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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
I am mostly familiar with the brand Leota from CorporetteMoms, where we've covered their lovely maternity-wear a ton. But seeing this dress was the first time I've noticed that they do regular, non-maternity clothes as well. This burgundy jacquard dress looks great — it's machine washable and tumble dry, and I like the lack of exposed zipper (it slips over your head), as well as the slight flare to the skirt. It's $176 at Nordstrom in XS-XL sizes. Leota ‘Avery' Jacquard Knit Sheath Dress
Here's a lower-priced option, and here's a ponte sheath in plus sizes. (By the way, Leota offers a “full figure” line, but it doesn't seem to be available at Nordstrom.)
Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.
(L-4)
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- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
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And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
KT
I have a request to make: I’m writing an article for a news outlet (online only) on law school and the challenges fresh graduates face.
I am looking to interview a recent graduate who took out student loans for law school, and is working in the public services field rather than a private firm.
On the flipside, I’m also looking for a recent graduate who landed a spot with BigLaw.
Questions will be about student loan debt load, what your expectations were for after school, and how reality meets or doesn’t meet your expectations.
Would anyone be willing to chat with me? (email or phone!)
Frozen Peach
KT, how recent is recent?
KT
Within the past five years, ideally!
Frozen Peach
Then I may just squeak in— I’m a 2011 grad– BigLaw alum. Would be happy to chat!
KT
oh yay! Thanks so much.
Would you mind emailing me?
kat.tretina at gmail dot com
AIMS
May I make an unsolicited suggestion? I think it would be interesting to also feature someone from the middle of the spectrum since that is where most recent grads actually end up and I think, in many ways, that may be a tougher place to be. If you are making a BigLaw salary, you can (in most cases) throw a lot of money at your debt to pay it off quickly and if you are doing public interest work and not getting paid a ton, you can at least take advantage of public service loan forgiveness programs and have your loans made more manageable that way. But if you’re working at a small-ish firm making 60-70K, you don’t get the benefit of either and I think most people don’t plan for that career path and it usually takes them by surprise.
KT
Thanks AIMS, you’re absolutely correct. But my editor is specifically looking for the extreme ends of the spectrum as testimonials. We have plenty of data on the media levels–we just need the human side of the story on both the lower-paying tier and upper
Anonymous
So I think you aren’t understanding what the low end is- that’s what aim is saying. The worst scenario to be in is making 50k at a small firm with no ibr, no law school assistance (some law schools have lrap that will help you pay if you are in public interest law) no loan forgiveness at the end of 10 years, and if it gets forgiven at the end of 25 you get hit with the tax bill
SoCalAtty
Exactly this. I just didn’t anticipate “the middle” actually being the worst place to be. No tax write-offs for your student loans, not IBR because you make over what would actually help you, no forgiveness. Just a huge chunk of your net income going off to student loan payments…
I was really lucky to move up pretty quickly, but a lot of people aren’t.
AIMS
You’ve both said this better than I could have. I think a lot of people also have a misconception about how you can always get a public interest job but those are actually very competitive in most places so people get stuck working big law hours for no pay and have none of the benefits that come with working for a place like Legal Aid.
Anonyloans
AIMS hits the nail on the head. 2009 grad here with around $200k in debt. I borrowed less than that, but couldn’t find work for a year so the interest compounded, and when I did find work, it paid $45k. Now, seven years later, I’m at low six figures and have begun to throw large chunks of money at the loan, but the 7.8% interest rate waits for no one.
NationalAnthem
So, I’m a 2013 graduate who is now working in public service (with tons of loans. Yay).
However, immediately after I graduated I worked in a small law firm – basically what anon at 11:21 said “The worst scenario to be in is making 50k at a small firm … no law school assistance (some law schools have lrap that will help you pay if you are in public interest law) no loan forgiveness at the end of 10 years, and if it gets forgiven at the end of 25 you get hit with the tax bill.”
I’d be happy to chat with you if you’re interested. I can be reached at nationalanthemspo at gmail dot com
Cb
Ooh, it’s lovely! That’s a dress you could buy in 5 colours and have an easy business casual uniform.
Anonymous
Agreed. I love this dress so much.
Senior Attorney
Yep. I just ordered it. Hope it fits!
Tomato Soup
Do we think it’ll come down in price? I can’t remember if Nordstrom has sales besides the one that just ended.
lawsuited
Lol, I initially read this as a question about whether tomato soup was likely to come down in price!
Tomato Soup
Hahah. Well, you can see what I had for lunch today…
anonymous
I saw yesterday’s question about hard work vs intelligence/talent. One of the things I notice in people I know is that most people think they work hard, yet they have such different definitions of what qualifies as hard work. So I’m curious, what does it mean to you to “work hard” and where is the line between average and exceptional work ethic?
Anonymous
Everyone else is lazy or a workaholic. I am perfection.
Jen
I’m not sure but I’m definately not in the “hardest worker”‘camp. In school, it was those that camped out in the library endlessly, did every assignment fully (reading all assigned work plus any written requirements), visited professors office hours, organized study sessions, made complicated outlines and study sheets/cards.
I went to class, did most of the assigned readings, showed up to class, and prepped for tests the week or evening before. I occasionally borrowed one of the Hard Worker’s outlines or study sheets if we found ourselves together in the library the night before a test.
At work, I see this as the person that throws themselves into all projects, not just those deemed highest priority. I don’t live to work and it’s clear. I take new/challenging assignments but I’m clear that something else has to give. I don’t exhaust myself networking to the max at all events, I don’t go above and beyond to do industry presentations etc unless they directly benefit me.
espresso bean
This is me, exactly. I like being this way because it means I have more to give in other areas of my life. However, it also means accepting that I will never be the best at anything…
Anonymous
I used to be the “throw myself into all project” person until I started observing the “throw yourself into the highest priority project” and “something’s gotta give” people. Turns out, those people can advance, be respected, succeed, and still train for triathlons and have kids and be home in time for dinner. So why was I killing myself to be the “yes” woman at every opportunity in my professional career while being the “no” woman to everything in my personal life? I’m much happier now, and as far as I can tell, my career prospects have been only marginally affected.
Anokha
Any suggestions on how to turn yourself from a “throw yourself at every project” into a “throw yourself into the highest priority project” person? I just came back to work after mat leave, and I definitely used to fall into the former camp — but I think that, with a young baby, I need to shift my mindset to join the latter group. The problem is that I end up feeling really guilty if I’m not giving it my all…
Shopping
Idk if you’re still reading, and I’m not a lawyer, but based on my experience, I’d suggest you work on identifying low and high priority projects soon. Otherwise there will be something with your kid that you must do and you will have to skip out on something. If it’s high priority, not only will you feel awful, but your evaluations will suffer. Iow, it’s going to happen. You are going to lack at something. Probably not totally fail, but getting a C- feels like failing when you’re used to A+. If you figure out ahead of time what that thing will be, it won’t be as bad. Good luck, and enjoy your baby!
AIMS
I don’t think I work that hard at all but my definition of hard work is probably a bit more work than others. I listen to what people I work with consider to be a lot of work and I don’t always agree, but I also think I work with people who create a lot of busywork for themselves that makes their jobs harder than necessary. I think what I do have going for me though is that I’m always willing to work hard when it’s needed and I will step up to the plate to get things done when others will not for whatever reason. I do think I have a motivation problem b/c deadlines and pressure and the whiff of “this is impossible” do all motivate me and I always feel great after I actually “worked hard” to get something accomplished, but day to day I just don’t have that same feeling.
It's all relative
I think of myself as smart but often lazy, lacking in motivation, and prone to incredible procrastination. But I also spent over 5 years as associate at a BigLaw firm in NYC billing between 2000 and 2400 hours a year. I regularly at dinner at the office. I sometimes stayed past midnight and regularly did ar least some work on weekends. Compared to my gunning for partner peers billing 300 hours a month, I felt insanely lazy. I also spent significant amounts of time goofing off, so I probably spent more hours in the office versus hours billed compared to my peers (it was not uncommon for me to “lose” 2 hours a day). Compared to most Americans with normal 9-5 jobs, I was a super hard worker. I really do think I have Trouble working hard if I’m not motivated; and I’ve now taken a significant amount off work without missing it at all. But maybe I’d be the gunner in a 9-5 job? Especially if I actually liked it? Who knows.
mc
I used to work for a Nobel Laureate in the sciences.
He had a philosophy about what it takes to be very successful.
1% is Intelligence/innate ability. You need to at least a certain level of intelligence, but you don’t have to be brilliant.
1% is choosing the right project/field/question.
98% is luck/factors outside of your control.
So since you can’t really change the amount of basic intelligence you are born with/have already acquired, you need to choose your project/field/question extremely well. This you can control. Spend a lot of time thinking about / working on this.
And since you can’t control luck directly, you need to work as hard as you can, since the longer you spend working the higher the probability that luck will strike.
I was pretty amused by his philosophy initially. But I’l be damn3d if it hasn’t essentially turned out to be correct in my world…..
ml
I actually don’t think I work hard at all. I’m not in law so I don’t track my work efforts down to the minute, but I would estimate that on an average day I do an amount of work that I could compress into 5-6 hours if I really focused and did it with max efficiency (not counting meetings). But I meet deadlines, prioritize, and make sure the things that make my boss look good get done well, so it doesn’t show too much. I’ve gotten promoted several times in the last 5 years, and I think it’s hilarious. Exceptional work ethic, to me, involves taking initiative and going above and beyond your job description. And finding ways to add value even when you don’t have anything pressing. I have coworkers who do professional education when they have downtime. I read blogs or take a longer lunch.
I was too late to comment on the thread yesterday, but as a smart, lazy person who is also motivated by wanting to “do better” than people who irritate me, the only thing that has ever helped me snap out of it was taking hard math and problem-based science classes. I can learn terms and concepts by sitting through a lecture and never opening the book, but I quickly realized there was no substitute for working lots of problems to be comfortable enough to complete exams in the allotted time. And invariably, there was at least one obnoxious person in my class that I needed to “beat,” grade-wise, so that was reason enough for me. I actually loved the feeling of being diligent and consistent with my study schedule, and I love math and science, but apparently I love being lazy even more because I didn’t end up in one of those fields. It makes me feel a little better to know that I can be conscientious if I need to, but I don’t know how to artificially create that situation in my normal life.
CountC
This is pretty much me. My job is not super hard and unless I am crazy busy, I am always able to take breaks (as evidenced by my posting habits). I must be doing it reasonably well however, as my evaluations are always excellent and people say they like working with me. My stuff always gets done well and on time, but I wouldn’t say I go above and beyond very often. I used to be a gunner about everything, but as someone above said, I work to live not live to work these days.
There are talks of me moving into my boss’s role when he retires, but I keep asking myself, do I really want that extra responsibility? I like leaving at 4:00 p.m. and not checking my phone/email on nights and weekends. He doesn’t do much of it, but it’s a bit more of a time commitment than I have now.
I used to think I was just as smart as the average person, but I have come to realize I am a bit smarter than that! Many people who I respect and who I think are quite smart have told me they think I am very smart, so that has to count for something, no? Back when I was a gunner, I thought everyone worked as hard as I did and it was the norm. My therapist had a hard time not laughing when I told her that. Haha
ELaw
“as a smart, lazy person who is also motivated by wanting to “do better” than people who irritate me”
I love the honesty of this. I am also frequently motivated by irritation; good to know I’m not alone. ;-)
Anon
That’s completely me. My job just isn’t the kind of thing that I can do for 8-10 hours a day – there just isn’t that much work, no matter what I do. Yet, others in a similar role are always “OMG so busy” with a similar work load. I always get glowing reviews and promotions, so I don’t know if they are trying to create a perception or if they just aren’t efficient or what.
And I am very frequently motivated by people who irritate me! I thought it was just me :)
Baconpancakes
Ha! Now that you pointed this out, I’m absolutely doing this. I was nominated for a class position, figured what the heck, why not, but now that this super annoying guy is also an officer, I’m taking more responsibility and actually putting in effort to the position.
Anonymous
I like to work hard up to the point of diminishing returns. Every task needs to be good enough, not perfect. For me it was easier to figure out this point at my old job where I had two coworkers that both drove me crazy. One was a self-professed perfectionist. She overworked everything, and spent so many hours in the office getting her work product to the point that she thought was good enough. The other coworker was a slacker that did the bare minimum. I could see the difference in the work product of these two. However, our ultimate client only saw a marginal difference between the two. I strive to split the difference and hit the point where any further revision or work will only have a marginal impact on the final outcome.
Anonymous BigLaw Associate
Something that is often overlooked in these discussion is working hard vs. working smart.
