Communication Styles: Are You an Interrupter — or a Cooperative Overlapper?
Do you always wait for someone to finish speaking before you talk, no matter what — or are you a “cooperative overlapper”? Earlier this year, a viral TikTok brought the linguistic term “cooperative overlapper” into the news and across social media, and we thought it'd be interesting to discuss today, especially in the context of conversations at work.
In her TikTok, Sari Rachel/gaydhdgoddess said that although some people interpret cooperative overlapping as interrupting, it is a “culturally Jewish conversational style” in which someone overlaps the end of a speaker's words to show their agreement and build on what they're saying. In the comments on the TikTok, some people, such as those of Italian heritage and New Yorkers in general, noted that the habit is common among their cultural groups as well.
Linguist and author Deborah Tannen, who coined the term cooperative overlapping, defined it as “talking along with a speaker not in order to interrupt but to show enthusiastic listenership and participation.” She also uses the terms “enthusiastic listenership” and “participatory listenership.” (You may have heard of Tannen's popular books, such as You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation and That’s Not What I Meant!: How Conversational Style Makes or Breaks Relationships [affiliate links].)
While cooperative overlapping differs from the typical form of interrupting someone, in which you cut them off to interject your own ideas and views, research has shown that whether we interpret people overlapping our words as positive or negative depends on our individual conversational styles.
So, readers, do tell: Are you a cooperative overlapper? Or do you find yourself interrupting people in NON-cooperative ways and you're trying to kick the habit? Have you noticed changes in the communication culture when moving between jobs, offices, and/or careers?
A note about today's discussion: Any antisemitic comments will be immediately deleted.
Stock photo via Stencil.
Oooh, I heard Deborah Tannen on a podcast a few weeks ago and this really resonated with me. I’m not from any of those cultural backgrounds, but I’m definitely a cooperative overlapper. It’s how I show my interest in a topic or the person discussing it. Listening to Deborah Tannen talk about it pinpointed something that bugs me about some conversations with my husband where I feel like he just sits there and never says anything while I ramble on, waiting for him to respond. I take this to mean he’s bored and doesn’t care about what I’m saying. On the flipside, he often gets annoyed at me for cutting him off, while I think I’m just agreeing with him or encouraging him, not cutting him off – I don’t expect him to actually stop talking if he has more to say.
I think this has also sometimes caused problems for me at work when men think I’m interrupting them, so I have tried to tone it down there, but it’s a little harder in personal interactions because I feel like not saying anything is actually a signal that I’m not interested. I’m trying to be more aware that that’s not how he feels, though.
I agree that men seem to have more concerns or perceived problems with this more than women. I also need to work on waiting a bit more for people to finish their thoughts before jumping in although it is hard for me because I also think that by waiting too long or being silent may make the other think I am not listening or not paying attention.
As an expat New “Yawker” in the South, I am definitely an enthusiatist overlapper and get “into trouble” with some people who think I’m interrupting them especially in goup meetings. I suppose I need to take heed and “bless my heart” and WAIT my turn to speak. (Eyeroll) And yes April (love your name btw), some folks just loooove to go on forever. Plus I’m in marketing, so there’s extra ego to consider always.
I definitely am an overlapper and often get in trouble for it at work… it’s a lot easier in face to face meetings than it is in zoom though, so maybe that’s part of the challenge
You have to interject somehow with some people, otherwise their monologue will go on foreverrrr.
That’s a good point!!
This could not resonate more with me! (Like, did I write this?) I’ve been called out as an “interrupter” before, but it’s always been about being an enthusiastic conversationalist! This is how I’ve always engaged and my family is the same way. I also am a Jewish, 1/2 Italian New Yorker so….yeah. Inevitable.