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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 97 Comments · by

Coffee Break – Lizard Large Bowler

Coffee Break· Under $150 | · ·

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Latico Lizard Large BowlerAmazon is having some crazy deals on bags today. Much of it is very limited stock, but for illustration purposes: I love this large bowler bag from Latico. It's definitely on the bigger side (24″ wide!) but I could see this a great tote for work. It was $369, but is now marked to $89.81 (with free shipping and free returns). Latico Lizard Large Bowler (L-3)

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Comments

  1. Research, Not Law

    Whoa, that’s a big bag! Thanks for the heads up. There are some tempting bags and prices.

    How do you decide that a beloved item of clothing needs to be laid to rest?

    I have some that have become too worn for work and retired to weekends, but I think they are even too worn out for weekends – but I can’t seem to bear to part with them! I’m *this* close to having my husband go through my closet, pull out anything that I shouldn’t be wearing any more, and haul it off without me peeking. What are your decision points for what needs to go, and how do you pull the trigger?

    • Tuesday

      I make DH do it. I put out all of a category (say, tops, or pants), walk away, and he makes three sets — keep, donate, and recycle. I never (ever!) look at the donate or recycle piles. I usually make him do it the day before recycling, put the “going” items into non-see-through bags somewhere (behind the couch? I really don’t know where he puts them) and then take them out first thing next day.

      Yes, I do think I’m a bit ridiculous for having to do things this way. But there it is. And I’ve found a work-around, so I guess that’s ok.

      • Bonnie

        That would never work for me. My DH has a stereotypical guy’s definition of what is still in good shape. Some of his shirts accidentally make it to the rag pile.

    • Susie

      I’ve tried that, my husband refused. I think he’s worried I would resent him. I have a hard time getting rid of stuff, especially if it was a gift. If it is not stained or ripped I am willing to let it live in my closet unused for a pretty long time. I’m slowly putting together a donation pile and trying to incentivise myself by promising a shopping trip to buy replacements, but then I think I may not find anything else I like. Or for each item I bring home I try to put one item in the donate pile. I plan to take some time trying on a bunch of stuff in my closet and will try to objectively decide whether the fit, style, and quality warrant me keeping it.

      • KC

        Oh, I’m equally bad about gifts! I have some sweaters/dresses my mom/friends/boyfriend have given me that I’ve never worn but feel bad donating.

    • S in Chicago

      — Does it fit me well currently? And this is 100 percent–as in, I would purchase it again if I were in a store trying it on. (With frequent wear, a lot of sweaters and tops stretch, pants shorten or sag in the seat, or I fluctuate in weight or how I carry weight)
      –Does it need a repair, and will I take it for said repair today? Too many blazers and sweaters take up closet space waiting for new buttons that I swear, I’ll get to someday but realistically never will.
      –Does it still look/feel like new? Has it faded to a weird color, are there signs of wear at the knees
      –Do I feel my best in it? This is the hardest for me. I’m often swayed by sales. So trendy pieces often have gone out of style or something might not be the most flattering color. But it’s hard to part when it still is technically OK.

      When all else fails, I try to bribe myself–one new piece for every X number I get rid of. Occasionally–every few years– I’ll target something like sleepwear or workout wear (the lowest clothing rung for me) and give myself a “makeover” in that particular area. Somehow that makes it easier to pull the trigger.

      Also, I try not to get hung up on sentimental value anymore. I wore X when Y happened. I will usually put these things in a box and revisit once a year or so. It’s often easier to purge when you realize you’ve done this for several years and not worn it or even thought about it. Sometimes you just have to be brutal to regain a normal closet.

      • Nonny

        S in Chicago’s question #1 is the make-or-break for me. If the item is still in good shape, etc., and I am at all on the fence about it, that is the question I ask. More often than not, it answers itself pretty easily.

        I am pretty bad at getting rid of things too, so what I do is put all the items that are in question in a bag or box in the basement, and leave them there for a few months. If I haven’t thought about them or needed them during that time period, I take the bag to my local Salvation Army without even looking to see what is inside. Most of the time I never take anything out during the intervening time period. Works like a charm.

        • Nonny

          PS, sorry I should have stated my first point more clearly, since I realize S in Chicago’s first question was multi-part. The particular question I ask is, “If I saw it in a store today, would I still buy it?”

