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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
A shrunken sweater blazer can be difficult to find these days, so I was psyched to see that L.K. Bennett has some lovely ones right now in a thick knit. The burgundy has sold out, but there's still black (pictured) and navy, as well as a textured white and a black/white houndstooth. They're $295, sizes XS-XL, at L.K. Bennett. (The pictured blazer is also available at House of Fraser with free shipping to the U.S., and for $256 at John Lewis for $16+ U.S. shipping) L.K. Bennett York Knitted Cardigan
Here's a plus-size knit blazer that comes in seven colors.
Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.
(L-all)
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anon for this
I’m having a crisis of conscience and need to vent. I’m regretting a recent case I had to take to trial. Without going too much into detail I’ll just say that my client was a negligent driver who caused a great deal of damage. This client didn’t have insurance. Their parents paid for us to represent them. I’ve never had a case like this before where I have still felt awful in the pit of my stomach after the trial was over. I’ve been a lawyer for 5 years and I’ve had rough cases before so I’m not new at this but I feel awful about ever working this one. My client maimed an innocent person so badly that she will never be the same. I know it was my duty to provide the best defense possible to my client but I feel disgusted at the way we tried to discredit her when she was not in any way at fault. I did try my best but looking back I’m glad he lost the case. My male colleague who worked on the case with me says I need to toughen up and be less emotional about these things. But I feel so guilty in the pit of my stomach and I can’t even bring myself to touch the money I got paid from this case.
lawsuited
If you felt this way about every case you took to trial it would be different, but honestly, there are some cases that just stick with you. I had a case 2 years ago where I did everything right, but the outcome was still terrible and I think about it frequently. But I do think about it less frequently than I used to, so time does help.
But do use the money you earned. It might actually help to remind yourself that you were involved in the case because it was a job you were being paid to do (and are professionally obligated to do – every one deserves representation), not a favour to the defendant.
Coach Laura
+1
As I non-lawyer, I have to say that the law worked. The court system worked. To have any other outcome would weaken the system and I’m sure you usually embody that in your practice. Your worries just show that you’re human and that you are an ethical person.
I agree with Meg below that a donation of all/part of your fee would be a good way for some good to come out of the case. Or pro bono representation on your part if that’s something that appeals to you.
anon
I think you should think of it this way- the system worked (you did your job, the plaintiff’s attorney did his/hers, and justice was done).
TBK
This is how I tend to think of it. You’re an officer of the court with a duty to the constitutions of your state and the US. We have an adversarial system which only functions if each side puts on its best arguments. Your role is in bringing out your client’s side and testing the merit of the other side. Justice only works if both sides’ attorneys are zealous advocates — otherwise there may be considerations that are buried that should effect the outcome. You did your job. The court did its job. It seems like the right side won. Litigation is a brutal way to do justice, but I’ve never seen anyone suggest a better method.
soaps
+100
TBK
affect not effect. ugh.
Anonymous
Maybe you could make a donation to a cause related to the case, like MADD if it was a drunk driver, or something similar. It might ease your conscience a little.
Meg Murry
Depending on how much you earned for the case, would you feel better if you donated some/all of it to a cause that is important to you or related to the case? For instance, if the other person is now in a wheelchair or needs a prosthesis, could you donate to a charity that helps lower income people get assistance buying wheelchairs or a research group that is working on novel prostheses? Alternately, not a lawyer, but could you look into taking pro-bono cases for someone like the other party in the future? Or maybe you can just do something else good to help in the world like some volunteering with your charity/cause of choice?
I’ve never been in your exact shoes but I left a previous field because I was asked to do things that were really blurring ethical lines over and over again, and I feel so much better now that I’m not in that position. Are you at all religious/spiritual? I’m not, but one of my coworkers was and she had basically a “purifying ritual” to help her clear out all the negative energy in her life. Others would clear their heads with very heavy exercise sessions.
At the end of the day you can’t feel too guilty about this though – you were hired to do a job, you did it to the best of your ability, and justice was served, and now maybe your client and his parents have learned that they can’t just pay their way out of mistakes or poor decisions.
Senior Attorney
I agree with the other commenters: You did your job, and it sounds like justice was done, and maybe doing some kind of amends would help you feel better.
In the future, though, remember that you are not required to accept every client who comes along. Many years ago when I was a young associate I was asked to work on a case that I just couldn’t stomach. After thinking it over long and hard, I told the partner I just couldn’t do it. I felt like there was a decent chance I’d be fired, but I would rather have lost my job than have been a part of that case. As it turned out the partner kind of laughed and patted me on the head and reassigned the matter and there were no consequences at all, but I felt good about drawing that line for myself.
Anonymous
My sister lives on the UES – Any recommendations for fun stuff to do in the area? Good restaurants? We like all sorts of food and would like to keep it in the mid-range, maybe $50 per person after all tip and drinks. That’s the max, so cool cheaper restaurants would be great too.
AIMS
Poke is nice for BYOB sushi.
Penrose can be a fun place to have drinks/dinner. Jones Wood Foundry, too (awesome fish and chips, although at the higher end of your budget with drinks). Mighty Quinn just opened & has amazing BBQ/is not expensive. Atlantic Grill is a “fancy-ish” place that has really delicious and well-priced brunch on Sundays (free drink and coffee inc.). Esp. nice when you have warm weather and can sit outside. I also like San Mateo, Luke’s Lobster, and Flex Mussels. And if you’re on the UES, it’s sort of required that at some point you have a burger at JG Melon.
Other things to do: so many museums and many have pay as you wish or free admission nights/days. The Met and Guggenheim are the most famous (Met rooftop will be open soon and is a great place to have a drink/take in one of my favorite views of the city), but I really like the Frick for something smaller and more intimate. Also, on a nice day go to Cooper Hewitt and hang out in the fabulous backyard. Have lunch at Sarabeth’s or ABV after, or go to Earl’s Beer and Cheese for the obvious. You’re also near Central Park (and not far from CPW and the Natural History Museum/Planetarium, too) but for two other parks, check out the Conservatory Garden w/in Central Park on 105th & 5th and Carl Schurz (sp.?) all the way by the east river. If you have a dog, the latter has two awesome dog parks.
If you like browsing through thrift stores, there are lots. Housing Works is one that comes to mind, w/2 locations, also many on Third Avenue in the low 80s.
ues anon
Boqueria, Uva, Mighty Quinn BBQ, Flex Mussels if you like mussels
Anonymous
Beyoglu is shockingly affordable yummy Turkish food. Gino’s is great pizza and casual traditional Italian — cash only.
Lynnet
Anyone have any experience with Tom James suits? Half the male partners at my firm have recently gotten them, and I’m intrigued, because I have a really hard body shape to fit off the rack. On the other hand, $800 for a suit is about double what I’ve paid for any other item of clothing or accessory before, so I’m having trouble figuring out if it’s worth it. My other suits come from The Limited.
Anonymous
I don’t think I’ve heard any rave reviews for the bespoke women’s suits (someone correct me if I’m wrong). And I really do think there is a world of difference between the type of considerations that go into making clothes for men vs clothes for women – men being easier because they are vaguely boxy, a little more standard and less blessed with topological considerations.
On the otherhand, $800 for a custom made suit is not outrageous and a pretty reasonable ask, assuming decent quality (fabric, construction and finishing details).
Wanderlust
“Topological considerations” is the most excellent euphemism I have heard in a long while.
Anonymous
I have one Tom James suit, and it’s just okay. . . certainly not worth the price paid. The hassle of having to shake the very aggressive sales girl after it was purchased was absolutely not worth having a custom suit made. I won’t be doing that again.
Anonymous
I ordered a shirt and pants and they were . . . meh, even though the price was eye-popping ($700 for both? fabric spun from the hair of angels?).
Agree on the annoying sales follow-ups.
+1000 for suggestion to buy off-the-rack and invest in tailoring. I’m very curvy through the hips / thighs and really love the wool suiting separates from BR (which I still get tailored a wee bit).
Diana Barry
They are really poor for women’s suits. I would buy off-the-rack suits and have them tailored instead.
Lynnet
Thanks for all of the comments. I just told the sales woman that it isn’t in the budget.
Anonymous
Suggestions for a witty email reply to “what would it take to hire you ;)” ?
I would love to move to said firm in a year or two, but only if there are partnership prospects and good salary. Usually I am quick with the witty responses, but stumped on this on. Any reply would work, just dont want it to be serious as I know the email was half-joking and they are not looking to hire just yet.
I know I am overthinking this.
Wildkitten
“Ha – let’s talk about that again in a year.”
Maddie Ross
I like the tone, but please don’t say “Ha” in a professional email.
Wildkitten
I wouldn’t normally, but in a reply to an email with a winking smiley I thought it matched the tone and kept things lighthearted.
Abbie Carmichael
Can you reply with outlandish demands? “Right now, a salary of $1M and a company lamborghini. Talk to me in a year and I might consider a Porsche.”
NYC tech
That comes off as more rude-joking than half-joking-but-maybe-serious-in-a-year. I like Wildkitten’s response, the tone works and it doesn’t come across as overthinking.
Blonde Lawyer
I’d reply semi-serious. A position available in a year or two with partnership prospects and a good salary. Hey, you asked!
Meg Murry
Yup, I think semi-serious is ok: “I’m not looking to move for the next year or two, but when I do I want it to be a good move for me, with partnership prospects ….”
Or “I’m not looking to move just for the sake of moving, but maybe in future if the position had good long term career potential”.
You could also add in something obviously joking like “although maybe if it included unicorn rides and my own personal jet-pack that might make me jump immediately, I’ve always wanted an office unicorn :-)”
But if you don’t know the person well, half serious plus an offer to meet up for coffee or lunch wouldn’t be a bad idea – for all you know their plans changed and now they are looking to hire ASAP. After all, at my company we went from “maybe we’ll hire someone in the next year if things keep looking up” to the board saying “nope, hire someone NOW” and the person that the boss had been casually chatting with about potential future possibilities was hired within 2 months.
OP
I like this. Thanks!
Snick
“You flatter me! Let’s keep in touch.”
