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Thursday’s Workwear Report: 3/4 Sleeve Ponté Sheath Dress

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. lands end sheath with sleevesWe've said it before, we'll say it again: Lands' End has some pretty solid sheath dresses. Their machine washable sleeveless sheath dress is one of their bestsellers and a Corporette reader favorite — here, they added sleeves as well as a lovely notched V-neck. I love the pockets, the three-quarter sleeves, and the notched neckline — gorgeous. It's available in black, navy and fuchsia, in regular sizes 2-18, as well as petite, tall, and plus sizes. Considering it's only $79 full price, that's not bad at all. Women's 3/4 Sleeve Ponté Sheath Dress Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-2)

Sales of note for 12.13

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals on skincare including Charlotte Tilbury, Living Proof, Dyson, Shark Pro, and gift sets!
  • Ann Taylor – 50% off everything, including new arrivals (order via standard shipping for 12/23 expected delivery)
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19
  • J.Crew – Up to 60% off almost everything + free shipping (12/13 only)
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off everything and free shipping, no minimum
  • Macy's – $30 off every $150 beauty purchase on top brands
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
  • Talbots – 50% off entire purchase, and free shipping on $99+

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

323 Comments

  1. Does anyone have any suggestions for how dresses at Lands End run? This will be my first Lands End clothing purchase – but I can’t resist 40% off!

    1. They might run a little on the large size – however, a Lands’ End phone operator can give you precise garment measurements for a specific size.

      Additionally, with free shipping over $50 and the ability to return for free at Sears’ stores (which is not 100% hassle free, but doable), there’s not much risk in ordering multiple sizes to see what fits best.

    2. And a related question, how does that notch work on the busty? Is it too low to be work appropriate?

      1. I have this dress w/ grosgrain trim in 2 colors. I’m busty but it is work appropriate on me.

    3. I second calling their customer service, they have excellent service. Never on hold for more than a minute, and they are great with follow-through if needed.

    4. I find that their dresses are pretty accommodating to those of us with curves (I’m a short hourglass with a full bust/hips). If you aren’t as well endowed, you may need to size down a bit.

          1. I’m a 10 in J Crew, and I can comfortably wear both an 8 and a 10 in Lands End. I have a larger chest (even more so now with nursing), and I have no issues with either size.

        2. Yeah – I would do my regular size, or at the most a size down, if you want a closer fit.

          Their clothes are cut a bit big so that they don’t fit tightly. I’ve also found that their sizing is geared towards a shorter person (not petite, but more average?). For example – BR sleeves and shirt hems (regulars) usually hit me at a good place. LE is always a little bit…short. So, definitely consider a Tall size if you have ever thought about needing one in another brand.

          1. I’d agree with the shorter person model. Their petite length pants are a little short too.

    5. In AT/BR, I would get a M top (or 8 if a jacket) and 8 or 10 on the bottom. I wear a 6 or a small in LE.

    6. For reference, I am 5’0, approx 130 lbs and I have the Lands End sleeveless sheath dress in a petite size 8. I’m a 32D, hourglass-ish shape and carry most of my weight on my belly. I found the petite 6 to be a bit snug in the stomach area. I love their dresses and definitely recommend taking advantage of the sale!

    7. I am a size 8 and I bought this dress in size 8 this summer in the “celestial blue” with green trim

    8. I have the pictured dress. I bought in the same size I wear in J. Crew, BR, AT, suiting. I’m 5’8″ and this is short. I had it let down with a french hem (I think that’s what it’s called, where the seamstress puts ribbon or lace inside as a seam binding) to get the maximum length. It works, but I prefer to wear it with flats, as I think that balances out it’s just-above-the-knee length,

    9. I’m on the borderline between plus sized and not, but I’ve found that (at least at that end of the size charts) its very true to the measurements listed in inches, with a slightly relaxed (skims the body, not snug or body con) fit. So if you’ve been measured for something like a bridesmaids dress or have a friend who can take quick measurements, I’d start there.

      Since the returns are easy (ish) if you have a Sears nearby, I almost always order 2 sizes just in case. My hips are my largest measurement (1-2 sizes larger than my bust and waist) so for dresses like this I need to order the size to accommodate my hips and have it taken in slightly under the armpits. For tops or dresses with a A-line or flared shape, I can usually take the size between my bust measurement and my hips measurement.

  2. Just read yesterday’s post about your missed miscarriage. I have had 2 miscarriages. One was a “blighted ovum” and I miscarried naturally at 7 weeks. Four months later I got pregnant again, went for an ultrasound at 10 weeks and discovered the fetus had stopped developing at 6 weeks. As my body had not done anything about it in 4 weeks, we decided to take the meds to induce. I took them on Saturday morning, invited my best friend who had also had multiple m/c to be with me (hubby and kids had a family event an hour out of town and we hadn’t told anyone we were pregnant yet, nor did I want to).
    I went to work on the Monday, which I wouldn’t advise if you can avoid it. I couldn’t really, as it is our busiest time of year.
    But basically, it was OK. Not uber painful, or scary, mostly just sad.
    Be good to yourself, and if you have any friends who have been through it that you can lean on, do that if you are comfortable.
    We did get pregnant again 9 weeks later, with our now 6 year old.
    Great big internet hugs to you.
    -SuziStockbroker

    1. I didn’t see the post yesterday, but big hugs from here. I’ve had a miscarriage, but I did a DNC. Give yourself time to heal emotionally as well as physically. You are strong and lovely.

    2. I didn’t see yesterday’s either, but I wanted to send you big internet hugs. I had a missed miscarriage (blighted ovum) at 8 weeks in June and it was pretty tough emotionally although fine physically (I had a D&E). Please be gentle with yourself and don’t try to rush the grief process. It is so hard, but you can do this.

      My therapist advised me to divide my friends/family into the “A-team” and the “B-team”–the A-team being the ones to whom I could collapse and who would just listen, and the B-team being the ones with whom it wasn’t especially helpful to talk (people who are self-absorbed, who try to tell you that they know what it’s like to miscarry because they had some spotting during their first tri but ultimately had a healthy baby, those who try to bring up the bright side, etc). I found this division very helpful. My A-team consisted of about six people–incidentally, not my six closest friends.

      BIG hugs again.

  3. Threadjack – I’m heading to a wedding soon, and plan to wear a red sheath style dress in a satiny sort of material, with black ankle strap heels. With this, would you wear:

    * Black tights, gray tights, black hose, or nude hose?
    * A black shrug or a white pashima/wrap?

    I’m doing a reading during the ceremony. It’s as traditional church wedding, no dress code. We’re expecting it to be cold. I really wanted a new dress, but had absolutely no luck finding anything that I liked that wasn’t black or white. (So annoying.)

      1. Yeah. I’m happy with the red dress; I like it, and I’ve worn it to weddings before. I just haven’t had anything new in a pretty long while (pregnancies and whatnot). Just not entirely sure how I would prefer to style it for cold weather.

        1. I’d do gray tights (I’d say nude but you said it will be cold) so you can see the detail on the ankle strap, and the black shrug.

    2. I would do black hose and a black shrug. White will look wrong with the red dress.

    3. Not that a red dress doesn’t sound lovely – but if you want something fun and different, go for it!

    4. Black shrug, black hose would be my preference. Definitely not gray tights, and I don’t like tights at all with satin.

    5. Nude hose and white pashmina strikes me as the fanciest combo and very wedding-appropriate. Tights seem like a workday thing. The dress sounds very cute!

      2. +1. Don’t wear tights — will make the outfit too casual. And I don’t love back and red together (unless you have very strong “snow white” coloring).

    6. I’d go get some fancy faux fur thing to put on top because I would love an excuse to buy any of the pretty faux fur pieces I keep seeing – but it’s way too warm where I live for that to ever be a practical purchase.

  4. Anyone else find NYE annoying? I find that everyone wants to get together in the last two weeks of December, but when it comes to NYE, people are always like, “oh, we’re lame; we’re just staying in and having champagne when the ball drops.”

    Im not in a relationship, so I can’t do that. Most of my other single friends are still in their hometowns on holiday visits. I guess I could hang out with my parents…

    Anyway, I just hate how it’s a big deal but also NOT. I would love to just stay in, but I feel like I should do something…

    1. Yeah every year I feel this. I often visit a friend, or I try and make plans with someone explicitly “hey, want to go do xyz on NYE?”, but it still doesn’t always work out. This year I’m going to a friends vacation house where everyone else will be married. I’m excited but also a little bit of “sigh” about it.

    2. I feel the same. I’d love to just stay in and chill with an SO, but I don’t have one. But I don’t want to spend it alone, and I get FOMO, so I wind up either 3rd (or 7th, or 13th) wheelin’ it or hoping something comes through at the last minute, which is its own kind of stressful.

    3. We never go anywhere on New Year’s Eve for the simple reason that we don’t live in a big city with public transportation. Not a night to be out on the roads.

    4. We’re lame, we stay in and drink champagne (or more realistically, Prosecco after one bottle of the real stuff.) But we usually invite a few people to hang out – and most of my girlfriends are single. We have a good time. We make dinner together, drink a lot of fizzy drinks, and then make some music till midnight. Sometimes we play silly games like connect 4 or sorry. Rules are, you have to spend the night (no drunk driving on my watch!) and we will definitely pressure you to play or sing (we are musicians). These New Years evenings are much more fun than when we tried to go out and join the forced gaiety.

      So my suggestion is basically to see if you can put together a sleepover with friends – single or married.

      1. Agreed. I know that no one likes to be a third wheel, but married friends are not totally off limits for fun as a group. DH and I have several single friends that will just invite themselves over for something like this and we’ll hang out the three of us. We all wear sweats, eat yummy bad-for-you food, and drink champagne. Because my friends were really insistent in the early days of our marriage, they now have really strong friendships with both of us and it makes everything more fun. As long as the couple isn’t super “couple-y” – its just a fun friend hang out.

    5. I sometimes also get that feeling that I *should* be doing something fun and exciting on NYE. I’m not sure where it comes from, but I honestly have the best time just hanging out and celebrating at home. If you want to stay in and chill, then do that.

    6. I think NYE is over rated. I hate that everything is crowded and over priced and that we have to fight to get a cab home. I’d rather hang out at home.

      1. This. While I am not single, my LDR boyfriend will not be with me on NYE and even if he was with me, we would go to bed at 10:00 p.m. at the latest. I don’t get the hype and never have, plus I am not a late night person. I haven’t stayed up to see the ball drop in many, many years.

