Suit of the Week: New York & Co.

88 Comments

1. I need a sanity check…how do I get over the sting of seeing my ex happily moved on to someone new (rather quickly too). Someone he knew/was friends with when we were dating which makes this all especially very shady and makes me feel like he dumped me for her… I know if I were talking to one of my girlfriends, I would tell them that this is just another sign that he sucks. But it really stings… Also I’m at a very stressful period of grad school finals so this is really not.what.I.need.now.

   1. Stop looking at it? Seriously. Block him, unfriend him, ask mutual friends to please not tell you about him, etc. And don’t go looking for reasons to take this personally/seek out some shady conspiracy/use this as further evidence of yet another way in which he “done you wrong.” He’s an ex for a reason (or a lot of reasons), and there’s nothing to be gained from mining his post-breakup behavior for still more things to feel wronged by.

      I know it sucks and I’m sorry this has you feeling badly, but seriously, it’s like you’re seeking out further hurt here, both by being in enough contact with the ex to know about the new g/f, and by turning the new g/f into some kind of evidence of shadiness on his part, which you then get to take personally as something he’s done intentionally to hurt you.

      1. I really don’t want to know. I did block him, etc. But we’re in grad school and this campus is feeling smaller and smaller….

         Thank you!

         1. Finals period can actually be a good time to get away from him – change up your study locations/times, look for off-campus places to do your work, and maybe carve out some time each week to take care of yourself? I have a friend who is in grad school right now who is a volunteer dog-walker on Saturdays, and she swears it’s one of the reasons she hasn’t totally lost it, stress-wise. Even just a few hours a week away from the microcosm that grad school can turn into would probably help you feel better.

   2. I don’t have any good advice, but this sucks, I’m sorry.

      Stay focused on finals and yourself. Good luck!!

   3. Do NOT sweat it. In all likeliehood, the old ex was a looser anyway! That is what I think when I see Sheketovits, who is now sleepeing with another woman I know. At first, yes, I was upset, b/c he fooled me into thinkeing he was a good catch, and I did let him do pretty much everything he wanted to sexueally, but I found out that I did NOT need that guy to validate me as a cute urban professional interested in my career and MARRAGE. So, OP, in your case, do NOT fret. You will find another guy who will make you happy and then you will forget all about this schmuck! YAY!!!!!

   4. Go over in your head everything that didn’t make you work together. All the annoying little things that you never have to deal with again? They’re her problem now. The big, glaring things that actually made the relationship end? You’re now free to find someone compatible for you, without those issues.

      Don’t necessarily assume he was cheating on you, or that he dumped you for her, either – sometimes the timing just works that way. Do assume he wasn’t emotionally in the relationship before it ended, though. That’s probably true. And yeah, he does suck for doing that. It’s a sucky thing to do.

      Quick fix that helped for me – Tinder. You don’t have to go on dates with anyone. You don’t even have to chat with them. But that quick ego boost of getting matches, and seeing the literally thousands of men out there puts it in perspective. And once finals are over, get outside. Drive to a scenic spot, take a hike, go to a botanical garden – just do something that gets you outside and surrounded by nature. It’ll make you feel grounded.

   5. No advice, just commiseration. This exact thing happened to me (it was super awesome when New Girl and I were on the same journal together and had to work in close quarters in the tiny journal office, just us sometimes, super awesome). It really hurts. But then eventually it doesn’t. Try to keep busy and spend time with friends, try not to mope (but give yourself permission to hole up with a movie and ice cream when you really need it). But it really will get better.

      1. Ugh same thing happened to me too (as OP – not the journal situation of TBK), and it sucks. I tried to keep social (when I wasn’t studying for finals) and go out a lot with my friends/try to meet other guys. They were fillers but felt good to have other guys interested in me. Fun story that will out me if anyone here knows me. I’ve never had a one night stand but I thought I might try when this was all happening. I picked a nice, cute, quiet guy from one of my classes – went home with him. We kissed a little and ultimately I couldn’t go through with it and ran out of his apartment at about 4 AM. Goes to show no matter how badly I felt about Ex, I still had to be me.
         But it does eventually get better – you’ll meet someone new, maybe a few someone news. And FWIW, my Ex has had a string of girlfriends following me. Now he seems pathetic to me and searching for something. And I’m very happily married :)
         Good luck on finals!