Jitterbug
The wink would make me not want to respond at all, but if I did respond, I’d say “nothing right now, I’m happy where I am, but if I ever decide to leave, this is what I’d be looking for” and describe the kind of job I’d want, location, pay, benefits, flexibility, etc.
HSAL
No. The email was sent half-joking, and sending a serious, detailed list of what you want when you do move would be really weird.
Anonymous
Um, you’re an idiot
Wildkitten
Foul. Unsportsmanlike conduct. 15 yard penalty.
HSAL
Thanks to whoever recommended The Vivienne Files yesterday. I’m loving it.
E
Glad to! I revisited her blog myself, and am newly inspired for several upcoming trips.
Stress and pregnancy
My husband and I were discussing stress levels and TTC last night. I don’t think I’m massively stressed but do work about 50 hours a week on a job which is difficult to disconnect from.
My rebuttal was that people get pregnant and have healthy babies with far more stress (working minimum wage jobs, unstable relationships, living in poverty) than us (financial stable professionals) but it did get me thinking.
I realise this is anecdotal but did you find that your work level impacted your efforts to conceive or your experience in pregnancy? Did you make decisions on the basis of this?
Anonymous
I don’t think my work levels did but I do feel like my overall stress level/health did. Once I relaxed my diet a bit (in a healthy way) and got up to a mid-range healthy BMI plus did regular exercise and relaxing hobbies (knitting for me), I got pregnant. Who knows if it had any effect or not. It was free, enjoyable and made me feel like I was able to ‘do something’ – no downside to being more relaxed and happy. DH did something similar too so who knows if it was him or me.
anon
This is probably correlation rather than causation, but I did not get pregnant in the seven months I was preparing for a ridiculous trial — the most stressful seven months of my entire career (for trial reasons and other reasons). I got pregnant *immediately* after the trial. My husband thinks they are related. I am not sure, because my other pregnancy also took a good six months of trying, but in any case this is my anecdata.
Anon
Yes. Without a doubt: TTC for our first took us over a year plus fertility treatments. At the time, I was a biglaw associate. I handled the stress of biglaw by running 30+ miles per week. I think the combination of the two contributed to our difficulties TTC. Our RE could not find any cause for our difficulty TTC (we were both under 30). When I finally became pregnant, I had high blood pressure throughout due to the stress of my job and my son was pretty tiny (weight wise). Our son from that pregnancy is now 5. Fast forward to our second: I changed jobs by that point, and we conceived on our second month, while I was running a more moderate amount. No problems with the pregnancy and my daughter was a healthier size. Looking back, I believe my chronic stress impacted our ability to conceived our first child.
Diana Barry
+1. I was in biglaw when we TTC our first and hadn’t gotten periods for over a year after I went off the pill, and I exercised a ton. I needed provera/clomid to jumpstart and then that pregnancy had problems too (they thought I had liver disease because my enzymes were out of whack) and baby was born a month early and small.
For my second and third pregnancies, I was in a MUCH better job w/ lower stress, got pregnant IMMEDIATELY and had on-time deliveries.
Cat
I will say that last year in Biglaw was particularly stressful – crazy year end deals, all day conference calls on the weekends, etc. and my cycle was all over the place… ranging from 46 days (!) to 30ish. Now that I’m in-house and not jumpy and on-call constantly, it’s very predictable. So, I think stress can absolutely affect ovulation… which of course makes it harder when you’re trying to time LGPs.
Anonymous
I feel you. My husband wants to stop TTC until I leave my current firm because my stress levels have been through the roof.
BeenThatGuy
I can only speak about the time after conceptions. My situation was unique. I got pregnant during the 2nd month of trying. Then caught my husband in a log term affair by week 8 and I proceeded with a divorce. Our divorce was finalized on a Thursday and I went into labor on Sunday (37 weeks).
I talked at length with my OB’s about stress. They said stress never caused anyone to miscarry or have issues. It’s not taking care of yourself that will cause issues. Maintain a healthy weight, drink plenty of water, exercise, SLEEP and let as much go as possible (the hardest part).
Strangely enough, my sister, who took care of me during my pregnancy and was my biggest support, was having trouble conceiving her 2nd during this time. Oddly enough, she got pregnant the week I delivered. Stress eliminated, got pregnant. Not a coincidence in my mind.
Anon
One thought: What an OB considers “normal” and won’t impact TTC or pregnancy can differ greatly from what a RE considers “normal” and able to impact TTC/pregnancy. My regular OB had no problem with my stress or running; our RE, however, highly suggested cutting down the running to under 15 miles per week and finding ways to manage stress.
roses
I’m sure really high stress could cause issues, but if you manage it well I doubt it makes a difference. Anecdata – I went off the pill while in biglaw and then transitioned to a lower-stress small firm job a few months later. Didn’t get my period back until four months after starting new job, and still haven’t successfully conceived after 10 months (still have irregular periods though FWIW). I have seen an RE and nothing is wrong with me either. I so wish I could point to something to blame, but my life is pretty stable and I’m very healthy.
Hollis
I think that work stress definitely had an impact on me TTC for 8 months. After I decided to leave biglaw and was interviewing for in-house positions I got pregnant with twins.
anon
I actually got pregnant the month when I was most stressed at work. We’d kind of stopped trying to conceive because I was working so much, but I obviously did the deed at least once… and that was when it happened. So stress about TTC was a problem; stress in other areas distracted from that and made it happen!
Anonymous
Stress about TTC is also a problem for me. We’ve been TTC for 7 months. Although I do my best not to focus on it, there are reminders everywhere — Facebook announcements of births and pregnancies (yes, I know, stay off of social media!), among other things — and while I’m genuinely happy for these people, I sometimes can’t help but host a pity party for myself. I hate that I react that way sometimes. Reading that other people are also having some difficulty TTC helps me realize I’m not alone. Thank you for that. It means a lot.
MDMom
I don’t know if I really believe it has an effect or not. That said, I got pregnant the 6th month we tried (7th cycle). Only thing different that month was that I treated myself to a massage to celebrate my 30th bday right around the fertile window. My work was moderately stressful this whole period but not too bad. The tricky thing is that TTC itself can be very stressful, especially as the months go by, so I don’t know how you can really avoid stress entirely. That was our 6th month and we were looking at a 2 month break from trying to avoid certain due dates (because of other things going on then). I was quite anxious about it at the time, so despite the massage, it a wasn’t completely stress-free month.
Clementine
I logically know that studies show there’s not an impact, but I can’t stop thinking that it had an impact. I have a high stress job and was going through some difficult family stuff. As soon as both of those things abated slightly, BAM. Pregnant.
more anecdata
Totally! I was a new prof our first year (!) of trying to conceive. Definitely stressed out at being in my first professional job after completing my degree. Nothing at all remarkable about my health or ability to conceive, so my docs kept advising me to “keep trying.” We did, and also moved on to considering adoption.
In the second year of TTC, I began looking into the holistic health aspects of conception: cleaned up my diet (no sugar, gluten, or dairy; lots of green veggies and micronutrients; already veg), began an intensive yoga program, did more meditation and visualization; and generally tried to reduce stress and focus on getting pregnant. Bingo!
There are plenty of books on conception that suggest strong correlations between stress, diet, and ability to conceive.
Anonymous
What’s really stressful is TTC with a jerk who thinks he knows your body better than you!
broad shoulders
I was looking in the mirror last night and realized I’ve got broad shoulders. No idea how I made it to my mid-thirties without noticing this before. My shoulders look like they are wider than my hips so that means they are broad I guess? Is there some kind of shoulder to hip ratio I should measure to know for sure? I have no idea if how I’m dressing makes it more obvious. I’m also tall (in shape but not ‘skinny’) so now I’m all paranoid that I look like a linebacker. What should I wear? Office is business leaning towards business casual so suits not required but also not uncommon.
lawsuited
There’s nothing wrong with broad shoulders or linebackers. You’re in your mid-30s so have presumably already developed a personal style/personal preference for clothes, so just keep wearing what you love and don’t worry about whether it emphasizes your shoulders or not.
Anonymous
I don’t think you have anything to worry about, but if you’d like some style inspiration, look at Kate Middleton. She is tall, thin, with narrow hips and broad shoulders. She dresses very well for her shape.
broad shoulders
Thanks – this is really helpful. Will definitely look at her for style inspiration.
JJ
So, as a tall woman with broad shoulders (my mom once jokingly told me that a plane could land across my back…), I’m going to choose to not take offense at the linebacker comment, because I’m sure you didn’t mean it that way.
Just wear what you’ve been wearing all your life prior to this? If no one has mistaken you for an NFL player thus far, you’re probably in the clear.
broad shoulders
Definitely didn’t mean to offend. I certainly don’t think that women with broad shoulders look like linebackers – just that the specific outfit I was wearing certainly had the effect of me looking like that and I want to avoid similar shapes if I can.
I was bullied about my height so I’m always self conscious of anything that might make me look stereotypically ‘masculine’ and I think this discovery is feeding into that. It’s obviously an issue I need to work on from more than a fashion perspective.
JJ
Fair enough – I was also bullied about my height growing up (solidarity!). I generally avoid crew necks because I have a large chest, as well. Cap sleeves never work on me. V-neck t-shirts and cardigans are pretty much all I wear.
Anon
As a fellow tall and broad woman, I totally hear what you’re saying about appearing masculine. I am actually a very feminine woman and have never actually been mistaken for a man, but it’s a paranoia that sticks with you from the time you were taller than all the boys (remember how fun that was?)
Anona
There’s nothing wrong with having broad shoulders and I doubt you look like a linebacker. Shoulders are also typically wider than hips. Wear whatever you like and be glad you don’t need to wear a jacket – if you don’t have problems buying them off the rack, you shoulders are probably not particularly broad.
Anonymous
Thanks – I thought post kids that hips are wider than shoulders? I mostly have JCrew suiting jackets but to fit in the shoulders they tend to be a bit loose in the body.
I’m definitely donating the cardigan that I put on today as I literally look like I’m wearing shoulder pads because where the beading is.
broad shoulders
This was me.
