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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Loft has a ton of these keyhole blouses right now, and they're apparently bestsellers — and when I saw this gorgeous, golden yellow, pindotted one, I just had to post. It's so lovely and such an unusual color, and I like all of the little details, like the almost poms at the neck and the embroidered dots in general. As far as popovers go, this is a great, very easy to wear blouse, and there are a ton of colors and prints available. It's machine washable and comes in regular, petite, and plus sizes (and it's nice to see that they have petites up to size XXL). Lacy Dotted Keyhole Blouse
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Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
For the person who wanted to build a better vocabulary
Pick up a copy of “All About Words” by Nurnberg and Rosenblum.
It focuses on the root, suffix, prefix etc and I found it Super useful.
That said, there is no substitute for being a voracious reader!
Jess
+1 so true that there is no substitute for a being a voracious reader.
Thuper-D-Duper
Perhaps we should all read it and endeavor to use synonyms for “super.”
Anonymous
wow, no need to be rude.
Anon
Unnecessarily rude.
Rainbow Hair
Oh come on.
Anon
r/iamverysmart
anon
Are mimicking a person with a speech impediment to insult someone?
Not a good look.
Anon
Maybe it’s the time to point out that looking up synonyms purely to sound smarter can make you seem insufferable. In some cases it is bad writing, like when authors try to find a million different alternatives to the word “said.”
Anon
Oh, for sure. There’s a big difference between using “big” words naturally and correctly and forcing them into your writing or speech. And it’s very noticeable.
Anon
I am a non native English speaker. I had to write GRE and TOEFL exams to apply for grad school here and had to increase my vocabulary drastically in a very short span of time (I decided that I will apply for grad schools here and within 9 months, I had GRE scores). I had never heard of the words that get asked about in GRE exams in my life and I didn’t have time to read regular books to learn words. I went through the book “Word Power Made Easy”. It was very helpful and interesting precisely for taking “root”, “prefix” and “suffix” approach. I couldn’t believe I was enjoying learning words.
Isabela the She-Wolf
Oh my god, I loved those books! My sister read them to me when we were kids, and I treasure the copies I have with her childhood handwriting in them. (yes, we were weird ones..)
OP from the other day
Thank you so much! I’m SUPER appreciative of the recommendation!
Berlin friend
All, I’m preparing a huge box of American stuff for a care package. She’s based in Germany. Anyone live there in the past and can tell me items you missedbwhen living abroad? good, cosmetics, etc would be very helpful. thank you!
Anonymous
– peanut butter, any non-original oreo flavors (many flavors exist only in US), american style donuts (they have pastries like donuts in Germany but not quite the same)
– anything regional to your area – these days either Amazon Germany or supermarkets in big cities have some selection of US mainstream products.
Anon
Omg I hope you’re not seriously suggesting that American donuts even hold a candle to the wide world of German pastries.
I didn’t miss anything when I was there. Just send a nice card and a gift card to something local.
Vicky Austin
German pastries can be excellent and American donuts can be special at the same time.
Eh
Sometimes people just want a familiar treat from home. It’s not an affront to German pastries.
Anonymous
They’re just two different things. Like someone below suggested Kraft Mac and Cheese – it’s not that it’s better than Kase Spaetzle, it’s just that it’s the taste of childhood/home.
Anon
r/iamveryculinary
emma
Peanut Butter if they are a pb fan :)
Seafinch
I didn’t miss anything, but I went native :) My friends, however complained significantly about missing:
1) Tampons with applicators (basically you can only buy OB in Germany)
The cosmetics are generally the same, or better, so most people miss food the most and if she ever bakes there are a few items (if she is military, the post will have a lot of this):
2) American Cereal like Cheerios or All Bran
3) Kraft Mac & Cheese
4) Canned pumpkin for holidays
5) American box mixes like the Ghiradelli Brownies (German ones are awesome but she may miss specific ones from the USA)
6) Baking Powder
7) Baking Soda
8) Vanilla Extract
9) Cream of Tartar
10) Brown Sugar
11) Mexican food spices, i.e. Rotel, taco seasoning, the envelopes are easy to find in the biggest cities but non-existent elsewhere. Same goes for Asian seasonings.
12) Inexplicably, German Ziploc bags suck. (the Ikea ones are decent).
Germans have very little available by way of pain relief and it can be a huge issue getting what you would buy over the counter here. SO:
13) Extra-strength Tylenol, Ibuprofen, Naproxen (Aleve), Benadryl, Cold Meds
If you know she uses certain products, loyally, they often don’t translate so throw those in there.
14) Coffee Whitener (gross to me but my friends traded it like gold!)
Anon
You can buy every one of those items in Germany. Don’t waste the shipping. You might have trouble finding Kraft, but some stores have it.
Seafinch
I lived in one of the biggest, most metropolitan cities in Germany with an enormous international community and some of the food products you cannot get at all. I.e. You cannot get North American double acting baking powder in Germany, you can only get German Backpulver which is single acting and won’t work in many recipes from home (you can order from Amazon for an exorbitant price often). Like I qualified above, I didn’t miss anything but there is literally a thread every single day on my moms’ group about whether anyone has any of the above items because they are either impossible to find (i.e. the extra strength meds without an Rx – which is never given) or very difficult. Of my friends in this large, international community, those things I listed above were all heavily coveted and often requested and mailed in care packages and traded.
Anonymous
Where can you find tampons with applicators in Germany? I am planning to go back long-term and that is the number one thing I dread. I didn’t mind adapting to different grocery ingredients, but the tampons were a different story.
Seafinch
I had randomly seen them at certain drugstores but I don’t think you can easily find them. Certainly, the consensus amongst my friends was that they were next to impossible to find. Many people had them mailed or spent a fortune on Amazon.
anonshmanon
funny! I just brought back applicator-free tampons from Germany, since that’s what I’m used to (and the tampon itself is constructed better imo, plus less plastic waste), and ob is so expensive here.
Anon
I used to work in tourism. Our Swedish friends always wanted Durkee’s french fried onions and Campbell’s cream of mushroom soup. Seriously!
Seafinch
I know two people who routinely had Campbell’s soup mailed to them!
Anon
So amusing because these Swedish people were terribly high brow when it came to food and wine but they loved their canned french fried onions and Campbell’s soups!
Senior Attorney
HAHA I guess they were making green bean casserole for Swedish Thanksgiving?
cbackson
It’s been 10 years, but when I studied abroad in Austria, so perhaps this has changed, but American baking supplies were really hard to find. I’d add chocolate chips to the list. Plenty of lovely high quality chocolate to chop up, but for recipes where you actually needed chocolate chips, there was one place in the entire city to buy them.
Seafinch
Yes, true. I forgot this and the peanut butter because I like natural peanut butter which is available easily in big cities and I was fine chopping chocolate but you are right, these are also hot commodities.
Cologne
I once carried 3lb of chocolate chips to Germany… But I think by the times my friends left (2016) they could buy them there. They really missed tex-mex food though. They learned how to make their own tortillas!
Vicky Austin
Ohh, me too on the tex-mex! I studied abroad in Sweden and figured out how to make my own refried beans because I just missed them! Fortunately Sweden loves tacos, so tortillas were not scarce.
anonshmanon
Also, brown sugar, the soft kind, is hard to find in Germany.
Anonymous
+1 for tampons with applicators in her brand and for Mexican foods/spices – these were much less common than American foods in my experience.
Anonymous
If they have kids – lego because it’s much cheaper here than Europe
Anon
Oh, whoa, I’ve never heard the term “coffee whitener” before but that’s a much better name than “non-dairy creamer” :P
Cb
I’d do books if you know her taste in literature. English language books are expensive in continental Europe. Otherwise, she’ll likely be able to find many of the food things in a big supermarket.
I’m in the UK and my mom brings me starburst jelly beans and peanut butter cups.
Anon
Just curious, but can’t you get books on Kindle? Or are they restricted like Netflix shows?
Seafinch
I ordered English books weekly on Amazon ( was in two book clubs) and they were usually cheaper than at home. In store, they are expensive but Amazon in Germany is amazing. Magazines are expensive though, they are a good thing to add.
Belle Boyd
My bestie’s husband is stationed in Bahrain working for a defense contractor through the military. We routinely send care packages for him and his co-workers. The one thing they always ask for is American snack foods — chips, pretzels, popcorn (popped or unpopped,) candy, etc. because those things aren’t the same overseas as they are here. I don’t know how German versions of US snack foods stack up, but if there are snacks your friend loves, she might appreciate some from home.
anon
My SIL lives in London and always buys cheez-its when she comes to the U.S.
Cb
You totally can but some people aren’t big digital readers.
LifeScienceMBA
I’m German living in the States, and here are the things friends ask us to bring:
1. OTC medication like triple antibiotic ointment, hydrocortison cream, pain, allergy medications etc – can’t get that stuff without a prescription in Germany.
2. Vitamins – super expensive in Germany
3. Reese’s peanut butter cups, Oreos, marshmallows
4. Clothes and shoes from specific brands, e.g. Levi’s jeans, Gap, BR, Kate Spade, sneakers etc – all expensive in Germany. Of course you would need to know the size. I have my friends go to a store in Germany to try stuff on and then I order here and send it to them.
5. Cosmetic brands like ELF, MAC, OPI, Essie seem to be slightly cheaper in the US, and colors are different sometimes. Skip the drugstore stuff, though, as German drugstore brands are amazing and cheap.
6. Special hair care products (e.g. for curly hair)..
Seafinch
I forgot vitamins, always a hot commodity.
