ByElizabeth Hours Updated
Comments 291 Comments

Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Long-Sleeve Ruched Tie-Front Top

A woman wearing a black-and-white floral top with blue jeans

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

A moody floral print is one of my go-tos for this weird fall-to-winter transition period. (My gosh, why is it so dark at 5 p.m.?) This ruched Pleione blouse will look beautiful tucked into skirts, layered under sweaters, or left untucked over a pair of pull-on skinny jeans.

Black-and-white is a great go-with-anything option, but if you’re looking to mix it up, there are also lovely taupe and slate blue options.

The blouse is $29.97 at Nordstrom Rack and comes in sizes XS–XL

If you're looking for plus sizes, this floral Target top, which is available in 1X–4X (and also straight sizes) is a good bet, and only $28.

Sales of note for 12.5

291 Comments

  1. Okay another post pandemic dress code question. What should I wear to my office holiday party? I understand the dress code but am coming up blank on cool ideas (I barely manage to get myself in office appropriate clothes once a week). Will be at a bar, business casual festive. I have some velvet bootcut pants, also some tongue in cheek Christmas sweaters from Boden. Dress? I have terrible feet so festive shoes that are good to stand in? Why was this never a problem for me in before times?

    1. Black pants you own, black boots, buy a cute top. White House Black Market has tons.

    2. Sparkly sweater with wool pants, sparkly flats, maybe not both sparkly but you get the idea

    3. I think parties are always too hot so I would skip the sweater. Maybe a velvet blazer and jeans/pants, with sparkly earrings? Or the velvet pants you have and a silky top?

      1. I agree that a silky top is always the best way to attract attention from the men, assuming they are under 70 years old. All of the men in my firm are over 55, and the average partner age must be 70. So the only men I am interested in are not those at work, so I always go out with Myrna to places where the men are between 30 and 45 years old — the so called sweet spot for men with money who are interested in finding women to marry them. Myrna is not really interested in men for that purpose; just for evening fun, but she makes them leave before the morning when she brings any of them home. I don’t do that b/c I am not interested in just s-x; besides, how do I know they are even clean s-xueally? I don’t so I won’t let them come home with me, and I surely would not ever go back to their smelly apartment to sleep on a futon! FOOEY!

    5. I’d wear the velvet pants and lightweight silky blouse, but I am always too hot at parties like this. Doesn’t seem like the time to wear an Ugly Sweater or Ironic Sweater unless that’s clearly the theme. For shoes, no one will notice unless they’re your scuffed up commuter flats, just wear something black and comfortable.

  2. Color question: for a formal party, I’m wearing a wine-colored dress and sparkly shoes (sort of between silver and gold). What color manicure and pedicure would you get?

    2. Not try to match the wine, but go for a deeper tone in that family. Essie Wicked maybe.

    4. I’m impressed that bare toes are even an option at a holiday party–you must be someplace warm. Seconding moody wine/burgundy as a polish color.

    5. For some reason I find this exact outfit/polish combo to be really challenging to coordinate! I agree with darker wine or burgundy nail. Maybe even navy or black if that’s your jam. I personally would also consider a nearly nude type polish, maybe with a bit of shimmer to tie into the shoes.

      1. +1 to nearly nude with shimmer! My toenails are stubby, though, so I don’t love them in bold polish that accentuates their size.

        1. Essie Buy Me a Cameo is the perfect nudish with a shimmer in my book. Goes with everything.

          1. Thanks for this rec. I am not op but I do my own nails and I have just realized that nude with shimmer is what I’ve been missing this whole time!

          2. Apparently it’s been a while since I bought a bottle, because I just checked and it’s been discontinued:-( Going to have to horde my last bottle, apparently.

    6. Thank you all for the ideas (and I’m glad at least one other person finds this combo hard to coordinate)!

  3. Is it normal after a merge for the person who lost the more senior leadership role to resign or is it more the ego of the person who lost? Or both? My company merged with another similarly sized company and what keeps happening is the two VP level people from each company are now competing for one leadership role and the person who doesn’t get it just leaves rather than move into a slightly lower leadership role. Is someone in that situation typically forced out or strongly encouraged to leave to avoid any risk of divided loyalties? Or is it that their ego can’t accept to not be in the most senior role? Or does it just depend?

    1. Depends but generally no, people don’t like moving down. I’d leave to keep my career at an equivalent level.

      1. Right! I don’t think it’s really ego as much as recognizing that your company isn’t something you’re tied to for life and deciding you don’t want to move down a level in pay/responsibility/tasks/title. That seems imminently reasonable and smart to me.

        1. This is probably a typo, but just in case not and you’re in a position where it’s helpful — I think you might mean eminently. I’ve had someone here correct my usage (appraised/ apprised) and it helped, so I am only mentioning it in that sporit.

    2. Normal and I would say expected. I’ve been doing M&A for the last 8 years and have seen this happen many times over. Losing scope of responsibility and being layered is tough on one’s career progression and general feeling of worth within the organization. When someone in that situation does stay it’s usually because they’re given a retention bonus or some sort of incentive to continue as a SME.

    3. I clearly read too many romance novels because my initial response was ‘it’s normal for them to embark on an enemies to lovers arc’.

      In my world people are often ‘found’ something to do in this situation until they find a new role externally.

    4. Very common.
      I’ve been “demoted” when my grandboss got laid off and our team was assigned to another area.

      People care about how the distance to and levels between them and the C-suite.

    5. So very normal that when I see the loser of the role stay I sometimes question whether they weren’t able to find something outside.

    6. Extremely normal. If you’re moved lower in a reporting chain, it’s not a sign that the surviving org sees you as the one that’s going to advance…

    7. Often the person who lost out on the role is often offered the choice of the new, lower role or a severance package. I find that folks overwhelmingly take the severance package and look for a new job, because severance offered in a merger context is typically more generous so it makes financial sense. It’s also very easy explain why you left your job in interviews (“merger” is all you need to say). Post-merger, competitors are usually on the look out and/or actively soliciting employees from the merged companies since they know many of them will be talented and unhappy and ready to move post merger. So there also tend to be decent opportunities.

      I’m not sure what’s confusing about the overall scenario though. Most people don’t like to be demoted. It’s not about ego, it’s about overall career progression, having to explain the demotion in future interviews, etc.

      1. Really good answer and I agree with this.
        I”m wondering if OP is confused because the pre-merger role and the post-mergerlower role may seem similar – e.g., if a west coast and east coast company merge, the previous head of west coast sales may get the lower position that’s still head of west coast sales but now reporting to the “winner” who is the overall head of sales. But since there’s now a layer added between, it is still usually perceived as a demotion.

      2. Adding on that there sometimes isn’t a role to offer. Mergers typically hinge more on cost synergies than revenue synergies, which more often than not are headcount reductions for duplicative roles. Even if both people want to stay (and usually the loser doesn’t), a financially-intelligent company is not going to create a new role for the loser. Separately for people who are high enough in the org, even separate from the severance being more attractive after a merger, they also typically have seen their market value dramatically increase as well. Lots of 9-10 figure revenue businesses very much want c-level roles who has already successfully shepherded other businesses through an acquisition.

