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Thursday’s Workwear Report: Kelsey Knit Trousers

A woman wearing a white top, gray plaid pants, and black loafers

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

These trousers from Liverpool Los Angeles have been available for several years, but this gray plaid colorway is really speaking to me right now. Is it because a small piece of my brain is stuck in the '90s? Maybe, but fashion is cyclical, so here we go again!

Rather than style these with an old bowling shirt or baby tee, a la 1998, I would probably do a black turtleneck and blazer for a slightly more work-appropriate look.

The pants are $98 at Nordstrom and come in sizes 0–16.

Though the plus-size version of these pants aren't available in plaid, they come in nine (!) colors in sizes 14W–14W.

Psst: The Nordstrom Half-Yearly Sale just started! We'll be taking a deeper dive today to find the best deals.

Sales of note for 12.13

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals on skincare including Charlotte Tilbury, Living Proof, Dyson, Shark Pro, and gift sets!
  • Ann Taylor – 50% off everything, including new arrivals (order via standard shipping for 12/23 expected delivery)
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19
  • J.Crew – Up to 60% off almost everything + free shipping (12/13 only)
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off everything and free shipping, no minimum
  • Macy's – $30 off every $150 beauty purchase on top brands
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
  • Talbots – 50% off entire purchase, and free shipping on $99+

307 Comments

  1. My workload has jumped 40-60 billable hours/month for April and May, and it looks like June will be this way, too. Our associate pool is mostly out due to multiple parental leaves, and also I think myworkload will decrease again in the summer. Any idea to help me get through next month? I am working every weekend and behind on work as it is.

    1. You should make sure to get enough sleep, even if you are working longer, you need more rest, particularly as we grow older and the younger associates are not as robust and intellectueally curious as we would want them to be.

    2. Outsource everything you can – cleaning, laundry, food. Carve out a few hours a week to do something that’s good for your mental health, whatever that is. Sorry, I know it’s rough!

    3. Can you schedule something for yourself to look forward to when you know things will slow down again? Sometimes I tell myself, just embrace the horrible for now, and count down to something you regally will enjoy in a few weeks.

  2. I’ve recently quit my job (yay!) and have started some volunteer work with two organizations. Both are near and dear to my heart, with one of them being directly related to my industry. I’d like to mention these on my resume – sort of a “i’m still in the biz but not full time” – where do I add that to my resume, if at all? Thanks!

    1. I have a volunteer experience section on my resume, but I only include relevant volunteering. Example: I work in higher Ed so I include volunteering I do at my undergrad university. The university I work for is in the inner city and works really hard on neighborhood relations, so I also include that I volunteer at a food bank that serves the community. I don’t include environmental volunteering that I do because it’s not relevant.

      1. As someone who also works in higher ed, this logic doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me. A resume isn’t for your current job, it’s to find a new one, so it doesn’t matter what your current university values. And just because you’re working with students doesn’t mean your volunteer work is relevant to your higher ed job. Personally I lean towards not including volunteer work unless it’s relevant to your actual role, e.g., if you work in marketing, and you volunteered to teach high school students about marketing or something like that, that’s definitely relevant. But generic volunteer work often isn’t. But if you’re going to list generic volunteer work, I wouldn’t exclude some things just because you think your current employer doesn’t value them. I hire people, and personally the environmental work would jump out at me more than other stuff for me, both because it’s something I care about and because it’s more unique.

        1. Well I have moved jobs within my university.

          The volunteering I do at my undergrad is also directly related to my job.

        2. I include volunteering not related to my field on my resume if it’s important to me. It has never hurt, and has sometimes helped.

        3. I guess I can see the point if you are really short on space, and prioritize listing and expanding on the most relevant experience? My work experience isn’t long enough to run into that issue.

    4. I put all my volunteer work right under my academic acheivements and bar memberships. Under volunteer work, I include all CLE’s I have taught without compensation at the bar association with the manageing partner, listing the title, date, and venue so that the readers all know that I am an expert in the law.

  3. Can anyone recommend someone in the DC area to take a professional headshot? Thanks!

    1. Not sure if my other comment went through – I’m based in DC, and would be happy to potentially do this for you. My instagram is @canichecaptures. Take a look, and reach out if you want!

  4. Looking for a blazer recommendation to wear over a navy sheath dress for an in-house counsel interview. I’d like something with texture or pattern. Nothing too winter-looking if at all possible – the interview is in June. Thanks!

    1. If it were me, and not an interview, I’d pair with my white no-collar jacket (in a nubby fabric with some embroidered trim — not cutesy but IMO a more casual piece). IDK about that color or my particular jacket for an interview but I’m 2023 who really knows. I can’t wear tan, but that might work. Also olive maybe.

    2. I searched “tweed” and “texture” blazers and I think this one would look best with navy:
      https://www.nordstrom.com/s/tweed-blazer/7326246?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FAll%20Results&color=650

      I also found this one – I love it, but it’s probably not what you need unless you’re interviewing at Lisa Frank or Mattel: https://www.nordstrom.com/s/colorblock-tweed-jacket/7342585?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FAll%20Results&color=184

      1. I feel like that is too quiet for Lisa Frank (as I’m remembering it). Well done though!

  5. I bought something from Ann Taylor in the wrong size. If I didn’t open the package, can I return it by circling the return address and writing “Refused – Return To Sender” on it?

    1. idk it might work, but this seems weird and cheap. Either pay the $8 for your mistake, or maybe chat them to see if they’d waive the shipping for an exchange.

      1. Yeah, they might not go along with that. Just return it and pay the $8 for your mistake.

        1. +1

          When you do something like what you suggest, WE all pay for your mistake, through higher prices.

    4. I work in the automation space for companies like Ann Taylor. I think they is a very good chance your package could get “lost” this way. I think you’d be better off either bringing to a Ann Taylor in person if you want to avoid a restocking fee. Or doing the formal return process so your shipping label has an identifier their system will understand.

      1. I had an AT return (normal return) that got lost, and they immediately refunded me when I provided the tracking number. I doubt the return package was found so quickly but it was clear that I had mailed it. In OP’s questionable plan, there’s not return tracking number and I doubt she’d get refunded easily.

    5. Pay the $8. If you can’t afford it, sorry to say you can’t afford Ann Taylor, which despite moderate prices for workwear is still far above Old Navy budget. And Old Navy has had some really decent stuff lately lol and I’ve been shopping there more than AT.

    6. I’m surprised at these responses but here’s my very recent experience…2 weeks ago, I received an auto-shipped package that I wanted to refuse. I called the merchant and they said as long as the packaging is intact, meaning never opened, take it to the Post Office and have them mark it Return To Sender. I was skeptical so I went to the Post Office and spoke to the Postmaster and they said this is exactly what should be done. Zero issues.

      1. this is a different hypo though… the OP actually ordered the wrong thing. Sorry, sometimes mistakes have consequences. In this case it’s $8.

    7. Here’s my take, if you took the thing back to a store it costs time & maybe gas/cab $ to do that.
      I presume an hour, and also presume you make more than $8.00 per hour. Pay the $8.00 and be done with it.
      It is a oops, the price of admission. Personally, I do not mind paying return shipping fees because my time is valuable.

  6. Feeling like I’m dressed like the mixed-up chameleon from Eric Carle’s children’s book lately. At 39, I’m already feeling like my style is outdated and not matching my internal vision. My vision is clean/grounded in black and neutrals/graphic prints and slightly edgy but the vibe ends up being more preppy and just dull. I am 5’0 so some of the more current styles that are looser feel hard to pull off. Any suggestions re: key pieces or stores/brands to check out?

    3. Okay– If I were you I’d start with some trousers (linen, for summer)
      https://www.thereformation.com/products/vesta-pant/1308699AVO.html?dwvar_1308699AVO_color=MSM&quantity=1

      and straight leg jeans
      https://www.ssense.com/en-us/women/product/agolde/blue-90s-pinch-waist-jeans/11621591

      plus some neutral black ankle pants, like the Brooklyn Athleta pants.

      A structured handbag
      https://www.saksfifthavenue.com/product/little-liffner-tall-tulip-leather-tote-0400014007843.html
      https://www.mlouye.com/collections/bags/products/mini-flex-bag-latte

      Add some Marimekko-esque bold patterned tops
      https://www.marimekko.com/us_en/clothing/all-items/leiot-college-jattikukka-cotton-sweatshirt-off-white-black-091764-190

      https://www.marimekko.com/us_en/clothing/all-items/varssy-unikko-cupro-viscose-shirt-dark-blue-beige-091590-805

      https://www.marimekko.com/us_en/clothing/all-items/aspekti-iso-laine-cotton-poplin-blouse-yellow-white-091558-601

      https://www.cos.com/en_usd/women/womenswear/tops/product.pleated-half-zip-top-beige.1086279009.html

      Some structured/geometric crops
      https://www.everlane.com/products/womens-supima-micro-rib-funnel-neck-tank-white

      https://bananarepublic.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=580503022&vid=1&&searchText=LAUREL%20CORSET%20TOP#pdp-page-content

      And an oversize poplin
      https://www.madewell.com/the-signature-poplin-oversized-shirt-NJ588.html

      Plus a bold, geometric print dress
      https://www.belkazan.com/products/janie-dress-blackrye

      1. OMG if this dress (last link) stopped at my natural waist or below I’d buy the mariachi print NOW. Sigh, the plight of the short waisted…

  7. These pants remind me of a pair my grandfather had in the 70s…although his went all the way down.

    1. Maybe… But with current fashion flexibility, we could all use a bit of 70’s grandpa in our closet, no?

      I mean, when big, white, leather grandpa sneakers are considered fashion forward….

      1. I guess I should have been more clear that I like the 70s grandpa aspect of these.
        The whole “I hit a growth spurt and mom doesn’t get paid until next week” part of these, though, I don’t like.
        I would probably buy these if they went all the way down and looked like pants that fit properly.