EM84
For OTC meds (stronger or just different), send your friends for a nice trip to the neighbouring Czech republic or Poland. You will find naproxen, strong ibuprofen, diclofenac, hydrocortisone, Flonase (sold as Flixonase).
Anonymous
American living in Germany – whenever I’m back in the States, I load up a suitcase with Trader Joes impulse purchases!
Anon
Would you be happy in a job that pays well, has great benefits and gives you the freedom to work from home on occasion and take off early when needed, but where you aren’t professionally fulfilled and where you can never advance? Given the nature of my position, I can’t move up in the firm (it’s a law firm, and I’m not a lawyer. I’m also not a paralegal, but a more specialized role). I’m capped at about 90k. But for me to get that I have to work overtime, otherwise it’s around 65k. The overtime I can do from home so it’s not that bad. When I think about leaving people tell me how good I have it. I have a both a bachelors and master’s in liberal arts, so not sure what I can do for an equivalent salary. However, I just can’t shake the feeling that I want more.
Anonymous
Your first description does not match the details you described. I don’t think your job sounds like it pays well. It sounds mediocre, and that much overtime sounds like a horrible grind. If you’re not enjoying it and you want something more GO GET SOMETHING MORE. Sounds like you have no idea what you can do with your education and experience and are staying put because “people say”. Honey, you can do better, really.
Anon
I agree that the description doesn’t meet the details. Based on the description, I’d be willing to stay in the job. But that’s based on the assumption that I’m not doing significant overtime, which it sounds like you are. If I have to do significant overtime to get to the “pays well” income, then I’d be looking around,
Another Factor to consider is how replaceable the job is. Without knowing exactly what you do, many staff jobs at law firms are cut during downturns. If you lose your job during the downturn, do you have marketable skills to find a new one?
Anonymous
Where do you live (region but also, rural vs urban)? Do you have interesting hobbies? Does your salary support your life goals?
OP
Midwest LCOL city. Honestly the amount of overtime prevents me from having many hobbies. It’s not mandatory that I work it, but I usually have a lot of work to do and would be buried if I didn’t. Plus the salary difference is nice.
I don’t have kids yet but am thinking about it in the near future.
Thanks all for your responses.
emma
I was in a similar position pre-kids and actively went to find a job that made more without the OT, which would have been very difficult after having kids. I AM SO HAPPY I MADE THAT CHANGE BEFORE HAVING KIDS! I am a lawyer that works in compliance- but many of my peers are non-lawyers, maybe that is an option? It pays well, is flexible, and interesting.
Anonymous
How much overtime? Is it worth moving to a 65K job if there is no overtime expectations? Overtime can be tricky to manage with kids in the picture.
Anonymous
There’s no harm in looking around. Interviewing for a job is not the same thing is quitting your current position.
tesyaa
It’s not a question of whether someone else would be happy. You seem like you’re not. I would think that if you identify a career path that would be more fulfilling, you would probably need to take a pay cut for a while (maybe a substantial one), and/or go back to school. Is that worth it to you? Can you survive on a much smaller income for a few years? Have you even thought about which fields you might enjoy more? Are salaries in that field realistically close to your current salary? For example, if you love working with kids, a preschool teacher’s salary isn’t going to meet your eventual goals.
Anon
I would be, but it sounds like you’re not, so it’s ok to move on.
Anon
I’ve had jobs like this and found it really nice for a year or two, and then get bored. I would use the quality of life this job gives you to do serious thinking about what you want the next challenge to be, and then start working on it. For example, maybe you want to take some classes in x or get y certification so that in your next job you can do more x and y. Maybe you’ve always wanted to do a marathon or start a business or spent more time with family. I noticed that when people told me how lucky I was, usually they were referring to how lucky I was that this job would give me time for things I’m more passionate about than the job. They’re not usually referring to how great the job itself is. Which is fine – it’s just always meant that if what I want to be most excited about is my job, it’s not the right long-term job for me.
Vicky Austin
Love your last couple sentences.
pugsnbourbon
Yep. Spot-on.
Anon
That’s the position I’m in now – been here a year and I’m getting bored. There’s nowhere to advance.
Here in the boat with you
I’ll be interested in seeing the hive’s wisdom.
Imagine you had to leave this job tomorrow. In this job, day by day, are you building skills that you enjoy using, and could you use those to get another job that would pay you adequately? If your answers are no, then I’d recommend you make a change, even if you need to take a pay cut to do it.
Another consideration is your outside-work responsibilities — young kids? Aging parents who may need day to day care from you? Those might weigh in favor of keeping things status quo for now.
Anonymous
Yes because it would allow me the freedom to pursue other interests. I don’t have to ‘love’ my job, I just have to like it. My real interests are things I can’t make money at like skiing and indoor rock climbing. Low stress, regular hours, well paid job is ideal at this stage of my life.
Anonymous
I agree with your ideal but with all the overtime she does it doesn’t sound low stress to me.
Anon
Yeah this does not sound like regular hours. In a subsequent post she says she doesn’t have time for any hobbies because of all the overtime. So, OP, this job would be awesome without the overtime– but then it’s only $65K, not $90K. It’s not awesome with the overtime because you don’t have a life. And you mentioned wanting to have kids, and I’ll tell you straight up the overtime is not tenable if you add kids to the mix. You don’t even have time to read a book or go to a painting class or whatever your hobbies are– kids are that times a zillion. Your job is not really that great… it’s ok to reframe it and accept it for what it is. That will make it easier to start looking for something better!
CL
I realized I had capped out both monetary/responsibility wise so even though I wasn’t unhappy per se I switched to another job with upward trajectory and it’s been such relief knowing I invest time in a job with growth opportunity for when/if I want to advance. I think by asking this question you have your answer!
Anon
No, I wouldn’t be. I’ve come to realize that a job that doesn’t challenge me or that makes me bored makes me miserable. It’s just not worth it to me.
SIFMA
Does anyone else here go to the big SIFMA conference in Vegas? What do women generally wear? IIRC, the weather in Vegas is cold/dry in February, so sleeved dresses? Haven’t been in many years and now that I am going again, I’m used to working in a sloppy-casual-but-sometimes-suits workplace, so I have no idea really.
Anonymous
My experience with conferences in Vegas is that you will never go outside. I did walk around outdoors by myself outside of conference events, but I wore jeans and not what I’d worn to the conference.
Anonymous
Also curious — what do women wear at the conference events? Pictures (mainly of speakers) show people in full-on suits.
Anon
It depends on the industry. SIFMA will likely have all suits (don’t know for sure but brokers I work with tend to wear suits daily). Real estate will have women in dresses and blazers. Tech will have women in jeans and blazers.
buffybot
Haven’t been to SIFMA but have been to FIA and feel like that’s pretty equivalent (admittedly on the legal side). Most women were wearing suits or similar – pretty formal.
FWIW -- biglaw shoes
I’m finally a BigLaw partner — yay! And I got to travel to our partner retreat. Since Silence of the Lambs, I’ve been a shoe noticer (esp. b/c I had cheap shoes back when I saw it first). To the extent any female partners had on noticeable shoes they were only of 2 varieties: Rothy points and Ferragamo Vara/Varina. Yin and yang, right? FWIW, there is a lot of standing at this retreat, so both are comfort shoes. And the Rothy wearers skewed younger (but the Vara wearers were not all older). At any rate, I thought that was interesting.
cbackson
As a data point of one, I’m a 38-year-old partner and started wearing Ferragamo flats and heels when I was a senior associate. I also wear a ton of M.Gemi and LK Bennett. I don’t think my brand choices have changed much over the course of the associate to partner transition, but I also don’t buy a lot of shoes (basically once I made a geographic move to a firm that paid market salaries, I upgraded all my work shoes and now I only buy if something needs replacement).
Anonymous
Interesting — I have weird triangular feet and can’t wear a lot of pricey brands that skew narrow in the ball-of-foot area. Oddly, I’ve had a great experience at Brooks Brothers with a Vara-shaped shoe that they no longer make. Should have hoarded.
Anon
Interesting! I feel like Rothy looks super casual on me. I’m thin but super pale and do not have tiny ankles. My conclusion is that people with Megan Markle sized ankles and less blindingly white skin can make Rothy skew more professional.
Anonymous
I love my Rothys and wear them all the time in my business casual office, but I would never wear them in a business formal environment. Business formal = leather shoes, not woven plastic fabric.
Legally Brunette
I agree that Rothys look casual, I tend to wear them on my commute and always on the weekends. I live in DC and see them around everywhere (including at work, but I’m not in BigLaw). On one hand I don’t like wearing something everyone else wears, on the other hand I think they’re so comfortable and stylish.
anon
I’m a 38-year old partner at West Coast/business casual office, and Rothys are very common. I wear blondo booties 9 months out of the year and Rothys or sneakers on Fridays.
Anon
Maybe the Rothy’s are mainly because of the retreat? I’ve noticed at our Biglaw partners retreat the formality of attire varies widely, from full suits (mostly on a handful of men) to very casual vacation-type shorts and sundresses. So shoes probably varied a lot, too. Are you seeing a lot of Rothy’s in the office? That would be pretty casual for my midwestern office.
Anonymous
As another data point of one, my midlaw female managing partner wears a lot of Sam Edelman loafers when she’s in the office. If she wears heels it’s not a recognizable brand, and she’ll wear Birkenstocks or running shoes on Fridays if she’s in. We’re on the West Coast.
Anon
What are some good 20 min or less core workout videos you can find on YouTube? I used to do Pilates, but the poses often strain my neck. Any other recs would be appreciated.
Anonymous
not youtube but popsugar fitness of all places has a ton of really great videos, you can sort by almost any criteria (and its free).