    8. This is probably a feature, not a bug. The merger had to be about efficiency on some level, so the fact that they now have one VP title for two people indicates there is one more person employed than they really need.

    9. This is very welcome to the world baby girl. In addition to people not wanting to take a step back, it’s very undesirable to want to manage someone who used to have your job. For all parties involved, the person who lost goes.

  4. I’m adjusting to cohabitating with my boyfriend and his elementary school aged kid. (Roughly every other week) Kid doesn’t sleep well. I used to. Kid will come in our room and wake dad up. That wakes me up. I don’t like the feel of earplugs. I don’t want to interfere with his parenting, and I’d rather not sleep in a different room, but I really need sleep. BF’s current plan is when woken up, he’ll go sleep in kid’s bed with kid. We don’t love that either.

    We try to have a night routine for kiddo but the first 1-2 nights and the last 1-2 nights of our weeks seem to be the worst.

    Any suggestions?

    1. If you need sleep, maybe try something like Loops as a different kind of ear plug? Have dealt with this with camping amid snorers. Have also dealt with this with step kid and bio kid and can confirm that this stage passes.

    2. Oh man, you could post this on the mom’s page and see what you hear, but people with young kids and even some school age kids need sleep but then just don’t sleep. That’s just parenting. I haven’t slept through the night for seven nights in a row in years. Some kids are good sleepers, but it sounds like boyfriend’s kid is not one. Some ideas: can kid have an alexa in their room and play audio books? Something like that? But then in suggesting that you’re kind of parenting, which you’re trying to avoid.

      1. Yeah, oftentimes poor sleep is just a side effect of parenting. We parents aren’t magical creatures who somehow don’t need sleep, we just adapt and get by on less. It is usually temporary though.
        It seems like kiddo is struggling with the adjustment of having to live at two different homes. I’d urge you to have empathy for that.
        Personally if I were you I’d just sleep in a different room. Kiddo isn’t there all the time and you have plenty of other nights you can sleep in the same room as boyfriend. I get that it’s not your ideal, but living in two houses probably isn’t kiddo’s ideal, and his needs need to be a higher priority for his dad than yours.

      2. +1. There is no magic solution here. On top of normal kid sleep issues, your boyfriend’s son is likely adjusting to you living with his dad too.

        2. If you are serious about this guy as a boyfriend with the potential for more, get a pair of earplugs if you insist on sleeping there. If all you want is occasional s-x with him for now, then invite him to your place while he gets an overnite sitter to stay with his kid; generally his mom will do unless she is out of the picture. That way, you can go at it all night at your place with him without any interruptions from the child, and in the morning, send him home and wash the sheets.

      3. +1 this is just life with children. Getting up and moving to kid’s room is the least obtrusive way for your BF to handle.

        There’s nothing wrong with sleeping in a separate room when kiddo is at your house if you need to preserve your sleep.

        1. Also, the sleep disruption could be resulting from the parents’ breakup and/or the pandemic. This kid has gone though a lot! If kid desires more closeness, maybe your BF could snuggle kiddo a lot during bedtime.

      4. Agree. This is the price of admission to being in a relationship with a parent of young kid(s).

      5. In my head, you post said “have not slept through the night for seven YEARS in a row” because I hade that experience.

    3. This stage will pass…that is something you can count on. Boyfriend sleeps on door side of the bed, you stay on your side. Try to make friends with earplugs…that is your best options. I sleep with earplugs, try different types, and you can get used to them. They are great for travel, visiting relatives, new babies, etc…worth the effort.

    4. I think the only way for this to get solved is if BF decides to deal with it and that means you get involved since he’s not currently interested and you don’t want to do that and, honestly, that’s probably best. So agree with others that your best bet is to get used to earplugs and sleep furthest from door.

    5. Ok, I’m not a parent so parents may feel free to tell me I’m out of my mind, but shouldn’t the first step here to be to work with the kid on staying in his room instead of coming to wake up dad? Absent some kind of developmental issue (none mentioned in the post), any kid age 6+ should be old enough to find a quiet solo activity if he wakes up in the middle of the night and has trouble falling back asleep. I had terrible insomnia my entire childhood and NEVER got out of bed to wake my parents. If there is a specific reason he keeps waking up (room too warm/cold, noises outside), have dad do what he can to address those issues. If it’s more related to anxiety (sounds like kid is switching homes between dad and other parent every week and kid may be finding it disruptive – understandable), dad needs to work on that with kid, with the other parent, and probably his pediatrician or a therapist to address the root cause of the anxiety and assist him with strategies for falling back to sleep. Suggesting that dad try to work on a solution to this issue is not interfering with his parenting. It’s being a supportive partner and responsible adult to the kid who you may be step-parenting some time in the future.

      In the meantime, find some earplugs that fit.

        1. With which part? The kid actually stopping waking up dad when told to stop or asking dad to start taking measures to improve kid’s sleeping situation? Because as the OP in this scenario, I would understand if it takes some work to get the kid to stop, but I would not understand the dad making no effort to make his kid more comfortable in his own room or address the (likely) anxiety causing him to sleep so poorly. I know parenting is hard, but it’s even harder if the parent doesn’t do anything to help their children learn how to behave in an age-appropriate manner.

          1. I, too, was a perfect parent before I had kids.

            OP – you are right to not comment on this. One suggestion if you don’t like ear plugs would be to try a noise machine in your room to drown out the wake up.

          2. I mean you’re clueless and aggressively Opinionated for someone with zero knowledge.

          3. So, the BF IS doing something to address the anxiety. He’s creating a safe environment for the child to come to him with feelings, and then he’s comforting the child in his own bedroom. This is super age-appropriate and good parenting. I wish mine had done something like that instead of telling me to stay in my room and quietly occupy myself.

          5. Comforting the child and helping him get back to sleep IS addressing the anxiety.

          6. The OP doesn’t say how old the kid is beyond elementary age. Six is very different from 8 or 10 or 12. Six years old? Sure, maybe age appropriate, and it’s good he feels comfortable going to his dad, but kid is still old enough to start working on some other solutions so that he grows out of it sooner rather than later. Ten years old? Kid is old enough to learn how to self soothe and needs to stop waking up dad multiple times per week.

          7. No Problem, are you a sleep expert or a child psychologist or have any credentials on anything you are saying? Other than your parents didn’t do this for you when you were a kid? My parents let me and my friends bounce around the trunk of SUVs so we could fit more kids in the car. Just because none of us died meant that was a great idea that parents today should emulate

      3. What to do about the sleep disturbances is the parents’ call, and it sounds like BF has made the decision that it’s best for his child for BF to go help the child fall back asleep. It’s really not OP’s place to suggest this type of action going forward (and I didn’t take her to want to do that!)

      4. Generally I want my children, especially when they were 6, to seek me out when they need comfort. There are limits to everything, but this is pretty typical and healthy behavior.

        1. +1 million. Also this kid has had their world turned upside down. Not unexpected that there’s some sleep disruption and I think it’s a good sign that kid is seeking comfort from dad here.

        2. Really? Ok, as a non-parent (and someone who was a child myself back in the day) I figured most kids stop needing parental comfort in the middle of the night by that age – and many parents stop giving it! – but I suppose you are right that it could be typical for later than I’m thinking. But that doesn’t absolve the dad of making any attempt to improve the situation, especially if the kid is older than 6 or 7.

