Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Isla Pants

248 Comments

1. Happy Giving Tuesday!

   Just curious, what orgs do you like to donate to? I do a local food pantry and a large food bank that supplies multiple food pantries.

   1. We make monthly donations to Doctors Without Borders, Equal Justice Initiative (Bryan Stevenson’s group – author of Just Mercy), and Catholic Relief Services (global humanitarian aid). My priorities seem to be global aid to developing / war torn nations and prison reform / justice.

      I donate food to our local food pantry, and used to regularly give to Feeding Westchester when I lived in NY. Food insecurity is another area I care deeply about.

      We used to give bigger checks at the end of each year, but I know organizations like the predictability of regular smaller amounts. I will give one-off gifts as disasters happen, and we do participate in coat drives / angel trees / etc as those fundraisers pop up.

   2. Wikipedia and the Internet archive from time to time.

   3. My local food bank and humane society.

      1. +1

   4. Greater Boston Food Bank and Boston Healthcare for the Homeless. Also the Catholic Church, but to a lesser extent. Over the last ten years or so we’ve tried to be more strategic about our giving, which has meant that we consolidated our giving to fewer orgs, set it up on autopay every month, and decided we wanted to shift our focus areas lower down on the Maslow hierarchy of needs and increasingly towards people who we feel society has marginalized.

      Thanks OP! I love hearing about great organizations doing good work!

   5. My giving priorities are immigrant support, abortion care, and needs in my local community. My husband adds a foundation related to his health profession to that list (which mostly supports research). So our largest donations are to the no-longer-local but very dear to me agency that helped my own family when we were new immigrants, the local version of that, an abortion fund that I trust is handling money wisely (I had a negative experience as a volunteer with another one previously, so I shifted gears on that and did some more vetting), my town’s food bank, a local domestic violence shelter, and that health foundation. Besides that, we make smaller donations in honor of people to orgs that they care about and NPR since we listen a ton.

   6. There are more worthy causes than I have charitable giving budget, so it helps me to try to pick from
      three categories: local, national, and international. Accordingly, three of my top priorities for giving are my local food bank, Campaign Legal Center, and International Rescue Committee.

   7. My regular donations tend to the local – an agency serving homeless and trafficked youth, our local NPR affiliate, and a local food bank. Others from time to time as memorials or when there’s a particular need.

   8. NPR
      Pro Publica
      Sierra Club
      Doctors Without Borders
      World Central Kitchen
      My local food bank, where I also volunteer
      Refugee support services

      I also do one-off donations of $50 or $100 whenever friends are doing a charity fundraiser, usually related to ending homelessness or hunger.

   9. 2 of my favorite college radio stations and 1 local jazz public station

   10. I have monthly recurring donations to two abortion funds (one statewide, one national) and my local library, plus a large annual donation to a crisis center.

   11. State abortion fund, local food orgs that provide food to those in need but also buy from local farmers, grocery gift cards for families in need at our elementary school (PTA organized), local immigrants right org.

   12. Music orgs: my current group, my relatives’ groups, and the places I sang in college.

   13. Sea Shepherds! Doing really important work to save our oceans

   14. This term it has been various groups suing the federal government to make it do it’s job: not fire workers without cause, etc.

   15. We do monthly donations to a variety of causes including NPR, Wikipedia, our local food bank, local homeless services org, local hearing/speech/language org, community college foundation, local, national, and international Rotary foundations, local music conservatory, and others I can’t think of off the top of my head. We also give larger annual donations to arts organizations including LA Phil and theatre companies in Los Angeles and Pasadena. I also have a budget for one-offs as they arise throughout the year.

       Happy Giving Tuesday to all you givers!!

   16. monthly donations to Run for Something, Blue Ohio and a third that focuses on suing Trump (Democracy Docket I think).
       yearly donations to local schools via Donors Choose, and smaller donations to a number of charities through Charity Navigator re issues that concern me that year (this year, probably food banks, but in previous years ACLU or Planned Parenthood or climate change or whatever).
       yearly direct donations to autism-related charities focusing on helping autistics live better lives (ie not Autism Speaks or others focused on genetics/prenatal detection).

   17. The food bank, Planned Parenthood, the19thnews.org, SemperVirens.org, National Parks Conservation Association, and my local art museum

       1. Also, that doesn’t count political donations, which are not tax deductible. But I donate to my party, a local club, and several local and national candidates

   18. Our community food bank for sure, and especially this year. My workplace has a combined campaign for United Way. Although I have some qualms with UW, I do give a nominal amount for the match.

       1. Curious, what are your qualms? I used to participate in my workplace giving campaign with the UW, and I could designate to a couple of local orgs.

   19. The regional food bank that I used to work for and the local food co-op I helped to grow when there that is now in the neighborhood where I live. The co-op is essentially a nonprofit food pantry but functions a bit differently from most, with active participation from the low-income beneficiaries; it’s not a grocery store type co-op you might think of. I also make a recurring donation to my non-profit gym as part of my membership.

   20. Local foodbank and synagogue security fund (not Jewish but work in antisemitism and hate crimes so feel v strongly that not enough is being done on a gov level)

       1. Thank you from a Jewish person! This was a really heartwarming comment to read today.

       2. also thank you from another jewish person. i literally got chills reading this. it often feels like everyone hates us and no one cares.

       3. And thank you from a third Jewish person. We have special security personnel at synagogues, community centers, schools, fitness centers…….

   21. Local food banks and food banks in other cities (to honor people who have died). As a former spousal caregiver I also maintain my membership in the Well Spouse Association. WSA provides monthly support groups and other resources to the healthier spouse/partner who cares for their chronically or terminally ill “other half” (often while also earning a living, raising children, and/or maintaining the household).
       Sorry to write a novel! The WSA mission is hard to summarize quickly.

   22. My local abortion fund, food bank and npr affiliate

   23. Also Pro Publica which is doing the best investigative journalism around.

   24. Food pantry for my local area (monthly), Pulmonary Hypertension Association (annually), American Lung Association (annually), a local domestic violence organization (quarterly), Lasagna Love (services in kind, monthly), Cakes4Kids (services in kind, periodically)

   25. Our main giving at the holidays is buying gifts for kids through our elementary school’s giving tree. It’s a huge Title 1 school, so there’s a lot of need. I think there are almost 100 kids on the giving tree.

