Coffee Break: Garment Washed Linen Sheets

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1. Just signed up for my first CSA and super excited! I tend to eat the same veggies all the time and am looking forward to trying some new things. Depending on where you live, it’s also seems like a good way to support farmers right now. All of our markets are still cancelled out here.

   1. Some time ago Husband signed us up for one for the first time ever. We both promptly forgot about it. We spent most of last Friday and a fair of Saturday wondering why someone left strawberries on our porch and trying to figure out who they belonged to. Called the local farm that is doing produce deliveries because of the pandemic to see if it was from them and to try to find out who to get the strawberries to. Farm reminded us of the CSA purchase, said “they’re yours”. Thanked them. Hung up. Felt like an idiot. Ate strawberries.

      1. this made me laugh

      2. this made me laugh

   2. My preferred farm recently started doing something I don’t agree with and I had to cancel my CSA for the first time in 4 years. I’m so bummed about the prospect of finding a new farm

      1. Do tell…

         1. They used to be a plant based regenerative farm, they switched their practices to include husbandry without notifying anyone so I had already been funding them for a few months by the time I realized they changed and it was such a shady way to handle the transition that I just didn’t want them to have my money.

            1. Woke for the win! Do you not shop at grocery stores that sell meat?

            2. Yup and this is exactly why I didn’t specify in my original comment. I am very particular about how I source everything I purchase, but you’ve already decided that people only do good things for show.

      2. im so curious!! what did they start doing?

   3. I just signed up for my first one yesterday! So excited.

2. I’ve never used linen sheets. I like linen clothing but I’m just thinking linen sheets would feel a little rough.

   I did a lot of research a few years ago about sheets, and I’ve posted on here before and will say again – pima cotton is the best. It has the longest staple fibers, which means fewer little ends that poke out, which translates to extreme smoothness. Egyptian cotton also has a long staple, but not as long as pima, and it’s unfortunately subject to more labeling fraud than pima. Supima is a brand name pima cotton, and commands a premium price, but it’s not necessarily better than regular pima.

   Thread count is about how finely woven you like your sheets. I personally like an 800 count pima cotton sheet.

   We tend to use one sheet set at a time, because they get more deliciously broken in every time you wash them. So we strip the bed, wash and dry the sheets, and re-make the bed on the same day. When our last set of sheets finally wore out (husband accidentally ripped a hole in a sheet) we ordered another and were only happy with it after about four washes. But now it’s as good as the old sheets already, after 6 months.

   Sheets are so much better when you wash them weekly.

   1. I like my gardening hot and rough and my sheets cool and soft.

   2. Could you tell me more about sheets?

   3. Snagged some beautiful 800 thread count cotton sheets from Macy’s recently (thanks, end of world sales? I cringe at myself). Charter Club Sleep Luxe, king size set…$80.

   4. I love Egyptian cotton sheets, and finally bought new ones last fall. For years I never had decent sheets ever since my ex ruined my old sheets with his drinking and vomiting and bodily fluids staining everything. Dad said I needed to treat myself after my last review at work, so I did and I do not regret it, especialy b/c I have no boyfreind to soil these sheets. I recommend them to the hive!

   5. Good quality linen sheets aren’t rough. Cheap ones can be, though. Although I think even cheap linen sheets get quite soft if put in the dryer (they don’t last as long, though).

      If you like very smooth, sort of silky smooth or satiny cotton sheets, then linen may not be for you. But linen can be smooth and cool, in the right weave.

      I really like a 50/50 blend of cotton and linen, but that’s not easy to get hold of. But these last forever, I have some from my grand mother that are absolutely lovely.

      For me the main negative point about linen sheets is that they very rarely come in colours that I like. I don’t want white, beige, grey or muted sheets – I want colour! Something that actually looks good with my skin, I look half dead in beige.

3. Pre-pandemic, our sweet, lazy 6-year-old Golden Retriever-Akbash mix rescue dog was content to sleep indoors all day, even when someone was working at home. Having the entire family home seems to have disrupted her routine, even though we are all working quietly upstairs during business hours while she is downstairs. She has been sleeping less and asking to spend more and more time outside. This past week, she has begun barking and growling during the afternoon. It seems to be a bid for attention, as she acts playful if someone goes downstairs in response. She will usually go outside, but then sometimes starts barking outside as well. Up until now, she’s rarely barked. She is typically very independent and has never exhibited any signs of separation anxiety. Aside from adding a lunchtime walk and refusing to reward her barking with attention, is there anything else we should do to nip this behavior in the bud? She is not, and never will be, allowed upstairs, and I’m hesitant to start working downstairs where she is. I don’t want to encourage her to demand attention, and she doesn’t approve of screens so if I try to work downstairs she will go in another room and ignore me anyway.

   1. I don’t have advice for you, but “doesn’t approve of screens” is my own dog to a T, and I cackled. Thanks :)

      1. My cat doesn’t approve of keyboards so they must be laid upon to conquer them. He also doesn’t like pencils, pens, scraps of paper, or unfortunately glasses of water, on desk surfaces and sends them to the floor where they belong.

   2. My dog also went through an adjustment period with everyone at home. His routine got out of whack and he didn’t know how to handle it — which meant he acted in ways we did not like. Fortunately, we had crate trained him as a puppy, so we were able to do a little re-set of him in his crate during work hours. For about a week, we put him in his crate at the same time everyone morning in a room by himself with something to work on (usually frozen peanut butter yogurt in a kong), got him out of the crate at the same time every day for a lunchtime walk, then back in his crate with an afternoon project, and let him out at the same time every night. He whined a bit the first day but quickly settled into the new routine. Now he runs in and lays in his crate when it is time for us to start work, the door stays open and he just happily naps in there. Right around the lunch time, he peaks his head out to see if it walk time, and he goes right back in after his walk. Not sure if that helps you but the dog’s world at our house is again nice and calm.

   3. Our dog has also developed some ah, unique behaviors during this time. Like you, we’re working a most of the day, but I think it’s just having us at home has destroyed her entire sense of space-time.
      I don’t have much advice because our dog is older than yours and infinitely more spoiled, but it sounds like you’re doing the right things.

4. Does anyone else have “friends” who absolutely never reach out unless you initiate? And then it’s — oh I had a text written to you and just didn’t hit send or I was thinking about your or whatever. This is really showing me that people do not care whatsoever. Looks like I’ll be dropping a lot of “friends” and going friendless when this ends, which is hard but honestly what do I really have now with these friends anyway that I’d be giving up?

   1. I understand your frustration, but this sounds a little like cutting off your nose to spite your face, doesn’t it? What are you going to get out of cutting off these people?

   2. I am probably this friend. I am hesitant to reach out because I don’t want to bother you and don’t want to appear clingy and am afraid you don’t really like me that much and don’t want to waste your time on me. I frequently think, “Oh, I should text Anon and see how she’s doing” and try to come up with the perfect text message that strikes exactly the right tone, and then I lose my nerve before hitting send.

