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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Ha cha cha. I love this dark grey wool ottoman-rib peplum jacket, in part because the unevenness makes it so cool — that asymmetric placket, the not-quite-round neckline, the raw edges… very cool. It's definitely a fashionista piece, and it comes with a price that only a fashion dilettante could love: it's $2,885 at Barneys. Lanvin Ottoman-Rib Peplum Jacket Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail [email protected]. (L-2)Sales of note for 8.30.24
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- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
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Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Pretty
I do love it, but, lordy, not with those pants.
For my inner Tilda Swinton meets Patty Hewes office look.
Diana Barry
+1. I really like this. Anyone want to find the H&M/fast fashion equivalent for $50?
Kate
Not exact matches of course, but check out these:
http://www.lastcall.com/product.jsp?itemId=prod22720016&ecid=NMSMTT7ZQ9 – on sale for $44
http://www.lastcall.com/product.jsp?itemId=prod22390096&ecid=NMSMTT7XDG – on sale for $119
anon-oh-no
I totally love this jacket. And while I also wouldn’t wear it with those pants, I have to put an unexpected plug in for that style. I tried on a pair at splendid a few months ago on a whim (and my promise to myself to try stuff on that I normally wouldn’t) and wound up buying them. they are super comfortable and very flattering.
HSAL
I’m generally pro-peplum but I can’t get on board with this.
LawyrChk
Yep. Looks like a court jester.
AN
Now I cannot unsee this! The pants are even weirder than the jacket, and that’s saying something….
Amy H.
I’m generally very anti-peplum, but I love this!
the death of friendships
So I have a girlfriend who I always considered one of my besties for life — every time we talk, which is rarely now because we have kids, we click and it’s great. (I always initiate.) For a few years now I’ve felt shafted by her — she didn’t come to my wedding (which I understood since it was far away, and also because she had a 2-y-o at the time and our wedding was adults only, in part because all of my friends at the time had 2-y-os)… not to my bridal shower… not to any of my birthday parties over the past 5 years… etc, etc. (I showed up to her multiple bridal showers, baby shower, and wedding, and brought nice gifts for all… I got a card for my wedding and no acknowledgment for the birth of my kids. Not the issue here at all — but I’m just saying, it’s another signal here.) I figured, she has a small kid and lives in the suburbs about an hour away, she’s just busy and this’ll shake out out somewhere down the line with us being friends. But I signed in to FB today and see that she’s had a huge 40th birthday party for her husband… which seems to me like something you would invite any friend in the area to, at least to extend the invitation. And… we clearly weren’t invited. So it’s over, right? We’re just no longer friends? I haven’t seen her in person in probably 7 years now but it still stings a bit.
Does anyone else find friendships in midlife hard to assess? I know the key here is to not assess them and just let them happen, but when you “lose” a friend who you thought was a good one it just kind of feels like a death of sorts, you know?
Anonymous
I mean, I don’t understand why on earth you would have expected to be invited to a party by someone you haven’t seen in 7 years. Your relationship is the same now as it was before this party- you’re old friends in different stages in life who every now and then enjoy catching up over the phone. I’m getting a lot of anger from you , but it cuts both ways- if you had really wanted her to travel to your far away wedding, you could have invited her kid.
I like to view friendships as having seasons. Right now, you are in winter. But 15 years from now when neither of you has little kids maybe you’ll reconnect. It’s not a death, it’s just dormant for now.
V
When I got married everyone (friends and family) on my side had small or school-aged children. We had an explicitly child-inclusive wedding and reception. Otherwise, I don’t think anyone from my side would have been there except for elderly relatives and my parents.
Anonymous
Right and that’s fine but you don’t also get to hold a grudge against people who don’t come because they don’t want to travel without their kids.
V
Absolutely not. It’s an option. Options are good!
I know people who are holding grudges against some relatives of very modest means for not coming on a destination wedding (for the person’s second destination wedding). Life is too short!
Query
Are people less likely to get a sitter “now-a-days” than they were twenty years ago? It was the norm when I was a kid for us to have sitters so our parents could have Saturday nights out or go to weddings. Friends would pool their kids together and hire a sitter or two. I don’t have kids but I find among my friends it is a very very very rare day that they hire a sitter. Have times changed in this regard? The only thing I can think of is a lot of us had stay-at-home moms so having a sitter didn’t really take away from our time with our parents that much. Maybe working parents today work so much that they feel guilty having a sitter on the weekends during their only times with the kids. I feel like when I was a kid the norm was having a sitter 2 weekend nights/month and among my friends the norm now seems to be 2 nights a year!
JJ
I think you nailed it: the weekends are the only times I get to spend more than 2 hours at a time with my kids. So it has to be a pretty compelling reason to get a babysitter. Add on to that the occassional date night with the spouse, and those are basically all of your social opportunities. Not to mention, babysitters are crazy expensive now. With two kids, it could easily be $60 or so just to have him/her watch the kids while we go out.
OttLobbyist
I don’t have an answer for you (no kids), but think it is an excellent question. I made a fortune babysitting from the age of 13 right into university, but find that my friends are very hesitant to leave their children with anyone who isn’t family.
Anon
If you have to travel to a wedding that is far away, it’s not as simple as getting a sitter for a night.
marketingchic
I have a really hard time finding sitters -other than my parents, who are way busier than me and hard to “book.” I babysat through my teen years, but that is a LOT less prevalent in my area now. Apparently $10+/hour is not motivation enough.
anne-on
Sitters in my area are $13-$15/hour, and many have a 4 hour minimum for a weekend night if you can even find one. And good luck finding a sitter in the summer when the college kids all go home and the teenagers are in camp/working/out of town with their families. Sigh.
WestCoast Lawyer
I think it’s a combination of many things. For us, because we both work full time we don’t often leave our kids because we want to spend time as a family together on the weekends. When we do go out, we have family nearby that we can usually rely on to watch the kids, but this means that we get a sitter so infrequently that when we do need one (because family isn’t an option) we don’t really have any good contacts. So in addition to the expense, we would have to find someone who was available not only to sit but to come early so we could go over the kids bedtime schedules/routines, etc. It just ends up being so much effort that usually one of us will just stay at home. I’ve actually considered trying to get a sitter twice a month just to get everyone used to each other, but that seems like a lot of money to have someone teed up for the few times we actually need it.
Carrie
btw….
Why are babysitters paid so high now? Is that really due to supply/demand?
I’m 40 now and never made more than $2 per hour. Just… wow. I’d babysit now at these rates!
Pretty
You are absolutely friends, if you want to be, but you aren’t BFFs anymore (which is where I think the sting is).
I hope you don’t feel too bad about the party — if you haven’t seen her in 7 years, it’s unlikely you’d make the guest list cut (which is probably her husband’s friends mainly). If I hadn’t seen someone in that long, I’d want to really reconnect with them (which is hard at a big party, especially if you’re the host).
If you like her, maybe try to reconnect. You have made other casual friends over the intervening 7 years, no? Don’t feel bad that you’re not BFFs.
Anon
Friendships have always been tough for me, so take my advice with a grain of salt, but perhaps you should try to voice your concerns before declaring the friendship “dead”? Maybe say something like, “Jane, I really value our friendship and I feel like I’m the only one who initiates contact. This makes me feel like you don’t value me as a friend. I was also hurt by the fact that I wasn’t included in the 40th bday celebration. That’s something I would have loved to have shared with you and your husband, and the fact that I wasn’t included makes me feel like our relationship is becoming more and more one-sided.” And then just wait and listen to what she says. That puts the ball in her court to reach out/include you in things, etc. It might be the wake up call the friendship needs, or it might signal that it is, in fact, over.
Red Beagle
+1. A lot of what you’ve said in your original post are your assumptions over the years about what is going on over in her home and her motives for not initiating or reciprocating (suburbs, baby, distance, etc.) You may or may not like the answer but I think you should check in with her for her side of the story before declaring the friendship dead. It may in fact be dead but at least you’ll know.
Anonymous
Ugh srsly? This is major overkill and I would just conclude someone who called to tell me she was hurt by not being invited to a party when I hadn’t seen her in 7 years was disturbed. The answer is clear: you weren’t invited because we aren’t close friends. OP I would def keep up Christmas/birthday cards and a call every 6 months, but don’t force an awkward convo for no reason.
Anon in NYC
+1 to this. I know it hurts to have a friendship fade from BFF to acquaintances (I’ve been there), but trying to force your friend to care more is going to backfire. Perhaps you could try to arrange a casual BBQ and invite her husband and kids over too so you can spend time in-person with her.
Anon
Agreed. Plus it was a party for her husband, not for her so it may not have even included her close friends let alone her long-lost friends. I think people really don’t realize how “big” parties can get huge fast and how hard it is to keep a guest list to the size of the event you’re trying to have.
Hmm
To the OP, I’m really sorry that this friendship has died down as it has. I don’t care HOW busy someone is, not acknowledging a friend’s birth of a child with a phone call or card is just unacceptable to me.
With that said, I agree that having an angry chat with your friend is sure to leave your friend very defensive. I have been on the opposite side of this conversation — a friend was very upset that I was not being in as much contact as I used to and called me one day and started screaming at me on the phone. I became very defensive (I was going through a lot at the time that she didn’t know about) and it soured our friendship completely. We used to be like sisters, but we haven’t spoken in about 7 years. It’s sad. I have tried reaching out several times over the years but she never wanted to reconnect. The clincher was when she didn’t invite me to her wedding. I then realized that the friendship had officially died.
rosie
I would not bring up the birthday party. It has the potential to make her overly defensive (she’ll just list every reason why you weren’t invited, which won’t be productive), and I think you may be a little too sensitive about it anyway.
I actually don’t think I would have any “state of the friendship” talk at all. If you want to try one last time, reach out to her and try to schedule a time to catch up in person, if she declines or never commits to firm plans, there’s your answer.
Anon
If you have to analyze the friendship to this extent, you need to question the label of “friendship”. Honestly, friends shouldn’t be this much work/brainpower and still produce a negative output. You should be creating new experiences and memories with the friends that really do matter (generally speaking, that is, as there’s always that one old friend you can sit down with after years and be like no time has passed). Call a spade a spade, and cherish the time you had as close “BFFs” but don’t lie to yourself about the place this old friend has in your current life and your place in hers.