       1. My kids’ school does numerous sock and winter accessory drives for our “sister school,” which is a Title 1 school. I will donate heavily, each and every time. The need is real.

   26. Humane League. I care about improving life of farm animals not only for ethical reasons but also to improve our health and nutrition.

   27. For a while, I was donating mostly to political campaigns. I am continuing that, but this year returned to charitable giving to: the food bank, Doctors Without Borders, NPR, Palestinian Children’s Relief Fund, and Islamic Relief USA. I also drop funds in collection when I visit theatres and museums, but I never keep track of those. And I gave a tiny amount to my alma mater.

   28. -Southern Poverty Law Center
       -Various public radio stations
       -Old Friends Senior Dog Sanctuary
       -The Pipsqueakery
       -local food bank and literacy program

   29. Monthly donation to mt local United Way, state health policy organizations, my local NPR/PBS affiliates, and my local abortion provider.

       I give one-off donations to other community fundraisers — things at work, neighborhood schools, friend requests, etc. I also try to buy gifts off our community Christmas list so kids get presents at the holidays.

2. My concern with pants like this is the risk of either camel toe or that they look like yoga pants. I think if the material is thick enough it should work but has anyone worn these?

   1. These pants remind me of the “I’m 50!” Molly Shannon SNL character.

      1. That’s a concern. I *am* 50, and these pants appeal to me, but I’m afraid that’s probably because I’m stuck in a fashion time warp liking things that were stylish a long time ago and really aren’t anymore. Is that the case? If it is, I wish this site would help me out a bit more by not pitching stuff that will make me look like an SNL character!

         1. I’m 49 and I remember when I thought that character was ANCIENT. And now here I am, knocking at that door. Thankfully, I am short-waisted, which, when combined with my FUPA, effectively prevents camel toe.

         2. I think this is sometimes tricky because style is both cyclical and individual-defendant, as evidenced by all the comments here sometimes about currently trendy things being “out” but really it’s just that the poster lived thru them the first time.

            I don’t think these pants are the height of fashion but I think how they come across will depend a lot on who is wearing them. Something to maybe account for in the write ups. Kind of like Bazaar’s how to wear X in your 20s, 30s… 70s etc…

      2. lol

      3. Haha, yes!

      4. I’m turning 50 next year, and now you have inspired me so I really really really want to dress up as Sally O Malley for Halloween.

   2. Yea these pants to me scream frumpy millennial, esp as styled in the photo with the strappy heels, good god.

   3. I bought the MM LaFleur version of these pants many years ago. I am curvy and let me tell you these are not appropriate for work. Unless that is, you want that additional attention.

3. I’m re-thinking my whole pants situation, so follow up to the question I asked about jeans yesterday:

   How many non-work hard pants do you own?

   Also, if anyone with wider hips has brand suggestions, I would take those. So far any of the “curve” lines seem to work well.

   1. I think all my hard pants are for work. Outside of work it’s either leggings, athleisure or skirts and dresses.

      1. Same. My only hard pants are suiting wool pants from
         BR, which I find to be curve-friendly for my pear shape.

      2. Yes, or jeans.

   2. Related question: What do you do with pants that still fit and are in good condition, but are just not your style or not in style right now? Put them in the back of the closet for when they come back into style?

      If I like the pants I’d wear them even if they aren’t technically in-style, but these are pants that I don’t like anymore.

      1. I donate or sell most of them, keeping only my favorites (like I had 9-10 pairs of skinnies; 3 of them are stored, the rest sold). I learned after weight gain and loss, that even when I fit into my clothes from 5-7 years prior again, that I didn’t want to actually wear most of them. So might as well make a little cash while the item is still IN style.

         And if it’s not YOUR style, whether “in” or not, by all means let it go.

      2. If they are high quality, I’d keep them in the back of the closet for one year to reassess. I regret giving away high quality pants, like a beautiful pair of burgundy tweed lined pants from BR that were bootcut when ankle cropped pants were in style. Now bootcut is back in style and it’s impossible to find lined pants, let alone at a reasonable price point.

      3. Sell or donate

      4. Not my style? Sell or donate.

         Not a current trending style? Evaluate whether they are classic and timeless and if so, keep wearing them. If not, the trend is going to be different enough next time it surfaces that these will look dated, so sell or donate.

      5. If you don’t like them, time to get rid of them.

      6. Donate.

      7. I think it depends on how much storage space you have. I find that I very rarely end up wearing things I held onto after they went out of style. Even if fashion trends back in their direction, the old things usually still don’t feel quite right. That said, my husband pulled out a bunch of really old shirts he’d hoarded for a long time over Thanksgiving, and our teenaged kids snapped them up. Vintage!!

   3. What do you mean by hard pants? Jeans? Like, I love gauzy linen pants for summer but they have elastic waistbands…

      1. Mainly not sweatpants / leggings.

         If they have an elastic waist but look nice they count.

         1. ah ok, then for weekend & fun I have 5-6 pairs of pants per season.

   4. Lululemon Daydrift High Rise (but they’re not really very high rise) Straight Leg Trouser might work for wide hips. They are really comfy and easy to dress up a bit for a business casual office. Unlike the 3 pair of Spanx pants I’ve tried, the waist doesn’t feel like a vise grip. I am 5’5″ and wear the short length even though I have long’ish legs for my height. They come nearly to the floor. Regular length drags the floor.

   5. My office is casual so most of my real pants are both work and weekend. I wear non-ripped jeans, linen pants, ponte pants, etc for work.

      So the “hard pants” I have that I don’t wear to work are ripped jeans and fake leather pants. And then any shorts, workout leggings, lounge pants. I don’t often wear athleisure outside of working out, but wear lounge clothes at home. If I’m out of the house (not working out), I’m in “hard pants” or a dress (in summer).

      The pants I wear to work but not on weekends are a few pairs of plaid pants that I have.

   6. I’m curious . . . could you tell us the question you’re asking is about the number of jeans / pants that we own? Are you problem-solving something in your wardrobe based on numbers?

      I’m wondering because it seems really hard for the numbers we own to have much relevance for someone with a different lifestyle or style preference.

      1. This has actually been very useful! I don’t have that many pants, especially not ones that I like, and I wanted to get an idea of what other peoples wardrobes are like.