   6. I am not just saying this:

      Relationships like that very rarely work out. Assuming that you two were serious about each other, of course.

      I’ve seen it with exes – the one who went from talking about moving halfway across the country for me, then went to seriously talking marriage with another woman shortly thereafter, ended up not with Miss New Woman. I’ve been the rebound woman, and it turns out that he wasn’t looking for a relationship so much as a placeholder.

      It’s much more healthy to lick wounds, reassess, and remember what it’s like to be single.

      1. Except sometimes it does. In my case my ex married the next girl. Which is also kind of fine in its own way. I hear they’re happy and have a couple of kids. I’m happy in my own marriage and am pretty clear on how my husband is a better fit for me than my ex. Knowing my ex’s wife, I’m pretty sure she’s a better fit for him than I would’ve been, too.

      2. I dumped my boyfriend senior year of college after finding out he repeatedly cheated on me with a girl in his program. After we broke up, they dated for 9 years and are now married.

         So… nothing is predictable.

      3. I said “rarely,” not “never.”

         FYI.

   7. Yeah, this sort of thing is kind of the worst. Finals stress probably isn’t helping, either – you’ll likely feel a little more at peace about it in a few weeks.

      This too shall pass, this too shall pass.

   8. Oh honey I’ve been there many times. It hurts at first, but you get used to seeing it over time. But for now, while you’re coming to terms with it, unfollow him on Facebook, and consider not attending parties where the two of them are gonna be in attendance. You may eventually meet her, and getting to know her may help, but go at your own pace there. Hang out with friends, focus on the good stuff in life, you’ll be okay.

2. If you need something to do this afternoon and like the essay “Men Explain Things to Me,” I encourage you all to read this somewhat long but excellent article on being a woman, privilege, etc…: http://www.tinhouse.com/blog/41314/on-pandering.html

   1. Thanks for this.

   2. Oh man, I was at my company party on Friday and they had blackjack tables, so I was playing and doing fairly well, but this guy next to me took it upon himself to tell me when to hit or stay. I kept trying to brush it off but eventually snapped and went “DID I ASK YOU!”

   3. I direct a pretty innovative NGO program that I worked with our board to design. We outsourced a minor research brief from it to a think tank. Met a young associate from the think tank at a party where after hearing where I worked he spent the next hour explaining the program to me….because I’m a woman I obviously wouldn’t know anything about the program…. Didn’t say anything while he was talking but then had a mutual acquaintance go over and announce it ‘saw you were talking to Marion, pretty cool for our organisation to have the director of blah blah here’. His face was priceless!

3. What two bullet points would you put on a resume for a corporate associate who worked on M & A/asset and stock sales, etc for 2 years (not my most recent position). Trying to express a familiarity with process, although not expert levels of understanding in terms of planning and executing the deal.

   What I really did: diligence, redline, general research. Seems disingenuous to talk about counseling the client or whatever else.

   1. If you’re having trouble phrasing, I’d suggest looking at job descriptions for the job you have (or a similar job) & cribbing from those. I’ve often found resume inspiration in job postings.

4. You guys! I just had my review and got AN ACTUAL RAISE! So excited!

   1. woohoo!! congrats!

   2. YAY! Congrats!

   3. Congrats!

      1. Congrats!

5. I purchased this dress after seeing another commenter post it a while back. As much as I love it, I just haven’t had many opportunities to wear it. I really want to wear it to one of my upcoming office holiday parties, but I’m just not sure how to transition it to winter. I feel like I need to wear something over the shoulders since I think they’d just feel to bare given it’s winter in New England. I’m not really sure what to wear though, since the trapeze style of the dress is a bit trickier. What do you ladies suggest? TIA!