Alana
+10000
Anon A
I agree with this. OP, it’s sad but it just sounds like your friendship is either over, or definitely going through a dry spell. Maybe one day you’ll reconnect but there’s no use in forcing it IMO. I know some people have suggested that you have a talk with your friend but I’m on the side who thinks that you shouldn’t force it and if you guys aren’t inviting each other to things and not in each other’s lives and don’t make efforts (or at least she’s not making effort) then I think your answer is there.
anonish
Gosh I so agree about the birthday party.
My husband will be turning 50 soon, I’ll be planning a big party for him. All his friends, and all of “our” friends will be invited (i.e., people that we BOTH regularly talk to/hang out with) but MY friends won’t be. Including my dear bestie of 35 (yes, 35) years who lives several hours away. He KNOWS her but they aren’t FRIENDS (we don’t get to see each other that often, when we do it’s just us usually). Why on earth would I invite her to his party? *My* party, sure, but not his.
AN
I’m sorry….but you are right. There doesn’t seem to be any space in her life for you, whatever the reason. Not acknowledging the birth of your kids…that is unacceptable. Could it be you thought you were besties but she didn’t ?
FWIW, my best friend ( since we were 13) and I ” broke up” in a really unpleasant manner six months ago. I always initiated, she never did, and she never could stop carping at how I didn’t call her up as soon as her husband lost his job during the 2008 crisis. He worked for a prominent bank that collapsed and her expectation was that I would call her up ASAP. We live literally at opposite sides of the world, and I had had already offered my sympathies when it was clear he was going to lose his job. After much pleading, she “forgave ” me, and things went on. Throughout her two pregnancies, I called her up every week, though she never went beyond a text message when I was pregnant. Then when I expressed surprise that shed moved jobs, she exploded and said that I’d never shown interest in her stuff…And that she ” didn’t have time for this” . That’s when I decided I’d had enough too. Obviously nothing counts for more in her life than the job, though she never ever asked me about my job, interestingly.
Maybe it’s time to face up to facts. Trust me, it doesn’t hurt as much as you think it will.
Romey
Wow, I could have written this myself. I had a similar thing happen a few months ago. A girl who I have been best friends with since I was 13 years old unfriended me on facebook (yes, that’s actually a true story). Over the past 3 or so years we had grown apart due to different lives (she has 2 children and is a stay at home mom; I’m married and my husband and I are both attorneys, no children yet). She basically never came to anything that I invited her to….my birthday, cookouts that we had, my husband’s birthday, outings with mutual girlfriends, etc. Since she stopped coming to things, I became closer friends with these mutual girlfriends (one of whom has a child) and my original bff was upset b/c she said she didn’t like seeing us interact with each other on social media so she unfriended all of us and basically hasn’t talked to me since.
Hate FB
This is one of the many reasons I hate Facebook. It was a party for her husband, so the guest list probably was mostly comprised of his friends. There was probably a limited number of people due to space and/or financial constraints, even if it seemed to be a huge party due to the FB lens.
If you haven’t seen her in 7 years, then you probably are not at all close to the husband. If I were making the list, I would much rather include work/neighbors/other buddies who are closer to husband, rather than inviting personal friends who likely don’t have much of relationship with him.
I would try really hard not to make the party about you, much less see it as the death of a relationship. Assume the best of people; I doubt she was thinking about how you’d feel when planning a party for her husband. If you want to salvage the relationship, or are just missing her, then reach out and see what happens.
Anon
Slightly off topic, but another -1 for FB and these situations… FB perpetuates the IDEA of “friendship”. It sounds very obvious, but I’ll say it: liking a post and seeing pictures of their kids is not a substitute for actually maintaining an ongoing, meaningful friendship. It creates a false sense of a connection between two people (maybe it’s one sided?) that otherwise wouldn’t be there. It can totally feed this kind of “I feel left out” thing the OP mentions.
ac
I really enjoy facebook, but I totally agree with this point.
Sadie
This is why I quit Facebook, in large part. Interestingly, the people who I really liked stay in contact (and I with them), and the people who I likely only had an ‘idea’ of friendship with rather than actual friendship faded away. And I don’t really miss any of them, because we weren’t REALLY friends to begin with.
OP
Just tuning in again after a long day – thanks to everyone for the thoughts, it made me feel better and realize it was a party for him, not her (and I didn’t recognize any of the people in the pictures, so it doesn’t look like many of her old gang were invited at all) and wherever we are, i shouldn’t label it and should just go with it. Thank you!
anon
How many pants and skirts do you have in your work wardrobes, and is it really necessary to buy ones that are sold as separates rather than using suit bottoms for everything?
Red Beagle
5 pairs of pants – two different cuts of black (skinny and narrower cut straight), charcoal, blue-grey, and khaki for summer. skirts – 6 – 2 black pencil skirts in different fabrics, 1 light blue pencil skirt, 1 pink full skirt, 1 black pleated skirt. Lots of black for bottoms in my wardrobe with a couple of fun colored skirts in there. I think you can break up suits but in my case, I have always bought separates. Partly because in my business casual office a full formal suit is rarely needed except for interviews and in fact screams “interview day” if worn.
V
Too few of the good ones and yes. Otherwise, you will have a lot of widowed suit jackets accumulating in your closet due to the skirts and pants succumbing to wear and tear (first, the lining in the pants will go, then the skirt will get a horrible stain or a seam will pull). Even if they don’t, they’ll start to look less than their best. And at that point, you will need more new suits.
My husband always used to buy a suit + an extra pair of pants so that he could rotate.
Clementine
I have 4 suits: black skirt suit (winter only), navy skirt suit, navy pinstripe pant suit, grey pants suit. In addition, I have work pants in grey and dark tan and work skirts in cobalt (winter only) and cream (summer only, although it may need to be retired).
I second the thought that you don’t want to end up with a closet of orphaned suit jackets. I always intend to buy both the pants and the skirt that go with an item, yet somehow that never seems to happen. This is probably my fault as I wait until decent suits go on super-duper sale.
My office varies seasonally, but is on the business professional end of things. I have taken to wearing dresses on non-suit days, because inevitably it is on a day I’m not wearing a suit that I get pulled into a big meeting. Dresses are also my friend because 1) they suit my figure well, 2) you really don’t have to worry about coordinating, 3) I am tall and hate when my shirt comes untucked, and 4) it makes me feel and hopefully look pulled together.
BB
I have: 4 full suits (2 with both pants and skirt), ~5 pairs of pants, ~10 skirts. Most of my skirts are non-black/gray/navy though (and 5 of them are actually The Skirt). I like colors, so I like to be able to wear different colored skirts during the week instead of just doing a black skirt with different top colors.
anon
Thinking about buying The Skirt. What’s so great about it?
BB
For a certain body type, it is very flattering. I am 38-32-42 and the size 12 fits me like a glove, no alterations, doesn’t even do that annoying turning thing where your zipper ends up in the front after you walk a few steps. The material is soft, substantial, travels really well, and doesn’t really wrinkle. It also comes in a zillion different colors and goes on sale for ~$45 several times a year. I am a huge fan, which is strange for me because I never buy anything else from the brand and I usually go for higher price points.
Anonattorney
FYI – I tried on the Skirt last year at the NAS and I was really surprised at how casual the material looked. It’s probably fine for the average work day when you aren’t meeting clients or going to any important meetings, but it’s definitely on the casual side of business casual. I didn’t end up buying it because of that. Others may (will) disagree.
BB
Actually, I agree with you. It’s what I wear when I don’t have important client meetings. It is definitely not the same material as a suit skirt.
anon
Agreed. I love The Skirt, but it’s not business formal (which for me, on the West Coast, means full suit). Still a useful piece of my work wardrobe in my business casual to outright casual office.
anon
do you think it could be styled for something a little more formal if done correctly? like with a button down and a blazer?
Anonattorney
I think if you get it in a color other than black, it could be dressed up with the right top. I’m boring, so I tend to shy away from brighter-colored skirts. I think that is why the Skirt doesn’t work for my wardrobe – the more casual ponte material (or whatever it is) doesn’t work in black because it obviously is not suiting material. But, if you get a more vibrant color, no one will think you’re trying to pass it off as a suit, and then you can do fun things with it.
lawsuited
I have several coloured blazers that I do not have matching pants for (because matching pants are not usually sold for red and emerald blazers, alas!) so I have seperates pants to wear with those or with cardigans. Otherwise my suit pants would get a lot more wear than the suit jackets and wouldn’t match properly. So maybe not necessary, but pretty reasonable if you want your suits to last well.
LilyStudent
I have the suit bottoms (.both trousers and skirt) of a navy suit, a black pair of trousers, a black full skirt, and a grey pencil skirt. I think I now have everything I need,
Anonymous
If you really like the fit of certain suit pants, just buy an extra pair to wear regularly. The point of not breaking them up is the same as the rule to always dry clean all the pieces of a suit at the same time: so that the fabric always looks the same.
I have 3 pant suits (with a dress for 1, and a skirt for another), and then 4 pairs of separate pants, and 2 skirts that get very little wear. I’ve realized that I prefer dresses to skirts, but I’m still more of a pants girl.
Amy H.
This is where I rely heavily on the Gap Perfect Trouser — I have three in black and two in grey. This is separate and apart from my suits. They were on sale for $32 a pair this past weekend — not sure if that’s still available. Some commenters prefer the cut of the Modern Boot trouser, which has the advantage of coming in navy as well as black and grey.
Anon
I’ve been pretty calm all summer, but some nerves for the upcoming NY Bar are starting to set in. Any words of wisdom?
AIMS
Most people pass. You don’t need to get an A, you just need to get a C- or thereabouts. Repeat as necessary. That kept me from panicking.
My other advice is to bring your own lunch and go eat it by the water if you’re taking the exam at the Javits Center. There’s nothing good to eat around the JC and everyone will be standing on line for the same greasy pizza. I honestly think that maybe the best thing I did for the exam is bringing a healthy-ish sandwich and a granola bar and going away from the crowds at lunch time to sit on the grass by the pier and just watching the water for a bit (bonus: they had clean, crowd-free bathrooms at whatever that ferry stop is. JC didn’t).
