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Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Islington Blouse

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Oh my goodness, everything about this blouse from The Fold is lovely. The indigo blue and chartreuse pattern is exquisite, but the real showstopper for me is the beautiful folds around the neckline.

I’m starting to ease my way back into “office” clothes, and having a blouse this pretty might make me feel a little better about moving out of full-time athleisure.

I would want this blouse to be the standout piece of an outfit, so I’d likely pair it with a pair of dark trousers or tucked into a pencil skirt.

The blouse is $295 at The Fold and available in sizes 2–12.

Two more affordable options: This Halogen top ($59) is available in a couple of floral prints and comes in sizes 1X–3X; this floral top from Loveappella ($34.30 on sale) is available in XS–XL.

Sales of note for 3/26/25:

  • Nordstrom – 15% off beauty (ends 3/30) + Nordy Club members earn 3X the points!
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale + additional 20% off + 30% off your purchase
  • Banana Republic Factory – Friends & Family Event: 50% off purchase + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 30% off tops, tees, dresses, accessories, sale styles + warm-weather styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Shorts under $30 + extra 60% off clearance + up to 60% off everything
  • M.M.LaFleur – 25% off travel favorites + use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – $64.50 spring cardigans + BOGO 50% off everything else

Sales of note for 3/26/25:

  • Nordstrom – 15% off beauty (ends 3/30) + Nordy Club members earn 3X the points!
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale + additional 20% off + 30% off your purchase
  • Banana Republic Factory – Friends & Family Event: 50% off purchase + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 30% off tops, tees, dresses, accessories, sale styles + warm-weather styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Shorts under $30 + extra 60% off clearance + up to 60% off everything
  • M.M.LaFleur – 25% off travel favorites + use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – $64.50 spring cardigans + BOGO 50% off everything else

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

366 Comments

  1. Hi all – planning a post-vaccination long weekend getaway. (Yes it will have been 3+ weeks since shot 2.) We found a steal on flights to FLL and are trying to pick an Airbnb for a long weekend. Aside from the Ft. Lauderdale beachfront (which we’re casually familiar with), there are a bunch of options in Hollywood and Pompano, but we have no clue about either area.

    Looking for – quieter neighborhood (not Miami party central), walkable casual restaurant choices in a 15-20 minute radius. (We want to park ourselves at the pool and go for long beach walks, only stirring in search of fresh fish!) Trying to avoid Myrtle Beach vibes. Advice?

    1. Singer island! Haven’t been in a while but used to go and stay at the Marriott. Beautiful beach, very chill and a few restaurants you can walk to

      1. Ha – in a small world moment, that is where we stayed for a Thanksgiving visit in November 2019! This time we are looking for an apartment rather than a hotel room for ease of breakfasts and – in case we get cold feet about dining – eating takeout for dinner :)

        1. We stayed in a 2BR suite at the Marriott Singer Island a couple years ago. It had a full kitchen, 2 bathrooms and washer/dryer. It was just like an apartment. Highly recommend.

      2. OMG LOVE Singer Island. Easy flight into West Palm. Great Beach. No crazies like in Miami. Great choice.

    2. Florida is thought to be the top variant state right now, although our knowledge of variants remains poor. I’m sure it will be worse after spring break round 2. Why not pick a different beach state entirely?

      1. OP here- because nowhere else in the continental US has temps in the 80’s.

        We have traveled throughout due to family reasons I don’t want to get into here, and having not contracted C despite multiple sets of flights are even more comfortable traveling post-vax.

        1. Whatever, as long as YOU are comfortable with vacation travel for YOU because YOU got lucky with previous flights, who cares about anything else. Can’t wait for the next round of posts here about how everyone is depressed that we are back in lockdown.

          2. There’s no way we’re going back into lockdown. If it didn’t happen this winter when 4,000 people were dying every day, it’s never happening.

          3. You think you aren’t going back to lockdown, yet locals are now under curfew for a month or more due to unwanted tourism. OP is just making it worse with her selfishness, even if this isn’t her intention.

        2. You plan your vacations like I plan my vacations – temperatures in the 80s. It’s why I perpetually come back to loving Florida despite all it’s other weirdness.

          In my opinion, vaccinated + airbnb, I think you’re fine. I don’t have advice on specific location, other than I think Florida is totally fine to go to especially if your long weekend avoids spring breaks.

          1. OP here – yes, we’re going in about a month. We are some of the lucky few who got leftover doses early, and we are thrilled about it. We both WFH and our only in-person unmasked interactions are with our now-vaccinated relatives, so we consider this now low-risk not only to us, but also to others!

          2. Differences between people are funny. As far as I’m concerned, I never want to be somewhere with temperatures in the 80s and its’s pretty much the first thing that would knock a location off the vacation list.

          3. OP here – @10:12 Anon, that is funny. Our temperature target depends on what we want to do. For a beach vacation, highs in the low 80s are the platonic ideal.

            For city vacations we aim for highs in the 60s to low 70s (don’t want to be sweaty walking around, but that’s lovely for eating lunch outside at a cafe).

      2. Eh, this is not really true – it has the highest number of cases of the UK variant but Florida is also the third most populous state in the US, so per capita it’s not #1. Also the “New York variant” that is now dominant in the Northeast is way more dangerous in terms of immune escape. The UK variant is completely responsive to vaccines. I think there’s a decent argument to be made that no one should be traveling right now, but Florida specifically is not really a huge concern.

        1. Whether or not I would travel would totally depend on which vaccine I got. Didn’t South Africa suspend use of the J &J bad because it was barely effective against the SA variant?

          1. Nope. This is entirely false. Please don’t spread ignorance. In fact the J&J vaccine was particularly excellent against this variant.

          2. No? No country has suspended the use of J&J that I know of. Are you thinking of AstraZenaca? The use of that one was suspended in some countries, but it was because of potential side effects, not a lack of effectiveness.

            J&J was only 64% effective against all symptomatic illness in South Africa, but 100% effective against severe illness, which is more than good enough for me and the FDA. Also the trial’s definition of ‘fully vaccinated’ was early – two weeks post vaccine I think – and there is considerable data that J&J in particular gets more effective over time, so you’d probably see a higher efficacy if the trial had started counting at 4 weeks or 8 weeks post-shot. The South Africa strain also isn’t present in significant numbers in the US so not really a factor (currently anyway) for domestic travel.

          3. No. They suspended use of AZ/Oxford and waited until they could get J&J specifically because there was real data showing that J&J actually worked on the South Africa variant.

          4. Please do a quick google search before you post inaccurate info. Vaccine hesitancy is a huge issue and may delay us returning to ‘normal’. Please do add to the problem.

          5. Oh the irony of you being panicked that we will never get to zero Covid, while at the same time using misinformation to instill distrust of the J&J vaccine, one of the few tools we have that could actually get us towards zero Covid. You seriously need mental health help.

      3. The vaccines are 94% effective against asymptomatic transmission, and that data is from Israel where the UK variant is very dominant (something like 80% of cases IIRC). This constant shaming of fully vaccinated people wanting to travel responsibly is exhausting.

          1. The UK variant is one of many. I understand that you guys want normal life to resume. Trust me, we all do. But why “fumble the ball in the endzone,” as someone else here put it, when we are at a stage where we really need to reduce community transmission so the vaccines can have a chance to work? A weekend in Florida is not more important than that goal. Is it better than traveling unvaccinated? Yes. But it’s not the right move for right now. Wait just a few months.

          2. Have you any understanding of the current state of the US? Half the country is open. We aren’t staying home for months post vaccine.

          3. Serious question – what is the “touch down” benchmark you’re waiting for? Because the expert consensus is that Covid is far too widespread to be eradicated – the best we can hope for **at this point in time, since we don’t have a time machine to January 2020 ** is that this becomes a very manageable disease, especially in the smart people who choose to get the vaccine. The end point of the pandemic is every adult who wants a vaccine getting one. Many states are already there and the whole country should be there in less than two months. After that, I don’t understand what there is left to wait for. And I say this as someone been incredibly cautious for this entire pandemic, haven’t dined even outdoors or socialized outside my household since Feb 2020. Unless you’re willing to stay locked down for literal decades, I don’t know what end point there is after vaccines become widely available.

          4. Not everyone who wants a vaccine can get one, not even close! Why is that hard to understand? We will be at that point in a few months. We are not right now.

          5. Here’s the thing though. Herd immunity isn’t happening. The magic threshold is as high as 95% with the more infectious variants and 30% of the US is vehemently opposed to vaccines. Yes, some of those people have prior immunity from infection but it likely isn’t as good as vaccine-induced immunity, especially against variants, and many of them are still uninfected. Even after our mass vaccination campaign, there are going to be plenty of susceptible people for Covid to use as a host. No matter what you or I or the OP of this thread do, Covid will continue burning through the unvaccinated population, and yes, it may launch variants that eventually weaken immunity and require booster shots. That’s the unfortunate reality and it’s not ideal, but it’s also not a catastrophe like the original outbreak when the population had no collective immunity. If you want to shelter in place until Covid is gone or there’s a booster shot designed for every scary variant, that’s your prerogative. But you will be sheltering in place for the rest of your life, and you can’t expect others to do the same. The vaccines will almost certainly make this an illness that causes fewer annual deaths than the flu and that’s a level of risk most people can live with. There is nothing wrong with wanting to take your vaccine, mask up and get back to normal life.

          6. Not everyone who wants a vaccine can get one. I can’t. Most of my friends can’t. Why is your weekend away more important than waiting a few months for us to be able to get vaccinated?

          7. I’m not any of the prior posters, but the end zone for me is when every adult who wants a vaccine can get one that day or week. I.e., not technically eligible but can’t get an appointment, but if you want it here is the shot. That is probably happening in June, I would guess. I’m not traveling, doing any door events, or anything other things that are recommended against till that happens, even after I’m personally vaccinated.

          8. I’m not the OP and don’t know when she’s traveling, but I have seen a lot of people attacked here for asking about summer/fall travel. I’ve also seen multiple comments (although perhaps all from one anxious person) saying that vaccines for every adult who wants one is not sufficient to resume normal life, and we have to wait until Covid is vanquished due to herd immunity and anyone who won’t wait until Covid is completely gone is responsible for new variants that will kill us all or put us all back in lockdown (there’s a comment like that upthread, in fact).
            I agree that it’s worth waiting until vaccines are more widely available before traveling and personally am not planning any air travel until late June when I assume vaccines will be much more available.

          9. The vaccine ends things when everyone who wants one has gotten it or is able to walk up and get it. Not when there are tons of people wanting it who can’t get it. What is so difficult about this? Hell I moved to Florida (a preplanned move) and I sure as heck am not hosting visitors.

          10. @LaurenB, that’s your position and I don’t disagree with you, but I’ve seen many comments here to the effect that widespread vaccine availability is not enough and we have to wait until herd immunity brings the number of confirmed cases and deaths way down, because otherwise the virus will still be spreading and creating variants. Herd immunity is unlikely to happen, at least not any time soon, because of how many people are against the vaccine. In my red state, it’s already open to all adults because there’s so much skepticism about vaccines and we’ve only vaccinated ~25% of the population, so clearly we aren’t going to attain the 90-95% necessary for proper herd immunity any time soon, if ever. Not being able to vaccinate kids also hugely complicates the push for herd immunity, since kids are over 20% of the population of the US.

