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Updated: Jun 22, 2023 130 Comments · by

Coffee Break: Nora Flat

Coffee Break

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pink flat with knot-like detail on toe area

There are a bunch of colors of this flat right now (nine!) but I do think this “desert rose” color would be a lot of fun for many outfits. Yes, it's feminine, but not as feminine as a hot pink or a pale pink would be. I almost feel like you could wear this more, as you would a caramel/tan shoe, which is as a casual neutral with pretty much any color.

(They do have a tan “cognac,” if you'd prefer that color!)

The shoe is getting a lot of good reviews at Nordstrom, and it's only $129. Nice.

Sales of note for 9.30.24

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Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Anonymous

    Beautiful shoes. Can anyone speak to the quality of La Ligne sweaters? I am eyeing the Mini Marin but it’s pricey. Thanks.

    • NYCer

      I prefer the Marina and the mini Marina, but I find all of their sweaters to be high quality.

  2. Anon

    I have to have surgery next week and I’m trying to plan some fun things to watch and read during my recovery. Any recommendations? So far I have Curtis Sittenfeld’s new novel Romantic Comedy to read, and to watch I’m thinking the new Queer Eye season.

    Also hoping to watch some classic movies I’ve never seen like The Philadelphia Story, It Happened One Night, Vertigo, and Ball of Fire. Any other recommendations? I love Roman Holiday and Casablanca.

    Life is hard sometimes and buying myself little treats or planning for small moments of happiness is the way I cope. I bought myself a new Essie nail polish and some soft pajamas as well. It’s the little things, I guess. What little treats or other moments of happiness would you recommend for recovering from surgery?

    • Horse Crazy

      Depending on what kind of surgery you’re having, don’t skimp on pillows and things that will help keep you physically comfortable. When I had foot surgery, I bought myself one of those wedge pillows to elevate my feet, and it was so much easier and more comfortable than constantly stacking regular pillows. So if there’s an equivalent out there that could help you, go for it.

      For TV- Miracle Workers is a mindless but hilarious show. Ted Lasso if you haven’t seen it. Classic movies – I just watched the Clue movie from the 80s for the first time and loved it.

      Hope your recovery goes smoothly!

      • Anon

        As an older Gen Xer it’s freaking me out that a movie from the 80s is a “classic movie” – haha!

    • anon

      I would have my favorite comfort foods at hand, if those are allowed. I would plan to do some ordering food from home, for ease.

      I would do an old movie festival – like all the Audrey Hepburn movies. I might subscribe to a streaming channel that is new for me, to have more options for good stuff. I prefer subscribing to only 1 or 2 at a time, watch all the good stuff, then cancel them and sign up for a different one for awhile….

      The most entertaining thing I have seen lately was the webseries/HBO series High Maintenance. I found it extremely amusing and interesting. But I can imagine it isn’t for everyone.

      Good luck with the surgery. It will be great to have it behind you soon. You are going to be fine.

    • Bed Exercises

      I’ve done this twice in recent years. The second time, in addition to entertainment (books, series/movies), food (I pre-planned healthy things that I would enjoy and that would help me heal well) and comfort (as Horse Crazy notes), I developed “bed exercises” that I could do in bed during recovery. OK, they’re basically stretches, not exercises. I did them 3-5 times/day, as I could, and I was pleasantly impressed with how much easier my return to exercise was the second time compared to the first time.

      Good luck! I hope it all goes smoothly.

    • Anon

      One tv recommendation is Jury Duty on FreeVee! It’s HILARIOUS and wholesome.

    • Anon

      After you watch The Philadelphia Story, watch High Society with Grace Kelly, Bing Crosby, and Frank Sinatra. It’s the same story but a musical. Both are horribly sexist but what are you gonna do?

      For other older movies, have you seen all of the Hitchcock films? That would make for a fun film festival for one.

