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I told you earlier this week that Veep is one of my all-time favorite shows, so it should go without saying that Selina Meyer has one of my all-time favorite wardrobes for a TV character, and she loves a blouse with a bow.
This green and blue plaid version would be a great option with a gray or navy suit or underneath a camel blazer. If you’re working from home, this would look nice paired with black ponte pants or leggings.
The blouse is $34.50, marked down from $69.50, and is available in regular sizes XXS–3X and petite sizes XXS–L. Long-Sleeve Bow Top
Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Save up to 40% on new markdowns
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Save up to 40% on new markdowns
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
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Looking fashionable as I run/walk
I’d like to up my “jogging/walking in my neighborhood outfit”. I tend to throw on a ratty tank top and ratty old Champion gym shorts. I’m in North Florida so it will be 60 degrees to 74 degrees over the next couple of months. I’d like to have a shorts option and maybe longer pants option. I’m an old so I’ve never felt comfortable walking around in leggings unless the T shirt is pretty long. (And -are quarter socks out style?) Any options anyone can recommend to up my “jogging/walking look” would be appreciated. Would prefer closer to Target prices rather then Lululemon, but I’m open to all options. Thanks in advance.
AnonATL
The good thing about athleisure becoming more and more popular, is stores like Target and Old Navy have really been stepping up their game.
My two cents, go to target and buy a couple pairs of their running shorts or leggings in whatever colors and prints you like and a few tanks or tshirts in their athletic material in coordinating colors. They also have more modern cuts of joggers in a swishy material instead of fleece sweats that could work in warm weather if you don’t like leggings.
I wear ankle socks and Target has a set with a little tab in the back to keep your heel from rubbing I really like.
Old Navy has similar styles and very frequently put them on sale, so you could go that route too. Target and Old Navy are both similar quality, and it’s perfectly acceptable quality for my couple mile runs or walks. I have some target leggings that have lasted nearly 10 years.
Sneakers are a big part of “the look” now too. I’m function over style with shoes, but I do like the trendy bright colors in my brand of choice (Altra).
pugsnbourbon
I have those Target socks and they’re great!
Anon
Oiselle Long Roga shorts are where it’s at. I believe either REI or First Place Sports carries them in Jacksonville and check with either Cadence or Active Soles (Thomasville) if you’re in the Tallahassee area. Not sure about PCB/Pensacola. They are pricey but hold up well. I also like the Brooks 7 inch chaser short or REI’s Active Pursuits 7 inch short. I like the bit of extra length.
The upside to it getting dark so early is that I can pay even less attention than usual to my stuff matching (I am a dirtball trail runner from before it was cool and look the part most of the time). Wear whatever socks work for you. No one notices. Ever.
I so seldom need to wear tights that I still have the same pair (from Target) that I bought >10 years ago. For all the more often I need them, they are fine. Wear whatever you’re comfortable in and doesn’t chafe.
For tops, Target is honestly your best bet (or old race shirts from Goodwill). They never wear out and unless you rip one falling/getting hit by a car or they get so funky the smell won’t come out, they pretty much never need replacing.
Anonymous
If you don’t like leggings, I would suggest yoga pants or joggers, depending on what looks good on your body shape. I tend to get my athletic clothes from Old Navy. They usually have a decent variety and good prices. I’ve also really been enjoying some yoga pants I got on sale at Talbots.
Anonymous
I’m fairly picky about shorts, and I think Oiselle’s Rogas and long Roga shorts are both comfortable and cute.
Anon
You’re in luck because cute athleisure is all the rage right now. Seconding the recommendation for Old Navy. I also really like Zella (Nordstrom brand) and Gap’s athletic line.
anonyK
Joggers! Some of them are quite lightweight, not all heavy sweatpants. Athleta makes several good options, so I would look into those- they are expensive at list price but sales are frequent (especially over next month or two I would expect). I have a pair of lightweight joggers from there that would be perfect, but I can’t remember the name and I can’t find it in my order history! I think it is some variation of the “city pant.”
And agree with prior poster that joggers are everywhere right now so it is a good time to be looking for them.
Anonymous
Agree with all of this. IMHO, Target has the best lower priced work out wear. I typically like to buy lower priced tops from Target and mix them with slightly higher priced (but not much really) shorts from Nike and Under Armour. Workout bottoms last much longer for me becuase they don’t get smelly like shirts. Honestly, if you don’t like leggings, you probably need shorts for those temperatures if you’ll be running all that much. I’d focus on shorts, tanks, and tees. Perhaps one pair of 7/8 or capri leggings and one long sleeve half zip shirt in a lightweight material for 60 degree walk-only trips. You didn’t ask about this, but I’d get one or two higher quality sports bras (I like Under Armour). They’ll work much better and last much longer than the Target ones. I can’t weigh in on Old Navy bras.
anon
Agree with all of this! This is a great list. Personally, I roast when I’m wearing pants at these temperatures while working out. Even if you’re a little chilly at the start, you’ll warm up quickly.
LaurenB
Safety permitting, you might consider going to your local pilates/barre/yoga studios and checking out their boutiques. I find their stuff often cuter than Target / Dick’s Sporting / etc.
Anon
I work in a small office with a misogynistic culture. I work in a male dominated field, and no other workplace I’ve ever been in has been this egregious. Other coworkers and I have tried to speak out, to work to change the culture, others have gone to hr (hard because it’s not really concrete – verbal comments, favoritism, etc) without any luck.
The situation is becoming unbearable and I’m strongly considering leaving (Even though there’s so many positives with this job) I’m just really, really over the culture and those that propagate it.
I won’t start looking until the new year and hiring in my industry is slow as molasses so I’m stuck here for a while in the interim. Additionally I’d love to find a way to stay – I feel like I’m giving up a lot of positives if I leave now but the negative makes it hard to stay.
Any tips for making it work in a toxic workplace?
Ellen
I can tell you that you are in good company. We as women MUST stand up to men who are just interested in us for our bodies. In this wierd job situation, we need to figure out a great strategy to succeed. For now, take miticulus notes of what is goeing on, and date stamp it so that you can use this as evidence when you go to HR, or if that proves useless, to the EEOC or the state agency that handels sex discrimination. Remember, lay out the FACTS you are seeing and who it is that doeing what. You say there are positives. Make sure to also write these down so that you appear objective in your criticsms.
Hang in there and know that you have the POWER of the HIVE behind you. Others may comment when they wake up, and eventually we will prevail. I managed to move the tide in my firm even tho I was the youngest woman. Other women had pretty much thrown in the towel and accepted the s-xism. I didn’t and I am generally happy now! YAY!!!
Anonymous
You can’t make it work unless you can find a very senior white male to go to bat for you, and even then it might just mean both of you are ostracised.
Anonymous
Start looking today. Literally why wouldn’t you?
Anonymous
I talked to a coach when my anger at the unfairness was jeopardizing my career. I interviewed at another company and the culture there was even worse — they have since had a bunch of lawsuits filed against them. So I decided to stay put because I was not going to fix the patriarchy by moving to another company. I stepped back from my anger and realized it’s not personal to me. Generations of women have been treated poorly in the workplace and we have made discernable progress during my tenure at the company. Instead I am focused p on my personal goals of supporting myself and saving for retirement — and on what I can do to help my reports.
Anonymous
Can you work from home?
When I want to avoid phone call with a colleague who is prone to unnecessarily long phone calls, I’ll blame noisy neighbours doing a reno and ask him to send me an email instead. If the issue is verbal comments, can you shift more engagement to written work?
Abby
This was me a year ago and I would start looking now. I know it feels like nobody will hire during the holidays, but I changed my linkedin status almost exactly a year ago, was contacted by a recruiter the day before thanksgiving, had a first interview in december, second after the new year, and have been a thousand times happier at my new job.
I too kept thinking about all of the potential I had at the toxic workplace, but I have all that and more at the new job.
anon
+1. I would also start now. When I was unemployed, I stopped looking during the holidays because my son’s daycare was closed for the last 2 weeks in December, so I was taking care of him. The first Monday in January, my son went back to daycare, I saw a job post and applied immediately. I got the job and started within a week of applying, but the person who hired me told me later that I’d almost missed the application window. Also, it was a perfect opportunity for me, and I’m still here 4 years later.
No Face
Yes, apply now. You never know when a great place will need someone.
I switched jobs during the beginning. My new firm just happened to get a new client with tons of pending cases. Other firms were cutting salaries and conducting layoffs. My new firm is the busiest it has ever been.
There are positives at workplaces that aren’t toxic.
Flats Only
Embrace your mercenary side. You say there are a lot of positives, so focus on what those are, and what exactly they will contribute to your career in the long run. If they will indeed contribute, (such as learning certain skills, tenure at a prestige firm, cultivating certain relationships which will pay off when you leave) lean into those specific things and don’t worry about the rest. Set a timeline to extract the benefit you want, and plan your exit. If the positives aren’t actually things that will contribute to your career, and could be found elsewhere (such as good leave time, high salary, etc.), plan to exit sooner.
Anon
Agree with this. These people have had decades to get with the program and haven’t – don’t put any more pressure on yourself to get them to change. Take what you can from the firm while you’re there and get out – there are great opportunities in lots of places, even if it takes time to land in the right one.
anon
Can you elaborate or give an example? What is egregious? is something happening to you directly? Trying to understand the situation a little better so I can give some advice.
Cora
Start looking aggressively. There’s no downside–you might end up in a better job with better pay. In my experience, these situations never get better or even stay static. They just continue to devolve. Start looking now before the desperation to just GTFO kicks in and you do contemplate doing something rash (like quitting with nothing else lining up or taking a bad job offer).
MJ
Recommend two books. The first is a joke book, but it’s scarily on point. The second is for reals.
How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men’s Feelings: Non-threatening Leadership Strategies for Women by Sarah Cooper
Feminist Fight Club: A survival manual for toxic workplaces by Jessica Bennett
I’m truly sorry you’re going through this. It’s demoralizing and very hard. Try to reframe your job not as a place where your values need to fully align (because at this workplace, they don’t), but rather as a place you get a paycheck from and are on your way out of. All the feminist support, sister.
And when in doubt, don’t be afraid to weaponize the completely neutral, “Why would you say that?” followed by a blank stare and awkward silence, as the person who made the awful comment has to squirm to explain himself. Solidarity!!!
Anonymous
Love Feminist Fight Club – so good
Anon
At some point it will get so bad a bunch of women will press charges. If your company is big enough it will make the press. Will you be one of those women?
Anonymous
What do you mean by “one of those women?” The men are 100% the problem. Unless you’re suggesting that she document everything?
Anon
I meant file suit rather than pressing charges, and yes I’m encouraging her to be one of those women. I’m in the Bay Area jn a tech adjacent field, and lawsuits and publicity are the only things that seem to help break through the pervasive bro culture.
Ellen
Elizabeth, Happy Frugal Friday! I also love this blouse, and I always love blouses with a bow, b/c they help to conceal our boobies from leering eyes of men. I am going to show Rosa and get at least 1 for me and mom (who lately has cleaned out her closet leaving alot of room for new clotheing!)
I am very happy that they are counting every vote. Does anyone know who it is that is causing problems each nite in Manhattan among the marchers who only are supporting vote counting? Are these the anarchists that are just looking for troubel? The one woman who spit in the face of a policeman has been arrested 3x. Dad thinks they should be caught and removed to an upstate prison where they can cool off for a few years!
I am at my desk early today b/c I have a Zoom conference call on 3 new cases with a new cleint. I am dressed up and hope to make a great impression. Wish me luck! YAY!!!
Have a good weekend, Hivettes, and hopfully today we will be able to declare a new president a winner! DOUBEL YAY!
Anonymous
I have a Zoom interview today and am trying to figure out what to wear.
The interview is for an internal transfer to our London office (the role is only open to internal candidates, not external). The interview is with someone who would be a direct supervisor.
I work for a Big 4 accounting firm, so not legal industry, and our usual dress code is business-casual, but on Zoom, it’s been casual-casual. Usually the fanciest I see is a rare blouse or a sweater, as opposed to a t-shirt.
I’m trying to decide if a blazer is out of touch. The other option I’m contemplating is a nice sweater. Thoughts?
Anonymous
Wear a blouse and a blazer. “Oh no she looks too nice like she’s taking this seriously because it’s important” is not going to be a thing that costs you this job.
Anonymous
I find London more dressy and would go with the blazer.
Anonymous
Blouse or sweater would be fine. Blazer is too much I think.