Anona
I find that J Crew runs narrow in the shoulders – I can’t buy jackets or Blazers there at all. I wouldn’t worry about what you think you are “supposed” to look like ( and even then, I think the “ideal” is probably your actual shape. Evidence: models and th existence of shoulder pads). Personally I think having defined shoulders makes me look way thinner than I am. Kind of hard to hate on that in the society we live in.
broad shoulders
Any advice on other brands? I ended up with a lot of JCrew because they carry tall sizes and Banana Republic never fits me quite right.
Anonymous
Shoulders are typically wider than hips – that’s how your arms hang down your sides instead of pointing out. A similar bust/hip width is typically the definition of hourglass, or a larger hip than bust measurement is the definition of a pear shape. Maybe you are conflating bust and shoulders measurements?
Seattle Freeze
That’s not really right, though – many women with pear shapes have narrow shoulders. Imogen Lamport describes the defining points of body shapes really well here: http://www.insideoutstyleblog.com/2010/11/body-shapes-explained-defining-points.html.
OP, you might find her info on dressing a V-shape body helpful: http://www.insideoutstyleblog.com/2010/05/real-life-body-shapes-v.html
blue
I have somewhat wide shoulders and am on the tall side. Most of the time, I just do whatever because who cares, but if I’m being really mindful about the clothes I’m buying, I have a few tricks to balance out my proportions. Blazers need to be long enough and have at least a suggestion of a waist somewhere in the middle – no shrunken blazers – they just square off the top of me. Scoop necklines are the best. A deep v or a crewneck can be trouble. And be conscious of where the shoulder seams are in sweaters — sometimes they do no favors.
broad shoulders
Thanks! This is super helpful advice. I think the shoulder seam issue combined with the beading on the sweater is what’s making today’s cardigan particular non-flattering. I already avoid shrunken blazers/sweaters because I feel like where I’m tall it looks like I bought the wrong size clothes vs an intentional fashion choice – although I’m sure tall women chicer than I can pull it off.
lsw
I will echo this and say that sometimes a dropped shoulder sweater can work well.
Anon
How big is your house / apartment?
DH and I are going to be looking soon, and 2500 sq ft seems about right to me for us, and a couple of kids we hope to have in the next few years. Right now we’re in a 2BR/2BA 1800 sq ft apartment, and it’s more space than we need.
I got to thinking about this when someone mentioned yesterday they have 4000 ft. All I could think of was my mom’s voice saying “that’s just more space that you have to heat and keep clean!!”
I’m curious about how much space other people find works for them, and how many people are in your household.
matilda
I grew up in a 4500 sq ft house and I do NOT want that kind of space again on my own – my poor mother was stuck with a lot of the cleaning growing up and I saw how much time it took. I live in a 600 sq ft apartment currently with my SO and it is just fine for me. If we were to have children, honestly, I can imagine having a baby/toddler in our current situation. I imagine eventually we’d want more space. But I love being in the city and living in a smaller place helps me afford the situation.
wow
I completely agree. My mom worked full time and we didn’t have a housecleaner, with a nearly 5000 sq ft home. My poor mom.
DH, two energetic young boys, me, and (sometimes) my mom live in a 1500 sq ft, 3 bed/2 bath. All on one floor. It works out great. In my ideal world, I’d probably like 1800 sq ft, all one one floor, with a small yard in the city. I have no desire to live in a big home.
Tetra
950 square feet, 2 bed/2 bath (apartment). Will probably stay at this size until after we have a kid. I would like a bigger kitchen someday, and having a kid’s room plus guest room will be more convenient when we have a kid, but this size feels fine for just two of us.
Anon in NYC
About the same square footage, 2 bedroom, 1 bath, + a den/office space. 2 adults, 1 baby and a small (30 lb) dog. The square footage is great, although we would need more space if we had a second kid.
Boston Legal Eagle
I’m in a similar space – 2bd/1.5 bath apt. in a very close suburb to the city. It’s currently me, my SO and baby due in about a month. I could see staying here even with 2 young kids, if that happens in the next few years, although ideally I’d probably like a 3bdr/2bath for when the kids are older. I grew up in 2bd-3bd apartments, so having a huge house is not really something I’m accustomed to.
anon
I think square footage numbers can be a little misleading because they don’t always reflect actual livable space (like a vaulted great room or something). We counted the rooms that we needed, bedrooms- including a dedicated guest room, dedicated playroom space and an office. We also wanted larger living spaces, even though that meant smaller bedrooms. Ours is a big house (5/4, about 4000 sqft) but the layout feels cozy, not cavernous.
LondonLeisureYear
I think its less about sq feet and more about how smart those sq feet are planned out. I have been in small small places that since they are well planned it feels like a lot more space. I also have been in large spaces and found myself wanting more space just because it was so badly thought out.
I also think the bigger the space – you manage to fill it, if its smaller you keep less crap.
Sydney Bristow
This is so true. Ceiling height also makes a difference in my opinion.
My husband and I are in about 650 square feet. It feels bigger than past apartments because of the layout and ceilings.
FWIW, I grew up in a family of 8 people in a 3 bedroom, 2.5 bath house. I shared a bedroom with 3 sisters for a lot of those years. Eventually my parents built an addition and our house reached 2800 square feet with 4 bedrooms and 3.5 baths. I would have preferred my own room as a kid but I think being a good roommate throughout college dorms and beyond came at least partially from sharing a room as a kid.
Anonymous
I grew up in 5300 sq ft but I live in 2700 sq ft with 3 kids + hubby. Would not want anything bigger. Chose not to buy my childhood home even at same price for current place. I like that there is enough space to everyone (each kid has their own bedroom and there is a playroom for the kids) but there is no ‘wasted’ space. Design matters though. A poor layout will feel cramped even at 2500 sq ft. We didn’t worry about décor when house shopping – just focused on floor plan. Structural walls are really hard to move, but décor is easy to change.
CPA Lady
About 1800 sf for 3 bed/2 bath. Also have an attic and unfinished garage/basement. 3 people in the household- me, husband, 18 month old. I don’t feel crowded at all. If we have another kid, we’ll move for school district reasons, but I don’t think we’d move into a bigger house. I like the size. It feels cozy. Sometimes I look at the huge beautiful historic houses one neighborhood over and think about what it would be like to live in one. But it just doesn’t feel like something I would want.
Cb
We’ve in a 2 bedroom flat (ground floor) with a small garden. It’s about 700 square feet and is perfect sized although we do have a washer/dryer unit in the guest bedroom. The neighbourhood school is fairly poor but seems to be improving but we shall see. It’s cheap to heat, easy to clean and the mortgage and other expenses are manageable on one salary. We’re trying for a baby now and if we are able to stay in our current city, we’ll stay here at least until the baby goes to school and our childcare costs are reduced and our incomes are higher.
Cat
Grew up in ~3500 sf (4 BR, 3.5 BA) on about an acre in the exurbs. Two parents, two kids, and guest room. Absolutely DO NOT want that kind of space (much of which is barely used — living room AND family room, dining room AND large eating area next to the kitchen…) or yard maintenance ever.
Currently in a ~1300 sf (3 BR, 2 BA) rowhouse (plus ~300 sf finished basement that’s not counted for real estate purposes) in Center City Philly. Picture staying there for the early years w/ 2 kids.
Haven’t envisioned our next home after that, but if we do leave the city, I’m guessing we’d be looking for about ~2500 sf in a closer-in suburb, on a relatively small lot.
@anon at 9:55, ceiling height is N/A for calculating square footage… only if you’re measuring cubic feet (relevant for HVAC, etc. only).
Veronica Mars
I don’t know the specifics, but something like < 450 sq ft studio (ish). I absolutely love it. I could probably see myself wanting/needing having a separate living room in the future, but I'm lucky in that mine is laid out so I have a kitchen nook and I've created my home office in my closet/bathroom so it feels like I have 4 separate rooms. I would love to live in a tiny house or a really, really small home. I just find it super cosy (and affordable! and less to clean! and less expensive to decorate!)
Veronica Mars
And I’m a single person, obviously. I think the only reason I’d move from my current place would be if I gained a SO or a dog.
Anonymous
I’m single in a 250 sq ft studio and I love it, too. I wish I had a little more kitchen space, but other than that I’m really happy in it. Luckily I have a big closet!
Anon
We just moved into a 3,000 square foot house with 4 bedrooms, 2 living rooms, and a loft upstairs. Our previous house was about 1800 square feet with 4 bedrooms and one living area. Honestly, it was enough space. (We moved for other reasons than just getting a larger house.) The new house is such a pain to clean. I have always cleaned myself, but am really considering hiring help now. It takes me all day!
Anon
Oh I should have also noted I am married and we have three kids and a dog.
NYC tech
We’re in a 1100 sq ft 2 bd/1ba apartment (no outdoor space) with 2 adults and 2 small but highly energetic boys. It feels perfect for us right now. Easy to clean, and I love that even from the shower or my bedroom I can hear everything that’s going on in the house. I also love how sharing a room has given the kids the gift of close friendship and the ability to share toys. And finally, I love the cost – we can do so much more travel (even regularly buying international plane tickets for a family of 4) because our housing costs are so low. If we add another kid though, I would want 1 more bedroom – maybe ideally move up to the ~1500 sq ft range. Maybe another bathroom but I could live without it too.
AnonLondon
Partner and I share 540 (very well laid out) square feet with our dog. Can’t imagine we’ll wind up in over 1200 square feet even with the couple of kids we plan to have, but that’s London, I guess.
AnonLondon
Should note: grew up in first a 2500 and then a 3600 sq ft house (3 bed/3bath and 4bd/3.5 bath) respectively with two adults and two kids, and cannot imagine ever dealing with the utilities/furnishing/cleaning of a space that massive again after a decade of living in urban apartments. I have watched how much time and $ my folks put into it, and it’s just not for me.
Woods-comma-Elle
Quite – 2500sqft sounds huge to me (also in London)!
I live with my boyfriend in a flat with 680sqft (2.5 bedrooms) and that feels big for London! Neither of us wants children, so having a lot more space isn’t necessarily an issue, though we are looking at upgrading in the next couple of years.
