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Coffee Break: Audrey Patricia Brief Tote

Lodis Audrey Patricia Brief Tote | CorporetteI am normally not an orange person, but this bright, happy tote looks wonderful — professional yet bold and fashionable. I'd wear it with reds (ooh, especially a nice red jacket), pinks, blacks, navy, and cobalt blue. It was $298, but is now marked to $180 at 6pm. Lodis Accessories Audrey Patricia Brief Tote Psst: here's a less expensive option, marked to $60 today.

Sales of note for 12.5

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113 Comments

  1. I like this bag, but I’m not in the market for anything new.

    Did you guys see this awesome bit on The Daily Show the other day? http://thedailyshow.cc.com/videos/v7vq7r/masters-of-sexism—claps-and-catcalls?xrs=synd_facebook_090314_tds_19

    It started off as a piece on Kirsten Gillibrand talking about the sexist comments she gets when she’s in the halls of Congress. Then the brain trust at Fox News covered it and a guest on the show said that he claps to show his appreciation when he sees an attractive woman walking down the street. This was Jessica Williams’ response. She rocks!

    1. I’m so glad that the issue of street harassment is finally getting some attention (as well as a name, for that matter–I didn’t even know how to talk about it when it first started happening to me around age twelve). I can’t believe how much “education” I still have to do for guys who don’t understand why it’s a problem.

      “ihollaback” dot org is an additional resource for anyone interested. I’ve also seen some extremely articulate cartoons about it online but don’t know how to retrieve them now…

        2. Wow, that tickld cartoon is fantastic. I want all the men in my life to read it….

          1. Do y’all really see this a lot? I live in a car city, but I do walk around downtown quite a bit during the day, by myself or with other women, and I have had this happen to me once or twice.

          2. Once or twice in my entire career, which has been long, by the way. I’m just wondering how common it really is.

          3. “I’m just wondering how common it really is.”

            In response to Anon at 5:46, I don’t know how to answer this question except to say that:

            Does every woman experience it every day? No.

            On any given day, does some woman experience it? Yes.

            Therefore, it is too much.

          4. Yes, I do really see it a lot. The fact that something doesn’t happen to you, or not often, doesn’t mean others are exaggerating when they report that it happens to them. (Often.)

          5. It happens to me more days than it doesn’t. And I feel the need to mention that I’m a really conservative dresser, not that it should matter….

          6. It happens most often in urban environments where many people take public transit. It allows for anonymity for the harassers and tons of women in public going to, coming from or waiting for public transit, if not traveling on foot in general. For women who grow up in such communities, it starts to happen around puberty. In other words, it is more likely to happen to working class and poor women of color, because they are more likely to live in cities and less likely to have cars. For a woman who has never traveled via public transit alone, the occurrence will be much lower.

          7. I’m 40 now, and to be frank, not ugly but not especially attractive. I still get harassed — when I go to the store, or the gas station, or for a walk in my neighborhood. Sometimes it is verbal, sometimes it is someone stopping and staring until I walk past. When I was younger (16-26) it was relentless. That probably relates both to my youth at that time, and the fact that it was more acceptable 2 decades ago. But it was bad, and those were formative years. When I say bad, I mean I had to threaten to run someone over with my car because three men drove by as I was getting in my car, hollered and stared, and then one jumped out, approached my car as I was locking the door, and relentlessly asked how old I was to determine if I was jailbait. When I say bad, I mean someone drove around the block several times on the day I decided as a law student to walk to the grocery store instead of driving. When I say bad, I mean someone grabbed my crotch while I walked down the street in my suburban neighborhood on break from college. (Still kicking myself for not reporting this one, esp. since I could have easily identified him from my HS yearbook; I was just so stunned at the time.) It is common in my firm for male attorneys to question whether a female attorney is “getting laid” when there is conflict between them. On the flip side, my sexuality was questioned when I called out a resident assistant for sexually harassing a dorm-mate in college. I could go on and on. And I’ve left out the one example where I was wearing something remotely provocative inside a nightclub, because I feel like that was “my fault,” even though I never even made eye contact with the perpetrator who was standing behind me. Am I really the only one who feels like this is a constant fight?

          8. Men tell me to smile on at least a weekly basis. Now that I have a dog, they comment on how pretty my dog is instead of how pretty I am, which I think says a lot.

