but I need 7 more b/f I will let Sam see my tuchus. Dad has now started pusheing me to have HIM meet Sam (Dad spent some time in London years ago), so he has some thing’s in common with Sam. Dad wants Sam to marry me so Dad can buy a house in North Carolina. But if Sam is a nose picker, he will NOT be the one. I hope dad does NOT spend the whole week brow-beateing me into why I am NOT married already, like Rosa, or have childeren, like Rosa, or have a big house in Chapaqua like Rosa, etec etec, etec…..

    So anyway, if I don’t get to post much this afternoon and next week, it’s b/c I will ONLEY have my Iphone with me and it is dificult to do much with that. Mabye if Dad will let me use his MacBook Pro, I can, but he has alot of stuff on there he will NOT want to let me see. FOOEY! All the best to the HIVE! YAY!!!!

    • Mulva

      Ellen if Sam has enough money, you can hire someone to clean up after him in the spacious home he will purchase as the marital abode. Vegans eat inexpensively, and the gluten issue will pass. Marry him soon before some cutey will dazzle him with her wares, which accounts for many of the “unplanned” pregnancies over the Summer, traceable to the Hamptons–or Jackson Hole in the winter, where they are more than willing to “warm a guy up” after a day on the slopes.

      Trust me, once he’s had you a few times, he’ll move on unless you’ve married him. All I-bankers are alike. They head right for home plate, but you make sure he circles the bases first.

  3. anon

    Sorry for the immediate TJ. I’m 9 months pregnant and starting to worry about my water breaking at work. Any office workers have this happen? How did you clean up? How did you leave without being noticed? It really doesn’t help that I work with pretty much only men who are starting to ask how much longer with a look of sheer panic at the thought of them needing to do something if it happens here, lol.

    • JJ

      I’m due in 3 weeks, so I’m having similar concerns. If it makes you feel better, I’ve never met someone whose water broke at work. The only people I’ve met whose water broke before they got to the hospital had it break either during the night or in the morning. And for them, it was a slow leak and not a huge “gush” like the movies make it out to be.

      All that aside, I keep a blanket in my office and I always have a towel in my car. I figure in the worst case scenario, I can wrap myself up in one of those and drive myself to the hospital (or rely on a good friend at work to take me if the contractions are that severe).

    • mama

      anon – re. water breaking. I haven’t heard of it happening that often. In fact I think it’s something like less than 25% of moms have their waters break before any labor starts at all. Also, your water doesn’t always break on its own. It often happens later, at the hospital, where sometimes the docs have to break it for you. That said, if you are super worried, wearing a pad will absorb a lot of the mess. Many people just experience a small leak. My water broke in the middle of the night (with my first kiddo) and it was not a lot, enough that it would have been absorbed by a pad, followed by a very slow leak. Very, very few people experience the massive gush and standing in a puddle that you see on the movies. But, as you will no doubt learn, pretty much every aspect of giving birth is NOTHING like the movies. It is hard to leave without being noticed. But that will be the least of your concerns by then. :-)

      • ac

        This. I did have my water break spontaneously and before significant contractions (not at work)… but based on discussions with friends, this is relatively rare. I think the portrayal of labor in movies and TV shows makes water breaking unexpectedly seem a lot more common than it actually is!

      • anne-on

        Me too, my water never broke on its own. They eventually broke it for me when I was about 4cm dilated at the hospital (after about 7ish hours of labor).

    • Snowy

      I’ve never been pregnant, but I have heard that less than 20% of women even have their water break at all (naturally) – so odds are in your favor that it won’t happen at work.

      That said, curious to see if anyone has ever had this happen to them! I don’t know what I’d do, since my whole office is carpeting, yuck. And the bathroom is really friggin far away.

      • anon

        OP here – Yeah, I’m operating off of worst case scenario here since it does occasionally happen, sometimes makes a huge mess, and, like you, my office is carpeted and very very far from the bathroom.

        • mascot

          If it is really freaking you out, start wearing pads in the last few weeks (you’ll need them post delivery anyways). The Always Infinity ones are pretty thin and can give you some peace of mind.

        • Pregomama

          For worst case: bring a towel in and be sitting on it all day. Have a spare skirt/pair of paints on hand. Wear a pad if 1 and 2 sound like too much work.

          This is my 1st pregnancy so no thoughts on this, but to others…would a dress be better? Ie easier to clean up? Or pants because they’re likely to catch more of the liquid and leave less mess?

    • mascot

      My water broke on its own, pre-hospital, and it happened to several of my close friends as well. So, I think that 20% number is low (or we were just very lucky). That’s being said, it’s not gallons at once. A towel in your car and office , some maxi pads and maybe some spare undies will get your through. You’ll be much more concerned with getting to the hospital than anything else.
      I do know a woman whose water broke at the office. She said it was a little bit of a mess, but her assistant and co-workers were more excited for her and concentrating on getting her to the hospital than freaked out.

    • anon

      I have heard that if you’re upright (as you are likely to be at work), the baby’s head will act as a stopper so you’ll get leakage, but not a huge messy gush.

      • Maddie Ross

        This. Mine broke at home in the middle of the night (I got up to pee and when I stood up, immediately started leaking). I’d say at the very worst, you might mess up your car seat driving to the hospital and the clothes you’re wearing (the yoga pants and undies I wore to the hospital I threw away immediately upon getting there). It’s not a gush generally like you see in the movies that gets on the sidewalk and your shoes. It’s just constant leakage like a water balloon with a hole in it.

    • DC Association

      My water broke at work. It was funny, It was a Monday. That weekend a lot of painting and getting ready happened – everything was finally in place. At work, I had a big meeting where I went over every single detail of what needed to happen while I was gone. I walk out of the meeting, and…my water broke. I think my body said, well, everything is ready, so – GO!

      As others have said, it was not a huge amount of water. I am not even sure if any got on the floor (i was wearing pants). Everyone was so excited and into “what do we do next?! oh wow, this is so amazing!” mode. I sure wish I had some maxi pads with me as after the initial time, there was leakage, although small (maybe like if you had a weak bladder).

      Don’t stress out about it or you will drive yourself crazy. If it happens, it happens. Just carry pads with you.

    • RR

      I’m also 9 months pregnant, although I’m hoping to avoid water breaking at all through a scheduled c-section.

      I don’t have experience with my water breaking at work, but my water did break with my first pregnancy, so I have some experience with what that’s like. It’s not necessarily a huge, messy gush (I was standing in my bedroom, and there was no mess at all to clean up), but what you don’t realize is that it doesn’t stop until the baby is born. So, it’s like a steady, slow feeling of peeing yourself until the baby is born. So, gush or not, it will *eventually* make a mess. If you are concerned, I’d suggest keeping a towel in your car, and having some giant maxi pads or incontinence pads and an extra pair of underwear handy. Maybe also consider clothing that is more likely to hide it (black, dark patterns, etc. Most likely, a quick trip to the restroom to put on a pad will keep you from any embarrassing mess.