AnonLondon
It’s such a culture shock anytime I visit my family in States (other than NYC), because there’s just SO. MUCH. SPACE. We’ve been looking at places on and off to try and figure out what we’d want post-kids, even though we probably wouldn’t move until after we had a baby anyway, and even the ‘big’ places we’ve seen aren’t over 1000. (Which makes it mind boggling to me when my sister talks about how much space she and her family ‘need.’)
Anonymous
Not in London, but +1
Our 2 room apartment is 50 square meters, so a little under 500 sq ft.
Anonymous
For my first year and a half out of college, my then-fiance and I lived in a studio in NYC: 180 sq ft.
Wildkitten
We are two people in a 2 BR one bath and it’s way too much space. We got a great deal on the apt, so it wouldn’t make sense to move, but the biggest bedroom just sits empty most of the time (and is the cat’s room). I don’t know the square footage.
TBK
~2100 sqft, townhouse with two floors above ground about 700sqft each floor, plus finished walk-out basement, 3 br and 3.5 ba, my husband, me, au pair, twin toddlers, and 70lb dog. It’s a tight squeeze but doable. I think 2500 sqft would probably suit us very well (I’d love a 4th bedroom, a master bath big enough for a double vanity, a kitchen pantry, a little more storage space in the basement, and a slightly bigger living room). Unfortunately, in our area it’s just not in the budget.
Floridian
DH and I have a 2100 sf 3 bed, 2.5 bath house with a loft and office. We have no kids, but are TTC. This space is perfect for us. I have an open office where I regularly work from home, he uses the loft as his game room, and we use two of the bedrooms as guest rooms. The guest rooms are used about once a month, but are otherwise unused right now. Once we have children, the loft will become the kids’ playroom and the guest rooms will be converted into kids’ bedrooms. If we have 3 kids, we may need to upgrade to a 4 bedroom house (up to 2500 square ft) or convert the loft into a fourth bedroom.
I’ll also cosign what other posters have said – the floor plan matters. Our downstairs is almost totally open (kitchen, dining, living room, and office), so the space feels airy, yet homey.
CountC
I am single, no kids, with two of my own cats and two foster cats. I live in a ~1600 sq ft, three-level row house. It is way more space than I need, but it was incredibly inexpensive totally renovated and resale will be better because it has 3 BR/2.5BA (which is suitable for a small, young family, which is how my neighborhood skews).
While I had tenants living in my house, I lived in a ~450 sq ft studio, with a small galley kitchen and it was perfectly fine for me, one cat, and one fish (and much quicker to clean)!
CountC
In re: the floor plan, the first floor is completely open and broken up into separate areas (living, dining) by furniture, two bedrooms, laundry, and huge bathroom on 2nd floor, and open master suite on 3rd floor.
Anonymous
Our house is 2300 square feet, 4 bedrooms + den. At first it seemed bigger than we could ever need (we were living in a 1 bed apartment before) but each of the rooms quickly got claimed: master bedroom, guest bedroom, my office, H’s office and a TV room (it’s important to me to not have a TV in our living room). Fortunately we have a ~1000 sq foot basement and we plan to finish that before TTC and move the TV room and maybe one of the offices down there. Our house is already kind of a pain to clean, and I would not want a significantly larger space.
HSAL
Commenting before reading responses, but right now we’re (me, husband, baby) in a 2 bedroom, 2 1/2 bath townhome around 1400 square feet. I bought it single because I loved the giant master bedroom, but now I’d rather have a smaller bedroom and another separate room, so layout matters. We’ll be looking to move in a couple years and I don’t care so much about square feet, but 3-4 bedrooms, 2+ bathrooms, and two “living” areas that are in separate parts of the house. I thought we’d stay in our place a little longer, but babies have lots of stuff and it’s sucked all of our space away.
Jules
Spent 20 years with spouse and son (and a lot of dogs and cats) in about 2000 SF. It’s an old farmhouse that was subdivided for student housing and then converted back, with random walls and in general a poor use of the space. It was more than big enough even with professor/write H using one large bedroom for an office.
Single now, have an adorable bungalow that is 1250 SF, with room for guests and a large sun room, it’s so perfect I squee every time I come home.
Clementine
Grew up in a poorly laid out 1800-2000 square foot house built in 1850. It lacked useable space and didn’t have a finished basement. It also had weird additions that weren’t heated so to take a shower in the winter you had to sprint through a 40 degree room to get to the one shower in the house (only a tub in the main part of the house).
Our house is a little over 2000 square feet, but feels much larger. I like that we have fewer rooms than most other houses, but they are larger. We have 3 BR/2.5 BA plus an office/guest room with a closet. Right now we have 3 adults, one infant, and one big dog living here and it’s great. We could have definitely fit into a smaller space, but I like that we can fit large groups into our house (we regularly entertain groups of up to about 60 people). We have great storage which makes it so easy to keep this house tidy. We have an old family room in the basement that needs to be brought up to code and renovated, but as our kids get older it’s nice to have that option.
Anonymous
This is always so interesting to me — HGTV is one of my vices, and it cracks me up how back-to-back episodes show people looking at a similar sized room and being either horrified or thrilled.
Anyway, we live in a 3bed/2bath house around 1500 sqft. It was built in the 40’s, so closed floor plan, no master suite, smallish rooms and closets, and the third bedroom is really just the finished attic space. Galley kitchen, dining room, living room, full (small) bath and 2 equal-sized bedrooms on the first floor. Finished basement with family room, den/office and another full bath. It works for us with 3 young kids (the two older ones share the big upstairs room, the baby is in the other downstairs bedroom) and 2 cats. I’d like a garage, a mudroom, and a bigger bathtub, but otherwise there’s not much I would change — more house is more to furnish, clean, and pay utilities+upkeep for.
I grew up with 2 siblings in a 4 br/2.5 bath house that was probably 2500+ sqft on 3/4 acre, but that was in the midwest suburbs, and the idea of me affording something similar in DC is laughable.
Anon
My husband, two kids and I live in a 3000 sq ft house in the Bay Area.
When we had our kids we lived in a 1100 sq ft 2 br 1 ba house. We had a boy and a girl so I thought we’d better start looking for a 3 br house.
We live in an urban area so there is no new construction, and not a lot of larger houses. What I found was that everyone wanted a 3 br house and we were consistently in a multiple bid situation, often up against all cash (ah, tech)
We needed up buying a 5 br 2 1/2 ba 3000 sq ft house simply because there was less competition. In fact we paid about what others paid for the 3 br houses in the 2000 sq ft range, after you take into account the bidding wars.
Our house was a bit of a fixer upper. Not huge issues but needed some foundation work and a new kitchen. We did all of this gradually.
So what do we do with all of this extra space? It doesn’t feel like extra space! It didn’t take us long to fill it up. Part of the issue is that some of those 3000 sq ft are taken up with unusable space, like wide hallways and an entry space that is the size of the second bedroom in our old house. Maybe bigger.
But the extra rooms mean we have a place to put a treadmill, not have the TV in the formal living room, and my husband has the 5th bedroom (which is the laughably small “maids room”) for his drum set.
Things we still DON’T have even with all this space:
Large closets
An open kitchen/ great room
An eat-in kitchen
A true master bathroom
A real guest room
But we do have a coat closet, which is something I always missed in our little house.
SillyValley
I’m in the Bay Area too and the same thing happened to DH and I when we looked to buy a house. It’s just the two of us and no kids or pets, so we thought 3, maybe 4 bedrooms would be plenty. We got outbid several times on 3 bedroom places and then happened upon a 5 bedroom listing in the same general price range which had a lot less interest and offers. I think prices are so high here that, assuming you’re talking about a normal house and not an estate in Hillsborough with acreage, extra bedrooms above three don’t increase the value much; location is a bigger factor for price.
So now we’ve got a family room and a living room, an office for each of us and a sewing room for me, as well as a guest room. It’s kind of ridiculous and it is definitely more of a pain to keep clean than I’m used to, but it is nice to have some room to spread out after years of living in small spaces.
also in the Bay
Wow! What a huge house! I would love to have so much space.
We are in a 2 bd/ 1 ba – ~1000 sq. ft, with 1 preschooler. Easy to clean and heat, for sure, but with the kid paraphernalia everywhere, it feels cluttered and crowded often. I would love to have a little more breathing room and one extra bath.
With current housing prices/ bidding wars, it seems unlikely that we will move (also in a great school district) but may add a story or at least a room in a few years.
Anonymous
I have a 2200 sq ft townhouse and my fiance has a 2000 sq ft sfh. Both houses were fully furnished and neither of us is willing to part with very much. An added complication is that my fiance has a ton of tools, etc. that have to be stored in a shed or garage and my garage has pretty limited storage space. We’re living in my house for now, but after we get married we’re going to have to find a larger house on a pretty big lot to accommodate all of our (read his) stuff.
ChiLaw
We are closing today (!!!) on an 1850 sq ft house. It’s a ranch style, with three bedrooms and three bathrooms, and a bonus/playroom. I love that there’s a master bath for us and a dedicated guest bathroom, then one for everyone else/daytime use. I also really love that the house has a strong separation between daytime and nighttime spaces: a hallway leads to bedrooms and bathrooms, while the kitchen/dining/living/play areas are open to one another.
When we started looking we told our RE agent we wanted something the same size as our current 1400 sq ft rental, but when we got a feel for the bigger space we fell in love. We’ve got a baby and two cats, and it’s comforting to feel like there is plenty of room for baby to grow.
Senior Attorney
When I was married it was my husband and me and my son in about 1700 square feet — 3 bdrm, 1.75 bath, nice outside space. I bought it as a single mom and it was perfect for one mom and one kid — felt a little tight once the husband was added to the mix.
Now I have a similar sized house just for me (and Gentleman Friend several nights a week and my son visiting from time to time) and it feels just about perfect, although I will admit I wish my bedroom were bigger and had a walk-in closet.
Gentleman Friend’s house is twice as big as mine and it’s pretty great — he has a huge gourmet kitchen that opens to a gorgeous family room that opens to the patio, which is all perfect for entertaining. Plus he has an amazing spa-like master bath. And all the rooms are much bigger than at my house. I enjoy visiting but I’m glad I don’t have to pay for/maintain it!
