This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Open-toed shoes and sandals are not appropriate for every office — so, know your office in this case — but these Clarks sandals look gorgeous. I love that they have multiple straps but also a zipper in the back, and they're from the Artisan Collection, which is one of Clarks' most comfortable lines of shoes and a longstanding favorite for its aesthetic (which is sleeker and a bit less earthy than the rest of Clarks' styles). This sandal comes in beige and black and is $72–$110 at Amazon (eligible for Prime Wardrobe) and $87–$99 at Zappos. Clarks Laureti Pearl. Pssst: we're talking about easy dishes to bring to summer parties over at CorporetteMoms today if you're looking for something to make for tomorrow. Meanwhile, I've stumbled on this recipe for vodka gummy bear popsicles and now need to pass it along to everyone I know. This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – New sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy one, get one – 50% off everything!
- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anonymous
Had planned a trip to NYC and now of course the people I was going to hang with won’t be around. Part of me is like why go, another part is saying — go because you need a break from DC. So if you found yourself without any plans in NYC for 1 to 1.5 days, what would you do? I’m looking for daytime stuff when others are at work, as night plans are covered. Used to live in NYC yet I’m totally blanking on what to do. No interest in tourist stuff though part of me does want to grab a ticket to top of the rock since I love city views and have never seen that one. Bonus points of it’s things in/near midtown and some indoor options would be great just in case of crazy heat — though I think this heat wave breaks before I arrive.
Anonymous
I literally just came back from NYC where I had to entertain myself for 2 days solo. It was so freaking hot, it really wiped my energy and I didn’t do as much as I wanted to. My days were spent like this: museum in the morning, browsing in nearby shops, lunch, little more walking around, go back to hotel to cool off and rest. I did the Met/UES one morning (to see the Heavenly Bodies exhibit) and the MOMA/Midtown the next morning. I’m not huge on touristy stuff either, but I really love art.
Anonymous
There is a cool flea market/antique mall thing, I want to say 44th and … 3rd? We stayed in the Algonquin and it was just a few blocks down. St. Patricks is near and it is so lovely I wanted to go in but we were limited on time. I was fascinated by the verticality of stores being on several floors.
Ella
Not midtown but David Bowie exhibit at the Brooklyn Museum — combine with the Brooklyn Botanical gardens if the weather is not horrid.
Anon
Make an appointment the Bryant park location of mm Lafleur, if you are into that. It is a fun shopping experience with a personal shopper and a private dressing room.
Anonymous
I also used to live in NYC, and when I’ve found myself there alone with time to kill, I’ve visited a special exhibit, found a scenic place to read a book, gotten a manicure and pedicure, and shopped. I guess it’s pretty much what I’d do on any day or afternoon off, but the change of scenery is nice, and my city doesn’t have the same stores.
Anonymous
1. The Frick!
2. Come from Away (cannot say how much I love this play).
3. See anything at the Angelika b/c it is cool (literally, figuratively, in every way)
4. Bliss spa! Their stuff smells so good.
5. People watch at Bergdorf’s.
Anonymous
see if anyone can get you into the nyac or nyac-travers island
Anonymous
I always get a massage or do a spa treatment. Weird exercise classes are also fun.
Anonymous
I would do whatever I felt like on the day and maybe just start walking until I found something that caught my eye (though the heat might matter here). Honestly, there is so much to do in NYC (Broadway, shopping, museums, food halls) so maybe just wake up and open the guidebook on the day and start moving.
Anonymous
those are gorgeous.
Anonymous
And dangit, I hope they would come in wide like many Clarks.
Anyone seen any good paler nude shoes in wides? I’m looking for a slingback or more work-friendly sandal like this one?
Ellen
Yes, they are, but they are open toe’d, and the manageing partner will NOT let me wear open toed shoes at work. I think it is b/c he has smelley feet and project’s his issues on to me and others. No one can wear open toe’d shoes at work. Frank once came in with Birkenstock’s and he made him go home and change! Frank bought some cheap shoes at Century 21 I think and came back. FOOEY on Frank. It would have been nicer if he just went home and stayed home!