  8. My partner is considering a job at the University of Houston, a city which we don’t know very well. Can anyone comment on housing and public schools (early elementary)? Would we be able to afford to live nearby (main campus) with a HHI of $220K?

    1. I would think so. There are some stately old houses in that area that are quite beautiful. I’m not super familiar with the prices there, but I would think $220k is enough, although prices around town have just continued to go up. I don’t know anything about the schools there, but I will say HISD has a great magnet system, so you could try that if you don’t end up liking the schools there.

    2. Are you comfortable living in a state where you could be denied life-saving medical care because you’re a woman? The new lawsuit being brought by eight women who were treated as subhuman brought me almost to tears. Some women don’t have the choice to leave Texas, but many have the choice to go to it.

      I also would not want to raise children in Texas because they don’t care if they get shot. 20 years ago, you could’ve called my speech inflammatory, but now it’s just accurate.

      1. I grew up in Houston and am normally a big supporter of it, but I feel this way too (I live in a blue state now). The Texas government has just gotten so outrageously bad. Houston is very blue but it’s not enough to override the state government anymore.

      2. I know you’ll get criticized for this comment but it’s the truth. And in regards to both pregnancies with problems and school shootings – everyone thinks it can’t happen to them, until it does.

        We won’t even consider traveling to Texas any more because their decision to allow anyone to carry a handgun without a license even has Texas police concerned; there was an article about it in the NYT late last year (Texas Goes Permitless on Guns, and Police Face an Armed Public). Anyone can carry a gun basically anywhere at any time and it’s resulted in a large number of “spontaneous” shootings; you could be anywhere in Texas and someone who never would have gotten a license to carry in any other state could decide to just start shooting in response to some perceived slight. The permissive gun culture there has lead to innumerable shootings and deaths – what makes the national news is just a small fraction of what goes on – and it’s not worth my health or safety, or the health or safety of my family, to travel to someplace that is basically the equivalent of the Wild West, in modern times. Actually, maybe that’s inaccurate because in many Wild West towns you couldn’t carry your gun in town. A rule that is not allowed anywhere in Texas, currently.

        Will also add: Houston is hot and humid a large chunk of the year; it’s near many oil refineries and so there’s concerning pollution residents have to deal with (because the government in Texas certainly isn’t going to do anything about it) and people who live in Houston are on the front line for hurricanes that come into the Gulf and head towards land. And with climate change, those are just going to get more frequent. And given Texas’ insistence on being independent from the national power grid and having a completely deregulated electric utility system, it’s extremely likely you will end up in situations where you have no power for days after storms or emergencies. Coupled with the gun-violence thing – is this really where you want your kid to grow up?

        1. Definitely don’t underestimate the impact of air pollution on quality of life. It will shorten your life and your kids’ lives. The absolute worst part of 2020 for me was living through the awful wildlife season in California.

      3. This. Don’t say gay, hate toward LBGTQ people, Christianity in schools, ban on abortion, books banned, outdated curricula re: the Civil War, the Civil Rights movement. This is a tough environment in which to raise children. and don’t forget the hurricanes and the power outages. You might want to aim for a private school with values that match your own.

        1. Came here to say the same thing. Even if the local public schools match your values now, make sure you can afford private school tuition if Republican lawmakers decide to further interfere with public education.

      5. On another note, thank you for considering moving to Texas, where I hope you can fight the good fight.

        If we all leave these states, they become pure Red and conservatives gain a stronger foothold not only locally, but nationally, despite having a minority of votes country wide.

        Remember, scaring progressives out of conservative states is the current Republic strategy to facilitate gerrymandering locally, and maintaining senatorial representation nationally.

        Vote, and help organize getting other people voting.

        1. Men should be the ones leading that charge because they can live safely in Texas. It’s life and death for women.

          1. Well, I don’t see all liberal men moving to Texas and no liberal women moving being a realistic strategy.

            Then again, knowing liberal men, if they lived in Texas they will compromise most likely by sleeping with and marrying conservative women. And as long as there is sex, there will be abortions, so maybe that would still help shift things over time!

        2. THIS x1000. I have lived in Wisconsin, Florida, and North Carolina in my life. Swingy states to say the least, and I lived in rural traditionally red areas. I very much looked at my presence

          That said, things have changed since Dobbs. I’m completely sympathetic to women who do not want to risk their lives living in Texas. I’m considering surgical sterilization as permanent birth control, but if I lived in Texas I would have already had it done.

          1. I would have it done too if I lived there, but that wouldn’t solve the problem of women being denied medication for autoimmune diseases because those medications can also be used for abortion. There are so many elements of this that attack girls and women at all phases of their lives and I would not want to raise children in that environment if I had the choice.

        3. This is my line of thinking. I’m in the NYC area and can’t leave but those willing to move to red states and vote blue are helping the problem.

        5. My parents, sister, and BIL all live in a city in Texas. It’s not a decision I would make for myself and my immediate family (sister and BIL don’t have kids and I do). That said, they are purple-ing the place up and I respect them for that decision. With so many places in the US, I feel like you can only pick two of the three: (1) low cost of living, (2) available jobs, (3) non-crazy state politics.

      6. I love Texas (and I’m a liberal WOC), and Houston in particular. The vibe here is very different than what you’d expect/what you’d find in the suburbs and outside of town. I won’t gloss over the bad policy like our lack of abortion rights and ridiculous gun laws, but it is in many ways a great place and it’s worth fighting the good fight. I have experienced people and the social environment in my houston bubble to be very inclusive and accepting. My POC LGBTQ sister would say the same.

        1. +1 – Liberal WOC and proud Houstonian. I moved back here from NYC and the DMV and prefer it for many reasons.

      7. Ok, I was really hoping this wouldn’t be the response. First, I already live in a blue city/red state. I’m staunchly pro-choice and leaning towards radical feminist and so is my husband. I get it, I don’t love the idea of living in a state that denies people full autonomy over their body. But I also don’t want to live in a blue state where I can’t find a good paying job, affordable housing, reasonable cost of living, and good public schools. My family lives in Texas and I want to be close to them, especially as my parents age. Moving to most blue states would take me further away from them and decrease our quality of life. I understand wanting to send a message to the Texas govt by refusing to move there and its not like I love the idea of making it seem like we support their policies, but I also hope to be part of future change so that my kids have more options on where to live, work, and go to school. Plus I’m latina and a diverse city is a big deal to me, something that can be hard to find in blue states.

        1. It wouldn’t be about seeming like you support the state’s policies, but about your immediate safety. I’m not speaking from the place of “send a message,” but “stay alive.”

          1. I think it was a valid point to raise, but it sounds like OP has very much thought of this.

            OP, thank you for being part of the future change there and refusing to cede your home state to those who are trying to radicalize it. People like you who vote in the state are so important.

          2. Well, ok, but “stay alive” like the children living in blue state MA who were murdered at school? Or the people living in blue CO who were murdered in a movie theater? Or the people living in blue NY who were murdered in a grocery store? Or the Black and Brown women living all over this country who are consistently denied quality reproductive health care unlike white women? My point is, I get it. Texas govt is @@#ed up. There are many Texans who are #$%@ed up. But I’ve also lived in CA where housing is so outrageous that I moved away just so I could afford to have a second kid. How is that family friendly? I’d love to live in a liberal state and raise my children in one, but even with a HHI of over $200K, it increasingly feels like those places don’t want me.

          3. Being white does not protect women from the risk of preventable maternal morbidity and mortality driven by deep misogyny. If you want to move to Texas, do, but don’t kid yourself about how bad it is for all women.

          4. But keeping Texas and Florida red is bad for ALL women and more across the country. Don’t think that it isn’t.

            OP – I think you can manage this move just fine. Good luck to you. All your reasons are good. Hope you have a few minutes a month to volunteer for progressive causes.

          5. OP you asked for opinions and you’re getting them. I don’t know why you feel the need to be so defensive. People are providing facts here. And whataboutism about bad things happening in MA not related to the central point here (and these bad things also happen in TX, we just had the one year anniversary yesterday) just makes you seem like Fox News.

            In terms of real recs, if you’re going to live in TX I suggest you only do so if you’re done having babies, and I’d go as far as some sort of permanent solution if so.

          6. I’m in CA and I feel like it is a very family-unfriendly state in a lot of ways. We (still!) don’t have universal pre-K, we have a crappy CPS system, and the childcare system is so hyper-regulated that it is very difficult to sustain daycares and preschools. Our city pool and parks department is so focused on potential liability that it’s a wonder they have open recreation areas at all. And the hyper-progressives break their arms congratulating themselves on policies that affect tiny slices of the youth population instead of working on school funding or (the horror!) breaking up some of the huge urban school districts to make them better for all students.

          1. …you know that like half the country lives in red states, right? “Don’t ever considering moving to a red state” isn’t realistic or practical for most people who need to make moves for careers and want to be near their loved ones.

          2. My goodness, this got silly fast. What I was expecting was for people with knowledge to answer my question if they felt like it, and I’m grateful to those who have. I didn’t ask for opinions on Houston or Texas. If you cared to read my question it focused exclusively on housing affordability and schools. I don’t need input on state politics, I’m well aware of what is happening in the state regarding women’s reproductive health care, guns, and other oppressive legislation. Those are some of the many factors that we are taking into account as we weigh our options for our family–in addition to the very real factors of cost of living and public education. If you are in a position to ignore the latter factors and only consider the former, then consider yourself lucky. Most of us don’t have that luxury.

          3. Hey OP, it’s an interesting side discussion. Just respond to the posters that answer your main question. You don’t have to address the side discussions, but I actually love that people are talking about it. Of course what you are doing is reasonable for you. It’s ok to let others discuss/debates this issues because progressives need to see the pros/cons.

        3. Oh, OK. So if you’d already made up your mind before you even asked the question, maybe next time just say that – “we are moving to Houston, give me tips/advice” – and then the whole conversation will evolve more to your liking. Since you’re not interested in – you know – actual feedback that doesn’t fit with your existing mindset.

