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Updated: Oct 31, 2018 176 Comments · by

Thursday’s TPS Report: Marcher Silk Pintuck-Pleated Blouse

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

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Joie Marcher Silk Pintuck-Pleated Blouse | CorporetteOur daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Saks has a very small number of these silk blouses on sale right now for $75 — the rest are full price at $188. Still: what a fabulous blouse. I like the pleat details, the draped look, and the quality. Gorgeous. Joie Marcher Silk Pintuck-Pleated Blouse Also in this price range, but in very limited sizes: this hot pink DvF silk blouse. Here's a lower-priced alternative; two plus-size alternatives are here and here. Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-5)

Sales of note for 10.10.24

  • Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
  • Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
  • Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
  • Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
  • White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. bridget

    Lovely! Looks like something to scoop up now, wear a few times before the weather turns, and bring out in the spring. (I love going into a new season with things in my closet that I didn’t wear to death the previous year.)

  2. Anonymous

    I’ve been cutting down on caffeine so only drinking decaf (I know there’s still caffeine in it, just, reducing…). Just realized I poured regular this morning when I went for the pumpkin spice during a coffee run. I feel like I am about to vibrate out of my skin. Happy Thursday!

    • Anonymous

      oops… in the spirit of Mad Men, pour yourself a drink from your office bar….

  3. Shoe advice?

    Please recommend your favorite 1-2″ work pump. I guess I’m getting old, because my current work shoes — a carefully curated collection of 3 1/2 – 4″ heels — are no longer comfortable. I don’t want to wear them. I need to completely overhaul, but I don’t have a lot of time to try a bunch of stuff on. What should I target? For reference, my current go-to heel was the Corso Como Del, which I had in five different colors (http://www.zappos.com/corso-como-del)

    • Gail the Goldfish

      If Cole Haan works for your feet/budget, they usually have a “mid” heel version of most of their pumps that’s about 2-2.5 inches. I try to find them on sale. 2-2.5″ is my preferred heel height and I’ve had a hard time finding basic work pumps that I liked lately (everything seems to be pointy toes, of which I’m not a fan).

    • Terry

      The Trotter ‘Penelope’ has a very similar toe shape to the Del. I’ve worn both Como Corso and Trotters and found the fit similar, but not identical.

    • Bonnie

      No advice on specific shoes but if you’ve been wearing 3 1/2 – 4″ inch heels, try going down to 2 1/2″ inch rather than 1″. I had to go low after a sports injury and the 1″ inch shoes really killed my ankles after wearing heels for so long. I find 2 1/2 to 3″ inch heels to be more comfortable than flats.

      • Coach Laura

        Agree with Gail and Bonnie – go to 2″ first. (And perhaps keep the 3-4″ heels at the office and just wear them part of the day – that’s what I do.) I too like the Cole Haan “mid” which are 2-2.5″. A lot of 1″ heels are kitten heels: They make me walk funny and trip more often than 2″ heels. YMMV

    • NYNY

      The Michal Kors MK Flex pumps come in a 3″ height (mid heel) and 2.25″ (kitten). They’re available everywhere, comfortable, and come in lots of colors and leathers (suede, textured, patent, etc.) My only advice with them is to take them to a cobbler to swap out the heel tip for rubber, as they come with a horrible plastic tip that wears down quickly.

    • L in DC

      I have finicky feet and AGLs are wonderful. Incredibly comfortable and lots of padding. There are a bunch on sale at Nordstrom right now. Also look at Stuart Weitzmans. You can get some good deals on 6pm.

      • Anonymous

        2nd both of these recs. I’ve also gotten some really nice shoes from Talbots.

    • Godzilla

      Aerosoles has slowly been bringing down their heel heights. And I love Naturalizer. Stacked heels ftw.

    • Anonymous

      Thank you everyone for the excellent advice as always. I’ll check these out

    • Susie

      Sorry no advice on lower heels just wanted to chime in that I’m wearing the Del for the first time and wow they are great! For the record my feet are widish in front and narrow heels, med-high arches, and they are so comfortable. I got both the black leather and beige patent at Nordies, they were just on sale for $70.

  4. Shoe Rec

    Lovely blouse, I can see wearing it with a tan jacket and a navy pencil skirt into fall.

    Sorry for the early threadjack, but does anyone have recommendations for a neutral (but not black), sturdy ballet flat? I didn’t see a Hunt on this, but I’m currently looking as my M. Gemi ballet flats are so worn and I’ve only had them for a few months. I understand they are probably not a commuting shoe + work + weekend shoe, but I primarily wear ballet flats and have yet to find a durable one (although I have three pairs from high school with the label worn out but they’ve lasted me about 10 years! Go figure). It seems like any pretty flat has bad reviews about durability (Sam Edelman ‘Felicia’, J.Crew Kiki, etc).

    I’m looking into these Geox ‘Lola’ but they aren’t the cutest shoe out there. But at least theo color would complement fall color pallets http://www.shopgeox.com/Item.aspx?ProductID=6164

    Any favorites I should look into? TIA!

    • Anonymous

      I have several pairs from Target’s Merona line that have lasted several years, although admittedly I wear them much less frequently than you. But I have had problems with Steve Madden ballet flats falling apart, so I think the Merona ones are at least sturdier than average.

      • N.C. anon

        I loved my two pairs of Target Merona ballet flats for a solid year and they held up well. But they suddenly started causing me a lot of pain when I did any modest amount of walking. They’re a good deal for the price, but I can’t say they’ll last on the comfort front. I’m trying the Cole Haan Jenni flats, which seem to be working well. I’m hoping the leather makes a difference.

        • CountC

          I have about 6 pairs of the Target Merona flats. I love them and they hold up really well for the price point, but I do find that I need to swap out occasionally with something that provides some arch support. They are cute, and last longer than you would expect based on price, but are bare bones in the support department.

