Coffee Break: ‘Mariella’ Satchel

96 Comments

1. This is a very nice sachel, Kat! Great pick from Zappos! BTW, I read an artcle about Zappos in the NY Times that the HIVE should read. The CEO is trying to reinvent the company but it is NOT workeing. It shows how carful you have to be if you come back and try to change thing’s. FOOEY on change! If onley I could be the innocent girl I was back in college at GW where the worse thing I had to worry about were frat boy’s trying to pull my pantie’s down. I could deal with that. Now I have alot more issue’s, between my job, my apartement, and my 401(k), not to even mention lookeing for a guy to MARRY me and buy me a home outside of NYC, it is all I can to do cope.

   That is why Corporete is so good for us. To have a place for ladie’s to vent and to get advise from the rest of the hive who have gone thru the same thing’s as we are haveing to go thru. I told the manageing partner that I would NOT be 1/2 as productive w/o haveing this place to vent. He said that “whatever float’s your boat” (whatever that mean’s), but he is happy b/c I am billeing at my 7500 hour pace, and am now over 4800 for the year! YAY!!!!!!

2. My employer has finally moved into the 21st century and we are, at last, getting direct deposit. WOOO HOOOO. So annoying when pay day fell on days I wasn’t in the office or if I was out of the country for a week or two.

   1. LOL welcome to the 20th century! That will be a huge quality of life improvement!

3. A close friend of mine recently learned that her (relatively young) mother is terminally ill and not expected to live more than another week or so. I fortunately have never experienced the death of someone so close to me, and I’m not quite sure what to do/how to best “be there” for her right now. Any advice on how I can best support her and be there for her during this difficult time?

   One potential caveat- after learning of the diagnosis, my friend temporarily moved back into her parents’ home, which is nearby. Her father is a very senior executive at my medium-sized company, so I want to be there for her while still being sensitive to his and her family’s need for privacy during this time.

   1. I’m so sorry. This is awful. People deal with this in different ways. I would just make sure to text her every few days and say you’re thinking of her, able to talk. Ask if you can bring by dinner, and then do only that–bring it by and leave. No one looks good when a relative is dying, no one wants to make chit-chat…just be a helping hand. If your friend has her own children or pets, offer to take them for a little bit. If you do bring food, bring something that keeps but also not something horribly heavy–everyone was bringing us comfort food and I think we all gained like 10 pounds. A nice selection of fruit with a meal is nice. (I know it seems weird to bring a sort of present, but just helping deal with day-to-day is great.) Also, this sort of goes without saying, but I’ll say it anyway–the person dying is likely not going to be eating…appetite wanes as part of the death process.

      Also, know that the time right after death is a whirlwind–lots of phone calls and emails and whatnot. Just be there for her without being intrusive. And know that she might really want to talk a month or two later. Getting through the “after” is an act of “getting through” but grieving and processing can take way more time.

      You are a great friend for wanting to be there. Good for you.

      Re the exec dad–doesn’t factor in. Treat this as you would any regular close friend and you won’t misstep.

      1. I second all of this. Also I’d add be very clear that you’re there but expect nothing from her. So you’ll text her to say you’re thinking of her, but that that does not at mean you expect a text back. If you’re close enough to her, be comfortable with just witnessing her grief. It can be huge to know that she can break down in front of you without you being uncomfortable or trying to make it “better.” And it can be deeply moving for someone to let you in emotionally like that, to let you just be present while they grieve.

      2. My experience was different than anon. When my mother was dying I desperately wanted the distraction of other people. It was pretty tough sitting in my parents’ house with nothing to do but wait for my catatonic mother to die. For me, even a 10 minute phone call with a friend really helped. I agree with texting though, because it lets her decide to call or not.

   2. I’m sorry. This is awful. You sound like a great friend. I don’t have much to add to the above advice but I will say, after the death, make sure to check in on a fairly regular basis. After the initial shock wears off, the grieving process really starts. I know my mom got super depressed about 6-9 months after her father died, but she seemed fine right in the aftermath.

   3. Since she’s moved into her parents’ house, see if there’s something you can volunteer to do for her at her house. Pick up the mail. Water the lawn. Check for packages. Just drop by and make sure things are okay.