CKB
1350 sq ft two storey house with a finished basement. 4 bedrooms. 2 full baths 2 half baths. Family of 5. It’s cozy but has a very good use is space and is just right for our family. My brothers live in houses that are twice as big at least and when I visit I am never jealous of the space. I’m not sure how big the house I grew up in was. Probably 2000 sq ft bungalow with a finished basement. But more kids.
Everyone has their own room. We have a living room and a family room. And a detached garage. It’s everything we need.
Anonymous
My household consists of me, my husband, one tween daughter, and her pet fish. Our house is 2,000 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 2.5 baths. One extra bedroom is a guest room that I would like to convert to an office. The second, larger extra bedroom is an office/exercise/craft/rec room that I would like to remove the office things from.
We have a lot of tiny rooms–family room, eat-in kitchen, formal dining room that is currently being used as a playroom, formal living room that is dominated by the piano. We also have very little closet space. The two extra bedrooms have closets about 3 feet long, and the master bedroom has the tiniest walk-in closet I’ve ever seen. The two-bedroom apartment we were renting before this had subsantially more storage. We also don’t have a mudroom or laundry room, just a laundry closet.
I do not want a larger house because I don’t even have enough time to keep this one clean. My ideal would be a slightly smaller house with an open floor plan, a mudroom/laundry room that opened to the garage and the outdoors (so we could have a place to dry coats and boots and to put a dog crate–no way we are getting a dog in our current space), plenty of closets, three spacious bedrooms or two bedrooms plus a bonus room, a small loft-type area for the office, and a great room downstairs with room for two big couches and a large dining table. No formal living and dining room.
Anonymous
Also–an attached garage that would fit both of our cars was a non-negotiable requirement when we bought this house. I have sworn never again to scrape ice or carry groceries inside in the rain.
Senior Attorney
I really miss my attached garage. The thing I miss the most is not having to deal with house keys — just push the garage door opener, drive in, and boom! In!
Anonymous
Am I the only one who locks the door that goes from the garage into the house? I actually prefer to go out the garage even when I’m walking/getting picked up/taking an Uber/etc. (where it would be easier to go out the front door) because that way I can use the lock+keyless deadbolt on the front door and the interior door is locked+garage door closed, so a form of two barriers at either entry point.
Anonymous
I lock it!
Meg Murry
We have approximately 2500 feet of finished living space, plus additional unfinished space on the second floor, a full unfinished attic and a full basement that is damp and unpleasant so we only use it for storing things that we don’t mind getting dirty. One of the rooms is uninsulated so we have it closed off and unheated and just use it as clean storage for things like out of season clothes.
Our previous homes were only in the 1000-1500 square feet range, so while I appreciate the extra space and like having the storage, it’s a lot of house to clean, and it’s way too easy to keep acquiring “stuff” rather than keeping things minimal – and then it’s hard to find what your are looking for within all the “stuff” because there are so many possible places items could be and still not be “out of place” not to mention all the wrong places items could end up. And for all that space,we don’t have a good entryway/mudroom/coat closet, so I feel like shoes and coats and backpacks are just taking over my living room.
That said, I love having a room for toys separate from the main living room, having enough room to have a piano for the kids to take lessons on and two separate bathrooms – but if I had to design a house from scratch it would be smaller with more functional storage and less wasted space.
Speaking of, I highly recommend the books and webs!te – “The Not So Big House” – it focuses on making highly functional spaces, with features like built in storage and beautiful details rather than just square footage for the sake of square footage. It’s not the crazy tiny house movement, but rather well designed without wasted space like formal living rooms and dining rooms that only get used once a year, if that.
Meg Murry
Oh, and my favorite idea I picked up from either “The Not So Big House” or one of the links I found from there was to designate rooms by function rather than just owner and to value rooms you can just shut the door on. So, since none of our bedrooms are very large, but we have extra, we moved all of our dressers into one room, put up shelving and laundry hampers, and that is now the “dressing room” where the bulk of our in-season clothing lives, as well as our dirty laundry hampers and the clean laundry baskets waiting to be put away. It makes our bedrooms tidier with no clothes strewn about, I can get dressed in the morning without waking my husband, and if most of our laundry just goes from basket to body without being put away, its ok, because we can just shut that door and no one else has to see the chaos. My dream is to turn that unfinished 2nd floor room into a giant combo of dressing room, out of season clothes storage and laundry room so I don’t even have to take the clothes out of the room to wash them – but that isn’t happening anytime in the near future, if ever – although I can certainly dream about it.
Anonymous
My parents had this concept growing up – my dad had a “closet room” where he dressed so he wouldn’t wake my mom. I have a dressing room now too, but see it could be for others to use as well.
DC Anon
My husband and I share a 1 BR/1BA 650 square foot condo. I’d like a second bedroom for all of his stuff, and we have people over a couple times a week, so I could go for a little larger main space (we currently have one large main space that is open kitchen/living space). Ideally a 2 BR/2BR 1000 square foot condo.
SA
4000 sq ft, 5 bed 4 bath and 3.5 acres. 2 kids, busy husband. Both work full time. No cleaning lady ATM. I find that this house stays cleaner than our previous 2500 sq ft house because there is a place for everything and we have our entertaining levels and living levels separated.
Gail the Goldfish
I’m in a 2 bedroom apartment that’s about 1100 sq ft. It’s me, SO during the weekends, and two cats. We use one of the bedrooms as an office. I wish we had 1 more bedroom so we had a guest room and another closet or two (or a garage). It’s a little cramped when both my & SO’s stuff is there (though I have also been meaning to do a massive clothes purge for months and months). The first house I grew up in was ~1850 sq ft for 4 of us, and it was a good size except for a lack of closet space (it was built in the 1920s and the closets were tiny). We moved when I was a teenager to the house my parents still live in, which is about ~2500 sq ft. It’s got wasted space, in my opinion–there’s a formal dining room and formal living room that are basically never used. If you cut off those two rooms, I think it’d be about the perfect size. When we finally buy a house, I think I’ll look from around 1800-2000 sq ft, though it really depends on layout, I think.
lucy stone
4 B/3 BA ranch, about 1700 sq ft if you include the finished basement, half acre lot. I don’t know what we’d do with a bigger house besides make a mess in it. We’re 2 right now but will be 3 this fall.
Gigi
We have a 3 bedroom 2 bath house with about 2200sf. With three kids it is a bit tight but we like it.
Lilly
As others have noted, it’s more than just the square footage. We have 2400 for two people and are miserable. He likes the television on All.The.Time. I like to read in a quiet environment, am very introverted and actually feel stress at television noise hour three or so. The house is open floor plan with doors only to bedrooms, bathrooms, laundry and outdoors. When the television is on there is no where in this house that is quiet. He has every right to watch television constantly and I have every right to read quietly and our floor plan is so non-workable for us that it is a marital issue. The market had not recovered in our area and sale is not feasible. Sit down and do an upfront, very honest inventory as to how each of you likes to spend your at home time, and focus more on the layout that accolades that than sq ft number.
Anonymous
Why can’t you go in the bedroom and close the door?
Lilly
You think I haven’t tried that?! That dulls the sound but it is still quite loud. I can shut the bedroom door, then the bathroom door, and still make out every word of dialog while taking a bath, with two closed doors. It’s just a crappy house for one person who likes noise and one person who likes quiet.
Meg Murry
Wireless headphones. I swear they saved my in-laws’ marriage.
http://thewirecutter.com/reviews/best-wireless-home-theater-headphones/
Amy H.
+1. Saved my parents’ marriage and makes my marriage easier too!
anon-oh-no
we have a 5,000 sq. foot house in the city — meaning that its all up and down (4 floors). Its me, my husband, my two school-aged kids, our au pair, and often my dad visiting for a few weeks at a time. Although we certainly could get by on a lot less space, we use just about every bit of the house and having space for everything and everyone really helps keep my sanity
Aunt Jamesina
I live with my husband and dog in a 3 bedroom, 2 bath house that’s only 1300 square feet. We moved from a slightly larger house (I think 1500 square feet) with a terrible layout, and our current house is perfect with a really convenient and open layout. Lots of basement storage and a bonus living area in the basement. The closets in the bedrooms are tiny, but that just forces us to only buy what we really need and love. I’m hoping be here for the next couple of years, which should (fingers crossed!) involve adding a kid or two. Down the line, I’d love to buy a house of a similar layout and footprint, just in a better school district. I like that a smaller house force you to be smarter about what you own, and that the furnishing and utility costs are lower. I grew up in a wealthy area where many of my friends had 4,000-5,000 square foot homes, and it just seemed like everybody holed up in their own space instead of congregating together– not that that’s the only family life possible in a large house, but I like when the home naturally encourages interaction.
Parfait
The rocket scientist and I share a tiny little 1-bedroom apartment. It’s very small but the location is perfect and the rent is cheap, so we stay. Most of the time it’s just fine. It’s having only one bathroom that irritates me more than having so little space. We only trip over each other occasionally.
It’s interesting to read people’s experiences with finding that larger houses don’t necessarily cost more. I’ll keep that in mind when it’s time for us to shop one of these days.
Hotelier
I need a common sense/manners check… My good friend and her husband have been staying with me for 4 days and are driving me nuts. She’s a ‘classic’ only child and is a little selfish, usually obliviously. I don’t usually mind and can reason with her when she wants ridiculous things (more on that in a minute), but her husband, who I find annoying anyway, gives in to her every whim. My DH has been out of town on work so I’ve been entertaining all on my own. These two are so in their own world and have no regard for me, my apartment, or my pets. After being here one day of 4, we had to buy her an orthopedic pillow, multiple board games, and snacks that could feed an army (which I don’t eat/drink). She paid but I felt rude not chipping in since I would partake in a tiny bit of it. So I spent $60 on milk, which was basically the only thing in my list. they spend an inordinate amount of time in the bathroom – with their laptop which they then put on my dining room table (all the OCD feelings there) – and have taken over my guest bathroom, which was fine until they also started using my own bathroom. They clogged the toilet in my bathroom and then made a makeshift plunger out of a hanger while I was at work. I’m hoping they didn’t screw that up too bad. They also left the door open to the bathroom when I was out, which I explicitly asked them to close since one of my dogs ears toilet paper. And they didn’t close their door/bag, so my other dog ate a teabag. My friend says she doesn’t know how the puppy got the teabag and was basically saying it couldn’t possibly have been her, except I don’t own that brand of tea and she admitted she does. But still she refused to take responsibility. I’ve been very accommodating and haven’t said a thing but I’m definitely at the tipping point. They are leaving this morning, so it’s fine, but how do I not let this fester? Am I wrong to think they could have treated me and my home with a little more respect? And maybe acknowledge habits they do at home aren’t appropriate to do in another persons house? Literally the amount I know about her husbands bowels could fill a book now. I can’t unknow that! In annoyed, needed to vent, but also I would never behave like this. Is it her or me?