        2. And the trials were done during times with minimal travel and mandated mask wearing. You can’t assume the same results will occur under different circumstances.

          1. Vaccine effectiveness is determined by comparing cases in a vaccinated group to cases in a placebo group. I understand that reducing travel and mandating masks reduces total Covid infection, but it does so in everyone, not just in the vaccinated group. There’s no scientific basis for assuming the vaccine will be less effective in the real world. And data out of Israel suggests the “real world” numbers are in fact almost identical to the trial numbers.

    3. It’s more of a drive, but I really like West Palm Beach and Palm Beach. The biggest downside is there aren’t reasonably priced hotels immediately on the beach so you have to plan to walk or drive instead of just walking out of your hotel and on to the beach.
      I did Fort Lauderdale once and it wasn’t during a high tourist time. The beaches were nice and it was not party central. So maybe just stay there?
      Have a great trip!

      1. Thanks! We know the PB area well and are looking further south for the reason you mention – affordable space a short walk to the beach. Just hoping to avoid any unexpected excessive honky-tonk.

          1. I am probably biased because my horribly racist and mean grandmother used to live there but I think Delray Beach is h*ll on earth. It’s so incredibly boring. I would definitely try to find something in Fort Lauderdale.

          2. I stay in delray for work travel and I can totally imagine a lot of racist old people living there. However it’s a nice place to stay because the beaches are beautiful and less crowded, and there are a lot of cute restaurants on the main drag. Although I’m not eating in restaurants right now, so my recollections are more about the Before Times.

    4. Do not come here. The Mayor has been very clear, tourists are not wanted right now. Curfews are set at 8pm for the next month or more in hopes of discouraging tourism. Your vacation might be safe for you in terms of risks you are willing to take, it’s not safe for residents who don’t want travelers bringing more virus and more variants here.

      Literally, the Mayor has said not to come. The city has curfews which have further locked down residents, specifically to deter visitors. Locals are already suffering because of tourists and you would be adding to this. Nothing you say about your own risk should take priority over this reality for the residents. Anything else is just blatant disregard for others. Either choose somewhere inviting tourists to visit or wait until the city reopens to tourism.

        1. Not at all the point, don’t be intentionally obtuse, spring break in FL and the tourism is causing widespread issues for residents. It floods hospitals with morons and accident victims and it brings variants with the travelers. It is already hard enough due to a terrible governor and very poor access to vaccines (or no access at all) for most. There is absolutely no way to justify making things worse for locals by risking their health because you’d like a sunny vacation. Just own your selfishness as it is or stop being selfish. Also, stop flaunting it online as if you are unaware of the selfishness. Hearing that you prioritize a bit of sun over our lives is disgusting and traumatizing to know how little other humans care for one another.

    5. Sounds wonderful – have fun!! My sister lives in Florida and they are all doing fine there. I think you will have a great time!

      1. This. For all the pearl clutching about how we’re killing each other by going about life as normal, Florida is probably the US state that’s been the most fully open and anti-mask and has a relatively low per capita death rate, despite a TON of vulnerable (elderly) people. Unless there’s a massive weather component to this that people are seriously underestimating, Florida is kind of proof positive that we can go back to normal and things won’t get totally out of control. And I say that as someone who was basically fully locked down (by choice) until I got vaccinated.

          1. I don’t believe their testing numbers are accurate necessarily, but we haven’t seen the level of hospital overwhelm there that we’ve seen in many more locked down states, including CA and NYC. Your ICUs being so overwhelmed that people are dying in the hallways is not something you can keep secret, at least not in a country with a free press. All it takes is one doctor or nurse or orderly with a camera phone and the whole world finds out about it.

      2. This does sound wonderful and you are not being selfish at all. People on this board are really ridiculous sometimes. You’re vaccinated- go enjoy your life!

      3. To the OP, I support your trip and hope you have a great time. Count my vote as someone who believes that once you are 2 weeks past your second shot, you are good to go with travel. I want to make sure that the voices who want all of us to stay indoors indefinitely aren’t the only ones which are heard. I also want to state that there is no reason for you to wait until every one who wants a vaccine is able to get one before you travel. I support your decisions and wish you well!

  3. Hi all – I am looking for a tool that will convert my handwritten notes to text that then become searchable after electronic conversion, with support for either Evernote or OneNote. Several years ago I used Evernote very successfully for this (took picture of my notes with app, then searched within the Evernote app), but I recently tried it again and the accuracy of the text search was terrible. I’ve also tried RocketBook and the syncing to OneNote was very poor (and although syncing to Evernote worked the text searching didn’t). I’m considering some sort of smart pen (Livescribe, Neo Smartpen)? Looking for recommendations on what has worked for you! Would love to get an iPad pro but that is out of my budget.

    1. One of the remarkable tablets? Although I think they are quite expensive. I’m surprised that Evernote has gotten worse though? Is it worth reinstalling?

      1. The Remarkable 2 was pretty impressive when I tested it recently (borrowed from a friend) but it is very expensive for what it is. I’ve successfully been using an Intuos graphics tablet for note-taking for a while, but that’s with a full desk and second screen set up – I can see that being terribly awkward in an in-person setting. Anything from a Samsung S6 Tab up will take reasonable notes – something like an S6 lite shouldn’t be too pricey and worked pretty well when I trialled it. (Yes, this is something I’ve been trying to solve for years.)

        1. My most recent attempt at using Evernote was when troubleshooting through syncing with Rocketbook app – maybe the text recognition through Rocketbook is worse than Evernote – I’ll give it a try. And yes – seeing the Remarkable ads everywhere, definitely considering and thanks for the insight Snoozy!

    2. Rocketbook! It’s an eraseable notebook with an app that lets you take a photo of the page and converts it to PDF for you.

  4. Has anyone taken out mortgage in the US to buy real estate abroad in countries like UK or Canada? I don’t think most banks in the US allow this but am curious if there is any work around.

    1. I could be wrong, although I do work in finance so I have some context, but I don’t think it’s a “is there a work around” thing. I believe it’s a regulatory/charter-related thing. I think you either do make loans in a non-US country (ie: loan securitized by assets domiciled in a different country) or you don’t.

    2. I can’t imagine US banks would do this as it would be an expensive hassle for them if they had to foreclose. If you have enough equity in your primary home, you could take out a second mortgage on that.

    3. Not a workaround that I have ever heard. The only option would be to get a loan against US assets like RE or stocks/bonds/cash. Or a Home equity line of credit that has no restrictions on its use.

  5. experiences with plastic surgery, anyone? I have hated my nose my whole life and I am finally seriously considering the idea of getting a rhinoplasty/nose job. would love to hear anyone’s experiences with it.

    1. I did it when I was quite young (16). I had quite a big bump and then broke my nose twice in 2 weeks. It was fine, I looked like a panda for a few weeks, and it did take a year for my nose to settle into its new shape. I now have a very straight nose (although still large), and occasionally people say my son has my nose, and I just chuckle to myself.

      1. +1. This is basically me except I was 30 when I did it. Mine was completely cosmetic and really not that uncomfortable. I had it done on a Wednesday and easily could have worked from home on Friday. I did not need the pain meds. My nose is still large because my head and face are large.
        Finding the right plastic surgeon is probably the most important part. If you post where you live, people may have recs.

    2. i did it when i was 18 bc i needed sinus surgery and it was soooo painful and i kind of regret it. but someone on here recently did this and was very pleased. try to search the site, this was within the past month

    3. Not a nose job, but I have had a couple of cosmetic procedures and my advice to everybody is to double the recovery time the surgeon tells you to expect. Also: No regrets. Go for it!

    4. I am saving up, I’ve wanted rhinoplasty my whole life and couldn’t have dreamed of affording it when I was young. The plastic surgery subr3ddit is great for before-and-afters, it seems more authentic and less curated than RealSelf. Also follow docs on Insta, I don’t otherwise use SM, but made a burner account just for that.

  6. Repost from the weekend (thank you to the one person who responded!):

    What are good resources for in house counsel salaries? entering negotiations for an in house role and would like basis of comparison. Or, if anyone here would share title+comp, I would be appreciative!

    1. No good resource but here’s a data point… HCOL, 08 grad. $220K base salary + 20% bonus. Large private company (10K employees). Titles vary wildly across orgs IMHO but my “grandboss” (dislike the term but whatever) is the GC.

      1. I think sip level boss or manager is the same thing, if you’re looking for a different term.

    3. Last job – Counsel at F500, 12 year tenure, $160K base, 30% cash bonus, 35K stock (I believe I was underpaid as a function of being there a long time)
      Current job – GC of small privately held company, $220K base, $25K in cash bonus, extremely generous retirement plan

    4. This is going to depend a lot on the location, the size of the company, and how they structure compensation. I’ve been practicing for 10 years, and I make 180k base & 20k bonus at a very large company in a MCOL city. My company’s legal organization is massive. I was in-house at another company several years ago, and my base was $100k with a bonus up to 20% (but it was typically lower).

      1. my comp is very similar – VP of legal at a mid-sized organization in a HCOL city, practicing for 14 years. 180K base, up to 20% cash bonus. When I had a corporate counsel title, my range was 100-140K, increased over time and with lateral moves. All tech companies.

    5. Hi – in house at a large financial institution in NYC. Made 185 plus around 40 bonus when I joined 5 years ago as a 5th year at my firm. Now up to 220 at Director level, bonus of around 80k (some cash, some stock). I get the sense that our bank’s comp is somewhat low compared to others, but I have done well within our organization (i.e., I am reasonably confident that my bonuses are better than most, assuming my boss tells me the truth).

    6. I recently got an offer at a FAANG company for a Corp counsel role (10+ years out of law school) and it was about 300k, no bonus, plus stock.

    7. Senior Counsel (6 years experience) at large bank. I live in MCOL city. $140k base + ~$20k cash bonus

    8. F500 in MCOL, 14 years of practice, $215k, 30k restricted stock, 25%bonus target.

    9. Counsel in a fully remote role, 2013 grad, MCOL, $125k salary + 15% bonus, no stock, company pays all health insurance premiums

    10. I recommend you also check out the Barker Gilmore surveys, the Tech GC survey (if you have any friends who participated) and the Lawyer Whisperer blog.

      5 years out of school, Corp Counsel (Corp & Securities) at a private tech company, 220K base (no bonus), equity was valued at 60K over four years and has already quadrupled.

    11. Oh–also–sign-on bonuses for in-house roles are a thing, at higher levels. ASK.

    12. 2005 law grad, 4 years into my first in-house gig at a privately held company, in a senior specialist counsel/individual contributor role (no one reports directly to me): ~$200K salary, 30% bonus opportunity that has been paid out in full (or higher) each year. No stock, no LT incentives.

    13. Another data point for you – I spoke with a Tesla recruiter recently about a sr. counsel position located in Fremont. $200k with a $175k equity stake vesting over four years. Did not have direct reports and was mainly sourcing contract negotiation work.

