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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 109 Comments · by

Coffee Break: Ruby Mini Hoop Earrings

Coffee Break

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Ileana Makri Ruby Mini Hoop Earrings | CorporetteI always love me a good huggy earring, and this mini hoop from Ileana Makri looks like it fits the bill. I like the hinge back with the super teeny hoop (10mm), and I think the ruby color would look gorgeous against most, if not all, skin tones. The earrings are $1,050 at Barneys (also available in green tsavorite). Ileana Makri Ruby Mini Hoop Earrings (L-3)

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Comments

  2. Adjustments

    Reposting from yesterday’s thread since I had some moderation issues.

    For those of you who live with your significant other (or did before you got married, etc.), how long did it take for you to “adjust” to living together?

    My problem now seems to be remembering that this is now our shared space, rather than just my own space. In the past when we had separate places, we spent most of our time at my place, which meant I still did things the way I wanted (cleaning, cooking, etc.). Now, I’m having trouble remembering that not everything can be done my way because it’s his place too, so if he wants to leave his shoes in the middle of the hallway, I can’t always nag him about it.

    Similarly, I’m having a hard time adjusting to being in the same apartment but not spending time in the same place (i.e. watching TV in different places or reading separately) because when we used to have separate places, we spent all our time in the same room practically when we were at each other’s places because there wasn’t really a choice (roommates, etc.). I’m sure it will pass, but I’m just wondering what others’ experiences are like.

    • Maddie Ross

      Did he move in with you, or did you move into a new space together? Because if it’s the former, I think it can be hard — you’re used to doing things your way in your space and trying to make room for someone on top of your old stuff is hard.

      Either way, I think it’s important to chat about non-negotiables in living together. For instance, my husband is completely skevved out by shoes on the bed, on chairs, etc. I get where he’s coming from, and y’all can think I’m gross, but it just never crossed my mind and never bothered me. But I respect his wishes and shoes are on the floor, all the time. Similarly, he was totally fine with leaving things everywhere (bottle caps on coffee tables even when the drink was finished and long thrown away were his worst habit, similar to your shoes in the hallway) – I told him that bothered me. He worked on stopping. It’s best to have this convo, I think, sitting down over a glass of wine at a time when neither of you are specifically nagging the other about an immediate issue. If you’ve been living together a few weeks now, just set a date and sit down this weekend to chat perhaps.

    • Adjustments

      Should add that we moved into an entirely new space, this is just our personalities/living styles melding together I think.

      • Ellen

        Yay! Great pick, and I love these but they are a littel to expensive for me. I need a VERY RICH guy to marry me and buy this for me. Where is my rich prince charming? All I have is a few duds trying to get me to like them! FOOEY!

        As for the OP, hug’s b/c it is alway’s difficult to have a guy liveing with you all of a sudden. At least you are MARRIED now and starting out. It is worse when you are liveing in your apartement and all of a sudden a guy move’s in and start’s stinkeing up the toilet and dropping his smelley underwear all over for you to clean for him. FOOEY! I had that probelem with my ex, who moved in and just dropped his dirty clothe’s everywhere and expected for me to cook and clean for him, as well as give him sex. DOUBEL FOOEY! He did NOT even care that I was winding up doeing all of his dirty laundry and everything else. Men think that just b/c you are getting sex, that you should just be happy. That is realy dumb. Beside’s, the sex was not very good b/c he OFTEN was drunk, and would just slobber all over before falling asleep. Who need’s that?

        But you are MARRIED, so I and the rest of the HIVE wish you all the best. Thank goodness you had the brain’s NOT to let him move in before you were MARRIED. That is what I will do. No man will again move into my apartement, and put ring’s around the bathtub and the toilet until AFTER he has put a ring on my finger! YAY!

    • Anon

      So, I actually had no issues adjusting at all, and I’ve always been a person who really loves/needs her own time and space. When you’re not actively spending time together, I would just remind yourself that you need to take care of yourself, your needs, your life and sometimes that means just doing whatever you need/want to do and not paying much attention to what he’s doing.

      About the cleaning and other habits, we sat down and talked about what we wanted and what the new system was going to be, and we negotiated until it was workable for both of us. I think that was really helpful. There are some things I really don’t like (leaving his stuff in the middle of the floor where I’m likely to trip over it was a big one), and I’d chose to push for those things and let lesser things go.