Turks and Caicos
My SO and I are looking to take an extravagant-for-us vacation in Turks and Caicos. We’re thinking we’d like to do a few days in a more remote spot to relax, and then spend the rest of our time closer to non-resort restaurants and nightlife. If anyone has gone recently, we’d love your recommendations on where to stay!
T&C anon
I am there now :) How remote do you want to be? Most resorts and restaurant are on Providenciales or Grand Turk. If you want a quieter beach, try Grace Bay over anything on Grand Turk. The cruise ships come into that port so it is a bit crazy at times. From Providenciales you can take a ferry to North or Middle Caicos for real seclusion.
Everything depends on your budget and when you want to travel. You can stay at a club med or Beaches. Or try something a little smaller and quieter like Gansevoort. We have stayed at Seven Stars, very nice and great service. Wherever you stay, get a beachfront room. Also food is very expensive so plan accordingly.
Have fun!
Minnie Beebe
I’ve also stayed at Seven Stars, and it was incredible, and I want to go back SO MUCH. As PP said, food is outrageously expensive. But service at SS was wonderful. and the beach is just perfect. I highly recommend it!
Anon in NYC
The Gansevoort in T&C is fabulous! Sigh. Pre-baby vacations. I miss those.
Turks and Caicos OP
I hope you’re having a great vacation! I look forward to being you :)
We’re thinking we’d probably stay on or around Providenciales for the most part. We’ve been saving up, so our budget is around $10k. We considering going all out and doing Parrot Cay for the first few days, and somewhere luxurious but not as expensive on Grace Bay for the rest of the trip. Ideally our place on Grace Bay would be fairly quiet but walkable to some off resort restaurants, so maybe Gansevoort is up our alley–I’ll check it out. Thanks for the tips!
Anonymous
We did the Palms on Grace Bay for our honeymoon – no regrets – luxury resort and while its not adults-only, it was a lot quieter and nicer than anything else we saw.
enjoy!
Carrie M
So jealous!! We’ve rented villas there and love it because it’s easy to rent a car for the week and drive over to restaurants / the resort area, but we’re otherwise in our own world – no vying for spots at the pool or the beach, dealing with noisy hotels, etc. The villas we’ve been at have pools and beach access. There are 2 good grocery stores in Provo too so you can stock up on stuff for breakfast/lunch/snacks, and then do dinners out.
We always go to the spa at Point Grace hotel and it’s beautiful — a small, quiet hotel that looks like it’s honeymooners or older couples almost exclusively. I’ve never seen a kid there. I have no idea what the rooms are like or the service (or the price), but when I sit by their pool waiting for my spa appointment, it is a little slice of heaven!
Have so much fun!
Anonymous
I have a job interview on Thursday but it’s going to be about 100 degrees with the humidity that day. Is it ok if I bring my suit jacket but not wear it? (It’s not a job with a formal dress code, I will probably be the fanciest dressed person there.)
Anonymous
No, unless you will be interviewing outside. If you’re interviewing in an air-conditioned building you need to wear the jacket and you’ll be perfectly comfortable in it (and may even want it for warmth – in my experience, the hotter the outside temperature, the more most places blast the AC). You don’t have to wear the jacket in your car or on public transit and you can put it on right before you go indoors.
mascot
Can’t you just put on the jacket right before you walk in the building for the interview?
KT
Carry the jacket and put it on right before you go inside or in the lobby restroom
Diana Barry
I would definitely still wear the suit. Just carry the jacket over your arm, then when you get into the building stop for a few minutes to cool down and then put the jacket on before you walk up.
Anonymous
No. Do what you need to do to arrive not dripping in sweat (drive, uber, arrive early and chill at Starbucks) and put your jacket on when you get inside.
anon
Curious to hear other stories of going off birth control. I’ve been on it for ages and loved (on a disgustingly shallow note) having slightly bigger cup size and perfect skin. How bad was it for those of you who went off it? Did your skin and cup size change dramatically?
Cb
I was on the mini-pill (which might be more comparable to seasonique or something) for 4 years and went off in January. I felt awful for the first 5 days, nauseated, cranky, emotional and then things levelled off. I went back to normal periods asap and have normal PMS symptoms – I get one pimple, get grouchy about 3-4 days before it starts.
The one thing I didn’t expect was the noticeable response to ovulation. My cup size goes up right after ovulation and it’s really uncomfortable. I don’t know if happened pre-pill and I’m just noticing it but it is really annoying.
lawsuited
I stopped BC pills 3 months ago after being on them for 15 years. My skin remained clear. I didn’t notice any reduction in cup size, and I am, hilariously, already pregnant so now my b**bs are huge!
MDMom
With the caveat that birth control never gave me a bigger cup size or perfect skin (I have always been on very low dose pills), I noticed no real changes when I went off the pill except slightly increased libido. I was prepared to break out like crazy and for other dramatic stuff and it just never happened. It’s really different for everyone though- you never know until you just try it.
AIMS
Same. Skin never improved, boobs were always there. Went off and noticed no changes after ten plus years on it.
Emmer
I was on Levonorgestrel for 5 years. I didn’t notice any skin changes (but didn’t have any acne before I went on the pill). My boobs did shrink a bit but not quite a full cup size. As I’ve said many times on here, though, it took me 7 months to get my period back, and even then it was highly, highly infrequent and irregular and I needed medical intervention to get pregnant despite not having any other reproductive/hormonal conditions like PCOS. If you’re going off the pill to TTC, I highly recommend doing it sooner rather than later.
Anon
I went off for a short time and hated it – really not looking forward to TTC for that reason alone. My skin was terrible (and I actually had good skin before the pill), heavy periods and a notable increase in body hair.
Mrs. Jones
Going off the pill didn’t change my skin or cup size. Getting pregnant did though. :)
CountC
I went off oral BC pills about 6 years ago. I had been on it for 15 years, beginning when I was 15, so I can’t be sure what it did to my skin or b00bs as I didn’t have time to develop much before I went on. That said, I LOVE being off the pill. I lost some weight and felt less chemically (although I didn’t realize I felt that way until I went off). I have two days of SADDDDDD while PMSing, but other than that, I feel great. I’m always going to have small b00bs and my skin is just fine.
H
Going off the pill caused my face to break out like crazy and I was SUPER oily. Didn’t do anything to my cup size.
2 Cents
+1 This happened to me. Went to a dermatologist for some topical treatments for the acne, which was almost teenager-like in appearance and persistence. Took about 6 months for my skin to calm down.
Calico
Same here. I was on one of the pills that is supposed to help with acne. I had horrific breakouts all over my face/neck/chest/back for months. It was so horrible I went back on the pill. (I did not have severe acne before I started the pill.)
Anonymous
Anyone else so excited for women’s gymnastics tonight on TV (and online at 3 pm EDT)?! I can’t freaking wait!
anonymous
where online? link please?
Anonymous
NBC is livestreaming it: http://stream.nbcolympics.com/womens-gymnastics-team-final
USAGymnastics (@USAgym) is also live-tweeting it.
Anonymous
Is that the NBC link that requires you to have a cable provider in order to watch?
Anonymous
Oh yeah, maybe. It looks like you can watch for 30 mins but then it expires if you don’t have your cable linked.
Anonymous
Oh yeah, maybe. It looks like you can watch for 30 mins but then it expires if you don’t have your cable linked.
Cat
isn’t it nbcolympics.com?
MDMom
Not counting down to gymnastics specifically, but I am loving the Olympic women generally this year. The number of older women (and moms!) competing, the confident swagger of the swimmers (king and ledecky specifically), the numerous examples of women being fierce competitors and also supportive teammates (gymnastics, swimming), the diversity of the very visible women’s gymnastics team. There is so much good stuff.
Anonymous
Women are 53% of the US team this year :)
ELaw
So much ferocity in the women this year! The announcers last night were talking about Walsh-Jennings and said that last year she dislocated her right shoulder twice so she just played with one arm.
What?!?!
So impressive.
Sydney Bristow
I’m so excited! The men’s team finals were disappointing for the US team but there was some spectacular gymnastics. Really looking forward to the women. I’ve set myself a reminder since I missed the beginning of the men’s competition yesterday.
Anon
Okay, possible a strange question. When did you get a will for yourself? I’m curious if it’s something I need to have lined up at late 20’s with no significant assets (I rent and my car is only worth like $3k) and no significant other. My mother is the beneficiary on both my 401K, IRA, and my life insurance policy through work and she’s still linked to one of my savings accounts and my checking account because I’ve had them both since I was 17, as well as the co-signer on my undergrad loans that are still out. I do have grad loans that she’s not connected to, as well as other savings accounts. So I’m thinking, is there anything else that she wouldn’t be able to do if something were (God forbid) to happen to me?
Anonymous
I wouldn’t get a will in your situation, because it sounds like the person you want to be your beneficiary is a named beneficiary on pretty much everything.
fwiw, DH and I have no wills (no kids yet). We are named beneficiaries on each other’s retirement and life insurance accounts, own real property jointly and have both names on all our bank accounts so we don’t see any need. We will get a will when we have a kid because then we will need to address guardianship of the child in the event we die simultaneously.
mc
They say it’s a good idea, but I’m single in my 40’s and haven’t bothered. I did exactly as you did – but I put my siblings on my retirement accounts etc… If I owned property, perhaps I would do more, but I don’t. My family is very
But I guess I should have a will to make things easier for my family. Then again, my mother died in her 60’s without a will and it worked out fine. A little slow to get it settled perhaps, but not a disaster that people suggest.
LSC
In my state it can be expensive to probate even a small estate without a will. Think about doing a very simple one for the sake of those you may leave behind. It will make their lives easier.
CheapWills
I spend $50 on a free software program, made a will, got it notarized at a bank and sent it to my mother just in case. (I actually did this when I bought a condo in my 30s but should have done it in my 20s. It was super easy.) Not appropriate in all cases, but consider some life insurance that would cover any outstanding student loans, since your mother is a cosigner.
Anonymous
Is your father living and if so, do you want him to be entitled to half of your estate/your mom to have to deal with him? Check the default rules of your state, but typically your estate would get split 50/50 between your biological parents. If you, like me, have an abusive deadbeat dad that you don’t want to inflict upon your mother after your death, get a will to expressly disinherit him.
Other than that, keep good, organized records and tell your mom where they are. One of the worst things about a loved one passing is having to track down their records and deal with unhelpful customer service people when your heart hurts so much you can barely get out of bed.
Anonymous
+1,000! All of my financial accounts list my mom is the beneficiary. But when I bought a house, I finally got around to making a will because I want it to go to my mom and none to my deadbeat father.
KT
I would do a living trust and make sure your desires are expressed; for instance, extraordinary means, would you want to be kept on life support, if god forbid something happened, what kind of service or burial would you want.
And as others have noted, even a small estate can be a pain to handle without a will. Even without a lot of assets, you’d be surprised by how much “stuff” you have; furniture, clothes, electronics, handbags, shoes, car, retirement accounts, collectibles. If you had a necklace you loved and you had a relative you know would want it, make sure you specify all of that, or those little special items can be lumped in with other stuff that’s discarded or donated.
Anon for This
I’m your age but I own property. I still don’t think it’s worth it to get a will just for me when everything would go to my estate and my immediate family would be entitled to it. That said, I don’t have any issues with either of my parents so I would be perfectly content with them inheriting everything equally.
SW
This is my situation – unmarried property owner, no children, biological parents still married, and no issues with either parent. I asked one of my firm’s estate planning attorneys if I needed a will, and she said that I can eliminate the surety requirement by will which would make probate easier. I see her point, but I still haven’t done it.
CountC
I just had one prepared at age 36. I own a home and several animals, and it was important to me to make sure people were on board with taking them if something happened to me and knew about my desires in that regard. I split up the money that would be received from life insurance, retirement accounts, etc., by the animal. For instance, the person who agreed to take my horse gets the biggest percentage as he is the most expensive to take care of. The cats and dog people get a smaller percentage and the rest goes to my sister.
I only have a few nice pieces of jewelry, but I knew my sister couldn’t care less about that, so I left all of those sorts of things to my bff, who also agreed to be my executor. It was important to me to have an executor designated who knew what my desires were re: body disposal (take my organs then either donate me to science or cremate me) and who I knew would be able to handle it (she is a very accomplished paralegal).
Obviously, the people can decide in the end not to take my animals and my bff can decide not to be the executor, but while I am alive it gives me peace of mind. When I am dead, I won’t know the difference!