  7. Has anyone bought clothes from Loveappela before? I’ve never heard of the brand so just wanted to do a quality check

    1. Never heard of it either, but I always feel like shopping from Nordstrom is risk-free and convenient enough if you have access to drop off a package for returns. The blouse is cute, and if I didn’t have a couple of similar things, I would definitely be tempted to try it.

      1. Maybe if you have a local Nordstrom where you can make returns in person. Our local store closed and I’ve discovered that mail-in returns processing is a nightmare, compounded by USPS delays. I’m also concerned about Nordstrom’s policy of banning shoppers for excessive returns, which is not clearly defined. I now won’t buy anything from Nordstrom unless I’m pretty certain I won’t need to return it.

        1. Counterpoint. I’ve had no problem with USPS shipping on Nordstrom returns. I schedule a free pickup on the USPS site. I’m worried about package theft so I put the package out in the morning, just before my postal carrier typically arrives.

    2. I bought the vee neck jersey maxi dress several years ago for vacation and was satisfied with it. Although not high quality, I thought its quality exceeded its price a little bit. Since it was for vacations and hasn’t gotten regular use, I can’t speak to how well it holds up.

    3. A few years ago I bought two of the Loveappella Short Sleeve Wrap Top Jumpsuits–material works well for summer and is flattering. They have held up fairly well and are easy to launder. The jumpsuits are a little pricey for what it’s worth; however, I see the jumpsuits are on sale at Nordies.

  8. Impulse bought a new iPhone this morning. Reassure me setting it up isn’t going to be too hard? Sticking with the same carrier just moving from a sad broken 7 to a 12mini.

    1. As long as you remember your apple ID password, setup is a snap. The weirdest/slowest part is training the facial recognition function, because you need to move your head around while looking in the camera for a while.

    2. I just did this and it was mostly super easy, except that when the new phone is setting up, it insists on updating the OS before it will do anything else. Mine got hung up on that for almost an hour before I killed it and started over. The second time it worked fine (though it’s still sort of annoying that it makes you wait for the OS update before you can do anything else- the second time was maybe 15 minutes before moving on to transferring everything from the old phone). I still had to tweak some settings, but most things transferred over automatically.

    4. I always forget about the part where you have to update the IOS on the new phone, which was slow for me. Just allow yourself uninterrupted time and you’ll be fine.

    5. Ok thanks everyone! Mine currently won’t do phone calls at all so it really was time.

    6. It’s a snap. The most annoying part is logging back into apps – although they’ll all automatically re-download in your same folders and everything, passwords don’t.

    7. If you use WhatsApp those conversations have to be backed up separately – I lost about three months of chat history when I upgraded last summer. Otherwise it’s simple

    8. i also have the 12 mini!! i LOVE it, great size. set up was a breeze, they walk you through everything

    9. Setup is super easy. You may have to sign into some apps again so make sure you know your passwords. That’s about it. They send very detailed instructions with the new phone so don’t worry too much about it.

  9. Covid stress has turned me into a major jaw clencher. I’m trying to find a mouth guard that works for nighttime, but honestly it’s a problem all day too and my jaw is so sore. Dr. Google says Botox can be a successful treatment. Logically that seems like it makes a lot of sense in terms of retraining my jaw to relax. Has anyone tried it and had good results?

    1. Unfortunately, you need to go to a TMJ specialist. Botox is not an appropriate treatment for all teeth clenching and nighttime grinding. A quick hand– if you can see the lower part of your jaw looking somewhat bulbous (Bethany Frankel is a textbook example), you may qualify and it might help. I didn’t have that problem and it wasn’t a solid treatment option. You will likely need a custom night guard and treatment plan. Don’t delay–you can seriously damage your teeth and jaw.

    2. My winning combo for TMJ/clenching has been a dentist-made night guard, physical therapy, and acupuncture.

    3. Yes, IMHO you need to see a medical professional to get a custom medical grade mouth guard, not one you yourself order off the internet (at least, that’s the impression I get that you are doing when you say you are trying to find a mouth guard).
      I’m a teeth grinder and I get mine from my dentist, not sure at what point a TMJ specialist is the more appropriate option but probably one of the two works.

      1. I got mine from my dentist. It wasn’t covered by insurance and cost me about $500 a number of years ago and was worth every penny. I’d wake up in the morning and my jaw would hurt so bad. It was difficult to eat for several hours after I woke up.

        I’ve had the same guard all these years, too, the dentist checks it for fit each time I have a checkup and adjusts it if needed (she had to do this after I got my crowns). All the adjustments were free.

        I’d start with your dentist. Also, I wonder if wearing one at night will help with day time pain and clenching too. Just a thought.

    4. You should call your dentist, they can give you a good recommendation or even a prescription dental guard. The issue with the OTC kind is if it is improperly fitting it could mess up your bite over time and leave you worse off over all.

      1. +1. I just had impressions done and I’m picking up my night guard next week. I’ve spent a chunk of money on crowns and I don’t want to grind them into dust.

    5. My dentist referred me to a TMJ specialist. He said I didn’t need surgery (whew!) and sent me for massage/PT—it made all the difference in the world. Like night and day and loosened up areas I hadn’t even realized were tight—like across my scalp.I’d talk to a specialist before assuming you know the right treatment.

    6. Haven’t tried Botox, but I do agree it makes sense. They use it for migraines too and I always thought that made sense as well, in my very not-a-doctor brain.

      I did used to have really bad TMJ in college. I had constant clicking when I opened and closed my jaw, and one time my jaw actually locked for about a week and I couldn’t open more than one inch. I went to an oral surgeon and he said there was nothing they could really do aside from a mouth guard, but that wouldn’t cure the TMJ. At the time, my sister worked for an acupuncturist and she told him about it. He was trained in a technique called craniosacral therapy, and they were having a training at the clinic and he asked if I wanted to come in as a test subject. I didn’t have high hopes for it, but figured it wasn’t costing anything so might as well try it. I probably went in for around 8 sessions and my TMJ has been 100% gone for 10+ years. So if you can find someone who does craniosacral therapy (I’d ask around at acupuncturist and chiropractor clinics), definitely worth a shot – plus it’s overall just a pleasantly relaxing type of therapy anyway.

    7. Hi, I’ve had TMJ for 25 years and here is what you need to know:

      – part of it is postural — if you are slouching or in otherwise in bad ergonomic shape with your desk at work, that is going to make the problem worse. If you sit up straight and keep your chin up, you should feel your jaw automatically relax. When you’re hunched over your computer or phone it’ll be much worse.
      – get a night guard from your dentist. the DIY ones can actually make the problem worse. The last two I’ve gotten have both been $300 out of pocket
      – the night guard does not treat the problem, it treats the symptom and keeps you from damaging your teeth
      – botox is not a first line solution, it is a last ditch, prior to surgery solution. Normal dentists do not typically administer it, and there are drawbacks to using it. You’ll have to go to a TMJ specialist to get it.
      – generally working on other ergonomic solutions have helped– I have a neck stretcher (hard blue foam thingy about $20 on amazon) and a special pillow to sleep on that have both helped a lot
      – nsaids are your best friend

      1. Absolutely fascinated by your comment about posture! I had no idea the two were connected, but I’ve been focusing on my posture today and realizing how that translates to the way I hold my mouth. Thank you!

    8. Agree with the others – avoid instagram-ad nightguards and either ask your regular dentist for a referral to someone who is a specialist in this or maybe they are (I lucked out, saw a new dentist a few weeks after he took a CLE on TMJ!).

      I spent $600 on my custom night guard last year and it has almost solved 20 years of TMJ problems, literally can’t understand why I waited this long.

      Other things to consider: chiropractor, other upper back and neck relaxation techniques (foam rollers, yoga) because for many the tension starts there and then affects all the little muscles up to neck, ears, jaw; general awareness (I’ve trained myself to check in and physically intentionally unclench throughout the day).

    9. Thank you all! Just called my dentist to schedule an appointment for a proper night guard and consultation.

    10. Me! I loved Botox for this. I could feel my jaw unclench over the several days it takes for Botox to set in. It felt so good and solved the problem. I stopped doing it because Botox is really expensive and I’m trying to go the nightguard route instead, which hasn’t been nearly as effective for me, but if money was no object I would keep doing it!

    12. I found Botox for tmj to be very helpful (by a doctor who treats TMJ). I have also had Botox for chronic migraine and found that helpful for a few years but I found that like most migraine treatments it stops helping after some time. I stopped all Botox a year ago but recently decided to do my jaw again a few times to help things calm down and to help me work on PT to get at the root issues more directly. My advice is if you end up going with Botox as a solution, plan to use the time it gives you relief to work on the core issue(s) and do not plan to just do the Botox indefinitely as it will get less effective.

    13. I had botox for TMJ and it completely ruined my smile. The botox spread to another area of my mouth and a year later, I still have a lopsided smile. I would proceed with caution …

  10. This blouse kind of reads Nickelodeon goes professional to me. It definitely has 90s cartoon color palette going on.

  11. Does anyone want to do some vicarious shopping for me? Looking for some pretty bookends for my new home office. Not even sure what style/direction I’m going to take it, so looking for inspiration!

    1. I’ll play – here’s a variety of styles to start. Any style catch your eye? There’s so many to choose from, it’s hard to search without knowing a general direction.

      Geode bookends – https://www.etsy.com/listing/875465475/natural-geode-bookends?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=bookend&ref=sr_gallery-1-38&organic_search_click=1&frs=1&cns=1

      Stained wood mountain bookends – https://www.etsy.com/listing/753769969/stained-wooden-mountain-bookends?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=bookend&ref=sr_gallery-1-47&organic_search_click=1&col=1

      Sleep minimalist black concrete bookends – https://www.etsy.com/listing/770577550/concrete-bookends-set-2?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=bookend&ref=sc_gallery-1-2&plkey=33f9ab563c9f2c18746f2f21f2ac6c60607925eb%3A770577550&frs=1&bes=1&col=1

      Elephant bookends – these are really similar to a set I use that my grandmother passed on to me – https://www.novica.com/p/hand-carved-wood-bookends-african-elephants/93805/

      These are just fun – Ballon Dog Ceramic Bookend: https://imm-living.com/product/big-top-ballon-dog-ceramic-bookend-teal/#

  12. Had a scandalous dream about a coworker I haven’t seen in person in a year and was never attracted to. And now we have a 10:30 call. Ughhh. Dream me just had your balls in my face.

    2. I have read these dreams indicate a desire to please the other person. Brush it off as that. I used to have similar dreams about professors I had no actual romantic interest in (and one in whom I did have such interest).

    3. I read this comment when I definitely should not have been looking at the internet and had a really hard time controlling my face.

    1. Thanks for the heads up! How does MM Lafleur run? I have never ordered from them before.

  14. My good friend is probating her relative’s estate (as administrator). Relative was “fancy” and had numerous bank accounts/brokerage accounts in half a dozen international countries. It’s challenging even to figure out what assets precisely he had because of differences in terminology (a given account is called two different things; the claim forms are hard to decipher). She can retain a professional to help her navigate these issues but we aren’t sure what type of professional she should even ask? Thanks for any suggestions.

