Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Hutchins Belted Short-Sleeve Dress

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1. Sort of an odd symptom question. After gaining some weight during lockdown, I decided to get serious about getting it off and for the last two weeks have been using My Fitness Pal to track calories, as well as macros and nutrition (to make sure I’m not eating too much sugar or salt, my diet is balanced, etc. etc.). I’ve used this method before and have done well with it. However, since doing this, I notice that sometimes my mouth has a faint taste that’s almost like rubbing alcohol. It’s not all the time and it’s faint. Has anyone else had this happen? I know this a question for my doctor, I’m trying to get an appointment, but she’s been out on leave for almost a year and it seems like no one else in the practice wants to deal with her patients anymore (a whole thing in itself, working on finding a new practice!). Thanks for any insight!

   1. you are probably in ketosis:

      Keto breath produces a distinct taste or odor in the mouth that’s different from ordinary halitosis or bad breath. Some people describe keto breath as having a metallic taste. In addition to a funny taste in the mouth, keto breath can be fruity-smelling or have a strong odor that’s similar to nail polish remover.

      you can get krone tests for 10 bucks from a.azinv. good luck in your search!

   2. Google ketosis, and see if ketosis breath fits.

   3. Definitely a question for your doctor, but in the meantime: are you just tracking at this point or have you changed anything about your diet? Ketosis can cause weird changes in your breath depending on how your metabolism is behaving.

   4. Breath can smell like acetones if we’re successfully losing weight. Is this what you’re noticing? (Google “Endogenous acetone production is a by‐product of the fat metabolism process” for a discussion.)

2. Honeymoon suggestions? Was interested in the Maldives, but cost and travel time feeling prohibitive for a weekish trip. Suggestions for something similarly relaxing/lux closer to home, maybe in the Caribbean? Specific resort suggestions appreciated if people have had good experiences

   1. Bora Bora is farther than the Caribbean but a lot closer than the Maldives. We went for a week a few years ago and I thought it was spectacular and worth the cost even with limited travel time. We actually fit two islands – Bora Bora and Moorea – into a week but if I were going back I would just do Bora Bora. Moorea was nice but in my opinion too similar to Hawaii (especially Kauai) to justify the cost.

      If you’re sure you want to do the Caribbean there are some really luxe resorts on St Lucia and Antigua.

      1. +1. I would definitely consider Tahiti.

         For Caribbean, Sandy Lane in Barbados is beautiful and super luxurious (also very pricey though).

         1. French Polynesia is amazing. If you are concerned about cost, start stalking Air Tahiti Nui fare sales and consider an island other than Bora Bora, which is amazing but pricey – even by their standards. If you go to Moorea instead the 5 minute flight from the Papeete will be much less expense (you can even take the ferry) and you will not lose half a day to travel between islands. You also save a lot of money by skipping the overpriced overwater bungalows at chain hotels and staying at a smaller, locally owned hotel still on the beach. The last time I want to stayed at Hotel Les Tipaniers, but that was pre-pandemic and I cannot speak to how well they have held up (although their beach was amazing). Something like that might not work if you want a posh stay (understandable for a honeymoon!) but I have been multiple times and the only way to afford that is to look for ways to save! Good luck with your planning.

            1. Eh, the flight from Papeete to Bora Bora is scheduled for 50 minutes vs 15 for Moorea. You won’t lose half a day to inter-island travel either way.

            2. The flight itself is not long – but my (personal) experience has been that going or coming you have to spend the night in Papeete (but that might be because of where I am coming from and the time my international flights lands/departs). Whereas I have never had to spend a night in Papeete when I stay in Moorea. And that does not even take into account the extra expense involved. While I had a great time at Papeete’s Sunday market, I prefer not to spend the night there. And I have been 8 times – so saving money is a consideration that might not apply to a honeymoon.

               I know a lot of people love Bora Bora and prefer it to Moorea, but in my view it is not worth the extra time and expense. Having said that (and to respond to OP) it depends on what kind of experience you are interested in. Bora Bora is known for its luxury accommodations (more like the Maldives, with prices to match) and the resorts on on their own little islands so more private/isolated, whereas Moorea has a wider range of places to stay and the hotels are on the main island, which makes it easier and cheaper to explore. It is not that one is better than another; it is matter of preference.

            3. Hmm I thought all flights from the US arrived in Papeete pretty late at night, so you have to overnight no matter where you’re connecting to? I agree though, it’s a matter of preference. I know others who preferred Moorea too. For me, Moorea was nice but in a very generic way. I feel Hawaii and some parats of the Caribbean are just as nice, although the snorkeling in Moorea was much better than average Caribbean snorkeling and up there with the very best of Hawaii. Bora Bora was spectacular, unlike anywhere else I’ve been and I loved the overwater bungalow experience, which is very difficult to find outside of French Polynesia and the Maldives (and IME very romantic and perfect for a honeymoon). I’m guessing OP was interested in that if she was originally drawn to the Maldives. Our hotel in Moorea was only about 20% cheaper than our Bora Bora hotel and for me the cost was *much* more worth it for Bora Bora. But we admittedly didn’t search very hard for budget accommodations and I don’t dispute that it’s easier to do Moorea on a budget.

      2. +1 – would definitely look at Bora Bora. Quicker than the Maldives but still “special”.

         If you just want a shorter flight/not to deal with all of the travel, would look at Amanyara on Turks. Super luxe (with a price tag to match), but much easier flight.

   2. what’s the budget for lodging? Do you want AI or no? places like Jade Mountain in St Lucia were basically built for honeymoons, but … pricey.

   3. This is a very basic b suggestion, but as someone who originally planned on going somewhere much more exciting for my honeymoon, I ended up loved Riviera Maya in Mexico. After the craziness of the wedding it was nice to go to an all-inclusive where we didn’t have to plan any more logistics. Since it was closer to the East Coast we saved a lot on airfare and put it toward a nicer hotel. Also Chichen Itza was great and close by. We stayed at Melia La Perla and got a swim up suite and really enjoyed it, but I know there are much nicer hotels in the area as well.

   4. This was 7yrs ago now, but we honeymooned at one of the Sandals properties in St Lucia and loved it. They have 3 properties there, about 20mins apart, and you can go back & forth between all 3, which is nice. I really loved just being able to relax and chill after all the craziness of the wedding, and we both loved all the options for restaurants & activities.

   5. Is there any way you can take more than one week and go to the Maldives? At many jobs your honeymoon is the one time in your life when no one will blink an eye at you taking a vacation longer than one week. It might be different if you live in CA, but from many parts of the US the Caribbean and Cancun are doable over a 4 day weekend. I’d really want to go somewhere farther and more special for a honeymoon trip, and if the Maldives were your dream destination I would really try to make that happen.

   6. A friend went to Maldives on their honeymoon. They had a huge budget but even so were surprised by / conscious of how extremely expensive everything was, especially meals, and it was sort of distracting from the enjoyment and relaxation. So unless you have a truly unlimited budget I might choose something else.

      1. I’ve been to Bora Bora, which I think has similar food costs, and had the same reaction. But realistically, even though a $30 hamburger is eye-popping, it pales in comparison to flights and hotel costs, even to a much more modest destination. You just need to mentally triple your food budget, but you can still go there without an “unlimited” budget. Even with these insane food costs, the bulk of the trip budget is still going to be flights + hotels.

         I believe in the Maldives there are also lots of hotels with options for all-inclusive plans, so you can pre-pay your food costs and not worry about it when you’re there. This probably isn’t the best deal financially unless you plan to eat and/or drink a lot, but psychologically it can be nice to not be constantly handing over your credit card on vacation.

         1. I think this is true on a lot of islands, so worth checking into if that will be a stickingpoint for you. We’ve done Turks & Caicos, the Bahamas, and Jamaica, and all had fairly $$ food costs but the Bahamas was the highest when you add in VAT, so yes, you’re looking at $75 for 3 people to have burgers and fries for lunch.

            1. I haven’t been to the Maldives, but food costs in Bora Bora are definitely on another level compared to the Caribbean, even the ritzier islands like Turks. Our hotel had a $75 per person breakfast buffet and we thought it was a great deal because we could stuff ourselves and not need to eat much until dinner.

         2. We did a week in the Maldives for our wedding anniversary a few years ago, and it was the trip of a lifetime. We stayed at a smaller resort that was an entire island – there wasn’t much to do other than enjoy the beach and the ocean, so maybe not for everyone, but it was perfect for us. We had an all-inclusive package so the cost individually of food items wasn’t an issue. This is where we stayed: https://www.driftretreat.com/

         3. For anyone reading this and thinking about French Polynesia – food is very expensive. You can mitigate that somewhat by eating fish rather than beef (beef is brought in from New Zealand and is priced accordingly) and bringing your own alcohol. Customs allows more than enough for a person for a week or two and mixing your own drinks will save you a fortune.

            Bread, fish and fruit are cheap. Expect to pay a LOT for anything else.

   7. What’s your budget like? We were at the BahaMar resort in the Bahamas and it was lovely, though a bit crowded I hear at Spring break/public school holidays. It’s a direct flight from NY/NJ and only ~3 hours which is amazing. Lots of pools/tennis/casino/restaurants on site but food in the Bahamas is quite expensive and has VAT on everything, just an FYI.
      Fwiw I’d likely chose Costa Rica – you can do the relaxing on the beach thing or you can do some great hikes/surf/yoga – all of that won’t be fun/easy to do if you plan on having kids in the near future.

   8. We spent a major anniversary at the Grace Bay Club in Turks and Caicos and it was heavenly.

   9. We went to the Hyatt Ziva resort in Puerto Vallerta pre-pandemic and it was pure heaven. I’ve been recommending it non-stop since, can’t wait to go back!

   10. Como Parrot Cay in Turks & Caicos!

   11. I honeymooned in the Turks and Cacios almost 12 years ago and had a great honeymoon! We stayed at Le Vele in Grace Bay, in a 1-bedroom condo, and I highly recommend it. It’s not a large resort, but I loved having the space of a condo, and that the pool is between the road and the hotel so the hotel looks out directly onto the beach. If you dive, the wall sites in the Turks and Caicos are incredible. My husband doesn’t dive, so we just snorkeled on our honeymoon, and we saw a huge variety of coral formations and marine life and had an excellent trip.

3. I’m trying to sprinkle more fun things into my weekly schedule. What are some little things you look forward to? I’m thinking things like buying yourself flowers, treating yourself to coffee from a cafe, listening to your favorite podcast, etc.

   1. following with interest!

   2. A good book, the high after a good workout (although I still hate working out), permission to spend time on a hobby I like.

      1. Oh yes to a good book!
         One night I put my pjs on early put the kids to bed and spent the two hours until bedtime reading a book in bed. It felt soooo luxurious.

   3. For me, it’s including more nature in my everyday life. So I’ll get the takeaway hot chocolate and sit on a bench in the park, or get off the bus a bit earlier so I can walk. I like to make a weekly visit to a local garden, because I say hello to the volunteers and notice those early signs of spring.

   4. I always get fresh flowers at the grocery store! I also find myself liking shows that air once a week instead of binging a whole season. It’s a little thing I look forward to every week.

   5. Coffee and a pastry from a cafe, ideally a nice one that I can walk to

      Reading an actual book in said cafe

      Lighting a scented candle and playing some music when hanging out at home

      Getting little plates, mugs etc that I really like using. I think “glamorizing my life” TikTok style is such a pick-me-up honestly.