          3. I don’t think this is fair to the OP at all. OP very clearly asked for info on housing, schools and COL in Houston specifically.
            My first reaction was like most of the other commenters (no way would I consider moving to Texas), but it’s obvious that that is not what OP asked.

        4. OP – We moved to Houston, where I grew up, from the DC-area for a LOT of the reasons you mention here. We are liberal. And we love it here.

          Does it have its warts? 100%. Am I genuinely concerned about what my kids education will be like? Yep – I have a rising Ker and HISD is being taken over by the state. Am I terrified of gun violence? Sure am – and you know what – this wouldn’t change if we were back in the DMV, or anywhere else right now.

          Also – University of Houston is a great public school that is only getting better – I’m not familiar what terrible things Abbott has coming its way, but from where I sit UH is doing awesome things in the city. Like others I cannot stand the “ew I’d never live in a red state” comments or “leave!” because I don’t think that gets to the root of the problem – no one is free until we all are free; not just those that can afford it.

          If you do end up here, please re-post. I’m happy to share a burner to connect.

          1. Thank you! This is very helpful and I will absolutely follow up if we do move there!

          2. Dallas resident/native here. I appreciate that there have been many facets to this conversation. As many who have lived in Texas have mentioned, there are many issues that are infuriating, and they keep compounding. But it feels unhelpful and essentialist/oversimplified to just throw all red states under the bus. There are many people who are progressive and have deep roots and lives here. Also, Texas is SO big and so many residents, and has so many different kinds of places to live – I live here happily but there are many places (sorry Amarillo) you couldn’t pay me to live in. I just get fatigued hearing from people who have no firsthand knowledge of a place and being judge and jury. Where you live is a deeply personal choice, and we all weigh things differently.
            We simply can’t can’t ignore our large, diverse, southern cities. Texas had three of the largest and most diverse cities in the country. These populations are the future, and I am deeply curious how the next 15 years are going to play out politically – we’re only going to get more diverse, and more, I think, progressive. I think the conservative stronghold is grasping for power, and knows it’s time is short.

        5. To Seventh Sister – my BFF is liberal, from Texas, and has settled in the Bay Area and she shares the same views. She also struggles with the definitions of “diversity” and “progressive” in the Bay Area and how that is warped because of Tech bro culture.

          I also was in a training recently, and saw that from equity perspectives, most Black and Brown people don’t actually fare better in CA than other states.

      8. +1,000

        On behalf of my brother in Texas, whose healthcare issues I have shared here before.

    3. Yes you’ll be able to live nearby on that income. generally public schools in texas aren’t very good but I don’t have kids so am not familiar with the schools in the area. Houston actually has a lot of great things going on and Ive found it to be a really fun place to live as a young married person without kids, and I know a lot of others will say its super family friendly.

    4. You’ll be very well off in Houston on a $200k+ salary. It’s a cheap city. My biggest concern would be moving to Texas right now. I know Houston is fairly liberal, but statewide ill impact your life and Abbott seems to be pretty aggressive and anti-university even by Republican standards. But I’m also an academic spouse and appreciate that you don’t have much say in where you live. (I also live in a red state.)

    5. I lived in Houston for 3 years and we’ve been in the suburbs for the last 5. The suburban are good, if you like suburbs. I don’t like Houston as a city. Houston has all the problems of a big city and IMHO none of the draws. I will say the food is amazing. The traffic is horrendous. The schools are bad: we moved to the suburbs because of schools and crime in our neighborhood, though I’ve heard the neighborhood has since “turned” – a phrase you’ll want to familiarize yourself with if you move here. Housing prices continue to skyrocket. Downtown is an apocalyptic hell scape. The police department is a mess. The air quality is bad most days. The city can’t decide what its culture is, so it just doesn’t have one. Houston just has nothing going for it. You should visit before deciding to move here.

      1. I haven’t been to Houston, but this sounds so different from how people have characterized it to me. Isn’t it the most diverse city in the USA these days? Dozens of rich cultures doesn’t add up to “no culture” in my mind unless I am missing something.

        1. I’m not from Houston, so people please feel free to smack me down. To me, Houston doesn’t have much local flavor. It’s one of the biggest cities in the country and it has a lot to offer, but nothing is very uniquely “Houston.” There’s not much to attract someone to visit Houston vs any other generic city.

          1. That resonates with me as a Houston visitor but not resident. I feel like I’ve experienced the character of other places like Chicago, Boston, New Orleans, etc, but Houston? I’m not even sure what “downtown” is and I can’t really ascribe a character to it. Austin is easier to have a feel for, as is San Antonio.

          2. I think all the NASA/space stuff is pretty cool, but I’m sort of in that industry.

          3. Visit the Orange Show! That, to me, is classic Houston. Go for Tex-Mex at a place on Richmond, then go to the Menil. Find an old bingo hall, go to the international food festival, go shopping on Harwin. These are my cherished Houston memories. Amy’s Ice Cream and Star Pizza, the original Ninfa’s… ok a lot of this is just food, but still. Bayou City art festival! The Beck’s Prime at the golf course with the aggressive bees! Live music at Last Concert Cafe! Oh my goodness I think Soundwaves is still kicking if you want to buy used records.

          4. This is interesting; I think not having been there I was definitely exporting a sense that it might be like Austin or San Antonio (where I have been).

            I wonder if more of a local flavor will eventually develop.

          5. Eh, there’s plenty of local flavor. As someone who grew up here and has lived elsewhere – it’s just part of a city that has a lot of sprawl and a ton of pockets. When I lived in another midsized-large city out-of-state I found the “flavor” made everyone and everything very one-note.

          6. As someone who moved back recently after living all over the US (and abroad for a while too) Houston is a great place to live but not particularly interesting to visit. There’s a lot of local flair but it tends to be the things you experience living somewhere/being part of the community. For example, there’s a rich south asian community here that I’m sometimes part of (and I sometimes avoid…..) That’s just one of many, many examples.

      2. a lot of the elementary schools are quite good. middle and high school is more of a mixed bag. we wouldn’t consider the burbs bc of commute times. but the state is taking over the public schools and trying to enact a whole bunch of other laws that take control away from the local government.

    6. where do you live now? i don’t think you’d want to live too too close to campus. real estate has also gotten more expensive. there are good public elementary schools, BUT the state is about to take them over unfortunately. i have two kids who will be in kindergarten next year and we are trying public school, but if the rules become like what is going on in Florida we will quickly go to private school.

    7. I’m a liberal in Austin. I have tons of political concerns and have considered leaving TX but can’t because of jobs and family. That said I certainly don’t think it is the hellscape these comments make it out to be! TX GOP is vocal but the issues we face on reproductive rights and gun control are sadly quite similar to what other states are doing. If TX isn’t on your list to travel to because of those issues, it’s the sad truth that more than a few other states should also be on that list. That is not to defend TX but to say that we have a National problem happening herE.

      I personally like Houston a lot and it is more affordable than many other big cities. The weather and hurricane risks are the big ones to watch out for, in my opinion. Your chances of weather related home losses are not insubstantial and you will want to look at areas’ historical flood experiences before choosing a house. I would also take a look and reach out to faculty about whether they believe tenure is in jeopardy in TX. There was some blustering and a senate bill passed attacking tenure (because professors are woke and other such nonsense). I’d want to know from people in the field if this was posturing they aren’t concerned about or something that could seriously impact your husband’s career.

      1. +1
        UHouston is private so should not be affected but you never know.
        To OP, we also moved to TX for husbands academic job. Has exceeded expectations (aside from policies that are sadly affecting many states not just TX) and we plan to stay

    8. I mean, what do you consider nearby? Plenty of Houstonians live an hour+ drive from work and think nothing of it so they can have a 3000sqft home for $250k. If you want to live inside the loop, in a good school district, on that budget, I’m not sure that’s realistic, unless you’re ok with a condo or something.

      1. Thank you, this is what I’m wondering about. I hate commuting, especially after living in cities where my commutes were an hour+. I have zero desire to have a 3000sqft house, nor do I want to live in the suburbs. So I’m wondering what our options would be if we want to live 30 min or less to campus on our expected salaries.

        2. Oh, if you’re willing to do up to 30 min you should be fine. Look at Meyerland, right outside the Loop, good schools and non-3000 sqft houses, probably right at 25-30 min commute.

    9. let me try to answer your actual question!
      that salary is a good salary for Houston, that won’t be the problem.
      Houston ISD schools are not great overall, and the area around UofH is not to be recommended for a family like yours. So – either you accept a 30mn commute or so, and/or to pay for private school, or your partner will need to think about this pretty hard. I’d advocate for you and your family to go spend a few days here, see what the areas are like, what is commute like , etc
      All the comments above got a bit out of hand, and you can make your own informed decision on this

    10. University of Houston is a public institution. If your partner’s job offer is for an instructional position, you might want to consider the prospect of Texas eliminating tenure and basically converting professor positions into at-will employees. This wouldn’t necessarily apply if the job offer is for something non-academic, like administration or something like that.

  9. Looking for some perspectives! WWYD?

    Situation: you’re 36, a corporate lawyer, child free, recently divorced, own a home in a MCOL rural area you love with about $600k left on the mortgage at 2% and about $400k in savings. You also have a minor but present disability, which mostly presents as chronic pain & joint issues but is under control with regular low-level medical supervision. You’re looking for a new job as your company has been acquired and is moving in house and relocating to a city you dislike with a 4-day/week in office requirement. You are 10 years post call, 7 in Big Law and 3 as in house at this company. I have two very likely prospective offers.

    Option 1: remote job, stay in house with a salary of $150-200k. Reasonable hours, reasonable career progression. Time for hobbies and friends, etc. More flexibility on then disability front. Dating is mediocre but there’s a city 2 hours away once I decide to try again.

    Option 2: move back to private practice for an of counsel specialist role at a global firm. Would require relocation to NYC, London, or Sydney. Pay would be at least double. I could keep the house and rent it out to cover the bills, sock away extra cash, explore a new area, and likely move back to here in 3-5 years.

