Holiday Open Thread (And Fourth of July Sales of Note!)

37 Comments

1. Happy 4th to the Americans! How do you escape being an admin? Currently working a support type role to pay the bills and its really crushing my soul, I just want to be a regular professional again. I’ve been applying/testing to get back into my field but ultimately I don’t know anyone important enough to pull strings for me and I live in a place where nepotism has run rampant. FWIW I have been testing well (I’m in a technical field), my last test put me in the 99th percentile, but even that didn’t net me an interview.

   1. Look into long-term skilled contract work. Nepotism and your current work will matter less than your skills.

   2. Move?

      Agree with the contract work, or something on the side while you job search. Get an extra qualification.

2. Has anyone else tried giving themselves a small financial reward for keeping up with a new habit?
   My challenge is getting my but off the couch to clean up in the evenings, and I’ve already tried just about every other motivational system. Now I pay myself a dollar for every chore on my list.
   It seems to be working for me, I was just curious if other adults do this too?

   1. Never tried this but I like the idea. Then I can use that money for “frivolous” things like manicures.

   2. I used to do this for building a habit of exercising. Works great.
      There are even apps that use the money incentive in the opposite way. You bet that you can stick to a habit and if you don’t, the app donates some of your money to some charity.

   3. I do not understand this. You bribe yourself with your own money? How? Cash you put aside? A savings account? Depending on your financial situation, wouldn’t you have buckets for certain things anyway?

      1. Yeah, I bribe myself with my own money (well, I’m married, and it’s our money, but DH is onboard). I do budget into buckets, so it’s ultimately just creating a bucket for something I otherwise probably wouldn’t buy. But I like having increments, and being able to change my mind about what the reward might be. Throw pillows? Stationery? Jeweled dagger?

   4. I do the opposite; I charge myself $5 every time I break a new habit I’m trying to form and ask my SO to keep me accountable (usually self improvement stuff, like being overly negative). And when we make bets with each other, it’s also $5, which goes in the same jar. We get to raid the jar for buying treats for ourselves, like grabbing lunch at a cash-only spot. Works really well and has helped me extinguish bad habits faster than I would have otherwise!

3. Can anyone comment on the quality of JCrew Factory’s lightweight wool suits? What about wrinkle resistance? Thank you.

   1. They’ve been real workhorses for me. They do wrinkle if you don’t hang them perfectly straight, etc., but I just run a steamer over it really quickly before throwing it on in the morning.

4. In contrast to the person who said ‘not really the newlywed Meghan Markle look, what other royals should I style-spy on’ — I am so definitely the MM type!
   Details: 1) Newly engaged, setting a date for 2019 2) Law student 3) Professional in another industry that isn’t anywhere near to law. The only thing I didn’t love of hers recently was the Blue Willow China Bathrobe as a fancy dress.

   What brands should I be stalking? Looks you couldn’t live without?
   Vicariously shop for me, please.

   1. Here you go: http://meghansmirror.com/

   2. Also What Meghan Wore, brought to you by What Kate Wore. Big fan of these!

5. Paging the introverts in this board!
   I’ve recently had my role expand and as a result, spent the last 2 weeks in meetings. This in addition to working in an open plan office and parenting a toddler.

   It’s really starting to affect my health!I wake up just fine, and halfway through a day full of meetings, i start to develop a fever.

   The job itself is fun and not much more stressful but the sudden and hopefully temporary uptick in people stuff is getting to me

   1. You are not alone. Full day meetings are the WORST, especially if the breaks are barely enough time for snacks and the washroom. I don’t know about you, but when I get social-saturated, I lose the ability to focus and the meetings aren’t productive.

      It’s so hard. Can you take some introvert-time over lunch or on breaks? Go for a walk with headphones in, not talking to anyone? What’s your PM routine like? If you have a partner, can they do the first bit of parenting so you have some solo time to recover from the day? If you can, embrace your commute as your time to process the day and to not talk to anyone.

      My routine, especially when i’ve been in a lot of meetings or court, is to come home and either make dinner while listening to an audiobook on my headphones or get in the tub (in the dark, with white noise rain, on particularly bad days)–both of which are easier when you’re not trying to parent.

   2. If you have control over any of the meeting schedule, then start scheduling margin into the meetings. Give yourself a half hour break between a meeting block, or become more efficient about how you run them, and cut them off to allow enough space to regroup and get some space before the next meeting.

      If you don’t have any control over where and how the meetings are scheduled and people can just put them onto your calendar, go into your calendar the beginning of a week or month and pre-schedule breaks for yourself when you can. Don’t leave all your time wide open as if you are available for meetings whenever a supervisor or employee wants to schedule one with you. Yes, there may be group meetings or meetings with your supervisor or other departments where you have no control, but take what control you can. Mark blocks of time off and lable them as private, or simply label them “meeting” or “off-site” or “appointment” or whatever. These are your down times to get work done at your desk, or get out of the building for lunch or to take a walk.

      At the minimum, if you have no other control but do have 5 minutes between meetings, try at least to go outside, no matter how brief.

6. Someone please give me a sanity check. My mom, who lives in another state, is taking a trip this summer with her friends to see a National Park for which the closest major airport is my city. She’s coming in a day early to meet up with said friends who are all coming from different places across the country and wants to see me and my husband of course while she’s here. She’s got a hotel and won’t be staying with us. My husband is SO mad she didn’t ask us if before planning the trip. I’m currently spending the holiday today getting the silent treatment and I know he’ll give me tons of grief when I try to see her when she’s here. Please tell me I’m not crazy. Why should my mother ask permission to go on a trip with her friends? Why is it a big deal if I want to see her when she’s here? He can choose whether to visit with her or not, but I don’t see how this is about him at all or why he should have gotten to have a say in her summer plans with friends. Argh.