      Getting a manicure, or more regularly, buying nail polish and doing my nails

   6. Oh I love this! I definitely need to do this too, looking forward to ideas.

      Here are some things I do:
      *Spotify releases curated playlists based on listening – Discover Weekly comes on Mondays and New Music Friday on Fridays.
      *I go in spurts of regularly buying flowers once a week while grocery shopping. I got off of it for a few months but should start again because I love having fresh flowers in the house. Alternatively, the butcher/speciality shop I go to has fancy individual chocolates and I treat myself to one of those if they have the right kind (about 50/50 whether they do or not).
      *Yoga classes on Saturday mornings are my favorite weekly thing. In the summer when the local coffee shop is open, yoga then coffee afterwards is an all time favorite thing.
      *Specific podcast I look forward to – Glennon Doyle’s We Can Do Hard Things.
      *Random thing – DH has been watching WWE at his friends house lately (hilarious to me that he’s into this) – and I actually look forward to having the house to myself on a friday evening, decompressing and watching Grey’s Anatomy. More chill Friday evenings instead of forcing ourselves to go out is so much easier. If we go out, we do it on Saturdays now.
      *Coffee at home with frothed up creamer. I started drinking my coffee black at the office a month ago, so now my home coffee is so much more special.
      *I’ve been bad at doing it lately, but I love Rebecca Kennedy’s Friday 45 Minute Full Body Strength Classes on Peloton. I never do them when they’re live because I’m at work, but I do have fun doing them sometime during the week.

   7. Stopping at the library to pick out a new book.
      Popping into a museum after work.
      Finding fun murals or public art.
      Hikes.
      Long walks with friends.
      Volunteering at the local diaper bank.
      (Thanks for the reminder- I should do these things more often)

   8. Taking a long bath, ideally with a book.

   9. I just got the worlds fuzziest blanket for my bed and for TMI, lying under at naked makes me never want to leave my bed :-)

   10. I don’t have a regular coffee habit so having a mocha from Peet’s is way up there as an occasional treat. Same with a vanilla ice cream cone from the McDonald’s drive through.

       Other than that, if the weather is nice I take a break from work and sit outside for a while and do a bird count on eBird. I do this nearly daily (if not cold or rainy) so it’s more than the occasional treat but it really is fun to identify a new bird – I use Merlin and eBird apps from Cornell.

   11. Allowing myself to actually pay for a Kindle book I know I’ll enjoy, rather than waiting for it to be available at the library.

       The clothing rental service I use (the Lauren Look) adds a fun pop to my week when it arrives, and then I get to enjoy wearing four “new” shirts over the course of the week.

       Going on Amazon Fresh and typing random key words into the search bar like “chocolate,” “cookies,” “snacks,” and seeing what fun and different things pop up, then ordering a few to try and enjoy.

   12. Buying a morning coffee and pastry after getting up early for a run. Also my running view of Manhattan.

4. Moving into new home where large primary BR has wood floors, so shopping for rug. The room dimensions are roughly 12 x 20. The walls, bed and bedding are all pretty neutral (light tan walls, headboard is upholstered in a light grey; warm tone wood floors and dresser) so the rug is my one punch of color/interest in the room.
   1, What size would you go with? Am thinking 10 x 14 or 17, depending if I can find a rug I like.
   2. What materials would you go with? All wool, or would you go for a wool/silk combo to get that softness underneath bare feet?
   3. What are your favorite online sources? It drives me crazy to make a purchase of this magnitude (budget up to $5 to $6K) without being able to see and feel the rug first, but just don’t know that any stores in my area will have a decent selection.
   Appreciate your shopping tips and recommendations. Love rugs so much, but am a bit paralyzed with this decision.

   1. someone on here suggested to me, to order the smallest size of the rug to see if i like it and then return it and order the actual size i want when ordering online. and ideally ordering from a place where you can at least return it in person.

      1. Any place selling $5k rugs should be able to mail samples out, unless they’re one of a kind.

   2. I much prefer sweeping under the bed (with a good rubber broom to get all the dust) to trying to vacuum an underbed rug. The uneven wear/fading on underbed rugs also for some reason bothers me more than the more scattered uneven wear on rugs in living and dining rooms. So I would at least consider runners.

   3. Re: #1 – you could also get 2 smaller rugs, which might give you more flexibility if you ever move and MIGHT be cheaper.

      Re: 3 – I found that a lot of online retailers have the same choices so I bought from Target so I could return in store if needed without having to pay $$$ to ship back a giant rug. Also, their % off sales on furniture included the rug. If the rug you want is only available from an online-only source, see if you can first buy a tiny version of the same rug, like 2×4 or something, which would be easier to return.

      Re: #2 – My parents have 2 antique Persian (I think) rugs, one wool and one wool and silk rug. The wool and silk is definitely, um, silkier, but I would only really notice that if I was lying on it (as I used to as a kid). For walking, 100% wool is fine. The carpet pad underneath makes a difference in plushness. I would avoid rayon blends as I don’t think they are very durable.

   4. We’ve bought several large cheap rugs from Rugs USA (e.g., 300-400 for the size you are looking for), mostly under the guise of living with the rug so we can decide how whether we like the size before a big $$$ commitment. Also, with pets + being a klutz with coffee, it helps me feel better about the living room rug, which will probably stay a cheap rug. I’ve also had really good luck ordering vintage turkish rugs directly from turkish sellers on Etsy. Returns are problematic, so it’s kind of like when you buy designer shoes 75% off… its a calculated risk.

   5. If no kids or pets, I have a soft spot for flokati in some wild color.
      If you do have kids or pets (I have a big, lovely, clumsy dog), don’t put a bunch of money toward a rug, just get something you like well enough and consider it relatively temporary.

   6. These are all great tips, I just want to remind you that when you put the rug under the bed, put it so that the longest dimension of the rug is at right angles to the longest dimension of the bed, rather than having the long edge of the rug parallel to the long edge of the bed. https://www.pinterest.com/pin/476959416780715088/

   7. Get the biggest rug you can. Personal preference but I think a big rug makes the room look better. Silk/wool blends are really nice (my parents have some), but we just have wool ones. They are also nice and plush (especially with a good rug pad) so I don’t think silk is necessary unless you are the type of person who will notice and appreciate it every time you walk on it. I got a nice rug from manhattanrugs.com. Their rugs are quite affordable for the quality and the pictures are pretty accurate. So it’s not the same as picking it out in person but I’m still happy.

   8. I love tribal rugs. We have a wool Uzbek rug in the living room and it’s a show stopper.

5. I was inspired by Senior Attorney’s post and cleaned out my closet over the weekend. Between pandemic pounds and lifestyle changes, I no longer wear 90% of the things in my closet (and honestly I probably didn’t wear half of them even in 2019). My wardrobe now is very simple: I have blue and white skinny/straight leg jeans, sweaters (mostly solid colors, a few stripes), solid color t-shirts, a few blazers (I don’t need them for work but still love the blazers + skinny jeans look even though I know it’s probably dated now) and a few sundresses, mostly midi or maxi styles because I’m 5’11” and don’t want to be worried about flashing anyone while running around the playground with my kid. I think it suits my almost 40 year old WFH mom lifestyle pretty well but I’m wondering if anyone had recommendations for a few trendier pieces I could buy to look more current. Also if anyone has recs for tall influencers who dress in a way that’s practical for a casual, chasing-after-kids lifestyle I would love to hear.

   1. Well done! I have a really minimalist work and momming wardrobe and it’s nice. I think I’d stick with your preferred silhouette and add 2-3 pieces in colours that feel quite current?

   2. This sounds great. I would look around the Madewell website and see if there are a few pieces that catch your eye – maybe cute sneakers or longer cardigans for over t-shirts

   3. What would you wear for a date night? Or a fundraising party? Maybe those are needs you could fill with something trendier when the opportunity arises.

      I’m jealous; my job is WFH but with travel that has obscure dress codes based on the destination (resort wear for a whole week! nothing but polo shirts allowed for 4 days! touring agricultural fields in work boots!). It makes it impossible to eliminate items with the idea that I’ll never wear them again.

   4. My takeaway from SA a long time ago was not to immediately go out and refill my closet after I purged. That’s not aimed at you per se; it’s just something I have to consciously work on. I’d look for trendy sneakers (I mean like AF1s, not golden goose but you do you), and some new jewelry. I’m always surprised how much makeup adds to my “boring” outfits but I rarely wear anything more then sunscreen so you may be ahead of me there. Kudos for cleaning out your closet!

   5. Fatigue jacket
      Leather jacket
      Chunky loafers
      Slide sandals with braided straps and square toe
      Fun top with ruffled or puff sleeves

      1. Love this list! After my closet purge this weekend (or a mini sweep purge after a giant purge from a few months ago), I’ve come up with a near identical list.
         —Replace fatigue jacket that is too large— (Wear old one until I find one—I found one at gap but alas my size sold out)
         —Loafers that don’t slide off my feet ( never had this problem with loafers in the mid 90s! I guess my feet have changed)
         —sandals
         — fun tops in vibrant colours
         I’m happy I purged things and that I get to inject something fresh into the rotation!

   6. Similar age and lifestyle (though I’m in the office closer to 2x month) but I’d also make sure you have an interviewing outfit, an outfit for a funeral/visitation, and an outfit you can wear to a big work meeting in a pinch. I wouldn’t break the bank on these outfits, but whenever I’ve needed one of those three things in a hurry I was never able to find them easily in stores and I’ve always been grateful to have them in my closet when I needed them.

   7. For outfit inspiration, I like Putting Me Together.

   8. Hooray!! Closet Cleanout Club for the win!

   9. Also 5-11 .. a lot of the tall brands leave a lot to be desired. I wear a lot of BR, Athleta, JCrew & Gap for long lengths. Veronica Beard pants have a 35 inseam. AmalliTalli.com is run by 2 tall sisters and sometimes has some cute very very long stuff. theSixes can be good but it’s a startup so kinda hit or miss. I also just did a closet clean out then bought slightly funky Sorel kinetic sneaks for spring.

   10. Get some cute mules! They make all my outfits look new!

6. What are your favorite easy salad add-ins? I’m trying to eat more vegetables and less processed food but I don’t like cooking so salads seem like a good option. I’d like to stock my refrigerator / pantry with things that I can easily throw in a salad to make it more tasty and nutritious.

   1. Toasted sliced almonds. I buy sliced almonds and toast a tray of them, and put in fridge. Sprinkle in whenever we make a salad. Adds a really nice crunch.

      1. I like nuts, dried cranberries, I also really like an apple in a salad, tuna, celery, apple, nice lettuce and cucumber. Anything with a bit of crunch.

   2. Mendocino Farms has this amazing crunch quinoa they put on their caesar salad. I just G-ged it and there are recipes for it online. I am going to try that next!

      1. Can you link some recipes? All the recipes I can find are just for crispy quinoa. I’d love to find one with the nutritional yeast etc. for more flavor.

   3. I like good quality bottled salad dressings a lot more than most vinaigrettes I have made. I make sure I have some protein ready: a jar of tuna, some marinated tofu, cheese or nuts. I make sure to vary the greens and vegetables each week so I don’t get bored.

      1. Agreed – dressing makes or breaks the salad. A good quality dressing from the refrigerated section at the grocery will make any salad better.

   4. Pistachios with clementines or beets.

   5. I love a salad with spinach, some sort of cheese like mozzarella or feta, olives, avocado, tomatoes, onions, cucumbers, chickpeas, edamame, tofu, maybe a hard boiled egg, broccoli, and bell peppers. Pre covid, on Sundays I would prep 4 salads for lunch (M – Th) and let myself buy on Fridays.