      In terms of treats, if you think you’ll have problems getting around, I would seriously consider a mini fridge that you can put near whatever couch or bed you’ll be reclining on. You can always sell it after you use it – college students are always looking for these. I’d stock my mini fridge with La Croix, pre-made milky coffee drinks -I like La Colombe – or iced tea, and Diet Coke, with a few cans of full sugar Coke for aches and pains (I swear it’s a miracle worker for headaches.)

      And some fuzzy socks!

      Good luck with your surgery. Double the estimate of when they say you’ll feel better so you’re not disappointed.

    • An.On.

      Some more old movie recommendations: Bringing Up Baby (screwball comedy), How to Steal a Million and Charade (both heists with Audrey Hepburn) are fun, and Arsenic & Old Lace (black comedy)

      • Anonymous

        How to steal a million is fabulous!

        Also, Gentlemen prefer blondes, How to marry a millionaire and the best one ever – Some Like it Hot.

        Best of wishes and speedy recovery 🤍

    • JTM

      One of my favorite old Hollywood films is the 1939 version of The Women – I love how this movie really focuses on the female characters & you get to see Joan Crawford play the scheming other woman. And then you can watch the musical remake, The Opposite Sex (1956), which stars a young Leslie Nielsen & Joan Collins in the role that Joan Crawford played in the original.

      • Anon

        I was going to recommend The Women too.

        “Just me, and I’ll save you a piece of cake…. with a candle. no, I didn’t want to tell you it’s my birthday” A+

      • Anon

        Just saw a clip on Tiktok with Joan and Norma Shearer and I definitely want to watch this soon!

    • Anan

      I love An Affair to Remember. Breakfast at Tiffany’s and Summertime.
      My favorite little treat is a stack of magazines and bubble tea.

      • Anon

        I loved that book too! I know it’s been criticized for “nothing happened” but I just love a family saga!

    • Anonymous

      You may want to think about podcasts. They’re great when you’re too drugged/too tired to follow a movie or book. I was surprised how much I wanted something where I could just close my eyes and dose off and not worry abot keeping up. Podcast-wise, I like something totally brainless. I like Heather McDonald’s Juicy Scoop, which is usually just entertainment gossip and her interviewing D listers. For PJs, I highly recommend BedHead. They make stretchy knits now that are of a really great quality.

      • Anon

        Oh yeah, those are so good.

        My favorite line – Aren’t you warm in that mink?

        Stifling, but it’s so pretty.

    • Anon

      Another idea. All the Coen brothers movies. Intolerable Cruelty is my favorite, though it’s hard to compete with The Big Lebowski.

    • Anon

      I just had surgery, and in addition to prepping some nice meals I could easily reheat, I got an apple TV subscription to watch Ted Lasso and bought an electric heating pad on the river site. I also bought a small box of very fancy truffles and have been having one a day.

    • Anon

      Charade
      Guess who’s coming to dinner
      To sir, with love
      My fair lady
      The guns of navarone
      The godfather
      Pillow talk
      Roman holiday
      Sabrina
      Come September

    • Anon

      Highly recommend The Bodyguard for anyone who enjoyed Romantic Comedy. They’re similar plots but The Bodyguard is better (and I say that as a huge Sittenfeld fan).
      Hope the surgery goes well!

    • Seventh Sister

      For old movies, Charade, To Catch a Thief, and Bringing Up Baby are winners. The Mandalorian is goofy and sweet for a Star War, probably the fluffiest thing I consistently watch (apart from the endless round of Brooklyn 99 my kids watch at home).

  3. Anon

    Any recommendations for reasonably nice looking joggers for an overnight business class trip? (I’m a bit old school when it comes to dressing for flights, but also want to be comfortable.)

  4. Anonymous

    I’m throwing a birthday party for myself at a nearby state park this summer – looking for outfit help. It will be in the afternoon into the evening, so probably around 85 degrees when it starts. It will be at a picnic area/on dirt, so I’d like to wear closed toe shoes. I’m thinking a dress and sneakers, though I’ve never successfully pulled off that look, so I’d love some specific recommendations/links for both the dress and shoes. I generally prefer solids to prints, and I usually wear cool tones or neutrals (no red/orange/yellow). I’d like something with short sleeves/straps, but not strapless, and I’m ok with throwing on a cardigan if I get too chilly later. Thanks!

