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Frugal Friday’s TPS Report: Leaf Print Long Sleeve Dress

Loft Leaf Print Long Sleeve Dress | CorporetteOur daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. This pretty rayon and tencel dress looks great for work — and it has sleeves, squee! I like the detail at the waist, and the fact that it's machine washable. It's $69 full price, but today is marked to $34. Loft Leaf Print Long Sleeve Dress Two plus-size alternatives are here and here. Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-4)

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

302 Comments

  1. Cute dress. Amazing to see something with sleeves!

    What is your favorite chapstick? My lips have been really chapped and peeling lately and my usual Blistex isn’t cutting it. Drugstore is preferred but I could probably run to Sephora if there is something completely amazing to try.

    1. Nivea. Every single variation I’ve tried (honey, tinted, etc.) has been super smooth and moisturizing.

      1. Agree. For drugstore or Target options, Burt’s Bees is my favorite. At Sephora and if you want to splurge, I love the Fresh chap stick (either tinted or non).

      2. My favorite is the Burts Bees Mango. Fresh is also one of my favorites, but expensive.

      3. +1 to Burt’s Bees. The Moisturizing (with the silver cap) and the Honey are my favorites.

    4. If you have coconut oil in your kitchen, it’s my go-to. I tend to put it on at night before bed, because it can melt a little if you wear makeup.

      1. This. So amazing! Esp. the original (green cap), though the newer one (purple cap) is good too (I just didn’t like hte taste as much).

    6. I also use Burt’s Bees. Try using a lip scrub (or a sugar/oil combo) and then applying balm right before bed. It really helped smooth mine out this winter.

    7. Gawker (kinja deals, I think) just did a whole poll on this and had some good options.

    9. Burts Bees all the way. I need to buy another tube of the pomegranite-flavored one, it’s pretty much the perfect slightly-tinted balm.

      1. Yes, Burt’s Bees pomegranate is the perfect touch of color and totally moisturizing.

    10. I love the Rosebud lip balm – it’s at Sephora but is my absolute favourite. I have tubes of it everywhere.

      2. This is just petroleum jelly. If you have a tub of Vaseline around that will work just as well (esp. at night) at a fraction of the cost.

    11. I use burts bees for normal days, but Hurraw Night Balm when that doesn’t cut it.

    12. Most chapsticks (including burts bees) don’t work on me, and I get really chapped lips.

      I have found 3 that work:
      – Clinique Superbalm
      – Aquaphor Healing Ointment
      – Rosebud Salve

      Those last 2 you can get for a few bucks each.

      For each of those, they’re most effective if I put on a thick layer before bed. But in the winter, I still have to reapply a few times a day.

    15. I’m loving the Caudalie and the Elizabeth Arden 8 hour in tube form. I found the Fresh one to melt and go rancid.

    17. Trader Joe’s Virtuoso lip balm. I like the mint scent and it’s rather inexpensive.

    18. What do you all do for sun protection for your lips? Aren’t you worried about wrinkles? Skin cancer? What am I missing? Because I think many of the brands mentioned here (with the exception of Neutrogena) have no sunscreen.

        1. The little teeny tiny ones around the lip where the color of one’s lipstick bleeds out in later years. I’m sure they have a name, but I don’t know what it is.

      2. I always have a variety of chapstick/lip balm options at hand, with and without sunscreen, and I switch them up depending on the time of day, how much I’ll be outside, how dry my lips feel, etc. However, the OP was seeking to address a specific issue (dry, chapped lips) and we advised her accordingly. In my experience the most moisturizing lip balms don’t have sunscreen.

      3. The Trader Joe’s brand lip balm has SPF 15, is super cheap, and works great for me.

      4. I have an Avalon Organics with sunscreen I really like that I use when I’m definitely going to be outside for a while. But not every day.

    19. Fresh Sugar for spendy, Carmex Lime for cheap – both also have SPF, which is great!

    20. So many options! Thanks all!

      Burts Bees is nice most of the time, but doesn’t seem to help me with the healing part. I’ll definitely check out the other suggestions.

    23. Bite Beauty Agave Lip Mask. I only wear it at night when I’m sleeping because it’s super sticky, but it’s a miracle in a tube.

    24. I have the Fresh Sugar sticks and they are amazing. Pricey though. They have a regular one and colored ones with different tastes. Very good for chapped lips.

    25. Definitely Aquaphor Healing Ointment. It’s cheap, available at drugstores, and highly recommended by my dermatologist.

  2. Ideas for baptism gifts? I did not send a gift for the shower or birth, is it okay to send something from the registry? Although the baby is being baptized, I don’t think the parents are religious (for example, did not have a religious wedding ceremony). Clothes, toys, books? TIA

    1. How old is the baby? Usually the registry focuses on 0-3 month clothes & gear. You can give a gift they’ll grow into.

      This was a topic earlier in the week and many people said cash or savings bond.

    2. I sent an Amazon gift card as a baptism gift last month. The parents were very grateful.

    3. A baptism is usually an occasion to give cash or a savings bond. I’ve never heard of a baptism registry, I don’t think that’s a thing? I would find it odd to give a baptized baby toys or clothing.

  3. Looking for recs for comfy but decent looking lounge pants. What are our favorite pants to lounge around at home? I will be home on maternity leave this summer so looking for something that will be comfy for summer but also not look to terrible when visitors stop by. Lounge “outfit” ideas would be nice too. I am trying to avoid yoga pants as they tend to be tighter and not as comfy.

      1. I wore lots of maxi skirts like this while on maternity leave. I also think palazzo pants would be cute and comfortable. There are going to be a few cute pairs in the upcoming Lilly Pulitzer collection at Target that you might check out.

    2. Yay! Fruegel Friday’s! I love Fruegel Friday’s and this fruegel dress with sleeve’s, tho I did as Rosa, and she told me to tell the HIVE that Rayon dresses tend to retain moisteure, and therefore can cause your body to SWEAT a littel more then you think. FOOEY!

      As for the OP, I would recomend sport’s pant’s from Sport’s Authority. They are like Runner’s pant’s but made out of fleece and they have pocket’s and they DO expand, which means your stomack and tuchus are more comforteable then they would be with normal pant’s or fleece tight’s. FOOEY! Also, yoga pant’s are to tight and are designed for women with svelte bodie’s not mine.

      The janitor was waiteing for me this morning by the elevator, and had another bannana for me. I told him that I was haveing the run’s and therefore did NOT want to have a bananna today. He said he would eat it himself. Why do men seek ME out? There are so many other pretty women out there–I alway’s wind up pickeing up these guy’s who think I need a date. I do NOT. I need a HUSBAND to MARRY me and take me away from this 9-5 existance! FOOEY on the workeing world. I am NOT getting any younger and would like to start being like ROSA already. Where are all the hedge fund guru’s and internet wonk’s with 8 digit bank account’s who will MARRY me and be the father of our children? I would NOT even mind haveing sex every day with them to make sure we have babie’s right away! I am NOT even interested in traveling or doieng anything other than being a homebody, just goeing to the gym in the morning, watching TV, and enterteaining my husband every night after he come’s home from work. I am PERFECTELY ABEL to do that for my man, so where IS he already?

      Doesn’t the HIVE have any rich brother’s or uncle’s they can set me up with who want to MARRY me and PROCREATE? I will consider men between the age’s of 34 and 60 at this point, tho if the guy is over 55, he had better have GOOD teeth and a full head of hair. I do NOT like bald men huffeing and puffeing on top of me b/c it remind’s me of my Grandpa Irving. As a littel girl, he alway’s let me rub his bald head. I do NOT want to do that again with my HUSBAND. FOOEY!

    3. If yoga pants aren’t comfy enough…I’m not sure you’re going to find great ideas for lounge outfits that are also cute! What’s left after yoga pants? Sweats? Maxi skirts are a good idea though, or maybe just knee-length jersey skirts – I know I always trip over maxis and if you are holding a baby, maybe not the best idea.

    4. You can get looser, less fitted yoga-ish pants from places like Target – look in the regular clothes or pj section, not the workout section.
      Old Navy often also sells drawstring waist pants in the spring/summer – not sure if they have any this year or not.

      1. I used to have a pair of thick jersey drawstring waist pants from Lands’ End which were PERFECT. Loose fitting and cozy, especially once I lost weight and they were a size too big. PERFECT. I was so bummed when they finally wore out. I’ve kept an eye out for something similar but never found anything as genius. I’ll have to look at Old Navy but I bet the fabric won’t be as nice. Wah.

    5. Lululemon (though I generally dislike the brand) dance studio pants. I have two pairs of the lined ones and they are amazing. For summer you would probably want unlined. Forgiving elastic waist, but makes your butt look great. They are nice enough to wear in public. I frequently fly in them. They come in traditional numbered sizes though so it may not be the best for maternity wear.

      http://shop.lululemon.com/products/clothes-accessories/athletic-pants/Studio-Pant-II-Liner-Regular

      I don’t know your size but they only go up to size 12.

    8. If your yoga pants are too tight, are you maybe buying ones that are too small or cheaply made? As much as I dislike the company, Lululemon yoga pants are about 80 times better than the cheap kind from places like Old Navy. Otherwise, check out Athleta for comfy pants with a slouchy cool vibe. Or at least that’s what I tell myself.

      1. I love Lauren active wear pants. Some have pockets which I adore. I hate running errands in yoga/workout pants, but these I have no qualms wearing out and about.

  4. Question for all of you lawyer ladies. I recently had a baby and am signed up to take the TX bar in July. I previously took the NY bar but have not practiced long enough to waive in. I am taking a self-given maternity leave now through August. Oh and TX does not take my old MBE scores either..

    1) took barbri before. Thinking of doing self study this time, themis, or trying to negotiate barbri down. Experiences?

    2) if self studying, should i just buy an old set of barbri books on ebay? Or are kaplan or other materials better? Especially curious what texans say here.

    3) are there supplementary apps or similar yall found helpful? Thinking maybe for the mbe?

    Im drawn to the idea of self studying bc i can start a few weeks early. On the other hand i like the structure of a course. And i definitely would love to not spend a ridiculous amount. FWIW I am a really good test taker… Would appreciate any sort of info or advice!

    1. I have not taken the TX bar, but I was in the same situation when I took my second bar exam (VA). I was one year shy of being able to waive in. I self-studied (and kind of half-a$$edly at that). I bought the Strategies and Tactics MBE book which I found to be far more helpful than any of the Barbri materials that we received the first time around. In addition, I bought used (and yes, outdated) Barbri books off Craigslist/Amazon and those worked just fine. VA has an obscene amount of subjects tested, so I also relied on a VA tutor’s website where he discussed the most common subjects tested and what he thought would come up on the next bar based on past questions. I had no problem passing despite my half-a$$ery. I think you will be fine using a similar strategy especially if you are a good test taker!