    1. I assume she has a lawyer that at least filed the probate paperwork? I’d ask that person for a referral to whatever professional does this. I assume it would be some kind of lawyer or financial advisor but not sure.

    2. An experienced trusts and estates lawyer should be able to help with this. Legal fees associated with the administration of an estate are paid by the estate, so your friend would not be personally responsible for the fees in her capacity as administrator.

    3. A close relative’s estate is now going through probate in two countries and we needed counsel in both countries, visits to that country’s Embassy, and all US docs have to be translated. You might run into this by country.

  15. Am I crazy to do Honolulu without a car? Staying in Waikiki with a preschooler and mostly just plan to play on the beach right in front of our hotel. We will use a car service to get to/from the airport and we definitely want to go to Hanauma Bay but will use a car service or private tour for that. Even if we had a car I don’t know how much exploring of the island we would be able to do, because the little one naps and we like to avoid the mid-day sun so we plan to go out mostly in the early mornings and late afternoons. It’s weird to me to even consider a Hawaii trip without a car, but it does seem like the stress and cost of driving and parking in the Waikiki area might not be worth it, plus not having to lug the carseat on the plane is a nice bonus.

    2. Not the same thing, but my husband and I did Honolulu without a car for the most part several years ago. We rented one for one day specifically to go to the North Shore, but to your point you could find an alternative way to do that (or skip it altogether). While we didn’t have a toddler nap to consider at the time, we in general prefer not to rent cars on vacation if we can help it because we like to vacation booze : )
      The only main difference is we could take ubers/cabs with ease whereas you will be more restricted as those don’t really have car seats. So while we could explore different restaurants etc you may be more hotel/immediate area-bound, which sounds like what you are planning on doing anyway.

    3. I can’t imagine not driving in Hawaii- I never want to just eat at the resort and at a minimum you might want snack go somewhere on a rainy day. Parking is easy, you can rent a car seat and cost is comparable to a taxi/car both ways to/from the airport.

      1. Downtown Honolulu is pretty different than the rest of Hawaii though. Parking isn’t “easy” – it’s $50 a night for hotel valet and only a little cheaper if you find an independent garage and walk. And there are probably 100 restaurants within half a mile so we definitely won’t be limited to resort dining even without a car. And the car service to and from the airport is way cheaper than a rental car, even before you factor in parking.

          1. I do want opinions and the first two comments were helpful. But the Anon at 10:57 said a bunch of stuff that is just factually wrong (we’ll have to eat at our resort, parking is easy, car rental is cheaper than a car service to and from the airport, etc) so I was just pointing out the inaccuracies. It didn’t even sound like her experience was based on Honolulu but on resorts in other parts of Hawaii, which is totally different. It’s like asking for advice about New York City and someone responding with a comment about Ithaca.

          2. I’m Anon at 10:50 and I agree that the comment that parking was easy struck me as an odd one, even before this tit for tat happened, for what it’s worth. I mean, I’m sure you can factually find it if needed but to say it’s easy to me implies low cost or free and my educated guess/recollection would be you probably pay a lot at the hotels, or do a lot of PITA searching and walking back and forth to lower cost options (if those even exist in reasonable walking distance).

          3. OK cranky OP, I don’t know your specific resort, but I like to drive to a grocery store too, Hawaii is expensive to eat out for every meal. Maybe there’s one close to you, maybe not. I’ve always been able to get a rental car for less than $20/day there and by the time you add up your taxis/Uber’s, it’s a wash. And a half mile walk in Hawaii isn’t the same as in a city, especially with kids. So look, you do you but I’m done trying to help people on here.

          4. “A half mile walk in Hawaii isn’t the same as in a city”
            Uhhh…Honolulu IS a city. And the Waikiki area is pretty flat compared to a lot of other cities. And has paved! sidewalks! that you can push a stroller on. Imagine that! This is why I was annoyed, because it’s obvious you’ve never been to Honolulu and are offering advice about much less developed parts of Hawaii that are totally different.

            Anon at 10:50, your thoughts were helpful, thanks! I think you hit on my concern – that we can’t just easily hop in a Lyft like we could if we were adults only. We could bring a carseat w/o renting a car, but I think having to install it in the Lyft every time we want to go anywhere is too inconvenient (especially since I’m not skilled at carseat installations) so we’ll probably just up renting a car.

    4. There is no need for a car if you are staying in Waikiki and planning to keep to that area. When I went a few years ago, we stayed in Waikiki and didn’t rent a car for the first half of our trip. It wouldn’t have gotten used then anyways, so would have been a big expense for nothing. On the second half, we continued to stay in Waikik but rented a car so we could explore more of the island and see other parts of it. This was always our plan, its not like we got sick of Waikik. But we were at a different point in our life then you are with two little kids, and wanted to do some more active hikes and stuff.

    5. Hello, Honolulu person here. You can easily catch Uber or Lyft from Waikiki to the Ala Moana, Ward or Kaimuki area for relatively inexpensive (depending where in Waikiki and time of day, I would guess $10-15). Enjoy your trip.

  16. I recently read an article in The NY Times about how people with social anxiety were dreading the end of the pandemic because they love not seeing people. I’ve been miserable without both casual and formal social interactions and I’m just feeling angry that so many people relish it.

    Once it’s advisable to do so, I want to go back to dinners out and coffee and play dates for my kid. But I really don’t need people in my life who secretly hate me for wanting to do these things with them. Or people who would rather stay home forever than risk whatever horror they apparently feel when around me. Is there a way to say, hey if you actually hate the idea of hanging out in real life, we can end this friendship? Or hey, if being invited to thanksgiving is a huge stress for you please let me know and you’re off the list from here on out? I’m totally ready for real life to resume but I don’t want to waste any energy on people who hate actually spending time with me.

    1. Get over yourself. Other people’s anxiety is not something they do At You. Resume your life when it’s safe. Invite people you like to do things with you. If they decline, accept that gracefully and move on.

    4. No one is being introverted *at* you.
      I am enjoying for once in my life, my preferred way of life being the norm. The old ways will return and I’ll deal, just like I’ve dealt for the other 42 of my 43 years on this planet. People have different amounts of stimulation they can handle and that’s okay.

    5. I think you’re being insensitive. I understand that you are upset by the pandemic (aren’t we all), but that article was about a small subset of people with severe social anxiety (and annoyingly, it equated introversion with social anxiety, which I hate). These people are in a hard mental place and deserve our sympathy.

      As for your situation, you’re looking for trouble where there is none. Keep inviting your friends to do things once it’s safe and if they don’t show up, it could be for any number of reasons. There’s no need to preemptively plan your strategy for cancelling your friends.

      One more time for everyone else: introversion is not a synonym for anxiety.

      1. Ugh yes I hate it when introversion is equated with social anxiety. THEY ARE NOT THE SAME THING. I am an introvert without social anxiety and I have no problems telling people like OP I’m not up for hanging out this weekend or whatever. Or if I say yes I’ll show up to an event, I will show up even if I don’t 100% feel like it because I made a social promise that I will hold myself to. It’s not you OP, it’s them. But I do agree in general that it can feel personal and feel that they’re being that way *at* you, because you won’t know they’re dealing with social anxiety unless they tell you. (personal experience, one girl who I used to consider “super flaky and useless” in college I later learned had extreme social anxiety about group events and so… yeah looking back that was mean of me to not consider she had her own stuff going on)

      2. Also not a synonym for “didn’t have the manners to call and cancel our plans and instead just ghosted you.”

        1. +1000. It’s super trendy right now to post memes about bailing on plans with the hashtag #introvertproblems but no, that’s called being a jerk. I know plenty of introverts who are wonderful to hang out with (and I like to think I am one as well!). We just need time to recharge afterward.

        3. Right! I just feel like everyone needs to cancel plans sometimes and people have different levels of social interaction they’re comfortable with. That’s fine by me. My friends and family can decline invitations in normal times and I’m not hurt. Some people like to meet for coffee but might decline a group dinner, that’s fine.

          But the idea that some people are *happier* with zero in person contact with people outside their household, or are even upset by the possibility that the pandemic will end? That’s really different and it’s really hurtful to imagine people in my life miss us so little that they’d mourn the *end* of a pandemic. I’m happy to cut these people out of my life since it’s apparently such a horrible psychological burden for them to be around me anyway. I

          2. I don’t think there’s much danger that any of these people have bothered to be friends with you in the first place.

          3. You need to read all the helpful responses you got on this thread to learn more about why this is a “you problem.”

          4. Anon @ 12:22, she’s just bitter at the thought that some people might not have suffered in the exact same way as she has, and she wants to punish them for the fact that she’s had to stay home.

          5. I’m neither introverted nor socially anxious and I think you sound exhausting AF.

          7. You need to grow up. Or, treat whatever crippling anxiety and insecurity regarding friendships is plaguing you. Why are you making the leap from “some people are happier without social contact” to “the people in my life don’t care about me and don’t miss me and hate hanging out with me! I’ll cut them out”? Why? It is completely illogical and unjustified.

    6. I think you’re taking this way too personal. People with social anxiety or who have enjoyed the social respite the pandemic provided don’t secretly hate you or feel horror around you. It’s actually not about you at all. Instead of fixating on how you perceive their social anxiety, perhaps just trust that adults can make their own decisions on how they spend their time. Maybe flip the script in your mind. These types of people don’t like socializing, but they’re willing to do it with you so if they’re spending time with you, it’s not because they hate you, but in fact, they really, authentically like you enough to overcome their natural inclination to stay home.

    7. i think your anger is misplaced against these people and you are just sick of the pandemic. if people don’t want to come, they will say no. or sometimes people don’t necessarily feel like coming but then have fun once they are there. like for me, traveling via plane with my two toddlers for thanksgiving is a huge stress for me…but i’m always glad i did it afterwards, even if the flights are delayed and no one sleeps. also – social anxiety is a real illness and something that people really struggle with. you can be sick of the pandemic, without having so much hate towards people who struggle with social situations

    8. Why are you interpreting other people’s social anxiety as a sign that they harbor personal hatred towards you?

    9. Don’t make up problems. And have some kindness for people with anxiety and disabilities that have been struggling for most of their lives and are trying to see the silver lining in an incredibly difficult time. If you’re so disgusted by your friends, they’ll probably just stop trying to see you anyway. You don’t need to worry about this.

    10. You need to realize that if you meet your friends with this level of seething rage, they’re going to stop hanging out with you, but it won’t be due to social anxiety. No one wants to hang out with someone who is a jerk or who puts down their way of life. I suggest that you work on yourself if you want to keep those friendships.

    11. The pandemic has been hard on everyone, and your post makes me think that it’s taken on a toll on you too. I would explore your thoughts with a therapist because they sound unhealthy. Good luck to you.

    12. Maybe consider how much silent resentment of the expected norms of social interaction that introverts have had to hide all the other years. And how uncomfortable it is for them to meet the expected norms which are set by extroverts. See how the shoe fits on the other foot?

      1. Yuppp I’ve had to live my life for 30 years with extroversion being the standard, it’s been an exhausting life. For one year in my whole life my way of being is the norm, that’s an incredible luxury. I don’t think OP has ever considered what a luxury it is that society is literally designed for her preferences, yet she throws a fit when she’s inconvenienced.