      1. I also understand OP’s frustration, but same here. It’s very hard for me to reach out to people for fear of being a burden or being rejected (thanks to my mother’s consistent and harsh rejections to me as a child! yay!). I’m working on it in therapy and in real life, but it’s a very hard thing to train yourself out of. It is most likely insecurity on the other person’s end and has nothing to do with you personally.

      2. Me too.

   3. I mean, yeah, if you keep that attitude you probably will end up friendless. I’m sure there are people it would make sense to drop from your life, but for others I’d try to be a little more forgiving and understanding. Not every relationship is going to be 50-50 all of the time.

   4. I measure both by contact initiation and plan cancellation. I’m not great on initiating but I do make the effort. I also know that in the friendships where the other person is more the initiator, I make an effort to attend things that they plan. I have dropped friendships where the other person was lacking on both the initiating stuff and showing up reliably to stuff I initiated. I didn’t do a formal drop convo – I just stopped contacting and stop initiating plans.

      1. I like this breakdown. I might not be good at initiating, but if I say yes, I will move heaven and earth to be there.

   5. I’m guilty of not reaching out, but I’m always so glad to hear from my friends and I really was thinking of them! I didn’t have (m)any friends growing up, so the idea of reaching out is hard for me. Even though I know I’m a wonderful person, I always worry they don’t want to hear from me or I’m bothering them. Sometimes I really do have to tell myself that they want to hear from me.

   6. This actually happens to me a lot. However, I’m a big planner and also a lot more extroverted than a lot of my friends. Most of the time we talk/hang out frequently enough because I’m always planning a party or going out and think the more the merrier. Sometimes I feel sad that they wouldn’t reach out to me, but I think that’s just how our dynamic has developed. In my experience, they’re not reaching out to anyone, not just “ignoring” me.

      1. Yep – same. I’m an extroverted planner, so I’m usually making plans, but that’s just me as a person.

      2. As one of those introverts with extroverted friends, please know that we appreciate all of your effort and initiation! I am terrible about initiating convos but honestly it’s because I mostly live in my own head and struggle to maintain connections with others. As a result I am so grateful for the extroverted friends I have who understand me and nonetheless want to be my friend. In return I try to always be there as a source of support when times are tough and they need someone to talk through problems with.

   7. Carolyn Hax or Danny Mallory or Ask Amy has addressed this issue. One way to look at it is to try to appreciate that the other person contributes to the relationship. Maybe they don’t initiate or reach out, but are they an amazing source of support when you ask for it? Maybe they don’t plan the party, but do they bring the cake and decorations? I don’t like Zoom social calls because I just can’t sit in front of a screen for one more second, so I don’t initiate Zoom happy hours, but if I were invited and I sensed my friend really needed interaction, I’d step up. We all have strengths and weaknesses. My best friend is kind of a flake except for when I really, really need her. I accept her for who she is and work around it.

   8. Another perspective is that in this situation, I have felt myself sliding into a little bit of a depressed state and not reaching out or responding, but knowing that it’s actually something that I enjoy so much when someone follows up with me. I understand if you think it’s unfair that they’re not reciprocating etc, but also consider that it’s not necessarily that they are in their best, rational state of mind.

      1. +1 some days, I just can’t respond. It’s not even remotely personal to the person texting me.

   9. I’ve gone through this with my two closest friends in law school, and it is really hard. The kicker for me is that they were going things together on a regular basis, and would never invite me. If I would initiate, I would just get added to something already happening and would be summarily ignored by them while I was there – it was a lot like a mean girls thing, even though we’re 30s/40s. The bright side I actually made friends with some of their friends due to this. I let the other “friends” go.

   10. I mean, I do give my friends half credit (especially lately) if they respond saying they’ve been meaning to reach out. It took me three days to respond to a message from day care this week. That being said, I have like 3 friends. They all reach out to me regularly to check in: one of them has a difficult toddler and and infant, one is a newly-single (and not by her choice) mom juggling child care and a new supervisory role in the midst of all this mess, and the third is a single mom juggling full time work and full time first grade teaching responsibilities. You’ve gotten a lot of good and thoughtful feedback here, but my honest opinion is, if the three women above can reach out to me, do I really need that one friend who’s always a flake and complains about her live-in nanny every time I text her? Nope.

   11. i’m the introverted friend who never initiates in my relationships and I just texted two close friends after seeing this. hopefully i didn’t bother them

   12. I relate a lot to the OP and don’t have a ton of people I would consider a close friend. I’m trying to get to a place where I can have friends who are almost more like acquaintances.It’s a balance but you don’t have to be best friends with them. Also, for all the friends who don’t want to be a bother, just try reaching out to someone! Maybe try once a week. It really sucks to always be the one to initiate.

   13. I’m with you, OP. This is actually a major struggle in my life. I don’t have very many friends and I find myself often thinking (and saying to my mom) that the friends I do have “suck”. What I mean by this is that they never initiate or make any effort. I have one friend who has been so dry over text even when I reach out to her that I have just stopped reaching out altogether and am unsure if we are even still friends. Other friends I find myself just being secretly mad at without saying anything and then eventually either I will cave and initiate something or a group thing will be planned by someone and I’ll interact with them there. It really does illuminate the friends that I have who actually make an effort to maintain the relationship. I don’t really have a solution either. Personally I have just stopped making an effort with people who don’t reciprocate it, but I don’t know if this is the right approach.

5. Ooooooh Linen bed sheets! They are THE sheets I use all year long now.
   I bought my first set, including a “summer cover” from rough linen. It’s gorgeous high quality linen, with a good weight, sturdy feel, and made to last years. I use the summer cover all year round (SW US). My one gripe is that they don’t sell fitted sheets, you can fold an oversized sheet onto the mattress. That makes folding your sheet set much more manageable, but I wanted a fitted sheet.
   My second set is from Garnet Hill (their in house brand). The fitted sheet is not as sturdy feeling and tends to stretch out a bit on my mattress. GH is a thinner fabric than what rough linen offers, but has far more colors. I plan on swapping out the ill fitting mattress cover to see if that helps the fitted sheet stay in place. The flat sheet is not as generously sized as I’d like for a 18″ deep mattress.
   I didn’t know lands end sold linen sheets!
   I highly recommend linen sheets and silk pillow cases. Such luxury.

   1. I love love love Rough Linen! Don’t let the brand name dissuade you – like all linen, it softens up with use and I agree with poster above that it is very lovely, high quality. I was also put off at first by not having a fitted sheet, but I’ve gotten used to folding the bottom sheet under the mattress and no longer miss it. I also have a bathrobe, duvet cover, pillow covers and baby blanket from them.

