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Coffee Break: Janis Pump

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Lisa for Donald Pliner JanisI found the black version of these pumps last week while doing our roundup of “interview pumps” — classic almond toe, nice mix of textures/fabrics, and I'm kind of digging the green sole. I like the black and “feather” colors, but the brown ones are the best sale — were $265, now marked 62% off to $99 at 6pm. Nice. Lisa for Donald Pliner Janis (L-2)

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

109 Comments

  1. Sorry to threadjack right away, but I am hoping to make use of some of the hive’s collective experience and wisdom. I have been practicing law for six years, working for my father (a sole practitioner) while building my own practice. I have finally figured out what types of law I like, what I don’t like, etc…. gotten my billing habits into check… moving towards the natural trajectory of my own independent practice. I have been very fortunate to have a ton of job flexibility, and I live in an area with low cost of living, but I have definitely traded income for improved quality of life. Now my husband and I are talking about TTC, and I am realizing that I have no idea how a sole practitioner would take maternity leave, much less be able to go part-time for a while, which would be my ideal choice. So what now? Has anyone made this work, or known anyone who did? Do I need to go try to find a different job asap so that I’m not IMMEDIATELY taking maternity leave? The background perspective is that while I enjoy my job, I’d like to focus on my family for a while and I’m okay taking a career hit to do so…but even if DH and I could swing me staying at home for a few years, I’d like to have some type of career to come back to. Have my choices to this point left me SOL?

    1. Will your dad continue to practice for a while? Can you stay partnered up with him so that he can cover your cases while you take a short leave and then you do less work part-time for a while?

      1. This. Or is there another solo practitioner you trust to cover for you and vice versa?

        1. My dad is clearly the easy choice to cover for me, but unfortunately the practice areas I have been developing are different from his specialties. Now that I think about it though, the things I do that he doesn’t (example – estate planning) are really the things least likely to have an emergency come up – I think I need to spend some time breaking it all down into smaller pieces to think about.

    2. I’ve never been a strict solo, but I’ve been on a pretty much eat what I kill basis for most of my career. I would say that you can take some time mostly off (say, 3 months), as long as you have someone on hand for back up and emergencies (your dad or another attorney you trust), but you will likely have to deal with phone calls and emails on a daily basis during that time. (I did that for eight weeks PP just recently. I had partners at my firm for back up, but I literally never used them. I did have an awesome assistant in office, though, which I would also highly recommend you make sure that you have.) It’s fairly easy to manage your calendar so that you clear out the few months after birth, though I’m sure that it would be harder if you have complications, though people are fairly understanding, IME.

      Now, if you want to take off for longer, I think that you would likely be re-starting from something approximating scratch, and you would have to wrap up your business pretty well before hand, which would certainly give you a significant income hit. Of course, you will still have the knowledge of how to start up a business and manage it, so you should be able to restart fairly well. And you could restart slow, before you’re ready to get back entirely in the game, if that’s financially feasible.

      If you’ve never checked them out, try looking at MyShingle.com – the blogger there has discussed a lot of solo-related issues, and I think that she’s gone into that a few years ago. Also, you might want to dip your feet into SoloSez, through the ABA – that’s a listserve of solo and small-firm attorneys who have a lot of good insights on issues like this. (I’ll admit that I dropped out of the listserve because I found it overwhelming, though.)

      Good luck to you!

      1. Unfortunately I’m not, but there’s one more reason for us to try to move there!

  2. All – do any of you work with start ups? I’m a 3L, summered mainly with the firm’s lit group last summer, but have been asked to start out in the firm’s start up group. This group does a lot of licensing/IP transactions, and I was wondering if anyone could point me to any resources that discuss what type of work I’d be doing when I start. I know nothing about licensing/IP transactions/start-ups, so I’m a blank slate and would appreciate any guidance!

    1. But I work at a startup.

      Some thoughts

      1) If the startup is early stage, unfunded, getting money out of it to pay the bills will be tough.
      2) We mostly use our attorney for IP transactions (for example, transferring IP from a university to a company), preparing documents for investors (private placement memorandums etc) licensing agreements to develop or sell our products, equity agreements, or employment agreements with top brass.
      3) Not relevant in our company, but you may be doing some work with protection of trade secrets, sometimes really basic work like setting up an NDA for them, etc.