        1. Could you imagine a world where it’s literally against the law, or considered dangerous to public health for you to have any recharging alone time? Because that’s what happened to me without any outside socialization. The whole world can open up and I can dance in the streets with every “extrovert” in town and you can stay home forever alone in your preferred state. We can both be happy. I have no animosity towards that. I have animosity that people are wishing to extend the pandemic, prolonging other people’s misery rather than just being honest that they don’t want real life friends. I cannot believe people are literally happier that other people are miserable because in an alternative world they’d feel obligated to sometimes to have a drink, even though they are 100% allowed to say no.

          1. I think you need to step away from this thread and potentially consider therapy. Your level of toxic anger and hatred towards people who are different from you is really becoming alarming. You’re not the only one who has suffered during this pandemic and you need to stop acting like it.

          2. Introverts do not have the option of opting out of life, it’s very telling you think that’s an option. Introverts need to use their social reserves to earn a salary, obtain medical care, feed themselves etc. Introverts do not have a choice. It’s ‘rude’ to not engage in small talk, or skip a work lunch, or heaven forbid work with your door closed. The social stigma against introversion is strong and being a successful adult requires bending to fit an extrovert society.

          3. Oh, give me a break. Nobody wants to extend the pandemic. Maybe some people think that some states are reopening prematurely and there will be public health repercussions. Maybe some people who are susceptible to illness want to extend mask-wearing on the subway. Maybe some introverts will re-evaluate their personal choices after the pandemic ends. But literally zero people are saying “Hey, let’s extend lockdown forever so there will never be happy hour again!”

            It has never been illegal for you to socialize. You can meet up with people outdoors with masks. You can Zoom. You can call people on the phone. Is your problem that you don’t have any actual friends and rely on random people you meet in bars for conversation?

          4. I could be wrong, but I get the feeling that the people who want to extend the lockdown have a severe martyr complex, anxiety about other issues, or just weigh risk much differently than I do (from what I’ve seen on this board). Yea, I don’t want to return to the office but that is far outweighed by my concern for kids missing school, the economy, ability to see family abroad, etc.

          5. We need to get rid of this myth that there are people who want the pandemic to never end. Yes, they want some of the BEHAVIORS and HABITS they adopted during the pandemic to never end, but they are not literally wishing that there will be high levels of deadly virus rampaging around the country to ensure that they always have an easy out for happy hour. That’s not a thing and never was.

          6. Oh good grief. No one wants to “extend the pandemic.” People with public health credentials have real concerns over opening up too quickly, but that’s something entirely different.

    13. I promise you that the article didn’t interview all your friends and write it specifically directed at you. You’re taking it way too personally. Introversion/extroversion is a personality trait, not something that people do AT you. Most certainly their own social anxiety is not something that is about you! Think of it this way – extroverts have gotten all of normal times (basically everyones entire lives) to have the normal social expectation be favored in that feels comfortable to them. For one year now, introverts got to have the normal social expectation be in a way that feels comfortable to them. Almost no one (aside from a healthy minority on this board that I do not believe is representative of the general public) is saying that we’re not going to go back to the societal normal of parties and dinners out and coffee and play dates, which will be more comfortable for extroverts again and less comfortable for introverts. Its not weird that introverts are not looking forward to that aspect of the pandemic ending, even if overall they want things back to normal.

    14. I am an introvert who finds social situations stressful, and I don’t relate to this article at all. Even though I don’t like large gatherings where I have to mingle, one-on-one or small group interactions are so much easier in person. I hate e-mail, the phone, and Zoom. I’d much rather stick my head in someone’s office to say hello.

    16. Wow, how can you possibly be angry that other people aren’t struggling with this like you are because they have different preferences than you do? No one is going to simultaneously secretly hate you but also hang out with you, wasting your precious energy. Good lord, how did you manage to take this so personally?

    17. Introvert here! If you know any introverts who have done these things with you, it’s because they like you and they wanted to!

      And if they’ve ever declined because of their introversion, they probably STILL wanted to spend time with you! They just knew they wouldn’t have stamina for it because they would be wasting their social energy on forced social interactions like office birthday parties.

      It sounds like you can understand how some alone time is okay but too much is too much. Can you understand that for introverts, socializing can be too much in just the same way, which is why we want it to be easier to save our socializing for the people we really care about?

    18. I’m an extrovert with some social anxiety. My husband is an introvert with amazing social intelligence. Our son is an introvert with still-developing social skills. All different things. None of us hate the idea of hanging out with people in real life. I have to address my anxiety for specific social situations but actually love being in an office and socializing in small groups. My husband loves being around people and can be the life of the party but feels exhausted afterwards. Our son has loved having more time to himself, and does much better with a lot of downtime between social activities (and school is one long social activity), but he enjoys himself while hanging out with other people.

      Pre-Covid, on a typical Saturday, we’d leave the house at 8:30 for swim lessons, a birthday party, lunch with a friend or relative, and a playdate at the park, and return at 3 or 4. We will probably pick and choose our weekend activities more carefully instead of planning 5-6 things every weekend. That doesn’t mean we hate spending time with anyone, don’t value their friendship, or won’t be coming to Thanksgiving.

    19. One other thing – I actually bet that some introverts (like me) will be MORE interested in social plans if we are allowed to continue WFH. If I don’t have to exhaust my social reserves on coworkers I dislike at the office, I’m that much more likely to be energized and ready for fun weekend plans. If you want things to be more “normal” in your social life, see what you can do to make permanent WFH a thing at your office!

        1. Agreed. Introvert here. I was just discussing with husband how much happier I am exchanging scheduled “catch up” phone calls with work friends… while not having to hear my office neighbor mansplain about sportsball. I’m definitely chattier with my IRL friends and acquaintances when I don’t have to use social energy all day at the office.

      2. I hadn’t thought about it like this, but you are SO RIGHT. I have so much more social energy to give my friends and family these days, and it’s absolutely because I don’t waste it on people I don’t need to interact with or don’t like.

    20. That article and similar posts like it here stir up a lot of feelings for me as well. I’m a extrovert with pretty severe social anxiety (on medication and in therapy), and I really struggle extending invitations and initiating friendships and even participating in conversations and all those other things that I need to do in order to have a life that feels meaningful to me because of the anxious voice in my head that tells me no one wants to hang out with me, people only spend time with me out of pity and will resent me if they have to see or hear me too often, etc. So I absolutely get where you are coming from, even if I also recognize that it’s about my own insecurities.

    21. Introvert here (but not social anxiety). I wouldn’t assume that people are agreeing to spend time with you but secretly don’t want to (except in the case of family maybe). I just lie and say I’m busy if people with overbearing personalities want to hang out.

      1. Yup. I am a COVID-cautious introvert and even I have been engaging in distanced, masked outdoor socialization. I think OP’s problem is that she is so self-centered that she doesn’t have any actual friends.

    25. This is an interesting thread! As an introvert, I don’t accept invitations to stuff I don’t wanna do and then secretly resent the person who invites me. I do get a little irritated with people who expect me to prioritize all the social things all the time, and go “Awwww, whyyyyyyy???” when I turn down an invitation for whatever reason. I’m excited to see people again, but I also know my social stamina isn’t what it used to be, and I do worry that some of my extrovert friends might take it personally if I can’t go from zero to sixty on the social stuff this summer.

      However, I simply plan on communicating my boundaries and limitations when needed, and my hope is that while it might be off-putting to some, the people who care about me as a person will ultimately understand. I imagine I’ll say things like “hey friend, I appreciate the invite, but this party looks pretty big and I’m not sure I’m ready for that yet, but have fun, and I hope to reconnect in smaller social settings in the nearish future!” Or “Thanks for including me, but I already have plans that weekend, and after spending so much time in isolation I’m trying not to overdo it on the social stuff right now, but let’s grab lunch sometime soon!”

  17. Without going into the reason why, starting in 2 weeks I’m going to be jobless for at least 1 month, possibly 2. I am SO EXCITED. Haven’t had any real days off in over a year, including weekends, and even on holidays my work just weighed on me immensely. Suggestions for things to do over this time? So far all I can think of is tackling my long to do list of administrative tasks , learn to bake sourdough bread (longtime goal of mine), Konmari my wardrobe and try to to sell things on Poshmark. Maybe volunteer at a local food bank?

    1. Don’t fill precious time with chores. I’d prioritize doing what sets my soul on fire. Day trips to the beach. Picnics with good books. Diving into a craft project. Going away somewhere- I’m in NYC and would def be looking at a road trip down to Charleston or New Orleans.

    2. I give this advice every time this question comes up, but I really stand by it: spend the absolute bare minimum amount of time on chores. A month off is an enormous gift and the fastest way to make the time pass while feeling like you did absolutely nothing at all is to treat it like one big chore day. Spend one day at most tackling all the admin stuff in one go, but then spend the rest of the time learning how to bake that bread, trying new workouts, spending time outside, looking for cool COVID-friendly attractions in your area (where would a tourist go if visiting your town?), reading that huge novel you’ve never had time to start…volunteering is another great idea as well. Also, fight the urge to give in to Netflix binges (one thing that works for me is only allowing Netflix AFTER I’ve done the cool adventure/outing/fun hobby that day). If you follow this advice, I PROMISE you you will feel 10x as refreshed and ready for your new job.

    3. On the sourdough – do you already have a starter? If not, I suggest starting it now. It took me a lot longer to get a good starter going than recipes would have you believe. I think I pitched my first attempt and started over. If you start now, you stand a good chance of having an active starter by the time you’re ready for it.

        1. I disagree. Making our own starter makes it unique to you and your environment, and you only have to tend to it once a day to get it going.

    4. I’m jealous! My focus would be reading lots of books, enjoying the weather, and safely socializing with friends. Maybe beating a videogame. Volunteering sounds nice.

    5. I hear a lot of people saying don’t make it a big long chore day, and I agree. However, I used some time while (involuntarily) unemployed working on some big administrative tasks that have saved or made my family thousands of dollars. Stuff like filing a homestead exemption with the county, finding an insurance broker to shop rates, and researching investments. Don’t get caught in the cycle of dishes and laundry everyday, but I definitely recommend tackling some larger projects that feel too overwhelming to tackle during a regular workday.

      1. +1. Getting to spend time on the big, project-like ‘chores’ that I normally have no time for is refreshing for me. I feel a nice sense of accomplishment afterwards.

    6. Schedule your days like you were a toddler! Big breakfast and morning outing followed by lunch, nap/chill/housework time, outdoor physical activity, and then dinner and evening TV, reading, or chatting with friends before a peaceful bedtime routine!

  18. So if Margo Martindale were a bit younger and maybe a size 8-10 (not sure what size she is — am always overwhelmed by her character’s sheer evilness) and worked at a senior role in a casual office, where would / should she shop?

    I slid a couple of sizes as I got older and always bought cheap shift dresses, but now I’ve decided to go all in on my current size as we return to the office. It’s the senior role but casual thing that’s throwing me. I can buy casual clothes. I can buy “senior role” clothes. But I am struggling with “senior role/casual” clothes. It doesn’t help that I haven’t been to a place that sells clothes (other than Target/Walmart) in forever. Price isn’t a huge object — I’m going for a capsule wardrobe anyway, so I can spend on a few good pieces as we start going back to the office.