          9. Every single day I get cat called. Without fail. If I walk to work it will be 3+ times in the 1km walk. In the grocery store I always get stopped to “help” someone find something. I frequently get told to “smile” or “wear your hair down its so pretty”. I even get followed home and I swear my awesome super has saved my life a number of times warding off these creeps. Often times this is in business attire or when I am sweaty after a workout running errands. I don’t look especially sexy when this sh*t happens. Sorry for the rant, this is something that bugs me a lot.

          11. I posted the original Daily Show clip and I clapped when Jessica Williams finished her rant. I’m not on a runway. I’m just trying to get to work.

            I take public transportation so I do get catcalls. It’s not everyday. It’s probably more like every other week. On the other hand, guys tell me to “Smile” on a regular basis and it’s really annoying. It happens on the T, on the street and in the supermarket.

        3. I think the ab*rtion part is a false analogy. First of all, you can’t treat it as just another medical treatment. And, like it or not, a man had something to do with creating what you are now treating as a “medical condition.” 24 hours doesn’t seem like that big of a deal when taking away a potential of life and a man’s potential to have a child (even if you don’t consider it a child yet).

          It just seems really belittling of the ab*rtion question. I do get the rest of the cartoon though.

          2. 24 hours doesn’t seem like a big deal to you. Lemme guess, you don’t already have 3 kids, a minimum wage job with no benefits, 2 dead beat dads who aren’t involved, a 200 mile trip to get to a clinic, no car, and no child care. Right? I have zero patience for privileged women trying to make choices harder for poor women because it’s not that bad. I’m rich. I can always go to Switzerland. Idk why we even need abortions in this country.

          3. To Anon: You really don’t see any difference between an abortion and treatment for a common cold?

          6. So why isn’t anyone proposing a 24 hour waiting period for purchasing condoms, which also take away a chance at potential life, and a mans potential to be a father?

            Also, no one I know goes to the doctor for the common cold. But there are a lot of fairly routine, but also life-changing, medical treatments that do not have nearly the same level of regulation as abortion does.

          7. Like vasectomies, the closest male equivalent, which are easily accessible and without absurd regulations

          8. It’s a woman’s body. Think about that.

            I always loved that old “joke” that, if men were the ones who got pregnant, abortions would be accessible like ATMs. :(

          9. If a man wants to decide what happens to his semen, he shouldn’t leave it in someone else’s body.

          10. ‘First of all, you can’t treat it as just another medical treatment.’

            Why not? It is.

            ‘And, like it or not, a man had something to do with creating what you are now treating as a “medical condition.”’

            So what? Is he the one who is pregnant? Oh, right, he’s not. Why do I have to disclose my medical status to him? Oh, right, I don’t. A man who gives me the flu has something to do with it as well but that doesn’t mean I need to consult him on my treatment.

            ’24 hours doesn’t seem like that big of a deal when taking away a potential of life and a man’s potential to have a child (even if you don’t consider it a child yet).’

            What makes you think that the woman didn’t already think about this for 24 hours? Besides, I have not taken away his potential to have a child. Am I giving him a vasectomy? No. He can go impregnate a willing woman. He has no right to enlist my body to bear him a child.

            Also, +1,000 to anon at 6:02.

    2. After reading these comments, I was shocked that this kind of street harassment is so prevalent in the US. I grew up in India where it is horrendous. You become almost used to the fact that this stuff will happen and arm yourself accordingly. Sad to see that even the US is not free from this sort of nasty stuff.

    3. I lived in NYC for a decade where I probably got harassed in some way shape or form every single day on the street. I still cringe when I walk past groups of construction workers on breaks. One of my very favorite parts of Chicago is that catcalls are just not part of culture here. I’ve been here over three years and have been catcalled a grand total of once by a very very drunk guy outside a bar. I didn’t realize how much it bothered me until it stopped happening.

  2. I know some of you all saw the post a few weeks ago about Mrs. McDonnell’s spendy clothing and accessories on display as evidence in their corruption case. Well, they’ve been convicted, for anyone who was curious.

    dub-dub-dub dot wdbj7 dot com/news/local/the-14-counts-against-exvirginia-governor-wife/27882346

    1. Help! I have a co-worker who recently got into a car accident and he just got out of the hospital but will have a long recovery. We are putting together a gift basket for him. Any ideas on what to include? What is helpful or nice to have when you are recovering from something like that?