Good luck!
Gail the Goldfish
Oh yea, second the bring lunch advice if you’re at the Javits Center. It’s a food wasteland over there.
nutella
I think bringing a lunch is the best option for most examinees in most states! Even if the lunch options are good, it’s nice to get away from the crowds, have your own peace of mind, and not be worrying about time. Good luck! Think about what AIMS said — you don’t need to get an A+, just pass, and you’ve done that thousands of times before. I also had the mentality heading into the bar exam that all the hard work was already over — I had already spent 2 months studying for one thing, so all I needed to do going into it was keep calm and focused and give it my all.
Anon
I agree. I booked a hotel room at the hotel connected to our testing center even though I lived about 30 minutes away. It was so nice not to have to deal with the traffic and parking on the test mornings. I also bought a salad from a local place each night and kept it in the fridge in the room so I could eat it during lunch time. It was great to go up to the room and relax and eat instead of fighting a line of other anxious test takers.
Anon
They have a new food delivery service where you pre-order and they have it waiting for you at JC by last name. I ordered food, but am bringing a back up for the 1st day just in case there are really long lines to distribute the food.
All summer I was able to stay calm because 85% of first time takers from accredited law schools pass (and there’s no reason to believe I wouldn’t be in that 85%). But then starting this weekend I started being all OMG BUT WHAT IF *THIS* IS THE TIME YOU’RE IN THE BOTTOM!
Thank you all for the sanity check! 8 days to go!
Wanderlust
+1 for bringing your own lunch. And also – do NOT talk about the test during the break!!! it will just freak you out more for the second half.
You will pass, and you will be fine.
Good luck!
Wildkitten
Do not! Even if you survived the first day and think it’ll be okay to chat with others on the second day. Don’t talk to them. The other people will want to talk about the test.
Sydney Bristow
If you’re taking it at Javits then is also suggest getting a hotel. Taking the whole subway issue off the table for me helped relieve the logistical stress. Good luck!
Batgirl
If you’re going to Javits bring a sweater and wear pants. I was FREEZING the entire time.
Anon in NYC
A good option for grabbing a quick bite: there’s a new Brooklyn Fare that opened up on 37th between 9th & 10th. Swing by and pick up food (they have a solid deli counter) before heading to the Javits Center. This way you don’t have to rush around during your lunch hour.
And I like AIMS’ advice about remembering that you only need a C-. You don’t need to get 100%.
Gail the Goldfish
3 words: Minimum competency exam. You don’t have to ace it, you just have to pass. Think about all the bad lawyers you know and remember they managed to pass the bar exam.
As for actually useful advice: Don’t panic if you get a question you don’t know. Pretty much everyone takes the same bar study classes, so if you don’t know it, chances are neither does anyone else. Just make up something that sounds reasonable, write a coherent argument and it will be fine.
Woods-comma-Elle
I so agree with Gail that if you don’t know the answer, chances are, neither does anyone else, so don’t worry. There was a question in my bar about discovery (which all the prep courses had said would never come up because it’s so fact specific blah blah blah) and you could hear a collective groan when people turned to that page.
Prepare for all climates – wear layers in case it’s cold or hot in the exam room (those who’ve done it at JC probably can give you an idea about how good/bad the AC is).
Stick to the one hour per essay. It only takes five minutes extra on the first two to end up running out of time spectacularly in your final question.
Start with the essay that you feel most comfortable with to pick up maximum points. Doing the hardest one first makes you feel more stressed and it will take you more time and you may then lose points on your better essays as a result.
If you’re using a laptop, practice at least one essay by hand in case your computer fries, so you aren’t completely freaking out if this happens (I didn’t do this, but it sounds like good advice).
On the MBE, if you don’t know, move on. Personally, I went through all the questions, marking the answers on the question sheet and then came back to the ones I didn’t know and only filled out the answer sheet at the end so I didn’t accidentally miss one out and get them all wrong. (Though if you’re someone who runs out of time on the MBE, this may not work for you.)
Eat a nice lunch and don’t read your notes at lunch/evenings. You really need that time to give your brain a break. Even better, don’t study the day before – I was going to, but I was in LA in February and it was sunny and I just basically went shopping. It wasn’t the plan but it meant I was accidentally super chilled when I arrived at the hotel as opposed to the people roaming the halls in the tracksuit bottoms talking to themselves (this did mean I didn’t read my notes on discovery like I was going to, but I still passed).
If you don’t know the rule, make it up, you’ll likely still get marks for application.
Read the instructions well ahead of time. There’s always weird stuff you don’t realise about what you can and can’t bring and knowing what that is in advance makes you worry less (this from someone who didn’t upload the Examsoft package until a week before only to realise the loan laptop needed a new OS and it had to be back ordered by Apple… not worth the stress).
GOOD LUCK‼! You will be fine, no matter what happens!
anon
Don’t worry about the New York specific multiple-choice (that’s still on there, right?). Just wing that part. Accept that you won’t know the answers, and neither will anyone else.
Anon
Haha thank you for that! Those are such a pain!
SD Girl
I was in your exact situation last summer. I started having panic attacks two weeks before the exam. I used all sorts of methods to calm down. What worked for me is a spa day right before the exam. I took my outline there and reviewed a little between my facial and massage. Good luck!
Tunnel
When in doubt, use your common sense and make it up! I’ll never forget getting an essay question on class actions, an area that I had totally skipped studying for. So I thought logically and wrote about the high number of people, the commonality of their issues, the practicality of adjudicating the similar claims together, etc. I looked it up when I got back to my room that night and realized that I had totally nailed the answer by just using common sense. Good luck!
AIMS
Have you guys heard about the new RTR rental service? It seems to be in the beta stage now but basic idea is you pay $75/mo. and then can rent any three accessories for as long as you want. So, e.g., a leather jacket, handbag and necklace. I have to say I am a little intrigued but I’m also not sure how well something like this would work as even renting dresses from RTR, I find them to not always be in the best condition and that’s assuming people wear them one night at a time in relatively tame circumstances. Having someone keep a leather jacket indefinitely before returning it seems like it would lead to a lot more wear and tear. I’m curious – anyone actually going to try this?
Cb
Maybe it would be valuable if you had a really fashion conscious job? Otherwise, I’m not sure. I’d be terrified I would ruin something.
Flower
I could see this being very useful for evening events – for example, if I had 3 upcoming weddings and needed nice jewelry and bags for each, that way I could get something and then swap it out for the next one or keep one of the items and return the other one. I would use that probably only for those circumstances (because I really never need that many small decorative handbags).
AIMS
From what I can tell this is not evening stuff. More like regular jewelry, regular leather bags, etc. So I think the idea is that instead of buying a new summer bag let’s say, you rent one of theirs and send it back when you want something else. Part of me thinks this is kind of neat – assuming you’re the type who likes new things frequently, but the math doesn’t seem all that great: you’re paying $900 a year and keeping none of the stuff.
Not Mrs. Jones
I’ve been feeling a lot of pressure recently to “keep up with the Jones” so to speak. Me and my husband live in a pretty cheap apartment (8% of our gross income), and most of our friends have $1M homes. We’re here because it’s faster to pay off student loans, and save for retirement and a downpayment. Well, I want to look for a place to buy now, because it is getting embarrassing to have such a cheap home and invite over our friends. My husband woul prefer to wait, but has agreed to look. We also have different opinions on pricing. I admit that if my friends didn’t have such nice places I would feel less pressure. I also don’t understand how they are affording their homes without family money/help or living on the edge of what their salary can afford. We’re almost all lawyers still in the lockstep portion of our careers, so it’s not like I don’t know what they make.
How do you deal with the pressure to keep up? How are people affording these huge homes?
Anonymous
Run your own race. Easier said than done, I know.
nutella
Also, the race is long. You have long-term goals in mind (retirement and down payment on something later). Your saving now could add up to a much nicer home later in life, extra cushioning for unforeseen expenses/emergencies, nicer vacations as a family, or tuition for your kids’s schools. Living on the edge of debt in your younger years (and it really is ‘younger’ if you live until your 70s, 80s, 90s, 100s) will not set your friends up well for later in life. Keep saving.
HSAL
Try to remember that it’s a priority thing. Your priority is to pay down your student loans to free up more money for the future. Their priority is what makes them happy now – that big fancy house. Maybe they do have family money, and maybe it is on the edge of what they can afford – they’ll likely be jealous of you in a few years when your loans are paid off.
Ellen
Yay! Pricey Monday’s! I love pricey Monday’s and this fru fru Peeplum jacket, but more expensive then a single girl like me can afford w/o a sugar daddy, that is!!!
Anyway, as for the OP, hug’s b/c it is dificult to keep up with the Joneseses. I lived for 2 year’s in a mouse dropping invested Apartement with bug’s and then dad said ENOUGH, my Daughter must not be living like this, so he got me a NEW COOP Apartement on the UPPER EAST SIDE (tho there is NO balcony — FOOEY!) I realy do not care for all of the amenetie’s, and NEVER use there pool or weight room b/c I go to NYSC. In your case you want to look for a good place, and mabye you can have your family help you out by takeing a morgage out for you or something like my DAD did for me. YAY!
I am in Ocean City NJ — it is very nice, we got here late last nite and I am on the INTERENET to check my mail and bill 6 hour’s today. Myrna and I are goeing to the beach at NOON — she is still sleepeing so I can NOT make alot of noise. Thank god my Macbook air got the WIFI signal, otherwise I would have to type in on my Iphone! DOUBEL FOOEY! The guy at the check in desk last nite wanted to know where my HUSBAND was! I told him he was onley in my DREAME’S, and he said that mabye he could fix that. I think he wanted me to meet him this week, but I did NOT respond to that. Myrna said he did want to meet me, but I can NOT marry a guy who wear’s a uniform like that. Beside’s he was onley about 25 – to young for me. But I am here to relax, so after I sign off, I will go to the pool with Myrna and get credit for 6 hour’s of billeing’s today! YAY!!!!!