    [When I was younger, I used to think of who’d play me if my life were a movie. It’s now Margo, but I swear I’m not evil enough to deserve her. And after binging on The Americans, I just adore her. I know she was the (again, evil) mom in Million Dollar Baby, but I know she’s been awfully good in a million things.]

    1. This question makes no sense to me. She’s a person?

      But if you want polished clothes but not too fancy JCrew and Ann Taylor sell them.

    2. I think it’s a visual — if something looks good on Margo, it would look good on the OP. I guess I want to grow up and look like Helen Mirren, but I am guessing probably not.

    3. Chico’s. I admit, I had to look this woman up, but her style is solidly Chico’s.

      1. I had to look her up too. She is not the exemplar of how a senior professional should dress. Maybe a branch manager on The Office would dress that way.

      2. Is there a better-than-Chico’s option out there? To me, it is a bit brunch-in-Boca and not something to wear to a senior job in the office, no matter how casual.

        What does a woman wear to rein in tech bros who are decades younger?

        1. Jeans that fit well and approximate but do not strictly follow trends, a solid-color t-shirt, an interesting blazer or jacket, and awesome shoes.

        5. I’m not super evil but I’m senior and getting more casual by the minute and I wear a lot of J Crew these days. Also if you have a brick-and-mortar Nordstrom near you and can do a personal shopper appointment that might be a good option (I did one with my son earlier in the pandemic and everybody masked and distanced and the store was empty and it felt safe, but YMMV).

          What you want, I think, are well-cut jeans or trousers, funky jackets and sweaters, great shoes. (If I were in tech I would be stomping around in lug-sole boots all day long, I think.) I wear a lot of midi skirts but maybe that’s a thing in tech and maybe it isn’t. The key is, as Stacy and Clinton used to say, to look expensive. Also funky and expensive jewelry or scarves if that’s your thing.

          2. SA, can you please explain this to my husband? I am a petite woman in my early 40s who routinely has to tell powerful people 30 years older than me either what to do or why they are wrong. My husband makes fun of me when I tell him I need to make myself look like I can eat them alive. As a good-looking, loud-voiced man over 6 feet tall, he just doesn’t get it.

          4. *sigh*

            Next time he does it, say “I need to look like I can eat them alive so they won’t do what you are doing right now.”

        6. I remember Condi Rice in her sharp black coat and boots and thinking I wanted to be her when I grew up. Can you channel some of that strong shoulder energy?

    4. I think I would wear a mix of jardigans, funky blazers and nice trouser cut or straight good condition jeans or maybe cool wide leg pants with accessories (scarf, cool necklace). Maybe wedge shoes or loafers or the Everlane low heel or similar (I have not worn real shoes in a year…). I think the mistake here would be to be unintentional and then you don’t feel confident to project that senior level vibe. It sounds like there aren’t good role models already, so you can set the standard and I would err on the side of more put together. I think Everlane and J.Crew could be good sources for this style.

    6. Possibly too late for this to be seen, but just in case – I have a slightly senior role and I am quite a bit older than most of the co-workers in a very casual office. I rely a lot on the third piece – jacket, jardigan, cardigan, etc. Completer pieces + interesting shoes/jewelry go a long way to make jeans and a shell/tee look and feel professional.

      And as for Chico’s but better – Eileen Fisher, or maybe Talbot’s? I’ve been leaning more toward Lands’ End and J. Crew lately.

    7. I love Margo Martindale. I saw her first in Justified and she lit up my TV screen. What an amazing actress.

      I think you are saying you have her body type and I understand that. I am there as well. I sometimes say I am Julia Child shaped. Tall and not much of a defined waist.

      I don’t shop in any one store but I know the styles that work for me – loose tops, narrow pants, a third piece (jacket or cardigan) that lies straight and gives me some vertical lines – and I stick to those from anywhere.

  19. Is there anywhere nice on the FL Gulf Coast for adults to stay for a long weekend? I want to plan a 3-4 day stay in that area that is not in one of the spring break towns, but those are the only ones I am familiar with. I don’t need much, just somewhere quiet and pretty with a restaurant or two.

      1. Yes, this. Marco Island is WONDERFUL and less busy than Naples and Destin. Naples was so busy and high-end spring break-like the last time I was there in 2019.

    3. Do you consider Destin a spring break town? It is a little tacky and touristy, but I was stunned by how beautiful the beaches are there, and if you stay right on the beach you can pretty much avoid the tackiness.

      1. Fwiw, I have been to Marco and Naples and I think the beaches are much nicer in Destin.

      2. I’m not sure when OP is going to Florida, but Destin will be MOBBED during the spring break time frame. I live in a nearby southern state, and it is a hugely popular spring break destination, to the point that you run into people you know while down there. I think any city along 30A will be crowded during March/April, but a place like Seaside or Rosemary Beach usually has a less families-on-spring-break vibe in my experience. And I agree that the beaches in that area are so beautiful.

        1. This is what I am.looking for. I am hoping to go over the next 3-6 weeks, but also maybe multiple times over the year. My SO has been going to that area during the week and I want to wrap a weekend stay for us into it but not in one of the popular spring break towns. I hadn’t heard of either of the places you suggested. Thanks.

        2. That makes sense. I said Destin because I was thinking of the area in general, but our VRBO was actually in Miramar Beach which is a bit quieter I think, though still touristy. I will have to add Seaside and Rosemary Beach to my list of places for future trips. We did it as a Covid-safe trip (we drove and stayed in a private rental) but we liked it so much we would actually love to go back even in more normal times.

    5. To clarify – I really.mean the panhandle, not just Gulf Coast. Poor phrasing. So Destin and Panama City Beach area.

    7. Naples gets my vote for mix of dining and beaches. A friend stayed on Anna Maria Island (fly into Tampa) for several months and loved it.

      1. Thanks. This is not the area I am looking at right now (I meant panhandle but said Gulf Coast) but in fact this is an area we might venture later in the year so I am noting this suggestion.

    9. Agree with everyone on 30A! Check out some of the quieter places between Seaside and Rosemary Beach like Seagrove. Although I love The Pearl in Rosemary Beach!

      1. One more—if you want even sleepier, check Mexico Beach although there aren’t many restaurants and it’s still recovering from the hurricane a few years ago.

    11. Thanks for so many great suggestions! We are definitely going to try somewhere around 30A this time. I just didn’t know there were so many good options there. Off to research.

    12. Out of curiosity, what is it that got people riled up about taking a quiet long weekend getaway in FL on the first thread, but this one garnered just helpful responses about choice of town? I think this is the first post about travel that hasn’t been swamped in… a year.

      Have a fun trip, OP :) I can’t help you with panhandle recs since I’ve never been, but always take mental notes on others’ threads for future plans.

      1. People got it all out on the first Florida thread? But also OP didn’t mention flying. People here seem to have a real pet peeve about flying in particular.

      2. I think the lockdown luvvers shot their wad too soon. Note to self: post a decoy thread when requesting travel recs.

  21. I am looking for a work tote I found online a few years ago. It was a large tote bag with a shoe compartment that either zipped at the bottom of the bag or there was a pocket in the bottom to stick shoes in. I think the bag was maybe neoprene, but it could have been another material, like canvas or nylon. I spent a ton of time googling looking for this bag, and can’t find it. It isn’t the Lo and Sons bag, but I think it was similar to that one. Any ideas? Thanks!

      1. I do because I wanted the largest possible bag for travel and didn’t want to have a separate bag for the office. I am small and do not find it overly gigantic. Au contraire–I have the older version and find that it doesn’t really have enough space for a pair of shoes along with purse contents, computer, notebook, compact umbrella, and chargers.

      2. I do! Yes, it’s ginormous. But I needed ginormous. I had been toting multiple bags for lunches and snacks, gym clothes and toiletries and makeup, and a work laptop, plus carrying a coffee thermos—and I needed to accept that I packed a lot of things and one bag would ultimately look more polished than three + coffee. Truly love the bag.

        1. To me, this is what backpacks are for. I’m not 16, I can’t carry all that stuff on one shoulder anymore to look cool.

        2. Thank you! This is really helpful. I am also a multiple bags person, and I hate it. I want something that I can use for lunch, gym clothes, and work stuff, in addition to coffee and a water bottle. I am relatively tall (5′ 8″), so I am hoping it won’t be too large on my frame. Do you have the medium or large?

          1. I have the medium, and it’s been enough space for me! But there’s a good return policy, if I recall correctly, so don’t be afraid to pack it full when it arrives and assess whether it will do what you need it to do.

      3. OG is big – it’s not my “normal work bag” unless I’m also traveling, carrying gym clothes with me or – back in the day – had to lug pumping supplies. OMG is smaller and I’d say it’s more “normal work bag” sized.” Both are pretty smartly designed and compartmentalized.

    3. Check out Caraa. They have this bag that you are describing, and I think one of the totes even has backpack straps (I have their backpack and love it).

      1. It definitely looked similar to the Landon Carryall. I wonder if the bag I looked at was a Dagne Dover that has been discontinued? It was definitely more of a tote shape than the Landon is, and it had a shoe compartment.

  22. I need help with how to change up my eating/food. I did strict Keto for about a year and lost ~38 lbs, which was especially easy during the early days of quarantine when I was cooking all of my meals. But as I started eating out more (or ordering more take out) and doing small dinner parties with my quarantine pod (in addition to weekend alcohol drinking), I’ve put back on around 20ish lbs. In the meantime I’ve also started working out on my Peloton every day and I just cannot envision going back to a strict Keto lifestyle. My sole joy during quarantine has been socializing with my quarantine pod and I want to be able to drink and eat with friends on weekends without strict restrictions and I want to be able to add more fruit and different veggies into my diet, especially as restaurants and bars start to safely open back up (I’m vaccinated and so is my pod).

    Has anyone successfully transitioned off Keto to a different eating lifestyle and has any suggestions? Or do other people have eating plans (notice I’m not calling it a diet – has to be a lifestyle for me) that are based on real food (meat, dairy, fruit, veggies), forgiving of alcohol consumption and some cheating on weekends, and that also works with working out 5-6 days a week? At this point I’d be ok with not losing weight, I just can’t continue gaining weight every week.

    2. I really love Be Well by Kelly’s philosophy. She has a few books as well as a podcast. She recommends you include the “Fab Four” in each meal–fat, protein, greens, and fiber. She is a big proponent of a breakfast smoothie that includes all of those categories.

      1. I’ve posted this before, but I find goals for including foods more helpful than restrictions. My daily goals are:

        -1 serving berries
        -Large serving leafy greens or cruciferous veg
        -1 serving nuts
        -3 servings dairy, including 1 serving yogurt
        – Latte after lunch
        – Sparkling water with lime at dinner on weeknights

        Weekly goals include 2 servings of low-mercury fish, 3 vegetarian dinners, and mostly vegetarian lunches.