    • another preg anon

      Like you, I was told that I might not even realize my water had broken and that it’s not like in the movies/on TV. While my situation may be different than yours (I was pregnant with twins), my water broke at the car dealership in the middle of the display room. People were right, it wasn’t like in the movies, it was more like an SNL skit – probably made worse by the fact I was laughing so hard with my legs crossed, but it literally projectiled (for lack of a better word) through my yoga pants and away from my body. My husband could see it. I had just cleaned out my old car (trading in for a new one) so I had no towels. That poor 28-year-old car salesman…he will never forget that day. I’m still famous at my doctor’s office for that story.

      I also had a friend whose water broke at work (without already being in labor). She was 3 weeks early with a single baby – so it can happen.

      I would definitely have a towel at work and in the car, and even a change of pants (even if they are just yoga pants). I was amazed at the amount of fluid and how long it continued to come out – even walking down the hall at the hospital 2 hours later. These may be freak incidents, but definitely be prepared!

      • Anonymous

        FYI — your body will continue to produce amniotic fluid after your water breaks, so it’s really important to stay hydrated (if you’re allowed to consume anything at the hospital).

      • Blonde Lawyer

        My friend’s first baby came a bit early and extremely fast. Her water broke at work in the parking lot and was noticeable but everyone was just concerned about getting her to the hospital. Her baby came in less than 2 hours from her water breaking! She had some other issues too though so I think hers is one of those weird “projectile” cases.

    • MU JD

      My water broke – fortunately I was outside at the time. It was a pretty significant gush followed by a slow trickle, but I had twins so that may have accounted for the gush. One of our legal assistants went into labor at the office and her water broke while she was sitting her cube. It wasn’t a big deal, not a big gush or tons of mess. I think the office manager had the assistant’s chair professionally cleaned, but otherwise no harm, no foul. She had a waterproof pad in her car that she put on the seat and drove herself to the hospital to meet her husband. Try not to worry about things you can’t control. Just be prepared with a towel or something in the event it does happen at work, even though the probability is pretty low.

      Good luck!

    • Granola

      My mom’s water broke while she was performing surgery. At least it wasn’t in an office environment….

  4. Anonymous

    H&M is so hit or miss in the store with so many pieces fitting so strangely and so many fabrics looking really cheap that I would be so hesitant to order online. There are certainly some great finds and deals to be had, but I don’t know how you’d do it online unless someone had done IRL recognizance.

    • PollyD

      Agree, plus you can’t return items ordered from the website to the store. Fail in my mind – I like the Old Navy/Gap/BR model, or even Loft, where you can have things shipped for free or a nominal fee and then return to the store. I think with H&M, it’s about $5-6 to ship, then another $5-6 to return. I am sort of a fan of H&M, but their sizing is too inconsistent and quality too low (although not completely objectionable to me) to swallow $10-$12 in shipping and return costs if I don’t like the item.

    • Susie

      I think if you order online you cannot return to the store, and have to pay for the return shipping. I agree with the above, H&M is too hit or miss so it’s a pass for me.

    • Sutemi

      I try on every single item I buy at H&M because the sizing is not consistent from piece to piece. If I want the same pants in black and navy I try both pairs on, I don’t assume that they will fit exactly the same.

  5. TCFKAG

    Hey y’all – to any of the lovely commenters here who have submitted questions to my weebly blog during my prolonged absence – first I’m sorry and second I’m back (hopefully more permanently now) and am going to be trying to diligently work through my reader requests backlog in the next few days! So keep an eye out for your answer soon!!

    As for my absence from these here parts – I’ve been wicked sick over the last month or two (I was hospitalized twice in June and once in May….and then I don’t know maybe only once in April…..) so its just been tough for me to keep up with just work let along the rest of the internet. Hopefully I’ll be around more now, but I can’t say for sure. But you can always swing by my tumblr if you want to say hi or shoot me an email at [email protected]. Miss you ladies. Hopefully my health will be looking up soonish.

  6. Silvercurls

    +1. Sorry to hear you’ve spent summer feeling lousy–I hope your health gets onto a better path and _stays_ there.

  7. Brant

    When your parents are in town visiting and you go out (to dinner, to do stuff), who pays?

    DH and I are in our 30s and his parents come to visit probably once a year. They stay at a hotel (their choice). They are in “tourist mode” when visiting, so we typically spend the entire time bouncing around various activities. They tend to jump in and pay. DH thinks we ought to offer to be paying for these things–and i’m not 100% disagreeing, but it becomes a huge expense when we add up all the meals and day trips every time they come up. If we wanted to split it, how do we offer without it getting awkward?

    My parents visit separately, but each stay with us (their choice) and spend the visit seeing the town we live in/helping with around the house projects. When we typically go out to eat, I always want to jump in and pay since they’ve typically been up all weekend working with us/for us.

    • roses

      Tough call. I’d say you need to gauge whether his parents don’t really want to pay but are because they feel some sense of obligation, or whether they seem truly happy to do it/it’s their way of thanking you for letting them stay with you. Also consider their financial situation – I would never let my parents pay for a meal because they really need the money more than I do, but my SO’s parents are much more well off than either of us so I let them pay more often.

      You could also let them pay the first night they’re there as a thank-you, and then take them out as a thank-you for any particularly tough jobs they help you with.

      • Brant

        His parents have a lot of money. They see the trips out to us as “vacations” versus “visit to Brant and DH”– so I think they like the idea of taking us out on adventures along with them.

        To be clear– his parents don’t do any work for/with us– his mom might offer to help cook dinner, but that’s pretty much it. They stay in the hotel, come over to start the day, and then we’re nonstop busy sightseeing until they go back to the hotel. it’s exhausting.

    • Senior Attorney

      I’m probably your parents’ age. If I came to visit and chose to do spendy activities, which is what it sounds like your ILs are doing, I would absolutely expect to pay for the kids if I wanted them to come along. It’s my vacation, not yours, you know?

      That said, if would be very gracious of you to spring for, say, one nice dinner while they are there. Just have DH grab the check and say “We appreciate everything you’ve done this week, and this one is on us.”

      As for your parents, I think if you are already providing the place to stay, it’s not unreasonable for them to pay for their own meals. It sounds like your visits with them are much more casual — how about if you either split the check each time, or take turns treating?

      • Brant

        We typically eat at home when either of my parents are here, because the visits are more casual. Typically they’ll take us out once, and maybe we’ll take them out as well.

        The other thing is that my parents are young, spry, handy, and live relatively close (<4 hours, so visits are typically weekend long). His parents are almost 20 years older, move slowly, don't like crowds, etc. and they live a flight away–so they are in town less often and for longer.

    • Mpls

      Maybe offer to pay every third time there’s a thing that requires money with DH’s parents?

      I suppose for me it would depend on who is doing the inviting. Are parents the one that say “Hey, let’s go do this fun thing!”? Are they the ones that want to go out to eat every night, as opposed to going to your place to eat for (presumably) less money? Or DH could just ask them (when you aren’t around a bill to be paid) if they want you guys to chip in for anything over the course of the trip, and explain that you are happy to chip in X amount or Y% if it doesn’t exceed Z amount?

      • Brant

        They are the ones suggesting going out to eat. We typically have suggestions of things to do with them, but only because we know they want to come “do things” with us. I try to pull together things that I’d be willing to do/pay for, but there are only so many.

    • Anonymous

      My parents always pay and they actually get upset when we try to pay (as we have on several occasions). Even though they make less salary than we do, they are financially in good shape. I think they enjoy treating us and view it as a vacation when they come visit.