Anon
Check out blogilates. She has all kinds of different videos and puts out a monthly curated “workout calendar”, each day there is a combination of 3-5 of her shorter youtube videos that create an entire, targeted workout. I usually found they ran ~35 mins if you did the whole thing, but you can pick and chose videos to get your 20 mins and eliminate anything that might strain your neck. You can of course just pick videos at random, too. Here’s a link to the beginner calendar – https://www.blogilates.com/begwocal18/.
Triangle Pose
The P90x Ab ripper video is something like 12 minutes and a total killer. Highly recommend. It works every part of your abs and if you lost or don’t have the belly fat that normally sits on top of your abs, it works to sculpt and tone your muscles in addition to making you stronger, if that’s something you care about.
anon8
FitnessBlender
PopSugar Fitness has a YouTube channel also
312
Great recs above, I’d also take a look at Bodyfit by Amy and Jessica Smith – I think they may have standing ab workouts.
Lily
It’s 18F (feels like 9F) today in Chicago today. I have an interview and then at supposed to go out with family. Time for fleece lined tights and bringing an extra shirt + leggings for after.
Original Moonstone
Good luck! The temperature drop here is killing me.
Anon
I am praying for warmer weather. I will be conducting a site visit on a Chicago bridge next week. Thank god I just purchased my first ever insulated work (not office) pants. Look for me, I’ll look like a padded snowman :)
Anon
Ugh. It was 31F at 5 am when I went running in the SEUS. Kept thinking my shoes were wet but finally realized that my feet were just very cold. Hang in there.
Anon
p.s. When I lived in Chicagoland, wearing scarfs to work (inside work) really made me feel warmer.
anon
Anyone else baffled by some of the decisions being made by their senior leadership team? I’m a mid-level manager in my org. (Not a law firm, btw.) The senior leadership team keeps expanding, while the rank-and-file is not (and is overworked at times). Some of the people who have been selected look great on paper but I can’t figure out what they’re actually accomplishing. Everything gets dumped on the mid-levels like me to execute.I’m getting tired of having all these so-called strategic thinkers but no actual doers. My reaction to the latest position was: great! Yet another clueless person to give me more work that I don’t have time to do!
The other mid-levels feel exactly the way I do. The support is really lacking for people in our positions. We shield our people from the madness, but we get pulled in all directions from the people above us. Such is the way for middle managers, I guess, but it really affects how much I enjoy my role. I need to change my attitude and figure out how to manage my stress better, but it is so very frustrating.
I don’t want to move up into one of these senior roles, as they’d take me too far away from the parts of the work that I actually enjoy. But I now understand the concept of being middle-management-stuck. I only get paid medium dollars for quite a bit of stress.
Mrs. Type A
Is your company growing a lot? I feel that the layers tend to expand when there is expansion and Sr leaders need their lives to be easier; they add more in the later under them to help themselves but just leave more coordination for everyone else.
anon
It is, and on one hand, I get it. They’re trying to parse out their own duties or expand in certain areas. The side effect is that it puts more pressure on the people immediately below them. I guess what bugs me is that there always seems to be funding to add senior positions, but ask for more staff positions, and you get so much pushback and reasons why there isn’t enough money. (This is in higher ed.)
emeralds
I left a university because of that bullshit. There’s no money in the budget to replace a $35k coordinator doing mission critical activities, but you can find $300k for two new associate vice provosts to do…what? SO done. Bye.
anon
Yes, thank you, exactly. It is BS.
Anon E. Moose
You could be describing the university where I work…
anon
mine too! oh higher ed…
Pompom
AMEN.
This was my old institution. My new one is massive and relatively well-run…so far as I’ve seen… but it’s an inevitability.
lsw
Or the university I just left for basically these reasons…
anon
It’s fascinating to me that this is totally a thing in higher ed. Thanks for making me feel less alone. Sometimes I question whether my work ethic has gone to crap because I feel overwhelmed by all the things that seem to drop out of nowhere. My DH, who is in a different field, finds it mind-boggling that my assignments come from many people other than my boss. And that’s normal, and expected, and it would not end well if I pushed back against that setup.
Anonymous
This sounds typical to me. The role of senior leadership is to get paid a gazillion dollars to muddle priorities, issue conflicting directives, and make grandiose proclamations without thinking them through. The role of middle management is to try and figure out how to actually conduct business while minimizing the harm done by senior leadership.
emma
I actually stepped out of a supervisory role & into an individual contributor role at my company because of this (& got a pay bump to boot!). Middle management is the worst position to be in. I’m sure I’ll return one day, but it was too much for me when I started at 28 and was handed about 50 people to supervise (when I was hired they said there would be 5). FWIW, my company has expanded and retracted about every 6 months in terms of leadership to non-leadership and never can seem to come up with a good ratio.
Mrs. Type A
I’ve been the senior leader making these decisions. And, I can say there is not really great solution. You can’t be everywhere, so your team doesn’t feel supported and, therefore, you need more support in the layer below (delegating will only get you so far in periods of growth). But, then you add to that level, and there’s resentment and then everyone has to coordinate more because there are more cooks in the kitchen. Then thr pendulum swings back and forth between leaner management layers and heavier.
As a leader, I think it’s important to realize there is no silver bullet solution but just trade-offs, and being transparent about that with your team.
Veronica Mars
I’m ordering my Rothy’s today, anyone have a referral code they want me to use?
anon a mouse
https://share.rothys.com/x/S39dUh
Anonymous
https://share.rothys.com/x/MgnKxs
Enjoy!
Anonymous
thank you!!
anon.
I was thinking about it too. Also notes on fit on the pointy ones if I’m reliably 37.5 EU? 7.5 or 8?
Anonymous
I usually wear size 8 or 8.5. I order an 8 in the round toe and 8.5 in the pointy toe.
Anonymous
I normally wear a 7.5 and size up to an 8 in the point and the loafer.
RR
https://share.rothys.com/x/tq40vl
Enjoy!
C2
Interesting – not in law, but biz dev. My style skews preppy and I don’t buy into a lot of current trends. I’ve had one pair each of: yellow Varina flats, red Vara low heel and a black Vara wedge since my mid-20s (now early 30’s). Bonus that I scored two of the pairs at Nordstrom Rack for >$150. I think they’re the kind of shoes that don’t ever go out of style, and are a good quality-over-quantity purchase. I’ve worn each pair hundreds of times, and had the wedges refurbished/resoled. They all still look new. On the other hand, I would totally wear Rothys in a more casual setting if I didn’t have one wider foot that just isn’t quite comfortable in the points. But, like any typical prepster, I just default over to a camel leather loafer or boat shoe.
C2
Oops, meant for the comment at 9:01 about biglaw shoes.
anon
Out of curiosity, what’s your favorite leather loafer? I feel like this is a basic essential that I just cannot seem to get right! I like to think of myself as “modern preppy.” I just really like a clean, unfussy look.
anon.
Everlane Modern Point
anon
Ooh, I love this style SO MUCH, but Everlane shoes absolutely kill my feet.
Pompom
I have a pair of Cole Haan pinch grand penny loafers in a matte black leather that I love, and another pair (I don’t think they are the pinch, but similar classic style) in a high gloss but not patent cordovan that read burgundy or plum. They are so incredibly comfortable and classic, but I do have to style them as modern kicky prep.
my stinky feet
Do you wear these with high socks? Low socks?
I’d love to move to a shoe like this (kind of like, dressing like the men in my firm lol) that would be a low fuss look, but I’d love to find one that lets me wear socks
Miss
I like Coach loafers.
Anon
I’m looking for this too. Is there a decent leather loafer that is good for wide feet and that you can wear socks with?
bigfoot
Wide feet here! I can’t speak to the socks issue but like these: Clarks Women’s Juliet Lora Loafer
C2
I have a few pairs of Coach leather loafers. I wear no-show nude socks with them, the kind that has a little rubber gripper in the heel.
Anonymous
GH Bass Weejun. They look like prep school uniform shoes but I put Vibram soles on mine like 2 years ago and they’ve been indestructible. I refuse to wear heels to status conferences where I’m in and out in 20 min so they’re all I wear then.
Brr
How do you folks dress to get around town in big, cold cities? Husband and I are planning a trip to New York next month. I’ve only ever been in moderate weather, but it’s always involved a lot of walking outside. I’m a total wuss about the cold. I’m thinking tights/hose, under leggings, under jeans, a thermal shirt under a sweater with a wool coat, scarf, hat, and maybe getting some mittens to put those little hand-warmer things into. I have some very old Timberland boots which aren’t the most fashionable things, but are warm and comfortable.
I know that sounds extreme, but I’m a complete wuss about the cold, and used to driving everywhere. Any tips for managing to enjoy myself with this? (I don’t want to buy any big-ticket items like a new coat that I won’t need at home.)
Anon
My husband survived five years in northern Illinois by wearing silk long johns and an undershirt. It helps IMMENSELY. He was particular to the 100% silk but there are a ton of variations in man made materials.
Anon
If you’re only going to have a wool coat, you need some underlayers, hat, gloves, scarf, warm socks. Just keep in mind that wool isn’t waterproof. You’ll be soaked if it snows a lot.
Anonymous
If you really want to wear a wool coat, try layering a down jacket or vest underneath.
Brr
At risk of asking a stupid question – is it likely to snow enough that it would penetrate a coat? I have a very old ski jacket that I wear on the 1-2 occasions/year that we get enough snow to go out and play in it, but I’ve never encountered snow that it wouldn’t just brush off a wool coat. Though I guess I should bring it in case it rains. (Cold rain is the worst!)
tesyaa
Yes, it could snow, sleet, freezing rain or just plain rain. Nylon down coats are more water resistant and the thinner packable ones dry quickly and can often be picked up cheaply at Costco or similar stores.
emma
My wool coat is fine in snow- but yes rain is the issue. Make sure you have shoes w/ good grip & potentially spray them w/ waterproofing spray, it’s no fun to slide on ice.