6. Is anyone making a conscious effort to cut spending now even though they are still employed? DH and I are still employed and our jobs are pretty stable – our employers managed the Financial Crisis largely without layoffs. I’m just concerned that this is the start of a much larger recession that could have unforeseen effects that last 2-3 years. Am I being paranoid?

   1. Maybe it’s paranoid, but we are too. Just out of sheer risk averse-ness, since there is so little certainty anymore. (And we work in healthcare, employer has repeatedly said no layoffs, etc., but you just never know.)

   2. I don’t really make a concious effort because it’s naturally happening. No dining out, no bars, no events, no hostess gifts because no one is having anyone over, no travel to book, no gym membership fee, no vacation clothes and no work clothes because WFH – where would I even spend money?

      1. For us childcare nearly doubled in cost (went from daycare to a nanny); so maybe I’m just trying to counteract that as well. We didn’t go out much before so no change there and we didn’t have gym memberships. But I’ve cut down on take out, tried to be mindful about grocery spending and make sure we aren’t throwing out food, no clothes spending, as few discretionary purchases as possible which is down because a new baby seems to be a ton of purchases all the time! We aren’t planning any vacations or trips – not even to see family.

         1. Ugh I’m sorry. Is it daycare that prepaid and no refund or you need to hold your spot? There should be relief for parents on this front. Double paying on pandemic is awful and should not be happening.

            1. No, it’s that a nanny costs twice what daycare does. This is why daycare is necessary for the economy to “reopen” in any meaningful sense because most of the country can’t afford nannies.

      2. I’m not spending on the usual things but have spent on cookware, a freezer, other housewares, and books so I highly doubt my family is saving

      3. Exactly, Airplane. No personal maintenance money like highlights and manicures. I am spending money ordering in, but that is a whole lot cheaper than going out since I am drinking wine from my cellar and not ordering upcharged bottles in restaurants. Our trip to the Amalfi Coast and then to Spain to see my daughter didn’t happen, and I only lost $200 in deposits on it. Therefore, I haven’t stressed much about the oversized comfy clothes I’ve continued to order.

      4. Yeah, this.

   3. Spending is like the only joy I have left, so I have been doing some online shopping in the last few weeks and not feeling too bad about it. But we are both employed and our house is paid off, so I am sure that impacts my feelings about it.

      1. I did a ton of on-line shopping during the first two months of quarantine because I bought a few things to set up a home office and home gym (cheap desk from Target, laptop stand, external keyboard, weight set) and mask-making supplies, and because I pre-purchased some clothing items that my family would be needing over the next few months (PJs, underwear, etc.) because I was concerned about supply chain disruptions. I anticipate that my spending will go way down in May.

   4. yes but not on purpose if that makes sense? I am buying extremely little new clothing given we are going nowhere, am unable to spend on normal personal services like hair, manicures, etc, we’re cooking our own meals 95% of the time (and takeout is maybe $50 once every 2-3 weeks).

      We’re not only not traveling, we’re busy collecting refunds from canceled flights…

      But it has crossed my mind that the forced savings are prudent.

      1. Same here. Not eating lunch out, getting coffee, etc. has cut down spending. No personal services. No travel. No real clothing shopping (what’s there to shop for?). Daycare is closed and isn’t charging. No events (concerts, sports, etc.). Not intentionally cutting spending but here we are.

   5. It’s happening naturally but yeah, will continue to be cautious moving forward. I don’t think we’re at high risk of layoffs, but I want our solid emergency fund to stay that way in case of a worst-case scenario. Then we can use the money for travel or a down payment once things improve.

   6. I am, to such an extreme extent that I’m concerned that it’s becoming problematic. It’s how I manifest my anxiety about the situation — try to spend as little as possible. I’ve been buying nothing but groceries and toiletries since mid-March. There’s a couple of kitchen things that I’ve been wanting to get and the idea of spending $50 is stressing me out. It’s not great, I know.

   7. If you’re paranoid, I’m there with you. I wasn’t at my firm for the 2008 recession but I’m told we didn’t have layoffs then. But I do corporate work for small-medium sized businesses and I’m definitely being careful about spending, just in case. We did use a lot of my husband’s stimulus check on an exercise bike (Schwinn IC4), but were holding off on all other big, non essential purchases. I also told him not to bother getting me a birthday gift, and our anniversary gifts to each other were $20 or less.

      We have about 2 years of emergency funds for if just I lost my job (his pays less but is more stable). However, we are still TTC, so I won’t feel comfortable until we have a bit more in savings (both to accommodate the costs that come with having a baby and to account for the increase in monthly expenses related to having a kid).

   8. I’m making a very conscious effort to amp up my savings.

   9. Count me in the camp that I’m not spending sheerly by having nowhere to go and nothing to do. But I am pouring money into my SLs esp since there’s no interest until September. Just $9k left from $130k – SO CLOSE. I figure having the $1500 minimum payment off my books every month will be like saving in a way.

      1. Similarly, I’m not spending money so am pouring money into my 401(k). Keeping just enough of my salary to pay the bills (about 50% of my take-home) and directing 50% of my salary to 401(k) withholdings. FWIW, I have a good emergency fund, and I’m not concerned about my job (fairly recession-proof industry, they told us they’re not planning to do pay cuts for staff but no raises and probably no bonuses, partners are taking a pay cut). I would be hoarding more cash savings if either of those wasn’t the case.

   10. We are actually consciously spending more right now — all at local businesses. My hair salon is closed but still selling product by delivery — and I now have more shampoo, etc that I will need in six months — but I want to make sure she can pay rent for her business location. We are ordering food at least twice a week from local restaurants and giving them 100% tips to try to help keep them afloat. We are buying anything we can think to buy locally right now. We have stable jobs that pay well, have a decent amount of savings, and feel it is important to help as many of our local businesses as possible.

       1. This is where I am. I have a lot of mandatory high expenses (carrying two mortgages — rental sans tenant at the moment), but any extra I feel is something to share back with the community via donations or patronage. My dinner = someone’s job. I am pinched, but still so fortunate. I may sell the rental (not sure I could find another tenant now and wouldn’t want to add in one until it seems that you can judge the further-downsizing risk) and in any event would like to up contributing when my situation levels out. I figure, we may need the rental property to house one of us if one of us got sick (or some family/friends), so perhaps it is a safety valve for now.

       2. Same. We are fortunate that my husband has a lot of job security and we’ll be fine financially if I lose my job. We also currently feel very cash-rich since we’re saving about $4k/month more than normal, between not paying for daycare and not being able to travel, so we’re doing our best to put a large chunk of that money back into the local economy.