      One big thing to know – on March 16, US patent law is changing to “first-to-file” a patent from “first to invent.” This may come into play when you are dealing with itty bitty fish (startups) talking to huge multinationals about licenses, mergers, or acquisitions. Multinationals with virtual patent firms will now have the edge, which means startups going in with an idea or an invention need to have all their IP ducks in a row.

      This is a pretty good blog on the subject:
      http://www.startuplawblog.com/

    2. I did some of this when I first started out. You will likely have a broader, corporate practice rather than a lit practice unless you focus on IP litigation. Are you patent bar eligible? Not a bad practice area if the start ups are bio/tech ish. YMMV if start up is firm shorthand for small business doing not interesting work. What do the partner/associate group bios say – how do they describe their practice? That is likely your best resource.

    3. I work with lots of biotech start-ups. I agree that funding for them is most important. Regulatory strategies, regardless if they want to export or not, are also important – there’s been a bunch of regulatory changes within biotech/technology agencies around the world, and they all impact the company at some point (usually the bottom line). Maximizing efficiency is key for them – doing the most with the least.

      1. Oh yeah. We shopped around until we found an attorney that didn’t need to put EVERYTHING in their own ABC Firm format-for-contracts and was upfront and fair enough to say when we drafted things ourselves “yeah, this is okay, I might have written it differently but it will protect you fine” or “no, there are holes here and here and we can take a crack at fixing them.” Maybe since you will be a first year, you’ll be less involved in this stuff.

        1. Actually, I find that if the client has its own form (for example, they’ve crafted a privacy policy from something they found on the internet) it’ll take me much longer to review and make it sufficient for their business than if I start with our form and tailor it for their needs. I always tell them this upfront and they can decide which route they want to take.

    4. I’ve done a fair bit of work with tech start-ups. Depending on how large your firm is, you may find yourself doing a lot of work with stock option/incentive arrangements, shareholders’ agreements and general corporate structure, as well as what you might expect in terms of licensing and IP work. The whole experience will be very different from litigation. You will also find that you will have a variety of clients that range from sophisticated serial entrepreneurs to individuals who are just venturing into the business world and need a lot of hand-holding. With my tech start-ups I’ve even had discussions as basic as explaining the difference between a director and a shareholder.

      I don’t have any particular suggestions re resources, but if you have an opportunity you might want to look up some CLEs on employee incentive programs, shareholder agreements and licensing agreements.

    5. I work in the Valley in corporate and while I mostly do later stage work and transactional work for those companies, I’ve done a lot of startup work in the past few years. It can be cookie-cutter if it’s just incorporations, but our companies want that from a cost-standpoint. Things are less cookie cutter when it gets to their transactional/specialist documents (such as IP/licensing, trademark, employment, etc.)

      I echo what everyone has said regarding efficiency–this is not a “getting to perfect” practice, but rather a “what is prudent and adequate given cost constraints of our client” practice. If you are doing tech trans, you will mostly be reviewing licensing agmts, NDAs, etc.. But if you do startup work on the corporate side, you really represent a corporation from incorporation, through all of the typical governance issues (many of which are financing/equity related) and even do some hand-holding regarding business strategy and how it dovetails with legal. Your work could be really broad if it’s company rep for startups, or quite specific if you are only handling tech licensing or tech transactions. FWIW, tech licensing lawyers who have a few years of firm experience are very in demand in the private sector in the Valley here, so you would have good exit opportunities at any contract-heavy mid-stage company.

      I would also add that for true startups, it is highly unlikely that they have anyone in-house that does legal, so you spend a fair bit of time training them to get systems and processes in place so that they don’t lose everything. Most of my startup clients are the dreamy entrepreneur types who can’t be saddled with “details.” It’s best when they have a great assistant or a business-type to keep them organized and have them stop and slow down every once in a while to think about whether they are “protected” or “exposed” from a legal standpoint.

      Hope that helps.

  3. I’m a few years into my legal career. Most days, I enjoy it, but have come to the realization that very few people actually know what they’re doing and even fewer can articulate it to their junior associates. Going forward, I’d like to be better self prepared and less reliant on my superiors on what needs to be done/how to do it.

    How do you talented ladies educate yourself in your practice area? I know there are CLEs/blogs specific to all areas of law, but in my experience, those tend to be very generalized/not very helpful day to day. Would be most grateful to hear what you ladies do to substantively educate yourself on your area of law.