    I’m torn. I worry I’m settling for the easy path if I stay, and I’ll regret not taking the chance for a new adventure and making extra cash. The prestige/glamour of moving to London is also calling me. But life as it is right now is pretty excellent, and I’m also worried I’ll make my disability worse through crazy hours. Is there an Option 3 I’m missing?

    1. I’d stay with 1, for me the glamour of 2 would fade quickly. I’d just go in vacation to London.

      1. Same, but I’ve never felt the same pull to live in a fancy, HCOL city many others seem to. I like going on vacations to fabulous places and coming home to my boring, cheap life in suburbia which allows me to take all those vacations.

    2. Go for #2! You’re keeping the house as a fallback, and clearly qualified enough to get a similar paying remote position in a few years if you change your mind. You’re young and have the option to shake it up and try something new! Take it!

    4. Can you get the medical care you need in your rural area? I might take option 1 and keep looking. But being 36, single and in a big city is awesome, even if you are busy at work. When the glamour fades, move on with a great notch on your resume.

    5. Why not sell your house, leave the rural area (you didn’t say if you had family or close friends keeping you there?) and take an in-house job in a more exciting place (maybe a coastal city or nice suburb close to a major city) but not NYC? Dating pool will be better and life generally may be more exciting. For $600k you could get a really nice condo in most places. I would not switch back to a firm job if it were me, unless you can negotiate a low billable target (like 1,500?) and flexibility on WFH at least a few times a week.

      I’d also love to live in London but if you’re only going to be there for a couple years, you may not want to put down roots or put yourself out there for dating/settling down unless you’re open to the idea of staying there permanently.

    8. I would probably pick 1 since you said you love your current city. I would not really be interested in moving to a brand new city as a single person in my mid to late 30s if I didn’t know anyone there (or only knew very few people). If you were 26, my answer may be different since people that age are generally more transient in big cities and open to making new friends.

    9. I would go for the adventurous choice and give yourself an out (quit early) if your disability really does get worse with long hours. That’s a legitimate concern, but if you don’t have reason to believe that it’s a definite future, I would take the chance. Maybe it will actually be OK and then you will have gotten this amazing opportunity.

      1. Yeah, I have lupus (but decently managed) and try not to let it shape my decisions, while being cognisant that things might change suddently.

        1. I’m the one who responded and I also have a chronic disease and agree. I can’t let it stop me from living my life, but I do need to be mindful about Plan B options.

    10. I would take option 2. It sounds like an amazing adventure at this stage in your life. You are senior enough that in an of counsel specialist role you will be able to set some better boundaries so that you can better manage your disability. I only see the upsides – more money, renting out your home to cover your bills, exploring a new city, meeting new people post-divorce, new and interesting work to keep you engaged at work, plus you are going in eyes open re: what BigLaw is like. If you don’t like it, you can always get a new job and move back to your original city.

      I’m also 36 and I took a new, challenging job shortly after a year long serious illness (was on disability for 6 months) and it was similarly life changing. I needed a reset, I was able to set better boundaries from the get go because the new job didn’t know how intensely I had worked in my prior role, and I’m still there almost 7 years later and it has super charged my career.

      If you move to NYC hit me up and we can be friends :)

    11. #2!

      I mean, I would only pick #1 if you were married with a bunch of kids and loved your house and needed the work from home to help with managing house/family issues and had family nearby and were planning to stay long term! Or if you were near retirement and this is your forever house.

      But my first thought with the size of that mortgage is why are you tying up so much $ in so much house, which is likely a money pit and expensive to maintain (utilities/gardening/cleaning/maintenance) unless you are planning to stay forever?

      But #2… this is what life is for, yes? Trying things while you are free, no kids, young enough to have the energy and eagerness to learn/adapt.

      I would sell that house unless again, you think you want to retire there. No way would I manage that from ?overseas. But you do you.

      Live your life!!!! You are too young to stop growing.

    12. I would go for option 2 in a heartbeat. If you change your mind halfway into it, you sound like you’ll be able to easily find a more low key option. I think if you don’t give it a go, you’ll always wonder.

    13. #2 sounds thrilling BUT your concern about your disability is very important. Do you have a good healthcare provider who could help weigh in? That said with the new job, if you move abroad, if you decide after a year that it’s not working you couod very easily say in interviews that personal reasons required you to be back in the States and no one would blink an eye. So may be worth giving it a try!

    14. I could not imagine being a long-distance landlord of a house from a foreign country, let alone on just a NYC BigLaw schedule, plus a medication condition on top of it. Maybe start talking to property managers and decide? But FWIW, in my early 30s, I said FU to BigLaw in a big city and went to a regional law firm that was more 9-5 and actually enjoyed my 30s. I took up hobbies I’d never done, volunteered, and got home when it was still light out. I didn’t really have anything to prove and with the lower COL, I wasn’t really any worse off, $-wise. 15 minute commute time. It’s fine to enjoy your life now, and not wait until your 60s. You can always take vacations if you want to get out a bit and NYC, etc., are better as a tourist than as a resident IMO.

    15. I’ll be a possible voice of dissent because I was actually in a similar position about ten years ago- mid 30s, had a chronic pain condition that was reasonably under control, moved across the country to take a stressful job with long hours. It went badly. My health issues got much, much worse, and it made me so miserable that I ended up hating the job and the city I lived. After five years, I ended up leaving the job for something less ambitious. It’s hard to know for sure, but I feel like I’ve permanently made my health issues worse and altered my career trajectory for the worse (leaving that job is held against me in future job choices and because we prioritized my husband’s job prospects due to my health issues, I’m stuck in a location with limited options). I’m not in law, so you might be in a different situation if you need to leave the stressful job, but I would think seriously about how that would play out. If you do take option #2, I’d be very serious about protecting your health. Don’t let people intimidate you into not getting medical care you need or taking time off if you need it. You don’t want your health issues to take over your life, but life is really much worse when you feel awful every day, so doing what you can to stay healthy is worth giving up some opportunities. Figuring out the balance is hard!

      1. Your story is a hard one and I wish you well.

        Fortunately, the OPs health condition is pretty routine these days, and likely doesn’t involve pain or disability. I have a similar condition and for most of us, it is pretty straightforward to manage worldwide and will not be disabling long term. I definitely would not let it stop me from traveling to a world class European city, where she might actually get better (and definitely cheaper!) medical care.

        In many ways, isolating yourself in a big house, alone, working from home all day, post-divorce, with a chronic illness sounds like a recipe for depression…. especially since the OP hasn’t mentioned anything about looking forward to pursuing her loves of volunteering/hobbies/friends etc.. Sounds like time for a break, and to go for it. Honestly, we don’t get a lot of opportunities like this in life, at junctures were we are truly free to choose.

    16. #1 is really appealing for the flexibility and comfort it would offer
      #2 is really appealing for the big risk/big reward, possibly once in a lifetime chance.

      The great thing is you seem to have an escape hatch if #2 goes sideways either with your disability or the job itself. But you might not have issues, or far fewer than you’re afraid of!

      It doesn’t sound like you have a relationship or caretaking responsibility that ties you down to your location (besides the house), and the writing on the wall is screaming at this point with Current Job. Assuming Option 2 will have relocation assistance? Renting out the house/maintaining it from long distance could be the biggest logistical issue for you. Would you still take the job if you couldn’t rent it out? or forgo the opportunity/leave the job if the house became too much to manage long distance? I could see having a family member, friend, or a new grad in your network looking for a launch pad being an ideal renter for you since you plan on returning.

    17. What is your friend and family network like in current city? I wouldn’t move away from my good friends and family in your situation, but if they all live elsewhere I would take option 2, probably the location that is closest to my network. That is, in part, based on the potentially erroneous assumption that as a specialist of-counsel role you will have sufficient control over your hours and career to be satisfied and happy (I would not take option 2 as a biglaw litigation associate, for example).

      I think starting a new, fully remote job in a rural area could be very isolating.

    18. Option 1. Work remotely for a few weeks (or months!) from London or wherever you want. Sounds like a good job, plenty of money.

      I’d only do Option 2 if I personally knew and trusted the person renting my house, and if the job would give me time to enjoy the city and travel nearby.

      1. You need an excellent property manager to do #2 — even in my city, we get mice (and dead mice) in buildings, toilets clog, sewage backs up, septic tanks overflow. You can’t fix that or let in a contractor if tenant wants to leave and go to work. I’d start with that (and watch Pacific Heights — a good movie about a nightmare tenant).

    19. OP here. First off, thank you!

      A couple other items: the house is in an area I would love to retire in (waterfront on the coast, close to all of my outdoorsy hobbies (gardening / hiking / scuba diving / etc.). I’m not stuck here, but I do really love it, which is why I think about keeping it. Lots of friends and extended family nearby, parents and siblings are in a flyover state so wherever I end up it won’t be close to them.

      I’ve done the NYC biglaw thing for 7 years, and I’m worried about returning to that schedule from a health perspective. I’m also feeling a bit burnt out, as the divorce was pretty acrimonious, there have been several deaths in the family with COVID, and the acquisition has been rough at work.

      That said, I don’t want to give up on my future! I don’t think I have anything to prove to anyone, but I’m having some pre-emptive career FOMO.

      1. I’d fly around and speak at a lot of conferences while working remotely. Lets you keep a foot in the game and have the upside of flexibility. Publish. It’s trite, but “build your brand” b/c you might need to jump at some point but you can have fun if you don’t.

    20. I would absolutely take Option 2 but give myself 100% permission to go back to Option 1 if it didn’t work out/I ended up not liking it.

    21. I’d do number 2, and if the hours impact your health I think you would have a reasonable case for asking for an 80% schedule (or potentially lower depending on the firm). If you are well liked/do good work by the point you ask my guess is the firm would say yes. If they say no, you can always do option 1 then.

    22. Take the remote job and use it as a way to go spend a few weeks working from whatever city you want!!

    23. 2 for sure. All the way. Go for it! When else are you going to get this chance again? You’re single, no kids. Time for an adventure.