   6. I hit up trader joes for this – sliced almonds or pistachios (which I then toast at home), dried sour cherries, goat cheese/feta, chickpeas or black beans, sesame sticks (high in calories but sooo good, so I only use a few), seasme seed, togirashi, dried seaweed, and don’t forget citrus! I like lime or lemon juice squeezed on top, or cara cara oranges sliced into a salad. A winter/early spring fave is endive, cara cara oranges, toasted pistachios, goat cheese, olive oil, salt/pepper, and a drizzle of honey or balsamic.

   7. I get a Costco rotisserie chicken every two weeks for this purpose and cut off pieces and throw on my salad. The other protein things I add are nuts, cheese, lentils, chickpeas, hard boiled eggs (I have one of those quick egg cookers). Bagged Trader’s salads can be good.

      1. In a similar vein: I marinate a few chicken breasts once a week, grill them (I use a George Foreman but you could do grill pan or real grill), chop them up into cubes, and then can just grab a handful every day. They’re good cold, but I also like to warm them up in the microwave for just a min.

      2. For people who are even lazier than the previous 2 posters, like me, you can actually buy bagged sliced baked chicken. No need to bake the chicken yourself, no need to even shred up a rotisserie chicken – it’s sliced and ready to go on a salad whenever you need it. Likewise bagged hard-boiled eggs, which you can then slice up.

         I also like grape tomatoes, shredded cheese, salt and pepper, and dressing.

   8. Pre-cooked puy lentils! The best

   9. Roasted sweet potatoes or squash.
      Fruit (apples, blueberries, pears)
      Dried fruit.
      Hot sauce.

   10. Pine nuts (plain or warmed up in a skillet)

       A hard boiled egg. This is super easy if you have an inexpensive little egg cooker like this one

       BELLA 17283 Cooker, Rapid Boiler, Poacher Maker Make up to 7 Large Boiled Eggs, Poaching and Omelete Tray Included, Single Stack, Black https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08P26DYTJ/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_72Q6MDVF8SA088NTWBN3?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

       A scoop of hummus

       Dried cranberries

       Sunflower seeds

       A shredded carrot (I don’t buy pre shredded as whole carrots keep a long time in the fridge)

       A little chopped celery

       1. And if you’re a ranch person, the best ranch is one you make yourself with fresh buttermilk, Best Foods/Hellman’s Mayo and this:

          Hidden Valley Buttermilk Ranch Salad Dressing & Seasoning Mix, Gluten Free – Pack of 24 https://www.amazon.com/dp/B000EDM3JO/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_91XREHN9VY9QQGBZ4Q5C

          Make sure the packet says buttermilk recipe. It’s different from the one that doesn’t.

   11. Chickpeas, cannellini beans, pre-cooked lentils (Trader Joes has good ones), Hemp hearts, sesame seeds, sprouted pumpkin seeds, artichoke hearts, pre-cooked ready-to-eat beets, pickled red onions and pickled baby bell peppers (I make these about once a month and add to salads all month long), a squeeze of lemon or lime juice, hardboiled egg, pre-cooked turkey bacon. This thread is making me want a salad stat!

       1. Can you share how you picking the baby bell peppers? Sounds like a great addition!

   12. Pepitas for crunch is one that hasn’t been mentioned. Also I recommend checking out sweetgreen and Chopt’s menus for salad inspirations.

   13. I really have been gravitating toward a briny/salty flavor in my salads lately. I keep jarred artichoke hearts and sundried tomatoes in the fridge – a little goes a long way. Also feta. And then slivered almonds or pepitas for a little crunch.

       I also like the shredded broccoli mix that trader joe’s carries – it’s a way to add more veggies and different flavors easily.

   14. Great answers here. I read them as I ate my own amazing homemade salad, which truly is my fave lunch.

       There’s lots of online inspiration but for me I always needs a crunch (could be candied walnuts if I’m feeling I need something sweet, tortilla strips for salty, and Costco’s salad topper bag full of seeds and dried cranberries is a hit) and OF COURSE you need healthy fats in there (avocado, olives, etc.).

   15. Tins:
       lentils, black beans, butter beans, navy beans, chickpeas, salad peas and baby corn.

       Glass jars:
       olives, roasted peppers, artichoke hearts, capers, beets, feta cheese, little mozzarella balls, tuna and anchovies.

       Boil water, set timer:
       premade gnocci, pasta or ravioli, eggs, frozen peas or green beans, rice or vermicelli noodles.

       Fresh:
       cherry tomatoes, cucumber, peppers, kale, spinach, fresh herbs, carrots, beets, citrus or lettuce.

       Dry garnish:
       pumpkin seeds, walnuts, cranberries, sultanas, almonds and sunflower seeds.

       Cool garnish or ingredient:
       blue cheese, parmesan cheese, feta cheese – whatever cheese, parma ham, cured sausages or fried tofu.

       Fruit:
       apple, blueberries, water melon, tomato, avocado, pomegranate.

7. Random thoughts about what utopia could be like?

   1. No racism / sexism / discrimination based on things we have no control over. Mental health problems don’t exist. Everyone remains in good health until the moment they die.

   2. Everyone’s basic needs are met, unconditionally, for their entire lifetimes. Food, health care, child care, housing, safety, sanitation, etc. These things are not contingent on having a certain job, being born into the right family, marrying the right person, or living in the right place and time.

   3. People with disabilities and differing abilities are not treating as annoying people to just go away until they die.

      My brother is autistic and often his whole therapy as a kid was “try not to annoy the neurotypical people with your neurodiversity.” A cousin who is very smart and has cerebral palsy is treated as if she is invisible and finally landed a good job and a transit-accessable apartment (she does not drive). A friend with epilepsy likewise does not drive and has found a good job as a mechanic, but so, so often people with disabilities (and that’s a car accident or stroke away for many of us who are now able-bodied) are just cast aside, even by people who are otherwise loudly very woke.

      1. +1000

      2. We go to a very vocally woke church. It is really barely friendly to children in some services, much less parents of children (including adult children who still live at home) with any sort of special need or developmental issue. It bothers me that g-d house is only for some of g-d’s people. It should not be cause for shunning that a person needs to stand and rock a bit in a long service (maybe we should just become Pentecostals?).

         1. I have threatened the same after a frustrating church service at my oh-so-progressive Episcopal parish (mostly to my husband in the car on the way home). It’s church, not a classical music masterclass.

            Talking to the head pastor helped a bit, though honestly, it got better when the woman who led the children’s ministry (!) finally left, but not before she’d run off pretty much every woman with a full-time job and kids.

         2. I rarely went to (my dads reform) temple as a kid but I remember the rabbi stopping a service because a mother was heading toward the exit with her crying baby. He said “this might be how the child wants to participate! Let the baby stay!” At the time I thought it was so lovely and sweet but now as a parent I think she probably just wanted to take a break and feed her baby in peace. Oh well I guess his heart was in the right place.

            1. As someone who grew up in a church where there were a bunch of kids and you could pretty much guarantee a wailing baby in any service, it was intimidating to take a little kid to my current church because it was so quiet by comparison (most of the parishioners are adults and/or elderly). Frankly, I felt more at home at a friend’s Mormon church with the wiggly toddlers playing peek-a-boo when we went for her daughter’s baptism.

               I like the rabbi’s sentiment and would have been touched as a new mom! But I also wasn’t great at nursing in public so would have headed towards the exit anyway.

   4. Like No Meetings Friday, but forever.

      1. Inbox zero is always achieved. The only emails are good news emails and ones that make me laugh.

      2. I say Summer Fridays all year long!

   5. Basic needs like housing, food and health are free. Everybody votes and participates in civic stuff.

   6. Free universal daycare starting from newborn age so no woman ever has to opt out of the workforce because she can’t afford childcare.

      1. Or opt out of children because she can’t afford to quit working.

         1. Yes, that too.

   7. No humidity. Temps between 55-75 every day.

      1. This is Palo Alto for much of the year.

         1. It’s quite a bit hotter than 75 for most of the summer, but I agree Palo Alto is pretty close to ideal year-round weather. But when I lived there I actually got super bored with the weather! I really missed the changing of the seasons.

         2. Where is this but 80 degrees? San Diego?

            1. Miami

            2. LOL what!?! Miami is one of the most humid parts of the United States! It rains almost every day in the summer because it’s so humid and the moisture in the air needs somewhere to go.

            3. What? No. Miami definitely has humid months.

      2. And no mosquitoes.

   8. Always Christmas and never winter.

      1. I see what you did there…

   9. Different for everyone, or else it can’t be utopic.

      1. Seriously. All this talk of children and emails and meetings . . . my utopia does not include any of those things.

         1. Yes, who are all these people working full time jobs in utopia?

   10. There is no abuse, bullying, or harassment. People treat each other with dignity and respect.

       1. late to join but this brought tears to my eyes.

          I’m a caregiver and most people gawk or ignore. thanks to those who shared thoughts above and hopefully others learn from your thoughtfulness.

8. Monday confessional, I’m away this week and didn’t strictly need to be in work city until Friday, but we’re having flooring replaced and I knew the mess and noise would stress me out. My husband is whatsapping me project updates, and it’s reinforcing my slightly morally suspect decision to bail.

   1. As penance, I sent the email I’ve been avoiding for literally months and am going to send my husband a bottle of Japanese whisky as a thank you for managing the house project.

   2. I support that sometimes you don’t want to be around to see the sausage being made. Be prepared for the big clean up when you get home and consider it the price paid for escaping the project details.

      1. The electrician didn’t show up as he’s got Covid, and they found out that the previous owners glued the laminate down with SUPER GLUE so it’s not budging…might need to send two bottles.

         1. Super glue?!? Oof

            1. It’s incredible, the previous owners behaved like house flippers despite living there for 30 years. They redid the decor a year before selling (but had intended to stay there longer), and the finishes are really expensive but the workmanship is quite shoddy? They were in their 80s and I don’t know if they were taken advantage of?

9. I need a new duvet. I’m looking to pay for great quality and need a king sized down alternative. I’ve looked at Brooklinen – can’t decide if they’re as amazing as everyone claims or if it’s just great marketing. Any other suggestions?

   1. I’ve been happy with the one I got in January from the company store.

   2. I’m looking at the Cuddledown synthetic colored comforters – they’re one of the few places that makes an oversized king, and I like the extra overhang. They are $$ but the restoration hardware quilts/duvet covers I’ve bought have been amazingly soft and great quality. I haven’t liked the Pottery Barn ones I’ve had. If you’re cost conscious, the Charter Club brand at Macy’s is surprisngly good quality for the price.

   3. Why are you choosing a down alternative? Have you had one before?

      1. Yes, and allergies.

         1. I have a Wamsutta comforter that has a cotton shell and cotton fill, and it is the best.

   4. Consider a wool comforter. They are super cozy but not sweaty. I used to replace my down comforters every few years because of filling shifting, even in my good LLBean one that promised shifting wouldn’t be a problem. Wool actually doesn’t shift. I paid a little more up front but it has already lasted longer than any down comforter I’ve had, and is still going strong. It has the same sort of cotton outside as a regular comforter, so if you aren’t a fan of wool for any reason you won’t actually be touching it. The Wool Room makes a great one.

      1. Second this! Got a wool-filled duvet years ago from Bed Bath & Beyond and it’s amazing. Particularly because it doesn’t leak down and the filling doesn’t shift around.

   5. Cuddledown

   6. Coyuchi. Nordstrom carries them and sometimes Wayfair. You can even order swatches from their site, so you know exactly what the fabric weight will be like, whether it wrinkles, etc.

   7. I really like my Buffy comforter. I’ve had it for about 4 years and my cat tends to pee on it when stressed so it’s been washed A LOT and heavily doused with those anti cat pee enzymes and it’s still in great shape.