Ses
Londoner here. I don’t think a blazer is out of touch if it’s not a super formal one (don’t wear the top half of a suit). I’m meeting with clients in a range from nice top to cardigan to more casual blazer but usually not black or dark blue, which I think look more formal.
That said London finance skews more formal generally so you won’t look too weird.
Ses
* won’t look too weird if you wear a suit/formal blazer, this is.
anne-on
I’m also Big4 (bounced around between 3) and the 3 London offices I’ve been to have all been markedly more formal than the US offices. I’d wear a blazer (but not necessarily a black one) and a nice blouse as well as doing your hair/wearing whatever kind of makeup you’d wear to see a client in person, and jewelry. Treating this seriously and being a bit overdressed is always better than being underdressed.
Anonymous
London is definitely more formal. I would go with the blazer – I don’t think it would hurt.
Emma
+1 on the blazer. In my experience, London trends more formal. On a recent zoom interview I wore a navy Jcrew going out blazer, nice cream blouse, good jewelry and makeup. It wasn’t in London, but I got the job :) Also, that sounds exciting! I would totally move to London if I could (assuming I am well paid because man, it’s expensive over there).
Laundry
Survey in two parts: How often do you wash your towels? How often do you wash your sheets? There is some disagreement in my house.
I wash bath towels every 2-3 showers. For sheets I do the pillowcases every week, but the bedsheets every two weeks.
anon
I wash towels once a week and sheets when I remember, which is generally every other week. Sometimes three weeks. I shower at night and used to wash my sheets less when I lived alone, but my husband showers in the morning. I feel like since he’s not clean when he goes to bed I need to wash them more. I do tend to wash pillowcases more often, probably once a week.
Anon
Same, this is the most realistic option for me. I refresh my towel every few showers, but I don’t rewash multiple times a week. We just have two or three towels per person in my house and it works well. Sheets every one to two weeks. I forget until I find crumbs from my husband’s nighttime snacking habit and change them. I wash when I get around to it. There are two sets per bed so it makes it easy.
Anonymous
Weekly for towels, every other week for bed linens.
Anonymous
Same here. But I’m single so I’m not overrun with dirty towels or bed linens at any point… although at home I know my mom washes the towels similar to OPs schedule, and bed linens weekly or every 1.5 weeks.
Anonymous
Towels and pillow cases every time I do the laundry, which is approx. weekly. Bedsheets usually every 2-3 weeks.
Anonymous
All of it every week. You shouldn’t be washing different parts of your sheet sets at different intervals otherwise they will wear differently and if they’re coloured will fade differently too.
AnonATL
Sheet are every 2 weeks. I’m not sure what our sheets are made out of, but they grow the longer they’ve been on the bed and I can always tell it’s time for a wash based on that.
We have 2 sets of towels each for DH, and I don’t notice how frequently we rotate through. I’d guess we get a fresh towel about once a week, maybe twice.
Anonymous
Towels every two to three showers. DH is more like weekly which I find gross so he has separate towels. Sheets are every week. I’ll usually change out my own pillow case mid week as well. When DH was single he washed every three weeks. Kids are responsible for stripping their own beds but they aren’t really big enough to put them back on properly yet.
I do all my laundry, kid laundry and household laundry except DH’s clothes/his towels so I can set whatever timeline I want. He does all dishes because he’s pickier about having a clean sink before bed whereas IDGAF about that.
Cat
We do laundry once a week for everything (incl. towels and pillowcases) other than sheets. Those are every 2 – 3 weeks.
Yes, the pillowcases wear out a little faster than the sheets, but we just use basic white linens so the fact that they’re not an exact match for the sheets is NBC.
Anonymous
Every week for both and I was the blankets at least once a month.
Vicky Austin
My husband does the laundry every weekend and always grabs the bath towels. (Hand towels and washcloths are apparently too small to blip on his radar? We’re working on it.) He does the sheets about every 3 weeks or so.
Anon
Every week for both. I love having clean bedsheets so much, if I could I would have a fresh clean set every day.
Anonymous
I wash sheets, pillowcases and duvet cover weekly.
I wash bath towels, face cloths daily. (Clean ones every day, I mean, not actually running the machine).
Handtowels bathroom – a couple times a week, normally (non-covid) also before and after guests.
Kitchen towels and wash cloths -daily.
Napkins – after every meal/use.
anne-on
Every week for both. I have multiples of towels/sheets so our wash will usually have multiple hand towels and 1-2 towels per adult per week, my kiddo uses a new towel every 2-3 showers, so he has more in any single load we do for him.
I don’t miss living in an apartment, but wow was it nice to be able to do 3 loads of laundry at the same time and be DONE in 2 hours instead of it being a constant process. We probably run 7 or 8 loads of laundry a week. Sigh.
Anon
Bath towels every week, sheets every two weeks, but we have two sets of pillowcases and I swap them out weekly (which does solve the wearing out unevenly issue, though I just don’t want to do an extra load of laundry to have clean pillowcases). Kitchen towels and dish cloths/rags get swapped out whenever they’re dirty and washed with the towels once a week.
Cb
Bath towels every 4-5 days, sheets every Friday. I love climbing into a bed with clean sheets. We only have two sets though, as the heavy wear does take it’s toll and we’ve ripped 2 sets in the last few months.
Anon
Bath towels every 3 uses.
Sheets every 2-3 weeks. Ideally, should be every 2 weeks, realistically, sometimes winds up being every 3 weeks.
Hand towels in bathroom and kitchen, change 2x week at least.
TheElms
Towels weekly or more often in summer when its humid and they are less likely to dry fully between showers. Sheets and duvet cover every other week.
Aunt Jamesina
Every week like clockwork for both, although I totally understand longer intervals. Fresh sheets on Sunday night is a ritual for me.
CountC
+1
Anon
+1
Anon
I typically go though two towels a week and sheets are washed weekly. My husband is the laundry person so it depends on when he’s doing wash – usually every weekend, but if we have weekend plans (or had, in the Before Times) it might get pushed out a few days.
Anon
I should add that I change the towel I use for my face daily, and I think more people should consider doing this. Just buy seven or so hand towels.
Anonymous
Serious question. Why do you recommend this?
PolyD
Might help with break outs.
I find my hand/face towels get musty smelling faster than bath towels (because of how my place is laid out and how there’s not much airflow in my bathroom, I hang bat towels to dry on my bedroom door) so I change out the face towels more often. Probably not daily, but every other or every 2 days. I bought a package of small dish towels or bar cloths from Bed Bath and Beyond and use those, I like the slightly rougher texture.
Anon
Residues and bacteria on towels. May cause breakouts or chronic inflammation/texture issues. Definitely don’t dry your face with the same towel you dry your hands with.
Anonymous
Not the one who posted the recommendation, but to avoid bacteria.
The same reason why fresh bath towels are a good idea for people who are prone to get «hot tub rash» from towels, swimming or hot tubs (pseudomonas folliculitis).
Kitten
I do the same but I just use fluffy washcloths to dry my face so that there’s less volume of dirty laundry. I got a 10 pack at Home Goods for like 5.99. I tend to miss a little makeup near my hairline or neck every time I wash my face at night so it’s nice to have a clean towel each time. Also, acne.
My actual hand towels are kind of bougie and I only have a couple. I only wash those once a week and would never put near my face.
Anon
Once a week for both, all in the same load of laundry.
Thanks, it has pockets!
I do towels and sheets separate – towels need hot water and high agitation with minimal detergent. Sheets get lower agitation, and cold or warm water depending on whatever I think that particular load needs, with lavender vanilla scent boosters to give them a relaxing fragrance; I’ve actually started washing my PJs with my sheets to give them that same fragrance.
Vicky Austin
What scent boosters do you use?? I love lavender scents.
PolyD
Just FYI – my partner started using some kind of scent booster, lavender pellets, in the laundry, and I’d wake up with my eyes totally red and swollen. And I’m not particularly sensitive to scented things.
I think it was a Tide brand product, although I’m not sure. And I’ve used Tide detergent for years with no problems!
TXAnon
Everything once a week. I keep two towels for myself in rotation so they are functionally washed twice a week.
Sheets in hot water to kill the dust mites, towels on warm. Pillows themselves about twice a year (again, dust mites). Mattress pad, less often than I’d like… I’d say every two or three months.
Thanks, it has pockets!
I try to follow Jolie Kerr’s guideline of swapping my towels out every 3-4 uses, and then having enough towels that I can do a full load every other week. For sheets . . . well . . . I try to change then once a week, it’s often closer to every two weeks. I should probably get extra pillow cases so I can at least change those.
Honestly, your system seems fine. Does someone think it’s excessive? Or not enough?
Laundry
Husband thinks I’m over washing the pillow cases and towels. But I also think he would change the sheets once a month if it were his job.
Anonymous
I wash a load of towels once or twice per week, depending on if I have a full load or not. I use a fresh bath towel, hand towel and face cloth every day. I replace dish towels and cleaning cloths in the kitchen at least once a day. I have two sets of sheets, change them weekly, and wash every other week.
I personally cannot tolerate using a bath towel or face cloth more than once.
EM84
Towels weekly, bedsheets every two weeks, pillowcases every week.
Anon
I do them both whenever I do laundry (every 7-10 days with occasional smaller loads in the interim).
Anon
I’m considering getting botox for TMJ when I go to my dentist next, who specializes in this. It’s led me to think about the idea of botox that changes face shape. When I was much thinner, my face had angles and I almost always loved photos I was in. Now I’m curvier, which I adore, but my face is pretty round, so many photos make me feel as if I look heavy or they are just unflattering photos. I’ve also been told that my round face makes me look younger. I’m now in my late 30s so this is no longer something I see as a bad thing lol
Wondering if anyone has had botox for TMJ and has stories or advice, as well as anyone having stories or advice on botox for face shape change. I’ve never had any type of botox before and am very much a no maintenance type person so this is a weird world for me to consider, but maybe I should?
Anonymous
Is this a thing? I don’t get how Botox would make your face look thinner. I tend to lose weight in my face first so you could keep most of your curves and maybe just do a slight loss to see if that shows in your face how you want.
Not suggesting in anyway that you need to lose weight, just an option based on your desire for a more angular face and my own experience with weight loss.
Anonymous
Botox doesn’t do this
Anon
It does, actually. Look up jaw slimming + Botox. Bethenny Frankel had this done.
Anon
Yea it does. It’s one of the original non-cosmetic uses for Botox.
Anon
I get botox for migraine and don’t love the way it makes my face looks, but it’s better than being in pain all the time so I don’t care too much (it changes the shape of my eyebrows a little). I know that botox for TMJ is known to change the way you smile and I would expect it would actually make your face look more round, not less, but maybe I’m wrong? It only lasts a few months, though, so I don’t see any reason not to try if you think it would help with an actual medical problem. Worst case scenario, you’ll be back to normal in 3 months, best case scenario, it helps a lot and you keep doing it.
Anon
I have no experience with this, but I think the Internet has a lot to say about this related to RHONY Bethenny, which could help you?
anne-on
I don’t think Botox does this? I also would agree with the point below about losing weight in your face first. For me, the first 3-5 lbs loss immediately showed in my face.
Anon
Yes, this is a thing, the previous commenters are wrong. Masseter Botox for TMJ works by paralyzing the muscles that build up from chewing and grinding your teeth. The loss of muscle mass causes lower face slimming.
Since you already said you’re seeing a dentist for this, that takes care of my next point: this is not med-spa friendly Botox. There are too many important nerves at stake. An MD is a necessity for this type of work. The med-spa RN who does my glabellar lines is magically gifted, but she insists that anyone wanting TMJ Botox see a dentist or oral surgeon.
Talk to your dentist about your TMJ symptoms and your goals. Some of what you want may happen naturally, so he may suggest a gradual process with only a few units to start.
Anon
I have massive bone growth from a lifetime of teeth clenching. The dentists always point it out to me. But in case yours didn’t, make sure it’s just muscle and not a bunch of abnormal bone in there!
Anon
My friend is a nurse who works at a derm office. She has used Botox to change her face shape a little and it looks very natural and subtle – I had no idea until she told me. I don’t have personal experience with it myself but I liked her results.
Anon
Confirming that this is a thing, especially in Korea. I know a few Asian women in their 20s who regularly get Botox to change their face shape. It can paralyze the jaw muscles and make your lower face appear much slimmer, thus creating a V shaped face. Actually a lot of Asian celebrities get this done. But you definitely need a good doctor. One my friends had it down but ended up with massive swollen lumps instead. So you definitely do not want to go with a dentist or a cosmetic spa for this. You need a very skilled and experienced MD in this area.