      2. Not OP but now that skinny jeans are out I suddenly need more pairs for flats vs heels. And the light wash trend looks too casual to pair with blazers at work. I feel like I don’t have enough pants so it’s helpful to get a reality check from other women.

         For wide hips Good American or Joe’s curvy fit are the only jeans I can buy without altering.

         1. You can get jeans altered!?! I never thought about that.

            1. This has changed my life. I get most of my jeans one size up and nip the waist in. It costs $17 at my dry cleaners.

            2. If a pair looks great on my hips and legs I’ll get the waist taken in. Many brands only offer a curvy version of their most popular styles. Alterations can be expensive but if you want a specific wash or cut that’s your best bet.

            3. I have I think the opposite problem of Chl. The larger size that fits my waist/hips is too loose for my thights or anywhere else. I either need the leg to be taken in or somehow for the waist to be made bigger.

   7. Old Navy has some khaki pants (but in a variety of colors) with elastic at the back of the waist. They fit my curvy bottom half nicely. They’re 100% cotton (or thereabouts) and I like them for when I want pants that are a little lighter than jeans. They’re billed as high waisted or even ultra high waisted, but I find that are just a hair over mid rise for me (and I’m not particularly long or short in the torso). I have them in black and olive.

      I also have a crapton of linen pants that I wear to work all the time in the summer (casual office, hot summers).

   8. For Fall I like cords. For summer, cotton trousers.

   9. Several years postpartum and mostly Work From Home, I owned 1 pair of black jeans, and last week decided it was time for a change. I just bought several pairs at Nordstrom Rack. I tried on 20 jeans in different styles from different brands just to see what worked at my current body shape and size. Now I have jeans again and will wear hard pants like I previously did :)

4. Has anyone successfully taught an older dog to use a pad? We have a senior dog that’s having nighttime accidents and I can only imagine that it’s going to get worse. My husband seems to think it’s hopeless in terms of him learning to poop on a pad because he never did when he was a puppy but I can’t keep cleaning up accidents on the rug every morning. Would love to know if someone has done this!

   1. I am dealing with this too, and are just being religious about him going outside around 9 pm. Even better is a short walk – I figure if he goes in the backyard, he urinates once or twice. On a walk, maybe 10-20 smaller ones. Have not tried pee pads but maybe line the area with old towels? We found that if we put a towel down, he goes to a different area – is there a place you’d be ok with?

      1. OP. We already do a walk before bed. This is poop and seems to relate to a stomach issue. I don’t think he can control it. Vet has not been helpful. We’ve done work ups, changed food, gotten probiotics. At best, it comes and goes.
         I would be okay with it anywhere at this point that isn’t on a rug but he seems to want to camouflage it from us and tends to seek out a rug whenever this happens.

         1. It kind of sounds like he already wants to go on some type of pad if he’s seeking out rugs? If he is currently trained to go on grass, they make fake grass pads for this exact scenario.

         2. Remove the rugs from your house. In addition to that get a grass pad. If he gets used to going on the grass you can try adding rugs back one by one.

            1. OP here. I don’t think it’s feasible to clean liquid poop off grass pad and certainly not in an apartment.

   2. Semi success with our senior dog by putting it right over the accident area. But only worked a few times. Ultimately just replaced that rug.

   3. Never successfully did it because of the “slippery”ness of the pee pad and old dog legs. Did get a cheap washable rug that served for a year before my dog passed.

   4. I’m sorry. We addressed a similar issue by moving the dog bed to the bathroom and putting a baby gate up each night. Cleaning accidents off tile is much easier than off carpet.

   5. Can you put your dog to bed in a secure area? Our last dog slept in the mudroom or in the kitchen gated off for easy clean-up.

      1. This would be an idea but I feel bad doing that to him. He currently sleeps in our bedroom and has full run of the house. I may just need to take up all the rugs but was hoping to just leave a pad near the door in our foyer. He doesn’t have mobility issues at this point so could def do a pad but the issue is training him to do so.

         1. Do you have an en suite? How about putting him there?

   6. Yes, I have an almost 17-year old dog with kidney issues. Try washable pee pads. My dog was peeing on our hardwood floor and I placed these over where he tended to go. Now he almost always uses them.

   7. Crate at night in this situation. It’s fine, the dog is sleeping anyway.

      1. That’s really not good with a senior dog who can’t control it. That’s for puppies who are learning. You don’t want your senior dog sleeping in its own waste.

   8. This isn’t the right answer for many people, but I get up every night and take mine (has IBD) out around 3 a.m. I’m lucky because I’m able to fall asleep right away and my quality of sleep usually scores OK.

      Your vet (or a second opinion vet) may be able to make better recommendations on changing feeding times or perhaps a food you haven’t already tried or medications (especially since it sounds like it’s not normal consistency).

      1. We’ve done this too when they were seniors. One dog managed to train my husband to take her for a 3am walk to look for deer.

         1. I just got off a night of this with a 14yo pup: not walks, but coyote watch in the fenced backyard 7 times last night…the first 2 were actual poo emergencies. The final 5? I was duped. I don’t mind. Watching a 10lb dog prowling for predators with the confidence of a wolf was worth the up and down.

5. I need absolution to get rid of stuff. I have so much hand-me-down stuff from my sisters and mom for products that did not work out for them or that they received for free over the past ten years. All of us hate to waste and try to re-home items in good condition, but the stuff just goes on a merry-go-round the family. Water bottles, coffee mugs, backpacks, garage organizers, nightstands, a recliner, bookcases, coats and boots, bed sheets, bath towels. I’m starting a new job that will require a longer commute, and I want to pick out my own backpack and quality coffee thermos instead of using the college backpack I’ve had for 15 years (and was a hand-me-down even then because it was the wrong color for my brother) and the promotional NPR mug that doesn’t keep coffee hot (why do they waste their money on crap products??). I feel tremendous guilt about wasting all this stuff, but I never asked for any of it in the first place!! I can just give it away, right?

   1. YES. Stop the cycle. What is the virtue of having a useless item take up space in your home?

      1. And put trash in the trash. If that many people don’t want it, don’t make it Goodwill’s burden. IMO the only things they make money on are winter coats, mens clothes, plus sized clothes, and maternity clothes.

         1. No, this is bad advice. People do want this stuff and Goodwill clearly makes money on many categories of goods or they wouldn’t accept the donations!