   8. Marks and Spencer from the UK. They make the best duvets, they’re not expensive and they last for years. You can choose what tog you want (how heavy/thick). The one I have now is 10+ years old and just now losing it’s stitching on the outside. They ship to the US easily. LOVE.

      For duvet covers, I lovelovelove the linens from Garnet Hill, specifically the percale.

10. How old do you think that Calvin Klein dress is? From the cheap belt to the exposed back zipper, it screams early aughts. Plus sizes really don’t get any nice things.

    1. Even the main pick looks dated to me, tbh.

       1. Yes, I had a dress just like that in 2005ish.

    2. I had a nearly identical dress I loved to wear in 2009-2011.

11. My mother comes from a modest-dressing culture and I grew up in the north, so not a lot of bare legs or swimming pools. I have fairly fair skin but an abundance of hair all over. Now that the pandemic is easing and I live in the south, I need to figure all this out, as if for the first time.
    Waxing — really just for bikini area and upper lip? Like do not try with legs?
    Shaving — legs / armpits mainly

    Re waxing — can you do this well at home or is it really going to be a hot mess (literally)? I am now comfortable going to a salon (but would probably have some embarassment initially), but also want to explore with some WFH days in my work schedule, if electrolysis or laser might be good options to pursue (and if so, where to do with what first)?

    And I’m guessing that any at-home laser devices probably are just selling hope and don’t work?

    1. I just got the Billie razor based on a recommendation here, and I confess it’s a lot nicer than any drugstore, Target/Walmart, or Costco razors I’ve ever spent too much or not enough money on.

       1. +1. They are really nice!

       2. Counterpoint, Billie razors gave me really bad razor burn, unlike anything I’ve experienced. If someone wants to post a burner email, we can connect and I’ll send you my cartridges in exchange for a mailing label.

          1. agreeing with this, I HATED the billie – I tried multiple times over months off and on and I swear it is the worst razor I’ve ever used.

    2. I highly recommend laser. I’m doing my bikini, full leg and underarm now. I would never go back to shaving, waxing, etc.

    3. Of course you can wax legs, not sure why you think otherwise.

       1. My sister used to have rats in her crawl space / basement. So she had glue boards. One day, her cat got down there and got some glue boards stuck on him. That is what I think leg waxing might be like. I’ve never done it though b/c my mind goes straight to the nightmare of possibilities.

          1. HAHAHA this post took me on a journey. At first I thought for sure it was some kind of nesting fail…

             1. i read it the same re super glue floorboards

    4. You can totally wax your legs. I do. Probably easier to get it done the first few times though. I wax my underarms and bikini areas, too. If you don’t have pregnancy on the horizon though I would look into laser.

    5. If your hair is dark (not grey, too blonde or reddish tint) laser or electrolysis is the way to go in my opinion. I tried waxing at a salon and it so painful. I hated the upkeep of shaving. The permanent options are costly, but so freeing in the end. I got everything removed from ankle to arm pit around 9 years ago and now only have to shave once or twice a month to get the blonde hairs or hairs that do grow back due to hormonal changes over time. Of course you can start small or only get the most troublesome areas, pay less and still spend less time on hair control! For reference I have lived in the south all my life and started shaving as teenager. It used to be an almost daily chore during the warm months, and now I don’t think about it but once a month regardless of swim season or not.
       I don’t think home options are that affective and I would put my money towards treatment at a reputable salon. I used Ideal Image. There may be other or better options where you live and it’s worth asking your friends if they have recommendations.

       1. I have a Q for you — if you had a daughter like you, how soon would you feel comfortable doing any of these permanent things? I would not let a kid get a tattoo or implants, but am I crazy that I see this as different (even though expensive)? My kid has not asked (yet) and IDK if she knows that I have done both laser and electrolysis (pre-pandemic), but I can tell that she hates hair management almost as much as she hates periods. [I was an adult when I did it and paid for it myself though.]

          1. Not who you asked, but: it makes sense to avoid tattooing or implants while bodies are still growing and changing, but that doesn’t apply to hair follicles. So I don’t see it the same way.

             That said, I do think it’s pointless to start permanent hair removal before puberty is totally complete, which in my case was late college. I’ve also heard that laser doesn’t work when it comes to sprouting new hormonal hair, so I’d wonder if pregnancy would undo early-life laser treatments? Might be better to spring for electrolysis.

             1. FWIW, an in perimenopause and prior laser worked on prior hair. New hormone-driven chin hairs weren’t around then so I was getting electrolysis for them pre-pandemic. I probably need to double-time it back now.

                IDK how it would work with pregnany hormones — I know that going on the pill (which mimics pregnancy a bit, hormonally) did not result in a problem re new hairs for me.

          2. My mother started taking me when I was 14 to do my upper lip with electrolysis (the laser didn’t exist at the time). I continued with my legs and bikini when I started working switching to laser when it was available. The best decision of my life. Thanks mum.

    6. I have always shaved everything (except for upper lip!). I usually thread eyebrows and would thread upper lip.

       Don’t start shaving until you’ve been in the shower in hot water for a while, I use mens disposable shaving razors, use shaving cream or conditioner, lotion after.

    7. I’m similar, in both hirsuteness and upbringing. I shave to the knees or so when needed and wear swim suits with boy-shorts type bottoms. The couple of times I’ve attempted any more hair removal than that, I regretted it as soon as it started growing back in – that was absolute itchy hell and so not worth it.

    8. I used to shave, wax, epilate my legs but they all gave me bumpy skin no matter what pre/aftershave care I did. Got laser and haven’t looked back.

    9. Waxing irritates TF out of my skin so I don’t do it. I’m team shave everything, but you need different types of razors. I like Gillette for men (the fancy kind) for legs, an electric beard trimmer (also men’s) for the lady area, and I don’t have lip hair, but would tinkle razor if I did.

    10. My husband just got his neck, shoulders and back lasered and said it’s life-changing, 100% would recommend, should have done it years ago (he’s 35). he has the right coloring for it (dark hair, light skin).

12. Great pick, Lafayette 148 is such good quality. I sale stalk them at Off Fifth to get deals.

    1. I used to buy a lot from them but in the last year or two their prices have *skyrocketed*– even relative to other high-end clothing brands. I have several suits, dress, pants, etc. from them but now, now way I’d spend $800 on a dress. I bought a very similar dress from them about three years ago and it was half that price. Anyone else notice this?

       1. Maybe an effect from the Biden inauguration? I noticed right after that the Lafayette outfits the President’s family was wearing were several thousand for each look. Voting for Biden doesn’t mean I can afford to spend like a Biden.

    2. This would have been a great silhouette when I worked in an office. However, now or then it would have been too much. At that price, I would make it myself to get a good duplicate.

13. Low stakes Monday question – Does anyone have a favorite recipe for coconut cream, key lime, or strawberry pie or shortcake? I’m signed up to make mini pies in those first two flavors for a dessert bar at a big birthday bash. I like to bake, but haven’t attempted coconut cream or key lime pies before and think you all can point me to the best recipes. The birthday girl likes strawberries too, so if you have a strawberry pie or shortcake recipe that is a winner I’ll miniaturize that too! I usually serve fresh strawberries sliced, but am definitely willing to get more creative with this as it’s a milestone birthday and at least 30 people attending.

    1. this one is super easy and yummy https://bellyfull.net/french-coconut-pie/

    2. People always rave about this when I bring it. It started as a cheap, easy potluck dish in college and turned out to be one of my favs: Strawberry Angel Food Dessert from All Recipes.

    3. Smitten Kitchen has a great key lime pie recipe.

       My strawberry pie – it is “French” according to the woman from whom I got the recipe:
       1 baked pie shell

       8 oz cream cheese, softened
       6 T heavy cream >>> mix together (I use mixer) and spread over bottom/sides of pie shell

       5 cups + strawberries depending on size >> see below
       Mash enough strawberries to equal 2 cups; core the rest but leave whole.

       Put in saucepan:
       1 cup sugar + 4 T cornstarch > mix together
       Add 1.5 T lemon juice + water = 1/2 cup

       Add mashed strawberries, heat over medium or medium high until boiling, boil and stir 1 minute. Cool slightly.

       Arrange whole strawberries in pie shell. (this is where you find out if you need more than you have prepared)

       Pour cooked strawberries over and try to get all the whole strawberries’ surface covered.

       Refrigerate 4 hrs plus.

    4. Google Ricardo’s strawberry shortcake cake (French Canadian “celebrity” chef) It is divine and my 11 year old insists on it for her birthday every year. It is an actual cake, not like traditional assembled shortcake.

    5. Yes, the bakery ;)

    6. I’ve had people beg me to make the Cooks Illustrated Key Lime Bars again. They’re great and no expensive ingredients (just uses regular limes)!

    7. If you have one nearby, Whole Food strawberry shortcake cake is surprisingly good (as are all of their cakes quite frankly). I’m a very skilled baker but my son asks for their cakes every year, one less thing for me to do so I go with it!

    8. I like the Key Lime Pie from Once Upon a Chef

       1. +1 that recipe is delicious!

    9. I love a classic strawberry shortcake! This is pretty different and probably not right for this event, but I was surprised by how much I also liked Claire Saffitz’s Strawberry Cornmeal Layer Cake from Dessert Person. The cornmeal was an interesting touch and it was more of a hit with people who don’t normally like shortcake.

    10. The key lime pie recipe on the back of Nellie & Joe’s Key Lime Juice bottle. My family has a restaurant, key lime pie is the only dessert, people love it. It’s this recipe.

        1. This. Been making for years and it’s a winner! I put one extra egg white in the custard. Also you can skip the meringue and do whip cream if preferred…

14. Nails question from someone who knows next to nothing.

    I have always wanted to be the woman with painted fingernails. However, regular polish only lasts on me for a few days at most. The only time it’s lasted a week or more was with a gel manicure done at the salon. (I tried home gel nail polish once and saw no difference over regular.)

    I understand that the gel process, repeated regularly, is damaging to nails and skin. Is there any way to keep my nails consistently painted that wouldn’t involve this damage?

    1. Nope. This is why I never have painted nails anymore.

    2. Could nail decals work for you? I have some friends who swear by them, and their nails always look fantastic (and not at all like they have stickers on their nails haha).

       1. +1 to nail decals. Best friend is a home nail person and has great success with nail decals. She’s tried a bunch of the drugstore ones and likes the Kiss brand the best, I believe. At a higher price point, I’ve read very good things about Red Aspen.

       2. +1. I use Color Street and they actually last until they grow out.

       3. They’ve come a long way! My sisters does this and you honestly can’t tell.

          I have been painting my nails more consistently, and I swear by the CND top coat. I get 6-7 days out of my manis; I used to get a couple of days at most. Good technique matters, too.

       4. I’m very intrigued by the idea of nail decals. I wear my nails insanely short due to being a clutzy moron with frail skin (I’ve literally ripped my own face open while applying serums). Are the decals easy to use on tiny nails, or do you need some length to get them to work?

    3. I have given up in favor of buffing at least on my fingers. This makes your nails shiny (but no color) — it lasts longer and doesn’t chip. I have never found a way to make nail polish last so I have largely given up.

       1. Same. My nails shine like justice.

          1. And a voice that is dark like tinted glass.

    4. I do my nails at home and alternate between gel and dazzle dry, and then one week every 6ish weeks I have an off week where I use clear strengthening nail polish.

       I usually get 5-7 days out of gel and dazzle dry and mere hours out of regular polish. I am very very hard on my hands.