MNF
Check out the terms of the undergrad loan. It may be worthwhile to have your mother removed as co-signor. It depends on the terms of the loan, private v. publicly-backed, etc., but some loans are called when either co-signor dies (so you can also protect yourself if your mother dies first) and can survive the student’s death. Many lenders have programs to have the co-signor released if the student/borrower has made payments consistently on time for a certain period.
AIMS
Right now your will is the default laws of your state. If you’re okay with that, I’d say you don’t need it but just know that it’s quicker and easier to go through this process if you do have one.
I got a will when I was travelling somewhere with my mom and I realized that if the plane went down with both of us, the person I would want to have everything wouldn’t be able to claim it. I think I was 30 or so.
bridget
At about age 30, no husband, no kids, minimal assets. My biggest motivation was to name an executor; I have a large family and divorced parents, so it could end up being a big disaster at the end. At least this way, the named executor can do what needs to be done without having to get multiple people to sign off on it.
I also believe that people *need* a DPOA and a health care proxy. Again, with a large family with opinionated people, my goal is to just name a person and not add to people’s grief and stress with a big legal mess.
Ultimately, you do this stuff for other people, not for yourself.
Brunette Elle Woods
I’m a bit biased because I focus on estate work. It depends on your state law, but having a will also appoints an executor. Without a will, someone may have to go through additional steps to apply to the court to be appointed. That also increased costs for them and makes things more difficult during an already difficult time. Also, do you have contingent beneficiaries on all accounts? What about minor beneficiaries? I think everyone needs a will, power or attorney and living will. You can always update it later on if you get married or have children.
Advice on avoiding a work trip to Miami - zika issues?
I am almost 13 weeks pregnant and my boss wants me to go to Miami with him in 2 weeks, which I clearly don’t want to do because of Zika. It’s not an important trip, but my schedule is wide open and normally I go on these trips no problem. I was hoping to wait another few weeks to disclose at work, to get genetic testing results back, and also because we haven’t told DH’s parents yet. I am not convinced the news will be well-received; I’m an attorney in a small office, and the only other female attorney (not a partner) is also pregnant.
Do I bite the bullet and disclose now? Any tips for a smooth conversation? If not, what are some good reasons to give not to go??
MDMom
Can you make up another reason you can’t go? Say you have family visiting from out of town that week or an important doctors appointment you can’t reschedule… I wouldn’t over explain, just “I can’t go, I have family in town that week.” Alternatively, just tell everyone now. How much longer before you have test results back?
MDMom
Re tips for the conversation- this has been discussed a lot on the moms site so might be worth a search. I think most common advice is to have a plan for maternity leave in mind so they know to expect and do not apologize for your pregnancy.
Never too many shoes
I don’t mean to be rude, but in what world is “I can’t go as I have family in town” a way to get out of a work trip? If I, as an associate, came out with that to a partner who is my boss, they would laugh and then tell me to go pack. Is it just lawyers or would other people have an issue with this in their workplace?
emeralds
My workplace is a super warm and supportive of families, and that wouldn’t fly with my boss unless there was a compelling reason. Like “My family lives halfway around the world, they already bought tickets, they can’t rebook, and I haven’t seen them in a year.”
Anonymous
Same. Super flexible (non-law) workplace and very supportive of family/work-life balance, but that would not fly. A family wedding or bar mitzvah or something like that would be an acceptable excuse, but not just “my parents are in town.”
Anonymous
Can you just go? I would talk to your OBGYN but I can’t imagine s/he would be too concerned about it unless you plan to be outside a lot. Zika is such a problem for vacationers because they want to go to the pool, the beach, walk around to sightsee, etc. Work trips are very different in terms of your exposure to mosquitos. If you’re going to be spending 12 hours a day in an office and then going directly from an office to an air-conditioned restaurant to an air-conditioned hotel (probably via air-conditioned cabs) and you’re not going to that one neighborhood where there have been several cases, I think it’s really an almost non-existent risk. If I were in your shoes I would clear it with my OBGYN and then go unless she told me not to.
Anonymous
Really surprised to read this. The CDC is like ‘don’t go’ and that’s not enough?
Anonymous
The CDC said don’t go to the part of Miami with active transmission (a neighborhood called Wynwood). She didn’t say her work was in that part of town, so I’m assuming it’s not. If her boss is asking her to go to Wynwood, my advice would be different. You know there are tons of pregnant woman who LIVE in Miami, right? They’re not all moving away tomorrow.
Blonde Lawyer
I agree but I’m sure I’d feel different if I were the one pregnant. I think you can avoid being outdoors and that should really avoid the risk. If you feel strongly that you don’t want to go, I think you need to disclose why.
lawsuited
+1 I travelled to Mexico a few months ago without giving Zika a second thought, but now that I’m pregnant I absolutely would not risk it.
SoCalAtty
No way. I get eaten by mosquitoes inside all the time. Too much of a risk.
Anonymous
Honestly you should just go. The odds are astronomically low you will get Zika. You are more likely to die in a plane crash on the way there.
Spirograph
Honestly, in this case, I would just disclose now. I understand the reasons you don’t want to, but if one of my employees begged off a trip because of some ambiguous personal scheduling thing I’d be annoyed. If she said I don’t want to go to Miami because I’m pregnant and concerned about Zika, I’d drop it immediately.
Diana Barry
+1. Disclose now, don’t go.
Anon
+2
Anonymous
+2
Anon in NYC
Agreed. I can’t imagine telling my boss that I didn’t want to go on a work trip because I had a personal scheduling conflict.
Ai
+2
a
Yep. Maybe your firm ends up being a jerk for an extra 2 weeks, but the hassle/lie/etc. that you have to tell to avoid the trip is not worth the couple of extra non-jerky weeks.
Not a direct analogy, but I went through an early miscarriage that required me to bow out of attending an out-of-town hearing with my boss a few days before it happened. What I said was that I had a personal medical issue that required me to stay close to my doctor, and that I’d do all I could to contribute to the hearing in advance and from afar. I never said “miscarriage” or said explicitly what the medical issue was. He handled it really well and didn’t ask further questions.
I feel like you could do something similar if you’re not quite ready to say “pregnant” (maybe say personal medical issue that would prevent you from traveling to Miami) — but again, that only buys you a couple weeks, and if you are of child-bearing age, they’re going to assume “medical” means pregnancy/etc.
Anonymous
Can you just cite concerns about Zika without disclosing your pregnancy? I thought Zika was a problem for anyone who wanted to TTC within something like the next 2 years. It’s not shocking that a person in their late 20s/early 30s might be thinking about starting a family within the next 2 years.
Anonymous
What? No. Where are you getting your science? The CDC said it can be a risk for six months (not TWO YEARS!) but that’s for guys because it can possibly live in sp*rm for that long. A woman who gets Zika may or may not get sick, but either way, it will be out of her bloodstream within a matter of weeks, a months tops. There’s no suggestion that woman should wait more than a month after returning from a Zika zone to TTC, so long as their partner has not traveled to a place with Zika.
lawsuited
This excuse also runs the risk of looking like an overreaction to the very small outbreak in Florida and the not-scientifically-supported chance that Zika might stay in your system for a long time, which could have your boss questioning your judgement. By contrast, no one would raise an eyebrow at not wanting to take the risk of infecting the baby you are currently pregnant with and risking microcephaly.
Anon
Don’t go. Make up an excuse if you don’t want to disclose, but disease transmission patterns change rapidly, new discoveries about spread are made all the time, and it would be silly to say “oh I can go because it’s not in that exact neighborhood yet.” Unless you think you could be okay with being infected with Zika and either having the baby or an abortion, it seems like a no-brainer to listen to the CDC and skip a non-essential work trip. Even if it were essential, I’d still skip.
s
Can you beg off the trip with another reason other than family in town? Maybe something like “minor surgery scheduled” then or “recently had minor vein surgery and can’t fly” or… something? It doesn’t seem fair to force someone to disclose pregnancy if they don’t want to.
Blonde Lawyer
Medical condition that prevents me from traveling right now?
a
I second this (and wrote a longer response above) — I think “personal medical issue” is sufficient to make all but the nosiest/most inappropriate bosses back off. … and they’ll assume it’s reproductive related (but hey, it is, so whatevs)
Anon for this
My cousin and I were chatting on Skype yesterday and she was excited because she has just bought a house. What made me go wow is that her mortgage ($650 a month all inclusive) for the whole year is the same amount as my rent for one month ($7800) and her house is three times the size of my apartment in terms of square feet. She lives in Texas and I live in New York. My fiancé and I (both from Texas) like New York and have no complaints and no desire to move back there. I know she lives where the cost of living is the lowest and us where the cost of living is the highest buy it was still a wow moment once I realized the difference.
shocking
I cannot even imagine paying $7800 rent.
There’s something just …. wrong….
But that’s capitalism I guess!
Emmer
It was a “wow” moment for me yesterday and right now reading how high NYC rents are! I live in DC and the rents here seem insane to me compared to what they are in the midwest, where I lived previously. But I have literally never heard of anyone here paying upwards of 5k in rent (and certainly not for an apartment!). That amount seems mind-boggling to me!
Amazing!
I have lived in HCOL cities (not NY though) and have paid upwards of $4500 on rent, but $7800?!! How large is your place? This post and the one yesterday about spending $9k a month on rent just boggles my mind.
Anon for this
1000 square feet (2 bedroom, 1.5 bath). My cousin’s house is 2900 square feet. Can’t remember how many bedrooms and bathrooms.
Anonymous
Why is your rent $7,800 a month for 1000 square feet?
AIMS
http://streeteasy.com/for-rent/manhattan/price:7000-8000%7Cbeds:2%7Cbaths%3E=1.5
It’s probably a new luxury building with lots of amenities in a “hot” neighborhood. That said, I’m from NYC, have always lived here, and that is high by my standards. Not saying people don’t pay it or shouldn’t, but you can get a lovely 2 bedroom 2 bathroom for a lot less in plenty of prime areas. But OP, I totally understand your sentiment – I was in Phoenix a few years ago and realized that I could buy a three bedroom house with a pool and lovely backyard for what I paid for my one bedroom in rent.
Anonymous
$7800 is believable to me in rent for NYC. I have family members in NY and they pay $6k for a nice but not super luxury ONE bedroom. I’m sure two bedrooms in their building are $8k+. But for me too, $7800 is almost a year of mortgage payments on my four bedroom, 2500 square foot house in a LCOL. It’s crazy how much where you live affects the cost of living.
Ellen
Yay Kat! I am back from the Hamton’s! Myrna’s car overheated so we had to pull over and some state trooper’s helped us out, but we had to stay an extra nite with the manageing partner and brother! Fooey on the brother b/c he spent all weekend oogeling at us b/c we had our bikini’s on to get sun! No wonder his wife divorced him!
As for the OP, $7800 is a fair amount of money in NYC, but for that kind of money, they should REALY consider buying. Where do they live, Park Avenue? FOOEY on that–I would want to live on the HUDSON for that amount of money with a view of the Statute of Liberty! I hope the HIVE didn’t miss me to much, but I got a great sun tan and hopefully will be able to meet guy’s this week. Myrna is bringing one of here freind’s over to meet me. He is an investement banker who is suposedly lookeing to get MARRIED. YAY!!!
anon anon
You’re welcome to come back to the Lone Star State. We’re still booming.
Anonymous
+1. But keep in mind… I’m not sure where your cousin is, but I’m in a large TX city and that dollar amount seems very, very low to me, unless you are well outside of the city (or on Fixer Upper).
Anon for this
She’s in a more rural area, not far from a mid-sized city. Not completely country but definitely not on a large city. She says it could use a fresh coat of paint and some stain for the wood, but beyond that it’s habitable and doesn’t need any major work.
Htown boogie
I live in Houston (in the city) and pay about what your cousin pays for her house. Mine is smaller– like 1100 sq ft with a nice sized front/back yard. It is amazing when you think of the difference and possibilities. I was able to buy working for a legal aid nonprofit.
Anonymous
When rent is that high, what is the barrier to buying instead of renting? Is it the down payment? Or is the market terrible?
Anonymous
Rents are based on property values for the most part, so when the rent is that high it means the cost to purchase is also ridiculously high.
Anondc
+1 Exactly what I was wondering…at that rate wouldnt it be better to buy?
AIMS
The problem with buying is that the sales market is also ridiculous. First most places require a minimum 20% down payment. NYC is mostly apartments (entire houses are usually prohibitively expensive or not so centrally located). Those apartments are either co-ops or condos. Condos only require a 10% down payment but they tend to be more expensive b/c there are less of them and anyone can buy them, including foreigners and investors, which drives up the price. Co-ops are more reasonably priced but require at least a 20% down payment, sometimes 25% or more, and they also have their own rules. So, for example, depending on the co-op, it’s pretty typical to require that a buyer comes up with the down payment, has at least 2 years of post-closing mortgage and maintenance in reserves, and a debt to income ratio of 25 -30% (and 30% is considered liberal!). Many people here can afford to spend thousands in rent (at least relatively speaking) but cannot meet those requirements. And the prices are insane so all those numbers are even more impossible than they sound.