    • Anonymous

      Athleta’s Santorini Thera dress is insanely comfortable and comes in a couple of color options each season. It’s sleeveless, but a substantial top such that you can wear a regular bra. I’m 5’6 and buy it in the tall as it’s otherwise a little shorter than I would like. As for sneakers, pick your trendy white sneaker of choice (I have a pair of Veja I like but I feel like any relatively low cut white sneaker would work)

    • Anonymous

      If you don’t love the dress and sneakers look, consider shoes from Tom’s, either the alpargatas or this year there is a closed-toe sandal that I think is cute.

    • Runcible Spoon

      Consider mosquitos and other dusk bugs and bring some bug spray, or wear pants to cover up your ankles.

  5. Anonymous

    Low stakes question: do you use a washcloth, loofah, nothing, or other in the shower? I grew up using washcloths but now use nothing.

    • Anon

      When I used body wash I used a loofah. I switched to bar soap a few years ago to cut down on plastic and now use nothing.

    • Anon

      I use a puff/nylon thing, and I put my body wash on it. But I use regularly ivory soap for my sensitive bits, and I use my hands for that.

      I am a big believer in a washcloth + balm cleanser for evening face washing/makeup/spf removal. It gets everything off and gives a mild exfoliation. It has made a huge difference in my skin.

    • Anonymous

      Salux cloth. It’s like a washcloth made of loofah mesh material, so the best of both worlds!

    • Anonymous

      I grew up using nothing but now like to use a Salux (a long rectangular scrubby cloth) at least a few times a week for the exfoliation especially in the summer.

    • Anon

      I’ve never understood how to use a washcloth, then dry it after, or what? They always feel gross to me as soon as they are wet. I always use a puffy loofah or one of those scrubby towel things common in asia (which rinse out and dry easily)

      • Anon

        I let washcloths dry out a bit on a towel bar, then toss them in the laundry. I don’t reuse them between launderings.

      • Anonymous

        I let mine dry on the towel rack…
        I’ve only ever experienced a gross-when-wet washcloth when I was at a sibling’s house. They use a heavily scented detergent and fabric softener.

    • Celia

      Wash cloth but only for my face and because I usually take a bath and need it to rub off face scrubs / face masks

    • Anon

      Loofah for exfoliating legs and arms once a week.(Biodegradable one, those plastic puffers are terrible for the environment.)

      Washcloth for face and pits. Single use only.

    • anon

      I grew up using washcloths, then switched to nothing in college (where can you leave the washcloths to dry in college!). As I get older and need more exfoliation, I started using a Salux cloth, and then transitioned to a pair of “gloves” made out of a Salux type nylon material. I squirt a dollop of moisturizing body wash on the gloves and clean almost all of my body quickly “with my hands”. I don’t use the gloves for “sensitive” areas… And I end with a 5 second “skin grater” to my heels/feet. My face is only washed with fingertips.

    • Anon

      Washcloth (fresh each time) for face and body. Exfoliating gloves on body 1-2 times per week. My skin requires lots of exfoliating so I would be a crusty mess if I didn’t use anything at all!

    • Gloves

      Exfoliating gloves. Made of nylon or environmental equivalent. Little gentle circles on the face; longer strokes on the body.

      Used to use daily, now weekly.

      Hang them on a hook on a suction cup in the shower, away from the water.

  6. Anon

    Several ads are following me around the internet for stretchy bras that promise to be comfortable but supportive and to eliminate bulges. Have any of my larger-busted sisters tried these? I’m a cusp-sized 38G (UK size) and am skeptical that it seems too good to be true, but it does seem good….

    I wore cosabella bralettes for most of the lockdown period and it was great for basically one step above pajamas, but not so much for wearing out and about. I do like a bit more lift.