      1. Do you remember the website of the VA tutor you used? I’m going to sit for that exam in the next year or two. I’d like to avoid a course, if possible!

    2. TX lawyer here. I would just do what you can to brush up on the MBE portion. You probably will remember a lot of that substantive law once you start practicing. Focus on the Texas-specific material. Barbri classes might be difficult with a baby, but I know I would have hard time making myself study without a class if I was home all day with a kid. If you buy old Barbri books, just make sure that you get the ones on TX substantive law (civil/criminal procedure, oil and gas, trusts and estates, family law, DTPA, etc.) and one with all the old essay questions. The best way to practice is just to do essays over and over and over.

    3. texan here, although I took the bar exam in 2007.

      Texas tests over a lot of unique subjects through one full day of essays. And then also a half day of procedure questions. These parts will be what will be most challenging for you to learn marital property, family law, oil and gas, consumer law, secured transactions, partnerships, corporations, agency, wills trust and estates, criminal procedure, texas civil and appellate procedure, etc.

      With that said, I think that you can do self-study. Just stick to the schedule. I would suggest Barbri books. I bought a set of PMBR from someone on craigslist to study extra MBE questions, and I was fine. I don’t think that it would really be necessary the second time around.

    4. I highly recommend Themis. I took it for two states because I moved — much cheaper than BarbRI and it’s basically an Internet class so you have structure but can work at your own pace. Also the materials are available a few weeks before the suggested start date so you can ease in

    5. I used Themis for my second state bar (also hadn’t been practicing long enough to waive in), and the second state also would not accept my MBE scores. Themis was great, and something like a third of the price of the course I took for my first bar, but in retrospect I think I could have self-studied for even less money and been fine. If you passed your first bar without trouble, and are a decent test-taker, I would just do some of the self-study options other commenters have recommended.

    6. I used Themis while working full time. It was most helpful for 1) MBE practice questions to learn the exceptions to the exceptions and 2) the shorter MBE/essay outlines they provide. I didn’t find their lectures or essay prep that helpful. For the essays and TX civ/crim pro short answers (day one … so fun), I printed out every past essay exam and the sample answers from the TX bar exam website. I tried to outline (not fully type) all the essays, and then I compared them to the sample answers. If you do that, you realize 90+% of the essay topics are repeats from past exams (the rest are super specific TX law questions designed to make out of state-ers feel bad, I assume that usually have a one sentence or Y/N answer, so just accept that you won’t get those). By the end of all the outlining, I had basically a form answer for most every possible essay question that I could throw the facts into on exam day. I didn’t have that much time to study (maybe two full weeks spread out over two or three months, mostly using the weekends to study), and I passed with more than enough room to spare.

      1. I must have mentally blocked that out, but reading your comment– I did the same thing to about the short answers. Also there is a BARBRI short course that you can tke for that portion. I just bought a book from a friend who took it the year before (the answers don’t change often except for appealing an aj ruling)

      2. I agree with this. I took Themis for another state. Their lectures weren’t that helpful, but the practice questions and outlines were pretty good. Also, they have someone grade your essays and give feedback. I wouldn’t attempt the bar without a course because I don’t have that kind of self discipline. With a new baby, I think a course is absolutely necessary! Themis is also much less expensive than Barbri. I took Barbri for my first bar exam a few years ago. Themis is just as good and I think the grading was more helpful with Themis.

    8. Texas is one of the states (of maybe 5) that I would say you should spring for a review class, be it Themis, BarBri, or Kaplan. That exam has a lot of state-specific topics, like community property, and oil and gas law, which are heavily tested on the essays.

      If you decide to buy old books instead, I would encourage you to find MBE books from this year, if possible. They added Civ Pro to MBE. That should be easy for a practicing lawyer, right?! But I am wary that, in typical multiple-choice fashion, they will test details of the subject that will be tricky. At this point, of course, the bar review programs won’t have homed their practice questions and tips to the test, but I personally would still want to at least practice some version of the subject before sitting for the exam.

      GL!

    9. I studied for my second state (NC) using old BarBri books I bought on Ebay. I think it’s perfectly doable as long as you set a schedule and stick to it. The only thing I wish I had done differently was make my flashcards sooner because they were useful on getting the main points down.

    10. I took the Texas bar in 2013. I’d recommend a course, especially for the essays. However, if you do self-study, ensure whatever books you buy are very current –no older than 2013 or 2014. There have been a lot of changes to the law and the issues tested on the essays in the last 2-4 years,. I underrstand that those changes were reflected on the July 2014 exam. I took A Kaplan course for the 2013 exam, and they were in the process of updating the materials for anticipated changes to the test in 2014. I don’t think you can go wrong with either Kaplan or Barbri, but know that Barbri courses don’t include materials for the procedure and evidence exam- you have to pay an extra fee for that course. At least that was the case when I was shopping for courses. Good luck!

      1. “but know that Barbri courses don’t include materials for the procedure and evidence exam- you have to pay an extra fee for that course.”

        I took Barbri TX in 2011 and this was not at all the case. The standard course included lectures on procedure and evidence and several sample tests (which were old actual tests).

        1. I think that the poster is referencing the special 1-3 day workshop on evidence and procedure (day 1) of the exam. I suggest just buying the materials from a friend.

          1. Ah yes. To the OP, the standard course does include procedure and evidence that IME is more than sufficient to do well on that section of the exam. If you can get the materials from someone who took it, great, but if not, there is plenty of coverage in the regular Barbri materials.

        2. Really? It’s a shame they didn’t include that stuff my year. From what I understood, they gave you the old tests with the standard course (which are already on the BLE website) and you had to pay an additional fee if you wanted to attend the P & E workshops and get the lecture, outlines, and sample questions. Maybe they don’t do it that way anymore, buts it’s worth looking into. The P & E is an easy are to get cushion points, and those few little points make all the difference when you get thrown an essay on some obscure topic. That being said, I don’t think it matters which materials you get. If I had to do it all over again, I’d buy semi-recent Kaplan materials for P&E and MBE and Barbri materials for the essays and study on my own. But that’s just me.

    11. I am barred in NY and took the TX bar about 3 years ago. I bought Barbri books off ebay and self studied. I gave myself extra time to study, since I was working full time as well. I bought the books in March and really started studying in May or June. I took a week off work to study full time before the bar. I passed without a problem. I found TX much easier than NY because they tell you exactly which subjects the essay questions will be on. At break on my last day, I knew which 5 topics were left for essays, so I read through my outlines before going back in. I also think having practiced for several years (though not long enough to waive in) made the first day of civil and criminal problems much easier.

      If you have an anonymous email and want to leave it for me, I have some material leftover I can send you to help studying. Good luck!

      1. OP here. Um, that would be awesome. I am at mary at mysistersbookshelf.com

        And thanks for the advice, all of you! This community gives me hope!

      1. I would totally appreciate insane outlines! Corporette-era are the best. I am at mary at mysistersbookshelf.com

        Thanks for the offer!

      2. I acknowledged but awaiting moderation! Would love them! Mary at mysistersbookshelf.com !

    13. I took the Texas bar exam in July 2013 and again in Feb 2014. I took the Kaplan course both times. My advice: definitely sign up for a course, but make sure you can do it online. It was so much easier to just watch lectures or skip past parts and fast forward when I needed to at home. Plus, I really didn’t find the lectures all that helpful anyway. My main motto the second time around was just practice, practice, practice. I really did a number on the Kaplan MBE question bank and outlined tons of essay questions. So if nothing else, it’s worth it to take a prep class just for the materials/question banks.

  5. Anyone here buy themselves a gift to commemorate a big promotion and/or life event (like the birth of a child)? I want to buy a timeless peice to mark the birth of my son in May which also coincides with a huge promotion and am not sure what to get. Some ideas I have thought of are a chanel bag, rolex watch, cartier love bracelet etc. but nothing is jumping out at me. I feel I already have the jewelry staples – nice pearl set, stud earrings, etc. – so am trying to avoide jewelry. No partner, so it’s just me buying for myself- I’m happy to spend the $$ but can’t make up my mind (not usually a problem I have)! Any ideas?

    1. Just anecdata, but when my mom had my little sister, my dad gifted her a Rolex. She’s worn it every day, until my little sister turned 21. That was her birthday present from my parents, and now she wears it every day. So it truly has been a timeless gift.

    2. Congrats on your promotion and the pending birth of your son! I don’t have any splurge suggestions for you, and I’m guessing that you are fairly well set from a financial perspective given your promotion, but I would definitely encourage you to save the money or do something much more modest. Kids (and daycare!) are expensive! We currently have two in college and despite two decades of pretty frugal living, I wish I had set aside a little more when they were younger. There’s not a Chanel bag or Cartier item in the world that would be worth having-unless, of course, you are a Wall Street trader with a six figure bonus. Just one person’s opinion, of course.

    3. If I wanted to buy a timeless gift for myself, I’d get a Chopard watch, not a Rolex. I love their Happy Diamonds line.

    4. Buy yourself all of the things on your list–then you won’t have to decide!

      But if you are are a real person, listen to Bewitched and buy your kid a 529 plan.

      2. Yeah, not to be judgy, but I’m of the opinion that if you can’t think of a what expensive gift to give yourself, you probably shouldn’t be spending the money that way.

    5. How about a subscription to a SPA. I don’t know if it applies where you love but in my part of the world you can get a subscription with six or 10 vouchers to luxurious SPA treats.
      When you have a baby, you will be in super mom mode and it would be nice to have a SPA voucher for those days when you feel exhausted and covered in poop and still need to submit your reco before deadline.

    6. I have a very different take on all of this.

      I got told that I was elected partner on the day I had an OB appointment that was supposed to be routine but this time the baby’s heartbeat was gone.

      A year and a few weeks later, I left the hospital with a live baby and no present. I am fine. Mark your milestones in the way that’s right for you, your budget, and your family.

      Maybe schedule a really great photographer to come over and take pictures of everyone? Your extended family will love that and your children will love that and those moments are precious and fleeting.

    7. I would not get the purse since your new arrival is going to be puking on everything s/he sees for a while. I like the idea of throwing it into a 529 so it can grow over the next 18 years. And Congratulations!

      1. You don’t have kids, do you? The majority of babies do not just puke all over house and your belongings like an exorcist.