    1. Does your firm have a PLI membership? I like going to PLI seminars every now and then. I find that they’re pretty useful, and often geared towards people who have been practicing for a while. Other than that, I sign up for newsletters and also try to ask questions whenever I can. My group also meets monthly to talk about practice developments.

    2. 1. Continually consult the reference manuals in your area of law. Don’t assume that you know anything. When anyone asks me a question, the first thing I do is ask “what does the MPEP say about this?” or “have you checked the MPEP?”

      2. Read the practice-specific blogs. It may not feel like it’s applicable or particularly useful day-to-day. I do incorporate some of it into my practice and as issues come up, I’m glad I’ve read the blogs and can support my position.

      3. Second the PLI rec. If PLI is too expensive, look for courses taught by practicing lawyers. I have found that going to a course or symposium sponsored by a law school is a waste of time (at least in my niche). Don’t go to PLI thinking you’ll learn anything new–it’s going to be a rehash of what you already know. Go into it with an open mind for figuring out how other people address common scenarios and see if you might incorporate one or two things into your practice. After a day-long course, I might have 3 new practice tips (if I’m lucky).

      4. Talk to your colleagues, including your mentors and mentees. Hash out the issues and don’t be shy. Bring up recurring themes that you see in your practice if your group has weekly or monthly meetings.

    3. I kind of have this issue. I am the onley lawyer less then 35 year’s old, with all of the partners out of law school b/f I was even BORN. So much of thier knoweledge is stale (and wrong). So what I have to do is alot of self study. I read alot of trade magazine’s, such as the ABA Journal (even tho they do NOT want me comenting there)– I also read the NY Law Journal RELIGOUSLY. That, however is a newspaper, but I also need it for the litiegation page’s to watch for calendar call’s b/c Frank is lazy and I can NOT rely on him to keep me abreast of my case’s. FOOEY b/c he should do this as part of HIS job!

      The manageing partner does some CLE’s, and I go to them for FREE (Yay), but I do all of the prep work for him on them so I do NOT learn from HIM as much as I do from the prep work. I also get to go to the NY Bar lecture’s free b/c the manageing partner once dated the secretary there, and she is still workeing even tho she is in her 60’s.

      The rule is, you get out what you put in, so I learn alot by studyeing. Do NOT rely on others to teach you. You must take responsibility for your own educeation! Yay!

    4. I think I just learn by doing. So I will learn all about a substantive area of law while researching and drafting a motion or brief on a particular area. I also keep up with developments in our local jurisdiction by reading cases that come out monthly and I attend CLEs on substantive areas. But the real learning goes on at my desk (researching and writing) or more informally while bouncing ideas off of my co-workers.

  4. Can anyone recommend a tailor/seamstress in the DC/NoVa area who can make a sari blouse?

    Thanks!

    1. Not sure about making, but you can look at India Sari Palace in Takoma Park, MD. They have a really large selection. And they can probably direct you to someone who can help you out if they don’t have anyone in-house

    2. Aw man, I can’t find the name of the place! But a couple of years ago I was in my friend’s wedding and had my sari blouse made up at a place near seven corners. It was a little shop with Indian clothes and jewelry, and the shop was in a strip mall with, I think, a very small Indian grocery. The seamstress was a tiny old woman who didn’t speak any English but she took like two measurements and when I came to pick it up, the fit was amazing! I swore I wouldn’t be able to fasten it, but it turned out to be EXACTLY the right size. Fit like a second skin — tight through the body but with full arm movement and never felt binding at all. If you find a shop just outside seven corners that sounds like my description, I highly recommend it. Wish I could find the name!

      1. Oh, plus she made the seams with lots of room to let them out. When I needed the sari for another friend’s wedding two years (and a few pounds) later, it was easy to make it fit!

  5. Piggybacking on this weekend’s discussion on switching practice areas, what does a typical day look like for transactional lawyers?

    I’m a litigator at a regional firm and am thinking of going over to firm’s corporate department but really don’t have a big picture sense of what transactional lawyers do. For litigation, we prepare for trial (how do we convince the judge our argument is credible? what facts help us get there? what questions help us make our point in depositions?). What is the big picture for transactional attorneys?

    On a related point, what does a work day in the corporate dept look like? A typical day in lit looks something like: 4 hrs – doc review, 2 hrs – work on discovery responses, 1.5 hrs – research question re discovery motion

    Thanks in advance!