    • Anonymous

      I am skeptical. IME, support comes from the structure of the cup (seamed or not too stretchy) and a tight band, which kind of guarantees some bulges on the back if you are at all squishy, as I am. But I find a well-fitting underwire reasonably comfortable.

    • Anon

      I’m the same size and will be tracking this thread with interest. I honestly started wearing sports bras during the pandemic, but that isn’t great for a long-term solution.

      • OP

        My sports bras are not any more comfortable than my regular underwire bras, unfortunately. I prioritized support when buying them and, for a G cup, that means a lot of engineering ala Howard Hughes/Jane Russell.

    • Anonymous

      Which ads? I’m a 38G or so too. For me Evelyn & Bobbie was a YES (bought 3 more pairs), but Harper Wilde and Lively were both nos.

      • Anon

        I think Honeylove or something like that has been the most recent one, but it was something different before that one. I don’t think Evelyn & Bobbie has stalked me yet, but good to have your review. Did you order a 38G or is it a s-m-l-xl kinda thing?

        • Anonymous

          I got XXL in Defy, then XL in Evelyn (their “wire free push-up”). I forget what the other Defy size I have. Very comfortable, decent shape, no jiggle. I’m not as big a fan of the Beyond bra I got.

    • Anon

      Bravissimo has some that I think are pretty good on this score for me at a (very short/petite) 34E.

    • Anon

      Wardrobe Oxygen has a review on bras of this type, and Alison Gary is cusp-sized.

    • Anonymous

      You are quite right, for G+ this is a scam. There is no stretchy and comfy G+ bra that will work for walking around. Sleeping and lounging, sure, walking down stairs with support – nopety-nope-nope.

      Try Bravissimo Millie and Amelia instead.

  7. Asking to be laid off

    I have been at my company almost a decade. My role job become total m i s e r y. I am not able to leave my city. The only jobs in my city for which I mostly qualify would entail pay cuts of at least one third. I am not interested in developing the specific skills (like math and politics) to chase a reach job that I will dislike even more.

    Do I stick it out as long as I can or take the bull by the horns to ask to be laid off? Every single day is so hard. My body is flooded with cortisol by 10am. My leaders do not support me/our org. I just want it to stop. I do have a personal safety net of cash but if I leave this job I might never make more than 50% of my current. My partner makes a lot more than me already and I feel pressure not to willingly make things even more unequal. Help.

    • Anon

      Cam you just lean out at work and start investigating/applying for 100% remote opportunities? Maybe you can find something with good pay and that won’t involve moving. Alternatively, is there a nearby city you could have other opportunities in where you could commute? Start your own business? I’m so sorry, because I’ve been where you are and really felt like I was drowning in despair over it.

    • Anon

      Don’t ask to be laid off directly. They can usually just fire you with no severance in that case. You could try quiet quitting I guess, but I managed to get laid off by telling a confidant at a high level that I was worried about being laid off, but would reluctantly accept it. The key was phrasing it as “worrying” about being laid off, rather than ready to quit, and putting out there that I wouldn’t fight them.

    • Anon

      Before you say or do anything, I think you should schedule time, ideally over the weekend, to talk through what you are experiencing with your partner. Maybe your partner understands and supports you if you take a big pay cut. Maybe your partner thinks it would be a fundamental breach of your deal if you ask to be laid off. I am not saying you don’t get the final say here, but it would be good to have a clear understanding of possible repercussions before irrevocable action.

      • Dee 2

        this is a good idea. your obvious misery affects your partner now. Definitely try a conversation

    • Anon

      Do not ask to be laid off.
      Have you looked for remote roles? I’d start there if you’re certain there’s nothing else in your area (I find that hard to imagine but I live in a major city.)

  8. Cerulean

    What does one wear to a birthday party for a one year old hosted at a fairly upscale tennis club where pickle ball will be played? Asking for a friend.

