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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
I’m normally too uptight to wear linen-based clothes to work (so many wrinkles!), but in this work-from-home world, I’ve thrown caution to the wind and am embracing the linen lifestyle. These olive joggers look comfortable, but still somewhat pulled-together. I would wear these with an easy t-shirt or a crewneck sweater and some fun sneakers.
The pants are $59 and available in sizes XS–XXL and 14W–24W. They also come in black, gray, navy, and a camo print. Linen Jogger Pants
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Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
DC area Phase 2
We’re about to enter Phase 2 this week. What will you be doing differently, if anything? For example, what point would you be comfortable giving a friend a hug (assuming of course both parties are comfortable), holding hands on a date with someone new, or going to happy hour with others not in your household? I’m still pretty cautious about everything and totally get that everyone’s comfort level is different, so am curious how others are approaching it! If it’s relevant, I’ve been quarantining alone and won’t be seeing anyone with health conditions in the immediate future.
Anonymous
Also quarantining alone and I’m comfortable with all of that now. I’ve got two friends I am no longer socially distant with, I see my dad and sister, and if I found someone I wanted to date I’d do an initial socially distant walk and then be comfortable interacting. I wouldn’t do a group event of go to a happy hour (which to me implies mingling with a group). I would and do pick up cocktails to go And when restaurants reopen I will sit outside and eat at one. For me this stage is about adding back in what is most important to me slowly, so having some in person connection is necessary but I’m not jumping into anything indoors at all.
anon
I’m in a state that entered phase 2 a little while ago and I have made barely any changes, with the exception of more outdoor activities and wandering aimlessly around a Target one afternoon. I would feel comfortable hugging a friend as long as they aren’t a frontline/healthcare worker but meeting strangers and dining in are not on my radar yet.
Anonymous
I’m about a thousand steps behind everyone in the area and plan to stay there. So it’s still basic grocery shopping once in 2.5 to 3 wks and using that day to also get my packages from the lobby of my building where I have to interact with a person at the desk. This week I walked on the wild side and went downstairs two other times to remove the massive number of cardboard boxes accumulated. So yeah I won’t be hugging or dating until next year. I’m interested to see how the next few weeks go anyway. I know lots of people got together for Memorial Day and even more out protesting. What’s the outcome going to be there? Only think I want to do is maybe pick up take out once as things reopen but haven’t yet.
Anne
Gently, I’d recommend going out for masked walks.
Carrots
Also in DC area. I’m also sheltering alone and I’ve started to see some friends that live near me in outdoor settings more one on one. Still haven’t done any group things, but I also don’t have a car, so I’m a bit limited to where I can walk or ride a bike to since I’m still avoiding the metro for a bit. Probably won’t dine in restaurants for a while, but that’s more because for me going out to eat is about sharing it with people, not necessarily the food.
Anon
i’m in a state where I think we are in Phase 2 (TX), but honestly, all caution has been thrown to the wind here so maybe we are in Phase 3? So far all that is different for us is DH is back in the office and we have started to do outdoor social distanced playdates with one other family at a time. The adults stay 6+ feet apart, but the kids mix a bit. And we went somewhere for an outdoor adventure and used a public restroom while wearing a mask. i personally do not think i will be comfortable eating indoors at a restaurant until we have a vaccine or treatment. i read an article that eating in a restaurant (assuming there are other people there) is higher risk than flying on a plane.
Anonymous
Hopefully (weather-permitting) going to a winery this weekend! My girlfriends and I will be outside but it’s a nice change of scenery and pace from our houses or the grocery stores.
I’m on the fence about dining inside, but will happily eat at outside dining areas if the DC humidity doesn’t get to me first.
Anon
obviously i am not an expert, but where i live restaurants have been open for indoor dining for about a month. multiple have already closed bc employees have tested positive.
DCR
I’m so ready to start hanging out with friends again. I’m not a hugger in normal times, so don’t expect I would hug them because of that and because most are seeing older family members. But I’m really hoping that my friends will be ready to do socially distanced picnics, hikes, or other outdoor activities soon because that it what most I need to add for my mental health. Other than that, I don’t expect to change that much. Maybe run out to a few stores, but I will continue working from home, etc.
I’ve been seeing my new boyfriend throughout, so don’t have the dating concern. If I was still single (which I was until March), I’m pretty sure I would be at a point where I would start doing in-person outdoor dates after discussing how each of us is approaching social distancing and having a few video dates. I would probably wait longer than normal to have any physical contact, but think I would be open to it on maybe the third date – i.e., after enough time had passed that I knew I actually liked the guy and since I’m still interested in so few guys by a third date it would really limit the numbers.
Lana Del Raygun
Also in the DC area but I have family nearby, so we’re going to be conditionally combining germ pools. I wouldn’t go to a happy hour, though, since then I’d get kicked out of the germ pool, but I’ve been seeing friends over the fence.
Anon
My state began a gradual reopening May 1 and is one of the (few?) states that is still seeing steadily declining case numbers and hospitalizations more than a month after reopening. I wouldn’t do any of the things you listed personally, but I’m an introvert quarantining with a husband and kid and I realize other people have different needs and priorities. These are some things I’ve started doing since my state “reopened.”
-Road trips. We’ve had the grandparents drive to visit us, we’ve done day trips to state parks and outdoor recreation areas, and in a couple weeks we are taking a proper vacation driving 6 hours to stay for a week in a touristy area (where we will stay in an Airbnb, not a hotel).
-Outdoor activities for the kiddo, including playgrounds, outdoor splash pads/zoos and an outdoor soccer class so she can get some interaction with other kids. We can usually keep a 6′ distance from other families easily and although my daughter is only 2 she’s getting a lot better about not sticking her hands in her mouth randomly while we’re outside.
-Curbside pickup of library books – I believe this is extremely low risk, since you have no contact with other people and they even prop the library door open so you don’t have to touch any surfaces. The only reason I wasn’t doing it earlier is that it wasn’t offered until the state reopened.
-Meeting friends for socially-distanced outdoor playdates
-If things continue to improve in our area and my in-laws’ area, we might consider plane travel towards the end of the summer, since they’re too far for a driving visit.
I might get a haircut sometime in the next couple weeks because my hair is a MESS. I don’t see myself returning to dine-in restaurants, shopping in stores, gyms, theaters or nail salons for a long time. Those activities just don’t feel that necessary to me with everything that’s available online, for curbside pickup and outdoors. We will send our child back to daycare when we can, although it won’t be an option until September at the earliest (which is so frustrating because I feel like everything’s going to be shut down again come October, but it is what it is).
Anonymous
You’re having way way more contacts than she is contemplating.
Anon
Agreed. How on earth can you stay six feet apart during outdoor soccer class? Yes, it’s outdoors, but you have to get WAY too close if you ever want to steal the ball.
Anon
They’re 2. They’re not really playing soccer. They’re learning how to kick the ball. They each have their own ball and are spaced 20 feet apart on the field, coach talks to them from a distance.
anon
LOL, soccer for 2 year olds is hilarious. The first time my son realized that not everyone got a ball he was crushed. I can totally see how social distancing works.
Anon
Yes, toddler soccer is hilarious! I get such a kick out of watching them. I know it sounds weird to say that a group activity for little kids could be socially distanced, but the honest truth is we get closer to other people on walks around our neighborhood than we do at the soccer classes. They take the social distancing really seriously, and the nature of the activity (one ball per kid, just working on individual “skills”) means there’s no need for them to get close at all. It’s great!
Anonymous
What’s your point? The question is “what will you be doing?”
Anon
Maybe? It depends what you consider a contact. I have not gotten within probably 10 feet of a non-household member except my two parents (who have no contact with anyone except each other and my family) since this thing began. Anyway, I don’t think OP’s proposed activities are unreasonable and I said as much in my post.
Amber
My state is in Phase 2. Kids are in summer camp, we have all gotten haircuts and we have gone out to eat a couple of times. Going to the zoo this weekend – so excited about that! We are also planning a visit with my parents but will stay in the backyard and practice social distancing with them.
AFT
I’m in IL and we entered Phase 3 at the beginning of the month. What I’m doing: outside exercise class following guidance from state (10 ft distance, temp checks in advance, etc.); kids are starting non-contact sports practices under similiar guidance; kids did private dance class with their instructors (inside, masked, etc.); we met up with another family outside for a no-contact play date (8 people total); also met up with grandparents outside for a socially distanced visit. Not doing: anything indoor with people besides what I was already doing (weekly grocery shopping, occasional takeout pickup, etc.); outdoor dining; summer daycamp (we hired a sitter)
AFT
ah – haircut/color scheduled for the end of the month (I’ll cancel if we spike), did get masked eyebrow wax, and went to the dentist for a necessary/time sensitive issue. For both visits that have occured (wax and dentist), the provider was taking lots of precautions – required mask (until dr arrived for dentist), PPE for provider, temp check and health survey, no waiting room, etc.
Anon
I honestly can’t imagine risking Covid for an eyebrow wax. Wow!
Cat
do you realize how fast an eyebrow wax is? You’re sharing the same general air with one other person for like, 5-10 minutes. I’d take that risk. “Wow!” is unnecessarily judgypants.
Anonymous
+1 to a brow wax taking maybe 5-10 minutes max, unless of course, a person has let all their personal grooming go by the wayside during quarantine and then I can imagine the waxer will have quite a job ahead of them. Anon at 12:46, if you are going to forgo the activities of daily living due to your fear, fine, but the rest of us don’t have to make your same choices. Thank goodness. I wonder what your brows look like right now.
Anonymous
Are (any of you) kind? And to the waxers, are you invincible? Having some fear is normal/wise.
anon
Anon @ 12:46 – then don’t get an eyebrow wax!
Anonymous
The good news is we all get to make our own risk decisions! :)
Anonymous
I am in an early-reopening state and not a hot spot area. My life is nearly back to normal but for going to crowded indoor bars and theatres and eating inside at restaurants.
Anonymous
THis is me. Early reopening, not a hotspot, no subsequent spike, just steady daily rates. Not doing much different, but my normal life isn’t events/gym/salon/sports/parties heavy anyway. I’m seeing a few friends, getting take out, back at the office every day. I don’t have kids, so am not making decisions about their friends or activities.
Anonymous
I actually do have a gym/salon/parties/events-heavy life. Events are basically not happening, so that is out, and I’m definitely not up for that anyway. But I have been going to the gym and will go to the salon and a small, mostly-outside party (people I already see, mostly outdoors) this weekend. I am up-to-date on current spread and really don’t think the things I am doing, with the precautions I and businesses are following, put me at a massive risk of contracting Covid or spreading coronavirus in this area.
anon2
+1
Anon
My state has entered Phase 2, but cases, hospitalizations, and deaths are also rising. I’m personally not taking any fewer precautions than before.