   4. I agree with the suggestions others made. Also one to add from personal experience with death in the family: unless you are positive you know her religious beliefs don’t say anything like “well mom will always be watching over you” or “she’s in a better place now.” I know it’s well intentioned but for those of us who don’t believe in the afterlife it can be grating and patronizing.

4. Congratulations. Direct deposit is great – I’ve always worked for banks so have had direct deposit for 18 years.

5. I just got a job offer that I really want, hooray! but I’m wondering about negotiation. They offered me 1k below the top of the posted salary range (which has no flex room since it’s a pay band at a public university). It’s a competitive offer for the university, location, and position, and where I was hoping to end up. Do I quibble over the last $1,000? It feels petty since they came in with a strong offer at the top of their possible range, but I don’t know if I’m just being negotiation-averse. Help please!

   1. yes, you should. If you don’t want to ask for money,a sk for something else.

   2. What about benefits? Vacation, sick days, etc?

   3. Can you ask for parking or something like a technology allowance?

   4. Wouldn’t you move up that last $1K at your first annual review? And then sort of be stuck there. It’s tricky to start at the max of a salary band, and as you note, university and other unionized types of workplaces tend not to have much flexibility in pay. To me, it doesn’t seem worth it to negotiate over $1000 when you’re otherwise happy about the offer.

      1. Maybe be super-clear about how the band you’re in works and how the review and advancement process works. Don’t know just what day 1 is — what do you expect / hope for / not realistically hope for in years 1-3, 3-5, 5-10, etc.?

   5. I would be hesitant to negotiate. Universities are very different than businesses, and while negotiation is not unheard of, it is far from universal. Because negotiation is less common, there’s a greater risk of ticking people off, or, worst case, getting in a situation where they revoke the offer. It sounds like they made you a fantastic offer and I would just accept.
      -Someone who has a spouse and both parents in academia

   6. After taxes, that’s about $50 a month. That falls under the “nice to have,” but not really much to quibble over. The only issue is if other things are tied to that $1,000 a year (e.g. future salary increases as a percentage of your current salary, 401(k) matches, etc.).

      Biggest thing (IMHO): are you thinking about negotiating for the sake of negotiating, or are you genuinely not happy with the amount of money they are offering (or where you fall in the salary band)?

   7. Rather than the thousand bucks, I’d ask about other benefits, as has been mentioned. Don’t leave any perks in the table!

   8. At my public university, it would come across as out of touch to try to negotiate benefits. Benefits are the same across the board for each level of staff no matter what. A commitment to send you to a conference or buy a specific piece of technology to make your work easier would be much more realistic. Is the posted starting salary range the full width of the salary classification or is it, for example, between quartile and midpoint salary? If it’s actually the full width of the salary classification and you are being offered $1000 less than the max pay for the classification that would worry me. If the classification increases by the same percentage as your annual raise it isn’t such a problem, but if the classification increases 1% and your salary increases 5% you could find yourself in a situation where your salary is raised to the max and the rest is paid out in a one time bonus (that’s what happens at my university). You lose the compounding factor of future salary increases. If you’re really coming in that close to the cap make sure you understand whether that will limit future salary growth.

      1. That’s really the kind of thing I mean, rather than traditional benefits like insurance. Professional memberships, subscriptions, conferences, technology, and so on.

6. Threadjack! I’m a consultant at a top 3 firm who is 1 year in post-MBA. While I’m grateful for this experience, I’ve come to realize that this is not a career that makes sense for the life I want to build. I’d like to make a change at the 2 year mark, which is when many consultants leave.

   What should I do in my remaining year to make sure I gain the skills and build the network I need to exit into a corporate job? Ideally, I’d do something in corporate strategy in something that touches the consumer, learn the business, and then move onto a line role in 2-3 years. I’m in the SF Bay area and want to stay there.

   Also, how do I motivate myself during this remaining year when all I want to do is never get on another plane again? (Thanks, burnout)

   1. Start by meeting/networking with people now – you never know where the networking will lead you or how long it will take to find your next position. Also, by talking to people you will be excited about what you will be doing next, which will help you feel less depressed about your current situation. (Ask me how I know!)

