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I know we've featured Joules' fun printed raincoats before — but I just now realized that their fun printed rain boots have a zillion positive reviews. (This knee-high one has almost 800 good reviews, but they also have mid-calf boots and ankle boots.) I like!
The black stripes and leopard print combination seems super fun but neutral enough to go with everything — there are also some really cute prints with, for example, umbrellas and cats and dogs. AHOY.
The pictured rain boot is $84.95 and available in sizes 6–11.
(Many Hunter rain boots and accessories are on sale, as well, including a 50% markdown on the sock linings; they're normally $50 but are now $25. Lots of Sorel on sale as well.)
A few other cute (and highly rated) boots in the sale… Meanwhile, if you're already on to sandal season, lots of reader favorite Söfft sandals are on sale.
![](https://corporette.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/nordstrom-boots-on-sale.png)
Above, $89–$238: one / two / three / four / five
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Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
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Senior Attorney
OMG that boot is calling my name very very loudly. If it were a person, it would be me.
Alas, it never rains here.
your fellow Californian
Buy them and send good juju for rain so we don’t end up in another drought!
Anonymous
Ugh, too late for that, I think. I’m so depressed thinking of another drought and I still have a lot of anxiety about the power shutoffs from last summer when it was 113 degrees in my town. Will wildfire season be even worse this year with drought conditions? I really, REALLY hope PG&E gets its sh*t together because turning off power in a pandemic during a historic heat wave with horrible air quality was literally life-threatening.
Senior Attorney
We are actually in the process of getting a storage battery for our solar panels so we will have power in the event of what I fear are inevitable future shutoffs.
Anonymous
Good idea. We rent and don’t have solar, but I wish we did. Do you have any ideas for how we might prepare for the next round in terms of advocacy? I think there should be laws against shutoffs during historic heatwaves, EVEN IF there is fire risk, but I’m not sure where to start. I emailed my state representative about it and never got any response back.
Anonymous
Laws that would cause massive wildfires?
Anonymous
Yes, I think it should be illegal to cut off power in areas where the heat index is 110 degrees with an AQI of 300. I don’t apologize for that.
Anonymous
If you read the PG and E annual reports, you would see that they are on a multi-year plan to harden lines and that each year they are adding additional switches so that they can shut power to increasingly smaller areas. If you read the PG and E site it explains the progress, which meant hundreds of thousands fewer people were shut off last year than the year before. The P G and E reports to the judge overseeing them have additional detail on what we can expect in terms of improvements this year. If you elected, though, to live in a wilderness interface region, you can expect shut downs to continue, and you should make plans to stay with family or otherwise leave the region.
Ribena
I have a pair of their ankle-high rain boots (bought for a music festival in 2019) and I LOOOVE them.
Anon
Ladies that work in professions that work long/unpredictable hours:
I have a student attorney working for me this semester. It is for course credit and I’m supposed to provide mentoring and feedback. Student is divorced with children. I do not have children. I have observed that she can’t do things early morning (I’m assuming she’s getting kids to school) or passed 4:30 (likely picking kids up.) I have noticed that with advanced notice she was able to stay later (in an online event she shadowed) but had a hard stop of 5:30.
I feel like I should give her some feedback that depending on where she goes to work, in her first few years as an associate, she may not have a lot of control of her schedule, and may need to find ways to be available for 8 am or 6 pm. I could add that a lot depends on what type of job she has. I would want to have the same conversation with a male student that wasn’t able to attend certain things because of outside commitments.
On the other hand, this is “just” for class credit and they are here for experience and are not required to work more than 40 hours per week, but are also supposed to work our hours (which I’m not really requiring). She may already know expectations will be different in “the real world.” Thinking about the morning comments, another part of me is like “good for her for setting boundaries.” But, am I doing her a disservice by not telling her that these boundaries may not be acceptable at some firms her first few years?
I don’t know what other options she has but presumably once getting a pay check and not paying for law school she would have more money to have extended childcare when needed. We have a very good rapport.
So, do I leave it alone or provide the feedback?
Betsy
We are in the middle of a pandemic with a significant impact on childcare availability and she is not being paid. It is a very safe assumption that things will be very, very different when she is working. I would not give that feedback.
FP
Agreed. My daycare has limited hours right now because they are not mixing classes for before or after care – which means instead of 7-6, our daycare is open 8:30 – 4:30. I hate it, wish it was different, but it’s what our reality is right now. Things will be different once we are out of this pandemic or at least in a better place, and also when she is working for pay.
AFT
Leave it alone. A paid, permanent full time job versus a temporary internship for credit are so different that it’s safe to assume she’ll have different childcare arrangements at that point. You can share your own experiences as an associate, but I wouldn’t make this an “i’m mentoring you…” conversation.
Anon
Lmao no. This person is not entitled to give up evenings for course credit. That is absurd, kids or no kids. I would absolutely not be busting my *ss for free.
Cat
Did you read the post? The OP is not trying to make Intern work long hours, just wondering if it would be kind to give Intern a heads-up that this type of boundary-setting is unlikely to be successful at other entry-level legal jobs.
OP, you could ask Intern what her goals for first post-grad positions are (be it Biglaw or otherwise), and discuss your experience generally. Then it would come across as informational rather than patronizing IMHO.
Anon
Yes, I read it and it sounds like OP is resentful that she is working longer hours than the unpaid intern. I’ve been around a lot of people who tried to “help” me when clearly they just wanted a way to point out something they didn’t like about me. I got the same vibe here because OBVIOUSLY this woman knows that a real job that is paid will be different. That’s a no-brainer.
Anon
I think you grossly misread her post and are projecting a LOT
Anonymous
You 100% leave it alone. This is an unpaid role that was set at 40 hours per week. Anything more than that is even worse exploitation than unpaid internships already are. Kudos to this woman for setting the boundary.
Anon
Re exploitation: the schools beg us to take these students and they do the matches. Some are now calling them “residencies” like doctors do and they are highly encouraged before graduation. They are in lieu of classes.
I had a similar internship in undergrad and got amazing experience that gave me a leg up in the working world.
Anonymous
This is terrible. She is paying tuition to work full-time?
Anon
It’s honestly more work for us to have an intern than not. There is considerable teaching. We are supposed to take them through all aspects of litigation. So, it’s a lot of shadowing and debriefing and teaching. I will ask her to do first drafts of some things because that’s part of the learning plan with the school. But then I spend time fixing it and explaining the correct way to be done. That’s the point of the arrangement. To comply with FLSA we have to do more teaching than what we receive in labor and that is certainly how my firm handles their program. It’s very different than having a paid summer that you put to work.
Anon
+1
How is this ok?!
Seattle
This is extremely common in every branch of higher education. You get paid or you get credit. It’s only gross if you don’t get one of those two things. I swear some people just want to be offended.
Anon
Can I just say, as someone intending to go to law school after I finish my degree, I appreciate all on-the-job education I can get. I understand there are severe issues with unpaid internships, and how they prevent upward mobility by only allowing students who can afford to live off of their parents money, or the extremely lucky few who have enough scholarship money to live on, but that’s an issue with the structure of society, not an inherent problem with providing opportunities for people to get familiarized with a field before graduating. If we had a solution, like, stipends for living expenses for unpaid internships provided by governments, I think we wouldn’t see nearly as much complaints of exploitation.*
*Firms which use interns just as free labor without providing education or value to the intern notwithstanding.
Anon
But like you understand why this still isn’t ok, right? Just because it is common?
Anon
I don’t necessarily agree that it is not right. Kids learn more hands on in the workplace than they do in the classroom. I think it’s silly that they still have to pay full tuition that semester but there is a faculty member supervising the internship and making sure it is focused on learning and not free labor.
I have issues with people doing free internships after graduation. Only the rich can do that. But the internships in place of classes mean you are working during time that you otherwise would have been in class / doing homework so it’s not taking you away from a paid job.
I think it would be great if firms paid interns but then I think the balance would shift to getting “work product” and less shadowing, teaching and learning.
Anon
Also, while I appreciate your feedback and will take it to heart, I’m just the person selected to supervise this program. If I didn’t do it, another lawyer in the firm would. I’m not an owner and have no standing to make significant changes.
Anon
The internships I did for class credit were all paid.
Kitten
I can’t believe unpaid internships are still a thing. It’s just another barrier for poor kids. I supported myself as a law clerk for a small firm during law school. I did a lot of admin stuff that they would have had to pay a secretary or paralegal to do and some easy pleadings. I still learned a lot by proxy. Working for free 40 hours a week would have been unfathomable to me. I would have worked at the grocery store before doing that.
Anon
Thanks, everyone. To be clear I do NOT expect her to be free all hours. I was concerned (particularly after reading what everyone posts here about unforgiving jobs) that she may not know what the expectations will be. I’ll leave that up to her school to teach. She sees my late and early emails and knows I work more than 9-5. I think that’s enough! I just wanted to make sure I was covering the part of my job where I’m supposed to cover the unwritten expectations of law firm life. I already covered a lot of other stuff I wish someone told me when I first started rather than finding out the hard way…. like certain partners want an acknowledgement of an email right away if you are at your desk and see it…. I am not one of those partners but work with one.
anonshmanon
FWIW, I read it this way, OP.
Anonymous
Yikes yikes yikes. Do not tell her this. She’s working for FREE, during a pandemic. Of course when she gets a salary she will be able to afford childcare. Ugh I’m childfree and I still realize you are completely out to lunch.
Anon
Dont say anything. When she is earning enough from a real job to afford a nanny to pick up her kids from school or put them in after care, she will do so.
your fellow Californian
I’m going to disagree with the others. You are giving her feedback and preparing her for a job in the real world. It’s a kindness to tell her what to expect. I wouldn’t document it in any sort of formal review, but a conversation is perfectly reasonable. This is why people take these student assignments – to learn the job.