Anne Shirley
Why are you only considering option a) super cheap apt, and option b) house that is more expensive than you would like? Could you upgrade the apartment a bit so you have a space you feel more comfortable in without making the jump to a substantially more expensive home?
Anon
I think your two reasons (1) help from family and (2)living at the edge of financial reason are correct.
Help from family can be straight out cash contributions towards downpayment (my MIL) or loans (e.g. interest free financing on a portion of the mortgage costs (my parents). Help from family can also take the form of financial support in college – my parents covered living expenses at a modest level – I graduated with only debt from tutition. Because the principal amount was lower, I was able to pay off my loans faster even with interest.
There’s also a lot of living at the edge of financial reason – our parents helped us in part because they knew we wouldn’t waste the money – we bought a house that’s about 50% of the value that the bank approved us for. I guess the bank thought we’d live in the fancy house without kids eating Ramen three times a day. If either of us lost a job or got cut back or had a disabled child requiring extra care- we would have been at risk of losing the house.
Sutemi
What about renting a nicer apartment? Would that be an intermediate option so you feel like you have a nicer space while still saving money compared to owning a house or condo?
anne-on
Family money. I grew up working/middle class as did my husband, but through education/fancy jobs most of our colleagues and friends are upper middle class to wealthy. And it is incredibly common in that circle to have your college/grad school paid for by family or to have your parents give you your down payment for your home. I was shocked at how people in their early 30s were able to afford these big houses but once I realized they all had family help it made much more sense.
+1
Yes — a lot of parents who aren’t “family money” sort of parents seem to help with 5K-10K-staggering sums for houses, especially for people who are already married (so maybe they see it as an investment for future grandchildren?). If you do any estate planning work or studied it, you can give (what is it now, $13K per parent per child / child’s spouse, which amounts to close to 50K a year if they want). I think the gift-tax exclusion amount also funds a lot of private school tuition for grandchildren.
I think my parents sent me a gift card when I bought a house (as a singleton).
But who knows? A lot of people are over-leveraged as well.
Anon for family issues
Yes to this. My family is by no means independently wealthy, but have always been savers and lived well below their income levels. They also prioritized college for my sister and I over just about everything else, and got a really good deal on locking in college credits at low prices through a state program before 529s existed. Also due more to luck and coincidence than anything else, they got their money out of the market just before it collapsed in the late 2000s, and got a good chunk of money when the farmland my grandmother had gave them sold at the top of the housing market. Because of this, my sister and I were able to go to college with very little student loan debt, our parents paid for our weddings, and most recently were able to gift my husband and I 40k+ for a down payment on a house.
I am forever grateful to my parents for this, but you would not know to look at the house they live in or the cars they drive or the professions they have held that they would be the type of people that could afford to do this. So family assistance is definitely possible for some of your friends.
Others may very well be living one layoff away from losing it all, or even a combination of parent-provided down payments but mortgages that they couldn’t sustain with a job loss. So count your blessings that you and your husband are on the same page financially, and consider what others have posted above about a slight apartment upgrade if it would really make you happier.
Looking at places to buy now, so that you know what your money would buy makes sense, and you can start a conversation about what features in a home are important to each of you. Buying a $1M home just to keep up with your friends does not.
roses
+1. If my husband and I didn’t have student loans, we could afford a big fancy home too. But alas, no help from family in our law school years.
Family Help
Husband and I both graduated with no loans from undergrad, and I attended a state law school, so I had minimal law loans. We paid for husband’s MBA out of pocket, and then bought a house while I was in biglaw. Then, we did well when we sold our first house, so were able to buy a bigger home. If not for the help of our families (and a biglaw salary for 5 yrs and lucky timing), we would be in a much different place in our high COL city. Good friends who make far more than us shell out between $3K and $4K monthly to pay back loans – when we made that kind of money, we were able to use it elsewhere (paying for MBA and paying other loans back), and now we don’t need as much coming in to keep everything afloat.
Spirograph
A lot of people DO have family help or live on the edge of what they can afford. I know several of my friends do, at least. I try to remind myself of that. We also live more modestly than many of our friends and I feel the same pressure to keep up. Lifestyle creep (and my less-frugal husband) has pushed our budget a little beyond where I would really feel comfortable. Golden handcuffs are a very real thing, and they feel terrible… the better you can avoid them, the better off you are, imo.
One thing that has helped me is to focus on long-term financial goals, and keep track of my progress. Sometimes I feel little like Scrooge McDuck counting his money, but it makes me happy to see my savings/investment accounts going up, my debt going down, and know that I am above my emergency fund threshold and am on track for X expense that I am projecting in the future. DH and I are also both really proud that we’ve been financially independent our entire adult lives.
You do you. The point of money is to use it for things that are important to you and make you happy. If having a big fancy house would make you happy, that is a legit reason to have one. But if it makes you happy that you’re on track to your financial goals, you’re doing everything right already. Unless you live somewhere divey and unsafe, your friends probably haven’t paid anywhere near as much attention to your apartment as you imagine they have.
Anon
They probably do have family help. A lot of people do. You’ll be a lot less stressed out and tied to your job in the long run if you do what you can personally afford and get your loans paid off. I’m sure it’s not easy to not care about the “jones'” but I’d try hard not to. You do you.
Anonymous
Is the pressure self-imposed or are you feeling judged? If you’re feeling self conscious and just want a nicer place to live, then upgrade according to whatever you want that fits in your budget. If you’re feeling judged, then you’re better off continuing to rent a cheaper place than buying a middle of the road place. When you rent, people know it’s temporary and there’s a lot about the property you can’t change. When you buy, people become much more opinionated about all the renovations you should be doing. Instead of, “you should buy a house because it’s a good, grown up thing to be a homeowner,” you’ll get, “you’re a bad homeowner/grown up for not doing all the things we think you should be doing to your house.” Or just get new friends who aren’t DOOSHES.
ANON in CO
Go read the Mr. Money Mustache website and it will make you feel better. I often feel the way you do too. Some friends of ours just bought a beautiful house and it made me think more about wanting something nicer. Those same friends just had a baby and my friend would love to stay home but they can’t afford it now that they got a new house. Our house is super cheap and it meets our needs but it’s luxurious by any means ($1,100 per month mortgage) but we’re saving 60% of what we make and have been for 4 years which has allowed us to save a lot of money. I just found out I’m pregnant and we’ll have the option for one of us to stay home if it goes that way. It’s really nice to have choices.
anon
Also read “The Millionaire Next Door.” A bit outdated, but very interesting!
Carrie
+1!
I love Mr. Money Mustache. Read it. Believe it.
Keep doing what you are doing. Save save save…. and take some GREAT vacations. It will be so worth it in the long run.
Parfait
They’re probably in debt up to their earlobes. Don’t copy that!
I’ve got a serious case of new house lust too, but we are sticking with the tiny rent-controlled dingy apartment for at least a couple more years so we can keep socking away cash. Renting a nicer apartment in our city would triple our rent, so: no. Saving saving saving.
Anonattorney
I have this exact same feeling when it comes to travel. I honestly don’t know where all my friends/acquaintances get the extra money to regularly take $5K+ vacations.
emeralds
It’s priorities. I don’t care about a lot of things that a lot of people care about–new cars (although I am probably going to get one this year, ugh, just because mine is an unreliable, gas-guzzling money-pit), tech toys, fancy phones, concerts, going out to lunch five times a week, whatever. But I DO care about traveling, so I make it a priority to save for it. I think traveling is also a lot more affordable than people think it is, and I’ve definitely taken vacations that probably looked like $5k on Facebook that were in reality more like $1k or $2k. Like, yes, here I am in this beautiful bodega in Spain wearing fancy clothes and sipping Rioja, but FB doesn’t tell you I’m staying in a $30-a-night hostel.
Equity's Darling
Same here. I spent three weeks in Europe earlier this year, and I spent probably around $2.5k at most, but I’m sure it seemed more expensive than that. Airbnb is SO much cheaper than hotels, and I also don’t rent cars/take taxis or do a ton of fancy dinners while travelling. I usually buy most of my food at farmers markets/grocery stores (I LOVE grocery stores in other places, it’s so interesting to see what locals eat), and spend a lot of time wandering, and I don’t buy souvenirs except for a book usually.
Anonattorney
I think it’s because I’m on the left coast and plane tickets to Europe especially are just so dang expensive. I can’t get anywhere for under $1K a ticket. :(
Alana
Norweigian Air has flights to Europe from the West Coast under $1k, but the airport choices are limited in the U.S.
Anon for this
Also, credit cards. We tend to book travel before we have saved for all of it and pay it off over the next few months. It is something we consider a priority so we don’t mind paying a little extra in interest for it. Some would find this totally irresponsible but it works for us.
yikes....
Ouch…. this is a risky bad habit. I wouldn’t support this.
If you can’t afford it, don’t do it.
anon
I have the same question actually. My husband and I have worked really hard but choose to give our kids more time so we have a good but moderate income level. We are financially conservative. We live in a very high COL area and we live in a modest, old but expensive home that could have been a mansion in another state. I see younger couples moving into $1M dollar homes as their starter homes and driving high end cars, while we drive Hondas. I’m thinking about going back to a full time job specifically to give us more disposable income so that we can, in part, keep up with the Jones’. It sounds wrong but I literally feel that we have no choice, especially for our kids to fit in in the long run.
Clementine
Having worked in banking, I am shocked by what some people consider to be a ‘normal’ amount of debt.
That being said, my husband and I have what I would consider a very nice house. It’s in an area that most people assume the houses to cost in the $600k+ range, but the high end houses tend to just linger indefinitely and they really sell in more of the $300-500k range. We bought a house at the low end of that without family money, but I was actually asked by friends: ‘how did you possibly afford this.’ Here are the major factors:
– Moved to a moderate COL area where housing costs were more reasonable
– Went to State schools and were able to walk away moderate student loans (not lawyers)
– When our income went from 30k/year to 90k/year to 140k/year as we graduated/got good jobs, we upgraded slightly but still lived like we made $50k/year. We banked the rest and bought our house with it. We skipped fancy vacations and took a few cheaper long weekends. Dinners out 2x a month. No impulse online shopping. I own 9 pair of shoes total (including shower shoes, running shoes, and hiking boots.
