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This headband is giving me serious Boden or Lilly Pulitzer vibes — but it's a bestseller at J.Crew Factory!
It comes in four pretty colors, including this kelly green, white and blue pattern that looks great for a business casual office (or perfect for brightening up a business casual Zoom call).
The headbands were $34, but are now marked to $16; they are all final sale.
Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – 11/5 only – 60% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Up to 30% off on new arrivals
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy one, get one – 50% off everything!
- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
Anon
Has anyone else noted a dramatic uptick in online diagnosing of ADHD from a distance, especially in parenting circles? ADHD has been acknowledged for decades now, but it’s only recently where I’m really seeing TONS of “that sounds like ADHD” or “that could be atypical ADHD” or “has she been tested for ADHD?” Why is this happening?
Anonymous
I listened to a podcast about this (full disclosure – it was a Fox News pod, so I take with a grain of salt, but the content seemed reasonable). The theory they put forth was that for many, it’s in-born and chemical, but that for many – really anyone diagnosed after about 13 unless they’ve struggled with their symptoms their whole life and just worked through it – is that it’s brought on by technology and the continued dopamine hits from everything coming so fast.
Anon
Right – if there are aspects of modern life that cause symptoms that MIMIC ADHD, then those kids are at risk of over diagnosis. It’s like how we don’t screen all women for breast cancer all the time because we know that the scans will pick up things that aren’t actually breast cancer and potentially lead to needless treatment.
Anon
Yeah, as someone who has ADHD in a family where everyone has ADHD this is odd to me. My one brother was the only one who was diagnosed as a kid, but turns out my mom and I, as well as many members of our extended family also have ADHD.
As for the prevalence of ADHD – its so normal for me and my family that when I read symptoms of it, I’m like okay? doesn’t everyone do this to some extent? I think its probably being over tested for these days – back when I was growing up (90s/00s), only the extreme cases were really tested or treated. I guess its nice that I know “why” I have certain struggles or I think certain ways, but honestly I’ve never treated it and I don’t think everyone needs to treat it (even my brother, who had it bad enough to get diagnosed back in the day, hasn’t been on medication since high school). I think there’s so much self-induced pressure to have perfect kids who can achieve anything that parents push for diagnoses and treatment. Alternatively, I also think that expectations for kids don’t line up with abilities – of course a little kid is going to struggle sitting still. Kids don’t get enough unstructured, active and imaginative play time which probably exacerbates their symptoms. I also think that modern screen time exacerbates ADHD symptoms – I’m not anti screen time (and think it can be good for downtime, which is needed for regulation) but the screen time of yesteryear was 30 min TV shows that were usually watched socially, as opposed to short video clips and games with instant gratification, over the top graphics, and a “one screen per kid” approach that’s more common now.
I think its interesting that ADHD is now lumped into being ND AND comes with so much treatment. I think developing coping mechanisms is usually, but definitely not always, a better treatment option. I recognize that OTs can help develop these coping mechanisms, but adding OT appointments to already over scheduled families may be doing more harm than good (unless there’s in school intervention options). I think that developing coping mechanisms and working through the associated struggles of ADHD is really good for increasing resilience and independence in kids – as someone who wasn’t diagnosed until I was older, there were for sure growing pains as I (and my parents) had to develop strategies to keep me organized, on task, and on time. But, it served me well in the long term.
Along with that – I almost feel like its being created as a bigger deal than it is. While ADHD, like other ND conditions, exists on a spectrum, I’d say most people don’t need it to be treated like this big difference. As someone not on the autism spectrum, I don’t want to speak to that since it’s not my experience, but it’s odd to me seeing ADHD grouped in with the autism spectrum in terms of treatment or dealing with ADHD kids. I guess to me, pretty much anyone on the ADHD spectrum is capable of doing anything or holding any job, severe ADHD is obviously way less impactful on someone’s options than severe autism. Most ADHDers don’t need the level of support that most individuals with autism do – I understand why many individuals with autism are in different types of therapies, but I don’t think that’s really needed for those with ADHD.
FWIW, I also have dyscalculia – this has definitely impacted my academic and professional success and opportunities more than the ADHD. ADHD may have made things harder for me, but it never held me back. Sure, my house may be messier or I may lose track of my thought mid sentence multiple times a day and I either have no focus on a task OR I obsess over it, but I can work around that in my job, my personal life, and back when I was in school I could work around it in school.