        • a.

          I really like that question, too, and will start using it the next time I do a closet purge.

      • MB

        I often ask myself how many times in recently months, I’ve passed over it as something to wear. If I’ve considered it and then said “nah” a few times, its a definite toss.

        • ss

          This is a tough one. I find I drop things from rotation but enjoy them again a couple of seasons later (or in some cases years later). Prints especially.

          But not helpful for OP who’s clearly referring to stuff she’s ready to toss because its condition isn’t good.

      • Research, Not Law

        “If I saw it in a store today, would I still buy it?”

        Yikes. This may have been the wake up call that I needed. Probably 75% of my clothes are too worn for me to even consider buying today. I’ll try setting up a dressing room at home and thinking about each item in that light.

    • Constant Comment

      I have a hard time with this also. If something is too worn out for weekends (and I set the bar pretty low here) I’ll keep it around for sleeping or exercise if it’s a beloved t-shirt, but if something is stained or has holes or fits funny and alterations would be out-of-proportion costly, I’ve gotten better about just letting it go to the clothing recycling drop-off.

      I would never let my husband get involved in this process or half of my overflowing drawers would be emptied! Baby steps.

    • a.

      This is a good question. I’m usually pretty good about cleaning out my closet at least biannually, but I do have a few pieces of clothing that I just *will not ever* get rid of, either because they have sentimental value (hand-screened t-shirt I got in Montreal in high school) or because they are stupidly comfortable and still fit, even if they aren’t presentable for anything other than walking the dog in the dark (ancient jeans with indiscreet rips, that I wore to a point of softness where they are basically sweatpants). And honestly, these 4-5 pieces of clothing really do not take up that much space. So I don’t stress about ’em. Don’t know if that was what you wanted to hear, exactly…

      For the clothes that aren’t that special, I find if effective to look at the total number of X I have, decide what a reasonable number of X for my wardrobe is, and winnow the number of X that will allow me to reach it. So like, for work-out t-shirts, I decided I didn’t need more than 12, and got rid of the extra seven or whatever number it was that got me there.

    • zora

      I am terrible at this, too, and don’t have a partner to do it for me…. My mom and i have just realized that we are BOTH horrible at noticing when something is faded or pilled or stretched to the point where it just HAS to go. And part of my problem is i feel so guilty about spending money on new clothes, that’s why I have a tendency to hang on to things.

      I did have a moment this fall where I got better at it for a second, put together a HUGE bag and took them to the resale store. Because most of the items had never been worn because they never fit me in the first place, I got about $50 in trade which i still have to spend. But now I still feel guilty about the pile that is leftover and feel bad just giving it away. So now my apartment is filled with bags of various clothes that I am supposed to do something with. Oops.

      • NOLA

        You know, I don’t know why, on the day I go back to work, I remember all of the things I was supposed to do when I was off. One of them was to take the enormous bags of giveaway clothes to Bridge House. I guess they’ll sit a little longer.

        I buy a lot of shoes and I generally will give away anything that I’ve put on multiple times and decided not to wear for whatever reason. There is a young woman who recently graduated who loves my shoes and I’ve given her many little-worn pairs of expensive shoes. She looks adorable in everything.

          • NOLA

            Ha! Well, believe it or not, I have a hard time giving away shoes because none of my friends or colleagues who wear my size (8.5) would wear my heels. I was excited to find this girl who was thrilled to get new shoes. And I’m sure she could never have afforded Calvin Klein booties. When I ask her if she wants something, she always says, “Yes, please!”

          • Susedna

            You and I are the same shoe size, on paper! But you saw me, I don’t think I can fit into the shoes you wear. My feet are really fat and wide, like pancakes, alas. :-(

          • NOLA

            Oh yeah, that’s exactly what I thought when I met you. ;) I have wide feet and narrow heels. I’m sure you could wear my heels!

    • DC Association

      Just say to yourself, “Someone else can really use this a lot more than I can.” And realize that those pair of pants with the falling hem or whatever might be the only “new” pair of pants someone else will have in the next two years.

      And know that whether or not you keep them, you’ll probably buy yourself another pair of pants.