            1. They aren’t “accepting the donation.” This time of year, they are overwhelmed with donations and aren’t going through items, bag by bag. Staff has to sort through it, some of it is VERY nasty, and make split-second choices as to what to bin vs sell for bulk scrap vs put in a store. Please at least take out the dirty, too-used, and obvious trash. Too many people don’t and Goodwill and the like have to pay carting fees for their dumpsters just like other for-profit businesses.

            2. Please don’t just throw stuff away. The OP isn’t describing anything that is “trash” and she said most of the stuff is nearly new!

               Set up a pick up at your home where one of the trucks from Goodwill or whatever your popular local organization is to take it away. You have our blessing.

               I also give away stuff all the time on Freecycle, if you think the item is dated/niche and not appropriate for donating to other places. Facebook also often has ways to give things away for free in your community. Even the random “junk” I place by our trash cans is quickly scavenged by trucks that drive around looking for anything of use.

               I also give away to targeted organizations for specialized stuff. An extra violin bow went to a local organization that provides instruments for children. Books to the local library. Women’s clothing and extra toiletries to our women’s shelter. Random collectibles to the local women’s group that has quarterly sales to raise money for community projects or the new Homeless Inn.

               Please don’t waste. Just move it forward.

               And I get a receipt for all donations and itemize my taxes. Takes a bit of extra time, but it adds up. I think many more on this site will be itemizing this year because of Trump’s BBB giving higher limits for deducting property taxes.

   2. Marie Kondo’s book, the Life-Changing Magic of Tidying up. The biggest piece for me in there was learning to let go and give thanks to the products you’ll be getting rid of. So I hear you, I hate waste and used to accumulate other people’s clutter (family, yard sales, thrift stores) and the book was revelatory because it gave me “permission” to unload stuff. I always do a “thank you for your service” when things are on their way out of my life.

      1. This is a good reminder. I’ve actually read that book, and I irrationally told myself I couldn’t get rid of some of the coffee mugs because they had not yet been used so I couldn’t thank them for their service. And now I’m suddenly recognizing that my frugality is verging into hoarding territory. Yikes.

         1. Yea. I don’t mean any shame in this comment, but I don’t think that line of thinking or these habits are normal? I commend you for realizing this and asking for help and strategies.

         2. I hear you. Sometimes their main act of service was being a gift to you, or making you smile once or twice.

         3. somehow this is making me think of the acolytes post yesterday. The coffee mugs were at your service, but clearly you don’t need them. Time to thank and discharge them!

      2. The other good tip from that book is to just get rid of stuff. Don’t put it in your car because you might take it to the thrift store one day. Don’t put it in your garage in case you might want it one day. Just throw it out. Wasteful, yes, but sometimes that’s the only way to get rid of stuff.

         1. I feel this is never really necessary. At least do a curb alert or bag it up and have a charity pick it up from the front porch.

            Otherwise a sense of ethics will obstruct getting rid of stuff, making the issue even worse.

            1. Donating your stuff just makes it somebody else’s job to throw it away. Which of course makes *you* feel better but doesn’t change the fact that it gets thrown away. There is too much stuff in the world, period. Thrift stores cannot and do not sell it all.

            2. Based on all the the stuff I personally have acquired stuff from thrift stores and curb alerts, I know they can help get things to people.

               I’ve not gotten anything from a landfill.

               Not everyone has enough stuff.

         2. Getting rid of stuff isn’t hard. Drag stuff to the curb, put a piece of paper that says “Free” on it, and wait.

         3. Agreed. Don’t delay getting rid of garbage. It’s often truly just garbage. It truly will not save the planet if you hold on to that crappy foam hat you got at a baseball game instead of throwing it in the dumpster.

   3. One thing I learned is not to take someone else’s hand me down item unless “I” love it. I have put many items on my local FB Buy nothing group (the respondent must pick up the item) or alternately dropped at the local thrift store. The section of the marie kondo book on tidying up was most helpful in reframing letting go of still useful items.

      1. This is the way. My home is not a glorified landfill, and the fact that someone else no longer needs their crap is not my problem.

         I’m sorry if I sound harsh; I just went through another round of this at Thanksgiving, with my mother trying to unload actual junk on me. It isn’t my fault that she bought crap; it isn’t my fault that she doesn’t want it anymore; the fact that I “could” live in clutter doesn’t mean my home is an appropriate place for it.

         If you would use something, then your home is an appropriate place for the item. Otherwise, don’t even let it in the door.

         1. “My home is not a landfill” is a good philosophy.

      2. I always take hand me down items if I sense the person will not donate or get rid of them unless they think it’s going to a good home. I have no problem donating these things, but I consider it an act of service for a friend or family member to help them unload.

         1. This. Sometimes I can be the person to help someone unload, because I have no qualms throwing it out behind their back.

         2. My MIL is always trying to unload her stuff on us – furniture, knick-knacks, you name it. When she showed up with a pile of her clothes for me, I realized that she’s incapable of taking her stuff to a thrift store, so now I do it.

            1. +1 This is me too. She’s 77 and not going to change. She never seems to ask about items afterwards though so I think she knows we don’t keep most of it but the idea of figuring out how to get rid of it other than give it to us is much too overwhelming for her. I’d rather clear it all out slowly while she’s alive vs deal with a huge pile when she passes.

         3. These are OP’s immediate relatives. She can show them how to use their local Buy Nothing group on FB then tell them she no longer wants hand me downs, period. As a one-off for a friend sure you can take it on, but this is a recurring problem that’s creating anxiety. Let the buyers of this junk deal with responsibly disposing of it.

            1. Your heart is in the right place, but as a practical matter, they just won’t deal with it. Like I said up the thread, I consider it an act of service, not necessarily the most effective use of my time.

   4. You can give certain things away, but no one is likely going to take a 15 year old back pack or NPR mug that doesn’t keep coffee hot. FB Marketplace and local buy nothing groups can be a great place to start, but I do often see a lot of c rap on there that I don’t think ever has a hope of someone taking. So, if you go that route, I’d recommend having a schedule. Post it, give it … 30 days?…. and if you hit that time limit and have no takers, you have to toss it.

      1. This is what I’ve been doing as a declutter ahead of a move. I pull stuff I don’t want anymore, post it to Buy Nothing and then it goes to the thrift store box. If someone wants it from BN, great! If not, it’s already in the box and will stay there until I take it to the thrift store ahead of my move in two weeks.