      2. Yup. I feel the pressure to do something other than drink champagne in my jammies, but I really don’t like crowds and esp. overpriced food that isn’t good.

    7. If you can’t find anything fun to do, give yourself permission to skip it this year. Some years you go out, or stay in with some friends or someone special, but sometimes you just . . . don’t. And that’s okay! Cook yourself something delicious, pick a movie you’ve been meaning to watch, maybe start the new year relaxing in a bubble bath with your favorite music on.

      1. One year my friends and I went to Fogo de Chao as a big group. I was in bed and asleep by 11. I had zeoro complaints.

        1. sorry got cut off – I feel the same pressure but I know that I will be happy staying in if I just lay off telling myself I “should” be out and I quit judging myself.

    8. I’m going to a major party city this year to see a friend for the holiday. We will probably stay in and order pizza. I will probably buy a bottle of wine. I’m excited.

    9. So I have always felt NYE was overrated – especially as a single person. So for YEARS now (as in at least probably the last decade) some combination of my closest friends and I rotate who hosts NYE and we get tons of fun food, lots of good wine allow no clothes but comfy PJs and play games or binge watch TV. We then go out for a great meal on January 1st when it is less of a big deal and generally better service. It gives us fun time together after family crazy with Christmas and is low-key but now one of my all time favorite things to do every year. To spend 48 hours with my best friends with no where to be, nothing we have to do is such an incredible luxury. There is just no better way to ring in the new year!!

    11. I was always in the same boat as you when I was single and even now engaged feel like I’d like to organize something fun away from the awful forced events. I’m considering our wedding for NYE for this very purpose. I had been to some when I was single and found them to be a blast and friends who have heard the idea think it would be fun, too. We will do what’s right for us and friends and family are on board, but I’m curious if that sounds like a fun event to others?

    12. Yep, it’s annoying. I always make comfy at home plans – movie marathon, yummy food, good drinks – for myself, but keep an open mind for last minute things. I also try to find free outdoor events to go wander around – go for a skate or other things, and let my friends know that’s what I am doing. Sometimes I have company for part of it, sometimes I am on my own the whole evening, but I almost always have a nice time. And don’t start the first day of a new year with a hangover.

    13. I often spent NYE just hanging with my parents or sister or whatever family was around. We never went out, just made something yummy for dinner (even if it was just mom and me) and had some small family traditions (eating 12 grapes at midnight, burning slips of paper with last year’s bad memories, and running around the house with a suitcase). Always had more fun at home in pjs with my parents than out at a party (where no one seems interested in grape-eating or suitcase running).

    14. There’s a couple spots in my friends’ vacation house, because the marrieds all dropped out. Now it’s singles and fun couples! There’s a sauna, hot tub, pool table, huge kitchen, tons of board games, huge screen tv, gas fireplace… want to come?

    15. Have your own party. Even if with just 1 other friend who wants to stay in. Champagne, apps, silly hats, cozy blankets to fall asleep on the couch at 10:45…oh wait, that’s me.

  5. Any law clerks have Christmas gift advice for judges? I know the common wisdom is not to gift up, but I’m not sure how that works in such a small office (think 5-7 people) when the custom of prior clerks has been to give something. The judge just brought our lovely and thoughtful gifts this morning. Help on (1) whether and (2) what to give would be much appreciated! He doesn’t drink, so my go-to bottle of bourbon is out. Charity donation? Gavel Christmas ornament?

    1. A nice card and something consumable, like a good bar of chocolate, a bag of spiced nuts, some unique food from your hometown or the town where you clerk, you get the idea.

    2. I gave a gift to my judge. I think its an acceptable exception to the general rule, but not necessary.

      I have him a tie. Basically, its the one thing you can see popping out of the robe. I went fairly conservative (brooks brothers or something similar).

    3. I also give gifts to my judge. It feels awkward not to since we’re in such a small office and work so closely together. Usually the other clerk and I get together and do a joint gift. We’ve done consumables (beer, wine, sweets) and other gifts. Does your judge have any hobbies? My judge is a runner, so we’ve gotten gifts like Bluetooth headphones, cold weather running gloves, etc. What about favorite restaurants or foods?

    4. Think if there’s anything that could be a nice addition to chambers. We got our judge a clock for the conference room one year, and I know clerks in previous years had given her things like serving platters (because she does a lot of “entertaining” at the court). I think things that will benefit the chambers are a really good gift.

    5. Well, b/c of etheical restriction’s on giveing gift’s to judge’s in NY State, the manageing partner has figured out a way to work around this limitation. Each JANUARY, we go on a firm outing that is NOT in NY State (it is in Ocean City NJ). We all stay at a nice hotel and then the manageing partner has us take a luxury bus to Atlantic City where we each are staked to $1000 to bet at the casino. Whatever you win, you win, and whatever you lose you lose. The ONLY rule is that you have to bet at least the $1000 the manageing partner stake’s you to. We invite the Judge, and he gets to bet with us. Since we are NOT giveing him any cash — it is placed DIRECTLY with the Casino in his name, and they know that hE MUSt bet at least the $1000 we stake him, this complies with the gift prohibition b/c it NEVER tuches his hand’s until he cashes out after he has bet all of the money.

      If your state allows for this, go for it with OUR blessing. YAY!~!!!

    6. Any of these suggestions are fine, but really, really, really. Your judge does not need or want you to give him/her a Christmas gift. Truly. Please. Please, please, please don’t gift up.

      1. I concur! Seriously. I love my staff but I just hate it when they spend their hard-earned money on me – who doesn’t need a thing. Write them a thoughtful card or give them the same small tray of baked goods you are giving everyone else if you can’t help yourself from doing something.

        As a Canadian judge I will tell you that I am well aware how privileged I am to hold this position, and the relatively financial luxury and stress-free existence that comes with it. Don’t make me feel more guilty by giving me more stuff. I promise your judge will agree with us!

  6. I’m in good shape physically, but I’m unhappy with how soft my stomach is. I don’t have weight to lose in general, though. Is this the part where I have to do a lot of planks and other ab-focused exercises, or am I missing something?

    1. It’s the part where you just embrace it? You can lose weight, and you can do tons of core work, but hard flat abs are a tough goal.

      1. This. Spot-toning does not work. I mean, yes, do your core work because having a strong core is never a bad thing. But all the crunches in the world will not give you flat, hard abs, absent a lot of other magical star-aligning factors.

        1. I know very little about fitness and I am confused about this….If I started lifting weights regularly, wouldn’t I develop my arm muscles?

          2. Exactly. I will use my abs as an example. I do a lot of core work (thx barre) and if you were to whack them while I’m flexing, my abs are rock hard. HOWEVER they are rock hard beneath a layer of (ahem) insulation. I am at a healthy-for-me weight–but that’s how my body distributes fat tissue, which as a woman, I am just going to have. The only time in my life I’ve ever had a six-pack was immediately post-ED in high school, when my body fat percentage was low enough that you could actually see my pre-existing muscle definition. Also, my body fat percentage was low enough that my hair was falling out and I had no energy and was a ball of rage and agony and would kind of collapse sometimes. Not what I would call a great tradeoff.

        2. And over-focusing on your abs, without working out other muscle groups creates an imbalance in how your muscles work together. Remember that your muscles are meant to work together – if you strength one step, you need to be sure to strengthen the ones that counter balance it. And those might not always be the ones you think.

      2. I hate to say it, but this. A soft stomach means it is covered with a layer of fat. You can build up the muscle but you still won’t see much difference with a layer of fat over it. The only way to “fix” it is to lose body fat, but that may be at the expense of other areas of your body (adios, boobs??). I have the same problem with my backside. I work out 15 hours a week most weeks but it’s covered in cellulite and the only way to get rid of that is to lose body fat. But, the rest of me looks gaunt when I lose too much body fat and it doesn’t completely cure it anyways. Oh well, I strengthen my bottom as much as I can, wear bikinis with shorts to the beach, and flaunt the abs instead :) Not to say you can’t try and see how it goes – maybe for you, you lose in the right places and it looks great – but no ones perfect and I’d prefer to fix things I can change and learn to live with the rest ;)

        1. I am pretty skinny (5-4 and 125#). Soft tummy (probably b/c I’m 45 and have had children and b/c of the foregoing and a FT job, don’t exercise). If I exercise, I imagine I will get leaner all over, but I think that the relatively soft tummy is here to stay. Yes? No?

          1. Probably tough to get rid of completely but that’s not to say you couldn’t see some significant improvement. You don’t even need to lose weight, just build muscle to improve overall body composition (what people usually mean when they say “getting toned”). It sounded like OP already works out a decent amount but if you’re starting from nothing, I bet you’d be surprised at how much getting stronger improves your overall physique!

          2. Well, if you really, really care about it, you can exercise to lower your body fat percentage and not to lose weight. Depending on your body, you might get the abs of your dreams or a slighter less-soft set of your current abs.

      1. cosign. real pilates with a certified pilates instructor. apparatus if you can afford it.

        1. Really? Like doing hundreds and other general pilates work (which is core work, pretty much). Is it pilates or doing a lot of pilates and not eating?

          I am a h8r b/c here, the pilates devotes don’t work and are a size 4. I work and eat cheeseburgers and do my hundreds at home.

          1. I don’t disagree. “Abs are made in the kitchen” as the dozens of beach body coaches in my newsfeed say. But I think there’s value in Pilates as a whole-body exercise system. If you just do the hundred and the series of five, it’s just a spin on crunches, but if you do the full mat series or have the chance to work on apparatus, ideally 3x a week, you’ll get all over toning and body awareness that will inform other fitness endeavors.

            But 3x a week on apparatus is kind of a pipedream if you work full-time, have kids, and don’t own a reformer.

          2. That’s the thing — I think that every exercise regime works. My husband has P90x in a box getting dusty and it would probably work just as well as anything else. Swimming would work. But I think that if you don’t have the time to put into it, it won’t work.

            I have about 15 minutes ever day that I divide between the old school Denise Austin aerobics step and doing squats with hand weights. It’s comical, but it is better than nothing. I won’t become a bikini model, but over a year, it has probably kept me at a slightly less awful place (and the clothes fit and I eat with gusto). So, win? But would still like to think that if I up the time and intensity, I could do better.

          3. Anonymous at 11:31, just want to say that you are winning for including exercise in your life every day!

            And yes, basically any kind of exercise that you stick with, that you enjoy, that works with your schedule, that includes weight training, will work. The difference is in the margins, which do not matter for the large majority of American humans who are just trying to get active and stay healthy. I could say all of things that pilates princess is saying about pilates, about barre (my non-running workout of choice), or yoga, or lifting. I have done all of them (except for pilates on apparatus) and those are the outcomes. Pick what works for you and do it. There is no magic workout that is better than all of the others–there is only the workout (or mix of workouts) that is best for you, at this specific moment in your life.