      Another good tactic is to schedule a donation pick-up. That way you don’t have to take stuff somewhere yourself which is always hard, and you have a date where someone’s coming to pick it up. So much easier for you!! Not sure what city you’re in, but Purple Heart does pick-ups, as do some Salvation Armys….

      • KC

        Yes, everytime we get a call for a pick-up, I say yes, even if there’s not presently a box ready to go. I tell myself I’ll just grab a few things, and I always end up giving away a bag or two.

      • PollyD

        This works for me for books, too. It helps that my apartment building put a bookcase in the mailroom for people to leave books and magazines. Somehow it’s easier to get rid of books and magazines (books especially) when I think about someone else enjoying them.

        The triage strategy is also a good one. I try to go through my closet fairly quickly and if there’s something I’m not sure about, it goes in the triage drawer. If I don’t think about it for months, it gets donated.

    • Ellen

      I used to give my old clothes to ROSA b/c she had other expenses, but she is pregnant NOW and has a smaller tuchus then me other wize, so I now give my stuff to the place on LEX , which gives it to worthy home less and others. Yay! At least they get more use out of them then me! But my dad has insisted on a clothes moratorum b/c of my size and insists I keep wearing what I have so I loose 5 MORE pounds! FOOEY!

      But I have no choice b/c he gets all my Billieng’s and will see if I go shoppeing! DOUBEL FOOEY! To bad I can’t get ROSA’s clotheing if it fit. My dad says I already have mom’s tuchus and she is 22 year’s older then me. Yay! Thanks dad.

    • Anonymous Poser

      I was recently helping my mom start to clean out her closet(s). I didn’t really have a plan of attack except to take some clothes out of the closet and hang them on a freestanding hanging rack, making them more manageable to look at/sort. Every time mom would look at a piece, turn it around, and end up on the fence about it, I told her to try it on. After she looked at herself in a mirror, that usually cleared up most of her questions about the piece one way or another, and she was able to choose a pile to put it in.

      It can be overwhelming if it’s something you haven’t done in a while. Maybe a friend could help?

    • Research, Not Law

      It’s such a relief to know I’m not the only one who struggles with this. All of these comments are resonating with me. I hold on to so much because of fond memories or because I worry that I won’t be able to find something similar to replace. I also have a “strong waste not, want not” mentality. What if one day I *need* a stained blouse or a pilled sweater??

      I even packed up my entire non-maternity wardrobe during my last pregnancy with the intent of dramatically thinning it with fresh eyes after… but I ended up putting nearly everything back in my drawers. Sigh.

    • Esquared

      Something that I read once (maybe here?) is to flip all of your hangers backwards @ the new year (perfect timing!). Anything still flipped next new years, gets donated. I like this because a lot of times I’m not sure if I’m still using something… but this proves I’m not.
      Also, if it has holes, I replace it. Getting to buy a new one sometimes dampens the pain of getting rid of something. There’s a gigantic chapter about this in the Happiness Project. Gretchen had a really great point that every time you see something you bought & never wore, or that you just don’t like for whatever reason… you feel guilty & crappy… times that by how many times you look at it a year and those are a lot of bad vibes…. if you toss it, you’ll never think about it again and never feel guilty about it again. I always try to remember this when I’m getting rid of something I’ve had for a year that still has tags on it.

    • LLBMBA

      A good tip I read (Apartment Therapy maybe?) was to bag up the stuff you shouldn’t wear any longer and then don’t get rid of it. Leave it somewhere somewhat accessible so if you realize you’ve made a big mistake, you can grab the believed item. Most of the time though, you won’t miss any oft and after a few weeks you’ll feel better about letting it go. Good luck!

  2. Vacation ideas

    Has anyone taken a trip to St. Thomas or St. Croix? I would love to hear thoughts on the islands or hotel recommendations. DH and I are hoping to plan a tropical getaway for February or so. I’m thinking of these islands in particular because I haven’t changed my name on my passport yet although I’ve changed it on everything else. I’m sending in my renewal, but I’m nervous to book a trip without a valid passport in hand. Thanks!

    • Bunkster

      I went to a destination wedding in St. Croix about 6 years ago. It was beautiful. The bride and groom both live there now and own a restaurant. He used to be the chef at the Buccaneer resort. I stayed at a hotel right on the boardwalk in Christiansted. And the wedding itself was at a different hotel. I’ll try to remember the names.