Sam
It’s barely snowed in NY all winter (climate change and all), you’ll be fine.
Anonymous
I prefer a really warm coat (down or Patagonia 3-in-one, not wool unless it’s got a Thinsulate lining) with fewer layers underneath. Buildings in NYC tend to be overheated, so if you have tons of layers on you will be miserably hot indoors when you take off your coat. A knee-length coat, tall boots, a big scarf, a hat, and gloves will keep you plenty warm with just a sweater and jeans underneath.
Vicky Austin
Cold feet will always make you miserable, no matter what, so do not skimp on your socks. I’m not sure wearing tights will be the best thing if you plan to put wool/ski socks over them, to be honest. Can you do footless tights, if you must have them? (I’d sooner do one layer of flannel or silk long johns than tights + leggings, fwiw.) And as my mom always cautioned me, too many pairs of socks can be worse than not enough (cuts off the circulation to your feet, leaving them colder than ever!).
The handwarmer things are great though. You can stick em in your shoes, too! (just be wary of leaving them on bare skin!)
Anonymous
yep they make “toe warmer” types you can put in your shoes. They are flat. I would totally do that.
Fleece or silk long johns plus jeans plus hand and toe warmers, nice hat, nice scarf (nice meaning warm not fancy) , and a WINDPROOF (not just wool) jacket, cashmere sweater (from a thrift store if you don’t want to spend $$$) and you should be good to go!
Diana Barry
What do you mean “moderate weather”? I would look at the forecast before you go. I wouldn’t wear any more than heattech etc. under FLEECE TIGHTS! or thicker pants, those layers sound like a PITA/not comfortable to walk around in.
Brr
I mean I’ve been in summer and fall before, but not true winter. I know that I wear long johns under pants sometimes and still feel terribly cold. Though I have’t tried the heattech ones yet.
Anon
That sounds so uncomfortable. In NYC, I’ve always just gone with fleece lined jeans or Uniqlo’s heat tech long underwear under jeans and socks. Warm coat, gloves, hat. All those layers under pants sound awful. It’s not that cold there and you will be walking a lot.
Anonymous
New yorker here: Super warm, windproof down coat for me is key, rather than a ton of heavy layers, because it tends to be really warm inside buildings here in the winter when its cold outside. I can take off the coat and carry it to quickly adapt, and it is much less heavy/bulky than a wool coat. I am not saying buy a new coat for this trip, but that’s my strategy. Subway stations can be cold but are usually warmer than outside; trains are heated. If you are spending all day outside – or will be standing still outside for any length of time, you might want long underwear etc, but if you are going to be in museums you may regret having a ton of layers you have to strip off and carry. If your wool coat doesn’t block the wind well, definitely consider including a windproof layer – it makes a big difference.
anon
+1. I’m from Florida and lived in the south until I went to law school in NYC. I think you’re planning for too many layers. If you’re outside and walking, the exercise will keep you warmer. If you’re inside, the building will likely be overheated, and you’ll be roasting if you can’t remove layers. I’d go with boots that will keep your feet warm and dry, warm socks, jeans or cords, regular shirt, thin sweater, wind/waterproof down coat with a hood, a scarf, and gloves. In three years of law school, I never owned thermal anything, and only wore tights with skirts, never under jeans. (Then again, tall boots were in style and very practical for cold weather.) The pocket hand-warmers are really nice.
Anon
+1
Spend the $100 on this coat. I promise you’ll be glad you have it. It’s good for snow and dry weather. https://www.macys.com/shop/product/cole-haan-layered-down-puffer-coat?ID=2813247
Pair with silk long underwear and you’ll be good to go.
Anon
+100 agree with this coat recommendation + silk long johns
Anon
Agreed. A wool coat is not going to cut it, especially if there is any wind. The coldest in my life I’ve ever been was walking around NYC in late November in a wool coat…
Small Firm IP Litigator
Yeah, this. I suspect you are from a warm climate like I am. When I go to the East Coast, I just wear normal clothes (for casual wear, jeans with a long-sleeve t-shirt with maybe a night sweater over top) and a serious down coat (Marmot Montreaux). Usually have chemical heat packs for my toes and hands, and a pair of warm mittens. Much easier than tons of layers.
Velma
Seconding this. I wore the Marmot Montreaux very comfortably today in upstate NY. We had near whiteout conditions, c. 15-20 F, with wind gusting up to 25 mph. Brutal cold. I was fine. Don’t forget a hat, scarf, good gloves, and smartwool socks.
anon
hi New Yorker,
also in NY and NJ. still no snow.
I recommend uniqlo for ultra heat base layers and a hat for the days you’ll mostly be outside.
there is a canada goose knockoff on amazon for about $100. you could always give to a homeless person before leaving (most ‘homeless’ signs are fakes, esp when they look better dressed than others; but you’ll know the real deal when you see it. it’s the person sleeping on a grate with tattered plastic bags holding their possesions).
the warming store has great inserts for shoes to keep feet warm.
I must add – please observe the stand to one side on escalators so commuters can walk past. Also, kindly don’t take up – OR STOP AND STAND!! – across the **entire** sidewalk. that might sound harsh but you’ll get it when you’re here.
:) have a great trip!
Anonymous
NYC native here. I also don’t like the cold, but it actually hasn’t been too extreme this winter – hovering between 35-45 most of the time instead of in the 20s, as we’ve had some winters. One thing you should factor in is that walking a lot warms you up! I often arrive at work somewhat sweaty under my layers, and I don’t even have a very long walk from home to subway and then subway to office. (What’s annoying is that while my core is overheated, my hands/face are often super frozen.)
FWIW, my weekend standard attire (i.e. when I don’t have to wear a suit and tights etc) for cold weather under about 40F is as follows: Uniqlo heattech tights under jeans, longsleeve heattech shirt under lightweight merino wool sweater, light but warm mid-calf boots (I have the Eddie Bauer Lodge boots), scarf, and knee-length down coat (LL Bean Acadia down coat, which I think they no longer make).
anon
You’re going to be really uncomfortable with that much layering, I think. I’m in a cold climate and my typical daily wear is something like: sweater with tee underneath, jeans, warm socks, booties or sneakers — all topped with a warm coat. I also tend to run cold. The warm socks (Smartwool) and coat are key to staying warm.
anon
Also, this is probably really obvious, but a coat that covers your hips/butt is going to be so much warmer than a jacket that ends slightly below the waist!
Vicky Austin
Yes! Cover your bum! My mom swears that heat exits the body through your kidneys and my med-school-dropout husband calls this nonsense, but I’m always warmer when I make sure my lower back and butt are covered.
LifeScienceMBA
Ha, my mom says the same!
Anonymous
I actually believe this now. DH’s Portuguese neighbor was adament about this years ago and I shrugged it off but I’ve heard it a few places since.
Only my ski jacket is short. All other winter coats are 3/4 length or at least past my hips.
Anon
I am live in the SEUS and went to Montreal in January a few years ago. It was under 12 the whole time, and we did a lot of walking. I bought a mid-thigh down puffer from L.L. Bean that I had been eyeing anyway and wear it a lot at home (am wearing today). For pants, I wore either silk long johns or baselayer from Target, fleece tights, and jeans. I normally wore wool or hiking socks + duck boots (everything was icy). For a top, I wore either silk long johns or baselayer from Target, a sweater, and a down coat. All of the underlayers I wear at home, and you can get baselayer at Target or a Uniqlo Heattech top for about $10-15. I did invest in a pair of windproof gloves for this trip that were about $35-40 that I do not wear at home but were totally worth it. I also bought a Turtlefur neck gaiter on Amazon that I highly recommend (and still wear). Would also recommend making sure you have a hat that covers your ears.
Anon
I’m uncomfortable just thinking about all those bottom layers. You mentioned a lot of walking in nicer weather but in colder weather I’m more likely to Uber or use public transit. Also, just like blasting air conditioner in summer, a lot of places blast heat in winter. Idk why we’re always trying to make inside and outside the opposite but if you’re going inside you’ll be hot if you can’t easily remove the layers.
Your top layers sound fine. Get glittens – gloves that have a mitten top that flips open so you can use your phone (idk if glittens is an official term but that’s what I call them). Hand warmers aren’t necessary unless you’re actually standing around outside but they are small so if you want to have them go for it. If you’re mainly walking outside just keep a brisk pace and you may be surprised how much your own body heat keeps you warm. I was practically sweating when I arrived at dinner with friends last night.
Anon
For coat – I think wool would be fine for the winter we’re having but of course there’s a big range in wool coats so without knowing what yours is like that’s hard to confirm.
I recently got a nice Cole Haan puffy-ish coat for like $120 at nordstrom. A lot of coats/boots are on sale this time of year and that might be a better investment than a lot of little one off accessories and layers. I wouldn’t do an arctic trek in this coat but it’s fine for walking around the city.
Anon
I was in NYCin December over a particularly cold spell all the locals were complaining about. Everyone was in Canadian goose hooded jackets, hats, gloves, scarves etc. I was cold when standing still, but we were walking so much that my down jacket started to feel too warm at times. And then when you walk inside a building, it is completely overheated! Don’t wear too many layers you cant get out of easily. Keep moving when you’re outside and take advantage of coat racks or coat checks when you’re inside. You’ll be fine.