    24. If you’re likely to move back there in 3-5 years, are you ok with putting your romantic life basically on hold until then, or would you be willing to not move back if you met the right person and they didn’t want to?

      Also, I’m not seeing anything in here about you being excited about the nature of the work at the private firm – as you well know, that additional $$ comes at a cost. If you love the work, it’s fine, but if you don’t, given what you describe, I can’t see how the money would be worth it.

  10. Can anyone with a chemo port comment on the insertion process? I can choose between local anesthetic and sedation, and I’m second-guessing myself. Any anecdotes appreciated – if you did local, was it tolerable, or would you choose sedation if you had to do it again?

    1. I had one installed with only local anesthetic, and if I had to do it again I’d ask for a xanax or similar. It took a long time and though it wasn’t painful, there was a lot of poking around and pressure and I started to feel panic after a while. There was a nurse talking me through breathing but I still would have liked a mild sedative.

    2. My dad did his port insertion under sedation because it was a very stressful few days (he needed multiple emergency surgeries) and it was one less thing to be anxious about. I had a PICC, not a port, which was done with local anesthetic and I just looked away and it was fine. I do have friends from my cancer days who got ports and they did it with local anesthetic with no issues. I think if you are comfortable with medical procedures at this point it will be tolerable – by the time I got to the stage where you are I had had like 10 medical procedures and probably would have done it under local anesthetic because I was used to procedures by that point.

      Good luck, and I’m sorry this is a choice you have to make!

    3. I was sedated for mine, and would make the same choice again. (Unfortunately,) it was one of the easiest steps in my treatment journey.

      Wishing you all the best in your journey to health. I reached NED this month. (was Stage 3c rectal cancer)

    4. I would decide based on my anxiety level. If you tend to be anxious/nervous and if you wont have a support system with you to help distract you, I would do sedation. If you are pretty even keel, or dislike how you feel with sedation, then sure – just go with the local if it doesn’t matter to you. Are you in a good place/academic system? I’m sure they’ll do a great job. I’d probably just do it with the sedation because I like when I fall asleep and wake up (what seems like) 2 seconds later and it’s done!

      Good luck with the procedure. It is so convenient to have the port. Be sure to watch anyone who touches it and make sure they are using clean technique. And if you notice any unusual swelling/pain in your arm afterwards or in the future, let your doctor know. Usually the ports work great, but there is always a risk of picking up an infection or a blood clot.

    5. I would chose sedation. I have a chest port for other reasons, but assume the insertion is similar. I tried with just a local but got so emotional that I was shaking. They offered sedation and I jumped on it. I needed someone with me for 24 hours post insertion.

      1. Same here. The Versed wore off in the course of about thirty minutes the next morning. I went from up and walking from to not being able to hold a coffee cup my arm and chest hurt so bad.

    6. I would absolutely go with sedation. I’ve had two (for a different condition) and I would not have been cool with them doing it with local. My philosophy for that kind of thing is “the less I know about what is going on, the better it will be for everyone involved.”

      As others said, ports are great. Mine honestly were not the success story, but I have some weird undiagnosed clotting issue that we never figured out so I’m an outlier. But when they work, they work great.

    7. Omg this is surgery on your largest artery- sedation! How is this even a choice. And it will likely hurt the next few days – no need to add trauma to your pain.

      I’m sorry you’re going through this. I wish you all the best. A cancer diagnosis is horrible in so many ways because they ask you to make horrible choices with little information.

  11. Looking for a new beach/pool coverup to use throughout the summer. Hoping to avoid frump but also end up with something suitable for Maui with my husband, pool with family, Lake Michigan with lots of extended family.

    I like clothes and am picky, but I truly hate to shop. Please help!

    2. I feel like Anthro has a lot of good options. Would any of these work:

      https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/by-anthropologie-embroidered-buttondown-cover-up-dress?category=SEARCHRESULTS&color=001&searchparams=q%3Dcover%2520up&type=STANDARD&quantity=1

      https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/eberjey-summer-of-love-elba-cover-up-dress2?category=SEARCHRESULTS&color=001&searchparams=q%3Dcover%2520up&type=STANDARD&quantity=1

      https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/farm-rio-printed-cover-up-dress?category=SEARCHRESULTS&color=090&searchparams=q%3Dcover%2520up&type=STANDARD&quantity=1

      https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/sanctuary-cover-up-dress?category=SEARCHRESULTS&color=068&searchparams=q%3Dcover%2520up&type=STANDARD&quantity=1

    3. Following in hopes that some suggestions are UPF material and cover the chest/décolletage.

    5. I recently bought a coverup from Target that’s essentially large button-up shirt. The fabric is semi-sheer fabric. I’ve found it to be pretty versatile. I’ve even worn it with leggings and a t-shirt if I’m out doing some errands and just want another layer. Might be worth checking out.

    9. Take a look at Talbots and Vinyard Vines — they usually have nice, “Country-club” style swim coverups that will do nicely in Maui, family pool, and the Lake.

  12. I have a crazy eyeglasses saga. Picked out modern looking wire rims that are taller than wide for everyday driving and watching TV progressives. They came back almost TOO bright. Cool plastic frames for office wear – only computer and reading. Well, they gave me the wrong prescription in the plastic office frame – like someone else’s lenses. Tried again and instead of office glasses, the plastic frames came back as regular everyday driving (distance plus reading progressives). When I get home, I realize can’t see the computer with them but they are actually better for everyday wear. Meantime, they reordered the plastic rims for office but by this time, I am wary. I go to a second optomistrist and they give me a specific prescription for workspace glasses. I decide that the plastic rims are better for my everyday and have Lenscrafters order the workspace in the wire rims. Well, I go back yesterday and they have both pair. (The technician is a gem by the way – very patient customer service!) The tall wire rims that were ordered for my new presciption are OKAY, but then I tried the plastic frames and they are much better. Technician thinks that the taller frames are just not working for my progressives. I now have two pairs glasses in the same frame that I like and both work. I think I need to quit and keep those. Anyhoo, any thoughts?

    1. I stopped reading halfway through. You can buy frames anywhere. If they messed it up twice then buy the frames somewhere else.

    2. This is why I just get the prescription from the optometrist and go elsewhere to buy my glasses.

    3. I’m confused. You now have 2 sets of the same frames but with different prescriptions? One for office close up, one for everyday? Sounds like you are doing great!

    4. Keep what you have that works well. I have progressives and it’s really hard to get that focal point exactly right, especially in large frames (it’s always better in my daily indoor glasses than in my large sunglasses.)

    5. I am very confused as to how many glasses you want, vs. how many frames you now have in what lense combination and from how many vendors?
      And what does “too bright” mean for glasses?

      If you wanted two and now have two that work, that’s good, no?

      1. I wanted two different pairs: one for everyday and driving plus another one for office work. I know have that but they are the same frame. It should work except I will forever be grabbing the wrong pair again. It does seem from the comments here that the larger lense was never going to work. Something to remember in the future! Thanks all.

    6. I have experienced this when I ordered bigger than normal sized lenses for my sunglasses. Turns out my progressives hit down on my cheek bone instead of near my eye. I find them mostly unwearable. I can’t see properly because of where the “break” between near and far lens falls.

  13. For people who have used or hired personal college counselors for their kids, have you used something like Application Nation (who I follow on social and who I think is fairly rational about finding the right school for a student vs what is fancy / known / wanted by parents) or individuals in your area (or both)? In my city, schools are stretched too think and guidance counselors deal with truancy, teen pregnancy, title 9, and college, so everyone who can outsources, likely in part so it’s not the parent nagging the kid but a third party (sort of why I was OK with my kid learning to ride a bike but outsourced swimming lessons and tennis). I will say that my city can be nutty competitive with all things college, so I will ask around, but will also take that with a grain of salt. My kid is a good kid but is a B+ student with learning disabilities, so fit is important, as is helping kid break the application steps down so the process gets done without tears and on time (like I will 1000% not do this for kiddo; if this step is too much, its probably a sign to look at tr*nsitioning via community college).

    1. My kid and I (mutual agreement) are using a local person who is familiar with our particular high school and applications from our area in general. My kid is an A student who could use more specific guidance than the high school counselors can provide at our big urban high school. It’s going well so far – most of the counselor’s suggestions are similar to mine but somehow it’s much more effective coming from a non-mom person.

      1. Pretty much the same; local person who knew the schools in our area. We interviewed three private college counselors and discarded one who seemed like they worked for tiger mom/super competitive clients, and one who was very expensive. The one we picked really focused on helping my B+/A student first figure out they type of college that might best fit, and then working with my kid on keeping track of deadlines. Her monthly then biweekly calls allowed me not to nag, which likely preserved my relationship with my child over senior year.

        1. When you say “figure out the type of college,” is that sort of bucketing them into categories like urban, college town, rural, huge SEC-type school, small college, smaller university, R-1 university, etc.? Or also figuring in stretch, goal, safety schools (or all of the above)? I figure we need to visit schools in our area (even if kid wouldn’t likely go to or get in) just to see what vibe he likes. Like I know some people who loved Sewanee but get that it is not for everyone but a great find for those it works out for (and yet IDK why my parents had ever even heard of it; they also suggested Pitt, which I never visited but think that college in Pittsburgh would actually be awesome).

          1. All of the above. She did this flashcard test almost at the first meeting and he had to react yes/no/maybe on what was important to him. Everything from quality of food on campus to club sports to a football team to root for to majors or a quiet library, etc. It helped him evaluate schools on visits, and those visits then factored into “things to consider.” She then worked with him to create a list of 30 schools that met his criteria and were somewhere within reach. He applied to 16 (a bunch were UCs so just ticking the box for the campus, not a separate app), accepted to 9. He’s really thrilled with his final decision, although he was waitlisted at his first choice.

      2. My kids were both A students and it’s just not enough anymore! They both ended up at good fits for them, but it’s crazy how highly highly qualified you need to be to get in to a lot of universities. (For example, the only UC my 4.6 IB student got into was Santa Cruz, where he is very happy, but expected to have some choice! His 4.3 bestie was waitlisted.)