    • anon

      Things sold at St. Bernard. All kidding aside, depends on how seriously you intend to play pickle ball. Some nicer shorts (e.g., not jeans) or some variation of a skort (LLL has one that is pretty popular) – rash guard like zip up if you will burn. Level of sportiness dependent on your desire to play. Think summer lake house clothes. Not going to play, whatever you want consistent with the clubs dress code.

      • Cerulean

        Not at all seriously! I haven’t played any sort of racquet sport in 20+ years.

    • NYCer

      Any type of nice athleisure would be fine, assuming you’re planning to actually play pickle ball. If you’re not going to play, I would wear a sundress and sandals.

    • Anonymous

      Lululemon has longer length (~5in I think?) tennis skorts that are all the rage in my SEUS city. I am pale so I’d pair it with a long sleeved top with UPF or something wicking along with lots of sunblock. I hate how little shade there is on outdoor courts!

  9. Worth it?

    Anyone order from Shein? I’ve ignored it until now but wanted to know people’s experiences?

    • Anon

      I don’t buy fast fashion for ethical reasons. But from what I’ve heard, it’s disposable fashion. Not well made, falls apart quickly, doesn’t hold up to normal laundering.

    • Anom

      I expect it’s fine if all you want to do is take photos of yourself. Wearing and especially rewearing may be more of a challenge.

    • Anonymous

      Never.
      I mean, if you want disposable clothes, then by all means, go for it. Otherwise, it’s not worth it.

    • Anonymous

      I go to a lot of 80s dance parties these days, and I have purchased a few costume-y things from Shein for that limited purpose. I would not shop there for regular clothes, personally, but I’m also 49 so maybe I would if I were younger and had more interest in disposable clothes (though of course the ethics is a concern).

    • Anon

      I made the mistake of buying a few things. Inconsistent sizing, super stinky even after washing, poor quality fabric and even worse sewing. Waste of money.

    • Sunshine

      My step-daughter and her friends do – I have no control over that scene and try to dissuade her from doing so because the company and its environmental impact are both horrible from what I can see – and the quality has to be the worst I’ve seen. It’s not fast fashion quality. It’s wear and throw away quality. Do not wash. Do not pass go.

    • Anonymous

      The one time I’ve heard people earnestly recommending shein is plus size people who can’t find similar clothes anywhere else. But agree with everyone else, fast fashion, horrible for planet and IP and safe labor practices.

      • Anon

        I was coming here to say this. My plus sized teenage niece loves them, but that is because she is unable to find cute clothes that fit her almost anywhere else.

    • Anonymous

      I mostly buy from the MOTF line and I like the quality (same as Zara). But I only buy from there because there are few good brands in my country, I would never buy anything there having access to the amazing brands you have in the US.

    • Anon

      I buy bras there. Surprisingly good quality.

      I hear all the concerns about fast fashion, but given that they do small lot purchasing and have what seems like a fully digitalize supply chain I think they generate less waste than Zara etc. And with no retail stores probably fewer carbon emissions. Supply chain transparency seems non-existent however.

      • Anonymous

        Not really! I have several silk, wool, viscose, cotton etc. pieces from Shein.

  10. Anon

    I know I shouldn’t do this, but I’m falling into a comparison spiral with a close friend. She has a very high-level, high-stress job that is prestigious and a big part of her identity. The job itself seems fairly dysfunctional, but it’s for an important cause that is meaningful to her. People are always impressed by her title and her field. She regularly travels to glamorous places around the world.

    Meanwhile, I have an individual contributor job at a senior level. I do interesting work, am well paid (actually more than my friend, which is crazy to me, but she is in the non-profit world and I’m in tech) and like my colleagues, but the work is not attached to a major cause and it’s not as prestigious.

    I try to tell myself I don’t care about these things, but I guess I do! I was always an overachiever in school and it feels strange to not want to keep climbing, but I have realized I just don’t operate well in high-stress, high-conflict environments and I would prefer not to manage big teams. Still, without those things I feel like my job is not very impressive. And yes, I know I can define my life and worth by other terms, but this is America and it’s hard to pretend jobs don’t matter when everyone acts like they do.