Anon
Yeah, I’m kind of here too. I would not give it as “feedback” though, I would schedule a coffee chat and ask her about her career goals, what type of work she is looking to get into and why, and questions she may have for you as she thinks through those. If as part of that conversation she brought up that she is weighing the tradeoffs and realizes it would require sacrifices, I would then share your experience. Not a “I noticed that you can’t make these hours and that will need to change” but as “yeah, I know from my / my friends’ experience that the expectations are really demanding; and that success requires availability early / late.”.
Anon
I feel like this is right. We had a person once who bring her kid along for a summer (but paid) intern and was 100% available and was hired on FT. Once hired though, she’d leave for the day and remain unavailable. And even if you tried to schedule a late night (the old equivalent of going to the printer), she’d either bring her child or announce that she was working from home. I think after a year, no one would work with her just with a combination of unilaterally announcing her availability and refusal to work outside of daylight hours once she had left (plus, insisting to be staffed on prestige projects). I think she got counseled to look at other opportunities and has been at a succession of firms, but never for more than a review cycle. We stopped recruiting at her law school. I know that it is hard having kids, but if you get paid AmLaw $, you need to at have a discussion if you are always likely to be unavailable to have an understanding, and that has happened with others (one person I recall only worked in-office from 9-4 and then logged on after 7 from home, but everyone was on board with it).
Clara
I agree. I have worked with similar folks and the reality is a an AmLaw firm, it will be an issue for a while (during which the burden is shifted to colleagues often breeding resentment) and then the person will be managed out.
I think this feedback is ultimately important, but that it should be delivered at the end of her program. The timing here is key because I think anything else would in effect shame her into doing more. I wholeheartedly agree with others that it is totally unreasonable to impose big law expectations on a person not earning big law money. That being said, given how you have described your role and the expectations of the program (i.e. giving someone the real experience/substantive feedback) I think you would be remiss to not acknowledge that acceptance of her lack of availability was something attributable to her status as an intern and was not indicative of expectations of associates. She may be totally aware of this at which point it’s no big deal, there is mutual understanding. However, if she thinks parenting means that she can work daycare/daylight hours as an associate she is wrong and it’s better for her to know that and plan accordingly.
anonymous
+1 It’s just giving feedback. From what I’ve read here about Big Law, this person would not be able to survive in an environment like that.
Anonymous
I would not necessarily give unsolicited advice about a hypothetical future job, but I think it’s fair to address this with her if she’s not meeting the expectations of the program. Define your expectations. What times does she need to be available each day? Can she flex that time to accommodate kid schedules? How many hours per week does she need to devote to work? I think free student labor should get a lot more leeway than you would give an employee. Also, it’s good practice for her to have conversations with management about the different expectations of different workplaces. If you want to give general advice about the legal market, that might be a good starting point – she should be open to communicating about explicit expectations and also find a mentor to help her navigate unspoken expectations, because unfortunately sometimes those can be very different.
Anon
She’s meeting our expectations for the internship. Working from home though, she doesn’t get the benefit of seeing when others arrive and leave. I’m glad I asked. I won’t bother covering it unless it comes up when debating what kind of job she wants to do.
Anon
Oh and I just invite her to shadow things even if they are outside her normal hours so she gets to make the choice whether to flex her schedule for that or not. I make clear it’s optional. I just don’t want to make the decision for her if she wants the experience / networking opportunity.
Anonymous
Leave it alone
Anonymous
Unless she’s incredibly dense, she knows what the biglaw expectations are. Perhaps she doesn’t intend to work in biglaw, or she plans to use some of her outrageously large biglaw paycheck to hire two nannies.
You should learn to spell.
Anon
What did I spell wrong?
Cat
Anon was kind of rude about it, but it’s “past” not “passed” 4:30.
Anonymous
And “advance notice,” not “advanced noticed.” And “paycheck,” not “pay check.” All the errors, along with the many responses from OP, have my spidey senses tingling. I think there is some pot-stirring going on here.
Anon
OMG, Anonymous, those are typos. Your detective skills suck.
So done with Anonymous sass
Can you not? What do you hope to achieve by being so obnoxious about spelling? Those are pretty basic typos especially for anyone posting from their phone which many of us do since it’s common to work on secure servers and be unable to use work computers to browse this site.
anon
It’s valuable feedback to let people know that spelling errors are frowned upon in the working world. We can let them slide on this anonymous board but I feel like we should tell OP that this kind of carelessness won’t fly in other settings, just in case she doesn’t already know that.
Hildy J.
You provide the feedback if she asks. Otherwise, you assume she’s mature and experienced enough to know what she’s doing, given all the things you describe her juggling.
Anonforthis
I need help finding my words. My parents said some deeply racist and sexist things about the royal family and my DH got in a fight with them about it.
I agree with his perspective but don’t normally engage with my parents because it’s not worth the hassle on those kinds of topics. My mother has now sent me a note saying she thinks he might be abusive to me because he doesn’t listen – to be fair he was steamrolling! they were defending child abuse by everyone from the royal family to the Catholic Church. I chimed in a couple of times to agree, he didn’t raise his voice or swear or anything like that.
I now need to talk to my mother about this – she was all in the tone of “we love you and care” and I don’t know how without yelling.
Anonymous
I would reply in writing vs talking. Acknowledge the key points – you and DH share a perspective on the issue (s), he was not interested in listening to their views, he is in no way abusive. Depending on what you and DH want as the path forward, maybe note that you do not want to discuss the issues again.
Senior Attorney
Yikes. I’m not sure I would even dignify that with a response.
Maybe send a note back and say “It’s not abusive to push back against deeply racist and sexist talk, it’s the opposite. I agree everything he said and if anybody was out of line in that conversation, it wasn’t him.”
You don’t have to get her to agree with you, BTW. You just have to convey your position and make it clear you are not going to put up with either the racism or the whole “abuse” thing.
anon
As always, Senior Attorney has it right.
And my gawd, the gall of your mom.
pugsnbourbon
“My husband is not abusive and we are sickened by the views you expressed. We aren’t sure when we will be ready to see you again. Please think about what [husband] said and try to understand why he reacted so strongly.”
Vicky Austin
“Mom, DH is not an abusive husband. In fact, you might remember that he did not swear or raise his voice during his conversation with you despite how upset he was by your views of the subject. I think that shows that he is more than able to control himself.”
I was going to say “don’t mention the content of the conversation because you’ll give her an in to start saying nasty things again,” but I think it’s worth mentioning that your DH was upset by their views so they understand that he was pissed for good reason but did not overreact, which is like the opposite of an abuser. Probably a fine line – some people might see any mention of “your view of the subject” an invitation to re-air said view, some people less so. YMMV.
Anonymous
“Mom, you were saying terrible racist things. Jim doesn’t like it and neither do I.”
Anon
Tell her you’re the one worried that her husband is abusive because of the racist and sexist views he expressed.
anon
LOL this is exactly what I would do.
Senior Attorney
Love this!
Anonforthis
Thank you everyone this is really helpful. I think what has me seeing red is also that DH really is a good ally – he’s gone to bat at work for pay equity and fired extremely high performers / rainmakers for harassing junior support staff, he changed jobs so that he could be home and take care of me / everything else while I was having chemo, he’s done huge amounts of fundraising for my mother’s pet cause and this is the result. It’s not like we don’t occasionally get upset at each other or disagree on things but I don’t talk about it with my mother when we do, I talk with him!
Anon
He sounds like a gem!
Lulu
If you are fine with your parents making “deeply racist and sexist things” comments about the “royal family” [read Meghan Markle] and sit there silently while your husband argues with them, then you are also a large part of the problem. This may solve itself if/when your husband realizes he doesn’t want to be married to a racist/racist apologist. Those of us that are not racist (i.e. anti racist) wouldn’t just sit there listen to this vitriol because it’s “not worth the hassle.” Racists trying to tone police is nothing new and there is no magic incantation or spell the internet can give you to make your mother a good or even decent person.
Deciding that “deeply racist” comments aren’t worth challenge and that he should manage his behavior to not “steamroll” is dizzying. Your comment is appalling. Your behavior is appalling. Your parents are disgusting. The only somewhat morally defensible way to deal with racist [insert other intolerable bigotry] relatives that you are not willing to cut out is to make it clear that they are not to say anything about it to you and to challenge them and then leave/end the conversation when the do.
Esk
Did you even read OP’s post? Calm down, get off you woke platform and read it again
anon
I had the same reaction. DH is the only non-shitty person in this story.
Anon
I’m not sure if I need advice or I’m just looking for commiseration. I work in compliance and it seems that you need to switch companies every few years to actually move up in both title and salary. If you get a promotion your salary will go up maybe $10k after liking yourself for 3 years and if you just switch companies your salary will increase by $20k. I’ve been at my current company since early 2020 so it’s been an adjustment to say the least. There were some changes within my team so we lost half the staff but still have the same workload. I know to move up I have to move out and with WFH/covid/etc, I’m reaching my boiling point. I’m exhausted, unmotivated, and stressed out. I wish companies would value the employees they have and give market rate raises. I’m tired of moving around. I think I’m just venting and wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience.
Anon
You’ve been at your company a year and you already want a raise and a promotion?
Anon
The amount of work I’m doing is unreasonable given we have lost half the team. Even if I do get a raise, it’s not nearly what I could make if I just switch companies as I stated above. In my industry, the more you switch companies the higher your salary. If things didn’t change, I wouldn’t be this upset and exhausted because we’d have double the amount of people doing the work!! Is that all you got out of my post? Assuming I’m just wanting a raise for nothing?