        1. Yeah, I feel like the UCs are a total cr*p shoot, even for in-state. It would be nice if my kid got into one but I’m not holding my breath. I think she has a better shot at private colleges and out-of-state universities.

          1. Isn’t the cr@pshoot aspect caused in large part by the fact that they don’t consider SAT scores anymore?

          2. No it’s caused by the fact that they prefer out of state tuition-payers. This is a long time problem that is getting worse and more and more kids are choosing college tracks. As a California taxpayer who has paid for the UC system for my whole life, it really frosts my ass.

            A kid from Ohio with my kids’ credentials would have gotten into far more UCs than my kids did (one each.)

          3. Comment in m0d because I cussed a little. It’s that they prefer out of state tuition & don’t leave enough spaces for CA kids. Long time problem.

          4. The not-considering-test-scores doesn’t help with the crush of students, but the UCs are also underfunded and they want undergraduates that will pay a lot, so they take a lot of out-of-state students. It really fries my bacon as a CA taxpayer.

          6. +1 it’s because they prefer out of state tuition payers. Anecdotally, I live in the Midwest and a colleague’s kid who was not that great a student got into UC Berkeley. I was shocked because I’ve heard so much from CA friends about how amazingly competitive the UCs are and Berkeley is the best one. I mean, this kid got into our decent local State U honors college so he’s clearly not a dummy, but he was nowhere near Ivy caliber, and wouldn’t have been even 20+ years ago when I applied. (Before anyone accuses me of speculating about stuff I don’t know about, I saw his file because my colleague asked for advice on applying to my Ivy League alma mater.)
            That said, he had a ROUGH time at Berkeley and ended up leaving. The California kids were way above his level because it’s so much more competitive for them.
            And yeah I’d be really annoyed about this if I were a CA taxpayer.

          7. I find all of the UC comments so interesting. Public universities across the whole country love out of state students. While there are a few states that significantly limit out of state enrollment, most public universities subscribe to the “you take mine and I will take yours and we’ll both win” approach to admissions. It’s a dirty little secret but if you know the game, it can work to your child’s favor.

          8. Is it preferable to have in-state colleges that are harder to get into but affordable or in-state colleges that accept more in-state kids but cost almost as much as a private university?

    2. I am a huge community college fan, for a variety of reasons: It lets you opt out of the college-application craziness senior year of high school; it’s super cheap so you end up with a half-price college education; if you do well in CC you can transfer into a school that would have been out of reach right out of high school, and your diploma still says “Great University,” same as everybody else’s. My kid did that and none of us has any regrets.

        1. She isn’t/wasn’t that kind of kid. She was never going to be a “college experience” person. It took her a long time to find her place in the world. Short answer: No.

      2. I think my youngest might really like that approach/path, though I’d have to read the grandparents the riot act about not being mean/snotty about community college as a “lesser” choice.

      3. That’s not really an option for many students graduating from high school these days. Most of the top kids are coming out with a year or more worth of college credits from AP and IB exams. Community colleges focus mostly on remediation, career certification, and entry-level gen ed courses, not the more rigorous intro courses that lead to a major. They don’t offer any courses that many students need or can use.

        Even 20 years ago when this was less of a problem, everyone at my top UC who had started at community college ended up spending three years at the UC after two years at the community college just to get in all the required prep and upper division courses for their majors. Three years of a four-year college plus two years of community college plus five years out of the work force instead of four is not necessarily a good deal.

        1. I mean, I think it’s pretty obvious that top students with tons of AP credits aren’t the target audience of community colleges. The vast majority of students do not come out of high school with tons of AP/IB credit and for those students community college can be a fine choice. In our suburban public school, the kids who are on the AP track in high school are headed to elite private colleges, fancy out of state publics (UCs, Uva, UMich, etc.) or, at minimum, the State U honors college. That’s obviously a very different path than community college but it doesn’t mean community college isn’t a fine option for some kids.

  14. Can I just say as a plus-size person how much I hate, hate, hate the idea of wearing matching shirts for conferences? I know branding is important. But it’s mortifying to start a new job and have to tell them your size and know that it eliminates some options other folks wanted. I also pray it’s actually TTS, as so many plus things aren’t cut right in the sleeves and I’m tall, so even if they fit in circumference, they’re probably going to be much too short (and I’m seeing they don’t allow easy cuffing). If any of you are tradeshow or marketing people, please keep this in mind for your team. I used to be straight-sized when I was younger, and I never even gave it a second thought.

    2. +1. I go to a women’s conference where the tees they hand out are suitable only for teeny little yoga girls. It’s humiliating.

    4. I feel you, and am at the opposite end of the spectrum. When will conference organizers start getting size inclusive items?!? I am a petite woman, not an XL Man, and expecting me to look professional in a giant tee shirt with huge sleeves like sails is idiotic. There ARE brands that have sizes/cuts across the spectrum if they really insist we must all “match”.

      1. As a small woman, +1 to this. Also, “unisex” means sized for male bodies, not for women with breasts and hips, etc.

    5. Oh wow. Of you expect me to wear a uniform, make sure it fits me. I can’t shrink my width or height to fit your dress code.
      My company set dress code for conferences, but we allowed people to wear their clothes. The common identifier was something universal, e.g. a scarf or a tie or a blazer.

  15. Any recommendations for Copenhagen (restaurants, cafes, activities, day trips)? My husband and I will be going for a week in late June for the first time.

    1. Rent bikes! I am a nervous biker, especially in cities, but the rental bikes (like Citi Bikes) are amazing in Copenhagen. Since there are so many cyclists and protected bike lanes I wasn’t nervous about cars, and the bikes have built-in GPS and are E-bikes. SO fun and easy.

      Definitely check out Tivoli gardens too. It was cheap to get in and really beautiful. We didn’t go on any rides but enjoyed getting a drink and enjoying the ambiance.

        1. SA I missed your original comment asking for suggestions, but a friend of mine is from Malmo and gave us the grand tour– make sure you see the public library if you’re nearby, it’s GORGEOUS. The park is also really beautiful. The museum in the castle was pretty interesting, but I remember most of it being in Swedish. Take a walk down by the water and the Turning Torso, which is really peaceful and you can see some houseboats. Have fun!!

          1. Thanks! We definitely have Malmo on our “to do” list and I will take note of these spots!

      2. Thank you so much! Unfortunately we will just miss each other, but I appreciate the invite! Hope you have a wonderful trip.

        1. Too bad, I would have loved a corporette get-together in my neck of the wood

          1. If you’ll leave the house for just me, my friend, and my husband, I’m totally up for it. seniorattorney1 at gmail

  16. Paging Anon from yesterday who asked about Carmel/Monterey recommendations:

    Carmel: Mission Ranch is cool for the vibe and the view, but the food is meh, so I would definitely go there for just cocktails. Try Grasings, Dametra, Vesuvio (cool rooftop bar), and definitely try to get down to Big Sur Bakery.

    Monterey: Alvarado Street Brewery has excellent food and beer, Passionfish for great seafood, Wave Street Cafe for killer breakfast, and Hula’s for fun Hawiian vibes.

    Enjoy!

  17. Slightly annoyed here and wondering how to navigate. I have noticed a trend in invites and rsvps. I have been invited to an event and asked to rsvp by whatever date. Then, days or weeks in advance of the rsvp date, I’ll receive a note or email or text about how I haven’t yet rsvp’d. Is the new expectation that we must rsvp well in advance of the host’s own rsvp by date? When I’m hosting, if I need a number by a date certain I’ll always put the rsvp date in advance of that. I’ve never reached out well in advance of the rsvp date.

    Fwiw, I’m not messing with people: my kid is in a sports league with a shifting schedule so I am trying to put the rsvp off until I know. If you need to know immediately I guess we’re out. But why tell me to rsvp by whatever date if you need to know sooner? This has happened three times in three weeks.

    1. maybe all the event planning platforms make it too easy to ‘send your guests and RSVP reminder with one click!’? And then the message is badly worded (‘You haven’t yet RSVPd’ instead of ‘reminder to RSVP’)?

    2. I wouldn’t take it so personally….. You know how terrible people are about not RSVP-ing and bailing even after the RSVP, right? And it is kind of stressful for organizers when people wait until the last day to RSVP, and most people will forget if they are putting it off like you are, yes? Or if you send the reminder on the day before it is due, most people will say no because they forgot about it and now it’s too late to plan etc… So the compromise is sending some reminders earlier so people keep it on their radar.

      People are busy, and people are terrible at RSVP-ing, and people are not very thoughtful on bailing organized events. It is what it is. Welcome to 2023.

    3. I think this varies based on the event. A 3rd grader’s birthday party? I would be annoyed by a reminder to RSVP. A wedding that’s 1,000 miles away? Send me a reminder. Maybe it’s a small wedding and the couple would like to invite people from their B list. I’d assume the attendee knows whether they are travelling for it or not.

      1. Yes, but the 3rd grader’s birthday party is the frustrating one where parents need to buy supplies ahead of time, a child is awaiting knowing who is coming eagerly, and it is devastating when people bail at the last minute.

    4. people are in one of two camps with RSVPs. either they make up their mind upon receiving an invitation and respond immediately, or they dawdle for weeks and maybe never respond. so I don’t blame the host for sending a friendly reminder to those who haven’t yet committed. I would just reply back “I’d love to come but it’s dependent on Kid’s sport schedule, which I’ll know about before X date, and will let you know asap!”

    5. Thanks all. Fwiw, none of these are autogenerated; people are specifically reaching out to me and not exactly asking gently. I’m getting a real “what’s your problem?” vibe. I’m usually an immediate rsvp person unless there’s a pretty good reason that I’m a maybe. I don’t bail on people or blow off parties. From my perspective, I’m not disorganized or rude here but I’m getting the impression that it’s still not good enough to read the invitation and rsvp by the stated deadline. I’m just going to decline earlier rather than deal with people aggressively tracking me down and implying that I’m the rude one.