      • Bunkster

        Just checked my email from that time. I stayed at the King Christian Hotel. The wedding was at the Chenay Bay Beach Resort, which was very cute. We spent a lot of time at bars on the boardwalk. And my friends’ new restaurant is called The Bistro.

    • applesandcheddar

      What about St John? It’s much nicer than either St Thomas or St Croix. Honestly, St Thomas has quite a bit of crime, and I wouldn’t go there for vacation.

      I travel to USVI for work, and it’s my understanding that you need a passport to travel there (newish rules – past few years). You might want to double check on this with the State Department or US Customs.

      • St Lucia Lover

        May I also recommend St. Lucia. We are very anti-Sandals, Beaches, etc. and enjoyed a wonderful time a local resort called Ti Kaye (“tea kye”) for our honeymoon. It was in an obscur-ish location, the diving and spa were fantastic, and the food was excellent with a comprehensive wine list. Each employee remembered our names from day to day, and it was very much a small homey feel. Highly recommend!

      • Gail the Goldfish

        You don’t need a passport for the USVI (or Puerto Rico) IF you’re coming directly from the US and not setting foot in another country. But if you’re transferring through another airport in the Caribbean that’s not in a US territory or want to go over to the British Virgin Islands, you’ll need one.

        http://travel.state.gov/passport/ppi/ppi_5751.html

      • Suzer

        We went to St. Thomas for our honeymoon and enjoyed it, but if I went back to that area I’d try St. John – it’s more secluded.

    • S in Chicago

      Have you looked into a passport expediting service? My husband did this when surprising me with a trip to the Turks and Caicos. It costs a lot more but the turnaround is much faster. I seem to recall it was just a few days. I don’t know who he used, but I’m sure some other ‘rettes here could recommend…?

    • Lilly

      If you got in a bind with regard to departure date and no passport, and if you live near a regional passport agency, you should be able to get one the same day by visiting the agencies. There are conditions, such as having an appointment with them, so google “regional passport agency” for full information.

  3. Woods-comma-Elle

    Calling Senior Attorney – I saw your message this morning and would love to have a mini-meet-up in Pasadena! I’m heading to Vegas straight after on the Thursday, but I’m sure I’ll be welcoming a break on the Tuesday or Wednesday after the exam! E-mail me on the address below… (one moment)

    Also, thanks everyone for your suggestions on LA areas!

  4. L

    My friend is having a baby (yay), but is going to be on bed rest for the foreseeable future. I’ve never had kids, let alone been pregnant and on bedrest, so I’m hoping someone can make some recommendations for gifts that would help make her more comfortable/fun/etc. Any suggestions are appreciated!

    • Diana Barry

      Netflix or on-demand gift certificates, books or kindle? Some of my friends on bedrest had to lie down on their left sides, so it should be small/easily handled in bed.

    • CW

      I’ve never been in that situation either, but I imagine books, movies, DVDs of tv shows (West Wing, Gilmore Girls, How I Met Your Mother, etc.), and magazines would all top the list. Maybe gift cards to Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or iTunes, if you don’t know what she has.

      But I also think that, if you’re close, she’d probably appreciate visits. It must be pretty boring to be mostly immobile every day, with nothing to distract you but books and tv.

      • anonnyc

        Yes, visit! I was on bedrest for 6 weeks and my lovely friend brought lunch and visited with me every couple of weeks. It gave me something to look forward to and broke up the monotony of tv and books.

    • Saacnmama

      If a cleaning service would be a splurge for her, she might really appreciate a gift of a few sessions. How will meals and cleanup happen? You could get her gift certs for delivery from her favorite restaurants. Or what about magazines related to what she usually likes to do? It’ll be a long time til she goes mountain-climbing, but she can still read about it, or whatever her passion is, or whatever you like to do together.
      I’ve heard that people get to feeling pretty blah on bed rest and appreciate having someone do their hair/makeup/nails.
      Or you could just see what she says she’s missing most next time you visit her and bring that on your next visit.

    • Nonny

      Apropos of nothing, I think I would just about die if I had to go on bedrest. I am bad enough at just sitting on the couch watching TV. I can’t imagine what it would be like to have to stay in bed all the time. I know doctors don’t prescribe bedrest without good reason, and my heart really goes out to people who have to do it. One of my worst nightmares is being put on bedrest….