Anon
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I just don’t think you should expect a good reaction if you ask for it.
Anon
When did I say I was going to ask for a raise? I’m job searching, not asking for a raise. Like I said, I want the $20k bump which is reasonable not $10k is get if I stayed.
Anon
I am sorry you are so stressed. Your original post was not clear. I hope you find what you’re looking for.
Anon
My first sentence said I’m not sure if I’m looking for advice or commiseration. Clearly I’m upset, frustrated, exhausted and overworked. I don’t know why you choose to comment and belittle me and my experience. I almost forgot why I rarely post on here anymore.
Anon
I used to work in an industry that did this as well. It’s very frustrating because if I leave company X to go to company Y, I’d get the $20k pay bump, and know that my replacement at company X is going to be paid the higher amount anyway. It seems so pointless. But the company culture there was to not care about employees and if you leave, so be it.
Anon
That’s basically my situation with the addition of the company not replacing the team members that were moved to different departments. I didn’t expect this salary to mean I’d be doing the work of 2 people and at first I was just grateful to have a job given covid. But now I’m exhausted and they’re not hiring help.
Anon
What kind of response do you get when you ask for more help? I wonder if that might ultimately be a more productive conversation to have instead of asking for a raise so soon. If you want to stay there, that is. Leaving if you can sounds like a great option.
Anon
We’ve mentioned it and my boss has stressed the need for more headcount multiple times. My guess is they’re just cheap and want to work us as hard as possible without increasing salary to meet the increased workload. We’re all just exhausted, burnt out and obviously stuck at home due to covid.
Anon
This is a company that wants to pretend they value their compliance program, but not enough to dedicate the resources and headcount needed to do it properly. The compliance industry is broad and varied; job-hopping just to get a raise is not the norm across the board. It sounds as though it would be worthwhile to remind yourself during your job search that you are interviewing prospective companies just as much as they are interviewing you. Ask about things that are important to you, such as professional development and growth opportunities, turnover and longevity in the department, how promotions and raises are determined and on what schedule, how the pandemic has impacted the workload, etc.
EM84
My company has global policy of not doing any raises within first 12m (premise being you negotiated decent salary during recruitment). I also see companies downsizing to protect and deliver profit. If you have these feelings within 12m of working there, you should move asap. Or review if your expectations are unrealistic.
anon
Yep. It completely baffles me. I work in an industry where there are fairly regular promotions and raises for a while, and then a massive gap in talent between people with 7-10+ years of experience and people with 35+ years of experience. It’s because at a certain point people are exhausted from working long hours and their pay stagnates to the point where…. why bother?
I’m in my 9th year in my career and I’m aware that I could move and get a 15-20k raise, or I can stay and keep getting 1-3% annual “cost of living” (haha) adjustments. I stay because I like the pace and clients where I am, but… yeah… idk how long it’ll be before I’m ready to go. I advocated well for myself and I’m happy with my current compensation, but I know that some of my coworkers are being massively underpaid. I think it’s short-sightedness. But short sighted is how we roll as a country– have as few employees as possible and pay them as little as possible. I remember at my last job this guy who was great at what he did and a really pleasant person to work with found out he was being paid less than the interns even though he was doing management level work. He completely checked out after that and ended up leaving soon after. And the higher ups were mad at him for checking out? How about you compensate him at a level he deserves rather than getting upset when he’s mad at how you are scr#wing him over?
OP, if I were in your shoes, I would ask for a large raise and see what happens. Nothing to lose, really. Though honestly it sounds like a terrible place to work if they’re not actively searching for replacements for the people who quit.
Anon
I’m in tech, so you are singing the song of my people. No advice, just commiseration.
Anon
I’m in tech (maybe in a compliance adjacent field) and every time I’ve asked for a raise I’ve gotten one. Definitely know your boss, but it’s not a bad thing to talk about job responsibilities and compensation when phrased as a reasonable discussion. You don’t get what you don’t ask for.
Anon
At one point in my career I figured out that I was somehow not on the same salary track as my colleagues at the first big company I worked for – probably a combination of my starting salary being lower than my mostly male colleagues, who would tell you they negotiated better, and plain old sexism. It was the early 90s.
Then I moved job and held out for a significant bump ($30k, which was more then) so I started out ok at new company but got behind again after staying several years, and it was what you describe, basically that new hires at my level were coming in at higher salaries than mine.
At that company what got me back on track and then some was really getting to know the c-suite person the department I worked in reported through. Most people thought he was a giant ass, but I ended up really liking him – though I know people snarked that I was just kissing up. He eventually wanted me to take on a new role that would involve a lot of travel and disruption to my personal life, with little kids at the time, so I held out for a significant salary increase again, along with a bump in title to get me into the more major bonus category. I think my positive rapport with him helped in getting him to go to bat for me with HR, who didn’t like to give promotion increases of more than x% and I wanted 2x%. I got it. Once again in the new position, they asked me to take on more responsibility – basically double my role. I again wouldn’t do it without a title bump and salary increase.
Since then my salary has been on the high end of the industry which has been great for my bank account, but does price me out of many opportunities. So keep that in mind. That said, it’s always worth it to make as much as they will pay you.
Be your own advocate. Network like hell. Know your value. If you are 100% convinced it takes leaving to get more money, then do it. The prevailing wisdom says to never use an offer to get a counteroffer from your company, but maybe in your particular case it would be worth it.
Anonymous
Why don’t you wait longer than a year and then negotiate a raise in the next review cycle ? Too frequent job hopping is a bad pattern to establish.
Paging Teen Vogue
I missed the AM discussion on Alexi McCammond’s resignation racist old tweets and wanted to add a few things. Even without the tweets, McCamond had minimal editorial experience and potentially brings conflicts of interest with the Biden administration.
I am the same age as Alexi and find her comments completely unacceptable and jarringly cruel. She repeatedly used (and likely still uses) Asian stereotypes to cyberbully her TA and other AAPI classmates at U Chicago.
“Outdone by an Asian #whatsnew”
“now googling how to not wake up with swollen, Asian eyes…”
“… thanks a lot stupid Asian T.A. you’re great”
“… like an old Asian grandmother”
Many staff at Teen Vogue, especially those of Asian descent, did not feel comfortable being led by someone who was so ready to weaponize racial stereotypes. Does someone like this truly “embody” Teen Vogue’s values of “inclusiveness and empowerment” like Conde Nast claimed? All in all, most of the fault lies in Conde Nast for thinking that racism toward AAPI would be easy to sweep under the rug.
Monday
That’s what bothered me the most about it–she was hired when all of this was already known, but only now was it a problem for Conde Nast. Why was it acceptable before? It seems like they crowdsourced their HR decision, which just fuels complaints about “cancel culture.”
Anon
Completely agree and was a bit shocked to read so much support for her here. She didn’t say these things once, she said them multiple times (actually typed and pressed send), and she was in college, not high school. It’s not like she will never work again…she will not be the editor of Teen Vogue. There are thousands of qualified candidates to fill that role that do not have problematic pasts. If she had said these things about Blacks, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation, because it would have been condemned much sooner. But Asians have been told for so long that racism against them doesn’t matter and that is finally changing. Let’s also not forget that she referred to gay people using slurs.
anon
There are a number of commenters on this site who take every opportunity to rage against “wokeness” and “cancel culture,” even if it means defending some objectively horrible stuff. Actions have consequences — that’s nothing new.
Anonymous
I’m not a fan of woke culture and have posted as much, but to me, this case doesn’t apply. This is a clear instance where the person in question posted racist tweets on her own account, which should not be tolerated. It wasn’t one of those situations where someone liked a tweet by someone else who posted something racist two years ago, or a case where the wife gets fired from her company because her husband said something racist at this company.
That being said, I don’t love the trend of combing through years and years of tweets/history looking to be upset. The Boeing case comes to mind where the Boeing exec was made to step down recently because he wrote (in 1987) that women shouldn’t serve in combat in the army. That was a mainstream position at the time. That felt like a true case of “woke culture” gone amok.
Anon
Just because something is mainstream doesn’t make it right, even at the time it is mainstream.
Anonymous
That is correct, but firing someone today for a wrong position 30 years ago that does not cause harm to anyone today is not cool in my book. I find it counterproductive to personal growth, dialogue, and acknowledgment of the fact that times and norms change, usually for the better.
I also don’t agree that such old material “causes violence and harm” – if it did, then why would critics be so eager to publicize it? If the words cause harm, then why signal-boost them on Twitter in a dramatic public shaming ritual? Let them die in the archives where no one will ever see them – which they would’ve done in a sensible world.
Anonymous
+100
I couldn’t find the right words to articulate it but thank you for saying “If she had said these things about Blacks, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation, because it would have been condemned much sooner. But Asians have been told for so long that racism against them doesn’t matter and that is finally changing”
Given the recent spate of anti-Asian racism in the US (the knifings, the beatings, and the Atlanta shootings just added another horrifying layer), I was so so so surprised to see so much support for her in the morning thread.
Anon
A few things:
1) She is Black so if she said things about Black people it would be more inward looking criticism of her own community
2) Comparing the racism towards other POC is not helpful and a common conservative talking point, especially the way the media has been bringing in “what can other communities of color do” narrative instead of addressing domestic terror in regards to the recent shootings.
3) Saying Blacks instead of Black people is a racist dog whistle, please don’t do that
Anon
It is possible (see Candace Owens) but that’s not the point this poster was making. Obviously, they meant if (someone else) made these racist comments about Black people, it would have been shut down much earlier than this instance, because we all know that is wrong, but we (as a society) have let casual racism against Asians slip for years.
P.s. I consider myself to be in very liberal circles and I’ve never heard that “Black” is considered a “racist dog whistle.”