    • MNF

      You need to have a conversation establishing your rules of living together. Until you make joint decisions, it’s going to be a pretty chaotic situation. Also, try to restrict your concerns to health and safety issues. IMO shoes in the hall is a safety issue because I would definitely trip and wipe out on my way to the bathroom at night.

      • McGiggles

        I disagree. There are no “rules” to living together. You or he may have certain preferences and you can state yours and listen to his, but you are in a relationship first and “roommates” second. This sounds like it can start to wear on a relationship. Just move the shoes yourself if they bother you.

        • rosie

          Meh, I don’t see anything wrong with getting on the same page about various things. In our house, it’s stuff like no shoes in the house, what kitchen stuff we put in the dishwasher versus handwash, etc. The OP constantly moving her SO’s shoes could breed resentment, and if I were the SO I would much rather if she just asked me nicely to try to remember to put my shoes away.

        • posey

          I disagree. No hairs in the sink and kicking your shoes over to the side when you walk in are the two rules in our apartment. Why should I have to move my husband’s shoes?

        • MNF

          While there may be no need for YOU to have “rules” or systems, or procedures, or generally a way of doing stuff around your house, it might be helpful for those who are not “very easy going people” to develop some systems to make it easier for everyone to get along. Fundamentally you actually suggested the same thing I did, which is to have a conversation and decide together on the best way to run your household. I’m certainly not suggesting that there are uniform rules applicable to every couple.

    • McGiggles

      We had no issues (living together 3 years) but we are very easy going people and also each very independent.

        • anon

          I think the point was that it doesn’t need to be a big deal so don’t stress it. I think that can be helpful.

          • posey

            I don’t think “I don’t have your problems because I am [X]!” is helpful to the person suffering the problems.

          • McGiggles

            Yes thank you this is a better version of what I was trying to say. The OP asked for our experience and I figured I would quickly share mine so she sees it doesn’t have to be as structured as some peoples are etc. also I should add we moved into a separate new place together. It is maybe a different experience if one person moves into the others already established space.

        • Anonymous

          The original question was:

          “For those of you who live with your significant other (or did before you got married, etc.), how long did it take for you to “adjust” to living together?”

          She answered the question that was asked. The OP didn’t say:

          “A question for those people who had problems adjusting to moving in together.”

          It was a general question put to anyone. So, an appropriate answer is: “no time.”

          • hoola hoopa

            Agreed. As worded, I think it’s safe to assume the OP was looking for a wide range of experiences to gain perspective.

            It didn’t take us any time either. FWIW, we moved into his established home. I was still in the moving-every-year and living-with-random-roommates phase, so maybe I just didn’t have much to give up.

    • Ella

      We moved to a new house together. It helped me to realize that when he didn’t want interaction it was not a rejection of me. It was just alone time for him. (Obviously this could be taken too far ) Also, I stick loosely with the “she who cares the most should do it” – he cares far more about laundry, so that’s his job. It’s important to me to have a clean kitchen that is just so, I do it. (Once again, this could be taken too far as well).

    • Cat

      The advice that struck me the most (and that has served me well so far) is picking your battles regarding what to nag about. I am terrible at closing the kitchen cabinets after I’ve gotten something out, and my husband will happily allow a little shoe mountain to accumulate next to the door rather than putting them away in a rack, but rather than ragging on each other to stop doing it, we just close the cabinet / put the shoes away. Would it be nicer if hubs put the shoes away on his own (or if I could remember to close the cabinet)? Yes, but the price is nagging. For minor stuff like this, it’s easier for the annoyed person to just quietly deal with it.

      (Granted these are small things and we’re both fairly tidy to begin with – this probably won’t work as well if one partner is much messier than the other, or the “neat” person will end up feeling like the maid to keep the place up to his/her standards.)

      • Nancy P

        This. Also recognizing that your SO is trying and is compromising (assuming s/he is). I always put my clothes away every night. DH would carpet the floor with his clothes until it’s time to send them all out to the laundry. Now he confines his pile to one in his corner of the bedroom that I can’t see and a pile ON the hamper. Knowing that this is a big compromise for him helps me to let go of what my ideal is.