I’m not even sure if I’m being coherent, but all this to say as a fellow ADHDer from a family full of ADHD, it does feel like its being over diagnosed or over treated – not everything has an easy diagnoses and treatment and can conveniently be wrapped up – that’s okay and I think its actually a really helpful step for many with ADHD.
Anon
I’ll gently push back on this as a parent of an AuDHD kid. First – diagnosis is largely done by neuropsych’s these days, not a regular MD, and the waiting lists are long and the assesments are costly. No parent I know willingly wants to wait 6 months to get their kid assesed, pay $3-$5k out of pocket, and then continue to pay to talk to a psychiatrist monthly and figure out the correct medication unless there is a real need. I spend SO much time, money, and mental energy on navigating IEPs, doctor’s visits and therapy and I have a ‘2E’ kid in general ed classes, I can’t imagine how much harder it would be if my kiddo needed more support.
A big part of the reason we had my child diagnosed is because of the prevalent feelings of shame and anxiety over ‘why can’t I just do this thing that is easy for everyone else’. It’s like shaming someone with a broken leg for not placing first in a foot race. Once my child (and their teachers) were aware of the diagnosis the shame/anxiety largely went away and we focused on behavior modification/executive functioning coaching, setting up household systems, etc. PLUS medication. I hear the same thing over and over again from other adults – knowing that there is a real difference in how your child’s mind works allows you to better parent them and for their to be more self-acceptance.
Anon
And I’m sure things are quite different for a child with AuDHD or more severe ADHD.
For more mild cases, it almost feels like all of the therapies, doctors visits, IEPs, school meetings, and the like is overkill. I”m not trying to sound like someone who walked uphill both ways barefoot in the snow, but how many students with more manageable levels of ADHD were able to, along with their parents, develop their systems and work arounds without needing this level of external help?
I do hear you on the shame though, when I was diagnosed with both dyscalculia and then later ADHD there was a “oh, okay there’s a reason why this is so hard” realization for me – I wasn’t dumb, my brain just works differently. Though, I will also say it was always pretty apparent that my brain worked a little differently so there wasn’t as much shame – the prevailing mindset always was that I learn differently and that’s okay. I’m sure it helped that I also learned how to read before PreK so I didn’t think I was dumb at everything, just some things.
Nesprin
I’m glad that you went through school without shame and with an understanding of how your mind worked.
I think you’re missing quite a few people’s experience- I needed external help and understanding. The prevailing mindset in my childhood was that I was lazy and careless and bad at school, and that I probably should be in special ed and not the honors classes.
Anon
Do you have NVLD? (Dyscalculia + reading before PreK?)
Anon
Hey, fellow Audhd parent here, of a girl, which is a big change. Girls didn’t used to be Dx with either. It’s spectrum and maybe it is good that people beyond stereotypically-presenting boys are getting help now.
Anon
Question – is there pushback on use of “ADHD kid” or “autism kid?” It seems to go against the push for person-first language everywhere else (ie, person in a wheelchair instead of wheelchair guy), but then again, I’ve also heard that some people don’t like person first language and would prefer to acknowledge the disability right away.
Anon
I know there is a ton of pushback against person-first language in the case of autism. “Autistic kid” is what advocates want; “person with autism” is regarded as stigmatizing.
Anon
I agree with every word of this.
Anon
Partially because until 1979 all of the studies on ADHD/autism were done on boys/men. There was literally no understanding of how women and girls exhibit the traits differently and unless the behaviors were very severe or the parent was very well clued in/able to advocate there were diagnoses made for girls. There are many, many women who have had these issues their entire lives and are just now realizing with their children being diagnosed that they also have the same neurodivergency.
Also, because this comment is hugely judgey – so what if more kids are screened? It doesn’t hurt anyone, and more recognition that people learn and behave differently is a net positive. If you’re seeing more bad behavior excused with ‘they’re on the spectrum’ that is something different and unless it impacts you directly I’d treat it the same way you’d treat parents who also excuse bad behavior with ‘oh they’re just kids’ or ‘oh, boys will be boys’. For the record I’m not talking about stimming behaviors/accomodations but the pressure on people to be ok with rude behavior/getting physical with people due to their neurodivergence.
Anon
+1000 on girl ADHD.