    1. There is no typical day in the world of corporate/transactional work (I do both, and they really blend). It depends on where you are in a transaction. If I am not in the throes of a closing, I may find myself spending a couple of hours on shareholder or limited partnership agreements, another hour reviewing matters with our corporate paralegal, half an hour on the phone with a client explaining why we can’t backdate corporate documents (sheesh, clients, gotta love ’em) and a few more hours working with clients on preparing letters of intent or moving along contract negotiations on a deal. If I am in the middle of trying to finalize or close a transaction, all bets are off – I could spend entire days in negotiation sessions, with evenings turning a share purchase agreement – or I could spend 10 hours at a stretch reviewing and revising closing documents I’ve received from the other side. As a more junior lawyer, you could find yourself spending an entire day revising the transaction closing agenda. So it really depends. I enjoy corporate and transactional work because it is different every day and I get to learn about a variety of industries. But it is inevitably very paper-heavy, and some people don’t like that.

    1. Me too (well for April!). My fiscal year end is March 31st so the prospect of this vacation is really going to help me power through…

    2. I am so jealous! Everytime I think I see a break in my schedule, something else gets scheduled a few weeks after that. I can’t see myself being able to take a real vacation until the end of June at least and I could desperately use some sun and R&R right now!

    4. We have ten days in Hawaii on the books for April. Though some of you scared me this morning in regards to babies and time change (ours will be just shy of 4 months), after a sixteen hour OR day yesterday with breaks to pump and shuttle milk home I am dreaming of beaches and warm air even if the baby is up at all hours.

      1. It really isn’t so bad. My babies schlepped to Europe 4x a year the first 5 years of their lives, and at least 3x to Jamaica. You’ll be fine…

  7. What-to-wear TJ:

    I’m a future summer associate invited to a spring training game with my summer firm and many of its clients. It’s going to be warm.. and nerve-wracking!

    What would you wear?

    1. When I went to baseball games as a summer associate everyone wore jeans, but that’s probably a know your office thing. I would not wear jeans unless you’ve received the OK; does the invitation say or is there a coordinator you can ask? If you’re really up in the air, maybe a fun-colored pencil skirt (I’m thinking The Skirt in coral or turquoise), a cotton shell, and a light cardigan to cover your shoulders. Fwiw, I’d rather be the SA who showed up in a cardigan and pencil skirt when everyone’s wearing jeans than the SA who showed up in jeans when everyone’s in work attire.

      1. It’s a business casual firm on a Saturday. Weather looks like it should be in the 80s by then (it’s about time!). The invitation doesn’t give any hints.

        I don’t own any fun-colored skirts, but that means I can use this as an excuse to go shopping, right? I also only own flip-flops, running shoes, and one pair of pumps. Any suggestions on a fun shoe splurge or two?

        Thank you for the help!

        1. I’d definitely pick up a pair of flats that you can wear to work but also wear casually. Jcrew has a lot of options.

    2. Comfortable shoes, jeans, and, if you have one, a team jersey. If you don’t have a team jersey, a lightweight sweater or nice t-shirt. I’d err on the side of caution and stay away from sleeveless shirts. I’d wear a baseball cap to protect against the sun.

    3. What area of the country are you in? Will you be going after work? Can you ask your recruiting person what’s appropriate? I’m in FL, and if we were going to a spring training game not after work, I’d probably go with a casual sun dress (it gets HOT). If it were after work, I agree with a fun colored pencil skirt and an appropriate tank under a sweater you can take off. Also go with the latter if your seats are in a box.

      1. I’m also in a hot part of the country. It’s not after work, but there was mention of a reception for a couple of hours before the first pitch. Does that mean it will likely be in a box? I’ve only ever bought a square of grass to sit in before, so this is all new to me.

    4. I went to a baseball game when I was a summer, and remember the same dilemma! (This was a summer, not spring, minor league game in Tennessee – very hot, and there were hotdogs and hamburgers in a picnic area). IIRC, most women wore either sundresses (this was when those babydoll style dresses were big) or those longer walking shorts. I wore shorts and was probably fine, but felt awkward. If I had to do it again, I would probably wear walking shorts in not-denim with a nice tee or polo, or a casual straight skirt and sandals, or a casual dress (sundress style, but full coverage).

  8. I got the third interview!!!

    Okay, but now I’m nervous. I changed my hair color slightly recently (brown to auburn, nothing crazy). The guy I’m interviewing with is someone I’ve met before for an informational interview. So now I’m all worried he’s going to be like “wait, her hair is brown! ” and this will sink my interview.