Anonymous
We are in MA which just went into Phase 2 this week. We have made a few changes as things open up (including summer camp). I bring ONE of my kids (and only the ones that can handle it) grocery shopping now. We have 3 kids and I wouldn’t bring all 3, or even the two oldest, but I do rotate so someone gets to get out of the house. In earlier stages we only sent one person. We don’t shop on weekends or when there is tons of traffic because stores have capacity restraints.
We also have started outdoor, relatively socially distant, playdates with our older kids’ two friends. They don’t wear masks but they DO wash their hands about 5798436 times and stay outside. They are neighbors and we are friends with their parents, so often the family will come over and have a family playdate.
Anonanonanon
In the same area, and more conservative than most here when it comes to COVID (and I’m high risk), but I’m planning to meet a friend who has been socially distancing in a park soon to sit a few feet from each other (masked) and chat/have separate picnics.
I would consider being comfortable in a small masked group at one of the outdoor wineries where there is space to adequately distance from other groups and you’re allowed to bring your own food
I’m not comfortable dining on a patio yet because I can’t think of many places in the region that could truly sit tables six feet apart.
Diana Barry
We are super conservative w/ quarantine. I haven’t been inside a store since March 13. We get delivery for everything and I wash all groceries with dish soap or let them sit for 3 days – boxes sit for at least 24 hours. No playdates, no in person socializing – we used to see my parents once they had completed 14 days of not seeing anyone or going to any stores, but they went to their summer place so we won’t see them again in a while. No haircuts or anything else. We got takeout for the first time in 3 months last week. Kids will not go to camp. My concern is dentist – I would like kids to go to the dentist and orthodontist sooner rather than later but DH doesn’t think it’s as needed as I do.
Aunt Jamesina
Hello fellow AOGG character! I realize you may wish to wash your groceries or leave them out for three days for your own mental wellness and that you may already know this, but in case you haven’t, there is no evidence that it’s necessary. Per the CDC, “Follow food safety guidelines: clean, separate, cook, chill. There is no evidence that food or food packaging play a significant role in spreading the virus in the United States.”
anon
+1 I haven’t let anything sit out for days nor have I done more than my usual pre-eating rinse for produce.
Anonymous
What she describes is following common advice for the immunocompromised. Don’t tell her she doesn’t need to follow the protocol just because you don’t need to.
Anon
I decided I would rather wash my groceries than wash my hands every time I touch them. I probably should have been doing this already though since I have an immune deficiency, and I now plan to continue long after this pandemic is over. I think I was in denial about the effectiveness of precautions like this previously (“surely my immune system needs exposure to some germs!” etc.), but now that I’ve experienced how much better I can feel, I don’t want to go back.
anon
Maybe it’s different if you have an immune deficiency but my understanding is that you don’t need to wash your hands just because you poured yourself a bowl of cereal. Especially if that cereal box has been sitting in your pantry for a couple of days.
Anon
Yeah I don’t wash my groceries or my hands every time I eat in my own house. It’s really unlikely to get the virus from groceries or food. Avoiding people is much more important.
Clutches pearls
Don’t let your children get in person dental care at least until there is a vaccine. Virtual dental care is available if you MUST consult with a dentist this year. Also is this necessary? I mean, how hard is it to take ONE online course in dentistry to fill a cavity or scrape off some plaque? Really, people on this board are so spoiled. When I was growing up in a foreign country I’ll never name, we just pulled out bad teeth with pliers. I recall it fondly. It’s really not a big deal. Your husband wants to risk COVID for the dental health of children? how selfish can a person be?
I’m kidding. I think it’s ok to go to the dentist.
tesyaa
Go to the dentist. My daughter delayed and she needed a root canal.
Anon
We just entered Phase 2 as well. FWIW, the numbers in my city are very small and the people who are most affected are in nursing homes (and their caregivers). So I don’t think everyone needs to be in lockdown in the same way right now. I have been seeing friends and my parents and I can’t WAIT to go to a restaurant and get back into online dating eventually. I think right now we need to figure out how to live, even with the risks, because everyone staying in lockdown indefinitely is not practical.
Anonymous
My state enters phase 2 on Wednesday, but in Phase 1 I’ve gone back to the office 2 or 3 days per week (and I take the train), we’ve gone to restaurants but only outside seating,and I’ve gotten my hair cut. The hair cut was very safe, it was only my stylist and me in the salon. I have been running most mornings, and I stop at a local coffee shop.
I went to the dental surgeon last week, but was nonplussed to find that there was someone there to do my x-ray, and then I had a telemedicine appointment a few days later. I wish they had told me the doctor wouldn’t be at the appointment, I would have liked the option to reschedule.
In summary, I do everything that the state says we can, and I have not felt unsafe yet.
Sciatica?
I’ve never heard of sciatica before but doctor is pretty sure I have it – my right glute area has been hurting for a few weeks now. It doesn’t seem severe and nothing too unbearable, definitely feels different from DOMS, and foam rolling and bath soaks haven’t helped (I even tried an ice bath but didn’t have enough ice so it was more of a cold bath LOL). I have another virtual appointment this week on physical therapy. Has anyone had this? What helped or didn’t help? I have no idea how it happened (never experienced before, always stretch before and after exercising etc.) and fingers crossed it gets better soon!
Anon
Following with enthusiasm….. I’ve been told PT or chiropractor, but curious to know what people here have done. Is this something that is chronic and I’ll be dealing with my whole life or is there a true fix/healing like with most other injuries?
anon
For me, sciatica pain comes and goes but has not gone away completely since I started having it. I’ve found that it tends to flare up during stressful periods (ahem, 2020), and there’s research showing that back pain has replaced ulcers as the physical manifestation of American stress. I still treat the pain with physical remedies because it’s real (and it hurts!), but for me, it’s helpful to know that there’s nothing seriously wrong with me and that the pain will go away.
nuqotw
Yes, while pregnant, but it can happen for all sorts of reasons. I found that if I was very deliberate about each step I could anticipate what would and would not hurt and that helped in the short term.
FWIW I remember my dad had it and he lurched around for a bit (a few days? a week? I was a kid busy with my kid things) and then it went away on its own. I hope the same for you.
Anon
Sciatica for me involves sort of a burning sensation. Interestingly, I get it when I spend too much time parked on the couch – I think the combination of poor posture, unsupportive cushions, and general laziness brings it on for me. The only thing that gets rid of it for me is becoming more active.
PolyD
Google “stretches for sciatica,” and you will find some good stretches that can really help.
I had a bout of sciatica that manifested as feeling like someone had thrown a burning, spiked net over the front of my thigh. It was weird. But stretching helped a lot.
anon
Stretching and strengthening muscles in the affected area can help — a good PT should be able to suggest a personalized program for you. In the meantime, heat helps me more than ice — I use a heating pad on my right hip at bedtime. And now during remote work, I can slap it on during the day, too!
Your Back Buddy
I found religiously doing the stretches and strengthening exercises recommended by my P.T., ice on the area causing the pain, and lots of standing and walking help. I think it correlates with too much sitting, sitting on squishy sofas, etc., so you might also look for a better work chair if you don’t already have one.
Anonymous
What helped me was physical therapy with several very painful “massages,” setting a reminder on my phone to get me stand up from my desk at least every 30 minutes, and being very diligent with my home stretching routine. I liked the 18 minute stretching video from “HASfit.” Yoga with Adriene has a good one too.
Anon
Heating pad! Use heat instead of ice for this kind of injury.
CHL
For me, it was a bit counterintuitive but stretching didn’t help as much as strengthening (core, glutes). etc. As long as I’m keeping up with regular exercise that keeps those areas strong I have much less trouble. For me it’s also very linked to sitting, especially with legs crossed and driving (some sort of asymetrical sit posture). You could also check Mommastrong.
Mineallmine
Gabapentin really helped mine when physical therapy did not.
AnonATL
I had something that sounds similar- pain in my right glute that radiated into my lower back only on one side. Turned out to be a muscle spasm type and honestly it just spasmed itself back out after a couple weeks. I was days from going to a chiropractor after getting limited relief from foam rolling and rest, and the spasm popped out. It only hurt in certain positions, so I would just avoid those and was ok.
That might not be super helpful, but it could just be a back muscle issue instead of full blow sciatica. I’ve heard sciatica is very painful and radiates all the way down the leg. Btw look up fat wallet syndrome (lol at the name), but a lot of desk sitting in a poorly supportive chair can cause it.
Roth IRA contributions and income limits
I had something that sounds similar- pain in my right glute that radiated into my lower back only on one side. Turned out to be a muscle spasm type and honestly it just spasmed itself back out after a couple weeks. I was days from going to a chiropractor after getting limited relief from foam rolling and rest, and the spasm popped out. It only hurt in certain positions, so I would just avoid those and was ok.
That might not be super helpful, but it could just be a back muscle issue instead of full blow sciatica. I’ve heard sciatica is very painful and radiates all the way down the leg. Btw look up fat wallet syndrome (lol at the name), but a lot of desk sitting in a poorly supportive chair can cause it.
Anon
I’m not entirely sure how to calculate your eligibility for contribution. But, I think your tax preparer (human or otherwise) would be able to tell you at the end of the year after all numbers are in. Contribution limits also slide with the salary range of 124k-139k. I don’t know how much of a bump you had, you may still be eligible for some contribution. I’d stop contributing and wait until after you’ve done your taxes (Roth IRA deadline is also April).
Anon
Your MAGI will be lower than your salary if you contribute to a 401k, other pretax retirement plans, a FSA, HSA, or health insurance premiums. Is it possible to increase any of these to bring your MAGI below the income limit? Otherwise you’ll have to do a backdoor Roth.
CPA Lady
So, I don’t know how far above the AGI limit you are, but if you’re close to the income limit, one way you can get your AGI down is by contributing to your 401k. For (overly simplified) example, if you make 140k , if you contribute 16k+ to your 401k, it’ll get your income low enough to also be able to make a full contribution to a roth. Now, I don’t know your whole situation, don’t know if this would feasible within your overall goals/budget, etc.
That said, if you end up getting to the end of the year and discovered you have contributed too much this year by accident, you just have to take the money back out of your Roth (along with any earnings) and you won’t have to pay the penalty. You will need to do this before filing your tax return.
Going forward, wait to make a Roth contribution (if you are able to make one) until after you know your income level for the year. You typically have until April 15th to make a contribution for the prior year.
anonchicago
Contribute to a backdoor Roth. If you’re certain you’ll be over even after maxing out your 401k, then recharacterize the contributions to traditional then convert back to Roth. Moving forward, do a backdoor Roth where you contribute to traditional then convert.
Schwab and Vanguard make backdoor Roths very simple and Bogleheads has more info on this if you’re curious. I’ve been doing it for a few years now with no issues.
Anon
How do you continue making contributions to a backdoor Roth? I’ve tried to find resources on this, but all of the advice seems geared towards opening an account, not making additional contributions later.
anonchicago
Mine is with Schwab. On Jan 2, I contribute the full amount for the year into a traditional IRA, then on the 3rd or 4th when it settles, there’s an option to convert to Roth, which takes another day to process. Once it’s in the Roth I buy mutual funds.
