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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 262 Comments · by

Holiday Weekend Open Thread

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

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Diane von Furstenberg Fur Shawl Collar, Teal Something on your mind? Chat about it here. Maybe I am insane, but: I really want this fur shawl collar. A) It is blue. B) I'll bet it's soft and warm. C) It looks a little crazy / is a bold fashion statement. I don't know — have I totally flipped my lid? Oh yes: it is $495 at Bergdorf Goodman. Diane von Furstenberg Fur Shawl Collar, Teal (L-2) P.S. Happy Thanksgiving to all our American readers! :) Stay tuned for our sales roundup… Update: My apologies to all of the readers I offended with this post — I've heard your comments and won't be posting fur again. Thank you to everyone who chose to discuss this matter in civil terms — you're part of the reason this is such a great community.

Sales of note for 8.30.24

  • Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
  • Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
  • Boden – 20% off
  • Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
  • Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
  • Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
  • Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
  • White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale

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Comments

    • PANDA

      Fur is repulsive and disgusting. How people are not repulsed by this is reprehensible. Shame on you. dISGUSTING.

          • cracked

            dude cuz you called everyone ret@rded.

            I get that you don’t like fur. That post should read “oh I am really dissapointed in this pick, I hate fur for a,b, and c.” Not “YOU ARE RET@RDED FOR THIS PICK AND HEINOUS”

            some people like fur. some people haven’t really thought about it. try convincing them why its bad instead of just being a looney about it.

      • Furry

        I love fur. I would wear it with my fur topped boots while I tromp through the snow. Just because one person thinks it is repulsive and disgusting doesn’t mean someone else can’t wear it. I happen to think that the fact that more and more clothing items are being made synthetically with petroleum products and other items that are produced at great detriment to the environment is pretty awful, but I don’t tell people their polyester shirts are repulsive and disgusting. I think there can be a discussion without attacking people.

        Do you wear leather? Have any down pillows or blankets? They’re all animal products. They’re mostly farmed animal products. I think in the US they are, by vast majority, from farms. How is this any worse that keeping geese for down, or cows for leather? I’m legitimately asking a question here.

        • Huh

          There’s a big difference between recycled polyester and 5 dead foxes dies electric blue and wrapped around a neck that were electrocuted and skinned while still alive.

          Also the fur is from china and there they are extremely not humane to the animals.

          But hey wear your fur, I hope you get reincarnated as a chinchilla.

          • Furry

            I hope I get reincarnated as the fur on my boots too. It’s Wolverine. Wolverine harvests are very strictly controlled and regulated in the states they exist in.

            I wasn’t talking about recycled petroleum products. I was talking about the new things produced every day that make entire towns have a much increased cancer and other health risks.

            So…don’t wear fur from China. Surely not all fur everywhere is disgusting? What if it is harvested humanely and the animals have a good life, even maybe in the wild, before harvest?

          • kiley

            why would they be skinned while alive? Surely they are dead. And in general, the conditions for working, products in china are very poor.

            I don’t think I’d ever wear fur but I never get the attitude that fur is the worst thing in the world. we use and kill animals every single day for a variety of things.

          • SF Bay Associate

            If the fur was harvested humanely and responsibly, the animals had a good life, and the animal’s meat ended up being used somehow (cat food??), I’d have no argument against your fur boots. Same reason why I have no problem with responsible deer hunters that have clean kills, kill only mature bucks in season, and use every single piece of that animal. The animal lived a good life, it was respected even in death, and its life wasn’t at all wasted.

        • KellyK8

          Your environmental argument is just plain wrong on its face. The fur industry is a HUGE source of pollution.

          For instance, each mink skinned by fur farmers produces about 44 pounds of feces in his or her lifetime. That adds up to 1 million pounds of feces produced annually by U.S. mink farms alone.

          Waste from fur farms is poisoning our waterways. In December 1999, for example, the Washington State Department of Ecology fined one mink farmer $24,000 for polluting ditches that drain into a local creek. The Environmental Protection Agency has also filed complaints against companies involved in fur production and transportation for illegally generating and disposing of hazardous waste from the processing of pelts.

          Raising animals for their fur also pollutes the air. In Denmark, where more than 2 million minks are killed for their fur annually, more than 8,000 pounds of ammonia is released into the atmosphere each year.

          Furs are loaded with chemicals to keep them from decomposing in the buyer’s closet, and fur production pollutes the environment and gobbles up precious resources. Producing a fur coat from ranch-raised animals takes more than 15 times as much energy as does producing a faux-fur coat.

          Fur is only “natural” when it’s on the animal who was born with it. Once an animal has been slaughtered and skinned, his or her fur is treated with a soup of toxic chemicals to “convert the putrefactive raw skin into a durable material” (i.e., to keep it from rotting). Various salts—along with ammonia, formaldehyde, hydrogen peroxide, and other chromates and bleaching agents—are used to preserve and dye fur.

          Furriers claim that the carcasses from animals skinned for their pelts are used for animal feed, but often they are simply dumped into landfills. (At any rate, many animals on fur farms are killed with injections of poison, which makes their flesh inedible.)

    • PANDA

      If you murdered cookie monster and skinned him while he’s still partially alive.

      • anon

        She had no choice. She told Cookie Monster “No,” but he thought she was just playing hard to get. B*stard got what he deserved, and she got a new shawl collar and a great conversation piece.

        • PANDA

          I believe she was just vain and ignorant and soo displeased with her life she had to have a blue fur collar to make herself feel worthwhile and loved.

          Nothing like 25 dead chinchillas around your neck to feel successful or have a conversation peice

          • marise

            Panda, I respect your opinion, but I don’t go on this website to read personal and disparaging attacks. It’s unbecoming.

  2. Sad Anon

    Is anyone else alone for thanksgiving? All of 2012 has been consumed with a long, painful, drawn-out break-up for me, and as my family lives overseas (no relatives in the US) my ex and I have spent the last four thanksgivings with his family. So, this year I am on my own, and feel like the loneliest and most unloved person in the world. And heartbroken. And just want to hide in a hole until the holidays are over. Waiting for this horrendous year to be over.

    • mamabear

      Oh honey. Want to come to my Thanksgiving? I’m in Berkeley, CA.

      Will any of your friends take you in? There’s almost always an “orphans” thanksgiving somewhere, even if it’s not the most traditional meal.

      • Sad Anon

        Thanks, mamabear. This is a weird year – seems that all my friends in town are traveling to their significant others’ families so there is hardly anyone left in town. I’ve also been isolating myself a bit as part of going through the break-up, so I think a lot of my friends just have no idea that I’m actually sitting at home being sad. Still, I feel too weird reaching out like this, the day before thanksgiving.

        • DC Jenny

          For what it’s worth, if I were your friend I would rather you tell me at the last minute that you are sad and need some company than not tell me because you were afraid it would be weird. It’s a vulnerable position to be in, but I think most people would want you to ask rather than have you be alone and sad on the holiday.

          • b23

            Same here. And I would invite you to travel with me to my family’s house, even if I weren’t going to be in town.

          • a.

            Yes, yes, oh my goodness, yes. Do not feel weird about reaching out, if you don’t want to be alone! Any real friend would understand, and make space for you in about a second flat.

          • AttiredAttorney

            Yes, please reach out! One more person at Thanksgiving (even one who’s lonely on the inside) only adds to the fun of the holiday.

        • kiley

          Reach out! Seriously reach out, I know it feels weird but they would love to have you. they are your friends. Even if they are going to fam for dinner, let them know and see if you can organize a pie and wine after party

        • mamabear

          Put it on facebook. Seriously. If you really want to go to a Thanksgiving, put it out there. Or offer to have a couple of people over. “Anyone want to celebrate an orphans Thanksgiving with me? I’m all alone this year” should suffice.

        • TBK

          Yes! I would hate to think that any of my friends had nowhere to be for Thanksgiving! I would invite them to my house in a second!