Anonymous
I got Botox for TMJ a few times. The reason I stopped is because the nurse told me there was new evidence or something that continues use of Botox in the masseter muscle could lead to jowls. I have a sharp jawline that I like so this was enough to make me stop. It is a thing for people to get Botox there to slim their face, it’s a really subtle effect. As far as effectiveness, I found Botox extremely effective. The feeling of having my jaw gradually unclench as the Botox sets in was indescribable relief. Hope this helps!
The Original ...
Let’s play a game!
Let’s pretend it’s non-covid and real life restrictions and responsibilities do not apply.
You just found an envelope at your door. Inside, you are given a pass and a key. The pass gets you unlimited round trip flights (or your preferred method of transportation) to only one location and the key is to your extra home there. Where would you choose for it to be and why? What would your home be like and why?
Anonymous
Easy – Tuscan beach house. My favorite vacation spot by far. Plus easy access to Europe/Middle East/Northern Africa for short hop flights or road trips.
Coach Laura
Tuscan beach house was my first thought, too, for the same proximity reasons.
Anonymous
Are the flights of regular length and do time differences still apply? It not, then Moscow because I have family there that I only get to see every few years. An apartment with two bedrooms in the center of the city.
Anon
Somewhere on a sunny beach where I sit all day in the sun reading a book. That’s basically all I want out of life.
Vicky Austin
A beautiful mountain home somewhere near a favorite ski resort, and my family and dear friends are all invited anytime.
anonshmanon
New Zealand!
Anonymous
A pied-a-terre in London, W1.
I’m pretty sure Samuel Johnson got it right. :-)
Anonymous
A historic beachfront flat in Malta.
AnonATL
Lake Tahoe or Banff. Slight edge to Tahoe because it’s a little easier to get to. Gorgeous mountains, summer and winter activities.
The house would be on the lake so I could go out for a kayak trip without strapping it to the car. Loads of windows in the back of the house so there is always a lake view, and the big accordion doors to have that indoor/outdoor living area. An outdoor fireplace on the covered porch. Huge soaker tub with unlimited hot water. A nice Jeep with 4wd so DH and I can go offroading. Also fully fenced for my doggos to tag along and run freely.
Justme
Jackson WY–
Anonymous
I love Jackson Hole but I’m done with vacations in WY. 70% support for Trump? I’m taking my tourist dollars elsewhere.
Anon
To be fair, Teton county was blue.
Anonymous
Good point about looking beyond the state level.
Anon B
Late to the game, but Teton County went nearly 70% Biden! Jackson is magical. Are there any other Corporettes weathering the pandemic in Jackson…?
Anon
Providenciales, TCI crisp white modern beachhouse with sea kayak access
or
Telluride, Colorado cozy bungalow near the trailhead
anon.
Sedona. Overlooking the red rocks. Big glass windows, heated floors. One of the many amazing hiking trails right outside my door.
Panda Bear
A beautifully preserved 18th century London townhouse with a conservatory in the back garden.
NY CPA
+1
Anonymous
+1M
Anonymous
I live in MA and have young kids. Our 2nd home and free flights would be to a stand alone house in a gated community on the gulf coast of FL. Maybe Sanibel Island or Amelia Island.
It’s super boring, but I’d want somewhere that is always warm but a short, direct flight away. Ideally my second home would be in the mountains of CO, but right now, I’m not doing a 4.5 hour flight frequently with kids. The OBX are great, but impossible to fly to from Boston. If a personal jet were a legit answer to this question, then that’s where we’d have our second home. Maybe Duck.
Emma
Paris.
Anon
A quinta in the Douro Valley in Portugal. Maybe around Pinhao.
Anonymous
Kyoto
anon
+1000 drop me anywhere in Japan please
Ribena
Gorgeous flat in Bloomsbury, London. Easy. (Or if I ever move back to England, one of the expensive glossy glass flats in Edinburgh, where Ian Rankin lives).
Ribena
(I was THIS close to saying a pied a terre in Vienna, but i wouldn’t want to do a 24 hour train journey that frequently).
Anon
A farm in the bay of Naples… so I can spend as much time as I want in Naples, with access to museums, libraries, performances, and excellent healthcare… while still enjoying a countryside lifestyle at home.
Anonymous
Right now, as someone in politics, I want a private, uninhabited tropical island with no one around, no cable news, no FB, no elections. I want healthy food to magically appear and stacks of puzzles, good books, and magazines to always be on hand. I want the house to be open air so I’m constantly connected to nature. And while I’m wishing, I want this island to not have any biting insects.
Yep
In govt on the policy side. Our islands should also only have rain at night, magical powers where sunlight doesn’t burn the skin, and self-cleaning cabanas. Masseuse on call.
Anon
I spent a summer in Rhode Island once and was delighted that it almost only rained at night. I don’t know if that’s typical there. Far from tropical, but I’ve definitely considered spending time there again.
Anonymous
A lakefront home on Lake Tahoe. The house has a two-story great room with a stone fireplace, flanked on both sides by floor-to-ceiling windows looking out on the lake. There is a private beach with a dock. I either paddleboard or ski every day depending on the season. It has to be Lake Tahoe because for the past 22 years I’ve been living in exile on the east coast, which has nasty murky lakes and little rolling hills covered too thickly with the wrong kinds of trees instead of actual mountains.
Anonymous
A cottage in Greece
Patricia Gardiner
+1 for Greece! I’m thinking Nafplion
Life is back to normal!
Day 2 of in-person school. The bus either did not come or came 15 minutes early or was > 20 minutes late. The app for finding the bus didn’t work because it demanded a code I didn’t have.
TL;DR: everything is back to normal. Hooray!
Anon
The pandemic is over?
Anonymous
It is a sign. I need a sign. Something familiar. Anything. I’ll take it.
Anonymous
The sign is … more chaos?
Anon
Yay!! I remember so vividly the day we went back to daycare after 6 months of lockdown. It was so, so good for me and my kids. Of course I miss vacations and parties, but I could live without them if I had to. I can’t live without childcare, and getting that first glimpse of “ok, I could go on like this forever if I had to” is such a relief.
Anon
I understand you so well! Where I live, they re-closed restaurants and bars weeks ago (except for delivery and takeout), not to mention indoor parties etc., in favour of keeping schools and daycares open and I am so grateful.
Anonymous
BIDEN PA BIDEN PA
AnonATL
And Georgia!!!!! as of now. It’s so close.
NYNY
We can get blue PAGA hats!!!
Anon
Dude, Biden Georgia!
There will be plenty of time to mourn the fact that 70 million Americans saw the dumpster fire of the last four years and signed up for more, but just for today – hooray!
Anon
According to CNN he’s leading Georgia by ~1000 votes. Crazy! When people say their vote doesn’t matter, show them this.
Anon
+1. This is a win no matter what.
cbackson
This is the first time in my life as a GA voter that my vote has mattered and I am so excited and yet also terrified that it will yet slip away from us. If GA flips, this will literally be the realization of something that I have worked for, hoped for, and dreamed of since I was a teenager: my state finally being represented as it truly is.
I will fully admit that while I voted for Stacey Abrams for governor, I was not a huge fan and particularly did not want her to get the veep nod. But she and her org have done amazing work over the few years, as has the entire community of committed progressive activists in this state. We stayed the course notwithstanding, among other things, our own ‘allies’ in blue states writing our entire region off as backward, uneducated, racist, and useless.
What is happening in GA could happen in Mississippi. It could happen in Alabama. It could happen in SC. When I was a brand new baby activist in the 1990s, one of my bosses had a map of the south in her office and a sign the said “The South Will Rise Again…without the racism, sexism, and homophobia.” We have changed as a region, but we are also – due to tireless work to protect voters’ rights – being seen as we truly are. Voices I thought would never be heard aren’t just speaking – they’re shouting.
Leatty
I’m so excited by the realistic possibility that GA will vote blue. I grew up in a very red town in GA, and I never expected to see this happen based on my own experiences there. This election has given me a new perspective and hope for the future in my home state.
anon
+1 to all of this. Very well stated. I’m also in ATL and we are.all so proud of GA and so, so proud and grateful for the work Stacey Abrams has done.
Anonymous
I keep reminding people that when I was growing up in Georgia, we had a Democratic governor and one Democratic Senator. It was always more purple than it got credit for, and I’m so, so happy today. (I’m in NC now and feel similarly about it. Dems didn’t do as well as I hoped this cycle in NC, but we’re getting there).
Anon
Thank you for this. I’m in a light blue county in a dark red state with a Democrat governor, and this gives me hope amidst the constant barrage of rural and Southern bashing that usually happens around here.
Anonie
@Anonymous – you’re the worst
Anon
You sound kinda like a snowflake there, 11:45.
Anon
Thank you to Georgia voters, including you! And a big virtual hug to Queen Stacey Abrams.
anon
As a resident of one of the Philadelphia counties that has recently flipped blue, I feel powerful today.
Anon
I feel the same, plus doing a little happy dance inside. Delco over here. Hi, neighbor!
LaurenB
Outing myself as a former Philly girl! Thank you, Philly! So excited to see Montco go blue …
CountC
I am loving all of the Philly memes right now – as a central Pennsylvanian, sending my appreciation to our Philadelphian neighbors!! <3
Anon
Gritty/Phanatic 2024!
Anon
I’m in Philly and the memes are reminding me how much I f**king love this city
Anon
That press conference from the White House last night was horrifying. I have never seen anything like it, and I saw Nixon.
Clementine
Best description I’ve seen is ‘nauseously optimistic’.
Anon.
This.
Anon
And yay Philly! Thank you Philly!
Anonie
Woohoo!!!
Anon
I make it a point to keep info about my trash family and their gross behavior away from my workplace. Unfortunately, I may not have a choice about that soon, since it looks like I’m going to be pulled into a court case as a witness.
I know the answer to this will be job-specific, but as a guideline: can I try to assign this time off work as jury duty? It’s technically not, but it also wouldn’t be voluntary, and I should not have to use my PTO for this.
Ideas about how to handle this without airing my family’s dirty laundry would be great. The details could affect my professional reputation, but if I could get through it without oversharing, that would help, since most of my work doesn’t know my maiden name.
Anon
Just say you have been subpoenaed as a witness. Tell whoever is asking to be a witness to send you a subpoena and you will accept service so the sheriff doesn’t have to serve you. Don’t lie and say jury duty. If they ask more about the case, just say you were told to not talk about it by the attorney subpoenaing you.
PTO
+1 and check your employee handbook. Mine says time off is paid for jury duty or if subpoenaed to appear in court as a witness, provided the e/ee isn’t the plaintiff or defendant in the case.
If your handbook doesn’t have a similar provision, it might be worth asking HR to change that. Good luck!
Anon
This is OP: thanks for this tip, I didn’t even think of it.
I checked my employee handbook, and it says almost exactly what you mention here. I just need to provide proof of summons or subpoena.
Anon
Look in your employee handbook first. At my job, a person gets admin leave if they’re called to testify as a witness. As far as what documentation is required, it would just be whatever you got compelling your testimony (subpoena? IANAL), but no details as to what you’re testifying about. Good luck.
Anonymous
I doubt anyone has the bandwidth to care or remember for long these days, so you’re in luck.
Can you just say “I’ve been subpoenaed as a witness in a civil case and I will be at a courthouse during Week X.”? And not make a big deal of it?
My spouse verbal vomits TMI each time something happens that is sensitive and he is anxious about. Don’t do that. No one cares as much as you do (which is good!).
anne-on
This – practicing saying it out loud if necessary!
Anon
Oof your spouse and I have that in common. No Mr. Border Patrol Officer, I’m not hiding a body in the car, I’m always this awkward and chatty when I’m nervous for reason.
Anonymous
I would use PTO and keep the whole situation away from your workplace. Unless it’s like two week trial, taking the PTO will have a minimal impact on your overall vacation time. Order great take out and watch a movie so you can be distracted after you are done court instead of ruminating about how it went.
mascot
Playing this out to the end- how does it look if your employer finds out that you lied about being out on jury duty to avoid taking PTO? That’s likely worse than them finding out you had to be a witness (not even a party) to a court hearing. “I need to take some time on x day for a private family matter” The end, no further explanation needed
Sometimes you have to take PTO for things that are mandatory/aren’t your fault/aren’t fun. That’s why it is there. If you want to minimize the impact on your PTO, the answer is to talk to whoever is issuing the subpoena/summons and working with them to give you a more definite time and date of when you need to appear.