       3. Same. We can afford it, so we are doing everything we can to spend locally.

   11. Honestly, not really. My job is pretty secure, and I am otherwise set up to weather a bit of a storm financially (I realize I am very fortunate in these areas). I didn’t go out much to begin with, so I am not saving much there. I am saving on gas for the car, but my utility use went up from being at home all the time – I consider these two a wash. I have been spending more money at the grocery store because I am cooking a LOT, I also have been buying myself treats from small, local, and women-owned businesses to help support them which adds up. I have been doing yard work and spending money there, as well. Let’s also not forget that I have been buying more wine and alcohol than normal (not great, but it is happening). Even though I have been granted the 6 month federal student loan deferment, I am paying on them anyway. My OTF membership is on hold, sure, but that’s $100/mo. I still am paying for my horse, my pets,

       1. Oops, hit comment too soon, but y’all get the point.

   12. Also, I’m so tempted to build up a huge emergency fund (which we’re fortunate enough to have some flexibility to do) so I have my “f no” fund ready to go if my employer tries to make me come back to the office too soon. Obviously that wouldn’t be a great scenario, but neither would getting coronavirus because I can’t get to work safely and my boss hates WFH because “she likes seeing our faces.”

   13. It happened by accident at first since not going out and having everything closed limited what I needed to buy. Now that I see how much money I saved I can’t believe how much money I was wasting. I’m a changed person.I actually think if I keep this up I can retire earlier.

   14. We have been telling ourselves that health is our priority, and throwing money at things that serve that interest. The rest of our spend is down, since sweatpants aren’t expensive.

   15. We’re saving about $400/month on gas and $600/month on daycare, but that extra $1,000 goes straight into savings.

7. There was a post yesterday asking about savings vs, checking and how much people keep in savings. I was the 23 y/o 30K poster and was interested by those who keep everything in checking. I’m not sure why my instinct is to put everything into a savings account and leave the minimum in checking, but if there’s a smarter move I’m all for it.

   Also in response to someone who said she’s not sure how someone could save much while paying for school…it’s hard!! I am the first of many siblings and my parents just couldn’t afford to finance my education. So I paid the difference after scholarships out of pocket (I was and am terrified of student loans), but tried to save as much of the remainder. For me, that meant opting out of the much more expensive school meal plan and buying my own groceries, not buying textbooks ever, etc. I graduated in 2018 without maybe a couple K in savings, but I wasn’t in the red. My full-time internship turned into a full-time job (fed in DC), and I’ve tried to save one of my paychecks each month and use the remaining one for rent, food, etc.

   I’ve never had anything handed to me (was never even on the family cell plan!), so I’m just here to say that I think a lot of us can save more than we think, if we wanted to. It’s cliche, but I truly didn’t realize how even the daily coffees or lunches here and there added up. It’s an individual calculus, but against my mid-range salary, it’s a considerable monthly expense! All that to say, if you do want to save, it can be done.

   1. “I’ve never had anything handed to me (was never even on the family cell plan!), so I’m just here to say that I think a lot of us can save more than we think, if we wanted to. It’s cliche, but I truly didn’t realize how even the daily coffees or lunches here and there added up. It’s an individual calculus, but against my mid-range salary, it’s a considerable monthly expense! All that to say, if you do want to save, it can be done.”

      I always appreciate the 23-year-old perspective on life and money. Ask a near-teenager while they still know everything, LOL, eyeroll. Congrats for doing so well but if we dug down a little bit on your life I am sure you have some privileges and circumstances that have helped you along. Assuming other people can do what you have done without knowing THEIR circumstances is a pretty big leap. I’m not worried about you, though – life will deal you the lessons you need to learn about life sooner rather than later. Believe me.

      1. +1,000,0000

         Allll of this. Look at Precious OP who was lucky enough to graduate into a great economy, was lucky enough to have access to affordable education, and was lucky enough to be immediately employed after graduation. Bless. Her. Heart.

         1. Yup. And look, normally I wouldn’t be ragging on a young person for being young, but to come here and try to tell me that it’s just this easy, dontcha know makes my eyes roll so hard they’ve fallen out of my head.

      2. Oh come on! People did ask her.

      3. I’m not saying I haven’t had privilege (don’t we all though in some way?), nor did I presume to know everyone’s circumstances. Someone asked how one can save while paying for school, and I answered with my experience and lessons learned.

         What I’m saying is, as someone who was not privileged in the typical sense of the word (not white, not rich, not private schooled, no financial safety net), I didn’t let that hold me back. I’m learning as I go, and I know life will deal me more lessons (because of course I haven’t been dealt any at 23 right?). But I want to make sure that I prepare for those as best as I can. As long as I know I did my best, I’m okay with whatever comes my way.

         I’m assuming you are older than me, but the tone of your post doesn’t convey any greater level of maturity or perspective. Your offense to my post seems like a “you” problem, not mine. Take what you want, leave the rest. Have a great day.

         1. Keep doing what you’re doing, OP. I have no idea why your post is attracting haters because it’s not exactly groundbreaking stuff, right – you’re spending less than you earn and it’s been successful for you. It’s all about consistency and good habits and it sounds like you’re nailing it!

            1. She’s getting push back because her post is tone-deaf, naive, and patronizing. Not because she revealed some controversial, groundbreaking principle that you should spend less than you earn. How can you not see that?

            2. Yes + a million to anon at 4:49.

            3. Honestly I wouldn’t be surprised if Pure Imagination is the OP, they seem cut from the same cloth at the very least.

         2. If you earn enough money right out of college that you can pay all your living expenses on half of what you earn, you have a huge leg up on most people. There’s no denying that.

            1. or maybe OP decided to prioritize financial security and chose a high paying profession. any college student can choose profession based on compensation as well

      4. LOL, I know.

      5. I feel like this is unnecessarily bitter, dude.

         1. Maybe. Just someone who had the misfortune of graduating 10 years before OP who is not interested in hearing a *23* year old lecture about how saving is totes doable.

            1. Maybe. I’m 55 and thought it was decent advice. Get over yourself .

            2. Same @ 4:56 anon. I graduated into the great recession and OP’s “advice” is heavily dependent on good fortune that you and I didn’t have.

   2. You must earn a lot. When I started working fresh out of college in 1998, the take-home pay from my primary job was $1,600 a month. This was a pretty typical entry-level salary at that time (~$30K/year gross). Rent for the cheapest apartment I could find was $900, and car insurance was $250 a month because I had just gotten my license at age 21 (parents couldn’t afford insurance for me in high school and I couldn’t afford it in college), so I had no driving history and was charged the rates a newly licensed 16-year-old would normally get. My student loan payment on the 10-year standard schedule was $175 per month. Then I had to pay for food, and a car, and gas, and utilities. Even with a second job tutoring, I could barely make ends meet. There was no way I was saving anything.

      1. Yeah, I think maybe if I had followed the path of the frat bros in my econ classes and gone into I-banking or something, I could have ended up like this, but that is not a lifestyle I ever wanted. So I made very little money for a very long time, certainly not enough that I would have been able to live off half my income.