    I realize this is probably crazy of me. Please reassure me that 1. He probably won’t notice and 2. even if he does, women change their hair color slightly from time to time and he won’t think less of me.

    1. Guys are generally oblivious to this type of thing, especially when they barely know you. I wouldn’t worry.

    2. Both are true, but the chances of him noticing are pretty small. IME, even if you did something more drastic, I think he would only kind of wonder (quietly to himself) if something was a little bit different than last time he saw you.

    3. He won’t notice. If he does, he won’t care. It’s hair color (and a natural color), not a face tattoo.

      1. Love this! I wonder why we do not see more posts about face tattoos – I would think they must make the interview process challenging ;)

        1. Not to start the tattoo debate again but we once had a candidate come in with a skull on the back of his neck (the top half of the skull was visible over his shirt collar – it was really creepy, just the blackened eyes and head). I think it made his interview process challenging.

          1. Oh that sounds like it would be really creepy and weird. I wonder if he knew it was visible!

  9. Are we going to talk about how these shoes are basically mullets? Business in the front, party in the back? Not a fan.

  10. Has anyone purchased anything from Everlane? Thoughts on quality? Their terry sweatshirts look amazing, as do their silk shirts.

    1. I bought something from them as a gift, one of their weekender bags (which looks awesome), gift recipient then broke up with me so I returned it unopened; all I can say is, their customer service is great, free shipping and returns (at least as of a month ago).

    2. For what it’s worth, I purchased one of their classic canvas totes, and I like it a lot. It’s solid and has held up so far. The only complaint I have is that the underside of the leather handles is not coated, so it…flakes a little? But I haven’t ordered any clothes, yet, and I want to.

  11. OK, to piggyback on the hair dye question above, this is probably dumb, but I’ve been seeing an ad for the new “oil-powered” hair color by Garnier everywhere with a woman wearing the “dark intense auburn” color (http://www.garnierusa.com/_en/_us/colorconnection/olia/index.aspx#!olianationtour – the color on the bottom left), and I’m mildly obsessed with it. I’m a natural redhead and have only dyed my hair once, with a semi-permanant, when I was 17.

    Can I dye my hair that color and maintain my professionality (attorney, in court and with clients a lot)? What if I’m interviewing? If I did dye my hair, can I ever stop? I’d say that my hair is close to the “light natural auburn” at the link, which looks pretty different from the color I’ve got my eye on. I sort of just want to try it out, not make it a lifestyle. But I love that color, and haven’t seen anything like it in a semi-permanant dye. And the oil thing sounds neat.

    1. That’s my hair color now…but I went to a salon and did it. At home dyes make me nervous.

    2. This also is my hair color now. I like a darker shade underneath, so I have it done at a salon.
      But I used to color it at home in a similar shade when I was broke. Home hair color has greatly improved since the 90s. The biggest threat is to your floor and countertops :)

      Also, no one has ever cared about my hair color at any of my jobs as best I can tell.

    3. One of the partners at my firms went dark brown after many years of blonde. And she has been experimenting ever since!

    4. I’ve used this exact dye in this exact color, so I hope it is ok!

      If you are light auburn I don’t think you will be tied to dying – red dye fades quickly, though slightly less if your base is red. I think your roots will blend over time. If you do go for it and your hair is past shoulder length, get two boxes of dye. Just makes things easier.

      Good luck!

  12. Hi ladies, I have a two week old baby boy! Recovering from a c-section, but otherwise doing great.

    I need some advice on discreetly breast feeding in front of others. We have had a lot of visitors, which is great, but I have not figured out how to BF without showing too much skin. I’ve ended up showing a lot of b**b or else if men are around, I just go inside the bedroom and nurse there. Ideally, I’d like to stay in the room with everyone and make it work. I have a nursing cover, which I can throw over, but I want to minimize the maneuvering of clothing while in front of guests.

    I looked in the archives and it seems like many of you did not buy any nursing tops, but just tops that you pulled up from the bottom and lifted up. Isn’t that awkward when you are BF’ing in front of others? I’ve also seen nursing tops with a hole inside for the nipp*le to come out, but are you supposed to wear a bra underneath?

    Any advice appreciated!