Anon
That’s the thing, though – being diagnosed isn’t a neutral act. It carries risks like anything else. Parents change the way they treat their kids. So do teachers. Expectations are often lowered. Time is spent on therapies that have potential for harm (all medical treatments do).
Anon
This – I truly believe that anyone with ADHD can do anything that those without can, with the same expectations and treatment. It might be “harder” or more time consuming or require creative coping mechanisms, but it can be done. This includes academic, professional, and behavioral expectations. I see a lot of leeway given for behavior in ADHD kids, which I don’t think is appropriate in the vast majority of cases (like I don’t think its appropriate to tell a student that they can’t tap their foot or click their pen in class if they need to do that in order to sit quietly and pay attention – but I do think its 1000% appropriate to expect a school age ADHD kid to sit quietly and pay attention for the same length of time you’d expect a NT kid to).
And, while I wouldn’t call this a risk per se – having an ADHD diagnosis does preclude someone from certain jobs, such as joining the military. Even without medication and with great coping mechanisms, I was denied from the military for having ADHD. So was my brother.
Loofah
No quotes needed – it is harder. I can achieve everything that someone without ADHD can achieve, but I pay for it with burnout, exhaustion and depression.
Anon
Yeah, I was raised during the era of you may need tools, systems, or other types of help but the expectations and effort are expected to be the same – being raised this way with multiple learning differences, including ADHD, led to me being very successful. I worked harder and longer for the same results as others, but it paid off for me. I don’t think adjusting expectations is the answer.
Nesprin
Because something like 2% of people have some level of executive function disorder and there’s a growing awareness of the condition and long standing gender biases in who gets diagnosed for these conditions, and improved opportunities for treatment.
All this adds up to “hey that thing you struggle with? Might be something that could be useful to understand and get treated for”
Anonymous
This. My husband wasn’t diagnosed as a kid but one of our 3 children was and there no question he has it. I’ve led him lead throughout the entire process of her dx and his mindset has been “if I had known when I was a kid that I wasn’t broken, just wired differently, it would have changed so much.” As an adult he can put his fingers on adhd behaviors, catch them, and modify them.
Work Phone
+a million.
anon
+1. So much this. It honestly makes me angry when people jump to “it’s overdiagnosed!” “just try harder, no modifications!” My kid’s life changed for the better when he got diagnosed because we finally, FINALLY had some tools to help him. Look up the stats on what untreated ADHD looks like once the teen years hit. It’s not pretty.
DH has never been formally diagnosed but is pretty sure he has it, based on the similarities between him and our son. I’m fairly certain that one of my uncle’s substance abuse and mental health issues are at least partly explained by untreated ADHD because that wasn’t a thing when he was growing up. But if you listen to my mom describe my uncle’s behavior as a kid? Well, the shoe fits. And my grandparents were total disciplinarians, so I don’t think it was an issue of bad parenting (another accusation that gets lobbed around).
Anonymous
TikTok has a TON of ADHD content – i feel like everyone i know diagnosed themselves as ADHD thanks to tiktok. I think once it’s in your content stream you’re going to see a ton everywhere.
I think recognition of neurodiversity is also increasing greatly, and that’s a good thing – ADHD is a lot more accepted than autism though, so i’m not surprised that’s people’s entry point.
(plus, way too many people like the adhd drugs.)
Anon
Self-diagnosis is one thing, but diagnosing acquaintances at a distance based on short comments about one aspect of a child’s life seems…different.
Anon
I know so many people who have self-diagnosed ADHD. My daughter is diagnosed by a specialist after years of being a good student who couldn’t pass a test to save her life. I learned a lot about “girl” ADHD and why it gets overlooked (respectful, quiet student who has no trouble staying in her seat.) when people list off all the reasons they think they have ADHD, very few of them match what I have learned from my daughter’s diagnosis process.
“Sorry I didn’t return your email, it’s my ADHD!” is most likely bullshit. My daughter is now the most organized person I know, out of sheer necessity, and managed to graduate from college and a 1 year post grad program with honors. But it too all the strategizing in the world to get her there. I do get offended by how easily people toss the term around to excuse other behaviors.
Anon
+1 to the actual ADHD folks being incredibly organized out of necessity. As a second gen ADHDer (and let’s be honest, its way beyond second gen…) it’s interesting to see how I’ve chosen to cope differently than my mom! She had no professional resources to help, and I had very few but we’ve both adapted in our own ways (often building off of each others’ ways).