      My dad is actually kind of silly. He pays for everything when he’s visiting. He won’t let me buy a pack of gum when we’re together.

    • Deep End

      if it’s just my mom visiting, i usually pay as she tends not to reach for her wallet. If it’s my mom and dad, my dad usually wants to pay. I try to at least alternate it – let them pay one night and I pay the next. If it’s an extended trip, I try to limit us going out to eat to 2 or 3 times and try to cook or order take out if possible to minimize costs and hassle.

    • agree w roses

      I have a similar my parents/his parents situation as roses, so that mostly dictates the dynamics for us (and they will still give him spending money when they see him, which I don’t think they will ever stop doing, though it may transfer to our kids when they arrive). My parents also do not ever plan expensive excursions — usually I plan and take them out to things as a treat. It seems a little unreasonable that his parents would plan expensive outings and then you would be paying for it.

      But, I think ultimately it is set by the child in the relationship. If he thought that we should pay, I would agree, because he understands that relationship and has a sense of what his obligations to his parents are. And I think generally, you should be open to doing the same for both sets of parents — so if you normally spend $X on your parents’ visit, then spending a similar amount on his parents’ visit even if that doesn’t cover all of their activities.

    • ss

      My dad likes to pay and we usually let him do it. But for particularly large-ticket treats – some special dinners during a recent family trip come to mind – one or other of myself or my siblings will take care of it. I usually do this by having a quiet word with the captain/ maitre d’ at some point during the meal, usually when enroute the loo.

    • Anne Shirley

      I’m getting some resentment coming through here. If you don’t want to be running all over town being tourists, I think you can decline some of that. But if you’re agreeing to it, I think your husband is right, you need to be paying sometimes. One big dinner, and a couple smaller things. And if you’re feeling like your parents are getting the short end of the stick a bit with a more helpful less glamorous trip, offer to do the same for them.

    • Cb

      My mom has a kids don’t pay rule (even big kids) and was a bit peeved when the Mr snagged the bill. His family also pays when we’re out but I tend to cook at home quite a bit (omelette bar for breakfast, big family-style dinner) which helps me feel better about it.

      • Senior Attorney

        Good point about this. I learned after the fact that one of the many reasons my mom couldn’t stand the future former Mr. Senior Attorney is that he insisted on paying whenever we all went out. He (and I) felt like we were being appropriately generous given the relative incomes involved, and she felt like it was him ungraciously “showing off.” It’s kind of hilarious — with all the super legit reasons to think he’s awful, this is the one she harps on the most and I really think it’s HER being unreasonable!

        So… know your audience.

  8. Tenant

    As a follow on to yesterday’s post from someone considering becoming a landlord, would those of you who have been landlords in the past have any suggestions for a tenant living in what was formerly someone’s primary home? I’m renting while scraping together enough for a down payment to buy a place on my own, but I do actually genuinely like the older historic home I’m renting and would really like to keep the house in good condition. The problem is that the management company my landlord hired (and by extension my landlord) seems to have absolutely no interest in minor repairs or preventative maintenance until we have major, unavoidable problems. The management company seems to ignore somewhat more minor concerns (e.g. slight leaking in heavy rainstorms) or send unqualified contractors to “look” at it, until things turn into much more major problems (e.g. significant water damage that we’re dealing with right now). There are a million other little things that I’d love to fix if we owned the place, but often I feel like it’s just not worth the hassle of fighting with the management company to deal with them. Sometimes we just take on very minor repairs on our own but I can’t justify major expenses to fix up a house I don’t own and can’t risk the liability if we mess anything up in trying to fix it. I’m not allowed to engage with the landlord directly, but it makes me sad to see the beautiful historic home I’m renting not be maintained properly. Any thoughts on what you landlords out there would like to see in this type of situation?

      • Anon in NYC

        +1. If the landlord/management company is not taking care of it, that’s on them.

        • Tenant

          Thanks. Good reminder. Ultimately, you’re right. The problem is that in the past these things have been “not my problem” until they get so bad that they are our problem (ex. basement’s flooded). Hopefully these are all long-term enough that I’ll have moved out before they become bigger and more annoying issues!

          • Anon in NYC

            Look up your state’s “implied warranty of habitability” law. If it’s something as bad as the basement flooding, you may be able to either 1) withhold rent, or 2) pay for repairs and deduct that from your rent payments.

          • Tenant

            Thanks, Anon in NYC. Although the bar exam was probably the last time I looked at property law, I don’t think that applies in these circumstances. The management company is actually fairly responsive at getting the emergency repairs taken care of once we actually get to the flooded basement (or whatever else the problem du jour is) stage. Just wish we could get them to pay attention to all of our — “hey, we think this might be an issue” emails earlier so we could have avoided it in the first place.

      • Jo March

        Yep. Not your circus, not your monkeys.

        (ha, apparently that’s a Polish expression. I just learned it and it’s my new favourite.)

    • mascot

      It wasn’t a historic home, but we rented a nice “executive style” house for a while. We did a few little things that were above and beyond (yard maintenance, automate the outdoor spotlights, install blinds) but didn’t tackle the ceiling that need painting, floors that needed re-finishing, sod that needed installing, that sort of thing. Honestly, if the landlord isn’t interested in spending major bucks, as was the case with ours, there’s not much you can do. Our management company was very complimentary of how well we kept up the house and we got out whole security deposit back within a week of moving out. So that was the good side.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      As a landlord, I’d appreciate a heads up if the management company was letting something slide that I would care about. I don’t use a management company so it isn’t an issue for me. Could you just shoot your LL an email and say I told MC about these things and this is what they did/didn’t do. FYI.”

      Also, as a former renter, if something was an easy fix, we would just fix it. I expect the same of my tenants and tell them that from the get-go. We are out of state so we aren’t going to drive up to plunge your toilet or change a lightbulb. If it is something bigger, we will send out a professional and foot the bill. I also like when a tenant offers to get something repaired and deduct the cost from rent and send the receipt w/ the rent. That way the tenant gets to pick someone they are comfortable having in the house and that can work with their schedule.

      • Tenant

        Thanks! We defnitely fix the easy fixes on our own! I’m not talking burned out lightbulbs here — we’ve repainted, fixed weather-stripping on the doors, re-caulked, etc. We even bought our own snake to deal with a chronically clogged pipe. I’m mostly talking about preventative stuff that would be a lot cheaper/easier for everyone to fix early on, but we can’t get anyone to pay attention until it becomes an emergency. Wish we could email the LL directly, but we don’t have any contact info for her — everything has to go through the mgmt. co. Ultimately, I think the posters above are right. If they don’t care enough, it’s ultimately not my problem.

        • LR

          Depending on your location, you can likely look up her mailing address through the local tax rolls. In NYS, it’s generally all available online. If not, the town clerk would probably be happy to do that for you. I have had to have several clerks do that for work reasons and it was fast and easy.

      • JessBee

        Yeah, this was my thought, too. If you can send it to the owner without sounding like you are complaining about the things you’d like to see done, I think it would be really appreciated. Something very similar to what you’ve written here, maybe? Tell them how much you enjoy and appreciate the house and its features, and let them know that the management company seems reluctant to do upkeep?