    • Care

      I love my Tieks by Gavrieli – they come in a wide range of colors and are very comfortable. I haven’t worn mine for a long enough time to judge reliability, but a lot of people swear by them so I assume they hold up.

    • SSJD

      AGL flats are very durable. I have several. The sole (which is leather and does wear quickly) can be covered with a non-slip rubber layer (I have a cobbler do this after my first season of wear). They have lots of neutrals that are not black. They seem to last quite well (which is good, since they are pricey).

    • JJ

      They’re harder to find now, but I love the ballet flats by Toms. Truly the most comfortable flats I’ve ever worn. They had a grey suede and a gold metallic fabric one that go with almost everything. I wear them to work, with jeans on weekends, etc. Love them.

      • CountC

        I had a pair of these as well and, once they were broken in, loved them. I thought they deteriorated a little quickly for the price point, but then again, I commuted in them almost every day. They did require some breaking in though!

    • NYC tech

      I’m amazed at how well my Hush Puppies chaste ballet flats have held up, especially for the reasonable price.

    • Anonymous

      Not quite a ballet flat, but I’ve had the CH Air Tali low wedges forever and they have held up very nicely (also for the poster above wanting good lower-heeled shoes; for her, also try Brooks Brothers).

    • BB

      Paul Mayer flats! Come in a huge range of colors (although might be limited based on what’s available locally for you) They last forever. I’ve had my first pair for 4 years at this point. It’s been through 4 international trips where I walked everywhere in addition to being worn normally.

    • Gail the Goldfish

      I got the Frye Agnes recently and really like them. They fit me without any breaking in blisters/rubbing, which is usually a problem for me. I have narrow heels, for reference. I also have the Born Julianne, which is also comfortable once I put one of those heel grip pads in the heel to keep it from rubbing on the top of my heel (this is something I need with most of my shoes, so I think it’s a flaw of my feet, not the shoes).

    • Wordy

      I still love the J Crew “Cece” flat. Just bought a pair in beige suede. I know they’ve changed the manufacturer but I still like the way they look on my feet better than any other ballet flats I’ve tried. Hopefully they will be as comfortable — I have pairs from 3 years ago still going strong.

    • Cimorene

      I have the heel version of this shoe (the Lo Res High) and it’s been going strong for 3+ years. They’re incredibly comfortable and well-made, as well as gorgeous. I have been wanting to buy the flats for commuting but have been waiting (and waiting) for my Aerosoles to wear out, so that’s another recommendation I guess! I think these are much much more interesting though: http://www.unitednude.com/lo-res-lo-burgundy-rubber-1534.
      Comes in a bunch of colors, some of them very….unusual.

  5. homebody

    Jumping off the shoe rec question above. I’ve been commuting blissfully all summer in comfy walking sandals, but that won’t be feasible much longer.

    Any non-hideous, closed-toe shoe recs? Preferably something that can be worn without socks, slip on. Under 50? I have a wider toe box and narrow ankle.

    Last year it was a pair of falling-apart Claire flats from Payless, and lots of foot pain. No longer quite as destitute, so looking for a slight upgrade.

    • Anonymous

      You might find them hideous, but I have been loving the Sketchers GoWalk 2 Super Sock shoes.

      • Melanie

        I second the recommendation. I don’t think they’re hideous (although I wouldn’t go as far as cute) but they are so comfortable that I don’t care.

      • lawsuited

        I have a pair of shoes from the Skechers On the Go line that look just like slip-on Keds (and have “yoga mat” memory foam insoles apparently) that are non-offensive. I bought them on sale from DSW about a week ago for $35.

        Nine West has some nice slip-on leather sneakers right now but they are over your $50 budget.

        I have a wide toe box too, and suggest that you skip Toms. Last summer I bought a pair and they were so narrow I couldn’t even fit my foot into them although they were a half-size bigger than my regular size! Unfortunately, I’d bought them online so had to mail them back, and to this day they haven’t processed my return/refunded my money despite repeated calls to customer service.

      • Wanderlust

        I had a pair of these and they were super comfortable! However, the sole started peeling away from the shoe after about 3 months of wear (not daily wear, but several times a week).

        • Katie

          Interesting… I’m wearing mine that I’ve had for over a year that I wear probably 1-2x per week and they’ve held up perfectly except for a few small scuffs around the toe area.

        • nylongirl

          Yes, that was the issue I had as well with them. While I liked this shoes, it is not made for a lot of walking since the thread that holds the shoe together will fall apart….

    • Cat

      I commute in Sperrys in fall and spring – whether they’re comfortable sockless is personal (for me know, for my husband yes), but they have enough “shoe” to hide small socks if that’s the concern.

    • I'm Just Me

      A little more than your $50, but worth the price for the comfort, I wear an Aravon loafer. It looks like they changed style names, but mine seem to be equivalent to the Winnie.

      Aravon is New Balance, so they are sneakery feeling on the inside and shoe like on the outside.

    • Clementine

      What about a pair of canvas Keds or Supergas or the like? I’m surprised at how comfy and functional my keds are. I also have an old pair of Dansko clogs that I’ve waterproofed that I wear when sidewalks are wet- they have just enough of a lift on the bottom to keep my pants out of the damp.

      • Anon

        +10000. My slip-on Supergas are my go-to for everything from a 30 minute walk with my dog to a multi-day trip to a new city with hours and hours of walking and exploring. I wear little no-show socks with them, but that’s just personal preference.

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      I have the Cole Haan Manhattan ballet flats and have been beating them to death for two years now. They are very comfortable, and, bonus, are waterproof. Before that, I had a great pair of Born flats that I got at Marshall’s for a good deal less than retail, but I ruined them when I got caught in a surprise (to me, anyway) rainstorm (they were purple suede, and I hadn’t bothered to waterproof them before wearing).