Happy 4th to the ENTIRE HIVE!!!! YAY!!!
Anon
Had the opposite reaction. Hard no.
Never too many shoes...
Right? Those are aggressively frumpy in a non-ironic way.
Anonymous
Aggressively frumpy?? Really?
BigLaw Sr Assoc
Yeah, super frumpy.
Anonymous
Same – especially in the beige, they look like orthopedic correction shoes or something.
Anonymous
TW- miscarriage
I don’t know if this is the right spot for this I just can’t really deal with MC only boards right now. we were really excited about having a baby but last night went to the emergency room when i was in a lot of pain and we are not having a baby in feb like we thought. I’m really devastated and trying to focus on healing on the present rather than spiraling into “does this mean i will never be pregnant” if any of you had this and went on to have healthy children I would really appreciate hearing about it. I can’t imagine what a wreck ill be the next time I get pregnant and I don’t know if I can go through this again. I had never heard about the physical pain of a miscarriage- my body is having contractions and last night it was a 9/10 on the pain scale. its emotionally devastating and physically brutal as well. I am 32 and this was our first- my husband has been so great but any tips on supporting him would be great as well. i know he cried last night but is trying to be strong for me and is focused on taking care of me but i know he is hurting too. thanks in advance for any guidance.
Anonymous
No experience with this but I am so sorry for your loss.
Lana Del Raygun
I’m sorry for your loss!
Anonymous
I was also 32 with a wanted first pregnancy when I miscarried. I went on to have two beautiful children – the first born almost exactly a year to the day after I lost the first pregnancy. I don’t know if this helps, but it’s really remarkably common. Particularly with first pregnancies (according to both my OB and anecdata). I am so sorry you’re going through this, but this is by no means necessarily a sign that you will not go on to have healthy pregnancies.
Anonymous
So sorry for your loss. I know this is anecdata, but everyone I know who had a miscarriage (or at least the people who opened up to me about it) got pregnant again relatively quickly and had healthy children.
Anon
Miscarriage, healthy birth, miscarriage, healthy birth, healthy birth
Those are my stats
It’s really common but i know it totally sucks when you are going through it. Hugs to you, and drink all the wine!
Seafinch
Similar here. Healthy Birth, Healthy Birth, Miscarriage, Late Miscarriage, Healthy Birth, Five weeks pregnant now.
It is incredibly nerve wracking. I had to go into heavy planning mode and start drawing up contingency plans and aggressively manage my health (no one else cared to be engaged…and being told at 38 that you don’t have a problem until you lose a third baby doesn’t help!). I also have issues getting/staying pregnant while nursing so it has been a long 8 years of cycling in and out.
Be angry, be sad and do whatever you need to feel like you can control something (if you need to). And Agreed ^^^^ALL THE WINE.
MCs
I had five late-term miscarriages from planned pregnancies in my late 20s-early 30s. We stopped trying because it was an emotional rollercoaster. I know it is awful. I never succeeded in a planned pregnancy. But I accidentally got pregnant with twins when I was 47. Didn’t even realize I was pregnant until approximately 15 weeks. I felt completely normal, aside from the fact my belly was “distended” and I was tired all the time. It didn’t even cross my mind I could be pregnant. Carried to full term, two healthy (and large) boys.
Anonymous
I am so sorry for your loss.
37: m/c; needed the very strong pain meds (couldn’t drive on those; I never drink sad, so saved the wedding wine for later); period didn’t come back for 4 unfun months
38: baby
38: miscarriage
39: baby
Both MCs were after having the US where you hear the heartbeat and get the picture. I had a previa with baby #2, so the constant of bright red blood after having 2 losses was awful.
