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Updated: Nov 5, 2020 156 Comments · by

Coffee Break: SpaceK Coat

Coffee Break

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Whenever I think of beautiful colors and interesting shapes and textures, I think of Trina Turk. The brand's collection of office-appropriate clothes have dwindled (although Nordstrom Rack has a surprising amount of good stuff right now, including this pretty maroon blazer), but their vacation and weekend game is still really strong.

This pictured coat looks like such a fun addition to an otherwise minimalist wardrobe — it's faux leather, lined with houndstooth. I love the turn-lock closures, the round neckline and front patch pockets, as well as the general A-line, knee-length fit. The coat is $498 at TrinaTurk.com, but they're offering 30% off sitewide right now. (Check out the sale section!)

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Sales of note for 9.30.24

Sales of note for 9.30.24

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Horse Crazy

    Do those electric coaster things for keeping your mug warm actually work, or are they just a gimmick? If they do actually work, does anyone have one and can you recommend the brand? I put creamer in my coffee and it’s always cold before I’m halfway done with the mug.

    • Ribena

      Yes! Mine is the one that looks like an Oreo and I think it’s great. It doesn’t keep my coffee or tea *hot* but it keeps them at a drinkable temperature for longer.

    • Anon

      OMG yes! get you a Mr. Coffee $10 mug warmer. It is the best decision I made this year, I think.

      • Sr. Assoc.

        +1 I love my Mr. Coffee $10 mug warmer on the ‘zon. It was one of the first things I grabbed from my office when Covid closures hit. I let my husband use it once and when I took it back, he ordered his own. I bought it at least a year ago if not longer, works just as well as the first time.

    • BB

      Get a Yeti mug! (Or a Hydroflask mug – same thing) Keeps your drink warm for a looooong time and no need to plug in anything.

        • BB

          Probably doesn’t help if you like the actual ceramic feel, but I wanted to point out that for me, getting a mug that was actually shaped like a mug made a big difference. It’s not a tall thing like a travel mug…it’s more like an adult sippy cup :) (or even a regular mug if you leave the top off, which does make it cool down faster but still more slowly than ceramic).

        • Anon

          Yep same. I have a porcelain mug with my initial that was a gift and there is hell to pay if one of my kids uses it and it’s not available for my tea in the morning. I have never met a travel mug that gave me the same experience.

    • Anon

      They work – I use them to keep my wax warm when waxing my legs. I think they’re all the same, I have some random brand bought years ago.

    • Anon

      They definitely work – I use them to keep my wax when waxing my legs. I have some random brand bought years ago, I think they’re all the same.

    • anon

      Check the cord length! It was a sad day when I realized that although the plate kept things toasty warm, I couldn’t actually place it on my desk without rigging up an extension cord, which seemed overkill. But yes, if you prefer drinking out of mugs vs. travel cups, find one soon!

    • Horse Crazy

      Thanks, everyone! I never know if something is just As Seen On TV crap, or if it really works. Can’t wait to drink hot coffee again :)

  2. CrowTRobot

    I think Ziggy from The Wire got this coat when he had a financial windfall…

  3. Anon

    If these close, close margins in certain states teach us nothing else, please let this be a reminder that your vote DOES matter.

      • Anon

        I hate when people vote third party/write-in, but Kanye wasn’t on the ballot in any swing states, so he’s not changing the outcome in any way.

    • Thanks, it has pockets!

      I had the same thought! I’m gonna point to this election any time someone feels like there’s no point in voting.

    • Anon

      Oh how I wish. Alas, my state was called before 50% of votes were even counted.

      • Ellen

        You need to think about this. Whoever “called” the vote in your state was not an official at. It was a prediction by a pundit. Do you seriously think everyone immediately stopped counting the vote after this mysterious person “called” it for your state? Of course not! All votes have to be counted before the results can be certified. Please read about how votes are tallied and then you will hopefully post with more knowledge next time.