  6. Porcelain veneers?

    I’m considering getting porcelain veneers on my teeth next year. I like my current dentist a lot, but I believe there’s a bit of artistic talent required for good, natural-looking veneers? If that’s correct, how do I gauge his past work? One of his nurses mentioned to me in passing that he does “beautiful” veneer work, but obviously she may be biased since she works for him. Thoughts? Anyone have any experience with good (or bad) outcomes on veneers?

    • Anonymous

      Please, please don’t do this. If your teeth are structurally sound, consider bleaching or something else cosmetic. When you’re old, you won’t want to root-canal venereed teeth.

      • Porcelain veneers?

        Alas, they are not structurally sound. A set of veneers (porcelain or composite) is definitely needed.

        • AIMS

          Maybe ask to speak to one of his patients who’s had this done? You can judge for yourself if you like the way the work turned out and also ask them how they feel about it. FWIW, I considered doing this for a few front side teeth and one thing that I liked about my dentist’s approach was that he said he wouldn’t do anything that looked too perfect or too white, so everything would still look natural (just really, really nice natural).

      • Veneers on Front Six Teeth

        Anonymous, are you a dentist? As someone who HAD to get 6 veneers on their front teeth, your “don’t do this” response is not really helpful or responsive to the question.

        To the OP, ask to see examples of the dentist’s work. Any dentist doing a significant amount of cosmetic work will have a brag book. I’m on my second set – first set was placed at 22 and second set at 42. I would also seek out a dentist who spends a significant amount of time on cosmetic work, including veneers. My second set is SOOOO much better than my first set (done by my regular dentist) because the dentist focuses on cosmetic work.

  7. SSJD

    Can you please recommend a brand of hair ties that is worth the price? I’m looking for the relatively-new product (a few years old) that is an elastic strip with a knot at the end. (Not the kind I grew up with 35 years ago which I would call a hair elastic or a ponytail holder.) They all seem so expensive, and some of the ones I’ve come across are not very strong or stretchy. If you love the ones you have, please share the brand name (or a link). Thanks!

    • KateMiddletown

      You mean like the “yoga” hair ties? H&M has them for cheap, but my favorites have been the freebies I’ve gotten from Athleta. They have them at the counter (at my store) and will usually give you one if you ask. They all seem to be similar quality, plus I continually misplace mine so hair ties are not something I spend much on.

    • SW

      I love Twistband – twistband dot com. They’re $10 for 6, so not what I consider inexpensive, but I think they are worth the price.

    • Punctuates

      You can make these out of fold over elastic from a craft store. I get mine at JoAnn’s–it’s around $3 and I can usually make 4 (sometimes 5) hair ties from one package.

      • moss

        This exactly. Just make sure the elastic is comparably thin. I made some out of a very thick foldover elastic and they’re not great in my paper-thin hair. But yes, I cannot believe the cost of these things.

    • Monday

      I was using this kind of tie for exercise, but found that even my pricey ones don’t wash well. They lose their color and stretch out. I actually bought a pack of small back rubber holders at the drugstore, I believe they are Scunci brand. They’re lasting forever just like new, and I wash them as needed in the sink–no stretching out, no discoloration, and no hair damage, ugly indents, or snagging (which I know is why many people use the fabric ones).

    • L

      Honestly, walk into a fabric store (or order elastic online). Get a lighter and a pair of scissors and you can make them yourself super cheap, while mindlessly watching tv. Once you have the right length down, you can make a ton. I made about 100 in an episode or two of the mindy project.

    • Anonymous

      Those do not hold up hair – they might be ok if you have short or thing/fine hair, but my hair slides out of those things in two seconds. I haven’t come across any in those style that are strong. Scunci has braided hair ties that look a little different than the plain old rubber band but are very sturdy.

    • Mpls

      What are you trying to use the hair binder for? I’ve listed my experiences, as someone with heavy/thick/long hair.

      The ones with the knots: Are good for holding hair back (low ponytail), but not for holding hair up (higher ponytail or a messy bun). The store-bought ones (Gap, BR) are maybe a little bit better about not pulling hair out when you take them out. Home-made ones with elastic from the fabric store are definitely going to pull hair out when you taken them out, but will probably have more hold.

      Regular round elastics (withOUT the little metal bar -remember those?) – I’ve got a random pack from somewhere that get stretched out, but eventually recover back to their size. There is definitely a difference in stiffness of the elastic between the first few and then subsequent uses. Pretty easy to slide out of a regular ponytail because the covering is smooth.

      Round elastics with a sticky spiral: I like these for working out. They do get a little stretched out, but the rubberized raised spiral keeps it from sliding out of a high ponytail like a regular round elastic would.

      The tiny little plastic ones (usually in a brown or black) – I like these for binding off braids or holding back small pieces. These WILL pull out hair when you take them out.

      • shadow

        I have thick hair and I break almost all of my regular round elastics. Either the fabric rips and the elastic is exposed, or the whole thing just snaps in half.

        I use “thick hair” type of hair ties. I found them in the clearance rack at Bed Bath and Beyond. They basically look like regular elastics, except that they are much longer, so you can loop around multiple times to make sure your hair stays. I haven’t broken any of these yet, haha.

        My favorite knot-type ones were free with my box from stylemin but they don’t hold up my thick hair when it’s put up high.

        • Mpls

          +1 – go for the thicker round hair binders, which are meant to deal with thicker hair.

    • emeralds

      This seems like a great time to ask a possibly-dumb question I’ve been wondering for months now–what is the benefit of the knotted elastic ties over a generic rubber band from CVS? I got a free one and I wear it to work out or whatever because it’s bright and trendy and cute, but have noticed absolutely zero difference between what it does (keep my hair in a bun or pony) and what your standard-issue hair elastic does (keep my hair in a bun or pony).