      2. Gift card to a grocery store that delivers. I had surgery on my right foot and couldn’t drive for 12 weeks… this was by far the best gift I received!! Even if there’s a SO that can get groceries/dinner… it was such a burden off my husband who was doing basically everything else for me.

    2. I can totally relate. I left my hometown (Richmond) for very rural life, and have continued to live here, flourish, and build my community. I love where I live, but my sister lives in Alexandria, and when visiting there, I just get awash with a desire to move to a bigger city with more opportunities. Don’t get me wrong–like the author, we live cheap. And pretty easy. But, the benefits of a much larger, and higher-income tax base around us are not as apparent as they would be in a big city. We’re well-cemented in the middle-class here, but we’d qualify for housing assistance pretty easily, if we were to find equivalent jobs in NOVA. I don’t know that we’d ever leave here, but the desire 1) to be closer to family, and 2) just have more opportunities from a city is appealing.

      1. I could have written this! Nine years ago, we too left Richmond for very rural life, and couldn’t be happier. We’ve built a far closer, more supportive community than we ever had living in the city, and with an old house to restore and entertaining farm animals to care for, we’re always busy, but in a satisfying way. I feel rooted here in a way I haven’t felt since childhood.

        But. We left our city neighborhood just as it really took off, and I do sometimes miss the ability to walk to a restaurant, or to grab a coffee, or to have closer opportunities in general. At some point, as we get older, and the physical demands grow too much for us, I imagine we’ll move back.

        As an aside, for us, living rural has been far more expensive than city living. The cost of gas/driving, the much higher cost of utilities due to limited choice, and the needs of a hobby farm (our choice, obviously) have made the COL higher. But where would we be without a tractor and front-end loader? :)

        2. Ahh, you are living the dream. My SO and I live in Virginia,about an hour from Richmond and are trying to accumulate as much in savings as possible to join the rural life. We’d like to have about 10 acres, and it’s a struggle with student loans. Glad to hear that you are enjoying it and have such a great sense of community. We’ve talked about moving to a different state where land is less expensive, but it would be challenging with our jobs. And Virginia is too awesome (I’m a native)!

      2. I too moved to a very rural area and while I love rural life, I find it nearly impossible to develop a supportive community of genuine friends. At the end of the day, if I want to have a real friendship gathering, I drive the 3 hours to Richmond to do so. I have no idea how to get out of this.

    3. To the extent that the author’s issue is lack of a support system or friends in a small town, I don’t wonder if the same issue doesn’t exist in big cities, too. I live in a large-ish city and have the same issues with making plans and having people cancel and the same feeling of “superficial” relationships versus other points in my life. I think it’s just part of being in your 30s+ and having busy working lives, etc. Maybe in a big city you just can cast a wider net to catch people to make those plans with, but I don’t know that people are “friendlier” so to speak in a big city.

      1. People are not necessarily “friendlier” in a big city, but if the city has a larger % of adult transplants, they are likely looking for friends. In areas where there are few transplants, it is very difficult to make friends, especially if your life stage is different from your peers or your interests are different. Smaller environments are often indifferent to or hostile toward outsiders. Also, because some people have never left home, they don’t even think to invite a newcomer to their Labor Day bbq or something similar.

  4. 2L OCI question.

    I have two offers at firms in a major market that I want to live in. Firm ‘A’ is V50. Firm ‘B’ is not really V-anything, although it pays market, it is headquartered in that city, and seems to be well-respected regionally. Firm ‘A’ is lockstep; Firm ‘B’ switches to merit-based pay after the first 3 years. Their summer programs, offer rates, main practice areas, etc. are very similar.

    I like both firms (I had other offers and have narrowed it down to these two). If I had to choose today, Firm ‘B’ would maybe edge out because it seems (from my visits and asking around), somewhat more friendly to working parents and just a touch more relaxed, low-key culture.

    But. It seems silly to turn down the “prestige” of the V50 firm. I feel like I’m still thinking about this as a law student – like, there is a *huge* difference in opportunity between a T14 law school and a lower-ranked school, so there must be some kind of similar difference of opportunity between Firm ‘A’ and Firm ‘B.’ Is that true? Are there long-term career consequences for choosing between firms like these? Or is that prestige-focused law-student mindset just not applicable here?