JJ
I don’t think there’s much you can do about this at this point. I also don’t know if discussing it with your friend will do much good – she’s made it this far in life being this oblivious and self-centered. I would just use this as a learning experience and remember to never offer to let your friend or her husband stay with you again.
Anonymous
Honestly? This sounds like your issue, not theirs. If I were guessing, you were already annoyed by her husband and her presence, and every little thing is getting under your skin – even things that are just not a big deal at all in the scheme of hosting guests. She is using your table with a laptop? Totally normal. Doesn’t close guest room or bathroom door when not using it? Totally normal, regardless of what you explicitly told them.
Are you sure she’s actually a really good friend?
Anonymous
staying with a friend is one thing, allowing them to pay 60$ because I want a special pillow is freeloading. Also must disagree on the closing of the doors. I am a door-closer by habit, but my friends who have their cat’s litterbox in the bathroom ask me to leave it open so the cats can get in. How is it totally normal to disregard your host’s requirements?
Anonymous
Eh, it sounds like a little of both rude guest/OCD host. Using your bathroom and the coat hanger plunger definitely fall far into rude guest category. But buying snacks for your guest is standard host behavior–even snacks you will never eat. And why do you care how much time they spend in the bathroom? The puppy stuff is rude, but sometimes people who don’t have dogs just don’t understand.
I wouldn’t say a word to your friend but just don’t let them stay at your house again.
Jules
The laptop issue was because they took it in the bathroom, then put it on the table. (Who uses a laptop in the bathroom?)
Anonymous
if there is no radio in the bathroom, or I want to continue that thrilling podcast or something, I will plop my laptop down on the washing machine while showering. Maybe she was watching a makeup tutorial while getting dolled-up?
CountC
At home, I take my tablet and my phone into the bathroom. I like to listen to or watch things while I get ready in the morning/evenings or am doing something tedious like dying my hair or giving myself a blowout.
Anonattorney
I do. I watch Netflix while I take a bath. Or while I’m doing my hair/makeup in the morning.
Anonymous
Okay, I stand corrected.
Jules
This was Jules
Anonymous
I do, probably for the reason that the op is squeamish about. Nothing gets on it, I promise. Also, sometimes I set it on a stool and watch movies in the bath with a glass of wine and a brownie.
Hotelier
Yeah it was confirmed that at no point was this make up/getting ready/showering. This was straight up computer pooping. Much like the Seinfeld episode, once something is ‘in there’ with you – I don’t want it anywhere near me, much less on my dining room table.
Anon
+1 awesome
Anonymous
None of this is about being an only child. But thanks for stereotyping us all as selfish b****es.
Anonymous
Yeah, this.
Anon
Ugh can we not get into the only child stuff? She said “classic”, quotes and all, which to me read as a quicker method of explaining a set of behaviors (that are generally understood) and not actually indicting all only children. This board is so touchy sometimes.
Anonymous
It just gets old sometimes when people assume you’re spoiled. I grew up with a single mom and had responsibilities at 11 that 20 year olds I’ve known don’t handle. I’ve also known kids with siblings who were completely spoiled. I think most people don’t like to have assumptions made about them based on stereotypes.
Anonymous
But the assumption wasn’t being made about you. It was being made about classic only children. You are clearly not a classic only child. You’re the exception. So no need to be offended!
Anonymous
Not an only child so I have no dog in this fight, but replace “only child” with “minority” in Anon @11:33’s post and yikes at that logic:
“But the assumption wasn’t being made about you. It was being made about classic minorities. You are clearly not a classic minority. You’re the exception. So no need to be offended!”
lucy stone
This this this. There is no classic only child. Sorry I’m not sorry I never had a sibling.
Anonny
Seriously, all I wanted when I was little was a sibling and never got one.
Anonymous
Oh man, you have my sympathies. That is so disrespectful. I honestly wonder how people who are so rude/oblivious exist in this world. Never let them stay with you ever again!
lawsuited
I think it’s best not to take offense and resent your friend. Everyone is different and has different thoughts/feelings/views/values about reasonable behaviour and living spaces. Some people feel it’s totally normal to have an iPad in the the bathroom, others don’t. Some people don’t have pets so it wouldn’t occur to them that a dog would eat a teabag or occur to them to close the door. If there are rules about sharing your living space that are important to you, I think you absolutely have to communicate them to house guests. It’s not at all fair to assume that everyone will intuitively do what you would do.
Anonymous
Ugh, this “friend” sounds like a horrible guest; however, as an only child, with an only child, check your feelings that this is because she’s a “classic only child.” Any person can be spoiled. How are you even friends with her?
Anonymous
The ??$60 for milk I don’t get, but sounds like typical guest stay. Guests just don’t work well for you, it sounds, and that’s ok. Maybe keep guests to one weekend in the future.
I’m not a guest person anymore either, and that’s ok. Your friends were not that bad at all, from my read. You just sound…. Irritable.
Anonymous
I agree they don’t sound like very considerate guests (though I do think you’re over-reacting a bit; they haven’t done anything AWFUL), but I think it’s mean that you’re upset you “know about her husband’s bowels.” He clogged the toilet. It happens. I get that maybe you would have preferred they call a plumber or call you to ask where the plunger is rather than trying to go at it with a coat hanger, but are you seriously blaming him for taking a large cr*p? What was he supposed to do? When you have guests, sometimes you find out gross details about them. It’s normal.
Hotelier
FWIW – the bowels comment wasn’t about the one incident. He spent about 40 minutes in the bathroom 4-5 times a day, and no, he doesn’t have IBS or anything similar (I actually do have a form of IBS and I am so sympathetic to bathroom situations), but yes, I am irritable, and yes, his grabbing of his laptop to take a sh*t every other hour was not something I wanted or needed to know.
Also, they have a cat, so they understand pet rules. I’d never behave like this at their home. Which I’m supposed to stay at actually in about a month when in town for a wedding. I’m re-thinking that, clearly.
And no, the only child thing wasn’t supposed to be anything about all only children, so I’m sorry about that – I just meant she can be very entitled and likes things her very specific way and thinks the world caters to her needs. Which she gets from her upbringing. She can be a very good friend and we make each other laugh and she’s there for me in hard times. But sharing a living space is just different.
Anonymous
I’m not sure how you could know he doesn’t have IBS or some form of temporary GI illness. Unless you asked him point blank (which would be very rude), you shouldn’t leap to conclusions.
Jules
I don’t think this is complete overreaction — these people are not the worst guests ever (the house didn’t catch fire, the police didn’t come, they didn’t steal money) but definitely annoying. They don’t get to take over both bathrooms and should be more careful with your instructions about the animals, or at least own up to the mistake. And no guest should demand a special pillow (really?) or board games that you don’t have. If they want to play a specific game, they bring it or buy it and leave it as a hostess gift.
My sister — one of the middle of four children — is similar; she recently spent one night with me and the very first thin in the morning she complained about the bad mattress in my guest room. I was worried and asked three other people who have stayed there, also all family and all likely to be truthful, and they all said it was fine. It’s just how she is.
Same for your friend. Either decide you can cope with her annoyingness for a couple of days next time, or don’t have her visit any more. But don’t confront her or stew, let it go.
Anonattorney
I didn’t read it as if the host had to buy the pillow and board games. If the guest bought the pillow to be more comfortable, and then also bought a board game because she liked it and wanted to play it with her friend, then I don’t really get the problem at all.
Jules
“After being here one day of 4, we had to buy her an orthopedic pillow, multiple board games, and snacks that could feed an army (which I don’t eat/drink). She paid but I felt rude not chipping in since I would partake in a tiny bit of it. So I spent $60 . . .”
Anonymous
“She paid”…the OP’s post is hard to understand but it sounds to me like the guest bought herself this stuff (once she had arrived at OP’s house) and didn’t ask the OP to contribute, but the OP “felt rude not chipping in.”
Anonymous
Speaking of incoherent posts…I can barely understand what you’re trying to say.
Anon
Fish and houseguests go bad after three days.
I hope they follow up with a nice card and flowers as a thank you. And that you come home to a spotless house.
Never let people stay for more than a weekend. That’s my rule and I’m sticking to it.
soaps
I get it. I understand how you feel, down to the bathroom stuff. That would annoy me, too.
I wouldn’t say anything to your friend and try to let it go. Not everyone prioritizes things the same way, and not everyone is very good at being considerate, even though they do try. I would be more hesitant to offer to host them for any extended amount of time in the future. And if I did, I would try to make it very easy for them to be good guests, like: crating my dogs or putting up puppy gates so they can’t get into the part of the house with the guest room, leaving extra reading material in the bathroom, or having a box of snacks ready so you won’t have to go an big shopping expedition together and feel obligated to chip in.
Hollis
I know this totally missed the point, but how do you spend $60 on milk? Milk is $2.59 a gallon at the local grocery store, and cheaper at Costco. In any case, it sounds like they were annoying guests but thankfully no one got hurt. Just be glad they are not your inlaws whom you are obligated to host for weeklong visits every few months!
Meg Murry
I think what she is saying is they went to a grocery store or Target, etc and the only item in the cart that had been on her list was milk, but she spent $60 on her “share” of the purchase (or $60 total and didn’t ask her friend for money).
Totally get the venting, OP, and now you know not to host this friend again in your house. Some friendships are just better when there is some distance between you and not 24-7 togetherness, especially in your space.