      • Anon

        Your vote still matters so much! If a national election is down to a few thousand votes, think of how local elections can hinge on just one vote!!

        • Anonie

          In theory, yes. But I have volunteered and donated to local Democrats again and again for years. Guess what? They win (or lose to other Democrats, which is fine by me) if they are running in my deeply blue city and they lose resoundingly by tens of thousands of votes if they are running for state-level positions in my deeply red state.

          Honestly, I am probably Just feeling discouraged. It’s hard because I try to urge the non-voters in my life to vote…but it’s hard to convince them, when in our state, it’s never made a difference in my lifetime. Granted, I am only 30, maybe I will *someday* see change…

          I do have Democratic family in another red state, Alabama, who got to experience one of the rare exceptions when Doug Jones won 2 years ago. It felt like a miracle that I was living through vicariously haha :) Sadly, though, he didn’t win re-election this time.

          I’ll take a break from my pity party haha to say that I do feel VERY confident about Biden! I am so grateful that the presidency looks so promising and so darn close.

    • AnonATL

      Somewhat related scary hypothetical:
      Let’s say these folks trying to bust into these counting locations succeed and destroyed ballots. Those are gone right? They don’t scan them in and then count them?
      Georgia is so dang close that a box of destroyed ballots could be make or break.

      • Anon

        That’s like asking what happens if aliens crash-land on the polling location and accidentally destroy ballots in the process.

        Vote fraud doesn’t happen that way. If you charge the table and rip up a few ballots, (1) you get arrested, and (2) the team there will put the ballots back together in view of the attorneys and campaign representatives present, who will all make the call on the intent of the voter.

        Vote fraud happens when the chain of custody is compromised. What should happen: the county or town orders a certain number of ballots. Those ballots are somehow numbered (come in packs of 100, are attached to stubs that are numbered, etc.). When a voter signs in, the voter’s name is added to the list of voters, the voter is handed a ballot, and the voter puts the ballot into the machine. At the beginning of the day, the machine should have zero ballots in it and have “zero tape” printed out. From that point onward, the machine is in full view of representatives of each campaign. Once the voting is closed for the day, the machines print a receipt, and the total number of ballots therein (not votes, ballots) should match the number of ballots that were cast at that polling location and should also match the number of voters who voted. You determine the number of paper ballots that were cast by figuring out how many are left and subtracting that from the number you started with. Then, the ballots should be sealed in a container.

        There are deviations from this: when a ballot is spoiled, it should be put into a special location in the machine; the voter receives a new ballot; and the clerks note that a ballot was spoiled. Absentee ballots are counted up as well. Additional ways of ensuring integrity are to have voters alone in the booth, very good voter rolls (people aren’t registered in two locations), etc.

        So voter fraud happens when those checks break down. Have all of the nursing home residents get absentee ballots and “help” them fill it in. Misplace any ballots filled in by cogent residents who didn’t take your advice. After everything has shut down, fill out some ballots, check off a few voters as having voted, and stuff the ballots into an unsealed box. If you can’t check off voters as having voted, oh well, it’s not like they can figure out which real live voter cast which ballot and throw out the rest. (This is why people go completely apes–t over counting that is not continuous.)

        But crashing a heavily-monitored ballot counting location? LOL, nope.

      • Anon

        Yeah, but this north Floridian *NEVER* thought GA would be in contention before FL. I’m still beyond disappointed in my state.

      • Anon

        It matters, it matters, it matters. Who knows, you could be in the next Arizona!

        But as posted above, it matters so much for downballot candidates and proposals.

        • anon

          I vote in every election but this is just untrue. Every race other than president, senate and congress (all decided by a landslide) were unopposed on my ballot this year.

    • Anon

      It has zero effect on the national result since I’m not in a swing state, but my county went blue for the first time since ’08 and it was by less than 200 votes out of almost 100,000 cast. Definitely woke up yesterday morning feeling like my vote really mattered, even if it was just for sentimental reasons.