I contribute in one lump sum because you have to report every conversion on taxes and the process I described above is annoying. Back when I contributed to a regular Roth IRA, I just contributed monthly, and I guess you could still do that with a backdoor. I’m in a financial position now that I have savings accumulated throughout the year that I just transfer to the Roth as soon as I can.
cb
I’m a bit obsessed with linen lately and just embracing a silhouette that’s less ‘flattering’. Has anyone ordered from any of the linen Etsy shops and have a favourite? Looking for some sleeved dresses. Any instagrammers who I should follow?
Ellen
CB, I love ETSY and have ordered multiple times from them. I also recently bought some 100% cotton/linen face masks from them and recomend you try them as beleive it or not, they actually look my face look thinner! I think it is b/c they do not look to wide under the chin like the cheap disposable ones you get at CVS.
NYNY
I haven’t bought anything yet, but am looking at getting a few items from Love and Confuse (not on Etsy). I’m finding that wearing a mask when I run errands makes me get hot pretty quickly, so I’m envisioning a summer of linen sacks that barely touch my body.
Cb
Ooh, those look lovely. I’m in a much cooler climate but could imagine linen sacks with tights and lovely sweaters.
Anon
Lovely. Just lovely!
BeenThatGuy
I’ve been eyeing up some linen items from the Etsy shop maybecollection. She has great reviews and the clothing looks lovely.
anon in brooklyn
I’ve ordered from notPerfect Linen and Love and confuse. Quality is lovely for both, but expect shipping for any of them to take 6-8 weeks since they all make after the order comes in and have a long backlog. I set a calendar alert for April to buy any new summer clothing I want from them each year.
Cb
Ah super, I’m in the UK so a bit closer. I’m not going back to the office until September at the earliest, and even that feels unlikely, so I’ll place an order this summer.
Anonymous
I’ve ordered from Linenfox (dori dress), notPerfectLinen (sidney dress), and linenfairytales. Quality is excellent for all of them, but I actually just sold my linenfox piece because the dress was not really flattering and did not suit my lifestyle. I can’t really wear a linen dress to work, but the dress was too dressy for most things I do not at work. I think people get these dresses frequently and have trouble wearing them because they are frequently for sale on Poshmark.
If you are wanting to start, try looking at Poshmark first– you may find some pieces that you can get without waiting the months it takes to come from Europe. Also, linenfairytales tends to have shorter lead times and does fast shipping. Loveandconfuse has more contemporary styles and also does fast shipping. (nPL and LF it takes about a month to ship after the 6-8 week lead time.) If you have a bit more money to spend, try Sotela for an American company.
Anon
Ive always liked the US company Flax. The styles are boxy or flowy, sort of an Eileen Fisher look, but in the case of a linen dress you don’t want it tight or even touching you so it works. I also have several of their sleeveless tops in pretty colors and neutrals.
Senior Attorney
Check out @stylishmurmers on Insta. She embraces a relaxed silhouette with a lot of linen dresses.
EM84
I also became a huge fan of linen recently. My first purchase was a pyjama set from Pillow&pajamas, loved it so much I bought another set (same brand) and linen bedsheets and kitchen towels from SoLinen (they are on Etsy, but I purchased directly from the store as the shipping within Poland was faster and had better prices). I also bought a few items from Epic Linen (dress and a blouse), but they have moved out from Etsy to their own eshop. And I also bought a few dresses from d96p. I was happy with quality of all these stores, speed of shipping and communication with the sellers. In most cases, they asked for your measurements, to better fit your items and were happy to do small adjustments. I buy linen items for non-work occasions.
Granger Danger
New username for this one as it’s a bit sensitive – my manager told us this morning that she’s leaving the company. She’s not just my manager – she mentored me into my role (started at the beginning of the year after doing bits of work for her on the side when I was working elsewhere in the organisation). Our team only officially formed in Q1.
It’s a great move for her – the new role is more senior and much more cash. Because of seniority and geography, we have her for another couple of months before she leaves.
So I guess I’m asking for two pieces of advice:
– how to get over sadness when a great manager leaves (I’ve not had the kind of manager who is this good at positive feedback and lifting me up for quite some time)
– how best I can utilise her contact book while we still have her. I’m relatively new to this part of the field and will want to move organisation at some point to work in a different place (the company she’s going to has a similar geographic basis as our own and wouldn’t necessarily be a great move for me, so I don’t just want to follow her) but am still trying to figure out what’s out there and how my skill set fits in. I’m early career (4 years out of university, all at this organisation but in different parts of it) in a growing but still fairly niche area. (Think – production of teapots in a new kind of way that will prevent climate apocalypse due to reducing teapot production externalities)
– tips for managing upwards when we find a replacement for her. Currently there are me and two others at this middle management level, and we were already recruiting one new senior person, which will become two people, and there’s a high level manager who I get on well with but who is still relatively new to the organisation.
Anon
I would ask her for tips on finding a new mentor. Maybe she can set you up with someone.
Sloan Sabbith
A great boss of mine left a few years ago and I was so sad but they have continued to be a mentor to me because I’ve continued to reach out, get lunch every few months, etc. I value it even more than I did when I saw him every day.
It was hard for awhile to get used to his absence because he was just such an incredible boss but it also allowed me to grow as I figured out how to do things he’d taught me without him assisting me. If you can, see her departure as an opportunity to grow and improve.
Granger Danger
Thanks – I think this is what I needed to read.
Anonymous
You want to “utilise her contact book”? Ick.
Granger Danger
I worded that badly. What I’m trying to get at is that I want to figure out where I want to be next, and see if she can help me get there – she has already (weeks ago) offered to do this. It was touch and go for a long time whether she was going to be able to hire me internally so we had discussed at that point that she could introduce me to people doing similar things at other organisations.
Anonymous
Also, if you are comfortable, tell her what a great manager and mentor she has been to you! When employee’s have told me this, it is one of the highlights of my career.
AnonATL
My husband is transitioning medicines to treat his anxiety and depression and has basically started going through the withdrawal phase this week. It’s been a little rough, and I am mega-pregnant so my energy to deal with it is even lower than normal.
For those that have gone through this, either personally or with your partner, any tips for handling the next couple of weeks as he tapers off before he starts on his new dose? I will admit I don’t always handle his lows in the most helpful way, especially when I react from a place of both physical and mental exhaustion.
It’s hard to give him space when we are still mostly stuck in the house together. To top it all off, his normal happy outlet (trail biking), is at least temporarily off limits while he gets a part fixed on his bike.
Anonymous
Tell him to give you space. Sorry. You’re extremely pregnant. You’re not available to deal with this. He can go walk a trail.
Anon
Could he talk to his doc about starting the new med before weaning off the old med. That’s what I’m doing.
pugsnbourbon
+1. It’s worth an ask if he hasn’t already. When I most recently switched meds (about 18 months ago) I was able to start the new med immediately. The physical symptoms were pretty rough, but the depression/anxiety symptoms were manageable.
Encourage him to lean on his network. Schedule a telehealth visit with his therapist, call a friend (if that’s not draining) or do a socially-distanced hike with someone. I hope he starts feeling better soon and I hope all goes smoothly with the rest of your pregnancy.
cbara
Perhaps he would benefit from seeing a counselor on line (Ie Better Help) or in person (if available in your area).
Hip Replacement Tips?
Have a family member about to have the surgery and wondering if anyone has any tips that make the process easier.
Also, his family has been under pretty strict lockdown as him getting covid would postpone the surgery. Others in the house are high risk too. However, he will obviously be in the hospital for surgery. When he is sent home, they can’t really quarantine him as he will need help. Any tips for how to keep the rest of the family safe while waiting to find out if he gets it from the hospital trip would be great too.
Anonymous
The rest of the family is fine. He’s the one at risk and hospitals are now very good at not giving people covid. Get him up and walking early and often.
NYNY
I would recommend he ask his surgeon’s office how physical therapy works in covid times. Will he be able to get at home therapy? That’s the standard of care after joint replacement, because it gets the patient up and moving right away. If the therapist won’t come to him, or will do it through telehealth, I’d consider waiting longer.
Anonymous
This. When my MIL had this, PTs came to her house. So they went to many houses in a day. I’m not sure what it is done now but consider asking re aftercare plans because re-establishing mobility is crucial to recovery. Consider renting a hospital bed for a room closest to a first floor bathroom, even if that means it is temporarily in a living room or dining room.
Anon
i don’t have any tips for the first part, but for the second part, have them all wear masks or face shields, sleep in separate beds, wash their hands, don’t share cups/food and stay 6 feet apart when possible.
Davis
My mom had two hip replacements about 6 months apart. We didn’t have covid to deal with so these are more general tips.
Before the surgery, rearrange the home or area where he’ll be spending most of the time to ensure it’s safe and walker-friendly. Remove any rugs. Ensure there’s a bedside table handy for water and medications. For many months, he’ll have to sleep on his back with this big pillow-like immobilizer strapped to his legs. That’s uncomfortable for many people, but it’s so important to use. Get or rent a device to raise the toilet height so he can maintain good hip precautions. (You can’t bend the replaced hip near 90-degrees for many weeks.) Ask if the hospital will provide a walker or if you need to rent one in advance. If you get one in advance get the height adjusted before the surgery.
Immediately after the surgery, his medical team should get him up and walking. I visited my mom just hours after her surgery and they were walking her in the halls. It’s so much easier and essential for recovery. Consider what kind of vehicle is available to transport him home. It’ll be harder if it’s a low car like a sedan. Likewise, he’ll need a physical therapist to come to the house. That person should definitely wear a mask and he should too. Find out if the PT is regularly tested for covid. A strong commitment to PT is essential. My mom did her exercises so well for the first hip, but not the second and she acknowledges it’s not quite the same.
I hope it goes well!
brokentoe
I had my hip replaced 7 months ago at age 58, due to a MV crash injury. Ease of recovery will depend on a person’s physical condition, age and weight. I was of average weight and while I hadn’t been able to exercise much due to the bad hip, I wasn’t grossly out of shape and in good health otherwise which helped. Biggest things for me – I had a surgeon who supported and encouraged only OTC drugs for my recovery. He told me as I was going into surgery to strongly advocate for myself on this point and he was right – I had nurses and other drs try to give me opioids no less than 4 times during my overnight stay in the hospital (my insurance required a hospital stay otherwise I’d have been in a surgery center/hotel set up). OTC drugs worked fine for me plus lots of ice for pain control. Things to have around the house that were helpful: a toilet raiser (makes a lower toilet seat higher) was absolutely necessary. My bedroom was on the 2nd floor and having a walker on both levels was good. A seat for the shower/tub was another necessity for the first few weeks. Otherwise, have plenty of loose fitting bottoms to wear and tops with a pocket to hold cell phone, etc. Have a chair set up with a basket of necessities nearby – lip balm, nail file, etc. that make it easier to access. Prepare for the patient to be totally wiped out from the major stress of the surgery. I was up and walking the first day and with little assistance within a week – but my body was totally exhausted for weeks due the serious assault on my body. I was pretty religious about doing the PT exercises and walking assignments given by the surgeon and I never needed to do PT afterwards. I’ve been so happy with the results of the surgery and would do it again in a hot minute if needed. Good luck!
anon
I don’t know about hip replacement specifically, but when DH and I have had surgery (3 in 5 years, between us) the immobility and pain pills cause constipation. I think it’s mentioned somewhere in the stack of pamphlets if you look for it, but I would not have known if family hadn’t told me.