      2. Our shelter for homeless women is always desperate for backpacks, in any useable condition! It’s the number 1 item the women ask for.

         1. Thank you for this intel! While I wouldn’t donate my college backpack, I have others in very good condition that could probably hold a whole weeks’ worth of clothes and toiletries.

   5. It was wasted when it was bought, not when it will be thrown out.

      1. +1 the waste is when the unwanted item is created/purchased, not when thrown out.

      2. Agree 100%. Also realuzing this fact has helped me get rid of more stuff. That plus the fact that even if i hold onto the item for the rest of my life its still probably going to end up in a landfill.

      3. This is my motto. (Same with food, btw. It was wasted when you bought/ordered/put it on your plate. It will be no less wasted in your stomach than in the trash.)

         1. A few years ago, you wrote in here that food can go to waste or waist, and that’s something that I’ve thought of a lot since. (I’m the Anon at 9:10 am.)

   6. Some of it should be discarded. No one wants your 15–year-old plastic coffee mug that leached BPA on its best day. Same with your scratched nonstick pans giving off PFOA chemicals.

      1. THANK YOU. This is exactly the permission I needed to just trash a bunch of plastic dishes that my kids received and I’m convinced are probably leaching microplastics in the dishwasher. I don’t have time in my life to handwash the plastic baseball-cap shaped bowl that was free at a baseball game that my kid didn’t even go to!!

         1. Yes, this is just trash. It wouldn’t be a good thing to use them or for someone else to!

            1. Haha, I remember seeing old plastic cups (movie collaboration—Rocket Man?) from Pizza Hut that I had back in the day on Etsy for like 30 bucks.

   7. I would urge you to follow two different groups on FB, if you are on that platform. Coffee and Clutter is one; it is for those who watch a series on YT called the Space Maker Method, where a lovely woman gently helps people who are overwhelmed with stuff “make space” for what they really want. The other is The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning Sharing and Caring which is for those following the concept embodied in a book of the same name. It’s based on the premise that your kids don’t want your stuff and it is filled with people sharing stories of how they have tackled their particular challenges. These two will lead you to more resources, but they are great about helping you feel like you are not alone (you aren’t) and giving you success stories. Good luck!

   8. Permission to get rid of stuff that is useless and not adding anything to your life. And it’s not unreasonable to want to pick out your own stuff, that’s actually useful FOR YOU and will be used and loved a lot more than what is, frankly, crap.

   9. OMG, I cannot even imagine keeping this stuff or living like that. Toss and keep only what you love.

   10. Stop accepting stuff too! Or if that causes too much strife, toss it straight into the trash after you get it. No need for it to become clutter.

   11. My MIL grew up very poor and hates to waste anything at all. She will send us home with expired food, things from her garage she doesn’t want anymore, clothing she doesn’t want that she thinks her teenage granddaughters will wear (which they won’t and most of it doesn’t fit them). My husband and I have learned that she just can’t get rid of things so we take them and either throw them away before we get inside our house or drop them off at the thrift store on our way home. She keeps saying that when she dies we can’t get rid of her stuff. It puts such a burden on my husband.

       1. This is my mom! She grew up with a tight budget and we had a very tight budget most of my childhood. But now she has lots of discretionary income due to great end-of-career job. Old habits die hard, though, and she gets herself into a cycle of buying things on sale that aren’t quite right (wrong size, poor materials, off colors, weird scent) and then replacing them frequently instead of spending the time and money to buy a quality item once. She knows I have a tight budget right now due to kids’ daycare, so she genuinely thinks she’s gifting us these barely used items. I’m looking around my house and also realizing that I feel robbed of some opportunities to buy my kids high quality items that would bring me and them joy (like coats or bedding) because I got a hand-me-down that I feel compelled to use up.

   12. man this is me — read the Dana White books on decluttering. they make SENSE to me but i haven’t been great about doing it yet. (my main take away is that things should fit in their container or place, and that place isn’t “your house” but rather the specific shelf where you keep mugs. if you can’t fit your mugs on the shelf then you need to get rid of some mugs, not find a new spot for mug overflow.) her book is very very good though and an easy listen.

       i saw one random video on FB that suggested that for every box that comes with presents or new purchases this holiday season to fill the box up with stuff for Good Will and i’m going to really try to do that this season.

   13. OP here reporting back. I just spent a mere 15 minutes making a pile of the good condition items that I can bring to Goodwill that someone else might be happy to find and use, like a Yeti coffee mug, new children’s rainboots, a Nine West tote, and a North Face rain jacket. I love curb alerts, but we have 8 inches of snow on the ground here, and the Goodwill is close to my kids’ daycare, so I can make this happen! Then I dropped all the plastic kids’ dishes into the trash can. Thank you for the momentum!!

       1. You’re welcome!!

       2. Good steps! Best of luck!!

       3. Great work. What really helped me was having a donate bin our garage, and I specifically took the bag to the donation spot near the kids school on the last Thursday of every month whether it was two bags or a half bag. Having a routine around the decluttering helped form a habit so it didn’t build up again.

       4. Great! As someone who has been the Goodwill shopper who thinks, SCORE, a Yeti mug for $2, you just made someone’s day :)

       5. Just FYI a relative is the store manager of a good will and a lot of stuff ends up getting thrown out, so if your concern is environmental it’s not the best choice.

       6. Yay! Congrats OP!

   14. Yes! Give it away and stop accepting stuff you don’t want and aren’t going to use. Also, if you have any used coats, blankets, shoes, donate it for homeless winter drives. Any unusable/stained/torn towels, bed linens can be donated to animal shelters.

   15. This is a GREAT use of your local Buy Nothing group where you know stuff will go to people who actually want it, vs languish on thrift store shelves and then to the dumpster.

       1. Except it doesn’t work well if you have a lot to clear out. OP sounds like she needs a massive clean out. Just the row it out and don’t sort. Get back on track and worry about padding things along when you’re space is clear.

   16. Join your local buy nothing group. People will go out of their way to drive over and collect the old stuff you don’t want. Presumably they’d use it, so no waste.

       1. or have a “free” yardsale in your front yard.

   17. Of course. Giving it away isn’t wasting it – it will go to someone else who wants to use it. Your local Buy Nothing group is perfect for this.