Don’t keep up, do your own thing.
S in Chicago
Since it sounds like the primary reason for wanting a change is to impress others, stay with your apartment. As others have said, the race is long. I’ve witnessed several friends go through huge financial swings (radically up or down) due to job change, divorce, marrying significantly up or down financially, good/bad real estate moves, change in health status, change (or lack of) in dependent children or dependent parents. Life isn’t equal for everybody and never will be. I never would have known among my college friends which of us would have ended up being more successful financially than the others now that we’re early 40s–in my 20s or 30s I might have thought I would have had it all figured out, but life has thrown many, many curves in between. I suspect when we’re in our 70s things will also look radically different, especially when attitudes around retirement planning vary considerably among us and there is likely to be even more life “stuff” I’ve mentioned.
Save while you can now so you have the cushions you’ll want later. Life only seems to get more expensive the older you get, whether it’s weddings, or kids, or more or nicer cars, or wanting to change careers or helping your kids with their educations. It’s nice to have the security to have options. Your friends may or may not be giving themselves this peace of mind for later.
LilyStudent
Some people may have had family help in the past (rather than now). I’ve been lucky enough that my parents are funding my living expenses through university – that means that not only have I not had to touch my small nest egg from my grandma, I’ll clear my student loans that much earlier. And I’ve been able to add to my savings a bit during university by living relatively frugally. Also my mum saved most of the child benefit she received for me and I’ll be able to use that in my first flat downpayment too.
SuziStockbroker
We make approximately twice the average income for our neighbourhood.
And yet, most people have way more stuff than us. Newer, fancier cars, cottages, bigger houses.
For sure, some of them do make more money than us, and some of them had family help (we have had not one penny) for downpayments or schooling.
We spend money on our house (there’s always some reno or other going on), on vacations (because we need time away from the day to day and to make special memories with our kids). And help int he house (cleanign service etc) to free up our time. That’s about it.
Our kids friends have iPhone 5Cs, and our eldest is only 12. Our kids don’t.
We are within a couple of years of being debt free, our house is 80% paid for and we will have substantial funds set aside for post-secondary education for each of our 3 kids. We will also have a very good retirement income. We may buy a vacation property once our current mortgage is paid off.
We could live off of either of our incomes at this point without too much worry.
These things are more important to me, and to my husband, than keeping up with the Jones.
You just decide what is most important to you, and do that.
My advice is to figure that out, and then come up with a plan to get it done. If its a house downpayment that is substantial enough that the monthly payments don’t kill you, that’s smart.
Anon for this
I think I need some perspective: I’m a third-year associate and I’ve been working at the same firm since I graduated. It’s a small firm and mostly is me working with my boss, the senior partner. He has a lot of personality quirks… he expects a lot but also micromanages and wants to review my emails before I send them out sometimes. I’m getting really frustrated because I’ve shown him I can do the high-level work – I’ve done a great deal of writing appellate briefs with almost no supervision from him but I can’t write an email?
It almost makes me feel like there’s a lack of respect for me or lack of trust or something but I could just be overreacting.
Is his behavior normal? I’ve never worked anywhere else so I don’t have a barometer for normal partner behavior. Do I just need a new job?
Anne Shirley
Normal normal or partner-normal? Very different things. In my experience, partners wanting to review emails is extremely irritating and also fairly common.
Pink NYC
Accidently hit Report. Meant to reply!
I also find it common in my mid-size firm. I think it’s because they want to control for tone/style/consistency. As a third year, I’m okay with it. I think my sr associates get a little less oversight, probably because they’ve been here twice as long and have the tone/style down.
Anon
Depends on the type of email- sometimes emails to clients can be very sensitive and would require more oversight than a pleading. If it’s just normal communication, then yah it would be overkill.
I think it highly depends on where you work- I do not get that kind of oversight/micromanaging, but I do give drafts to partners before I send important things. I’ve never had an issue where they made any substantial changes but they still like that we give drafts.
anon-oh-no
totally normal. many partners are like this, including myself to some extent. It used to drive me crazy as an associate, but now I get it. Some of it is trust for the person, but a lot of it is just piece of mind — i.e., wanting to make sure that anything that might wind up in a court document is properly vetted.
SD Girl
This behavioral is not normal at my firm. I am a first year associate at a big firm. I send out dozens of emails to clients and other lawyers on a deal everyday. My partners would never have time to review any of my emails. At some point, you may want to ask for some level of autonomy.
Amy H.
It sounds like you are a deal lawyer, not a litigator. In my mind, this makes an enormous amount of difference. I have worked with some junior attorneys who would have given away the farm if allowed to send out email messages that had not been vetted. (Not saying OP would do this at all — the partner may just be paranoid, or have a bad history with something like this.)
MJ
Depends on the partner. Certain partners like to “control the chain” in email messaging and also make sure the tone is right. I would just chalk it up to a quirk. You’re learning a ton ghostwriting emails too–don’t forget that. It always makes me happy when I ghostwrite and email and a client writes back something short and affirmative such as, “Thanks, makes sense.” Then I know I nailed it, even if the email didn’t come from my email account.
That said, associates grow and progress and maybe this partner’s working style isn’t what you need anymore. I would discreetly put out feelers to a good HH to see how marketable your skillset is, and whether lateralling is a possibility.
Rural Juror
Does anyone have tips on transitioning from a “budget” wardrobe to a “splurge” wardrobe – by that I mean moving away from buying lots of cheaper items and toward investing in fewer, better quality items that will last longer? I have been trying to make this gradual shift for some time now, but I am having trouble for some reason. What is the best way to go? Replacing item by item? Grabbing a few key pieces and starting from there? Going season by season? I guess I have some kind of mental block, I find myself looking at the more expensive items thinking…. wow this is so expensive (even though I can afford it, it’s just more than what I would normally spend on that item). If anyone has made this switch and has advice I would love to hear how you did it.
BB
Figure out what are classic/must-have pieces you need and start splurging from there. For example, maybe your office is super formal and you must have a gray suit and a navy suit. Maybe you always like to wear a trench in the summer. Get nice versions of those – you will wear them more so you can justify the expense in your head.
ALN
Yes. I have done this with shoes even though I’m not at the upgrading-my-wardrobe stage yet. I’ll buy a cheap, budget version of a shoe. Then a year later I’ll assess how often I wore them, how much I like them, etc. and how much value I would get out of buying a more expensive, quality version of the shoe. And because I’m still in a budget phase, this would be the point where I start stalking sales specifically for this item. See how I transitioned from cheap Target boots to finding a similar pair of Fryes for 50% off.
Basically, I try to single out the items I wear out and replace over and over again, and target those for upgrades.
Anon
Look at the Daily Connoisseur blog – lots of posts on how to build a capsule wardrobe
LawyrChk
Also just try replacing items you have worn out. That ensures that you’re picking replacements that you’ll actually use regularly, hence getting your money’s worth. For me, it’s black wool trousers, good pumps, a suit, and a flattering blazer.
And don’t buy any splurge item unless you absolutely love it and can’t live without it. $300 pants that are great quality but you won’t wear because they aren’t your favorites? Ain’t nobody got time for that.
TCFKAG
Give yourself a specific budget every month – or every three months – to buy one-two splurge items (do NOT use it to just buy cheap stuff because its easy to find.) I try to do one splurge item per season – whether it was a real leather jacket, a fancy purse, nice leather boots, a winter jacket, or that simple classic suit/black dress/whatever. But, ALSO set aside a budget for buying cheaper, trendy fun stuff. Like I love buying scarves at Target or cute shoes at TJ Maxx or cheap purses or whatever. That way you don’t go cold turkey on fun stuff (I mean, for me, generally my classics are all black or gray or navy whereas my fun stuff is colorful – I would hate to have a colorless wardrobe!)
Mountain Girl
Can you watch ebay for some of your splurge items? Many of the sellers allow returns and you could ease into the splurges that way and still return them if they don’t work out. Make sure you read the sellers return policy and are good with any restocking fees, etc before you purchase.
TCFKAG
Oh yeah – I forgot to add – since my purchases are seasonal, I tend to buy my splurge items off season. (I.e., I bought that leather jacket I think at the end of winter when it was changing over to all lightweight spring coats.) Some items this won’t work for – some designer stuff is like Apple products – it just costs what it costs (unless you get really lucky.) But I don’t think buying splurges means you have to pay full price! Heaven forbid (my irish-catholic mother would kill me. :-P)
ss
Have a hard think about which of your current pieces and outfits make you feel and look good, and then look for better versions of those (better fabric, a budget for tailoring to get the fit just right etc) – stalk the sales, look at eBay and vintage for sure (especially for bags, coats). Also think about budgeting for a gradual upgrade of items like bras and Ts – good versions of these are important elements of a comfortable-feeling luxurious-seeming outfit, I find.
At the same time, avoid the distraction of everyone else’s list of ‘classic’ ‘must-have’ pieces eg. if you aren’t a trench-coat wearer, don’t blow your upgrade budget experimenting with one.
ITDS
Keep in mind that you don’t really need more than a 3 week rotation of outfits, and some things like black pants can appear weekly without looking weird. That mindset helped me buy fewer, nicer things instead of feeling like I needed tons of clothes.
posey
You have a leg up because you already know what you like and don’t like. I would think about the pieces you wear all the time and then look for nicer versions. Try to shop sales to get discounts – you shouldn’t be paying full price for anything.
Because you already have clothing there is no rush for you to buy anything and you can be choosy. Don’t buy anything unless it’s amazing. There are tons of clothes in the world, there is no time/money for clothing that is just OK. Wait and save for the phenomenal items.
Hem Tape
The hem fell out of not one, but two pairs of suit pants this week. I’ve already paid to have them fixed by a pro twice and frankly, they’re not worth $20 each to fix again. Has anyone used that iron on hem glue/tape successfully? Any tips or advice?
V
I’ve never glued, but I’ve used the iron tape (stitch witchery, or something like that) in a pinch. The stuff holds (but never, ever get it on your iron or it will get on everything). Maybe use an old washcloth or t-shirt as a pressing cloth?