      2. Well, in this scenario it would have been kind to tell the inviter why you are not responding. An RSVP deadline is a desperation call, actually, by the inviter, but honestly most people want to know when they invite you whether you are going to prioritize their invitation and put it on the calendar or say no. If you are in a grey area, tell them, and tell them why. To be kind.

        If you know you might have a chemo treatment but have to wait until you schedule that, let the inviter know. If Johnny may have a soccer game and you have to do that instead if it gets scheduled, tell them that and when you can get back to them.

        Remember, the email reminder is not just at you. It stinks trying to organize things, and an RSVP deadline exists simply because people don’t bother to respond to most invites at all. The sender really wants you to tell them whether you are coming now.

        1. That’s the part that’s just too much for me. People seem aggressive and angry and I’m responding politely but it’s draining and no fun. Now that I know “response by x date” doesn’t really mean that, im good to just decline off the bat if I might need time.

    6. Having just hosted and having had someone say “not sure yet” all the way up to the actual day due to kid activities (they didn’t show and I did buy food for them because they were not certain) do the host a favor and RSVP no now.

      1. I guess I just think this is very different than “please rsvp by June 1” and then getting a text on may 20 that I didn’t rsvp and they need to know now. I agree I’m the rude one if I don’t know by June 1. Obviously my perspective is skewed here and maybe the June 1 is not ok. Anyway, lesson learned.

  18. What are people planning to do with the changes to the Peloton subscriptions? I have a non-Peloton bike at home and use the app for biking and weights. I mostly run though (on my own, no app) and it doesn’t feel worth it to pay $24 for a weekly bike and lift on my cross training days. But, I do bike once a week so the cheaper option won’t really work for me either.

    I guess I’ll re-join the gym at my office , which is $20 and offers classes in that price?

    1. I use Apple fitness, which is cheaper and I like it a lot better. None of the annoying “I see you Steve in Phoenix” shoutouts.

    2. The $12.99 Peloton App One plan includes all the weight classes, and I think you can then add $3 for the cardio equipment (including bike) classes, so $15.99 total. I mostly use the app for the regular non-equipment strength, yoga and hiit classes, so not really a change for me. The extra $3 is worth it for me, because I have a non-Peloton tread and rower. I’m happy I’ll get the rower classes now; those were exclusive to Peloton rowers before.

      I don’t care at all about the cadence tracking or special classes, so I’m skipping the $24.

      It continues to BLOW MY MIND that the people who buy the expensive peloton equipment actually pay even more monthly. I don’t understand how those people who have invested in Peloton equipment don’t get the app discounted.

      1. Omg right? They’re milking the Peloton equipment owners. Talk about a captive audience.

  19. Homeownership whine: I don’t know how people who work demanding jobs deal with this. Last week we had a leaking toilet. This week there’s a dripping shower that needs a new valve. The yard is a mess. The gutters are clogged. We need to upgrade the electrical panel. And we are barely winning the war on ants in one corner of the house (a recurring battle every May that lasts for a month until we win, but it’s so exhausting). I understand that all of this is normal, and I’m fortunate to be able to pay for professionals to fix things and recognize that I’ve benefited from home price appreciation. But we can’t afford to move to a newer house and the maintenance on an older home is the least fun carousel I’ve ever ridden.

    1. It is what it is. I have two bathrooms, one with a functioning shower and the other with the functioning sink and toilet. I live by myself and don’t make the kind of money to outsource things. So I live with it and count my blessings that I have a home and I’m able bodied to handle the day to day stuff.

      1. +1 90% of the time I fix it myself (or with family help) or I live with it. There are only a few things that I have to call in the professionals for.

          1. Yes!! It’s amazing what you can learn from YouTube. Grateful that people add those videos.

    2. Yes I don’t understand this. I also don’t understand homeownership as a path to financial security because I could not have dealt with these financial hits when I was a student and renting! I feel like I’m always behind and that I have a project, not a home.

      1. all of that ‘path to financial security’ is quite the myth in my opinion. Stop paying rent to your landlord! Start paying interest to the bank, but somehow call it building wealth! And the whole industry continues to push buyers towards buying more than is prudent on any given salary! Like every time we lost out on a bidding war, our realtor made a comment like ‘well you were preapproved to go 200k higher, and the monthly payment isn’t THAT different’, and it’s completely on the buyer to keep a calm head and not get swept into all that.

        1. +1

          I rent. My $$ in Index funds is securing my retirement, not an aging house that costs much more than my gains in the Market. Of course there are trade offs, but home ownership is no joke, especially if you are not wealthy enough to afford outsourcing everything, and even then who has the time….

        2. I have said this before and will say it again: your mortgage company and realtor don’t care if you can’t save for retirement or your kids’ college. So long as they get their cut, they are happy.

          It’s like any industry. The wedding industrial complex doesn’t care if you go into debt, put off buying a house, or put off having kids to have your dream wedding; if the checks clear, they are happy.

      2. I don’t think it’s a myth. I see buying as a way to fix your housing costs, which is really only helpful if you are going to be in an area for long enough to want to preserve, say, 2023 prices going forward 5-10 years. I have lived in my city long enough for the calculation to tip in favor of owning (plus, I know the area well enough — would not have felt comfortable buying in a totally new area). Otherwise, renting makes maintenance someone else’s problem and gives you flexibility.

        1. It’s a myth if you can’t cash-flow repairs. I’m watching someone who is about to lose a house she inherited because she doesn’t understand that *all* houses need repair and is terrible at budgeting for annual property tax bills. People have sold houses in deplorable condition because they couldn’t afford the repairs, and then they get hosed on the sale price.

          1. IMO that’s not an unfair outcome. You have to know yourself and also have some sense that bills have to be paid and just an apartment owner, you need some reserves. If you can’t do that, you shouldn’t kid yourself. Just rent or sell the inherited house before it gets in worse shape.

        2. It has absolutely not been a myth for me. Some years my house has made more money than I have! Repair costs included.

          1. with the enormous fluctuations (1 housing bubble per decade), I guess it really depends at which point you bought. With the current >6% mortgage rates, what equity you build in the first 10 years, pales in comparison to what the bank gets.

        3. The value of home ownership has been a huge myth for us. We bought in 2003. 20 years later the home still hasn’t even doubled in value, while we have poured up to $10K per year into maintenance and untold amounts of money into mortgage interest. By now the house is basically falling apart and we are going to have to refinance and cash out most of our equity to renovate it, but the reno will cause almost zero increase in value. If we’d been renting this whole time and putting the money we spend on maintenance into savings, we would have come out ahead and would be living in a nicer situation because we’d just have moved to a newer apartment every few years once the old one started to get shabby.

          Perhaps buying a brand-new home and selling it at 10 years right before everything started to break would have been a good investment, but that wasn’t an option for us when we needed to buy.

          1. Ok, but I don’t think doubling in value within 20 years is a reasonable expectation either? Isn’t there some middle ground?

      3. Yup. I’m still a renter (HCOL city where the average home is close to $1m) and I pay more for rent than some friends do for mortgages, but I don’t have to pay for all the other stuff – maintenance, repairs, etc. I could never afford it!

    3. I had extensive hurricane damage and had to coordinate repairs for over a year (basically all of last year!) and I don’t think I could have managed it if I hadn’t moved to a more low key role right before repairs started. I would have 100% had a nervous breakdown. At this point, I feel like it’s impossible to keep up with the demands of being a homeowner.

      1. Yes, especially with current expectations from homebuyers that everything in the house be recently updated when you list the house for sale. We can technically sell our house at any time, but will get less money for the house if we sold right now because we have some things that are “dated.” We need to remodel our upstairs bathroom (legitimately – it hasn’t been remodeled since 1989) and I’m starting to plan for that, but then I was looking around the kitchen the other day – which was redone in 2013, before we bought the house – and realized – we’re also going to have to replace the countertops soon, as there are chips in the granite, and the color is “dated.”

        It is so, so hard to keep up financially with keeping everything in good working order and modernized; it’s getting ridiculous. We have the money, but if I had to spend $10k on countertops or on just about anything else – I’d spend that $10k on just about anything else.

        1. I don’t understand why a bathroom needs to be remodeled just because it’s been a certain number of years since the last remodel if everything is working, or why a chips/color require a countertop replacement. That sounds exhausting. It can be nice to have current style and new, but older and functional is fine.

          However, I live in an extra expensive part of the Bay Area where most of the purchase price is about the location, especially in the sub-$4 million price range. I’ve seen some folks try to get a premium for stuff like bathroom remodels and those houses tend to sit on the market for a lot longer.

          1. Yeah, I think this varies wildly with location. When I was house hunting I was absolutely not willing to pay a dime for somebody else’s remodel.

          2. In my city, “updated” means utterly bland pseudo-HGTV dreck. The last thing I want is to live in an AirBnb, which is what they look like. Gimme the well-built and maintained old house that looks of its time over the all-white bore any day.

    4. I am permanent WFH, so if you cannot work from home on maintenance days, ignore this part. I let the people in or show them the problem and then I go back to work. Service people in my not metro/big city area seem to be used to this and work fine on their own.

      For yard stuff, I pay someone to do all of this. I hate yard work.

      I outsource a lot of house related stuff and work in the background bc I am not good at it and since I generally DGAF, my house would fall down around me if I didn’t.

    5. I wonder if stuff like this is why we are starting to see more “millionaire renters.” Home maintenance seems like such a huge thing to sign up for.

    6. It’s a gigantic pain. The best thing I’ve figured out if finding a really great contractor/handyman who can do all of it, and when anything happens I just call him and lets himself in and takes care of it. But it was a multi-year journey to get here.

    7. The gutter guy doesn’t need access to the house so he can be scheduled whenever. A newer house wouldn’t eliminate the need for him anyway so that’s not an issue.

      A leaking toilet is an evening trip to the hardware store and an hour at home fixing the toilet. If you don’t know how to do it, throw in another hour of watching a YouTube video.

      The ants, well, the bug guy comes 2x a year and we schedule him for whenever one of us can be home.