          1. It’s interesting to me that you don’t have children but are an apparent expert on how to parent when multiple parents in this thread have chimed in to express that you’re not correct and that the BF IS doing something to improve the situation.

          2. No Problem – it’s clear you don’t have the experience or knowledge to comment on this situation intelligently.

          3. Why do you keep posting as though you have any expertise or experience not withstanding pretty much every poster telling you from their own experience your expectations are incorrect

        3. Yes — telling a 6 year old that he can’t come to dad when he has big feelings is… not great.

          2. Cosigned – someone who was told (always, but especially around age 6) not to come to my parents with my feelings, and left to cry at the top of the stairs at night. It was awful then and, of course, I wish I could invoice them for therapy.

          3. AIMS – yep! The new lady is in there with dad but I am only 6 and I miss my mommy and now daddy is telling me I can’t come in. It makes no sense to a child.

        4. This. Our 6 year old crawls into our bed more nights than not, and that’s ok. People may find that not age-appropriate, but kids need snuggles and closeness and to feel safe, and that’s what we give him. Turning my kid away in the middle of the night would turn into such a big affair with having to console etc that it’s really more disruptive than just having the kid crawl iunder the blanket with me.

          I also would like to argue that somehow, it’s seen as normal that kids sleep alone, yet adults get to snuggle with a partner. Kids are small, they get scared at night!

          1. I’ve seen this reasoning repeated on Reddit and it seems a little intellectually dishonest to me. It’s not as if any adult can sleep with any other adult family member and that’s cool. It’s specifically a romantic partner. Spending the night together is synonymous with gardening. And that’s exactly why it feels a little squicky for older kids to crawl in bed with adults.

          2. I’m surprised that no one is even factoring in how this kid’s mom feels. If my kind were 6 or older, I would most certainly not want them to climb into bed with the new person my ex was dating. It also seems like some of this conversation should be between both parents. What is happening at the other parent’s house?

          3. “Spending the night together is synonymous with gardening.”

            What? As an adult I’ve slept in beds with my mom and many of my female friends and not “gardened” with them. I agree it gets weird if you’re talking about opposite sex adults teens or adults bed-sharing, but a prepubescent child is very different than an adult. At age 6-7 it’s pretty normal for a child to bedshare and even shower with either parent regardless of gender.

          4. Good grief. I slept alone at night from age 8 (when I no longer shared a bedroom) to 37 (when I got married). I suppose we could cut it off at 30 because I got a cat then.

          5. Well I don’t know about you, but I don’t engage in “gardening activities” with my husband in the middle of the night. We’re sleeping at 3am usually, which is when kiddo comes to snuggle.

      5. How is telling the dad how to parent his kid (i.e., how to set rules for bedtime) not interfering with his parenting?

        1. I guess what I’m getting from these responses is that I’m crazy for thinking that someone who moves in with a guy who has kids and therefore lives with the kids for half their lives isn’t supposed to have any responsibility for, interest in, or take any steps to ensure those kids are receiving all of the care that they can. Like they can’t or shouldn’t express any opinion on how the kid is being raised or is behaving based on all of their observations and interactions with the kid. Sure, it’s great that the dad is comforting the kid, but it’s not great if the dad is doing nothing to address the root cause of the kid waking up in the middle of the night multiple times per week and being unable to go back to sleep. If the kid were to have a terrible wheezing coughing fit every time he runs around, and the dad is really good at helping the kid settle down and control his breathing and he eventually stops wheezing, but never takes him to the doctor to check if maybe he has asthma and should be taking asthma medicine so that he doesn’t have terrible wheezing coughing fits every time he runs around, would the OP be justified in doing nothing? Being unable or unwilling to say to the dad “hey maybe you haven’t noticed that this happens a lot but I think you should have him checked out for asthma” is a complete abdication of responsibility here, but sure, don’t “interfere” with how the dad parents his kid. Mental health is no different: if the kid is waking up so much because of anxiety, the adults in the room need to do what they can to lessen the anxiety. Going out and finding a therapist for the kid without discussing with the dad first and being asked to find a therapist? Ok, that would be interfering. But suggesting the kid might have anxiety and maybe dad should see if the pediatrician recommends therapy is not interfering. If the kid is waking up because of noises outside, any adult is allowed to suggest trying a white noise machine without “interfering” with someone’s parenting. Buying the white noise machine and turning it on before kid goes to sleep without discussing with dad first? Sure, call that interfering. But making the suggestion is not interfering. Parenting is hard. It’s even harder if someone in a position to parent doesn’t do it or doesn’t think they should.

          1. No– that’s not what ANYONE is saying. What everyone is saying is that the parent gets to determine how to parent the child, which includes how to comfort the child when said kid is anxious or waking up in the night.

            Nowhere in OP’s post did she say that BF if not addressing the “root cause” of the child waking up at night. She seemed to want strategies for dealing with the issue on her side (which is what she should be doing). Many have noted that it’s a perfectly normal and understandable reaction of a child to be anxious when parents have split up and at least one has a new partner in the home. And BF is responding to that anxiety–by comforting the child in his room.

            I think people are piling on your posts because you are expressing a lot of Strong Opinions, considering you don’t have children or apparently any qualifications to back up said Strong Opinions other than “this is how my parents did it in my specific circumstance” which may or may not apply to the situation here.

      7. I am a parent and I agree with this. In the short term, strategies are easiest; in the long term, they do more harm than good. The correct method is for Dad to take the kiddo back to bed, maybe turn on a nightlight, and teach kid how to self soothe and relax. Soothing the child in Dad’s bed reinforces the idea that Dad’s bed is the place of comfort and one’s own bed is the place of stress and anxiety.

        1. My read of the post is NOT that the child is being soothed in Dad’s bed, but that Dad is doing what you say– Taking child back to his room and soothing him there.

        2. Learning to soothe yourself is one of the most basic executive functioning skills children learn. Taking the child back to their own bed and soothing him is a start, but I agree that teaching the child self-soothing strategies over time is the healthiest option here. Signed, a child psychologist

      8. I am a parent of 2 elementary kids and I agree with No Problem.
        In the short term, BF is doing the right thing.
        In the long term, BF needs to encourage the child to learn to self soothe. Yes, if there is an underlying problem, he should help address it.

    7. Welcome to parenting. I haven’t gotten a restful night of sleep since… before I had kids

    8. I fully recognize your situation is more complex with the kid. That said, in case helpful for you and/or the kid, here’s the combination of what has been working recently for me given my partner snores in a way that terribly disrupted my sleep for a while.

      Favorite earplugs (after trying many, but for me not sufficient on their own): https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07DKX79T2/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&th=1

      New sound machine (I like the “rainfall”):
      https://www.amazon.com/Sound-Fidelity-Non-Looping-Adaptive-Technology/dp/B01LY3BP8G/ref=sr_1_25_sspa?crid=3IOECU1XW7NGX&keywords=sound%2Bmachine&qid=1668183500&sprefix=sound%2Bmachine%2Caps%2C105&sr=8-25-spons&ufe=app_do%3Aamzn1.fos.006c50ae-5d4c-4777-9bc0-4513d670b6bc&th=1

      And older eye mask which I don’t need to block light but somehow psychologically helps signal to my body to check out in sleep.