    3. I have a similar concern and got a personal trainer to help deal with it since I’m bad at doing it myself.

    4. What about a change in diet? If you haven’t already, maybe reduce carb and sugar intake.

    5. I saw a noticeable difference in my abs when I was doing Jillian Michael’s 30 day Shred regularly and eating mostly lean protein and veggies. For me at least, it is a combination of core work, cardio, and largely what I eat.

      1. ^^ I agree with this. It’s a combination of cardio, weights, and diet to lose body fat along with core work to strength all your core muscles. What type of workouts do you do? For some people, tight visible abs are either unrealistic or very hard to attain. It really depends on your body type. I have a flat stomach and fairly low body fat, but my actual ab muscles are not visible unless I get much leaner, which is hard to do for me and unsustainable. For others, they can have higher body fat and still have a visible ab muscles. That’s not to say you can’t work towards tightening up your midsection though. I would start with assessing your diet and go from there.

        1. I do cardio (running mostly) and lift weights. I pretty much ignore my midsection, so I guess I had it coming. It’s not like I have a real tummy- it’s just not all the way flat and firm. It seems like I could probably get it there. I’m an hourglass, so I don’t naturally carry weight there, and everywhere else I’ve seen huge improvement after lifting weights. I probably do eat too many carbs/sugar, though.

        2. I do cardio (running mostly) and lift weights. I pretty much ignore my midsection, so I guess I had it coming. It’s not like I have a real tummy- it’s just not all the way flat and firm. It seems like I could probably get it there. I’m an hourglass, so I don’t naturally carry weight there, and everywhere else I’ve seen huge improvement after lifting weights. I probably do eat too many carbs/sugar, though.

          1. it’s probably a combo of reducing fat (overall, which is the only way to make your stomach more firm) + adding ab/trunk-specific exercises to increase the volume of the muscles.

          2. I’m sure you know that your body stops changing when you do the same cardio all the time – it improves what it says, your cardiovascular system. In other words, your body learns to work more efficiently which also means it stops spending as many calories during your runs, unless you are very good at changing it up, which I find hard for people to do who are not training for something or working with a coach. So your heart and lungs are working better- yay! But your body wants to hold onto fat. That is where weights come in- to change the body’s muscle tone. You’re already there! The problem is that if you are working out at home, you are probably working with dumbbells and using mostly your arms. If you want to get that same definition in your abs, you need to engage them on weights day. Try plyometrics, do chest presses but on a ball, side plank dips/reaches, don’t forget to work out your back when you do your abs, hold planks and boat positions for 1 minute at the end as finishers.

    6. Abs are made in the kitchen. You say you are in good shape physically, but what’s going on with your diet? Maybe additional strictness there will help with your concerns.

      1. I could definitely be stricter. What in particular should I focus on? I’m guessing sugar is at the top of the list.

        1. If you want to starve yourself into good abs, just stop eating food. This whole notice of being stricter with yourself is just disturbing to me.

          1. Why is it disturbing to you? I don’t mind, and I probably won’t miss a lot of the stuff anyway. No one is saying eat less and feel hungry all the time. I don’t get much enjoyment from sugar and other not good for you foods; I just tend to eat them sometimes when I’m in a rush or they’re lying around. I’m not going to turn my life upside down or do things that make me feel bad or whatever just to get good abs, but plenty of people could benefit from eating healthier, and I’m probably one of them. What’s wrong with that?

    7. If your looking for core workouts at home, try fitnessblender on YouTube. They have several “10 min abs” videos and the like. They also have a 4 week ab focused program you can purchase. I like them because they do different type of exercises that work out different parts of the core, including the lower back.

    8. Athletes have different bodies: ballerinas, softball players, soccer players, etc. I believe it’s partly their genetics and partly their training, but they all “cross train” and do a combination of exercises. I’d think about your natural/genetic strengths AND what you want to be and come up with a plan that both takes advantage of your genetics and trains your body to be what you want – your overall body. If your abs aren’t genetically what you want, there only so much you can do, but diet and cross training, including some intense cardio, are probably necessary. Cardio spikes, being breathless at points are probably good – for your cardio, a class is probably good to help motivate you to be intense. I have week and and Pilates was great for me – it’s focused on more than and though and I think it’s a great compliment to other exercises like running or spinning.

      1. I think there is definitely some truth to “athletes have different bodies.” I am a former three-sport D1 athlete. And no joke, I had a six-pack when I was a little girl.

        I was also a personal trainer before I became a boring lawyer. I think there are a lot of things you can do though if you don’t have a naturally athletic body. In my experience, women often underestimate the importance of full-body weight training and/or have an aversion to it-and I don’t mean messing around with 10 lb dumbbells. Unless you are taking testosterone or HGH, really low chance you are going to get bulky.

        Diet is also a big thing, and I really believe “low-fat” diets are the enemy of putting on lean muscle mass. Eating protein, fats, some but minimal carbs, veggies, and fruits is what you want to do. Another common error is eating a “post-workout snack.” Unless you just did some insane workout (think 50 mile bike ride) you just don’t need this. Not enough calories are being burned.

  7. Need wisdom from the hive. My uncle died a few years ago and my aunt is now in her 80s. They bought 3 plots in a local cemetery for the two of them and their daughter. A few years ago, my aunt went to visit my uncle’s grave and discovered that the plot for her daughter (to the right) was filled! She contacted the management, who apologized and promised to give her the plot to the left. Recently, my aunt went and discovered someone has been buried in that space as well. The cost was around $8,000. She doesn’t want money. She just wants the space back. I’m truly appalled about this, but I don’t know what advice to give her (I’m a lawyer). Is it worth it for her to hire a lawyer? Just try to get damages? I think it will be complicated because bodies are actually buried at this point. Has anyone had any experiences with something so bizarre?

    1. I would think this is a contracts matter. I would dig up (bahaha, sorry couldn’t resist that one) the contract ans see. This could be a specific performance matter, and yeah, awful for the other families for sure.

      But it’s certainly actionable if she was promised three adjacent spaces.

      1. Agree. It totally depends on what the contract said. It’s possible it just says three plots but doesn’t guarantee specific plots (and of course the parole evidence rule would bar any oral promise given at the time). If the contract promised certain plots, I would absolutely suggest she hire a lawyer, assuming it’s important enough to her to pursue. Would she be open to having your uncle relocated to a new part of the cemetery if they have three plots together somewhere else? If she is, having the cemetery pay for that transfer plus compensation for her trouble and the P&S of having her husband dug up would be a good ask.

        1. This happened to my great grandparents and this was the solution they ended up with. It was kind of traumatic for my grandfather (you generally need a witness to move a grave), but they were happy with the solution. My grandparents wanted to be buried in the same cemetery and I believe they received 1 of their 2 plots for free as partial compensation for the trouble.

    2. No advice on getting the spot back but just noticed that often the kids don’t want the spot. If the daughter has a family of her own, she may want to be buried with them.

      1. +1 on this – I’d make sure the daughter cared about the issue before I hired legal counsel and went through a lot of hoops to resolve it. She may have other thoughts about the issue.

  8. So I just found out I’m preggers (yay) and wanted to put together a “husband’s survival kit” for Christmas… Besides whiskey (essential), what else would be fun to include? Thanks for your help, hive!

      1. +100, this book is really laugh out loud funny. My husband and I both loved it.

    2. Congratulations! Maybe this is a know your spouse gift but I would really hate to receive anything of the sort if i was a man (or whatever corollary as a woman). By all means get him a bottle of nice whiskey but what is the survival kit even supposed to mean? That you’re going to be a huge pain in the a** for the next 9 months? I would be offended if someone gave this to my H and I would never think of giving him same. If you two are into it though there are certainly books on pregnancy geared toward men that you could include and Etsy has loads of cheesy t-shirts about expecting for both men and women.

      2. +1 yeah like my husband needs to taunt me with booze bc my exhaustion/throwing up/ ligament pain/diet restrictions are so rough on him while I carry our baby.

    3. Are there any specific “chores” or errands that you anticipate he may be taking on and for which you can get him a cute/funny accessory? For example, if you think morning sickness will keep you out of the kitchen, include an apron for the new family chef? My poor/wonderful husband did the dishes every night for 9 months while I sat on the couch exhausted. Maybe I could have gotten him brightly patterned sponges (I know, a bit of a stretch, but just trying to spur ideas!) Also consider a gift card to a favorite coffee shop for a nice morning treat?

      Also, congrats!! We found out I was pregnant just before the holidays last year and it made it an extra special time.

    4. I got my husband “Be Prepared” which is styled to look like a Scout handbook. It was funny, but actually useful.

  9. Reposting because this took forever to go through yesterday so I never actually posted the link to the dress:

    I purchased this dress after seeing another commenter post it a while back. As much as I love it, I just haven’t had many opportunities to wear it. I really want to wear it to one of my upcoming office holiday parties, but I’m just not sure how to transition it to winter. I feel like I need to wear something over the shoulders since I think they’d just feel to bare given it’s winter in New England. I’m not really sure what to wear though, since the trapeze style of the dress is a bit trickier. What do you ladies suggest?

      1. The trapeze style is hard to winterize because of the undefined waist (most jackets, blazers and cardigans are out). You could try a bolero or a shrug, although that would cover the back detail. Or what about something really crazy like wearing a long sleeved black lace layer underneath? I think this dress is a bit tricky to winterize while keeping it flattering.

    2. To be honest, this is not an office party dress. It is too short and too bare. It needs to be a dress for your personal life.

      I don’t think “winterizing” summer garments ever works very well regardless.

      For your office party I suggest a holiday-ish top and your regular work separates.

  10. Between a recent vacation, busy time at work meaning lots of take out, holiday shopping, and post-weight-loss clothes shopping, I feel like I am spending All the Money.

    Beyond 401k contribution, haven’t really saved any cash in the last few months. I live in an extremely HCOL area, but am kind of living beyond my means at the moment. Am finally debt free, at least.

    Easy tips for spending less, saving more? Favorite personal finance sites? Anybody else feeling cash poor this time of year? Fingers crossed for bonus season!

    1. My absolute favorite personal finance site is My Open Wallet. She doesn’t post that often anymore, but her archives are packed with great information.