    5. Nail polish decals actually look good and last a really long time. They take a little longer to remove than regular polish. As far as regular polishes go I have two tried and true favorites. “Wet and Wild 1 -step wonder” is easy to use and is quite long lasting. It only requires one specialized product(the polish itself) so it’s perfect for a lazy person like myself. I get a full week or more and it is easily removed with acetone nail polish. My second favorite is Sally Hanson Miracle Gel. It lasts a bit longer but requires two specialized products(nail polish and accompanying topcoat) so it takes a bit more time to apply. Like the wet and wild line, it also removes easily with regular acetone nail polish. Decals can damage nails if you rip them off. The polishes do not damage natural nails at all.

       Another tip – with any polish I make sure to swipe my nails with rubbing alcohol before starting and I use a rubberized basecoat. This helps any polish adhere much better.

    6. I’ve done gels for years and I think the damage argument is overblown. Yes, they get weaker while you’re doing it and if you stop, you need to let them grow out fully a cycle or two to get the old thickness back, but it’s not permanent damage. Anything that can rectify in a few months is worth it, to me.

       1. Do you notice damage to the skin on your hands at all?

          1. 10:42 here, and no, I haven’t noticed any skin or hand damage. I go to a good salon though where they’re careful about removal. I really haven’t had any issues and have done gel for over a decade.

       2. I’ve gotten 2-3 gel/dip manis in a row. My nails are fine and grow long while the polish is on them. If I go in for just a polish removal and leave with bare nails that’s when I experience damage and it takes time for them to get back to normal.

          1. Agreed. The gel process is so damaging IMO.

    7. I have also always wanted to be the person with painted fingernails and have been trying to be so. I’ve found that it works best if I either do it myself or bring a bottle of nail polish to the salon, so I can fix chips if needed. It’s better to take off nail polish and completely re do the nail than to fix chips.

       However, its still not great for nail health to have them painted all the time, so I’ve had to start spreading it out at least.

    8. I would like to be the person with pretty painted nails, alas, I have neither the time nor the inclination for weekly nail salon trips and I’m not coordinated enough to do them myself. I’ve instead committed to filing and buffing them and then using the Dior Nail Glow on them. The color is sheer enough that you can’t tell if I get it on my skin, but it makes them look so pretty and very slightly tinted – it’s the ‘my lips but better’ lipstick but for nails.

    9. Try Gelous base coat. I do a layer of Gelous then color coat then gelous and color again with seche vite and i almost never have chipping. looks good for at least a week.

    10. Personally, I’m a fan of once a month mani pedis with regular polish. I tend to get about a week out of the manicure and my toes last all month. If I have time, I go the following week and get a polish change, which is only $10 in my area. So I essentially have professionally painted nails 2 weeks out of the month. Then for the remaining two weeks I either leave them bare, or I’ll do a simple sparkly/glittery polish that’s easy (Princesses Rule by OPI is one of my favorites). This ends up cheaper than gel and is less harsh on my nails.

    11. I use the Sally Hensen two step gel nail polish.

    12. The new Essie polish (comes with its own topcoat) really lasts a lot longer than regular polish and doesn’t seem to do bad things.

        1. G00gle is failing me here. Can you clarify what the new Essie polish is? Like does it have a name for the formula or something?

           1. Ack sorry- full brand name is essie gel coture. It’s classic polish but comes with its own topcoat and lasts a full week for me.

    13. I’ve been doing gel regularly since 2012 or so, except for about a year during the pandemic. The key is how it’s removed — if the place soaks and then only removes once the polish is basically coming off on its own, no damage. The few times that the tech rushed and used one of those auto files to remove the polish, my nails were completely messed up.

        I would try to do gel at a good salon for a while and see how your nails react.

    14. Dazzle Dry. It lasts 2 weeks (not a gel & no UV lamp) , comes off with normal nail polish remover, and leaves your nails as healthy as before. Available from Amazon and in salons.

    15. The SNS does not destroy my nail bed the way that gel nails and acrylics do.

15. Casual sneaker question – I’m looking for non-workout sneakers and am looking for some thoughts. The look I’m going for is like casual sneakers with a dress and a jean jacket.

    – Ordered a pair of Supergas but they seem huge. I ordered my normal size and they seem absolutely massive. Also, do they run wide? Will half a size down fix this problem? (I have long, bony feet which are on the narrow side).

    – I see that classic Adidas Stan Smiths are in style. These remind me of my waitressing days – do they breathe or are they still hot as anything?

    – I have worn a lot of converse over the years and am looking for something different; however… do I just default to those?

    1. I’ve just defaulted to Converse, whenever I’ve branched out, I have complaints about the comfort or the price. Decide once is my rule…

    2. It needs to hurry up and be spring here so I can wear this look, it’s my favorite.

       -I always return and shun shoes that seem massive. My 4th grade inner child still has a complex from having the biggest feet in the class (that just grew early and are now a pretty normal 9/9.5).

       -I had a pair of Stan Smith’s that I got probably 7 years ago, so they’re not in rotation too much any more, but I don’t recall them being really hot. But I run cold, so may not have noticed.

       If you’re looking for something new – a couple months ago everyone here encouraged me to get the pink sneakers I was thinking about and I did and I get compliments every single time I wear them from random people, constantly. and I’ve been wearing them a lot! I got the Nike Women’s Air Force 1 Fontanka in Foam Pink. Thank you everyone who told me to just do it – you were right!

       Based on the pink sneakers with a platform, I know I really like the platform – for me that’s a trend I can get on board with. Now I’m kind of looking for leopard print platform slip on sneakers.

       1. YES to pink sneakers! I’m glad you’re enjoying them. They sound like the perfect spring shoe.

       2. Oh man, I have that same complex! Even though my also totally normal 9/9.5 feet are proportionate to my 5’8 frame.

          Thanks for the thoughts on pink!

          1. LOL, I have this same complex. 5’8″ with a size 10 shoe is perfectly fine. Unfortunately, my feet grew faster than the rest of me. I still shudder when I see a pair of Keds (they made my feet look SO LONG and yet they were the trendy thing that I desperately wanted).

       3. I hear you… I wore a size 9 ladies shoe at 9 years old.

    3. If you feel like Supergas are big, Stan Smith’s will be bigger. I don’t mean in terms of fit, I mean in terms of profile, which is also what I think you are referring to.

       1. Actually fit itself. I’m a 9/9.5 and the size I got is at least a full size too large.

          Interesting about the profile though!

    4. I’m personally a fan of New Balance’s lifestyle sneakers. The Stan Smiths look ridiculous on my narrow-ish feet, and I hate the flatness of Converse.

       1. Do you wear them with dresses? I wear new balances for my running and trail running shoes.

          1. I don’t, but that’s a very specific me-quirk. I think you could.

       2. I wear new balance 574s with dresses, but I do have problem feet and I live in the city so walk to most places, except work, where I drive to every day. I also have pale pink 574s, as well as pink and pale green, as well as a darker ones I wear with leggings. It’s rainy on the west coast so I’m wearing boots now, but when it’s warm enough to ditch tights, this is what I wear. I do wear dresses with sandals too though!

          1. Adding that most of my dresses / skirts are above the knee with this look, which I prefer.
             I have two longer items- one dress and one skirt, where I wear a leather — also pink lol— runner (ecco) with. I have always worn a form of runner— keds, sketchers, Nike… with dresses and skirts ( again, mostly shorter) since my 20s…am in my 50s now.
             Can no longer wear the keds, Nikes, or sketchers as it causes too much pain. I work in a super casual workplace, (most people wear casual runners) and I resisted wearing nicer runners there, but finally gave in. I still have one pair of closed toe leather flats with an orthotic I throw into the rotation.

    5. I also have long, narrow feet. Fashion sneakers that are manufactured in men’s sizes only (Supergas, Adidas, etc.) generally don’t work for me. I can get away with Converse and P448 if I wear thick no-show socks. The P448s are super comfy. I have to tie them to keep them from falling off my feet, so I can’t wear them untied in the trendy manner.

       1. Thank you for this validation! I’m trying to not get into a rut, but maybe I just need to stick with what works?

    6. I like Keds.

    7. I have long narrow feet, and Supergas work on me. Maybe try a smaller size? I also like the plain white leather shoes from the brand Soludos.

       1. Do you happen to know what model? Maybe there’s a different cut which will work. I like the look of Supergas.

          1. Sorry, just saw this! I have the 2750 Cotu Classic White … pretty much the standard superga (I think). I’m out of town this week and don’t have them with me, but I think I have a 41 and generally wear a 9.5 in US sizes. I admit they are a tiny bit wide, but definitely not worse than many other sneakers.

    8. Oh man you reminded me of how bad my Stan Smith’s always smelled! Those really did not breathe.

       1. I have a very distinct memory from circa 2002 of attempting to get kitchen smells out of mine.

          Maybe I got a cheap kind, but mine were very cushioned (good) but didn’t let air circulate. They were actually ideal for bussing tables/waitressing which is what I still associate them with.

    9. I’m pretty sure most Supergas are unisex- mine are for sure. Are you sure you ordered a woman’s size?

       1. Yes, I ordered by Euro size and my normal US size is on the side.

          1. Excellent thought though!

    10. My go-to casual white sneakers are the Cole Haan Crosscourt. They are frequently on sale and you can almost always find last season’s version if you have a Cole Haan factory store near you. They are very lightweight, sleek, and breathable. Their soles are much more flexible than Converse. They may not have enough arch support if that is an issue for you, but there is plenty of room for separate insoles. They go with everything and look much more expensive than they are!

    11. I just wore new P448s for 5 hours of standing/walking straight out of the box and they were super comfy-they are made in Italy and constructed for comfort. Reasonably priced on sale too!

    12. I love the Keds double and triple decker styles (particularly the Kate Spade crossover) and slip-on Vans.

16. I am a partner in Biglaw and have not interviewed in many years, so I have no idea what is the norm now for interview attire for senior level folks. I just got a call back post initial Zoom interview for an in house position at a large privately held company. On Zoom, I had met with a senior level executive of the company to whom I would be reporting, and he was wearing business casual clothing. I am meeting next week in person with the General Counsel of the company and again with the same senior level executive. What do I wear? I assume full formal interview suit. Or, does that seem too “junior”? Sheath dress with blazer? If I go with the interview suit, what cuts are current? The closest thing I have in my closet is a traditional navy Theory suit (I have the matching blazer, straight leg trousers and pencil skirt) circa 2014. Is that going to look dated? Do I actually need to go out and buy a new interview suit for a more current cut? I also have a formal navy Hobbs sheath dress that I could wear with a Hobbs chanel style jacket or with a rag and bone gray blazer with tiny navy stripes in the fabric.

    On a related note, any specific interview questions I should be asking for in house? It’s a different ball game from a firm so I don’t want to miss anything in my due diligence.

    1. Not in law but in-house in a department filled with non-practicing lawyers.

       I think this depends on the type of company and their dress vibe. Is it a financial services company or a tech company? (I just switched between those two industries and business casual means very different things in those contexts.) I think I’d think about what the workforce is wearing at the company and make it one or two notches nicer.

    2. I’m ~15 years out and in-house after moving from Biglaw around year 12. Depending on how conservative the company is, I’d probably do sheath + blazer or patterned blazer & neutral bottom. If it’s a super relaxed company, maybe veering into business casual but definitely “dressed up” likely more than your interviewers are.
       I wouldn’t factor in heavily what the interviewers are wearing – I’ve been interviewed in a lot of athleisure via zoom during the pandemic, but always go laced-up-from-the-waist-up for video (typically blouse & jacket/cardigan) and the few in-person meetings I’ve gone suit or sheath & blazer.
       As a long-term biglaw lawyer, a lot of the in-house analysis is “can this person play nice with others? Will they be able to work with business to mitigate risk versus proposing zero-risk solutions that are not consistent with business needs?” Definitely lean on any close client relationships you have developed, particularly when you are working directly with decision-makers and not just sending over your research and washing your hands of it. Good luck!