To combat this, they’ll want to eat veggies and whole grains, stuff with fiber, not just live on campbells chicken soup. And for a more direct intervention, you can get stool-softener pills, or I prefer eating prunes (up to 3 a day) or drinking senna tea, sold around here under the name “smooth move tea” (1 cup/day, 2 if you’re desperate). As long as your dad doesnt have memory issues, I wouldn’t go so far as writing down BMs on a chart, although if that’s helpful, go for it, I guess. I just like to make sure all the things are available for the patient to regulate themselves.
Not a Fan of This
I have central air. My bedroom is the warmest room in the house, even after having the ducts cleaned. I live in Florida. I also run quite warm and can’t sleep if I am warm. I tried the ceiling fan, which let me sleep, but it also dried out my face so badly that no amount of lotion seemed to stop the visible flaking. Is there another option than going to bed with ice packs every night or waking up hourly? I am already sleeping almost n@ked and using only a thin blanket.
Anon
Can you close some vents in colder rooms to push more air to yours, or maybe see if adding more insulation in your attic would help? Or see if you need to tweak the humidity level in your house?
Not a Fan of This
In Florida, if we close a vent at all, the room would be sweltering. Not sure how to tweak humidity levels in a large house but will research!
anon
Can you close a vent or two at night then reopen it during the day? I live in a swampy southeastern state and my house has humidity controls right next to the thermostat.
Formerly Lilly
We had a HVAC company that does both repairs and installations come to our house and address the unequal distribution of hot/cold air in our house. There is stuff they can put inside the ductwork to divert more air to certain rooms. I would highly recommend this if your house is unevenly heated or cooled. We used to have about a fifteen degree temperature difference in the house and it’s fairly even now. Also, unless your unit is brand new it’s worth having them out annually to make sure the coolant is sufficiently charged and do routine maintenance on the unit.
Anon
When I lived in a bigger house where the air got stale/muggy in the bedroom at night (also in Florida), the solution was a dehumidifier in that room. Keep the ceiling fan on, but at the lowest setting, just so there’s a little bit of air movement.
Anon
My house is old so maybe that’s why, but if you close a vent air still comes out just not at the same force. More air goes through the ducts and makes its way upstairs to the end of the run. Partially closing it might help, too.
Anonymous
If you close the vents in the room with the thermostat, the AC should keep running until it reaches the temp you set. It will just run longer pushing more cold air everywhere else, if that makes sense.
Anon
Interesting that the ceiling fan was so drying–we run out ceiling fans constantly in the summer and my skin never gets dry, because the ambient air is still so humid.
My house also has weak central air and the second floor bedrooms are the hottest. Have you tried making sure the ducts are pointed in the correct direction? I aim my floor ducts towards the ceiling, when running the AC. You can also shut the ducts in the rooms you’re not using/aren’t as hot to direct more air to the bedroom.
We will also run a Vornado fan in conjunction with the AC. It helps circulate the air more, so feels cooler, though that might not work for you if ceiling fans are too dry.
Not a Fan of This
No floor ducts, all in the ceilings, only one in this bedroom and in most rooms of the house. I have blackout curtains already too. No unused rooms, especially as people are working from home in various places and closing any vents elsewhere would leave the room sweltering. Does the brand of fan make a difference here? Not familiar with that one!
nuqotw
We caved in and bought a room AC for our bedroom. We live in 3 floor townhouse (it’s not that luxurious) and there can easily be a 10 degree difference between our room on the top floor and the kitchen/living area downstairs.
Anonymous
Why are you using a blanket at all? Sheet.
Anon
Because for a lot of people it’s just not really possible to sleep without the weight of a blanket.
Leatty
Do you own the house? If so, I believe an A/C company can do something with the ducts to help cool the room. I have no idea how much this costs, but one of my neighbors did this and said it made a huge difference.
Not a Fan of This
I am a roommate of the home owner. He just had the entire system cleaned and filters replaced, which I thought would help. It did in rooms with multiple vents (such as giant living rooms) but not in my bedroom and not sure if in other bedrooms. Wonder what they had done, maybe it can be done somehow here without significant cost!
Anon
Have you (or anyone on here) tried the mattresses and pillows out there that are supposedly cooling? I haven’t, so not totally recommending, but just an idea to explore.
anon
I have mattresses and pillows that are supposedly cooling. I don’t think they’d help much if the room is actually warm. It’s more like, you don’t get hot and sweaty at a comfortable temperature, so you don’t have that phenomenon where it’s stifling under the blanket but freezing outside of it.
Anonymous
I’m the poster from earlier this week with a hot home office. I think the post was on Monday or Tuesday? You might want to look there for additional advice. After the thread, I bought a fan online. I’m going to try it in a couple of places – maybe near the vent to push the cold air toward me? Or by the hallway to push the cold air from the rest of the house to me? The fan should be coming today so I’ll post with results!
I’m also looking into thermal drapes. I have blackout blinds, but they’re warm to the touch in the late morning, so they’re clearly not doing much to keep the heat out.
Anonymous
I also can’t sleep when I’m hot. I have a fan standing on a box by the side of my bed so that it’s bed height and blowing across my legs. That keeps the flow of air away from my face but keeps air flowing over me all night.
I’ve also used a fan out in the hall to blow the cooler air out there into the room.
You can install a window unit in your bedroom.
Anonymous
This sounds like my house, except Michigan summer instead of Florida. We use a window AC unit for our bedroom, even though the AC was running our upstairs would be at least 10 degrees hotter no matter what. If you turn it on while you’re getting ready for bed, and shut the door, it’ll cool off quickly. It pains me to use window AC and central AC, but it works well. We also redid our ducts to make them more efficient and it only made a slight improvement. Yay for old houses!
Anon
As a person that has grown up in old houses and always lived in one, this is the only solution that works. And space heaters in the winter.
NYNY
I just learned that a refrigerated mattress pad is a thing. I can’t sleep when hot, and perimenopause is a bitch, so I’m getting one.
Fan fan
I’d run the ceiling fan and find a different solution for the skin issue. That doesn’t seem normal to me at all.
Anonymous
Have you had an hvac tech out? They may be able to adjust the airflow/ducting, or potentially address an issue in your system.
Other considerations: add a mini split ($$ but may be worth it in a master bedroom in FL!), our room darkening shades.
mclawyer
I have a bedjet and absolutely love it. I have only had to turn the AC on once so far this year. It is basically a fan machine that you stick under your bed and attach the tube under your sheets. It blows air up around you and can be used for cooling and heating.
Anon
Dehumidifier and window unit for your room.
Florida girl
The new window units are amazing w a/c, fan, and dehumidifying all in one. And they just vent out a window but do not “hang out” like the old ones. $300 at Lowe’s. 10 min to set up.
Marie
Keep using the ceiling fan if that helped keep you cool and focus on the skin issue, since that is probably easier to solve once you find the right products. Buy an overnight moisturizing mask or gel (the gel ones seem to be best for me, such as Clinique Moisture Surge 72H or Dramatically Different Moisturizing Jelly) to slather on before bed to form a protective barrier over your skin. Also consider getting a humidifier for your room if it really gets that dry in there. I run a small humidifier in my office at work year-round because the central AC and heat are so drying to my sensitive skin. This is the one I have: https://www.amazon.com/Pure-Enrichment-MistAire-Ultrasonic-Humidifier/dp/B013IJPTFK/ref=sr_1_5?dchild=1&keywords=humidifier&qid=1591891649&sr=8-5
anon a mouse
Portable dehumidifier for your room. A humid room at 70 is far less comfortable than a very dry room at 75 (to me) and keep the ceiling fan going. Do you have the ceiling fan blades spinning the right direction to push air down to you? You may notice some effect on your skin, but significantly increase your water intake and find heavy moisturizer.
You also should think about what’s causing it to be warm. Is your room at the end of a long duct line and there isn’t enough cool air reaching it? HVAC company could help. Are you getting plenty of cool air but losing it to somewhere else? You may need to increase insulation in overlooked places – around windows, behind outlets, under quarter-round, that sort of thing. My local library (when it’s open) lends out a thermal imaging camera to help identify air leaks.
Anon
If you’re already sleeping almost naked, why not just go all the way and sleep naked?
S in Chicago
Is your room facing West? I get awful afternoon sun. Putting up UV film on the windows (inexpensive–it’s just thin plastic that you stick on with some water) can make a big difference. And it doesn’t really change the look of your windows from the outside or anything. If you have curtains, I’d keep them closed as well. Make sure your windows are sealing well. Any other potential hotspots? For example, I noticed the insulation over our closets isn’t great in our guest bedroom and my home office. If I keep the closet doors closed, the rooms stays a lot cooler.
Anonymous
Same problem here! Also DH and I are in a constant thermostat war. I have been googling cooling mattress pads such as ChillPAD, so I think I will try that. I’ve also been getting ads for EbbTherapeutics which is like a cooling headband, looks kind of gimicky and expensive but supposedly is backed by science and has a 60 day money back guarantee. FWIW, I have insomnia and see a neurologist, and temperature IS really important to sleep- he recommends 64 degrees!
Nylon girl
Good morning, Hive! Thank you for recommending the TV show Sweet Magnolias. What a delightful show!
Marie
So cute. Watching it as a Netflix party with my best friend has been so great! We are only on episode 3, but it’s been fun to watch and chat together.
Anonymous
I liked it too. Maybe you would also like Virgin River on Netflix if you haven’t seen it already. It’s another drama set in a small town. I do think Sweet Magnolias was better with the female friendships and everything though. We’ve also been enjoying After Life, which does the quirky small town well too I think.
Do others have any recommendations for similar shows or Netflix in general?
anon
Netflix – Outlander is very good. I am watching that and Madame Secretary and the British Baking show. will have to check out Sweet Magnolia….have to say I thought it looked like something you would find on the Hallmark channel
Nylon girl
Another tv show I liked was The Paradise which is a BBC period piece that ran during the same time Mr. Selfridge was on PBS. Nothing like Sweet Magnolias, but a good show nevertheless. I think it can be viewed Amazon Prime.
Anonymous
I haven’t watched Sweet Magnolias but Hart of Dixie is a fun show – it’s a fish out of water story with NYC doctor moving to a small town in Alabama. It’s silly and fun, and the cast has great chemistry.
Anon
Love Hart of Dixie! Team Wade!!