        • SpaceMountain

          I have a friend going through divorce, and I am so excited that she and her kids are coming to my Mom’s great big family Thanksgiving. I always hate Thanksgiving b/c it’s family I see only once a year, don’t really like, there’s a lot of smoking, etc., so having a friend there will be a lifesaver for me. I bet at least one of your friends feels the same way . . .

          • KLG

            I love my family, but there are a ton of us so one more person is never a big deal and there is frequently an orphan at our gatherings. I’ve only ever had one friend take me up on it, but she had a great time!

        • SF Bay Associate

          There’s always room for one more at a Thanksgiving table. That’s one of the rules of Thanksgiving, just like Passover. Please post on Facebook, and also text a couple friends in case they’re cooking and not checking FB. Someone will be absolutely delighted to have you.

        • cbackson

          I was a guest at someone else’s Thanksgiving last year, and although I was so, so grateful to them for hosting me, I couldn’t help but feel kind of sad underneath it all. Thanksgiving was my ex-h’s favorite holiday and I have a lot of awesome memories from our Thanksgivings together, and I was very conscious of being the T-giving orphan, you know?

          So I sympathize. If you are in Atlanta, email me and you can come to my family Thanksgiving. We will concoct an awesome story about why you’re on your own (perhaps involving international piracy, a mysterious stranger, and the royal family of a minor European principality), get smashed on Riesling, and then watch the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy in HD. It’ll be stellar.

    • Ellen

      It will get better. I had the same thing with my drunk Ex, and I do NOT EVEN THINK OF HIM FOR DAYS, except if I pass Garnet’s which I try not to.

      Do what I m doeing! Volunteer in a soup kitchen. We ALL HAVE ALOT TO BE THANKFUL FOR!!! The hive is here to support us where men do NOT UNDERSTAND WE DO! Thank god for Kat makeing this availeable to USA.

      I guarantee that next year you will haves moved on –and are happy if you follow my advise! There are plenty of other fish in the sea my mom says, just don’t sellel for the first one you catch! Wait for a fresh clean one that respects YOU FOR YOU, and make sure to throw the SMELLEY ONE’s back!

      Happy thanksgiving yo you and the entire HIVE!!!!!!

      Yay!

      • eek

        Ellen, you are a real woman of genius. When I read your posts, they are narrated in the style of the Bud Light Real Men of Genius guy. TODAY WE SALUTE YOU, law associate that works for the manageing partner with bad breathe!

    • kiley

      I am sorry to hear that! Holidays can make people feel very lonely. it is such a BIG EVENT. invite ALL THE FAMILY unless you are A LOSER. obviously this is not true at all! but I totally understand how it can feel that way. What are your friends doing for thanksgiving? I am hosting two friends, and have been thinking I should put feelers out to see if anyone else needs a thanksgiving meal. Sometimes it is just people don’t ask, but would love to have you. Being by yourself does not mean you are unloved. Your family and friends love you! Remember that is just one day out of 365. think of a way you can treat yourself tomorrow

    • TBK

      I’m so sorry. I guarantee you’re neither the lonliest nor the most unloved person in the world (your family loves you, right? they’re just not in the States). Are any of your friends around over the weekend even if they’re doing Thanksgiving with family? People often find that by Friday they are SO SICK OF FAMILY and would be thrilled to hang out someplace outside the house. Otherwise, what I’d do if I were you would be to stock pile movies (bonus points for movies your ex wouldn’t like — now you can watch them without feeling guilty for making him sit through them!) and then order in a feast. If you want traditional, go traditional. But also consider getting some of several totally random foods you love. (cheese enchilada plus some salt and vinegar potato chips and a box of nerds? sure!) Wear your pj’s all day and make yourself a little nest to watch all those great movies. (But also throw on some clothes at some point and take a brisk walk/run around the neighborhood. The fresh air and exercise can only help.) Oh! And also consider going OUT to the movies. Some people hate going to the movies alone but I love it.

      • Merabella

        Yes! Especially the going out to the movies. You can find the best seat in the house because you won’t have to figure out how to fit 10 people into a movie theater with only 1 seat left. Bonus if it is a silly movie.

        PS – I saw Pitch Perfect a few weeks ago, I kind of loved it.

    • DC Jenny

      I”m so sorry to hear that you are feeling this way. Do you have any friends in the area you can rally for a casual get-together or even dinner at restaurant? If there really isn’t anyone around, I would use the day to pamper myself as much as possible. Eat whatever you want to eat, watch your favorite movies, read your favorite books, sit in the bathtub with a magazine, etc. Or you could do something you’ve been meaning to do but putting off like visiting a museum exhibit, going for a hike, doing a craft or hobby project, starting your novel, etc. Are you busy at work? You could go in to your job and take advantage of the quiet to have a really productive day. This too shall pass, and I hope you start feeling more like yourself soon.

      • Monday

        Second this. I actually find that when I’m really down, I *wish* I could be alone for the holidays because there would be no pressure to eat certain things, do certain things, say certain things. I’m not saying you should be glad to be on your own if you’re not, but this is to suggest that you have options to do exactly what you want. A couple of years ago I had a friend who had just been dumped who chose to stay home alone for Thanksgiving because it seemed like the only time she could really just let go. I think she watched a bunch of Netflix, ate popcorn, and allowed herself to feel how she was feeling.

        If what you really do want is company, then I hope you feel up to asking around and/or volunteering. Hang in there. Holidays are so hard when your life doesn’t look like a Rockwell painting–I know.

        • Carly

          I’ve felt like this the last couple of years (the terrible drawn-out breakup for me was last year at this time). The holidays are a lot of pressure to “act happy” in front of my family, and i find myself wishing i could skip it. If you do find yourself alone, it could be a nice opportunity to pamper yourself as others have suggested. I agree that you definitely don’t have to spend it alone, either–orphan Thanksgivings are some of the most fun parties of the year, I think.

          Anyway, all this to say, there are lots of people who feel down at the holidays. You are not alone in that regard. I will be sending you good thoughts this weekend.

    • petitesq

      I’m so sorry, dear. That is a very tough spot. If no one is taking in “orphans” and you don’t want to be alone, what about volunteering to serve Thanksgiving dinner to the homeless at a church or local shelter? You’d be doing a great service, and have the added benefit of being surrounded by people who are really really glad you’re there.

      • TBK

        That seems like a good idea, but I think most places it’s actually really hard to get a spot volunteering on Thanksgiving Day because it’s such a popular idea. My husband and I did deliver Meals on Wheels on Christmas Day one year and that was a great experience. (But then my husband was also a regular non-holiday volunteer so maybe that made it easier to get a spot volunteering.)

        • Anon

          I second petiteesq’s suggestion. I’ll bet the other volunteers are really nice, too. If you are in the NYC area, there are many organizations that are looking for volunteers to help provide a Thanksgiving dinner to Hurricane Sandy victims, including delivering meals, serving at large group dinners, etc. (I wish I could go help but unfortunately have family obligations up the wazoo (sp?).)

        • S in Chicago

          If you have an interest in volunteering, many nursing homes are short-handed. Give a call. Sometimes they will welcome someone in to read or help with a craft or game or just be open to visiting with a resident or two who might like some company. I’ve helped decorate cookies and play board games. There is also volunteermatch.org. You can search by date. (Great resource, too, if you are looking for longer-term opportunities.)

      • b23

        This is a great idea. I always wish I could do this, but I always spend the whole time with family, who do not live near any shelters.

    • eastbaybanker

      Years ago I went through a break up right before Thanksgiving, too. I had lost the relationship, but I had also lost my ex’s family too, the traditions, the part of the country where they lived and we visited. I have no doubt the holidays will be hard, but I bet there are lots of people who would love your company tomorrow. It is not just a family holiday. In fact, I will be spending the day with friends. Please take care, and don’t be shy about reaching out.

      • Anon for this

        Me three. I spend every holiday alone. I try to convince myself that I enjoy the solitude, but it’s tough.