Anokha
So many hugs. I had one six weeks ago. You aren’t alone. I have also heard from so many colleagues who told me that they had miscarriages and went on to have healthy, happy children.
anon
I am so sorry! I’ve not been through this, but to add to the healthy birth stats- a dear friend had two miscarriages before having her first child (at 41! FWIW), and she’s about to have her second; my sister had a miscarriage with her second pregnancy and is now 20 weeks pregnant. It’s so common– that doesn’t make it any less heartbreaking but hopefully it can ease your anxiety.
Anonymous
Healthy birth – MC – healthy birth. Had a D&C for the MC and was physically drained for a few weeks. Thought I could go back to work full-time right away but ended up with half-days for the first week; I was so tired. That first trimester with the second baby was scary; I was praying every night to have a healthy pregnancy. Second daughter was born at 41 weeks and over 8 lbs. It is amazing how many women have MC and you don’t find out about it until you have one. Most women who have one go on to have a healthy baby. Be gentle with yourself as this was not your fault.
Anon
Healthy baby with a complicated delivery, miscarriage, miscarriage, healthy baby.
It’s really hard. Allow yourself this weekend to grieve in whatever way makes sense to you. Seriously. Take off Thurs and Fri and just be kind to yourselves. I ended up needing a D&C for the first one and couldn’t get off the couch for two days although some of that was emotional rather than physical.
Find someone to talk to. Unless your friends are exceptionally lucky, most people I know with more than one kid had a miscarriage at some point. My very good friend has four kids and loves being pregnant, but still until I had my miscarriage, had never told me she was pregnant eight times (!!!) to get the four kids she has. It’s sobering to realize how common it is, and yet how silent and insular it feels.
For DH, there are even fewer resources out there. He’ll likely feel alone and helpless. You know his personality best, but he’ll likely get some satisfaction out of taking care of you, so he can feel like he’s doing something. So ask him to order dinner, ask him to make sure you drink water, ask him to find some cheery flowers. If you know of some friends or family he’s close to who have gone through it, mention them to him so he can call them if he needs to. (He’ll probably do it out of your range of hearing.)
When we both felt a little better, we decided to do a house project “in dedication” to the experience. The physical labor helped renew us, it helped us focus on something external, and it felt like we were at least marking the situation somehow. It also helped reinforce us as a team, which I sorely needed at that point. He seemed to really process his feelings through the physical activity as well.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Take care of yourself.
Leatty
I’m so sorry for your loss! I had a miscarriage two years ago (and my body refused to carryout the miscarriage until I took medication 2.5 weeks after learning the pregnancy wasn’t viable). I won’t lie, it was SO hard for me, but I was able to get pregnant 8 months later, and I now have a smart, happy, beautiful 1 year old who I love more than anything. My SIL had 2 miscarriages in a row due to poor egg quality before giving birth to my nieces (the first one she conceived without scientific intervention, the second she had through IVF). I had no idea how common miscarriage was until I had mine, and then I learned that so many people I know have experienced one. It doesn’t make you feel better in the moment, but you may find that you have friends/family members who have been through it and can provide support to you in a way that others can’t. Take care of yourself, and know that you can get through this.
Former Retail
I’m so sorry. I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks while on vacation. The ER was not where I expected to be in Florida. Then, I got pregnant the next cycle – didn’t even have a period in between. I was shocked and worried, but that baby is now 12 years old and doing great (other than being extremely annoyed by his 6 year old brother.)
The fact that people don’t talk about miscarriage, considering how common it is, makes it emotionally so much worse. I hope these responses help a little.
Anonymous
thank you all so much- these responses did really help.
Wink
I am so sorry – I’ve been there. I miscarried my first pregnancy (at age 40). I got pregnant again 3 months later and had a healthy baby girl. The grief can be so heavy, and maybe the information here can help you both: https://www.verywellfamily.com/dealing-with-miscarriage-1270770. I am so delighted with my daughter, but I will always carry that first baby in my heart. Since there was no funeral or other means of closure at the time, something that gave us comfort was finding a way to memorialize the baby. We considered matching baby footprint tattoos or planting a tree, but we ended up finding a cemetary in our area that has a memorial for the unborn and we had an engraving done there. Hugs to you.