6. What do you do for meals if you have relatives visiting you? Do you give them money to order (if you don’t have many groceries in the house) or do you cook for them? Or do you let them fend for themselves? My mom, dad and sister are coming into town this weekend just for 1 day/night. My husband and I are both big law attys and between the two of us, he’s the cook, but he’s traveling for work and won’t get back until Friday (so probably no time to go to the grocery store). Just wondering what others do in these types of situations (my parents don’t stay with me too often). Thanks in advance.

   1. Order takeout for everyone, pick it up on the way home and pay for it – if you’re going to be home. If you’re home, take them out to dinner.

   2. I host them. Whether that means cooking for them, taking them out to dinner, or picking something up.

   3. Does Chicago have Seamless? Because if I were in your shoes, I’d probably give sis my Seamless password and let them order their own food on my dime.

      1. That is, assuming you won’t be home to take them out to dinner.

         1. I think they call seamless grubhub there.

   4. Plan to order something in for dinner – you do the ordering. Either pay and have it delivered, or pick up on your way home. Make sure you have breakfast things in the house (even if you’re planning on going out, have at least cereal or some type of pastry as some people – ahem, me – wake up starving). I generally assume we’re going to go out and get lunch while seeing the city, running around, etc.

   5. If you’re not going to be home, I would probably suggest a few restaurants in my neighborhood that they might enjoy trying (and then not pay for them). That would be normal in my family, and they’d normally enjoy going out to eat rather than staying in.

      If you know they wouldn’t want to do that, I think telling them you’ll have takeout you think they’ll particularly like delivered to your house at X time makes sense. Giving them money would be kind of weird in my family but again, I realize that varies.

   6. I’d treat them to Chicago style pizza (either at the restaurant or at home).

      1. I am hungry and this sounds great. Or the grubhub password suggestion above.

   7. Can you pick up some basic groceries (or have them delivered) before they come into town? Things like bagels, muffins, eggs, fruit and berries, nice deli meats, and sandwich makings, etc? Set out everything remotely breakfasty for breakfast, then lunchy for lunch and let everyone make their own plate. Then tell them dinner is on you, and take them out to your fav restaurant in town.

      1. +1

   8. Plan to take them out for dinner, or order takeout for the group. Your treat. Do not give them money for takeout and expect them to order it themselves.

      It’s also helpful to have food around for the non-dinner events. For the rest of the weekend, stock up on coffee, orange juice, and some breakfast baked goods (bagels and cream cheese, muffins, something like that). Buy a bag of clementines, a box of cookies, and some good cheese and crackers. That covers all of the interim snacking opportunities.

      Are you in NYC? Fresh Direct makes this all really easy – you can order all of this stuff and it will literally just show up at your doorstep.

   9. My dad refuses to go out to eat and really enjoys cooking for me when he visits but he isn’t great at putting together a grocery list ahead of time for me to stock the kitchen.

      For his next visit, I am considering getting meals from Purple Carrot or Blue Apron. They send you all the ingredients and you prepare and cook the meal. Would your relatives like something like that?

7. I work for a company with several campuses and recently switched jobs to a different department on a different campus. I went from a highly specialized position to a much more general one. In my former position, I was one of at most five people in my state with the level of knowledge that I have. Long story short, the new position has turned out to be a bad fit and I am thinking of moving on after several months. A third campus has a position posted in my specialized area that would be a promotion that I’ve applied for. I’ve met the person who will supervise this position once or twice, and I’ve done work for her indirectly several years ago (it was assigned to my coworker, but she wasn’t getting it done so I stepped in and took care of it). I’ve never been in the position where I had the opportunity to reach out directly to the supervisor before, but it seems like an appropriate time to do it. I’m an obvious candidate for the position, but I’m a little worried that HR will see how recently I started in my current position and not even send my resume to the hiring department. What sort of things should I say when I reach out, and should I address why I’m looking to leave my current position so quickly?