    1. Congrats on your baby!! Some ideas for discrete nursing options

      1. I often wear a nursing bra (with the clippu straps) a soft stretchy tank top (I like the maternity ones from old navy cause they are long enough to cover my belly) and a not too tight over shirt. I unclip the bra, pull the tank top under my b00b and then lift the over shirt up, pulling it back down when he’s latched. That way everything is basically covered , including my belly which I’m not a fan of right now.

      2. Same basic idea but I have a waterfall cardigan that I can pull around things.

      Finally, with lots of visitors, I like going back into the bedroom and having a time to rest.

    2. Congrats on your baby!!!

      I have not found a *great* way to hide. If you have a nursing cover, throwing that over is the easiest way to NOT maneuver clothing in front of others. :)

      I liked the crossover V-neck tops and would usually just turn away from the guests, get baby latched on, and then turn back. My modesty also lessened with each successive baby.

    3. Congrats! Target has nursing tanks that might help so you can pull up your shirt without too much exposure.

      1. I wore these Target nursing tanks in a variety of colors with a variety of different cardigans — mostly long and comfy. If I needed to nurse in public or when people are around, i did use a nursing cover, but w/ the nursing tank and cardigan, all you have to do is unhook the top strap, like w/ a nursing bra.

        1. I bought a couple of Target ones and one more expensive one and I used the Target ones far more frequently. They are great!

    4. I wore a lot of button down shirts. I just unbuttoned the shirt (2-3 buttons max) and shifted it over to one side or the other. I was small of chest even while nursing, so YMMV but it worked really well for me and I didn’t have to buy a whole new nursing wardrobe.
      I also loved the elle mcpherson nursing bras. More pricey yes, but they looked halfway decent and covered up a lot more than other styles did when unsnapped.
      If the visitor was really squeamish (or if I was out) I used a bebe au lait nursing cover. But honestly, those got hot and annoying once my son was past month three or so.

    5. Congratulations on your baby! I have been using nursing tank tops (glamourmom at Motherhood and then Target versions also) and a regular T shirt over and so I lift up my regular shirt and unclip the tank top and latch baby on and then use my T-shirt to cover any bre*st that is exposed. This way my stomach is covered as well as my chest. Sometimes I also use a little blanket over baby and my shoulder, but that usually doesn’t work as well.

      Also, like Diana said, my modesty lessened with each baby for me as well.

      Good luck. It takes some practice to figure out!

      1. This is a little late to reply, but…I swore by the Glamourmom nursing tanks with either a nursing top or an open cardigan over them. That way you’re not exposing your entire midriff. I also used one of those nursing covers when I absolutely needed to.

        Congrats! And good luck recovering from delivery. I have a soft spot in my heart for other c-section moms.

    7. I liked wearing a tee shirt, and then another layer (over shirt, cardi, hoodie) so that it helped keep me modest from the side, and used baby & a blanket to cover up. Until the baby got old enough to pull the blanket away, that is.

      However, in the first few weeks, while we were both still learning (or relearning) how to bf, it was hard to cover up. Once we had a little more practice I didn’t even need to look down and see anything to get any of my ds’s to latch on.

    8. Congrats!

      I wore either a nursing tank or nursing bra with cami (with straps long enough to pull the neckline below one b00b) with a tshirt on top. The t-shirt goes up, the tank goes down and there’s minimal skin. Other options include button and zip ups, but that does end up exposing the entire top b00b.

      Agree with others that the first few weeks are learning, so stepping into another room is the easiest. It will be smoother and more discrete with time.

    9. Congrats on your baby! I’m exactly 1 month into BF’ing kid #2 and here’s what’s working for me:

      — I had a nursing cover last time and am now using large Aiden & Anias blankets instead. I found the nursing cover to be cumbersome, but the A&A blankets are huge, lightweight and less I AM FEEDING A BABY UNDER HERE.

      — my favorite public nursing outfit is either a nursing bra or tank topped off with a Target Henley with a button placket. It shows less chest when unbuttoned than a full button up shirt but still allows for easy b00b access.

      — know that some people, many men in particular, will be flat-out uncomfortable with the mere idea of nursing. This is in no way your fault or, really, your problem. But these people do exist.

    10. Are you covering up for yourself, or for them?

      If *you* prefer to be covered, I think the nursing cover is the easiest thing–like a Bebe Au Lait–because then you don’t have to maneuver clothes a lot or worry about nursing tops. You just pull your whole shirt up or down (depending on style) under the nursing cover. It’s super convenient.