Anonymous
I don’t know about miscarriage but I do know a little about grief…and rather than tips for you supporting him, I’d say that it’s OK for the two of you to simply grieve together. Sit and cry together. Sit quietly together and feel the sadness. He doesn’t need to be strong for you, you don’t need to be strong for him; you can both be sad and hurting and that’s OK.
That doesn’t mean you’ll stay in this place, or get stuck here for a long, long time, or that you’ll spiral down into a very dark place and get lost in it. Just that you are in some sad days here, and it’s OK to be sad.
Marshmallow
I’m so sorry for your loss.
CBG
This exact same thing happened to us 2 years ago. And yesterday we celebrated our daughters’ 1st birthday! So maybe you’ll have a baby in July 2019 instead of February! It is agony and unbearable, but it may help to know that hormone fluctuations are playing into a lot of that right now too. Use this time as an unexpected extra few months of frivolity that yesterday you thought was gone for a long time! Have a drink! Go on a trip! Our mc was a 10 weeks and it took about 6 weeks for me to have another period… Also I didn’t have any morning sickness with my miscarried pregnancy, or my daughters’. So for my daughters I was sure it was a MC too until I got to see a heartbeat.
A little late
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m single and childless, but I remember reading a similar thread years ago here and it stuck with me that miscarriages are really common but that no one seems to talk about it and people who have them feel really isolated. Now that I’m in my early 30’s, I have several close friends who have had them and felt very alone and worried about whether or not they would ever have a healthy pregnancy. Two of them have already gone on to have healthy babies.
Although I’m sure that a miscarriage would be devastating no matter what, it seems like the feeling of isolation and the fear that it means a healthy pregnancy wouldn’t happen in the future could be eliminated if we all (I mean society, not the hive specifically) just talked about this more. Why don’t we talk about it more? Is it because it’s something that happens to women, so people just don’t care? It’s yet another thing that s*cks about being female (although of course it’s awful for hopeful fathers too)? I get that it can be a very personal, private thing, but why aren’t the general statistics and information shared more? It’s just awful that so many women go through this and feel so very alone.
A little late
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m single and childless, but I remember reading a similar thread years ago here and it stuck with me that miscarriages are really common but that no one seems to talk about it and people who have them feel really isolated. Now that I’m in my early 30’s, I have several close friends who have had them and felt very alone and worried about whether or not they would ever have a healthy pregnancy. Two of them have already gone on to have healthy babies.
Although I’m sure that a miscarriage would be devastating no matter what, it seems like the feeling of isolation and the fear that it means a healthy pregnancy wouldn’t happen in the future could be eliminated if we all (I mean society, not the hive specifically) just talked about this more. Why don’t we talk about it more? Is it because it’s something that happens to women, so people just don’t care? It’s yet another thing that s*cks about being female (although of course it’s awful for hopeful fathers too)? I get that it can be a very personal, private thing, but why aren’t the general statistics and information shared more? It’s just awful that so many women go through this and feel so very alone.
Kat in VA
To start with – I am so very sorry for your loss. It’s incredibly difficult having a miscarriage, especially if you’ve had confirmation of a live pregnancy (I had a TV ultrasound at 8 weeks, miscarried at 11 weeks).
I have had four children. Between child #3 and child #4, I had my miscarriage. I conceived four or five months after the MC, and she’s a testy, mouthy, grumpy nine year old today (we call her Tiny Demon Daughter).
People will say stupid things in their attempt to comfort. They will hand you “God’s plan”, they will hand you “Probably for the best”, they will even say “There was something wrong with it so…” They’re not trying to be jerks. They’re mouthing the same things that everyone says when someone loses a child – even if it’s a child in the early stages.