Anon
If you are taking a wool coat make sure its lined with thinsulate. If you are bringing a down coat look into the fill power rating for down coats. It is important to actually find one that is ranked for warmth. A long coat makes a big difference.
Layers but not that many. I love heat tech Uniqlo products.
This is what I normally wear in NYC everyday:
Shoes that don’t show my ankles and have a heel that is thick enough to not get cold from underneath and are weather appropriate (like will stay dry if its rainy)
Wool socks – for example smart wool. If its really cold and windy I find taller socks help block the wind under my pants if I don’t feel like wearing long underwear.
If its real cold long underwear – I have not worn that this year.
Pants – not leggings. I wear jeans or something thicker.
A tank top/heat tech undershirt
Long sleeve top
A wool sweater
Coat
Scarf that I use to wrap around my hood to help keep it up if I need it
Hat
Gloves
anon.
You have a ton of suggestions, but if you’re still reading – buy a few of those hot packs people use for skiing and carry them around in your bag. When you’re cold, open them and stuff them in your pockets. Having a little mini heater is enormously helpful no matter what you’re wearing. I’m not a skier but always buy them for NYC winters.
Anon for this
I’ve been seeing a guy for a few months now and this weekend I want to initiate the DTR convo. The last time I had a boyfriend I was in my early 20s – then got married and divorced – and while I’ve been dating a while since, I haven’t gotten this far yet. Do we still call them boyfriends when we are in our late 30s/early 40s? It feels weird because he’s a grown man. Any other advice on navigating my first DTR convo in 20 years also appreciated!
Anonymous
Didn’t Senior Attorney used to refer to her now-husband as her “gentleman friend”?
Senior Attorney
I did!
Good times, man. Good times.
NOLA
My stepmother calls her new beau her Gentleman Friend. I thought it was cute. Btw, my Dad died 5 years ago and it’s totally not weird that she’s dating. She brought him for Christmas and he was delightful.
Anon
Try saying “exclusive” or “I’m only interested in seeing you.” I struggled with boyfriend too :)
Anon
Yeah, “boyfriend” is really just a euphemism for being exclusive, and I find it easier to just approach the conversation from that perspective. You’re not seeing anyone else, how does he feel about being exclusive, etc.
Diana Barry
I found a few more pieces that I can send for the cost of shipping, if anyone would like! Diana barry r e t t e at g m a i l
:)
– cranberry silk/cashmere cardigan from Tocca, vintage, L (feels like a M)
– Halogen white/floral cotton blend cardigan, M
– J Crew grey wool ankle pants, 4T
– Sleepless on snow (anthro) fuzzy wide-sleeve open cardigan, M
Abby
Not my size, but just wanted to say you are so thoughtful for offering this!
Lilliet
My mom brain was really confused as to why you toddler had J Crew grey wool ankle pants! Ha!
lsw
SAME! ha
Anon
Same! And my kids were toddlers a long time ago.
Anon
Talk to me about the bags that you actually have and use. I have been shopping for a tote bag, and it seems like there is no bag that can handle all of my needs. Do you use the same bag for everyday work, formal work (presentation or court appearance), and work/non-work travel, or do you use different bags? If so, what bags do you use?
anon.
Following. Great question. I have a love a zip top canvas tote bag from the Strand (with a big Strand logo) that’s 12 years old and still going strong. But I’d love suggestions of other workhorses!
Equestrian Attorney
I bought the Cuyana Trapeze tote based on recommendations from this board and really like it so far. I carry my laptop and the occasional file, plus a notepad, small lunch, gloves, small makeup case, and the usual wallet/phone/keys. I don’t go to court but I bring it to client meetings and closings, and use it for travel too (con – it’s pretty heavy even when empty like most leather bags).
I have smaller purses for social occasions but use the tote from pretty much anything work-related.
Anon
I have a Cuyana tote that I use every day and I don’t change bags. I’m the spring/summer/early fall I had the structured tote in light stone (? I think) and this fall I bought the zip top tote in burgundy for colder/wetter weather. I don’t use an insert.
During the week I carry my wallet, glasses case, laptop, notebook, makeup case, and tech/cord case, with room for a scarf and/ or lunch or some files or whatever. On weekends I leave all the work related stuff on my desk at home and then I have this big empty tote with just my wallet, glasses case, and maybe my small makeup case bouncing around on the bottom. But the tote is not stiff and is not heavy, so it kind of collapses in on itself as I carry it and doesn’t seem too bulky. As I run errands I use it as my shopping bag. Sometimes I stuff my lightweight down coat into it If the weather starts off cool and then gets warmer.
I feel like I’m down to two bags totaling my life (warm weather vs cold weather) and it feels nice and freeing.
S
I have a Rebecca Minkoff MAB that I carry everywhere. It fits a ton and is casual without being too schlubby. I got it second hand in perfect condition for $100, and I treat it pretty rough but it looks almost no worse for wear. For more formal days, I have a structured leather tote from Longchamp.
anon
I’ve given up on a one-size-fits-all bag. I have three that I use regularly: for work, my leather Cole Haan bag (it’s pretty big); a Knomo laptop bag for when I need to haul my computer around; and a very casual Patagonia sling bag that I use on weekends to save my shoulders. I have a few inexpensive purses that I occasionally use for girls’ nights/date nights.
I have wasted so much money trying to find a bag that does everything — just don’t think it’s possible with my lifestyle.
anon
Also, I can technically fit my laptop in the Cole Haan bag, but I prefer not to. A leather bag plus laptop is just really heavy to lug around.
Anon
I have a bag like this (minus the tassles) from TJ Maxx…except mine was $30. I use it for everything work-related. For casual workdays, it easily fits my lunch bag; for formal days, it readily holds folders; for travel, it accommodates my laptop and a wrap. A plain gray cosmetic bag I got as part of a gift with purchase lives in the bottom to corral mints/lipstick/pens.
https://tjmaxx.tjx.com/store/jump/product/handbags-handbags-totes/Sydney-Expandable-Leather-Tote/1000454610
Cat
Same tote for everyday and formal work — a Kate Spade gray leather tote. I’m lucky that my work laptop is super slim/light.
I use a Longchamp for air travel. Zipper, lightweight, easy to clean, and stays relatively organized when I use a few pouches. #basic #sorrynotsorry
Anonymous
I have a grey and blue timbuk2 messenger bag which I love. It’s not a wild color, has a great shoulder strap and pad and i’ve taken it to client meetings and to court. It fits my laptop and files, pocketbook, etc. and would prob fit my lunch.
Miss
I use different bags. I have a narrower Lodis tote that zips and is very structured and formal that I use in court. I have a big, open Lodis tote that I can stuff a bunch of files in that I use for client visits. I use the same Coach handbag for all the times I want a purse and don’t need a tote. I usually use a Longchamp or another zippered tote when I’m traveling. I rarely take a laptop so none of my bags have dividers or laptop sleeves.
Anon
Cuyana zippered tote all day, every day.
Anon
I use a Tumi tote bag for work. I love it. For non-work I have quite a few bags in a rotation, mostly Kate Spade, Marc Jacobs, etc. But I tend to stick with what I love and use the same bags for years before getting something new. Right now I’m really into clutches for non-work outings like going to dinner.
There’s something mental for me about coming home on Friday and switching all my stuff from my work bag to a “personal” bag – mentally putting work away for a few days.
Anon
I plan my clothes for the week on Sundays then plan the bag that goes with all or at least most of the clothes (if I wear a brown purse with black for one day, so be it). I use one bag for everything (excluding gym bag and lunch bag which I don’t take everyday) I like my totes tailored to suit work and personal needs:
1) structured with little metal feet so the bottom doesn’t get scuffed,
2) a padded laptop,
3) multiple internal pockets, especially one that an fit a large phone and a couple for pens, and
4) wide enough to fit a slim yeti or bottle of water.
5) at least 13 – 15 in to fit work and/or personal laptop, slim folder and notepad, 6) bonus for a key finder strap (clip your keys to a strap that sits at the top of the bag but internal so you can just pull on it to get the keys.
Not partial to brand, but I’ve found some gems at TJ Maxx and Ross of all places – still branded items but on deep discount. I love bags but know that realistically I’m only going to carry a bag for 5 yrs or so, so a good brand, all leather, not full price is perfect. Michael Kors is a good bet for having these details.
Anonymous
I use the Lo & Sons OG for all work situations–office, court, business travel. I don’t have the energy to switch bags, and I don’t want to risk leaving anything essential in a different bag.
I have been pretty happy with the OG, except that the fact that it’s narrower at the top makes it somewhat difficult to reach things inside the bag. I would have returned it for this reason, but I had already made an extensive search and couldn’t find anything else that had the features and capacity I needed.
Anon
I’ve finally found a holy grail tote that I use for everyday work, formal work occasions, and work travel! It’s the Knomo Grosvenor tote. It’s nylon, so it has all the advantages of being lightweight, doesn’t scratch, and easy to clean. It has the styling of a Tumi bag, but is only $200. It has a a sturdy handle with a long handle drop, and a large padded laptop sleeve, zipper top, and the perfect amount of pockets. And it also has a luggage sleeve and expandable sides, both of which are key for me for work travel! I searched high and low for a bag like this for a good two years, so now I want to spread the love.
WCEC
Tumi Elaine Sinclair brief all day every day, travel too. I held out a long time before buying it and considered many of the bags listed here by other posters, and this one only met all my requirements: zip top closure, metal feet, carry on sleeve to sit on top of a wheeled suitcase, not leather therefore lighter and more durable, multiple inner zipped pockets, fits a redweld or fat binder and my laptop.