    Why do I care? How can I stop caring?

    • Anonymous

      Buy a bigger house. Go on nicer vacations. Be interesting to others in a way other than your primary source of income- get a really interesting volunteer job, have a really cool hobby.

      I have a friend that is a very famous litigator (you’ve heard of him). People ask about his job bc he’s been front page news. But honestly after 2-3 sentences he’s not that interesting. His wife, who no longer works for pay, is amazing- she is by far the life of the party, the one with the really interesting hobbies and volunteer work.

      My husband is a tech CEO. I guess that’s cool but it never is an impressive thing beyond a cursory “oh hi how are you/what do you do for work.” People talk to him at length about his (endless) hobbies because that’s where they find common ground. Occasionally someone will geek out about work with him but the rest of us fall asleep.

    • Senior Attorney

      Dude. This IS America, and you make more money than she does. So that makes you the winner. If you really want to win the competition with “people,” start dropping little remarks like “yeah, she does such an amazing job — it’s just criminal how underpaid she is,” and “it’s just crazy how much money they pay me!” Then everybody will know and recognize you as the winner. (Won’t necessarily make you seem like a good person, but it’s definitely what a man would do.)

      Also? I have been in your shoes in that I topped out my career a step or two below where I thought I’d end up. It stung like he!! for quite some time, but ultimately I just… got over it. Not gonna say it doesn’t still sting from time to time, but overall I am happy with the life I’ve built and am honestly grateful that the Big Job that got away, got away. Maybe it’s time for you to concentrate on those “other terms” you mentioned and make sure they are truly meaningful to you.

      • Anon

        I’m sorry but WHAT, SA??? You’re saying the OP should deal with her feelings by devaluing her friend’s work because she gets PAID less? That’s so incredibly gross, and I think would actually make OP (who seems like a good person) feel worse. I’m actually kind of shocked you would suggest this.

        OP, I think you are doing a good job by acknowledging your feelings. You and your friend have different paths — no one “won” here. I would give it some time and focus on the things that you love about your life, not just your career. The feelings will pass. Your life is great, and her life is great, and neither diminishes the other. And I would in no circumstances do what SA is saying above — in fact I have closer to your friend’s job (though not as glamorous) and I have a childhood friend who has a very high earning private sector job and is constantly making thinly veiled digs about how much I earn, and we’re not really good friends anymore because that’s now how friends treat each other.

          • anon

            +1

            Sometimes this board is so overly sensitive, and all the over the top pearl-clutching lectures gets old…

            This is also reminds me why I hate texting so much. No one knows how to communicate anymore.

          • Annavia

            SA had a funny sarcastic beginning and at the end some earnest advice founded in her own experience

        • Anon

          That’s an uncharitable take on what SA was saying. I believe it was a GO YOU shoutout to OP, and it sounds like she needs that.

          And it is OK to be proud as a woman that you are managing to succeed in a high-paying job in a system that usually prefers to give those jobs to the menfolk.

          So, OP, GO YOU!!

    • Monday

      I take envy as a sign to consider making changes. What do you want that she has? If it’s world travel, it sounds like you can afford to do that. If it’s a mission-focused or more prestigious job, you could look into that. Or you could try to do service outside of your job that would feel impactful, such as being on a non-profit board.

      • Anon

        +1. I’ve noticed I’m especially envious of my colleagues and former classmates who have become judges. After a lot of thinking, I’ve realized that that is something I do really want to at least try for, despite telling myself for years that I can’t put myself through that process. So I have started taking steps in that direction.

    • Anon

      I think we all feel this from time to time! Sometimes people in real life and on here will tell you to remember that her life also has downsides, etc. Which is true, but that line of thinking has never helped me before.

      What helps me is a several step process. First, I allow myself to feel the jealousy without judgment. This is hard because society and our parents have told us our whole lives that jealousy is bad and you shouldn’t feel that way. “Should” has no place in this discussion and at this stage. With certain feelings (fear and anxiety), sometimes I’ll set a timer or literally have a time and day when I feel those feelings. For me, jealousy tends to pass more quickly, so I don’t impose any “rules” around it. I just fully feel it for as long as it takes to wander away. I don’t tell anyone about my feelings and of course I don’t treat my friend differently.