Go for it
Agreed
Anon
+1 it’s also not fun when you have to take PTO because you’re sick or have to do deal with a flood at your apartment or whatever. Don’t commit fraud, which is what you’re proposing to do.
Anon
I mean I guess it depends on your organization but if you’re officially reporting time spent as jury duty for labor charging purposes, isn’t that fraud since it would come out of some overhead budget and not your time off? If you’re taking time off I don’t think you need to go into detail as to why – just say that you’re taking time off. I’m sure HR could clarify about how to report your time if you want to see if they’ll cover your labor, but I suspect not.
Cat
This s-cks but don’t lie to avoid using your PTO.
“I’ve been called as a witness for a trial and expect to need X days off to attend. The attorney has told me not to disclose specifics of the case but I can provide the subpoena if needed for recordkeeping.”
Anon
I agree not to lie and say it is jury duty. I agree with the idea of appearing under subpoena and indicating to your supervisor that you are required to be a witness in a court case, then asking them how they want you to handle time away from the office. You may wind up having to use PTO.
Anonymous
Absolutely not! Don’t bring this drama to your office by lying! You should take PTO. This is a personal day.
anon
Don’t say it’s jury duty if it’s not jury duty. Idk how it works other places, but I had a friend who got paid leave for jury duty and she had to turn over the stipend she got from the state to her company, since they had already paid her.
The most private way to do this is just to take PTO so you can just call it a “personal matter” and give no details, but if it’s more important for you to not take PTO, you’re going to have to tell somebody that you’re a witness in a court case and see if they can work with you (and you might end up having to take PTO anyway).
Anon
Big understanding hug about trash families from one survivor to another. Fortunately mine hasn’t dragged me into court so far. I agree with others that you should not lie, neither in court nor to your employer. It sucks to lose a PTO day to this but it’s the right thing to do. Then wash your hand of them so that you never witness anything ever again.
Anon
So pissed at the weak gestures Facebook and Twitter are making to stop disinformation. They’re grudgingly doing things like adding “friction” to posts so users have to pause for a second before they post whatever lies they want. Facebook shut down a “stop the steal” group a full 22 hours after its founding, during which time it spread countless lies and incited violence. I truly believe that unchecked social media is a unique danger to our democracy.
anonyK
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. I’m a lawyer, so I tend to approach it from a first amendment perspective although that is not my practice area. I expect a lot of litigation on this point in the next 10 yrs or so and I am very curious to see how it comes out. I just think there is no analog for something like facebook or twitter and it is very hard to figure out the best way to regulate this stuff. Obviously there is a line between straight up lies and, lets call them, unpopular opinions. Who gets to draw that line? I don’t know! Is the answer to maybe tag things as verified fact vs opinion? but again who is the decider? Anyway, just chiming in to say I share your frustration with social media in general but I have no idea the best way to fix the problem. I agree it is one of the biggest issues facing the country right now.
Anon
I don’t have any long-term answers either, but I do think that the platforms should completely remove outrageous lie posts from major politicians with huge platforms instead of putting little disclaimer flags on them.
Anon
Same. And people need to stop saying they have a First Amendment right to say what they want on FB. That’s not true. The First Amendment protects your right to free speech against the government, not private actors.
anon
+1 million, this is such a pet peeve of mine!
Anon
It also means you’re not going to jail for speaking against the govt, not that you have an inalienable right to post your words on a website not owned by you.
anon
I think they should remove lying ads and groups spreading misinformation, but I actually think it’s better when they do things like preserve the president’s tweets with a fact check or disclaimer. I would rather have a record of major public figures lying than have that information removed or prevented from reaching the public.
Anon
I appreciate this too. We should both be able to see what he posted but be warned that it is not factual.
Anonymous
They shouldn’t be allowed to be retweeted though. That could actually make a difference – preserve the record, but don’t let it spread.
Anon
Don’t you think at least half the people retweeting it did so in a “look at what this jackass said” fashion? Doesn’t that help us all know what’s really going on in the current White House?
Anonymous
If people want to comment on “look at what this jack*ss did,” they should be required to put it in their own tweet that they have to construct themselves. There is zero benefit to blindly retweeting outrageous falsehoods.
No Face
I agree with this.
My view is that when social media platforms began using algorithms to manipulate what users see, instead of merely listing the posts in chronological order, they opened themselves to regulation. They need to be regulated in some fashion, but I have no idea how.
PolyD
I never really thought of this, but it’s an interesting point. I wonder what my Facebook feed would look like without algorithms deciding what I see?
Optimistic me thinks, hey, if enough people saw legit news rather than mostly Q Anon nonsense all the time, maybe we could get out of this mess we’re in.
anonshmanon
not only the filter bubble algorithm, but the platforms do filter content. They filter for nudity and copyrighted material. They do make editorial choices, and I agree that they should be held more accountable.
cbackson
I am not comfortable with attempting to regulate speech just because I don’t like the content of it (beyond what is already permissible, like libel laws). I would be fine, I think, with treating them the same way we treat publishers (bc at this point they are making decisions about what content is allowed to appear on their platform), but I have a lot of misgivings about giving the government extensive control over social media. I agree completely that these services have, at this point, a toxic impact on society, but any regulatory authority we put in the hands of a Biden administration will at some point be exercised by a Republican administrative – maybe one just like Trump’s.
I would suggest that we all think very hard about what control we’d be okay with Trump exercising over Facebook and Twitter, and remember that while right now we’re all focused on the use of these services by the right (and by foreign powers) to spread misinformation in support of Trump, Twitter (for example) played a vital role in the organization of BLM protests this summer, and in the Arab Spring. Erdogan shut down Twitter in Turkey to try to prevent democracy activitists from using it to organize. You can give power to government, but you can’t guarantee that the government that will exercise that power will always be one you’ll agree with. It may be one you disagree with violently.
And remember, as a consumer, you can strip some power away from these platforms by not participating in them. I deleted Facebook several months ago and haven’t looked back.
Anonymous
I got rid of Facebook, but I’m still allowed to be concerned about its broader impact on society. It’s also not about “not liking the content” – it’s about not wanting extreme lies to spread unchecked, distorting the democratic process and inciting violence. You know that Facebook has promoted genocidal content during active genocidal campaigns, right? Criticizing that isn’t about “not liking the content” – it’s about wanting to save lives.
Curious
I actually learned about their decisions not to take down posts inciting genocide in Myanmar only recently, so it’s possible cbackson isn’t aware. I agree it is hard to regulate platforms related to speech.
cbackson
I don’t think what they’re doing is okay but there are existing tools that could be used to address that – including treating them as a publisher, which would make them more responsible for their content.
Are you comfortable giving the Trump administration the power to censor Facebook and Twitter?
Aunt Jamesina
I don’t think OP was necessarily advocating for the government to do anything, but was expressing frustration with the platforms’ lack of regulation. Facebook, Twitter, etc are complicit in the rise of anti democratic candidates and parties around the world and the unchecked spread of misinformation, and as long as they’re unwilling to take meaningful steps to stop it, are a very real threat to democracy.
cbackson
I assumed “regulation” meant “by the government,” but can see how that might not have been the intent! Twitter has absolutely f’d up their approach to policing content. I don’t know what the decision-making has been, but it’s like there are no governing principles other than haphazardly flagging posts on a few hot-button issues that are salient in the US. I think they are aware that they are heavily, actively used for evil ends, but they haven’t figured out in any systemic way what they’re going to do about it and so it’s just a weird disorganized whack-a-mole. They don’t even enforce the few clear rules they do have, in a lot of cases. I am on the verge of leaving the platform (I am a heavy Twitter user with a decent-sized following) because of how toxic I feel like it is becoming.
Aunt Jamesina
Yeah, social media platforms haven’t figured out a way to regulate it without cutting into their profitability (is Twitter even making money yet? I remember they didn’t for years). Straight up evil choosing dollars over democracy.
Anonymous
First Amendment isn’t the right body of law. These are not government fora. Libel law and contract law via the platform TOS provide the applicable standards. However, with the CDA protecting the platforms, all you can do is flag individual posters and insist the platform follow its terms. However, we can do a lot as consumers to press for change.
Anon
I agree. It seems to be an uphill battle though. I read about a movement where people are trying to get highly illegal content (trying to avoid mod here) taken down from a very major and profitable platform with “hub” in its name. If that’s happening in the context of much stricter laws, I don’t know how much we can expect.
And when it comes to Facebook, YouTube, and Twitter, I honestly think consumers are getting what they want currently; they like the algorithms, and they like the content. They avoid available sources of information and entertainment that don’t follow rapidly escalate into wilder and more offensive content.
Nesprin
If facebook/twitter/et al were neutral platforms, I’d be fine with it. People’s ids tend to come out, but that’s part of the joy of the internet- there’s enough other folks to drown them out .
But their algorithms are built to make you want to engage with it, and the wackier the post, the more likely you are to engage. I.e. Alex Jones is one of the most recommended posters on facebook up until recently, and this pro-provocative bias of facebook’s algorithms leads to anti-vax content, pro-fascist, pro-genocide and other horrible things being actively pushed. That facebook has this bias and hasn’t balanced it with human moderators (and treats their mods as aggressively horribly as they do) is a pretty big problem separate from their first amendment type problems.
Anon
This. They create a situation ripe for controversy and confirmation bias and then are confused by the resulting conflagration.
Anonymous
I agree. It’s horrifying to me that Twitter has permanently deleted the accounts of countless feminists for expressing unpopular opinions, but lets Trump incite violence whenever. It shows me that they DO have processes for determining what can’t be on the platform – they’re just awful ones that hurt women and embolden violent men.
Anon
I think this is more of an education problem. All the QAnon content I see hasn’t turned me into a QAnon conspiracist yet.
Anonymous
I think it’s not only an education problem, but a general intelligence problem. lf half of the population has an IQ below the average (100), then they may not have the raw cognitive ability to discern fact from fiction. There are tons of people with no education who are incredibly smart and independent. Then there are people with fancy educations who have been propped up by wealth (cough, Trump), but who are not very intelligent.
Anon
I’m definitely not saying that educational attainment in terms of degrees is a good indicator of a good education. But the people I know who are really invested in conspiracies are intelligent. Engineers who are only really educated in engineering, stay-at-home moms who never had the change to attend college. Smart people who both consume and produce misinformation that all kind of fits together on its own terms. It’s not low IQ people coming up with all the anti-vaccination materials, for the most part. But it is people who have a good foundational understanding of what they’re talking about. I am definitely not any smarter than my QAnon family; if anything, I struggled enough in school that I had to put more effort into really understanding the material, which I think is why I can see the incoherence in what they believe, because I’m not free associating in more quick minded way?
Anon
Ugh. I meant to write “people who do NOT have a good foundational understanding of what they’re talking about.” I think medical conspiracies are a good example of this in general. The COVID truther doctors that people put so much stock in are, as far as I know, real doctors. They have a very wide basis of knowledge to work with, or they wouldn’t have graduated medical school. And they can stitch together a lot of knowledgeable sounding ideas when they claim that COVID19 testing is fraudulent or that mortality statistics are overblown. But they also very clearly misunderstand a lot of what they think they know.
Aunt Jamesina
I partially disagree. Qanon is a cult. Smart people with certain personality characteristics and life circumstances fall for cults and conspiracy theories all the time. I think education would help us prevent a proportion of Qanoners (the more “moderate” ones for lack of a better term) and other conspiracy theories, but not enough to make it go away.
Anon
This is probably true, but I wonder how much worse this really is in the era of social media?
Are people just witnessing more of what was there all along? As a child, I lived in a rural swing state area during the Clinton administration, and the conspiracies were every bit as wild and popular. Black helicopters and assassinations, suppressed technologies and secret medical cures, alternative history… This was before everyone was online.
Aunt Jamesina
It’s worse because it’s able to spread faster and has a much bigger megaphone through social media.
Anonymous
Has anyone figured out how to manage/change their cycle? I wake up between 3-4 a.m. with severe cramps at least a few times a quarter (not every month, but it seems to be getting more frequent). My flow is totally unpredictable. I’m almost 35. My OB GYN is basically like “every night during your period, set an alarm for 2 a.m. and take preemptive ibuprofen” but that sounds…terrible, too.
I know there are books, diets, etc. – I could be better with exercise and nutrition, but I don’t ever do “fads” and I’m struggling with where to start or if it’s even worth it.
Anon
Check out the blog Real Life RD. She has a lot of posts about this.