    3. I would not wear a full matching suit at your level unless you were interviewing somewhere where everyone wears suits every day (I don’t know if such a place still exists).

       I interviewed for two different management level positions recently and wore loafers, normal work pants, a thin navy blue turtleneck, and an interesting top piece. For one interview it was a black watch plaid swacket, and the other a houndstooth blazer with an interesting cut. I felt comfortably dressed in both interviews and was offered both positions. I would have never considered interviewing in something like this a decade ago when I started my career, but 1. workplaces are a lot more casual across the board and 2. I have lots of years of experience and don’t need to prove I understand workplace norms.

    4. GC here: definitely wear traditional lawyer interview type clothes – blazer and pants or over sheath dress. Even if your interviewer is dressed more casually, the expectation here would be you cared enough to dress carefully. Don’t worry too much about “dated” unless it really looks out of date, or you are interviewing at a trend-forward retail company (Nordies, for example). Of the items you list above, either the Theory or the Hobbs dress with the chanel style jacket or rag and bone blazer all sound appropriate to me. As to what questions, at this point, the GC trusts that you have the credentials – this is all about fit. Ask: what makes people successful in this department? What has made people not successful in this department.
       Good luck!

    5. The Fold.

    6. No to the matching suit. Sheath and blazer.

       1. +1.

          1. +1.

    7. OP here. I can’t say for sure since I haven’t met anyone in person yet and have not worked with anyone from the company previously, but my sense is that the culture at the company is pretty conservative.

       1. I disagree with the others, and say wear a suit. It would be viewed as really weird at my office to not wear a suit for an interview

          1. I commented above to wear a sheath and blazer. My reasoning- that’s what I see women wearing for events of equivalent formality such as big presentations, board meetings, etc. where men are wearing suits or blazer & tie. (Philly for geography purposes.)

          2. I also think you should wear a suit. It doesn’t have to be your most conservative federal court suit, but I agree it would be really weird to not show up in a suit for an interview at my office, even though it is 2022. I don’t think there is a chance that a man would show up not in a suit, so I don’t think you should either.

17. Paging the person who was blacklisted by Nordstrom — you noted you’d been working with a personal stylist. How long were you waiting to return things? It might have been more about the stylist than you — maybe her clients had a pattern of returning things after her commissions locked.

    1. The things I had purchased with a stylist I kept. I was always quick with returns – my husband would do them in person in conjunction with his frequent Costco trips. :) So that definitely was not the issue.

18. Would you book an international trip in late summer? I will potentially have an unvaxxed infant (depending on how fast Pfizer/Moderna gets approval). I mostly worry about getting stuck there…

    1. My friend got stuck in the Caribbean for an extra 3 weeks because she and her husband tested positive. They could both work from there but the added expensive of lodging, food, etc, is the reason I won’t travel internationally right now.

       1. A friend got stuck in Brazil for 2 weeks, same story. Tested positive prior to flying home without any symptoms. Definitely factor in whether you can work remotely/be away from home for an extra 10-14 days (I forget which is the mandatory quarantine time).

          1. It’s destination-dependent, but much of the world is now down to 7 days or less for quarantine if you’re vaccinated.

    2. We traveled internationally (to Europe) this month and have two more trips booked this summer, so yes. We do try to be relatively Covid cautious on our trips and stick to outside dining, which is pretty easy in most parts of Europe in the summer. Our family is fully vaxxed, but I don’t think vaccination is terribly relevant to how likely you are to get stuck there, since at this point the vaccine mostly protects against severe disease, not infection. But most places have reduced Covid quarantines to 5-7 days, so I don’t think you’re looking at weeks and weeks stuck in a foreign country. A week of quarantine would be an inconvenience for sure, but would not ruin our lives, so we accept the risk.

    3. yes, about to take my third one since getting vaxxed. We plan for the worst (i.e., testing positive to return home) by bringing laptops etc. We research quarantine lodging and expenses in selecting our destinations.

    4. Yes with the caveat that I can afford to get stuck and I bring my laptop. Traveled to a European country late December 2020 with no issues.

    5. I traveled internationally in late Oct., but I didn’t bring my work laptop in case I got stuck there. My employer requires prior approval to bring our company laptops out of the country. I found this out at the 11th hour and didn’t have time to pursue formal approval, so heads up about this possibility!

       1. You could bring a personal laptop and still do most things though, right? I can access email and Teams on my personal computer so I could work just fine even without my work laptop.

          1. Probably not. I can’t do any work on my personal devices and the concern for my specific scenario is export control so it’s not always that simple. I too have to either get my devices cleared to travel or get vanilla devices for certain countries.

    6. I would. I can get my work emails and join Teams calls from my iPad so if necessary I could work from that (although I’m not 100% sure if that would work abroad as we’re not allowed to work while outside the country unless we get special permission)

    7. We haven’t for fear of getting stuck quarantining somewhere and messing with work schedules (husband and I are both lawyers and between trials and in person court appearances, mediations, etc, we have pretty limited periods of time where we could be gone an extra week and it be ok, even if a lot of our work can be done remotely)

    8. I think it’s just about your risk tolerance.

       I’m not flying because getting stuck somewhere with kids (without all the resources I have at home/readily available to me from home) sounds terrible. Especially because it could take awhile for all of us to be cleared to fly if we don’t all get sick at once.

       I absolutely would not want to risk getting stuck somewhere with a baby.

       1. Our plan is that anyone who tests negative would fly home immediately. I.e., if one adult is positive but other adult and kid are negative, only the adult positive stays and quarantines. So the only situation in which we would potentially be stuck for more than a week would be if the kiddo tests positive first and then adults catch it sequentially, since we obviously can’t leave our kid alone to quarantine. I don’t think getting stuck in a quarantine hotel in a foreign country with a kid would be *fun* but for us the benefits of international travel outweigh the (objectively pretty small) risk of getting stuck.

19. Who here has had an affair?
    How did it start? Did the partners find out – how? How did it end?
    I’m talking to a love-struck friend who is convinced everything will just work out.

    1. No, but I had a friend like your friend. I am pretty open-minded but apparently not about things like this. I just think that why would you want to a) be a cheater and b) be with a cheater. Would you ever not have trust issues? And would anyone thing you/he were such good people in a world where all facts come out eventually? And if there are any kids anywhere . . . oof, no.

       1. I had to drop a friend like this, sadly. It was hard enough to listen to the handwringing over will he won’t he leave his wife. When she started pestering him to leave, I was out. It’s one thing to have a fling, even a roller coaster ride of a fling. It’s another to actively try to break up a marriage. That’s just not the kind of person I want to spend my limited free time with.

          1. I also had to drop a friend like this. His wife got pregnant, and my former friend started calling the wife ‘toxic’ for ruining her scheming.

             1. I had to drop a close cousin who was also a good friend over this.
                I found out she was using me as an excuse when she with with the other guy, dragging me into a lie with her husband.

                Also she kept asking to use my place to rendezvous when we wouldn’t be home.

                Once she asked if we could meet for a drink and when we arrived the other guy was there with his friend. They both disappeared for and hour and a half leaving me and the friend stuck at the bar. Some people are just users.

    2. It doesn’t just work out in the end. It is survivable. It hurts a lot of people, yourself included, and despite how anyone talks about the person who had an affair you are still human. Sometimes things are better afterward once you do the work of reconciliation and earning trust (after all, things were probably bad to begin with or else the whole thing wouldn’t have happened). It’s the third rail of social ills. Addiction? There’s empathy for that. Losing your job for cause? There’s some empathy for that. Affair? Just look how some people talk about it here–the message is you are tarnished forever, unrespectable, untrustworthy, pathological, etc. If there are deep wells of unhappiness in your marriage, the conversation will forever be what you did and not what anyone else did before that. Surviving it took the betrayed deciding to move past it and the betrayer learning that their real concerns and feelings and pain will forever be second tier because they had an affair. Not for nothing, society also just looks different at a woman who does that.

       It starts because the rift in the marriage is so big that one day you go, “I’ve devoted my adult life to this?” and you just want to feel like a person again. At least in my experience.

       For the friend:

       My advice would be to think about what’s missing in your life and fix that, truly, not fill it. Therapy for yourself, stat, and then therapy for the couple. But first work with someone to identify what you think you’re chasing before you do anything at all.

       It will feel good and make you feel very alive until it doesn’t. I don’t know when the shame goes away, but it’s been a few years and it hasn’t happened yet. I’m sure plenty of people think shame is a natural consequence, and I don’t know that I deserve anything else, but it can make the marriage hard at times and it is an awful way to live. Some days it is the heaviest thing I carry.

       1. Totally agree with everything you said here. I had the affair and this has totally been my experience.

          It was 20 years ago with a co-worker. I told my husband because I thought once he knew he would immediately want a divorce. Instead we decided to stay together and work through things.

          Even though it was 20 years ago, my husband had a bad dream the other night about me cheating again. It brought back everything and he wanted to talk about everything that happened.

          This part is so, so true:

          Surviving it took the betrayed deciding to move past it and the betrayer learning that their real concerns and feelings and pain will forever be second tier because they had an affair.

          I was just thinking the other day whether there were any other people who had cheated and what their experience was with staying in the marriage. It’s very isolating. And you feel like you deserve every bad thing in life and that you are worthless.

          1. Just wanted to give you a hug. You’re not worthless and you do not deserve every bad thing in life. You made a mistake, you’re human.

    3. Different point of view. I was young, in love, and it was amazing. I had no delusions of marrying him or otherwise staying with him, but it was great fun while it lasted. I wasn’t married so it didn’t blow up my life. Not something I’d do now that I have some time and experience but it was part of growing up. I’d never cheat on my spouse either.

       1. I don’t think you “had an affair” if you weren’t married. Maybe it’s fair to say your participated in an affair, but the married person is the one “having” the affair.

       2. I don’t think you had an affair if you weren’t the married person. He had an affair, not you.

          1. I don’t think that it’s as bad as the married person having the affair, but the affair partner, if he/she knows, is not in the clear (doubly so if there are kids and the affair partner knows).

             And + 1M to “fix it or get out cleanly.” I can think of one affair that drug on, with the cheater moving in / out of a family home several times, to divorce and new GF (with a kid), then back to the affair partner, then married to the affair partner, then much screaming and throwing of things largely over unfun $ issues, then a new baby. In all, 11 kids now have been touched by someone who never got his house in order and has now messed up the kids in 3 of them. I hope that there is enough therapy in this world to fix all this.

          2. If you knowingly mess around with a married person, I’d still call it an affair.

             1. I definitely think it’s immoral if you know the person is married, but I think just grammatically you’re not “having an affair” if you’re not the married one.

    4. I did. We met at work. He was married, I was not. How it started…we were basically both in terrible emotional places (him in terms of his relationship, me in terms of dealing with my own divorce) and made a very bad decision. I feel like I knew it was bad and did it anyway because I felt like I was so worthless that I didn’t deserve any more than that (not sure I’m explaining that in a way that will make sense). Lasted a few months; he broke things off to try to save his marriage. He went to a lot of therapy (on his own and with his spouse). So did I, because I knew I had done a terrible thing that was inconsistent with my values and needed to get out of a mental place where I would do that.

       We kept working together for 5 more years, before I left for another job. He later got divorced. We started dating. We’ve now been married for almost 10 years and have two kids. Even though we ended up together, obviously, it was an awful time and decision that it took me many years to forgive myself for. And it didn’t “work out” in the way your lovestruck friend is likely thinking it will…he didn’t leave his wife for me.