Anon
Yay! So happy you like it! I just finished it and am now on the hunt for something else similar as I enjoyed it so much.
Strained/Sprained Ankle
It’s been a minute (15+ years?) since I injured myself. I somehow strained my ankle. I’ve had gnarly sprains over the years (high school and college soccer player, here) so this is not that. But it’s definitely an injury and I’m not really sure how to treat it, especially with a 2 year old at home. Anyone have a better memory than me on how to nurse this from home? Are ice, elevate and rest really all I can do? Not worthy of a call to the doctor yet until I max out home remedies, but I’d really like to work out soon.
I don’t remember the specific injury event. Thinking I possibly aggravated it from a combination of over use – LOTS of Peloton and lots of walks – not exactly high impact on the joints, though… I took a week off, did as much ice and elevating as I could do, swelling went down and worked out on the bike yesterday for the first time and now it’s back. Le sigh.
anon
Is going to the doctor not an option?
Anon
I had to read this twice to figure out what you’re talking about.
You probably have tendonitis.
You also cannot work out on an injury unless you want to be injured for the rest of your life.
kela
It takes longer than you think to recover. Rest it for longer unlss you want to aggravate it
Anonymous
Sounds like you strained a tendon. You absolutely need PT. I had a similar injury a few years ago that I thought was a sprain and did home remedies. Swelling came back any time I did activity for several months. I finally did PT, and it cleared up in a few weeks.
Anon
Ugh. Thanks. Maybe this is the nudge I need. Not avoiding the doctor for COVID reasons (went to the derm last week!), but just convenience/avoidance/time. This is probably the right avenue.
Anonymous
Is the pain at the top front of your ankle? If so go to the doc now, that can be a high ankle sprain that won’t heal correctly without medical care. (Ask me how I know….)
Z
I hurt my ankle doing orange theory too much last year. Wear a brace when standing and walking (I got mine at target), walk on it less, ice and elevate every day. It went away after a couple weeks of taking it easy.
Nesprin
Rest, ice, elevation, compression/taping, and nsaid painkillers (asprin/ibuprofen/naproxen), and no exercise until it’s healed (a couple of weeks at minimum). If you’ve had repeated injuries it’s prob worth talking to a doctor about physical therapy.
Anonymous
The last few times I’ve lifted anything, I find my legs specifically thighs are achy for days. Last week it was a small night stand that I more dragged than lifted from one room to another along with a 20 pound appliance; front of my legs hurt for days esp going from sitting to standing. This week it was a ton of Walmart boxes from online shopping plus an old TV (not flat screen but tiny – like 12-18 inches) that I threw out and now it’s the back of the legs above the knee. Is this something about how I lift? Clearly I never do leg work outs so IDK how they feel.
Anonymous
You are supposed to lift with your legs not with your back so good job. Yes. This is what being out of shape feels like. Speaking from personal experience.
anon
You are lifting relatively safely if it’s you legs that hurt, not your back! The big thigh muscles should be the ones straining.
Anon
What’s the scene like in Richmond today? I think there are a few readers from there. I’ve been following the news about the Jefferson Davis statue and the Daughters of the Confederacy building. Good riddance to bad rubbishy IMO, but curious how it feels when you live there.
Spider
Went to college in Richmond though I’m not there now. I will always remember move in day freshman year coincided with a huuuuge debate over the Lincoln statue on the grounds of the capitol building. Monument Ave was always so odd to me (I’m from New England, so maybe it was extra odd?).
I’ve really found….joy? peace? satisfaction? …. in the images some friends who are still in the city have been posting of the vandalized Jefferson Davis and other monuments along the avenue. Hoping a local reader can report back. A piece of me feels like they are art now, with the current grafiti and should be preserved elsewhere as a symbol of these times.
Anonymous
Sort of like the Berlin Wall. I have been seeing some really amazing photographs — black ballerinas posing on the steps of the graffitti-ed (I think) Lee statute, and a black breastfeeding mom doing the same.
Anon
I’m in Richmond. Pretty much all of the protests, statue toppling, (previous) looting/fires, etc. have taken place downtown, which is a fairly small area. The biggest reason for this is that downtown is where the state owned parks and confederate statues and monuments are (literally a road going through downtown called Monument Ave).
The first weekend of protests was very rough. The coverage and message of peaceful protestors was squandered by actions taken by outside agitators, as many cities have dealt with. It became mob mentality at times, and it was scary. There was a residence that caught fire from one of the protest fires and the crowd tried to block the fire department from getting through. The police ended up getting the family out (there was a child inside).
I believe that agitators have largely given up/left the city as protests have been peaceful since then. There was an incident where the police sprayed tear gas on a peaceful crowd, thirty minutes before the curfew started. That has caused a lot of unrest and the public continues to push, rightfully so, for answers on why this happened and what comes next.
A local petition has been going around for a few weeks with a request to leave the graffiti on the statues as it is “part of history.” I literally cackled when I first saw it…that’s the exact phrase that people use as their defense to leave them up! I think it’s a great petition, if nothing else but to point out the hypocrisy, although with the collective movement to remove the statues all together, I’m not sure it will matter anymore.
The “Capital of the Confederacy” reputation has followed Richmond vigorously, as those who are secretly proud of it use “tourism” of the statues, monuments, and museums to continue celebrating it. I think a shift in thinking about how the history of the city is presented is needed in order to move forward. It doesn’t feel like the city has made much of an effort over the years to be remembered for anything else. I’m not sure what comes next, but that needs to change.
Anonymous
What I find interesting is that there seems to be no local media coverage of who those outside agitators actually are. A friend who lives in the city says he saw armed k k k on his street, and I was unable to find any media coverage of this.
Anon
I’m about an hour from Richmond in a teensy tiny town, and we had a small peaceful protest – a walk down our Main Street, prayers from white and black ministers, and 9 minutes of silence. Our town has a small Confederate monument on the square. Well, the Sons of Confederate Veterans here got so worked up about the idea of protests – claiming that busloads of agitators from Richmond were coming here to riot (ha) – that our Main Street shut down and we had a huge police presence. There were no outside agitators, but there were armed white men surrounding the Confederate monument to “protect” it. In the little weekly town paper, the police said they were investigating the threats of violence made online by the Confederate supporters and that they supported protesters’ 1A right to free speech. I was really proud of our sheriffs for basically calling the Confederate supporters crazies and of our little town’s peaceful show of support.
But yeah, photos of armed dudes with guns and ammo did not make our little paper or any larger outlets, but people captured them on their phones and I’ve seen them on FB. (I personally saw the white men encircling the statue a few hours before the protest started, but I avoided the area when I showed up for the protest, so I didn’t see the guns that came out later that other people saw.)
Anon
I thought I’d just drop this article from 2017 about the cheaply made confederate monuments that litter the South
https://qz.com/1054062/statues-of-confederate-soldiers-across-the-south-were-cheaply-mass-produced-in-the-north/
Point being, they’re not as historical as most people assume.
Ses
Thanks!
Anon
Linking this to caution against the use of the term outside agitator. It is used to discredit social movements. https://www.cnn.com/2020/06/04/us/outside-agitator-label-history-trnd/index.html
LawDawg
Is anyone else trying to work through staying safe at home through the summer while anticipating dropping a kid off in a dorm in a few months? It will be her freshman year and the school hasn’t announced its full plans other than an adjustment to the start date. I am having troubles with the thought of going from social distancing to sharing bedrooms, bathrooms and dining halls with strangers. OTOH I want her to have a real college experience. To top it off, she is going from IL where the governor takes this seriously to Florida where…you know. Any commiseration or tips for transitioning are welcome.
Anonymous
Fortunately you aren’t going to college and can stay as safe at home as you want! Your daughter is an adult who can make this decision herself.
Anon
This seems unnecessarily rude. Her daughter is going to be a freshmen and is still currently in high school. High school kids aren’t known for making the most mature decisions. She’s asking for support not judgment.
Anon
+1 and parents who are paying bills ultimately have decision-making power (that’s my philosophy about everything with college students, nothing to do with this virus).
Anonymous
OP–Please forgive those who are unnecessarily nasty to someone they don’t know. It seems to me this isn’t about decision autonomy. I’d have the same concerns with anyone about to go into a communal living situation, be it college or a nursing home and esp in a state that doesn’t seem to be thoughtfully looking after things (i.e., fudging numbers so it makes it harder to track). You get my full commiseration. if it were my family member, I’d maybe explore whether it might be an option to have some sort of housing outside of the dorm. Maybe for a semester/the year to see how things are looking. And I’m someone who absolutely loved my dorm.
HS Administrator
Hi OP, I would word my comment quite differently from Anonymous at 10:45, but my message will be similar. I work with high schoolers, and I see how hard it is to send your kid off into the unknown, hoping they’ll make the right choices, especially at a time like this. I would do a couple of things: wait for the university’s guidance, which will likely be far more stringent than the state’s, then have a talk with your daughter about how she’s feeling about everything (since I’m sure she’s feeling some disappointment and apprehension about going off to college at such an uncertain time) and how she plans to handle precautions on campus. Then pat your back, you’ve done your work and are sending your kid off to school!
While I agree that you are the one paying the tuition and should have a say in the big rock decisions about college (how your kid prepares for the SAT/ACT, monitoring applications, tuition budget, where they apply, and whether you’ll continue to pay if their academic performance falls), I don’t think you can manage your daughter’s behavior around Coronavirus precautions from a distance without her pulling away. Just keep the lines of communication open.
Anonymous
This comment is absolutely hostile and unnecessary. There is absolutely no reason for it. Is it intimidating to people who desire sensible input from others. It belittles the OP. It assumes information that you clearly don’t have, don’t know, and cannot speculate about. It creates unnecessary drama. It creates at atmosphere that inhibits others from posting on here and should absolutely not be tolerated by the owners of this site. If your sole purpose of posting here is to belittle others, make assumptions, and create hostility, you need to move on before someone doxes “Overachieving” trolls like you on you.
Anonymous
My understanding is that pretty much all colleges that are opening are following the same plans and procedures, so I don’t know that the location of the school matters much. The risk to college kids is from other kids at their school, not the community at large. If it were my kid, I would definitely let her go because the risk of serious illness or death is so low in that age group, but its fair for you to make a different decision.
Anon in Boston
Disagree that it doesn’t depend on location. Urban campuses rely on dense residential housing and public transit. The lines between campus and non-campus real estate/businesses/spaces is very blurred in Boston. Whereas my suburban campus that we basically never left the grounds of would have been so insulated from all of this that I’d willingly send my non-existent student back to. Would I send my kid to Northeastern, Boston University or MIT right now? Eeeeeh. I’d think long and hard.
OP, I think guidance IS coming and you just have to wait, which is the last thing you want to hear. I’m supposed to send my toddler back to daycare in 1.5 weeks and we still haven’t had a modicum of communication from our (national franchise/household name) center. The college might be hoping/holding out things continue to improve and want to send messaging in July once a few more weeks of data are under their belt. Or maybe they’re just trying to ensure things don’t get worse. Or, like some urban campuses in the north east, the school might be finalizing leases with local hotels that aren’t otherwise reopening to secure more single-occupancy ‘dorm’ rooms and they just need more time to finalize those before they can communicate meaningful information.