      (If we had an extra bedroom, I likely would have retreated there. But our space constrains us to being in the same room.)

    9. You will learn to fall back asleep with time. If you don’t want earplugs consider a white noise machine.

    11. Depends on how old kid is, but it sounds like the plan – your partner redirecting and moving to kids’ bed while also maybe finding rewards systems for staying in bed? – is the way to go.
      Signed, a childfree woman who lives with partner and we have his kid half the time and i’ve been very clear (and gotten partner’s support) on my boundaries re: kid and “no kid in bedroom is rule #1. It sounds like your partner is doing a good job in working with you to make this work for all including kid. It may just take time.

      1. btw OP, women on this board despise stepparents so I suggest taking these questions to the stepparents sub on reddit or something. You will not get support from most women on here.

        1. That’s okay. It’s important to hear more than just the echo chamber here. Current parenting approaches are more intensive than those in the past, and that’s what’s reflected in this discussion. It’s not the only way or even the healthiest way.

    12. Sleep in a different room.

      The reason BF is sleeping in kid’s room is to get kid used to sleeping in their own room rather than crawling into bed with both of you, which ime is problematic with school aged kids anyway but especially with a non-parent adult in the bed.

    13. Speaking as a non parent but former child, I would wake up my mom in the night out of fear and anxiety. I realize now of course that she was exhausted and that’s why she would not want to get up with me. But at the time, as a very very scared kid, I was MISERABLE. No idea if that’s what is prompting this kid to wake up his dad, but being a scared kid in the night is no joke. If its fear or anxiety based, might be worth addressing that anxiety itself and not just the staying in your bed part.

      1. Anxiety is definitely a consideration. Poor kid has already been through a lot, presumably.

  5. So I’m having a tree trimming party on a Friday night at my house in a few weeks. I’m having about six families with kids from toddlers to seven. What should I serve? catering? order Chinese? make lasagna and order pizza for the kids? or just heavy appetizers? Roast a filet and some veggies?

    I want it to feel cozy but festive. Like I want to serve champagne but might wear pajamas or sequined loungewear. Thoughts?

    1. I feel like heavy apps. Meatballs in a crock pot, Hawaiian rolls, cheese and meat board, etc.

    2. As the mom of a toddler, I would like some kid-friendly foods; heavy apps don’t really cut it.

      Lasagna and pizza sound like fun.

      1. +1. I would probably have a few lighter apps for people to pick at (cheese and charcuterie board, some veggies and hummus, and maybe some popcorn), and then plan on at least ordering pizza on top of that.

        Generally speaking, I don’t think Chinese food or filet and roasted veggies is very young-kid friendly.

    3. The tree is enough activity. I’m team takeout, whatever is good where you are. I’d probably also do hot cider or coco for after the tree is finished.

    4. I would most likely do heavy apps–big charcuterie board, combo of fresh & roasted veggies with some type of aioli or hummus, etc. Chips or popcorn pair beautifully with champagne too!

      However I also think the idea of ordering Chinese or baking lasagna (with a salad and plenty of garlic bread) is super festive, just not sure if that’s as friendly to children or potentially eating while standing. I’d definitely plan to put a holiday movie on for the kids!

          1. I own some velvet lounge pants from Anthro that would be perfect if I were to be invited to an event with a festive lunge wear dress code.

    6. Assuming that you are less cost-conscious as you suggested catering, I would call the caterers and have them pre-make dishes that you can pop in the oven quickly or pull out to make it easier. We can normally fit 4 or so items in the oven (veg, heavier apps, etc.) at once and just pull out when people come. I always call this catering light and it is what we do for the holidays. We also have a local store that makes nicer versions of Whole Foods pre-made food, so there might be somewhere near you that does the same.

    7. I would do heavy apps that don’t require utensils. Tree trimming with young kids is a lot of getting up and down and walking around.

      For attire, I would literally say what you wrote! “Dress is cozy-comfy-festive; holiday PJs encouraged!”

    9. Yea I’d go with heavy apps and maybe either order pizza or have a big tray of pasta. I’d make pigs in a blanket, chips and dip, charcuterie platter. Spinach and artichoke dip, maybe some fruit and veggies, etc.

    10. This time of year with so many bugs going around and a lot of kids in the mix, I’d avoid anything with a lot of shared touching like a charcuterie platter or dips. Better to do something like pizza.

    11. I’d do pizza delivery and put out some crudite and and other things your guests can eat standing/with their hands. When you order the pizza, get a bunch of breadsticks too. Some kids are going to only eat the breadsticks.

      1. Haha I’m in NY and I don’t think I’ve ever seen breadsticks with pizza. Must be regional. Garlic knots for sure ;)

        1. Oh I had no idea haha. Breadsticks from a pizza place are just pizza crust rolled into soft warm sticks. They often provide marinara sauce (probably just pizza sauce) for dipping. I prefer ranch, but I’m a Californian and I would say that about anything, including French fries.

        2. Ha, breadsticks are a side for pizza here in the Midwest! And yes to Ranch with that, too! (If you’re not getting a BBQ Chicken Ranch pizza, which is such a Midwestern thing, really!)

    12. Lasagne and pizza are crowd pleasers. Even my picky toddler will eat pizza. You could make more festive apps or sides if you wanted to, like a wintery salad. Mull some wine, though maybe that doesn’t go with pizza.

    13. I have these pants. I impulse bought them the day of an event last year and have worn them at least 5 times. I, Internet stranger, hereby validate your purchase.

  6. Seeking fashion help. I have acquired a pair of dark wash bootcut jeans. What shoes can I wear with these to the office that are NOT heels/ block heel/wedge heel and not sneakers, while also still looking somewhat pulled together? Thank you!

    3. How about a pair of structured leather loafers? I have some from madewell that I love.

  7. I am having a couple over for dinner who are now at odds about eating: wife is now vegan and husband is a big meat eater. I adore the couple and want to please them both. My plan is to have a cauliflower soup with toppings as a starter. Then serve mashed root vegetables with braised beef. The vegan can eat the vegie mash solo (it’s delicious) while the meat eater can pile on the braised beef (plus sourdough, plus dessert). Is this enough for the vegan? Do I need to add another side (or texture)? Suggestions?

    1. I would starve as a vegan but I believe that Fritos and Lays are vegan and might need to break into something like that. Fritos with melted vegan cheese? I would need more food.

    2. You’re a saint to do this, but I wouldn’t accommodate such a hassle.

      I’d invite the husband to eat human food inside, and kindly ask the wife to eat roots in the garden with the rabbits and gophers. YMMV depending on your yard and locale.

      1. That’s incredibly uncalled for. I’m not vegan but only about 1/2 of the recipes in my regular rotation have any animal products at all and the majority of the rest are vegetarian. It’s only difficult or not delicious if you are a poor cook or willfully obstinate.

      3. I don’t think the person is living their day to day this way AT the OP. Would you tell someone Jewish who warns ahead of time that they don’t eat pork to go outside in your garden until they learn to be human?