      A few other ideas:

      *Sunday meal prep so you don’t have to rely on takeout for lunches and dinners. Make a big batch of soup or two and freeze most of it so you can just grab and go during the week.
      *Consciously set up plans with friends that don’t cost money. It can be really easy to say yes to whatever expensive thing is suggested, but lots of people are open to coffee instead of dinner or coming over for wine and apps instead of going out. You still get social time, but you’ll end up saving a lot.

      Good luck!

    2. I have a certain amount automatically debit out of my paycheck (beyond my 401K contribution) and go into my brokerage account every month, so I don’t even see it and don’t feel like I’m “giving it up.” I also do the same when I get a raise–I figure out the difference in my monthly paycheck and add about 50% of that to my monthly deduction. That way I still get to enjoy the raise, but am saving more too.

    3. Buying Lean Cuisines really helps my take out bill. I do not love them, but acknowledging in advance that home cooking doesn’t always happen makes it much easier to avoid the last minute take out panic.

    4. It depends on how much weight you’ve lost, but consider having some of your good clothes tailored instead of replacing them. $100 of tailoring vs. $500 for a suit is a big savings.

    5. Can you hold off on any more clothes shopping until after the holidays? It’s no fun, but if you’ve already picked up a few workhorses (pants, a good dress, a blazer), you can wear combinations thereof with your old clothes that still look decent until January. And I’m a very spontaneous holiday shopper, so sometimes I have to remind myself that I’ve gotten enough for that person, and even though that gift is really cool, I don’t need to buy anymore. For me, spending begets spending, so try to analyze every purchase – am I buying this because I’m in the mood/habit? Or is it a necessary December expense that cannot wait?

    6. Having money taken out before you see it is #1 IMO. If you don’t have any emergency fund I would start building that up first with direct deposit, since you are already saving for retirement.

      Mint.com and Clark Howard podcasts are my two favorites for helping to save money. Just comes down to tracking where the money is going and making spending a conscious decision (i.e. you tell the money where to go, instead of the money just going where it wants to go). Figure out what your priorities are and spend money where it actually matters to you. I spend too much on fitness stuff (mostly related to my tennis game) because I love it, but I scrimp on food because honestly it makes little difference to me most days. And if you have the ability to stock up on food at work so you have something there for those late nights, that’s ideal. I always keep healthy stuff in the fridge/freezer because I know at some point I’m not making it out of there at a decent time.

    7. For this year: Cut wherever you can between now and when you feel like you can ease up a little. Fewer drinks at nights out, frozen meals to avoid take-out, or make a big pot of chili or something to cut down on convenience costs.

      For next year: I find it helpful to allocate a small amount per pay period to holiday-ish things. (YNAB makes this very easy!) Obviously the amount will be up to you, but then I have gifts covered because I’ve saved all year. And I feel far less guilty about spending on things like holiday dresses and little splurges because the money’s already there.

      1. I do this too – Capital One 360 lets you create multiple accounts and give them a specific name, so I have one for vacation, and one for gifts, and anything else that is a big expense that I want to spread throughout the year.

      2. Yep. I’ve been doing this for years and it’s the key to my whole financial endeavor. Total game-changer. I have, like, 20 accounts at my online bank.

  11. I’m finally going through photos from, oh, the past five years to make “family yearbooks.” Does anyone have an online photobook retailer (e.g. mixbook, my publisher, shutterfly) that they would recommend? I’d like the books to look nice, since they’ll be our family photo albums (e.g. they don’t have to be the cheapest ones out there). Thanks!

    2. I use shutterfly and am happy with the quality. I get my larger prints done by Adorama and I think they do books as well, but am just so used to shutterfly for books that I have never tried Adorama’s.

      1. Adoramapix’s books are awesome; much better quality than Shutterfly and the like. They are not cheap though.

        1. I use Adoramapix for all my photo books. Watch their monthly coupon codes for discounts.

    3. I just made a photobook with Montage and it was literally the easiest photobook I’ve ever done. I’ve used several companies in the past and hated how long it took to sort the pictures. Montage does that for you and picks which pages to put them on – then I just edited and swapped a few here and there. Highly recommend.

    4. I make all of our books with Shutterfly. I have used MyPublisher and Snapfish in the past. I thought the quality of Snapfish was lower and the interface was more difficult to use. MyPublisher is an offline program – so that can be a pro or a con. I used to really like the offline aspect, but later the program felt more clunky and i would lose a lot of work if something crashed. One time i made a large book and it was too large to render int he program so I had to go to print without being able to preview fonts/backgrounds. Also, harder to switch between computers to make the book. Shutterfly has an easier interface and is online… autosaving FTW!

  12. Help…I suck at gift buying and have bought virtually nothing. All my people are well-off and already buy themselves whatever little luxuries and indulgences they want. Don’t want to get clothes or food for people either. Suggestions for creative items? Quirky gadgets? SOmething fun that no one will have thought of buying for themselves but will still enjoy? I’m desperate here.

    1. I’d start with the Uncommon Goods website. All sorts of quirky and can filter by interests.

    2. People here have suggested good coffee tumblers or water flasks which I think are a great idea. Personally my go to gift this year was the new Humans of New York – stories book. It’s good for a coffee table or bookshelf and interesting even if you are not already a fan of the Facebook / Instagram Feed.

    3. I guess this is clothing but I found an awesome scarf on sale at Nordie’s–it’s the “feather quill” scarf which is 100% wool, 40% off, and comes in three colors. I bought one for my sister in black and after sleeping on it I decided to keep the black and give her the red! I also like giving meat to men (or other hardcore carnivores in your life) and the Sephora Favorites kits for women.

    4. Is there a reason why you don’t want to do food or consumables? Nice coffee, a popcorn tin, weird stuff from Zingerman’s can all be nice gifts for people who don’t need “stuff.” If you’re really anti-food, I second the Uncommon Goods suggestion and also maybe a “luxury” version of something, like a Swell water bottle.

      1. Haha, I am anti-food because I’ve been too busy to keep up with whatever the latest new sensitivity everyone in California has suddenly come down with, or the most recent NYT article on what foods definitely give you cancer or what food Gweneth Paltrow says never to eat if you don’t want your children to hate you.

        (/sarcasm….yeah, there are a few of Those People in my family. I think eating healthy is important but I also think some of this stuff gets way overhyped in the media, becuase pageviews).

    5. Experience gifts: tickets to sporting events, performances, high tea at fancy hotels, spa days, Broadway musicals, improv, stand up comedy, cooking classes, adult art classes, fancy fitness/yoga classes. Along with the gift certificate or piece of paper, give a small token gift to go with the experience – ie wrap a spatula to go with the cooking class, a yoga strap for the fitness class, paint supplies with the art class, etc.

      1. I feel you, and I am going to try to get everyone to agree not to do it anymore next year. I really, really hate it. But at this point its customary and not worth rocking the boat this year.

        In fact, next year I might just announce I am opting out and if anyone really really INSISTS on getting me something, they can make a donation in my name to the charity I work for (or another charity I like..but donating to my work comes with the added bonus of making me look good to my bosses).

        1. +1. I get it – and I was you a few years ago and then I just decided to stop. I told everyone I thought it was silly and wasteful, and I wouldn’t be doing it anymore and they shouldn’t either. My “extra” money goes to student loans, and occasionally if something really catches my eye I will buy a present randomly for someone, which IMO makes it much for fun for all involved. Holidaze are evil.

      2. I get that people feel like they have to get things for others or have to reciprocate gifts, but there have been a lot of posts on here lately about people hating this whole gift-giving part of the holiday and it really makes me sad. I feel like it isn’t a problem with gift-giving itself, but with the obligation and feeling that you have to or have to do something fancy.
        I love giving gifts to people – it is my favorite thing about this season. I love spending time finding things that suit their personalities and seeing how they react when I hit one out of the park. I love the joy of it – all around. It always makes me sad when people say they don’t want to exchange gifts anymore. Maybe it’s too much trouble or too much money, but I feel like when done right (without obligation), it is meant to be a showing of care, love, and generosity. Sometimes I worry that our culture is losing the love that is supposed to go with the exchange, even the simple exchanges (for example just giving neighbors some cookies or something else small/homemade).

        1. I learned on this $ite about the “five love languages” theory (haven’t actually read the book), where for some people gifting is a major part of how they express/feel loved. For others, it’s physical affection or “acts of service” or “words of affirmation.” I generally like receiving gifts but I never feel more or less loved by the person who gave it to me as a result; other people do. And I’m just not good at what you are describing- finding just the right thing for someone. But when they need help moving or whatever (act of service), I’ll be right there, and I will remember to bring the extra tape, or make sure they have pizza money for when they arrive at the new place, or something like that. If my brother never got me another gift, but answered the phone more often when I called, or came to visit me more often, I would feel more loved/connected to him.

          Not to say that one “love language” is better than another, just that there are these differences and I think that’s why a lot of people are not so into gift-giving/receiving, but consumer culture really emphasizes it and magnifies it more than the other love languages.

          1. That makes perfect sense. I just wish more people would acknowledge it and give as fulfills them (with time, words, or acts of service) and let others do the same.

            For example, I have one friend who will give me a really thoughtfully written card every year for my birthday or Christmas and I know that is her love language. For me, I’d rather find her a gift and have to tell her often to not reciprocate (we’re good enough friends that I can say it strongly and she will listen, but not everyone will).

            If you gives love through acts of service, I wish there was an easy way for you to express that in a tangible way so that you fee like you reciprocated but don’t have to be pressured to give love back in the same way (beyond the “gift coupons” which can turn pretty cheesy). I don’t mind if people don’t want to give me gifts (gifts are my love language for expressing love, but not my language for how I feel love), but I wish they would let me! Sometimes I definitely feel like I owe people like you who give so much of themselves throughout the year by helping me a debt of gratitude – but then I don’t want to feel like they have to reciprocate my tangible gift. (Maybe what I’m learning from this long, long thought-dump is that I just need to communicate better)

      3. But the point of Christmas presents aren’t to patronizingly give poor people things we think they need but can’t afford.

    8. I notice a lot of people recommend “experience gifts” here. I just want to put it out there that I would HATE to receive an experience gift. I’m really busy, I travel a lot for work, and when I’m home I want to spend time with my family. I also have very specific tastes in music and entertainment. I have received in the past gift certificates to movie theaters and sporting events, and they expired unused and forgotten in a drawer. Which is fine, but it made me feel guilty.

      I personally would be extremely touched if you made a donation to Children’s hospital in my name, or would appreciate a current best selling book, a tin of tea or a bottle of nice wine. Don’t overthink it.