        I don’t think we fully adjusted until we (1) moved out of my apartment (2) into a much bigger apartment and (3) started using different bathrooms. (3) is the key to my sanity.

      • Liz

        I read great advice in Gretchen Rubin’s Happiness Project book about this – restrict reminders to one word. “Dishes?” Also, sometimes my SO is going to do housework, but it’s just not on my timeline, and I got used to chilling out and assuming it would be done by the end of the day or whatever…and it almost always is. (Or put another way, he fails at the same frequency I do, so all is well!)

      • Fishie

        Laughing so hard at your post – I just replied about the stuff that we used to fight about (before reading other posts, narcissistic me!) and it is the exact. same. stuff. Except in my case it was mostly me…

        • Anonymous

          Ha – fishie, if you see this – my husband also has a “filing system” problem that I corralled with 1. a leather valet for the change, wallet, keys, sunglasses, etc piles, 2. A tray for current reading material in the living room, and 3. A small glass dish in the bedroom for cuff links, collar stays, etc. Now that it all has a home, it’s not strewn about. Glad to hear I/we have a clutter twin out there!

      • CKB

        This. Dh & I didn’t live together before we got married, but we still had some issues adjusting to living together. Not sure why you think marriage makes such a big difference?

        Anyway, someone gave me the ‘pick your battles’ advice, and it really hit home for me. Sure there were things he did that annoyed me (like squeezing the middle of the toothpaste tube, and the way he did dishes). However, I tried to let the little things go, but those things that I really couldn’t live with, I talked to him about and tried to do it in a non-nagging way when I wasn’t hot under the collar. He tried to do the same with me.

    • CPA lady

      I’ve been living with my husband for about 7 years now (we moved in together a couple months before getting married). I think how quickly you settle in to living with each other all depends on how laid back you are. For us, the “worst” of it was worked out within the first year, but we do have occasional arguments to this day. Dan Savage has a really great talk he did called “the Price of Admission”, and it really helped me to think through all the small annoyances that never really go away, but really how minor they are in comparison with the benefits you get from a loving relationship. It was a great perspective.

      In terms of “living/tidiness/cleanliness standards” I think the person that is less laid back in a relationship always has a harder time adjusting to living together. It wasn’t hard for me to adjust to living with him, but it has probably taken my fairly rigid and OCD husband about 5 years (and me working a 60-80 hour a week job, point blank refusing to do more housework than what I do now, and offering/threatening to hire a housecleaner) to fully chill out about our different living standards. Every time we’ve have a major life change– moving from an apartment to a house, job change, etc.– we do tend to have a readjustment and renegotiation process.

      As far as something like being in the same room, it’s also a matter of compromise. I’m more of an extrovert, so sometimes I miss him when we’re not in the same room. So I’ll go visit him in whatever room he’s in for a little while, and then go back to doing my own thing wherever I want. And sometimes he’ll come sit with me once he’s done having alone time.

      I second everyone who has suggested that the way to handle this is open and honest communication and a willingness to compromise. It can be hard to live with someone, no matter how much you love them, and I think it’s always better to talk things out before you get to the point where you’re irritated to a level that is out of proportion.

    • Fishie

      I’d say it took us about a year (together for 12, married 8 so far, lived together for about 3 before that). We had 2 big issues – I take off my shoes as soon as I walk in the door (they would be in front of the closet or under a table) which drove Mr. Fish crazy. He had a “filing system” that I would call piles – piles of receipts, notes, mail, keys, crap – all over the place. I got him a bowl for all of his crap, and tried really hard to just have 1 or 2 pairs of shoes near the door and all others put away. I also had a tendency to leave cabinets open which gave him the rages. We had some big fights that started there. We eventually learned to laugh at these fights (really? we’re going to yell about shoes?) and apologize early, even when we don’t think we’re wrong. Talk to him about how you’re feeling, particularly when you’re not mad or upset. Good luck! Adjusting to cohabitation can be rough!

  3. anon

    On a scale of 1 to 10, how inappropriate is it to lie about your base salary during a phone interview? Is there anyway for them to verify? I inflated by salary by 10k.

    • Anonymous

      They can ask the company to verify. I wouldn’t inflate, but I would say “I’m paid XX in total comp which includes salary, bonus, value of incentive plans, etc.”