I used to wonder why anyone would spend so much money on rent, but it makes sense to me now because you’re basically dealing with a situation where someone wants a specific quality of life and can afford to rent that but not buy it and they are making the calculated decision that it’s worth it for them. I’m not sure I agree for myself b/c I’ve been brainwashed by the American dream of ownership too much maybe, but having been in the process of trying to buy a place recently, I definitely get it.
NYNY
Everything that AIMS said, plus this: When one is paying so much rent, it is very hard to save up the down payment and reserve to afford to buy. Even the 2008 crash didn’t bring down prices here (except maybe for the tippy top, and only for a minute). I’m resigned to never buying.
WestCoast Lawyer
I know co-ops are common in NYC, but every time I hear about them I think what a PITA! I would hesitate even buying a condo because I hate the idea that a homeowners assn. can screw with my property values/finances by delaying important building improvements or spending money on things I don’t agree with, and co-ops seem to take this to a whole new level.
AIMS
@WestCoast Lawyer: but if you live in NYC and want to stay centrally located what’s a person to do? A townhouse/brownstone is prohibitively expensive (think $1.5 million for a complete fixer upper in an “up and coming” neighborhood with bad schools), and all the apartment buildings are condos or coops. FWIW, the key is just to find a building that is reasonable in terms of their rules and hope for the best, but yeah – buy into the wrong one and its a giant PITA.
Anon
My husband and I just moved to the Bay Area and are paying $2400 a month for a 560 square foot apartment (not in San Francisco proper). My brother bought a 780 square foot cottage on the coast in the Bay Area for $400,000. NYC and Silicon Valley are absurd and the latter is definitely on its way to a crash.
Anonymous
Your brother’s property actually sounds like a steal to me! Where is it? I can’t imagine $400k for 800 sq feet near the ocean anywhere on the peninsula.
Anon
I don’t want to say the exact location and out myself, but it’s a ways inland from the coast – we’re definitely not talking water views for that price!
WestCoast Lawyer
I think on its way to a crash is a bit of a leap. Even during the last market crash, high demand areas experienced relatively small dips (especially compared to other parts of the country where homes lost half their value). I do think we are seeing the market soften a bit, so not everything is getting multiple offers and going for hundreds of thousands over the asking price, but unless the big one hits and homes are leveled I don’t see a true crash ahead. Now, areas farther out, like Tracy, Brentwood, etc. may be a different story.
Vacation home?
So the thread on mortgages yesterday got me thinking about this…I live in an area where most upper middle class and above people have a vacation home in the region. And I would love to be able to own a place like this myself.
What are people’s thoughts on when it makes sense financially to look into something like this?
We just bought our first home last year, so we’re very far off. But off the top of my head, I was thinking maybe once we have 50%+ equity in our current home. And assuming that the combined mortgage is still the same % of my income. And of course, assuming we have the proper down payment.
Anonymous
No real advice on the financials, but it sounds to me like you’re buying a place just because you think you should and that’s kind of silly. Buy a vacation home in a place because you love that place and you want to go back there year after year or because you want a place for several generations of your family to gather. If you just want to say you own a vacation home and enjoy the profits of renting it out, there are way easier and less time-consuming ways to make as much money.
Vacation home?
Umm…not sure how you got that assumption out of my comment, but no, I would not be buying because “everyone else is doing it.” It would be in a place that I love to go to. I just added that point to say that it is not an out of the ordinary consideration for people in my area / professional group.
Anonymous
You opened your comment by saying “I live in an area where most upper middle class and above people have a vacation home in the region.” That reeks of “keeping up with the Joneses.” Sorry.
Anonymous
Exactly.
anon
FWIW, I didn’t read your comment that way. I live in a similar region and it practically seems like they issue you a lake/mountain house when you make partner. I’ve never been a person who thought I’d go for a vacation home because of either financials or I didn’t see the appeal, but now after seeing it all second hand, it seems much more feasible/desirable than I previously considered. For example, if you’re a partner in a busy law firm, it seems much easier to duck out to your lake house that’s 1-2 hours away for relaxing weekends (even if you have to do a bit of work) than it is to take longer vacations that you risk canceling, etc. So, it could be your best option for regular recharging.
I’m no where near this- I still rent and could buy a small house in Iowa for the amount I still owe the federal government, so this isn’t a realistic idea for me at this point….
Oldster
We considered buying a vacation home, but ultimately decided that when on vacation, we wanted to VACATION, not do maintenance on a second place. Also, we like to vacation in different locales — the beach, the big city, the mountains. Short-term rentals work well for us. As we approach retirement, we plan to do longer-term rentals.
emeralds
I’m soooo far away from this point, but one of my dreams is to have a tiny beach condo. Or even a timeshare of a tiny beach condo. I love the ocean and have always been so incredibly envious of my friends who grew up with the tradition of going to the beach every summer, and so I’d love to grow that tradition with my future family/self.
Cb
Yes, I want a tiny cottage in the woods. We stayed in a place a few summers ago and it was so simple (pre-fab log cabin, tiny but perfectly proportioned) and perfect. Maybe 60-90 minutes away, stocked with old clothes, hiking boots, games and books so we could just hop in the car, stop at a farm stand enroute, and be good to go.
Anonymous
My peers are starting to buy their first vacation home. I hesitate less because of the money and more because of the time commitment. It’s enough of a PITA to maintain the house I live in. I can’t imagine taking on another property, especially when that property would probably be at the beach and thus more prone to storm damage.
Anonymous
I meant to add – my peers who have vacation homes generally have super flexible hours. They can work from their vacation property or at least make a 3-4 day weekend of it all summer. So they get way more enjoyment out of it than I probably would, plus they’re able to physically be there to wait for the insurance adjuster/plumber/roofer/etc. when something goes wrong.
Vacation home?
This is a good point that I totally forget about when I get into these “dream” house scenarios. One of my dreams would actually be having one of these in a foreign country, so even more added maintenance stress!
Anonymous
This is a good point that I totally forget about when I get into these “dream” house scenarios. One of my dreams would actually be having one of these in a foreign country, so even more added maintenance stress!
Sydney Bristow
This works for some people. I have relatives who own a beach house domestically a few hours from their home. They earn a fair amount of rental income from it during the year when they aren’t there.
Likewise, my retired inlaws own a condo in a foreign country. They travel extensively all over the world because that was their goal but they still spend approximately 3 months a year at the condo. They also earn rental income from it that apparently outweighs their costs on it. If you have a place you absolutely love, it can make sense to have a home away from home that can double as income property.
Anonymous
You’d probably need a property management company. It can be tough to find a good one, even if you’re relatively local. Do you know anyone who owns property in that country?
Cat
Sounds like you’re talking about people with shore houses. I’d feel comfortable if we could carry both our primary home and vacation home mortgages on one of our incomes without impacting retirement saving. I doubt that everyone who buys a vacation place is that strict though and many would look to cover the mortgage with rental income (I hate the thought of relying on that though).
Blonde Lawyer
Consider a place with year round appeal. As much as I would love a beach house my future dream vacation home is on a lake right next to a ski resort.
Anonymous
1- do you have consumer debt?
2- do you have student loans?
3- how are your retirement savings?
4- what about your rainy day funds?
5- you planning to pay for college for anyone?
6- you ready to spend 10k a year on maintenance?
Anonymous
We just bought a vacation home in our region. We’re DINKS planning to try for kids in a few years. We made the decision when we realized our accumulated equity on our primary home would cover the 20% down payment on our vacation home. Also, our combined mortgage payment (for both houses) is less than 15% of our take home income. We could easily afford both on my income, but would probably be a little stretched if we were down to only my husband’s income. And ultimately the vacation home we purchased is in a really hot area and we’re confident we could re-sell it if everything falls apart. Also, we just really really love vacationing where we bought and we were spending 1000s every year on lodging. We also place a really high value on our happiness and have a reasonable amount of risk tolerance.
Anonymous
I’ve thought about vacation homes a lot. I absolutely LOVE the idea, but we love traveling to new places and between work, our kids’ activities and travel to new destinations, we wouldn’t realistically get to a lake house – even one close by – for more than about five weekends each summer (this summer we actually only had TWO completely free weekend when we could have gone to a vacation home). For that amount of use, I don’t think the huge efforts involved in owning property (all the maintenance plus renting it out the rest of the time so you don’t lose money) is even close to worth it to us. I’d like to retire early-ish (late 50s or 60) and my husband is a professor, so then we’d have the freedom to buy a place and spend a big chunk of each summer plus his long winter break there. So we like to daydream about where that house will be. The current leading contender is Yountville in Napa Valley.
Camera
I’m looking for a new camera- just for travelling, so I don’t think I want a dslr, just a really good point and shoot- any recommendations?
Gail the Goldfish
I got a Sony alpha a6000 a few months ago that I’m really liking–it’s a compact/mirrorless, so sort of an in-between step between a DSLR and a point and shoot. It’s a little bigger than a point and shoot with the basic lens that comes in the kit, but still not nearly as large as a DSLR–I can fit the camera+basic lens + zoom lens in my purse pretty easily, and it takes way better pictures than my (admittedly old) point and shoot. Still working on learning how to actually use the manual settings, but the automatic settings take great pictures. I think they have a new version out now, so you could probably pick up the a6000 cheaper.
In-House Europe
I’m not a photographer so take this with a grain of salt but…IMHO there is no real difference between a digital camera and a good smart phone camera. If you want good looking pictures, I would go for at least an entry- model DSLR.
Walnut
I take tons of photos of my kid with an iPhone 6 and a Canon point and shoot. The Canon prints a TON better.
For the OP, I use a Canon PowerShot SX610 or whatever the particular model was in that family a year or so ago when it was on sale. I’ve been happy.
Anonymous
Yeah. On the screen they may look similar but there is a huge quality if you want to print and definitely if you want to blow them up for a large print.
hm
We have a sony cybershot and love it. It is a world of a difference between the photos we take on there vs the photos we get on our phones.
DCR
What type of traveling do you do? I got a DSLR because I like nature traveling, and wanted to be able to take good pictures of animals far away. The range of zoom lenses was just too appealing.
However, you do also have to weight the cost. My DSLR was almost double the cost of my Nikon point and shoot underwater camera.
DCR
correction – almost 10 times the cost
Anonymous
An entry level DSLR (with kit lens) can be had for $400 or so, which isn’t much more than double the very cheapest point-and-shoots (and is actually less than plenty of point-and-shoot cameras). You’ll need fancy lenses for things like wildlife photography and that’s where the DSLRs really get your money. But for most travel photography, the kit lens generally works well and it’s pretty light too. I highly recommend it. I saw a huge increase in my picture quality upgrading to a starter DSLR and kit lens, especially for food photos and in low light situations.
DCR
Good point. I think I actually spent more on a long-range lens for my DSLR, than I did on the camera. I’m not sure, since I bought them at the same time.
SoCalAtty
Sony RX-100. I carry both that and a Nikon DLSR, and the Sony is really really great. It has a fantastic lens for low light.
LilyB
I’ve been a vegetarian for most of my life, and have decided to become vegan. For now, I’ve decided to be a weekday vegan and a weekend vegetarian so that I can ease into it (or potentially remain that way permanently if a total shift isn’t feasible). Any tips from ‘rettes who have gone from vegetarian to vegan? I don’t eat eggs (except insofar as they are in other things) but dairy will be tough, since I estimate that I get a lot of my protein from greek yogurt and cheese.
TIA!
Senior Attorney
Check out https://www.drmcdougall.com/health/education/free-mcdougall-program/. The site is pretty vegan-evangelical, but the diet program is good.
Anon
Dr. Neal Barnard has a web page (can’t remember what it is) and a facebook that has some good vegan recipes. His group also puts on a 21-day vegan kickstart, where they send support & recipes. I’m not vegan but I don’t eat eggs or dairy that are obvious — I just don’t stress too much about what might be in baked goods, and will use cream in my coffee if I’m at a place with no non-dairy creamer, etc. So that might be a way to work up to it.
Keds
I recommend checking out Oh She Glows for recipes that I have LOVED and that my family/friends (all non-vegans) also like – vegan lasagna, desserts, taco substitute, you name it. Her cookbook is good, but most of what you need is on the internet. I like soy yogurt (though I’m not sure how many low-sugar brands you can get away from the West coast) and bean snacks for protein. I also often mix in hemp/pea protein into smoothies or baked goods.