Anonymous
+1. She has a lot of well-researched posts about identifying problems in women’s menstrual cycles and how to address them without relying on the birth control pill. It’s one thing to take it for contraception, but it can mask underlying issues.
Anon
The classic answer is to take birth control, either to alter it via hormones or to cause cessation. There are many different kinds of birth control and you may need to try several to find the right fit.
Anonymous
+1 –Unless you’re trying to get pregnant, taking continuous pills is an option. I take the active pills for 3 months straight (just skipping the last week that are a different color) and then take the blank week at the end of the 3rd month, but my doctor told me I didn’t have to and could just never get my period if I didn’t want to. She said most people just like it for piece of mind to know that they are not actually pregnant unknowingly.
LaurenB
+1. There’s really no need to ever have the period, really. “Your body needs to clean out” is a myth.
Pompom
I did this for…15? years. It was helpful for the reasons you mentioned.
However, as with all things, YMMV.
My mental health and libido were decimated. It was a trade off that I was not willing to make, but I am not you.
Anon
Birth control! I’m shocked your doctor didn’t recommend it. With the pill I get zero cramps or PMS, it’s a miracle drug.
Anon
Have you tried Aleve before bed? It tends to last longer for me than ibuprofen. I take two Aleve before bed and I’d say 90% of the time it gets me through the night.
I also take a page our of my playbook from when I worked nights and drink a bunch of water before bed on these days. Hydration is, of course, always good for you, but also, if the meds are wearing off, it’ll trigger me to get up and use the bathroom when cramps are just starting (as opposed to cramp pain being what wakes me up) so I can top up my Aleve when that happens.
Bodies are so weird sometimes.
Anonymous
I have to take naproxen religiously for about a week before my period, but it wipes out the cramps entirely.
Curious
Taking charge of your fertility has a couple of chapters on this. It might be worth a read.
LaurenB
Why are you not doing the plan where you take birth control pills continuously and only get a period once every 3 months or so? This has been a “thing” in the OB-gyn repertoire for, seriously, well over 20 years and has been extensively studied.
Anonymous
After years of intense period cramps and trying seemingly everything, the best solution I found was to take magnesium – on a regular basis, not just during my cycle – and add in ibuprofen as soon as i felt even a hint of cramps.
Anon
There’s research about how eating dark chocolate throughout your cycle reduces PMS and cramps. I’m convinced that the effect is due in part to the magnesium in dark chocolate.
Anon
Nutrition was the key for me. Magnesium, zinc/copper, and folate. I diet tracked and my intake isn’t even adequate to begin with, so it’s no wonder I need supplements.
Anonymous
Worsening cramps were my main sign of fibroids. Did your gyn order an ultrasound or mri to check for that?
Anonymous
I also often get the first cramps during the night, and then they “set” before I can get the painkillers in time to have a normal day. I immediately take my preferred dose of ibuprofen (on the night stand!), eat some chocolate, find a hot water bottle to heat stomach/small of back and dress warmer and curl up in fetal position and gently massage stomach while breathing deeply, put on an audio book and try to distract myself enough for the ibuprofen to work. I top up at least once before being able to walk normally, but the first important bit is taking the edge off.
Not evrybody can take hormonal birth control – that’s not a universal solution. Ibuprofen, warmth, chocolate, orgasms and more ibuprofen are the best things I’ve found.
Anonymous
I’m thinking about TTC soon and I’m concerned about my healthcare during pregnancy and delivery. I read so much about doctors and hospitals prioritizing the baby’s health over the woman’s. I’ve also seen a lot of advice about what you should and shouldn’t do during pregnancy, and so much of it seems conflicting and unnecessarily restrictive. How do you find health providers etc. that recognize you’re a person not an incubator? Any other resources?
Anon
Don’t go to a baby-friendly hospital or a Catholic hospital. Ask your doctor about their C-section rate, episiotomy rate, and their training to handle obstetric emergencies. If they can’t tell you the protocol for treating postpartum hemorrhage, go somewhere else. Check out the website Fed is Best.
Anon
Doesn’t a baby-friendly hospital promote things like breastfeeding? What’s wrong with that?
Anon
Oof – baby-friendly hospitals “promote” breastfeeding by doing things like (1) not allowing formula unless there is a prescription, despite the fact that tons of research shows that early formula can alleviate stress for mom, improve baby’s health and ultimately lead to a more successful and sustained BF relationship and (2) not having a nursery which can result in a very exhausted mom falling asleep holding baby because there’s no where to send baby so mom can rest and recover, which is incredibly dangerous to baby. There’s nothing about a non-baby friendly hospital that impedes BFing, especially if you inquire as to whether there are LCs available (most non-baby friendly hospitals still push BF and have an abundance of LCs available).
Anonymous
None of this is true. You may not like the BF designation but those things are not mandatory under the designation. If you have an experience with a particular hospital that does things a certain way, that doesn’t mean that is related to the BF hospital designation. For example – one of the Guidelines specifically states on formula feeding that “When a mother has chosen not to breastfeed, […] , it is crucial that safe and appropriate methods of formula mixing, handling, storage, and feeding are taught to the parents.” It doesn’t require preventing moms from formula feeding. The full guideline document is available for download here – https://www.babyfriendlyusa.org/for-facilities/practice-guidelines/
I was at a BF friendly hospital – received formula to supplement my twins without issue and was able to send them to the nursery in between BF (I varied between one and both depending on how they and I were doing).
There was a discussion about this on the Moms site a while ago.
Anon
The hospital where I delivered got rid of their nursery for the BF designation and later switched back (and dropped the BF designation) due to lawsuits. A lot of BF hospitals don’t have nurseries.
anon
It may not now be part of the designation but it’s a fact that tons of hospitals got rid of their nurseries to get Baby friendly status.
anonymous
It’s more complex than simply “promoting breastfeeding.” I’d look into it more. And no, there’s nothing wrong with promoting breastfeeding, but there is such a thing as over emphasizing breast feeding.
Anon
It’s a few things, like if you are choosing not to breastfeed or are having trouble, your baby will starve until you go home. They also don’t have nurseries, so you’re in charge of the baby full time including after you’ve been awake for 24+ hours laboring and not eating, and possibly unable to pick the baby up or move around much after you’ve had a c-section (major abdominal surgery). That’s doable if you have a partner there full time, but there have been cases where babies have died as a result of those policies.
Anonymous
No. Your baby won’t starve. Don’t spread panicked misinformation
Anonymous
None of this is remotely true. BF designation is common in many developed countries. Please link to a case where a baby has died as a result of these policies.
Anonymous
Babies have in fact starved as a result of those policies – it’s not common, but it doesn’t make sense to pretend it never happens. I’ve heard way too many stories about exhausted, stressed moms being pressured to breastfeed at all costs and being told they’re bad mothers if they don’t hold the baby when they’re in pain from a C-section.
Anonymous
From the NYT article I linked below:
“Indeed, the 10 Steps program states that formula should be given if it’s medically necessary. This includes anything from a hungry baby, MacEnroe said, to a mom deciding she still doesn’t want to breastfeed after nurses have briefed her on the potential negatives of using formula. But according to Dr. del Castillo-Hegyi, Baby-Friendly hospitals will often still push for exclusive breastfeeding, even when formula is clearly needed. In February 2012, for instance, Landon Johnson, who was just 3 days old, went into cardiac arrest from malnutrition and dehydration because his mother, Jillian, wasn’t producing any milk. Instead of giving her son formula, Jillian said that nurses at the Baby-Friendly hospital where she gave birth had advised her to try various herbs to increase her milk supply. After Landon spent two weeks in the NICU, his parents turned off life support when it became clear he had suffered irreversible, deadly brain damage.”
Dr. de Castillo-Hegyi’s son nearly starved as well, but is alive with extensive brain damage. The article and the Fed is Best website discuss it in more detail.
Anon
They won’t starve to death of course, but the policy says “Give infants no food or drink other than breast-milk, unless medically indicated,” which generally means you need to obtain a prescription for formula so there is a barrier to access. It can be difficult to advocate for yourself in the best of times, let alone right after giving birth.
Anonymous
I linked the policy above. It provides for moms who chose to formula feed.
It’s not hard to tell if a baby is underfed. If someone can’t keep track of the number of wet diapers a baby has had, or whether or not the baby has returned to their birth weight in the correct amount of time, and then give formula if needed, I don’t know what to say. It’s not rocket science.
anonymous
There are babies with metabolic conditions who have starved, some to death, after being born at baby friendly hospitals where formula was discouraged. It’s not panicked misinformation — it’s something to think critically about and be aware of.
Anon
I think it can be hard to tell if your baby is underfed right after birth as a new mom, especially if you don’t have good advice at the hospital. Like my baby ate for 45 minutes, so they shouldn’t be hungry, right? Not in our case. I had a really bad experience with lactation consultants and that is not uncommon – my baby did not return to their birth weight in the correct amount of time and I was told that was fine when it truly wasn’t. Like it or not there are agendas people try to push at the expense of the mother and if someone is worried about receiving adequate care a baby-friendly hospital may not be for them. I’m sure many are fine hospitals but I am not a fan.
Anon
I thought any baby could experience dangerous hypoglycemia if not fed successfully after birth. The hospital near me uses donated breast milk to cover the gap between birth and when the new mother is able to breastfeed for mothers while still avoiding formula.
Anon Lawyer
I’m not a fan of the baby-friendly stuff, but plenty of the hospitals with that designation are actually pretty practical when it comes down to it. I’d talk to women who delivered there rather than just assuming they’re all a problem. The tour at mine was pretty terrifying in that it toed the party line really intensely but the nurses were very helpful, practical, and non-shamey and that made all the difference.
Anonymous
They’re by and large fine hospitals and include some of the best hospitals in the country. Some people don’t like how they discourage sending babies out of the room and using formula and are loud about it.
LaurenB
You’re naive if you think that BF-friendly initiatives weren’t started to save the hospitals money by having babies room with often-exhausted mothers instead of in staffed well-baby nurseries while mom could get much needed sleep.
Anonymous
May not be an issue for the time being, but make sure you have non-Catholic hospital options when you travel, too. There was a horrifying story in Ireland a couple years back about a woman from India who died while pregnant and traveling in large part because of the hospital options.
Ribena
That wasn’t because the hospital was Catholic but because pregnancy termination wasn’t legal in Ireland at the time, if I remember correctly.
anon
+1 I’m pretty sure this is the case that was a major factor in Ireland making abortion legal
OP
Yes, Surita Halappanavar died in a hospital of sepsis because she had a miscarriage and they refused to give her a D&C because they could still detect a faint heartbeat. This incident was one of the rallying cries behind the constitutional amendment to allow abortions. Until then, abortion was criminalized for both the woman and doctor.
And it’s this kind of horrifying story that makes me scared for my friends who live in red states given the composition of SCOTUS. I will never again live in a red or purple state.
Anonymous
Her name was Savita Halappanavar, and she was living in Ireland. The story is horrifying.
anon
+1
Ask about the hospital’s c section rate in general in case your chosen physician isn’t available. Ask about the physician’s positions on intermittent v. continuous electronic fetal monitoring and what hospital policy is fetal monitoring. The hospital itself is important because nurses will be doing a lot of the work to monitor your labor.
anne-on
This – I would NEVER go to a catholic hospital to deliver. Also (and this sounds coldhearted, but it helps to be on the same page up front) I’d tell your husband and your doctor’s that if it comes down to it, they are to save your life over your babies life (if that is your choice of course). In terms of the pregnancy itself, expecting better is recommended a lot on the moms board as a reasonable guide. In fact – come on over and visit the moms board to ask questions and lurk as we discuss the nitty gritty of the kid stuff.
I’d also choose a hospital with a good NICU – maybe I’ve watched too much Grey’s Anatomy but I feel like if the OBGYN can focus on you and the pediatric doctors can focus on the baby you both will have a better outcome if things go badly.
Anonymous
+1 to all of this. If your hospital doesn’t have a protocol for handing postpartum hemorrhage and hypertensive emergencies, find one that does. Maternal mortality is extremely high in the U.S. compared to other high-income countries and very few women know and understand this going into delivery. There will be much more attention paid to your baby than to you UNLESS you go somewhere that actively promotes evidence-based techniques to reduce maternal morbidity and mortality.
Re: baby-friendly hospitals: https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/18/parenting/pregnancy/baby-friendly-hospital.html
AnonATL
You also need to consider the laws in your state regarding medical directives. I filled out one of the hospital forms right before giving birth, and I don’t remember the precise terminology but Georgia prioritizes fetal health over maternal. Something along the lines of that section of the directive will only take effect if the fetus is not viable which I interpreted as they would keep me on a ventilator and alive until my kid could be born unless he was not viable, but IANAL.