Anonymous
yes, this! i heard someone say that if, in answer to questions about executive functioning, your answer is like, “oh i don’t have problems because i have 40 million systems!” then you actually DO have problems you’re just self-managing.
Anon
But if you’re managing, is it actually a problem that needs medication and professional help to solve? It doesn’t seem abnormal that people will need and use different systems to get things done. There’s such a wide variation in normal human behavior.
Anon
3:23 is right, and so is 3:30. I am self-managing, and highly successful at it. I do not medicate (nor have ever needed to medicate), but it took years to figure out that I needed systems to do what others just naturally did.
But for 3:30, I wish I would have had a word for it earlier to help me with systems when I was a dreamy middle schooler, who couldn’t ever quite figure out how to get stuff done in advance. I see it in my kids now — my son has the classic “runs as if operated by a motor” ADHD [actual diagnosis verbiage], and he is not medicated. He does very well during school managing it right now, and our expectations are the same as for my daughter (who has no signs of ADD or ADHD). But we’ve been more proactive in helping him form systems, and talking a lot about how his brain works, so he can ask for more help if he needs it as school gets harder. Actually, that’s not true, if I’m being totally honest, my son has more leeway with being fidgety and eating messily at our family’s sit down dinner. But we also talk about restraint collapse, and give our daughter more grace in other areas where she needs more scaffolding than he does.
Anon
+1 to the idea that if you’re managing, does it really matter?
I was diagnosed as an adult and one day was complaining to my brother, who was diagnosed as a kid. He made a good point – if you were diagnosed as a kid what would have changed? And, in my circumstance, probably nothing or hardly anything. I still figured out my systems and workarounds and I still ended up in a good place academically and professionally, so did I really need that diagnosis? Probably not.
Anon
@ 4:04 getting diagnosed was what helped my daughter learn how to manage and also finally convinced her that she’s not just dumb.
Anon
Oh man, this. I am hyper vigilant with my outlook reminders and color coded overlapping calendars. My mom didn’t have access to these tools, and was forever missing appointments/chronically late, etc. She had pages and pages of lists that she was forever leaving out, but forgetting to take with her. Core childhood memory is seeing a handwritten list on the back of an opened envelop. In another era, she probably could have been a CEO, but instead she was a perpetually frazzled mom who took my brother and I on epic adventures, but I don’t think we ever were dropped off or picked up at the correct time in my childhood.
Anon
Ugh, + a million to being organized out of necessity. If I don’t write something down, set a reminder, mark it on my calendar, and ideally post it on a white board I will not remember. So yes, I ‘look’ organized but that information ceased to be retained in my brain after I wrote it down.
Anon
Yeah I’m always surprised that people can just remember things? Because yes, if its not in a note and on my calendar and with an alarm tied to it, its not going to happen.
Anon
This is very common among people who don’t have ADHD. It seems problematic how often people will go “oh yep that’s ADHD!” based on behaviors like that. We’re all living busy, digital lives now – I don’t know a single person who doesn’t use calendars and reminders.
Anonymous
But really, people without ADHD do this too! I have never considered that I have ADHD, but I keep a mean planner and have to write it all down (lists, calendars, notes everywhere). Much like this idea that skinny people don’t hear food noise, I think it’s false that those of us without ADHD don’t have to stay organized. It frankly makes me start doubting it as a diagnosis for many…
Anon
I have ADHD, but I do agree with the idea that everyone has struggles that overlap with ADHD symptoms and thus its probably over diagnosed. There’s forgetting things and then there’s my level of forgetting things – I got fired as a teenage little league ump because I couldn’t remember the count – even as I was actively focusing on it. Nor could I remember the signal for a strike or a ball, even though I had been playing and watching baseball / softball my whole life. I asked my boss for any tips on remembering these things, and they looked at me like I had 10 heads.
Anonymous
I think self-diagnosis and overdiagnosis delegitimizes and trivializes ADHD. If you have a true executive function disorder you likely need medication as well as coping strategies to reach your full potential, and everything is always going to be more work than it ought to be. People who just need to use a planner and keep their keys in a bowl by the door are not, and should not be putting themselves, into the same category.