MJ
Yes, VIctorinox Divine. It’s the bees knees. Wait for it to go on sale at ebags dot com. I love it. It has so many thoughtful pockets, is great for travel, fits enough for work files, laptop and gym on a normal day (and lunch if I don’t bring a huge lunch bag). It’s just so great. LURV.
Best buys
I loved yesterday’s thread about Best Buys of 2018. Let’s see if we can get some more responses because I always find some helpful products from these posts. So what were your Best Buys of 2018? Mine were smartwool socks and an electric kettle. For the poster who asked, The tub stopper that I love is called the “Bath overflow drain stopper” on amazon.
SC
We received a Roomba for Christmas, and it’s my favorite thing.
FireStick.
Ecobee thermostats.
Anker Powerline phone chargers–6-ft for my nightstand and 10-ft for my office.
olive oil soap.
a wrapping paper/supplies organizer.
K
Bissell vacuum
Sunrise alarm clock
12oz mybevi thermos, because most thermoses are too big for how much coffee I want
Parents gave me a tool set and electric drill for Christmas, which I am very excited to use this year
Anon
There have been, like, 4 of these posts now. If you go back a few days/weeks you’ll find them.
Anon
Migraneurs, do you get headaches that aren’t necessarily migraines that last for days? Yesterday afternoon I developed a headache that wasn’t preceded by my usual aura, and I wasn’t able to get rid of it. I woke up with it still going this morning. Last time this happened it lasted at least three days. Kind of miserable, and it’s my birthday :(
Any tips or tricks for making it go away faster?
Anonymous
I have had a couple of non-migraine headaches that lasted up to a week that I think were cluster headaches. A heating pad or microwave heat thingy works wonders.
givemyregards
The only things that really works for me is taking my actual migraine meds, even if it feels like more of a long-lasting headache. Unfortunately mine (imitrex and phenergan) knock me out, so if that’s not an option I just take aleve/advil/whatever I have around and try to sleep/not look at a computer as much as I can when I’m not at work. I had one of these last week and in a moment of desperation discovered that those ice rollers that are really popular these days helped take the edge off. I rolled it around on the side of my head where it actually hurt and then all along my neck (I actually ended up just laying on it with it propped at the base of my skull), which randomly/miraculously helped. No clue if it was a fluke or would work for others, but if you have one in your fridge (or have been looking for an excuse to order one) you might try it.
Horse Crazy
Yep, just gotta take the meds RIGHT AWAY, and then sleep. It’s the only thing I’ve ever found that truly helps get rid of it.
Houda
I usually get the 3-day migraines but have noticed that if I get medication very early on, there is a chance it will die within a few hours. I usually take yellow migraleve (pink if you are extremely nauseated). As I’m based in the UK, I can also buy Paracetamol and Codeine pills over the counter and it works wonders.
The key for me is to pop two pills at the first signs and avoid any exposure to screens, light and string sounds.
I also drink lots of water and if at all possible will just lay down for a couple hours.
Anon
I’m the OP and have read this as “there’s a chance I will die within a few hours” twice now! Haha – tempting, honestly
Miss
My migraines typically last for 3-4 days. The pain level varies so you may still be experiencing a migraine even if you aren’t incapacitated. I am careful not to overuse pain medication (which can cause rebound headaches) so I take my prescription triptan the first two days, then manage with alternating NSAIDs and acetaminophen. I also use ice packs.
According to my neurologist, the main way to stop a migraine is to hit it hard as soon as you get it. Unfortunately I often develop migraines in the night and sleep through the crucial period, waking up with intense pain. If you get auras before your migraines, take pain meds then to try to stave off the pain. My doctor recommended Alka Seltzer because the aspirin is dissolved so it hits you faster than a pill.
But the bottom line is that if you’re getting migraines, you should talk to a doctor about the best way to manage them.
Anonymous
I use a combination of Excedrin migraine and caffeine pills (which you can buy at CVS or Walgreens). The overload of caffeine makes me shake-y, but I haven’t found any other solution for those long-lasting headaches. My best friend recommended this to me while she was in pharmacy school years ago and I’ve used it ever since.
If I cannot find caffeine pills, then a bottle of 5-hour energy will. do. You truly need more caffeine than a cup of coffee (or two) will give you. I usually combine this with a pastry or a piece of bread to prevent any stomach issues caused by the caffeine.
Best of luck! Those are hard days.
Anonymous
Happy bday, sorry about the migraine. I think you should really self-assess whether it’s not a migraine, it could still be one even though you didn’t get aura, that’s not uncommon. My migraines often go away when I initially take meds…and then come back the next morning. Repeat for 2-30 days. I just go through my usual steps of taking care of myself to get rid of migraines (rest, eat particular foods, hydrate, take my meds, ice pack, etc). When it gets to about day 3 and the migraine hasn’t fully resolve I message my neurologist who will order me a steroid dosepack (Prednisone), which quickly breaks up the headache for good.
Anon
Thanks. I need to find a new neurologist. I don’t think my meds are the latest and greatest.
Orientation
I have a new employee starting on Monday and I’m trying to sketch out a rough outline of their first two weeks so they don’t feel adrift. When you’re starting a new position, what balance of introductory meetings and downtime to just review stuff on your computer do you like? I find introductory meetings super exhausting, so my preference would be to only have 1, max 2, a day. But I also know that at the beginning of a new job, sometimes it’s awkward because you’re just sitting around trying to figure out what to do. Thoughts?
Equestrian Attorney
I would say a healthy mix. Keep things casual on their very first day – there is always paperwork to fill out, etc. But then make sure they actually have something to do, if only reading old materials or company updates – it’s really awkward to find yourself browsing Facebook in your first week if you have nothing to do. And I liked meeting people fairly quickly so I could chat with them and understand the business. It took about two weeks before I did any real work but I knew about ongoing projects, who was who, etc which really helped.
OP
Good advice – thank you! And I agree that it’s awkward when you have nothing to do but you don’t want to be seen mindlessly scrolling through your phone, etc. When I start a new job I always try to bask in the glory of taking an actual lunch those first few weeks, haha.
Anon
I appreciated being invited to meetings (without any expectation to contribute yet). That gave me a better idea of who does what roles and got me integrated into the office and culture much faster.
Workouts
I posted this on the afternoon post yesterday but I was hoping for other suggestions:
Does anyone have recommendations for a workout app? I’m looking for something that I can use during strength training. Ideally something that I can set up and it’ll essentially count down my sets, and give me a timer for rest periods etc.
I used the Sweat App before and I did really like it but none of the programs are exactly what I’m looking for.
Pompom
Someone here recommended Aaptiv, then shared a 30 day pass with me, and I like it so far! It plays their music, and doesn’t have visuals, but those are things you didn’t mention. Has a WIDE range of types of workouts, including meditations and guided relaxations, which came in handy in airports over the holidays.
FP
This is a local business to Nashville – but Shed Fitness has an app that is excellent – Shed OTG (on-the-go). A great strength training workout app!
TX-IHC
I’ve been using the ClassPass GO app and happy with it
Workouts
Thank you all! I just downloaded this app and I think it’s exactly what I’m looking for.
NTC
Nike Training Center. It’s free, the workouts are awesome, includes cooldown/warmups, and has everything from no equipment to tons of equipment. I also enjoy their super short 5-15 minute yoga/stretching/quick workouts.
Anonymous
IF you’re following a lifting program or writing your own, I really like the STRONG app or Regimy – both allow you to create your own and adjust sets, weights & rest periods. Both are free with pro options, but I haven’t felt the need to pay.
Warby Parker sunglasses
Anyone bought Warby Parker sunglasses? Curious whether you’ve liked the lenses and how they’ve held up.
Anon
I’m so disappointed that only about half of their sunglass styles are available to try on at home. Some of them look super cute but no way am I buying them without knowing how they’ll look on my face.
Warby Parker sunglasses
I went in the store yesterday and tried on a few. I have a small head and find that many standard sunglasses are just too big for me. I loved the Haskells in a pinkish color.
I wouldn’t buy prescription glasses at Warby Parker bc my prescription is fairly strong. And I’ve found the folks at my regular eyeglass place to be super helpful in finding attractive frames and the right lenses. But i figured for sunglasses…
In case anyone is looking for a normal eye glasses place in midtown NY – I highly recommend Studio Optix at Rock Center.
BabyAssociate
Yes, I have the Haskell frames and wear them nearly everyday.
K
I love my sunglasses! I have prescription lenses in them, so they aren’t a fancy gradient like some of the non-prescription ones. The frames have held up great. I had a roommate who had normal warby parker glasses and said he felt like they had to be adjusted frequently because he wore them all the time. I wear my sunglasses infrequently enough (a lot in the summer though) that I haven’t needed to get them adjusted since I got them over a year ago.
lsw
I had an awful experience. They were prescription sunglasses. They were way too heavy and fell down my face. They were also huge – I (obviously) tried them on at home, and the ones I received were enormous compared to my sample frames. I have a higher prescription and my vision was extremely warped in the corners. It was a total waste of money, and I have gone back to spending $$$ at my local, amazing glasses store for prescription sunglasses I love.
I’m a daily glasses wearer so YMMV. I just thought they were garbage and I’d never buy glasses there again.
Duckles
Held up great; the lenses are SUPER dark and polarized though so they catch a lot of glare from my phone/Fitbit/etc
Anonymous
I have sunglasses and glasses from Warby. I like my sunglasses a lot more than I like my glasses. Agree with Duckles, they are dark and polarized. The regular glasses, IDK if its just the coating I got but the lenses are constantly smudged no matter how often I clean them
Anon
My last birthday before I become a mom is coming up this month. My husband is going out of his way to make me feel special despite the fact I will be 38 weeks pregnant. I am struggling to think about what to ask for from my husband. Anything you would ask for?