    • little advice

      Here’s what to do:

      1) Go for a brisk walk to somewhere you might not usually walk to.
      2) Look up some fun, extravagant recipes online, that you wouldn’t normally cook for yourself. Go grocery shopping and make said recipes. No pressure if they don’t turn out well!
      3) Dexter marathon the rest of the day.

      That sounds like my perfect day.

      • Double Boo

        My ideal day-to-get-through day (will likely be my birthday this year):

        1) Brisk walk
        2) Bubble bath
        3) Audio book (preferably chick lit) playing while I finally organize my closet. Will seriously feel better for months if I can get to the bathroom drawers and undercabinets, too
        4) Best at-home mani/pedi I can think of with exfoliating, lotion, base coat, top coat, etc.
        5) Snuggle with dog on the coach while catching up with Tivo

        Heaven. Pure heaven.

    • Hmm

      I’ll be having a solo Thanksgiving this year, too. I’m skype-ing in to my family’s thanksgiving and then watching Love Actually and Home Alone the rest of the evening.

      My family lives 1000 miles away and I have to work today and Friday. A few friends offered to let me crash their families’ days, but honestly it seemed like it would require me to be so “on” all day that I wouldn’t enjoy it. I’m sort of looking forward to the down time.

      • Shopping discipline

        Those are my two must-watch holiday movies! Totally get me in the spirit.

    • L

      I’m sorry that sucks. If you’re seriously alone (no friends, no family close by) consider volunteering at a soup kitchen/homeless shelter/nursing home. I looked into this and there are tons of good options still out there. And honestly, people are so appreciative and grateful and you will meet the MOST AWESOME people. Seriously. I did this a few years ago and met a lady who to this day I cry when I think about because she was the sweetest person and was so glad someone came to talk to her on Thanksgiving. If you post what city you’re close to, I will even research stuff for you!

    • karenpadi

      If anyone who has been to a Bay Area meet-up is looking for a Turkey Day dinner, seriously, I have extra room at my table. email me.

      It’s a mix of family and friends. Lots of drinking, no TV.

    • Anya

      Oh, honey. First of all, big giant internet hugs to you – feeling alone is extra hard this time of year.

      Nth-ing the suggestions to post it on FB and text a few friends. Most people are loathe to leave someone alone for TGiving, but many people don’t realize that travel/family isn’t feasible for everyone for whatever reason. Don’t be afraid to reach out!

      If you do end up by yourself, make a plan for your day. What are you going to cook? Is there anything you’ve been meaning to do that you haven’t gotten around to yet? Try to keep yourself busy – in my experience, too much introspection when you’re already feeling down will only make you feel worse. Can you make exciting weekend plans with some friends? Having a concrete reminder that people love you and want to be around you can help ease the sting, even if you can’t be with them on the day.

    • Sad Anon

      Thank you all for your thoughtful comments and ideas. After spending the morning crying and cleaning up after a very sick dog, I looked up some fun recipes (great idea suggested above) and splurged on some really nice groceries . Then I found out that my friend’s travel plans got unexpectedly derailed, and she invited me over to a last minute, low key, impromptu thanksgiving meal tomorrow with her family (I’m currently baking and prepping side dishes for it). At some point this weekend I also plan to finally watch all six hours of a famous Western movie (not that I’m into Westerns, but I want to see this one) while snuggling with my dog on the couch and probably drinking some bourbon, just because I can. The heartbreak isn’t going to go away any time soon, but just knowing that I won’t be spending tomorrow alone made me feel better. Happy Thanksgiving everyone, and thank you again.

      • zora

        Yaaayyy!!! i’m so glad someone invited you over. I have spent many holidays alone, so i promise you are NOT the loneliest or most unloved person in the world, you are not alone. But I’m glad you have something fun to do tomorrow to at least make getting through this weekend easier.

        And, about withdrawing after the breakup, i did that, and now, almost 3 years later it is my biggest regret. I just felt like i didn’t want to ‘bother’ people, but i wish i had reached out and told people i needed some company and support, because i now have very few friends and i miss a lot of those people that are gone. And now that the hurt is faded away, i still feel lonely because of all the missed friends. So, please talk to some friends. ANd always come here when you need to talk!! You’re not alone, we’re always here!! ;o) Have a Great T-day!!

      • AnnonDiva

        Glad you got to spend time with your friend.
        I was alone for thanksgiving this year, no family nearby and also went through a recent breakup.
        Glad that it is already sunday and the whole thing is over.

        Here is I what I did,
        1. Went for early happy hour with co-workers on wednesday, came home happy/tipsy and fell asleep right away.
        2. I had signed up for 1 hour fitness class on Thursday morning at the gym, this was the best. Sweating it out with 50 other people in a crowded class on thx-giving morning made the day.
        3. Got fresh grocery and cooked two of my favorite dishes (not a traditional thanksgiving meal).
        4. Switched off the phone – just wanted to spend time on my own.
        5. Hit macys.com for early black friday offers, got an awesome deal on a long winter coat, a few sweaters and new dinner plates.
        6. Started watching both seasons of scandal on netflix and hulu, finished all episodes and a bottle of wine.

        I think I enjoyed the time more myself than having to spend with a large group of friends or family (and feeling more sad seeing most folks coupled up).

  3. petitesq

    Yes, flipped lid indeed. Get ye to LastCall, and search for the Adrienne Landau Rabbit Pull-Through Scarf, Teal (I’m going to attempt to post it, but just in case…). Pretty, furry, teal, and $72.

  4. Party Girl

    What are some going out outfits you are liking lately? I need some things to bridge the gap between business casual and dressy — think weekends at the bar, dinner parties, sharp but casual. Is there something I can add to make my work clothes look more “off the clock?” My style is very classic and I’m not a fan of leggings. Cold weather ideas especially appreciated. Thanks!

    • TO Lawyer

      What about a sequin skirt? I’ve paired mine with some of my work silk blouses and it looks party-appropriate and classy (IMO). Or some fun accessories? Scarves, statement necklaces etc. If I pair some of my work dresses with tights, flat boots and a scarf or a fun necklace, it looks less dressy. Or a mini-skirt? (not super-short, just perhaps too short for work) I like colored minis with either a t-shirt tucked in and a blazer or a work blouse, with tights and boots or booties.

        • Lucy

          I just bought one thanks to This Site. Went to a conference, presided at two meetings, gave three conference papers, went out with girlfriend and bought a sequined miniskirt.

          I can wear it to work, right? Heh.

    • roses

      For day-to-night, I often just wear a simple black dress to work with conservative accessories, then swap those for a sparkly belt and big jewelry. Lately I’ve also been seeing a lot of tweed blazers and skirts that have metallic threads in them, which gives it a little sparkle but often doesn’t render it work-inappropriate (like this: http://www.marksandspencer.com/Autograph-Tweed-Sparkle-Skirt/dp/B009GDAJJ4).

      For a more going-out casual look (though not necessarily cold weather friendly), I’d suggest embellished-shoulder tees (e.g., http://www.polyvore.com/black_embellished_shoulder_tee/thing?id=55300317) – you can wear a cardi over it during the day, then take it off when you go out!

    • Ru

      Jewelry. Jewelry takes a blouse + pants outfit and makes it fancy. Think big and chunky, something that you would not wear to the office. Take your existing jewelry style and make it bolder – if you’re into pearls, get bigger pearls or bigger strands. If you like metals, thicker weaves or chunky pieces. Diamonds – branch out into bigger semi-precious stones.

    • ss

      I have pretty classic style too and in recent years have gotten a huge amount of wear out of a favourite sharply-tailored midnight-blue velvet blazer. I wear it to work with skirts or dress trousers, and jeans plus a bright scarf for after-work and weekends, and often travel with it because I can get so many outfits out of it. I have the same blazer in other colours (tan, dark brown and a warm orange) but seem to get a lot of extra mileage out of the blue one. It’s even gone from work to a black-tie do, with cropped trousers in the same colour plus festive shoes and jewelry.