      Once the feeling has dissipated a bit, I try to interrogate it and figure out why I feel that way. Sometimes it’s because I wish Little Anon had gotten attention growing up. Sometimes it’s because I feel like I need/deserve a break from my life on that wonderful vacation. Sometimes it’s bigger and I realize I feel jealous because I actually do want my life to change. Once I figure out some of the potential reasons for the jealous feeling, I try to figure out ways to address that. So, if I’m jealous that my friend looks SO FREAKING AMAZING in red lipstick and always gets tons of attention while we’re out, maybe in my investigation stage I realize it’s because I wish I were brave enough to wear something that would draw attention. So how can I change that? Maybe I can go get a bright pink blouse I feel comfortable in. Maybe it’s because I realize my hair looks blah so I play around with new ways to style it.

      For the longer-term, I have worked really hard to build a life that I am VERY satisfied with, partially through exercises like this. I have a job that doesn’t have a big title or salary, but it’s meaningful to me for certain reasons. I have developed lots of passions outside of work, and as I’ve gotten deeper into those, I’ve realized I don’t care so much about others’ work, and it doesn’t matter to me if they get judgy about mine.

      The jealous feelings sometimes pop up again, for sure, but I repeat the above. The feelings are much less frequent now.

      • Anon

        +1 to “Once I figure out some of the potential reasons for the jealous feeling, I try to figure out ways to address that”.

        Sometimes when I figure it out I address it, and sometimes I figure out that I don’t care enough about it to address it.

        • Anonymous

          I love this, it’s such a healthy way to reframe those jealous feelings. I think it’s especially hard if you are of an age where we were all fed the ‘you can have it all!’/Lean In narrative that you internalized feeling like a failure if you step off the path or do something not quite as prestigious. Though it sounds like your job is awesome! Senior level role, highly paid, low stress IS the dream!

    • Anon

      I think you have to reframe this as “I’m so happy for my friend” rather than comparing her success to your own. I know that sounds simplistic, but you do need to remind yourself that it’s not about you.

      If you want to make changes in your own work life, really try hard to focus only on your job and you without comparison to other people. If your job is working for you, then it’s working for you.

      I have personal experience with this but I was kind of on the other side, with a friend who was weirdly competitive with me. It came out in all sorts of ways, and it made me uncomfortable. I would say we’re just acquaintances now because of how she acted, and actually still continues to act.

    • Anon

      As the friend with the high profile non-profit job who works a lot but doesn’t make much, I am jealous of your salary and the fact that you don’t live and breathe your job / it’s mission.

      • Anonymous

        Amen. Sometimes living and breathing your mission is a cruse. The grass is greener where you water it. Figure out your why and lean into that if that’s what you are missing…

    • Anon

      Have you seen the documentary Stutz on Netflix? It’s excellent. One of the lessons is that we imagine that a perfect life is in reach. It’s not. We will never achieve it. Life is pain, uncertainty and constant work (to deal with the first two). I’ve reached the pinnacle of my career. I’m make more money than I ever thought possible. I thought this would complete my life. Guess what? I’m still sad sometimes about being a 42 year old single mom who may never find lasting romantic love…even though I have SO much love in my life. Even if I found the man of my dreams, I guarantee there would be something else that makes me feel sad from time to time. The reality is that you are always going to feel that life is coming up a bit short. The yearning is part of the human condition. The key is to find gratitude in the life you already have.

  11. Anon

    I won’t buy any shoes with synthetic soles. These are really cute, so tant pis.

    • Anon

      Just curious, why do you say this? I have shoes with leather soles as well as synthetics, and I can’t say I’ve ever noticed a serious difference in comfort. In fact, durability is probably worse, even though I get the half rubber soles added by a cobbler.

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