Sorry you, and especially your daughter/all college kids, are having to deal with this. 2020, I want to speak to the manager….
Anon
All colleges rely on dense residential housing, that’s basically the definition of a dorm. I went to school in Boston and social life was still pretty much exclusively on campus and in Greek houses, so I don’t think all schools in big cities are the way you describe. Also I guess I just feel like fraternity parties and dorms are inherently riskier than off campus apartments (even with public transit in the mix), so I don’t really see a major urban/suburban distinction.
Anyway my point was really more along the lines of what others said below, that it’s not the red state vs blue state dichotomy that matters because colleges are making their own plans and are going above and beyond state and local laws. I would not be any more hesitant to send my kid to school in Florida than Illinois even though IL’s state government seems much more competent than FL’s.
Anon
There’s a lot more to it than the governor. I live in Florida and work at one of the SUS universities. The board of Governors and our university leadership is taking COVID and reopening very seriously. No one can control what people do off campus, but on campus, everything is being thoroughly thought through.
Anon
I work for a huge higher ed system in a blue state. From all the discussions, very few colleges or universities are likely to put two students in a standard dorm room. This, of course, will greatly affect residential capacity, but incoming students are the most likely to get housing. There will be lots of restrictions on campus gatherings, classes will have social distancing and lots of remote components, modifications to campus policies and student code of conduct to enable enforcement. You should not expect any campus to be COVID free. I do not envy you the task of trying to keep a recent high school grad on a short leash this summer.
Anonymous
Honestly, I think that you’re going to be required to do a larger amount of emotional “letting go” than ordinarily happens when a parent sends a kid off to college. It’s always a process, and yours is more stark. I say that because no matter what guidelines colleges put in place, I can’t see most college students actually adhering to them. So trying to “keep her safe” is not going to be possible the way it is when she’s in your house — and I’m guessing that even there, it’s not entirely easy.
I’m guessing that what the state’s governor does or doesn’t do will have very little actual effect on what a group of college freshmen does or doesn’t do. So I would set that worry aside entirely.
Anon
This.
Housecounsel
I am in IL and have college kids on both coasts. One goes to school in CA, which I think is pretty much where IL is on restrictions, and one goes in NC, which is a lot less restrictive than IL. I am just hoping that wearing masks and sanitizing constantly will become second nature after spending months at home following these guidelines. As for fraternity parties . . . I think I have to let go and let God.
I feel for you, LawDawg. It was hard enough sending my kids to college and I didn’t have a pandemic to worry about. I will tell you I was almost instantly much better when I saw them in their element. Plan a visit a few weeks in.
Anonymous
For those of you with kids of sleepover-age. When your kid(s) have or had sleepovers, where do they sleep? I’m talking about a one-off friend, not a big slumber party. I’m re-doing my kids’ rooms and moved my oldest (7) into her own room with a double bed instead of the room with two twin beds she shared with a sibling. I’m wondering if I should get some kind of chair that converts to a twin bed for her little reading nook area, or if a beanbag would be good enough and we could use an air mattress for a sleepover guest. They could also both sleep in our basement/ family room where the big TV is…or we could do a room swap for the occasion and they could go another daughter’s room which has two twin beds (currently she uses one and the other is empty). Oldest cannot fit two twins in the room she’s in now on a permanent basis.
Anonymous
In the double bed. It fits two kids fine.
Anonymous
Kids will do all sorts of things at sleepovers. Various arrangements my kid has experienced include:
Both kids in same full-sized bed (I would have hated this as a kid and wouldn’t encourage it in my own home)
Both kids in sleeping bags on bedroom floor
Host in own bed with guest on air mattress, trundle bed, or foldout chair
Both kids on floor or air mattresses in TV room (very popular)
Both kids on gymnastics panel mat (not recommended as it gets very hot)
Backyard tent
Treehouse
I see no need to bother with a room swap.
Lily
you could also consider bunk beds or a trundle. as a kid, I always thought it was great fun sleeping over at a friend’s house who had a trundle bed.
anonshmanon
same! My BFF’s trundle bed seemed the height of coolness to me!
Anonymous
She’s getting the double bed- her room is weird and can’t fit anything bigger or stacked like a bunk. She falls off her twin bed (long story) and we had a double bed in another room anyway, so that’s what she’ll be sleeping on :). My other kids are in a queen (which we also already had and this becomes the guest room when we have adult guests- she bunks with a sibling) and a room with 2 twins.
Anonymous
You can get a trundle to put under the double.
mclawyer
I had a twin bed growing up and my friends would sleep in my bed and I would sleep in a sleeping bag on the floor. My sister kept our bunk bed once we got our own rooms and her friends would sleep on the bottom bunk. However, this was about 15-20 years ago.
DLC
Whenever we have sleepovers, the kids sleep on sleeping bags on the playroom floor.
Anon
My daughter moved from a twin to a queen when she was a pre teen. We just kept one of the old twin mattresses under her bed and she tended to use that for sleepovers. If two were sleeping over there would be two kids in the queen bed and one on the twin mattress.
If more than two sleeping over (like a sleepover birthday party, which we did once and never again) we offered the futon in another room or the floor cushioned by a rug and comforters. Most girls chose the floor.
Anon
Just to be clear, we’d slide the twin mattress out from under her bed like a trundle, but it was literally a mattress on the floor.
Better linen pants
Making a plug for American Giant’s linen pants! They’re normal pants, not jogger style. They are super comfy and cool and oddly not that wrinkly given that it’s linen. My one complaint is that they came with this really ugly thick rope in the drawstring, but it took me maybe 5 minutes to switch it out for a prettier ribbon tie. Highly recommended if you’re looking for linen pants. I just wish they had better colors!
Horse Crazy
I read this as American Girl’s linen pants and thought, “is she seriously recommending doll pants?” I guess the kids sleepover thread above had me reminiscing…
Elsa
At what point in your life did you stop immediately sorting “from low to high prices” when you went to shop online? I was just thinking that its not exactly a money issue now – but I can’t stop myself from doing that.
anonshmanon
I don’t think this will happen anytime soon for me.
Anon
Never. The brain wants the highest quality for the lowest price. The computer sorts by price. I decide the quality.
Anonymous
+1.
Anon
I could make a million dollars a year and still wouldn’t stop doing this, because I just don’t believe in paying more for something than I have to.
Cat
I definitely still do it! Mostly at this point because it helps me shop faster, though. When items are organized low to high, certain brands or styles tend to be grouped together, rather than scattered around 4 pages of “tops.” It helps me skim past thin, see-through cheap t-shirts and land on the midrange brands where I prefer the quality.
On principle, refuse to sort “high to low.”
Never too many shoes...
I actually go from high to low (especially for tops) because I am more likely to buy one more interesting piece that way than filling my cart with still more cheap black t-shirts (my favourite go to purchase of all time).
Anon
I never have but I might start.
Anone
I’ve always sorted by reviews, then compared prices manually among my finalists.
Anon
Same. Also with things like electronics I deliberately don’t buy the cheapest option even if the reviews are positive.
Anonymous
It’s actually a marketing gimmick that they expect you to buy the 2nd cheapest or whatever, often that’s the only reason the “cheapest” item is stocked. So you might rethink this strategy.
Cat
I’ve heard of this being a typical strategy with wine prices at restaurants. No one wants to order the cheapest bottle… so the second-cheapest is often a higher % markup!
Anonymous
I still do it. I don’t like paying more than I have to. Also, there will be times when what you need is only available at a painful price point, so these careful purchases leave room in the budget for those.
Seventh Sister
For shoes and t-shirts, I tend to sort high to low because I vastly prefer some brands over other brands or no-name brands. Sometimes I do it with work tops because I’d rather have something in a natural fiber as opposed to rayon.
Running Shoes
I’m desperately in need of new running sneakers. Obviously, this is a personal/foot preference thing, but since I’m not going to stores to try things on, looking for any recommendations. Female/average foot width/pretty beginner runner doing a few miles daily but would like to work up to more. Any likes or favorites?
Anon
Look at the wear patterns on your old shoes. If the wear is predominantly on the outside, you supinate. If it’s on the inside, you pronate. You may also have a more neutral gait.
Then there’s the very personal preference of cushioning. I do not like the “running on clouds” feeling and will actually land harder to compensate. Other people love it.
Once you tell us gait and cushioning preferences, we can give you recommendations.
KatieWolf
Everyone loves Brooks but I think they are more expensive than they are worth. At the end of the day, a shoe is a shoe and running shoes need to be replaced every 6 months or so. if you have high arches or over/under pronate, you could always get inserts. I always find some medium cushion Saucony’s on 6pm that are marked down to $30ish dollars and I love them.
Another anon
No doubt this is true about the overpriced Brooks, but I got fitted a couple years ago at a real running store with Brooks Ghost and am now on my 4th pair. Getting the slightly expensive “real runner” shoes was motivating for me and I’ve stuck with the running. For me that’s a win.
Anon
That’s not something anyone can advise over the internet. Go to a store. You can be fitted for running shoes safely. For a while Fleet Feet was doing virtual fittings, so you might see if they still are, but I don’t know what went into that or how reliable it was.
Anonymous
See if your local running shoe stores can help! Mine (Pacers in DC) is doing virtual fittings on Zoom. They’ve been really popular.
Elderlyunicorn
I am a very beginner runner, was doing about 8-10 miles a week on the treadmill and just got fitted for my first pair at a store about a year ago. I went with the Asics CT-2000. I found that some of the others (Nike) had a weird “drop off” feeling near the toes that was kind of unsettling. The Asics were a bit stiffer and I felt more secure in them, like I could feel the ground better. My absolute terror of flying off the back of the treadmill was part of this. So from a beginner runner, new to actual running sneakers (instead of just whatever was cheap and looked cute), that was my purchase. I love them! Super comfortable, haven’t had any soreness/issues. I have a pair of New Balance trail running shoes that I use for “hiking” because I like the traction, but they’re honestly too narrow for my toes. I have regular width feet, maybe a bit on the narrow side.
Anon
Brooks are my all time favorites. I completely abandoned all other brands years ago once I found Brooks. I like the PureFlow line but they’re all great.
anon
Brooks Glycerin….just bought two more pairs. The best.
E
I also like Brooks shoes. Nikes run narrow, but have otherwise worked fairly well for me as they break in. There was an online quiz I used about two years ago that gave me some good recommendations based on running habits, particular concerns (pronation, etc.). It’s still somewhat of a crapshoot but if you’ve slowly working up your mileage and not doing marathon training, I think you’ll find something that works well enough. Good luck!
Anonymous
I love my Hoke One One Cliftons for running. I find them to be truly ugly but I have no foot, leg, or hip pain when I run in them.