   2. Read! Get some inspirational business-y books about realizing your full potential, being a great leader, or businesses doing cool things. It will help with the burnout a bit and also maybe give you some ideas about ways you could broaden your horizons, either in terms of skills or areas you could work in. And don’t kill yourself with the consulting work – leaving a top-3 firm will open a LOT of doors for you regardless of whether you performed A+ work or B work.

   3. I cosign the networking advice. Frankly most of my friends that did strat consulting post b-school relied heavily on other consulting refugees, so I would absolutely reach out to alumni (from your firm, and from your school) for informational interviews. Make sure to go to alumni events, check in with friends who went straight into industry, ask friends-of-friends who are already gone. You might also want to look into consumer PE–Encore Consumer Capital and TSG Consumer Partners are in SF and they are a great fund, have some ex-Bainies, if I remember right.

      Also, my friends used to have Sunday night girls night parties to make the horror of getting on a plane that much more bearable. And definitely consider talking to your staffer to see if you can’t get a “home” assignment next, depending on your firm. Some of the Big 3 do try to rotate you–one home, one away. Good luck–I know it’s really hard when you’re traveling and your team is not your favorite!

   4. Why wait a year? You’re in the very best market at the very best time. I’d look now. 1 or 2 years at a consulting job won’t make a material difference long term.

      1. I actually think that the conventional advice about the “right” time to leave most consulting firms is 2 years–you’re supposed to do your 2 year stint and see whether you are promoted (if that’s what you want) or have a frank talk about wanting to move to a client, at least in my friends’ experience. Firms like McKinsey even have job boards for their employees, from their clients, in hopes to place their consultants with their clients. It’s very incestuous, in a helpful-for-a-jobsearch way.

7. About a month ago, someone on this board listed some great interview questions to ask when you are interviewing a lateral candidate for a transactional position, but I can’t find the threadjack! Can some of the lawyers on the board suggest some good questions? Thanks a lot.

   1. To test if a candidate actually has solid, relevant experience in my practice area, I ask them to describe a few recent deals they worked on, the most contentious 2-3 issues, and how they were negotiated.

      I always like the “what do you like best and least about your current position” as a way to see if someone’s just looking for an escape, any escape, vs. a more thoughtful interest in the job, as well as a “fit” test – if someone says, for example, that they hate being locked up drafting and love constant client contact, negotiating… this would not be the position for that person as it’s about half and half.

      Following this with interest as I’d like to pick up a few more suggestions myself!

   2. It was me–here’s the link. https://corporette.com/2015/06/25/muse-geometric-print-fit-and-flare-dress/

   3. Posted the link, but it went into moderation. Here’s the list:
      Do you generally do more private or public company work?

      If you had to choose between a broad corporate practice and a specific one, which would you choose and why [tailor this to your practice group]?

      Do you prefer M&A or securities or company rep work and why?

      What types of transactions have you worked on with private cos? public cos?

      What has your role been in a typical transaction [repeat for different types of deals]? Have you typically worked directly with a partner or are you supervised by a midlevel?

      Do you prefer working independently or on teams [this speaks VOLUMES]?

      How much client contact have you had on [different types of deals]?

      Do you typically draft things ‘from scratch’ or from firm precedents? What is the hardest thing you’ve ever drafted?

      What is the toughest deal you’ve ever worked on and why?

      Do you do general company representation for your transactional clients, or are the transactions one-offs?

      Do you supervise other associates? In what capacity?

      Have you run a closing before? How did it go?

      1. Awesome, thanks a lot MJ! Can you tell me how you found it? I get so much useful info from these threadjacks but when I search the site, I only get postings that discuss that topic.

         1. FWIW, I used to have great success searching g00gle with s!te:corpor3tt3.com searchterm. The results would show comment threads. But having just tried this yesterday (and again today on my home comp with Chrome) I see it’s not working! Boo! I wonder if all of the tech changes make the comments unrecognizable to g00gle? if so, I’m really going to miss it – I relied on this trick for vacation/getaway discussions.