LilyB
I’ve been a vegetarian for most of my life, and have decided to become vegan. For now, I’ve decided to be a weekday vegan and a weekend vegetarian so that I can ease into it (or potentially remain that way permanently if a total shift isn’t feasible). Any tips from ladies who have gone from vegetarian to vegan? I don’t eat eggs (except insofar as they are in other things) but dairy will be tough, since I estimate that I get a lot of my protein from greek yogurt and cheese.
TIA!
MD
MD here
Be sure to take a B12 supplement, and I actually recommend doing a lot of research and possibly seeing a Nutritionist for some pointers.
Several of my close friends are vegan, and they became severely vitamin deficient, and one was left with what appears to be permanent deficits. One also gained a lot of weight, because of the shift in her eating habits from their usual proteins/fats.
These are friends that have been vegetarian their entire lives (one is Indian), and one was even a doctor (!) and despite a lot of familiarity with diets and being very educated, they became very malnourished.
It just requires a bit of attention.
LilyB
Thanks very much! I will definitely get a B12 supplement and start taking it right away. I have also read that iron can be an issue so I will make sure I’m getting enough of that in my diet. are Omega-3s also something I need to supplement with?
As far as weight gain, that is something I most definitely want to avoid. I’m trying to eat a ton of legumes to fill me up and not rely too heavily on grains. Any other tips? I’ll look into seeing a nutritionist.
emeralds
Driveby plug for my Registered Dietician friend’s business! www dot nutshellnutrition dot com (blog at www dot thereallife-rd dot com if you want to get more a sense of her as a human; spoiler alert, she is one of the best humans.) She advocates for plant-based nutrition and does a lot with vegan/vegetarian diets.
CountC
I will be following this and thank you for weighing in MD :)
Interestingly, I am a vegetarian who takes a B12 supplement (a B complex vitamin) and at my physical two weeks ago, my B12 levels were so low I had to start injections immediately. Obviously, I will work with my doctor to find the right supplement once I start back on oral supplements, but I didn’t think my levels would be so low while both taking a supplement AND eating eggs! My iron levels, however, are great.
I have been considering going vegan, but the B12 issue has spooked me a little. I really like my doctor and we are going to figure it out re: supplements because I want and need to stay healthy!
Legally Brunette
Hmmm, fellow vegetarian here. Was this during your annual PCP appointment? I’m not even sure I’ve ever gotten my B12 checked. Did you have any symptoms that indicated an issue? I eat eggs as well, and lots of yoghurt/other dairy.
CountC
Yes. I was seeing a new doc at the practice I use and she wanted to check it all because of my diet. She specifically asked how much eggs and dairy I eat. I also eat yogurt (greek) and a little bit of cheese. I felt fine – not lethargic or anything, so I’m glad she requested the bloodwork!
Blonde Lawyer
You may have absorption issues and would fare better with a sublingual supplement. Are you on PPI’s (acid blockers)? They can cause b12 deficiencies.
CountC
I have a feeling this is indeed the case. I am not on a PPI though.
Tetra
There are a lot higher quality vegan products out there than there used to be, including several different kinds of milk, ice cream, and yogurt. Try a bunch of different kinds, and see what you like. I have some vegan friends who worry about consuming too many soy products, but I think they science may be out on how much is OK, so do your own research.
MD
Good point….
This brings up another issue. Another friend is vegan…..ish, and eats pretty much only soy as her protein. Like…. a ton of soy, which has an impact on estrogens. This is something that you need to be careful of and I might check with your OB/GYN for the latest about this. Depending on your family history/risks/age, this may not be a good idea.
Anonymous
Go slower. Add in one vegan day. Then two. Then figure out vegan breakfasts. Etc.
October
Legitimately curious (not to start a debate) – what is attracting you to veganism? When I belonged to a well-known coop in Brooklyn, the shelves were full of what I would consider “processed” vegan food; it’s always seemed to me that eating all sorts of manufactured dairy and meat substitutes can’t possibly be healthier (plus the soy and vitamin issues that MD mentions). I am hugely interested in food sustainability, ethics, etc.; for myself, I’ve landed on the side of choosing local, small farm meat/dairy as much as possible.
Anonny
You can easily be vegan without eating any processed foods. You’re referring to what is known as a junk food vegan. They tend to give vegans a bad name because they eat french fries and veggie dogs and all the sorts of stuff that can still give you a heart attack. Mist vegans just eat lots of fruits, veggies, beans, legumes, nuts, and whole grains.
CountC
What attracts me to veganism is trying to cut out animal products all together. Factory and commercial beef/poultry/port farming is disgusting and awful. Yes, I realize that I could find a local farm from which to source my dairy (cheese and yogurt). I just haven’t done the work and, assuming I can do it in a healthy way, it’s easier to cut it out completely. I currently get eggs from a coworker of mine who has ducks and chickens on his farmette, which I feel okay about because he doesn’t mess with them and they get to bop about in nature. I really should find a local farm because I need to get meat for the cats and dog. I plan to buy some venison off my (responsible) hunter friends this fall to use.
I don’t eat the meat-substitute products at all. I think they are disgusting. I use cashew milk (I have almond guilt) and soy milk for my oatmeal and coffee.
I have also switched over to as much cruelty-free stuff as I can afford (which is quite a lot). I don’t buy new leather. I have leather products for my horse and have committed to only buying used leather when things need replaced.
I’m certainly not perfect at it all, but I’m trying my best.
CountC
I should say, trying to cut out all animal products that go into my body. I cannot do that to the cats and dog – it’s really bad for them.
Baconpancakes
CountC, depending on where on the world you are, there are a ton of great farms that will actually deliver glass bottle milk to your door! It’s super delicious, usually run by Mennonites, and free range, extremely humane. It takes a lot of the guesswork out of finding stuff in the grocery store. (If you’re not interested, that’s totally cool, just a thought.)
But regarding meats, be careful not to ask to “buy” wild game -that’s actually illegal in the US. You can be gifted meat and show your appreciation by giving the hunter something in return, or you can pay them to butcher and dress the meat, but hunters get into big trouble if they sell meat.
CountC
Ahhh, thank you for the tips re: wild game! Very helpful.
In re: milk, I don’t like actual milk to drink, but that may be a good way for me to make my own yogurt! I am near Mennonite communities, so it shouldn’t be too hard for me to track these things down, I just haven’t because, well, laziness.
Legally Brunette
DC ladies, any recommendations on a food delivery service that has good vegetarian options? Not Blue Apron, the kind where the food is already made. I know of Galley and Munchery, but neither seem to have great veggie options. Thank you!
Label Maker?
Fellow type-A hive: Anyone have a label maker that they love and won’t die from a great deal of use? I need to go to town on my kids’ playroom and other areas in preparation for our au pair’s arrival.
H
My husband just bought me a Dymo label maker. I haven’t had it that long so I can’t speak to longevity, but just used it yesterday in my pantry and love the results!
Elaine Benes
I love the Label Baby, baby!
Roasting vegetables - what kind of dish?
What sort of dish do you use to roast vegetables in the oven? I use a large white corningware dish, and invariably, it gets lots of dark brown marks from where the olive oil has burned slightly. It’s very difficult to clean. What do you recommend?
Cb
I use a Le Creuset bakewear dish – I think the Kitchn did a series on this and said to use metal but I find it too hard to clean.
Baconpancakes
I’ve accepted that metal sheet pans are not an investment item.
BB
Pyrex. Long soaks usually get any brown marks off, and bonus is that it is cheap so replaceable if it gets too gross.
Duchess
I’m with you on Pyrex. I use it for everything because it’s so easy to clean.
H
+1. Pyrex also comes with tops so you can go from oven to table to refrigerator without having to transfer containers.
MD
I use a metal pan, and just accept the patina changes.
Anonymous
I usually just use a cheap cookie sheet covered in foil.
emeralds
This is what I do for most roasted veggie dishes because I like my veggies crispy and without cleanup. If I’m cooking something I need to cover (beets, saucier stuff like roasted ratatouille) I used either Pyrex or a white bakeware dish of no known provenance.
DC Anon
I use an aluminum sheet pan. The veggies roast faster because you can spread them out more. And I cover the sheet pan with aluminum foil for easier clean-up.
Look up “Nordic Ware Natural Aluminum Commercial Baker’s Half Sheet” on Amazon.
Sydney Bristow
I use these pans for baking with a silpat liner. They are excellent.
Anon in NYC
Same.
Aunt Jamesina
These are my absolute favorite baking pans. They’re really sturdy and will last forever. Prior to these, I went through new sheet pans every few years. These are like the ones my grandmother still has from the 60s.
Anonymous
I use a baking sheet covered in foil. No clean-up!
anon a mouse
+1
Scarlett
A cookie sheet. Gets veggies crisp and brown and I don’t mind if they’re a little banged up. Also a lot cheaper to replace over time.
Anon
Baking sheet covered in foil. But fyi, baking soda mixed with a bit of water to make a paste will take those brown spots right off pyrex or any other dish, even in the little nooks and crannies. Just apply with a damp kitchen sponge, work it in and rinse.
Anonymous
I think the brown marks are unfortunately just a part of cooking with oils – I’ve had good luck getting them off with bon ami
ELaw
Try soaking the pan in coke or vinegar. The acid helps get stains off.
I just use an aluminum sheet pan and deal with the stains, but if there’s something really baked on coke usually gets it off for me.
b
What you really want is a jelly roll pan. They are inexpensive but durable. The pans are fairly shallow, but have a healthy lip so you can toss and nothing will slide off going into the oven. 1/4 and 1/2 sheet pans are appropriate for your kitchen – a full sheet (commercial size) will probably be too big for your oven.
I have two of each size, Norpro brand, and roast everything directly on the pan. They wipe clean and nothing sticks. Lynne Rosetto Kasper of the Splendid Table even lists jelly roll pans as one of the top things you should actually register for if getting married :)
Another R
For those who have or have had a household employee (e.g., a nanny), did you get any additional insurance like work comp insurance or employment practices liability? If this employee was going to be purchasing things for your household, did you add him or her to a credit card account?
Blonde Lawyer
I don’t have one but I saw that my homeowner’s policy includes worker’s comp for household employees. I don’t know if that is for occasional people like a once/month petsitter or if it would apply to a full time nanny but it is worth looking into.
Diana Barry
We have one and no, we didn’t get additional insurance (my homeowner’s policy covers). We did add the nanny to our car insurance and also got her a debit card linked to a separate account – I periodically fund that and she pays the kids’ stuff out of it (museums, gas for the kid car, etc.).
Blueberries
Yes–I consulted with our insurance agent about what was needed for our situation, which was workers’ compensation and a non-owned vehicles policy. I didn’t realize you could get EPLI for household employees–if you find out more, would you please share?
Another R
Might be too late for you to see this but our agent just confirmed we can add EPLI to our existing umbrella policy.
Anon
Invisalign/caffeine Q. I just started Invisalign and am supposed to only drink water when the trays are in. I’m used to sipping coffee all morning and am realizing I really can’t function at work without the caffeine! (Lawyer job that apparently is much harder without coffee) Did anyone drink coffee, soda, etc. with their trays in? Generally, to anyone who has given up caffeine, how long did it take to get over the withdrawals? Do you function as well without the caffeine?
Anonymous
Could you do Iced coffee and drink it with a straw?
Simplify
If I needed to do this with trays in I used a straw but generally I avoided it because of stains. I did lose a bit of weight while doing invisalign because I had to think about whether removing the trays to eat & drink anything beyond water was worth it. I need coffee too but generally only had one or two cups in the morning with breakfast.
I used acceleDent to cut my time in half and it was totally worth it.
Simplify
I’ll add that if I did drink anything other than water with my trays in I brushed my teeth and trays immediately after.
Anonymous
What’s acceleDent?
Simplify
Link: http://acceledent.com/how-it-works/
a
I used acceledent and decided that I wouldn’t worry about stains from coffee. since I was usually only wearing the trays for a week, they didn’t get very grody.
To to the other poster — AcceleDent is basically a v!bra ting device that goes in your mouth to help to loosen the tendons so your teeth move faster. It supposedly cuts your invisalign treatment time in half.
Anon
Yes through a straw.
meow
Caffeine pills? It’s the same stuff, just without all the staining and tummy aching.
anon
I have invisalign. I pop them out for anything that is not water otherwise they stain. It was annoying to not be able to nurse a tea all morning, but I just waited until it cooled enough and drink it in 15-20 minutes and pop them back in after rinsing my mouth with water.