      • lucy stone

        I find they leave much less “denting” in my hair than the traditional rubber kind. I tend to wear my hair pulled back at desk but often want it down for being out and walking around, so I like them better for that.

      • moss

        I like the way they look on my wrist better. ………anddddddddd…that’s all I can think of.

      • SSJD

        I am the original poster. I use the knotted elastic ones to hold my daughters’ ponytails (ages 4 and 6). These “hair ties” seem to stay in my girls’ hair better. Also, they don’t pull out hair when they are removed. Also, I am able to make them tight enough to stay in their hair–some of the other options just give too much. For my own hair I am happy to use the traditional, regular, round elastics.

  8. Wanderlust

    What are the Hive’s thoughts on wearing floral dresses in a business casual (but law, so still somewhat conservative) setting? I really like this dress (link to follow) and it could be cute with a black blazer and heels, but I just don’t know…

  9. Using your contacts

    I’m currently at a firm and very interested in an associate general counsel position open at my local hospital. I have been on the board of another medical organization in this city for the last 5 years and served part of that time with the president and COO of the hospital to which I want to apply. He has been off the board for at least a year.

    I want to “use my network” to help me get this job but I want to make sure I go about it the right way. I was thinking of emailing him, telling him I saw the advertised position and was very interested and ask him if it would be okay to mention him when describing my board service. (ex: served on the board of directors for — Medical Center with Dr. President). I’d also like to ask him if he would be willing to pass my resume and cover letter along. I worry that is out of touch though since they use an electronic application system through their website.

    Other tips? Thoughts?

    • Bewitched

      I would definitely advise proceeding as you described ! At my hospital employer, all resumes have to be submitted through the electronic application system. But we often will pay extra notice or perform a separate review on a resume which is forwarded to us by an internal contact. Basically, the internal contact will say attached is a resume of Susie, she’s submitted through the electronic process as well, but I wanted to provide my personal recommendation or make sure you don’t overlook her resume etc. It definitely works to get you on the radar vs multiple other candidates who will apply!

      • Pretty Primadonna

        Bewitched,if you are an attorney, what type of experience did you have prior to being employed at the hospital? What makes one an attractive candidate for associate general counsel at your employer? Do you do mostly transactional work or compliance or something else?

  10. white blazer

    Any styling recommendations or outfit inspiration for white blazers post-Labor Day? Over the summer I usually wear them with lighter-colored dresses, but as we transition to fall I feel like they look strange on me in dark dresses or with pants… Maybe it’s just me. Any ideas?

    • AMB

      I like my white blazer with grey slacks and a black top, or with something patterned that has white in it.

    • lawsuited

      I wore my white blazer this past Monday with black slacks, a patterned top with navy, blue, coral and white, and blue suede pumps.

    • (Former) Clueless Summer

      I am really enjoying olive green as a way to transition white into fall. If you have anything olive, paired with cognac leather and white, that would look good imo.

  11. Anon

    Don’t need advice, hopefully just some encouraging words. I finally found, after a long time, a therapist that I adore and was making reasonable progress with. Just got my first bill for the first 3 sessions, and it turns out insurance covers only about 1/10 of the cost. Not only is this way out of my price range going forward, it makes finances for this month very tight. It’s demoralizing. Someone tell me this is not a sign I should give up looking.

    • Wildkitten

      That is not a sign you should give up looking. You should talk to your therapist about it – she might have a secret sliding scale for folks not covered by insurance.

      • Anonymous

        YES THIS. You should absolutely tell your therapist and ask if she has a sliding scale for the portion not covered by insurance. It’s fairly common.

        • Carrie...

          Totally agree with this.

          It really makes me angry how many psychiatrists work outside of the traditional reimbursement system and make it so difficult to find affordable providers.

          Almost every academic hospital I have worked at has private psychiatric institutes separate from the primary hospital system, or their best docs leave completely and work as a hospital affiliate so they can charge higher rates and deny more insurance plans.

          There will be more of this in the future, unfortunately.

          • 2 Cents

            Mine recently stopped taking all insurance — but fortunately, his rates I c an still afford, and my treatment plan only means 4 visits a year. That said, TOTALLY annoying!

          • Anonymous

            I saw a PT that did this. Yes, I’m sure it’s partly motivated by money, but she said she was sick of seeing clients and being told by insurance they only had X visits or X benefits, regardless of what the client needed. I don’t expect other professionals to cut me a break for my greater good, so I wouldn’t expect that of my therapist either.

    • SSJD

      Bummer! What a disappointment. Still, it’s worth it. Think of this as the best investment you will ever make.

    • Meg Murry

      Is it possible insurance only covers part of the cost until you hit the deductible, and you are nearly at the deductible? That’s how my insurance is – the first $X are on me for everything that isn’t preventative care, but everything after $X is covered at either 100% or 80% as long as it is in network. Can you log into your insurance webs!te and see the explanation of benefits for that bill, and your progress toward the deductible?

      It is also possible it is a mistake, either at the doctors’s office or by your insurance.

      At a minimum, I agree that you should call the therapists office and ask. Some places offer a sliding scale or deal for people without insurance – at our local hospital they offer 40% off or more to people without insurance, if they pay that day. Or they may be able to offer you shorter sessions or maybe the first few intake sessions are billed at a different rate than the rest. If you are almost at your deductible, they also may be able to put you on a payment plan, so you don’t have to pay the whole big bill right now.

      Last, in many places open enrollment for next year will be coming up in October – so if you have alternate insurance options, it might be good to do some homework on which one would make sense if you have recurring appointments – there might be a plan that is a little more expensive up front but cheaper for your monthly visits.

      • Coach Laura

        Yes, and if your employer offers a Flexible Spending account it’s a good way to save on income tax, pay for those out-of-pocket costs and spreads the cost over the entire year.