  4. Vicky Austin

    Just wanna shout out whoever recommended Uncommon Goods here – thanks to you my notoriously hard-to-shop-for parents who both have birthdays within two weeks of Christmas are totally, 100% shopped-for. This has to be a record. THANK YOU.

  5. Anon

    Quick question since we talk about depression and anxiety a lot here. I just pulled one of my medical records to take w/ me to an orthopedist and I noticed that under my conditions Major Depressive Disorder was listed as a diagnosis. Is that different from garden variety depression? I don’t want to be a PITA patient trying to get things changed if it doesn’t even matter but I thought MDD was much more severe depression where people had trouble working and such. I’m less concerned about stigma and more just to make sure I have the right diagnosis in my file.

    • Anon

      MDD is the technical name for “depression”. It is the normal think to have in your chart if you have been treated for depression. There are other similar/related conditions with different names (slight depression will sometimes be called dysthymia), but MDD is standard.

      • Monday

        Yes, this basically is “garden variety depression.” If you’re really concerned, look at the DSM-V criteria and see if you disagree as to whether you minimally meet them. But someone who can’t work may simply have different symptoms or to a different degree than you do.

    • Anon

      My understanding is that that’s the main kind of depression for which most antidepressants are evidence based treatments. So if you were prescribed meds, I’d expect that to be the Dx.

    • Anon

      I have several wrong diagnoses in my medical files, is that a problem? I didn’t realize I should be asking to have them stricken.

      • Anom

        That depends whether pre-existing conditions become an issue…

        But seriously, I’d try to ask your doctor for the rationale or to correct it if wrong. So the next doctor is better able to diagnose a future issue.

        • Anon

          My chart says I have depression, bipolar, and CFS. All are wrong, doctors just took years to catch my severe thyroid issues.

          • Anon

            Same thing happened to me, and now new doctors who have access to my chart still treat me like “oh great another headcase.” I think I need to start over in a new hospital system just to get unbiased treatment.

          • Anon

            You should try to have it fixed. Not just so that subsequent treating doctors will treat you correctly, but if you ever have a personal injury case and need to show you didn’t already have these issues or if your life insurance or disability tries to get out of a claim by saying that you didn’t disclose a condition that would have impacted rates.

          • Anon

            @ 3:53 – they may still have access to your records. The three major hospital systems where I live all share the same electronic record system. The nice part is I can have specialists at the different hospitals. The downside is they all know everything. That could be good if I showed up unconscious at the ER but it is weirdly intrusive in some other situations.

            For example, I saw a geneticist at hospital 1 prior to TTC. In my history, I mentioned I have a first cousin w/ schizophrenia. I was at pulmonologist at hospital 2 and as the med asst went over my meds and conditions she added “and dad has HBP, mom has a knee replacement and cousin has schizophrenia?” At first I couldn’t figure out how she knew about my cousin. I know you disclose your immediate family health on forms.

            I asked, where did you get that from? She checked the record and said “it was entered by geneticist at Hospital 1.”

            So, there are pros and cons.

          • Anon

            What I don’t understand is why it’s not automatically fixed. If I present with one set of symptoms, and they get it wrong repeatedly before they finally get it right, shouldn’t they make it clear which diagnoses are obsolete? It’s normal to misdiagnose a condition as something more common before looking for something a bit less common, but there seems to be zero system for dealing with the misdiagnoses that pile up with the “hear hoofboots, think horses” diagnostic process.

    • Anonymous

      I have a diagnosis that is correct but unnecessary (as condition is not treatable and does not lead to any benefit or accommodation for me). It is much more expensive for me to have practice insurance and life insurance.

      TBH it makes you really think about whether or not you ever want to get a diagnosis. However it does help me understand who I am so I guess that’s something.

      You want to do something about the wrong diagnoses before they become an issue.

    • Anon

      I have the same and worry a lot about what it will mean for my ability to find health coverage if we lose the affordable care act preexisting conditions protections.