      If you are doing it for their benefit, then I think you should not worry. I spent a lot of time covering up in the beginning, then I realized I really did not care about whether anyone saw me, but I was doing it because I thought *they* would be uncomfortable. By the time my kid was older, I just strated doing it in front of people. People like your in laws can be a little awkward; for those types I just went to a corner of the couch outside their line of sight and they avoided looking at me.

      I figured out that most people will intentionally avert their eyes and try NOT to look at you.

      1. Just wanted to second the idea that your friends and visitors will be fine, if that is what you are worried about. I have had friends apologize to me for feeding their child — my response is always, “I am in [your/your kid’s] home, baby needs to eat, please don’t apologize.” Even the most prudish/squeamish will either find a way to get up or look away if they cannot handle breastfeeding in front of them. You do what you have to do, and don’t worry about the people around you.

      2. I also did the nursing tank + top tshirt up + open cardigan to block side view. But when we were still getting the hang of nursing I really could not latch the baby on very discreetly, it just wasn’t possible for me, especially since sometimes I needed to massage a little first for my son to be able to latch his tiny mouth on. However, I hated being banished to the bedroom for the whole time we had guests – my son wanted to nurse for 20 out of 24 hours a day, and it was boring as could be alone in the bedroom. What worked for me in addition to wardrobe:
        -if there was a crowd, invited my mother/aunts/best female friends up “to see the baby’s room” then mentioned that I needed to feed baby and they were welcome to stay or go, that way I had someone to talk to
        -positioned a comfortable chair in the corner of the room so guest could talk to each other/my husband without staring at me. I also used a swiveling office chair sometimes, so I could turn around, then swivel back once I got settled.
        -announced “I’m going to need to feed the baby in a few minutes” to give more squeamish guests a chance to leave/take a walk/go to the kitchen, etc
        -made my husband be the bouncer and developed code phrases for “get these people [his father/uncles mostly] out of my living room in the next 5 minutes”. He would either tell them we were tired and needed to both nap, or he would take them to another part of the house, garage or yard. We also made up errands to let my FIL feel useful since my MIL wanted to hang out at our house a lot and I didn’t mind her so much but didn’t feel comfortable with it all hanging out in front of my FIL – we sent him to buy paper towels, dog food, dish soap, etc.
        Also, once baby develops some head control and gets the hang of latching and bf it gets LOTS easier to be discreet – but I still always wore nursing tanks or stretchy camis under my shirts so I wasn’t giving people a view of lots of belly and love handle skin, and it also kept my stomach warmer.

    11. Late to the nursing party…

      Congratulations!

      I wore those Target / Mossimo micro-rib tanks under everything! Just go a size up so that the neck is a little more stretchy (and tank will be nice and long). I used the method of lots of folks above:
      -unclick nursing bra
      -“topper” shirt up just a bit
      -tank and bra down under my breast
      -latch
      -topper shirt gently lying on baby

      My mom also gave me a gorgeous, brightly printed silk chiffon scarf. I think that it ‘s about 36×36. I used to tie it “bandit” style to use as a drape. It was so comfortable and so packable. Now that my son has weaned, I’m thinking of framing it as a subtle and meaningful memory of our nursing time.

    12. Check out Undercover Mama. It’s a strapless tank that clips to your nursing bra. It keeps your midriff covered while nursing. Also, time and practice in front of a mirror– you might be surprised at how much doesn’t show. You will get good at the one-handed release of your bra while simultaneously swooping the baby in for latch-on. Of course, I used to use nursing as an excuse to get away from all the people when my baby was tired or when I was tired.

  13. Right, so who wants to freak out with me about my third interview, now that we’ve established my hair color will not be an issue? Dream job etc. What can I do to really drive my case home? I’m assuming the pool is small at this point, but pretty competitive. I don’t want to be repeating myself over and over again but I want to drive the point home.

    1. relax dude. we can’t freak out with you, its your job. but we wish you luck. your enthusiasm will shine through, don’t worry about driving the point home.

    2. I would say that if you’ve made it to the third round, they already know that you have great credentials. Now they want to decide if you’re the person who will fit into their team. Are you the person they want to work an all-nighter with (if you have those in your industry) if they have to? Will you get along with your teammates? So, try your best to be relaxed and natural, but still professional. (A mistake I often see in late stage interviews is that the interviewees think they have it in the bag and they are way too relaxed.) Good luck and don’t freak yourself out!