Otherwise, your priority needs to be finding an obgyn or midwife practice whose views align with yours. Ask loads of questions. Make sure your partner (if you have one) is on the same page. Talk through all the dark stuff about what happens if something goes wrong. I straight up told my husband save me we can always have another baby.
And fwiw baby friendly hospitals vary widely. I birthed at one. They would give formula if requested. Had a nursey that was closed due to covid. In general I would agree that they favor certain less mom friendly policies particularly related to nursing.
Good luck! The mom’s page here is a great resource as well.
Anon
Ask friends or others in your community where they recommend. FB groups are also a good resource for that kind of info.
Anon
Personally, I’d wait until the pandemic is over or at least managed better. With hospitals reaching capacity in so many areas, do you really want to be in a hospital giving birth in an overwhelmed hospital? What if something goes wrong?
Anonymous
Why? What do you get out of dumping your anxiety like this? What’s in it for you to try and upset someone worried? Multiple friends who delivered in NY and NJ in March and April and it was ok. Yes, they wore masks. Yes, there were visitor restrictions. But all of them got great medical care.
Anon
Geez, for a group that slams anyone for taking the most minor risks when it comes to COVID and exposing others, intentionally getting pregnant during a pandemic is okay? That’s also super risky behavior that involves a lot of in person doctor visits, etc. This board can be so hypocritical.
Anon Lawyer
Delaying children for – at what this point will be – 2 years is a LOT bigger a thing than not going out to eat. For a lot of women, it means they could miss their chance to have biological children .
anon
It’s a legitimate concern, not dumping anxiety. Maybe OP isn’t worried about it; she can make that call. But things like not being able to have your mom and husband both in the room or having to go through labor in a mask are big enough concerns for some people to justify waiting.
A few of your friends being “ok” giving birth at the very beginning of the pandemic (a point at which they were already quite pregnant, unlike the OP, who has time to make this decision) does not mean that the pandemic and hospital capacity are irrelevant to people TTC now.
anon
+1. This group is so selective about risk. Leaving your house for any reason during the pandemic is not okay, but purposefully TTC in the midst of the pandemic is totally fine. The pro-natalist bent of this board defies all logic.
anon
I don’t know why you assume that posters are all the same people. There are lots of people on this board who think many here are overly risk averse with respect to the pandemic. I would assume someone who is saying TTC is fine isn’t one of the people only leaving their home every 2 weeks for groceries
Anonymous
Yeah I think getting pregnant is fine. Also, taking elevators, leaving your house, going to stores, outdoor dining, and school.
nom
Given the recent evidence about increased COVID complications during pregnancy, and other potential risks, I can understand the logic behind postponing TTC. It’s well documented that pregnancy changes your immune system (it has to, in order for your body to carry and protect the fetus). Plus, there is still very limited evidence about the effects of COVID on a developing fetus.
Even if there was a guarantee that the medical care during the delivery had no increased COVID risk, it’s all the time before then that I would worry about.
Anon
Yep. My pregnancy gave me an autoimmune disease that is now managed but took months and dozens of doctors appointments to get under control. I would not conceive right now, given the concerns about access to non-critical medical care during Covid and the evidence that pregnant women are more susceptible to Covid.
anon
Man some of these posts..You all start screaming “get out of my uterus” when there’s any whisper of any kind of anti-abortion challenge, yet you’re telling women here to stop trying to have babies? I’ve been trying to have a baby for over two years and I’m certainly not going to stop now.
Anon
Anon at 12:35, your position is a strawman. I am against forced pregnancies. I am not for TTC in risky situations that may endanger the prospective mother’s life, the fetus’s life, or especially, the lives of healthcare workers. I think that’s pretty darn consistent.
Also, I am not promoting legislation to make it illegal to conceive during a pandemic, I am just encouraging people to think about people other than themselves before they make the decision to TTC.
Anon
There’s no inconsistency. Nobody is saying TTC should be outlawed, we are just saying it might not be a good idea right now. Many pro-choice women including me want to reduce the number of abortions and are in favor of policies that further that goal, we just think it’s not the government that gets the final say about what a woman does with her own body.
Anonymous
theres a difference between already being pregnant when the pandemic started and having no choice but to deliver in a pandemic, and making a TTC decision knowing that a pandemic is happening. i am in that boat. i dont want a pregnancy to be riskier than it has to be. i’m also in my early 30’s so i’m weighing the risks of waiting a few more years witht he risks of giving birth in a hospital during a pandemic (which ARE higher, and im not excited about). it’s absolutely a reasonable evaluation of risk.
Aunt Jamesina
I am wayyyy late to this convo, but as someone who started TTC at 33 and is now in infertility treatment at 35 (yes during COVID because I really can’t wait), desperately hoping I can have just one baby (but I really, really want at least two), I would think about the long game here. You might not have any issues, but if you do, waiting 1-2 years more (esp if you want more than one child) isn’t without its risks.
I’ve been pretty cautious since March (I go to the grocery store and necessary errands and have seen a few friends and family outside and distanced, but no other socializing. I’m back at work, but I do have my own office) so I don’t feel I’m being reckless when I weigh out my options. This isn’t an easy choice and I’m pretty sure most people here who are cautioning to wait until the pandemic is over either already have kids, aren’t actually near wanting to have them, are younger, or don’t want them at all.
LaurenB
??? They aren’t putting Covid patients in the labor and delivery wing, you know. The OB-gyn who performs a C-section if necessary is still going to be there. Yes, there may be more precautions such as masks and restrictions on visitors, but it’s not going to affect your care. This is fear-mongering.
Anon
Currently pregnant. The ability to access care has not been affected by the pandemic, and I’m in a hotspot. The women’s hospitals have continued to be open for labor and deliver this entire time. Covid patients are not being treated there. In other words, you will not miss out on a bed for labor and delivery due to the pandemic.
Anon
Plus, people actively TTC are increasing risk for the rest of us.
anon
This is nuts. Are you seriously suggesting that someone forgo maybe their only opportunity to have kids due to the pandemic?
Anon
No way. I am elevated risk and quite literally haven’t been within 20 feet of anyone I know besides my husband since March and am taking all precautions and feeling pretty frustrated with people who are not, but it’s okay to get pregnant. People who want kids need to get pregnant while the getting is good; they should not delay because of a pandemic.
Anon
Anon at 12:30, that’s a pretty disingenuous position you are taking there. Why would TTC be so special? For all the railing about selfish people on this board, the (understandably and valid but still selfish) decision to TTC isn’t different.
Anon
Having babies is something people do. “Existing as a human who may need medical care” or “existing while pregnant” or “existing as a baby about to be born tomorrow who may need medical care in order to be born”… this isn’t “contributing unnecessarily to pandemic.” It’s just existing and contributing to the continued existence of humans, who yes, sometimes need medical care.
Anonymous
Just hope you don’t have complications. I wouldn’t want to give birth in a hospital that does not have an ICU bed or staff available for me if I experience severe complications. Maternal deaths remain rare, but maternal “near-miss” cases are all too common compared to how infrequent they should be here.
anon
I’m currently pregnant and high risk and in a hot spot. I have a team of doctors treating me and at least here maternal care has been unaffected by the pandemic. Given that I nearly died giving birth to my first, I’m acutely aware of the potential complications and have spoken to my doctors extensively about my concerns and how the pandemic may affect the quality/availability of care and aside from changes to visitor policies, the answer has been universally “not at all”. Being pregnant is hard enough maybe stop dumping your general anxiety around covid on us if you don’t have any evidence to back up what you’re saying
Anonymous
Anon at 12:05, I’m a public health researcher with a focus on maternal health and mortality. I am one of many people posting on this thread. I am glad you feel confident in your care plan.
Anon
Anonymous at 12:14 genuine question since you are in the field, are you actually seeing these outcomes (worse maternal fatality rates) or are you just predicting this is something that may happen if hospitals are overwhelmed?
Anonymous
Anon at 12:40, we are actively researching that question on a number of projects. It’s largely too soon to tell. There is some evidence that preterm birth rates have actually dropped since the pandemic began, possibly due to decreased air pollution (although that is not proven), but the pandemic hasn’t been going on long enough at this severe a level to tell whether a significant number of hospitals are being overwhelmed and seeing a negative impact on birth outcomes. We are also actively researching whether women are decreasing their utilization of prenatal care services due to fear of contracting the virus.
However, what we do know is that there is a lot of concern among rural hospitals, including tiny critical access hospitals, that do not have the infrastructure or the staff to adequately treat a surge in COVID patients and obstetric patients (among the hospitals that still have their OB units…). Many of them have one or two ICU beds (or none) and they are not prepared to handle major obstetric emergencies in the best of times. They will not be able to safely serve women during childbirth if they remain that overwhelmed, which has implications for women’s outcomes (especially if they need to be transferred to larger hospitals, which in many cases are hundreds of miles away).
Anon
Thank you for your response. It sounds like depending on where you live this could be a valid concern but it’s certainly not a concern at all hospitals.
AnonMPH
While the risk of COVID to pregnant women is now pretty clearly proven to be higher than the risk of COVID to non-pregnant women of child bearing age, the medical establishment does not agree that women should be waiting to TTC. Given that risks during pregnancy and to the baby increase with age, and the fact that there is no end in sight for COVID, OB/GYNs and public health experts are not counseling women to wait to TTC. Certainly if you are personally worried you can of course make the call to wait. But as the posters below have stated, even in the early days of the pandemic when hospitals were least prepared and most likely to be completely overwhelmed, obstetric patients were still able to receive care and deliver. At this point, hospitals have systems in place to segregate Labor and Delivery and ensure continuity of care.
Maudie Atkinson
Emphatically, I would not wait on TTC based on the pandemic. Even if you were to be one of the lucky people who conceive immediately, we have no real idea what effect the pandemic will be having on hospitals in 10 months. More importantly, it is virtually impossible to know how long it will take you to conceive, whether it will require medical intervention, etc. If you want to start trying, don’t let the pandemic be the thing that makes you lose potentially valuable time.
Maudie Atkinson
Added: I am pregnant, and while this is my first pregnancy and so I have little to compare it to, my practice’s office is stand-alone, not in a hospital or other medical office building. Thus, the only people I encounter in the practice are providers and other patients—no elevators or waiting rooms shared with other offices. Also, patients in my practice aren’t allowed to bring ANYONE to appointments—not partners, not other family members, etc. all of that gives me a measure of comfort, as much as I wish my husband were allowed to join me at visits.
My feelings might be different if these factors were different, and depending on your risk tolerance and other behavior, I’d recommend finding an OB practice with the same kind of set up.
Maudie Atkinson
One more thing: I was incredibly fortunate and conceived on the second cycle in which my now-husband and I started trying. Previously, I spent a year TTC with my ex-husband, unsuccessfully, before he left and was engaged to his then-pregnant girlfriend before our divorce was final. Obviously, I am now VERY grateful I did not get pregnant before, but our bodies are weird. You just never know what it is going to take. If carrying a child is important to you, I would let the pandemic be the thing that leads you to put it off.
Maudie Atkinson
I would *NOT* let the pandemic be the thing that leads you to put it off, rather.
OP
This is how I felt in March, but I’m approaching 40 so waiting another 6 months? year? to even start trying isn’t really an option. My OBGYN is a stand-alone center that never shut down because of Covid. I’ll likely plan to deliver in a birthing center not at a hospital, but I haven’t decided for sure yet.
Anon
OP– I would recommend talking to your OB about how they perceive your personal risk of Covid + pregnancy. My OB was not concerned and generally just told me to be careful/not stupid. I’ve WFH more than I probably would have if not pregnant, but TBH, WFH while pregnant is kind of great because it’s way easier to accommodate frequent bathroom breaks, need for snacks, etc. I have also been more risk-averse with social interactions than I may have been otherwise. For me, I felt like the risk of decreased fertility was significant. We delayed TTC in March, but at this point, I was not willing to wait 1-2 years. I think this is a very personal decision that you and your partner should make with your OBGYN.
Anon
You’re assuming that she has time to wait until “after the pandemic is over.” That could be two years from now (developing coronavirus vaccines is extremely difficult). Add that into the fact that people who might have wanted to TTC in the spring have already waited 8 months, and you’re looking at wiping out years of someone’s already limited childbearing years.
Fertility isn’t forever.