      • Nonny

        This. I had to rent out my house for a couple of years. Since I was out of the country, I used a management company. As a result, I now hate management companies. I really appreciated hearing from my tenants when the management company was doing a lousy job – I liked my house and wanted it to be properly taken care of, which was the whole point of having a management company in the first place. I would say that if you have the owner’s contact information, it is worth giving them a heads-up.

        FWIW, I ended up terminating my contract with the management company and just used a very nice friend as a contact in case of emergency, and dealt with everything else myself from afar. Paradoxically, it ended up being way easier and less hassle.

        • Nonny

          I just saw your comment re not having the landlord’s contact info. Is there some way you can ask the management company to relay a private message – e.g. in an envelope marked “confidential”? I know that’s not ideal and might even give the management company a heads up that you are not happy – but if that’s the only way to contact the landlord, you might have to do it…

          • Tenant

            Good thoughts. I do think she’d like to know (and I’m not sure how much of what we say actually gets passed back to her). For a variety of reasons, I don’t think I could go through the management company on that. I know my LL knows some of my neighbors from when she used to live here. I might think about passing a message through them if they still have her contact info.

            I think the local friend route would be so much easier and less hassle. If I’m ever renting out a place in the future, there’s no way I’m hiring a management company after this experience.

        • Cornellian

          Did you pay your friend, by chance? I wonder if I might be in a similar boat in a few years.

          • Nonny

            Nope, all he wanted was a nice bottle of rum. As it happened, there was very little I needed his help with….if it had ended up being more significant, I would definitely have gone beyond the bottle of rum.

    • Nutshell

      My landlord is like this. It’s a beautiful, old apartment that I’d like to maintain, but so many have not in the past. I’ve told him things early so that he can plan fixes, but until something utterly breaks, he doesn’t bother. For instance, our toilet is going to collapse. The back of it got more and more loose (I noted the problem to him when we moved in). It finally got so bad that it was leaning on the wall, so I told him about it when he came for another issue (that was also something I warned him about and then turned into a massive fix instead of just replacing a $2 part). He calked it and within a week it was leaning again. I’ve determined from this and other times that, until the toilet actually collapses, he won’t do anything further.

      I still do the easy and minor things, like fuses and such, and I still alert him to issues that seem to be developing, but I’ve stopped worrying about it.

      • Tenant

        Yep — sounds exactly the same! I guess there isn’t much to be done, other than continuing to alert them early on. I’m wondering whether it’s going to be our dishwasher or hot water heater that’s going to blow next… both are on their last legs (both are older than I am) and it’s not going to be pretty when things go wrong.

        • mascot

          One suggestion to get around a management company is to get a home warranty. I have family members who have properties in other states and they use that instead of a management company. The tenant is responsible for the minor stuff that is under say $X and just uses the home warranty for the big ticket repairs.

  9. Shirl

    My water broke while I was having lunch with my husband. I drove myself past the hospital back to my office. I also sent my husband to buy Maxi – pads for me. I had a big presentation about my branch, which was spread between several buildings, for my new boss that afternoon. When my husband arrived at my office, he decided to call the hospital for me. I definitely wanted to do my presentation and was kinda in denial. My second in command , a very loyal well qualified man, was just about on his knees urging me to get to the hospital. The hospital staff had said to come in immediately! I guess it would have a great sit-com scene. I finally gave in and checked into the hospital. I still think I could have done the presentation but the baby’s safety has to come first. Good Luck! Keep pads handy!

  10. SD Girl

    Hi Ladies! I just finished the California bar yesterday and wanted to share the good news. I am taking a month for my post bar trip and will be starting at a big law firm in September. I have read the other recommendations on here as to how to prepare your surroundings for the first year but I am wondering if you have any books that you recommend I should read. To be a little more specific, I will be doing corporate transactional work. Is there anything you wish you would have known your first year? Thanks in advance!

    • Anonymous

      Congrats!

      I’m a first year in biglaw transactional, and I’d say just enjoy your time off!! At my firm (particularly in transactional) they expect you to know nothing when you start since most law school classes are geared toward lit.

      With that being said, if you didn’t take any finance courses, particularly secured transactions, it might be worth browsing something to get familiar with the terms (collateral, perfection, UCC art. 9, etc.).

      But seriously, just enjoy your bar trip!

    • Blair Waldorf

      I just saw this book, Biglaw: How to Survive The First Two Years of Practice, link to follow. I just started it but as a first year, it seems very true to my experience. So far it has applied mostly to litigation, but the general idea seems universally applicable. Also, it’s a quick read. Congratulations on finishing the bar and enjoy your time off!

  11. Oh so anon - how important is bedroom compatibility?

    Ok, so I’m getting married. Soon. We already live together, and he’s the most wonderful man in the world. Truly. Treats me like gold. Only problem is that we’re not that … compatible. Ahem. I just want it more than he does, by a lot. And I want it differently than he wants it (he’s into very gentle, slow, which is nice sometimes, but….!). There’s a 7 year age gap and I’m almost 30, so I don’t imagine this is going to get any better as he gets older. My question is (a) how to deal? and (b) how important is this, really? He’s absolutely wonderful in every other way.

    • MaggieLizer

      Bad s!x is a dealbreaker. Have you talked to him about this issue? Maybe take him toy shopping or enroll in a class at a local toy shop? This can get better with some work, but definitely bring it up before you get married.

      • Oh so anon - how important is bedroom compatibility?

        It’s not always bad, just when he’s not all that into it but doing it because he knows I want it more. More about frequency/drive I think. We’ve talked about it, and he’s willing to try anything, it’s just so incredibly hard to talk about – plus I don’t know what to try to make him want it more.

    • Mpls

      How important it is totally depends on you, because it’s a personal priority. I think it’s okay for it to be important enough to be a dealbreaker for some people, but only you can decide that. Assume it won’t change – is it something you can deal with on your own (without cheating), or are you going to get frustrated and start to resent him for it?

      • Oh so anon - how important is bedroom compatibility?

        I guess I don’t know how important it is. I AM frustrated, and starting to have s!x dreams (unfortunately, not about him), and am doing things solo when he’s not around. Other problem: I don’t clim*x, so it’s hard to feel satisfied to begin with – usually for me it’s about feeling desired by my partner and getting HIM there.

        • Another Anon

          I know this wasn’t your question, but at 27 I still couldn’t climax either. Then I bought a Magic Wand. Best s!xual decision of my life!

          • Another Anon

            Hitachi Magic Wand. You can read the many many Amazon reviews of all of the satisfied customers:-)

            I still can’t climax without it unfortunately though. But a million times better than before!

    • Also anon

      The way I look at it, there’s a certain level of compatibility necessary, but you don’t have to like 100% of the same things. The frequency difference may be a naturally low libido, or it may be depression or other medical issue. Finding a level at which you’re both happy is the important part here. It can help to schedule LGPs – you’d think that would take the romance out of it, but it’s actually very exciting to know it’s going to happen and look forward to it all day.

      The difference in styles something you also have to compromise. When two people love each other and enjoy each other’s bodies, it’s fun to experiment and learn what the other person likes, and it should be exciting for him to give you want you want, even if that particular style of party isn’t his favorite. To echo Maggie, definitely talk to him. Tell him what you want, how you want it, and how often. He can’t know if you don’t bring it up!