      Out of genuine curiosity, if you get put on bedrest, what does that actually mean? Can you walk around for a certain time period each day? Can you get up to make dinner? How restrictive is it actually?

      • L

        I have no idea, but she’s been given directions about which ways she can lay, so I think it’s pretty much you lay, get up for bathroom (maybe?!) and then lay some more. I’m also fairly terrified of it in general, so I feel especially awful for her.

      • Jules

        I think the activity allowed depends on the condition that’s put you on bed rest. For some medical problems, you are not supposed to walk at all for any reason. I was on bed rest for high blood pressure the last two weeks or so of my pregnancy; I could get up to make myself lunch or take a shower and could walk up and down the stairs to bed at night but otherwise was supposed to be lying down, on my side. The midwife called once and I told her I had to turn off the washing machine so I could hear her – she shrieked at me, “you’re doing laundry?! Stop it and go lie down.” I just threw clothes in the machine, I wasn’t out beating them on rocks in a stream, but apparently this was too much activity. This was in November and was the only time since I turned 18 that I didn’t vote, because the midwives said no.

    • Mpls

      Does she knit/crochet/cross-stitch (and is she allowed to do so while resting)? I’d see about getting her some supplies and fun patterns so she can at least do something while watching tv. I know that I go a bit stir crazy just watching without something to also occupy my hands. And then she’ll at least have something to show for her time :)

    • JadeMoon

      Just did this recovering from a bad surgery/infection. It wasn’t too bad: Kindle allows you to order any book in 30 seconds; on the internet you can read Wapo, Huffpo, NYT, Vanity Fair, Time magazine, and other, more trivial mags; you can read corpor e t t e sans guilt; you can search the internet to learn new things and you can google the earth; you can play interactive chess; you can order cable and watch all the terrific programs — I can, and do, watch NatGeo and History Channel all day and Boardwalk and Dexter, etc. Also, my husband got me a sketch pad with lots of pencils and an instruction book. Oh, and you can correspond with real letters or internet communications.

      And, one thing I grew to enjoy was reading a novel, and then going on the internet and learning everything I could about, say, Australia — the locale of my latest book. I also took up reading and writing poetry and am now writing a novel. There is a decent online writing course you can take.

      Really, except for the pain, etc. it wasn’t bad: didn’t have to do housework, wear make-up, etc.

      Good luck to her and the baby!

  5. CDA

    I will take this opportunity to say how much I despise trying to shop for shoes or bags on Amazon. I loathe it. Endless was so easy to navigate, thorough information about the product, good views/pictures, easy to browse (100 pairs of shoes at a time, please!), but the Amazon site is . . . the opposite. I assume someone else (everyone else?) is still buying lots of shoes or bags so Amazon can justify the switch, but my purchases have gone way, way down.

    • PollyD

      Me three. Let’s hope someone from Amazon sees this. Or not, my budget and closet could certainly handle the decreased rate of shoe acquisition.

      But I loved Endless and miss it so! Plus where did all the shoes go? I feel like the Amazon site doesn’t have nearly the number of shoes Endless did, or maybe that’s because the site is crappy and I can’t find them.

    • NYNY

      Totally agree. Loved Endless, hate Amazon shoes and bags. Unfortunately, I hate Zappos too, and had a rough brick and mortar shoe shopping trip this weekend. I need new shoes!

    • Susie

      I love Amazon and get all kinds of stuff from there, but I wouldn’t buy shoes or bags online from any site. Especially shoes, need to try the on to make sure they fit my oddly shaped feet!

  6. Anon

    I work in a high rise building, and our water was shut off an hour ago…as I was on my way to the restroom. Is it legal to make hundreds of employees work for hours without access to water or toilets?

    • Anon

      In an unusual twist, it turns out my that house doesn’t have water pressure either…so I guess I’m stuck!

    • AFT

      Idk, but the same thing happened in my building once and they didn’t let us go home. Unfortunately the gym did not shut down either. There were a lot of stinky people coming back from lunch. Shudder.

    • Senior Attorney

      That’s interesting. One day last year the water went off at my local court and they closed it down for the afternoon. Maybe the laws vary by jurisdiction?