    • tesyaa

      I’m not going to get into appropriateness, but unless you are a government employee whose salary is public record, it’s unlikely anyone will find out. I guess after they hire you they could ask to see your previous W2, but that’s incredibly unlikely.

      I think Ask A Manager recommends that you don’t give out your actual salary (maybe to avoid this feeling of wanting to inflate?); rather state what you are looking for.

      • posey

        A friend of mine had her new employer ask for W-2s to confirm her salary (they were going to match it). I don’t think it’s that uncommon.

        • Aerith

          I’ve heard of offers being rescinded after the salary verification didn’t pan out.

          • anon

            I would never give my W-2 to a new employer. Either they think I’m worth my pay or they don’t. For the record, I also wouldn’t lie about my salary, but I would frame it up by putting it in terms of a whole comp package.

            If it goes further and they ask again, just give the corrected number or give a whole package number. They’ll probably think it’s a recordkeeping mistake (oh, you said 75,000? we have 85,000 here — huh), especially if you gave it over the phone, not in writing.

          • Anon for This

            This. A very large company I know of requires proof of income before offers are final. I think this is rare but know that you are rolling the dice.

    • Meh

      If you know you’re grossly underpaid, I don’t see anything terribly wrong with it. If you haven’t provided your current employer’s information, there’s no way for them to verify your salary prior to them extending an offer. When I interviewed for my 1-previous job, the team leader for my would-be department knew where I worked, and knew that I wanted to leave to get a shorter commute. I didn’t really have any problem at the time, letting them know where I worked. She said, when she extended the offer, that she felt that I was underpaid, and that’s why they were also offering me “so much” more money. (It was a significant raise). I gave my then-boss the opportunity to match it, or come close, and he did not. Off I went.

      I like the previous poster’s idea of including total compensation package as a part of your salary. Now that I work in the public sector, I’d tack on about 30% for a comparable private sector job, but my benefits are incredible.

      • anon @ 3:45

        I should have said full compensation. I get 2 for 1 matching for my 401k so I can always spin that I consider that base.

        • Anon

          If it comes up again just say that you were referring to your full compensation, but to clarify, your base salary is just x.

    • Mpls

      It’s totally inappropriate to lie about your salary in any interview. If you think it’s low (or high) answer with what your expectation rang might be, since that’s a more pertinent piece of information anyway.

    • Anon

      Yes – they can ask to see your W-2s from a prior year; if you’re in sales this is common to verify that you’re as good as you say you are. Personally, I take a “total comp” approach and include benefits (think of all of them) & bonus potential when explaining what I’d give up/negotiating a deal for myself. I disagree with lying – if you’re caught and you start off looking like a liar or worse, you get an offer pulled for lying during the process.

    • Samantha

      I was asked for my salary at company A by the recruiter when I was interviewing with company B. At the time, I was back after maternity leave at company A and was part-time at 75%, so I was being paid at a pro-rata level of base salary.
      When asked for salary I mentioned my total salary at the 100% equivalent. (I was joining company B as a full time employee, so that was the appropriate comparison in my mind.)

      After receiving the offer, the recruiter at company B asked for a copy of a payslip for verification as part of the background check – which made me worry since it would only show the 75% number. Luckily I managed to print out a statement that showed my hours and “effective” FTE annual salary from the pay website.
      TL;DR – it isn’t uncommon to be asked for proof as part of the background check process.

    • Jordan

      I told the truth in an interview about what I made and the interviewing company’s offer was $2K lower with a $2K signing bonus. I did not even counter because it was much more work, would require me to drive a nicer car, and wear formal clothes all the time. Later, I found out they thought I had lied about what I made. Was not the start of a good relationship anyway. But, someone is doing it somewhere!

    • Anonymous

      I inflated mine by $10k when I interviewed for my current job and I ended up getting an offer $5k greater than the inflated number which ended up being $15k raise. I’ve never heard of someone verifying.

    • Digby

      I work in HR. We do background checks on prospective employees, but the checks don’t verify salary (at least not through the company we use/the service we use). And when prospective employers call us to verify employment, all we’ll do is verify the salary information they already have – but if they say “Jane says that she made $100 at your company,” and she made $10, we say “That doesn’t match the information we have.”