        If I meet these goals, I don’t have room or the desire for a lot of less-healthy extras. If I have a latte after lunch, I don’t feel the need to have a soda as a pick-me-up. If I have a fancy drink at dinner, I’m not tempted to open a bottle of wine.

        1. I really like this, thanks! I agree that having goals like these are both 1) easier to follow and also 2) positive in terms of focusing on what you can do instead of what you shouldn’t do. I do the same with the latte after lunch and the sparkling water, but I’think I should adopt a few more!

    3. I mean this kindly, but if you’re “cheating” at any point, you’re on a diet.

      That said, it sounds like you know what you want to do – adopt some guidelines like Michael Pollan’s “Rules for Healthy Eating” (it’ll come up if you google it) and be flexible and forgiving with yourself.

      1. To be fair, if there are “rules” and you need to be “forgiving,” that’s also a diet.

        1. OP here – In my mind a “diet” is something you do for a set period of time, like I’m going on a diet to lose 20 lbs. As opposed to a philosophy on how to generally eat in your life. Turns out Keto is/was too strict for me and I need something more lenient. Whether it’s a diet or a plan doesn’t matter, I just meant I’m looking for something that isn’t necessarily tied to a weight loss plan and doesn’t end at some point when said goal is reached. But I just got Michael Pollan’s book and looking forward to reading it, so thanks!

    4. You could try intermittent fasting and eating smaller portion sizes in general. Also, limit the amount of carbs and sugar you eat during the week if you want to indulge on the weekend.

    5. What you’re describing sounds like Weight Watchers. The points system guides you to eat things that are filling and healthy rather than things with a lot of fat and carbs, but you still have flexibility to drink and eat out occasionally. I think they have a maintenance program for people who don’t necessarily want to lose weight but want to learn better habits.

      1. This. I do maintenance on WW because it is sustainable long term for me – focuses on veggies and fruits and lean proteins but nothing is ‘forbidden’ – you just have to be smart about portion size. My portion sizes were initially way off after many years of eating out a lot. Also encourages you to look at balance over the week vs in just one day and to pay attention to getting enough sleep and water. There’s actual good science which supports that people who get insufficient sleep will eat more.

    6. My lifestyle is I track everything I eat, I weigh myself every day, I only eat half as much as I want to eat, and I don’t drink alcohol if my weight is above a certain number. I almost never drink cocktails because the calories and alcohol are too high — I mostly stick to wine. It’s insane but that’s what it takes to stay the size I’m comfortable with.

      The thing that makes it bearable is I don’t eat anything I don’t absolutely love, and yeah I do “some cheating on weekends” in the form of eating/drinking more, but I watch that scale like a hawk and do any needed course corrections immediately.

    7. I did basically keto for about 8 months and lost a good amount of weight, then wanted to lose more steadily and sustainably. What has worked for me is a combination of intermittent fasting (I usually do 14-16 hours, and I allow myself coffee with cream during this time), drink nearly a gallon of water a day, and skipping gratuitous carbohydrates. Like time-restricted keto-lite.

      For exercise, I get at least 30 minutes of walking a day and do a few 20-30 minute Peloton rides each week. I also lift 2-3 times a week — I stalled a bit on weight loss and then started losing again after I started lifting. Nothing too intense, just do the Peloton strength workouts.

      1. OP – thanks, this is super helpful. I haven’t tried intermittent fasting yet, but am looking for something keto-lite. Thanks!

    8. I follow the blue zone Mediterranean diet, which is somewhat easy for me because I love those foods.

      I also do IF for my GERD, so I drink coffee with almond milk in the morning and only eat food between 12:00 and 8:00. The original goal was just to get off reflux meds (which I did) but having a strict eating window has been dynamite to reign in my rabid snacking. Leaving it up to the clock just works for me, more than any other rule or justification ever did.

  23. Any recommendations for a petite skort? Something with a bit of structure and that isn’t too short that I can wear on weekends to chase kids around. Must include pockets. Thanks!

    1. I adore my LL Bean camp skorts. I own them in every color. They are sporty and practical and cute. The biker shorts ride up a bit now that I have gained a little weight, but they are great otherwise.

    3. If you can splurge, Zimmerman has a lot of shorts that look rather like skorts. Second hand Zimmerman shorts also have that nice skort like design and are fairly modest looking.

    4. Costco has two different (great) options right now. I think they’d be good on a petite. Also, Athleta for sure.

  25. Is anyone good at online dating? Frankly I’m vaccinated and want to hook up. But I’ve never been a casual person before and Idk how?

    1. I am not good at online dating – never done it – but I am good at being casual. What is your real question? Are you pre-judging yourself already for engaging in a casual physical encounter? Are you worried about catching feelings? Or is this about working the apps to get the appropriate results (can’t help you there).

        1. Get on Tinder and start swiping hot dudes. When they match and message you, ask to meet up. If you like them and you want to make out/hook-up, do it!!

    3. This was pre-COVID so I don’t know how things changed, FWIW.

      When I was in a similar mental space, I just made last-minute plans to grab a drink with someone who seemed appealing, then had 3 drinks, then invited them over. Sometimes after meeting them, they were not appealing so I went home alone and tried again the next night. For me, the last-minute plans thing strongly correlated with a casual hookup, or the “I’m going to have a drink at X bar after work with a book, feel free to come by and distract me ;)”. Also my profile had a few pictures where I looked good, and a short humorous line — not a whole long thing about my interests and life goals. I usually waited until after the making out portion of the evening to invite the guy over or signal an interest in “seeing his place” because I wanted to make sure the attraction was there. Depending on how drunk or flirty you’re feeling, if you don’t want to be super blatant about why you are inviting him over, some lines I’ve used have been, “you’re cute, can I take you home?”, “this bar is boring, should we go to [my neighborhood]?”, or “so do you want to show me your [books, records, cool poster he was talking about earlier]”? For me, the stranger-comes-over-hookup thing has never been appealing — I want the person to be cute and funny before I sleep with them, though they don’t need to be my soul mate. Some of them I ended up dating, some were ongoing casual things for a while, some were disappointments. A few were out of towners or people I met while I was out of town. One of the disappointments (who I didn’t take home) turned into a really good friend! Life is funny like that.

      Have fun!!

      2. Yes, you must be careful b/c of Covid. I have met alot of guys at Whole Foods, but do not want to garden with them until after Covid. They say at this point they don’t care, but I do. I do not want to have s-x with men who will not marry me but these guys want quick hook-up s-x. That is not for me.

        I sympathize a we bit with Cuomo, b/c no girl wants to date him romantically. I suppose he is a bully, but he does get the job done. He does not want to date people he doesn’t know, but I do not condone his tactics, whether it be verbal, physical, ooogeling or or grabbing a woman’s boobies when they come over to fix his iPhone.

    4. This is the one situation in life where it’s better to be a woman. Make a profile on Bumble and look happy in all of your photos. Include some full body shots. Maybe say something about being vaccinated with a winky face. Set your target age range to include 5-10 years younger than yourself (depending on your age). Lower your standards. Most of the guys on there are losers. Don’t be turned off by all the lazy, low effort messages. 9/10 guys are down to smash on the first date. Don’t text them back after.

      This all sounds awful to me by the way but I hate hook ups.

      1. You just couldn’t get through the comment without throwing in a judgey remark, could you?

    5. Anyone know anything about how strict the various airlines are at enforcing masking? I’ve heard Southwest is super lax and Delta is really strict but I don’t know anything about American or United – anyone have any experience? Do you think first class is safer? I know there’s more space up there, but people also eat and drink more since the food is free and I’m worried flight attendants will be more hesitant to challenge a first class passenger who refuse to wear a mask. This is for travel later this summer, fwiw, and hopefully this will be a non-issue by then but I would like to err on the side of caution.

        1. Hahaha it’s cool hooking up on a plane with a stranger is def above my skill set

        2. I’m the OP above on the derailed FL thread. Have flown JetBlue, American and Southwest. On the most recent American flight, I actually heard the attendant calling out a passenger who did not have their nose covered, and they came through the cabin several times looking at people. On Southwest, no one within eyesight was wearing a mask incorrectly but I didn’t see any special attention paid by staff. On JetBlue, one person had their mask below their nose the entire flight, ignored by attendants, but otherwise didn’t see bad behavior (and that was in the fall, before the federal mandate).

          I typically do not eat or drink immediately when they bring the bags of water or snack around. I let people finish and re-mask and then a few minutes later will eat. I also turn up the air jets to full blast so that I get maximum filtered air at all times. When available, I purchase the bulkhead seats – usually $40-$60 – to ensure minimum time on the plane and a little extra personal space. I don’t think first class is worth it until we can all fly maskless again and enjoy the perks.

          (Have flown multiple times over the past year for family reasons. No C-vid, had several negative tests, and have a recent negative antibody test, so confident I wasn’t just asymptomatic.)

      2. Flew delta recently. They were super strict. They literally said once you take a sip of your water or a bit of your snack to immediately remask, and they walked around and enforced it.

      3. Ive flown southwest twice during the pandemic. The first time, middle seats were still open and the flight was nowhere near full, but the crew was very lax on masks and kept bringing around snacks and water even though they originally said it was a one-time thing. The second time, the flight was full, but the crew kept reminding people that masks needed to cover your mouth and nose and you can only have it off when you are literally putting something in your mouth. So, I think it depends on the crew, at least for southwest.

  26. In a 2 story building where apt. door opens to outside and a staircase, would you rather:

    A. Live on the 1st floor, much easier to take the small dog out, but there is someone above and there’s no way to know about the noise that’d make.

    B. Live on the 2nd floor, have to take dog down stairs, no one above but people below may be noisemakers.

    1. 2nd floor, no question. Especially during the pandemic, it’s been SO nice not to have an upstairs neighbor.

    3. I’ve lived in this situation before and chose the 2nd floor. I don’t want to deal with noise from above.

    4. Second floor (ie above ground level). I used to live on the ground floor and now live one level up (although there’s another three floors above me!). I feel like I have far more privacy as people walking past the building or parking outside can’t see directly into my home.

    6. 2nd floor. I would always pick the option with no upstairs neighbors and there are other issues with ground floor apartments that make them unappealing to me.

    7. I’ll dissent and say first floor – I don’t think there is a huge difference between noise above you and noise below you and unless your apartment is badly insulated noise from your neighbors hopefully won’t be a problem at all. And taking the dog up and down the stairs every time it has to pee seems like a huge PITA to me.

      1. I don’t think the stairs are that much of a problem. A dog has to go potty what, four or five times a day? At least two or three of those times you will already be taking it out for a walk anyway, so stairs don’t add much. That leaves at most two or three extra trips up and down the stairs per day. For comparison, I have a two-story house and I go up and down the stairs at least a dozen times a day.

      2. Always first floor. I can drown out noise by wearing headphones or immersing myself in things. I want to be able to workout and dance without anyone complaining.

    8. Second floor for sure. In addition to the noise issue, I would see the extra stair-climbing as an exercise bonus.

    9. In my experience the second floor would get better light so I would definitely pick that!

    10. Second floor would be my preference.

      Everywhere I’ve lived noise from above has been a bigger problem than noise from below. However – if there are street lights and you think you might get and be bothered by light pollution, consider that. Or if your new neighbors might be smokers and that would bother you, being below could possibly be a little better. But for noise, second floor would normally be your best bet.