Jeffiner
If you like the shoes you’re wearing now, the best thing is to buy another of the same pair. I wear Nike Structures (or whatever this season’s name is). At the running store, my friend told me to try Brooks, as she loves them and has also abandoned all other shoes. The guy helping me try on shoes at the store shook his head, but handed me a pair. They were the most uncomfortable shoe I’ve ever tried. He laughed and said he knew they wouldn’t work for me.
CountC
I know it’s been said here before, but find a true running shoe store in your area and go in for a fitting (obvsiouly once you can safely). In the meantime, I’d suggest not starting with something that has a ton of padding – you don’t need it and it is not good for your feet/not necessary unless you are doing 100+ milers. I am an Altra and Topo die-hard because I prefer zero-drop (the difference in height between the front and back of the shoe), am a mid-foot striker, and like the big toe box. What I consider tried and true running brands especially for road running are Brooks, Asics, and Saucony. If you need to order off the internet, make sure there is a good return policy. I’d recommend finding an out of season pair for a bit cheaper until you can safely go get fitted.
Skin help
I’ve had this skin issue since as long as I can remember (like since I was 5) but I can’t find the right words to search for solutions online, so wondering if someone has seen the same thing? (I’ll totally ask my PCP next time I go in for a checkup too) My shins always look scaly, regardless of how much I moisturize. Even when I’m totally moisturized and my skin is soft, I can still see the outline of the “scales.” It never peels or anything, just looks cracked all the time. No itching, bleeding, or any eczema symptoms. Anyone know what to search for on this?
Anonymous
Have you tried a moisturizer that exfoliates? Something that has an acid like AmLactin, Eucerin SA, etc.
Anon
This sounds like pictures I’ve seen of what beauty bloggers call “dehydrated skin,” so try that!
Anonymous
I am pretty sure the term is “dry skin.” Try exfoliating and then moisturizing. Try oils like the Neutrogena after shower oil. Then try this all again. Drink more water.
Anon
Same condition. I use AmLactin daily while my skin is wet. This used to be prescription only, but now is widely available over the counter. The lactic acid is what makes the difference for me.
Anon
Go see a dermatologist. This sounds similar to what I have and for how long I have suffered it (but obviously who knows because I’m a stranger on the internet). I went through a lifetime of PCP’s not knowing what it was. Only recently have I found out, shockingly from a dermatologist, that I have an extreme version of seborrheic dermatitis (dandruff) that is *easily* treatable with the right combo of meds (after a lifetime of suffering I’m so mad my parents never took me to a dermatologist). Seborrheic dermatitis is caused by your skin reacting to a common skin-yeast (this is me diluting a long conversation with my derm and research). I got an Rx for Ketoconazole shampoo and cream (you can get a steroid cream if you have redness/itching). While you wait for your Derm appt, you can use Neutrogena T-Sal or Nizoral shampoo (anything with Ketoconazole as the active ingredient) as a soap to see if that helps (put it on like lotion to the scaley areas 5-min before your shower, let it sit, then wash off in the shower. If you have patches on your face/eyebrows, apply the same way but keep your eyes closed and stand in the shower). If it does help, it’s worth it to get Rx strength shampoo and cream for treatment. Good Luck!
Anon
And, FWIW, when looking seborrheic dermatitis up on the internet, I’ve never seen a picture that looks like my version of it. And, when I’m well moisturized, there’s no flaking…the scales just stay put.
NYC Girl
Maybe exfoliation would help? I have sensitive, dry skin and use a lactic acid serum daily to do a gentle exfoliation. The Ordinary one is good and inexpensive, but Sunday Riley also makes one that’s usually highly recommended. You could also try glycolic acid, which is stronger. I prefer acid exfoliation over physical as I feel it’s gentler and more effective. Another benefit to chemical exfoliation is that it increases skin’s ability to increase moisture.
alina
Seconding Amlactin, it’s worked wonders on skin like this
Skin help
Thanks everyone! I will try the amlactin/exfoliating moisturizer route! I’ve used a rotating mix of the thickest Eucerin and Vanicream on it the past few years, so I’m pretty sure it’s not just regular “dry skin.”
Anon
And if you aren’t already, try to get cleansing products that are SLS-free. That detergent gives me awful, dry skin and flaking everywhere.
Anonymous
Thanks, cute pick. I snapped it up. I like olive as a neutral and now that it’s every where this year have been stocking up on basics. It can be hard to find pieces that don’t have a military vibe.
Anon
I also bought this with high hopes. Navy and olive. Seems perfect for warm WFH days.
Senior Attorney
Ha, same here! Navy and olive!
shananana
Bought these during the early sale and they are super cute, but I am short waisted and they just didn’t work right at the waist for me. I was very sad.
Anon
We have finally hopped on the Schitt’s Creek bandwagon. This show and Difficult People are the only shows that have made us laugh out loud. Thanks for the recommendations!
PS Moira is my new outfit idol
HW
I’m on Season 2! It’s so good!!
CountC
I’m rewatching it and have gotten the boy and my colleague and his partner hooked on it.
Also, if you haven’t, watch GLOW next!
JHC
It is a perfect show.
I asked you thrice.
David is my all time favorite TV character, I think. That’s a big statement, I know. Don’t at me.
The comedic timing of some of the subtle reactions he has to people, some verbal and some not, is PERFECTION.
Anonymous
I am with you on this.
Seventh Sister
I identify so strongly with David, being anxious and odd and myself. He’s so me. Also I feel like I’m getting through to my 12yo since we watch it together and she told me that she wants a boyfriend like Patrick when she grows up. YES SO SAY WE ALL.
Anon for this
Update from the OP earlier this week (trying to decide whether to rescue a France & Spain trip for September) – decided to cancel. It turns out the United flight wasn’t actually reinstated at all and was a system glitch, so between ever-shifting travel restrictions and the difficulty in finding flights that would ‘stick’ we are bookmarking the whole trip for 2021. Thanks for talking sense, all.
Vicky Austin
Hive, my grandboss is trying to do my job.
We upgraded to new software to make my job easier. I think he was playing around with its new features, but he sent me an email saying, “I’ve done the portion of this task I feel comfortable with, please take a look at the remainder.” (He did half of it wrong anyway.) This actually kind of represents an internal control issue – I’m supposed to do this work and present it to him and him only for approval, so him doing the work that he himself will approve is a huge red flag. (We JUST got done explaining to the board that this was an audit deficiency for us this year.) My boss, love her though I do, is too scared of him to say anything.
I have a somewhat-related meeting with both of them later today. Will it be suicide if I say something?
Anonymous
We can’t answer the “will it be suicide…” question, because that depends entirely on the personalities and reactions of your bosses.
I’d bring it up as a, “isn’t the new software great?” thing, followed by “can we talk about how to stay within the audit and board guidelines when we have more than one of us working on Task? I want to do what I can to stay in the clear there, and now that we’re moving to new System, it would help me to talk through that again.”
Anonanonanon
I know it’s frustrating, but is there a way to say “To make sure we don’t get the same audit finding next year, I’ll make sure to review (his work in system) thoroughly before presenting the finished product, so we can document that an independent set of eyes was on it before approval. I’m relieved that the finding relating to (system) is an easy fix now that we know about it!” let him draw his own conclusions on if it’s a waste of time for him to do all of that work when you have to go back and basically redo.
Anon
I’ve been in a similar situation. What you need is a sandbox system for the grandboss to play in. Can you reach out to the developers now? Then you say: “Isn’t this system great? However, we need to be careful about the type of activity that takes place in the system given the xyz audit finding. As you may remember, this finding was an internal control deficiency where just one person must perform the task and the other only review. This means A class of employees are the only ones to perform the task, and B are the only ones to review. I know it’s really important for everyone to understand the system, so I reached out to the developers with a request to allow us sandbox access. In the meantime, we need to make sure to maintain the segregation of duties.” Unless grandboss is crazy (see first commenter’s comment) this should go over just fine.
Anonymous
You have no idea how perfect this sandbox analogy is! Thank you all for your insight.
Vicky Austin
You have no idea how perfect this sandbox analogy is…sigh. Thank you all for your insight!
Anonymous
How the turn tables. I’ve posted on here before about attempting to online date and not finding the guys attractive even though we connect on other levels…well I have just been “dumped” by a guy I was dating who I connected with on every level because he “couldn’t see me in a romantic light” and felt like I’m “more of a long lost sibling or best friend to him”. Oof. I have never been rejected before and being perfectly candid (not trying to sound conceited), I have never considered it a possibility before as I know I am conventionally attractive and have typically been the one to use these exact reasons to kindly let down guys that I felt a connection with but no physical attraction. Luckily I wasn’t seeing this guy for very long, but it is quite a blow to the ego and I feel horrible. Any tips on getting over rejection? I’m on the eve of my 30th birthday and have gained some weight for the first time in my life, so my self esteem really isn’t in a great place right now.
Anonymous
OP here – to clarify, I have been ‘rejected’ before for many other reasons – just never physical attraction like this.
Anon
I don’t know if this will help, but just as I’ve gotten older and reflected on my life and what I wish my younger self had known more about…physical attraction is just such an odd, funny thing. It is so often about hormones and just…*something* between two people that is really impossible to identify. Some of the best physical attraction I have had in relationships have Definitely not correlated to how conventionally attractive that person was relative to other guys I dated. It is just one of those weird, unexplainable things, and therefore there are definitely cases where one shouldn’t take it personally. Definitely easier said than done, especially in the moment!!!!
Anon
I am 38, single, and will add a +1m to this! This is the exact reason why I have almost entirely abstained from dating apps since mid-March. Many times over the years I’ve gotten to know people by phone or text when an initial in-person meeting was delayed by a week or two and, to my surprise, was not at ALL attracted to the person (or they did something truly odd in person). When I compare those people to some of the people I did connect with (or absolutely fell hard for!) it is blatantly obvious that it is more than traditional attractiveness that dictates “chemistry.”
CountC
This is such a great point, I have been very physically attracted to men who would’t necessarily be described as conventionally attractive. I like who I like and I have a spark with who I have a spark with – it can’t be forced.
Anonymous
+1 this. I dated guys in high school that I knew were objectively attractive, objectively good and nice guys, but I just wasn’t physically attracted to them. The *spark* element is weird but important.
Anonymous
Yeah, sorry, but I had lines of men interested and usually dated them in pairs or threes, discarding them freely with little consequence, until I turned 30 (and was a bit overweight). There is nothing wrong with you but society is cruel.
Anon
In my experience this is just a line people use to end things. It’s clear he doesn’t want to date you but I would not assume he’s not physically attracted to you.
CountC
I’m sorry, that really stinks!
Would it help to think about the times you have been in his shoes? People can be wonderful people and conventionally attractive and not cause a spark in another person – all it means it that ONE person didn’t feel the spark. It doesn’t at all mean you aren’t attractive to a whole host of other people, and more importantly, it shouldn’t affect how attractive you are to yourself. Easier said than done, I know. This has happened to me too, and I also am conventionally attractive, but I remind myself that it’s just ONE person and no matter how disappointed I am, it doesn’t change one thing about me, who I am, or what I look like.