BB
Any kind of “fusible tape” you get from a sewing store should hold pretty well. They’re designed to hold more-or-less permanently in garments.
If you have a needle and thread, you can also look up “blind stitch hem” online and sew them up yourself. I’ve found my hand-stitched hems tend to last longer than machine-stitched ones.
mascot
I’ve used both the iron-on version and fashion tape to fix hems in washable clothing. It works pretty well, although it will need reapplication after washing/cleaning.
For wool suits that require dry cleaning, I’d probably go back to a tailor and ask that they do a better job with the repair. Dropping a hem twice seems a bit much for a pro repair.
Lyssa
This may be more DIY than you’re even looking for, but I have successfully held hems up with scotch tape for months at a time. It’s worth a shot, at least.
Anne Shirley
I use the silk tape that’s sold near the bandages in the pharmacy. Same effort level but no crinkle and it feels nice on my skin.
pilates princess
I use fusing tape often, and find it works through a couple of wears and a washing, then it needs some touch ups. You can do it quickly with your flat iron, but it’s easier with a real iron. If you do get it on your iron, wipe it off with a washcloth right away. Good luck.
lawsuited
Former costume mistress here. The glue can be very messy, particularly for a first-time user, and is really meant for costuming rather than streetwear. Hem tape is easy and effective and if you use a reputable brand (like Dritz) it will hold well for years. Although I can sew, I still use hem tape for large projects like curtains because I love how quick it is.
LifeScienceGoingToFinance
Following up on a question I had about 10 days ago about how to dress for an MBA admissions skype interview: I got accepted into the program, so I must have done something right :) – not only the outfit, of course ;)
Thanks to everybody who replied!
Anonymous
Congratulations!
Samantha
Congratulations on your admission!
emeralds
Congrats, way to go!
LilyStudent
Well done! Hooray!
BB
Thanks for all the feedback on Friday about buying a second pair of the same shoes! I went ahead and just ordered another pair. Unfortunately the manufacturer (Varda in Soho) doesn’t have photos online because I would love to share my love for this shoe. I actually already own it in 3 colors. The heel on it is something I have not found anywhere else. It’s only ~1″ but it’s a thick, cylindrical heel, kind of as if you started with a wedge and scooped out the front part, leaving an inch-long section. I have really muscular legs, so kitten stiletto heels look awkward on me.
I ended up going for another tan/nude pair because I literally have no other light colored work shoes (and can’t find others that I like) and it’s super annoying in the summer to have to plan outfits for dark shoes so I don’t wear the light ones daily.
Tunnel
I have a pair of brown Nine West shoes from 5 years ago with this type of heel and it is amazing. I contemplate throwing them away regularly because they are old and worn out on the inside, but they still look great on the outside and are so comfortable and cute. In hindsight, I would have bought the shoe in more colors, so I think it was a good call on your part.
Anonymous
As a follow up to my question this weekend, I’m giving a presentation to our CEO (large org, very casual tshirt and jeans kind of company). A suit would be way overkill – you don’t even see people in pencil skirts over here, if anyone’s wearing a dress/skirt it’s a sundress.
I picked up some black non-denim skinny pants (they’re sort of a cotton twill?) and was going to wear a long sleeve blue silk blouse. I tend not to feel comfortable/confident in jackets (I’ve never found one that I felt was flattering) so was planning on just wearing the blouse. Do you guys think that’s okay? It’s certainly 3 steps up from a “normal day” already.
I’m also stuck on shoes. I’m going to be standing up/presenting so I’d prefer not to wear heels (for fear of a tripping over situation). Do you think flats are too informal?
TCFKAG
If it were me – I might search for a kind of fun but still business type of jacket (maybe something with a print or a peplum or leather – not businessy) but that’s because I feel about 75% more professional in a blazer. Since it sounds like you don’t, then don’t worry about it. Sounds like you know the workplace well.
I think nice, black flats would work perfectly fine for this. Or do you have a pair of wedges you like? Maybe something with color? Oh – and since you’re probably going to be using your hands, you could get a lot of bang for your accessory buck with a nice bright bangle.
Anonymous
I love the bright bangle idea! I have a gold and pink one that might work perfectly.
The top is a fairly saturated royal blue so it definitely adds some brightness/color.
I don’t have any wedges but I do have some nonscuffed black flats – but they are matte, not patent so might look a bit casual. I’ll try them on and see.
tesyaa
I think matte is slightly more office-appropriate than patent, so if they shoes are in good condition, they’re probably fine.
PolyD
This sounds like where I work! I completely get feeling uncomfortable in a jacket/blazer. If you do feel like you need a top layer, I’d look at casual moto-style jackets, maybe a ponte blazer, or even an open cardigan in a heavier weight. My go-to in a similar situation was black pants that sound just like yours, white blouse with subtle black print (not tucked in), and an open cardigan in a heavier knit so it had a bit of structure to it (it’s sort of a black and white tweedy style).
Another thought – if you are tucking in the top (or, actually, leaving it out) make sure that when you move around and gesture it doesn’t come weirdly untucked or rise up and show your underwear or skin.
I would agree that you don’t need heels and should wear shoes that you will feel comfortable walking about in. Make sure they are in good condition, not scuffed or with worn-down heels. I do think a slightly pointed toe (not witchy, but not a wide round blunted toe) looks a little better, but I think comfort and not-tripping are the key points to hit.
Anonymous
Thanks! Good thought – I wasn’t planning on tucking in the top so I’ll do my middle school “raise your arms above your head and see if your stomach shows” dress code test!
Spirograph
Based on what you’ve said about the company culture, I think you’re fine. Flats are definitely OK, as long as they look professional. I like jackets and always wear one for presentations, but it’s more important that you feel comfortable/confident than that you have a jacket as an “I’m a presenter” marker. If you’re one of a couple presenters, you’ll be able to see what the others are wearing before you’re trapped in the room, and there’s any chance you might feel better with a jacket than feeling underdressed compared to the other presenters, I might bring a jacket just in case.
Anon
Shoes are never informal simply because they’re flat, especially a work shoe.
cbackson
Not to be pedantic, I’m pretty sure that “dilettante” is not right word for someone who spends this much on a jacket. This price point suggests a serious fashion commitment, not dabbling.
EB0220
That was also my first thought.
roses
Deal alert: $35 for $50 of clothes from Boden on Rue today: http://www.ruelala.com/product/detail/eventId/101458/styleNum/4112442482/viewAll/0
Samantha
Thank you! Just bought it. I see an expected delivery date of Saturday though, so guess I can’t spend it at Boden right away!
Romey
Ladies, do any of you contribute financially to your parents, and if so, to what extent and in what capacity? Buy them extra nice gifts for holidays? Give them money on a monthly basis? Pay for some other regular bills or single occurring expenses?
For background, my husband and I are both junior/mid level associates at law firms. We both took out full student loans so we have a fair amount. My parents aren’t wealthy. They aren’t financially saavy and I’m pretty sure they don’t have any savings. My mom has made comments here or there about the amount of money that my husband and I make. Without going into details, I don’t have a great relationship with either of my parents. I’m just interested to hear how other people in similar situations might handle money and family. TIA.
oil in houston
I’ve paid for some holidays (that we were taking together) or extra nice presents for my mum. BUT she has raised me and my brother on her own after my dad went MIA and had to take 3 jobs to do so. And she never asked. When she talks about the money I make, it’s to say she’s proud.
My dad and dad’s family on the other end have asked, and I’ll never give them a dime, see above MIA.
Anon
We won’t need to contribute financially to my parents (barring disaster/financial collapse) as my dad is still working, earning high six-figures, and they have good savings/retirement. If, however, they did need help, I’d help in a heartbeat.
On the flip side, we’ll need to start helping out my SO’s parents in the near future, due to a combination of factors (some outside of their control, most within their control to an extent but they are TERRIBLE with money/planning/facing facts). Fortunately, SO and I are on the same page (we’ll help, with limits and structure) and so it will be in the form of paying directly for rent/bills and a pre-paid card for food etc. SO has a good relationship with his parents. I’m not sure how/if a bad relationship would change this approach.
NYNY
I’m in the same situation. My parents will be fine, and will likely leave us a nice inheritance eventually, but my in-laws have issues. FIL may be fine, but we won’t know for sure until disaster strikes. MIL will definitely need help – retired early after being forced out, refuses to leave the house she’s underwater on, and has health issues which will make her current solution – part time retail work – untenable in the near future. She’s totally irresponsible with money, so any help we give will have to be direct payments for things, not gifts to her.
TXLawyer
I’ll likely be facing this situation as my mother in law ages. She recently retired at 60 years old with minimal savings and retirement benefits that don’t kick in for a while. She insists on supporting one of her other children, which means we’ll probably be supporting her when her very fixed income falls short of her needs and other child’s support.
Related question- How do you deal with the other side of the family, that doesn’t necessarily need financial support, being resentful about it?
Alice
Does the other side of the family (I’m assuming your parents) have to know about it for any particular reason?
Anon
A different question – why would the other side be resentful? My parents know that we’ll likely end up partially supporting my SO’s parents, and I can’t imagine why they’d be resentful. I think they are grateful that their choices/luck in life led them down a different path and that they don’t require help.
TXLawyer
Well, you’d have to know that my family is typically resentful/jealous in general. But part of supporting my mother in law financially would likely mean that we’d move her closer to us than my family lives now. And my family thinks she’d get more time with our (not yet born) children. They feel as though that’s us punishing them for being financially responsible. I’m also the primary breadwinner, so they resent “my” money being used to support her. *I* know it’s crazy, but it’s been brought up a few times now and I’m looking for a mature, reasonable way to address it.
Anon
Ah, okay. I understand now. I don’t have any concrete advice for you, unfortunately!
Is there a reason that your parents couldn’t also (if they chose to) move closer to you when you have children?