      And I know of several companies that require new employees to provide a copy of a W-2 or paycheck to document former salary. My employer doesn’t, and if we discover that a new EE inflated his or her salary to get a better offer from us, we’d likely do nothing – but I don’t think all employers would be so lenient.

    • Monday

      It’s always seemed to me that in almost every field, the niches with less prestige, credit, and earning potential are where women are concentrated. I was not at all surprised to read this and have heard/seen many variations on it.

    • Aerith

      To me, “in tech” means that you have a technical job. So if you’re in IT at a finance company you’re a techie and if you’re in HR, marketing, etc at a tech company, you’re not. If you have a technical role and transitioned to a non-tech one a lot of people would still think of themselves as a techie but they will say that they have a non-technical position. Technical vs non-technical career paths are a very real thing.

      I have a pretty technical job and I feel like people like to say that they’re more technical than they really are to win brownie points, which causes resentment among the more techie people. If you try to artificially inflate the number of women in tech in this way, it’s not helpful.

    • Anon

      I think there is a difference between what your job is and what your industry is. To me, this woman works in the technical industry. She is not in a technical job. I am the opposite. My industry is marketing, but I have a technical job where I code. I feel like the article is a little bit hung up on labels. And I also feel like in my personal experience, coders tend to respect coders the most because they have the same technical knowledge and interestes. But corporately, the people who bring in revenue are the most respected which generally means sales. I sort of get what she is saying because I am not a typical programmer and kind of have a hybrid job with coding as well as non-technical parts and I can see different treatment based on what function I am serving, but at the same time, I have only had one job where I felt my gender came into play and that was not because of tech, but because it was a toxic environment.

    • Toffee

      My background is a coder. I understand the divide between the business savvy and the tech savvy. Her resentment smells a bit like inferiority complex to me. FWIW, out of a class of 80 software engineers when I graduated, there were about five women. So… Yeah. No arguing with that.

    • Anon2

      I am a techie too and I code a day to day basis. I look at code and debug it almost every single day that I work. I don’t understand why coding is such a big deal. Sometimes people look surprised when they learn that I write a lot of code and think it is very difficult skill to learn. I always felt that coding is just the details. It is more important to understand what to code and envisioning your end product. Once you know what you want, you can write code to get there. You may go wrong, but with the kind of resources available, it shouldn’t be too difficult to correct yourself. I spend most of the time in understanding the concept that I need to implement in code, all the corner and boundary cases and actual coding is just a fraction of the total time allocated for the task. If I have to hire a person, I would try to find out if he can clearly understand the task at hand and how he would approach solving a problem than the code itself. I may give him some assignments and ask him to send them back to me a day later than grilling them to remember minutiae of a computer language.

      • Anon2

        To add, there are a number of highly technical/engineering roles that do not need coding. However they are more senior roles and they are basically done with coding phase of their career. Say a person who architects the system doesn’t sit and implement it too. However he is a techie, he files for technical patents and if the need arises, he can get his hands dirty and write code too.

      • She can code

        Gosh, there is a lot of “he” in these posts. What would happen if we started talking about these positions as being filled by “she”?

    • Flying Squirrel

      I haven’t had the writer’s exact experience, but I totally get where she is coming from. I am in a very technical role (e.g. “I code in Python like a boss”), but I’m transitioning toward a much more intermediary function. This is mostly because it’s extremely clear that there are people who know how to code and there are people who know how to develop business/product strategy. But those people often can’t communicate well. Since I’ve (in a way) sat on both sides of that table, I know how to translate and identify value and opportunities. My supervisor is supportive of this transition, but he initially asked whether I would be okay doing something less technical. The reality is that the intermediate role, imho, demands a much higher level of technical competency. I have to understand the technical aspects so well I can make them not only comprehensible but also intuitive and valuable to the business/product strategists. This might be a quirk of my specific technical field where us “techies” are viewed as so esoteric people don’t have any really grasp of what we do…but I do think that in general “techie” culture ascribes value, and derives social cache, from appearing to be so smart you can’t possibly understand them. In my experience, the smartest people in the room know their subject matter well enough to explain it clearly to a non-expert.