Anon
It’s become recognized that ADHD has been being going underdiagnosed in girls for a long time because they’re not perceived as annoying or disruptive. So if it’s girls, people may be trying to correct for that?
ND identity and advocacy movements are making people much louder and more open about something that used to be an embarrassment.
Executive function deficits from post-COVID complications mimic ADHD, so some people may be testing positive who otherwise wouldn’t have in big waves.
Eliza
I feel the same about autism. I’m in the field, and was in a professional development recently that called it the “ever expanding spectrum.” ADHD is the same way.
Anon
I read a very interesting piece by a mother of two kids with severe (non-verbal) autism. She said that she would kill for her kids to be as “impaired” as many people taking up the most space in the discourse say they are. They’re generally gainfully employed, have friends, have college educations, and more, whereas her kids cannot speak, have behavioral issues, and will never be independent. It’s like it’s not even the same disorder, and she also resents people trying to reframe it as NOT a disorder when for so many kids, their impairments are profound.
Anonymous
this is starting to become a much bigger part of the autism discussion, which i think is good. my AuDHD son is one of the middle ones. the FB groups full of really loud angry self-diagnosed autistics (who have jobs and only found out at age 45) are a lot to take. Lisa at the IEP blog “A Day In our Shoes” has been sharing on FB about the actual harm autism “advocates” have done to remove options for her severely impaired son. (She’s in PA where there’s some new rule against day centers for adult autistics and other state specific rules.)
Anon
My AuDHD daughter is high-ish academic functioning but hasn’t had friends since grade school. Other girls have advanced socially and she would be happy with Pokémon-obsessed boys or people with PhDs in Latin and maybe a few others. Her tribe may be out there but the Autism community is too fragmented to find it there, at least in our city. Functioning in a regular school takes everything out of her. And she is there because it took forever to get a Dx and when we did, COVID set in and many private schools won’t take Kofi’s with any Dx of autism regardless of social or academic functioning levels.
Anon
I don’t know where she is getting that generalization from. People are eager to prove that they can succeed despite autism, but that’s partly because the stats are so dismal, and that goes for stats within the discourse community too. There are people who are non-speaking but who can read and write if they have no relevant disabilities that would prevent them. One of the things that advocates have been working towards is the recognition of comorbid disabilities and sometimes comorbidities. Lumping everything together as autism has done a disservice to people with additional disabilities, as well as serious conditions like mitochondrial disorders.
anon
If you are working in high achieving circles, it is likely the function of a lot of people realizing that their quirks are actually ADHD or other neuro divergence. I say this as a child of a PhD scientist here who went into big law then industry – so many things I thought were “normal” are not shall we say, normal within the broader population. There is so much to be said for the bootstrapping that was provided by people having assistants and spouses at home to support your deficits at work.
Anon
+1
Anonymous
Very smart people are not going to be “normal” when compared with the broader population. Everything is a spectrum. The question is where on the spectrum you draw the line between normal variation and a disorder or disability. Right now the pendulum has swung too far towards pathologizing everything, which harms both quirky people and genuinely disabled people.
Anon
Money. Pharma companies make money when people are diagnosed with things. So do doctors, especially when conditions aren’t covered by insurance or require treatment outside the insured landscape.
Anonymous
J.Crew headbands are really shallow. If you have a tall head or a lot of hair (apparently I do), they sit funny.
Anon
There was some talk about aging and cosmetic treatments last week. I don’t want to stir the pot but I have noticed some sagging in the jaw line recently (I am 41). Is it too early to consider fillers? Has anyone had any experience with filler for mild jowling?
Anon
My dermatologist and a plastic surgeon have both strongly recommended against fillers for jowling for many reasons. Migration is a concern, the amount you’d need to correct loss of laxity is not insignificant and it tends to look oddly heavy as you age (see Lauren Sanchez). There are lasers that help with laxity/sagging, I’d start there and see what the results are. My next birthday gift to myself will be SofWave plus microneedling, but there are lots of other options.
Anon
I think there’s a Botox solution though – just like you can raise the brow a little with Botox in the right place, you can raise the muscle above the droop if it’s not a huge amount. You save to find a very experienced practitioner. I’d go to a reputable cosmetic dermatologist or plastic surgeon. Not a med spa in the mall.