  6. Anon

    Outdoor light ideas? I want to put up lights this weekend or soon, now that it’s dark at 4 where I live. I’m thinking white lights that are more winter-y than Christmas-y in spirit. I have a small, one story house and the side of the roof that faces the street is flat. I also have a porch with a railing along the front of the house. I’m trying to think of something that will look a little more exciting than just a straight string of lights across the house. Any ideas? Should I go for the bigger bulbs or smaller? Icicle lights?

    • Anonymous

      For the porch – what about big beer garden style bulbs? They look nice both summer and winter, also in white.

      • Anon

        Do you have a point other than being a jerk? That’s exactly what I’m doing and I dgaf if you don’t like it, it’s not your house.

        • Anonymous

          Not the person you’re replying to, but it was unclear to me from your post that this was your goal. I read as a request for patio lights for entertaining outside due to COVID.

        • Anonymous

          Ok but you were all “not Christmas” and I just don’t think there’s a way to do that! I’m all for putting up Christmas lights in November.

    • Anon

      Lights like those they string up at outdoor restaurants might look really nice hung in a front porch. Nowadays you can get ones with a remote and you press a button and the color changes. So white lights when you want them, Christmas colors later, Mardi Gras colors, red white & blue for the 4th (or election night) etc.

  7. Green Party

    Do they exist still? Or do they need to since a lot of their views are now mainstream D views now?

    This time, my blue city / purple state ballot featured no green party candidates at all.

    • Anonymous

      It was my interpretation that the Green Party declined to run a challenger because it did not want to upend a Democratic victory given the contours of this particular election. But I could be wrong.

      • Anon

        There was a Green Party nominee for president this year – Howie Hawkins. He was on the ballot in 30 states, including my (deep red) state.

    • Anon

      I think they do. However, my understanding is that third parties either did not field as many candidates this year or did not gain traction both due to the party itself being concerned it would throw the election to Trump or voters being aware that voting third party could turn the election to a candidate they didn’t want.

    • anon

      Yes, the Green Party still exists. They fielded some candidates in WA and OR at least. But I think the party lost a LOT of support for the part Stein and Nader (for us old enough to remember) played in Republican presidential wins.

  8. Litigator

    So I hate being a lawyer at my firm. I’m not quite sure whether it’s more the “lawyer” or the “at my firm” that’s driving the hatred. Unfortunately, I am a litigator, so I am struggling to see what exit options I have if I don’t want to go into government (which I don’t). If you are an ex-litigator who exited successfully to a non-government role, where did you end up and how did you get there?

    Relevant info — sixth year, major but non-NYC market. All of my years of practice are in big law. Don’t have data privacy or IP experience (the two most common in house roles I’ve seen). Can answer questions if helpful but trying to avoid outing myself!

    • Anon In House

      Do you have any employment experience? I got an in-house role when I had spent about 7 years as a litigator. I was mostly a boring contract or tort trial lawyer but had a pretty good employment practice going, and that’s what got me in the door.

    • AFT

      In house to a litigation management or compliance role? There are sme parts of litigation that are just crummy, even when in house, but IME it’s a lot easier to tolerate when you’re the one making the decisions and being the client, without billable hour requirements and other things that make in-house more humane.
      Start looking now – it often takes awhile to find that first in-house gig, and as you get more seasoned it can be harder (spoken as someone in a litigation-adjacent field who started looking around the 10 year mark).

  9. Anon

    To the Anon with questions on alcohol from this morning:
    A thought to consider: Naltrexone blocks the pleasant effects of alcohol when taken PRIOR to drinking. The unpleasant effects (hangover, slurriness, poor coordination) remain.
    If you want to know more, I recommend “One Little Pill” on Netflix.
    Signed – my first cousin died of alcoholism-related complications at age 34 and the rest of us (7 cousins) are acutely aware of the many solutions that exist.