      • Anon2

        +1. I totally agree with what you are saying. I still write a lot of code but may be after a couple of years, I want to be in lead designer or architect. The role doesn’t need coding but the role involves lot of decision making based on a number of data points and more importantly to look at what data needs to be considered. It is more responsible role as if it fails, you will be the one who is held responsible more than any coder as coder didn’t decide how the system works. He/She just implemented what the architect asked them to do.

  5. traveling

    Does anyone have any recommendations for places in Seoul to buy good leather handbags? I’m not interested in knockoffs, just some nice bags. Any other recommendations for shopping there? And does anyone have any must dos for Mongolia? Many thanks in advance

    • Pink NYC

      Honestly, I looked for non-knockoff leather bags and even though they weren’t trying to be brandname, because the shape was super reminiscent of a brand name bag, I couldn’t pull the trigger. YMMV as this was several years ago. There are tons of vendors in dongdaemun. Also, for fun independent designers, you could try in front of Ehwa University or Yonsei or Hongdae.

  6. Samantha

    Love the earrings!
    I’m bummed that I had to pay full shipping today at Boden for my purchase. Until now, I’ve always managed to find free shipping and returns codes, but I feel they’re cracking down on those.
    The currently available free shipping and return codes explicitly exclude clearance merchandise, and the 15% off codes exclude previously discounted items. So ended up paying $10 for shipping – like Kat, I hate paying for shipping, ever.

  7. Airfare

    I’m looking at tickets for a flight which appears to be jointly run by three different airlines, 2 foreign and one USA. Is there any benefits for purchasing them through one airline over another (like air France versus Delta)? It’s the same exact price otherwise.

    • Anon

      I think the coordination of flights if there is a delay or something is better with one airline. If, for example, you have one leg of your flight delayed, you may have some traction getting the second plane to wait for you if it’s all with the same company.

    • Sarabeth

      I’d go through the company that actually operates the flight. It usually won’t matter, but I’ve once or twice been in a situation where I needed some complicated rebooking done and it had to be done with the airline that issued the ticket. I ended up walking back and forth between the ticketing desks of the issuing company and the operating company to get it all sorted out, which was a pain. Or, even worse, once the ticketing desk for the issuing company wasn’t open yet so I had to call them (and I was in a foreign country, so this was a hassle) even though I was standing right at the desk of the operating company.

    • Min Donner

      Where it could matter is if you have a frequent flyer status with one of the airlines, depending on how they award miles and give credit for money spent. When I fly Air France/KLM/Delta I always try to book with Delta because I get credit for my purchase $ in addition to the miles, which goes toward earning my status for next year, whereas if I ticket through KLM I only get mileage credit (I think).

  8. NYNY

    When did the comments start looking like this? Am I crazy, or is “screen name says:” new?

    • Anon Worker Bee

      The “says” is definitely new here, although I’ve been seeing it on the moms s!te for awhile (maybe since the beginning). I don’t recall seeing it here yesterday. IMO it’s silly, especially when the handle is a question like “Has anyone ever tried… says”

  9. Anonymous

    Related to this AM’s thread, a guy that I’ve been seeing (undefined, we are in different parts of the country for the summer) told me he was interested in coming to visit. That’s super sweet and I’m really excited – but I also feel like it’s early to introduce him to my family since it is still a non-defined relationship.

    This summer, I’m living in an apartment a couple towns over from my parents and see them fairly often (3-4x/week). He wants to visit and keep costs down, so travel on off peak days, meaning he’d stay here about a week. I’ve told him I’d love to see him and of course he’s welcome to stay with me, but that I’ll be working during the week and am happy to plan fun things to do in the evenings/on the weekend.

    But I don’t know how to handle the “meeting the family” thing. I can’t just disappear off the face of the earth for a week, and it seems really silly to be “hiding” because I have a boy staying with me (my parents are conservative, and would not be cool with this, though of course there’s nothing they could really do), but I also think it’d be rude to peace out on a guest to go hang out with my family, even though it’s really too early in the relationship to introduce him to my parents. I also don’t know if the guy I’m seeing would find it weird to hang out 15min from my parents house, and not get introduced at all over the course of a week. WWYD?

    • McGiggles

      If all the family stuff is at your parents house could you bring him and introduce him as your friend who is visiting / in town? No need to mention that he is staying with you. … Just an idea I could see many details keeping this from working….