        1. I don’t want to have a diaper blowout while juggling an infant and a Chanel. YMMV?

          1. Ok, I guess I stand corrected. My daughter was a spitter, but I never really just set her down next to my purse or anything. And to this day I do way more damage to my own purses than she does. Count me in the minority, but I don’t want to stop owning nice personal things becuase I have a child. I keep my furniture in the main areas of the house on the cheaper side for this reason, but my work bag? If I could afford Chanel, I would totally go for it.

        2. I have kids and my first puked all over everything, all the time, for a year. He was healthy, ate a lot and just puked all the time. We have pictures of him on the floor with puddles next to him. I would put him over my shoulder to burp him and it would spray. I think it makes sense to be cautious because some babies do puke like they are possessed.

          My second didn’t have the same issue. But you never know…

        3. I do have children. Years later, you can be at a restaurant where somehow a taco gets dropped and partially falls in your purse. The leather is fine. The lining — smells delicious! And looks horrible.

          Think of it as being with fun but sloppy drunks all the time. Now have a house and a car and stuff that will withstand that.

    8. I bought diamond studs for my son’s birth, and a solitaire pendant for my daughter’s birth. I plan to gift them these on key milestones. Son can gift his wife the studs, and daughter can have the pendant which she may like to reset into an engagement ring.

    9. This is kind of an offbeat idea, but what about buying a really nice plant or tree that can grow with your baby? I am not a gardener so I don’t know what kind of plant that would be, but your local nursery would.

    10. I feel like the $$ are not the significant part of this. I know you said you didn’t need jewelry, but perhaps something sentimental and personal as opposed to these big-ticket items that are signaling status to the outside world. Personal example: This year was a big birthday for me, so every day this year I am wearing a coin from the year of my birth as a necklace — sometimes on display and sometimes inside my sweater. I chose the coin and had it made into a pendant. It sounds as if 2015 is a big, big year for you so maybe you would like to have something from this year that you have as a permanent keepsake.

    11. If nothing is grabbing your attention now, how about setting the money aside for a great vacation for you and your son when he turns 5? You’ll have lots of time to think up where you want to go, and if you need the money sooner for something practical, or something fun that you just have to have, it will be there.

    12. One of my friends bought his wife a watch, and have the back engraved with the hands pointing to the official time of birth of their first child. I thought that was a nice way to commemorate that, because she could wear it every day but it also had that connection to their child’s birthday.

      1. You took the words right out of my mouth! That’s what I was going to suggest…

  6. Looking for inspiration for a graduation gift for my SO. He has been working full time while getting a degree in engineering and is graduating next month. He’s early thirties, interested in gaming and tinkering, likes outdoors stuff and exercise but hasn’t had much time to indulge in either for the last few years because of his schedule, likes gadgets, is into electronic music and festivals, and doesn’t drink alcohol. Money is a little tight because we are saving up to move so I want to get him something thoughtful but not too expensive. His best friend suggested going in on an Apple Watch and I know he’d love that but I’m hoping I can think of something equally good that is less pricey. I am so proud of him and want to commemorate that.

    1. Video game system? Not super cheap, but I believe there are good ones to be had under $200.

      2. Do you live close enough to a national park that you go often? What about an annual pass? I think they are $75 and get you free admission for a year. I live in the DC area and it definitely saves me money between day trips to Great Falls and weekend camping trips to Shenandoah and A$sateague.

    4. I bought my daughter a domain name and 3 years of webhosting for a blog when she graduated, along with our family’s traditional gift of a piece of jewerly. She loved it. The entire web package cost about $100.

  8. Seeking Hive advice for my SIL. The short version of the question is: how do you make a child who doesn’t want to grow up, grow up?

    My niece is a junior in HS. She’s always been a bit odd – she acts juvenile (much, much younger than her age), a bit antisocial, a big storyteller (sometimes exaggerations, sometimes outright lies). Examples include: she rollerblades in circles in her basement, and refuses to do so outside. In middle school, she claimed to love reading, but all the books on her wishlist were far, far below her grade level. Maybe because she’s always been babied, and grew up in the shadow of her older, much more mature sister. Or, maybe because of her DHD and depression (both recent diagnoses). Niece is now on medication and receiving therapy for those conditions, and her sister is away at college.

    Niece is scheduled to take the ACT in a few weeks, but has refused to prepare for it. My SIL is at her wits’ end. She’s worried that niece of actually going to college (even though she says she wants to be a nurse), and wants to be dependent on her for the next X years. Any advice on how to deal with the situation, both short and long term? DH and I think that niece needs some tough love – a message that SIL won’t support her indefinitely, especially if she doesn’t go to college or start “growing up.” Of course the hard part is making that message/threat believable, while also not making niece feel unloved. SIL is the only responsible parent – niece’s dad is a classic underachiever/deadbeat (SIL is re-married).

    1. Short-term: The parents could pay for ACT tutoring and drive her to appointments.
      Long-term, if your niece has a diagnosis and medication, then this is something to bring up with her medical team.

    2. She sounds like someone who would actually benefit of a gap year or two so she can grow up before you sink a ton of cash into college that she might not be ready to take full advantage of.

      1. +1. At the beginning of his gap year, my little brother was a 17-year old immature high school graduate. At the end, he was an 18-year old ready for college. FWIW, it was a program designed for that age and stage, so not just a Rumspringen or kids running around on their own, but there was a lot of guidance and a lot of encouragement into independence. She might need encouragement from people outside of the family, if she feels that the family locks her into the baby role (whether they actually do or not).

        1. I didn’t know there were gap year programs. If there’s structure/curriculum, that sounds like a good option for my niece. Will have to do some Googling. Can you share the name of the program your brother took?

          There is a lot of of “oh, that’s just Niece being Niece” when she does something immature or goofy, but I think it’s more excusing the behavior than expecting her to act that way. It’s possible she sees it as an expectation, though.

      2. This. There’s only so much you can force her if she’s not ready. Maybe her medication/therapy need more time to kick in. Or maybe the shock of a bad ACT score will force her to reevaluate her choices and she retakes her senior year. Letting your kids suffer the consequences of their bad choices (within reason!) is part of growing up and will serve her well in the long run. Is mom going to go with her to college and force her to study?

        It might also be a good idea to go to family therapy to explore niece’s motivation (or lack thereof) and mom’s fears with a neutral third party.

      3. Or if she wants to be a nurse she might be better off living at home and going to community college – our community college has a way better placement rate than most of the 4 year colleges offering nursing degrees. Especially if she has ADHD, depression and is immature, she might really struggle with going away on her own and need a bit more of a transition.

        Any chance niece is not preparing for ACT because she it is her way of saying “I’m not ready to grow up and go away, so if I don’t do well on this test you can’t make me?” Or if she has ADHD she may have a history of not doing well on standardized tests and therefore be afraid of them. Or she could be doing the classic underachiever “If I study and do poorly I will have failed, but if I don’t study then I don’t need to worry about looking stupid, I can just blame it on not studying.”

        Could mom push her to get a part time job (maybe in a nursing home or as a candy striper type position in a hospital) to help her get some responsibility to help her grow up?

        1. Or (if niece is interested) could you help her find a summer camp or summer program to do? To give her a chance to be independent and try something new.

          Any chance the “roller blade in the basement but not outside” could come from neighborhood kids picking on her or bullying her?

          Is SIL seeing a therapist as well? Or could they go to some kind of individual + family counseling to help have these conversations?

          1. Meg Murry, I had the exact same thoughts about classic underachiever thinking. I don’t think bullying is an issue – not a lot of kids her age in their neighborhood. I think she is soothed by repetitive movements… before rollerblades, it was a trampoline in the basement/backyard.

            I believe the therapy is individual, but maybe some sessions with her mom could be helpful?

            She had a part-time job (same place as her sister) over the summer. Candy striper is a great idea!

          2. “same place as her sister”

            Maybe this is also part of the problem. I was always successful academically but I was a shy, quiet kid with a loud, outgoing older sister. I didn’t really come out of my shell until I went to college in a completely different country from my sister. I love her, but I needed to forge my own identity. It might help to encourage her in areas where she is different from her sister (obviously don’t frame it that way) to help her realize that she is awesome in her own right, not just a second best version of big sis.

          3. Things that I have been really working on with my kids (and that I wish my parents did with me):

            1) Praise the effort, not the result. So instead of saying “I’m so proud of you, you did such a good job playing that piece on the piano” I would say “That sounds great! You’ve really been practicing hard/a lot this week, haven’t you? I’m proud of you for sticking to it even when it was tough.”
            2) Acknowledge that some things don’t come easily and its ok to work hard at something – and she is proud when niece does that. American society is terrible about praising people for being “smart” when something comes easily to them, whereas other cultures praise having “grit”, working hard and sticking to something even when it’s tough much more.

            Also, I would suggest finding her some activities that are NOT the same as what her sister does/did so she isn’t compared to the older sister. So a part time job somewhere else, an after school activity doing something totally different and maybe independent instead of team sports (like art, music lessons, karate, swimming etc)

          4. Soothed by repetitive motions, a bit socially awkward–not a lot of details, but just throwing this out there–has anyone evaluated her for possible mild Asperger’s or something similar?

    3. Did you mean ADHD? If she’s gone undiagnosed for a while, its going to take some time and work to get her the coping skills that she needs. Her brain works differently and she will likely need different study techniques and possibly testing accommodations. Maybe she needs a gap year before college to mature a little more. As far as college, she may need to look for a school closer to home or a community college, somewhere that she can succeed and get some confidence in her abilities. If she bombs those early years of college, she will have a heck of a time transferring and getting on track. It can be a vicious cycle and will do nothing for her mental health.
      Honestly, you are being pretty harsh on her. ADHD and depression are not a matter of her being lazy or babied. I’d guess she’s got some self-esteem issues at play here and operates below her age level because she knows she can at least be good at those. Harping on her to grow up is just going to make her feel worse until she gets her feet under her a bit better. She’s 16/17, not 26. Let her have her missteps now where she still has a safety net.

      2. Yes, I meant ADHD. Perhaps I’m not giving the diagnoses enough weight – I admit I don’t have any personal experience with ADHD, but do with depression. My understanding is that it seems to be under control right now.

        I know I am being harsh, but that’s only here! We would never express these opinions to her in person, or even to SIL for that matter.

        You, Meg Murry and Zelda all raised the good point that pressuring her to grow up, or go to college, when she’s not ready is basically setting her up to fail. Thank you for that insight. I think SIL is ok with letting niece grow up at her own pace, but concerned that she might never leave the nest b/c that is the path of least resistance.