      And following up on Ru’s suggestion about jewelry, I have a collection of gold beads which are also super-versatile for me, a single strand for work and a multi-strand jumble for after. Mine are mostly vintage but I think the look is do-able with fashion jewelry, particularly if you look out for interesting designs and mix/ restring them for a more personal look.

    • Herbie

      Party Girl, I have been *living* in these J. Brand skinnies (link to follow) with knee-high stiletto black boots. Pair with a cute loose top and some jewelry, and you are ready to go.

  5. Kontraktor

    Trying in this thread. By any chance, does anybody know a good personal injury lawyer in the Fargo (or general) North Dakota area? It’s a long shot but you never know…

    • aimless

      I don’t know anyone personally, but I am pretty sure I could get you a recommendation. If you post an email address, I’d be happy to help.

      • Kontraktor

        Thanks aimless. Please message me at cheshercat at hotmail dot com. I truly appreciate it. I have found a couple of firms but am not sure if they are any good.

    • anon

      conmy feste (firm name). I went to law school with an associate there, and the person’s father is a partner there specializing in personal injury.

      • Kontraktor

        Thank you so much. They have a really good web site. Message me at cheshercat at hotmail dot com if you would like us to reference your name if we decide to go with this firm for what we need.

  6. Fiona

    My husband’s parents are coming to our house for Thanksgiving this year, and when we’ve asked them what they want to do while they’re here for the weekend, they just say “we just want to see your life!” Problem is, I don’t think they actually want to see our life. Our favorite thing to do is go hiking, and they’ve already said they don’t want to do that. We also like to go out to ethnic restaurants, and they don’t like to do that. They don’t drink, so our favorite local beer bars are out. All that’s left is going to Costco and taking mid-afternoon naps while watching USA Channel reruns.

    Any suggestions on what to do with them? All I’ve come up with so far is going to museums, but we’ve been to the ones in our city a thousand times. What does touristing in our life look like?

    • 30

      Goodness, I have no idea. That response is so broad I don’t even know where to start.

    • DC Jenny

      Would they be interested in meeting some of your friends? When my mom came to visit I organized a brunch with all my friends, and she really enjoyed meeting them. Do they not like hiking or do they not like the outdoors? If it’s the former and not the latter, you could pack a picnic and take them to scenic spot via car and have a lunch in the wilderness.

    • Marilla

      So my parents (especially my dad) never want to do touristy stuff when they visit me and my husband.. they are too tired from driving and work, and my dad is not a patient tourist anyway. I tried to come up with museums and so on that are close to my place, interesting specifically to them, can be done in short visits, but I got a similarly broad request (“we just want to see you!”). My parents literally took me to Costco to use their card to stock up on stuff, and that was for them the highlight of their trip (that was the one day I was able to take off work). The other days they just chilled at my place until dinner – my dad watched Olympics and my mum read, rested, etc. This is probably more exaggerated than your in-laws, but I’d just let it be, especially since it’s just one weekend. Do Thanksgiving, offer going to a movie one afternoon or a walk around the neighbourhood one evening, and let them just sort of bask in your presence and be proud of their son and you. If you have relatives from your side in town invite them over for coffee and cookies – my parents like to see my mother-in-law when they visit.

      • Fiona

        Oh, this is the other problem! They are very high energy and like to do lots of activities, and get frustrated if we’re not doing anything. I would love to have a relaxing weekend of movies and books…

        • mamabear

          Can you put them to work on house projects? Handyman stuff? Cleaning? Reorganizing?

          My ex in laws loved to do this stuff, which was one of the only nice things about having them as in laws.

          (of course it gave my ex MIL more fodder for complaining about my career taking precedence over being a good homemaker, but that’s why the term “ex” is so beautiful.)

        • violet

          Or put up decorations at your own house? If you celebrate Christmas, maybe you could go pick out a Christmas tree together. You could even go to one of those farms where you pick out a live (still in the ground) tree. This requires some walking but not really hiking.

    • TBK

      What would happen if your husband said to them exactly what you’ve said here? (i.e., “Well if you weren’t around, we’d probably go for a hike then hit the new Ethiopian restaurant and finish up with a few beers at our favorite brew pub. I’m guessing none of that appeals to you, so help us be good hosts to you by brainstorming on some things we might all like to do.”)

      • AnotherLadyLawyer

        I’d be worried that that response sounds somewhat judgmental and/or may give the impression that you are annoyed at having to play hostess for people who don’t like what you like, but that’s just me. Maybe something a little less specific or maybe just the last part – our typical weekend probably wouldn’t be that interesting for you, let’s brainstorm some things we’ll all enjoy.

        • TBK

          I see how it could be read like that. I don’t think it would come out that way if said with the tone I had in mind. (Less of “you’re bad for being dull” and more “if you really do want to do what we do, we’re happy to do that, but we don’t want to drag you along on things you don’t like so instead of just observing our life, why don’t we come up with some new things to do”)

    • AnotherLadyLawyer

      My Mother says the same thing every time she visits NYC and I think it translates into “I just want to spend as much time with you as possible.” So maybe plan family-centric activities you wouldn’t otherwise get to do with them? I’d suggest maybe a board game night or cards, if they are into those things? Or something “fancy” they don’t do in their life that you do in yours – brunch, maybe, or even a trip to your favorite non-ethnic restaurant. As for touristy things, I usually just suck it up and re-do something for the thousandth time – my “favorite” museum, my “favorite” tourist spot. Word of warning, if they’re not into hiking, they may also not be into stomping around museums/the city all day–it about killed another relative of mine who came to visit, all the walking around and standing. I always wind up–and I know this is cheesy–taking folks on a double decker bus tour of NYC, because it’s easy, gives you a great view of all of NYC, and doesn’t need to be tour-guided by me.

    • Coach Laura

      What about a long drive in the country to a destination brunch spot? Near where I am (Seattle) there are some great little gems (overlooking a waterfall or up in the foothills) but I’m sure there are some in any part of the country.

      You could also have a movie night with special snacks (movie popcorn, twizzlers, rootbeer floats). Select a theme (comedies, Shakespeare, or do retread pairs like Steve McQueen’s Thomas Crown Affair with Pierce Brosnan’s Thomas Crown Affair or movie I, II and III).

      • dancinglonghorn

        I’m in Seattle and could you elaborate more on the great destination brunch spots? This sounds like exactly the type of thing I Want to do!

    • Meg Murry

      Do a lot of people in your area do extravagant outdoor decorations? Drive around and show them different neighborhoods in your city and look at the decorations.
      What do they like to do when you visit them or what did they do when your husband was growing up? Can you find the local equivalent in your city?
      Would they be at all willing to try a “tamer” ethnic restaurant, or do they 100% balk at anything thats not steak & potatoes? We’ve gotten my inlaws to try new restaurants by promising to order something they will like and offering to do the meal family style, so everyone can try something new.
      Otherwise I would just suck it up and go to the same museums again – better than sitting around saying “what are we going to do now?”

    • Godzilla

      Go out for every meal. In between each meal, go to a cafe.

      Work on a puzzle? Put on an interesting documentary they’d like to watch? I think lots of people enjoy Planet Earth (or something similar).

    • Herbie

      I love going to CostCo!!

      But where do you live? I bet r e t t e s in your city could make suggestions.

    • I am a banana.

      I did it, so I will start. I am sad that I can’t be with my family for Thanksgiving, so I’m trying to get a better attitude and thought this might be a good way to do it.

      I am thankful this year for meeting some truly wonderful people, including my BF’s three year old son, who is a little light and joy in my life and already a fellow book nerd. And even though lawyering annoys me sometimes, I am grateful to have a great job with very supportive mentoring older lawyers to teach me how to do a better job every day.