    • a.

      The water main on my street kept bursting, so there was a two-week stretch where I would get up to fill a glass with water, and nothing would come out of the tap. Occasionally I would be out walking the pup and see a geyser of water spurting out of the sidewalk. Fun times.

  7. Anonforthis

    Ladies, I have a question. I am in the middle of a civil suit, and my lawyer(s) are doing things that just are weird to me. They have explained it to me, but it doesn’t make sense. I am not in law, so I do not expect to understand all of it. Is it ok for me to ask another lawyer if this is normal, or if what my lawyers are doing is out of the norm? If so, how would I go about this? Do I need to set up a consultation? I’m not wanting to switch (at this point), I just have a few questions.

    • SFBayA

      Red flags for risk of privilege waiver just flashed before my eyes. I’m not sure how that would need to be structured, maybe someone here knows, but proceed with extreme caution only after you’re damn sure you know how to avoid waiver. And even if somehow you don’t waive privilege, I would think that your consulting attorney could maybe still be called as a witness/deposed, even if they can’t be forced to testify as to any privileged communications i.e. the fact that you consulted the attorney and talked for x hours on y date is not itself privileged, even though the content of that communication could be privileged.

      • Anonforthis

        Ok. I didn’t think about that. (I’m not in law or even connected to the field, which probably explains why I am so confused about it all.)

        • De

          Have you asked your attorneys to explain *what* they are doing, as opposed to *why*? Maybe understanding the reason will help you understand their actions?

        • SFBayA

          Please, please, PLEASE do not do anything behind your attorneys’ back. I agree with De that you should take a Nerf bat with you to your next meeting and tell them you don’t understand what’s going on, you’re not comfortable with your lack of understanding, and your lack of understanding is freaking you out enough that you thought about seeing another attorney, so please explain what’s going on. Even if they think you’re just super high maintenance, this should immediately scare the crap out of your own attorneys with thoughts of privilege waiver just like it scared me. If they STILL don’t listen, TELL THEM you’re going to seek a consult and make them figure out how to enable you to do it without waiving privilege.

          Things get more complicated if they aren’t actually YOUR attorneys, like you’re the employee of a company and the attorneys represent the company, or if your attorneys are paid for by your car insurance. What you’re thinking about doing is dangerous, and especially so in more complicated situations.

          I really, really hesitate to suggest this, but if you’re not getting traction with them, maybe call the partner above your attorneys and say that you’re not understanding what’s going on and they aren’t listening to you. The partner may take the time to explain to you (charging you by the minute) and then take a Nerf bat to his/her associates for not better managing the client. At least then it would stay in their firm and be less risk of waiver.

          • TBK

            Meh, I have massive privilege heart-attacks pretty regularly and this isn’t doing it for me. If lawyer 1 is your company’s or insurance company’s counsel, then yeah, there are complications there, but if it’s a lawyer you hired on your own and you’re going to another lawyer you’re hiring, I just don’t see it. I really don’t. I still think it’s a good idea to talk to your current lawyers first, just because you don’t want them caught out without all the relevant information about the case (including someone else out there knowing things that are privileged) but I’m not seeing waiver.

          • SFBayA

            Fair enough, TBK. I am most likely overreacting. I practice in commercial/corporate litigation, so it’s always corporate counsel and/or insurance counsel in my world. The idea of one of my corporate client’s employees going to talk to another attorney at a different firm about the work we’re doing on behalf of the corporate client makes my heart palpitate.

          • TBK

            SFBayA, I totally see where, in your situation, there would be massive privilege issues. I’ve always only represented the company itself or its board of directors, never individual employees (prepped them for testimony etc., but always after the “I’m not really *your* lawyer” diclaimer), so I’ve never really encountered those issues. Based on her phrasing, it sounded like she had hired the lawyers herself (otherwise she would have no authority to switch counsel even if she wanted to).

      • AIMS

        I’m don’t think that you’re necessarily waiving privelege by consulting with another attorney for purposes of a second opinion. Obviously, all the other rules applicable to waiver still apply (public place, third parties, etc.) but I think a client can have more than one attorney maintain a privilege – in fact, this happens all the time when people switch attorneys, consult with different attorneys in anticipation of a case, have multiple counsel, etc.
        I do agree that it may be better to take this up directly with your current counsel just to avoid any weirdness and to not find someone who is just going to second guess strategy for their own purposes. Tell them that you don’t understand why they are doing X, Y, Z and that you would like them to explain why it is necessary and that you are considering consulting an outside attorney to discuss your options.