Anonymous
Mine would resent this deeply on my behalf. Knowing that I was working hard and being responsible and giving up my money to people who didn’t plan well would make them angry on my behalf and sour their own relationship with the inlaws and my husband.
tesyaa
While it’s one’s prerogative not to give money to bad-planning in-laws, it’s not one’s own parents’ business unless one makes it their business. In addition, part of marriage is joining a family, and to some degree, if that family needs help, it’s reasonable to consider helping them. Saying that “this is my hard earned money and I don’t have to share” doesn’t strengthen family ties. If the in-laws are abusive or generally dysfunctional, or ungrateful or continuing to spend unwisely, it’s probably a good choice to limit financial help. Otherwise, making this about “my family” and “your family” is likely to backfire.
Loco
I pay for trips we take together (also partially because they are so frugal that I want to take a nicer vacation with my family, and they would be happy with a far cheaper one). I also paid off about 10k of their current car, a secondhand toyota. I think it depends so much on your relationship with them- my parents have never asked except once to borrow 2k for a medical bill that they repaid but they supported me through college with a limited budget and I am very grateful to them. In the future, I can see purchasing or assisting them with a modest condo or house in retirement.
Romey
For those of you who do help your parents out, have you already paid off your student loans?
Anon
I’m Anon from 11:42, so this is still theoretical since we haven’t started helping yet, but it is unlikely that loans will be completely gone by the time we start helping SO’s parents. Mine will be paid off in the next 1.5 years (law school) but SO will still have some from his grad school.
Anonymous
So he will be continuing to effectively borrow money to pay for them? I’d just say you can’t afford it.
Anon
I don’t see it that way. The loans will be in repayment, so yes, it may slow down the repayment slightly, but the rates are low and as long as we’re still maxing out retirement/savings, feel comfortable in our own lives, and not extending the repayment terms of his loan by much, I’m okay with it.
And it could be that we end up paying his loans off before we have to start helping. We haven’t run the numbers yet b/c it is too much theoretical since we don’t know what his post post-doc salary will be.
Ultimately – if we had to live on my salary alone, we could do that, plus repay his loans on an accelerated schedule, plus help his parents, so I’m not too worried. I’m annoyed :) but not too worried.
Wildkitten
I don’t see it that way either. By that logic I am effectively borrowing money for everything I do until I pay off all my debt – should I refuse to do anything (eat out, vacation, buy clothes, have a cell phone) until all my debts are paid off? I don’t think that lifestyle would work for many professionals with large professional student loans.
Anonymous
It’s certainly many people’s argument, yes. Until you have paid off your debts, no extras.
tesyaa
Why not the same for a mortgage (which is also debt) as for student loans – as in, no extras until the mortgage is paid off?
Anonattorney
Because your house is an asset that continues to increase in value. My interest rate on my house is 3.65%, and any interest I pay is deductible. I’m not going to be paying that off aggressively instead of investing in my retirement accounts–it’s an inefficient use of money. My student loans are at 6.55%. They are not connected to any asset that is appreciating in value. Also, the deduction for student loan interest phases out as you make more money.
tesyaa
Real estate does not always increase in value. Ask people who bought in the last bubble. It may be that paying off student loans is a good choice before taking on the additional debt of a mortgage, but not every home purchase is a wise or moneymaking investment.
LilyStudent
Real estate doesn’t always increase in value, but you get a thing which will always be worth more than a less desirable thing. Prices change, but a 3 bed house in York is always worth a 3 bed house in York,
Anonattorney
Real estate doesn’t always increase in the short term, so you shouldn’t buy if you will need the cash in less than 10 years (I think people used to say 5, but now that’s bumped up to 10). It usually does increase over the long-term and if you do a bit of research and buy in the right area, it’s usually a decent investment. You also can’t beat the tax benefits with any other type of debt. There’s no phase out for mortgage interest deductions.
Anyway, my only point is that there are some benefits to not as aggressively paying down a mortgage compared to other debt. Of course, if you were being very financially conservative, it’s probably always better to eliminate any debt so you don’t have to pay any interest. The only downside to that is that if you can make 9% on money invested in your 401k, you are literally losing money if you put $500/mo extra to your 4% mortgage instead of putting it in your retirement account.
tesyaa
There’s no phase out to the mortgage interest deduction, but the interest portion of each payment diminishes over time.
anonymama
I hate that whole “it’s certainly many people’s argument,” “some people say,” “it’s been alleged,” type of thing… if you’re going to say (type) something, at least have the courage to stand behind it (“I think…” ) rather than just arguing for argument’s sake.
And it’s one thing to live frugally, but the “no extras” attitude seems a bit extreme, or even ridiculous. I mean, does it mean no going to movies? Must pack lunch every day? No giving birthday gifts? No buying a bottle of wine to have with dinner? No helping out parents in financial difficulty? All these things may be the right choice if you are actually teetering on the edge of financial ruin, but for someone with money in the bank, retirement savings, and a healthy income they would seem (to me, and I think most reasonable people) to be kind of extreme, even if you do have some amount of student loan debt. I mean, how do you rank maintaining a good relationship with your family against taking another year to pay off your student loans, when that extra year has no significant impact on your current lifestyle or attainment of long term financial goals.
Also, LOL to “your house is an asset that continues to increase in value.” A lot of people have lost a lot of money betting on this.
Anonattorney
If you look at the context of this actual discussion instead of just cherrypicking sentences you disagree with, my statements actually may make some sense. If your house was a bad investment, paying your mortgage off fast likely won’t magically turn it into a good investment. You will just have more cash tied up in your house, which may continue to decrease in value. Your better bet would be to walk away while you still have some equity and move on (if you can), or redirecting that extra money into a more profitable investment. Also, we were comparing student loans to mortgages, not just talking about mortgages in the abstract. There is never any benefit to hanging onto student loans with a high interest rate.
tesyaa
I agree with your main point that a low-interest mortgage can be a very useful financial instrument, and I guess you’re saying that existing student debt is not.
Anonattorney
Well, not mine, because all my loans are at 6.55% or higher. I think if I had student loans at 3% or less, I’d be more likely to treat them the same as I treat my mortgage–just make the monthly payment and not pay any extra, and otherwise go on with my life. But I’m comparing paying off debt to putting money towards retirement, which isn’t really the topic that was started above.
Wildkitten
I expect to help out later. I’m 2 years out of law school, I plan to help out when I’m 10+ years out, and possibly buy long term care insurance for when that time comes. My mom made a lot of sacrifices for me. She is not financially irresponsible, but made some trade-offs for me that result her not having as much savings for retirement as would allow her have the qualify of life that I would want.
roses
I have a really hard time with this too. My parents are financially quite reasonable, and they are stable while both of them are working, but I don’t think they have enough in savings for post-retirement. They also still support my nearly 30-yr-old sibling, which I vehemently disagree with. I’m not particularly emotionally close with them, but I appreciate them and I wouldn’t want them to be unable to get needed medical care or the like when they’re older. I think in the end I would cover necessities if they needed it, but I would be very resentful of the fact that they could have saved more if they weren’t so afraid of letting my brother be a real adult.
Anon
+1 to this – I think in the end I would cover necessities if they needed it, but I would be very resentful of the fact that they could have saved more if they weren’t so afraid of letting my brother be a real adult.
newly in-house
I help out my mom. She’s a retired teacher, works part time at a local newspaper now, but barely makes ends meet. I pay for her iphone, her cable tv, and send her $500 a month to help with expenses. Been doing it for about 3 years now and I don’t see it changing in the foreseeable future. It really hasn’t changed our dynamic. On the other hand, my stepmom was my dogsitter for a period of time and the drama surrounding that exchange of money was too much for our relationship to handle. Between her randomly not showing up and then submitting bills as if she did, we decided to keep the peace and I hired my old sitter back.
Marilla
I have a great relationship with my parents (so does my husband, thankfully) and we are lucky to be financially much better off than they ever have been – meaning that we are middle class with two decent but not six-figure incomes and only very little student debt. My parents are smart and careful with money but are 1st-gen immigrants and just didn’t have the education/career opportunities we have had (thanks to them!!). So it’s a very different dynamic from what many commenters have posted about here in the past – we’re not worried they will take advantage of us or use money unwisely. We have not had to help out much yet but have made it clear that we can and that we want to help when they need or want it. So far we try to help in small unobtrusive ways, pay for their trips to visit us, or help my younger siblings to reduce the burden on my parents. We anticipate needing to help more in the future, including non-financial help like having my parents move in with us when they need more help.
In contrast, my MIL is very comfortable financially and has helped us (we’ve told her we don’t need it and she is happy that we sock away whatever she gives us in savings). To the question from the commenter about resentment from the other side – she would be very happy if she knew that we plan to help (and she can probably guess that we will), since she shares our very strong family-first priorities.
I’m a little worried this comment will come across braggy but I just want there to be an example of people helping parents without any bad feelings (except that my parents feel bad about taking anything from us, but to me – our money is a family pool of money – if we needed they would help us – but they will need it so we will help them). I am so unbelievably grateful and conscious of how lucky we are. I am also the only child in my family who is financially able to help out (age differences + different career choices + only double income).
Anon in NYC
I don’t think this is braggy. I think it’s lovely that you and your family all seem to be on the same page. It’s nice to hear positive stories too!
Anon
I think that this is a case of “it’s your money, do as you think best”. I am a BigLaw first year and both my husband and I took out full loans for law school, so over half our monthly salary goes to loans. Both of our parents make decent livings, but neither has much room in their budgets for extra and both our families still have kids going through college (we are the oldest and first to graduate). We have paid for numerous things for both sets of parents, up to spending several thousand dollars in a few cases. The things we have paid for are “extras” (including trips, helping out with the cost of one of our parents going back to school to get another degree and get back in the workforce, some “splurge” items like a new pair of boots or new dinner plates) that weren’t in our parents’ budgets. We are happy to help out our parents because we have a really good relationship with both sets of them, and both sets of parents made a lot of sacrifices to help us get to where we are. We specifically set aside a set amount of money every month in case our family has any needs. Sometimes it gets used and sometimes it doesn’t, and if it doesn’t get used we roll it into an account where we are setting aside money to send each parent on an international trip for their 40th anniversaries. We just treat it as part of our budget and cut down on other expenditures accordingly. I should note, however, that I grew up in an Asian community where this is extremely common and most of my Asian friends behave like this towards their parents.