    1. I think it depends what you want long term (if you know). I agree that there is a different in going to a T14 law school and a lower ranked law school because you’re probably going to have a lot more job opportunities going to the T14 law school. But between going to the V50 firm vs. the other firm – where are you trying to go from there? Also, do you know what practice group you are interested in, and if so, do you know how that practice group holds up between the two law firms? I ask because I started out at a V10 firm right out of law school and am now at a V100 law firm, so it’s considerably less “prestigious” than my first firm but my practice group at my current firm is much more highly regarded both within the firm and externally than at my prior firm. So I think you should also consider the strength of the practice group as well.

      You should also think about the type of experience that you want to get. For example, at my first firm that I described, I wasn’t getting a lot of drafting experience or client interaction. I have a lot of that at my second firm, which I think is giving me much better substantive experience if I did want to make another move down the road someday. I think once you’re at a law firm, your next move will depend more upon your actual experience and your knowledge base rather than the prestige and rankings of the firm.

      Would be interested in hearing other people’s opinion on this too!

    2. Different people will answer this in different ways. But here is my answer.

      Your job as a budding lawyer is to learn as much as possible. You need to put yourself in a position where you can do so. Sometimes the “prestigious” firm isn’t where you will learn best – for instance, in a lot of big firms you will spend years writing memos, whereas in a slightly smaller firm you might actually get to do some substantive work and meet clients. So you have to evaluate where you think you will get the best exposure to learning opportunities.

      The other really important side of the equation is the people you will be working with. Honestly, legal work is fairly similar all over. But you will be working with the same people every day, for long hours, for years. You need to be sure you are spending all that time with people you like or at least feel comfortable with. So what is your gut feeling about where you will feel comfortable?

      You can move up and down the “prestige” ladder during your career. I moved up it, and then deliberately moved back down it because I feel happiest in a mid-sized firm with relatively laid-back people. And honestly, from 10+ years out of law school, “prestige” means less to me than ever before. Some of the best, smartest lawyers work in super small firms that you’ve never heard of.

      Good luck with making the decision, and congratulations on having two offers!

      1. +1 to all this. I would choose B for these reasons, based on your description – especially if you’re committed to living in firm B’s region, and especially if you’re interested in eventual partnership prospects. A “merit” pay system will make it extra important for you to take charge of promoting/marketing yourself from the beginning, to make sure that the people with power in the firm know and like your work, and to negotiate for yourself – so that you can hold your own with the men who will be self-promoting without a second thought all around you. But being forced to work on this early may also be a benefit, since those soft skills – not the objective “merit” of your work – will likely make or break you eventually no matter what system you’re nominally in…

        1. this is an interesting perspective. I hadn’t thought about it this way. hmm… another mark in the ‘pro’ column for B.

    3. It’s hard to answer this question as small and big firms can vary. You might get more hands-on, interesting work earlier in firm B but I wouldn’t bank on having a better work-life balance; that doesn’t always come with the territory. I do think the prestige aspect of firm A carries over in that it’s always on your resume and has name recognition nationally, so if you’re not tied to your city, that’s something to consider. I was actually talking about this with a friend recently and she feels really happy to have spent 3 years at a very prominent top firm even though she now works for a non-profit in a tiny town because she feels like it gives her a certain “credibility” when applying for other opportunities in the future.

      If I were you I’d look into things like: how many associates leave after 3-5 years; what are your actual billable requirements; what are your chances of making partner; how many women are there in partner/senior positions at each firm; what are the people who left doing now; what practice area are you likely to end up in; etc. These are the things that will make the biggest difference in your working life. If you can, reach out to some practicing lawyers to see if they have any experience with either place (I can tell you of at least one local “boutique” firm off the top of my head that likes to say it’s “family friendly” whose lawyers routinely send faxes and e-mails at 2 a.m. ….) If you have alums from your school in either place, esp. recent grads, reach out to them and see what their experience is like, what kind of cases they’re working on most of the time, how many hours they are billing/expected to bill, how much responsibility on their cases, what opportunities for pro bono/other professional development, how collegial is the office, etc.

      You’re in a good spot, it sounds like, to have these choices. Congrats on being so in-demand.

      1. Wait, doesn’t “family friendly” mean “you can have time with your kids in the evening by giving up sleep and working all night”?