         2. I do goog: searchs!te: corporette [searchterm]

   4. Sorry, the last “Anonymous” posting was me – I guess my name was not cached.

8. Various posters have commented on engineering being particularly female unfriendly. Can you elaborate on what parts of engineering you are in or why this is? I would not have expected it (based just on the engineers I know though).

   FWIW, I think that a lot of jobs are bad for people generally and particulary bad for anyone with any responsiblities relating to small children (their schedules, their hours, and their unpredicable immune systems). That said, the engineering comments are really catching my attention.

   1. I was an engineering major in college (now a lawyer). The presumption of “you don’t know what you’re talking about” was much higher in engineering. At first it was a fun challenge to prove people wrong. Then, really fast, it got really old.

      1. This presumption is huge in patent law too.

      2. I studied engineering, saw the writing on the wall re sexism, and went into law. Part of my job is learning about the technology by meeting with engineers.

         I have noticed that any question I ask about the tech is met with raised eyebrows and sighs. When a guy asks the same dang question 10 seconds later, it’s responded to with “good question” or “maybe I wasn’t clear” or “I see your confusion, let me explain”.

         Ugh.

         1. Do you like working in patent law? (Or whatever law you are doing with technology.) It’s something that I often consider as I, too, have seen the overarching theme of sexism and bigotry in the Engineering fields.

   2. From what I’ve seen from friends, engineers at large companies generally have good work-life balance. Most people don’t work much more than 40 hours a week, and at a lot of the older companies in particular (Cisco, IBM), etc., are very family-friendly. Startups are a whole different world and have very demanding hours. I think the reason so many female engineers are unhappy is not about work-life balance and more about working in a very male-dominated environment and the explicit and implicit sexism that environment fosters. I’ve heard a lot of horror stories about comments made by colleagues, ranging from $exual advances to being absolutely befuddled by a woman wearing a (casual but tech work-appropriate) dress to comments that women aren’t smart enough, don’t know what they’re talking about, etc.
      I will say that while I think the day-to-day working environment seems worse for female engineers than female lawyers, it appears to me that female lawyers have a tougher time with career advancement. That may be because engineering is more objective or it may be because I’m not as close to engineering so I don’t know the reality of how hard it is for women to advance.

      1. It is not so easy for women to advance in their careers. The attitudes that create day to day struggles for women in engineering also hold them back from progressing. So we really don’t have many CEOs or CTOs leading tech companies. It is a constant struggle, but I think the key is to find a team with people with right attitude and mentors who truly believe in your potential and guide you.

      2. It’s not all bad, but it does get old sometimes. I have received my share of inappropriate comments. I have literally been interrupted before I could begin speaking and told “you don’t know anything” despite being the most knowledgeable person on the topic (this was recent and I almost lost it on that guy). I am often in a room where every else is a 50+ year old white male. The egregious examples of sexism, while memorable, don’t happen as often. What I struggle most with are the more subtle things: not having strong women role models in technical leadership positions, that disappointed look/voice when someone finds out they have to get technical information from a woman instead of a man, and just overall feeling like you have to do more to prove yourself worthy. There are plenty of people (male and female) who see me as equals but in my particularly male-dominated industry it can be a little draining to always be the odd (wo)man out.

   3. I worked as an engineer for several years before going back for my MBA in a T3 school and now work in finance.

      Engineering is by far more sexist than finance is or b-school was.

      It’s just a whole culture of discounting women and undermining their leadership in a pretty blatant way that I’ve never seen anywhere else.

      Just my two cents but engineering, or at least what I’ve seen of it, seems to be a pretty steady 40 hour work week where men can still earn a good stipend and have a stay at home wife and comfortable standard of living. It’s this weird throw-back profession with attitudes to match.

      I never thought I’d say it but I find finance much more progressive in its workplace values.