Anonymous
Second your P.S. I’ve heard a lot of things described as dogwhistles lately, though – seems to be the “word of the moment” in some ways. My Black colleagues in our social-justice-oriented field regularly say “Blacks” in addition to “people of color,” “Black individuals/people,” and so on.
Jen
Nailed it. “Same thing said about Blacks would’ve been condemned much sooner.” Her comments were racist as hell, she REPEATEDLY made them (not some random oopsy one-off comment), she also spouted hateful tweets against gays, and she was in college for goodness sakes, old enough to know better. And let’s be honest while we all may have made stupid comments as a young person, did you repeatedly make clearly racist comments and post them? She’s just sorry she got called out. The level of rationalization of awful behavior on this board is frankly disturbing and yet somehow not that surprising, given…
Anon
Yeah it was staggering to me that a 27 year old with five years of reporting experience was hired to be EIC at a major magazine. I’m sure she’s a great reporter but she did not seem qualified for the position.
I don’t think cyber bullying is a fair characterization though. The tweets were racist but the TA presumably never read them. I think to be bullying it has to be more personal and targeted.
Anonymous
Why would you think the TA didn’t read them or know about them?
Anon
Because they didn’t mention TA by name and the grad students I know aren’t following the social media accounts of all the undergrads in all their recitation sections? And honestly even if the TA did somehow read it, I don’t think it’s “bullying.” Comments like this about TAs and professors are very common, minus the racial component. I’m a professor and have read far worse about myself on the public internet. It doesn’t make me feel great but I would never describe it as bullying.
I’m not saying the tweets aren’t awful and racist, I just think cyber bullying is something very different.
Vicky Austin
I might be missing something – why does the editor of Teen Vogue need to be worried about conflicts of interest with the Biden administration?
Anon
They write about politics a lot so her dating a Biden staffer was a potential conflict, though not a major one in my view. But then he got fired (for threatening a reporter who was going to expose their relationship!) so the conflict doesn’t even exist anymore.
Kitten
I initially had a knee-jerk reaction to someone being fired for old deleted tweets. I don’t think anyone who has said or done anything remotely racist in their past should necessarily be blacklisted and live off public assistance for life, but after reading all the comments I think I agree firing was appropriate under these specific facts. I hope she learned from this and can resume life in a more low profile job. And wow, those comments are actually much worse than the (several) articles I read made it sound.
anon
“be blacklisted and live off public assistance for life” … is this a real concern? genuine question, i don’t understand what you’re referring to.
Anon
Teen Vogue is actually not some progressive bastion of feminism. Among their recent articles, they said that “p*rn that portrays nonconsensual sex” (e.g., r*pe) “isn’t necessarily misogynistic” if it “centers all characters’ pleasure and agency.” That’s not the message I want to send to young girls. That’s not even getting into the fact that p*rn is racist as hell. It baffles me that feminists can call it empowering when the top viewed videos in the world portray racist torture and degradation, ESPECIALLY against Asian women. You should look critically at a magazine that promotes it and then also claims to be a space of anti-racism for Asians.
Seventh Sister
Vogue and Teen Vogue have also been (to my mind) pretty credibly accused of nepotism in hiring (Bee Shaffer, Chloe Malle, etc.). Also every second daughter-of-celebrity has an “elegant, modern” handbag collection or jewelry line…
anon
I was in college over 25 years ago and I would never ever have talked about anyone like that. At my large flagship university, I had some awful TAs – many of whom were international PhD students with poor English skills – but I never once used their race when complaining about any that happened to be Asian. I wouldn’t have blamed the deficiencies of a minority TA on their race, no matter what race. I also would not have said that about my classmates. I too hate the woke culture of firing or persecuting people for things that they said 10+ years ago but then I hate that people still talk like that. I believe that people can change and redeem themselves with good works and good deeds and goodwill. So I’m on the fence.
But once you let the employees take out new bosses because they don’t like them…well that’s a situation that can’t be sustainable.
Peloton Question
Do you need special shoes to ride a Peloton? Thanks!
BB
Yes, if you are buying a new one for yourself and using the default pedals. They require cycling shoes with delta cleats. You can always switch the pedals out for ones that fit sneakers or other cleats. If you are going to one in the gym, most of the ones I have seen in gyms have the sneaker pedals (the shoe cage thing) + SPD cleats, but you likely won’t know until you get there what they have.
Minnie Beebe
Assuming you want to ride with clipless pedals (which, not at all intuitively, are the kind of pedals which require a cleat on your shoes which then clips into the pedal): If you’re going to use the pedals which come with the bike, you’ll need shoes that accept a 3-bolt road cleat. These are easy to find.
Or you can replace the standard pedals with anything you like.
But I recommend starting with the Peloton pedals. Make sure the setup techs loosen the pedals a bit– they come very tight.
Minnie Beebe
Also, the Peloton-brand shoes are not good, I’ve heard. I have a pair of rather old shoes that I used to use for outdoor riding which I use with my Peloton. Go to a bike shop and try some on, unless you already know what works for you.
Sunshine
Depends what you mean by special shoes. I took my old cycling shoes and had the cleats replaced, switching my SPD cleats for Delta cleats. I do not have Peloton branded cycling shoes or some other specific brand. As long as you have cycling shoes with delta cleats, you can use the Peloton bike as it is delivered.
Mice...
Of course on the day that my brain fails to produce adequate levels of serotonin (or whatever other chemicals it requires for baseline function) is the day that the mouse which decided to crawl up in my air ducts to die sometime recently starts to smell up the only private room in the house where I typically stay on days like this when I don’t want to bring my fellow housemates down with my crummy mood. Tried getting it out with a vacuum cleaner to no avail. Checked every other possible crevice where a mouse could have gotten trapped in there, and found nothing. I’m sure there’s a solution to this problem, and I’ll make sure to look for it in a few minutes, but right now this just sucks.
Nesprin
That’s awful. There’s a product called rat-sorb to knock down the odor, or an AC guy can clean out your ducts (for like 50-100$ per duct). I really hope things stink less for you today!
PS: I do not apologize for the pun
Elle
How does anyone afford childcare? Good Lord, my husband and I are starting to think about kids and we we’re reasonably upper-middle class and don’t live in a very expensive city (Raleigh) but I’m gobsmacked by just basic childcare costs. One child in daycare per month is almost our mortgage, let alone 2 kids! It all feels overwhelming.
Anonymous
It is overwhelming. Day care for one child was almost as much as our mortgage in a relatively LCOL area, and my student loan payment exceeded our mortgage payment. I wasn’t making a biglaw salary either. We couldn’t afford to contribute much to retirement during the day care years, and we didn’t start saving for college until my loans were paid off. The expense is part of why we only have one child.
Anonymous
Traditionally you sell one of your husbands kidneys.
Anonymous
You win. I needed that today.
anon
Yup, this is the sad reality. For a while, I definitely felt like I was paying to keep my place in the workforce. It did get better; our time with overlapping kids was mercifully short. And we were fortunate to get some raises along the way, which gave us some breathing room.
Source: Had kids in daycare for 11 years (omg, when I type that out, it sounds insane)
Of Counsel
With two a lot of people find it cheaper to use in-home care, particularly if one of the children is an infant. Any many, many people either rely on family or less than ideal childcare arrangements because that is what they can afford.
In my case, I was upside down on income/expenses for about 2 years because infant care was so expensive (more than my mortgage in Southern California). Even being careful with money, my high quality day care with hours that met my needs meant I was spending more than I was making. I had set money aside for that and burned through a considerable amount of savings.
Fortunately once my child was 3 the cost went way down – although I caution that it then stayed pretty flat through middle school. You think you will save money once your child starts school, but before/after school care and vacation care means that did not happen in our case. The one time my expenses went way down was late middle school/high school which was then promptly wiped out by college expenses!
Anon
we pay more than my take home pay for childcare. I’m grateful that we can afford to do this bc being a sahm would be beyond terrible for me mental health. We just don’t save much outside of retirement
Anon
It’s our largest expense (including housing), and we live in a HCOL area (NYC burbs). It’s insane.
Anon
This is a significant factor in why we only have one kid, although it’s not the only reason. Infant daycare for one was more than our mortgage (although our daycare is expensive and our house is cheap, relative to national average costs).
Anon
It’s overwhelming for sure. My kids are now 18 and 20 so it’s in the rear view mirror, but paying for daycare full time until kindergarten and still trying to save for their college/our household savings was impossible. We’re in the Bay Area and that was just our truth. Kindergarten felt like a pay raise. We managed to catch up with our savings for both us and their college once they started elementary school. They went to a public school, which was key. We did pay for after school care (which, fortunately, is their fondest memory of elementary school) and summer camps (which they hated!) but we did catch up and they have enough saved for in-state college.
I’m just telling you it’s a struggle for sure and we weren’t able to do the things people tell you you have to do financially when they were both in full time day care.
Anonymous
We budgeted for it when we bought our house. And still got screwed because we unintentionally had three kids instead of two (one kid then twins without fertility treatments or family history). For a while, our childcare costs were double our mortgage. Luckily threw a ton of money at our student loans so that payment then rolled into childcare once we had kids. Nanny share is a good option for babies as infant daycare spots are often pricier than toddler ones because the ratios are higher.
Anon
Relying on family can help, if you have that option. Nanny sharing is also a popular thing.
Lilau
Good for you for thinking of this. We pay more in childcare than we’re likely to pay in college tuition. But you don’t get 18 years to save up.
Scary but worth considering: is it just five or so very expensive years per child, like we planned on? Now that teachers insist that in person instruction is no longer part of their job (“we’re not babysitters!”) I’m not sure that childcare cost will go down when public school starts anymore. (I get that everyone expects the mom to do her job while also supervising remote elementary and middle school, but that doesn’t work for everyone. )
Anon
+1
Our annual childcare costs (one child) equal a year of Harvard tuition at today’s rates.