    9. Why are you aiming so high when you suck at gifts? Go to your local gourmet shop, pick them all out something fun, and call it a day.

    10. I’m in the same boat as you. My family is extremely well off and actual nuclear family, so I can’t buy them a $25 water bottle and call it a day when they spend thousands on me. I will typically spend 300-500 and supplement with one-of-a-kind items like framed family photos, etc. or random splurges even they don’t have like a sterling silver straw that they still use years later. I spend what I can afford, they just have everything they need, so I stick to fun things or sentimental things or helpful things (let’s spend a day together doing X).

  13. The holidays has me thinking about family traditions. What are your favorite traditions (do not have to be holiday related)? For instance, I remember an episode of the Kardashians (I know I know) where someone mentioned that their father used to ask them to discuss one high and one low from their day every day at dinner. My favorite tradition from my family is my mom’s daily massage for each of us kids before bedtime. It was usually only a stroke or two before we fell asleep, but we all looked forward to it.

    What are your family traditions?

    1. When I was growing up my parents would take us to see a movie on Christmas Eve. Now, as a parent I can see why since the kids are so antsy! But it was always lots of fun.

      Our traditions now include something similar to the Kardashians (though I had no idea they did this, haha!) where we each discuss the best part of our day and a rough part of our day at the dinner table. For the kid’s birthdays we always mark their height on the wall and get donuts in the morning.

      I am a little bit of a Grinch about the holidays (probably baggage from my parent’s divorce, also don’t like the consumerism associated with the holidays, etc.), but I do try to make it special for my kids. We also decorate gingerbread houses, make Christmas cookies, and every year they get a new ornament (this is something my mom did too). We also get names off the giving tree at the mall and the kids pick out gifts to donate. For the past few years, my oldest and I have also helped serve dinner at the homeless shelter.

      However, my favorite traditions are in the fall! We go to the pumpkin patch, raspberry picking, to a local “living history” museum that has a harvest festival, and to the balloon fiesta. Also, every summer we go to the same beach for a week.

    2. Holiday traditions – going to a Christmas tree farm on the day after Thanksgiving, hosting a holiday open house for our block, going to a local seminary’s carols-and-bells service, opening one present on Christmas Eve, having friends over for a fancy dinner on Christmas Eve and then not getting out of our PJs on Christmas Day.

      Seasonal: we are not Christian, so we stay away from many of the more religious Christmas bits. Instead, we light candles every Sunday night from the equinox through the Solstice (adding a candle each week).

      Ongoing: pancakes every Sunday morning. Every night, we all lie in bed together for ten minutes (we set a timer) and snuggle and talk about our days. It’s the best part of my day, every day.

  14. Hi y’all, this is a what would you wear question: I submitted an app online and had a friend internal to the company pass my resume along for a position I am very interested in. An HR person contacted me via e-mail about setting up an “informational interview,” the confirmation of the appointment says I’m scheduled to meet in half hour blocks at the office with an HR representative and the VP of the division. I think of informational interviews as more informal and typically initiated by the person interested in the position; this is now striking me as more of an interview-interview. This position would be a change in industry for me, so I don’t know if I’m just not up on the culture (media, fwiw). Thoughts? Regardless, I’ll bring a couple copies of my resume and references, but mainly: do I need to suit up? Alternative would be non-suit skirt + blazer.

    1. If you’re meeting with HR and a VP, I vote for a suit, even though they’re calling it “informational”.

      2. In DC in the PR field. Agree with suit, but wear a top so if they are much more casual you can take off your jacket and still be comfortable.

  15. I’m looking for tweaks to my lunch that may help give me extra energy. I get unreasonably tired in the afternoons (around 3:30/4pm). For example, yesterday I ate an everything bagel with chive cream cheese and sliced cucumbers; an orange; a Barq’s root beer. Even with the caffeine in the root beer, I was still at the point of nodding off by the afternoon. I’m not preggers and am working with my doc on other factors (iron, vitamin D, etc.) I’m a vegetarian. What food ideas do y’all have?

    1. Don’t drink soda. Never eat bagels for lunch. They are giant carb bombs. Where is your protein? Salad + eggs/chicken/fish is my go to lunch when Im making healthy choices. Carbs are a guaranteed nap inducer.

    2. All you had was sugar – simple carbohydrates. You CRASHED, no surprise there. You need some complex carbs, fiber, and protein. And for a vegetarian, you’re not eating any vegetables! Lots of green/orange/yellow vegetables, quinoa, beans/lentils/chickpeas, eggs, etc. So if you love your bagel, stuff it with a little bit of cream cheese, beets, sliced eggs, baby spinach, avocado, salt, and pepper. Enjoy.

    3. Add protein to your lunch–cheese, yogurt, cottage cheese, hard-boiled eggs, nuts, beans, falafel, or hummus. Also pack an afternoon snack.

    4. Agree with the others to skip the carbs at lunch. Protein for lunch – chicken cutlet, tuna salad, chickpeas/lentils etc.

    5. Root beer = sugar crash. Eliminate. Replace with coffee or tea for caffeine.

      To me this sounds like a small lunch. A bagel is a snack. Sliced cucumbers are part of a salad. Most crucially, you’re missing protein entirely. Protein is the only thing that keeps me going until 4, then I have an additional protein heavy snack to get me through till I get home and eat around 8:00. Carb-bombs are a nap guarantee.

      I shill for quinoa a lot when this topic comes up, but that’s the way I can create pasta-like dishes without the carbs and with additional protein. Fish (if you eat it), quinoa, cheese, hardboiled eggs, beans, chickpeas, lentils are going to be your keys.

    6. I had similar issues and found out that I was pretty severely vitamin D deficient – I actually live in Florida so that was a shock to me, as I had expected them to come back and say my iron was low. I see a serious lack of protein in the food description you made, though. That may be part of the problem. Also sugar leads to an eventual crash so I prefer to go with something sugar free for the caffeine. My go to lunch is usually vegetarian chili – loads of veggies, some beans, sometimes with a soy protein in it. Make a huge batch over the weekend and put it into single serving bowls for the week. Add 100 cal pack of guac for some healthy fat, hard to beat!

      1. This is, like, the dumbest question but – do you mix the guac in with your chili? Or eat it separately? (I love guac and I love chili, never thought of eating them together.)

    7. My dietician recommends eating a protein, a fat, and a carb at every meal, as that will help regulate the release of energy so that you don’t get spikes and crashes of energy. So for example, eggs and a slice of cheese on whole wheat toast. For lunch I’ll often do a quinoa salad – I’ll throw whatever veggies I have on hand in there with some feta and a protein and mix with a balsamic vinaigrette. Also, interesting fact about Barq’s – in the can it has caffeine but fountain Barq’s is caffeine-free.

    8. You’re eating a ton of fast-release sugars (soda, bagel) and mostly foods that are not healthy. If you’re low on iron, try eating more legumes. Lentil soup has fiber + protein + iron, for example. If you do not have a dietician, you’d probably find it very helpful to meet with one and develop an eating plan. Your doctor can advise you on what you’re deficient in, but they are probably not great on educating you on the components of a healthy diet.

          1. Huh, who knew. I actually don’t drink any soda, but know that my office keeps it and was told it was specifically because it didn’t have caffeine. Didn’t realize brands were different.

          2. Barq’s in a can has caffeine. Fountain Barq’s does not have caffeine. I had this confirmed by the manufacturer.

    10. I would add protein and a little bit of fat to your lunch! I like to eat either a salad with lots of veggies, feta cheese and a Greek dressing with olive oil, Or sometimes I make a “burrito bowl” with beans (either black or pinto), sautéed bell peppers, onions, and mushrooms, a little cheese, and a packet of guacamole over the top. If I am in a hurry, then I will just grab a greek yogurt, some fruit, and some nuts (or an apple with peanut butter or cucumber and hummus). Also drink lots of water!

    11. Everyone has already said what I was going to say at first read. That lunch is an insta-afternoon crash lunch!

    12. Also, this is surprising because it is a brown soda, but root beer does not typically have caffeine in it!

      (agree about the carb-bomb issue, too)

    13. Thanks for all the great advice! I have learned about myself that the salad I will happily eat for dinner looks totally unappetizing to me at lunch – that’s when I really want carbs. Why is this? Are there “better” carbs I can eat at lunch that will be appealing but won’t make me “crash”?

      1. Try quinoa in a bowl with roasted root vegetables and hard boiled eggs. Feels more like food to me than salad.

      2. In that case, you could focus on carbs with more fiber. Brown rice or sweet potato can be good bases to add toppings to. (You could make a big batch of stir fry and section it out during the week, add teriyaki or soy sauce at work, or top your sweet potato with beans, cheese, salsa/avocado, etc.) If you like quinoa, that would be a great carb to add protein, fat, and veggies to. Or if you like sandwiches, have whole wheat bread topped with hummus, tomato, cucumber, etc. Or a couple slices of cheese and veggies (ooh or I had an apple and brie sandwich once that was delicious!)

      3. I do a lot of “salads” with farro or brown rice in them. You can buy both in those 90-second microwaveable bags from Target. I need to add some carbs to my lunch to stay full, and those do the trick for me.

          1. Farro is by far my favorite grain. I need to buy some…haven’t had it in a while.

      4. I eat Pacific soups. Many of them are Vegetarian/gf/df. There is a ginger carrot and thai sweet potato off the top of my head. I don’t know the exact protein content etc but I don’t crash after eating them. I don’t like salads for lunch either.

      5. Egg protein stays with me better than dairy protein. So add egg to a sandwich or rice/bean bowl.

      6. I love me some carbs at lunch, too. We’ve had a surfeit of holiday lunch potlucks and I’m feeling it in the afternoons. I do my best to choose whole-grain carbs and keep the portion small. And protein it up! Cream cheese has some protein but not a ton – throwing some lox on top of cream cheese and half a whole grain bagel would help.

      7. You need to eat a lot of fiber. You can eat carbs, just make sure you temper it. You’re kind of doing it by adding some cucumbers to a bagel, but you want even more. If you really want to keep eating something similar, still eat a whole grain bagel with cream cheese and cucumbers (a lot of cucumbers), but instead of an orange (which is ok, has a lot of sugar but still some fiber) and a soda (bad), eat it with some raw veggies and hummus, nuts, a salad with a boiled egg, a bean salad, roasted edamame, some lentil soup, veggie chili, an apple spread with almond butter, etc and a sugarless drink.