BTW he already has planned a long weekend over MLK that involves a hotel, delicious food, a massage, a play etc as a last staycation babymoon.
anon
Your long weekend sounds perfect! Enjoy! I remember fondly my pre-motherhood, super-pregnant birthday dinner 5 years ago. The restaurant, which is sadly closed, was so awesome. My husband met me at the restaurant and got there first. They made a special mocktail for me and surprised me with a chocolate souffle for dessert, on top of what we had already ordered! It was above and beyond, but so so sweet. Thanks for bringing back that memory for me.
anon.
Like the poster above this post made me a little teary and nostalgic. I think together time, watching a movie you’ve missed, or binging a show over a weekend. I might also go to a special meal even if you are going again in a few weeks.
Anonymous
Can I vent for a moment? I just received feedback on a project in which one of the managers did not contribute. I was told that it was my fault that I had to step in at the last minute to take over the manager’s work and that I should not have had to do it. I’ve asked for clarification as there was a record of the manager not contributing to the project – should I have taken over earlier? The partner could not tell me what I should have done differently but suggested that I look internally and determine how I caused the situation. This partner also has a track record of defending men and asking women to reflect on what they did wrong to cause the situation. Ugh.
Anonymous
Ugh. I’m so sorry. I’m watching The Handmaid’s Tale right now and your situation is basically life in Gilead. I get this s*** too from my male boss, frequently when others with clearly written out instructions fail to do their work or follow what is being asked of them. I don’t know if places exist where this isn’t an issue.
Equestrian Attorney
Sorry. Something very similar happened to me at my old job (taking the fall for the fact that my supervisor made a serious error, despite having raised this error multiple times, including in writing, and having been told not to worry about it). No advice except document as much as you can and, if this happens a lot, GTFO.
Jigsaw puzzle love
What are your recommendations for high quality jigsaw puzzles? I’m having so much fun doing puzzles with my 3 yr old, but want to do a “real” adult one. 1000 or more pieces, tasteful images preferred (no cartoons or gaudy sunsets).
Anonymous
Liberty puzzles! https://www.libertypuzzles.com/ They are not cut in the ordinary jigsaw puzzle shapes, made of wood, beautiful and difficult (you don’t need 1000 pieces, a 6-700 piece liberty puzzle is much harder than a 1000 piece regular puzzle).
SC
A friend was telling us about Liberty puzzles the other day. I haven’t done one, but apparently, she and her husband love them.
Puddlejumper
Ravensburger puzzles are great! They have a whole assortment of images so take time to look for images you want to do. I liked doing the Bizarre Bookshelf series. I also got this one recently: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00HGA8H4S/ref=oh_aui_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1
Curly
Yes! My grandmother loved puzzles, but at a certain point she could only pick up the pieces for puzzles made with the thick, high quality cardboard. I got her a ton of these the last couple years of her life, and they were perfect. They’re well-made, the images are mostly not too cheesy, and they really do last. My grandpa framed a number of them, and they actually still look good, many years later.
lsw
+1, the quality is really good.
MKB
Ravensburger, esp. the Colin Thompson ones (Bizarre Bookshelf is his, but they have a lot of others by him as well). My husband and I like to do them w/o looking at the image, and his are super fun because it’s often quite mysterious as to what the bits we’re assembling could be.
Also love puzzles
Ravensburger puzzles
Abby
I got one that had the map of the state I live in and loved it! It was so fun to see what was highlighted as “must sees” in the puzzle and made me want to explore nearby cities more
Anon
I had so much fun doing puzzles over Christmas break with family! They looked at me like I was nuts when I pulled them out, but everyone got in on it and insisted we do them every year from now on :)
My favorites are Buffalo brand and White Mountain (made in New Hampshire by a family-owned company).
Anon
Oh, and the White Mountain collage puzzles are a lot of fun. https://www.whitemountainpuzzles.com/Collage-Jigsaw-Puzzles/products/135/
SC
My mom always puts a puzzle out on the kitchen table at Christmas. It keeps people nearby but out of the kitchen itself.
Rainbow Hair
My sister — who might be nuts — loves the ombre/color fade ones. https://www.thisiscolossal.com/2014/12/1000-colors-jigsaw-puzzle/
Rainbow Hair
I actually just love everything here: https://www.thisiscolossal.com/tags/puzzles/
Anonymous
I only do Pomegranate art puzzles!! They are high quality puzzle pieces and the images are fine artwork (from Monet to Buddhist works). Fun and educational!
Anonymous
Check out Dowdle puzzles!
Jigsaw puzzle love
Thank you everyone! The pomegranate, White mountain and Ravensburger puzzles look just like what I was looking for! Liberty looks nice but very pricey for trying out a hobby again… Maybe later.
(As a side note, I’m from Germany and grew up with Ravensburger Puzzles – didn’t know they were so popular in the US!)
Anon
Favorite things to do in Paris? I’m going with a group of friends next month. The group is very food and museum-oriented, which is awesome; I like those things too. But I’m wondering if there are other things I should be checking out, like shopping or can’t miss tourist experiences or . . . I’m very excited about this trip, but Paris was never at the top of my list of places to go, so I don’t already have a list of must sees/dos.
Senior Attorney
We did a cheese-tasting class at Paris By Mouth that was fantastic! Just a bunch of people sitting around a table in a little storefront, eating cheese and bread, but SO FUN and SO DELISH! (Who knew you could taste the herbs the sheep ate in the sheep’s-milk cheese?)
Also shopping in the Marais District.
Ms B
I like to do a lot of the “off the beaten path” stuff in Paris. Things I enjoyed on a most recent trip: a pleasant afternoon stop at Dilettantes champagne bar (in the 5th, I believe), inexpensive scarf shopping at Diwali (multiple locations, including one a couple blocks from Dilettantes), super-expensive scarf shopping at Wolff et Descourtis (in Galeries Vivienne in the 2d, recommended by people on here) followed by more wine at Legrand Filles et Fils in the same shopping street, hitting an Eric Bompard shop for cashmere items, chocolate shopping at A L’Etoile d’Or in the 9th, and strolling through Parc de Monceau in the 8th (good to do before or after the Musee Jacquemart Andre, a lovely house museum).
If you get the chance, the new Fondation Vuitton is pretty great, but download the app before going and bring headphones for the free tour and information on the exhibits, buy tickets online to avoid the lines – including shuttle tickets, take the shuttle there from Place Charles de Gaulle (stop is on Avenue de Freidland, a street or two to the left from the Cartier store if you are facing the Cartier front windows), and leave enough time to walk through the Jardin d’Acclimatation afterwards (it closes earlier than you might think).
Cat
Touristy but lovely – evening Seine cruise. No need to do the overpriced champagne dinner cruise — just BYOB on the boat. We’ve been perfectly happy with the company that docks on Cite, Vedettes du Pont Neuf IIRC.
Check out Rick Steves’ Paris guidebook; he has suggested walks through all different parts of Paris (like “historic old Paris” that includes Notre Dame and don’t-miss-it-on-a-sunny-day St. Chappelle, Montmartre and views from Sacre Coeur, meandering through the 5th with points of artsy history).
It sounds like you’re all interested in art, so normally I’d recommend a half-day-trip to Giverny to see Monet’s dreamy gardens firsthand, but since it sounds like you’ll be there in February I’m not sure what plants you could expect.
Mostly, though, we adore Paris for the food/leisurely dining experience. Save time to linger!
Anon
Thanks all for the recommendations! I definitely want time to linger and may skip out on some of the group’s other activities to just walk around and be a flâneur.
Google Reservations
Has anyone ever made reservations through Google? They now have integration with Sevenrooms. I snagged a reservation for a popular place in town and it is making me a bit concerned that the availability for that same time block on OpenTable was zero. The restaurant has been open for a while now, so it shouldn’t be totally impossible to get them, but it seemed really weird to me that Sevenrooms via Google had availability from 5:30-7:00 and Open Table had nothing until 9:30.
I can call the restaurant to confirm when it opens, but did not want to be a bother if this is just me being paranoid. I normally use Resy or OpenTable.
cookie
I think the way this works is that restaurants that use multiple reservation systems allot a certain number of tables to each, ex. 10 for Open Table and 10 for Google reservations. Because OT is more common, their 10 tables might’ve filled up while some are still open for Google. You’re probably being paranoid, but it literally takes them 3 seconds to verify your reservation and you’ll feel better if you call and check.
Anon
I did barre class for the first time yesterday. I am incredibly out of shape and I found it hard, but I survived! Actually I hated almost every minute while I was doing it, but afterwards I felt good. I really liked the yoga parts since I already practice yoga. Anyway, I’m proud of myself for trying something new and actually getting some exercise! PS, I am really sore today, ha.
busybee
Congrats! Barre is my favorite form of exercise. I’m happy you went for it!
Abby
Nice job! Trying a new class is daunting, but keep going!
Anonymous
If you are around friends/family that are flashy about their spending — 80k cars, mansions etc. — and you aren’t, does it ever bother you? Think is I can afford much of (though probably not all of) what they have, yet that has never been my style and I am interested in retiring early/or at least slowing down my work life by my late 40s-50s and not working as hard. Usually I don’t care but I won’t lie, sometimes their commentary and their assumptions that I don’t have as much do annoy me — yet investment accounts and 401ks are boring and don’t spark the same conversation as sports cars. Anyone else?