  10. Oregon / drugs

    My understanding is that drug possession is now de-criminalized in Oregon (as a matter of state law vs federal law). For people struggling with addiction / sobriety (specifically, opiates; I realize that legal addition is already a big problem — e.g. alcoholism), would this make things easier for them or harder? A relative in Northern California is musing moving over the border because it would be harder for her parents to call the police on her (she will show up to steal / beg forgiveness but always is carrying and it is an effort to get her into treatment / force a bottoming-out). I don’t know that there is any real fix for her situation absent her wanting to fix things (and possibly not even then — opiates are a b*tch to kick). But with them possibly being more normalized in Oregon vs California, I think that would present more challenges to someone trying to stay or get clean.

    • Anon

      I don’t think being jailed for being addicted would help your relative either.

      • Anon

        Oh I don’t know. Its the only thing that worked for my nephew. He is now sober for six years.

    • cbackson

      So the Oregon law provides that those ticketed for possession have to pay a fine or go to a (free) treatment center. It actually expands access to drug treatment; it doesn’t just treat drug use as NBD. This has been tried in Portugal and it didn’t prompt an surge in drug use, but did result in a significant increase in people getting treatment.

      Also, I mean, your cousin currently lives some place where drug use is criminal and she’s still an addict, right? So clearly the war on drugs isn’t helping her get or stay clean.

      • Anon

        Yup, this. Oregon is actually putting their money where their mouth is and funding addiction treatment, not just private prisons.

  11. Anon

    Welp, it happened. My in-laws disinvited us from Thanksgiving over my FB posts.

  12. Anon

    I’ve done the same thing for every Thanksgiving for the past 23 years. As someone without traditional family, it has been the only consistency I’ve had all these years. It’s canceled due to covid. I wasn’t logically shocked but I think I was in emotional denial. I can’t help but feel so sad as well as being so mad at people who refuse to wear masks or give up their vacations and boat parties so that this is still going on to this extent. I can’t stop watching the news and feel so upset at so many who didn’t have racism or sexism or science denial be a dealbreaker (and worry about how many used it as a dealmaker). Even if the WH and Senate turn blue, we can’t deny how many million still voted for someone who let so many die and who perpetuates non-science.

    I know the logic is that we all just keep going, but emotionally, I’m struggling with feeling like I’m in a group project with 70 million people who don’t prioritize science and I’m here trapped inside just begging them to do even the tiniest part of their fair share so my grade and life don’t go into the toilet. sigh. Am I alone in this feeling? I can’t even tell anymore!

    • Anon

      Absolutely not alone. I think it’s going to take me some time to process these feelings. This week I’m just a mix of sad and angry.

    • Anonymous

      You’re not alone in that feeling. Can you set up a virtual dinner with friends that you might normally do Thanksgiving with? If no one feels like cooking maybe you can all order the same type take out.

    • Ellen

      Life will go on! Dad says the cure for anxiety is food, netflix and chill (or chili +10,000 steps). So I deal by doing chili + 10,000 steps since I have no boyfreind for the chill portion. For the rest of the hive with boyfreinds, remember: food, netflix and chill (or chili and 10,000 steps) YAY!

    • Anon

      feel the same way. my MIL is disappointed we arent flying across the country with our 2 toddlers for Thanksgiving, so instead i see her all over Facebook inviting my SIL’s friends who dont live near family. in a normal year i would say this is a very nice gesture, but this year i’m like what on earth are you thinking! i also live in a blue city in a red state, and even despite that people here just aren’t as into masks as in other places, which makes me feel like to keep my family safe, i have to stay at home even more. DH and I are not exactly on the same page about risk tolerance and it’s causing a lot of friction in my marriage. it sucks.

    • anon

      Not alone. It’s incredibly frustrating and disappointing that we (collectively) cannot prioritize, for example, allowing children and teachers to be in the classroom full-time because we must (MUST!) go out to the bars and/or gather in large groups to celebrate 30th birthdays, weddings, etc. A local high school in my area cancelled homecoming, so instead, a group of parents arranged a huge get-together someone’s house that resulted in 200+ kids attending, at least 40+ of whom ended up later testing positive. It s^cks for all of us to make sacrifices, but we have to do it for the good of the whole. And it’s so frustrating to see people who refuse to do so.