        If you’re tired in the afternoon, why not eat a snack. Apple, orange, nuts, etc. Maybe you really just do need some energy. I am a lifelong vegetarian and I know that while protein works for some people, I could probably eat thousands of calories of nuts or a couple eggs for breakfast (vs a bowl of oatmeal) and still not be full. For me, fiber is very important. It might help to page through the low-gi vegetarian cookbook. There are still recipes with carbs in them like sandwiches and pasta, but the book has a pretty good explanation of how it all works.

    16. Get a vegetarian cook book or look up vegetarian lunches. Eat a lot more beans at lunch. Vegetarian does not have to equal carboholic. You basically ate all sugar for lunch, so no wonder you crashed! If you’re eating pasta or bread or carbs at lunch every day I’m not surprised you’re having this problem.

  16. Can we talk about deal sites like Groupon, LivingSocial, AmazonLocal, etc.?

    I’ve had mixed experiences from these websites, but since I have had some experiences through the sites – mostly dance related, but some good massages and dinners as well – I keep getting deals. I know some customers who use these vouchers are jerks and there’s little guarantee those customers will come back for full priced services later on, but I am polite to the businesses and tip well on the full price of the service, so it’s disheartening when I’m not treated well. Last year I got a deal for a 2 night stay at a hotel in the mountains, I was going to use it for a romantic getaway, but I had such a hard time making the reservation (seemed like the second I mentioned the voucher they started ignoring my e-mails) that I ended up getting a refund.

    Then last night I went to a spa to redeem a Groupon deal, after making the appointment in person over the weekend (and mentioning I was going to use the Groupon), they told me to leave because they were too busy. The lady didn’t speak great English, kept saying things like “forty minutes” and “two people coming,” even after I told her I had an appointment. She wouldn’t let me reschedule either. I asked when I could reschedule and she shrugged, then said “too busy.” Unacceptable. I’m not sure if they just stink at scheduling or if they decided they were too busy with full paying customers to honor my appointment, but it was not okay.

    Businesses, if you don’t want to deal with Groupon customers, I understand, but then don’t partner with Groupon!

    1. I don’t think non-english speaking small business owners are reading this s*te.

      1. Well, nowhere does she say only non-English speaking business owners use Groupon … and also, yikes, the language barrier (if any) is not the problem (though the service is).

    2. I haven’t used a Groupon in a while, but when I did I never ran into any kind of problem. What I observe, though, was a gym of mine stopped offering Groupon because the owner didn’t like the client base that was coming in with Groupons – people not really interested in fitness goals, committing as a long-term client, etc. I know a gym is different than a massage or other one-and-done services, but I did find it interesting that in this case a small business owner was wiling to say no thanks to business because of the “quality” (for lack of better term) of the business.

      1. A lot of organizers in my city’s lindy hop (swing) community use them to get new students and dance attendees, and I can’t say I’ve ever heard them grumble about the people who come in. I’m sure very few of them keep taking classes or coming to dances, but that may be because swing just didn’t jive with them. Pun completely intended.

        For one thing, I think it’s on a business to earn a customer’s loyalty, a deal just gets them in the door. Seems like service packages or weekly sessions help with that. But yeah, for a gym, I can see how a deal would draw in people they don’t want to work with, and they made a good decision to discontinue the deals. I wonder if the gym would get better results if they had their own introductory offer, or if they would get more of the same.

        1. They actually ended up doing a tailored/tiered membership level at the time they cancelled groupon, and years later their webs!te tells me today that they still have it going on. Groupon probably helped raise brand recognition for this small bootcamp-style gym, which is now incredibly popular, but evidently the new membership structure was far more effective.

    3. I think you get what you pay for. Sometimes a great deal isn’t great. That’s the risk you take. And I think taking pains to mention that their are language and cultural barriers makes you sound a little racist.

      1. I think that’s stretching it a bit. I agree that she could have left that out as the point of the post wasn’t really that one business owner had poor English but rather that businesses treat Groupon customers differently.

        1. I still have a few more in my head. But man, it’s gonna get weird when I run out. Real weird.

    5. I have had trouble with trying to get an appointment at a salon for which I purchased a Groupon. It actually expires today. Any advise on getting a refund from Groupon?

      1. I have had trouble getting good service at salons with Groupon coupon. It was for Keratin treatment and they did a sloppy, hurried job, not to mention that they skimped on the product. I had to get it done again within a month in my regular salon. That was my first and last Groupon.

      2. It never hurts to ask, but since you were aware it was only good for 90 days they may say you’re SOL unless you have a good reason why you didn’t make the appointment earlier.

        1. Yeah, I anticipate this; was just hoping someone had a secret they would share, lol. This is actually the second time I have purchased Groupons for a salon and not been able to use it, though the first time, I let the 90 days lapse. This time, I have tried almost weekly to schedule an appointment and have not been able to get one based on the salon’s schedule. Ugh!

          1. I’ve done it too, mostly with deals for dance classes. What kept happening was I’d buy the thing, only to realize the current schedule didn’t really mesh with mine so I wanted to wait until either their schedule changed or mine did. Eventually I just stopped buying them. And I’m basically garbage at making appointments unless I can make them in person or online.

    6. From what I understand, the Groupon business model is that the merchant pays nothing upfront. When people purchase the deal, the merchant gets a cut of the revenue – and since Groupon also takes a cut, the money that the merchant gets is pretty low (something like 25% of the normal price, since you’re also getting a discount). Obviously the merchant doesn’t get any additional money when you actually use the service, so they’re giving up a spot that could otherwise go to a full-paying customer. Research also shows that most Groupon customers don’t become repeat customers (with some business segment exceptions).

      So, basically what’s happening is that the business is getting a loan from you / from Groupon at a really high interest rate. They get a chunk of money upfront, which makes it tempting for the business, but then they lose money overall when the Groupon customer actually comes in.

      I know this doesn’t help with the poor treatment you receive – which certainly isn’t warranted. But I find it helpful to understand the psychology behind the business owner’s behavior.

      1. +1

        I feel like a lot of small businesses think Groupon will be a great thing but then they sell a bunch and they wind up hating it. It sucks when they take it out on the customer and that has happened to me a lot. I have noticed that with many small businesses (though certainly not all – and usually not the gym ones), they go out of business fairly soon after they offer the deal.

      2. No I’m aware, I get why people don’t particularly enjoy working with Groupon customers, and why they might want to ignore/avoid a customer or “lose” their reservation or appointment when someone planning to pay full price requests that same time slot, but that doesn’t make it okay. I wish these websites had better compliance measures to make sure merchants make good on the deals.

        Again, if they don’t want to serve Groupon customers, they shouldn’t partner with Groupon. Seems like introductory deals are a better way to go for these places.

        1. My yoga teacher said that half of her Groupon purchasers never use it, so she does make a profit on it – maybe that is what they were hoping for. In your case, I would complain to Groupon, get a refund, and leave a negative review for the business.

          1. I did tell them what happened, and left a negative review (they’re called “tips” on Groupon and I don’t have a Yelp account). However, they haven’t offered a refund. Instead, they forwarded my information to the spa, and they’re supposed to get in touch with me in the next 3 days. I’d love to hear someone explain what happened on their end, honestly, and I’m still interested in the service if they’re willing to deliver, but if they keep giving me trouble I will demand a refund.

    7. I can share my experiences with Groupon. When I went to a restaurant and asked to be seated, the hostess received us well. When I told her we’d be using Groupon, we were asked if we had a reservation and that reservations are required. She did not specify it was because we were going to use Groupon but her tone and the way she talked to us changed after we told her about using Groupon. Of course we never went back to that restaurant and we also never used Groupon for restaurants.

      1. To be fair, most vouchers specify that reservations are required. I did go to one place with a Groupon without a reservation and it was fine, but I usually make one just to be safe.

        Now I wonder if restaurants want people to make reservations and mention the voucher so that in case that time ends up being in demand, they can bump the Grouponers’ reservations (or “lose” them) to make room for people who are likely to spend more money. I’m now honestly wondering if that’s a thing people do.

  17. I started using a shampoo awhile ago that makes my hair a lot healthier and I could now get away with washing it every other day. But my hair is super fine and I sleep on my side, so my hair is always sticking up on one side when I wake up. Even wetting it down and trying to spot dry it doesn’t make it look decent. What do others do to keep their hair looking nice while they are sleeping?

      1. I love the idea of a silk bonnet! I can pretend I’m Laura Ingalls Wilder while I sleep!

    2. What shampoo? My hair has always been a wash every other day but it’s changing on me and I hate looking the slightest bit greasy.

      1. Wen. My hair is so healthy and shiny now. I’ve always had super greasy hair and had to wash every day, but I could totally get away with every other day now. It took a couple months to get to that stage. But beware, there is a lawsuit against Wen from women claiming it made their hair fall out. I’ve not had that problem and I have several friends who use Wen who haven’t had any problems. I don’t know anyone personally who has had an issue with Wen.

        1. I have very fine hair and used Wen for a while until my hair started to shed a ton. It did not fall out in clumps but it was an unusual amount of hair to lose. From reading up on the lawsuit, it sounds like Wen doesn’t have a cleansing agent to it, so it’s basically like lotion — it’s coating your hair but not cleaning it, so eventually it falls out. It probably works ok if your hair is coarse and can soak it up, but not so much if you don’t have much hair to begin with or it’s fine.

          Sheepie – maybe consider using a clarifying shampoo once in a while if you’re going to stick with Wen.

    3. I’ll let others answer that since I have no idea, but I have fine hair that HAS to be washed daily so I’d really love to know what you’re using…

        1. Interesting. I had tried something similar to Wen without good results (I forget the name right now) but definitely interested in trying. Which products specifically? It seems they have a lot of different “flavors” and products, not sure what to try…

          1. I use the cucumber aloe Wen. I’ve tried other flavors of the Wen, but the cucumber aloe worked best for me. My friend with less greasy hair than me swears by the lavender Wen.

      2. I also have very fine, straight hair that I washed daily all my life. But my hairdresser encouraged me to just shampoo it (and told me to use the old fashioned Jhirmak to brighten my greys!), and not to use any conditioner in the shower. The conditioner was weighing it down too much, and making it appear too greasy on day 2/3 with build up. Instead, after towel drying, I spray in this Revlon Uniq all-in-one hair treatment. It is a heat protectant, detangler, repairer… kind of a leave in conditioner. But light. Then I blow dry. I add a tiny amount of generic baby powder at the roots for texture.