    4. At least in their offices in my city, Firm ‘B’ is not much smaller. Both firms are strong in litigation, which is the direction I think I want to go. It is true that more people tend to stay at Firm ‘B’ long-term, but attrition at Firm ‘A’ is not nearly as dramatic as it is at similarly-ranked firms.

      I think I would want to stay in private practice for the foreseeable future, and probably stay in my city, although my husband would like to move to a smaller city at some point and I am not averse to moving.

      I’ve spoken to people both places (current and former) and some of them have had very positive experiences, and some have had less positive experiences. Seems to depend on the team+client, which is not something that I can predict/foresee/choose in advance…. /sigh

      1. Be careful with litigation – there aren’t a lot of off ramps out of a firm in that area. In other words, very hard to go in-house or to the business side. You’ll pretty much always work at a firm with that specialty. It might work fine for you, but it’s obviously not for everyone and since you sound like you have some options, you might want to consider giving yourself a few more. Ultimately your practice area will matter a lot more than the firm, but it will be easier to get in-house options from a known firm especially if you change markets to do that.

    5. I now work at a firm that pretty much fits your description of Firm B. I previously worked at a Firm A. I will say that having Firm A on my bio/resume is definitely a calling card–it gets noticed by recruiters, clients, etc. I think there is a lot of value to being able to say, “Oh, I worked at one of those ‘top’ places, I know how they do things from the inside (and can do the same work much more efficiently because we’re a small firm).”

      However, those who started at my Firm B straight out of law school definitely had much more substantive experience in the early years, and at this point I think they will be able to make partner at this firm faster than I will, based on their comfort with clients, books of business, and general substantive knowledge. With that said, I think they would have a more difficult time than I would transitioning to a new region if necessary, since they don’t have as much “brand name recognition.”

      If you think Firm B is a place you would like to stay long-term and that you’ll be in your city/region long-term, I would say go for Firm B. If you’re not quite sure yet where life will take you, I would choose Firm A.

      1. +1 to this

        I was in a boutique and then went to BigLaw. People know the BigLaw firm, but it was impossible to lateral from it in its city b/c it did not have a good reputation in my field (not a bad reputation, but the rock stars in my field practiced elsewhere and I provided support in my field to people in the mother ship). So in my field, attorneys at other firms got about 400 more hours than I did each year in the field (whereas some years I had to do document review and help other departments and even then struggled to make my hours). And not just more hours, but much better hours with more meaningful partner and client contact.

        I lateraled to a Regional Law firm in a different city. There, the fact that I was at BigLaw has cachet, but only I know that it was pretty mediocre for me. It was a job and I got paid well, but if I had it to do over, I would have. At the time, it was OMG need to pay back law school and they bit first.

        The last thing I’d add is what do the local clients think, since I think that that’s the likely exit route if you leave. If local clients have alumni from both or just one of the firms, that would be good to know (and LinkedIn can really help with this).

    6. I guess, in addition to all the career prospects everyone has discussed already, another perspective you can consider here is at which firm you think you would be happier. For instance, it sounds like you like various aspects of Firm B, but you’re holding out on Firm A only because it’s more prestigious. If you feel like you like the culture in Firm B more, then maybe you can lean towards Firm B.

      Good luck!

    7. Huh – sort of wondering if you are in my area. I was in your exact position many years ago and chose Firm B. Now I am at a V100 and much happier. The more casual atmosphere of Firm B that was intially alluring ultimately just felt, at best, unprofessional. I did get hands on experience very quickly but now that I have moved I see juniors at my new firm who are doing the same so I am not sure it is true that big firm = no good experience earlier on. My advice is that if you are truly on the fence, go with the job that will open more doors in case you made the wrong decision.

  5. Yay — my kilt still fits after 25 years and two children. Is the former a reason not to wear it? It’s a red one — like Royal Stewart — and ends below the knee. I’m thinking family holiday / Christmas church service outfit with flat boots and a black jacket? I don’t think I have seen a person in a kilt ages, but I work in business casual where it’s mostly guys wearing khakis and polo shirts (SE US).

    1. It’s a very traditional WASP holiday outfit, and actually more appropriate after you’re unlikely to be mistaken for a high schooler or college student hockey player. I think the outfit sounds great. Not for work, obviously, but like you said, for family holiday, very cute.

      1. Ha – ( I may be outing myself ) we had an attorney who wore his kilt (and the whole kit & caboodle) to work and court on a regular basis.