Anon
I mean, I think the pandemic will be over before her kid starts K if she’s just now starting to think about kids. I’m not an optimist about normal life resuming soon but we’re talking about a minimum of 6 years from now… Also our public schools were open all year and if they hadn’t been we would have moved. At some point you have to vote with your feet and tell the teachers unions that refusing to teach in person is not ok.
Anon
I don’t think they’d be sad to see you go.
Anon
What a cruel remark. Not that it matters, but we do tons of volunteering and fund-raising for our schools and I helped lead advocacy efforts to get school staff prioritized for vaccination, so yes, lots of people would have been sad to see us go. But fortunately it didn’t come to that, because our teachers are wonderful and almost all of them wanted to find a way to get back into the classroom safely, because they understand that virtual learning is a joke, especially for young kids. Many of them have expressed to me their disgust with teachers in other parts of the country who are completely refusing to go back.
Anonymous
Even with normal public school, having a school aged child still requires expensive care. After-school care and summer and school break camps get expensive.
Lilau
Right. But, according to my calculations, my childcare costs would have been at least halved after kindergarten, which is significant. Full time childcare plus help with online learning through middle school? That’s much more expensive than we’d ever planned on, particularly because we are really opposed to hiring “off the books” childcare, for a variety of ethical and practical reasons.
I see what the other posters here are saying about the pandemic being over at some point, but what we’re hearing from educators and school districts, that in-person learning is not an essential part of a child’s education, is a fundamental departure from the way I always saw the role of public schools and education. I’m not confident that the push to conduct elementary education remotely for the convenience and/or safety of teachers and certain parents will be limited to a particular geographic area post-pandemic. Again, it’s a fundamental shift for a kindergarten or 1st grade teacher to say “no, this doesn’t require in person instruction or supervision, I provide the same value through an iPad, and I should collect my salary in full while parents manage childcare” and for entire school districts, unions and school boards to back them up. I’m not sure what tools working parents have to push back here, particularly when any pushback whatsoever results in accusations of “teacher-bashing.”
Anonymous
+1 to this. Aftercare and summer care for school age kids are not free, but do not compare to full-time year round care for babies. Infant daycare was almost $20k and I think we spend about $5k now on a first grader, so the financial burden is much lower. Yes, you can spend more on really cool camps and special programs and things like that, especially as your kids get older, but I chalk that up as more of an activity expense than a childcare expense. Your kid does not NEED to go to Space Camp, and the minimum amount of money you have to spend to get decent childcare is a lot lower than for an infant.
Also something that many people don’t appreciate is that grandparent or other family help goes much further financially in the school years. Grandparents are willing to take the kids for a week in the summer or at winter break? Cool, you figure out a week that works for everyone and don’t sign your kids up for camp that week and, boom, that’s at least $200 per kid right back in your pocket. In the daycare years, grandparent help is nice, but often doesn’t reduce costs because it would require your daycare to have a part-time option, which many don’t, and even if your daycare does offer part-time if you’re going to use grandparents regularly as part-time care they have to commit to a year of twice a week (or whatever) care, and never get sick or take vacations, which is a much bigger ask then a week or two here and there in the summers. Grandparents also don’t have to be local to help provide summer childcare for school age kids, especially once kids are a bit older and more able to travel on their own – you can send the kids away to the grandparents for a couple weeks and it’s a big cost savings for you and wonderful grandparent-grandkid bonding time.
Seventh Sister
What I’m seeing in my own district is tremendous pushback over remote schooling and the accompanying lack of aftercare for elementary kids. It’s also compounded by the fact that our district has been running preschool and pre-K programs pretty much the whole time. Parents are asking (quite reasonably to my way of thinking), why it’s “too dangerous” for a vaccinated fifth grade teacher to come in person and teach in a classroom, but someone who teaches 3yos has had to teach in person for the entire year. And surprise, surprise, the preschool teachers are the poorest paid and mostly BIPOC.
There is a LOT of pressure on the elected school board and the superintendent to return to full-time, in-person school. Our board has handled all of this really badly, and I don’t plan on voting for any of them again.
I’m also actively pushing back on this ridiculous idea that kids under the age of 9 have to be closely supervised 24-7. I’m a GenXer, and if the school handbook allows my kid to walk home on his own, he’s going to do it. If you’re only going to provide 2-3 hours of school, he’s going to have to be a little bit latchkey, sorry.
anonymous
One of the reasons I chose not to have kids.
Anon
I’ve found that here corporate daycares are more expensive. Our independent daycare is kind of old fashioned, but I like it and they’re not charging extra to cover some fee for an online portal.
Anon
This is why I just laugh hysterically when people ask how we’re going to pay for college. Daycare costs almost twice as much as in-state tuition at our very good state schools, and we didn’t have 18 years to save. (We are saving for college, don’t get me wrong. But there’s something backwards about daycare costing more than college.)
Anon
Dependent care accounts help; the first $5,000 per year is paid with pre-tax dollars. Since we are in a LCOL area, that pays for slightly more than half of our infant daycare ($9,000 a year, approximately).
We are also able to save a lot of money by having me work from home. I drive a paid-off station wagon, have gotten two oil changes this past year, and do much of the maintenance myself. My husband’s subcompact is almost paid off. We rent a smaller place; looking to buy in a few years. As of now, it’s all quite doable (knock on wood).
If we had a second kid, the math would get blown to pieces. Any housing, rental or ownership, that is 3+ bedrooms is almost twice as expensive. Daycare costs would more than double, since we have already maxed out our pre-tax income dependent care. My husband would have to get a new car, as there is no way to fit two car seats in the back of his vehicle.
Anon
Just as anecdata the opposite way, I live in a LCOL area and infant daycare was $18k for a place we were comfortable with. A lot of LCOL areas are rural childcare deserts, where you have to pay through the nose for quality care. I get that NYC and the Bay Area are on a different level in term of cost, but my friends in MCOL cities seem to have a lot more options for affordable, quality care than I do.
Anon
It’s very tough. If you and husband can both take a few months of leave, that helps at the beginning. Spacing kids farther apart reduces the overlap for full-time care. You can also save a bit of money by using a dependent care account through your job, so the money is pre-tax.
DCR
I always wonder why this doesn’t get more attention. I hear all the time about making college more affordable (which it sound be), but very rarely about making daycare affordable. In many states, daycare costs more than tuition at the state university (and in a decent number, it is more expensive than the full in cost of a state university. Why am I not hearing about this consistently from politicians, the way I do about college costs?
Anon
Because the people who are hurt by it are women. Men and women go to college in roughly equal numbers, but the people leaving the workforce because they can’t afford childcare are overwhelmingly women. And nobody gives an f about us.
anon
Yes. Childcare should be seen as a society-wide issue, but in this country we frame it as a parents’ issue. And I agree, that specifically means mothers. Unfortunately I see the theme of “if you can’t take care of them, don’t have them!” repeated so often, even among some women without children, it’s disheartening. But I think those people fail to connect the dots that terrible childcare options impact them as well. See the post above from the intern’s manager, see the many complaints (I see this frequently on ask a manager, less so here) about having to take on a parent’s workload, parents getting “special treatment,” etc. If we could implement some kind of consistent, subsidized childcare network in this country, it could help to alleviate many of these pain points that we currently all just accept as a cost of doing business with kids. And I think we may need to work to reframe it as not just a “women’s issue” (cause, like you said, nobody cares) to an everybody issue.
Anon
If I had to guess, the truth is more complicated than that. My basic understanding of the situation is once the government got involved with being a huge supplier of student loans, and drastically cut the money they were giving the colleges directly, the colleges saw an opportunity to raise their tuition extreme levels because they knew the kids had easier access to more money than ever before and why not take advantage of it. (The fact that many of these kids would go on to not be able to pay it back, or be burdened for the majority of their life by it, be damned). So my presumption is that given all of this, there came a lot of inflated costs at the college for pet projects and programs and who knows what. They also spend a lot to attract the higher paying international student. So attention is paid to bringing college costs down because there in theory could be some broad based solutions, like stop the cycle of the colleges thinking about the loans available as free money to them, and cut some of the bloated costs and programs. The govt could also ramp up the amount they give to a college directly (instead of through students as a conduit) in a more efficient way than daycares because there are simply fewer of them, and they in theory already go through robust accreditation scrutiny.
Meanwhile, for daycares they are so expensive because each baby caregiver is limited by how many babies they can take care of at the time by the state (4? usually) so 4 parents collectively have to pay that person’s entire living wage, their portion of the rent/mortgage of the facility, food etc. If you do the math, unfortunately what you are paying often makes sense on paper. In other words, it’s not because of bloated costs and the daycare trying to take advantage of free loans out there. There is less we as society could go after them to cut. We could encourage the government to subsidize them as a whole more, but as noted above that is WAY more complicated than funding colleges given the vast number of them, and while they are all hopefully licensed this is just not as robust as a college accreditation so it would simply be harder to wade through potential scams. I know we DO give out vouchers of some sort to lower income folks to help with child care, but obviously probably not enough and that does little to help the middle class family shocked by the cost.
I’m not saying any of this is right or fair, just an explanation. If I’m missing anything I’d be curious to hear.
Seventh Sister
Having been a daycare parent as well as a daycare board member, the only government support that daycares really get is non-profit status if they are non-profits. Only a few parents got subsidies, you have to be extremely low-income to get those in my state. Daycares also don’t have the existing real estate of colleges and universities if they are independent operators, which means they have to find and keep real estate where they can have their programs (and basically compete against everyone else with a surprising level of NIMBY-ism).