       1. One last thought for your friend: an affair is grounded in fantasy. It’s escapism, particularly when you’re married. Dating? Just break up. Marriage? That feels like too much to untangle. But in an affair, there are no bills to pay, no in-laws to tolerate, no joint responsibility at all. It’s not real in any meaningful adult way, even if there is genuine love and care there (and there was). At some point, the real world calls and you have to deal with what you’ve done.

          Lastly, on the flip side for those wondering how people stay together: In a weird way, blowing up my marriage probably saved it, not least of which is because we each had the obvious option to walk away and both actively, affirmatively chose to stay and rebuild. It got us to talk about stuff we had spent years stewing over with no resolution.

          Bottom line: In my experience, it doesn’t end how anyone thinks it will and it will come out. The better options are either commit to fixing your relationship or get out cleanly.

    5. Not me, but a very close friend of mine did. They are now married to the person they cheated on their spouse with but it was REALLY ugly for a while and I was unable to support my friend through this period. Both parties involved were married during the affair. One had kids, the other did not. One person waffled about staying or leaving for some time and that was awful for all involved. The kids deeply resented the non-parent party involved (understandably) for a LONG time. One of the ex-spouses is still creating issues for the now married partners. There are step parent challenges that are heightened by the way this started and it can be VERY awkward when someone in the friend group starts talking about anyone else every who has cheated and how awful it is. So there’s that.

       1. My BFF as a kid had her dad leave her for her mom’s best friend. We all lived in the same town and the kids (her’s and his) were all in the same grades at the same school.

          Two kids who were mortal enemies had their parents hook up for a while and there was a lot of drama spillover at the kid level, as if middle school weren’t bad enough.

          1. This 100% sounds like the plot of a Liane Moriarty novel or something.

             1. Yes my thoughts too!

          2. I lived something similar in my own family. It worked out fine in the long run, but it was definitely an emotional roller coaster for a while and once I realized the depths of it, it changed my perception of all the parents.

    6. I know two instances where it “worked out” in the sense that the married man left his wife and family to marry his mistress. Neither of them resulted in a relationship that I would want:
       1. The affair happened 50 years ago and the man and AP have been married since he left his wife for her. He and his wife had a young child at the time, who is a wonderful person but also deeply hurt by his father’s abandonment. The man and AP had a child, who is also wonderful person. The man went on to have many many affairs, probably still is. AP has always been deeply unhappy and distrustful of her husband and anyone who comes near him. She continues to be embarrassed and to suffer whispers and jokes at family gatherings. He does not gaf, doesn’t stand up for her, eggs on the taunting.
       2. He left his wife and small children for his paralegal. AP begged and pleaded and cajoled him to leave for years. The divorce wasn’t progressing quickly enough so she told him she was going to stop her BC and get PG to motivate him. She did, it didn’t motivate him, and she got to spend her pregnancy worried that he would never actually leave his wife like he promised. He filed papers like a month before the baby was born. Bought a huge new house, put AP on the mortgage and deed (she could never hope to pay if he leaves), refuses to marry her because that’s “too expensive,” but insists she has to stop working to stay home with baby (not that she can go back to her job). His legitimate children – which is how he refers to them – who don’t live with him get the best bedrooms closest to the main BR. The baby gets a tiny BR, smaller than either of the 2 guest rooms, at the opposite end of the house. Whenever the kids are sad about the divorce, he blames and resents AP, says nasty things to her, and ignores her for weeks.

       1. This sounds like my ex-BIL, except his kids have basement rooms and her kids and their kids get to live above ground in a 5000 sq foot house.

    7. I have a friend for whom it worked out. She had an affair with a guy who had very young kids. She divorced her husband and got pregnant with the affair partners’ baby around the time of his divorce. I understand the guys’ wife was (understandably) devastated but my friend seems pretty happy and has a lovely child with the guy. She sends Christmas cards with the kids from her partner’s marriage and her kid on them. I always think “wow I could be a year away from my kids on some strangers’ Christmas card” and it makes me shiver but that’s life right? Oh and Instagram tells he her ex husband remarried and has a child. I always liked him- I hope he’s a happy as he looks.

       1. “I could be one year away from my kids on some strangers’ Christmas card”?!

          Man. I like to think this would never happen to me, but obviously this kind of thing happens all the time. Wild.

       2. I’m divorced and remarried and my child from prior marriage features in my christmas cards with my new husband. Would it be better if she included her bio child but not the stepkids?

          My ex is engaged and I hope that if they send Christmas cards my kid is on them!

          1. No, I think that’s great when blended families can get along!

             The wild part is that I’m sitting here today assuming I’m in a solid marriage with a great guy. Within a year that great guy could dump me, knock up / marry someone else, and start a whole new family that I’m not a part of or have any say in.

    8. I was in a bad marriage when I was much younger, and started developing feelings for my now-husband while still married to my first. The break-up of my first marriage was inevitable, but likely sped up my meeting my current DH. I was technically married (but moved out / divorced filed) when I started the new relationship, but the emotional relationship began while I was still married. My ex knew I’d developed feelings for someone else – he guessed, and I confirmed. It gave my ex cover to say that everything wrong in our marriage was my fault, and everything had been perfect before I’d met this new person. I let him say whatever he wanted, and caved to less than ideal terms in our divorce, because I felt so guilty. At the end of the day, I’m now happily married with kids to the right person, but it would have been better for all involved if I’d kept more distance between ending the first relationship and entertaining the beginnings of the second.

    9. Not exactly an affair because I was a senior in HS and this was just my HS boyfriend but for about 6 months I actively cheated with a friend who I had fallen for hard. I eventually ended things with the BF and went on to date the friend for 5 years after that. BF never found out and so I guess it “worked out”, but 15 years later I feel immense guilt and shittyness over it and think about it often. What gets me is even though no one got hurt, I can’t believe I risked hurting, I mean REALLY hurting, my BF like that. He was a good dude, we were in a serious-for-HS relationship, and this would have scarred him for life and probably affected all of his relationships going forward. He didn’t deserve that and I should have ended things with him respectfully when I fell for my friend.

    10. Two examples from my long-ago youth:

        1. A woman I worked with fell in love with a married co-worker. He was in an unhappy marriage, no kids. I judged them hard, but he left his wife, they got married, and from what I can tell from her social media 40 years later, they had great kids and a great life together. One point for The Heart Wants What the Heart Wants, Don’t Judge.

        2. My live-in boyfriend around the same time (who, unbeknownst to me, started dating me before breaking up with his previous girlfriend) cheated on me with somebody he worked with. They later married, she cheated on him with somebody else she worked with, and ended up leaving him for that guy (who was killed in a plane crash not long after — talk about karma!). One point for Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater.

    11. I am not married but I have “dated” married men on occasion. I am not interested at all in breaking up someone’s marriage and I think it is rather disgusting to have a relationship where that is your goal and you harangue the married person to leave their spouse/family. But if someone is married and we enjoy each other’s company, i will engage for a bit. I assume all these guys remain married. If not, it’s not because of any influence of mine.

        1. This is gross.

    12. With affairs, there are no happy endings. People get hurt, children especially, and often, devoted, solid spouses who were just doing their best to live life. Attraction and passion pass by, and no, things don’t just work out.

        1. +1 children get hurt. My highschool BFF had her family torn apart by dad’s affair. Once dad had the audacity to ask me to put in a good word with BFF, I told him I thought he was a bad person too. (Friend had to stay with dad since mom couldn’t afford to live in our school district).

    13. Never had an affair but have seen plenty of friends and family members go through it.

        And yes – it can end well. I personally know 2 happily married couples of more than a decade and 2 women who got away with a fling, never got caught and have no apparent regrets (although in both cases it was a weekend/conference type of thing, not a long-term affair and one of them was responding to her husband cheating on her.)

        You can also win the lottery or hit the jackpot. It is not particularly likely. The number of happy endings is tiny compared to the number of broken hearts, destroyed marriages, and devastated and angry children, I always tell friends and family that if they are looking for someone to tell them they are not doing something terrible, they should go talk to someone else. It is selfish, destructive, and sinful.

    14. I think it’s not uncommon for men to have casual extra-marital s*x, without any intention to divorce, just because its exciting/fun/flattering, and they think there’s no harm done as long as the wife doesn’t find out. I have a female friend who operates this way. No repercussions so far, but I can’t imagine doing this.

20. Anyone have their gallbladder out?

    I had mine out in the fall, and I’ve since packed on ten pounds that I can’t get rid of. Nothing else has changed: I eat the same (low fat, no dairy, high fiber), I track portions in MFP the same, I exercise the same, no other health or medication changes. I’m wondering if the fact that my body is processing fats differently is to blame, though I do minimize them already since they’re a major GERD trigger. (And no, I’m not willing to just let this go.)

    1. I had mine out – I had gone fat-free in the 2 months before the removal and lost like 8 pounds maybe during that time while i was waiting? I probably gained back 5 lbs after I went back to eating normally post-removal. I do eat a lot of fat and dairy normally, high fiber, low-ish carb.

    2. Getting my gallbladder removed made no difference in my weight, personally.

21. How much are you spending to update your work wardrobes? I’m thinking I can justify allocating up to $300 for a spring/summer update, and yet that doesn’t go very far. I am working from home 1-2 days a week, so I am still adjusting to needing fewer items yet still wanting some variety. And I’m tired of many of the tops I was wearing pre-pandemic.

    Same goes for casual clothes. Realistically, I’m in athleisure most of the time, but I still like some smart casual options. And my shorts situation is DIRE.

    1. Eh…not much. I’m kind of wearing things to tatters until I see people regularly again. I only need 5-6 days worth of work clothes.

    2. Well, everyone’s financial situation is different, but $300 does not go very far if you are including all kinds of clothing and shoes as well. TJ Maxx, Poshmark, thrifting can stretch a budget. Last summer I bought multiple Eddie Bauer shorts on Poshmark because I knew what I wanted and found them on line. That was a win! I’m not attaching a dollar figure to my changes and upgrades, but I am trying to be frugal and end up with fewer clothes that I truly wear and love.

       1. +1. I tried to do a “no new 2022” and I made it through the end of February lol. Right now I’m looking for a few tops and a couple jumpsuits (casual end of business casual workplace). My shopping staples are TJMaxx, Target, Old Navy, and now BR Factory.

    3. I’m in wait-and-see mode. Things are so up in the air with returning to work consistently, and I’m also actively job searching. Now is a good time to skate by with slightly outdated stuff, given the state of the world.

22. What’s a good 3 [or maybe 4] day getaway from DC if you have the following considerations. You want something TOTALLY different say beaches/palm trees OR a cute small city [so I’m not interested in NYC/Boston etc]. You’re relatively covid conscious still so you don’t want to go someplace where people will glare at you for wearing a mask in a hotel lobby/elevator. Not oppressively hot – like not above 80 degrees. You like exploring – walking around a small town, architecture etc.; some beach time is great but it can’t JUST be a beach and nothing else and you’re not into hiking at all. Relatively easy to get to and someplace small enough that once you’ve gone from the airport to the hotel, you can basically just walk around [no problem renting a car and driving but not looking for the kind of trip where it’s always about driving/finding parking]. Will take suggestions on destination + nice hotels [luxury types or close to luxury types].

    Does Bermuda fit the bill? How about Santa Barbara [or is it not worth it because it’s a long/not direct flight].

    1. I don’t love Santa Barbara, but there are lots of other small towns in wine country that would be nice for walking around– Solvang, Los Olivos, etc.. Flying into SB from a connection at LAX would be okay… connections through SFO are often delayed due to fog, etc. so I would not recommend. (I used to live in San Luis Obispo– always tried to connect through LAX if possible!)