    • Equity's Darling

      Being Canadian, living in Canada, and having Thanksgiving in October ;)

    • TBK

      I’m thankful for my husband, who loves me more than I ever thought I could be loved. I’m thankful that we moved back to this area last year and so have been able to be there for my MIL while she’s dealt with some difficult things. I’m thankful that my relationship with my dad has completely turned the corner and become, if not a real father-daughter relationship, at least something a lot more than it has been my whole life. And I’m thankful for I am a banana’s comment that her BF’s son is ” a little light and joy in [her] life.” As a step-daughter on both sides (mom and dad both re-married), it’s so great to hear someone embrace their SO’s kid so enthusiastically.

    • KLG

      This year I am insanely thankful that after 20 months of job searching (including 10 months of working for the worst boss ever), I am two months into a new job and think I have finally landed something that is a great fit for me and still required a law degree so I don’t feel like I wasted 3 years of school/$90K/5 years of litigation. Like other years, I’m incredibly thankful for my family and friends and the people on this site!

    • sdchicky619

      I am thankful for:
      parents who never say “I told you so”
      friends who feel more like family
      a job that pays the bills
      a happy and affectionate puppy
      the burdens among the blessings, because they add character

    • NOLA

      I’m thankful for getting a break from work! This holiday gives me some time to get back on my feet and get well. I’m also thankful for my sweet friends who are coming over tomorrow. They are a young couple with whom I’ve been friends for a long time. They moved away for four years and are now back. I adore them and Thanksgiving with them is so easy and fun and relaxed. We will have a late dinner then lay around and watch movies. Just what I need!

    • Research, Not Law

      My wonderful, supportive husband.
      My beautiful, fun children.
      My extended family, which is drama-free and amicable.
      My stable job where I am respected and my salary that pays the bills each month.
      The insulation we had blown into the walls of our 1920’s (and insulation-free) home this summer.

    • KinCA

      I am thankful for:

      My health and the health of my loved ones
      My new job, and for the fact that I was brave enough to take a risk & try something new.
      My boyfriend, who, even though he drives me completely crazy sometimes, is so much more than I could have ever hoped for in a man.
      My family – dysfunctional as they are, they are also kind, supportive, and loving.
      My friends, who are smart, talented, generous, loving ladies. I try to be a little more like them every day.
      My golden retriever, who makes me the best kind of happy.
      For the fact that I’m an American – while our country is not perfect, I am eternally grateful that I grew up in a place where I was able to be encouraged to go to school and have a career and where I was given opportunities to make my dreams happen. I don’t think I’m grateful for this enough.

      On a lighter note, I am also thankful for Nordstroms’ generous return policy, pumpkin-flavored anything, and jeggings.

    • eek

      Getting a new job and most importantly a SO that returned safely from a deployment this year. This is good for me to write out because I have been so MEH about things – new job is requiring most of my brain’s ability to process things and I am so tired of a LDR (with someone that doesn’t have a “normal” job).

    • Nonny

      I am not American so not participating in American Thanksgiving….but thankful all the same!

      This year I am particularly thankful for my new job, back in the city that is my adopted home; my gorgeous new house, leaks and all; my amazing BF, who puts up with all my quirks and brings practicality and stability into my life; and my supportive, relatively drama-free family.

      • Nonny

        P.S. Today in particular I am grateful for (a) Seche Vite (see this morning’s thread), and (b) the tradition of professional courtesy in the Bar, which fortunately still exists SOMETIMES. Grrr.

    • ANP

      My awesome hubby and wonderful kiddo.
      Having a great job with a NEW WORK-ISSUED LAPTOP, yay shiny toys!
      Not having to spend Thanksgiving with my cray-cray family this year. Going to my husband’s side with strict instructions to do nothing but rest and eat (am currently pregnant). Word.

    • Cb

      I am thankful for the fact that while I am over scheduled, I am happier than I have been in years. My lupus is under control, I am active, I have great friends and colleagues and am intellectually challenged.

      I also live in a tiny room and only own one plate but I am here because I want to be rather than feeling like I have to be.

    • L

      Being home with my loved ones (including my awesome cat who I missed like crazy).
      Getting to talk to my best friends much more frequently
      Skype
      a good night’s sleep

    • Meg Murry

      After reading all the houseguest/in-law complaints from this morning – I am thankful for my parents, in-laws, sister & BIL. While sometimes my MIL and FIL drive me crazy (and my parents as well) and we don’t always agree (especially on issues of politics and religion), they all really love me & my family. They have the best interests of my kids at heart, and since they live close they are willing to babysit often, and have saved my butt more than once when I got stuck working late and couldn’t make it in time for daycare pickup.

      I am also thankful that living close to them means that I don’t have to spend long weekends as a houseguest at either my parents or in-laws but can go home whenever I’ve had too much of them, sometimes even leaving my kids or husband behind to have some time to myself!

    • DC Jenny

      I am so thankful for my temporary work assignment, which will soon be coming to an end. I have had an opportunity to do a job that I never could have landed just based on my credentials, and it has been a transformative experience. I have never done anything this challegenging, but (mostly) I have risen to the occasion even though I wasn’t sure I had the ability or the stamina to do so. I have had the opportunity to work with people who are incredibly smart, hard-working, and dedicated, and it is an honor to be a part of the organization, even on a temporary basis. This assignment has made me feel proud to be a lawyer and a fed, and I don’t I can ever fully express how grateful I am for it.

    • Ru

      I’m grateful for health insurance and crotchety doctors. And Dunkin Donuts for almost always having food.

      • DC Jenny

        Sorry to pile on the annoyances, Ru, but you should check your Tumblr. Looks like you might have been hacked.

        Hope you feel better soon!

    • a.

      I’m thankful that I took a big chance, and moved to f**king Spain. I am thankful that I have my pup here to explore with. I am thankful that I have supportive, loving friends and family, both here and in the States (well, no family here, but you get the picture). I am thankful for Google Hangouts, so I can talk to my best friend and my mom. I am thankful for good music. I am thankful for my third grade class’s ability and desire to speak English. And I am thankful for all of y’all as well :)

    • January

      I am thankful for this job, even though it is keeping me crazy busy right now, and even though I am almost certainly going to have to work on Friday, and maybe the rest of the weekend too. But knowing how close I came to not having this job, and knowing how long I spent looking for a good, permanent position (about 2 years and 9 months total) makes me so grateful to have landed on my feet in the best possible way. I am also thankful for every single one of my friends (including virtual friends) who have had similar good news in the past few months, and hopeful that 2013 will bring good news to those who are still looking. As always, I’m thankful for friends and family and to Kat for creating this site because I learn a lot from all of you.

    • cbackson

      I’m grateful for my job, which has given me a renewed sense of purpose, joy, and excitement as a lawyer.

      And I’m SO grateful, after 10 years away, to be back in the same city as my family.

    • JessC

      My dad who has always been supportive of me and is incredibly proud of me.
      My kitty, Lily, because she’s warm and snuggly and cute and makes me smile.
      My BF because he makes feel beautfiful.
      My friends, because they’re just really awesome and remind me that I’m awesome (because sometimes you just need reminding).
      My colleagues and supervisor at work because I feel like I’ve learned so much from them in the 2 years I’ve been here and I probably wouldn’t be half the lawyer I am now without them.

    • CleveAnon

      I feel like I’ve hit a point in my life where I have more and more to be thankful for every year.

      I’m thankful I’m in the city that I love, with the husband I adore, with the dog who brightens our every day, in the house we never dared to dream we’d own, near my immediate and extended family who fill our lives with so much love. I’m grateful for my friends who make my life so rich, and my wonderful and supportive co-workers.

      I’m thankful for my health and the health of my family this year, and very selfishly I’m grateful to my mother for passing along to me the genes that have allowed me to skate through 9 weeks of pregnancy without many negative effects at all. And I’m so grateful for the strong heartbeat we saw on our ultrasound two weeks ago.

    • Anonymous

      Thankful for the good people in my life

      Thankful that I am still employed (company has had several rounds of rolling layoffs already this year)

      Thankful I am healthy

      Thankful for this awesome website

    • Anon NJ and MD Bar

      I am thankful that I passed the NJ bar!!! I failed the MD bar, but it doesn’t matter since I have a job in NJ. This will definitely be one of the best Thanksgivings!