    • Anondc

      Mine has a sliding scale so don’t give up just yet! I was bummed when I found out she didn’t take my insurance then she recommended the sliding scale option – which I had never heard of before.Finding the right fit takes time and if for some reason you need to look elsewhere you will find it. Good luck!

    • anon

      Lady I feel you. No tips on making it more affordable or finding a cheaper therapist but I’ll send some words of encouragement: I just started with a phenomenal therapist and she is out of network and not close to my office. UGH. But she’s wonderful and I can already tell that I’m making progress and we are a great fit. I cringe at the cost and wonder if I should try to find someone new, but I know that it’s a lot of work to find a good fit (I’ve had adequate but not great ones in the past). So my party line is that I’m worth the investment I’m making in my mental health, and it won’t be a “forever” expense (ie, I won’t have to go once a week forever). Emphasis on the first part. I know you’ve already put in a lot of work into finding someone, but I encourage you not to give up. Your mental health is so so so so worth it.

    • NewMomAnon

      Bummer. I’ve been struggling with this too. I talked with my (awesome) therapist about it, and he offered to help me transition to a different provider and also offered a sliding scale. He was very much opposed to me transitioning to a different provider. I decided to stay with him and just make it work (I lowered my 401(k) contributions to cover it, totally worth it for a few years). Consider the possibility that whatever issues you’re working through right now might be skewing your perception of whether you can “afford” therapy with this therapist? I finally figured out my competely reasonable “budgeting” was just another offshoot of some of my issues.

      On the insurance front – I have the same experience as Meg Murry, where I need to hit the deductible before I get reimbursement. Unfortunately, my insurance has a per-visit limit and so nothing over that limit is reimbursed even if I hit the deductible. That’s when an FSA would be handy so at least I could get pre-tax treatment up front, instead of waiting for a tax refund. If you don’t have an FSA, consider doing a projection of your income tax deduction from the insurance and dropping your tax withholdings? Working with a good therapist is really worth pinching pennies for a while.

      • Anonymous

        It is very difficult for most people to take a deduction for medical expenses on Schedule A. My dad had chemo, radiation and surgery, and my mother broke a bone that is crucial in her job and underwent months of physical therapy (and was on disability pay for several months, which is not included in AGI so their 10% was much lower than normal) and STILL they’ll just barely get over the 10% floor to be able to deduct anything. Our tax system, assuming OP is in the US, is heavily favored toward people who have generous employer-provided benefits.

    • 2 Cents

      *hugs* Finding a great therapist you click with is SO important. I spent about 2 years too long in a 3-year therapist relationship, and didn’t cut loose because the copay/insurance situation was convenient. (I did end up finding another I loved in network, but I wish I had “broken up” sooner!)

      Ask about the sliding scale, tell her your concerns, and there may be a way around this. Mental health is just as important as a physical injury, so take care of yourself!

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      Definitely ask about sliding scale, but also, is there any way you can accommodate this in your budget now that you know to expect the bill? I spend a lot (A LOT, like I could be making monthly payments on three modest Hyundais for the amount I pay her a lot) per month on my out-of-network, not-at-all-covered therapist (started seeing her a few rounds of insurance ago, when she was covered), and honestly, it’s worth every penny. I tried therapy several times before with what I would describe as meh results – having someone I really click with who “gets” me has been 100% life-changing, and she’s worth every single penny I spend on her. If this person feels like the right fit in every other way, and there’s any room at all in your budget for this, I cannot recommend strenuously enough sticking with the person you feel a connection with.

    • Anon 4 This

      I have another therapy related question. I was seeing a therapist for a very anxiety producing situation involving another family member. I had seen her in the past regarding my relationship with same family member, and recently, a new event occurred which was very upsetting to me. When I went in for the visit, she spent most of the time instructing me on what I should “require” the family member to do, which caused me even more anxiety. I left a wreck. (Said family member is an adult and can’t be required to do anything). I told her I was dismayed at the end of my visit and upset since she was supposed to be offering me support/guidance. Should I go back and work through this or find another therapist? It’s been several weeks and I’m still very, very upset at her!

      • CountC

        I’ve had a lot of therapists and never have I been upset with one! I would take that as a sign it’s time to find a new one. Were you happy with all of your other sessions? If you were, maybe give her one more try, but it would be a frustrating session to have to deal with your feelings toward your therapist instead of your feelings toward your family member IMO.

        • Senior Attorney

          But sometimes that’s the nature of therapy. You put your feelings on the therapist because that’s safe, rather than dealing with them in the context in which they really arose. My therapist and I have gone round and round about various issues and it’s always been illuminating and I always learn something about myself when it happens. So I’d definitely go back instead of just going away mad.

          • CountC

            I agree with putting feelings on the therapist in the sense of this is how I feel about XYZ, but I have never been so upset with the recommendations or discussion with the therapist because of the therapist themselves that I have left angry AT the therapist because of something he/she did. I have absolutely been upset at the situation I was discussing or whatever, but if a therapist made me so angry/upset at them as a therapist because of their technique or whatever that I left mad, I probably wouldn’t go back. I don’t pay to work through my feelings about the therapist that I am paying to help me, I pay to work through the issues in my life that brought me there, you know?

          • CountC

            I should add that I have had many heated discussions with my current therapist, but I was never upset WITH her, just at the situation. That’s the distinction that is important IMO.

          • Senior Attorney

            I understand what you’re saying but I have indeed been upset WITH my therapist and lived to tell the tale and considered it grist for the therapeutic mill. I guess I don’t see the bright line distinction between “feelings about the therapist” and “issues in my life” that you seem to. Possibly because I have been maddest at Dr. Shrink when he’s been reminding me the most of XYZ problematic person in my life. Or reminding me of me…

          • CountC

            I respect your viewpoint SA! Perhaps I have been lucky to never be upset with any of my therapists or perhaps I am good at compartmentalizing that aspect of my life. Either way, thanks for your contrasting opinion to mine :)

  12. Flowers

    What’s your favorite flower delivery service? I need to send flowers to a relative and I don’t know of any florists nearby.