Anonymous
You’ll be fine
anon
That’s not helpful.
Anon
Read the book Expecting Better. If you are a WOC, find a doctor who is a POC.
Anonymous
Hospital affiliated midwife practice plus hire a doula.
Anonymous
Hire a good doula who has a good relationship with the hospital staff. My doula had been an L&D nurse at our hospital. She was able to convince them to let me labor in the hallway long enough for the one room with a tub to come available, caught the nurses trying to give me narcotics without consent, and quite possibly saved me from a c-section when a tiny bit of patience was all that was needed.
No Face
Don’t be afraid to ask questions and switch providers. I switched OB-GYNs 6 months into my last pregnancy and it was a great decision.
Also, avoid the mommy internet (except for the moms version of this site). The mommy internet presents the most extreme version of everything. My deliveries were easy and problem free (get the epidural ASAP is my only advice), so of course I wasn’t posting about it or asking questions online.
Finally, so much of TTC, pregnancy, birth, and parenting is out of your control. Learn to go along for the ride.
Good luck!
The Original ...
If you’re not solo parenting, talk with your partner about this and make sure to talk with a lawyer to get things in writing so that everyone is on the same page about priorities, if it comes to that. This should also help protect you, on top of the choice of hospital and care providers.
Curious
Also — on the science behind the advice of what to do or not to do, friends have recommended Expecting Better. Not pregnant so haven’t read it yet, but, e.g., it explains what the data say about caffeine and alcohol.
Anon
Avoid Catholic hospitals. Research if it is baby-friendly, forces breast feeding, etc. Talk to your doctor about their stats (if C-section rates are very high that’s a red alert unless they specialize in high risk pregnancies), the standards for calling c-section, episiotomy, stances on VBAC. And ask that about their entire practice and the hospital they use, because there is a chance another member of their practice will be on staff when you give birth.
anon
Some states or organizations collect data on birth outcomes – check that out if you can find it.
Many people are surprised to find that the maternal and perinatal mortality rates, c-section rates, postpartum hemorrhage rates, etc. are the lowest in the state at the non-fancy, lower-profile hospital a little way out of my city rather than the big shiny university-affiliated hospitals in the city center. Yes, the vinyl on the waiting room chairs is cracked and the cafeteria food is terrible, but their obstetric team is dedicated to evidence-based birth and can manage a shoulder dystocia or an obstetric hemorrhage like nobody’s business, so that’s where I deliver.
I’ve also found midwifery as a field to be much more focused on woman-centered care, in a way that sees you as a whole person rather than a baby-vessel. CNMs often have more experience with prenatal care and birth than OBs, since that’s a majority of what they do. A doula (one who attends all kinds of births) can often provide some insight into which hospitals or midwifery groups she has had the best experiences with.
Most of the should/shouldn’t pregnancy advice is unnecessarily restrictive and can be disregarded. My midwives are very good at explaining the reasoning and doing real-life cost/benefit analysis, and engaging in the research with me. I second Expecting Better as a good initial guide – it provides a good framework for decision-making even if you come to different conclusions than the author.
Seventh Sister
I had my second at the hospital in my city that isn’t favored by famous people or the very wealthy. It was a better experience than my first, where they have a lot of $$$$ patients and fancy common areas but no lactation consultants on the weekends.
anon
-Don’t go to a Catholic hospital or see a doctor in a Catholic hospital practice. You may need to dig a bit to confirm— my local Catholic hospital is named after a tree, not a saint
-if not obvious, ask if the obgyn and hospital would provide care if you decided to terminate. In my case, doc had completed a fellowship at the hospital that included a substantial terminations component, so it was pretty obvious she would continue to care for me if I needed a termination
-the only pregnancy book I found that treated me like a person who could under risks and benefits was Expecting Better. Highly recommend!
pugsnbourbon
My very-Catholic mother had her children (all five of us lol) a Jewish hospital.
In 2009 the hospital was purchased by a Catholic healthcare company … but it’s still called the Jewish hospital. So yes, double-check.
Anon
My grandfather was a physician and told me never to deliver in a Catholic hospital because they will sacrifice the mother to save the baby. That said, my ObGYN is Catholic and she’s fantastic, although she didn’t deliver my baby. In most places you don’t get much say about who delivers your baby, you just end up with whoever is in call. I had a scheduled induction but still didn’t get my doc because she was out of town the week I had to deliver.
And yes, stay away from “baby friendly” hospitals!!! They won’t give you formula unless a doctor certified your baby would become critically ill without it, and they don’t have nurseries. That’s more about your sanity than your health though.
The biggest thing I can say is just do your own research, speak up and advocate for yourself and question your doctor if you don’t understand her recommendations. A doctor wanted to give me a medicine during my induction m that has been linked to serious labor and delivery complications including uterine rupture. I looked up studies, found that the complications were correlated with higher doses and talked him into reducing my dose by 50% and the lower dose worked perfectly for me. I will never know if the higher dose would have caused any problems – I’m sure most likely I would have been fine -but am very glad I advocated for myself.
Lilau
I had a baby with nurse midwives at a university hospital. They are great and extremely patient oriented; the practice is totally evidence based. They honestly treat the pregnant mom so well. They looked out for my mental health and physical comfort during and after the pregnancy. The only slight downside for me was that they were very encouraging of nursing, but they didn’t shame me when i opted out of it. You can have an epidural and of course you’ll have an OB do a csection if necessary. Most of my local friends hadn’t heard this is an option (or dismissed it as natural homebirth care) so I would see if it’s available in your area.
Seventh Sister
If you have friends with kids, ask them what they think of the OB that they had. If you have a GYN right now, ask that doctor for referrals. Stay away from Catholic hospitals and baby-friendly designations if possible (you may have to poke around a bit to see whether they have either designation).
Anan
Mom of three here. I feel like the advice here is skewing very much towards the delivery experience, and I just want to say, for the vast majority of your pregnancy, if it is an uncomplicated boring pregnancy, you can be in charge of your own personhood. I didn’t love everything about Expecting Better, but the most valuable thing I gained from it was the idea that I get to decide my own risk tolerance. For my third pregnancy, I decided that sushi, caffeine, ham sandwiches, and ice skating were within my acceptable risk tolerance. Similarly,my OBs encouraged me to schedule repeat c-sections for my second and third kids, but I opted not to because there was no immediate need . Medical intervention is a wonderful thing when necessary, but for the majority of your pregnancy it won’t be necessary. Pregnancy is hugely magical and complex, but it isn’t complicated. I didn’t see a doctor with my first kid until I was five months pregnant. (Maybe don’t wait that long, yourself…) Just live a healthy life, and let your baby cook in peace and tell your OB that is what you plan to do. You have to remember that medical malpractice is a huge worry for medical professionals and so yes, they might make suggestions that prioritize everyone coming through alive rather than what a mother had written on her birth plan. I’m not saying don’t listen to your doctor, just maybe balance their knowledge with your instincts, and don’t be afraid to ask questions. If you don’t prioritize yourself while pregnant, no one else will. And, honestly, no one will prioritize you after the baby arrives either, so just start now.
As to finding care providers- see if there are any parents/ mother’s listservs or FB groups in your area and ask there for recommendations. My hospital’s moms group has a FB page and the women on it are very frank about their OB experiences.
kk
I love this top so much – I rarely buy things from thissite but today- smashing that “add to cart” button
Hey for the poster who was looking for the Radalie coat from yesterday- I’d consider the Arcteryx Nuri (last season’s is on sale on the Arcteryx outlet site) – it’s really slim fitting (size up) but the down is really warm! It’s not super waterproof but I really like it for a car-friendly lifestyle in the cold upper midwest
Seeking drawer pull advice
The hive knows all–I am looking for antique (or antique-looking drawer pulls). I have a fancy desk hutch, and the pull handle recently broke. The interwebs have explain that this type of recessed pull is often called a campaign pull. I need bronzed finish to match. Does anyone have a good source website for this? I’ve tried etsy, general googling, etc., but I feel like there’s gotta be a place where I can find six, and replace the two top drawers (one each) plus the two bottom drawers (two each). Thanks, Hive!
anne-on
Have you checked rejuvenation yet? That’s where I’d start.
Anon
+1 for rejuvenation
The original Scarlett
Restoration hardware, any home goods store in the same vein has these
Anonymous
VanDykes
Anon
House of Antique Hardware
Anonymous
Try Van Dyke’s Restorer’s.
Anonymous
Ebay
The Original ...
I know it’s not healthy in any context, but I can’t look away from the tv. I’m trying to nap but without a clear window of “no new info between the following hours,” it’s less anxiety-producing to stay put than to go away and wonder if something’s changed and I don’t know it. I can no longer tell if DQ cake is fantastic or if it was just a good option for stress eating on Night 1. Now it’s stress eating cereal and trying to remember to drink water. I made some of those bubble balls that expand in water, which I bought from the dollar store months ago for a child with autism. Turns out sensory support helps with political anxiety too.
That said, it is clear that white cisgender hetero women have a lot of work to do amongst ourselves and our own. It’s both heartbreaking and activating.
I’m so sorry to Georgians who are about to go from this to another 2 months of political ads!
Curious
You could consider turning off the TV and just moving to the 538 live blog? I find it more informative and less anxiety producing
Curious
And they give guidance on expected quiet periods, which helps me out it down and focus
anon
Yes, and also, I suggest going for a run. Outside. Without your phone. Even if just for 20 minutes.
Gail the Goldfish
Well, let me help you on one of those points: DQ cake is fantastic. Full stop. It is, in fact, what I’m getting to celebrate when this election is called. Oreo blizzard, obviously.
LaurenB
On election night, I avoided all news until the Wed morn and honestly it was great. Even now I am finding that just restricting it to occasional checks of NYT/WaPo/538 is better than the rollercoaster of TV.
Flats Only
Your watching will not change the outcome.
Those foods sound delicious.
Good call on the water beads.
Go outside for a walk.
I am a White, hetero, cis-gender woman IN THE SUBURBS, and I don’t blame myself if not everyone agrees with me. Good grief. I voted for Biden, and it looks like he’s winning. So what if someone else voted for that loser Trump. Doesn’t mean I need personal improvement or “have a lot of work to do”.
Anon
Do you know how many times I’ve had to tell my husband that us turning off CNN will not change the outcome of the election?
Which I hypocritically tell him, because there I am refreshing Twitter every ten seconds while we pretend to watch something else.
anon
Set up a monthly recurring donation to Fair Fight and go on a walk!!! Set up your phone to get news alerts from your news source of choice–if anything happens while you’re out, you’ll know. Seriously, you will feel much better! <3
Anon
I agree with the prior poster. I am a cis hetero white(passing) woman and I am not responsible for every other woman in the same cluster.
I can work on my immediate circle, and yes, one of my long time Republican friends in Texas not only voted for but campaigned for Biden this year. I had some small influence on that, but it’s the best I can do. I am not going to be any more responsible for women I don’t know voting for Trump than I am for some Barbecue Becky I’ve never met.
anon a mouse
I basically do a pomodoro but for news. 25 minutes of something else, then 5 minutes to check the news. If something really big happens I will get a news alert on my phone.
TXAnon
Are there any Dem activists in Atlanta that could connect me with volunteer resources? I’m in Texas but am willing to WORK MY TAIL OFF for the chance to flip the GA senate seats in the runoff. I know it’s a long shot. But it’s worth it. I have plenty of connections in Atlanta that would be willing to host me for lodging but I don’t have the same connections there as I do in Austin to find the volunteer boots-on-the-ground needs.
Anonymous
As a Georgia resident, I am absolutely cringing at the thought of 2 more months of increasingly vitriolic political ads, mailers, texts, etc. I’m hoping that now they can shift their focus away from their love/hate for Trump and focus on how they can get things done, qualifications, etc, but that seems unlikely.
Anonymous
I think you should reach out directly to the Warnock campaign.
Neef
Check out the Georgia Ballot Cure and Runoff Strike Team thru the Georgia Democrats. Can be done remotely
anon
What are the warmest 100% cotton pajamas I can buy? It’s been a week of a lot of emotion so I am going to treat myself with new PJs and a hot toddie.
thanks in adv
Anonymous
Hope this isn’t too far off topic, but I’ve found warm socks to be the best way to stay cozy. Especially wool socks. For the PJs maybe cotton flannel?
Anonymous
Go for 5.1 flannel sheets instead from Garnet Hill or Lands End :D
Z
I moved to a new group a couple months ago but have been at the company for 3 years (since graduating college).