  8. AMB

    Not American but envious of your long weekend! As I am located in the snowy land to the north speaking French is a requirement for my job and I’m pretty sure I blew a competency exam yesterday after being in full time training for nearly 2 months to prepare for it. My boss says its no big deal if I have to go back to training for another month and try again but I am just so, so disappointed in myself – training is not cheap either! Any tips for shaking it off?

    • violet

      Your boss is happy with you! Try to focus on that. Also, try to find some fun ways to practice French – maybe online forums or games. You’ll get through it!

  9. JK

    Thankful to be excited about the holidays this year. Had several years of awful holidays where I dreaded spending time with family, but, now that circumstances and my perspective has changed, I’m happy to be looking forward to this time of year.

    Also thankful for my health and the health of my loved ones, the love of my husband, friends, and family, and having a house & job. Simple, but true!

  10. aimless

    Does anyone have any recommendations for yoga DVDs/podcasts? I am looking for something along the lines of Core Power’s intro class, which I understand to be beginner’s vinyasa flow.

  11. mamabear

    totally random threadjack, not Thanksgiving related

    I am looking for an electric toothbrush. My dental hygenist said Oral B makes one that has a whitening tip a lot like the rubber tooth polisher they use at the dentist’s office, but I haven’t been able to find it online. Do any of you have one?

    I don’t like the idea of my toothbrush sitting out and not in the medicine cabinet – bathrooms are disgusting – but she said newer toothbrushes can be charged only every other week or something. I guess that’s like the Clarisonic.

    If you have an electric toothbrush, do you travel with it?

    Would love any and all recommendations.

    • TO Lawyer

      My Oral B electric toothbrush has a removable head so I take it off after I use it and put it in my cabinet, and just leave the stand and charger out on my counter. (Perhaps a little OCD but I hate the idea of my toothbrush sitting out also).

        • style advice needed...

          Ditto. Think we got it at Costco.

          The dentist even noticed…. “What are you doing with your teeth/gums…. nice…”

    • Flamingo

      I have an Oral B, and I am a big fan. Head is small enough that you can use in the very back, unlike my old sonicare. I charge it once a week, Friday nights, but if you are sharing with someone else you many need to do it a little more often. I don’t travel with it because I already over pack, so I try to avoid things that are heavier than necessary. But the Oral B comes with a travel case that fits the handle and 2 brush heads, so I’m guessing others do take it places.

    • Flamingo

      Forgot to answer your question about the polishing head. I got mine through my dentist, but its the same that you buy everywhere. It came with 2 regular everyday heads, and 2 polishing ones that look really similar. The only difference is that they have less bristles and a little piece of rubber that I guess is the polishing part. All of these are available for replacement, though I have only replaced the regular ones. I sound like an OralB marketing person. Hope that helps!

    • Elle

      Love my Sonicare. I clean the head after each use in the UV light thing and then just leave it in there (to avoid bathroom grossness). The handle I put in the cabinet. When it needs charged I leave it on the charger overnight or during the day while out of the house, so no bathroom grossness there either. I do travel with it. The charge holds a long time, but there is a smaller charger you can bring with you. Also sometimes I bring a regular toothbrush on trips (get free ones at each checkup). Definitely recommend!

    • Bloom

      Third (fourth?) the Sonicare. Recommended by my dentist and cleanings have been noticeably less painful since I’ve been using it. Charge definitely lasts for about two weeks, and mine came with a great travel case. The heads are removable, too.

    • Anonymous

      Sorry to have no suggestions here but I’m glad someone else saw the Mia Clarisonic and made the connection to electronic toothbrushes too. I have neither as I am terrible about technology. Will pay close attention to this thread.

  12. TO Lawyer

    Need some shopping advice – a friend’s niece is turning 1 very soon and is looking for gift ideas. Since it’s his first niece and his sister’s daughter, he wants to get something nice and meaningful but is also very cognizant of the fact that she’s only 1.

    Any ideas or suggestions?

    • AMB

      If your friend is also in Canada Birks has a whole line of baby products, for more of a ‘meaningful’ gift. I still have the porcelain bowls with Winnie the Poo characters on them that I received as a toddler. Obviously I wasn’t using them every day but my mother kept them for me, and I am happy to have them now.

      • Nonny

        Ooooh, yes, I second Birks for meaningful types of things. I still have a silver baby bowl that someone gave me for my christening, from Birks.

        The other thing I recommend is Bunnykins. Bunnykins is very collectable and so much fun for children. I don’t think I grew out of my Bunnykins porridge bowl until I was about 10.

    • Meg Murry

      Any books that he loved as a kid or that his sister loved as a kid? Bonus points if he remembers reading them to her or vice versa. For instance, my sister got my son a Spot book & Spot stuffed dog, because it was one of our favorites when we were kids.
      Honestly, the baby isn’t going to know anything about the gifts (for both my son’s their favorite gifts on their first birthday were the bows and helium ballons), so what about something meaningful for his sister, like a mother’s necklace with her daughter’s initials or birthstone? Possibly one she could add charms to later if he thinks she’s likely to have more kids.

    • In the Pink

      Seriously, a metal tonka dumptruck with great girly blocks in it. Even stacking cups that are girly. 1s love taking stuff in-and-out. Bonus points for books, but the fun ones are quickly destroyed. You could start a Dr. Seuss early reader set… Toy teapot and cups (beware of the metal ones if not made in USA)…toy cooking set.

  13. Be'More

    I am posting this here to keep myself accountable. Starting after this comment, my breaks at work are going to be stretching/standing up/walking around the office, not surfing online.

    • TBK

      Good on you for committing to this at 2:00pm the day before a holiday. Me, I’m just counting down the hours.

        • Be'More

          Well, it was only for a few minutes until I get to leave. Home now, woohoo! it was a productive bit of time. No time like the present, right? I don’t like that I have to work this weekend because I did not work fast enough this week and want to get more efficient. Happy Thanksgiving!

  14. Charlotte

    Well, I have finally succumbed to the call of the iPhone, and now I need to get a case for it. I have kids, so something shatterproof would be great, and waterproof would be a bonus. Do any of you have any recommendations for a case that fits these criteria, won’t break the bank and is attractive? And if anyone has some criteria I haven’t considered, I’d love to hear it. I appreciate all of your thoughts!

  16. EB0220

    I would love some hive wisdom! I have a relatively new acquaintance (I just moved to a new city, and our children are in daycare together) whose husband was recently diagnosed with leukemia. From what I have gathered, the treatment isn’t going as well as they had hoped and he will need a bone marrow transplant. I haven’t asked her how he is doing lately because I’m not sure what to say or whether she even wants to talk about it. Any thoughts?

    • violet

      I think you should say something to her. Obviously, this is a horrible time for her and I would think she’d be comforted knowing that others are thinking of her. You don’t have to flat out ask how he is doing. You could say, “I’ve been thinking about your husband and y’all a lot. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you.” Then she doesn’t have to answer that he’s not doing well. She can just say thanks. Also, you may want to come up with a specific thing you could do to help, like bring them dinner on a certain night, and suggest it to her.

      • Godzilla

        I like this. Also, don’t feel obligated to offer an errand you’ll have difficulty fulfilling. If all you want to do is let them know they’re in your thoughts, that’s okay, too.

    • TBK

      If it’s widely known at the daycare that he’s sick, and if you want to offer this level of help, you could see if the other daycare parents want to coordinate some sort of help for the family — taking their kids for a few hours (either to coincide with when Dad has doctor appointments so Mom can go with him, or just to give the kids a fun afternoon and the parents a chance to relax), stocking their freezer with dinners, etc. I’m sure other families are at a loss as to how to help, too, and if enough people participate, you could make a difference without any one family being on the hook for too much work.