      The electric panel needs an electrician to come in. Hopefully one of you can WFH the day he’s there, you could go to a coffee shop for the short time he has the entire house powered down.

      Most of this maintenence doesn’t really seem like having a newer house would solve the problem.

      1. Agreed. New houses have ants and gutters that need to be cleaned and yes, even leaky toilets. All of which are pretty easy to handle yourself.

      2. I don’t have a bug guy. My first recourse is Terro bait, and if all else fails, a can of Raid.

        OP this would happen if you were renting the house too!

    8. Everyone I know who is a homeowner is either handy (some started out handy, some became handy over time out of necessity) or they pay a lot of money to handymen and repairmen to be handy for them.

      Everything you mentioned, except for replacing the electrical panel, is something that either my husband or I can do ourselves.

      We both have 40-45 hour a week jobs, so it’s not a huge imposition to spend Saturday morning working on this stuff (we divide and conquer, one takes the kids to the park and one works on the house or yard. If it’s a two-person job we wait til nap time).

      On the other hand, my best friend couldn’t re-light her pilot light and had to pay for that. She spends more on home maintenance than we spend on vacations + student loans each year.

      1. I think even if you are handy, spending half your weekend on house maintenance is significant, if you were renting before. I knew a house (even new!) is a permanent Project, but at least in the pop culture bubble that I perceive (targeting millenials, encouraging us to finally stop paying rent and win at life by becoming a homeowner!) that aspect certainly isn’t mentioned.

        1. Oh that didn’t occur to me! Good point.

          I’m a younger millennial and I only know a few people who own houses and they all have major fixer uppers so a lottt of work (but they knew this going in). They’re also all very handy (and getting handier!)

        2. Right. For us, it’s not just the money, it’s also the time. I am starting to think homeownership is really best for people who are handy and like tinkering with things or doing things like painting trim, cleaning up the yard, etc. I know people for whom those activities are relaxing or rewarding. I don’t feel that way. I like our house, but the level of effort it takes just to keep it from developing serious problems is more than I bargained for. I realize every investment takes work to maintain but this is getting ridiculous. I’d so much rather spend my time and money doing something else.

          1. I mean how often do you need do paint trim? It can be hard to tell when talking with family and friends how much house work is actually needed and how much is self-imposed.

            I take pride in my house and keep it looking nice but I seem to do a lot less home maintenance and cleaning than others here do.

          2. Haha no it’s rarely, rarely weekend-consuming. I’m the poster with the 1909 house below and I can’t remember the last time anything happened that took even 1/4 of our weekend.

            I do some (actual) gardening because I like it, but that falls into the hobby territory.

          3. If you live anywhere with weather, you often have to repaint the trim a lot.

            Our stairs look like cr*p after 1-2 years. Due to sun beating on one side of the house, and long wet snow winters, most wood trim is peeling within just a few years. No wonder why so many newer houses are vinyl. And most people who paint do a poor job – they don’t remove all the old peeling paint and fill the wood gaps etc.. because that is painstaking work and costs a fortune in hourly wages. So the re-paint is poor, and doesn’t last as long.

        3. My husband and I are mid 30s and if we didn’t have kids, we would still be renting in the city and paying for private school. Literally bought the house in the best public school district around for the kids.

      2. I think this is right. In our case, my FIL owns a contracting company and is the most handy person I know, so we are incredibly lucky to have him able to fix almost any minor issue we have. When I lived in my old house when I was still single, I had to call a handyman for everything and it was $$$ over time.

    9. Commiseration. We just had to replace our washing machine, to the tune of $700, and now we need a $3500 water-heater replacement (we have to have a special size because of where the connections are, in a tiny closet that really wasn’t intended for a water heater, according to all three places we called to come out and give us estimates). We had that money set aside for a European vacation next year; we have time to save up again but it just kind of sucks. If we were renting we could have just called someone and it would have been their problem. Owning is nice most of the time but the days where it sucks – really suck.

    10. Cries with you in 1909 house. All I can tell you is to prioritize safety and then work your way down the list to cosmetic.

        1. High fives with an 1830s house over here. I wouldn’t trade it for anything, though.

        2. Love to see it!

          I’ll take old house with character headaches over new house headaches! My headaches tend to be $$ but I have beautiful original hardwood floors, stained glass windows, and wooden built ins with gorgeous detailing. My plaster walls and wooden doors are soundproof. I have a great wrap around front porch.

          I don’t have central air but do have a house designed for cross beeezes, high ceilings and ceiling fans.

          If something leaks it’s because it’s held up for 100+ years and not because it was shoddily built 8 years ago.

      2. Hugs but it’s money well spent. My 1910 Victorian sold at a very fat profit and well over appraisal to a wealthy interior designer who simply had to have it. My husband and I quit pinching pennies on home repairs and upgrades after that.

    11. Even more than the expense it’s the time commitment for me. When we rented, my husband and I would go on weekend trips multiple times per month and would routinely wake up at 4 am to go on all-day hikes. Now that we own a house we spend SO much time on chores. And most of it isn’t improvement, it’s just keeping it all from falling apart. I am grateful for my house, but man I sometimes miss the downtown apartment days.

      2. I’m really curious, what kinds of things are you doing that are taking up your entire weekend? I have a 3000 square foot house that’s about 80 years old and don’t have this much maintenance

        1. +1 although my house is smaller but of same age AND I raise you a $hitty flip done by the company that bought it at the Sherriff’s sale. I spend almost no time on maintenance. I do not DIY and everyone comes during the week for whatever I need.

    12. I’ll add my sob story: a $19K air conditioning unit. I set aside money from my bonus to do a much needed backyard refresh, but nooooo…..the new AC had to happen instead.

    13. I’m so glad other people feel this way…it is truly draining and it feels like when one thing breaks, other things follow suit soon after and then it’s an avalanche of repairs.

  20. I am realizing I don’t have the foggiest idea about the US judiciary system. I obviously see the SCOTUS and federal judges need to be affirmed by the Senate (?). I hear things about judges being elected by the public, but that varies regionally? Are there any cases where judges simply get hired as employees?
    I don’t really get how many levels or courts there are. Some judges are unionized? Seems surprising, knowing a little about labor in the US. Is there a good book I can read about this? Or any other resource? With the goal of properly understanding when the judicial system is referenced in the media.

    1. Are you based in the United States? I ask because that would inform what you “need to know.”

      Most of what you hear about regarding SCOTUS originates in the federal system, which is consistent across the US. If you’re located in a particular state, then that opens a whole can of worms because it varies greatly!

      1. I’ve lived in the US for a few years. I am not sure what “need to know” refers to. As I said, I just want some context or foundational knowledge for what I am reading in the news. I know a lot more about how the other two branches of government work than I do about the judicial branch.

        1. I didn’t mean need to know derisively — Sorry about that implication!

          I guess I just meant that if you tell us what state you’re in (now that we know you’re in the US), that will be easier to tell you what’s happening in your area in the news with the courts. For example, I live in Arkansas. Every judge we have at every level is elected in a non-partisan election. Some states do have judges that are appointed by various bodies, and some have a hybrid.

          I see you’ve gotten some good info below and resources to get you started.

    2. There are two parallel systems: The federal system, in which judges are appointed by the President and confirmed by the Senate (and serve for life), and the state system, in which the procedures vary according to the state. Here’s a summary of the California system: https://newsroom.courts.ca.gov/branch-facts/judicial-selection-how-california-chooses-its-judges-and-justices In both the federal and (most? all?) state systems there are various subordinate judicial officers including Administrative Law Judges, Magistrate Judges, and so on (in California the state version is called a Commissioner and we used to have Referees, who were a step below that, but I don’t think we do any more). If you Google “how the courts work in [state]” that will get you started.

      1. And also, VERY simply, this is how it works: in both systems there are trial courts, where disputes are originally filed and where trials by judge or jury (who are the fact finders) occur. Then there are the intermediate appellate courts, who review the trial court outcomes for legal error but generally do not review findings of fact (except to make sure there was some-rather-than-none evidence to support the outcome). Appeal to those courts is a matter of right. And after that there are the state and federal Supreme Courts (and just to make it more complicated, in New York the trial court is called the Supreme Court, because it’s the court with the widest jurisdiction, and their highest appellate court is called the Court of Appeals). You must petition to those courts for review, and in most cases review is denied. The cases they do take are to address major constitutional issues and/or to resolve conflicts among lower courts.

    3. Listen to More Perfect. It is a podcast by the team that does RadioLab and it does a good job explaining the history of the supreme court and some of the major decisions.

    4. This is adjacent to your question, but I follow “Sharon Says So” on IG and she explains a lot of things about the US system in her IG stories in a very short and easy to understand way. She also summarizes a lot of the top issues of the day in the same way.

      1. I also recommend following “SharonSaysSo” on Instagram. She is great at explaining how government works.

    5. What news stories–the ones about SCOTUS or news about local crimes or civil cases in state court?

  21. Are there any good bralettes from Lively that have lining? I tried one from there several years ago and really liked the fit, but I really need some lining to prevent show through. Recs?

  22. I think this is also a living in a home thing more so than just homeowner. I have rented apartments where I still have to coordinate with maintenance workers and timing to enter the apartment, etc. Fortunately I now wfh. I have to deal with the headache of getting things repaired but don’t have full control over the repair/maintenance process. Our fridge broke in our last apartment and if we owned, we would have replaced it as soon as Lowes or Home Depot could deliver it. Because our landlord wanted to be cheap and buy a refurbished fridge, we were without one for a week!! We moved out of that apartment. Whether you own or rent, things will still break but if you own, you get to control the process.

  23. What kind of shoes would you wear for kind of a coastal grandma-inspired look for the office? Loafers? I have some lug sole loafers but they’re more winter-y. Maybe I need to look for something lighter.

    2. Depends on your office but if you’re really light colored linen anyway, closed toe espadrilles hit the mark.

    3. My actual grandma would have chosen light grey leather Ecco sneakers, and I think that would work!

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