      • anon

        I’m now wondering if we live nearby because that Homecoming story sounds very familiar. What a bunch of selfish a**hats.

    • Anonymous

      You are not alone. Blue state here so at least our government is trying to do the right thing. But at the end of the day, it requires everyone to actually read the guidelines and follow them.

    • anon

      You’re not alone. I am really mourning the loss of Thanksgiving, and probably Christmas, with my parents and siblings.

    • Aunt Jamesina

      I’m so sorry. I’m starting a round of IVF and am isolating outside of going to work (where I mercifully have my own office) because I’ll be d@mned if I’m going to start over 6 weeks of prep if I end up having to quarantine or get sick. Insurance covers the first few rounds, but so far can’t tell me if they’ll count interrupted rounds in that number. This all sucks.

      • anon

        I am so, so sorry. People doing IVF are getting such an unfair deal in all of this. I’m hoping all goes well for you.

        • Aunt Jamesina

          Thank you. It sucks, but I keep telling myself it’s not cancer treatment and at least I have insurance coverage, unlike so many. I just want to get through this awful year!

    • Anonymous

      I don’t feel frustration with others but I am surprisingly feeling a bit down about the whole situation. I am expecting to have no Thanksgiving at all due to a combination of circumstances. My BF wants to spend the December holidays together, which could and should be exciting and does feel like a long-overdue but welcome affirmation of our relationship, but I am feeling something between indifference and depression about it, mostly because it feels like work I don’t want to do. I also feel a bit guilty not traveling to see my parents, who recently.moved away, even though I have other siblings who could do that and haven’t spent a single holiday with them in a decade or more. I am not even sure why I feel like holidays will be work, as my BF has no expectations or demands whatsoever. I just kind of want to curl up until mid-January when it is all over. I don’t want to shop or cook or plan a trip or spend money.

        • Anon

          Please don’t diagnose if you do not have a license to do so -and I am certain you don’t, as anyone with one would know it is not legally allowed to diagnose someone not a client or patient. This is not symptoms of a clinical diagnosis because intelligent and aware of reality are not clinical diagnoses.

          • Anonymous

            I’m not diagnosing anyone! Your post said you were feeling depression! You should talk to a doctor about that.

          • Anon

            Yeah, “please talk to your doctor about depression” is not diagnosing depression!!??? It’s saying that you literally used the words “I’m feeling indifference and depression about it” and someone recommended you go to your doctor to talk about….depression. Take a step back here.

    • Anonymous

      Definitely not alone. I have a lot of anger at people who act like wearing a small piece of cloth on their face is impossible/a real hardship/a burden to bear. Just f*cking do it and shut up.

  13. Augh

    Is anyone else so frustrated with their state?!

    I live in Missouri. A poll worker was diagnosed with covid on October 30. Worked the polls on election day instead of isolating, then died. Almost 2,000 people voted there. There was no mask mandate there, just like in most of Missouri. Meanwhile, a local hospital system just announced it was halting all elective procedures to deal with the rapid increase of COVID-19 patients. And it’s not even Thanksgiving. And our dumb governor who got covid after having numerous in-person, maskless events with elderly people just got re-elected. This winter is going to suck so hard.

    • Mm

      *wave from a fellow Missourian*
      Yes, so much stupidity. Anywhere outside of STL city people seem to be behaving like the pandemic doesn’t exist. Disheartened, though not shocked, that Parson won by so much.

    • Anon

      Yep, that’s part of the reason we left THE SOUTH and now live in a blue state. It’s hella expensive where we live and we could buy a mansion for $400K in St. Louis, but then we’d have to live in MO. I feel a lot better where I live and how it is handling the pandemic as opposed to my original state.

      And that’s a tragedy that a poll worker may have been a vector. Utterly preventable.