Ru
I suffer from a lot of different headache conditions and I have to make myself wean off of caffeine as opposed to stopping cold turkey because hello pain. Depending on how much I’m drinking, it can take more than a few weeks. So instead of 2 cups of coffee, I try the following for one week at a time: one coffee/one tea, one coffee, one tea, nothing. And that’s going fast. You’ll have to see what works for you. Once I’m completely off of the caffeine though, I actually have a lot more energy than I typically do with coffee.
Ru
Also, drinking with invisalign in sounds like a great way for staining teeth and/or cavities.
Midwesterner
You can, but it’s really gross to have liquid stuck in the trays. I had the same problem. It completely sucked to only drink water for over a year unless I wanted to brush even more than I already was, BUT it really helped seriously reduce my caffeine dependence. The nice part is that I now only have one cup of coffee in the morning, even a year after stopping wearing them during the day. I don’t think you’d have to worry much about staining though if you’re brushing as often as you have to with Invisalign. The other benefit for me was that I brushed so many times a day my teeth ended up sparkling white. I used to get comments about that all the time even with the trays in. Other than those two things, Invisalign was a giant waste of money and time and I would never wish it on anyone.
Sydney Bristow
Do you have an overarching passion in life? How did it come about for you?
The Olympics always brings this issue up for me. My absolute passion growing up was gymnastics. I don’t remember a time before it was my passion so I’m not sure how it developed. I quit because I gave into fear and it’s something I regret when I look back on it. I haven’t found a passion to replace it. This also comes up in the Grit book I mentioned yesterday, so it’s especially on my mind.
Anonymous
Yeah. Loving my family and friends as best as I can. That’s my passion. I honestly find it strange that so many adults list a hobby as their passion.
Anonymous
How delightfully sanctimonious
Sydney Bristow
That’s fine. You do you. I personally like having a passion. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a hobby. Some people are passionate about their work. I can’t personally imagine that but I think it would be awesome to develop a passion for your work.
banana
On the other end of it – I find it odd to meet people whose basic interest is… other people. I’m pretty introverted and a very foreign mindset to me.
anon
It must be tough to schedule dinner/drinks when you spend so much time up on that cross.
I separate out my love for friends and family from what I consider my passions. I love them deeply and it’s hugely important to me (so much that I’d give up some of my ‘passions’ in exchange for them), but I just don’t consider those basic human connections a ‘passion.’
Anonymama
I think this can be a lot of pressure on your friends/family, too… I see people like this, and they are wonderful, loving human beings, but often have a difficult time when, for example, children grow up or friends move away or start their own families. And it’s a lot of pressure on kids when they are their parent’s only real “thing”.
That said, I’m not sure I have a passion, exactly, and I often wish I did. I’m more of a jack-of-all-hobbies and I sometimes wish I had one thing I really loved and was committed to excelling at.
KT
Horses. I have no idea how it got in my head–I grew up in an inner city neighborhood dirt poor, my parents had never even seen a horse in person, but I fell in love with them as a child.
Luck and a very generous aunt got me my first 3 lessons…then I worked in the barn just to spend time around them and every now and again, if I was very lucky, I’d get to ride.
Over the years, I got good, and people started hiring me to ride their horses in shows to help sell them. I rode horses I could never afford in a lifetime of saving thanks to that.
Once I started working full-time, horses were on the backburner…I didn;t have the time to ride enough to be good enough to keep getting paid to do it, so riding came out of my own pocket. I leased a few cheap horses a day a week or so–green, off the track Thoroughbreds, but I loved them all the same.
Now I lease an old Percheron who was a rescue. He’s big and gorgeous and feels like riding a sofa. We only do slow trail rides, but I love just spending time grooming him and snuggling him (he gives kisses constantly). I can be so SUPER STRESSED OUT OMG I AM GOING TO HYPERVENTILATE and ten minutes with him, I’m in a trance.
One day I want a horse of my own…leasing I always fall in love, but owners can do what they want and sell them and it always breaks my heart. But before I buy, I want to ensure I have plenty saved to care for him until his last day.
(This is a way longer post that you probably were looking for, but in short…for years, I thought my passion was competition and horses…now I know it’s just horses and their soft muzzles)
emeralds
Aww, this is so sweet :) I want to go get a big sloppy green drool kiss now. I can say definitively that, after spending a lifetime around people like you, KT, that horses are not my passion–I love them, I respect them, making them a meaningful part of my life again is in my 10-year plan…but I just don’t have whatever that extra spark is.
If we’re going to talk about passions that have contributed the most to our life path, mine is travel. I love it and I think it’s so important to get outside of your comfort zone, and go learn about different people, places, and cultures. I love stumbling around in new foreign languages. I love getting lost. I love trying whatever food is the local specialty. I love being spontaneous and ending up in off-the-beaten-track villages in Spain where you tell people you went there, and their response is, “You went WHERE?” I love being a tourist and spending eight hours in an art museum. I love seeing new things and then getting home, and seeing old things with new eyes. I love learning about people and what their values are. I love it all and think it’s such an important experience for people to have–done right, I think it teaches open-mindedness, empathy, and perspective.
I feel lucky every day that my job is literally to help people get out into the world; change their lives and their outlooks; and grow as individuals and global citizens. Cheesy but there it is.
Sydney Bristow
Emeralds, that’s awesome. I love to travel but like you and horses I’d say it doesn’t rise to the level of a passion. And the fact that it ties into your job is really cool.
KT
Luckily, he’s doesn’t drool or slobber.
He has some confirmation defect where his bottom lip protrudes and hangs out, so he just lips you to death. It is utterly adorable.
cbackson
Percherons are awesome. I work with a therapeutic riding program and we had the greatest Percheron who recently retired. He was great for the most difficult kids, because he was just sooooooo inherently calm (also stubborn, and man, when a Percheron doesn’t want to move, HE IS NOT GOING TO MOVE).
KT
Yes he’s a doll baby. When I first met him he was skin and bones and had horrible marks all over him, but he gave kisses and snuggles from his first day. He’s as steady as they come–I went riding Sunday and a surprise thunderstorm came out of nowhere, and he didn’t even flinch.
But people always want to ride him and I have to say no–he’s such a calm, good boy, but HE IS SO STRONG. If he decides he’s going somewhere, he’s going! Definitely not a beginner’s horse :)
I love drafts. They’re such enormous lovebugs.
Sydney Bristow
I love that. Not too long!
SoCalAtty
KT, me too! I’m not really sure how horses got in my head either. I’m taking a horse break for a couple of different reasons right now (baby, saving for a bigger house), but it is killing me. Unfortunately my horse passion is hunter / jumpers, which is also stupidly expensive.
I don’t have the time to do anything right now while my son is so little, but once he is a little bigger, I’m going to start doing some exercise riding for trainer friends. At least then I’m riding and it won’t cost me anything.
CountC
Not really. I have come to accept that I am a person who does not have a broad emotional spectrum (no super highs, no super lows, minus the depression which is a medical issue that has been taken care of). I don’t get excited about things like other people do, but I also don’t get really sad about things like other people do.
I would say the closest thing for me is animals, but I won’t ever be the person with their own rescue, I just foster here and there and do what I can to adopt old and overlooked animals. I volunteer in other areas as well, but I wouldn’t say any of it is a passion for me.
Sydney Bristow
That’s how I feel but I haven’t really come to accept that about myself. I don’t think I feel things to the same intensity as other people. Like you, aside from some super depressed years that were medicated and then passed.
Sometimes I wonder if giving up gymnastics is related to this. Because I think I used to feel things more intensely. At least I did about gymnastics for both the highs and the lows. But I don’t anymore. I wonder if that’s my normal now or if it will change again in the future.
Anonymous
Honestly this just sounds like you grew up! You were a child when you did gymnastics, of course you felt it more.
CountC
I like to think of it as a positive. I don’t have anything that will crush me if I can’t keep it in my life, you know? There are a lot of things I like to do, but those have changed over time and some have moved in and out of my life. It’s nice for me, because I get to learn new things and have a round and full life.
I have always ridden horses. I truly enjoy it and am very happy and fortunate to be able to have my horse, but I’ve also gone through periods where I haven’t ridden and it didn’t crush me like I think it might if it was my passion. Trail running is similar for me. I really enjoy it and I am having a blast, but I lived without it for 36 years, so . . .
It would be really hard for me to not have an animal in my life, but if that were the circumstances, I imagine I would find something else to fulfill me.
Sydney Bristow
CountC I like how you put that. Definitely food for thought.
Anonymous, that’s probably true. Sometimes I want to feel intense excitement again though.
Sarabeth
I was a gymnast for a long time, too, but it’s just not a sustainable passion for an adult. I quit in my teens, and in college I took up modern dance. It scratches the same itch for me, but it’s infinitely more adaptable to my aging body. Plus, it’s much easier to find dance classes for 35 year-olds than gymnastics classes. There’s also a parcours place in my city that I’ve been thinking about trying – again, seems like lots of the fun of gymnastics without the constant depressing realization that I will never be a quarter as good as I was when I was 13.
Anonymous
No, and honestly I feel kind of guilty about it. I enjoy lots of things… baking, reading, traveling, eating, writing, spending time with friends and family, hiking and being outdoors to name a few…but I don’t LOVE anything with a burning passion and I kind of feel like there’s something wrong with me because I don’t have “a passion.”
Anonymous
Girl stop. Never feel guilty for living a life you enjoy.
Sydney Bristow
I don’t think it’s something to feel guilty about!
KT
Nothing to be guilty about!
It sounds like you have a great life.
I feel like people use “passion” as a word to describe something that makes other, less pleasant things seem worth it. Like my passion for horses is what makes working 10 hours a day worth it. But I don’t think having the one-to-end-all-passions is necessary for a happy life!
January
Ha, yeah, me too. I had a first date recently where the guy, in the middle of it, was like, “So, what’s your passion? I feel like I don’t know that about you.” I was kind of unsure how to answer that, since I wouldn’t say I have one. But I’m not sure it’s necessary to have a “passion,” either.
Anonymous
I think this is why people have kids.
KT
And dogs. And ponies. And burros (OMG I WANT A BURRO).
Now I’m googling tiny donkeys. Darnit.
Anonymous
I read this as burritos, ha. To be fair, I’m sure there are people who do consider burritos their passion.
emeralds
Tacos might be my secondary passion.
banana
Wierdos! Doughnuts on the other hand…
Mrs. Jones
I want a tiny goat and a burrito right now.
CorporateInCarhartt
I want a mini-donk so bad.
Senior Attorney
+1 to “kids.” And for a while in my 30s I was SUPER into martial arts in a passionate way.
At this point, I’m kind of Team Anonymous At 10:57: I enjoy a lot of things (travel, house stuff, cycling, community involvement) but generally I’m happy enjoying Lovely Fiance and being a Professional Fun-Haver.
salary screw up
A recruiter for company X called about a job I applied for and asked about my target salary range. I tried to talk my way around it but eventually said, well it would need to be six figures….She then immediately latched on to that and said ok, we are thinking of a 10k range in the low six figures (gave exact numbers). Is that ok? I said, yeah that’s a place to start. I felt unprepared for the conversation (stupid!) and now realize that I probably should have said mid-six figures, based on market research I’ve done since. Have I screwed this up permanently? Thoughts or suggestions about how to revise if it gets to that point?
Anonymous
Mid-six figures is $500K. Surely you were thinking about $145-155K?
Is the range named by the recruiter acceptable to you and commensurate with the market?
Faye
It’s not stupid to be unprepared for a cold call. You have not screwed it up permanently. Go through the interview, ask questions about specific job responsibilities, and when salary comes up again, you say “after learning more about the role and doing some additional market research, I think something in the line of Y range seems appropriate.” Then they either counter or don’t, and you either accept or don’t.
Diana Barry
Does anyone have hard water at the house? If so, does it impact how your shampoos work and how your hair looks? Our house has hard water and I feel like my hair is limper and gets dirty-feeling faster.
If you put a filter on, was it a whole house filter or just for the shower?
Anonymous
We have very hard water in our area and everyone has a water softener. We have a whole-house one in the basement and we have to add salt to it every month. When it gets low on salt, our dishes have mineral deposits all over them when they come out of the dishwasher and it is hard to get a good lather with soap or shampoo.
Anonymous
+1 to whole house softener. This is what I had growing up on well water. Though, it may have been part of the hot water heater, so hot water was soft, but the cold water was still hard. I feel like that was how it was explained to me. But that took care of showers and clothes and dishes.
Anon
We just got an Aquasana sysyem for the whole house and love it.
Bonnie
We need this too. With the whole house softener, is your dishwasher working better? How much did the system cost?