   3. Wow, you were spending $10K/year on coffee and lunches out?

      1. Haha yeah, if I had the income to be able to afford $40 per work day in lunch and coffee I’d definitely be able to save money, too!

   4. About your last paragraph … I recognize that you did work hard, but that doesn’t mean that everyone who works hard will have the same results or opportunities. It’s great to encourage people to save but don’t fall into the trap of believing wealth or prosperity is simply earned or an option available to everyone. Real wealth building never comes down to fewer Starbucks trips or less avocado toast.

      1. Amen to this. That’s the attitude that bugs me so much. Sorry, but the system is rigged and no amount of cutting out lattes is going to make somebody wealthy.

         1. No amount of cutting out lattes is going to make somebody wealthy, but the lattes (etc) DO add up, and I think people can kid themselves that they don’t.

            1. You can’t cut out lattes when you were never buying them in the first place.

            2. Lauren, you can’t save money you never had to begin with. That is the point and you’re kidding yourself if you ignore that.

      2. +1 I am extremely privileged and did grow up with a lot of advantages and opportunities that many people did not have which have 100% contributed (as well as hard work) to my current status. There is no way in H E L L that not getting coffee out or skipping the one brunch a month could ever replicate my privileges or advantages of starting out on second/third base.

         1. OP here – you are totally right, I didn’t mean that saving small amounts would in any way offset those other factors. What I’m (obviously poorly) trying to say is, here’s the small steps I took DESPITE those things…it’s not great, but it’s not terrible. Since we can’t really change the system in a way that can meaningfully impact our short-term, why not look for the little ways we can take control? For me, on my entry-level salary, that meant making coffee at home. Which doesn’t seem huge if you’re making more than me, but for a 60K salary (before taxes)…issalot.

   5. It does add up SOOOO quick. I’ve always been shocked at just how much we’ve spent on random Amazon purchases. We’re not even big spenders overall, but man, death by a thousand paper cuts is real.

      1. OP here – right?? the random Amazon expenses ALWAYS get me. And it’s always when I can’t sleep, too…and then two days later a package arrives and I don’t know WTH it is lmao.

         1. Amazon surprises after Ambien nights are lots of fun.

   6. When you say you don’t buy textbooks, are you saying you rent them? Or do you just not have the books? Genuine question. Renting was not an option for me until my very last year of law school and it made a HUGE difference in my finances.

      If people are interested in how to increase savings at different levels, I highly recommend the Mr. Money Mustache forums. It was really encouraging for me to see school teachers and single parents change their financial lives without earning tons of money.

      1. OP: I borrowed them from the library or friends! Which I know is not feasible for everyone, but I found that you can actual inter-library loan textbooks from other schools. We also had a cool program where alumni would donate their books back.

         1. Classmates who always wanted to borrow my books and never bothered to buy their own drove me nuts. I get that many book purchases can be skipped or older/cheaper/international/digital versions used instead. I had no problem with the people who wanted to snap a photo of the most recent edition’s end of chapter questions (which they then answered using their older or international edition or alternate resources online) or borrow my books for the first few weeks because they decided to wait and see if the professor would really use them. But the people who just wanted to use my books all the time and refused outright to ever purchase their own? That’s not a smart money hack, that’s pressuring your classmates to subsidize your personal expenses.

   7. Congrats OP! I similarly had no family help and managed to pay for school etc all by my self and recently at 26 was able to purchase my first home without family help. It’s a bummer that people can’t be happy for your success and try to tear you down.

      1. OP here – that’s AMAZING! Don’t think that will happen for me for at least 2 decades with Dc/NOVA pricing, but you’re inspiring for sure.

   8. that was a fun thread! this is the link from yesterday https://corporette.com/suit-of-the-week-gabriela-hearst/#comment-4026499

   9. Hey everyone! Thanks for the positive comments! To address the others:

      – ha I WISH I made a lot of money. My bestie is in law school and when I saw her post-grad market rate salary, I nearly fainted. I make ~60K/year for the last year, 45K before that, and 25K before that. So based on that, a daily $3-4 coffee def added up! And my weekly $14 taco bowl didn’t help lol.

      – my one paycheck goes pretty fast, that’s for sure. I’m lucky to pay 1K rent in the NOVA area for a small room, and just happen to eat the same boring things, so groceries don’t cost too much. I use Ting for my cellphone plan, so the monthly rarely exceeds $50/month. And then I have Spotify Premium. Any money that’s left over is fun money! (I use public transportation most of the time, subsidized by my employer. Ubers are in fun money). My insurance and all that is taken out beforehand.

      Didn’t mean to be patronizing. I really don’t consider myself any sort of major success story lol. There are people my age WAY ahead of the game.

8. I just saw that a LinkedIn connection who works at Rite Aid posted that they are offering free COVID-19 testing for those over 18 yrs of age. It deosn’t not seem to be all Rite Aids, but there is a list of where it is available. Here is the copy from their website as an FYI:

   Covid-19 testing available at no cost for anyone 18+ years of age.

   Rite Aid has partnered with Verily and will use its Baseline COVID-19 Program to provide screening, scheduling, and return of results to participants at Rite Aid testing sites.

   1. In our city, only 8% of people tested positive. So 92% were . . . people who felt bad and failed a flu test (sometimes done) and didn’t have it. Is this regular? Like you couldn’t even get a test in so long and now either we’re not using them wisely or we’re testing lots of random people? It just seems wasteful (of tests and of making testers use PPE). And also, maybe these tests have to be re-run anyway in a week b/c you may have been exposed and just not be positive yet?

      It seems so weird, small % of symptom-having or exposed people are positive; and a good chunk of symptom-free people are positive (but can’t get tested where I am if they have no symptoms).

      Good news — a friend who was really sick in January (very early) got his antibody results back as + (his family was never sick though). I’d love to gt an antibody test, but don’t want to rush to the gates, but that’s because I traveled a ton 1Q20 and was sick-ish, but never spiked a fever and attributed it to a lingering sinus infection that I never seemed to shake.

      1. I can answer this one! If you are testing the correct people, so not over or under testing, you should get 20% positive and 80% negative. My city is 50/50 which means we are not testing enough.

         1. Huh? I don’t understand this comment at all. Are you talking about COVID-19 diagnostic tests (current infections) or antibody tests (past infections)? For the former, lower % is better but I don’t understand where 20% comes from. The percent of positive COVID tests nationally is currently around 15%, most experts believe it needs to go a lot lower before reopening is really safe (ie., we need to be testing a lot of people who don’t have it, to have an accurate picture of how and where its spreading). For the latter, there is no “target” number, and a lower just means the disease has not spread as widely in your community. NYC is over 20% but it seems like most other areas are at most 5-10%.

   2. Thanks. Has anyone from the Bay Area done antibody testing with a reputable test? If so, where did you go for the testing?