    3. Don’t freak out. You don’t sound like the type to be overly-confident in interviews so my advice would be to really pump yourself up- you’ve got this. Were you ever involved in anything competitive like sports? You gotta go in knowing it’s going to be tough, but you CAN do it.

      1. It’s not so much that I’m not overly confident but that I’ve just gotten really really discouraged by the job hunt so far. It’s done a nubmer on my self esteem and I have to work really hard to get it up (or at least pretend!)

        1. Yup, I totally understand. I’m routing for you, if that counts for anything :)

  14. any reason why companies who contact me on monster would want my resume in a word format? Seems kind of weird

    1. Probably so that they can put it into their HR online system, would be my guess.

    2. as someone who’s hired in the past, sometimes people send their stuff in WEIRD formats.

  15. I have an informal coffee meeting tomorrow with a partner at a firm I am interested in working for.

    Background- small firm (11 lawyers?), started by partners at big firms who split off, this guy in particular is very well known in the field. I reached out about possible opportunities for juniors last week and so far have gotten prompt replies about meeting up.

    I know they don’t do typical recruiting, they have one person in my year (2012), but most are way more senior than me. I feel like I need to ‘sell’ myself- i.e. why hiring me will make you more money, make your life easier, and why I want to work there (but in more eloquent terms).

    Anyone have any advice? What would you want to hear as a partner? I don’t want to mess this up! Opportunities seem few and far between!

    1. Honestly, as a 2012 grad, if they are interested in taking on someone at all, they will care most about “fit.” How does your personality mesh with theirs, especially as a small firm.

    2. I suspect you’ll also want to show an interest in practice areas where they’re most understaffed.

  16. Anyone have ideas of cute his and hers engagement presents?

    I’ve thought about matching monogrammed travel bags (they are long distance) or personalized bracelets (but haven’t found anything cute).

    Looking to spend under $150.

  18. I am going anon for this. I am having a really hard evening. I have been upset and short-tempered and oversensitive and wondering why. Tonight I realized it is because the second anniversary of losing my first pregnancy is coming up. I have a health baby who is almost a year, the loss was 2 years ago, and still I’m searching for similar stories (choosing to terminate because of serious congenital condition) and sobbing. My husband is asleep and I haven’t told him how I’m feeling (partly because we got annoyed with each other since I was not so nice earlier tonight). I know I am incredibly happy and lucky, I know everything will be ok, I know I did everything right, but I am very, very sad.

    1. I can’t even imagine how difficult this day is for you, as I have not been in this situation, but I wanted to send my support and say it’s okay to cry, and cut yourself some slack. It may not be “fair” to take it out on your husband but I’m sure he understands and forgives you.

    2. I’m so sorry about the loss of your first baby and your sadness. It is totally understandable. (I had a month where the docs thought my baby had Trisomy 18, which is incompatible with life and I would have terminated.) I hope you’ve gone to bed now and are having happy dreams, but if not give yourself a hug. You and your hubby got through that so hug your baby extra tight in the morning.

    3. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You almost sound like you think you shouldn’t be sad about this anymore; I hope you realize there’s nothing wrong with grieving your first pregnancy. Maybe if you explain to your husband why you were irritable, he’ll be able to support you, even if he doesn’t share your feelings? Either way, internet hugs to you, for what it’s worth.

    4. Anon, I am really sorry for your loss. I am sorry that you’re going through this and feel so alone. You may want to consider calling Exhale Backline if you want someone to talk to. They have a great supportive hotline, and trained counselors.

    5. Thanks all. I got a good night’s rest and woke up ready to face the day, which I feel is a pretty good place to be. I really appreciate all your kindness.

      1. I recommend the blog katesmakinbabies.blogspot.com. She also chose to terminate for similar reasons and is expressing her grief process through the blog.

      2. I’m glad to hear you’re feeling better. I think despite having a healthy baby now, you are always going to be sad for the baby that you lost – the grief may no longer be overwhelming, but it will always be there a little bit. Its probably best to let yourself cry, then see if you can get out some of the feelings – maybe write a letter to the lost baby, or in a journal? Also, did you ever do anything “ceremonious” for the baby? When adults die we have a funeral which helps with closure and saying goodbye, and a gravestone to go to. Could you and your husband do something to memorialize the lost baby (plant a tree, have a pray service, name a star, start a journal of letters to lost baby, etc)? Good luck to you and your family.

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