   4. I am an engineer with MS in Electrical Engineering. I work in a very big company. I have experienced both good and bad mainly depending on the team I worked for. In my first team, I have been chosen for many challenging assignments and considered to be very dependable. I never felt being a woman was an obstacle or any sort. I progressed in my career faster and made more money than my male colleagues at my level. I have seen the same thing with other women too. In my second job (same company, different team), things were very very different. There was a boys’ club and you had to be an insider for you to get good work. Three men would decide among themselves about all the work that was coming in to the team and ask me to do the clean up work that were not interested in doing. For a couple of months, I did that as I was learning the work. But after that it became very frustrating. It was constant arguments, unpleasant conversations with those three men and a constant almost begging with the incompetent manager to do something about it. It was terrible and I just knew my career was not going anywhere. I left that team and joined another team. I like this new team a lot and it is very much like my first team. I have a lady manager for the first time and my experience so far has been great.

      I thing I would like to point out is that I have seen men thinking women engineers as lesser engineers. They don’t say that openly, but you can feel in their tone. However, it has not been an issue for me except in my second team. Also, I like being an engineer. It was my career of choice. I want to move into leadership positions like technical lead, principal engineer/architect etc. So no regrets.

   5. Engineer here, bachelors, masters, work in the government and hire and fire lots of consulting engineers. I work in design and construction and operations. Does it suck? Yes. Is it great? Absolutely. I definitely take advantage of s3xism and other prejudices by letting people fail in front of me so I can step in and save the day. And I do save the day, often. There is overt and covert s3xism, yes. But there are lots of amazing people, too, that can be influenced. And having more women in the industry is the number one way to change the environment. I’ve worked on a lot of very difficult teams and assignments.

      I am frequently the only woman (and monster of color) in a room full of middle aged white men but you know what? That meeting can’t start without me and won’t end unless I say so. ENGIN33R 4 LYFE!

      1. I <3 you Godzilla.

      2. You’re my hero too!!

         I’m a programmer and working for startups was just appalling. Startups are often built on personality cults so if you’re not the rah-rah type then it’s really tough to exist in that environment. I will never work for a startup again.

         I was in manufacturing for a while and that was very old-boys all paying each other tons of money and expecting the women they work with to be coffee-fetchers.

         Right now I work in Pharma and it’s been a refreshing revelation. It’s women everywhere, my manager and most of the people I work with are women. There are also tons of non-Americans so the company culture emphasizes professionalism and s*xist or other derogatory remarks would not be tolerated. My past few years have been very very smooth compared to earlier times with smaller companies.

      3. rawr godzilla. keep kicking ass and taking names.

9. So, now that I’m slowly telling people I’m expecting, a question I am getting a lot is ‘Was it planned?’

   I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that this was a question we asked in public.

   (Don’t worry, I have lots of answers prepped, the most common one though is just staring at them and looking slightly confused. ‘Why do you ask?’ is another one I like.)

   1. I have a friend who had twins and people ask if they were “natural.”

      1. EVERYONE expecting twins gets asked that. All the time. All the all the time. Like every time. By everyone.

         1. I also have a friend who is a twin and when she tells people she has a twin brother, people frequently ask, “are you identical??”

            1. WHAT?

               Seriously?

               Do they not understand what the word “identical” means (in the context of genes, but also generally)?

               WOW.

               How does she not laugh in their faces?

            2. I get that “are you identical?” question about me and my twin brother *ALL*THE*TIME. From otherwise perfectly intelligent people. I just look at them for a second before they realize how obvious the answer is.

            3. Though I suppose the answer could actually be yes if one of us were trans. But I can state with a pretty high accuracy that no one who has asked me that question thought of that.

            4. I have twins, a boy and girl. I cannot count the number of times people have asked if they are identical — a question I still get, even though they are four and look absolutely nothing like each other. I think people just (i) don’t think and (ii) just want to make conversation.

               I also got asked all the time if they were “natural.” Also, asking “do twins run in your family” is taken by those with twins as code for “are they natural.” I know not everyone asking that question means it that way, but that’s what many of us hear. I’m so tempted to say, “no, they’re from f*%^ing,” but the kids are usually within hearing.

         2. I think some people freak out about the chance it could happen to them and feel better when they learn they aren’t “natural” but it doesn’t make the question any less inappropriate!

      2. YES!

         (I would give a fully straight face and just say ‘We went for cloning.’)