      1. Not Bay Area, but the antibody tests here are NOT reliable. Just sat through a presentation from the infectious disease folks at our local hospital. They are simply not specific nor sensitive enough.

      2. I can also give some info on this one. Where I am (not Bay Area) there is a 20% false negative rate so it is not considered reliable. I have someone finding out for me what the false positive rate is (this is through Quest) and then if that is low, I may still go ahead and do it.

      3. The Roche tests are supposed to be the most accurate (I don’t work for Roche, but this is what I’ve heard from people in the know). I’m not sure where if anywhere they’re commercially available yet though.

         1. Thanks, will wait for better data…. I had a weird respiratory infection in Feb. with nausea, chills and then a chest that felt like it was full of broken glass and mono level fatigue. CDC guidance sucked, requiring China travel for a test, so who knows….

            1. Also Bay Area and had the same symptoms in February going well into March. Was tested for mono and it was negative. Coughed for weeks and weeks. When I was finally tested for COVID via nasal swab in early April it was negative (and my chest xray was normal). I’m waiting for a reliable antibody test but I’m really curious to find out if I had it. I’m leaning towards guessing I haven’t had it because I was around a lot of people back then and don’t seem to have gotten anybody sick. COVID seems more contagious.

9. Fla. people or those who know Florida — say you’re from the northeast and you’re considering buying a home in Florida (and are really just starting on your research), where would you look. I’ve been to West Palm Beach a number of times and like that area. Though I’m told WP itself can be higher crime and you’re better off going to Palm Beach Gardens, Delray, Deerfield etc. While proximity to the beach is nice, I don’t see myself paying millions to be on the beach itself. This is more of a getaway just to get out of the north, live someplace different for stretches of time, and if that means driving to the beach, that’s ok. Where would you look? What would be your considerations? I’m torn between the single family home vs. the apartment/condo thing. An apartment building seems “safer” in that I wouldn’t be there for months at a time — plus I’d imagine fewer animals/insects etc. since you’re higher up/enclosed. But then obviously you’re giving up outdoor space and your own palm trees in the backyard — looking at palm trees is a huge part of wanting to do this anyway (though not the only consideration obviously). Where to start?

   1. Start with what you’re looking to get out of it

   2. I wouldn’t. Not in a million years. Have you spent lots of time in Florida? Do you like its culture? Do you like the locals?

      If I were wealthy from the NE looking for a warm destination vacation home, I’d look to the Georgia/SC coast.

      1. OP here — why do you say that? Honestly I’m looking for a retreat — warm in the winter, palm trees, beach/close to a beach. While I’ve spent time in Fla, not interacting with locals. This wouldn’t be my main home so I guess I’m wondering how much the locals matter. The only people I ever run into in Fla are always NJ/NY people where I’m from also so no I guess I haven’t been with Fla natives. I’m not opposed to the Carolinas — but have minimal knowledge there; will take suggestions on either.

         1. You can fly to a lot of Florida places. In the Carolinas, you may have a flight + a lot of driving. Where will you leave your car? Also in the Carolinas, you may need a car to go get groceries, etc. All of the NC and SC beaches that I love are car-mandatory (even BHI, you need a car to get to the ferry; I can’t imagine flying into Wilmington and then getting an Uber to Southport and then taking the ferry over).

            Unless you go to Myrtle Beach (fly in; Uber to your high-rise or golf condo). But Myrtle Beach can be very . . . Tiger King. The 4th of July fireworks on the beach are their own special level of awesome though.

         2. if you want to be able to enjoy the beach in winter in a swimsuit, the Carolinas and Georgia won’t necessarily give you that. Hence my comment below about Naples. We’ve been to both the Palm Beach and Naples areas many times (grandparents on both sides) and have learned to schedule the Naples visits for deeper winter and the Palm Beach visits for more shoulder season. Naples in July was a “never again no wonder the flights were so cheap is this the gulf or a bathtub” experience.

         3. I spent the second half of my childhood in Sarasota, and you could not pay me to live there. It is uncomfortably hot and humid 9 months out of the year, and you are living in a retirement community. (I’m 43).

      2. We have family in FL and spend a decent amount of time down there. I would never buy property there unless I could walk out the back door onto an uncrowded beach. And I’m sure you can find beachfront property in much nicer places.

   3. If you’re planning on living there in winter or spring, I would highly recommend going gulf rather than Atlantic for better weather. Naples attracts plenty of educated snowbirds from my NE city.

      1. I know many people from the NE who have homes in the Naples / Ft Myers area. My retiree parents are looking at homes right now in that area and seem to like it, and have several friends nearby.

   4. Have you ever owned a home (house) before? If not, and you aren’t a year-round resident, I wouldn’t start with a house. I’d start with a condo so someone will be aware of whether there is a hole in the roof, a break-in, etc. I wouldn’t necessarily prefer it if I were there year-round though.

   5. Don’t forget townhomes are an option, kind of the best of both world IMO. Palm Beach Gardens is really nice, nice beaches, close to a major airport, close to a lot of interesting areas like Jupiter.

   6. Florida is a big place.
      Why are you moving?
      Can you move anywhere in Florida, or are you limited to a location by your job?
      How long do you plan to live in Florida?
      What do you like to do?
      Given that there are already issues re: sea level rise, I would not purchase a beachfront property.

   7. Floridian here. You may also want to consider St. Petersburg and Sarasota areas. Gulf coast. Winter and spring are gorgeous here. Summer and most of fall is ridiculously hot. You can get a cute bungalow with palm trees in the yard and driving distance to the beach for a good price. Lots of people from NE and Canada here in the winters.

   8. I spend a lot of time in Florida for work. I would so much rather be on the gulf side than the Atlantic side, especially South Florida. It has a much more relaxed vibe. Agree with looking at St. Pete and Sarasota areas, and around Naples. But Palm Beach Gardens is nice, in a generic upscale suburb type of way.

   9. We closed on a home in Naples during the pandemic (all done remotely – this was in the works, had a contract, and then the pandemic happened, and we were already committed …), so god knows when we will be down there to enjoy it. (I know, first world problem.) We chose near the beach because that’s the whole purpose IMO. We did not look at Georgia or SC because moving to FL is motivated by tax / estate reasons. The east coast is certainly nice as well; I would spend time visiting all the areas before deciding.

   10. I haven’t lived in Florida, but my BFF moved to West Palm about 5 years ago from a landlocked, middle of the country city. She, DH, and DS love it. Other than their jobs, their entire lives are spent outside all year long: beach twice a week, home pool most days, runs, walks, bikes, etc. They now own paddleboards too, which they do regularly. They were active before they moved, but the move has allowed them to become more so and be outside all year long. Every time I visit (and I’ve been during every season), I wish I could stay. She and I talk every day and they are extremely happy with the move and WPB generally. Hurricanes are the biggest downside, of course.