      • Meg Murry

        We have friends that have used takethemameal.com to coordinate meals for a sick family and they said it works out well – that might be something you could investigate. Or do you know another daycare parent who might be closer to the family than you? Ask them if there is anyone coordinating meals or childcare and if you can join in.

        I think just saying “I heard about [husband] and just wanted to let you know I’m thinking of you (or praying for you, if that’s your thing” would be nice, and offering to have their child over to your house as a playdate would be a nice touch too.

    • Jennifer

      Food is a great idea, though it sounds like what they really need is a bone marrow donor. If they haven’t been matched, you could volunteer to be tested.

    • ESF

      Hi–not sure if you will see this reply, but my husband also has leukemia and just had a stem cell transplant this past September. It’s hard. If you think she would like to talk to someone also going through it, please respond and I will give you my contact information. Re your question, I have a lot of friendly acquaintances through my daughter’s school as well, and have had varied reactions. One newish acquaintance approached me once and said, “I know I don’t know you well. But I want you to add me to your list. If you need someone to watch your kids for a day, all you have to do is ask–we’d be so happy to do it.” I almost cried with gratitude. It’s a big relief to me to know that that list is long. It really is. Child care is probably the most helpful thing–sometimes I need extra time with my husband, or just alone–especially when processing bad news. If you emailed and said, “my daughter and I are going to the park tomorrow–can I pick up your kid and bring her with us? We will have her home by 3,” she might really appreciate it. If she says no, ask again another time. And if she says no, ask again. Dont feel awkward about bringing it up, even if you heard the news from someone else. I was grateful when word got out so I didn’t have to tell so many people individually.

      • ESF

        Also, Godzilla is right. You don’t need to feel obligated to DO anything. A lot of acquaintances have sent me semi regular check ins–“just want you to know I’m thinking of you,” and I’m so, so appreciative of the kind thoughts.

    • EB0220

      Thank you to all of you! I will use your great ideas. Thank you, especially to ESF for sharing your firsthand experience. I hope that your husband is healthy now.

  17. Nonny

    So my amazing mother has given me a gift certificate to Brora (to continue a theme from this morning). I want to use it to buy another of their Cropped Cardigans, which are a staple for me (I usually wear them with pencil skirts).

    Currently I have them in a deep red, black, mustard and robin’s egg blue (which comes out in the spring).

    I am looking for your votes: should I get one in Caramel, or Chartreuse (link to follow)?

    FWIW, I have dark blonde hair, fair skin and I know both colours would look awesome on me. The problem I am really having is – fun colour or basic staple? I am weak-kneed for the Chartreuse but have to admit it isn’t the most practical colour in the world.

  19. SF Bay Associate

    I am opposed to fur as well. And for some reason, it seems to me to be especially disrespectful of the animal to dye its fur. Like not only are we not going to eat you, just kill you for the sake of fashion, but your natural colors aren’t good enough for us – we have to dye you an electric blue. It seems like an extra level of middle finger to the animal. You were too ugly to be killed and worn as is. We have to dye you so you’re totally unrecognizable. I understand from people who live in truly cold places i.e. near the Arctic Circle that fur can sometimes be the ONLY thing warm enough, so they say they need fur trim or something. Given that I live in a seasonless climate, who am I to say what they actually need? But fur when it’s not actually necessary to avoid frostbite? Fur as fashion? ICK.

    If this was fake, it probably would be a great accessory for a LBD.

      • SF Bay Associate

        Don’t be afraid. That’s a good question, and I think debate over this is legitimate. Like vegetarians who wear leather, I think it all depends on where you draw your own lines and own reasoning. My possibly-illogical rationale is that we eat cows, and we wear cow leather, which thus uses the whole animal… though I understand that leather cows and meat cows are in fact different animals. No one eats mink. I also only buy meat that is purportedly raised and killed humanely, organic, free-range, etc. so that I can tell myself the animal had a decent life and a humane death. There’s no equivalent of humane lives and deaths for fur animals, which are nasty, short, and brutish. I’m not aware of another material as durable, breathable, and affordable as leather, but there are materials as warm as fur, unless you’re in Arctic cold, and less expensive to boot. So, fur seems really unnecessary to me. Further, furriers are even more poorly regulated than the meat industry because while the meat industry has the decidedly lackluster FDA, there’s not really any oversight for furriers at all. Fur seems much crueler to me.

        • SoCalAtty

          Interesting. I’ve had the “why leather not fur” question pop into my head as well. So, it is more about the way the animals are kept / harvested that is the issue? To maintain the integrity of the fur, from what little hunting I’ve done, they would have to be at least somewhat well taken care of or it would ruin the fur, right? Like I said, I’ve done very little hunting but the underfed not well cared for animals always looked a mess.

          In that case, I’m all for FDA-type (actually, probably better than FDA) regulations so that fur is at least as ok as leather. Growing up tromping around really, REALLY cold places (when it gets below 0 is my cutoff) I have to say I’ve appreciated the fur I’ve had people let me borrow.

          While we’re on leather, what about down? Same thing?

          • SF Bay Associate

            Humane-ness is the line for me. I also buy humane down, though to be honest, I don’t really know what qualifies as “humane.” I’m sure other people have other lines. Of course, the most “humane” thing would probably be to go vegetarian or vegan a la Stella McCartney, but I’m not willing to do that.

            The furriers want to keep the fur looking nice, so sometimes they kill the animal by electrocuting it or poisoning it or drowning it, which doesn’t disturb the fur like a quick and hopefully only very briefly painless death via a knife or something like when you’re hunting. Industrial meat farms sometimes use the electrocution method, too. The furriers also keep the fur looking nice by keeping each animal in its own teeny tiny cage so they can’t scratch each other or the building i.e. damage the fur, which is the same concept for industry-farmed veal. If the calf can’t move, its meat stays very very tender, which is what some people look for in veal. Rose veal, which allows for natural movement and is more similar to how lambs are raised, is starting to take hold, even though it’s not as tender as what people think of as veal. Further, many of the fur animals are pack animals, so physical isolation is extra distressing for them, on top of being unable to move much at all. I don’t eat eggs from chickens that live in those conditions, in battery cages, and I could not wear fur that was raised that way either.

          • mamabear

            SFBay, I will have to get you to take care of my chickens when I’m on vacation. :)

            I will admit to having a couple of items with fur, but they are mainly hand-me-downs/heirlooms and I’m not going to give them up now. Those minks died a long time ago.

  20. New Anon

    I’m not well versed on the topic, but I have a general idea that the manner that the fur is procured is not always humane whereas the same concerns don’t apply in re leather

  21. Anonymous

    Boo. I’m bored. And I’m boring, which is why I don’t have a clever handle like many of you.

    I’m open to naming suggestions.

    Clever, jokey, and rude suggestions are all fine.

    None will be turned away. I will crown a “winner” in whatever Kat posts after this Holiday Weekend Open Thread.

  22. MissMarple

    Nordstrom Experts, I need your advice! I bought a Diane Von Furstenberg blouse 3 weeks ago and it is now on sale online for $100 less. I called the store and was told that I’m out of luck because it is past the 2 week price adjustment policy, no exceptions. Can I buy the blouse online and then return it under my in-store receipt? Will the SKUs be different? I had the original blouse altered so can’t return it.

    • AN

      that is weird. nordie’s has honoured my request for price adjustment months after the purchase. maybe try again and see if you get a more sympathetic SA? i usually go via live chat.

    • applesandcheddar

      Agree – try again. I have definitely had items price adjusted long after two weeks. Maybe you caught someone on a bad day. I have had good luck through live chat as well.

      • MissMarple

        Thanks! Live chat wouldn’t help because it was an in-store purchase. But I called the 800 number and the rep was able to call my local store and have them make an exception to the 2-week policy to give me my price adjustment.