Anonymous
I think part of it is that the op should let go of this self-imposed responsibility she feels to buy things she deems unnecessary. The friend is fine with buying it! No need to feel guilty. It sounds like that is part of what bothers her.
Meg Murry
Yup, this. If you do wind up with this friend again, split up in the store and say “I’m going to go grab some milk, meet you at the checkout”.
This sounds like a “give and inch, take a mile” friend, which you already knew. So if you offered to buy snacks, and then paid for the snacks, you can’t be a martyr about it, or you have to redirect her impulse to buy everything.
Honestly, it sounds like OP is caught up in “being a good host.” These people are not good guests (at least, not for you), so you don’t need to be on your best hostess behavior.
Hotelier
Oh also? They’re already talking about booking another trip to visit.
Anonymous
oh god, they sound horrible! You cannot let them stay with you again. And if they question your loyalty, you can half-jokingly, half-honestly reply “We have very different ideas about how hosts and guests should treat each other. You two not staying at my house again is what will prevent our friendship from ending. btw, you are welcome to borrow that special pillow if your hotel room doesn’t have one.”
Anonymous
+1 – “We should do dinner when you are through again. I also highly recommend X hotel, I’ve heard they have a lovely Y. YOu’ll have to tell me what you think.”
“Oh, I was think ing we’d stay with you again.”
“I’d love to see you too, but it was more stressful for me than I realized it was going to be to have you stay with me, so I recommend X”
Senior Attorney
Yep. “Gah… turns out I’m just a little too set in my ways to be able to deal with guests in my space! I love you but but it stressed me out more than I expected so I think it’s best if you get a hotel next time! So sorry… who knew I was that uptight?”
emeralds
Sounds like they’ll be staying in a hotel. No reason you have to allow them to stay with you again.
Hotelier
I don’t usually defend myself on anonymous internet boards – but I’ve also had other guests without the slightest issue. It’s just something that did not work between me and them, despite the deep friendship between me and her.
Anonattorney
You know what – I was initially critical of your post, but then I realized that I’m a total hypocrite. I HATE having house guests. Absolutely hate it. Everything they do bothers me. I just don’t like having people in my space. So you’re ultimately the better person for extending your house as a place for people to stay.
You’re always entitled (in my opinion) to be irritated, even irrationally, about people mucking up your space. But you (and by “you,” I mean the general “you” and not Hotelier specifically) probably have to tone it down sometimes when dealing with other people so you don’t expose your “crazy,” and maybe just decide not to host people if it’s not a good fit. I’ve decided to just not host people in my home–I even go as far as offering to help pay for my inlaws’ hotel when they come and visit.
anon
Nothing y0u’ve said is crazy. It sounds like they used the master bath; he took items into the bathroom and then put them right on the kitchen table; they ignored your door request; she tried to lie about your dog getting into her stuff; and they let you spend a bunch of money. Those are things that would annoy me, too, as a host. It’s not the end of the world, but it’s not good manners. I hope they at least brought you a lovely present or took you out to dinner.
breakfast for training
I’m considering starting going to the gym before work but I’m unsure what and when to eat. I normally train at night and try not to eat for an hour beforehand but I don’t know what to do about eating before morning training. Any advice?
JJ
For reference, I get up pretty early (4 am) and just have a preworkout drink (Spark, something from Vega, C4, etc.) on my way to the gym. I’ll do cardio or lifting for an hour and just have a protein shake when I get home. But I’ve always been one of those people that prefers to work out on an empty stomach, so YMMV.
Anonymous
What time do you go to bed? If I want to morning workout I need to be up at 4 am but I find it so hard to do consistently!
AFT
Not the person you’re responding to, but I get up at 5 a.m. to get to my morning workout. I get in bed no later than 9 p.m. and I’m usually asleep by 9:30-10. I have a pretty long history of sleep issues so I give myself plenty of time to relax in bed before I really need to be asleep.
JJ
I’m usually in bed by 9:20 or so, reading, and asleep by 10.
Wildkitten
Toast/Banana/Peanut Butter – try combos and see which works for you.
Shopaholic
+1 Peanut butter is especially good for a workout if you can stomach eating that early/can work out after eating.
Bee
This is pretty much exactly what I eat before my morning workouts. One slice sprouted bread, toasted, with about 1-2 tbs almond butter, sliced 1/2 banana, and chia seeds sprinkled on top. I have the other banana half when I get back from my workout.
First Year Anon
I suck at morning workouts but when I have to do it usually I just have a small amount of simple carbs to get something in my system. I usually have a glass of this chocolate hazelnut milk I found recently. It also depends on the type of workout you’re doing- if you’re doing a 10 miler I would say you need something more than that.
Shopaholic
That milk sounds so good – is it a particular brand?
Anonymous
Yes it is by Pacific foods- I find it where you would find almond milk/ soy, etc (sometimes the health food section of the grocery store).
It is very good pre- and post-workout to get some sugar in your system (I run long distances so I need to replenish glycogen stores after a run).
First Year Anon
I posted but it didn’t show up- it is by Pacific foods- find it near the almond milk/health food section.
Anonymous
I posted but it didn’t show up- it is by Pacific foods- find it near the almond milk/health food section.
mascot
What are you training/how long? I’m usually fine working out on an empty stomach first thing in the morning for weight session or cardio under an hour. If it’s really long workout, maybe some raisins or a banana on the way out the door. I then eat breakfast with protein when I get back.
CKB
Me too. I’ve experimented with some pre workouts, but usually just go on an empty stomach except for my weekend long run.
Anonymous
I run 5k daily and I just have a cup of tea before that. It works for me.
anon
I have to eat before working out or I’ll pass out, but also can’t run with food in my stomach, so this has been the bane of my existence. A glass of milk and a half a banana eaten 20 min before working out is sometimes enough — but then you have to get up that extra 20 minutes early!
Anon in NYC
I don’t like to eat before a workout (typically a spin class or pilates – not like marathon training runs) because I typically feel a bit sluggish. I am usually fine with a cup of coffee, but on the days where I’m really hungry and MUST eat before a workout, a half a banana is good for me. The whole banana is no good for me. I eat the other half when I’m done, and then eat breakfast an hour or so later.
anon
I am ravenous first thing in the morning. I try to eat a rice cake with a light layer of peanut butter on it and a small glass of water before going to the gym in the morning. Alternatively, a half of a banana will do the job.
op
Planning something like fbx/metafit or an abs class plus some trx work.
I don’t do well without food in the morning. I don’t think I could do just a bit of fluids and nothing else.
I just struggle to see how to get my food digested in time before the gym. Perhaps I’ll have to stick to evenings.
mascot
If it’s just a low blood sugar thing, maybe try sportsbeans or gels. I’m usually ravenous on the days I don’t work out, but the workout keeps the hunger at bay.
Anonymous
I’m a distance runner so I have a constant supply of gels in the house. If I’m going to work out more than an hour, or doing ab work (I cannot hold a plank when my stomach is growling), I’ll just down a gel before heading out the door. Fast and easy, and I know my stomach can handle it on the go because I eat them in the middle of runs.
Double-Bingo
Late to this, but in case you’re still reading, I second the sports beans suggestion – I like them better than gels for pre-workout. You don’t need to eat the whole package, sometimes I just have 4-5 beans. I like the ones with caffeine for early morning workouts – gives a little lift!
I also find that having my water bottle be about 1/3 full calorie gatorade helps avoid crashing mid-workout.
Anonymous
I hate eating that early in the day. I slam a cup of U Can before I workout in the morning. It’s some kind of complex carb that’s supposed to keep you going through your workout. I don’t know if it’s coincidental or not but it seems to be working for me.
Anonymous
I know some people who swear by Ucan and others who throw up from it. I suppose it’s like any of the above suggestions where it would be best to test on a less intense workout day to see how your stomach handles it, and ideally not an out and back run where you might be 4 miles from the house with no bathroom or quick way home if it strikes.
Anonymous
Sometimes a banana, sometimes just iced coffee on the way to the gym. There’s a slight adjustment period for fasted cardio but I found it easy. It’s very common.
Anonymous
I eat 1/4 cup oatmeal mixed with water, some berries, and toasted almonds plus a cup of coffee. I cannot work out hungry, but I keep the portion a small size. Occasionally I do half a vega shake and drink the other half after the workout, but I don’t like too much liquid in my stomach sloshing around.
Anonymous
Posting anonymous for this because it would otherwise out me – probably will anyway.
I am working at a medium-size firm in a very small city. I’m sort of ‘meh’ about my job, like the people I work with, don’t like my work, but it pays the bills, and without it the bills could not be paid.
I have heard through the grapevine that an individual who is currently in a government position is looking to return to law practice and is interested in talking to me to join him as a partner in a two person firm. Everyone knows he’s basically leaving this government position to prime himself for a gubernatorial run in the next five years. So in reality, he wants to have the facade of a small-town law firm, private practice, but doesn’t need income etc. [As an aside, this is someone my family knows personally and I truly admire although I’m not involved in politics at all.]
I’m good at what I do. I know he’s interested in me because I can keep the ship righted regardless of how much or little he is involved at any given time. I think I’m interested in the opportunity because (1) it is in the small town I’d like to end up working at for the next 25 years; (2) Basically his name + my current book of business = all the work I can handle; and (3) shorter commute, more independent control over what I do every day. I think I’m scared because (1)leaving the known for the unknown; and (2) salary concerns – we have real debt obligations and I can’t go 2-3 months without a salary. I basically need to be guaranteed about 75% of my current salary.
Anyone else ever made a move like this? What else should I take into consideration, or what should I ask him if/when he approaches me about this? Especially in regards to the salary. TIA!
Anon for this
Are you ready to handle what would happen if this person’s name is sullied? For example, are you comfortable being known as Rod Blagojevich or Eliot Spitzer’s law partner and having people associate your name with someone else’s actions going forward?
I work in a scandal-plagued political city and truly believe that there’s always dirt. Are you ready to handle that fallout?
Anonymous
For this reason and the uncertainty of revenues in a smaller firm where the “name” won’t be devoting all of his time to the practice, I think you need to get your finances to a place where you can afford to go 2-3, if not 6 months without a salary, before you leave what sounds to be a much more stable position.