Anon
Curious if you have bee meeting him over Zoom instead of in person lately? This is a subtle thing but a lot of people who are very attractive in person are not attractive over Zoom. I’ve noticed that people who have a large head, or a very wide head tend to not be very photogenic because the camera stretches their face out even more. The same goes for people who are tall, which the camera does not quite show. I was dumped by my Zoom date because he felt he could not be physically atteacted to me. But I know am not photogenic and am really tall in person, so while it hurt initially, I am sure that if we had met in person, he would have realized how attractive I was.
Anon
“Luckily I wasn’t seeing this guy for very long, but it is quite a blow to the ego and I feel horrible. Any tips on getting over rejection? I’m on the eve of my 30th birthday and have gained some weight for the first time in my life, so my self esteem really isn’t in a great place right now.”
Are you upset because you like this guy, or upset because you believe you’re the one who should do the breaking up?
Not to be harsh towards you, because this comes out of frustration with other people, but I have seen several very attractive women struggle with dating after their 20s – and their struggle is 100% self inflicted. Men in their teens and twenties go for “hot” women, and they just can’t ever adapt to not being the cute young thing anymore, nor a world in which being the cute young thing is no longer the most important quality.
American Girl
No one — not even the most conventionally “beautiful” women in the world — are attractive to every single person they meet. Nothing has changed about you; you were just lucky before.
Anon
thoughts on doing takeout sushi during covid. i am not worried about getting covid from the food. i am more concerned about getting bad fish bc of restaurants not getting as much business as they usually do and serving me old fish
Anonymous
If you’re anxious, don’t do it
Cat
have done so about every other week throughout. Sushi is such an easy takeout food (and something people would order for takeout routinely even in Before Times) that I bet volume isn’t too suppressed. We’ve experienced the exact same quality of food.
E
We’ve done it multiple times from a really local and very trusted restaurant that is two blocks away. It’s been totally fine and a nice treat.
Anon
Oh man. I’m pregnant and not eating sushi (I know some do, good for them, but it isn’t within my risk tolerance). But if I wasn’t pregnant I would totally get sushi from local, trusted places. Om nom nom. My husband has already been informed that I will want sushi, a banh mi with traditional cold cuts, and tiramisu very shortly after I deliver.
Anon
Wait why can’t pregnant ladies have tiramisu? I don’t recall avoiding that while pregnant.
Anon
Raw egg yolks. Again, it’s a risk tolerance thing. I’m sure many people wouldn’t have an issue with raw/runny eggs, but I’m waiting until after my pregnancy to indulge.
Anon
Oh I see. I always use pasteurized eggs in any recipe that calls for raw eggs and I assumed restaurants did too but I guess not.
pugsnbourbon
Typically the ladyfingers are soaked in rum and espresso. Quantities may vary but I’ve definitely been able to taste the alcohol in tiramisu.
anon
I assume that by now they have adjusted their purchasing accordingly. There’s no reason to think they’d throw out the safety precautions that they’re always following. No business needs to risk shut down from the health inspector or putting off its customer base right now. If you don’t trust the restaurant not to do that, I’d consider finding a new place to serve you raw fish.
Anon
The fish is all frozen. So they thaw it before they make sushi. If they’re not making a lot of sushi, it stays frozen. It’s one of the less risky things you can do right now, so if you enjoy it, go for it.
Anon
I think it would be fine. Restaurants still have health standards and they will have to throw out food that is too old. I don’t see why Covid would cause them to be less cautious about food safety. If anything I think they would be more cautious now because GI problems can be a Covid symptom and the last thing they want right now is someone writing on their Facebook page “I ate your sushi and now I’m sick to my stomach!!!”
SF in House
I have two friends with birthdays coming up. Both love pie and I would love to have one delivered from a local bakery. Does anyone have recommendations in Washington, DC or Salem, MA?
anon
DC: Firehook
Daffodil
Pie Sisters in DC is pretty good, and looks like they have a delivery option.
DCJ
DC-area: Pie Gourmet in Vienna, VA. They will deliver to any address in the area and the pies are the best around.
Anon
Dangerously delicious on H St (dc)
relatively zen
DC: Dangerously Delicious Pies. If DC actually means nearby suburbs, can also recommend Livin’ The Pie Life in Arlington, VA or Killer ESP in Alexandria!
Anonymous
DC: Whisked also does pie and delivery.
The Original ...
Vent or Commiseration or something:
I’m a public speaker (as one of my many roles). I had someone contact me via my website. We emailed back and forth discussing date and time for the webinar, number of attendees, and pricing. We negotiated back and forth 3x, ending on a number and an agreement that they would potentially increase it if there were left over event funds. (I didn’t expect the increase but the rate was slightly below my rate so this was a compromise.) Webinar was one week away. Emailed to ask follow up questions about audience and host goals. No word for 2 days. Emailed today as event is Monday. Person said no, this isn’t happening, that she was negotiating with me then going to her boss for approval and boss “didn’t feel comfortable” with that rate. She was sorry for any misunderstanding if I feel there was one. I emailed back asking the rate boss would feel comfortable with, trying to salvage something. No response as of yet.
I know this is part of the career but this was going to be my first talk in that country and it just feels so… something… that a person can just negotiate all the way through as if they have the power to decide and said yes and then just not follow up to tell me the person said no. Not only is this emotionally yuck, it’s financially yuck too at a time when so many conferences are gone and each event is more financially meaningful than ever.
Anonymous
Maybe you need a contract/better confirmation system. It’s disappointing, but I wouldn’t pursue this any further. They clearly don’t value you/your time.
Anonymous
I don’t know how public speaking works–but don’t you have a contract? When I hired guest speakers for webinars and such, there was always something in writing.
Anonymous
Ughh so sorry!!
Anon
Do you have a contract that they sign? Do you request a deposit?
MDMiller
Ugh, I feel you on this. I speak as a sideline and lost 25k of business virtually overnight. (May is always my biggest time as that’s when events tend to be in my industry). Remaining clients now have so much ability to try to pay me less, and they are using it, believe me. Don’t beat yourself up about it – I didn’t have deposits or prepaying in place either as they had become such a hassle, but my colleagues often do have clients pay some upfront and if there’s a cancellation or postponement, that applies to the rescheduled event. Other people have pointed out that at the onset of the pandemic, many clients would have pleaded some kind of extenuating circumstances and demanded a refund anyway, so it might not have saved anything this time, but in the future I’m going to move to that. Speaker contracts are great but in my experience so many clients have their own rules they want to play by so especially if you’re starting out – there too, you just aren’t always in a strong position to negotiate. Hang in there. Hopefully it will all rebound someday soon…
Mirror (fitness)
I can’t recall a discussion on this recently so I thought I’d mention that I finally pulled the trigger on a Mirror (the fitness one) … it arrived yesterday morning and I already love it!
Before the stay at home, I had gone to Orangetheory Fitness 3-5 times/week consistently for over a year, the most I’ve ever stuck with a fitness routine and I was so happy with the progress I had made. I tried to get in a run here or there but I live in a heavy foot traffic neighborhood and it was just too difficult to find a route. I know OTF is reopening in some places (in my city, they’re still working it out) and I know they’ll do their best to clean, etc. but given the format, I just don’t think I’ll feel comfortable going back for a very long time.
I debated getting a treadmill or a Peloton but realized that part of what I love about OTF was the variety, and how every workout was different. I also tried a few different apps (Sweat, Aptiv) and some free YouTube videos and I guess if I were more committed to the whole thing, it would have been fine but it was just too easy to not do it.
So I bought the Mirror! I did a stretch class and an intermediate Strength class and I loved it! Super engaging, really easy to follow along, instructor was great, class was well sequenced and it was the right level of challenge. The Mirror is in my home office and I already started the day with another Stretch class. They have 15, 30 and 45 min classes and I can easily see myself taking 15 min breaks throughout the day to get in a quick class.
Anyway. I promise, I’m actually not an undercover marketing rep … just wanted to share. If there’s anyone else here who has one, I’d love any recommendations or suggestions you might have!
Anonymous
omg so jealous! this sounds amazing!!
Anon
That’s awesome! I like the Peloton and the app for the same reason – lots of shorter classes that I can get in here or there. I just wish I had heavier weights! My dream home gym equipment is the Tonal but it’s twice as much as I paid for the Peloton and a much smaller secondary market :(
Anonymous
Anyone else get mental blocks about particular work tasks for NO REASON!? It happens to me all the time, and I have been fighting one all week. As usual, the task isn’t even arduous – I just left it for so long that now it’s a Thing and for some reason I just can’t buckle down and do it! It is “first on my list” every day but never done. I’m currently procrastinating from doing it by posting this lol.
Anon
YES! I have made a stupid task that I need to do this week so much bigger in my mind and I need to just DO IT. It’s like emptying the dishwasher. It actually takes five minutes, but I think about it for like fifteen minutes a day and avoid doing it, and the avoidance is so much worse than the actual task!
I am procrastinating as well by responding to your post, ha.
Anonymous
OP here – Exactly! Love the mutual procrastination. Someone needs to tell us both to get off of here and do the dang thing!
anon
I can totally relate to the dishwasher thing. At work, I have a rule that I will immediately handle anything that is expected to take 5 minutes or less. Idk why it’s so hard for me to apply that same rule at home.
Anon
This is me every day. The killer thing is I know the task isn’t a big deal and won’t take that much time but it just spirals. It’s awful.
Anonanonanon
Yes. COVID/never-ending WFH has made this much worse for me. I should currently be doing one as well, a very easy written description of something, but I moved my calendar reminder to the next day every day this week
Anonymous
A week ago I finished a very difficult brief that I spent a ton of time on, 1 week ahead of schedule. I knew it was 100% done and completely ready for filing. I waited until literally just before midnight the day it was due to submit it. That is the easiest part of the task by a loooooooooong stretch. Why am I like this.
Aunt Jamesina
I promise I’m not bragging because I’m THE WORST at this, but I knocked two of those tasks off my to do list this morning. One of them has been on my calendar for two months and kept getting pushed back. The two tasks took 90 minutes altogether and I feel so much relief. I feel your pain! Go do them!
Anone
Profuse thanks to whoever posted that biotin was one of their acne triggers. I was going insane with pillowcase changes, phone disinfecting, prescription gel, and piles of products, and still couldn’t get a clear face. An experiment of dropping, then reintroducing, my gummy vitamins proved this to be the culprit.
I <3 you so.
BikerCurious
Could you give me some motorcycle boot recommendations? DH bought me a mini bike (so bigger than a dirt bike, but smaller than a motorcycle) and I want some boots to drive it. I’m petite and not normally a moto-style gal so any suggestions would be appreciated. I’m just going to putter around town – not going to road trip or anything.