        1. Hindsight is 20/20. I have a sibling (ADHD) who left the nest too early, bombed out of a couple of colleges, and spent several years recovering from that emotionally and academically. Did significantly better (like dean’s list better) while getting a 2 year degree and specialty certification while living at home. Everyone realizes now that it was the route than should have been pursued from the beginning to prevent the frustration and heartbreak. A gap year would have been a great thing as well.

        2. I agree with the ‘you can stay home as long as you are taking this many credits in Community College’ idea.
          1- I also have ADHD in my family and wasting money on a 4 year college when she’s not ready for it is not good in the long run.
          2- she is now in therapy and getting meds, so give that some time to kick in without rushing too much.
          3- some kids are just different! The 18th birthday is not a magical day where everyone becomes a grownup at midnight. Some kids I grew up with just needed another year or two before they started acting more mature and getting an idea of how they fit in with the real world. I hope you can talk to the parents about this and help them calm down and be a little more patient. It’s probably making things worse (for them as well as for her) for them to be so freaked out that everything has to be solved immediately. If I was them I would give it about 2 years after her HS graduation to see if things shake out and if they don’t re-evaluate then. But it sounds like the mom is already in a worst case scenario spiral imagining her daughter living in the basement and working at McDonald’s for the rest of her life. :(

      3. IDK, this could be my husband’s sister. But she is 50. Multiple degrees attempted and unfinished. Hasn’t worked in 5 years. Lives at home. Never goes out.

        She has issues. But being allowed to live at home has postponed having to deal with them.

        This is an extreme case, to be sure. Has your niece ever worked? She is old enough and that working a minimum wage job could show her how hard life can be as a grownup.

    4. This post is a little confusing…. DHD – what is that? If she is two new medical diagnoses that she just started medication/therapy for, sounds like this is a lot more complicated. Tough love?! …. waaaaait a second…

      Not studying for the ACT is not a disaster warranting intervention. You didn’t mention her grades. Is she flunking? Is there a reason to be worried about her being dependent on her parents for life? Sounds like we are jumping the gun a little. I know this is a website for overachieving chicks, but sometimes we need to take a deep breath…. especially when there are behavioral/psychiatric diagnoses involved. Just because someone is on treatment for these, doesn’t mean it is working and everything is peachy keen. She may have deep issues that deserve consideration.

      There is nothing in your post that makes me think she needs tough love. Is she out drinking? Smoking pot? Skipping class? Hanging out with trouble makers? Flunking classes? It sounds to me like she has some sort of behavioral/anxiety disorder, and probably needs therapy, support and encouragement. Also, not all of us are destined for Harvard, and that’s ok too. Shoot… most kids in my high school class didn’t study for the ACT…

      There are many great, well paying careers in medicine that don’t even require a college education, with certifications that can be obtained in community college. Keep fostering her interest in nursing. You never know where it might go. Maybe start encouraging her to volunteer at a local hospital/clinic etc… Hopefully she can start something worthwhile this summer. Maybe getting her to care for people outside of herself will bring her out of her introverted shell and also make her feel valued.

      Please don’t make her think that you are comparing her to her older sister. I suspect that it is an ongoing issue and may contribute even more to her insecurities.

      1. I agree with this.

        Also, your SIL can actually make her leave the nest at some point. She knows that right? The only way a child can live at home forever is if the parents let them. I am not even remotely suggesting this is a situation where the child needs to be pushed out in the near future, in fact I think more support and encouragement (as well as being able to grow outside big sis’s shadow) would be helpful in this case. People grow at different speeds and I firmly believe that a lot of teenagers would be better served taking some time off between HS and college in order to mature and have a better idea of what they might want out of life. I certainly wish I had been able to do it.

    5. Not to pile on, but I agree that the “tough love” does not sound like a good idea. I think her getting a job, taking a couple of classes at a community college and/or volunteering for a while would probably be good for her. I think there is a vast difference between helping your kid gain the skills to function independently and doing “tough love”, especially for a kid with actual medical diagnoses.

    6. I think expectations should be set, but tailored to the particular needs of the kid, including the possibility of a gap year and reframing the problem based on her medical situation, as others have already said. At the same time, what happens in the longer term also needs to be stated early, in my view, unless there are other health issues that make that impossible, of course. Has your SIL ever told her daughter clearly that there is a limit to family financial support? Like, “we love you and will help you but you have to be out of the house and reasonably self sufficient by 22, which seems like a long way away but start considering how you want to live your life.”

      My kids aren’t 10 yet and we have already begun telling them – sorta joking, but not really – that after high school, they can 1) go to college, 2) get a job that will pay the rent, or 3) join the military, but they will not be living in the basement playing video games (which is what my oldest son’s dream life apparently looks like right now). Husband and I have agreed that we’d support deviations from those three options if the kids had a plan of action – year off and not working for money but doing volunteer work at x place for y hours per week, then will do z – but they have to have a clear plan and we will not be the primary financial supports for able-bodied adults. It will be interesting to see what real life does to our thinking.

  9. I’ve been posting here for a few months about my dreadful, underpaid current job and my excruciating job search. I am happy to report that I am close to being offered 3 different jobs! Now I’m looking for some advice about choosing which job is the best and how to use the different offers to get the best deal…

    Job A: Gave me a weird, tentative offer that is much lower than my goal salary and also a lateral/if not backward career move. About 12% more than my current salary. Crappy commute.
    Job B: Putting together a offer that is only slightly less than my goal salary but includes a very generous bonus package. It’s about 20% more than what I’m making now, 45% (!) if you count the expected bonus. The job is a step up and very interesting, but it’s a lesser-known, Asian company and I worry about it’s culture and work/life balance. Between A and B, I’d take B in a heartbeat.
    Job C: Final interview on Monday, has been called a “rubber stamp.” HR is aware of the time constraints and would be able to put an offer together by Monday afternoon. Job would be a step up and is with a great company that is stressing work/life balance. If C offers me more money than B, I think I’d go there.

    All 3 companies have asked to be updated on other offers. Should I go back to A, tell them about B, in hopes they would make a larger offer that I can then bring to C in hopes of getting the most possible? Comp is a big issue, as I am being so grossly underpaid in my current role and really need to make a huge jump in order to get on track with the market.

    1. It’s great you are having such good success. You are in the home stretch of this difficult process. Personally, I would say nothing to A until you have to, which would be either graciously decline or sheepishly accept after B and C fall through. Put off making a commitment to B until after the interview and offer from C next week.

    2. FYI, having worked for an Asian company in the past – your work/life concerns are valid if the company is anything like the one I worked for was. There was a large face time expectation – you NEVER left earlier than the boss, no matter how late you had stayed the night before. There was also a lot of sexism, and an implied “yeah, you’re good now, but it doesn’t matter because in 5 years you will be quitting to have babies and be a SAHM, because that’s what women do.” All of my bosses were men that put in 70+ hours in at the office, plus more time at home, and had SAHWs that handled all of the household and kid stuff.

      For some actual data I heard on NPR last week (but of course can’t find the link now)
      in Europe, the average employee gets something like 25 vacation days, and uses 23 of them
      in America, the average employee gets 15 vacation days and uses 12 of them
      in Japan, the average employee gets 20 vacation days but only uses 10 of them
      -this expectation (“you actually want to USE the vacation days you were given? how dare you even ask?”) was one of the hardest parts for me. In addition, there was a whole other “managing by making you feel guilty about everything you aren’t doing enough of/good enough” thing that was also terrible on my psyche.

      Not to say there aren’t terrible American companies for work/life balance – of course there are. But the Asian companies I’ve experienced had a much higher rate, and I’d suggest you do some more exploring of the work culture if you are at all concerned. Maybe someone in your network knows someone who’s worked at the company you could talk to?

      1. Asian companies are not all Japanese. I am Asian, always lived in Asia, and from the discussions I often seen here, I find that work life balance is worst in the US. Even if the company you work for is Asian, local culture influences WLB issues. So do your homework but don’t automatically assume that all Asian companies have bad WLB…

    3. Crappy commutes should be avoided at all costs. Really, A sounds like it has nothing going for it other than a bump in salary.

  10. Hey y’all, do you know where I can get some contouring make-up and help learning how to contour? I just wish I knew where to go…

    /joke regarding the huge contouring ads from Sephora everywhere on my screen
    /because I would never do that unless I was going to be on TV for something good

        1. Meh, I used to put bronzer on the sides of my nose, and I’ve considered getting a highlighting pen for the inner corners of my eyes. I don’t think most people (outside of certain high schoolers and college students) are going to do the full-face contouring every day, but I might consider a small amount of contouring for special occasions (company holiday party, friend’s wedding, anywhere I know I’ll be photographed a lot).

          1. +1 I have done the bronzer on sides of nose thing to make my nose look slim and it works. Must be subtle, and blend blend blend. also, highlighting inner corner of eye

        2. I do it with bronzer right under my cheek bones on a daily basis. It makes them look more defined.

        3. I do contouring on my cheeks every day with bronzer and then highlighters around my eyes. I have a contouring kit from smashbox. I don’t do it as severe as a lot of the examples and i don’t think my face looks a totally different shape, but I think it helps highlight my cheekbones. I do it heavier for special events. I don’t do the sides of my nose because my nose isn’t big.

    2. I’m inspired to contour my face just like the ads (without blending) and head to work as if everything is normal. Thanks Sephora!

    3. I tried it at Sephora (hangs head in shame). It made me look like I’d lost 15 lbs. Unfortunately, I’ve had mixed success replicating the look at home…

    4. The ads make me seriously angry – it’s like, oh, hey, you’re face ain’t good enough as it is, so you must contour it every frickin’ day so that we all look like some random “ideal”. WTF.

      1. Eh, a lot of makeup is designed to improve our appearance- conceealer, foundation, blush, mascara. I don’t see how this is any different

        1. My problem with contouring is that it’s supposed to make your face take on a different shape. I find concealer, foundation, blush to be along the lines of taking what you have and “enhancing” it without rejected the entire supposition of one’s face. You do make an interesting point that perhaps contouring is just a more extensive version of mascara.

  11. My sister-in-law is doing a half-Ironman triathlon next weekend. I’d like to send something either before or after to commemorate her feat. Any ideas?

    1. I think you should tell her to be ready with some Kaopecktate, b/c if she is doeing any swimming and get’s any water in her mouth and swallow’s it, she could wind up with diareah, and that is NOT fun, Myrna says. FOOEY! Good luck to her! I am also thinkeing she could use a warmup suit b/c what they give you afterward’s is a piece of Aluminum foil, and that is hardly enough to keep you warm. DOUBEL FOOEY!