Something odd I discovered after telling people I was pregnant, and then having to tell them I wasn’t – people I never EVER knew had miscarriages shared them with me. Including my own mother, who miscarried at age 56 (!). My stepmother. More than a few friends. People I thought I knew very well, who (for reasons entirely their own and they had that right) had never volunteered or shared that information. It is incredibly common – which doesn’t make it any more devastating when it happens to you.
Be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to grieve for however long it takes until you start to feel a little better each day. You may never entirely get over it – and that’s OK – but you will get through it. Many hugs from an internet stranger.
Anonymous
I’ve started noticing some age spots and discoloration beneath my eyes and near my temples. I’m trying to curb my skincare and makeup budget so adding a $80 serum or something isn’t really in the cards for me. Is there anything in the drugstore price range that might help with this, or does my request drastically outweigh my budget?
Anonymous
Age spots = sun exposure in most cases. What are you doing for sunscreen/wearing sunglasses/hats etc..?
Coach Laura
I like the Neutrogena line Ageless Intensives with retinol. There is a whole line – they are not Rx strength so the impact is less immediate. Also as the other poster notes, be diligent with sunscreen as even a bit of sun will add more spots and the retinol may make you more sensitive too.
I’ve also heard good things about RoC and you can sometimes get it cheap at Costco but I have sensitive skin and stick with Neutrogena or Clinique.
Anon
2% hydroquinone (look on amazon, it’s cheap) and religious use of sunscreen, sunglasses with UV filter, and wide brimmed hats.
Anonymous
Where do you get prescription glasses/sunglasses? Is the quality of the online order places up to par? TIA!
Anonymous
I’ve ordered frames to try on from Warby Parker I think 4 times now, and they’ve just never worked for my face. I love them on other people, though, and trying them on is pretty easy. I just go to my local optometrist/vision center and get my glasses there. The selection can’t be beat and you can try them all on in one fell swoop.
NOLA
I have ordered from Zenni and had good luck with my single vision computer glasses, but the sunglasses didn’t work. They made some recommendations, but my prescription was too complicated. I have reordered my computer glasses and they still work well. Last year, I got my prescription sunglasses at Target Optical and I love them. They were way less expensive than anywhere else and the guy I worked with was wonderful. FWIW, because my prescription is such a mess (reading issues caused by the correction for my extreme nearsightedness), I usually get my glasses at a boutique place that’s pricey, but has a warranty and will remake if necessary. I spend a lot on them, but they are like an accessory on my face every day, so it’s important that I like them.
My current frames are Jean Lafonte Tarentelle in the blue/brown polka dot: https://www.framesdirect.com/framesfp/Lafont-lakboenh/r.html?affiliate=73
Anonymous
I just ordered from Felix and Iris. $ 299 for progressives, including frames.
anon
What shoes should I wear to Disney World in February? Also, any other tips? Going with my husband and 4.5 year old.
Leatty
Definitely tennis shoes. The weather will probably be warm, so you won’t have to worry about boots or other cold weather apparel.
Anonymous
Comfy running shoes. I love Skechers.
Plan, plan, plan. And plan some more. I cannot emphasize that enough. Download the Disney app. Make your restaurant reservations 6 months out. Book your fastpasses as early as possible especially if your kid wants to meet characters. Have a plan for each day so you use your time effectively. There are TONS of online resources out there. If you don’t plan, you will be that miserable Disney cliche…waiting in endless lines for hours. Also, plan pool time/down time at the hotel for your kid as well.
I went in March 2 years ago (one of the busiest times at the parks), it was my first time going as an adult and I was responsible for planning the whole trip. I’m so glad for the hours I spent planning. We barely waited in lines at all, the days went very smoothly, and we had a lot of fun.
Anon
All of this. Wear running shoes and comfortable clothes. Book all of your dining reservations as soon as the window opens 6 months before your trip, and book all of your fast passes.