        If you think being kind when you encounter some diversity in this world is sainthood, then maybe you need to reflect on your bar for saint.

    3. I’m not a vegan, so take this with a grain of salt, but honestly the thought of soup and then mashed veggies is just a lot of that very soft/mushy texture for me. I would need something else to break that up.

      3. Agree, there needs to be something with texture that’s different and some type of vegan protein.

      4. Agreed! Even as a meat eater, I would love another side added to this (since you asked). I think something with some chew to it would be great — roasted broccoli or Brussels sprouts or some kind of grain.

    5. Offer another side or two–something substantial like a rice/quinoa pilaf with dried fruit and nuts for one of them.

    6. Can you do some sort of mushroom-y saucy vegan topper for the mashed veg as well?

      This meal sounds amazing, btw. Can you share the mashed root veg recipe?

    7. I think you need a fresh salad on the side. That will add the crisp, cool contrast you are looking for.

    8. As the only vegetarian (mostly vegan) in my family, this is a scenario I’m very familiar with. I’d be fine with this meal, but would probably come home and eat something with protein since it’s 100% carbs (and I adore cauliflower, but it’s pretty low in calories unless you’re using a cashew or coconut base). If it’s easy to add a bean side dish or maybe a bean dip as an appetizer, that would make a more balanced meal, but I definitely wouldn’t hold it against you as I understand that it’s hard to balance everyone’s needs. Or maybe just add some pureed white beans to the cauliflower soup for more protein? A little bit goes a long ways, especially if there’s fat in there too. It just needs to be not 100% carbs.

    10. Not the most elegant, but I’d get a Boca burger or beyond meat patty or balls and make those for her over the root vegetable rather than add another side to your mix. I think that’s accommodating and when people have extreme dietary restrictions, they can’t expect perfection.

      1. Just want to mention that lots of vegans don’t actually eat beyond meat/impossible meat. They’re way too meat like for people who find the idea of eating meat repellent (while not meat like enough for a lot of actual meat eaters). If you’re cooking for a vegan, check with them before making something that actually resembles meat. I’d probably suck it up and eat it if someone went out of their way to make this for me, but I’d definitely be forcing myself to eat it rather than enjoying the meal, which presumably is your intention. I very much support the development of these products for people who are looking for substitutes for meat, but I just can’t bring myself to eat them (I think the smell just turns me off- I have no problem with the kind of veggie burgers that aren’t pretending to be meat or things like soyrizo that just smell like spices).

        1. This exactly. I can suck it up and eat vegetarian foods that I dislike; I adamantly would NOT eat the Beyond Burger. I accidentally ordered and at a restaurant after a ten mile run nd it sat on my plate, uneaten, because it is that gross to me.

          Most vegetarians and vegans like Gardein products, at least will enough to eat them.

        2. So that’s just you being a picky eater on top of a major dietary restriction? Sigh.

          1. FWIW, my vegan MIL, who really hates fake meat, does like Impossible sausages. But I think it’s fair that someone who finds meat gross is going to find a meat substitute gross. I’m an omnivore, but I agree that veggie patties are very tasty and fake meat is getting better but still very weird.

          2. No… they look so muvh like meat complete with fake blood, that they gross out people who have not eaten meat in years or decades.

            Omnivores love Impossible and Beyond so much that it’s really hard to explain to them that people who do not want to eat meat often do not want to eat something that looks and tastes almost exactly like meat.

        3. +1 to impossible burgers being too uncanny valley. They’re designed for meat eaters.
          Plus it’s processed junk food.

        4. I know that, I live in Berkeley. However, I still think that if you have food restrictions and someone accommodates you, you deal with what people serve you if it’s compliant with them. You want to eat what you want to eat? Cook for yourself and do t go to dinner parties. This shouldn’t be on the host to flip cartwheels. Also? This is a recent vegan per the post married to a meat eater. Odds are she’ll be okay with the beyond stuff.

          1. Hi from Berkeley!

            I have had people on all kinds of diets to my house. Vegetarian and vegan are the big ones but there’s also gluten free, low FODMAP, paleo/keto etc.

            What I do is make sure the meat and the veggie sides are cooked separately, and I usually also have beans of some sort. Hummus is great with chicken, baked beans or pinto beans are great with beef, and I like white beans with pork. You can think of the bean sides as being in place of potatoes.

            I’ve only had two complaints that I can recall in this entire time, and they were both from people who were obnoxious in all ways and not just about the food. One was a nephew of my husband who commented that he was repulsed by “people eating dead animals” (hilarious in hindsight because shortly after that he went full meat-all-the-time Paleo) and the other was a non-celiac but self diagnosed gluten intolerant person who said that my kitchen had cross-contamination. And again, she was a pain in the ass in every conceivable way so I wasn’t surprised by this.

            Every other person who has dined at my house, and there have been a lot, has been incredibly gracious about it. Don’t worry too much, OP, vegans know how to get their protein and reasonable ones know not to expect perfection from hosts who are not themselves vegan.

          2. The self-diagnosed “gluten sensitive” people are the worst. I have a SIL who is GF with no diagnosis and gets offended if I serve the whole group something that is naturally GF instead of making a gluten-containing dish for everyone else and a GF dish for her. Like if I serve oat muffins for breakfast she gets huffy because I didn’t make wheat muffins for the rest of the family and a special tin of oat muffins just for her. She is not concerned about cross-contamination at all; she will even eat “just a little gluten” at a restaurant if there is a dish she wants that isn’t GF. She just wants people to make a special effort for her.

          3. Vegetarian and vegan diets aren’t difficult to accommodate. I have multiple family members who have various restrictions due to allergies and other medical conditions and my vegan family member is the easiest one to deal with. It’s NBD to make a vegan meal with a meat side. OP, I did this exact scenario the other week by making a vegetable tagine with couscous and roast chicken on the side!

      2. I’m vegetarian not vegan, but I would avoid adding fake meat… I’d prefer just to have no protein. Also, the protein needs of vegans are somewhat exaggerated (especially by meat eaters). More importantly, I would feel super weird and awkward if someone made fancy meat and then proudly produced a prefab vegan burger for me (and I like vegan burgers! just in a normal way, on a bun. the meatballs are fine but nothing to write home about.)

    11. Too much starchy vegetables; you need protein and fat. I would do a chickpea bowl for the vegan: roasted chickpeas, rice, roasted veg. Chickpeas go in the oven with the roasted veg. Everyone can eat the rice and roasted veg. Put a few bowls of festive nuts on the table.

      1. Another option: Whole Foods and Trader Joe’s sell vegan ravioli. Look for ones with mushrooms or vegan cheese. Serve with olive oil and the roasted veggie mash.

    12. Not enough for the vegan! She seems like an afterthought if she only gets soup and mashed veggies for dinner. Also sounds like a meal for someone with no teeth (sorry!). At the very least you should make sure to have vegan butter spread for the bread and serve a grain of some kind. Vegan risotto? Pasta? Could go do something a little more down the middle rather than so carnivorous as the main? I’m thinking eggplant parm, lasagna, enchiladas, individual pot pies, curry…

    13. Vegan meatballs with a canned cream of mushroom soup–vegan–can top the mashed veggies. Add chopped parsley and scallions on top for color and flavor. Easy, and an acceptable side for vegans.