          1. In true Scotsman style?

            I saw a guy in a kilt at a college formal and he was definitely harassed by all the ladies (although I guess they weren’t ladies if they were lifting his kilt).

            My kilt is itchy, so I wear (at least) a slip.

    3. haha, I had the same excitement last year! I wore it to Christmas mass with brown boots, tan cashmere sweater, and green jacket. The tartan is mostly red, so it was solidly”holiday festive” but I was unapologetic and got a lot of compliments. It was much more toned down without the green jacket and felt classic and novel at the same time.

      I’d feel weird wearing it in the office. If it were muted, maybe, but our tartan is definitely not subtle. Too bad, because I can now appreciate why it’s such a timeless piece. It’s very flattering and flexible to body changes.

  6. Does anyone know of a store that stocks tall dresses in store? I really need to get something for a baptism this weekend and I don’t have time to wait for shipping.

    1. Not specially marketed as “tall”, but I’ve always been pretty impressed with the length on the Lauren by Ralph Lauren dresses (Macy’s, Bloomingdales, Nordstroms, etc). I’m 5’10”, with most of my height in my legs and they pretty reliably hit me at the knee.

      1. The stretchy ones? Those do typically work for me too. Maybe I’ll go check those out on Saturday. My issue is torso length – the waist in fitted dresses hits me too high and it looks like my butt is too low. I can’t believe it took me until the ripe old of 29 to figure out that I need to purchase talls.

        1. Yes, the jersey ones. Not all of them have a waist seam, so maybe look for one of those styles? And they come out with new ones every season, so Macys and Bloomies tend to rotate them to the sales rack at a decent rate.

    2. Also try Macy’s for brands like Calvin Klein, Ellen Tracy, Donna Morgan. They typically are long enough for me (5’10” and I like dresses to hit at the knee.) Talbots also runs longer.

  7. Where to look for a new tote? My criteria: under $100, leather, zip top, must be at least 15″ x 10″ x 4″ (basically able to hold legal pads & a 3″ binder. I’m checking out e-bags, Zap, 6P, but not sure where else to look? This would be my first “real” bag for work (I carry a timbuk2 tiny messenger for a purse, but am finding that I need to carry work files more frequently–but I probably wouldn’t replace the timbuk2, just add to it)

    3. This is not meant as snark, but in all seriousness, you don’t need a professional leather tote for files if you are just adding it to carry along with a Timbuktu canvas messenger bag. The professional look is already out the window, so why not just get a giant Boat & Tote or something like that for your files?

    4. Real leather for a tote under $100 is going to be hard to come by outside of Ebay/mayyybeee a sample sale site, but London Fog does great imitations that I think are stylish and classy. There’s a good selection on 6pm for $50-$60.

  8. TJ: I’m 8 months postpartum, and I have stopped nursing. I’m still hanging on to a lot of baby weight, which I think is due to the fact that I’ve never really had to lose weight or get back to a healthy fitness level before. My exercise and diet regime are pretty well-tuned to keeping my weight and fitness levels constant.

    But now, I’m still 10+ lbs over my pre-pregnancy weight and my fitness level is quite low (e.g. I get winded going up just 2 flights of stairs when I used to be able to sprint up 8 flights as part of my bootcamp class). I’ve never really tried a fitness program before, but I’ve done some web-surfing that suggests that the 21 day fix is a good option. I like that it doesn’t involve calorie counting/points, but instead focuses on healthy portion sizes and a balanced diet. And the workouts sound like they are at a good level for someone who used to be in very good shape but currently isn’t as strong.

    Anyone have experience with it? Particularly with how to fit it into your life while working FT and with an infant?

    1. No experience with 21 Day Fix, but there was a discussion on Corpor**te Moms yesterday on fitting exercise into life with a baby, which you might want to look at.

    2. Do you really want to be adding tons of little plastic containers to your life? Do you really need that to know you need to eat less and exercise more?

      Also you sound absurd. You aren’t struggling because poor baby so sad you’ve never had to lose weight before. You’re struggling for the same reasons us life long fatties are- getting hungry, busy, and tired. Try whatever plan you want to get over those hurdles, but you don’t need some special thing because you used to be skinny.