Pretty much all of our tuition went to salaries and health care. Like a lot of daycares, we were in the sucky part of the private health care market – big enough and ethical enough to provide healthcare, small enough that we couldn’t self-insure or get a good deal like a huge company.
Most onsite corporate daycares, even if they charge market prices, are subsidized to the extent that the company doesn’t charge them rent and often, doesn’t charge for utilities. They also have the economies of scale to have designs and procedures that mean they are nearly always in compliance with licensing. Licensing wasn’t a huge issue, but the regulations were complex and subject to a lot of interpretation and re-interpretation. For instance, we had a play area that was in compliance when we opened, according to the inspector at the time, but was deemed to be out of compliance by the next inspector because kids of disparate ages played on the playground at different times. It was a huge, costly PITA.
One thing that would be a relatively easy fix would be to include preschool and daycare within public schools in some way. But it would mean people actually giving a crap, so I’m hopeful but not optimistic.
Anon
This would at least make some sense to me if the college cost conversation at a political level dealt with bringing costs down. But I never hear politicians mention plans for that, it’s all about easing the student loan burden. Frankly, I think it’s a classist thing. When you hear student loans, most people think of a (often white) professionals. When you hear about concerns over daycare costs, most people think of a (often minority) working class person and not the fact that it significantly impacts middle class families too.
Anon
If you’re replacing flooring, would you make the stairs match the floor below or above? Or would you pick based on flooring type? Hardwood, tile, and carpet are all options. The stairs are not showy like they would be in a center-hall Colonial.
anonymous
I would have it match the floor above. Our foyer is hardwood and the stairs are carpeted through to the upstairs.
Cat
I wouldn’t do tile stairs unless it’s outside.
I think you could go either way on which floor to match, but FWIW many people prefer carpeted stairs as less slippery with socks on.
Anonymous
This tile advice may be off point if you live in the Southwest!
AZCPA
I live in the SW, and would never do tile. Super slippery, and hurts so bad if you slip.
Anon
I think they need to match the foyer if they’re prominently visible from there. What is traditional is flooring being cheaper in “private” areas of your home, so your first landing if your stairs turn, or the top of the stairs if no landing is where your flooring would change to what is used in the upstairs hallway and bedrooms.
I’ve lived in and maintained a lot of older houses. My current house has fine grained oak hardwood in the entry hall, library, parlor, and dining room, and wider, softer grained planks upstairs and in the kitchen (which has a door to close it off from the rest of the house). Our staircase starts in the entry hall, so it has the same flooring on the stairs and the landing as the foyer. When you turn and go up the rest of the stairs after the landing, the stairs are wider plank.
AnonATL
Hardwood upstairs dumps into the tiled kitchen. Our stairs match the hardwoods upstairs and throughout the rest of the house and I think it looks nice. We really only have 2 flooring types in the house: same tile in all bathrooms and kitchen + hardwoods elsewhere.
Anonymous
Apologies if this posts twice! I’m the poster who’s been having problems with fatigue and dizzyness. Has anyone just felt… WEIRD? Like your eyes aren’t working right? It’s not vertigo or black spots but like they’re crossing or something? Don’t know how to describe it. Just finished a bout with BPPV so that could be lingering. Do I need bifocals? Don’t even know what to tell the doctor/PT.
anonymous
Have you had your vision checked? Make an appointment with an ophthalmologist.
Senior Attorney
I had weird visual disturbances and it turned out to be ocular migraines (basically the aura with no headache).
Anon
Get your blood pressure checked and standard blood tests run. Describe your symptoms as best as you can, and keep some sort of notes as to when everything started, whether it’s episodic or constant, etc. I do have spells like you describe when I’m coming down with something (eyes don’t seem to focus) but it doesn’t last for days.
At this point you don’t go to a PT and you don’t keep asking an anonymous online forum. You got to a real doctor and get it figured out. Not a virtual appointment. See your doctor.
Anonymous
yeah currently wearing a cardiac monitor for the cardiologist i’m seeing next tuesday but writing down “i feel weird” on my log doesn’t seem helpful. but thanks for yelling at me.
thank you to the people who provided the phrase “ocular migraine,” i think that might be helpful.
Anon
I’m not yelling at you. I’m genuinely concerned for you. I’m glad you have an appointment.
Anon
Are your eyes actually crossing? I have intermittent strabismus, which isn’t usually noticeable, but gets worse when I’m tired, sick, visually stressed from too much computer work, etc. It feels sort of like you describe and it’s pretty easy to check whether you have a tendency toward eye turns (a phoria), but most eye doctors don’t do it. Otherwise, I agree that ocular migraine is a possibility.
Anonymous
Another thing to check (migraines could be it for sure), can be your binocular vision. If there is a loss in your «stereo» vision (your eyes not focussing on the same point), everything could be weird or double or off.
Anon
I’m the poster above with strabismus and should add that there are lots of other binocular vision disorders besides strabismus, like convergence insufficiency. I don’t see double because my brain adjusted as a child to suppress vision from one eye at a time, but when problems develop in adults, double vision can be a symptom. Binocular vision issues are easy to miss and most eye doctors don’t check for them, just tell you have 20/20 vision, so if you think you might have one, make sure you ask for them to evaluate binocular vision specifically. Otherwise, they’ll probably just prescribe bifocals and make the problem worse.
Patricia Gardiner
I don’t recall your earlier post but if you are having fatigue and vision issues (difficulty focusing, double vision) and symptoms are worse at the end of the day, one possibility (low likelihood but serious) is myasthenia gravis. Easy for a neurologist to evaluate if your primary thinks it’s a possibility.
Anon
I get like this too when I am feeling very anxious. Light headed, hard to focus and that weird feeling that is hard to describe but my vision is affected – not quite right. Anyway, good luck to you – hope you can figure this out!
NOLA
Hey, makeup experts. Trying to solve an issue that has just come up for me. I have been using Tarte shape tape concealer for a while. The lighting at work was so awful that I felt like I needed it to not have horrendous dark circles. Before that I used MAC moisture select and it just wasn’t enough. A few years older and I feel like I need to put moisturizer under my eyes, but maybe I’m just doing this wrong. I’ve been using No. 9 under eye moisturizer. Suddenly, the Tarte concealer started drying out during the day and flaking, to the point where it looks like my mascara or eyeliner are below my eyes, but when I look closely, it’s kind of flaking concealer. I switched back to the MAC, since it’s more moisturizing and I’m WFH, but still having this issue. I had also started using a brush for concealer because it makes it so much easier to blend. I’ve also used a sponge and it did the same thing. I always used my fingers before. I also use a transparent setting powder, but nothing about that has changed. Any ideas about what’s going on? I’m terrible with learning about makeup.
Anon
I think I am about the same age as you. Thick concealers are not great for those of us with texture under our eyes. I apply layers of moisture (a serum and a gel) and then use a sheet light bouncing concealer type product. The opposite of shape tape. Something like Trish McEvoy instant eye lift or Tatcha the Pearl. (There are lots – first aid beauty makes one too) I apply a very sparse amount, starting at the lower orbital bone and then gently tapping upwards. I don’t always set this with powder, which can make the texture more pronounced.
The trend of heavily concealed under eyes was never great for 50+ year olds, and the products are generally not well formulated for us. The trend is changing to favor sheerer applications now which should make more products in this category available soon.
NOLA
Yeah when I started using shape tape, I felt like I needed it, but now I obviously need something different. The MAC moisture select is much lighter and doesn’t bother my eyes. I have really sensitive eyes and tried a lot before I could find one that I could tolerate, so this might be a long process. I had the same problem with MAC and I’m putting the under eye moisturizer on before it. But yeah, I’m 56 and I feel like everything changes constantly, right? Thanks for the recs. I’ll see what brands I can try. IT cosmetics didn’t work for me, sadly.
Anon
I can’t stand IT cosmetics and think it’s hugely overrated it’s just another Estée L’Oreal line, after all.
I actually thought of another thing though. If you have purpleish areas under your eyes (I do at the inner corner) it’s just thin skin, which is more pronounced as we get older. I’m also 56. You can use color corrector first on just the dark areas, not the entire under eye area. I use a tiny amount on a tiny brush and tap tap tap. An orangey pink is good for this. The brand I use is jecca blac liquid corrector 2.0 but lots of brands make these. Then apply your moisturizing sheer light bouncing concealer on top.
To be honest I’m lazy and only do the color correcting if I’m having my photo take or something.
Elf camo concealer recommended below is thick and cakey- leave it to the Millenials. I gave mine to my 20 year old daughter. I also tried Natasha Denona and have never had anything settle into lines as badly as that stuff. I promise, sheer and slightly reflective is the way to go when you’re 56.
Anon
https://www.tatcha.com/product/MED-PEARL-EYE.html?cgid=eyecare#page=1&start=1
Anon
https://www.trishmcevoy.com/products/instant-eye-lift
Anon
https://www.firstaidbeauty.com/skin-care-products/eye-and-lip-care/eye-duty-niacinamide-brightening-cream
NOLA
Cool! Opened all of these to look at later.
Anon
Just chiming in to say the oldest millennials are about 40 so I don’t think that’s what you meant. Your daughter is not a millennial.
Anon
Yeah I know my daughter is not a Millenial. She never shuts up about being Gen Z. But I stand by saying that thick concealers are not for us X-ers.
Anon
I’m frustratingly in m0d with a long comment, probably due to using brand names. In short, a sheer somewhat reflective concealer. Ditch the shape tape.