   11. I would pick Miami area or Naples.

10. I’m dealing with Stuff that’s officially boiled over. I pinged 15 people on psychology today last night, having heard back from 3 so far. Two contacted me tiredly and the third’s admin called and had me answer some intake questions, and talked about some Practice Name Group and sounded super official and frankly intimidating, referring to all the doctors there. Did I miss something or is that expected? I just want to talk to someone about some (albeit major) relationship communication issues in a judgement free space on my own. I was surprised by the formality and reference to multiple doctors.
    I don’t need a doctor? Sigh. I’m shooting in the dark here.

    1. I think she’s just giving you the same info she gives all potential new patients?

    2. * two contacted me directly and the third feels like they’re part of this giant medical practice, which might be an overstatement but it’s intimidating.

       1. I’m sorry you are going through a hard time.

          If you are intimidated by the large practice group, can you work directly with the two who contacted you to schedule an appointment? I apologize, but I’m not 100% clear on how we can help you. All will have some sort of intake process, which involves some questions, similar to a traditional MD office/practice.

          FWIW – My therapist works solo, so she can’t always respond because she is with patients. I have to leave a message or text and then she lets me know when she has free spots, I schedule, and we meet/talk. If it’s a large practice, I suspect they are giving you the information of the available therapists/psychiatrists. You’ll have to work with them to determine who is right for you and then schedule an appointment.

       2. I went through the intake process within a big practice group, and actually would really recommend it. Because they have multiple doctors, they use the intake information to pair you with a doctor who can handle your particular needs. For example, I needed a doctor who specialized in anxiety and phobias, which I think would be a bit different from someone who was clinically depressed vs someone with family issues they just want to talk through. Maybe all the doctors could have handled my issues, but I like to think they paired me with the best person for me. I ended up really liking her.

          1. Thanks. I think this is all I was looking for. I’m 35, a stoic irish catholic background and therapy is weakness according to my upbringing. Reaching out was so big of a mental hurdle that I don’t think I thought about what to expect once someone got in touch with me. Getting a formal, sort of cold sounding voice on the other end of a group called “Psychological Healthcare Practice” referencing lots of doctors and procedures and forms out of the gate definitely didn’t fit my (admittedly, wholly uninformed) expectation of what it was going to be like. I’ll admit a big part of my knee jerk reaction was “What are you talking about. I don’t need a doctor…”… which is probably unfair, but again, I’m in really new territory here. I’m very nervous and trying to not give myself an undue opportunity to opt out.

             Since the first post and now I have something on the calendar with one of the sole practitioners on Tuesday.

    3. Anybody you see is going to have you answer intake questions, that’s part of how they begin to help you. I don’t know why having an admin contact you would put you off, I certainly wouldn’t let it.

       1. I guess I’ve only seen private practice therapists, but they all took their own calls, and “intake” was just a brief phone conversation. So maybe OP could seek out someone who has their own practice?

          1. My therapist has her own practice and it’s just her and I still had to do an online intake form.

    4. That’s great that you already heard back from 3 practices after 1 day. What you’re describing seems pretty normal… sounds like you even have the option of picking a larger or smaller practice.

    5. For relationship counseling resources you might also try the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. Easily found online. They have a therapist finder, and also a lot of 2 or page papers about different issues.

    6. I don’t know if you’re still reading, but my wonderful therapist is doing teletherapy and remotely. Email me at seniorattorney1 at gmail if you want his contact info.

11. DH owns a condo from 1 year before we were married. He intends to own it for possibly his entire lifetime, to generate rental income. He wants to refinance. Would you want to be added to the loan and title? I can’t decide. He doesn’t want to add me because he thinks there may be some advantage to keeping me debt free for future home purchasing, but I am worried I won’t get my fair share if we divorce. We have about equal income FWIW, and are hoping to buy a house in the next year or so.

    1. Absolutely. Get your name on the title.

    2. “He doesn’t want to add me because he thinks there may be some advantage to keeping me debt free for future home purchasing, but I am worried I won’t get my fair share if we divorce.”
       Get added to the title and not the mortgage.

       1. Wondering if you could do an act of donation and he could donate a one-half undivided interest in the home to you? I have seen it done in my community property state that someone who owns a house prior to the marriage can donate the property to the community regime.

    3. Are you in a community property state? if so, unless the home is titled “Husband, as his sole and separate property” any gains on the property during your marriage are community property. The net value of the condo when he bought it and for the one year before you were married does not belong to you in any case.

       There’s no advantage to keeping you off the title. You’re still joinly responsible for debts as a married couple. Don’t let him do the sole and separate property title (you’d have to sign off on that) and you’re ok either way.

       1. The details of this depend on the state, even among community property states. In my community property state, the condo and any gain in value would belong to the husband, and any rental income would be community property. OP would have to be added to the title to get anything other than the rental income in a divorce.

       2. Not in a community property state. Thank you!

          1. Even in non-community property states, property owned by one spouse prior to marriage often is not considered marital property in the event of divorce.

       3. It’s not true that a married couple is jointly responsible for separate debts!!!

          1. I’m guessing this varies from state to state, but in my community property state, no you aren’t technically responsible for separate debts, but if my income is our community property, then that income can be taken to pay my husband’s separate debt, because the income is partly his. The effect ends up being quite similar.

    4. FWIW, my first husband and I did only put one person on each property’s title so that the other person’s income was “available” for the next property purchase. And when we divorced, I took my property and he took his.

    5. We own everything as JTWROS because it avoids probate.

       1. You can achieve the same with a trust.

    6. Why on earth would you be entitled to any share of a property that he owned before your marriage? Are you paying significant direct costs for the condo?

       I am in your husband’s position and there is no way I’d ever give a spouse any right or title to a property I bought Before Us.

       1. Wow, I mean I get preserving your assets if you’re concerned about divorce, but it’s not irrational to merge assets either. If you want to make sure that your spouse is taken care of in the event of your death, one of the easiest ways to do that is to jointly own your things. I’d never tell anyone what’s right for their relationship but there’s not a rule here.

          1. But she specifically mentioned wanting to be on the title in the event of a divorce, not in the event of a death.

    7. Mortgage loan originator here…definitely get added to title at the very least, avoid probate if the worst were to happen, but if you wanted the mortgage in your name after his death (instead of just making payments on the mortgage he had)) you’d either need to assume the loan which isn’t always an option or refinance.

       As far as keeping one income “open” this only works/matters if you’d be on the mortgage of the home you’re purchasing alone, which means that you’d need to be able to qualify for the mortgage solely on your income. If you need both incomes to qualify for House 2, there is no negative impact to you both being on the mortgage for House 1- you don’t get double dinged for it.

12. Does anyone have a “level up” blanket for between the sheet and duvet — bonus if it’s available at Bloomingdale’s? My husband is always hot and I’m always freezing; the “twin blanket on our king bed” hack gets all bunchy and isn’t ideal.