My supervisor sometimes says “Z, you’re being very quiet, I’m not sure you understand what’s going on” when we’re in meetings. This morning we were in a meeting with a subject matter expert and he was explaining this hot project that we’ll have to work on very quickly.
I had grounded everyone at the beginning of the meeting with what I understand the project to be and what information we are looking for, and asked relevant questions throughout. I am quiet in meetings, it’s just what I do, I am a quiet listener but do ask questions when I have them.
What does my supervisor want me to do? Parrot back everything said in a meeting so he knows I understand what’s going on? It just feels really condescending.
Curious
Is he saying “I’m not sure you understand what’s going on” in front of other people? If so, serious red flag. If he’s bringing it up in 1:1s, it may be tactless phrasing of useful feedback. It’s useful to ask him to rephrase in situation-behavior-impact format with details (what exactly did I not do that you expected me to? What effect did this have? Was it on your comfort or the meeting’s success or on my long term ability to influence?)
Z
He said it in a meeting with other people today and in a 1:1 the other day. Sometimes I just don’t have anything to say, it doesn’t mean I don’t know what’s going on. How do I fix that?
Curious
This is not okay. It’s condescending and undermines you. Even if you need to speak more, I would be concerned about him as a manager and consider moving.
Allie
He’s being a dick. I would in a very firm yet polite tone say “I understand, I’m just listening to X expert’s valuable information.” and leave it at that. It’s a dick-y power move. Make one back.
Anon
You really do need to develop a habit of speaking in meetings. You don’t have to dominate the conversation but you do need to look like a participant. Ask questions even if you think you already know the answer. Make observations here and there. You have to put yourself out there for your career.
Anonymous
A thought- perhaps be more engaged in the meeting? Eg. ask questions to further clarify points, or bring up nuances?
anon
Even when you don’t have anything to say, work on your body language to show you’re actively listening. Lean forward, make eye contact, nod your head, jot a note (but don’t write everything down).
Also, you may need to rephrase key points to demonstrate you understand.
Curious
Yes, it is true that many young professionals need to work on this. The women with your tenure I’ve coached have really loved this session from Lean In Circles:
https://www.google.com/amp/s/leanin.org/education/communicating-with-confidence%3famp=1
I recognize that Lean In is problematic (and I really think this manager sounds like, at best, he’s not competent at giving actionable feedback), but Z, it may also be worth giving this a look.
Good for you for asking for advice.
Vicky Austin
Would upping your “semantic feedback” work? Making small, unobtrusive noises when other people are talking telegraphs that you’re listening, e.g., “oh,” “mmhmm,” etc. Maybe your boss is noticing the absence of this (I believe women are conditioned to do this and men are not, so perhaps he’s unnerved by your lack of feminine conformity and is an asshole, but you asked for solutions, not rants).
Z
That could be something, but we are all remote. My company isn’t making anyone use video for meetings either, so its really just voices. I tend to stay on mute except when I’m actively speaking.
Vicky Austin
Oh my gosh, then I change my answer. You are right and he is wrong.
Anonymous
Try not muting yourself. Makes it easier to add a short, spontaneous comment/contribution.
Anon
+1 Agree this is a practical solution, not a “fair” one :/
Anon
You don’t like the advice, but that doesn’t make it not true. You do need to speak up in meetings. So go off mute and speak up. It doesn’t matter that you’re a “silent listener.” That is not the same as being an active participant, which is what the majority of employers are looking for in professional staff.
Z
I didn’t say I don’t like the advice, I appreciate all of it. Just giving more information on company situation.
Anon
Is your video on? If it is off, even if that is permitted, I would turn it on.
Also your boss is an absolute asshole.
Anon
+1
Liz
This changes my view. If you are all remote, and there is no video, then he thinks you are watching Netflix during the meeting. Can you at least type in the chat function during the meeting….anything to show that you are engaged?
I don’t necessarily think he is being an asshole. It is possible everyone else is engaged through questions, comments, whatever and you are…..silent. That could lead him to believe you are not paying attention.
Sorry if that offends anyone, but really, it is an issue with working remotely, particularly if your office didn’t do it before COVID. Bottom line; he is your boss and he has concerns about if you are fully engaged. You do not want him to have those concerns, so do what you can to alleviate them.
Senior Attorney
Oh my gosh, this sounds so aggravating.
Time to bust out the Sarah Cooper tips for appearing smart in meetings: https://thecooperreview.com/10-tricks-to-appear-smart-during-meetings/
Paper planner search
Looking for a very specific paper planner, and wondering if anyone has any leads. I’m looking for a 24 hour weekly planner with the days of the week in vertical columns, and time slots that encompass the whole day, ideally in 30 min increments. Every thing i’m seeing only has time slots from 6:30a- 7:00p, or something similar, but I often have work or activities outside those hours that I would like to track. It can be blank- I don’t mind writing in my own dates. Or is there a service that I can customize my pages by upload/designing my own weekly format and the service will print the planner for me?
Thanks for any leads!
Ribena
Do you want the week to start on a Monday or a Sunday? And weekends to have the same space or be half sized days?
Paper planner search
I would prefer all seven days to be evenly distributed, since I do have some weekend work hours to log, but no preference for Sunday or Monday start.
A
Not exactly what you’re looking for, but a daily passion planner goes in 30 minute increments from 5:00A-11:00P. Maybe worth a look.
Maudie Atkinson
I like the Get To Work Book.
The days are in vertical columns, but they don’t have hourly divisions already printed. If that’s not a problem for you, may be a good solution. I like that I can write in after-hours activities.
nom
If you search for “24 hour weekly appointment book” you should be able to find some options. I did a quick Amazon search and quickly found one from the brand “inamio” that looks pretty close to what you described (the early morning period from midnight-5am was compressed to just 1 line/hour, not sure if that’s an issue for you).
Also, another option to consider is printing your own sheets, especially if you’re willing to add in dates as you use up pages. When I was using a paper planner I found this to be the least frustrating option, since I wanted a specific, minimalist layout that no one seemed to make. I actually took mine to a local print shop and got it spiral bound for a very reasonable price.
nom
…and I failed at reading your last sentence, where you said you’d be interested in designing your own and getting it printed. I don’t know of an online service that does this, but I think you could probably get your local print shop (or FedEx-Kinkos or even Staples/OfficeMaxDepot) to help you do this. They can spiral bind it for you, or you can use one of those planner ring-binders (with the 6 rings) and they’ll hole punch it for you.
Anonymous
You can print whatever you want at Lulus.com but the binding may not be exactly what you want. Check out Kats post on digital journaling maybe?
Anonymous
I have a Jibun techo, vertical weeks. The day starts at 5am – but there is a 1-4 list at the top of the page that you could use for the first 4 hours of the day – or alternatively there is also a box at the end of 24 (midnight) that you could use for those 4 hours.
The hobonichi techo cousin has 24 hours day, and a slightly larger format. However, it also has daily pages – which I didn’t need and found made the book too large – you may appreciate them.
You can get both on jetpens
Paper Planner Search
Thanks, All! I’m going to look into all these suggestions. Good thing to know that printing my own is not such an outlandish option too!
anon
What are your favorite mindless phone games/distractions? I’ve been playing a lot this year as an alternative to doomscrolling social media.
My longest-lasting picks are nonograms and Animal Crossing Pocket Camp, but they both got old after a while.
Vicky Austin
I used to like I Love Hue in college for calming my brain down.
Anon
I do nonograms and recently returned to words with friends. In Wwf, I prefer to mainly play against the computer or do the quick play events against randos. I don’t really enjoy long drawn-out games with actual friends.
Anon
I Love Hue
Monument Valley (1 and 2)
Murder in the Alps (someone recommended this here!)
Anonymous
+1 Monument valley For when I want to sort of engaged (I wouldn’t call it mindless, but it’s beautiful and a lovely escape), Two Dots for when I want to really zone.
Anon
Not really mindless, but I play the NYT game Spelling Bee every day, it’s really fun (if you like word games). I also play their mini crossword every day, and I can do the regular crossword on Mondays and Tuesdays!
Anon for this
Horse Haven. You breed new horses and make farms. There are also unicorns. Lots and lots of unicorns.
Thanks, it has pockets!
I love Pixel Art and Fishdom!
Anonymous
I’m obsessed with Two Dots.
Anon
Me. Too. I’m waiting for new levels to come out! The scavenger hunts are my favorite.
pugsnbourbon
There was a poster earlier in the week looking for a specific rainbow-skirted chiffon dress. Last night I got a targeted ad for the Leith Ombre Print dress at Nordstrom. It’s not exactly the same but it’s similar. Lucky sizes only, marked down to $30.
https://www.nordstrom.com/s/leith-ombre-print-dress/5503684?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FAll%20Results&color=660
The Original ...
I LOVE this and you are one of the people I’ve been thinking of during this week, so this is a double win to me… thanks for being a bright spot in the week! <3
pugsnbourbon
Thank you! I appreciate your thoughts and hope you are hanging in there.
anon
Another workout wear question: I need another pair of bottoms for cold-weather running (let’s say, 20-35 degrees). I have a couple of pairs of fleece-lined leggings, but I would prefer a non-legging option. Any ideas on things you’ve tried and liked? I can keep my core toasty without too much trouble, but the backs of my legs and my butt get SO COLD.
Anon
LL Bean has some fleece lined stretchy exercise pants (I prefer their leggings version w/ pockets)
anon a mouse
I was just looking at the Zella Cozy Active Joggers which seem to have a brushed lining for extra warmth.
Clementine
My sister runs in a down skirt over leggings as she says it’s just her bum that gets really cold on her bottom half.
I like the CWX winter leggings personally.
anon
I hadn’t thought of a skirt as an option, but that may be a good way to go.
Anonymous
I like the LLL lined Dance Studio pants for winter dog-walking. Title Nine usually has some other options, but they tend to be warmer on the front than on the back to avoid overheating.
MJ
Athleta has polarflece yoga pants. Also check Sahalie. I swear by the Athleta ones, all winter. They are like wearing a hug. They’re pricy, but mine have lasted years and years with wearing them 2-3 days a week. They were my dog-walking pants in Boston when it was absolutely frigid. They’re worth every penny. And they tend to sell out by mid-Nov every year.
Anon Runner
Wear fitted shorts under or over the leggings to cover your butt and thighs. If you wear under, get a looser more jogger like pair of pants to wear running so it’s not constricting.
Anonymous
If anyone needs some light election relief, this is making the rounds on Twitter and making my day: https://mobile.twitter.com/richardboorman/status/1324305503510552576
Anon
Hahahaha
This is a couple of days old (two years old in election days) but any CNN/John King fans should appreciate it. The comments are also hilarious.
https://twitter.com/michaelkosta/status/1324202677979516929?s=10
Anon
This made me laugh. John King is the MVP of this election. It takes a special kind of smart person to pull off that evening the way he did.
Of Counsel
And here is one for all the Philadelphia residents (and hockey fans):
https://twitter.com/ProspektNelson/status/1324745817949937669
Necklace
Obviously not important with all the positive election news coming in, but wanted to thank everyone for feedback on my necklace question earlier. It ended up being irrelevant because my cleaner did find it yesterday (chain broke off the bezel). I was surprised though that people thought this was harsh treatment for 6 months of wear; I feel like me and my friends all have jewelry we wear constantly. My problem may have been buying from one of these newer trendy internet retailers vs. higher quality!
Anon
I feel like you have a claim with the jeweler now that you know the chain broke off a soldering point. But the idea that you lost your necklace and that was somehow the jeweler’s fault even though you didn’t know how you lost it was a bit of a stretch for most of us.
Glad you found it though!
Anon
+1
OP I wear a very thin delicate necklace daily for years, but I recognize that I take a chance with that one.
Cat
+1
Anon
My sense is that basic care of necklace/earrings entails taking them off while showering/sleeping/exercising. Wedding ring always stays off, but diamond engagement ring is removed for all of the activities mentioned above.
Anon
+1
Unless you’re wearing, like, surgical steel or something, jewelry isn’t meant to be worn every day without being taken off.
Anonymous
+1. Yes, even if you wear it every day you take it off regularly for all the above activities. If you choose not to remove it, then you need a really heavy duty piece & you need to be okay with damage/loss because it’s gonna happen eventually.
It’s not the retailer. Most if not all of your friends who wear the same stuff every day are putting it on in the morning (like clothing or makeup) and taking it off at night.
Anonie
I’m glad you found it :)
Anonymous
Great that you found it – thanks for the update! :) Good news always welcome.