    • Anonymous

      You can go to a counselor about this if you think it would help to have a third person moderate the discussion. Ultimately, is your soon-to-be H willing to make this a priority, since it is (clearly) a priority to you? His answer should be yes. You should be able to work together to figure out how to make it more enjoyable for both of you (and if he’s enjoying it more, he’ll be more into it). This will take lots of time and effort but a lifetime is a looooooong time, so I’d say, probably worth it.

      S*x dreams about other people are not indicative of any underlying desires IMO. It’s your brain working out spastic nerves.

      • Anon /Been there; it gets better

        You wrote ” I don’t clim*x, so it’s hard to feel satisfied to begin with – usually for me it’s about feeling desired by my partner and getting HIM there.” Can you research what gets you there (to clim*x) and share it with him in a spirit of here, this will be good for both of us. It will, trust me.

        This may take time measured in years, not months, during which you can trust the process and enjoy all of the other good features of your SO/soon-to-be DH. A counselor may be helpful as long as he/she doesn’t make either one of you feel inadequate. S!x is a _learned_ skill…IME the most important ingredients are caring, committed partners each confident in their own abilities to give & receive pleasure and discuss the experience with honesty and compassion.

    • oh hell no

      I’ve been in that relationship. I ended it. No matter how many times he said that was just the way he was wired, it still felt like a constant rejection to me. Now I’m with a guy who’s up for gardening 3 times a night, can’t keep his hands off me, and likes it a bit rough. And it’s amazing. Mind-blowing. And I wouldn’t be willing to go back to fine.

      Which is to say for me, the answer to how important is extremely important.

    • Anon for this

      You *have* to talk openly and honestly about this with him. I know it’s awkward, but you need to tell him exactly how you’re feeling and how you want to feel. I agree with Mpls that how important this issue is totally depends on you. You mention that it feels like he’s just trying to satisfy you, which I gather makes you feel less desired — you need to tell him that. What is it that makes you feel like he isn’t doing it out of desire? Is it something he’s saying or doing that he could change? Or is it your own insecurity reading too much into things? My guess is that there’s a little of both at play. Tell him that you need to feel desired/desirable, and tell him what he can do to help. But also try to get comfortable with the idea that just because the LGP wasn’t his idea doesn’t mean he doesn’t desire you. Marriage is all about compromise, and there is middle ground here. You shouldn’t have to totally give up on what you want, but you also can’t expect him to read your mind. And be prepared for this to be something you both work on — it won’t be a one-time conversation.

      • Oh so anon - how important is bedroom compatibility?

        What I meant by not doing it out of desire is that I know sometimes he’ll do some gardening because he knows I like LGPs, not because he’d necessarily be initiating it or into it otherwise. These times, the slow and stead doesn’t do it for me, plus I don’t feel desired, as you guessed, and it’s just.. eh. Then of course, because he’s not that into it, he’s not at his, um, strongest? We’ve talked about it before in that I’ve said I want to make LGPs and our relationship in that way a priority, which is why he tries to just do it anyway, but last night it kinda reached a boiling point after a, quite frankly, particularly blah session. I’ve had partners like ohh*llno references, and that was great for the LGP part of things, but the relationships weren’t there. This guy is jaw droppingly great. The other problem is that now he’s feeling a little defensive and I think is starting to feel like I’m always reminding him of the fact that it’s not enough or often enough, and I don’t want to make him feel that way either. I love this man so much, and he treats me so well, the last thing in the world I want to do is make him feel like he’s not man enough. UGH. The jerks who were great at LGPs and had the same drives also had the tempers and the dominance issues to go with it. My DH to be is amazing and tender and wonderful, and I don’t want him to become some ruffian just to get the LGPs better. ARHG.

        • Anon for this

          Let him know that, as much as you appreciate him gardening for your sake, you need to feel like he really wants to garden, or you can’t enjoy the party. At this point, I would let a little time pass, though, and then broach the subject on neutral territory — i.e., don’t wait until right after a bad LGP to talk about it.

          • Very anon

            While it’s a little different, my husband has a much higher drive than I do. We’ve talked about it in passing a few times before, but when he finally told me that whenever I turn him down, he doesn’t feel wanted or desired, that really struck a note with me. I’ve made a big effort to be more responsive to him and to try to initiate things on my own more often. Even when I acquiesce and I’m not in the mood, it’s obviously a little different to “fake it” as necessary as a woman versus as a man…

            If your fiance is really trying and you’re not noticing a difference, I would make sure that there aren’t any underlying medical reasons for his relatively lower drive. And I would consider counseling with him. Perhaps having a neutral third party explain why a healthy physical relationship is crucial to a happy marriage will help things sink in for him.

            Good luck! Ultimately, this is up to you to decide how important this issue is. But I agree with other commenters that improvement in this aspect of your relationship is more likely measured in years versus months.

    • Senior Attorney

      I think it’s important and will become more important over time.

      As for “how to deal,” I am a big fan of “Passionate Marriage” by Dr. David Schnarch. He talks about how to deal with differing s3x drives and styles and has lots of great suggestions about how to improve your s3xual relationship.

    • anon

      Your situation is kind of like mine, but reversed. My dh is a much more s3xual being than I am. He just is. He wants it more, is more adventurous, things about it more, dreams about it more, etc. etc. Not that I don’t enjoy it. Quite the contrary. Dh is a very unselfish gardener and I almost always climax.

      We’ve had some very honest and open conversations about this issue during our many year marriage. One rather recently. I’ve told him to remember that just because I don’t always think of it or desire it doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy it. And I’m usually up for anything, it’s just that I don’t come up with the ideas.

      Once I realized how he felt when I turned him down (it’s hard not to take personally) I decided to make an effort whenever he initiated, and I don’t think I’ve ever regretted it. However, I also made sure he knows that just because I’m not as into it at first, doesn’t make it pity s3x. It’s just that I didn’t think of it first, and once I’m warmed up, its OK. I also make a conscious effort to initiate. Even when I’m not 100% in the mood & I recognize it’s been a few days. I don’t think I’ve ever regretted it, and I know dh appreciates it.

      I look at this aspect of our relationship as “He needs more from me in this area – sometimes I need more from him in another area. If I want him to make an effort to meet my needs in my area, I better be willing to make an effort to meet his needs in his area.”

      Bottom line is, just because two people are different and have different needs in this area doesn’t mean there can’t be a solution to the problem as long as both parties are willing to make an effort and try to understand where the other is coming from. We hadn’t had any LGPs before getting married so we didn’t realize the differences we had until later, but we were committed to making things work. It doesn’t have to be a deal breaking issue.

      Make sure that when you initiate this conversation (if you decide to) its when you’re both in a relatively good mood, in a pleasant atmosphere, and it’s with the attitude of ‘here’s the problem, here’s how I feel, let’s see if we can’t come up with a solution.” Our last conversation like this was done while cuddling in bed, so we both felt safe, secure, loved and a little vulnerable too. Good luck!!

  12. Anon

    My husband and I are trying to plan our maternity/paternity leaves. He has more paid leave available than I do, so we are thinking of doing something like 4 weeks home together after the birth, six more weeks of me being home by myself, then six weeks of him being home by himself.