   18. It’s okay to get rid of stuff.

       You can give items away to individuals, to charities, to GW, you can sell stuff if you like, and you can recycle or thrash something. All of these things can be a good solution, depending on your situation.

       What will never be a good solution is to keep your home as a guilt free (for them) end point for other people’s discards. Fill your home with things *you* need, love and use, not the things that other people *do not* need, love or use.

       Keep the things that add value to *your* life.

       1. Your last two paragraphs are so spot on.

          The fact that someone else no longer needs or loves an item is actually evidence that the item is probably not going to be needed or loved by you.

   19. It’s trash

6. Does anyone have a solution for cleaning up your photos on your iphone? It got extra bad once I had kids, as you might assume (oldest is 7)…. so years of multiple shots within a millisecond of one another trying to get one with a kid looking at the camera, etc etc.

   I’ve cleaned out screenshots which are easy enough to filter for, and every now and then will spend a focused 15-20 mins just deleting manually – literally scrolling to some date/time in the photo storage and deleting anything I feel I don’t need/want/warrant keeping. But that’s not making enough of a dent. Any pro tips?

   1. Almost every night, I quickly scroll through any pictures I took that day and get rid of the near duplicates. I save any especially great photos to a highlights album. This has all gotten harder since live photo came on the scene since now you have to check those two, but it does help keep on top of things. I believe there are some apps that can do this automatically but sometimes the criteria I have for what makes a keeper is different different from what I can put into an app.

      1. Oh, I also delete most scenery, fireworks, or sunset photos unless they’re VERY special. No one cares to see that 10-second blurry clip of the 2017 fireworks display in Bumf*ck ND.

   2. I sent photos to get printed a few times a year and then delete the digital copy. I hate digital clutter more than I hate the idea of losing a picture forever. Waiting to print means I’m choosier about which photos I pick and only the best shots get made into physical copies.

   3. Do “this day” from every year (so today, you’d look at all your December 2nds). Keep only the best x photos from that day. You’ll be done in a year, and it’s easy to be methodical. Your phone should be capable of searching for those days.

      1. This is what I do. It works really well. And my phone shows me the photos from that date automatically so it’s extra easy.

      2. I tried this but get distracted because often a date falls in the middle of a trip, and then I don’t want to delete one day’s version of photos in case it’s better than a different day’s…

         1. I have that issue too.

   4. every day, search that particular date and see what shows up in your phone from over the years. then delete duplicates, etc. it is often easier to delete things when you have more distance from them. if you do this 5 min a day it makes a difference.

   5. I rarely declutter photos, but I do limit how often I pull out my phone to take a photo. I feel like I can be in the moment, or I can photograph the moment, but it’s harder to be in the moment and photograph it at the same time.

      1. This. I also don’t use burst mode or anything like that unless it’s extra important.

   6. I use Slidebox. If you put your phone in airplane mode, you won’t see the ads. But honestly, it is worth the ten bucks.

7. I’ve been sick since Thanksgiving Day and am thoroughly over it. Just general fatigue, sore throat, and gunk in my throat and chest. I’m taking Mucinex, which is helping some, but any other ideas other than rest and fluids?

   1. Piggybacking on this, when do you all go to the doctor for a cough? Mine said “see me after 14 days of no improvement” and it’s been 10, but it’s a kind of nasty yellow mucus I keep hacking up, especially bad in the morning. If it were very easy to go to the doctor, I would just to be safe, but it’s not rn for various reasons. Thoughts?

      OP, a Neti pot might help you – just make sure the water is fully boiled.

      1. It sounds like a chest infection and you need a doctor.

      2. Yeah, I’m miserable enough that I’m tempted to go to the doctor, but I’m pretty sure the answer is that I have a virus and have to wait it out.

         1. Viruses can occasion secondary bacterial infections that we’re not supposed to wait out. They listen with a stethoscope for a reason.

            Some viruses can also be treated with antivirals, but attempting to wait it out means missing the opportunity to treat.

            1. Super rare for it be bacterial without a fever.

            2. Agree – super rare for it to be bacterial without a fever.

      3. I’d fire your doctor so fast! My doctor’s office does same day tests out in the parking lot to at least check for all the treatable things that symptoms could be.

         1. Lingering coughs are almost always viral though, which isn’t treatable. I don’t really see the doctor as dropping the ball here. OP can be suffering a lot and there can be nothing for a doctor to do.

            1. Yeah, unless you have pneumonia, which could be bacterial or viral, or are having so much trouble breathing that it’s worth prescribing an inhaler, there’s not a lot they can do for you now. They could test for Covid, flu and strep when you first got sick, but it’s too late for antivirals, which aren’t that effective anyway, and it seems unlikely you have strep. So the doctor definitely isn’t dropping the ball. I’m extremely prone to respiratory infections and basically get this sick with every cold, and have ended up with bronchitis and pneumonia multiple times, so I have a lot of experience with this.

            2. And to answer your question, you should go to the doctor if you have a fever, are having trouble breathing or shortness of breath or still just feel really bad. That would make it more likely you have a bacterial infection and need antibiotics. But just a cough is probably just the lingering effects of the virus and can be treated with otc meds.

            3. A cough can be treated even if it’s not bacterial.

            4. The doctor should be testing at symptom onset when antivirals are still effective, not waiting weeks until it’s too late.

               9:47, I wonder if your doctor is also dropping the ball if you’ve never been worked up for why you are so prone to respiratory infections and get this sick with every cold? I was worked up by ENT and immunology with fewer cases of bronchitis and pneumonia than you’ve had.

            5. Not 9:47, but I also get bronchitis or pneumonia after every cold. I can feel exactly when the secondary bacterial infection has set in. I have asthma and my pulmonologist says this is extremely common. He prescribes antibiotics and steroids to clear up the infection.

               There are lots of people like me out there who are not immunocompromised but are prone to severe illness. This is why everyone should stay home when sick, mask in crowded places and high-risk situations, and stop stigmatizing masking in general.

            6. There’s very little evidence that cough suppressants, even prescription ones, work. What little positive effect they have is hard to separate from placebo effect.

            7. If there is a lot of inflammation, an inhaled steroid can be prescribed and will help with the cough.

            8. I’m 9:47. I have asthma, though it mostly only shows up when I get sick, so I do take asthma meds then. As I’ve gotten older, it’s been less of an issue, and I’ve been WFH since 2020 and haven’t gotten sick once! It’s pretty amazing.