    14. I understand if you don’t want to blow up your whole plan, but the easiest way to accommodate vegans and meat eaters is mexican. For apps – chips, salsa, guac all good for both. For tacos, vegans can have beans in theirs and meat eaters can have meat. WIth what you’ve planned, I know my husband would be super thankful you’d invited him and thought about his dietary needs, but I also know he’d need to eat more when he got home. And I agree that it’s all mushy carbs.

      1. Also Indian!
        Panner Tikka Masala and Chicken Tikka Masala over rice.
        Add salads or sides. Make the soup a lentil one.

    15. Make a vegan entree that allows meat to me added. Seems a little rude to give one of the guests only sides.

    16. I agree with the texture comment.
      Why not make another “crunchier” veggie side like roasted brussel sprouts and carrots (with a balsamic/honey or honey mustard glace)? Or roasted asparagus (green asparagus, cocktail tomatoes cut in half, drizzle with olive oil, salt, pepper, and put a generous amount of shaved parmesan on top). Or, even a salad (spinach) with nuts, lentils or whatever protein (baked tofu or something?), and maybe even including some fruit like oranges?

      2. Parmesan is not vegan. It is not even vegetarian.

        OP – My adult daughter is a strict vegetarian and she would be horrified to think you jumped through this many hoops to accommodate her. Maybe add a salad (with avocado and walnuts would be nice for fat; if you really want to be helpful quinoa is a good addition too) for volume and texture or some roasted veggie with roasted chickpeas.

        1. Oh you’re right about the parmesan. Can be easily left out, though, or offered as a topping for the non-vegans/vegetarians.

    17. What about roasting some crispy chickpeas? They can go on the cauliflower soup for the group and then the vegan can have some more as a side/topper on the root veggies? Adds some texture for everyone, some protein for the vegan, and isn’t a lot of work for you. The vegan would probably also appreciate some kind of vegan cheese spread stuff for the bread and you can probably get some at the grocery store and not have to do extra work. Agreed with the others that it’s a very “soft” meal, depending on what you’re doing for dessert.

      1. This vegan says yes to the crispy chickpeas (great idea!) and no to the fake cheese. Most vegan cheese is gross, so don’t waste your money. I’m fine with olive oil, and though some people might prefer vegan butters, I doubt anyone thinks you need to buy one special unless you would also use it.

        1. +1 vegan cheese is gross. However, Forager yogurt is a hit for topping soups and potatoes and such — it’s our vegan sour cream substitute.

        2. Really? Oh that’s good to know about fake cheese. I’ve never tried it, just seen it at the store and made an assumption :)

          I take that suggestion back, go with olive oil!

      2. Instead of the vegan cheese spread try roasting a head of garlic then mashing it up with olive oil and balsamic vinegar. Everyone can dip their bread in it. And skip the parmesan on the asparagus.

        For the vegan’s entree maybe a stuffed delicata squash. There are vegan recipes with nuts, dried fruit, breadcrumbs, etc.

    18. Maybe swap your soup to a black bean soup? Way more protein, and we eat it all the time as a vegan main when my in laws are in town.

      1. Counterpoint: vegan diets are very high fiber. If an omnivore isn’t used to that amount of fiber it can really do a number on your stomach. The meat eater might go hungry because they can’t handle a cauliflower soup plus chickpeas and roasted veggies.

      2. I thought the point of the meal was that everyone enjoys it? An avowed meat eater is not going to enjoy beans and mash. Sorry, they’re just not.

    20. I think you are correct about needing another texture/side for the vegan. I eat mostly vegetarian and this feels like I would be hungry pretty soon.
      How about adding vegan fritters/burgers [mix of lentils or chickpeas, with oats, sprouts, some greens], roasted vegan kebabs, or roasted brussel sprouts [roasted with nuts, spices and pumpkin seed oil]. Or vegetarian ravioli topped with your vegetable mash. You may find some nice inspiration on 101cookboos, her recipes are amazing.

    21. The problem is that by trying to overly accommodate the husband, you’re really leaving the vegan out of a good, filling meal. I am vegetarian and my husband is not. The main part of every meal is designed around being vegetarian, and then he adds meat/seafood as he sees fit. This works great. Sometimes he just wants the vegetarian main if it’s filling enough. We keep a bag of frozen salmon filets in the fridge, turkey meatballs, some breaded chicken. He increasingly is gravitating toward Impossible products (meatballs, breakfast sausage — he says they’re very good, if not exactly like meat).

      So, make a vegan lasagna, or some other kind of vegan pasta dish (so many options), and then make him some meatballs on the side? If you’re worried about protein, either put some in the pasta (cannelini beans, for example), or play around with an appetizer or side dish.

      1. Pasta with vegan pesto (like the Trader Joes kale pesto) with roasted butternut squash and extra pine nuts is delicious.

      2. I agree that making only half of the couple feel welcome isn’t going to go over well. That said, the line between vegetarian entrees (cheese! eggs!) and vegan entrees makes it unlikely that single entree will be satisfying to the meat eater. If the couple has made a point of telling the host that the husband eats meat, then he may be on a high protein, pre diabetic, or low FODMAP diet that is just as valid as the wife’s.

        1. What a weird take. Saying someone is vegan and the other eats meat means… the other is prediabetic and on low FOADMAP but presumably didn’t actually say that in the conversation? If he never said it, then it literally is not just as valid. Good grief.

          If you have a problem with veganism, then at least own it.

          I eat meat and enjoy meat, but it doesn’t mean all that other baggage inherently comes with.

    22. This seems set up to accommodate the meat eater but the other. Not enough for the vegan to eat and really starchy/heavy at the same time. I’d rethink for a meal that more easily lends itself to both. Can you do something centered around risotto or pasta (easy to version with or without) or that pairs better with a side of pasta (like a chicken parm main)? I’d plan for the vegan first and then build around. It’s a lot easier in that order.

      1. Planning with a rice entree or heavy rice side is going to make it easier to sort out a chicken or beef main.

    23. I think you can get away with this. Sautée some mushrooms in olive oil and cook them down in some red wine to make a sauce. Then roast some Brussels sprouts until crispy and and you can top the veggie mash and steak with those. Toasted nuts are also not a bad idea here.

      Alternatively, there is a blogger called “feasting at home” who has a million gorgeous easy vegan pasta idea that everyone loves in my house.

    25. Great ideas everyone. Thanks for the gut check. I was concerned about texture as well.

    26. Add a protein for sure. You could probably easily make her a vegan shepherd’s pie. Cook some lentils or impossible meat with veg and pipe the mash you’ve already made on top. Double duty!

      A few other easy ideas from my years of doing flexitarian meals: add a little tart or hand pie using store bought pastry that you can stuff with chickpeas and veg (you can also usually buy these at places like Whole Foods), crispy baked tofu (https://cookieandkate.com/how-to-make-crispy-baked-tofu/), mushrooms & bulgar sans feta (https://www.you.co.uk/ottolenghi-bulgur-with-mushrooms-and-feta/), stuff a pepper with lentils or impossible meat, or make a kebab (https://tasty.co/recipe/impossible-tm-kofta-veggie-kebabs).