Anonymous BigLaw Associate
We have extremely hard water where I live. I don’t have a water softener. I don’t have trouble with my hair (I have very short hair), but do notice I need to use more shampoo to get my hair clear and more soap to get my body clean. The dishwasher and washing machine had issues. For those, the Lemishine products are great. I use the Lemishine detergent booster and rinse aid in my dishwasher, and run a machine cleaner packet through my dishwasher and my washing machine about once per month.
All-wood furniture
Reposting from late last night. Does anyone have recommendations for where to buy a simple all-wood five or six drawer dresser for under $300? There are a few options online, but they’re sold out or have terrible reviews. IKEA’s offerings aren’t great right now and I’m just not sure where I can find something that isn’t a piece of particleboard crap. I’m in the Bay Area. TIA!
Anon
Craigslist
All-wood furniture
Should’ve added that I haven’t had any luck with Craigslist yet either – everything that’s available is either more expensive than my price range or really dated-looking styles.
Anonymous
Resale shop?
Anon
Coming to the east coast at any point? Farmville Va. — 60 miles from Richmond Va. Hard to get to but it is one of the few places in the U.S. still manufacturing furniture — so it’s all solid, real wood; 7 football fields worth of furniture so you will find EXACTLY what you have in mind; and prices are good bc there is no middleman/distributor. They ship everywhere including to the West Coast. Just throwing it out there as it is the BEST place to find exactly what you are envisioning — in case you’ll ever be on the other coast.
anon a mouse
Under $300? The times I’ve been there the prices were about twice that…. it is definitely worth the trip though!
Anon
Missed the under $300 part. I haven’t spent enough time there to know all the price points. I bought a dresser there that was more like $500-700. And yet somehow I don’t mind spending money there –the furniture is SO solid and classic that it’ll last forever. And much (all?) of it is American made which I feel good about.
emeralds
OMG thank you. Greenfront is amaaaaazing and I have no idea why it hadn’t occurred to me. I haven’t been in years but as noted below, I’m looking for a new bed. Time for a Farmville road trip.
KT
Do you have a ReStore near you? I find the most incredible things there.
Anonattorney
Unfinished wood furniture stores. That’s what we had to do to get the lowest price. It wasn’t that hard at all to finish them – just go buy some sandpaper, stain, and varnish. You can also get really cheap drawer pulls online.
emeralds
I don’t think you’re going to anything new in your price point that doesn’t suck if you’re set on solid wood, just to be realistic. Secondhand is going to be your friend; try looking on Yelp for consignment or secondhand furniture near you. Unfortunately it takes pounding the pavement. I’ve been looking at a lot of furniture recently so I’m more up on the market than I would usually be.
Semi-related…does anyone love your bed? Looking for solid wood, queen, under $1,100, high enough for storage underneath, nothing finicky at the foot because my SO is 6′ and likes his feet to hang off the end. (Not taking my own advice and going secondhand on the bed because my last apartment had to be treated for bedbugs and I just…can’t with used bedroom furniture now.)
All-wood furniture
Yeah, I agree – new in my price point is looking tough. As for a bed, check out Bedworks of Maine. I have my eye on a queen there in the $700 range.
Bonnie
This is not a wooden bed but consider this bed frame: https://www.amazon.com/Zinus-SmartBase-Foundation-Replacement-Noise-Free/dp/B006MISZOC/ref=sr_1_4?rps=1&ie=UTF8&qid=1470764064&sr=8-4&keywords=storage+bed+frame&refinements=p_85%3A2470955011
Tons of storage room. Becuase I like to hang my feet off the end, we decided to just go with a nice headboard.
Aunt Jamesina
We have the Room and Board Architect bed and I love it. It’s my favorite piece of furniture in the house.
http://www.roomandboard.com/catalog/bedroom/beds/architecture-bed
Aunt Jamesina
Ah, I missed the solid wood part. Mine is metal.
JTX
It sounds like you already looked at Ikea, but the Ikea Hemnes 6-drawer dresser is $199 and is made of solid wood. We have the Hemnes 8-drawer in our son’s nursery for three years and still love it.
All-wood furniture
The six-drawer is actually made out of particleboard, but thank you anyway!
Anonymama
IKEA actually does have some solid wood dressers for as close as you’re going to get to that price point new. Otherwise, Craigslist and estate sales are probably your best bet.
lucy stone
The house I grew up in had this and my parents got a water softener for the whole house.
Work Vent
Yesterday something happened that is still making me so cross. I know I just need to take some deep breaths and let it go. My number one pet peeve is when someone tells me I’m wrong when I’m actually right.
So I started a new job in January. It’s been going fine. Yesterday my boss asked me to look something up for a partner. The info was buried in this enormous digital file. These people have been clients for over 15 years, and I had to spend a couple hours digging through years worth of files to find the information he needed. I found it, sent it, and then several hours later the secretary came into my office to tell me that the information I found was wrong, she had spent hours redoing my work, and calming down the angry partner, who for some reason called her rather than me. She was explaining to me what was wrong about the information I found, but our two sets of information were THE SAME. It’s just that the partner had misread the spreadsheet. But instead of asking me about it, he called the secretary, told her I was dumb, had her spend hours re-doing my work, and then had her come into my office to tell me I was wrong. I explained to her that our information was the same, but there is really not much that can be done at this point right? And now he’s going to write off the time I spent on the project too and probably thinks I’m an idiot. So yay. Great.
hm
This is infuriating. I think I would probably write back in this instance, but I also have been at my job a while – can’t tell how junior you are. I would resend the spreadsheet, highlighting relevant info, and say something like I’m sorry if this was confusing, but my info was right here, and was the same as the info secretary found. Please let me know if you have any follow-up, or if you would like to provide feedback on my work going forward.
I’m not really into apologizing, but sometimes use it as a disarming tactic. Worst case he ignores the email. Well, I guess really worst case he has another blow-up about you, but in that case he’s clearly someone you want to avoid in the future and now you know.
Samantha
+1 I would stick up for myself and try to clear the air. It cant get worse than the way he sees you now, and it may get better.
Anon
How do you stop yourself for worrying (and Googling about) medical things? Not feeling great. Symptoms I haven’t had before. It’s nearly impossible to get a doctors appt in this city– finally got one for Thursday late afternoon. In the meantime, my mind is wandering. I SO want this to be one of those things where someone says — oh, no big deal, take this for a week and you’ll be fine. And yet I’m scared and Thursday afternoon is pretty far away.
Anonymous
If it’s something you are genuinely concerned is serious, you go to urgent care.
If it isnt, you just have to tell yourself no. “No, stop, close the window, wait for the doctor.” “No, stop, the Internet doesn’t have an MD.” “No, stop. You’re not dying. Go make tea.”
KT
Do you have an urgent care facility? Or a CentraCare or CVS Minute Clinic?
And, just putting this out there…
But I went through a phase where I googled every symptom and potential medical issue. As soon as I get an appointment, I would think of something else. It turned out I wasn’t the least bit sick, but I had extreme anxiety and was making myself sick with worry.
Anon
OP here — this is the type of thing that could (though I REALLY hope not) require some follow up. So I wanted to go to an internal med person who could talk about a treatment plan, who I could ask questions to later etc. Symptoms have been going on on and off for months so I don’t see it as “urgent” in that sense — rather something that we need to figure out a long term solution for.
I need to just stop thinking about this for 2.5 more days and then talk to the dr. Bad stuff keeps popping in my mind — even if I’m not goggling and it isn’t always rational bad stuff — it’ll be — there was that aunt who had symptoms and boom something bad (except that aunt is 65 and I’m 30 yrs younger etc.). I like “the internet doesn’t have an MD.” I need distraction — at night it’s been the Olympics. At work — just don’t feel like working . . . .
CountC
I’m sorry you are stressed about this! I’ll probably sound like a broken record here, but meditation and yoga has really helped me with this. So has accepting that many of the things that pop up in my life I have no control over, so worrying about them is a waste of time and energy (energy that would be better spent in positive thinking). In the short term – can you do some of the activities that you enjoy when you are not at work to keep you busy? While at work, I think you just have to force yourself not to go to any of the med websites and to no t Google it. Easier said than done, I know, but you have to force yourself to abstain.
Wendy
+1 I also have been helped so much by meditation. It’s enabled me to stay focused on the present and not worry on what might happen in the future or be angry about things in the past.
Anon
I had a TIA/mini stroke a while back – only in my early thirties and otherwise healthy. And now I have a higher risk of stroke (like 2-5 percent chance in any given year)
You just have to ignore it. It’s out of your control (in my case at least) and worrying is no way to live. Every month I think about it less. But I hear your concern. Also googling my prticular issue is super frightening soooo yeah, just don’t! I think accepting the lack of control (or lack of control until your appointment) is key.
Anon
I have my SO look up medical symptoms for me. It gets me the info I need without sending me into a spiral of anxiety.
Idea
Note a few symptoms that are worse than your current symptoms. If those show up, you’ll ____ (go to UrgentCare, ER, etc.) Ask a friend/partner to tell you if s/he notices these in you.
And with that, you’ve set your worry threshold. Nothing to do but wait for Thursday appointment or for things to get worse.
And I hardly ever say this, but I say this as a mom. I’m used to worrying about my kids (and me), and I’ll worry more or take action when X happens…
Exit plan
I am in BigLaw in an NFL-franchised city. My extended family is from 5 hours away. (I grew up in a suburb of a very HCOL city, so that’s not an exit plan option). I could buy a house where my extended family is from for cash. I could buy a showcase sort of house that would give me a small mortgage.
I knew that the schools there were bad. But I did some online digging when work seemed to be particularly bad for a while and they are 90% free / reduced lunch and just got taken over by the state for having the worst schools in the state. Private school isn’t an option (there aren’t any within an hour round trip; our cousins there do that but it ties in with a parent’s commute and one child is old enough to help with driving). There is a charter school, but it only slightly better. Many non-religious non-“unschooling” people home school.
Without kids, I’d probably plan a move. But the school situation is troubling. I’d heard it was bad, but in the way of a person who just assumes that everyone complains about public schools (which I do, but use them anyway b/c they are both good enough and not $20K/year). I know people who use DC and Newark public schools and people who have left both and people who use private schools in both areas.
But I feel like it is keeping me from my exit plan (which does not include homeschooling) and now I really want this situation (generations in the making, I’m sure) to right itself asap. TBH, my parents went to school there, but I’m told that “things were different then.”
Anon
I guess you have to think about how important school really is. Maybe it’s just me, or maybe it’s bc I don’t have kids — but I really don’t see it as THAT important (I am the only Asian in the world that’ll say this). The reason I say that is — as long as they are learning the basics at the right ages (reading; basic math etc.), can’t a biglaw or former biglaw (don’t know if you’d work in that city) parent supplement for enrichment purposes? And even if you don’t supplement, won’t it be super easy to graduate as valedictorian of that type of high school — thus allowing your kid to “easily” go ivy league or top 10 school or whatever (relatively speaking)? Every family I grew up with (including my own) made SUCH a big deal about having a house in the “right” school district. In my view — all you need is straight A’s from any school district to get into whatever college of your choice and then from there you’ll get to your professional life. I have a good friend who is from a rural Pa. district (think 1000 person town, 40 people in her high school class) who had the drive to get out of there — was valedictorian; class president; captain of every sports team — and went onto her flagship state university almost for free followed by law school and biglaw and now biglaw partnership. I think for the right kind of family, school districts don’t matter.
KT
Eghhhh it depends on how “bad” we’re talking. Just low test scores, or genuinely a bad learning environment?
Where I grew up, schools were bad in that there were maybe 10 textbooks for classes of 40-50 kids. 9 year-olds brought knives to school. Teachers were assaulted. If you went there, it was assumed you would be beaten up fairly regularly. It’s not a place where you could learn–it was a place you survived. Only about 50% even graduated, let alone graduated on time. I believe less than 10% went on to college–and how that 10 percent did it I’ll never know.
So yes, I’d say school districts can REALLY matter.
KT
(and before I get the privilege comments; yes, I was extraordinarily privileged and lucky. My parents pushed me hard and I killed myself in elementary school and middle school and got a full scholarship to a private religious school an hour away–otherwise I truly would have had a very different life path)
Anon
I’m the poster you’re responding to — I mean of course the kid has to be safe at school. But beyond that — if it’s just low testing scores, parents/kids who don’t care bc no one wants to go to college, eh — I don’t see it as that big of a deal.
Exit plan
My parents report this: they were very accomplished for their town. But they felt that they struggled when outside of their town and at work (e.g., a shrimp cocktail isn’t a drink and isn’t alcoholic).