    3. Gift certificate for a post race massage, bottle of bubbly, a display frame for her picture and medal.

      1. On the display frame idea – if she hasn’t yet got ‘a place’ for medals, and you see a nice narrowly-spaced set of hooks (like coat hooks but obviously they don’t need to be so far apart or so big), go for that. I have Swimathon medals and accreditations from places I’ve volunteered and debated just slung across a corner of a mirror and I’d love ‘a place’ to put them.

      2. Just a counterpoint, don’t buy a display frame/rack unless you know she wants to display her medal (or already has others on display). My finisher medals and awards are all in a box in a corner of my closet, and I know other “non-displayers” as well. Neither method is right or wrong, but I would have no use for a frame.

      3. post race massage is the best!!!
        (gift certificate or 1-2 days after the race is best)

        My husband did this for me when I completed an Olympic. A half-iron is freaking AWESOME. She’s a rockstar!

  12. My best friend just announced she is pregnant! We live several hours apart so I don’t get to see her too often but I just so happen to be visiting her at the end of the month. I would like to give her a little gift but, not having had any children myself, I’m unsure of what she would want so I’m looking for ideas.

    What would you have really wanted to receive around the start of your second trimester?

    1. I would go with some sort of nice but eye-catching accessory, like a scarf or statement necklace. Your maternity clothing gets repetitive after a while, so it’s nice to have bold accessories to add some more contrast. (Alternatively, a gift card to a maternity-wear store would be really nice.)

    2. I sent my best friend (who also lives far away) a basket of pregnancy-friendly beauty products from The Honest Company when she was expecting.

    3. Agree with both of these! I just started my 2nd trimester and I still feel pretty terrible. Being pregnant (for me, at least) is ROUGH so a pretty scarf / accessory or bath products would be lovely.

  13. …because it’s embarrassing. My whole life I’ve struggled with being on time. My mom used to call me the Pokey Little Puppy. I know it’s an issue – I have tried everything to deal with it (so please don’t pile on about how I should “just change to be on time,” or “if you cared enough you would be there”). Again, I feel like I have TRIED EVERYTHING.

    I started a new job about seven months ago and for the first few months I was doing great. Then I was trickling in later and later. We currently don’t have a direct boss in our office (we are hiring for it now), but a colleague came in my office and – quite gently and respectfully – called me out on it. I was mortified, though realized it was totally my own fault. At my old job, my coming in late wasn’t an issue (I stayed late), and I guess I just eased back into it (I’m an idiot).

    Our Big Boss, who isn’t in our office every day, but is currently managing us since we don’t have a director, had told me in the past that specific hours don’t matter that much (we’re salaried) as long as the work gets done. I guess I took that too literally. I have been getting my work done, and I have not been late for meetings, but on days when I don’t have an early meeting I have been consistently a half hour late (I am embarrassed even admitting and typing this).

    After my colleague’s intervention I was scared straight, and doing much better. Then this morning I was a half an hour past our starting time, and the Big Boss happened to be here – and stopped into my office to say, “you need to be on time at 8:30.” So, mortified AGAIN. UGH.

    I straight up know this is my own fault. Now I am worried that I will never work past this and they will never see me as promote-able material, even though I am getting my work done and meeting my goals. I have resolved to work even harder and be the very best I can be, and I hope that that is enough to make people eventually forget this.

    I have always been a high achiever and have held myself to high standards. This timeliness thing is the one that always gets away. I guess I’m asking for thoughts on – Is this going to basically follow me the rest of my career here? Is there anything I can do besides a) be on time (duh) and b) do killer work?

    I am so, so sad and embarrassed. I wish I could just rewind time.

      1. Yes. Too often I hear people ask questions like “how can I be better about x”…not that this is the exact question that you posed, but still, the answer is Just. Do. It. Don’t make excuses for yourself. Be on time, every time, no matter what, no excuses. Just do it.

        1. Do you also tell alcoholics and overeaters to just stop drinking and eating? Just because something is easy for you doesn’t mean it’s easy for other people. The skills that you have that allow you to be on time are not necessarily universal. They’re learned. She came here for advice, not judgement.

          2. This might sound like a crazy comparison to the outside observer but honestly it is not as easy as just “deciding to be on time.” I know this sounds crazy to you, anon2 (and probably others), but I am being honest.

          4. Agreed. I have the same problem as OP, and would love to learn some skills. What do people who are always on time DO that makes them on time? After 20+ years working, I STILL struggle with this!

      2. But I think if you read the thread, you’ll see that there are techniques that can help people for whom this does not come naturally. So she got some good advice, which will help her solve this problem. I’m really curious — does the reading the thread change how you feel about what you posted?

    2. Why are you late?

      You need to fix this. Or move to a job where start time is less critical (ex. academia, work from home)

      It will definitely impact how others think of you.

    3. I think you are making way too big of a deal about how these two incidents will affect your career. If you actually start coming in on time, and you didn’t like miss some big meeting by being late, they will be forgotten. Turnover is expensive, so if you’re otherwise a good employee, it makes sense to give you a warning and hope you’ll improve your timeliness so they can retain you.

      1. Agreed. We had a paralegal who would regularly come in at 1030 (official start time is 930) then that started becoming noon for about a year and half, then he would just call out for hangovers randomly until he was fired. Point being–it takes time.

    4. I am so sorry to hear how much shame you are feeling about this and I think the first thing you need to do is give yourself a break. You aren’t going to shame yourself into being on time. :( Unfortunately, it sounds like “being on time” and face time starting at 8:30am is important at your company, so I doubt that doing excellent work will outweigh that, especially since you are new. You might be doing work, but it risks giving the impression that you don’t “get” the company culture.

      It sounds like you think of this as a personality flaw or something that is wrong with you, but it isn’t–it’s a pattern of behavior and it is a habit, but it doesn’t have to be a part of your identity the same way that being a high achiever is. You’ve already proven you CAN be on time, by doing great for the first few months. Like breaking any habit there may be times of relapse and that is fine and normal, but it doesn’t mean you are broken and can’t fix this. What were you doing the first few months that worked well, and what changed when you started slipping?

      1. Oh, marie, thank you – this made me tear up… I really appreciate your feedback. (I am obviously being a bit emotional about this.)

        I need to think more about what has changed from then until now.

      2. To just add to the shame discussion, just because you did something “bad” (being late), does not make you a bad person.

        I don’t think my suggestions on improving would be helpful because I am one of those annoying always early people.

    5. I am always late if it isn’t an emergency, and its a terrible habit.

      A few things that have helped:
      -evaluate how long it actually takes you to get to work. Are you mentally thinking “oh, it takes 20 minutes” when in reality its more like 30-40 door-to-door or if there is traffic?

      -set alarms. Lots of alarms. I have an alarm on my phone that says “get up”. One that says “you should be dressed right now”. One that says “you have to walk out the door in 10 minutes”. Another that says “walk out the door in 2 minutes” and another that says “leave NOW”

      -do everything you can the night before. Lay out your clothes. Pack your lunch. Put your purse, keys, wallet phone, shoes etc next to the door.

      -Also set alarms to make yourself go to bed earlier. I also have a “get ready for bed” alarm. And a “no really, go brush your teeth right now” alarm. And a popup on my phone (with no sound) that says “are you in bed yet? why not?!?!”

      1. This was me at my last job, where I was extremely unhappy. If you are happy at your job, I co-sign everything Meg suggests.

        Also, it may seem ridiculous, but I invested in WeMo “smart” lightbulbs that switch on through a schedule programmed into their app.

      3. I love the idea of alarms to force myself to start getting ready for bed. Going to try this.

      4. I also do this with the alarms, including setting a physical timer in the kitchen each morning after I wake up. When it dings, it means I have 2-5 minutes to get out of the house. I also used the stopwatch function on the phone to time activities like my commute for a week to get an accurate assessment of how long things take. It stinks and I hate it, but I don’t have good instincts on time. Now, I am rarely late for routine events (work) but still have trouble with rare events (baptism in faraway suburb).

        1. I NEED to time my commute. I think I have the drive estimated, but it takes about 5 minutes at least to get from the parking lot to my desk and I typically just ignore those 5 minutes.

      5. I really, really need a “GET TO BED NOW” alarm. I have tried the multiple morning alarm thing before but I like your idea of timing it with specific things that need to happen at specific times. And you are absolutely right that I am fudging the amount of time it takes me to get to work.

        1. I read an article that said most people who run late are late because they either a) don’t really care or b) have a tendency to underestimate how much time things are going to take. It doesn’t sound like you don’t care, but underestimating may be your problem. Try timing your morning routine so you know exactly how long you need to shower, make coffee, make breakfast, get dressed, get to work, etc. Then add 15 min. to that an plan accordingly.
          I often run late but I don’t have a strict start time. Still, it’s a combination of a) knowing I can get away with it and b) thinking it takes me just 5 min to do my makeup (it’s more like 7-8), 15 min to make/eat breakfast when realistically I like to sit around an browse the Internet for 10-20 min as I drink my morning coffee… When I have to be on time, I wake up earlier than I think I need, pick out clothes night before and if it’s really important to be early eat breakfast at my desk because my big time suck happens when I sit down with my breakfast and browse the Internet ‘for a few minutes’. Identify your weaknesses and trouble spots and you can fix this.

        2. I give myself (and everyone else) an artificial deadline in my head. For example, if I need to start my workday at 6:30, I tell myself that I need to get to work by 6:15. This means I take the 5:50 subway, and get there usually around 6:15, but if I’m a little later I have a buffer zone, and if I get there at 6:15, I get to get a cup of coffee before I start.

          My boyfriend used to be constantly late and now I also lie to him about start times. So if we are having dinner with my parents at 7, I tell him we are meeting them at 6:30. Then he arrives around 7. haha.

      6. I do the phone alarm thing. I will totally sit on my couch drinking coffee and staring at my socks for hours unless I am prompted. Mine say things like “Are you going to take a shower?!?” “Don’t forget your lunch!” “You really need to leave NOW.” and so on. I don’t have any set to make me go to bed, but I don’t usually have an issue with that part.

        I feel your pain. I also know that for me, it was immensely harder to get motivated to leave on time when I had a job that I hated. I like my job a lot more now and it’s much easier to get myself there.

        Also, depression can make motivation to do these basic, everyday things a lot more difficult. I don’t know if that’s an issue for you, but if it is, consider seeking treatment. That helped me a lot too.