   1. Def apply and the reason you’re looking to leave is for advancement!

   2. Advancement opportunity + returning to a highly specialized area where you’re one of like five people in the state with your level of knowledge = no brainer. You could even address the quick move in your cover letter with something about how you weren’t looking to move on, but couldn’t resist when you saw this particular opening, or something like that. Assuming you’re not a serial job-hopper, one quick jump isn’t going to be the death of your application.

      1. +1 for KKH’s advice

8. Opinions please! Is it totally weird to have a couple pictures in a picture collage Christmas card of my twin babies in their diapers (naked really)? I realized I don’t have any good pictures of them in real clothes where they don’t have food, etc. on them. Should’ve gotten professional pictures….

   1 picture is of us is entire family at a wedding – super cute. But other two pics are of boys smiling in their diapers. That’s all I have!!! I think it’s cute but I’m their mother.

   Little bit late on the Christmas cards here………..

   1. You have twin babies and are sending Christmas cards. You should be congratulated. Period.

   2. Are they under the age of 1? I don’t think that’s weird at all. I’ve probably received a handful of diaper-only baby picture cards this year (between Christmas and birth announcements). Over the age of 1, I think you’re starting to push the envelope of propriety in certain pictures – not necessarily for the not-quite-nudity, but more from the standpoint of what they will want out there when they are adults looking back.

   3. If pictures of babies in diapers is wrong I don’t wanna be right!

   4. Babies in diapers are not naked.

   5. Totally fine.

   6. Do it! Sounds adorbs!

   7. Baby in diaper, adorable. Twin babies in diapers, super adorable.

      1. I believe adorable ~ babies^2 :)

         1. square babies would be so much easier to travel with. ;)

   8. I always want pictures of babies in diapers. That way you can see their little knees. and little bellies. and feetsies! and how squirmy they are!

      wow, i need to go see my best friend’s baby STAT.

   9. If they were wearing clothes, we wouldn’t get to see their baby chub, which is the #1 reason I like babies. So, diapers are a win. Especially if they have knee dimples, and rolls on their ankles.

   10. I don’t think it’s weird, but will say that my favorite cards have just one picture, two max. Often you can’t really see all the photos in a collage (too small). So, if you have one nice family photo, consider just using that.

9. After yesterday’s discussion, I’m just going to leave this here–.Zagat’s top food cities for 2015:

   https://www.zagat.com/b/the-top-17-food-cities-of-2015#9

   Chicago? Nowhere to be found. Dallas? Only two spots behind SF and 5 behind NYC.

   1. I think if Zagat made a list and it was just NYC-SF every year they wouldn’t get enough clicks to keep their website open.

      1. Hey, look at that, Boston is #5.

      2. Diss Zagat all you want, but lots of top tier publications, including CN Traveler and Bon Appetit recognize that there is great food in more than two or three cities in the US. One of BA’s best new restaurants this year was in Indianapolis. Obviously New York has a better and more diverse food scene than Indy, but the idea that you can’t get top quality food (or arts or sports or whatever) anywhere but a few places is every bit as parochial as the small town folks you’re hating on.

   2. Cool. You can tell that to Grant Achatz and his michelin stars and james beard awards.

      1. I have had some incredible meals in Chicago (and love the city, food aside) but I think Grant Achatz is really overrated/played out and I know a lot of people in the food community who agree.

      2. I think you’re missing the point. There was a poster up and down the thread yesterday who hated CA, NYC, Texas and everywhere in between other than what seemed to be Chicago. The point is, there are plenty of great food destinations in all of those cities regardless of the opinion of one internet troll or anointed critic or publication. There’s no need to be so close minded and provincial.

         1. I love my HCOL area because I work in a location-specific job, have income based repayment, and found a great deal on an affordable apartment walking distance to work. (I make a lot of compromises in my apartment – no dishwasher, no in-unit laundry, terrible landlords).

            But I think an important point about HCOL/LCOL that wasn’t hit on yesterday is that the cultural benefits of a HCOL are probably not accessible to folks who can’t afford to buy a home in that region. If you don’t make enough to put a down payment on a house, you probably aren’t appreciating the opera/ballet/symphony without serious sacrifices and prioritization.