Emmer
I am someone who also thinks that a lot of people place way too much emphasis on being in the “right” school district, but even I think you are way off base. There is a BIG in-between of insisting that your child go to a school where almost everyone gets into an Ivy and not caring at all about the quality of your school. I’m guessing you haven’t spent a lot of time in classrooms in truly troubled schools. You simply can’t be prepared for college if you are in a class where 95+% of other students are learning at far below grade level. Graduating valedictorian in such a school doesn’t mean you’d be prepared. And in the early years, constant discipline problems in the classroom also can detract from learning and make your child fall far behind. There aren’t enough hours in the day for the parent or child to supplement that if you are college-bound.
In OP’s case, if the schools are being taken over by the state, then yes the schools are truly bad, not just “oh my child might not get into Harvard” bad. But I’m scratching my head as to why you can’t move the hour away or whatnot so that you’d still be close to family but have better options? Frankly if you want kids and there really aren’t any usable (let’s dispose of the word “good” because it means so many different things to different people) schools nearby, buying a house there now just means kicking the can down the road for the school issue.
KT
Yeah, I’ve been in too many schools where high school students struggled with basic literacy skills.
Exit plan
I think that this is true in high school. For middle school and elementary school, probably also true. Due to declining enrollment, two middle schools got combined. They parents were very concerned that the kids would just fight each other (both had similar demographics, just from different parts of the county). It all seems kind of nuts, but it’s where my parents are from (and where I was sent for summers most of my childhood).
nutella
Agreed. There’s a big difference between not having varsity badminton and kids graduating 8th grade unable to read. Are there enough books for the students? Are the books somewhat current? Can the children read? What is the graduation rate? Is it actually safe for the child? These are things to look for and I’m guessing if they were taken over by the state, that’s the case. I would move somewhere in between where the schools are better. Even if you don’t plan to have kids, consider the resale value of your home.
Anonymous
There’s a huge difference between not the best district in the state and so bad the local school are being taken over by the state. Idk I’m kinda hoping school teaches my kids reading, writing, arithmetic, and AP French.
Anon
Are you dead-set on moving to be closer to family? Why not move like, anywhere with good schools?
Anon
THIS. OP I’m not getting from your post — you don’t want to stay in your NFL city and want to move 5 hrs away. Is there some reason you MUST be in the same town as your cousins? Is there a town that’s 1-2 towns over or maybe even 20-30 min away that has better schools? Or is there a state/region wide problem with schools? Or are you envisioning a type of life where you buy a house on the same street as your family and your kids end up growing up around them 24-7? Bc for most people I know moving to be near family requires being in the same region (sometimes 20 min away, sometimes 1 hr away depending on jobs and schools) but doesn’t necessitate the exact same town.
Anonymous
Yeah. Where is this place with the terrible schools? Maybe we can brainstorm reasonable alternates.
Two Cents
Can your extended family connect you with parents who send their kids to these schools and ask them candidly about their experience? I went to a very mediocre public high school which had horrible test scores, but I was placed in the honors track, and as a result, I actually had very good/excellent teachers mostly and thought that I received a good education.
On the other hand, if I’m being honest with myself I would not want my kids going to the kind of schools that I went to as a kid. While I did definitely learn, I also dealt with teachers that were absent, lazy, or who couldn’t teach because they were focused on disciplining unruly students.
Bottom line, schools are very important and you’re right to be concerned. Talking to some parents may give you comfort (or affirmation that this isn’t the right move right now).
Anonymous
I personally would not move to an area with terrible schools and no option for non-religious private school. I’ve come to realize how important high school education is in teaching you how to study and be successful in college. My DH and I both came from very educated, tiger parent-type families and had a lot of support at home, and we both got straight As in our public high schools and excellent test scores. But his district was a really top, super competitive one, whereas mine was a good but not great school district in a more rural area (by no means as bad as the one you’re describing though). We both got into and went to top colleges, but he was way more prepared for college than I was and did much better, and had many more options open to him afterwards as a result. We are both smart and had support from smart parents who prioritized education but I was used to shooting fish in a barrel and getting straight As with no effort and he was used to actually competing with lots of other good students and working hard for good grades, and that had a big impact on how our lives turned out. It’s not enough – especially in this day and age where a college degree is the new high school degree – to go to a good college. You need to do very well in college and high school is important to positioning you well for that. I also disagree with Anon that you’re not hurting your chances of getting into Harvard by going to a terrible high school. It is possible to go from a bad public school to Harvard, but that doesn’t mean it is as easy as getting in from a good public school.
Completely unrelated to the quality of the education, if you prioritize education at home and a raise a kind of “nerdy” kid, your kid is likely to fit in socially way better at a good school. My husband had way more friends in HS than I did, because kids at my school were more focused on sports and parties and other stuff I wasn’t into, whereas there was a huge segment of his high school class that was very focused on academics. It’s also less likely your kids will fall in with a bad crowd. So I think sending your kids to good school districts is good for lots of non-academic reasons too.
Jen
Do you have kids now? How old are they? Would you consider boarding school (assuming they are old enough or close to old enough)?
Is there a middle ground of moving ~2 hours from your extended family to somewhere that’s got decent schools or at least a private school option? If you moved to where your cousin’s kids gonto school, you’d only be an hour away from extended fam, which seems very doable.
Exit plan
I so could not afford boarding school. Boarding school tuition seems to average private college tuition, room & board. Two years of that would buy a house.
I don’t think a person who voluntarily leaves BigLaw to hang out a shingle in a small town would likely get a lot of scholarship aid. I’m generally OK with public schools / State U for college. But maybe there are some with-in people homeschooling (OTOH, this seems to be hard path to get off of once you’re on it in this part of the world).
Idea
I had a friend in college who got so many scholarships (financial assistance, etc.) to a Known Boarding School in Massachusetts that her parents saved money by sending her to boarding school. I don’t know how that works at all, but it does happen. I guess you’e saying it is unlikely to happen in your situation.
Anonymous
Well, either your solo practice won’t be successful and you’ll be eligible for financial aid or it will take off and you’ll be able to pay for it yourself. If you’re saying that you can buy a house in cash (even in a cheap area) and afford private school tuition, you must be fairly well off and I’m not sure why paying for room and board at boarding school (which would only be 10k a year or so, right?) would be insurmountable.
Anonymous
Could you move close to your extended family but not to their exact zip code? Hard to imagine any part of the US that doesn’t have decent public or secular private schools within 50 miles.
Exit plan
I think that the exit plan was my parents moving from HCOL suburb to their LCOL hometown (to help with their very old parents). But my parents are not in the best shape (one parent had cancer and the other parent was basically a FT caregiver during chemo), so when there is just one of them (esp the one who is deaf), I will need to have them in the same place to help with dr appts, etc.
Locating to me isn’t realistic if there is a grandparent still alive (but for them is not truly moving to LOCL area: think NYC to Atlanta for my parents vs NYC to farm country where you could a buy a house for <100K. Locating to me might also be too expensive (and they wouldn't be content to live in my spare bedroom yet).
So I see a 5-year plan starting to unravel (I thought moving sooner might let my children grow up among "well" family instead of "old and sick" family). My children are in elementary school. The fact that some 40-somethings went to local schools and are OK is probably not now things are now — the schools to be places of chaos, teacher churn, failing test scores, long bus rides (the population is hollowing out, so you get school consolidation and a bus across the country depending on which grade you're in), and embezzlement.
Moving an hour away wouldn't be too helpful (vs working remotely on occasion to help out / visit). My parents also would want to be right with their people and don't know anyone in the next largest big town (so they'd be losing their existing friends and not gaining family).
I am coming around to just staying put. But the school thing is really driving not just me, but a lot of people moving away with the military / nursing jobs / etc. and just never coming back except to visit. It's like a rural Detroit (without the resurgance).
AIMS
I’m sure you’re trying to keep things unspecific to be anonymous but I am a little confused on all the geography. Can parents move to where your extended family is from and you move somewhere closer to them that’s still got reasonable schools? So for example if in this example extended family is town A and you work in B and the two are within commuting distance (i assume since you haven’t said that you would be switching jobs), is there a town C somewhere in between?
Anonforthis
I get why schools matter, and I would not move anywhere that I had to send my kids to a genuinely bad school. HOWEVER, I’ve also lived in two school districts that match your description (80-90% free/reduced lunch, terrible test scores, etc). In both districts, there have been schools that I’ve been not only OK with, but actually excited about sending my kids to. Are you sure that all of the schools are actually that terrible? The upper middle class families in that area who care about education can’t all be homeschooling.
Anon
I bought these shoes during the Nordstrom annual sale on a whim. I am fashion impaired and need your opinion. I’m trying to build more classic, workhorse type pieces into my work wardrobe. Do you think these fit the bill or are they trendy? I wouldn’t normally never wear patent so the fact that they’re patent and tortoise looking is totally out of character for me. If you think these are a good purchase, what should I wear with them? I’m envisioning black slim leg dress pants and a maroon sweater. Yes?
Anon
http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/cole-haan-tali-luxe-wedge-pump-women/4427486?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&fashioncolor=TORTOISE%20PATENT%20LEATHER
Cat
Classic. I prefer wedges with pencil skirt or full length pants rather than ankle pants. I see camel, navy, and gray as playing particularly well with tortoiseshell. Treat it like a preppy neutral.
Anon
I have the following shoes in suede in a wine color and I never wear them. Are they fashionable? Get rid of them? What to wear them with?
Anon
https://www.google.com/search?q=cole+haan+suede+wedge+bow+accent&biw=1680&bih=994&tbm=isch&imgil=tzmBADbpD9UOBM%253A%253BECshIL4tahPkNM%253Bhttps%25253A%25252F%25252Fwww.pinterest.com%25252Fpin%25252F288934132318109234%25252F&source=iu&pf=m&fir=tzmBADbpD9UOBM%253A%252CECshIL4tahPkNM%252C_&usg=__CjbZ0SGe2KZDV38pD2ab3ZI7GDg%3D&ved=0ahUKEwi0_73d7rTOAhWFQCYKHaXSA48QyjcIKw&ei=vROqV_SsA4WBmQGlpY_4CA#imgrc=tzmBADbpD9UOBM%3A
Anon
Those shoes are basically my favorite thing in the entire shoe world. I have been looking and looking for something similar for ages! I used to have a pair and wore them out. I wear them regularly with grey pants/ivory top, black pants/grey top. I also pair them with any other ‘gem’ colors – dark green, royal blue, navy blue, etc. as long as the pants I’m wearing don’t scream “Trendy!”.
Anon
OP here. You’re talking about the tortoise shoes not the wine colored right? Should I wear the wine colored ones?? If so, help!
Anon
Yes, I am talking about the wine colored ones! I think they are a very classy color and add a nice pop of color, but are still professional enough for my business casual office.
I would purchase those you had linked in a heartbeat if they didn’t have the bow detail!
Anon
I didn’t mean ankle pants, but full length more fitted pants…the equivalent of skinny jeans in dress pants? Or do more bootcut like pants work better? So no black pants? Hmm…see maybe this is why I need to return them because I can’t think of a way to pair camel, navy or gray with them. Please give me a whole example outfit!
Cat
I tend to avoid tortoise + black, but can’t put my finger on why. Outfits that I’d easily pair tortoiseshell with:
1. Navy sheath dress with tweedy blazer.
2. Camel pencil skirt with pink button-front blouse and/or navy sweater/cardigan.
3. Gray pencil skirt with lavender or blue button-front blouse and/or navy sweater/cardigan.
4. Tweedy wide-leg pants with any of the above, perhaps a more drapey/silky blouse a la Katharine Hepburn.
Anon
Can I wear them with trouser jeans for casual Friday???
Anon
I need someone I can send outfits to and they can tell yeah or nay. I would pay for the service. Any takers?
Anon4This
If you’re serious, I can send you someone with professional expertise that would be willing to do this.
mascot
I have these shoes sitting at home waiting for an extended try-on to determine if they are indeed too tight.
I had a pair of SW patent tortoise heels and they were my favorite shoes. So versatile. I liked that they added a little pop to an otherwise boring outfit (I wore mine with suits a lot). The wedge will be a bit more casual, but I’m happy to fill this hole my wardrobe.
Legally Brunette
Those are lovely, but I will say, I have one pair of wedges that I pretty much never wear. They don’t look quite right for dresses/skirts and when I wear pants I prefer a higher heel.
RR
Not wedges, but I have a pair of tortoise shell kitten heels I bought 4-5 years ago that I are far and away my most versatile and classic shoes. And I love wedges, so I would have no problem combining the two. Just a vote for tortoise not being “trendy.” I think it’s very classic.