       1. The Los Olivos Inn is great and centrally located for that area.

          1. But yeah, you need a car.

    2. I love Santa Barbara, but IMO you need a car. Others may feel differently, and I suppose you could survive just taking Ubers, but not everything is walkable. I also really like Bermuda, but find it to be very beach centric and not particularly walkable (though the buses are pretty easy).

       What time of year are you thinking? Charleston would mostly fit the bill if you go in the spring or fall. But it will definitely be way too hot for you if you’re considering going in the summer. We also have had a great trip at Montage Palmetto Bluff in Bluffton, SC.

       Nantucket if you’re going in the summer? The White Elephant and the Wauwinet are both very nice. The White Elephant is walkable to town, so that might work better for you.

       Sea Island, GA? Palm Beach (assuming spring not summer)?

    3. what time of year are you going? Like if in the next few weeks – South Florida is 80-85 right now. Go to Palm Beach.

    4. How about Canada? Quebec City or Montreal might fit the bill – cute architecture, good food, very different change of pace, interesting history. Not hot, but wouldn’t be too cold this time of year.

    5. Nantucket or Martha’s Vineyard? Or Newport?

    6. Newport, Rhode Island might work for you. The Mansion tours are amazing, the beach is beautiful, there’s a museum, good restaurants, everything very upscale yet quiet. And definitely not too hot!

23. Okay, reporting in on this weekend’s big closet clean-out (and high five to Anon at 8:56 a.m. who did it this weekend, too!):

    Credit where it’s due — I follow the blog youreverydaystyle.com and she sells a closet cleanout course, and I paid the money and followed it to the letter. It’s pretty much what I would have done on my own, but the exercise and specific directions were helpful and I feel like it went faster and I got a better result than I would have on my own.

    I tried on every. single. piece. of clothing I own, and if it wasn’t a “hell, yes,” it was a “no” and out it went. I was surprised that most of my clothes did, in fact, fit, but the things that clearly didn’t went right out. I did save a box of things that were slightly too tight and wrote “open on July 15” on it, and if those things don’t fit beautifully when I try them on again, they are going out. I also have a gigantic stack of stuff for the tailor, which is mostly sleeves to be shortened but also a few needed repairs that I found out I needed when I tried things on. And I have EIGHT big trash bags full of stuff for the Assistance League. And some handbags that I’m giving first dibs to my assistant before they go to the League.

    All the BR Sloans are gone. They were my uniform for years and I’m just over it. Almost all the blazers are gone — I only kept a couple that I LOVE and ditched the ones that I bought because I thought I needed to wear a blazer every day. All the shoes that hurt my feet are gone, even if I loved them back in the day. My shoe closet now has three shelves of sneakers!! About half of my dresses are gone because I liked them enough to wear to the office when I had to dress up every day, but they didn’t pass the “would I buy this again?” test so out they went!

    Most of the scarves went out, which means I now have room to hang my belts in the scarf closet (why didn’t I think of this before?), which means the belt drawer opened up for socks, which means my socks are now in the top drawer instead of the bottom drawer, which improved my morning routine to a ridiculous degree.

    My closet has a ton of beautiful “white space” and it makes me so happy I keep opening it and looking inside. And everything inside is something I really like and makes me feel good. Today I am wearing an outfit composed of pieces I hadn’t thought to put together before and I feel cute and great, so yay!

    Five of five, highly recommend.

    And to the person who wanted to shop my closet, if you’re in town you’re welcome to come over and paw through the bags (that goes for any of you — no kidding, hit me up at seniorattorney1 at gmail in the next day or two before I drop it off at the thrift store) but I don’t have the energy to eBay or Poshmark any of it, alas. (And Curious, if you’re size 4 I’m happy to send you those colored Sloans — shoot me an email with your address!)

    1. This is an amazing update! Congratulations on accomplishing all of this. I enjoyed reading this and it gives me further inspiration to be honest with myself and avoid rationalizing why I should keep things I rarely reach for.

       1. I kept telling myself “if it doesn’t fit/is worn out/doesn’t make me feel good/look good, that’s gonna be true whether it’s hanging in my closet or properly disposed of.” Sort of like “food I don’t want to eat/shouldn’t eat is just as wasted if I eat it as if I toss it.”

          1. I so feel that and yet I need a crystal ball at the moment for:
             — what will my size/shape be in 3 months? 6 months?
             — do I restart work travel to events I used to wear suits at? Might the attire at these change (it hadn’t up to December 2019)?
             — will I ever go to the gym again (or will floppiness continue)?
             — who am I? what am I really doing over the course of a week?
             — will I likely find better pants than my current second string? B/c Imma keep the second string after last year’s month without laundry (sadly).

             I know how to do this with my pantry. I can’t predict the future for anything else.

    2. I love this. Doing the “would I buy it again?” test is a really good one… because when I’m shopping for something new, I ask myself if it’s the kind of item I will be tossing in a purge or the kind that I will be wearing until it is worn through.

    3. Oh, and one more ah-ha moment: I found that many of my tops looked a lot better with more current bottoms (Levi’s Wedge jeans or BR flared jeans, say, or even skirts) than with my tired-out bottoms. Who knew?

       1. I’m hoping that when I find and buy something current, it will make the other items that I still like sing again!

       2. Yes! Updating from skinny jeggings will make tops look more current.

    4. Congrats on finishing this project – I desperately need to do the same! Wish I lived near you – would love to snag something of yours lol!

    5. Okay, last thing, I promise: Closet cleaning is good exercise! According to my Fitbit, I had 185 minutes of “fat burning” heart rate while I was doing it! And the most hilarious thing is that while I was trying on clothes, it thought I was swimming! :D

       1. Love this! Another reason to feel good while organizing and trying things on!

       2. DH recently skimmed and painted our walls. His Fitbit thought he was swimming when he was sanding between skim coats.

          1. My apple watch recorded some recent enthusiastic “gardening” as 12 minutes of rowing!

       3. What a productive swim!!
          SA, I am not, never have been, and never shall be a size 4. These hips were made for… birthing babies with 95th percentile heads? Definitely did that.

          Thank you so much for your generosity (particularly with sharing such a detailed update, so we could live vicariously, but also for offering clothes). For my part, you can let the Sloans goooooo. 🎶

24. Thank uou for this article. Very helpfull

25. I have to say bottoms are confusing me.

    Pants: Everyone here says ankle length, slimmer cut are passe, but what are you wearing? I’m short with a poorly defined waist, thick thighs but not big hips. Have a booty. Wide leg anything makes me look like a brick. Rolled up girlfriend jeans make me look stubby. Cropped flares similar. I cannot figure out what we are supposed to be wearing that doesn’t look awful. Can’t wear heels anymore, and that feels like it’s hampering the pants process.

    Also: skirts? Pencil skirts were flattering! Slip skirts make cut me off at the waist and make me look jiggly! I am so lost, everyone. So lost.

    I’m in-office 5 days a week, so my preference to wear Madewell deep vees and my comfiest jeans doesn’t fly. I’ve been reading the “I hate these trends what are you wearing” conversations and I feel no less lost, to be honest.

    1. I got some pants from J Crew a factory called Pintuck Sweatpants. They are more like a medium weight ponte than actual sweatpants material. I’m a small pear, I do carry weight in my hips and thighs, and I like how these fit. They aren’t super skinny and aren’t super flared. I’m 5’3” with probably slightly long legs and these come probably to the bottom of my ankle bone.

       I guess they are slimmer cut and ankle-ish length, but I don’t really care. I’ll wear them with loafers and a newer top and that will be current enough for me.I’ve been looking at pants a lot lately and I feel like I am seeing all sorts of cuts and lengths, although admittedly not much in the way of the very skinny “jeggings” style pants.

    2. +1 on feeling lost. I wrote above about purging my wardrobe, and I’m happy with what I have left, but I basically have not worn pants for the last eight years. I have several pairs of black straight leg jeans….they are labelled as skinny, but do not read this way on 5’4 me…I’ve shortened them, so the skinny part is straight and they are a not worn tight…
       I wear shorter skirts — a couple inches above the knee is my sweet spot and looks more casual in a workplace where most are in jeans. And I wear dresses and tights, which makes me a bit of an outlier in a city and workplace that is more casual in jeans and cool athlesuire style pants.
       Styles are all over the place now, and I would love to buy pants. When I have the motivation, I will go in stores and try tons on— for now, I’m getting by with less stuff, and hopefully when more selection of things that spark joy arrives, I will buy what I like.

    3. Yeah, I’m in the same boat with the slimmer/ankle pants (still wearing them). 42, work at a university in the sciences, we’re not known for being a super fashion forward crowd and I feel like a baseline professional look is fine for now. If I were a bit more senior I could rock the old university t-shirt + jeans + fanny pack look every day! In the meantime, there’s no need to add volume to my thick runner thighs. Even the 20-something students who are all in on the crop tops and baggy jeans on the weekends are dialing it back at work.

    4. My work and play wardrobes are almost exclusively dresses! One and done thank you very much.
       I do have 1 pair of black pants and 1 pair of jeans that both fit well & I do not care if they are on trend or not.
       I’m small, I have athletes thighs and a negligible hip to waist ratio so pants are overall not my friend.

    5. The Cut did an overview of “best jeans” recently, and their top pick is also my top pick: The Levi’s Wedgie jeans. They come in a bunch of washes and I really like them. I got them because a Facebook friend said her daughter and all her 20-something friends were wearing them, so…

       https://nymag.com/strategist/article/best-jeans-for-women-of-all-sizes-and-styles.html

    6. For work I’m wearing slim leg pants and dresses but in looser silhouettes — not legging-like. For weekends, I often wear black straight leg or skinny jeans with a leather jacket and Chelsea boots — all bygone trends. I live in NYC and honestly while some people dress trendier, almost everyone is still wearing whatever was in their closet in 2019/2020. I have seen 0 wide leg or wide leg cropped pants in my office or around downtown/city hall area.

    7. Ankle length are being sold everywhere. They are not out of style.

26. Has anyone on this board ever been able to expense overnight childcare? usually DH and I travel at different times for work but we have a couple times coming up that overlap. It’s a business expense for sure, but I’ve never heard of anyone being able to expense it… made me wonder!

    1. Our employee handbook expressly prohibits this. Also overnight boarding for pets :)

       We also don’t schedule work travel at the same time, though, so it’s never been an issue.

    2. I don’t really agree that it’s a business expense, any more than your day-to-day childcare is a business expense.

       1. Yeah that was my thought too.

    3. You should consult your company’s reimbursement policy. At mine, the assumption is that you would tell your supervisor you could not take a trip because you don’t have childcare and that would be respected and you will miss that trip.

       I would not submit an expense (any expense) without having the first person or two of the chain of approvers on board before I incur the expense.

    4. I hate this. I don’t get to “choose” either whether or when I travel. I can’t opt out of an out-of-town trial. When I go away for two weeks, it costs me thousands to get care for my pets with no increase to my pay.

    5. Can you bring child/pet with you? Schools mostly still have online lessons available as needed, so maybe that’s an option? Then hire a nanny at the destination location. My parents did this when I was growing up, and my kids love it too (tip: get a hotel with a pool). Hotels usually have a roster of vetted nannies if you ask, or you can bring your nanny but that adds up with the extra room etc.

    6. I can’t imagine it would ever be expense-able. There are firms with back up child care benefits, I used a day of childcare in a different city when I had to travel unexpectedly as a single mom, but it’s part of an official benefit.

       I guess it might count towards your 1040 child care tax benefit if you haven’t already maxed that.

    7. Yes, my previous company covered 40% of the cost of childcare, eldercare, and home cleaning services when employees travel for work. It was glorious.

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