      1. Per above, please do not put Impossible in. Most vegetarians and vegans I know dislike it; I know a few who like it, but they are outnumbered by those who do not want their food to taste like meat.

    28. Cook Indian food like chholey. Takes care of the vegan. And some meat for husband.

  8. This is a quintessential first world problem but we were planning to build a house next spring and the interest rates are driving what was comfortable to the extreme end of our budget. I’m so discouraged. Any insight as to when they may come down again? We’re currently ok where we are but have two kids who will soon be teenagers sharing a bedroom.

      1. Idk why this terrible advice keeps being repeated. If you can’t afford the house today then don’t buy the house. No one has a crystal ball. We don’t know when rates might drop, historically it’s not unusual to see mortgage rates in the 6% range, it could be 10 years before we see 3% again. We don’t know what the real estate market will do. If prices drop then you might be upside down (or close to it) on the house for a couple years. Which isn’t a big deal as long as you can afford your payment and plan to stay in the house. But it is a big deal if you need to refi because you can’t actually afford your mortgage.

    2. This is my professional world. Even with my professional context, no one knows. Literally no one. History shows rates are held for like 9 months once the economy starts to improve before they start to come in. We’re not ready to stop raising, so add whatever buffer necessary to account for further raising, then add 9 months for the most scientific but totally shot in the dark estimation of when they’ll come in. I think it’s 12-18 months at least. Good news is Jerome Powell seems to know he messed up, so hopefully they’ll be focused about bringing them back in when it’s time.

    3. Let the teenagers share a bedroom. They’ll be better prepared for dorms and adult living. Interest rates aren’t coming down any time soon but are actually likely to go up and you’ll need the money for college a few years down the line. The few years of ultra low rates were not normal and sub-5% rates are highly unlikely in the near future.

      1. +1. Separate bedrooms are a privilege, not a right, as my parents said to us often! They can get creative to carve out their own spaces.

        1. I disagree, we aren’t talking about a poverty situation here. This gets really complicated with opposite gender teens. Teens deserve personal privacy too.

          1. I think bedroom sharing is pretty normal, not something that is limited to the poor.

          2. I shared a room with my brother through middle school and high school. Out mother gave us the master so we had two sinks and the toilet was completly private from the sinks and shower. We were friends now and still are, 30 years later.

  9. Another office party Q! What would you wear to a party in a very casual industry, to Top Golf. I’m thinking faux leather leggings, a fun sweater, and boots of some kind? Any other ideas?

    1. I personally dislike those leggings. They make me think of young Instagram influencers with too long hair and too much makeup.

    2. That sounds perfect! Some stretch is a great idea and something like a sweater dress may read too dressy for the setting while athleisure will be too casual. I swear, guys have it so much easier.

    3. Even in a casual industry I find leggings a bit too informal. Could you do slim black pants or jeans instead?

    5. I also wouldn’t wear boots to this event as I assume you will be hitting golf balls, so sneakers work better for that.

    6. Chelsea boots or flat riding boots might work but at Top Golf sneakers are probably the better choice. I’m on the fence about leather leggings (personal preference) but I wouldn’t bat an eye if you wore leggings that looked like skinny jeans, slim black pants, or even regular jeans.

  10. Anyone want to recommend some books for me to read?

    General genres I like: scifi/fantasy, YA, mystery, memoir, historical fiction, humor
    Favored Authors (but I’ve read all their stuff): Katherine Arden, Agatha Christie, Melina Marchetta, Lois McM Bujold, Jane Austen, Jane Harper, Naomi Novik

    Books I liked: Bridge of Birds (Barry Hughart), Murderbot (Martha Wells), Firekeeper’s Daughter (Angeline Boulley), Sun-down Motel (Simone St. James), Night Tiger (Yangsze Choo)

    And if it helps, books I hated: Beartown, Cartographers, This is How You Lose the Time War

    1. Have you tried Emily St. John Mandel? She’s best known for Station Eleven, which is good, but I think I liked the Glass Hotel a smidge better.
      Hilary Mantel’s Wolf Hall trilogy is incredible – dense but so engrossing.
      Also check out books by Emma Donoghue, Lauren Groff and maybe Karen Russell.

    2. Neon Yang’s Tensorate series, Becky Chambers’s Wayfarers series. And I’ve recently also enjoyed Silvia Moreno-Garcia’s Gods of Jade and Shadow. Zeyn Joukhadar, The Thirty Names of Night.

    3. For YA & mystery, I like Karen M. McManus.

      For mystery/thriller – Ruth Ware, Riley Sager or May Kubica

    4. For fantasy – A Court of Thorns and Roses series from Sarah J. Mass. You may either love it or hate it.
      Not sure if this is quite historical fiction, but I like the Maisie Dobbs series from Jacqueline Winspear. The Royal Spyness series from Rhys Bowen is a fun cozy, mystery series.

    5. A memoir I recently enjoyed is Crying in H Mart. Highly recommend! Horse by Geraldine Brooks is great historical fiction (along with her many other books).

    7. The Goblin Emperor by Kathrine Addison, Old Kingdom books by Garth Nix, The Daevabad Trilogy by S.A. Chakraborty, the Queen’s Thief books by Megan Whalen Turner (note that the first one is like middle grade but the rest are way more complex and mature), Leigh Bardugo (especially Ninth House), Folk of the Air by Holly Black, and the Raven Cycle by Maggie Stiefvater are all great fantasy. For context I also absolutely love Katherine Arden and Naomi Novik.

      1. +1 to the Goblin Emperor. I’m pretty sure I got that rec here and I loved it. Also a big fan of Leigh Bardugo, Naomi Novak, and SA Chakraborty. I’ll also second the Maisie Dobbs and Royal Spyness recs (the latter is very light, but fun when you’re in the mood for that).

    8. I agree with all the other comments, and have a few more!
      — For fantasy, the Thieves series by Megan Whalen Turner.
      — N.K. Jemisin has some more sci-fi books and some more fantasy.
      — For YA/fantasy, the Graceling realm books by Kristin Cashore.
      — Elizabeth Moon–the Paksennarion books are fantasy, and she also has two universes of sci-fi, the Serrano series (which I love) and the Vatta universe (which isn’t quite as good but still enjoyable).
      — Anne Leckie, the Ancillary series is sci-fi.
      — Sharon Shinn has two or three great fantasy universes, as well as some standalone books. My hands-down favorite are the Samaria books, and then the Twelve Houses books. The first two elementals books (water and air) are amazing, the last two not quite as good but they tie up the loose ends and round out the story nicely. She’s also got a YA series (the truthteller books) and a few YA standalones.

      There’s definitely no shortage of amazing female sf/f authors!

      1. Another vote Anne Leckie’s Ancillary series and other books. Really different from what I’d read before. Naomi Novik has the 3rd installment of the Scholomance books out, although I still like the earlier ones. For a bit harder scifi, the Children of Time books by Adrian Tchaikovksy has some big, wild ideas, with feminist allegory via spiders.

    9. +1 to Emily St John Mandel. Also would check out Blake Crouch’s books. Recursion is my fave.