        1. This is totally me. How late I am is usually directly impacted by how I am feeling about my job. My job is currently super stressful and as such I find myself taking longer and longer in the share…

          Some things that have worked for me:

          – making myself a sticker chart and give myself rewards for getting in to work on time.
          – buying delicious coffee and then setting the coffeemaker the night before
          – showering the night before
          – buying one of those alarm clocks that turns on a bright light when the alarm goes off and putting it across the room.

          1. I also got diagnosed for ADHD so when I have a day when I know I have to be super “on” I take a pill. It’s incredible how much more focused my getting ready is then and how little I stray off tasks those days.

            (I don’t generally enjoy taking medicine and I’m pretty high functioning despite my faults so I do not take the pills daily but appreciate that they can be very helpful for others to take daily.)

          2. I also shower the night before, have my outfit laid out and my shoes by the door next to my packed briefcase the night before. If I’m losing track of time and suddenly realize I have to leave NOW, I can be ready to walk out the door in a matter of 5 mins- dress, hair in pony-tail, pick up briefcase and go. Now ideally I have time to put on some make-up and eat something, but leaving on time is non-negotiable so I will drop those things if I have to.

      7. I do this too, but with my microwave – when I get up, I set it to beep about 15 minutes before I should get out the door. I find it weird when professional workplaces have a specific start time. Where I work, we have some people who start at 7:30 and others who start at 9:30. As long as you are fairly consistent and put in your 8 (or 9, or 10) hours, it’s fine. Good luck!

      8. I do this with music. I’m terrible with the snooze button and I putz around in the morning. It takes me about 35 minutes to get ready when I’m in a hurry, but for whatever reason I can’t seem to get out the door in under 1:10 on weekdays. So I set up music to go off when I need to get out of bed and it will play for an hour. Inevitably I’m only about 1/2 way finished with my makeup when the music stops playing, but it gives me the kick in the rear I need to finish up and get out the door with a little bit of time to spare.

    6. Please stop punishing yourself!! The experience this morning does sound mortifying, but NOW you can move on and create a different future. From here on out, resolve to be early. Your future promote-ability will not be compromised based on this, once you change this habit and any associated perceptions. Be early from now on! You can do this :-)

        1. This is definitely not the end of the world. However, given what you have said, I suspect at a minimum it is never going to be something that comes easily and/or will always be something you have to struggle with/against a little bit.

          It’s a bit infantilizing, but for me one other thing that makes a difference is that I’ve basically outsourced some of this to my husband. I will do the math and say “I need to leave at 7 am” and he will then be the one that nags me and says “you need to leave in 2 minutes – why aren’t you wearing shoes yet?”

          We all have strengths and weaknesses – being on time to routine things is never going to be mine, although it will be my husband’s (and my 8 year old’s). But there are other things I am good at that they rely on me for too, so it’s a balancing act.

    7. I am in an identical situation except I haven’t been called on it (and I am not entirely sure anyone else actually thinks it is an issue or if I am just self conscious of it). If you change it now and don’t let it happen again I doubt it is going to follow you around for the rest of your career.

    8. I know two people like this: my boss and my 24 year old stepson. Both aggravate me no end. I wish I could charge them for my time waiting for them. You only get so many hours on this Earth, and the ones I waste waiting for them I will never get back.

      Having said that, there doesn’t seem to be anything that I can think of or suggest that makes any difference. E.g, if we tell SS to make a list of everything he has to do and assign an amount of time to each and add it up to figure out when he has to start, doesn’t matter. Ditto for every other suggestion ever.

      Which makes me wonder: why is he/my boss always late? I can’t offer suggestions if I don’t understand the underlying challenge, and I admit that I really do not understand. Can you explain it? Not being snarky. Truly have spent lots of time thinking hard about this, and I really don’t get why they can never be anywhere when they are supposed to be. Any light you can shed on this would be really helpful. Thanks.

      1. To “can you help” – I wish I could do a better job of explaining it. I think it part it is a very unrealistic estimate of time. Like, “I need ten minutes to get dressed” – it takes me 15 (or whatever). “I need only five minutes to let the dog out,” well, she’s 14 and it takes her two minutes to get down the stairs now, so it takes longer than it used to. Part of it is just assuming I’ll make it work – “eh, I’m leaving 5 minutes later than I wanted, but I’ll just pay for parking instead of walking from the free spot that is farther away.” I don’t even know if I am even articulating these consciously. That’s only part of the story, though. Like baconpancakes said above I feel like it’s a physical predisposition. I’ve tried to understand it my whole life. I do tend to do better with “do or die”situations (never been late for a job interview, for example, or for Christmas dinner with the family) but I think I just tend to … I don’t know, need that “do or die” motivation to keep up with it. I am sure this is not that helpful, but maybe it’s helpful to understand that I CAN’T always understand it.

        I sure am mortified by it and I hate making people wait, so I don’t think I just sail through life not being aware of the effect on people. I just find it really hard to stick to it.

      2. My parents both tend to run late.

        Dad: underestimates travel time and does not like to be rushed by others. When traveling with someone else and that person says, “I’m ready,” he starts doing a few tasks instead of being ready to leave immediately.

        Mom: is always trying to fit in one more task before leaving home

        Me: have difficulty waking up and getting up due to depression. Social anxiety is also a deterrent sometimes, because I dread the upcoming event.

        1. I’m like your mom. I am OCD so I try to get everything done before I leave the house. Also, if my hair isn’t cooperating, I will just keep fixing it until I think it’s presentable, even if it takes 20 minutes longer than I actually have. I swear if I didn’t have hair I would never be late.

      3. I have trouble being on time. And my family and I have talked a lot about this, and it seems to track with our ADD traits as well. And I think it just is really that my brain is not good at accurately judging time. I have had to actively learn how to think about minutes intentionally to figure out how long things take, and I still lose that ability to judge when I am distracted by other things, like the phone rings, or I spill coffee on the floor, or I realize the shirt I was going to wear is dirty, etc. I really don’t like that I am late, but it just doesn’t come easily, my brain thinks I have more time than I have.

    9. Google – Dyscalculia and issues with telling time. My mom has this, and has had it my entire life. I think there are some tools to help manage it.

      1. Another thought: spend some time browsing through the books at your local bookstore or library about being a working adult with ADHD (as opposed to the books for kids with attention disorders). Good books have great tips for managing ADHD in the workplace, and some of them might help you, too.

    10. Do you know why you’re late? From what you’ve said, you have tried to be on time and can’t consistently do it.

      If there’s a medical issue, then you could go the HR route. In a former job, I knew a high-level person who was consistently late, but he had an ADHD diagnosis which he disclosed to HR and his boss, so he got some slack for it as long as he got his work done. He often stayed in the office very late, because he had trouble settling into his work. That being said, I think that it impacted how others thought of him, and he was not going to be promoted further.

    11. You need to be nicer to yourself. Forgive yourself for these two incidents, and give yourself more time to get ready and get places in the future. I also find that arriving early gives me time to get collected so I am less stressed at the official start time – wheres getting there exactly on time is stressful and rushed. So give yourself more time, and if you end up early, enjoy it stress-free.

    12. You need to identify WHY it is that you struggle to be on time.
      It seems like instead of identifying WHY this is a recurring issue for you, you simply beat yourself up more.

      distracted in the mornings? trying on too many outfits? traffic? childcare issues? snooze buttons? underestimating how much time you need to get there? Plain old lack of urgency? You have to identify the cause of this problem before you can implement a solution.

    13. You say you have tried everything. What have you tried? Multiple alarms, making mornings easier (pre-making breakfast, pre-setting out clothes, showering the night before, etc. etc.), going to bed earlier, setting your home clocks ahead, setting up a reward system if you are early every day for a week, etc.?

      Is this an always issue or a mornings issue? No one loves getting out of bed in the morning, but you need to make it work so you can. I am also conscious of not arriving as early as some in the mornings, but we don’t have any fixed hours, so I have that luxury. It is a nice luxury, for sure…if you can find a job like that, that would be great. But it sounds like yours is already pretty flexible and to tell the truth, most jobs require a certain start time.

    14. It wasn’t fair of them to tell you being on time wasn’t a thing when clearly it is. That kind of thing is such B.S. and I hate it. That said, you can’t really do anything about it, and now you know that even if they say “oh face time doesn’t matter” it totally does (btw, keep your eye out for other behaviors like this now; most offices that give you false information one place do it in other places, too).

      But, as others have said, now you know. I echo others’ questions — what makes you late? There must be something you can identify, whether it’s not getting out of bed early enough, daydreaming in the shower, getting lost in the news on your phone while eating breakfast — what is it?

      1. That article is great. The ones that resonate with me the most:

        2. You’re bad at estimates
        4. You try to get more things done
        5. You’d rather be late than early – I honestly never thought about it in that way, but the concept that you are “wasting” time by getting there 15 minutes is exactly what I (somewhat unconsciously) think. I like the suggestion that you can use those extra minutes by answering an email, reading, etc.

        1. I struggle with this as well – the “rather be late than early” can be an issue for me. One thing I’ve done is incentivize myself with good books on my iPhone (through my Kindle app.) If I’m early, I just get extra time to read my trashy romance or gripping thriller or whatever. It gives me a nice reward for being early.

        2. The rather be late than early one is the what drives me the most crazy as someone who is always on time or early. It makes me feel like you value your time over mine and that you are selfish.

    16. I totally understand why you feel the way you do – it’s easy to fixate on the small things we are doing wrong and feel shame. But that’s not going to help. Let’s see the facts: (1) Your job, apparently, requires you to be at work, at your desk at 8:30 a.m. every day; (2) you tend towards lateness. So, I have a couple of suggestions. First, time yourself – at your slowest – doing your morning routine and driving to work. How long does it really take? Add 15% and subtract that from the time you need to be at work. This is the time you must be up by. Second, I like rewards. Next week, if you get in every day before 8:30 a.m. (yes, 8:31 is late), get yourself a small treat – a manicure or latte or something. Third, I think you can visualize for this as well. Think about how you feel when you get in on time, how people will view you as a reliable worker and your boss will see this as a sign that you are high achiever who can be trusted. Hold on to those glowing feelings! You can do this – if this is really important to you, I know you will find a way to make it work!

      1. In answer to a few posters, I have tried the reward system (I actually had a pretty elaborate seven-day reward system right before I got called out by my colleague, bc I knew it was becoming an issue – but I failed), multiple alarms, a few other things. But I am really appreciating the concrete suggestions from all of you and I think it’s worth trying them again, maybe with slightly different variations.

        I also really like the idea of visualizing that Ella mentioned – I have not tried that, and I am glad for something new to add.