   2. No…we were waiting for the stork to bring one but it turns out that’s a myth.

      1. HA! This is the best.

      2. This made me chuckle.

         Congratulations Clem! I am shocked that people would be asking that – especially if you are like, over age 16, but really ever. How rude!

      3. This is awesome!

         And Thanks! I would get it if this were close friends asking, but shockingly- it’s been all sorts of people!! Coworkers in other departments, my hairdresser, and today a professional contact. It’s actually starting to just be funny.

   3. “There’s a way to avoid this? Why didn’t anyone tell me?”

      1. Hahah, exactly!

   4. I like your response: “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize this was a question we asked in public!”

      1. Yes! These are inside your head things. Like- I’ve always wondered if my coworker’s twins were related to IVF, as there were a number of doctor’s appts about 3-4 months prior to their announcement, but that’s just pure nosiness. I keep this inside my head and thought others were smart enough to do the same!

   5. Hahah! Yup I was asked the same questions. Just wait…as you get closer to your due date you’ll be asked if you’re going to deliver your baby “naturally.” What does that even mean? Also, I just want to look them dead in the eye and say “No, I’m planning on delivering artificially” or “What do you mean by that” or “That’s between me and my doctor” or “Not sure yet, I’ll be sure to give you a full report.” Aghhhhh!

      1. Oh Lord save us all.

         I’m going to have to think of a good one for that. Right now I’m thinking something like, ‘Well, Husband is planning on actually going into labor instead of me. We’re going full seahorse on this one.’

         Or maybe: ‘Have you ever seen Alien? Yeah. That.’

   6. Well, how else am I going to know whether to say congratulations or “that sucks” lol. Also, if it wasn’t planned, I need to know so I can avoid that birth control. (Actually, had a coworker telling everyone about her ring oops baby as a PSA. A bit TMI but funny.). But in all seriousness, WTF. We can wonder but we don’t actually ask!!!

      1. I will say, if it was a ‘happy surprise’, I would have given my closer girlfriends a PSA, but I am happy to report that using highly effective birth control as directed worked very well for me for a decade.

         I had a previous professional acquaintance tell us all that her baby was an ‘antibiotics may negate the effectiveness of your birth control’ surprise, and I have always kind of shaken my head that she would publically tell everyone that. Not my style.

      2. You know, I might be in the minority for this, but I don’t generally believe the reports of grown, educated women having an “accidental” pregnancy. I’ve known SO MANY women who volunteer that their pregnancy was accidental. So many that, if true, it would mean that the effectiveness of birth control is 50/50. Sure, it happens sometimes because there is a failure rate. But it doesn’t happen very often. Definitely not as many times as I’ve heard it. Just something I stew over every now and again.

         For this and many other reasons, I do not ever ask someone if her baby was an accident.

         1. I know a lot of “grown, educated” women who aren’t that good about using birth control for a variety of reasons.

         2. So you don’t understand math. Like at all.

   7. my response: as it turns out, we are extremely experienced in the intentional prevention of pregnancy

   8. After getting that question several times at work, I responded to the next coworker who asked with “did you realize you’re basically asking me whether I know how to correctly use birth control?”

      1. Yes! This is what you’re asking a grown woman!

         I prefer the non-answer answer, because frankly- I don’t want most people to be thinking about the details of my reproductive habits.

         Thank y’all. This has just gotten funnier to me as this conversation has gone on. I still chuckle at the ‘are they identical’ boy/girl twins question.

10. I have drunk the koolaid and now have a summer shorts/skort wardrobe that is 75% Athleta. I am 45 and do not look like the ladies in the catalogs. And am a pear (the ON shorts people rave about fell off me b/c the waist was way too big for my hips). I am so, so, so happy to have weekend clothes that fit and are comfortable. This is on the level of “finally a bra that fits” happiness.

    1. I love Athleta! I have a saved search for my fave pieces on eBay and can often snap them up for half price or less.

11. Reposting because this didn’t go live until very late yesterday and someone requested that I post again:

    Any stories from people who:

    *got married after 35
    *had children after 35, or even 40

    Triumphs, challenges, surprises? Would love to hear any and all perspectives.