    1. We have a lightweight Tommy Bahama knit blanket that bridges the gap for us.

    2. I have a cotton blanket from L.L. Bean. It seems to add the extra weight without being too hot.

    3. We have a pendelton wool blanket that works really well for this situation and looks pretty too!

13. General question: How do you take the edge off? My answer for the past 15 years has been to drink a ton. Tonight I’m trying dance party. What else should I add to my list?

    1. HIIT, yoga

    2. Tea, baths, running, self-gardening

    3. In my recent experience marijuana takes the edge off a lot better than alcohol. Everything just feels a bit lighter.

       1. This, absolutely. Alcohol feels good in the moment but makes me feel much, much worse the next day, and I’m not just talking physically. Marijuana is way better for me.

       2. +1, especially indica-dominant strains

    4. My go-to is to drink a bottle of wine haha. But when trying not to drink so much, running and taking a bath also help me.

    5. Watching something very very funny – I watch a lot of stand-up. Recently discovered Middleditch and Schwartz on Netflix and it was a riot. Taylor Tomlinson has a recent comedy special too that’s great.

    6. I love taking baths! So relaxing to veg out in the tub, with mindless reading or watching tv shows on my phone (with the door locked so that my 2 kids can’t bother me lol!)

    7. Orgasms.

14. A hotel canceled my pre-paid reservation and is refusing to honor my request for a refund, they will only give me a credit. I have no real interest in a credit, since we have no idea if/when we will go back to that place and if we do we might stay with family instead of in a hotel. I’ve seen the recommendation to ask your credit card company to dispute the transaction, but I don’t want to do that if it means the CC company will be out the money, since they didn’t do anything wrong. Does anyone know if my CC company might be able to get the money out of the hotel? It’s the hotel that’s in the wrong here, I feel.

    1. Omg what? I assure you your credit card company is a big boy who can figure out how to handle this

    2. It’s exceptionally common for the CC company to “fight” this battle for you. There’s no need to feel the guilt you feel.

    3. LOL you’re worried about your credit card company losing money?

       1. It’s more that I’m mad at the possibility of the hotel getting off scot-free? It seemed plausible to me that a huge CC company would decide that the money they’d have to refund me (about $1000) isn’t worth fighting over, and then the stupid hotel didn’t give me what I paid for and still gets all the money. I dunno, maybe I’m too sensitive but it annoys me when companies get away with sh1t like that. I was hoping someone could tell me that the CC company would fight the hotel and get the money out of them and then I would feel better about pursuing it via them.

          1. Gently, you’re being naive. Handling disputes of this nature is just part of what a CC company does. Amex in particular is known for this.

          2. What usually happens in a dispute is that the CC company tells the hotel that one of their charges is being disputed. The hotel will have X many days to respond to show the charge is valid. If they do not respond or fail to show valid support the CC will initiate a take back that results in them shorting a future payment to the hotel by that amount. This literally will happen everyday in some companies so it is normal.

15. Has anyone else noticed an increase in doctors coding free preventative visits like annual physicals and pediatric well checks as non-preventative office visits just because you discussed some minor or chronic health issue at the appointment? It’s happened to my family three times in the last year or so. The most recent – and most egregious, imo – example is that at my 2 year old’s well visit with her pediatrician, as we were getting her dressed to leave, her ped noticed a small spot of eczema.
    Ped: What’s that on her arm?
    Me: It’s eczema. It runs in the family and it doesn’t seem to be bothering her.
    Ped: I can prescribe a steroid cream that might help.
    Me: Sure?

    A few weeks later I got a bill in the mail for $150. I called the billing department and told them there was a mistake and this was a well-check that should have been covered by our insurance. They looked up the records and said that the pediatrician coded it as an office visit for a dermatological issue. Are you freaking kidding me!? I didn’t even raise the issue, and I was the one who gave the ped the diagnosis! They said I could appeal it, and when I did they eventually agreed to reduce it to 50/50 preventative/non-preventative, so I only have to pay $75. I can afford the $75 so I’m not going to keep fighting this, but I know lots of families can’t and it seems crazy that you can’t bring your child in for a supposedly free well check because the ped might notice something that can be written up as a medical issue and can turn the appointment into a non-preventative one.

    I feel like this never used to happen but it has happened to me a lot lately, so I was just wondering if anyone else has experienced this or knows if there’s been some kind of recent rule change that allows doctors to do this.

    1. I moved here from abroad, and have only had the privilege of the US health care system for a few years, but my understanding is that what you describe is more or less the norm. Preventative visits are free under my insurance, but the moment you bring up any concern at all, it turns into a visit with copay. The last case you describe with the doctor suggesting a prescription is maybe a fishy, like they were ‘making’ you declare something, but in general that’s the way it goes.

    2. I don’t know about a rule change, but I have definitely noticed the same thing. I also know a lot of people who have gotten caught in the “colonoscopy gap” (where a preventive scan is covered under the ACA, but if it comes back abnormal, the insurance charges it as diagnostic rather than preventive).

       I’ve noticed that sometimes an appt originally scheduled with a specialist is covered by their NP. I have been feeling weird about paying my significant specialist copay when I only spoke with the NP (who is typically great but not always able to answer questions or advance treatment). I guess I can always follow up with the specialist on the patient portal, and I doubt anyone gets paid for that, so it probably all evens out in the end.

    3. I had this happen at a physical, where I thought I had paid to ask general questions, but was double charged. Was yours at Sutter?

       1. Nope; a small hospital system in the Midwest. I can sort of see it being justified if you go to a physical and start asking questions about health issues (although isn’t that sort of the point of a physical?), but in this situation it really irks me because it was the doctor who raised the issue and I didn’t even care about the problem (although I did accept the prescription, I guess I should have turned it down).

    4. Responding to this too late for you to see probably, but I had this happen to me last year. I had my annual well woman exam and discussed my ongoing painful sex issues/low libido issues. Was shocked to get charged for the visit.

    5. Responding late, but yes. I had this towards the end of last year. When I went in for my “annual” physical this past February, I was handed a sheet that explained terminology and how to schedule an appointment for the free preventative visit. Apparently, you need to use those exact words when scheduling with this practice — and not the words “annual physical — and it would have been nice to know before I scheduled as opposed to when I showed up at the office. I’m writing it off to medical billing and charting has gotten too crazy, and since it was only an additional $40 out of pocket for this year I’m not going to fight it, but will be careful when scheduling next time.

16. Not looking to get into an argument but due to some recent events I’m looking to buy a shirt or donate to a cause against police brutality and violence. Any Canadian suggestions?

    1. blacklivesmatter dot come has a shop section.

    2. Can you not? The Canadian police system is entirely different from the US. You’re unfairly painting people in a different country with the same brush.

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