        1. Does it take you longer than you think to get dressed/makeup/etc? I find this is sometimes a problem with me because I have no clock in my bathroom and don’t realize that yes, I did in fact spend 10 minutes in the shower just standing under the hot water trying to wake up. I keep meaning to put a clock in the bathroom to solve this problem.

        2. I haven’t read all the responses but it sounds like a few sessions with a CBT therapist might help.

          1. I hadn’t thought of CBT before and I think that is a good idea. I have also never even considered ADHD so I guess it might be helpful to look into that…?

        3. I have a colleague who is consistently late. Everyone in the company knows it, and even if she is doing good work and not missing deadlines or any major repercussions, it still affects morale. If the rest of us are here on time and meeting the company’s cultural expectations, when she doesn’t adhere to the schedule the rest of us do and “gets away with it”, it makes for an uneven playing field and gives the impression that she’s too good to play by the rules.

          1. This is a really helpful perspective. The last thing I want to do is negatively affect the morale of my coworkers. Thanks for the very good reminder!

    17. I feel your pain – I have been exactly the same for much of my life (so much so that friends in college had “actual time we’re meeting up” and “time we’re all collectively agreeing to tell Yup we’re meeting up so she’s actually on time”), and I think it comes from a combination of things:

      1. I do not gauge time well. I think everything takes 10 minutes. I also have no concept of what 10 minutes “feels” like, so as far as my brain is concerned, everything really does “feel like” 10 minutes, when most things in life take longer than that.

      2. I expect to be able to accomplish too much in the window of time that I have before/between things. so, say, I wake up at 7 and need to be in the car by 8 – I expect to be able to shower, blowdry my hair, straighten my hair, make my breakfast, make my lunch, iron whatever I’m wearing for work that day, brew some French press coffee, make the bed, empty the dishwasher, check my email, and catch up on the news in the 60 minutes that I have. Does that list seem too long for 60 minutes? That’s because it is, because I have no ability to gauge time and I am 150% wrong about how long an hour really is when you’re trying to get ready in the morning.

      3. I’m easily distracted. So, going back to the morning routine thing – let’s say I’m going through my routine (which I’ve magically managed to fit into 60 minutes, by taking as little time as possible on each task and executing all of it with military precision), and then my mom texts. So I answer her. And also, her text reminds me that I never answered that email from my aunt that she sent two days ago, so hey, maybe I should do that right now, and then since I’m on the internet anyway, I might as well check Facebook real quick, and then on Facebook I notice that Anne Hathaway and Emily Blunt are trending, and what’s up with that? So I click a link and now I’m watching a video of Anne Hathaway lip synching to Wrecking Ball and then there’s more clicking and video watching and before I know it it’s 8:10 and I’m still sitting on the couch in my robe.

      The solution was a couple of different things – I used an app called “HabitClock” for awhile – basically, it’s like a combo to-do list/stop watch. You tell it a list of things you want to do, it keeps a running count of how long it takes for you to do each task. It was a huge wake-up call at first (see “trying to do too much,” above) and then later helped me develop a (slightly) improved internal clock, so basically, it addressed problems 1 & 2. As for the distractions thing, I don’t allow myself to check my phone until after I’ve done every other thing I’m supposed to do in the morning first – that way, if I’m going to fall down an internet rabbit hole, at least I’m falling down a rabbit hole while fully dressed for work with my lunch packed and my coffee made. Lastly, I set an alarm for the time I need to walk out the door, and – and this is key – I walk out the door as soon as the alarm goes. If that means no breakfast, or no coffee, or an email goes unanswered, or I wear the no-iron wrap dress instead of the pants I wanted to wear, so be it. Leaving-my-house time is non-negotiable, and set based on my *worst* traffic day, rather than based on “well I made it to work in 20 minutes that one time on that one holiday when schools and half the office buildings were closed, so surely it takes only 20 minutes to get to work.”

      Basically it boils down to (1) knowing how long it actually takes you to do the things you do; (2) having reasonable expectations for what you’re going to be able to do in the time that you have; and (3) never, ever allowing yourself to do “just one more little thing” when you know it’s time to leave your house. Is it time to leave? Leave. The end.

      1. Oh my god, Yup, this sounds EXACTLY like me. (sorry to be commenting on everyone’s comments, but I am finding this discussion so, so helpful. Thank you, Hive!!)

      2. I also found you response really helpful. I need to utilize that non-negotiable leave the house alarm.

    18. You sound like my husband, he got diagnosed late in life as having ADD, after our daughter’s diagnosis.
      One of his issues is he seriously underestimates how long it takes to do things, so when he adds it all up in his head he has plenty of time, but in real life it actually takes longer to do each of the steps so he ends up late (either a little or a lot but always late). When we need him to be someplace on time, I will try to get him to leave at a certain time — eg dont think get there at 8:30 think leave at 8:00. Good luck.

    19. I’m not sure if it’s the case with you, but for me, I feel like I should be using every single moment of time, so I overschedule myself mentally. “If I get up at 7am, I should be able to throw in a load of laundry, make breakfast, shower, do my hair and makeup and get dressed, drink a cup of coffee, and be out the door by 8am,” etc.

      Giving myself the ok to “waste” time by being early gives me the emotional space to be more on time. It’s a learning curve, though. I also find that giving myself treats that require me to be early (stopping to get a cappuccino on the way to work and actually drinking it sitting down in the shop) motivates me to get out of the house earlier.

    20. I can relate – I’m late for many things. And I work in a job that doesn’t have a firm start time and I generally roll in about 30 minutes later than I tell myself I should (which is par for the course with my group at least). That said, I’m never.ever. late to pick up my daughter at daycare. Why? Because it is non-negotiable. I get charged if I’m late. If I’m super late, I run the risk of having the authorities called b/c I abandoned my child (obviously, this takes a lot). But the key is, it’s non-negotiable. Same with showing up on time for docket call. You have to treat work this way too now. You’ve been told that 8:30 is non-negotiable. Be realistic about how long it takes you to get to work and aim to leave 15 minutes earlier than that.

      1. This is what I have to do with regard to work as well. Otherwise, I will find a million and eight things that are much more interesting to do and do those before getting dressed and leaving for work. I”m curious to know if OP enjoys her job or is sufficiently stimulated by it.

        1. I do think you are on to something here. I have noticed in the past, when I am disliking a job the time issue gets worse and worse. I wouldn’t say I dislike this job exactly – I am still pretty new to it – but I have had trouble with motivation lately. I think it is in part because the director quit right when I started, so I’ve basically been figuring things out on my own (no management meetings, no one-on-ones, I didn’t even have a three month check-in until I scheduled one myself with the Big Boss to just make sure I was even on the right track). Sometimes I have felt a bit directionless and I’m sure that is not helping me be inspired to show up right at 8:30. Certainly not the whole story but I do think it’s an influencing factor.

    21. I use to be a habitually late person until two things happened:
      1. I became good friends with a person who was even more habitually late than I was. And it drove me CRAZY. I’d get there 10 minutes late, and she’d get there 45 minutes late. And I would sit around seething for 35 minutes thinking about how rude it was.
      2. My husband talked to me about the message I send by being late- His perception of my always being late was me telling him “I value my time more than yours” and “My time is more important than yours.” So me being late said to him that I had more important things to do than acknowledge the time he spent waiting around for me.
      Both of those things were really eye-opening for me.

      1. Great point. My SO’s parents are late (capital L late) for everything. My general MO is 5-10 minutes late – theirs is 30-45. It is a really good eye-opener. It’s also helping that my SO is a very punctual person. He has helped with “you need to get out of bed now” because he knows I’m stressing about this…but he is gone for work for a full week every other week and I am definitely worse when he is gone.

        But yeah, I really don’t like to send that message to people (that I don’t care about their time) – which is why I feel as though I have improved in my personal life. Work just felt…less dire? maybe, so that hasn’t changed as quickly. I’m really,r eally motivated to change now, though.

        1. It sounds like you don’t have a problem being on time when you *need* to be. Maybe what would be valuable for you is finding a way to think about work as something you *have* to be on time for.

          If you were told that showing up after 8:30 would result in termination, it sounds like you’d have no problem getting in before then. But because the consequence is more long-term, people will think less of you, it might hurt your chances at promotion, you seem less motivated.

          Try to think of being at work on time the same way you’d think about being on time for a job interview. Or ask someone at work to hold you accountable. I think finding a way to think of this as non-negotiable would have positive results.

          Anecdotally- my office does not have set office hours. And technically, you can’t get in trouble for coming in late and staying late (although in this case it was a get in late, leave at the same time as everyone else situation). But my office neighbor gets in around 10:30 or 11 every morning. When he first started at least once a month, someone would come by his office around 9 or 10 am to ask him for help with a project and because he wasn’t in yet, that person would come to my office and ask me instead. After a few months, they stopped asking him altogether and now he’s having a hard time finding consistent billables. Just something to think about- sometimes the consequences of lateness do impact your success above and beyond perception.

        2. The message is a lot louder than you think.

          I know for a fact that my boss and my SS are terrible at understanding how long things take (e.g., boss insists she can go home to get something she forgot in 30 minutes. I have been to her house and I have lived in this town since 1971, so I know the terrain and the traffic patterns. She thinks it takes 15 minutes to get to her house. I takes 25-30. Plus getting downstairs to car, finding key in purse, tinkering with radio etc. before leaving our parking lot. Plus, once home, getting into house, finding object, getting out of house without getting distracted by the mail or some other shiny object, getting back into car etc. Every time she says she is going home to get something and will return in 30 minutes for our meeting, I go into my office and reaarange all the calls and meetings for the rest of my day because I know she will return in 60 minutes minimum.)

          But at the end of the day, even adjusting for the fact that I know she has issues understanding time and not being distracted, the fact that she does it anyway and never even addresses how it affects the rest of us just screams: “My time is sacrosanct, your time does not even matter to me!”

    22. I don’t know, I think they were/are sending you mixed messages about this from the beginningl. ETA: *** Half an hour late is not that late. **** I don’t think you should be so mortified. Now you understand that they *really* meant you had to be there at 8:30 every time. Do that moving forward and try to let the past go???
      (srsly, half an hour late is not that late. Lots of places I work that is the standard grace period for everyone. an hour or two late?? that is late)

      I am also terrible about being late. I have finally gotten better by timing my morning and how long it takes me to do things, making myself get up earlier with phone alarms that yell at me ;), and by aiming to get in a half hour early, which means I arrive on time.

      I think you can do this, but by being so mortified and embarrassed about being called out you are going to make it harder for yourself by beating yourself up. Believe me, I understand, I do it to. You can do this!! Hugs!!!