    • lhh

      Honestly, I don’t think I’d let someone stay with me for a week if I wasn’t willing to introduce them to my parents. I would reconsider introducing him to your family even if he’s “just a friend”.

      Goodluck!

    • hoola hoopa

      You really need to talk to him about this. Tell him that you visit your parents 3-4x week and discuss whether he even wants to meet them (and whether you want to introduce) or whether he’d be happy being around your place with you gone those evenings. I think he should ultimately plan his visit around your schedule and if he (and you) don’t want him to stay at your house for a week when you mostly won’t be with him, it’s something to seriously consider. Maybe in the end he just visits for a weekend even if it’s more expensive but a better use of everyone’s time.

      I realize it’s harder in practice, but I was in similar situations in my youth and expectations should have been better spelled out on both ends.

    • Bee

      I’m confused why you can’t tell your parents that you won’t see them for a week. You’re not “drop[ping] off the face of the earth,” you have other plans and can’t make it that week, so you will see them the following week.

      I would approach this as if the guy were just a friend. If I flew out to visit a friend and she couldn’t take off work (understandable) but then also filled up 3-4 of the 7 nights I would be there doing stuff with her family, I’d be pretty offended. This guy cares enough to fly to see you; the least you can do is carve out some free time to hang out with him.

      • Anon

        +1. It’s only a week and the family should understand. I don’t see the problem with saying you have a friend visiting from out of town. You don’t need to tell them what kind of friend he is.

    • Anon

      If you’re not willing to take a single vacation day to see him and you want to spend time with your parents over him, do you really like him that much?

      • Anonymous

        I don’t get any vacation days since I’m an intern, and it will be my last week in this area before returning to school for the schoolyear (ie, the last week where my parents will see me before Thanksgiving). I do like him but it’s early days yet to prioritize him over my family and future career is all.

        • Anonymous

          It’s a week!! Tell them you have plans, or tell him you’re not that into him and he shouldn’t come. If you can’t prioritize him over your family for a week, that’s a problem.

          • Anon

            +1 you really should have told him from the beginning that it wasn’t a good time for him to visit. You were honest with him about needing to work during the day but it sounds like you should have also told him you planned to spend several evenings and the weekend with your family.

      • NOLA

        Ah, ok, just made the connection with your tumblr. I still haven’t figured how who half the people are on Tumblr vs here.

  11. Emmabean

    I’m getting engagement pics taken next week! We’re going to Mexico, and they’re going to be taken on a beach and in a resort. I’m racking my brain trying to think of things I need to do in advance! Buy outfits, haircut, nails…what else should I do? Maybe a facial? That might be overkill ;)

    Also, any thoughts on outfits? I think we’ll do two, one breezy white dress (me) and turquoise shirt and khakis (him), but I’m not sure about the other. Ideas welcome!

    • Anonymous

      Test out your makeup in a humid place (if you can!). If your hair is prone to frizzing, bring some product. If you’ll be on the beach, have one outfit you don’t mind getting a little wet in if the desire to wade overtakes you guys. Bright colors would be nice I think.

    • Anon

      I’d stay away from a facial in case you break out — I always break out after facials & while that can probably be photoshopped, you’ll feel better if your skin looks good. Personally, I’d consider a spray tan – they look a lot more natural these days & if you’re in Mexico, it will look more natural than say a cold-windy city.

      • Anonymous

        Per Elle Woods:

        “And isn’t it the first rule of facials that there’s a 24-hour window between a facial and any major occasion such as, say, a date or a dance, or maybe an interview with mrs. maury povich?
        I don’t think that’s a rule that the most well-groomed woman in washington would easily forget.”

    • Contracts

      Skip prints – you don’t want anything too distracting or that will date the photos. Don’t match each other, but wear coordinating colors. +1 to the hair and makeup in humidity advice.

  12. Anon

    I made it through four days of trial without ruining a single pair of hosiery! WIN!

      • Anon

        N strom sheer control top in “nude for me” linen. They are awesome! Little on the pricey side, but they last. Wash in garment bag, delicate cycle, hang dry. I’ve only ruined two pairs – once when I accidentally yanked them on like tights, and another pair on the third or fourth wear and I snagged the heel on my nasty-mid winter feet.

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