        Now I always go a day at least between washes. Day 2 hair for me is actually better, and easier to style. My fine hair can be very flat when it is too clean. I can even go 3 days and it looks fine. My hairdresser suggested using a dry shampoo (or a little more baby powder… which is essentially dry shampoo) at the roots on day 2 0r 3… or not if I’m happy with it. It is also so much healthier for my hair not to be blow drying it so much.

        I love my hairdresser, because he is very knowledgeable (has had his own salon for 30 years, and he even cut my hair in high school). He isn’t cheap, but he also doesn’t want me to waste my money on useless products. He actually discouraged me from even buying the Revlon initially, saying a tiny dollup of skin lotion (!) is a cheap substitute. But I liked the Revlon, and it lasts me a very long time.

        So I save money on products, and tip my hairdresser well! Never underestimate the importance of your hair as your main style accessory.

      3. I also have very fine hair and I found that switching to sulfate-free shampoo and conditioner hugely decreased how quickly my hair gets greasy. I think it’s because the sulfates in most shampoo strip the natural oils from your scalp and catalyze production of new oil. I am now up to 4 days between washes and I just use the L’Oreal sulfate-free shampoo and conditioner.

  18. Good morning ladies, question about hiring a cleaning person. In the past, I have used cleaning companies who have a lot of cleaning people who work for them and I just deal with some admin or customer service person and get a different cleaning person every time. I am now looking to hire an individual cleaning person. Does this individual cleaning person need to be licensed and bonded and insured and all of that good stuff? What if they aren’t? What questions do I need to ask potential cleaning person before hiring them? Thanks.

    1. If those are your questions you need a service. An individual house cleaner is a low wage job- mostly they’re just going to want to discuss when to come, what to clean, and how much cash you will pay them. Whether you’re comfortable with the risk is a personal call

      1. Anonymous, I’m not sure I understand what you mean. Why would I not ask an individual house cleaner if they are licensed/bonded/insured? Are you saying you don’t think any individual house cleaner is licensed/bonded/insured? I’m trying to stay away from a service b/c I’ve used about 5 so far and they are all extremely unreliable so just not worth it anymore.

        1. Yeah I just don’t think most individual cleaners bother with that. At least, in my experience they have all looked at me like I had two heads when I asked.

        2. I am not the Anon above, but I think what she’s saying is that an individual is less likely to be licensed/bonded/insured. That’s not to say none are, and I think you can also find smaller services that may have the more personal feel of an individual but meet those standards. But I think there are tradeoffs people make when going with an individual, and sometimes when deciding to go with one person who is often a lower rate, who you can become familiar with and who is easy to contact and schedule on short notice, you give up the comfort of knowing they’re L/B/I and that they have a Yelp/BBB page that they’re concerned about reviews on. It’s a personal call. If you have something in your home that you would be really concerned about, I think that’s where you either go with a larger service or put the amount you save with an individual toward your own self-insurance (or higher policy limits/lower deductible).

        3. I have never had an individual house cleaner who was licensed, bonded or insured. I live in a highly regulated state and I don’t even think we have licensed individual house cleaners. You just find someone — from craigslist or a friend — and meet them and if you trust them, leave a key or let them in or whatever and pay them. I’ve never had anything bad happen and I had one house cleaner for 7 years until she moved, and another is going on her third. I ask them for an estimate for the job.

    2. My parents have used cleaning people for the last 20+ years and during that time have used a couple services and probably 4 private individuals (they now use a married couple). They had much better luck with private individuals than services who tended to be unreliable, inconsistent, and somewhat dishonest (this was 20 years ago, though, so things may have changed). None of the private people are licensed/bonded/insured. It may vary from place to place, but there is no licensing board in our state for this. They protect themselves by getting personal referrals before hiring someone. They have had a few things broken over the years (including some pricey lladros), but that is a risk you run when you have someone coming in and dusting or otherwise cleaning your stuff. Otherwise they have never had a major issue. What are you anticipating them needing to be insured against?

      1. Anon, that’s helpful, thank you. I am interviewing someone today that is a referral from one of my colleagues. I just wasn’t sure what was standard/expected for individual cleaning people as I have always used services. I read something online that suggested a cleaning person should have workers comp insurance in case they get injured while they are cleaning at your home

        1. Your homeowner’s / renters insurance might already have worker’s comp as part of it. Mine does. I called to have it removed b/c at the time I had no one working in my home ever. They said it was a complimentary part of the policy and I didn’t save any money by removing it so I left it.

    3. They exist but they are like 40+/hour. When uninsured are like 15-20. The extra cost scares most people off because they don’t realize that being licensed and paying taxes and what not costs money

    4. I’ve had professional home cleaning for a lot of years. You definitely need someone licensed/bonded/insured and they need to show you documented proof (I’ve had people say ‘yes, of course’ but it wasn’t true) but my experience is that this is hard to come by in an individual not associated with a service. What about looking at a smaller service, an owner who cleans along with 2-3 other people? Might be the best of both worlds for you. I used Angie’s List to find my current small service, and I’ve been very happy with them.

    5. I’ve been using an individual for the past 4 years who I found via a personal referral. I doubt she is licensed or bonded (and I have never asked). She’s reliable, honest, and thorough though, and my homeowner’s insurance covers any potential issues. I am a huge fan of using an individual rather than a cleaning service. In my mind, there is a lot more risk associated with a cleaning service. You have different people in your house every time, they’re often paid very little, and you don’t get to form a relationship with them. I like that all my money goes specifically to the woman who cleans my place, and it’s also nice that she’s picked up on my quirks over the past several years (she’s figured out where everything goes, etc.).

      1. +1

        Get a good referral from someone you trust. Establish a friendly, constructive relationship with your housecleaner. Pay them well & give a holiday/ year end bonus. With a good relationship, you can ask for adjustments to your particular specifications. When you hire an individual or small team, all the money goes to them (often a woman-owned and/or minority-owned business), rather than being skimmed off the top by a service.

        We’ve had the same housecleaning team for about six years. The immigrant woman owner is getting ready to send her kids to college. It’s thrilling to see this kind of upward mobility, and know that we have contributed in some small part by hiring her team.

  19. Daycare gift-giving question — I have two kids in full-time daycare. Each kid has 3 teachers in their classroom, and last week I dropped off holiday cards for each of them, with a $25 gift card inside. I’m getting the impression that I breached protocol somehow — that perhaps I wasn’t supposed to give essentially a cash gift to the teachers — maybe the daycare has a policy against this. Has anyone else experienced this, and do you avoid giving gift cards to your kids’ teachers? Do you give a gift at all at the daycare level?

    1. I give a gift and it is always per teacher (unless some room parent is coordinating) and always cash.

    2. What you did sounds delightful. How are you getting the impression that you breached protocol?

    3. I don’t see anything inappropriate here based on my experience of doing the same. Who is giving you the side-eye?

    4. What makes you think you breached protocol? I’m giving a gift card to my daughter’s daycare teachers, and I think that’s the norm in my area. Maybe I will make cookies this weekend so that I can feel like I’m doing more than just cash, but only if I can get my act together.

      The only way I can see people being upset is if there was an agreed upon process, like the room was giving a consolidated gift.

    5. I always do exactly what you said – usually a very small/inexpensive gift (think chocolate or hand cream), plus a gift card, for each teacher in each room. I think you did the normal thing.

    6. Okay, thanks everyone. I guess I’m just paranoid. The only reason I’m questioning it is that all the teachers said thanks for the card itself (the holiday card), and nobody mentioned the gift card. Like they were pretending it wasn’t there. But probably they were just saying a tactful thank you and I read waaay too much into it. Thanks for the reassurance!

      1. Omg stahhhhppppp. They were just avoiding “thank you for the cash”. Like, they said “card.”

    7. This sounds perfect. I give gift cards to everyone, but cash is great and $25 per person is very generous so I’m sure they appreciated it.

  20. I am visiting a friend this weekend (out of town) and while i am there, she is hosting a holiday party, which includes secret santa. I am happy to participate, but I got matched with someone (female) that i have never met. Any gift ideas for that scenario? i’m looking for something that is generic enough that most people will like it, but is pretty and looks like i at least put some thought into it (not just a s*bucks giftcard, say). ideally $30 or under.

    1. Sephora set of mascaras? Burt’s Bees gift set? Could you ask the host if the friend drinks coffee or likes chocolate?

  21. I am the project manager of a big (for my company) project which is coming to its end. I intend to have a meeting with my staff to see what we learnt, what we could have done better, etc…

    What I am intending to do: use mind maps to put in writing what comes up during the meeting (I use them for most meetings with my staff) and hold two separate meetings, one for the administrative aspects of the project and one for the technical content.

    I will appreciate any advice… templates or checklists? specific software tools? one big meeting or one-to-ones? how to distribute the results when this is done? how to make sure we use it in future projects? anything I am obviously missing?

    TIA!

    1. What works best is just writing it down, nothing fancy. A bulleted list is fine. I think in general, people do not want to read and implement things that are presented in mind maps – if you want me to do something, give me a short and to the point list to follow.

    2. Doing a “lessons learned” meeting is part of my job on a regular basis. I’ve observed some bad ones – mostly full of passive-aggressive remarks directed at coworkers. To cut down on it just being a gripe session, I emphasize that we are talking about how to improve the process for next time. I send an e-mail a week in advance to let people know what is expected, like this:

      “The goal of discussing a project at the end is to document what we thought worked well and what we thought didn’t work at all. This exercise is most useful if everyone spends a little time thinking specifically about what you would do differently if you had to do the Fill-in-the-Blank project over again. Please send me your thoughts via email two days before the meeting.”

      That way, you have some themes you can talk about as you lead the session, as well as letting people spontaneously offer their idea. And sometimes, a remark that feels very personal (“JoJo took off two weeks right before launch and nobody knew how to do her job” ) is worth discussing, but more as a trend with a solution like “Next time we will specify who is backing up each team member in case there is an absence.”

      After the meeting, send a short e-mail summary of the themes and suggested improvements. Make them broad enough that they are applicable to most future projects.

    3. It doesn’t need to be fancy. I was in the Army for years and their thing is “three ups and three downs,” i.e. “Please tell me three things you thought went well and three things that went poorly.” Depending on your group, you can make each individual do this or each division, etc. But tell people in advance to come prepared with their three ups and three downs. And then go for the butcher paper or white board. Technology can make things so needlessly complicated.