Anon
I did the Sofwave treatment in 2021 and it helped with jowling although I am about 15 years older than you. TBH, I feel like things are now back to where they were in 2021 and I’m considering a lower face lift (god, I thought I would never say those words but there is only so much that external treatments can do). The Sofwave wasn’t cheap but I did think the results were decent initially-again, maybe mine wasn’t sustained due to my older age. I would be hesitant about fillers but a good cosmetic dermatologist can point you to the best options.
Anonymous
I saw a dermatologist on tiktok recommend this product and bought it — it’s interesting. i’m trying to use it before dates and the like. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B08YQW2FRT/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1
also, moisturizer and sunscreen!
Anonymous
Dream dinner date outfit? Going next Thursday at a steakhouse in Denver. I’m 38. Straight sizes, style a bit more classic (but that often reads old as I’m not up on trends). Willing to shop or shop my closet, budget $200.
Anonymous
i just saw this and had to share — bit over your budget though. but if anyone has a wedding to go to…
https://www.nordstrom.com/s/amara-floral-bustier-pleated-fit-flare-dress/7340181?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FBrands%2FHutch&color=500
Former Junior Associate
What an incredible dress! I very strongly suspect that it absolutely won’t work for me in any size, but I’m thinking about ordering three sizes in ship-to-store anyway, just to have around…
Anon
Oh gosh, your dream dinner dates are so much fancier than mine. This makes sense as I aspire to be casual, always.
Senior Attorney
Oh, I love that! And the bride could wear the white version at a casual wedding!
Anon
i would look at Tuckernuck. Some items might be a bit over budget, but pretty easy to get a code for 10 or 20% off.
Anon
I feel like Anthropologie always has cute date night outfits. Have fun!
Anon
I just bought the Colette jumpsuit from Anthro. It’s classy in black linen but also on-trend in my opinion. If you are feeling girlier try the Somerset dress, also at Anthro and available in many patterns.
Anon
My last fancy dinner date dress is from Anthro:
https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/hybrid/maeve-sleeveless-open-back-dress?category=dresses-occasion-cocktail&color=001&type=STANDARD
Eras tour outfit - Edinburgh
Taking my daughter to the eras tour in Edinburgh next weekend and just realized I have no idea what to wear or how to dress for a concert with Scottish weather in June! Help! Mid 40s, tall, size M usually. Mostly worried about dress/jumpsuit/skirt – will figure out shoes after.
anon
i haven’t seen taylor swift but definitely people are dressed up for concerts these days. for what its worth what i have seen is more costume than outfit…. like either regular summer clothes or else really go for it– bling and feathers!
Anon
Oh, dressing for the Eras tour is much more special than a regular concert! A lot of people are dressing inspired by their favourite album – like purple for Speak Now. You’ll see a ton of sequins, florals, bright colours, cowboy boots, etc. You should google outfit inspo or look it up on instragram. And make sure your daughter brings friendship bracelets to trade.
Anon
I wore a lavender dress because Lavender Haze. My young adult daughter wore a wild sparkly dress with big reflective paillettes (is that what you call big sequins?) because Mirrorball. We both wore sunglasses that Elton John would covet. I would wear the most FUN outfit you can imagine that is still comfortable!
Anon
100% this. And if you feel OTT, I promise you will be the least dressed person there. I wore a whole lot of sequins and wished I’d tripled the fun factor. I’d plan on whatever you wear to pair with sneakers – it’s a long show and you’ll be on your feet for 99% of it. Best performance I’ve ever seen in my life. Have so much fun.
Anon
Go to Queen of Sparkles for inspiration
Anon
I went with a group of 4 and we all wore sparkly dresses or rompers. There were lots of different looks though-lots of pink, denim skirts with cowboy boots, outfits that were plays on her lyrics or song titles. Enjoy-it was truly one of the best events I have ever been to.
Anon
I’m not doing headbands this time around. I did them in the 60s, 70s, 80s, and 90s. That’s enough.
Anon
Excellent!
Anon
They make my mastoid bone sore/inflamed. (The bone behind the ear)
Thistle whistle
look for something warm and waterproof
Anonymous
I unfortunately think I need to fire an employee. I’m a fairly new manager and have never had to do this before. I’ve been depressed over how to handle for a few months now, but I have the explicit go-ahead from my boss. Now I’m wondering if I could’ve done anything to prevent this.