Anonymous
It doesn’t bother me because I am confident that we’ve made the best choices for our family, but seeing other people’s nice things makes my husband insecure and resentful. Which makes no sense, because he is also a huge cheapskate and won’t buy nice things even when they fit into the budget we’ve set.
anon
Not really. I grew up literally in poverty but went to school with a lot of ostentatiously rich people. I don’t think it bothered me then, but I did feel very “other.” At this point (I’m 30), I make more and am richer than basically everyone I grew up with, and I still live on abut as much as I did in my early 20s when I was just starting out (with the exception that I own a modest house). I think it feels sort of weird to me now, especially since my colleagues definitely know how much more I could afford, I think they just think I’m a little weird. Plus when I’m out and about with normal people I like the fact that there’s less distance between me and others with very different walks of life. For example, I live in a low income part of town that’s drug riddled and has a lot of problems that are similar to what I grew up with that otherwise feel foreign to me now. I like the opportunity to get to know my neighbors, their problems, share their happy times, etc. I could care less about material possessions. I am bored by a lot of the conversations I hear among my similar income peers, but I’m not really bothered about what they think.
+1
I was the only associate in my class range that wasn’t dying to get a salary raise–midmarket/midlaw. Of course I was incredibly appreciative, but felt so awkward when colleagues kept bringing up how we were so unlucky and it was so unfair, etc., even though our firm has always matched our particular market. I feel like we make so much already and a few more months of making our already generous salary would not kill anyone. Funny enough, these colleagues have higher combined HHI than me and my SO by a huge margin.
I grew up with very little, though I did not know it at the time, so the fact that I can swipe my card anywhere and be fully confident it will be approved, is incredible to me. I like nice clothes, but shop secondhand a ton and mostly on sale because I am just not a big spender and because I want to finish paying off school debt and save up for a house.
After starting work, I upgraded to a nice, but super sensible and well-priced car, after driving a really old, but well-kept family car that my parents had given me after graduating college. It’s SUCH a treat to me and I am so grateful for a reliable car that I am not paranoid to drive and that has seat warmers, ha! The only thing I “splurge” on is my fitness membership (think Barry’s/Iron Tribe cost), which I use all the time, and care for my dog (several walks throughout the week, lots of activities, and a nice dog day care), but otherwise live really within my means. I like to give to my local community, particularly my church.
I don’t live in a “bad” area of town, but we could definitely live somewhere much much nicer. I am at the top 1% of my zip code and the 2% of my city, so I can definitely afford to stretch myself and have a super fancy car, house, etc. However, we rent an apartment that we love and that sparks so much joy! And we will be here until a sensible home sparks that much joy. However, I am human and there are moments when I see really fancy things that I would love and may get one day (clothes splurges!) and feel like I should have those things too, but I think what keeps me most grounded is knowing how the rest of my friends live. They are young professionals and creatives in a rapidly rising cost of living city and maybe make around 1/6th to 1/4th of what I make, without considering what my SO brings in. Some of them drive Uber/Lyft and AirBnB their houses on weekends to cover non-touring season. And they are the most fabulous folks ever, who know I make “lawyer” money, but definitely who have no idea how much I get paid.
So, basically, yes, this happens to a lot of us, but keeping perspective is the most important part! I don’t think there is anything wrong with you spending your money on a really nice car, house, or clothes, so long as you are not stretching yourself or hurting future you. However, the reality for me is that that is not actually what sparks joy in my life and while comparison gets me every once in a while and I wish sometimes people recognized my “fancy/important/whatever” job solely by the things I own or knowing who I am, my joy comes from the generosity my income affords me! So, I spend it accordingly and remind myself that getting to pay to celebrate my friends at a nice dinner, getting people I care about really thoughtful Christmas gifts, and filling my home with things and experiences that bring me and my family joy are the whole reason why I work so hard! That is what fulfills me. No matter how nice a car, that just doesn’t do it for me, and that’s okay.
Miss
I have friends who are way more status conscious than I am and I internally roll my eyes at some of the things they buy. And then change the topic of conversation.
It’s mildly annoying but I have other things in common with them. I’m sure they judge me for driving a 10-year-old car but I don’t care. She complains about the maintenance and repairs on her expensive SUV and I’m happy with my boring but reliable Honda.
They don’t understand why showing status doesn’t matter to me and I don’t understand why you’d spend more money for appearance over function. It would be a problem if we shared finances, but we don’t, so we both move on and do our own thing.
Anonymous
Basically this. I’m actually probably just as judgy about them. I have to remind myself that people who waste money on luxury cars and McMansions are not necessarily bad people even if they are spending their money in wasteful rather than helpful ways. That said, because of the values disconnect with people who spend money like that, we don’t have any close friends who are like that.
Anon
There are a lot of people who have more money than I do. There are many, many more people who have less money than I do. I basically try not to think about it, but it’s totally human to feel occasional pangs of annoyance/jealousy/frustration/whatever. Acknowledge your feelings in the moment and then try to move on.
Anon
It bothers me in a different way. If they are spending on flashy things that I can afford, but decide not to, I assume that they are making way higher than me. In my head, even though technically I can afford those things, I may think long and hard before buying those things. If I have to think long and hard, then it is just not affordable for me. So, if some one else is buying those things, then their income is high enough that they don’t have to think if they can afford it or not. That may sometimes make me jealous (I know it is not good) and feel that I am poor. The feeling doesn’t last long though.
pugsnbourbon
I think I feel something similar. I’ll see folks I came up with going on international vacations, buying nice houses, and I assume they must make so much more than me, why am I so far behind, I’ve wasted all my potential, etc etc.
I try to get myself out of it in a couple ways: assuming they have buckets of debt or family money (not nice); looking back on my own accomplishments and plans for my future (kinda nice) or admiring them for their hard work (prob nicest).
Abby
I’ve been struggling with this recently, but with new coworkers. I’m at a new job and grew up in this area but never experienced this much flashiness (or was oblivious). My husband and I are financially fine, especially for our ages, but it’s hard for me because I find myself wanting to “prove” myself even though deep down I don’t care about labels/spending our money that way. My advice that I’m trying really hard to listen to, is to recognize that you’re happy with your lifestyle and finances behind closed doors might be different. Behind these extravagant purchases might be a ton of credit card debt and a black hole of trying to keep up.
We focus our spending on traveling, so when I’m enjoying a mojito in Costa Rica this April, that’s priceless to me compared to whatever designer bag my coworker splurged on.
Anon
Sometimes it’s just the crowd. I went to a friend’s 50th birthday party with her other group of friends (for what it’s worjth they were from LA and I’m from the Bay Area) and they spent quite a lot of time at dinner comparing their watches and talking about their cars. Since we are all in the same industry, I know what they make is similar to what I make, but I still feel like I could not afford a diamond Rolex or a Tesla roadster, and I was surrounded by people living that life. I talked to my sister about it and she said it was one of two things- 1) family money, or 2) debt, neither of which I have.
Despite feeling a little like a have-not at that dinner, it doesn’t bother me day to day, and I would hate to spend myself into debt – I KNOW that would bother me – so I do the thing that is advised on here pretty often. Good for them, not for me.
Anon for this
I have friends who make far more than me but most are sensitive to financial disparities (our own and just the general knowledge that they exist) and are not flashy about their spending. Family, OTOH…some have far higher incomes than I will ever see and they are the kindest, most generous people out there (and they have mansions, cars, all that). Other relatives don’t make much more than I do but are addicted to spending money on random stuff, experiences, food, and trips they don’t even seem to want, enjoy, nor participate in. That last group bothers me the most, especially since they have zero respect for other people’s financial disciplines. I truly believe they have an addiction to spending and a lack of awareness that others don’t like living with massive credit card debt.
Anonymous
What bothers me isn’t the cars, house, etc., it’s the constantly talking about things. We have a set of relatives where the conversation just seems to constantly revolve around having all the things. They care so much more about status than we do, and having to put up with it is just exhausting. If they had all the things, but the conversation focused on ideas, memories, hobbies, etc., it wouldn’t be a problem at all. I hate having to hear about it. FWIW, like many of the other posters, we could afford much (all?) of what they have, but choose not to.
Suburban
It does sometimes, but I’ve bought that stuff. I’ve had the fancy handbag and the large engagement ring. I drive a car costs about half of the price you named but it is plenty fancy for my lifestyle. I think this obsession with stuff is so so easy to get caught up in. But ultimately I don’t find it satisfying. That’s just a personal observation, not a value judgment. I don’t see a diamond Rolex and think it’s wasteful. That depends on the person and their budget. I’m not great at taking care of things, and I’ve rarely found the luxury version of something actually improves my life.
FWIW, I’m an American in my mid-30s and I think about this stuff a lot. I grew up with somewhat status conscious parents in a nice-ish but firmly middle class area. I think that in my parents’ and grandparents’ time the acquisition and accumulation of stuff was a feat. Now, between the availability of credit and the internet it all just seems so within reach- I should not be driving an 80k car but sure, I could get one-that it’s meaningless. I’m becoming more a minimalist because it stikes me that the challenge of our time is not the acquisition of stuff, but rather the elimination of the nonessential.
Small Firm IP Litigator
For me, I don’t feel I can afford the things most of my co-workers and friends have even though we’re at the same income level. It doesn’t bother me per se, but it mystified me for a while – i.e., how can a peer buy multi-million dollar home and fancy car and my husband and I are still renting a sort of crappy apartment, still saving for a down payment on what will be a dinky condo, still driving old cars, and still paying down student loans? Like someone else said, it is either family money and/or high debt tolerance.
anon
Any thoughts on OfMercer quality? I’m considering this top: https://www.ofmercer.com/collections/tops/products/dusty-rose-chrystie-top
Anyone want to talk me in or out of it?