    I like the idea of waiting 4 months to put the baby in daycare. I also like the idea of my husband having a chance to be baby’s primary caregiver for a little while. I don’t like the idea that I would need to start pumping when I go back to work. I also wonder how I will be feeling at 10 weeks, physically.

    Has anyone done their leave like this? Do you have any pros and cons you can share?

    • Gus

      When our first was born, DH took a week of vacation to be at home with us, and then he went back to work. I took all my paid leave (3 months) plus a month of unpaid leave, and then DH took his 4 weeks of paternity leave when I went back to work. That way we didn’t need to pay for childcare until the baby was 6 months old, which was great. But the best part really was the month that DH was home alone with the baby — he had to figure out how to do everything on his own, and not just rely on me. I think a big mistake that a lot of new moms make is feeling like they can do everything the best (give the bath, calm the baby, put the baby to sleep, etc), and then the dads end up feeling a bit marginalized and so they’re less likely to step up to the plate to help out, and then it becomes a vicious circle: the less competent the dad is, the more likely the mom is to feel she has to do everything, etc. If the dad’s home with the baby by himself, he’s got to figure it all out. So I highly recommend having your husband take his paternity leave after you go back to work, and in fact I’d suggest that he take more of it at the end, rather than 4 whole weeks at the beginning with you. You really don’t need that long to overlap, a week or two would be fine.

      • Lyssa

        I agree with the part about him being on his own, that is definitely helpful. Personally, I really treasured the time that both my husband and I overlapped, so I would definitely recommend more than a week or two, but I’m sure that it can vary by couple (we were together for 8 weeks, which might have been a little long – we started to get a little irritated with each other sometimes, but mostly it was wonderful).

        As for feeling up to it, physically, barring complications, you should be fine at 10 weeks. Plenty of women take far less time off, even for physical jobs. I had a C, and physically, I could have been back in a desk job within 2 weeks (maybe not going to court or carrying files). Most people recover very quickly. I decided not to pump at work, but if you do, that’s workable, too. I know that a lot of women here have pumped for months while working.

        In other words, I think that your plan is great. Good luck!

    • Maddie Ross

      My little one just started daycare at 4 months and I think it’s a good time. She’s stronger and a little more independent (can lay on a playmat or sit in a bouncy chair without constant interaction as long as there’s observation). My husband didn’t get any paternity leave at his job and while he intended to stay home for the first 2 weeks, he was back at work on our second day home from the hospital (and even considered leaving me alone in the hospital at one point to go to a presentation). 4 weeks of concurrent time, assuming you can split it up as you mentioned above, is probably overkill. I’d plan for a week or two, and allow him more time at the end alone with the baby to save on daycare.

      For me, physically I was fine at 10 weeks. I was out walking with the baby and was back in my regular clothes. I realize that I was really lucky, but I’m telling you there’s a good chance you’ll feel nearly normal (and way more normal than you do at 8-9 months pregnant). As for pumping at work and before you go back, I’m not going to lie, it sucks. No great advice, just commiseration.

    • Anonymous

      You should definitely consider beginning to pump around 4 or 5 weeks (and freeze your milk). Just add an extra “feeding” per day and have your baby start getting used to a bottle before he/she has to have exclusive bottle feedings during days with dad. I agree with other posters that 4 weeks of both parents home is overkill. One week overlap if you have a natural birth, 2 weeks if you have a c-section, should be just fine.

    • Anon

      My husband stayed home for the first month with me after the birth of our third child. I LOVED having him home! He waited on me hand and foot, and entertained our older children. That said, if it was our first baby, one week is probably sufficient, since the baby still sleeps so much, then he can stay home longer when you go back. It really makes the inital weeks back so much easier if baby is with dad instead of in day care. (not that there is anything wrong with day care–going back to work just made me irrationally emotional and it helped to know that my baby was with her daddy!)

    • RR

      We did something similar with my first. He was home with me for 2.5 weeks, then I was home until 8 weeks myself, then he was home 2 weeks with them. It was really nice. Nice to have him there with me at first, and nice to not have to go straight to daycare when I went back to work, and nice for him to have one on one time. I think it’s a great idea.

      • RR

        Oh, and you’ll be fine at 10 weeks. I was back at 8 weeks and felt great physically.

  13. CJ Craig

    Congrats!

    Not a parent, but this type of leave is the trend with all of my friends. As an observer, it seems to work well for them and give them each a chance to bond individually with the baby and practice their parenting skills without an audience. Also, to quote Sheryl Sandberg, you should start your parenting as you wish to continue. If you want your parenter and you to split the parenting 50/50, i think its great that you are splitting the leave.

    • Nonny

      Yup, our system in Canada is somewhat different but my SO and I are planning to split our parental leave as well, pretty much 50/50. I think it’s a great idea. What you say about starting parenting as you wish to continue is SO true.

  14. Disorganized

    Lately I seem to be missing deadlines because I have 800 e-mails in my inbox and count on remembering that a particular e-mail will remind me of a particular task as my “to do list.” That isn’t working. How do you guys keep to-do lists? I normally have lists that aren’t just bullet points but that require additional explanation, so I don’t think the simple task list on Outlook will work. Any apps or other recommendations for keeping “To do” lists that are pretty detailed?

      • CountC

        How do you do this in Outlook on a Mac? This would make my life so much better, but I can’t figure out how to drag and drop into tasks (and this makes me sound incredibly useless).

    • L

      I keep a running list (physical and email) because I’m afraid that an app will misfire and I’ll lose everything. Old school I know, but for me it works. I flag everything that is needed for and then go through and add categories (I work in terms of deadlines so urgent, this week, next week, month, long-term). I then use the deadlines to compile my list — so in order to accomplish this, I need to do 1-5. Outline format has helped me and I can save it and just add pages, which is helpful if I need to go back and remember what did/didn’t work on a similar project. I also add reminders to emails and block out time on my calendar and will paste from my ‘steps’ list, if it is something really detailed.

      Kind of neurotic, now that I type it all out!

    • Anonymous

      Master Excel to-do list that tracks things I need to do as well as things I’m waiting on from others; itemized by project/customer. If I miss updates to this list, my anxiety level goes way up.

    • Lucy

      I organize all my emails by folder. I work in IT/software development, so I have to prioritize my work by when the next version of software will be released.

      I have a general Follow Up folder. Then under that, I have folders for each of my releases and/or projects. I do my best to keep my inbox clean by deleting uneeded emails. For emails that need follow up, I organize them by folder.

      I also have a Waiting for Response folder. If I send an email and need a response, I keep it in this folder so I can check back and see if I got an answer back.

      I keep a detailed To Do Spreadsheet – again organized by software release, since that is my priority. One column is for the task that needs to be completed. The next column is for Notes related to the item.

      For example, I may not be able to complete the task until I get a response to an email. I note that and highlight it in a specific color. If a task is pending resolution based on a meeting, I highlight it in a different color.

      I’m a visual person, so colors, etc help me be organized.

      Sometimes, when my email box gets very full, I’ll spend about 20 mintues cleaning it out, organizing emails and adding items to my to-do list. It helps me start fresh and feel less overwhelmed.

    • Anonymous

      I like workflowy to map out my to-dos… it easily allows for sub-tasks and lengthy descriptions.