Burgher
I am worried about this as my mom ages. We used to be very close, but as I’ve gotten older and am now having kids of my own, I am starting to realize that she was not the best of parents (putting it mildly) and she is becoming increasingly mentally unstable. So our relationship has really deteriorated over the past few years to the point that we often don’t speak for months at a time.
She can’t always cover her monthly bills now and I know she has about $40k in credit card debt. I am hoping things get better now that the last of her kids has turned 18 and her mortgage should be about paid off, but knowing her, she’s probably taken out equity loans. She’s a waitress, so it’s not like her financial situation is ever going to improve significantly.
My grandmother currently pays a lot of her bills, but she is getting up there in age, so that won’t continue indefinitely. I think she expects a windfall when my grandmother passes away, but I don’t think she realizes it’s not going to be nearly enough to pay off all her debts and retire on. I’m probably going to end up completely supporting her financially after she blows through that money, since I’m her only child in a situation to be able to.
Anon for this
This is something I’ve been thinking (worrying?) about lately. My parents are both still working (early 60s) but don’t make much. My husband’s parents are both still working (late 50s). My husband and I combined are in the very low 6 figures, no kids, very reasonable house w/mortgage, minimal loans.
My mom stayed at home until we were in middle school. They always took us on vacation. We had a nice middle-class life and although we didn’t have designer clothes, bags, etc. we never wanted for anything. They don’t have enough saved to retire and I don’t know if they ever will. In-laws definitely don’t have enough (if any) saved. They are vey bad with money management, to the point of bill collectors, etc. MIL also tried to take out a student loan for my BIL with my husband as co-signer – without telling us. She falsified the app and put her phone # on it so we wouldn’t get called.
Given that my parents were pretty responsible but just didn’t save enough, versus the in-laws who are totally irresponsible, if I had to contribute to someone, it would be my parents. My husband might even be OK with that.
I think long term care is what really worries me. I have a grandparent with Parkinson’s who can’t afford to get into a “nice” care home. Medicaid and the county provide enough services for now, but that could change and then last-resort homes would be the only option. I worry about that happening with my parents.
long time lurker
I have helped my widowed mother out with unexpected expenses such as house fixes, and I have paid her property taxes a few times to help out. She lives in a paid for house with little expenses but is very anxious about having enough money. She has a financial adviser and does have enough money for quite some time so mostly it is about helping her emotionally. I can afford it, I have two siblings that cannot but they live closer to her and help in other ways.
Anyone up for vicarious shopping?
I need ivory wedges to wear to my (on the lawn) wedding. 3″ preferred, perhaps platform (for comfort). I’ll be wearing a lace, vintage-y looking dress. Thanks!
nutella
You didn’t say a price range, but my sister wore Louboutain wedges for her wedding on cobblestone. Their current selection of cork bottoms would have been too casual for her (and possibly you), but hers were very lovely and fit the bill of wedding-appropriate and sensible for the ground. I just checked ebay and there are several designer pairs that were similar to hers that might work for you, too.
Pesh
Fun!! Maybe one of these would work:
My top pick: http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/badgley-mischka-harmony-wedge-evening-sandals?ID=1481341&CategoryID=13247&zone=PDP_ZONE_A&choiceId=cidA42011-46c5ab94-e666-4e5c-beca-560c1a3e0d49@H7@Customers+Also+Shopped$1481341&LinkType=PDPZ1_Pos2
A few more…
http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/nina-ellyna-peep-toe-wedge-pumps?ID=881872&pla_country=US&cm_mmc=Google_Womens_Shoes_Geo_PLA-_-Womens_Shoes_Small_Brands_PLA_Nina_PLA-_-20989960709_-_-_mkwid_S5jfy8GN_20989960709%7C-%7CS5jfy8GN
http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/nina-emma-crystal-embellished-ankle-strap-pump-online-only/3577575?origin=related-3577575-0-1-PP_4-Rich_Relevance_Recs_R3-CategoryDiversePurchaseCP
http://www.zappos.com/david-tutera-fancy-ivory?ef_id=UmFFTgAABenbLhGR:20140721170749:s
http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/david-tutera-winter-wedge-sandal-online-only/3543376?cm_cat=datafeed&cm_ite=david_tutera_%27winter%27_wedge_sandal_
Alice
Thanks so far! Price range is probably $200 or lower. Now clicking on links…
Pesh
Actually, Nordstrom has my first link for a better price. And has it in Ivory:
http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/badgley-mischka-harmony-sandal-women/3652811
Hope my links helped – vicarious wedding shopping is so fun!
Ugh
Can we have a rule that if you have an office and a door and are on speakerphone, you SHUT your door?
Yes.
Agree wholeheartedly. This is my biggest office pet peeve.
Red Beagle
+1000
LilyStudent
Only if we can have a rule that people on conference calls move away from the bullpen. Never gonna happen,
Anonymous
I had an old boss that used to talk on speakerphone with the door open about the most personal, intimate things in her life. I knew all about her kids’ relationship and money problems and all her social plans. She would gossip about prominent people in the (small) community. It was annoying, but also a goldmine of information.
anon
I have a coworker who speaks SO loudly that you can hear him down the hall. I happen to sit next to him and can hear everything even with his door closed, mine closed, and my white noise going. I empathize. (Also if I recall a big reason why the conversation a while ago about headphones or not in the office was countered with a big pro push from people like me. Sometimes when people come by, I’ll gesture next door and they will understand.)
Anon for today
Oh my goodness, I’m going to scream. I work at a college, and the buildings are often used for summer camps. There is currently a person playing the flute in the hallway outside an atrium. They are playing “Heart and Soul”. And not very well. The acoustics in the building are such that it echos through the whole building. Even shutting my door and turning on streaming radio doesn’t help. The person I was on the phone with could hear it. Our building manager is trying to track down the person in charge of arranging the summer camps – apparently he can’t just talk to the people in the hallway, as previous people in his position have been fired for that (WTF?)
We have a world renowned music conservatory, but for some reason the music camp is in the science building, where we are still actively trying to work. Double WTF??
Last week it was some kind of flute/recorder group in the atrium. They weren’t as loud, it didn’t carry as far, and shutting my door closed them off. Plus it was actually somewhat decent music.
Arrrg! Most days I love my job, but this is not one of them.
emeralds
So sorry. That is super-annoying, and definitely one of the perils of working in higher ed–all of the danged summer camps! Summer campers stole my lunch spot last week, so I understand the bitterness :)
anon prof
Yup, I’m with you. I’ve had little kids banging on my ground-floor-office window all summer. It’s hard not to yell at them. I bought myself lovely noise-cancelling headphones the second day of their camp, which help a lot.
Money
On the topics of helping parents financially and vacations and mortgages…..would everyone be willing to share some money saving tips? I’m sure this has been done before but I’d love to hear you ladies’ tips on how to save money (perhaps aside from the obvious, like cutting coupons from the Sunday paper).
Anon
You should repost this question on the afternoon thread (not the “What just isn’t you?” targeted thread, but the one that will go up after that) – you’ll get more responses.
Carrie...
Let’s see… money saving tips….
Bring your lunch to work. Eat dinner at home.
Don’t buy coffee at Starbucks. Brew at home and put in a thermos.
Get rid of cable. Cable is dead. Get an antennae off Amazon for the regular channels. Then pay for Netflix or Hulu+ or AmazonPrime. Or even better, get DVDs of your favorite movies and TV shows for free from your local library.
Quit the gym, and work-out at home. Really.
Get rid of your home phone if you still have one. Call your internet carrier and ask for a lower price, since you have been such a good and loyal customer. Or look for a competing/cheaper carrier in your area, call them, and ask for a deal.
Get rid of your expensive cell phone if you haven’t already. Many cheaper options to choose from. I have currently happy with my Republic Wireless $10 per month plan with my new Moto smartphone from them.
No impulse shopping on the internet allowed. Only buy needed purchases, on sale. Never pay full price. Find things you like, wait until they go on sale.
I love re-sale/conseignment stores. Scour them if you are the type that enjoys shopping.
Make a little “shoe kit” of leather cleaner/conditioner, suede brush, polish etc.. and keep your shoes beautiful. Take them to the cobbler seasonally as needed.
Make a little clothing cleaning kit of a de-piller, mending kit, soap for handwashing clothes etc.. Avoid dry cleaning and handwash whenever possible. Wash all clothing on the gentle cycle, hang up everything to try. Your clothes will last longer, and you save a little on the electric bill.
Keep your heat a little lower in the winter and wear sweaters at home. Keep your AC temp a little higher in the summer.
Ride your bike.
Move. Closer to work. To an apartment you can easily afford.
Call your current car/home insurance and ask for a better rate or you will leave for Geico. Then leave for Geico.
Save save save save.
Start doing more things that you enjoy that are simple. Bike rides with gourmet picnics at the beach/park/forest on the other end. Dinner parties cooked at home with your closest friends. If you are a musician, play music with your friends. If you enjoy the outdoors, go hiking with your friends. If you athletic, play tennis/walk/run/play volleyball with your friends. Volunteer for fun with your friends. Go to free outdoor/summer festivals in your city.
I don’t cut coupons anymore. I buy seasonal fruits/veg/meats when they are on sale at our local good grocery store. I buy everything that makes economical sense for me at Costco (paper products, olive oils, nuts, cheeses, fruits/veg, pharmacy, lotions/shampoos, computer ink – and have Costco refill when empty, eggs, milk, snacks, yogurt etc…). And I love Trader Joe’s.
Consumer’s reports is your friend for any important purchase. Always get the best quality for your money.
Enjoy.
Anonattorney
You may have just won the internet today. This is an amazing list.
Carrie...
Thank you! I hope it helps someone.
Red Beagle
You’ve thought of everything! Bravo! I love the threaten to leave for Geico. Then leave for Geico! That made my day.
Wildkitten
I’ll post on CMoms too – but – fda listeria recall on nectarines, peaches, plums: http://www.fda.gov/Safety/Recalls/ucm405943.htm
Philanthropy Girl
Thanks for the heads up. Fortunately the fruit I was snacking on today doesn’t appear to be one of the offending brands.