Also download the app so that you can book more fast passes as you’re getting off of one ride. My favorite strategy is to book your in-advance fast passes early in the day. Once you check in for your last advance-booked fast pass, you can start booking day-of fast passes on the app. Once you’re at the point of being able to book day-of passes, get in a line for a ride, and then while you’re in line book a fast pass that you will be able to get on as soon as that ride is over (so for example, if you’re in a 45 minute line, find and book a fast pass that is good for that time).
Also, book the most in demand fast passes first – Frozen Ever After, Avatar, Toy Story. Then plan your trip around that, not the other way around. You have a better chance of getting the most in demand rides toward the end of your trip, so if you’re going Mon. – Fri., book your Friday fast passes first.
I liked the Disney Tourist Blog site for planning my trip! Have fun!
Anonny
This honestly makes me NEVER want to go to Disney. It can’t possibly be worth it, can it? I’m being snarky, I know. But I can’t imagine planning out every moment of every day. It seems so un-vacation-y to me.
Anonymous
It seems ghastly to me. And not because I hate kids or anything. But just the amount of planning and racing around you have to do seems so unrelaxing. I can see enjoying a Disney cruise but I’d never go to the theme parks.
Anonymous
I had the same exact thought!
AnonProf
Tenure track- Does it ever get better? Just finished up first year at a mid-sized comprehensive university. 12 credit hrs/semester teaching load, class sizes range from 20ish for upper-level courses with majors to 80 for gen-ed sections. I just got a revise & resubmit on an article, and I’m so exhausted and disillusioned I can’t even see it as a good thing.
Does anything help? Is it worth checking into depression/anxiety meds if I’m pretty sure the only thing wrong is my 70 hour work weeks?
Panda Bear
I just quit a PhD program so I am clearly not in a position to give the most encouraging advice, but just wanted to say that your’re not crazy, it truly is super hard, and wish you all the best. All my assistant and even associate tt profs worked their butts off, and so much of the work, especially teaching and service, feels invisible to others. It seems like it does get somewhat better once you are full. I know that seems a million years away! In the meantime, I know many tt folks pulled strength from having mentors who had been through it and could at least commiserate, and/or offer strategies and insight. If your institution offers supports/networking for new tt faculty, definitely take advantage. And of course you already know this, but it’s awesome that you have a tt job, that you got the revise & resubmit, etc – you deserve to feel exhausted, but you also deserve to feel proud :)
postdoc
I’m sorry that you’re having a rough time. It is DEFINITELY worth checking into depression/anxiety/burnout.
Short of that, what helps me:
-venting to a peer (someone you can trust, also only do this in moderation)
-having an academic self help group of people tackling similar issues as you and just chatting and strategizing about everyone’s issues and frustrations. Helps to not feel alone.
-taking a half day off, and giving myself permission to be completely lazy
-stroking my ego by looking over my accomplishments (my computer has a happy folder for exactly this purpose)
-saying no to a thing
If you aren’t a STEM academic, it might be a little less relevant, but there is a blog called The New PI sets up a Lab, that deals very directly with the toll on mental and emotional health that a TT professor is facing. Reading their posts also validates that the stress I’m experiencing is inherent to the system and not my fault.
LittleBigLaw
Dropped the Ball on something that’s important for our family … and so did DH. This despite the task being within his wheelhouse and despite clear communication that he would handle and what the consequences of not handling would be for our family. I’m disappointed and TIRED. I’m so mad but I feel like putting in the work to communicate my feelings and work this out is just. More. Work. For. Me. Ugh
florescent
If you can, it might help to take a break and revisit this. An intense break, do something that requires all your attention/strength/whatever energy you have left, workout, garden, read a book in the bathtub, go out dancing with your friends, have a good cry and eat a tub of ice cream, etc. Maybe getting your mind off things then getting some rest will give you some strength to come back to this and work it out.