  27. Looking for advice. I have noticed that adult men in my extended family do this thing where I say or ask something innocent, and they take the MOST RIDICULOUS interpretation of my statement/action so they can refute or belittle me.

    Example: I live near my parents. As a gift, I brought my dad a pot stand with 3 shelves. He came outside as I was setting it up and asked “what is that for?” I explained that I thought it would be a cute way to organize and display some of his (many) potted plants on the patio. He kind of scoffed and pointed to the 4 most massive pots he owns and said “those would NEVER fit on that.” And then walked over and proceeded to elaborate on the size difference. Meanwhile lots of smaller potted plants are strewn about that would clearly fit on the pot stand. It’s like he just wants to assume that I am an idiot and/or tell me that I’m wrong. My brothers do this same thing. I then feel like I have to defend myself (point out that I am NOT an idiot/never thought THOSE pots would fit on the stand).

    This is making me crazy. I am single with no family other than these men so I’d like to keep these relationships. My female friends speculate that this is their way of putting me in my place, especially since I have achieved a certain level of professional success that they have not. Suggestions?

    1. That sounds super annoying. I know the trend you’re talking about, although I see it more with politics. You can express a cautious view on a complicated issue and then be forced to defend some absurd strawman argument instead. It’s infuriating.

    2. Sounds like an obnoxious trait of your dad’s that your brothers picked up as acceptable. Do they talk to your mom this way?

    3. Your dad’s an a s s, I’m sorry to say. You gave him a gift, and his first impulse is to tell you why it’s wrong and imply that you’re stupid?

    4. “Why would you think that’s what I meant?” I think you should name the behavior, or better yet make them name it, to point out how ridiculous they’re being. It sounds like you’re letting yourself get drawn into a debate about the actual thing rather than naming the pattern of behavior. I can almost guarantee they don’t see this as a part of a larger pattern.

    6. Ugh, I hate that! I get that from opposing counsel all the time. I respond with one line answers. (“Obviously, I meant these plants dad,” pointing to numerous small plants).

      Some people like receiving help, some people hate it. Telling you that his big plants wouldn’t fit is like a weird face saving thing, because the gift implies that his plants are messy. (Not to say you were wrong. If my daughter lives near me when she’s grown and gives me thoughtful gifts, I will be thrilled!)

    7. You’re either related to misogynists who probably will never change or for some familial historical reason they think you’re incompetent even though you’re not. This isn’t a problem you need to solve, stop doing nice things for them.

      1. +1

        But OP, I get how much it sucks to have to live with this and I’ll say therapy has helped me deal with my family dynamics, although it still hurts so much when my dad is a jerk to me.

    8. Thanks for the replies. Yes, there is a historical element to this. Basically my dad and brothers are treating me the way they used to treat my mom (who now has advanced ALZ). TBH my mom was objectively scatterbrained my whole life – think racking up 6 figures of credit card debt and often requiring daily, multiple trips to the grocery store because she always forgot things (but would not allow someone else to do a grocery run for her). It was a joke that “thankfully” I shared a brain with my dad, not my mom. Somehow now that I am an adult woman, I am treated like she was even though we essentially opposites. And yes, I have a lot of sympathy for how my mom was treated – though I paid many of the crazy bills she racked up.

      1. Reply with the same tone they use with you. Don’t escalate or defend. Agree and dismiss.

        “These pots are way to big for that stand.”
        “of course they are, it’s not for those – it’s for these smaller pots.”

    9. Since you can’t change them and it’s ongoing and you want to stay in their lives, your choices are to either combat it matter-of-factly, ignore it, or go with humor or sarcasm.

      “Of course not, Dad, but the smaller ones will.”
      OR
      “are you sure? Maybe you want to lug a few over and try?”
      OR
      “so you’re suggesting I return the gift?”

      If the goal is to knock you down and they see it doesn’t, it may stop them or it may make them escalate. Either way will require a new solution (nothing versus deciding if you want to limit your interactions). Just glad they haven’t convinced you that you deserve this treatment -you don’t!

    10. I’d think you were my sister but I don’t have one. My dad goes through life operating under the assumption that he knows everything, and the rest of the human race are morons. I make minimal effort to interact with him and let him exist in his self-important misery.

    11. This sounds like a similar dynamic I have with some family. There’s a long history behind it I didn’t realize until it all came to the surface in a blowout fight. Sounds very similar to some of your details: bought a gift and started setting it up and then they asked what you were doing as if it was an unwelcome surprise. Also you mentioned “since I have achieved a certain level of professional success that they have not.” Basically my family explained I come off as self satisfied and like I was trying to fix their sad lives when I thought I was being helpful and paying it forward. Does any of this sound like it could help explain your dynamic? My solution was to just stop gifting things and services (cleaning, painting) I thought they wanted/needed. They were happy with dirty walls and broken chairs and who was I to jump in and fix their things. I’m also mindful of how I speak so I don’t sound condescending. It was eye opening and saddening they think this way about me and it’s challenging interacting with them now. I’m trying to use the experience to grow as a person.

      1. Thank you for this illuminating feedback. My dad definitely likes to complain, to the point that he almost seems vexed when I fix the issue. It is like he would rather complain than see me “upstage” him by fixing something that he couldn’t or wouldn’t. Maybe he is really “happy with dirty walls and broken chairs” after all!

  28. Any recs for a good “starting to learn to play” electronic keyboard to buy (or recs on where to go to read reviews)? I’d like to learn to sort of play piano…but more realistically a keyboard because I don’t have room for an actual piano. I don’t even know where to start looking for the right equipment here.

    1. have you looked at the space needs for an electric piano? It’s different from a keyboard, more like the real thing.

    2. I just bought an electric piano (Yamaha P71 which is the same as the P45) and like it a lot. feels like a real piano.

    3. I recently bought an electric piano for similar reasons. I was super bored and learning seemed like fun. I searched YouTube for reviews of beginner electric pianos and found lots of options. Then picked a few to look up on Amazon and read those reviews. I went with the Alesis recital piano. I’m a total beginner without a great ear for music, but I’m happy with my choice so far.

  29. In light of everything that has been going on in the Asian communities the last few weeks, if you aren’t sure how to help, or what to do, will you message your Asian friends? A short message of “Thinking of you, always here to talk, sending you a hug” is incredible. I personally have gotten more emotional as time goes on from last Tuesday, and am feeling the loneliness that many of my close friends haven’t reached out or acknowledged what’s going on. The 2-3 messages I got last week all made me cry, in a nice way, like my heart got a hug. I know sometimes it’s hard to know what to do and wanted to share what I personally would find the most helpful.

    1. Thank you, OP, for saying that. I sent a couple of messages like that to some friends last week. I was really on the fence about whether I should do that or not, but a life lesson I’ve learned is that when in doubt, send the “thinking of you” message.

    2. I’m glad you mentioned this because I have felt very conflicted about that. I feel like I’m tokenizing my Asian friends if I say “hey, this horrible event on the other side of the country made me think of you” or like I’m potentially making their day worse by mentioning specific incidents. However, a coworker of Chinese descent said she found it helpful to have people reach out. I still don’t know if I’m comfortable with it but I appreciate your post and I hope that you are doing ok.

      1. I’m frequently the only asian person in my groups of friends and at work. I am very aware that I’m the token Chinese girl, and i’m 99% sure all Asian people in America are thinking about these events even though we might not be in the specific cities, or even talking about it. DH is white, and he has checked in with me each day to see how I feel, how I want him to help, and honestly everything has been changing so much, that it really helps that I can let him know if I want to talk about it or if I want to be distracted. If it makes a difference, your message to me just made me cry and makes me feel acknowledged.

    4. Absolutely great to check in on friends if you think they’d appreciate it, but please know your friends. My Asian American spouse doesn’t want to talk about it and doesn’t want random friends checking in about it. It would be the opposite of helpful.

      Other options if you want to do something are to try to teach a racist relative to be less racist or call your elected officials.

  30. Anyone know anything about how strict the various airlines are at enforcing masking? I’ve heard Southwest is super lax and Delta is really strict but I don’t know anything about American or United – anyone have any experience? Do you think first class is safer? I know there’s more space up there, but people also eat and drink more since the food is free and I’m worried flight attendants will be more hesitant to challenge a first class passenger who refuse to wear a mask. This is for travel later this summer, fwiw, and hopefully this will be a non-issue by then but I would like to err on the side of caution.

    1. Have you heard these anecdotes since the Executive Order making mask-wearing mandatory went into effect? I think they are all enforcing this across the board.

      1. I knew someone who flew earlier this month on Southwest and said they were very lax, yes. The person across the aisle from him did not wear a mask for the entire flight and the flight attendant did nothing even when he pointed it out to her. He complained to corporate after the flight and their response was basically “yes, people should wear masks, but we can’t be the mask police because it would endanger our crew.” The flight was between two very anti-mask states though, so I imagine it might be less of an issue if you’re flying, say, Seattle to NYC or other cities where mask compliance is very good.

        1. *I know someone, not I knew someone. He is very much alive :) and didn’t even get Covid. But I would prefer to not have that kind of experience if I can avoid it.

    2. Look up videos of screaming patrons being dragged off of planes for not wearing a mask and book with those airlines, if you’re worried about safety enforcement.

    3. I have flown American and it was enforced (granted, the passengers willingly complied).

    4. This is all anecdotal of course, but I’ve flown United a few times during the pandemic in September/October. I flew business class each time because I wanted the room. The flight attendants were telling people to fix their masks as they boarded. I remember a couple people who had taken their masks off to eat/drink and were reminded to put their masks back on by the flight attendants, which they did and it was no big deal at all.

    5. Meant to look for your new post but then forgot and replied above… so copied here-

      I’m the OP above on the derailed FL thread. Have flown JetBlue, American and Southwest. On the most recent American flight, I actually heard the attendant calling out a passenger who did not have their nose covered, and they came through the cabin several times looking at people. On Southwest, no one within eyesight was wearing a mask incorrectly but I didn’t see any special attention paid by staff. On JetBlue, one person had their mask below their nose the entire flight, ignored by attendants, but otherwise didn’t see bad behavior (and that was in the fall, before the federal mandate).

      I typically do not eat or drink immediately when they bring the bags of water or snack around. I let people finish and re-mask and then a few minutes later will eat. I also turn up the air jets to full blast so that I get maximum filtered air at all times. When available, I purchase the bulkhead seats – usually $40-$60 – to ensure minimum time on the plane and a little extra personal space. I don’t think first class is worth it until we can all fly maskless again and enjoy the perks.

      (Have flown multiple times over the past year for family reasons. No C-vid, had several negative tests, and have a recent negative antibody test, so confident I wasn’t just asymptomatic.)

    6. I flew United to Germany last summer and they were absolutely strict at enforcing masks at the gate and on the flight.

    7. Flown AA a couple of times and was in first for all the flights. Seems it totally depended on the flight attendants. They all made the announcements that masks were required. On some flights it was policed, on others the flight attendants had their masks under their chins.

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