    1. No stories, but as a 35 year old engaged woman who wants to have children, I will read this thread with interest!

       1. Same here! Well… halfway to 35.

    2. I met & married my husband at 40 & I’ll just say it was totally worth the wait and all the troubled relationships that came before him. It’s a first marriage for both of us, but in many ways feels like a second (or third) because we made all the “mistakes” before, just without the formality. We don’t plan to have kids and that was a nice point of compatibility. I’m most surprised by how easy the transition to being a married couple was after many many years of being a solo act.

    3. My friend in college was the oldest of four sons born to a woman who married at 35 and then had kids after.

       1. Oh yeah. I’m this, but youngest and of two and we’re both girls. But my parents did not have a good marriage and it had nothing to do with their ages.

    4. My mom was 35 and my dad was 46 when I was born and my mom was 42 and my dad was 53(!) when my brother was born.

    5. My mom got married (for the second time) at 36 and had me (her first child) at 38 and my little sister at 39 (she did have two miscarriages shortly after my parents married before I was born). My mom has generally always enjoyed being a “older” parent and she looks great for her age; she claims that having kids has kept her younger longer, which I think has a little truth to it.

       The only downside is that now my mom is in her mid-60’s and kids are still a few years away for my sister and I. It does bother her that she is approaching 70 (or may past that age) by the time she’s able to be a grandparent.

    6. My husbands’ parents got married in their 20s but did not have my husband until my MIL was 36 and had his little sister when she was 40. She had a few miscarriages. I don’t think they have regrets about being older parents, except for what KinCA mentioned, that they are now in their late 60s and grandkids are still a few years away. I think my MIL definitely thinks it was beneficial for her career that she waited.

    7. Not snarking, but genuinely curious what you are hoping to get from this question. Are you single and looking for inspirational stories? Are you wondering if you are going to be able to conceive in your 40s? I’m not sure how these stories will be relevant to your specific situation is all.

    8. My parents had kids later in life and it worked out great for them — I’m the first child and was born when my mom was 35 and my dad was 40. It was the second marriage for both of them (no kids from the first marriages). They are both so glad they waited to find each other and have kids, but now my dad’s in his mid-70’s and my mom’s almost 70 and there are no grandkids in sight yet. I’m early 30’s and single and want a family, so I’m doubly sad that there’s a chance it won’t work out for me and that I have not yet been able to give my (wonderful) parents grandchildren and who knows what shape they’ll be in when/if that happens. My parents’ own story does give me hope though…

    9. I got married at almost-37 and had had four completed pregnancies by my third anniversary (MC, baby, MC, baby). All, naturally (per discussion above). Good odds; old eggs.

       My mother had me when she was almost 30, so I do wish that my parents were younger (in 20 years, I will wish that I had been younger).

       I am grateful that my children still have grandparents and one great-grandparent left. And are fortunate to have cousins close to their age.

       I do wish that my husband wasn’t from a family where the men seem to suddenly have fatal heart attacks in their 50s (so no older male relatives) and I do actually think about how it would be as a widow with young children now that this has happened to three people I know who are all younger than me.

    10. My BIL married his wife when she was 37, and she is now 38 and due to deliver their first any day now. They are incredibly compatible and she insists he was worth the wait.

    11. I got married at 25 but didn’t have my first child until 35. We felt young and poor for the first decade of our marriage. We’re happy we waited, I think it made us better and stronger parents. I’m 56, with a high school senior son and a college aged daughter. I am a full decade older than the parents of my children’s friends, but other than that, no real drawbacks.

    12. I had my daughter when I was 39.5. She is now 10 and I just turned 50.
        Upsides:
        I was pretty senior at work when she was born so I was able to structure my maternity leave as a I wanted, and continue to set my own hours.
        Being pretty senior means we have enough money for quality childcare and activities, fun vacations etc
        Everyone thinks I am younger than I am plus I enjoy being friends with my daughter’s friends’ parents (10-15 years younger than me) as well as friends my own age

        Downsides:
        We needed IVF for my daughter then I was too old for it work a second time
        We dont have parents who can take care of our daughter – both mothers are deceased and fathers are too old to be actively involved

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