      • TBK

        I don’t see the privilege issue. She has privilege with one lawyer and would have the same privilege with the other. If you’re consulting with the other lawyer as a lawyer (as opposed to, say, if your mom was a lawyer — could still work but would be an extra step to establish privilege) and have an attorney/client relationship (meaning your intent is to get legal advice) then privilege attaches. If you want to get into the law school exam weeds, you could concoct a situation where she sues the first lawyer for malpractice and then how does that affect the waiver of privilege with the first lawyer by raising the issue with the malpractice suit vis a vis privilege with the second lawyer, but that is going down a super wonky nerdy legal thought experiment rabbit hole. I don’t see the issue. The second lawyer, if at all competent, would consider the privilege issue before asking the first question. And belt-and-suspenders, the first question the second lawyer could answer for her was “what can I/can’t I tell you if I want to preserve privilege with the first lawyer?”

    • emcsquared

      As a transactional lawyer, I have gotten a couple of calls from people wanting a second opinion on their lawyer’s legal advice. I don’t know about litigation; I think most lawyers would meet with you for free for an initial consult, but they definitely have a vested interest in poking holes in your current counsel’s strategy (since they want you to jump ship and join them).

      It is worth a shot, but understand that the advice you get from the new lawyers will be biased. Before doing that, I would really stress to your current lawyer that you are not understanding what they are doing; ask for them to write out their strategy, and walk through each step in person (this will cost you some money, be ready for that). Ask what the specific risk is for each step, and ask for your lawyer to estimate the probability of that risk happening.

      The bonus: if you proceed to getting a second opinion, you’ll have the strategy in writing to present to the second lawyer.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      Could you try emailing with your attorneys so you can break things down in baby steps? For example:

      You: Why won’t you use this evidence?
      Them: Because it is inadmissible

      You: Why is it inadmissible?
      Them: Because you broke the law when you got the evidence

      You: Well, does that make it inadmissible or does it just expose me to liability
      Them: Potentially both

      You: Can you explain what my risk is because this civil case is worth it to me to face small criminal liability
      Them: It doesn’t matter your criminal liability, it is still not admissible
      You: Can you tell me which cases or statutes make it inadmissible and send me copies? I’d like to read them. Are there exceptions?

      Them: Yes, but your case doesn’t meet the exceptions
      You: why

      and so on.

    • Jules

      I don’t have any concerns about waiving a privilege by talking to another lawyer, but I also agree that the first step is to try to get a better understanding from your current counsel. IMO, if a client is confused about the process, the strategy or anything else, it is the lawyer’s fault, not the client’s. Your attorneys should answer your questions and help you understand what is going on; if they can’t or don’t want to do so, that seems like a reason to find another attorney.

      And best of luck with the case.

    • Susedna

      Are you paying these lawyers?

      If you’re paying them, they need to do a better job of explaining what it is they’re doing or not doing, and why. Ask them to explain in plain English, no jargon why stuff needs to be done. Tell them they need to explain it such that a 12yr old could understand it.

      It’s OK to not be a lawyer or to have lots of legal knowledge. Don’t let them intimidate you or make you feel like you’re being a nuisance.

      Even though I am considered a “seasoned professional” in my field, if I meet a company doing something new/funky that is explained to me in a jargony way, I just tell them: “Oh whoah! You’re going too fast. Clearly, I’m not smart enough to understand all that jargon and what it is you do. But until you can explain to me in plain English that a 12-yr old could understand just what is your business and how you make money, I’m only smart enough to know not to invest in your company. So….let’s start again….”

  8. MaggieLizer

    A big thank you to everyone who responded to my request for recommendations for comforters/duvets a few weeks ago. I got the Geneva Primaloft in medium warmth from The Company Store and a matching duvet cover (links in reply to avoid moderation). I couldn’t be happier with both; the duvet is just the right weight for me and the cover is really soft. Thanks all!