    • Anon

      I live in a state neighboring yours and yes. Regarding COVID and the election. Apparently an actual (former?) KKK member was elected to our state Senate. And we had record high COVID cases today.

    • Anon

      i saw that in the news and its ridiculous. i think in north dakota they elected an official who died of covid before the election…

      • Vicky Austin

        Yep, we sure did. North Dakota: “It doesn’t need to be a warm body, just a Republican one!”

        • anon

          So what happens when a dead person wins? Second place goes? Governor appoints? Party nominates another person?

          • Vicky Austin

            In this case, yes, the AG of our state said when the official died that they would leave his name on the ballot and the party would appoint a replacement if he were elected. Sorry, late reply!

          • an

            Oh, so they left a dead person on the ballot for an “election,” so they could just put their own guy in with the constituents voting on it.

      • Anonymous

        This actually makes sense. If the deceased person is elected, the party gets to pick their replacement. This was a vote for a party, not a deceased person.

    • anon

      I like in a neighboring state and I’m full of despair all the freaking time. Our governor refuses to issue a statewide mask mandate, which means this is spreading deep into the rural areas. And then those rural residents fill up all the hospital beds in my college town, which isn’t doing so hot. Basically, I’m furious at everyone who hasn’t changed their behavior a bit — and that’s a lot of people.

  14. Abby

    I just sent an email (internal thank god) spelling new hire as new “higher”. Happy Friday Eve y’all, this week has felt like a year.

    • Anon

      If it makes you feel better, I have to take my shoes off to count the number of times I’ve sent out emails or once a board deck (cringe) talking about pubic companies…

      • Anon

        Hahaha!

        I sent out something where “horned” (referring to a horn shaped graph) got autocorrected to horny.

      • Anon

        When I was in big law and doing a lot of trade secret work (which uses the phrase “non-public information” a lot), I was actually instructed to run a find and replace for “pubic” on documents before sending them out.

  15. ana

    Someone has asked here a few days ago about being 28 and not having a retirement account – I’m 26 and I was a bit surprised by that question. I didn’t realize that it was important to have actual retirement savings already by this age.

    I have about $10k in an actual Roth IRA, but then between grad school + jobs that were good for other reasons but didn’t really have a 401k haven’t added to it for a while. Is that okay?

    I have other savings that I am actively contributing to, but not necessarily retirement savings.

    • Anonymous

      omg yes start contributing asap! it’s not so much because you need the savings now, but because compound interest with long periods of time helps SO much! you can look up some examples with contributing small amounts in your 20s versus not starting til your late 30’s but contributing a lot. time is HUGE! i tell my SIL and all her friends (in their early 20s) that even if they just put 2% into a roth IRA or heck even $30 a month into a roth IRA it’s worth it. but also for your question, a roth IRA is retirement savings! a traditional IRA is retirement savings! it doesn’t have to be in a 401k specifically. i would add as much as you can reasonably spare to your roth ira each year (aim to max out when you are able to do so). you probably know that the big benefit for the roth ira is that any money in there grows tax free until you take it out, so time and compound interest matter! when i was in grad school i reduced my roth ira contributions to $18 a month and designated 3 lunches out i would skip and bring food instead. that sort of thing. your future self will thank you.

  16. Anon

    It’s my dad’s 75th birthday and we are having a big zoom party with family and his friends, completely online.
    Any recommendations for an online trivia or game that is focused on my dad?
    I was thinking maybe ask him to answer a set of questions beforehand and then do a “conversation compatibility” game where we ask everyone to answer the same questions and guess what his answers are? Any suggestions on how to make this work?

  17. Anon

    I’m not handling this election stress well right now. Will it be ok? I just want someone to tell me that it will be ok.

    • Anonymous

      I clean when I am stressed; wore myself out today cleaning my closets down to the last dust mote, and then swapping out winter and summer clothes. If they don’t finish the count soon, I may have to take up darning socks.