    • Anon

      I keep a small pad next to me at all times that has a running “short form” to-do list. The list is separated into three sections: do today, do tomorrow, and longer term. I limit it to 1-4 words per task just to remind me what the task IS, but contains no detail.

      The detail is entirely in my email. If I get an assignment by email I leave it in my inbox, or if someone calls me with an assignment I’ll type up a quick email with all of the details. I attach any other relevant correspondence to the assignment email so each task on my to-do list is limited to one email (if the assignment email came from someone else and not my own notes, I will forward it to myself and attach any other relevant correspondence). For short term projects, the assignment email stays in my inbox until the task is completed. For longer term projects I file away the email (I’m a lawyer and have a separate folder for each case), knowing that I can look back at it if necessary (and the short form task list will ensure it’s still on my radar). I never let my inbox get longer than what can be seen on one screen in outlook (about 20 emails).

      I re-write the short form list every morning when I get to work, and add to it throughout the day (sometimes I re-write it entirely mid-day because so many things are crossed off/added that it has gotten disorganized). This system seems to work out really well for me. I would not like having an entirely electronic to-do list; I like seeing things on paper and physically crossing items off the list.

    • Blue Moon

      For work, I use a running notebook and utilize one piece of paper a day, dated at the top.

      My To-Do list format always looks exactly the same day-to-day, which helps me remember recurring projects, things I didn’t get to yesterday, etc. I found after a lot of trial and error that I have five major “categories” of tasks I have to accomplish on any given day, so I always start the list by writing down those categories and then filing the day’s tasks into them, along with any sub tasks.

      As the day goes on, I simply cross out the tasks I complete. The next morning, I start with a blank slate, but I have a clear record of what I accomplished yesterday, and what was left unfinished and needs to go on the list again.

      This method requires a bit of set-up, but once I started using it the number of things that fell through the cracks just plummeted. Plus now it’s part of my morning routine – I spend 10 minutes with my coffee charting out my day, which usually sets me up to be more productive.

    • TravelMoreRoads

      I use an app called 2Do. Nothing leaves my inbox unless it’s on the list, but once it’s on the list, it’s out of the email and into a subfolder. App has many features, favorites of which is different tabs so you can have different lists (e.g., personal, work, marketing). I also like that you can have just a task (Pick up Groceries) or a project (Client X) with tasks under it (draft memo, call opposing counsel). You can also rank tasks by importance.

  15. Anon

    Just found out I’m preganant (yay!). Also just found out that my position is likely to be cut at the end of the year (boo!). Since I carry our health insurance (husband is self-employed) and earn about 70% of household income, I really need to find a new job. Any tips for (1) not freaking out about the combined baby/no job and (2) job hunting while pregnant?

    • LF

      No tips, but if the baby isn’t coming until 2014, you should be able to get health coverage through your state exchange and be covered beginning January 2014!

    • Anne Shirley

      Explore whether it makes sense for your husband to look for a job that has health insurance too.

      • Anon

        Wow, no. That would completely undermine everything he’s worked for, not to mention being a huge betrayal of his partners. We’d buy our own insurance first.

        • Anonymous

          Well Anne Shirley’s suggestion was completely reasonable, even if it’s not right for your family. There’s no reason to act so offended. All you said is that your H is self-employed. That could be for any number of reasons.

          • Anon

            You’re right. That was a totally emotional reaction using information only I had. He works at his own start-up, with two partners, and about six employees. Everyone there has a spouse who has health insurance, so they’re putting off doing that for another year until things get off the ground. Him leaving and looking for a new job would mean the whole operation would have to shut down, leaving a total of nine people unemployed, close to a million in investment lost, plus months and months of 80 hr weeks down the drain for nothing (the company currently can’t run without him). But I owe Anne an apology because she couldn’t have known that. The short answer is, no, that’s not on the table at the moment.

          • Anonymous

            Cosign this reply – reasonable suggestion – no need to respond with so much offense.

  16. Baconpancakes

    After reading Belle’s recommendations at Capitol Hill Style for keeping her purse organized, I’m looking for some differently sized pouches to corral my makeup/pens/Tide to go/ibuprofin/gum/contacts case, etc. Anyone have recommendations for cheap, cute, lightweight pouches?

    • Mpls

      Look at pencil cases – back to school stuff should be out in stores now.

      I use them to corral my crochet hooks at home :)

    • new york associate

      The best cheap purse pouches I’ve ever had are freebies from when I’ve bought makeup and gotten a “gift with purchase.”

    • Lucy

      I’ve seen various size pouches/makeup bags at Wal-Mart, Target, etc. I found a cute matching set of different sizes at TJ Maxx. At Target, Sonia Kaushik has some cute designs.

    • TravelMoreRoads

      Agree, free makeup pouches are a great way to go. I also keep a letter envelope and a ziplock baggie in my purse so an trash or extra paper stays gathered at all times. Spare sunglasses/glasses containers make good purse containers too. Also places like JCrew typically give you little cloth pouches when you buy jewelry. All free ideas. If you want buy something new, go go a site like ebags and look under the purse accessories category. Finally I’m seeing lots of pouches at local artist fairs and local craft stores now too – lots sell on Etsy too (http://www.etsy.com/search?q=pouch&view_type=gallery&ship_to=US) so you can find something unique!

  17. anon

    I just picked up a book titled “How Not to Look Old”, which said that nude stockings are very “old lady.” Per this author anyway, tights or black stockings are the only acceptable legwear. But aren’t nude stockings still expected in formal business situations. Is it now considered appropriate to appear in court or attend an important client meeting with bare legs?

    • Godzilla

      It’s a regional thing. Your book may or may not be correct. Take your cue from other lady-folks in your area.

    • Anonymous

      I think black stockings in a non-formal wear setting look even older than nude stockings. And in a court or important client meeting you want to look old[er]. Nobody wants some twee hipster lawyer or accountant. People want their lawyers to look old.

    • Cb

      I live in the UK so YMMV but I see loads of people wearing sheer for their skin nylons. I love the look of your legs but better and think it really does make an outfit look better. They do read as formal though so I wear them when I’m at a conference but not when I’m teaching, interviewing but not days in a library, etc.

  18. Godzilla

    I am really happy for everyone but how is everyone who reads thissite pregnant at the same time?

    • Mpls

      I don’t know – but I’ve got at least 3 friends IRL that are, and all due around the same time.

    • Nonny

      I know, it’s kind of odd. I was going to say, there must be something in the water, but given the circumstances…there must be something in the site redesign?

    • TBK

      I think it might be the kind of site that attracts people when they’re pregnant. It’s the one really major life-changer that affects only women. So if you’re trying to figure out how to tell your boss you’re pregnant, how to create a new policy because you’re the company’s first pregnant employee, how to go to a million doctors appointments when you’re a summer intern, you’re going to want a site that’s for women and for professionals. There are others, but there aren’t many good discussion forums out there.

      • mascot

        Pregnancy websites/forums are such a mixed bag. Parenting ones aren’t much better, although I can’t say enough good things about the Brain. Child articles.

  19. Anon

    Ugh, seriously. I was eating my breakfast while reading the morning comments and the thread about water breaking at work was enough to make me put my yogurt down.