    • Wildkitten

      If it’s a small town I’ve had great luck calling a florist out of the phone book. (I had a friend who was in the community theatre production and the small town florist was able to deliver the flowers to the dressing room because of course she knew all about the premier of whatever-play at the community center. It was cute.)

      • Clementine

        Yes, I do this too. I’ve gotten great feedback and I usually just give general directions like, ‘Something with lots of purples in it,’ or ‘no carnations, please’.

      • L in DC

        I use Yelp to do this. I tell them I want to spend $x on a bouquet for x scenario and maybe ask for something more modern or more traditional or give them a vague color scheme. I’ve ended up with much nicer, larger bouquets than going the national floral delivery service route.

      • Cimorene

        I do this too and have always been very pleased. I’d rather give business to a great local shop than go through one of the mega-internet sites.

      • DisenchantedinDC

        Yes! I love the Bouqs. And they’re on GiltCity right now (not linking for fear of moderation)

        I used them for my mom and did the “florist’s choice” one for mother’s day. She got 2 dozen white roses and I think loved them! (I sent my dad’s wife roses from another service, so, uh, awkward)

        Highly recommend.

      • JuliaBee

        I ordered from Bouqs twice and both times the flowers showed up a soggy mushy mess that had to be thrown away. And they would not give me a refund. Terrible customer service.

    • anne-on

      I really like the Bouqs as long as you don’t need same day delivery, and don’t mind that they don’t include vases. My mom/inlaws/etc. all have oodles of their own vases from years of gifts and don’t need any more. The people I’ve sent them too all raved about the quality of the flowers and the size (apparently I got upgraded for free, which was nice!).

    • Bloom

      I use goquets dot com. Extremely easy! You just specify price, occasion, recipient, and preferences and they do the rest.

  13. life

    When did you all start replacing your college/grad school housing wares with nicer stuff? I know a lot of people register and replace when they get married, but that is not in my future. Meanwhile, I’m still using dishes, utensils, etc. I bought at Target 10 years ago on a grad student budget. I’m having a hard time convincing myself that it is okay to replace things that are technically still functional, but that I just don’t really like anymore.

    • Anonymous

      What if you listed it for sale on a college/grad school campus and sold it to a current student? Then you would need to replace it, AND your “still fully functional” set would go to someone who might really appreciate it?

    • Anonymous

      This is why g-d invented thrift shops. Donate and replace. Someone will be very happy (in addition to you).

    • Bonnie

      I started replacing things when I stopped moving every year and started entertaining more.

    • Sydney Bristow

      If you live in a college town, I had great luck selling all my kitchen stuff on Craigslist to incoming students. You can list it all together with individual prices or an amount for the whole set of stuff. I wound up selling a few things individually but an incoming student came by to buy my plates and wound up buying everything I had left.

    • Monday

      I’ve decided that just not liking something anymore is grounds for getting rid of it if I have to look at it all the time (e.g. plates). Also, score one for not requiring a wedding (really, a registry) to live as you wish to! I agree with the donation suggestion: to a thrift shop, for free posting on Craig’s List, or if your area has a refugee resettlement program.

    • Brit

      I’ve just started replacing in increments, but will probably replace more when my roommate and I finally part ways for good. We both came into the apartment with a full set of dishes, but my stepmom has slowly been gifting me sets of Fiestaware, so that will replace my full stock when I move out.

    • 2 Cents

      Now’s the time. I happened to get married, so I registered for a bunch of things, but I started replacing items I truly needed on my own. I like the mismatched look, so BBB clearance rack, TJ Maxx/Marshalls/Home Goods were my go-to. If the thrift shop isn’t your route, try the outlets of brands you like, since it’s the same/similar stuff at a discount.

    • Anonymous

      I replaced mine when I moved to a place I knew I was going to stay a while (this was in my late-20s) and just couldn’t stand looking at the hideous dishware we’d gotten from BF’s parents anymore (hideous because it was from the 1980s and they weren’t using it anymore. Probably because it was truly ugly), and realized the towels I had bought years ago were just in sad shape. I didn’t “upgrade” so much as just replace them with new items that looked better. The towels I have now are still from Target.

    • Senior Attorney

      These are the items you use and touch every day! If you replace them with things you love, your quality of life will improve because they will make you happy instead of … meh. I say now is the time!!

      • Runner 5

        +1
        I’m still in college and I’m replacing some of the things I bought as a clueless 18 year old with nicer and more grown up (but still cheap – IKEA and supermarkets) things. I have to look at my bedlinen the whole time I’m studying so I might as well like it.

  15. DCR

    I’m going to be in LA for three days at the end of the month. I’ve never been before, and want to spend some time just relaxing and some time site-seeing. Any recommendations for best sites to visit or areas to stay in?

    • 2 Cents

      We went to LA this past summer. For our trip, we stayed in the Hampton Inn in Santa Clarita, about 15 minutes(?) north of Hollywood. It was a great suburban area with easy access to the highways. We were sightseeing in that area anyway, so it was perfect for us.

      I found the Hollywood Walk of Fame to be like Times Square — but with fewer cops, more homeless and lots of tourist traps. The Chinese Theater tour was cool, though.

      • Anon

        Santa Clarita is way north of Hollywood – my sister lives there. It’s the home of Magic Mountain. I like to visit the Getty – fantastic collection, but also great views and gardens, and restaurant. Also, Santa Monica is fun for walking around shops, cafes, the beach and the pier. Pasadena is the same – good boutiques, cafes, and historic buildings, with nice views. The Queen Mary is a nice tour in Long Beach. You can probably find a good deal on a hotel in Santa Monica, Pasadena, or Marina del Rey through one of the travel sites.