    4. I do these a lot. Grab a stack of post it notes and hand out a bunch to everyone. Have them write ONE thing on each one. Have some categories on a whiteboard like “design”, “test”, “customer experience”. Give people 5 or 10 minutes to write down their thoughts (one per post it). Then gather them all and put them in the right category. Have a “good” and a “bad” side within each. This allows people to be anonymous and will lead to better feedback.

  22. I work in finance and have gotten a third-round interview with one of the most prestigious companies in my industry. Curious as to your thoughts on pros/cons.

    I have only been at my current job approximately 6 months. The work/life balance is incredible: 9-5 with an hourlong lunch break, no questions asked for doc appointments, very laid back environment, and a good, if OCD, boss. The problem? I am so bored. Unchallenged, unmotivated, underutilized. Way more junior in the company than I anticipated, with little exposure to management. I am being paid a six-figure salary to basically copy and paste PowerPoint slides all day. There is the opportunity for internal mobility “someday.”

    New job would likely have large salary bump (as much as 30%) and a much better title. I would be managing my own program and working at a higher, more strategic level. Frankly, it’s incredible that I’m even getting to interview for this job – but they seem to really like me. The downside would be loss of work/life balance – I can imagine this new job being 60+ hours a week. More stressful, but also more engaging.

    I also would feel a fair amount of guilt leaving my current company after 6 months, not to mention how it would look on my resume. However, it’s the kind of crazy opportunity I think people would understand my taking.

    I am mid-20s, newly single after what I thought would be a marriage. No children. I enjoy my free time, but it’s not very full or productive – exercise, tv, sleep. Is this my “lean in” moment? Should I continue to enjoy my boring but pleasant well-paid job, or should I take this chance to give up some freedom and really move up? Feeling so conflicted. Have others made similar choices?

      4. +1000. Assuming it’s a prestigious job (and it sounds like it is) you can leverage it to get into a better quality of life job later on down the road.

      5. +1 – you’ve got the freedom and time to lean in now and, like TBK said, you can always leverage later for better work/life balance.

      8. Absolutely. Put in the time and work now, and who knows where this will take you.

    2. I’m in a similar situation as you, except my current job doesn’t pay as well. I am moving mountains to get out of here because I’m bored and unchallenged. It’s amazing how much more awesome I feel about myself and my life when I feel like I’m doing things. I say lean in. I don’t see any real downsides to this.

    3. Lean in! Now is the time to do it. If you had kids, significant hobbies, etc that you needed to make time for, I may have a different suggestion, but it’s better to put the longer hours and travel in now, so that hopefully down the line when you do need a better balance, you can do so at a more senior level

    4. I think it depends on what you want over the next few years. On one hand, it should like a great time and opportunity to focus on your career. But I’ve found it impossible to devote time to my life given that I’m working over 60 hours a week.

      I moved cities after law school and work in biglaw. I didn’t have any friends in my city when I moved here five years ago, and sadly don’t have many (any?) now. Given my personality, I probably would have struggled to make friends anyways since I’m not outgoing with new people. But it has been horrible given that I’m can’t make plans reliably (It’s one thing to chance on friends you have known for years and completely another thing to chance last minute on someone you are still just getting to know). And I’ve not done any better at dating. So, now, I’m over 30 with no prospects and starting to really want to have children in the next few years. I would leave for a 40 hour week job in a heartbeat, but they are not easy to get.

      But tons of people make it work. Maybe they just have preexisting friends??? No idea, but wanted to offer a different perspective.

      1. And I clearly need to proofread and get some more sleep. Really looking forward to next week off!!!

        1. If you’re aren’t already familiar with Captain Awkward, check out her posts on making friends. It’s tough as an adult but… you can do it! :)

  23. Hi Everyone,
    I need ideas about washing my hair more rarely. I have colored/dyed hair, the kind that washes out, meaning the longer I wait between washes, the better for the color. My hair is curly, which means dry shampoo does not work so well, it seam to remove the grease but also the curls. Advice very much appreciated, TIA

    1. I decided to stop washing my hair so much and now I’m down to 2x a week. But you have to willing to put up with a month of kind of greasy hair. For me, that’s how long it took for my scalp to realize that, in fact, there was no longer a need to produce so much grease. The first two weeks I did it were the worst, so I did it over vacation. Once I got through that period, so much better

      1. To get through the greasy patch, I found that wearing my hair up and using hair spray to keep it away from my face helped mitigate the greasiness because I wasn’t touching it.

        Also, could you try a coloured hair powder to soak up oil instead of a spray-on dry shampoo? I know it might not be ideal as powder is likely to add more texture to your already curly hair, but it could work as a pinch provision as your hair gets used to less frequent washes.

    2. Can you do curly the first day, wavy the second day, straight the 3rd day?

      Or wet and condition, but don’t wash in between shampoos.

      Unless you have a really tight curl that doesn’t mind being handled, I don’t think you can do curly every day without getting your hair wet.

    3. Have you been using color protecting shampoo and conditioner. It doesn’t work miracles but the John Freida stuff I’ve been using seems to help extend the color.

    4. I said this up above as well, but I swear by sulfate-free shampoo and conditioner for de-greasing your hair. I now go 4 days between washes. L’Oreal Pure is a good, inexpensive line of sulfate-free shampoo and conditioner. You can buy it on Amazon for cheap.

  24. Hi all, looking for advice. I am going to my SO’s family Christmas, and he just told me there’s a gift exchange. Everyone brings a $5 to $10 gift, and there is a game and you end up with one of them. Any great ideas? All ages, so booze is out. Also, it must be gender neutral.

    1. I got a selfie stick ( i know, i know…) for my family’s grab around the same price point. People are always trading in the end after the grab is over, so I know it’ll make at least half the room happy.

    2. Do you have a TJ Maxx or Marshall’s near you? They have a huge selection of inexpensive gifts this time of year. I really like that they have some vintage-looking toys and puzzles. I was enthralled by a wooden puzzle block in the checkout line and nearly purchased it (one of those 3D puzzles where you have to move blocks around).

    5. How about a family friendly card game? Friends have really enjoyed apples to apples big picture and “sleeping queens.”

  25. This is a first world problem but having tickets for concerts go on sale (Adele!) in the middle of a workday is ridiculous.

    1. No I gotcha. Every year, PAX East tickets not only go on sale in the middle of the workday, but the purposely don’t disclose their sale date or time, so your only hope of scoring a weekend pass is to actively monitor Twitter and Facebook during the time of year they’re expected to go on sale, and hope you’re not in a meeting when it happens.

    2. It’s like asking for only scalpers to be able to get them. I agree, even if it is a first world problem ;)

      1. Someone posted on my FB feed that they’re going to Mexico City because the tickets are cheaper than the Houston ones. I don’t know if it’s that much cheaper to justify the trip – but if you wanted to add a quick trip!

    4. I logged on right before 10 and had three browsers going and still didn’t get any tickets, so don’t feel bad.

      All they had left were, surprise! VIP packaged from 250-750 per ticket plus fees. I love Adele but no thanks!

    5. You gotta do the presales, fanclub, credit card, or whatever other presales are out there. Occasionally the presales sell out, but most times you are good.

  26. Any tips or good books on networking and managing up? For some background, I work in an investment bank (manager-level), and shy and quiet by nature. I work hard but based on how some of the folks around me get promoted, I feel like talent alone is not enough (duh! while I knew it all along, I’ve come to realize that at this stage in my career, this is actually impacting my chances of getting ahead). I definitely want to make this my goal/area of improvement for 2016 and really make some good senior-level contacts by the end of 2016.

    One thing to note is that people take hierarchies very seriously here in my current group i.e. you never get to directly work with your manager’s manager – in fact, you only ever get to talk to them for more than a min in office parties. My manager is not that great (while she does no harm, she does no good either – she never escalates her directs’ bad job at a task and also doesn’t highlight any of her directs to her manager when they go above and beyond and do a good job). I must also mention that I am new to this group so some tips to manage would be very helpful.

    1. You say that you never get to work with your manager’s manager – is there a way to get around that? What does upper management have to think and do, and can you offer to help with that (ideally something that isn’t also your manager’s job). Or, it even could be your manager’s job – can you help with any of her managerial duties (except the HR stuff like telling people what to do)? Are you an Excel wizard and she hates to put together the ginormous monthly reporting spreadsheet? Does she always get really short report writing assignments from her boss and you type 90wpm? That way you’re not creating work for anyone else by taking on extra duties, but also creating a bit more of a name for yourself.

      1. Ugh, I don’t know about any of these. I think women often make the mistake of thinking that being “helpful” will get them promoted. It doesn’t. People are grateful for the help, of course, but none of these tasks strikes me as really high level. Don’t take people’s s–t work and expect them to respect you for it.

        2. Just my experience, but in my super-hierarchical previous job, you got noticed by getting your name on stuff and being the person who can deal with stuff and make the issues go away. It was my job to do my job well enough that people thanked me for it, so praise went nowhere – emails weren’t forwarded anywhere. What WAS forwarded was work product.

          It never felt like I was working harder, FWIW. But part of anyone’s job is to make your boss’ life easier, so if you have a solution to their problem, help them solve it.

    2. Are you broadcasting your successes? When you do something well, and especially if someone comments on it, send an email to your boss about it. If you can compliment her in the process, do it. For example, “I was talking with [name] yesterday and he mentioned how well he thought [thing you did] went. Your suggestion to [thing she said] was spot on!” Remember that your success = her success. An email like this flags for her that you’ve done well and also gives her something to forward up the chain, which reflects well on both you and her.

  27. My grandmother is in the early stages of dementia and frequently misplaces her purse and keys. I’d like to get her some kind of device (that emits a sound or something with a remote) to help her find them (she’ll need it frequently). I know about those GPS tiles you can buy, but she usually loses them in her own house, so I’m not sure that would help.

    Anyone have any experience with this/product suggestions?

    1. Go low tech to avoid confusion. Try one of those keychains where you whistle to find your keys and it beeps in response. And maybe a keyhook/bowl to put keys/purse in with the hope that it encourages a habit when she comes in the door.

    2. We did this for my grandmother. There is a low tech version that comes with 4 fobs …we put one on her purse, one on her keys, one on her glasses case… and the base had four buttons which correspond to the color of the fob which we mounted to the wall in her hallway. Push the colored button and the fob beeps.

    3. I got my whole family (including myself) the “Click n’ Dig” set from Amazon this year. It comes with one “finder” that you keep in a safe place and four or six color coded keychains you can attach to wallet, keys, cellphone, etc. Press button on the finder and the keychain makes a noise – blue button rings the blue keychain, etc. It’s pretty low tech but it sounds perfect for what you need.

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