  9. I need help

    Another clothing/shopping related TJ. I grew up budget – only shopped sale/clearance. Now that I am making my own salary, I haven’t changed my shopping habits or where I shop (think mall stores; BR/J. Crew/AT where I know what fits me). But what ends up happening is I just buy all. the. things. because I can afford more. So now I have so much clothing (and also have a hard time getting rid of stuff just like above). Should I upgrade where I shop so even sale is expensive? I still don’t want to pay full price for anything because I think that’s just a mark-up. How do I fix this!

    • anon

      To I need help: I think this is where a personal shopper would be helpful. Nordstroms is the one that’s mentioned most here but perhaps a regional store (Bloomingdales, Dillards, Macy’s, etc.) might also be options. Tell the shopper that you want quality pieces and she will watch for sales for you and help you find pieces that will pull together your whole wardrobe. In the end, it would probably be less money.

    • Miss A

      OMG me too. Although, I’ve put myself on a shopping freeze of sorts… (just read “the high cost of cheap fashion”, started tracking on mint and am seriously disturbed about how much i haven’t saved)…

      I think I’m going to start making an actual “needs vs wants” list and chip away at that…

      e.g. Need new underwear vs. want a NICE, good quality coat eventually (at right price/style) to replace current Ruelala impulse buy…

      • OP

        Would you recommend that book? I think one major problem is that almost everything is more of a “want” right now, where it would be nice to have, but I could make do with something else already in my closet. I’m getting better at shopping for nicer items but it’s still hard to break that psychological $$$ hump.

        • Saacnmama

          Why are you buying so many clothes? I know you *can* but is there some need you are trying to fill by stuffing it with your purchases? Seriously, what looks great on you, is well-made, and fits your current regularly-recurring needs can’t be much more now than it was when you first started working. That’s where I’d start–figure out what would be “reasonable”, allow room for a splurge a couple times a year, then look at what else you’re buying to see if it gives you any clues and try to address the deeper need.
          Think of what else you could do with the $$ if you stay with this level of clothing, which isn’t shoddy, bought on sale and in reasonable quantity. Early retirement, anyone?

      • Cb

        This is a great idea. I end up with beautiful dresses but holey undies because one is more fun to buy than the other.

    • Research, Not Law

      Limit your quantity. Seriously. It may be helpful to thin your selections to only the top contenders and tell yourself you’ll come back for the others if you keep thinking about them.

      I feel that the mall stores are more likely to do the markups for big markdowns every week. (AT and Macy’s, I’m looking at you). Moving away from them will alleviate that issue. You can also start shopping more at JCPenny, who is supposedly moving away from that tactic.

      Some general shopping tips from someone who grew up on the clearance rack:

      You may always instinctively head to the clearance rack, so go there first and then move forward to browse the rest of the store. Slow your approach to the sales rack, too, to at least see what is elsewhere in the store.

      Don’t look at price tags until after you decide whether you wanted an item or not. Try on what you like before looking at the price. You may still decide not to buy something because of the price, but at least you didn’t keep yourself from ever finding out how much you like it.

      Do start shopping at more expensive stores. You don’t have to give up the cheaper options, but it will give you a chance to see and wear the higher priced and usually higher quality items and you’ll probably drop them on your own. However, if you don’t find you prefer them, don’t feel like you have to just because you have more money and they are more expensive.

      • OP

        These are good tips – especially with not looking at the price tags. Thank you!

  10. Divaliscious11

    Costco PSA: The dress shirts many of us have raved about are $3 off until 2/3, so $14.99. Alas, I already have all colors except one, but its a good deal. Picked up a couple Merino wool cardigans for $30. Deep jewel tones. I’ll report back if they are itchy etc…..

  11. easylaw

    Hey NYC rettes, does anyone know when reservations for Restaurant Week open up and menus are made available? Are they already open?

    • Gail the Goldfish

      Not yet. I’m not sure when exactly reservations will open, but I seem to recall it’s usually like a week in advance, maybe? You can sign up here for a notification email: http://www.nycgo.com/restaurantweek

      Though lately most restaurants seem to be extending it into restaurant month, so it may be easier to get reservations.

      • Gail the Goldfish

        And it looks like some restaurants already have their menus up–I randomly googled some I know are always in restaurant week. Nobu, for example, already has their menu up. So if there’s a particular restaurant you want, check their website or call.

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