    • Godzilla

      Haha, I found the whole conversation really interesting. But, still impressed that everybody’s having Baby Corpor3++3s!

    • k-padi

      Agreed. But, alas, it’s the PG women and mothers who comment and need advice.

      According to the survey Kat did, most women here are not mothers and are evenly divided single/married. It bugs me that people (including me) don’t post about dating as frequently as women post about a being knocked up. It bugs me that when people do post about dating, the marrieds are all “oh it’ll happen” and “don’t give up hope”–like they know what being single _right_now_ is like. Sigh.

      My wish is that, like non-mothers don’t reply to pregnancy and mothering posts (or at least disclose this), that mothers and marrieds don’t reply to dating threads. Honestly, people forget what dating is like within minutes of getting married.

      • Anon

        Non mothers definitely reply to pregnancy/mothering posts. Or at least, some do. I can think of a handful of people who reply to pretty much anything (under a variety of names), despite not having any first hand experience in that area (example, law student responding to question about being a practicing mid-level, married-to-her-first-husband woman responding to question about how to move on after a divorce, etc).

        It is actually kind of hilarious. I wish I were an expert on all the things.

        • JessBee

          I think it’s great that people with a variety of experiences chime in with thoughts. It’s the internet, so of course there’s going to be some bad advice, but I know that I’m not so incredibly special that only people exactly like me can understand what I’m going through.

          • Anon

            I agree, but I (personally) find it a little eye-roll worthy when someone that I know doesn’t have any first-hand experience practicing law/being married/having kids/etc. replies to a post without disclaiming this lack of first-hand knowledge. Seems disingenuous.

      • Godzilla

        So let’s have more dating threads! There’s plenty of room here for everyone.

      • SFBayA

        I dunno, I don’t think I forgot what dating was like. I certainly don’t think I have the standing or knowledge to comment on all dating topics, but I might have something useful to contribute sometimes. However, if the consensus is marrieds shouldn’t comment on dating topics, so be it – not worth it to me to fight about that. And if I ever say something stupid like “oh, it’ll happen” or “don’t give up hope,” which I am pretty sure I have never said, I request that you smack me upside the head for such a stupid comment.

        I also think it can be ok for non-parents to comment sometimes on parent threads. A good example is one from this week where a mother was worrying about her “overweight” daughter and how to “handle” it and “encourage her to be healthy.” I loved seeing a slew of responses from women whose mothers had “handled” their “overweight” childhoods and how damaging that experience had been and continues to be to their self esteem. I don’t think you need to be a parent to be able to comment on that.

        • Original Anon

          Yeah, I don’t mind the variety of commenters, either. It’s a public forum and people should be allowed to respond to whatever threads they choose.

          To be clear, I didn’t intend my original post to come across as unhappy for expectant mothers, but it’s just a bit tiresome to read post after post, week after week, about “how to fight nausea” or “how to prep before the baby comes”. To me it seems as if these topics aren’t really even geared towards issues that affect professional women; if I wanted to read a pregnancy/motherhood blog or forum… I would.

          • Anon

            That could be said of a lot of posts, though. Threads on what to do when traveling to different cities or gift ideas or whatnot could all be researched elsewhere. But people like and trust this community enough to raise all kinds of different issues here, including those related to pregnancy and parenting.

          • Original Anon

            You’re absolutely right. But there’s no denying that an overwhelming majority of threads lately have been related to pregnancy/motherhood. It gets repetitive after a while.

          • Jo March

            Oh, come on. A lot, maybe. The overwhelming majority?? Not even close. And in any case, navigating pregnancy and motherhood within the context of a professional career seems like a pretty good use of this comment space. Plus, you know, people feel like this is a safe and fake anonymous space.

            I don’t wear make up, so I skip all those threads. And there are many of them. Such is the nature of a diverse community of women. NBD.

            …So, anyone know of a good blog for pregnant professional women?

      • Anonymous

        :( I feel you, but this is not actually relevant to everyone’s ability to post freely about any and all feel-important-to-me issues. (Start a post about your own important-to-you issues, I’d say, but, hey, you just did!)

        I am a non-motherly and non-babies-having 29 year old, but I think it’s wonderful people are pregnant and happy to be pregnant. I mean, dude, it’s a thing more exciting and permanent than getting married! So, PLEASE, let us not go all sexist on ourselves, and let’s just talk about ALL THE TOPICS! :) ( Sorry for the caps, whee!)

  20. For Creep re: Topamax

    I did lose weight when I went on topamax, which I slowly gained back once I went off of it. I had a similar experience to eek – dopeamax made me severely depressed with absolutely no will to eat. My coworkers and family members would remind me to have lunch or dinner. It wasn’t a huge weight explosion that is a significant change in my life.

  21. eeyore

    Funny mentoring story. So I’m on a journal at law school. For non-law people, being on a journal is effectively an honor society. My journal randomly assigns 3L members to new journal members to help them learn. My “mentee” emailed me today: “Eeyore: I’m excited to be on journal.” and followed that with 3 totally disjointed questions about me. If you want to know basically everything (professionally) about another person, just ask if they have time for coffee. Adorable 2L.

    • Anon

      Your comment reflects more about you, in a negative light, than it does about your “mentee.” Being an effective mentor is about being gracious with your time and knowledge, not about knocking someone who does not yet know better. More grace, less eye-rolling.

      • k-padi

        Disagreed re: reflecting poorly on eeyore. Mentees do strange things. First we laugh at them; then we mentor them.

        • eeyore

          Thanks, k-padi! That’s all I was going for. With all the pregnancy comments above, I just tried to offer something else to read/discuss. Mentoring is a fairly popular topic on here anyway.

      • Godzilla

        I don’t think eeyore was knocking on the 2L. She appears to be amused to me.

    • Susie

      Yep I reached out to my intern mentee by email when he started, and told him I was here if he had any questions. Got a response right away with a question having nothing to do with school or work – nothing inappropriate but it was a little funny, and he would have come across a little professional if that wasn’t the first thing I heard from him.

    • Anonymous

      I agree with the earlier anon. It’s a small mistake from someone who’s obviously making an effort, even if it’s done a bit awkwardly. As a mentor, do you really want to be posting your mentee’s minor social faux pas online just for laughs, especially with the condescending “Adorable 2L” line? Remember, your job is to help this person.

      • TBK

        But they ARE adorable. And full of faux pas. It’s like laughing when a baby rolls over and surprises him/herself. It’s funny even if the baby probably doesn’t think so. That doesn’t mean a mentor isn’t being helpful and supportive. I figure all kinds of people have thought the same of me throughout my career. I have a mentor who’s close to retirement and I know for a fact that she thinks my husband and I are just adorable in all our 30something flailing around trying to get a grip on our careers and find our feet as established professionals. She’s still a caring and helpful mentor.

  22. another attorney

    i also agree, but for a slightly different reason. OP came across in this post as self-entitled and arrogant. “For non-law people, being on a journal is effectively an honor society.” Um, no, its not. Sure, at many schools, law review is prestigious, but at many schools, journal is just another thing to do. (and it means nothing once you get a job. plus, you have to unlearn all the cr@p journal teaches you to do) But even if it were as prestegious as you think, that part had nothing to do with the rest of your story and was simply put there because you thought it made you sound smarter or more worthy of belief.

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