      2. Please don’t group me in with your nasty comments. I too am sick of people acting like vanity 5 pounds is a major crisis, but this is the least inflammatory weight loss post we’ve had in awhile, so maybe you should not be such a jerk in response to someone’s attempt to lose weight and/or improve their health.

      4. Uh-oh, you’ve woken up the STFU Corpor*tte brigade!!! Nothing gets them going like the mere implication that possibly anyone on the planet might maybe be healthier or happier at a lower weight. Rookie mistake—- in the future, try to remember that you are supposed to apologize to them for having these thoughts about your own body and what works for you. Eat some cookies; they’ll calm down.

      2. Yep, this is the only way I’ve ever been able to lose weight. It’s really easy to eat too many healthy portions of things that are good for you and not lose a pound.

    4. No experience, but I can recommend the Couch to 5K program. I also liked the 30 Day Shred videos (available on amazon instant) because I could easily squeeze it in at home when baby was asleep or occupied and step up the intensity.

      1. Yes to both of these! A combo of Couch to 5K and 30 day shred (or ripped in 30, which I prefer) is an amazing way to build cardio and strength at under 30 mins a day. If you find the 30-day Jillian videos to be too much to start with, she also just released a new video for beginners: http://www.amazon.com/Jillian-Michaels-Beginners-Frontside-Backside/dp/B000J10KN2.

        As far as food, you actually may not need much adjustment at all if you just stopped nursing. You need more calories to nurse, and your body might just need a little more time to adjust to your new nutritional needs. Evaluate whether you’re eating the same amount as when you were nursing, and see if you can adjust downward a bit, instead of going on a strict “diet.”

      2. Thanks for these suggestions. I have heard about Couch to 5K, and wondered how it would fit into my new life (also, I assumed it was all about running, not strength-training, but maybe that’s not the case).

        I should clarify that I stopped nursing (well, pumping, actually) about 2 months ago and my period has returned. Based on those two things I’m assuming that my body and hormones are pretty close to back to normal (though obviously not entirely). I would say that my diet is pretty comparable to what it was pre-pregnancy, and my exercise regime is similar (though much lower intensity since I lack my pre-pregnancy fitness level). Honestly, with this maintenance routine I’ve seen more or less no change in my fitness level or on the scale. I’m bothered by both the fitness level (it’s getting really hard to lift daughter and carry her around, especially since in the past I’ve relied on keeping fit as a way to keep chronic back problems in check) and the extra weight (I’m not sure it’s time to chuck out my old wardrobe, but I’ve already spent more than I would like in order to have a wardrobe that currently makes me feel good about how I look).

        This may sound odd to some of the posters, but I identified 21 day fix b/c counting calories is a slippery slope for me. I have struggled with body image and ED issues in the past, and I’ve been trying to keep a very positive and healthy attitude around all of the body changes I’ve undergone with this pregnancy (not to mention many years of infertility treatments and losses in the past). I feel like focusing on portion control in a way that allows me to eat most things without tracking numbers (which for me always leads to competing with myself to consume fewer and fewer of them), will be a healthier option…because the truth is that losing weight will require that I eat fewer calories than I burn, and I don’t have a health framework for doing that.

        1. In that case, I def wouldn’t do something as rigid as 21 day fix. Have you considered hiring a trainer or committing to a class to up the fitness? That might be a less triggering first step, and if you find yourself needing more help on the food front, a nutritionist with ED experience could be a really good resource for learning how to make healthier choices with out spiraling out of control.

        2. I do not have an infant, but I have tried the 21 day fix and I found it to be useful (also, for the record, not a “beach body coach” and have no skin in the game). First, I love the workouts – I have noticed a significant improvement in my muscle tone and stamina, and I really appreciate that there are 7 workouts, so you’re only repeating once a week instead of every couple of days.

          As far as the nutrition goes, I was drawn to the 21-day fix container system because it emphasized a well balanced, clean diet. When I just count calories, I really have trouble with justifying foods that are not very good for me (soda, chips, etc.) because they technically “fit” within my calorie limit (usually because I was subbing them in for things that would make my body actually feel better, like lean protein and veggies). So for me, the containers led to a more balanced approach to eating (“Oh, I’ve only had one veggie container today, I should make a big salad for dinner!”). And I have lost weight (although not nearly as much as the infomercials would lead you to believe).

          Could I have done it on my own by just having more willpower? Sure, but for me, the program made it more enjoyable and therefore easier to maintain.