    • beltway

      Just be patient, go distract yourself and do something else, let people do their job and finish counting, it will be okay.

    • Anon

      The math people I know IRL and all the pundits believe it’s statistically impossible for Biden to lose Pennsylvania at this point, and that’s it, that’s the presidency. AZ/NV/GA would be nice (and all seem likely if not certain) but it’s just gravy once we get PA.

    • LaurenB

      I find playing “Let it Be” by the Beatles at loud volume and letting it wash over me helps. I’m not kidding. Sing it if need be.

    • LaurenB

      Leave the racism out for a moment — the rural areas are overwhelmingly where the Covid denialism is. That tells you that they are in a bubble of stupidity and ignorance and science denial. And yes of course there are stupid people in urban areas – but when 200 morons in NY hold a party that turns out to be a spreader event, everyone else around them had begged them not to. That’s the difference.

  19. anon

    Can we agree, with the holidays coming up, not to suggest virtual get-together?
    A) Not all of our family members even have the technology or stable so-go to make it an option
    B) For other folks who don’t have those barriers, virtual events are a pretty sad alternative to what we’re used to. Yes, we can do it, but please don’t pretend that it feels the void.

    Idk, I am sick of the assumption that we’re supposed to be happy about scaling down celebrations or doing some half baked alternative that reminds us more of work than family. It’s insulting to our intelligence. If people would’ve behaved for the past 8 months we wouldn’t be here.

    • anonshmanon

      Nobody is saying it’s a full substitute. Maybe we’re putting on a brave face and try to find something positive about all of this mess. The people who are still trying to make things work with virtual get-togethers are the same people that have been trying their best for 8 months, not the covidiots.
      It sucks. You are allowed to be sick of it. We all are. I don’t think there is anyone who, given the choice, would happily go on like this forever.

    • Aunt Jamesina

      I’m really sorry, this is all hard. I don’t think we have to be happy about scaling down our celebrations. We can be sad about it and still scale them down, because it’s the right thing to do for ourselves and our communities.

      I keep thinking about everything my grandmother lived through with the Great Depression and WWII and what my husband’s grandparents lived through in eastern Europe. This is so small in comparison, and said grandparents were/are all joyful people after living through heart-wrenching events (well, aside from one curmudgeon! But he’s lived a full life and loves his family). That’s not to say that it isn’t painful or hard–it absolutely is, we’ve all lost something, and some of us have lost many things– but soldiering on is the right thing to do even when not everyone is doing it. Mourn our losses and vow to cherish what we have to look forward to.

      I completely understand your aversion to virtual gatherings. Although it’s better than no gathering, it’s a poor substitute and reminds me too much of work!

    • Anon

      Can we also just not complain so much? We’re all preaching to the choir and us dwelling on it here doesn’t make it less sucky. I had to explain the same thing to my mother, who thinks no holidays only affects her, and doesn’t suck for the rest of the family. It sucks for us all, but the personal pity parties are also stressing to me. As if the holidays weren’t already triggering enough and difficult ever since my father died!

    • Anon

      I don’t think anyone is suggesting that it’s an adequate substitute, they’re suggesting it’s better than nothing. Personally, I would much rather Zoom into my SIL’s wedding than not attend at all, and would much rather have Thanksgiving dinner while video-chatting with my parents than not talk to them at all on my favorite holiday. If you don’t feel the same way, don’t attend the Zoom events, but it’s not “insulting our intelligence” to think a Zoom celebration is better than nothing.

    • Anonymous

      Omg no one is suggesting virtual events because we think they’re as good as in person. They’re just better than killing grandma with covid which is surely sadder than a zoom carol sing.

    • LaurenB

      It’s called making lemonade out of lemons. At the beginning of this all, we did a virtual Mother’s Day for my mom, where I coordinated getting gifts to her and she opened them on camera. It was celebratory. There are people who run with things, and people who wallow. The people who run with things and look for possibilities are inspirational to me when I feel sorry for myself.

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