      1. Thank you!! I’m sure after the initial embarrassment has worn off I won’t beat myself up quite so much. I’m just one of those “never even sent to the principal’s office” types and it is hard for me to feel like I’m failing at something.

    23. Yup, always, always late. Having a kid has made me better at it — it takes forever to go anywhere now — but I also remember reading a book on ADD and thinking some of the organizing/be-on-time techniques there were very helpful. (I think it was titled something like, “You Mean I’m Not Crazy?” or something like that.) It turns out I don’t have ADD — at least Ritalin and Adderol did nothing for me but made my heart go 1000x a minute — but the techniques in the books were helpful.

      Another good trick: I set the microwave timer for 5 minutes before I actually have to go, as in — put shoes on and leave house. It forces me to get up from what I’m doing (on the computer, applying makeup, whatever) and makes me go to the kitchen, which is near the shoes and the door. That helps a bunch.

      But a lot of it is commitment. If it’s important, then it’s important. You can do it!

  15. Can someone tell me why/if they love Lo & Sons products so much? Are all the bags loved equally? I’m contemplating getting “the T.T.” in army green.

    1. I love my TT for travel but I find it to be too big for everyday use – things get lose in the gaping abyss of the main compartment. For travel – it fits over my suitcase, it has a compartment for my laptop, it zips closed for TSA, it has a leash for my keys so I don’t have to fish for them when I get home, and it has a separate compartment for my “regular purse” stuff like phone and wallet that is different from the big compartment I use for “travel stuff” like computer and headphones.

    2. And to piggy back on that, which ones are truly big enough for an overnight bag for a work trip? I need something that can hold 1 change of work clothes, a pair of jeans, pajamas, a toiletry bag, and a spare pair of shoes and not be a challenge to zip closed.

      2. I think it depends on what you pack, but I find that the OMG is not quite big enough. The padding makes it such that once the shoes go in, nothing else seems to fit (and I wear a size 7!) This morning I had my laptop, a small toiletry bag, a roll of gym clothes, running shoes and it was a tight fit. I think you can fit all those things you mention if you don’t have a laptop making it stiff.

        For the overnight I prefer the le pliage.

      3. OG. The OMG is a normal day bag (laptop, wallet, phone, papers, and maybe one other thing (lunch/coffee cup/etc.) The OG is all that plus an outfit for me.

      4. The OG is my go-to overnight bag. It fits everything you listed plus a laptop, a book and a snack!

    3. I ordered the OG and OMG and returned both. Instead, I bought (on sale) the TUMI voyageur Calais backpack. Extremely happy with it in all respects.

    4. I just ordered both a Lo & Sons OG and an MZ Wallace Jane – need something that holds my laptop for business travel (I have a MacBook so fairly small). Obviously the OG is larger than the Jane, but putting aside size, the MZ Wallace is far superior in looks and quality. Hardware, quality of nylon, etc – it was a no brainer for me.

      But if you have a big laptop, you’ll either need a bigger MZ Wallace or to consider the OG. Also the MZ Wallace is not padded (but I use a padded sleeve so moot point).

    5. I really don’t love them – I have the OMG & it’s fine, but it’s not the holy grail of bags for me. I use it because I have it and I don’t travel that much anymore for work so I’m not going to hunt for something new. I don’t like it because the black is not a true black, but more of a really dark grey, I don’t like the color purple & they seem to line everything with that, it’s a little too big – it’s great for fitting stuff to carryon, but gigantic when I get to work/have to carry it around for the duration of a trip. I’d love a new mousetrap.

  16. Does anyone have an online fitness program they like? I’m trying to find a way to get back into shape that I can fit in and around work/family. We have a big TV in our basement and a treadmill, so I was thinking of doing 5:00am workouts down there before the boys wake up. (I know, I know — 5:00am, ugh.) I get bored easily and don’t want to just plod along on the treadmill for hours. I thought there might be a program (I’ve seen Daily Burn advertised?) that would have some variety and options for body weight exercises etc.

    Alternatively, any suggestions for classes in downtown DC? I kind of hate classes that take something legitimate (e.g., boxing, ballet) and make a version of it just for working out. I love learning something new so I’d be into actually taking boxing classes or ballet classes. Just not so into, like, LA Boxing or barre classes. (I like the mental engagement of actually learning a new skill. It keeps me motivated in a way that “burning 400 calories” does not.) I think I could probably squeeze in a class a few days a week at lunchtime.

    1. I do free yoga videos on doyogawithme.com and yoga international. My roommate has really enjoyed doing the beach body videos with the shakeology program. classpass is available in DC and they are always emailing me when they have deals so you could look into that too–might be good for getting some variety

    2. A friend of mine swears by Shaun T (Insanity, T25, etc) for getting back into shape after each of her kids. I’ve done a couple of the workouts and they are no joke.

      1. On this note, Beachbody (company that produces T25, Insanity, P90X, etc.) recently released a subscription streaming workout option. Not all programs are available, but some full programs are and some samples of other programs are.

    3. Just a word of encouragement: I’ve been doing 5 am workouts 4 days a week since December. It’s really hard in the beginning. But then you do kind of get used to it. And then your mornings will seem very off-kilter when you *don’t* work out before work. I was honest with myself and knew that 5 am was the only time I would actually get it done.

      I’ve heard great things about Daily Burn. Alternatively, there are always programs like Insanity, T25, and P90X.

    4. I like the Nerd Fitness Academy. There are a few different programs to choose from (and you have access to all of them) and each one has a bunch of different difficulty levels that you can build up through.

      I personally do the bodyweight one and just need a dumbbell. There are other ones that include barbells, dumbells, etc if you want to get that equipment.

      I really like it because it is circuit-style training and I just follow along with a printout of the exercises to do instead of watching something. That means I can watch Netflix while working out, which keeps me entertained.

      I’m not sure how much it costs anymore. I paid $99 when it first opened, but it might be a little more expensive now. It is a lifetime membership though and they’ve been adding new levels for all the workouts as time goes by. There is also a lot of stuff about nutrition, motivation, etc aside from just the workouts.

    5. I also work out at 5 am before my kids get up. I run on a treadmill in our basement or do workouts from fitnessblender.com. I can’t say enough good things about fitnessblender – the videos are free and challenging and I’ve lost several inches since adding them to my workout routine. Seriously, I have to buy new pants.

    6. I have roku. There are a number of fitness channels available. I tried Daily Burn, but didn’t like it. I do NetFit now.

    7. I’ve only poked around with it a little bit – but maybe you could check out the “Zombies, Run!” app for use on your treadmill? Someone here suggested it, and it is definitely more interested than just running aimlessly.

      1. I use the cycling ones from pop fitness. I also do several back to back for a longer spin session. there are some triathlon specific ones that are $$, but I haven’t shelled out the cash.

      2. Yes! Check out the Peloton App on the ipad (ipad only unfortunately). Tons of live and streaming spin classes. It has made exercise as a working mom so much easier. So much easier, that, OP I recommend you buy a spin bike (can be had for $250 on Amazon) and do this!

      3. I have a spinning bike at home and pay for an all access pass to Studio SWEAT on demand — I love the spinning classes, but they have other types of classes as well.

      4. Just checking back in now and WOW thanks! My building has a beautiful new gym and some gorgeous spin bikes…but I’ve never done it! And I’m not in a position to shell out for most of the classes right now, so this is an amazing list for me. Thanks!

        Also, there’s a yoga app that I love, if anyone is interested (meant to add this above): I think it’s called yogastudio, and it allows you to build customized classes with poses and pose sequences, and they time it well, and the music is not annoying. This was a game changer for me when I couldn’t (…still can’t) afford yoga classes here in DC!

    9. SoulCycle and SolidCore are in DC now, both of them are supposed to be good (but pricey).

    10. I really liked Daily Burn. Take advantage of the trial month to do a variety of the classes – don’t worry about setting up a program just yet, but see if there are instructors you like, workouts you particularly enjoy, etc. At $10/month it’s enough to remind me to use it, but not so much that I feel guilty if I can’t (unless you need to feel guilty to make yourself do it!).

    11. Fitness Blender has a variety of at-home workouts ranging from “just to get the blood flowing” to “muscles on fire.”

      1. I’m obsessed with Fitness Blender. Their videos are all available for free and vary from 15 to 60+ minutes and they have enough variety that you shouldn’t ever feel super-bored (kick boxing, cardio, HIIT, lifting, squats, etc.). They’ve also upgraded their website so you can map out workouts on a calendar so you don’t spend a lot of time every morning searching for a workout.

    12. Do you have a smart TV? YouTube has every workout under the sun available. I did several different Jillian Michael’s ones and yoga for awhile.

  17. 1. Has anyone done IPL for under arms and what has been your experience? I am talking 6-12 sessions, which is a full course

    2. Can ladies share experiences with laser or IPL Hair removal in bikini area? Did hairs grow back eventually or were they gone forever?

    Thanks.

  18. Any suggestions as to what to make for my husband’s birthday lunch tomorrow? Grill is out of commission so that is out. He is definitely a meat and potatoes guy, so if it goes with baked potatoes that would actually be fabulous. Wouldn’t mind a slow cooker recipe as we still haven’t decided if we are going to do anything to celebrate. I’m uninspired and I think he is trying to be easy going (“oh anything you make would be fine”) which is supremely unhelpful at the moment.

    1. cedar planked salmon works well in the oven, broiled lamb chops, seared scallops, crab legs. You can do a cast iron skillet steak or broiled in the oven, but it can create a decent amount of smoke. There are also recipes for pan-seared steak if he really wants red meat

    2. It’s not fancy, but cottage pie/shepherd’s pie meets your meat & potatoes requirement and is delicious.

    3. Prime rib roast with “emeril” essence (recipe can be found online). Basically, take a roast, rub it in about 1 cup of the “essence” and some olive oil to make a paste so that it’ll stick to the meat.

    4. Pioneer Woman’s braised short ribs are fantastic and easier than you’d think.

    7. Oooh- I’m loving all of these, and now I’m really hungry. Thanks all!

    8. Pioneer woman’s pot roast recipe is amazing – cooked in a dutch oven, though you could probably modify it for the slow cooker if you sear your meat first.

  19. This dress looks so flattering and comfortable, but I’m not crazy about the pattern. Does anyone have similar recs? (I am petite and fairly slim but with a prominent rear end, so the bit of flare that this has is essential, because otherwise it would cling in all the wrong ways.)

    1. Old Navy had something similar last year but in solids. They repeat a lot of their patterns from season to season; maybe check there?

  20. oh no, why am I broke this week? I lurv this dress and want it so hard! sigh.

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