        3. Any chance there’s room in your budget to seek out a registered dietician or nutritionist of some sort with an ED specialty? I think that’d probably be the most helpful thing, and the most likely to help you find a solution that will work, and more importantly won’t trigger those issues or set you up for a relapse.

  9. Has anyone tried the Loft “curvy” fit skirts? Can you describe how they fit? I’m 5’2″ and a couple months post-baby I don’t have much of a waist. I’m wondering if these will be great for wider hips or if they’re too tailored around the waist.

    1. You might have luck sizing up to accommodate wider hips, but they are definitely tailored at the waist. While I wear them normally, post partum I preferred their standard fit.

    2. Probably not the answer to your fit problem. I think they’re meant for folks with a big waist/hip difference (like me!)

    3. I posted above regarding my post-partum experience. I actually haven’t found the “curvy” clothing at LOFT (or, for example, WHBM) to be particularly flattering or a better fit. I’ve had more luck sizing up in the Marisa fit at LOFT. I think this is because even though my weight isn’t distributed in a way that’s straight up and down (which is how I would typically think of the body type the Marisa fit is for), I am proportionately bigger in both my waist and my hips. Honestly, aside from resenting spending $ on so many new clothes, I’ve actually found the Marisa fit to be fairly flattering.

  10. This is my office roommate’s last day and she keeps complaining about her departing jobs and how she won’t have to deal with it anymore. I also know that the management is not too saddened by her departure. I finally got her to stop with evasive responses and not paying her too much attention. I just started a month ago, in a slightly different position than hers in that group, and I am quite excited about the new challenges. But now, I can’t seem to get the things she said out of my head and I am letting this impact me negatively. I wish she had the memo on how to leave gracefully…

  11. TJ: not to “look a gift horse in the mouth” but is there a tactful way to deal with a new boyfriend who is too anxious and aggressive in tending our lady gardens? I do enjoy his vigor but want more than for him to do this all the time to the exclusion of other pursuits outside the bedroom.

    2. Say “Hey, I’ve been enjoying all the bedroom fun, but I’d love to explore other things together, outside the bedroom.” And if he thinks that means getting it on in other rooms, have fun with the following suggestions:

      Whoa, cowboy!
      Oh, no, not this again!
      Get that thing away from me!
      Seriously? We just did that!

  12. Interviewing soon for an in-house position (midwest) and considering a black knee length sleeveless dress with a brown jacket. Is that too boring? It’s a chocolate brown and definitely won’t be confused with black but it’s close. Is that a faux pas these days to combine black and brown only. I’d wear brown pumps to coordinate. My other option is a red jacket but I wonder if that’s too much color. Last time I was in their offices the ladies ranged from pencil skirts and silk tops to suits.

      1. Agreed. I’m in-house, and we only suit up when required, but we notice/comment if a candidate isn’t wearing a suit.

        1. Suit is an option and I’m not sure why I discarded that idea initially. Earlier this year when I was an interviewer, one candidate wore a suit and the other didn’t but I don’t think it made a difference to me. It can’t hurt though. And it’s so much easier than trying to figure out separates. Thanks!

      2. +100.

        Also, black + darker brown is still faux pas. Lighter browns like camel or tan look fine with black, but again not for an interview.

    2. Unless your separates look is spot on awesome (stylish,fits perfectly, makes you look and feel like a million bucks) wear a suit. What you’re describing sounds more like “oh no I don’t have a suit but I do have this jacket and everything goes with black, right?”

  13. I love this square orange bag. But I already have a square orange bag. But it’s not as nice as THIS square orange bag…

  14. Negotiating TJ:

    I posted a couple of days ago about how to negotiate an expected offer. I got the offer late yesterday, and I just had a conversation with HR in which I asked whether there was any salary flexibility. This is a big deal for me, since I just have never felt comfortable doing that (esp. with what would be a nice raise for me). But I’m trying to follow the advice that you should always at least ask. Honestly, I still feel really nervous about the whole conversation, but the HR rep was actually pretty nice about it. She said she’ll talk to her boss and the hiring manager and get back to me. Fingers crossed.

    2. Good for you! A friend of mine went through something similar, except she was told there is no flexibility and then when she started found out someone much, much junior got the same starting salary. That sucks. The fact that you didn’t have the same response though is a good thing. Know your worth and best of luck!

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