Worried
In my 30s and early 40s I noticed similar flaking. I used to use boing by benefit and Laura mercier concealers. Both had the right coverage when my skin was less dry but were too flakey as my skin seemed dryer. I am now using the IT cosmetics concealer — again good coverage, but I’m finding I need moisturizers or a facial oil before I apply it with a brush and blend. I likely won’t repurchase. I do recall that Clinique concealer is a bit more lightweight and sheer so I may purchase that next, but I don’t know what shade will work so I may wait until I’m vaccinated before I purchase in store. I find it helps if I use moisturizer / oil/ serum/before concealer, or perhaps use with a primer and blend with a brush then set with powder.
NOLA
IT irritated my eyes, so I don’t think I can do that. I’ll look at benefit and Laura Mercier. When I was looking for tinted moisturizer, I couldn’t find a Laura Mercier shade that worked. I am half vaccinated, so soon, right?
NOLA
Should have also mentioned a) my eyes are very sensitive and b) I’m very fair.
Worried
I’ve heard that hourglass concealer works, as well as Clinique, but I agree that finding the right shade is easier done in person:) Right now, I’m using my foundation as a concealer, albeit carefully! I use a foundation called flawless creator drops by dermablend. You take a dropper and mix as little or as much and it does blend well, but again works best with a moisturizer underneath and requires blending with a brush.
NOLA
I have rarely ever used a full coverage foundation. I have even skin tone and have been more concerned about moisturizing and sunscreen, so I’ve used BB or tinted moisturizer forever. I had used Clinique years ago (and still do for mascara and eye shadow) but they kept discontinuing the lighter shades and it was so frustrating. I’ll have a look online. My second vaccine can’t come soon enough!
Worried
I too wonder why Clinique keeps discontinuing lighter shades. Like you, I stayed away from them due to this, but my sister who is just slightly paler than me was recently in a store (she lives in an area with very low case numbers) and said there are some newer formulations that are lighter. I can’t wait to go in person makeup/ concealer / foundation shopping:)
Anon
Tarte shape tape is dry to start, so when a tube gets older I find it can dry out even more. I highly highly recommend the elf hydrating camo concealer – similar coverage but a much more forgiving formula. Also you definitely should be moisturizing under your eyes! You could try a more hydrating moisturizer or under eye cream. Also try skipping the translucent powder. I’ve found I can completely skip powder with shape tape most of the time.
NOLA
Good point about the tube drying out! I actually have a travel size that is in a slightly darker shade and I had noticed how much more liquid it was. I tried it this morning, so we’ll see?
Anonymous
This may sound weird, but it’s helped my aging skin makeup routine. I apply my moisturizer, then sunscreen, then foundation, then concealer, then powder. It can’t hurt to try, since it doesn’t require you to buy anything new.
NOLA
I have two doing moisturizer (different moisturizer for under eye than face) then a new tinted moisturizer with retinol and sunscreen, concealer, then the MAC transparent powder. I don’t really need a full foundation. I have really even skin tone, so I’m just looking to brighten a bit and moisturize, especially as I age.
Anonymous
The tinted moisturizer over two other moisturizers isn’t providing a stable enough base for the concealer. What about a light foundation? I know people like to say they don’t “need foundation” but in this instance it sounds like you do. Maybe get a sample to try?
NY CPA
Try Bobbi Brown corrector. That’s not drying for me, and it does a much better job of neutralizing my dark under-eyes than concealer. Some people put concealer over it, but I dont even bother.
Anon
Another vote for a sheer, brightening concealer. I made the change recently and no longer have that spackled look under my eyes. This Elf one is inexpensive and effective.
https://www.ulta.com/flawless-brightening-concealer?productId=pimprod2020784
Greensleeves
It’s probably much too late for you to see this, but I’m also fair with sensitive skin so I’ll chime in! I switched up a lot of my makeup a few years ago as my middle aged skin needed different products. I now use Nars Soft Matte Complete Concealer and I’m very happy with it. No drying or flaking, no skin reaction, and it looks good in person and for video calls. I apply with a soft concealer brush.
NOLA
Thanks!
Anon
Confession: It literally blows my mind that so many people want kids. First, I find the idea of being pregnant and giving birth downright revolting. Having a parasite attached to me for 9 months and then going through childbirth to then make my entire life be about someone else for the next 18 years…I just can’t wrap my head around it. I’ve met people who don’t want kids, but I can’t understand how the majority of people do want them. Am I just missing the mom gene?
Anonymous
If so, there are more of us. :)
Lilau
I’m laughing to myself because I’m nine months pregnant with kid number two, love my little guy to death and can’t wait to meet the new baby… and yet I totally get why you’re saying. I still find birth and pregnancy revolting! So maybe you’re missing the mom gene and maybe I’m a mom missing the mom gene?
(FWIW the I think answer is that at least for some of us, the baby/ pregnancy/childbirth stuff is the part we’re enduring, not relishing. It’s watching the kid become a cool person that makes it worth it. Years 0-2.5 did not make me want another baby. Years 2.5-5 did.)
Anonymous
I’m amazed that a three year old made you want another baby! When my daughter was an infant and toddler I didn’t feel ready for another but had a vague “sure, I could do this again sometime, babies and toddlers are adorable” feeling. And then she turned 2.5 and my attitude became “omg I’m soooo glad I only have to do this once.” I love her, and she is definitely much more interesting and fun than she was as a baby, but also much more of a handful and frankly more exhausting…she slept better as an infant than she does now. I now understand why everyone I know conceived their second before their first turned 3.
Me too
It’s late for replies but I just wanted to say this exactly. My kid is so much more exhausting as a 3 year and wtf is with the not sleeping? I spend so much energy dealing with getting her to sleep. When she was a baby it seemed easier. She couldn’t argue with me. This is a tough age. Due to infertility she is an only. But if I had the choice, I would not have another.
Lilau
Never too late! I’m obviously the minority, because as the other anon said, most people have a second before the first is about three.
From my perspective? I love being done with diapers and I love having a kid that can TELL me he’s hungry/sad/just wants to play with trains. While he was learning to walk I felt like he was always about to hurt himself and needed constant supervision. Now he’s pretty sturdy and capable of independent play while I chat with a friend or make dinner or even just relax. Plus, he’s interesting and fun and we can talk about stuff (even if it’s a LOT of sports and monster trucks.) I love that he can tell me what he thinks about anything. Three years ago things were so much more difficult.
Anon
Maybe you are missing the mom gene, and that’s perfectly fine. Although fwiw, I really dreaded pregnancy and birth to the point that I almost didn’t do it and then it ended up nowhere near as bad as I was expecting. Even the silly stuff that I was worried about, like stretch marks and saggy b00bs, didn’t happen, although I think it’s better to expect that it will and then be pleasantly surprised if it doesn’t. On the point about having your life revolve around someone else – it really depends on how many kids you have and how you parent them. One kid is very different than two or more and I feel like having one kid didn’t really change our lifestyle at all, although we were already living what many people would probably consider a boring lifestyle by the time we had a baby. And in America the culture is that you really make your life all about your kids, but that’s not universal and you don’t have to do it that way. We have some friends with two kids who have a more hands-off parenting style than most Americans and they don’t feel consumed by their kids either. But yeah life is certainly a bit different with kid(s), and you do have to make sacrifices. But it’s been surprisingly easy for me and I consider myself selfish. Once your kids are here, you just want to make them happy – it’s not something you have to force. Like I hate Disney and always vowed I would never ever take my kid to Disney, and now I would happily plan a trip (pandemic aside) if my kid wanted to go, because it would be worth it to me to make her happy. It’s really not a selfless gesture though, it’s just that having her be happy is what makes me happy now.
But if you don’t want kids, don’t have them! Nothing wrong with that.
Anonymous
I don’t think you’re missing anything. I also think it’s crazy. My theory is that the horrors of pregnancy, child birth, and raising kids is a closely guarded secret. People are fed this fantasy Kodak life image everywhere and they believe this is the reality so when they settle down and have a partner of course they want that Kodak life they see all over movies and social media. Then when people realize they’ve been duped they’re too ashamed to admit it so they proliferate the lie to save face. Psychology has repeatedly shown parenthood makes people unhappy.
Patricia Gardiner
Everyone is different (which is what makes life so interesting)! I LOVED being pregnant (would be a surrogate if I could). Labor was not great, but that was <24 hours in the grand scheme of things. I don’t really check or post on social media (does this s*te count?). My kids are amazing and so so fun- sure, exhausting at times, but nothing else brings me nearly as much joy. It’s required a shift in priorities and scaling back of some hobbies, but it’s 1000% worth it on balance.
But that’s my perspective! There are many sources of joy out there, and yours may be different! You don’t have to think that people are “duped” and “ashamed” if they enjoy being parents- they may just have different priorities than you. And isn’t it great we are not all the same?
Anon
I’ve been adamantly CF since I was a child myself. Parent friends are inclined to unload on me about how hard it is (I’m told I have “therapist face”). They really do seem to hide their struggling from each other, which is sad. Being honest about the difficulties might make for fewer unwanted or mistreated kids.
Anon
Lol I don’t think parenthood has been a giant conspiracy since the beginning of time.
Anon
It has been in contemporary times though. Before, people didn’t reproduce in a pursuit of happiness, they did it to have extra farm hands. Now, people do it to pursue happiness or fulfillment or whatever and end up less happy than before in the long run, then hide it to save face.
Anon
That is not statistically true. There may be people who are less happy, but people with children are overall more happy in the long run, according to many surveys.
Anon
Actually, it’s statistically shown that parenthood makes people unhappy.