    • anon a mouse

      I love going to the Getty Museum in LA. It checks both your boxes – see something cool, and it’s also a nice place to take a book or just relax for a few hours after you’ve seen the art.

    • Senior Attorney

      The Getty and the Getty Villa (in Malibu) are both fantastic. The Eli Broad Museum just opened downtown next to the Disney Hall and it would be fun to be among the first to visit.

      Universal CityWalk and Universal Studios are fun for those who like that sort of thing. If you want a more “real” movie/TV studio experience, the Warner Brothers tour in Burbank is great.

      Hollywood is also fun for those who like that sort of thing. Also Griffith Observatory — on a clear day there are great views of the city.

      Santa Monica — I love the Georgian Hotel right across the street from the beach. Lots of great places to eat, and the beach is right there.

      Venice Beach can’t be beat for people watching.

      I love Pasadena — Huntington Library and Gardens, Norton Simon Museum, Gamble House, Old Town for eating, drinking, and shopping. The Langham Hotel for lunch or drinks (or to stay if you are made of money). The Parkway Grill is my favorite restaurant for dinner — it’s a Pasadena institution.

      Exposition Park — Museum of Science and Industry, Natural History Museum, rose gardens, the Coliseum, USC across the street. Sort of off the beaten path but if you like museums it might be fun.

      • ALX emily

        The first time I went to LA, I stayed at The Orlando – it was a very easy walk (or even easier drive, for Californians!) to the Grove/Farmers Market area, in a nice neighborhood, and basically across the street from a pretty nice mall. I thought it was generally conveniently located to a lot of stuff. I went again recently and stayed in a VRBO in Venice Beach, and it is true that it would be hard to beat that area for people watching, which is one of my favorite activities. We really enjoyed taking the (moderately long) walk up the beachfront path to Santa Monica, getting a snack, and then walking back. SO MUCH people watching! Depending on what you’re interested in, it’s not particularly centrally located, but we hate driving so were pretty happy to just entertain ourselves in the area rather than spend a bunch of time traveling to other areas.
        And yes, the Getty museum really is as great as everyone says! And I am not at all a museum person.

    • shadow

      It depends if you will be renting a car or not. If you want things walkable near your hotel, then either Santa Monica or Hollywood would be your best bet – lots of places to shop, walk, sightsee around those areas. Santa Monica is also super nice – the pier is always a nice place to relax and sight-see. In Hollywood, there’s some public transit that’ll get you place to place (the red/purple Metro line will take you to North Hollywood, CityWalk, and downtown LA if you are staying in Hollywood near Hollywood/Highland). North Hollywood has lots of theaters and is more of an art scene.

      If you do have a car, Pasadena and Glendale are nice places to stay, it’s close enough to most sightseeing places like the Walk of Fame, etc. that you can drive.

      I highly recommend seeing if you can get a free audience pass to a taping of a show, like Wheel of Fortune or Jeopardy, or a talk show. Those are real fun and typically don’t take up a whole day so you still have time to visit other places.

      • Anonymous

        I loved Santa Monica and would definitely suggest staying in that area if you aren’t going to have a car. If it’s in your budget, there’s a Meridien hotel there that I stayed at and really liked. It’s about a half mile from the beach/3/4 of a mile from the pier. There are a bunch of hotels on the beach, as well.

  16. Anonforthis

    I have been at a new job for 3 months. I am my boss’s only direct report and it was mentioned at some point the team might expand. While the hours and life balance are great, I miss a lot about my old job – decision-making power, program ownership. My current role is a lot more junior than I anticipated – task-oriented with a lot of capacity for more work.

    I recently found out they are hiring another person to report into my boss. The job description and title are verbatim to mine. Already I feel like I don’t own any of my own projects and that I don’t have enough to do. I am doing the work of half a person – not two! It’s my feeling the new hire is more of a political one – my boss will be more likely to be promoted if he has more direct reports.

    Should I try to have a conversation about this? Ask how this person’s role will influence mine and whether there are programs I can actually own? I feel like this new person and I will just be divvying up minute tasks and not making any impact. Ugh.

    Just one note that I really don’t think this is a performance issue or a foreshadow to lay off – my reviews and feedback so far have all been stellar.

    • Anonforthis

      No advice really, except that this has happened to me. I changed jobs more than a year ago expecting really great things. the move paid off in a lot of great ways, but within a week, I was totally shocked at the actual day to day work. I feel like work wise, I’ve flashed back 10 years and am doing many things myself that I’ve been delegating for at least a decade. I tried talking about it and while the talk was good, the work didn’t change. It took almost a full year to start receiving more meaty work. I just kept offering to do more and started to just do more. There are still major issues, but the tides are slowly turning. Good luck

  17. terrified

    I’m a third-year lawyer on the west coast. My hours have been low and when I have previously expressed concern over it, was told not to worry about it. Tomorrow we are meeting to talk about my hours and solutions to address them. Am I getting fired (either now or at review season) or is this as simple as work being directed to me to help my hours go up?

    • Stormtrooper

      I would not fear the worst. While layoff is probably never off the table, they may be going to talk to you about moving work to you or things you can do to create work. You should be prepared for the question – what ideas do you have to increase your billable work load. You should also be prepared to answer what ideas you have about things to do with your time, i.e. ideas of articles to write, panels to speak on, conferences to attend, etc. Offer to help prepare an educational course for one of the firm clients, etc.

    • anon

      If you are talking about hours and “solutions,” I’d like to hope that means that the firm is concerned with helping you get more hours. Maybe they will ask you if there is a secondary practice group you can help with (happened to me). Particularly if you have not been getting much critical feedback on workmanship, I would try your best to not worry here. Easier said than done, I know!