Bewitched
Not sure I agree. I’d ask name partner to have a line of credit for the business in place, which could cover my salary plus office expenses for a set period of time. You said he doesn’t need the income, so hopefully he has assets or a trust fund which he can use to guarantee the loan.
anon
I don’t have any experience in this, but FWIW it sounds like an interesting opportunity!
Anonymous
Would you be doing the same type of work with him? I can’t see much of an upside to taking this job if you already know you won’t like the work. It’s less financial security, probably more stress and more work, and less support from staff and juniors. It’s also a pretty public role (assuming you’re right about his political aspirations), so it may be more difficult for you to move jobs if you’re unhappy. I
Anonymous
These are all good considerations – particularly the ‘dirt’ one. I can’t imagine any, but I’ll think about what that might look like for me.
The upside is that I’d practice exclusively the type of law that I wanted, as opposed to now where I am only in my practice area about 20% of the time and in an area of the law that I really don’t enjoy 80% of the time.
And I guess my reading of this situation is that he’d basically be willing to give me the stable pay in exchange for being able to have the ability to have a small town law practice without actually having to spend much involvement in private practice.
Semi-nonymous
You’d be amazed what people dig out from years and years ago that actually isn’t a big deal but sounds bad on a newspaper headline. Or what people will try to spin – will they accuse you of being his mistress just because the two of you work together and occasionally eat meals together?
I’d add to the list dealing with reporters outside (if not in) your law office, being badgered by the media even if things are going normally, the possibility of your financial information needing to be disclosed as his business partner.
If someone did dig up dirt on him, would your clients stay loyal to you or would they leave to find a law office that wasn’t a 3 ring circus? Will your clients follow you to the small town you are referring to?
Not a lawyer (or an accountant) but I don’t think it’s as straightforward as “he pays you a salary” if the two of your are partners (as in owners). Especially if he is running for office – everything has to be on the up and up financially, so him paying you more than your share of the partnership income might not be ok.
And if he gets elected, would he be allowed to remain a partner, or would you have to buy out his share? Would you have to consider whether there is some work you wouldn’t be able to take on because it is a conflict of interest for him?
My husband is a local elected official and he considered running for a higher office but we couldn’t stomach the amount of “playing politics” it would involve and the amount of prying into our personal lives it would be. We play a game now called “what would the headline say?” where we spin normal occurrences into ridiculous headlines a la our small town newspaper. For instance, a disgruntled person submitted H to the State Ethics Board saying he had filled out his financial disclosure form incorrectly. He hadn’t, but all submissions have to be investigated by our state law – so the newspapers were full of “Local Elected Official Nonymous Under Investigation by State Ethics Board!!!” and it took a lot of our enegry to do damage control on that one. And the pot-stirrer did it section by section – so first he submitted that section 9 was false. H and I and local employees dug up a million records showing that section 9 was fine (and no different than the rest of the other elected officials, as a matter of fact). Then pot stirrer accused him of Section 10 being wrong, then 11. Luckily the newspaper stopped caring after the first false alarm – but it was so ugly and irritating.
Don’t go into this lightly. Politics suck.
Laura | Books & Foods
There was an article in the NYT recently about the health benefits of intermittent fasting. It mentioned the 5:2 method a few times; for two days a week, you only eat a maximum of 500 calories/day. Supposedly there can be pretty impressive health benefits in several areas. People interviewed for the article says adjusting to a 5:2 schedule is hard, but post-adjustment it stops feeling like deprivation.
I’m intrigued, but can’t really imagine doing this — especially getting through the adjustment period. Has anyone here tried intermittent fasting?
Anonymous
Yup. Liked it at first, but then I found that I was overeating on the non-fasting days to prepare for the fasting days. So I stopped after about 4 weeks. But the up side is that I’m just much more comfortable with hunger now. Not severe hunger, just “hey it’s 2 hours until dinner and I’m hungry” feeling, which before I would have thought meant I needed a snack, but now I realize just means I’m going to really enjoy my dinner later on.
Coach Laura
Same experience as anon at 11:25. I have to really manage portions, track calories or otherwise limit on my non-fasting days because otherwise I’ll eat up all my gains. But I also got more comfortable with hunger.
Thistle
The 5:2 is quite common in the UK and I know people who have had good success with it. You get used to it (so I’m told).
Anonymous
Never tried fasting as a diet, but based on my experience fasting for 24 hours for Jewish holidays I could never do it, and if I did succeed in doing it, I wouldn’t lose weight because I’d just eat way more the next day. I probably eat 4,000 calories the day after Yom Kippur.
Clothes Steamer
Who has a steamer? What do you use it for? Has it changed your life?
Anon
My MIL has a full-size one and LOVES it. She’d probably tell you it did change her life haha. That said, she LOATHES ironing.
She gave me a full-size steamer for Christmas one year and I ended up selling it on CL. Not only was it bulky, I just don’t love steamers. I have a hand-held one I got on Amazon that I like well enough, but when I need clothes de-wrinkled, I reach for an iron every time. Steamers just can’t get out serious wrinkles. If I’m bothering to de-wrinkle clothes, I want them to look crisp, and steamers simply can’t make clothes look crisp.
Scarlett
Everything! Yes! Best invention ever. My dry cleaning bill is now almost nonexistent. Get a good one though -the kind that standup and need space and have a water tank (like at a clothing store) – ours is by Jiffy
Anonymous
I have a Jiffy one and it’s great. The one I had before had to be retired after about 5 years because the sediment buildup had clogged it up too much that it always thought it was out of water (water couldn’t move from the tank to the hose), so I went with Jiffy. The one thing I miss about the old one is that the rod could collapse down so the steamer was only about 2′ tall. The Jiffy can be a little bulky to store and move at full height.
That aside, I LOVE steaming! I don’t dry clean anymore at all. I wash everything (silk, wool, cashmere, you name it) on the gentle cycle with Laundress or sport wash (which actually gets summer smells out, unlike dry cleaning). I hang dry on a drying rack, and depending on the fabric I will have to iron a few things to get them pressed–maybe 1/4 of my work items needs to be ironed and the rest can be steamed out of the washer. I can then wear stuff 3-4 times with just steaming in between to freshen it up before having to wash again. Steaming is so much faster than ironing, and I love not having to dig the board out from the back of the laundry closet more than 3 times a year.
Blonde Lawyer
Use distilled water in it to avoid the sediment issue.
Anonymous
It was cheaper to buy a new steamer, and I didn’t have to carry a gallon of water up 4 flights of stairs every week.
CountC
I LOVE mine. I have a full size, stand-up, tank one. I use it for everything. I HATE HATE HATE ironing and once I got the steamer, gave away my iron and haven’t looked back. It’s the bees knees.
lawsuited
My standing steamer has absolutely changed my life. It saves me a lot of time and has opened up my wardrobe options. I never have to worry about whether something is too creased to wear to work, because it’s only 10 seconds away from being crease-free again!
Laura | Books & Foods
I have a travel-size steamer (I think it was top-rated on Amazon) for home use and love it. I have a small apartment and can’t fit a big steamer. This one is hand-held and works great. I used to go to the dry cleaner if a silk dress or something got rumpled but now I can take care of it at home. (I’ve also started laundering silk myself with Laundress products.)
Anonymous
I love my steamer – it’s a hand held one I got on Amazon, I think the brand is Conair. I used to literally never buy clothes that required ironing because I just wouldn’t do it (I bought an iron and ironing board when I moved into my new apartment 2.5 years ago and I haven’t touched them once). Now I can wear pretty blouses!
Cat
I have a travel-size steamer, but use it very rarely. That said, I may be the only person on the planet who doesn’t mind ironing… I find it to be very therapeutic. I also like perfectly crisp shirts, and you can’t do that with a steamer.
Wedding April
Need a recommendation for a place in NYC that does eyelash extensions. I’m getting married next month and don’t think waterproof mascara will work.
Thanks!!
Anon
I’ve heard so many stories about what a pain eyelash extensions are. Have you thought about false eyelashes? They’re so easy to use (and so cheap!). You’ve got enough time to practice. Here’s a good tutorial by one of my favorite beauty bloggers: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=oyIER9a2BHA
Anonymous
I’ve never had them done in NYC, but I had them done in the DC area a few weeks ago and LOVED them. Can’t justify the cost, but I’d say totally worth it for a special occasion. The place that did mine was Extreme Lash certified – check their site for NYC people, maybe?
Anonymous
I’ve been getting them done for over a year and I love them. Expensive but worth it. Go for the Russian volume ones. They are the best of the best.
lawsuited
I would recommend getting lash extensions for the first time for your wedding. Some people find that they’re allergic to the glue, or the extensions irritate their eyes, or the extensions don’t last well on their oily lids, or the artist didn’t get the look you were after on the first try. If you don’t have time to do a test run, false eyelashes are a good alternative.
lawsuited
I meant to say I wouldn’t recommend getting lash extensions for the first time before your wedding!
Anon.
You have to get them filled every two weeks – It sounds like you have time to get a full set now and then have them filled before the wedding (just in case there are any complications/allergies). I second the recommendations to get the Russian volume. If you don’t get a NYC specific recommendation (sorry, different city!), ask your hairdresser (or waxer or other beauty pro that you normally go to – they know the adjacent industries).
Minnie Beebe
Not to dissuade you from trying extensions (I’ve always wanted to try it, myself) but have you tried Blinc mascara? Even waterproof mascaras give me raccoon eyes, but Blinc really does stay put.
Zelda
Happy International Women’s Day! What (if anything) are you doing to observe/reflect/celebrate?
anon
I’m slaving away at my multiple career pursuits so when I’m older I can kick @ss and take names.
Anonymous
I got my period!
bitter working mom
To celebrate my womanhood, I am working all day, then going home to work the second shift doing all the things I would have done during the day if I were a SAHM.
bitter working mom
That was supposed to be a reply to Zelda’s International Women’s Day post.
Betty
+1
Anonymous
My college friends at brunch the other day, cited your experience as a reason that they really don’t think a husband/child is worth it.