Anon
I think you’re both wrong – there’s no statistical difference between parent and non-parent happiness. https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2014/02/07/parenthood-and-happiness-its-more-complicated-than-you-think/
Lara
I’m currently in my mid-30’s and pregnant for the first time and I will say for me age shifted my thinking a lot regarding pregnancy/parasites. In my early 20s pregnancy freaked me out sooo much- I remember being terrified that my pregnant boss would go into labor in the office and did not want to ever be pregnant. That slowly faded and by my early 30s I was at peace that I wanted biological kids and that meant me being pregnant. I will say that I feel like I’m a very neutral pregnant person- I’m not one of those women who raves about this glowing goddess power of giving life or whatever the heck Instagram goes on about. Like, it’s fine. If my husband could be pregnant instead, I’d vote for that. But I rarely consider her to be a parasite (only occasionally) and sometimes it can seem kinda cool.
On the other hand, I have always loved kids and have known I wanted them eventually. Honestly, the decision to have them now though, was less about being ready to give up my freedom and more about facing the biological reality that it was now or (possibly) never/only with a significant amount of interventions.
Anon
I never felt like I had a parasite when I was pregnant. I had an easy pregnancy but I loved feeling the kicking and hiccuping inside. Nursing felt more like having a parasite to me because they really do suck the life out of you. It totally drained my energy and no matter how much I ate I couldn’t get full – it felt like the baby was taking the food I ate out of my body before it could fuel my body, which I guess is kind of true. It wasn’t a bad experience overall (I loved holding my baby and watching her nurse), but I definitely understood the parasite analogy better at that stage. Breastfeeding is optional though.
AnonATL
I had a super easy pregnancy. No nausea, extreme fatigue, or much physical discomfort. Relatively easy birth for a first child at just under 24 hours from when my first contraction started but a significant tear. Even with all that, I am not looking forward to being pregnant again. I hate having the sole responsibility over the health of my baby. It’s exhausting to think that everything you put in your body or on your body could somehow hurt your baby (yes I have anxiety). I was so much happier once he was born and other people were sharing in the burden of care.
I plan to try for #2 here soon. Love my son to pieces. He is the best baby and I love watching him grow. I’ve always known I wanted children.
I don’t think people should have children if there is even any doubt. It’s too much work and too damaging to half ass it. And it’s totally fine to not want kids!
Anon
The burden of being solely responsible is very real. I had much more anxiety before birth than after. A friend asked why I was so panicked about stillbirth but not SIDS and my honest answer was “because now if she dies, I’m not the only one to blame.” I know it’s not completely rational but it really was a giant weight off my shoulders when my husband could share responsibility. Yo be clear I definitely don’t blame mothers who lose a baby in utero, but some people do. It was reinforced when I went in at 40 weeks and they weren’t happy with the baby’s movement and instead of being empathetic and kind the nurse just said in an accusatory tone “how could you not have noticed the baby had stopped moving?” She hadn’t “stopped moving” and she was born healthy later that day (I think she was just snoozing at the appointment with the judgy nurse) but that’s exactly how you convince a mother she was responsible for her baby’s death. I think if my baby had not survived that comment might very well have led me to suicide.
Anon
Oh wow, that is awful! I’m sorry that nurse said that to you.
Anon
Thank you. It was fine because everything was fine with my baby. But I often think about how damaging it would have been if things had not been fine.
Anon
First off, I don’t think anyone who doesn’t strongly want kids should have them. It takes a lot out of you to be a parent, much less a good parent, so it’s definitely not fair to either party to just kind of go along with becoming a parent.
That said, I didn’t want kids until I did, and then I wanted them yesterday. I’ve been through a lot as a parent, including losing a child to illness, and it’s still worth it to me. But it changes you forever (for me in a good way) and you have to be willing to jump in with both feet. I’m proud of who I am as a person and I’m proud of my career, which I have to admit has exceeded my expectations and is impressive, but my kids are the best things I have ever done with my life. And I don’t give a single crap about what it did to my body, that is nothing compared to what being their mother has meant.
Anon
Totally agree with you, OP
Anon
While I certainly didn’t have kids to entertain myself, I found myself feeling a little…bored? stale? in my relationship and state of life before I had them. Sure, there are many paths to growth, but for me, sharing the experience of raising kids with my spouse, and going through the challenging-yet-fruitful growth of myself as a person with others to care for, has been so rewarding. Hard, yes, but it’s pushed me in ways I wouldn’t have otherwise experienced. It’s not for everyone, but that’s a big part of the reason *I* am pregnant with my third and still hoping for more. And I agree with the poster who said pregnancy and labor are the parts to endure, not the main event, and are a relatively short time in the span of a life.
Anon
“Enduring” pregnancy and labor isn’t worth it though, in my opinion.
Anon for this
I don’t think it’s just 18 years – if you’re lucky, you get to worry about your kid(s) for the rest of your life! It’s physically and emotionally exhausting, can break you and bring up a lot about your own childhood and parents that you then have to examine and confront and can lead to a different career and relationship than you ever imagined. Why do people do it? Well, for me, it’s given my life meaning in a way that nothing else could have. Others can find meaning elsewhere but for me and I think a lot of parents, being needed so much and then seeing your offspring grow up and seeing the “circle of life” continue on gives us meaning and joy. I often think of that book “All Joy and No Fun” – not to say that there aren’t fun moments, I think there are especially once the kids hit age 4-5, but there is a deeper joy from seeing your tiny baby grow into a person that I just can’t explain to a nonparent (which is not meant to value your life less, it’s just that you don’t get quite it and it’s fine).
And my pregnancies were fine, I wouldn’t chose to be pregnant if I didn’t have to, but it is what it is. My kids are little so most of our life revolves around them right now. I do think it’s different with one v. more than one in that sense. My husband is a true partner in this, which is extremely important.
LaurenB
I personally enjoyed being pregnant but once was enough (I had twins). I think it’s perfectly fine not to want kids. I didn’t want them until the moment I did, and I really am not interested in other people’s kids all that much nor do I want to hold other people’s babies, etc.
Anon
OP here – thank you for all of the thoughtful replies. I definitely agree with those who mentioned that if someone is having doubts, they shouldn’t have children, and I am 1000% not having them. My main question was just…I can’t understand how so many people want them, how I’m the outlier.
Anonnnn
It’s totally fine to not understand though. You don’t have to! There are plenty of choices other people make that I don’t understand (and are also life changing). I don’t need or have to understand them, because they aren’t mine. FWIW, I am CF for life by very adamant choice but it has nothing to do with being pregnant (I have been).
Opted Out
I’m 47, married, never wanted children, never had children. Had my tubes tied years ago. Zero regrets. I think I would have been a decent mother, so it wasn’t some kind of fear of failure. Just never wanted them. Neither did my husband, and he has no regrets.
I do think there is an evolutionary/biological imperative in most people to reproduce. Either I don’t have it or it’s weak in me. And I’m totally ok with that. I don’t think people who have children are more or less selfish than someone who chooses not to have children (have seen both positions taken). I don’t think I’m a better or worse person in general. I just didn’t want children and to the extent I ever considered having them, there is nothing about this country that would incentivize or encourage me to do so. So…I’m childfree.
As for pregnancy, I don’t find the idea of being pregnant horrendous but I certainly never craved it and it does seem a little weird. And that’s not even taking into account the fact that society views pregnant women as fair game for opinions, criticism, and commentary!
ChiAnon
The MM Lafleur last call section section has some crazy markdowns right now. Just got a Crosby skirt for $20!
Anon
thank you!
Madrilian
I replied (late) on Th to the person that was aking for Spanish (castilian) series to improve the language without noting in which platform were showed. I realized that some of them are only in Movistar that I think you could not acces abroad.
Anyway, this morning I came accross with two articles with the best series/movies in castilian (and one in catalonian) showing the platform where you can find them. Practically are the same I suggested. Also came to my mind that the Spanish tv offers free online acces to all its programs/movies. Hope that helps.
https://www.businessinsider.es/19-mejores-peliculas-espanolas-puedes-ver-streaming-826681
https://www.businessinsider.es/17-mejores-series-espanolas-puedes-ver-streaming-825889
https://www.rtve.es/alacarta/
https://www.rtve.es/television/somos-cine/
Moonstone
Seeking advice on meat CSA/shares. My partner and I restrict meat-eating to the weekends, when we like to make a big dinner that has meat as the centerpiece, like a roast. The sticker shock for the meat shares has deterred me in the past, but I have decided I need to stop bargain-hunting in this area of my life to ensure that the animals are raised humanely before slaughter. There are 2 convenient options near me, where the farmers seems reasonable about skipping a month or requesting no chickens and such. I have the freezer space. What else should I consider before making the commitment?
Anonymous
There is no ethical way to kill something. You should probably consider that.
Anon
+1. “Raised humanely before SLAUGHTER” is the biggest oxymoron I’ve ever read.
Moonstone
Yep, that’s a legitimate point of view.
Anonymous
What are good resources for in house counsel salaries? entering negotiations for an in house role and would like basis of comparison. Or, if anyone here would share title+comp, I would be appreciative!
Anonnnn
Happy to share:
Background: 2.5 years total in-house, 6 years in true law practice, 4 in legal adjacent roles, global manufacturing/technology company, ~200 person law department, in LCOL US.
Title: Commercial Counsel III (I am technically NA regional counsel for our BU and also lead counsel for a subvertical but that’s not what’s in our job framework)
Comp: $150k / yr, 20% bonus potential based on company performance plus any merit add on, up to 6% 401k match, garbage HBHP health insurance, 15 days PTO, 6 days personal time.
Anonnnn
Sorry for the typos!
Anon
I found Glassdoor helpful when looking for salary reviews, especially for larger companies. I’ve been in-house for a long time at a variety of different companies and I would anything with the title of Counsel is likely to be around $140-160. Senior Counsel is probably from there up to about $200, though $180 is more likely for a Senior Counsel role. And then from there it will depend on the size of the company and seniority of the role.