Anonymous
Also, is he usually responsible? Maybe reassign the task to him in whatever way you can … if it’s up to him to deal with the consequences/research alternatives/find a new solution/etc maybe he’ll take the initiative next time or do whatever he needs to do that didn’t happen here.
Anon
So sorry. I hate this feeling. Write him an email. Short and clear: “As you know, you committed to this responsibility and you failed to follow through. I feel completely exhausted by the prospect of having to double check your work. I need to be able to trust you. Please fix this.”
Kat in VA
+1.
Making sure your DH does the job and also completes it within parameters is almost – if not more – difficult as just doing it your dang self.
Emotional labor is one of those touchy things that gets automatically assigned to women as if it were second nature – and for some of us, it’s ENTIRELY not.
My husband doesn’t check up to make sure I get the registration done on my car, book doctor’s appointments, send birthday cards / texts / make phone calls, oil changes, or any of the other million socially lubricating moments or everyday tasks that I handle on my own. His level of attention to his own said tasks used to be shockingly laissez-faire to me…until one day I realized that he didn’t HAVE to remember to do those things, because I would remember “for him” and keep him on track.
A lot like the kids never having to remember that trash and recycling go up on Monday night, trash on Thursday night. Why should they remember? Mom always left them a sticky note. The dog gets taken outside on a roughly every 90 minute basis. Laundry gets done. Dishes get done. All because Mom reminded them to do so. Not any more. If it’s your job to do, it’s not MY job to remind you to do YOUR job.
Your husband dropped the ball. Not you. If this is something he agreed to do and didn’t follow up, that’s on him, not you. You’re his wife, not his manager. Realizing that was very scary and simultaneously liberating for me. Yes, it resulted in a lot of dropped tasks and disappointment and, on more than one occasion, extreme additional expense that could have been totally avoided if he’d stayed on target. Now, he realizes that if he says he’s going to do it, I am freed from the burden of reminding HIM to do it and it’s all on him. Got a ticket for not doing the registration / safety inspection on your car? Bummer. Forgot to pay your parking pass at work this month and got a ticket? What a drag. Didn’t get around to filling your prescription at the pharmacy and now you’re out? Best get on the phone.
This is adulting 101 but many men (#notallmen) are used to having their wives handle the emotional labor of REMEMBERING and REMINDING…which all too often can be parlayed into “nagging” because you want it done in a reasonable time frame and they want to do it when they get around to it. *sigh*
Sorry for the soapbox. This is a commonplace thing, and while I bought into it as a SAHM for many years (he got the job, I got the homemaker duties), now that I’m back to working full time, I’m expecting him to pick up his slack and handle his share of the responsibilities like I have been working all along. It’s taken a lot of adjustment on both sides – him having to remember that I won’t bail him out if he spaces his parking pass, me having to hold my tongue and not jump into Manager Mode. It can be done!
House Buying
Sparked my this morning’s thread, I’d like to say as a millennial my only ‘must have’ is location and I will compromise on almost anything else in order to live in the neighborhood I want. You can fix ugly, but you can change a location.
Anon
Yes, I think the poster has been too swayed by what she thinks/her realtor thinks her house is worth, vs what the market is clearly telling her
Senior Attorney
Right. If the house isn’t selling, it’s priced too high, by definition.
Anonymous
Not every market moves extremely quickly, though. I currently live in an area with a bad school district and things take less time to sell because there are fewer buyers. Something could very well sell for its asking price after being on the market for a few months. I sold my last house, a nice house in a nice area, for my target price after a month and a half in a good market. Sometimes you just need to be patient.
Anon
I think the relevant information in her case, though, was that she said she is in a hot market where most homes get multiple offers right away.
Anonymous
That was our philosophy too, although it’s also very hard to change the footprint of the house. So we prioritized location and floor plan and bought a house with an ugly kitchen and terrible paint colors. We remodeled the kitchen and repainted the whole house. Looks a thousand times better now.