         2. I wouldn’t fire a doctor over this at all.

            They way I see it, what’s it matter if it’s one virus or the other – treat the symptoms. I go in when breathing becomes an issue or fever is persistent through meds or lasts more than 3 days. Leave the sick appointments to people who really need them, especially this time of year.

            1. LOL, and neither would the poster. Doctors are hard to find.

            2. Antivirals are designed to be administered at the beginning of the infection, not after waiting for it to get bad. They’re not effective for chasing symptoms.

            3. Antivirals have their own set of potential symptoms. I wouldn’t take them unless I was high risk. I also stay home unless there’s some reason to think it’s a bacterial infection (trouble breathing, persistent fever, very sore throat with strep-like mouth sores, etc)

            4. It makes sense to skip seeing a doctor if you’re going to decline treatment.

               It’s okay to decline treatment or to second guess recommendations, but there are antivirals for common viruses that are indicated for patients who are not high risk, because it was concluded that the decreased risks outweigh the side effects (similarly to vaccines).

         3. Yikes.

         4. Has the OP even been to the doctor?

      4. That describes my main symptom of RSV. Worse symptoms than I’ve ever had with Covid!

      5. Why isn’t going to the doctor “safe”?

         1. The OP meant that she’d go “just to be safe” i.e. rule out anything life threatening… if it were easier to get in to see the dr.

            OP- this is also what urgent care is for.

         2. OP said it wasn’t easy for her right now, not that it wasn’t safe.

      6. Chiming in here to say, as a neti evangelist – only use distilled water – heat it , never tap water.

         1. I boil tap water.

      7. Re the lingering cough, I’ve found that a bad viral cough can lead to particularly irritating reflux for me, which then exacerbates the cough. So, in addition to waiting it out, getting lots of liquids, maybe some mucinex if you feel like you need to thin your secretions, you might try some antacid. Unless it’s getting worse, or you have a fever or are so sick you think you might have the flu, there’s no point in a doctor visit right now.

         1. I saw my doctor and he recommended NAC over Mucinex and it worked better for me. Maybe that was based on my personal medical history though. He also recommended a different cough syrup (from one that seemed utterly useless to one that I swear helped me personally even if they’re all kind of questionable statistically).

   2. Isn’t Mucinex just for, you know, the mucus? Have you taken anything else, like DayQuil?

      1. Dayquil is a combination of several other medicines, not a magic get over your cough elixir. So if the problem is mucus, then mucinex is the thing to take. If the problem is mucus, plus headache, plus congestion, plus whatever else is treatable by the medications in dayquil, then dayquil might make sense.

         1. OP here. Yeah, weirdly I haven’t had nasal congestion at all. It’s all in my throat and upper chest. No issues breathing, no fever, nothing alarming. It’s just “the crud,” as my Midwest relatives like to say.

            1. Then get some rest and drink some fluids. Doesn’t sound like you’re on the verge of death.

            2. Agree – just wait it out.

               Being sick since Thanksgiving is not very long.

         2. Yeah, I know. She mentioned other symptoms too.

   3. Tylenol will help with the sore throat. Melatonin can help if you’re having problems sleeping and also has some anti inflammatory properties so I always take it while sick. Extra Vitamin C.

   4. This thread is insane to me. People think there needs to be instant remedy for minor discomfort. OP has been mildly sick for less than a week and there are calls to fire doctors over it. You guys are ridiculous.

      1. Ditto. I would never see a doctor for a cough.

         1. I’ve also never seen a doctor for just a cough and I have asthma and am prone to lingering coughs after mild colds. But there’s nothing to do about — the only real cure is time. The one time I had bacterial pneumonia I was sick as h3ll with high fevers so it was very different.

      2. The call to “fire the doctor” was directed at another poster, who feels much worse and has been sick longer.

      3. Same. But everyone I know runs to the doctor for a Z-Pak “just in case” (and urgent care will usually give you one). Then they continue out in public because they are “on antibiotics”. The whole thing makes me ragey! Get home Covid and Flu tests if you need to know for antivirals.

         Similarly, my pediatrician’s office has hangings in all the rooms that fevers under 105 degrees are generally nothing to worry about and not to call them unless it’s been going on for more than 4 days (unless there are other concerning symptoms, of course. But a fever on its own, and symptoms that respond to pain meds, are generally safe to let run their course).

         1. That is insane. A fever with a severe sore throat needs a strep test right away.

            1. I think that would be “other concerning symptoms.” The point is that a fever alone is not something that needs to be treated, except with fever-reducing meds for patient comfort.

            2. Yah nowhere did I say “ignore a severe sore throat”. But I usually give a sore throat a day or so because they are a common first symptom to a respiratory virus that then goes away once the congestion hits (I have some kids who get fevers with the common cold).

               I did have one kid with a high fever and moderate sore throat and took him in on day 4 for a strep test. Negative, just a virus, and a $300 bill!

   5. I went to the doc for similar (more for post-nasal drip irritation than chest mucus though) and she gave me a prescription for Flonase. It’s funny because you don’t really need a prescription for it, but with the scrip insurance covered most of the cost so it was like $4 rather than $22.

      1. Smart!

         1. But her doctor visit cost a couple hundred, so maybe not?

8. Now that it’s yucky out, what scarves are we wearing in 2025 with our outfits (vs the outside scarves that are just for wearing when we wear coats)? I have a chilly office but my spider sense is tingling that my styling of them is off. Silk? Square or rectangle? Wool-silk blends? I need an inspiration link or picture.

   1. All of the above–go on instagram for styling suggestions–I learn new knots there all the time.

   2. I am not an indoor scarf wearer, but I admire them on others. What I’m seeing lately on stylish people are silk neckerchiefs and small square scarves worn folded into a triangle with the point in back. Look at Lost Pattern for inspiration, but you may end up buying something, because their stuff is beautiful.

   3. I’ve been seeing a lot of triangle scarves and bandanas. Madewell has some cute ones!

   4. I never wear indoor scarves.

9. For those of you at B4 firms, how do you (or they) pick how to slot people into auditing, assurance, financial services, “tax”, or consulting more generally. It seems so opaque to me. I deal with a lot of people at each outfit and someone who does audit letters vs signing returns vs doing structured finance (from their email signatures). How do you wind up m one path vs another? And is the money the same or not?