Can anyone relate? Any advice?
Anon
I’m sorry. That’s difficult.
The repeated advice on this board is that your emotions aren’t at stake here. So be clear and direct, not cold but not much else, either.
The other piece — whether you could have prevented this — is a great question to ask yourself. Not because you want to punish yourself, but it shows that you’re a leader with empathy, and thinking broadly about how to support people. That’s excellent, even if this particular event is difficult.
Anon
Is this for lacking performance or bad behaviour?
Not everyone is a fit for every job. If it’s the former, the only thing you could do is a PIP, followed by discussions of strengths and weaknesses, how to find a job that is a better fit, etc. If the employee can’t read the Paid Interview Prep writing on the wall, that is on them.
If the person is just a jerk… I’m going to tell you that what you see is the tip of the iceberg, and that what has actually been going on is likely far worse. Your company will benefit in the long run: less turnover, less frustration, not having this person being promoted to positions of authority.
Anon
If you think the person should be fired, I promise you their colleagues think so too. By not doing it, you’re letting a problem fester that it’s your responsibility to solve. Not everyone is cut out for every job. It’s not a failing, it happens. Talk to your legal and HR departments and figure out how to exit the person with grace.
anonshmanon
I was exactly where you are six months ago. I was a brand new manager. This post is pretty consistent with what my HR person advised. https://www.askamanager.org/2012/05/how-to-fire-an-employee.html
The actual firing was very short, less than 5 minutes. I rehearsed a few sentences with the key info, because I didn’t want to babble in the moment. After that, I stepped out, and HR then did the exit steps with him.
You are asking exactly the right question – was there any way you could have prevented this? That is relevant to be fair to this person and get a better result with the next person. We had made a bad hire and the skills were not what we needed for the role. There was lots of feedback both verbal and written, so it did not come out of the blue (although there was a bit of denial). I have been thinking hard about being a less generous interviewer to avoid the same mistake.
Everyone is right that this is of course mostly about the impact on the person, but if you’ve never dealt with a problematic employee before, it does a number on you so I just want to say you are not alone in this. I had many sleepless nights while it happened, and developed some skin issues from the stress. They are mostly healed except for one. The relief was immense and immediate, and even though I also felt guilty/sorry for the employee and still think of him occasionally, it was the right decision. I scheduled margaritas with a good friend that night, to have something to distract me from dwelling on it.
Senior Attorney
In terms of how to do the deed, I would hope and expect that it won’t come as a huge surprise to the employee. So your job is just to deliver the information, not to convince her that it’s the correct decision, or even really to keep it from being painful (because it will be painful): “Jane, as we’ve discussed there have been problems with your performance in XYZ Things. Unfortunately I haven’t seen the improvement I needed and we’re going to have to let you go. Your last day will be [date] and you will be given your last paycheck on that day. HR will be in touch about the logistics of COBRA coverage and the like. I’m sorry it’s come to this and I wish you the best in the future.”
Headbands for large heads
I love the look of headbands but never wear them because I have a big head so standard headbands give me headaches. Anyone have any leads on headbands that are looser than standard / made for a bigger head?
pale girl snorkeling
I have a lot more luck with scarves folded and tied instead of headbands. I have a collection of vintage silk scarves that I use for this, they can really brighten up a zoom call.
Anon
Do you have curly hair? I can’t make anything silky stay on my relatively straight hair.
Men’s shorts
My DH asked for some fashionable shorts for Father’s Day. I’m not sure what that is these days. Anyone have guidance?
Anonymous
Target has golf shorts right now that are a dupe for Lululemon and are a nice modern cut/length. Their All in Motion golf shorts, I think.
Annony
I’m not sure there is such a thing. I’d check out Buck Mason or Everlane for classic shorts, Huckberry for more options, Faherty if he wants something with more of a beach vibe.
anon
Faherty if he doesn’t skip leg day and needs a little more room. Peter Millar if he needs dressy shorts.
anon
In my Brooklyn neighborhood, the trendy dads wear nylon elastic waist shorts like the Madewell Resourced Everywhere Shorts or J Crew tech dock shorts.
Anon
Birddogs are the ‘trendy’ ones in our area. Faherty, Peter Millar, and Bonobos are also good options.
Anonymous
What kind of fashionable? For athleisure, check out Vuori.
Anonymous
Marine Layer