   1. You’re putting up with this why? She’s staying in a hotel on your area, not in your home. Does he own all the hotels in town and she’s not allowed to stay in one? And it sounds like YOU will meet up with her without requiring him to come. Do you normally have to seek his permission to go out to dinner? What if it was your bff in town – would you have to ask if you could go out with her? What’s going on in your marriage??

   2. I don’t see why your husband is upset. Your mom sounds like she’s planning to hang out with her friends, not her daughter and son in law. She’ll see you because you live there, but it sounds like the “seeing” will just be a few hours for lunch or visiting at your house (or equivalent).

   3. Sanity check pass for you. Failed sanity check for husband. Your mother has done nothing wrong in this situation by making her own plans and also reaching out to spend some time with her daughter while she’s in the area. You are doing nothing wrong by wanting to see her when she’s there. Neither of you need to ask your husband’s permission to spend time together. I’m having a hard time understanding how her visit is inconveniencing your husband in any way whatsoever. I’m also confused about what seems to be an over-the-top response from your husband to give you the silent treatment. It seems like he’s sulking rather than talking to you about what is actually bothering him about this situation, and that’s on him.

      1. Pressed send too soon. You can’t rationalize the irrational. Ignore this behavior from your husband and leave him to sulk alone in the house all day. Get out of the house and do “you” things today, like shop, get a latte, read, nails, yoga, etc. If your husband wants to be an adult and talk about this when you get back, tell him that it’s his reaction that is the problem, that you will be seeing your mother when she’s in town, and if he wants to do join you, great, but you’re not debating this subject.

   4. What? Is your husband normally a decent, reasonable man and he just went off the deep end for some reason … or is this the way he always behaves?

      Assuming that you’ve described the situation accurately and in sufficient detail for us to understand, NO, you’re not being crazy. Not remotely crazy.

      What your mom is doing sounds entirely reasonable and not remotely burdensome to you or him in any way. (Half the posters on this forum would be over the moon to have such a non-demanding and yet available mom.)

   5. Why would he give you tons of grief for trying to see your mom when she’s here? Was there something already scheduled that day that involved you? it seems difficult to imagine what would be so set in stone that it would warrant “tons of grief” over seeing your mom when she comes to town.

      Unless there’s extenuating circumstances we don’t know about, your husband sounds incredibly difficult and self-centered.

   6. WTF? DTMFA.

      Why are you putting up with this? There are two huge problems here: first, he’s trying to interfere in your relationship with your mom and second, he’s giving you the silent treatment? Both of those are hugely unaccpetable.

      And yes to the commenter above who said people would be so pleased to have such a non-demanding mom. My parents just informed me they’re coming to visit for a weekend in August.

      1. OMG I was married to that guy for 15 years. Down to feeling like I must be insane because my husband was so mad at my parents for no reason. I’m so sorry. It’s not going to get any better. DTMFA.

   7. Your husband sounds controlling to the point of almost being abusive. Of course he has a say about guests in his house, but it is not his business at all if your mom is visiting and staying in a hotel and you want to see her. An exception would be if you guys had made plans for that day and now you want to cancel the plans so you can see your mom or something like that. But with just the facts given here, you and your mom have done absolutely nothing wrong and your husband’s over the top behavior (freaking out and giving you the silent treatment) sounds very disturbing.

   8. If he’s annoyed with your mother (which is completely irrational) why is he giving *you* the silent treatment? There are a lot of red flags here. What mature adult man gives anyone the silent treatment?

      Say this to him: “My mom is going on a trip with friends that happens to coincide with where we live. Naturally, she asked to see us. There is nothing wrong with that and you have no reason to be annoyed with her, or to give me the silent treatment.”

      His behavior is bizarre and controlling. I’m concerned about you. Please update us tomorrow.

   9. Your mother sounds considerate and fun and your husband sounds awful and controlling.

7. Why am I having trouble finding this? Who wants to go shopping to help me out

   At a conference last weekend I realized that the canvas bag I use to store chapstick, pens, a flash drive, hand sanitizer, etc. is no longer event-appropriate.

   All I’m looking for is a non-leather zip pouch roughly 5-8 inch wide in black, navy or grey with hardware that can withstand a couple of years of being thrown in and out of every purse I have. I have no idea why I’m unable to find what I’m looking for.

   1. I found mine in the cosmetic section — you know, the place where they sell the cosmetic travel bags and what-not. It’s just a small black, zipped pouch. Though, maybe you’re looking for something different? Mine is in my purse and nobody ever sees it, so it doesn’t matter what it looks like. I don’t take it out of my purse and carry it separately, or take it out of my purse and rummage around in it. (Well, not outside my office, at least.)

   2. Like this? https://www.etsy.com/listing/464076301/makeup-pouch-5×8-or-8×10-hand-made-in

      Or do you have something else in mind? If this link is what you are looking for, I can link you to similar ones.

   3. https://www.containerstore.com/s/black-accessory-pouches/d?productId=11005963&q=pouch

      Search “pouch” on the Container Store page.

   4. pencil case pouch also returned some good options
      Poppin has good pouches, though perhaps not in colors you’d prefer
      Amazon also returned this: https://www.amazon.com/Nylon-Zippered-Pencil-Pouch-Black/dp/B00BFYSQRE
      and many other options

8. I second cosmetic pouches and would add wristlet to search terms.

9. I am new to NYC and here for the fall semester. Is there any place in Manhattan where I can go out alone for a bite without getting hit on by 10 guys? They must think I am out looking for it just because I am not with anyone. Help!

   1. [deleted by management]

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