            I think the question is – do you want to have to drive to get to the things you appreciate?

   3. This list is making quite the stir on my Facebook today….because I live in Pittsburgh.

      1. I saw this bee-bopping around my feed recently too, but didn’t realize we’d been named #1. But yea, Station is pretty good…

   4. Oh you follow Zagat? That’s so cute that you’re 95 and still reading blogs :)

      Srsly though they’re basically irrelevant.

      1. Every time I think of Zagat’s I think of T&E.

      2. I don’t read Zagat, the link was on my news feed. I thought it was funny because the types of people who get their panties in a wad over the idea of living anywhere besides NYC/SF/Chicago are the same people who religiously adhere to dictates thrown down by these “authorities.” Essentially, people who have no capacity for original thought.

         1. Bless your heart.

            1. Ohhhh, BURN.

   5. That’s just dumb – I’ve only been to Chicago once but it was enough to ascertain that it has amazing food.

10. Recs for gray tights? I bought a pair of Spanx but they were way too opaque. I find I don’t like that with gray tights. I’m looking for something between sheer and opaque, good medium gray color. Thanks!!

    1. I just picked up a pair of charcoal grey wool-blend rib-knit tights from b.ella – they’re comfy with shaped toe. The rise is high enough that I have to fold the top down over my hips, but the waistband itself is not too tight.

11. I bought a Groupon for a massage at a new, local place I’d been meaning to check out. I was worried there might be a language barrier which could make making the appointment over the phone frustrating for both of us so I went to the place and made the appointment -in person- for tonight at 6. I got there 10 minutes early, all ready with cash for the tip and everything, only to be told “sorry, too busy.” I said I had an appointment, but it didn’t matter, they were too busy and I had to leave. She couldn’t even reschedule me. I asked when I could come back, she shrugged and said “too busy.”

    I. Was. Furious. I get a little mad when stuff like this is delayed or needs to be rescheduled, but to refuse to honor my appointment and not even reschedule me is total garbage! So I left, bought a bottle of wine, and filed a complaint with Groupon, so I can get my money back and maybe they’ll have a word with the massage place.

    1. Sounds like there isn’t just a language barrier, but a culture barrier too.
       Groupon is usually good about refunds

       1. maybe, but when I contacted them they just said they forwarded my information to the spa, and they were going to reach out to be in a few days. honestly, I want to get my money back and walk away, but part of me wonders if I should give them another chance.

          1. I’d say give them another chance–go there at a time when you could do with a massage, but aren’t desperate.

12. Somebody posted about travel jewelry organizers this morning. My sister in law and mother in law each have one of these, travel extensively, and say they are awesome. I’m probably going to get a smaller one because I don’t wear as much jewelry as they do. Link in reply.

    1. Here is the bigger one: http://clos-ettetoo.com/collections/travel-cases/products/the-traveling-jewelry-case#.VnH_8q876K2

    2. I wanted one, but got this as a gift and it’s HUGE: Travel Smart by Conair Jewelry Roll Bag

       Etsy has lots of smaller ones if they are travellinfg for a week or whatever.

13. FYI–just now when I scrolled through the comments, the name and email cells under the Leave a Reply heading were pre-populated with a username I have never used and an email address that is not mine. The email address appeared to include a first initial and last name.

    1. Also, this was on my phone, so no chance there was another user

    2. The same thing has been happening to me for the last week or so. I’m glad to hear it’s happening to someone else. I thought maybe I was doing some sleep texting and not remembering.

       1. If anyone is still following this, would you please send me a screenshot? I’m curious if it is the same username or if there is a similarity of IP addresses or what. Thanks. Kat@Corporette.com

14. I love the look of this suit–hooray for real pants, that ho all the way down!
    But it has an unfortunately high polyester content, so I won’t be ordering it. :(.
    Still, seeing it here gives me hope that Kat may be moving away from the ankle pants, at last!

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