   1. Base salaries vary widely and bonuses are calculated separately. In some cases there are similar jobs across practice groups but you work with different types or sizes of clients.

      1. How do you navigate through the options? I know some groups hire lawyers or tax LLM people. Some you need a CPA and for some many people have a CFA. Do you rotate to get a sense of what is there?

   2. At least at KPMG, the business lines you’re mentioning don’t interact. Tax doesn’t cross with audit, etc. You apply for one and are hired for that job. You’re not just hired for KPMG writ large and given the Big 4 sorting hat on your first day ;)

      I don’t know why you put tax in quotes. I worked in tax and I’m a tax attorney with an LLM. My colleagues were other tax attorneys, accountants, or finance majors at the very least.

      1. Oh, pay. I think you underestimate how large these corporations are. They’ve got offices on every continent and tens of thousands of people working for them. Because of this, pay is very structured by “rank,” almost like the military. In tax, for example, an associate is going to make the same whether they’re doing international tax, employee benefits, or domestic and whether they’re sitting in Detroit or Tampa or Denver. All tax senior managers make the same. This is nationwide. Some locations like DC and NYC get a modest COLA. So everyone has an idea of about how much everybody else makes since it’s all based on a strict chart. There are bonuses.

         I always heard consulting made more for doing less, but since we had no visibility into consulting, that was just gossip from a friend of a friend.

         1. This was similar to my experience at Deloitte, but in Advisory. But same scale, military like ranks etc

      2. Maybe tax is in quotation marks because (to this history major), everything that an accounting firm (I know they are broader now than just that and are practicing law in Europe) does seems to be tax. But it’s not. But what is it then? It’s murky.

         1. Do what now? haha.

            Ok, let’s pause for a minute. Are you familiar with General Electric? At various times in their history, they’ve made light bulbs, small household appliances like radios and mixers, major appliances like stoves and refrigerators, and even airplane engines. Do you think the light bulb people know what the airplane engine people are doing? No, completely different business units. But they’re all under the same parent company.

            It’s the same with a Big 4 firm. The audit people are separate from the tax people are separate from the consultants. It wouldn’t make any sense for a GE light bulb person to go on rotation to airplane engines, right? It’s the same how it doesn’t make sense for the three business lines to interact. The airplane people have their own workspace and their own chain of command, leading up to their own executive…just like the light bulb people have all that for themselves. Same at a Big 4.

            And how did GE get a light bulb division and a kitchen mixer division and a refrigerator division and an airplane engine division when those businesses don’t all make sense under one roof? Lots and lots of mergers. Ditto the Big 4 – tons of mergers in their pasts. They used to be called the Small 1000. I jest, I jest ;)

            Good now?

   3. You interview for a certain service line. They do a ton of campus recruiting so you apply based on your major and often folks apply to more than one. For experienced hires you apply based on your experience in that field.

      Pay varies wildly with audit being the least, and a lot of variation within consulting service lines at least at the B4 I worked at previously. The one big pro for Audit (since it pays terribly and they work a lot), is it’s pretty easy to get another job elsewhere with B4 experience and they tend to promote on a 2 year lockstep cycle, so those folks make partner faster.

   4. As a grad, you pick what department to apply for. Different departments have different sizes and therefore different grad intakes. As an accounting major I could apply for most parts of the firm but about 50% of grad spots were in audit so if you wanted a job you picked that, even if it didn’t seem interesting. Vs maybe 2 grad roles in M&A or tech advisory or whatever that are smaller and more top heavy. Then once you’re in you do a couple of years, make connections and move around.

      Consulting areas also tend to take experienced hires whereas tax and audit never really did apart from specialised areas (bit different these days).

10. Wearing this dress to a holiday party. Would you do black sheer hose, nude hose, or something else?

    1. https://poshmark.com/listing/Steve-Madden-Womens-Large-Black-Sheer-Tulle-Ruffle-Mini-Dress-Party-Elegant-68ed66072c7ec6b932c443fa?utm_source=gdm&utm_campaign=19835597923&campaign_id=19835597923&ad_partner=google&gskid=pla-2266029196531&gcid=651597157148&ggid=152787887691&gdid=c&g_network=g&enable_guest_buy_flow=true&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=19835597923&gbraid=0AAAAADwcDC9Bw_PNzHLHqKYxowukWyQ38&gclid=Cj0KCQiAubrJBhCbARIsAHIdxD8ujQ4yPZbMQY12AuSK_G-w9txlFa1dg0U7eSBA9qpFrRs4oXBHeWoaAiWaEALw_wcB

    2. This is cute! I’d do nude sheer hose or a sheer black pattern, like dots or a pointelle situation. What shoes are you planning on wearing?

    3. Cute dress! Sheer black, I think. What shoes will you be wearing?

    4. Sheer black

    5. Sheer black

    6. Definitely sheer black.

    7. Love the dress! Sheer black or opaque black so it blends in to a t-strap heel. If in my 20’s/young, I might go with a pattern, which is less sophisticated, but fun.

    8. Thx! No idea on shoes yet, I hate heels these days but we’ll see! :)

       1. You don’t need a heel with this dress. It would be great with mary janes or, for a different vibe, docs.

          1. I’m going to sound old, but I wouldn’t do heels with how short the dress is. I would do black leather or suede boots.

11. Speaking of things that were bad purchases, I bought 2 pairs of jeans this fall from Old Navy. They fit perfectly in store, looked cute, thought I’d gotten a great deal. In the real world, they have been terrible. They get baggy in the legs and look awful after about 2-3 hours of wear. I’m really surprised, as the fabric was substantial, mostly cotton, and not stretchy at all. What the heck do I do with these things? I literally hate wearing them. What a waste. Never again.

    1. That’s just old navy jeans. I don’t even use them for scrap blankets because of how they stretch over time. Cut them up for cleaning rags or donate it so someone who is less particular about their pants can wear them.

       1. I swear they used to be pretty good. Well, you live, you learn. :(

       2. My old navy jeans became strictly yardwork/barn jeans for this reason.

    2. ugh yes! even with more expensive brands, it seems to be a crapshoot if the jeans fit in-store has any correlation to how they look after wearing for a few hours!

    3. Can you make cut off shorts? Otherwise, get rid of them.

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