  23. JessC

    Wedding etiquette question:
    My SO was supposed to come with me to a wedding next weekend, I RSVPed a few weeks back. Due to craziness at work and the fact that he’d have to travel a significant distance to come with me to the wedding, he’s not going to be able to come with me. Do I contact the bride and let her know he can’t come (maybe there’s another guest who wants to bring a plus one) or just bring along a friend (seeing as my date’s plate has already been paid for) and not mention anything?

    • Migraine Sufferer

      Whatever you do, don’t bother the bride. I also probably wouldn’t bring along a friend and would just go solo.

    • roses

      If the invitation was addressed specifically to you and SO, I’d definitely contact the person that you RSVPed to (it may have been the bride, but it could also be the mother of the bride or another family member) and explain the situation and ask how they feel about it. Sometimes caterers don’t need a final count until as little as 3 days before, so it’s not a given that the plate has been paid for. However, if you were just given a “plus one” without a name attached, I think it’s fine to bring whoever you want and not mention it.

    • Anonymous

      Meh. Sounds like he just doesn’t want to go right? I mean he could, but itd be inconvenient. So I vote rude on this whole plan. But def tell the bride.

    • rosie

      I would contact the bride, apologize about it, and see if she’d like you to come solo or if you can bring a substitute.

  24. SoCalAtty

    My brother is such an ungrateful fill-in-the-blank. I’ve cut him off completely except for the cell phone and the car insurance, and the car insurance is getting switched over in Jan. I’m going to be up there for Thanksgiving, and he claims he and his new roomates are cooking together, which is fine, but I said I wanted to at least take him to lunch sometime between now and Saturday afternoon when I fly home.

    I keep asking him “ok, Friday breakfast or lunch or Saturday breakfast or lunch, whatever you want I’m buying and driving so let me know…..” like 30 hours later he texts me back. What IS it with the 20 year olds now? [rawr get off my lawn!]

    • mamabear

      I think you’ve answered your question with your own second sentence.

      He’s 20. He’s a self absorbed a-hole (like my nephew and his friends.) Hopefully he’ll grow out of it (which I am also hoping for my nephew and his friends!)

      Honestly, how humankind has managed to survive given that all males go through a 17-21 phase is beyond me.

      • SoCalAtty

        I completely agree. I’ve always been an old person, so it makes it even harder for me to understand. My grandparents raised me, and my grandma was actually raised by HER grandparents, so I’m, oh, about 2 generations behind!

        My brother is 11 years younger than me, so when he came along they were too old to take another kid so my mom kept my brother and raised him. He was just down the road from me, but my mom was more of a “oh, I want to be your friend! Stay home from school and let’s bake cookies!” type mom. Long, LONG story short I thought is narcissism was parentally induced, and that surely didn’t help things, but in talking to a therapist I’m learning it is very, very generational. Something about “the new extended extended social media family” and everything being ME.

        I’m even seeing business management articles about this group coming up the ranks. It’s pretty scary!

  25. hermione

    New England States Waive-in question! Has anyone waived into the bar of CT, MA or VT?
    CT used to be really a PITA, has it changed? Husband is looking at jobs in New England and trying to see where he can waive in. He is licensed in DC and NY now. Any thoughts appreciated! And really, I thought this crazy blue thing was faux fur. Who even sells the real stuff anymore?
    (ducks)

    • Anon

      I live in VT. I have not waived into any of those states, but my impression is that waiving into VT is not overly painful — I think you just have to have practiced five years. VT is a tough legal market though, unless you have family/friends in the area. But, as a non-native Vermonter, I have to say it has so many advantages to offer over CT/MA – the paltry shopping options are vastly outweighed by the many other lifestyle considerations.

      • Belle et Rebelle

        I thought VT had some sort of mandatory several-month long unpaid clerking requirement before you could get admitted to the bar, even if you were waiving in. Did I get bad info?

        When I lived in MA I knew some people who waived in and it didn’t seem too bad. The MA bar in general is a little more relaxed than, oh, say, the VA bar.

        • hermione

          I think that the clerkship requirement is only for folks taking the bar exam and that for people waiving in there is a mandatory CLE requirement on VT practice… ?

          • Anon

            That’s right — the clerkship requirement is only for people who aren’t waiving in. And the clerkship requirement can be paid. When I did my clerkship, I just did it at the firm I ended up working for. So it’s really not a huge hassle if you’re admitted elsewhere already, but also not important if your husband is waiving in.

            If you want to post an email address hermione I’d be happy to chat with you more about the scoop in Vermont.

          • Belle et Rebelle

            Ooh, good info. Not that I have any designs to move to VT, but you never know, right?

  26. roses

    I need to wake up at 4:30 AM tomorrow for a flight for Turkey Day. Anyone have any magic tricks for going to bed a lot earlier than you usually do? Alcohol or meds not an option, unfortch :(

    • SoCalAtty

      No, I have to get up at 5am though. I’ll still probably be falling asleep around 1am and dragging myself to the airport! Set backup alarms.

    • Marilla

      That is extremely cute. I love the pattern. Weekends definitely.. but I think you could pull off weekdays/class days as well, with a cardigan, and tights and boots or cute flats. (If you’re inside the same building all day and have somewhere to drop your boots – so much more comfortable to switch to flats.)

  30. KellyK8

    I am really, really disappointed to see you posting a real-fur recommendation. The way they treat animals and kill them is truly barbaric, and just for a piece of “high fashion.” I understand there are some people around the world who need to wear fur to stay warm/survive, but buying real fur just to be trendy is a travesty. I will never understand the arrogance of humans who use animals like they are unfeeling objects instead of creatures with every right to live free of pain and abuse.

    • JadeMoon

      Agree completely! I just assumed that the fur was faux, and was heartbroken to read it involves the unnecessary death of foxes. Yes, of course, if you need animal skin because you are cold, please use it. But it is frivolous and self-centered, and just mean to kill for vanity. I guess I’ve romanticized us, this place, we r e t t e s,

      too much. I thought we were just better, cooler, kinder.

      As my teenage son would say, “shoots.”

    • KellyK8

      I have to say something that I know will be controversial, but here it is: If you buy real fur, you are supporting animal suffering. What fur farms do to animals is evil, period. Animals on fur farms spend their entire lives confined to cramped, filthy wire cages. Fur farmers use the cheapest and cruelest killing methods available, and kill by suffocation, electrocution, gas, and poison.

      There are no federal humane slaughter law protects animals on fur factory farms, and killing methods are gruesome. Because fur farmers care only about preserving the quality of the fur, they use slaughter methods that keep the pelts intact but that can result in extreme suffering for the animals. Some animals even wake up while they are being skinned. Animals have clamps attached to or rods forced into their mouths and anuses, and they are painfully electrocuted. Genital electrocution—deemed “unacceptable” by the American Veterinary Medical Association in its “2000 Report of the AVMA Panel on Euthanasia”—causes animals to suffer from cardiac arrest while they are still conscious.

      Other animals are poisoned with strychnine, which suffocates them by paralyzing their muscles with painful, rigid cramps. Neck-breaking is another common slaughter method on fur factory farms. The fur industry refuses to condemn even blatantly cruel killing methods.

      Kat, I have been a long-time fan of yours and I can’t tell you how truly disheartening it was to see this recommendation. Please, please, please pledge to not recommend real-fur products here. There is just no way to justify buying and wearing real fur; we don’t eat the animals (mink, foxes, chinchillas) and there are plenty of attractive, synthetic alternatives. Please consider retracting this recommendation– your blog is hugely helpful and influential, and taking a stance on this could have a really positive impact.

      • Anastasia

        This exactly. I’m glad to see Kat apologized, but the reminder that fashion fur–especially trendy colored pieces with little functional purpose–still has a market makes me sad. I’m don’t go around throwing paint on people’s fur coats or anything, but supporting the fur industry, especially the Chinese fur industry, disgusts me. At best it shows willful ignorance, and at worst, complete disregard for animal suffering.

        (Ethical trapping, heirlooms, and fur clothing that can legitimately be considered a necessity for survival are mostly OK in my book. Fur farms, though… no excuse.)

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