    • kc esq

      If you were getting fired, they wouldn’t schedule it in advance as a review session. They would call you into a conference room without notice and scare you to death. That’s how people are laid off — seriously.

      • terrified

        Thank you. Good point.

        Thank you to the above commenters, too. Great ideas I will be ready to talk about.

    • Hollis

      They may ask you if you’re interested in doing work for another group, so prepared to talk about that. They may ask you if you want to go on a reduced schedule. But ultimately, if they try to even suggest that this is your fault, then you need to get out now. I, too, was feeling worried and ill about being in a similar situation and it was only after I switched firms and was actually really busy did I feel like I was happy in my job situation. If you haven’t started looking, 3rd year is a great time to make a lateral move.

  18. Brides

    Hi – I’m getting married in a few weeks and wanted to get my bridesmaids some gifts. I have necklaces for each of them but wanted to find some more little gifts – maybe cosmetic bags (is that too overdone?) or something else. Any recommendations? What would you ladies like? Can probably spend another $50/person. For reference, they are all professional women and I’d rather get a few things within the $50 budget (and work sales and discounts to get the most bang for my buck) than just one thing per person.

    • anon

      Best thing I got as one of these gifts was a Swiss army knife (in a pretty pattern).

      • nutella

        Just a head’s up, you cannot bring those on a plane, so if any of your maids are traveling via air, it would be thrown out of their carry-on.

      • New Tampanian

        +1 to this. My BFF did Etsy clutches – they were all different but matched our dresses (which was a lovely color so I use my clutch all the time)

    • Anon

      A personalized, hand-written thank you note.

      No woman in their 20s/30s needs $50 dollars worth of random stuff. I mean this kindly. I have discarded most bridesmaids gifts I’ve received because I don’t need more “stuff”, and sincere thanks is a better gift than another scarf/makeup bag/glittery compact/necklace with my initial on it.

      • Meg Murry

        Another +1 to a thank you note and call it a day

        Especially if you are asking them to do expensive things for you, don’t spend money on more “stuff”. Instead of a “thing”, pay for their manicure, makeup or hair if you are all getting it done together.

        The only two things I have ever gotten as bridesmaids gifts that I found useful were:
        -a picture frame with 2 sections. One had a picture of me and the bride, and the other was empty and she sent me a picture of the two of us from the wedding
        -a bathrobe (I think it was this one) http://www.target.com/p/women-s-fluid-knit-wrap-gilligan-o-malley/-/A-15025752#prodSlot=large_1_11
        that we all wore when doing our hair and makeup together before the wedding, and that I still use

        Otherwise, if you really feel like you want to buy them things – buy them each an individual something that you would have otherwise bought them for their birthday or Christmas – that will feel way more personal than $50 each of random stuff.

      • ditto

        I got a clutch with some lipgloss and other small items in it, and never use the clutch or any of the items in it. I think a heartfelt note is the best idea. Or you could contribute $50 toward the hair appointment or whatever if you are having everyone get their hair done.

        • Anon

          Or spend the money you would otherwise spend on the gift on upgraded breakfast food for during hair/makeup/getting ready (fancier champagne/juices, pricier fruit, the super delicious pastries from the fancy bakery in town, etc). Upgrade the day-of experience, basically, instead of trying to think of a tangible.

      • Senior Attorney

        Yes, yes, yes times a million. No more stuff! Pay for their hair or makeup of have an awesome breakfast the day of!!

  19. Harassed?

    A program I own at work has a commonly used (industry-wide) acronym that has the same letters as a relatively obscene/s*xist acronym: T&A.
    I work on an all-male team, except for the female director. Today in a meeting, one agenda item was Anon’s T&A Update. The men in the room all started snickering and whispering to themselves. One said “can’t wait to hear about your T&A” and someone else said “Do you know the other meaning of that?”
    The female director is a non-native English speaker and it all went over her head. I am no prude, but felt really humiliated by this event.
    This kind of s*xism is a little pervasive on the team – passing remarks about women’s appearances or lack there of, etc. They are used to it being a boys’ club. I think it’s harmless and never overt harassment, but today felt like a line had been crossed.
    I am wondering if I should bring this up privately to the female boss. Thoughts? Am I overreacting? I don’t want to make a big deal about it, but I would also appreciate her shutting down s*xist conversations when they do arise.

    • Anon

      +1 to Jules’ comment below. Maybe my mind jumps to the legal aspect since I am in law, but this behavior is putting your company at risk of a sexual harassment lawsuit and I’m sure your boss would want to know. You can phrase it that way if you don’t want to come off as confrontational.

    • Anonymous

      “No, John, I don’t know the other meaning of T&A. Why don’t you explain it to us?” John turns beet red and stammers like a moron. Done.

    • Godzilla

      Is there a reason why you can’t shut it down? Why can’t you say “Excuse me, what was that? Can you repeat the comment?” From what you’re saying, if the female director wouldn’t even understand the joke, so how effective can she be in shutting it down?

      I think workplace culture is everyone’s responsibility, not just the leadership.

  20. Jules

    Sorry you have to deal with this kind of cr*p.

    Yes, tell your boss so she can shut this down. And I would also probably have tried to shut it down myself at the time, maybe a semi-humorous, “what is this, seventh grade? c’mon guys,” or just “really?” if you don’t want to be as confrontational about it. Or go ahead and be confrontational because the comments about “your T&A” are in fact hostile-environment sexual harassment. Maybe not pervasive enough to be legally actionable but still harassment.

    • Coach Laura

      Agree with saying something if it happens again like “It wasn’t funny the last time you said it, Bob, and it’s even less funny this time.” If you have an HR liaison person you might want to bounce it off them before going to your boss. But yes, your company has liability here and your superiors should be informed.

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