    10. Brent Weeks’ Lightbringer series is scifi/fantasy and maybe YA? It’s incredible. I am not one for that genre, but that series topped Harry Potter for me

  11. DH has started an engineering job where he will be working in Chicago 1 week per month. He’s a PNW native and I’m from CA, so we have no idea what sort of cold weather gear he’ll need. Recommendations?

    1. This depends on how much time he’ll be spending outside. If it’s a decent amount, he wants a long down coat (knee length) with a hood, warm boots that manage snow and slush (think LL Bean boots), a hat, the type of warm gloves that cost $50 — I forget the best brand name, and good layers for under the coat and shoes (wool socks, quarter zip sweaters, etc.)

      1. *down or down alternative coat. Look at the temperature rating — you want it to go down to 0. When it’s 25 or above, he may want a lighter puffer, but my warm blood no longer does when I go home :)

    2. I went to college in Minnesota (coming from the West Coast) and I got a long down puffer for down to -30/-40F from Lands End and then a Northface jacket with room for layering for temps closer to 32F and good wind protection. Got one pair of heavy duty gloves/mittens for really cold weather and some thinner gloves for driving and “warmer” weather and lots of wool socks. Wool hats and scarves are also a good idea. I got knee-high, warm snow boots. Finally, I would invest in some base layers too (either synthetic or wool) and maybe wool sweaters.

    3. Thank you! He has good base layers and assorted wool socks/scarves/hat/sweaters, so it sounds like what he’s really missing are good gloves and boots. I’d love recommendations on those (esp where to find 13WW boots)!
      I’m guessing he’s going to think his current coats are fine and refuse to get a new one, then he’ll take a trip in Jan and come back requesting it….but we’ll see! (As you said, Curious, will probably also depend on how much time he ends up spending outside)

  12. I am so shocked that Kherson wasn’t booby-trapped everywhere. For some reason I was sending a trap with the Russian retreat.

  13. Fun news I can’t share with the ‘real’ world – today we are paying off both our house and my remaining student loans. Extra special today because its veterans days – I work in defense and my husband is recently retired military. Did the math today and between overseas assignments and deployments, we’ve spent a total of 14 years overseas, with more than 6 of those apart. WILD.

    1. That sounds like an excellent reason for something bubbly to celebrate. Thank you for your service over the years, and congrats on your hard work! Enjoy!

    4. Sounds like the perfect reason for something bubbly to celebrate! Thank you for your service over the years and congratulations on your hard work!

  14. I’m looking at new jobs and trying to work out where would be a workable culture fit. I’m trans, so obviously there’s some places that are just not going to be good ideas, but I know there’s pockets of red in blue regions and pockets of blue in red regions and my industry is extremely geographically diverse so I could end up pretty much anywhere. Anyone have good resources for making sure I don’t accidentally wind up somewhere that hates me?

    1. This might be a good question to ask on the Ask A Manager open thread that’s up right now.

    3. So, I’m in one of those blue dots in a red state (Atlanta metro). I am not tr*ns, but have several friends, colleagues, and students who are. Some things that made them feel good about our specific Atlanta-area neighborhood and Atlanta in general are that we have openly lgbtq+ folks serving in local government. Law-specific, but we also have a very active lgbtq+ bar association. There are also lots of locals churches with lgbtq+ folks in leadership roles. Those are some things I would look for.

      1. I can’t promise perfection here in Portland but I can say there are many trans people in our lives in all different ways (at work, multiple preschool teachers, at our religious congregation, friends’ and coworkers’ children, classmates) and people seem more comfortable being out / not having the fact of them being trans be a secret than in any other place I have lived. I’m sure it’s still difficult but my cis perspective is more comfortable than other places.

        1. (That said, I’m cis white, and if you’re a person of color, I don’t know if Seattle always feels like the safest place. We and Portland are two of the whitest cities in the country. )

    5. My wife is trans and we left Indiana in part because we were feeling less safe. We’re in Santa Fe now and so far things are good. We also considered the Seattle and Portland areas.

      1. How do you like Santa Fe? Pros/Cons?

        I’m in Illinois / Chicagoland now, but would like to more someplace that more moderate weather.

        2. Pros: I see mountains every day. Great restaurants. In less than an hour I can access some truly spectacular hikes. I don’t ski but if you do, it’s a great spot for it. The nearest airport (ABQ) is easy to navigate. Museums, tons of art galleries and other cultural things. We feel safe as out queer people.
          Cons: housing is pricey and rentals especially move fast. Higher-than-average property crime (I forgot to lock the car one night and my little jump-starter thing got stolen). If you don’t live downtown it’s not super walkable. No public transit to speak of.

      2. As someone living in a blue college town in Indiana, I unfortunately agree with pugsnbourbon.
        Don’t come to Indiana.

      3. This is a legitimate question (sorry for being slow to pick up the appropriate lingo). When you say your wife is trans, was she assigned male at birth and transitioned to female?

        1. I can’t speak for pugs, but that’s how I take it. The person is referred to by their gender as they understand it now, rather than how it was assigned at birth, which includes any words like “wife,” “woman,” “bride,” etc.

    6. several tr-ns folks in my Philly office. It sometimes takes people awhile to break old pronoun habits but it’s not out of hate, just muscle memory, and they’ll usually correct themselves.

  15. My lease expires in March. Would it be crazy of me to buy my car and immediately sell it, and then sign up for another lease? With the prices of used cars these days, I could turn a quick $7k profit based on my calculations, bank that, and continue paying a similar monthly price for a new lease. We’re assuming we’ll want to buy electric in the next few years, but not quite ready now. What am I not considering? Has anyone else done something similar?

    1. Why wouldn’t you just buy it and drive it while you save up for the electric car?

    2. When you’re doing your research, make sure you’re looking at what you can actually get for your car and not what the blue book or whatever value is. I’ve never gotten anywhere close to BB value.

    3. Make sure your calculations are taking into account all costs, not just your purchase price and sale price. If you have to take out a loan to complete the purchase, will there be origination/administrative costs? Are there transfer taxes you would pay on either or both transactions? Registration requirement and costs?

    4. I did this early summer with a lease end date of Oct – made 7k and entered into a new lease. As long as the value is higher than the lease pay off amount, it’s not difficult to do. Good luck!

  16. Has anyone tried Ayr jeans? I keep getting their catalog and am tempted, but it’s more than I usually spend on denim. I’m tall and slim, not much of a waist. Think “aging rectangle”.

    1. IMO there’s no pair of jeans that are worth $200. Levi’s Premium is super high quality (think really thick and stiff) in trendy cuts for under $100. Usually around $90 a pair but they have a 40% discount on Black Fridays.

  17. Best source for getting my colors “done” – i.e. have someone tell me what colors are likely to look best in clothing?

    1. I asked about this on the coffee break thread a few days ago – check out the 11/7 afternoon thread.

    2. I used House of Colour, which has a directory of “consultants” based on location. It originated in the UK (which explains the spelling of colour versus color) but has lots of consultants now in the US too.

  18. I “did the thing” and got my first colonoscopy yesterday! Not fun, but I’m so relieved it’s done. Sending encouragement to others to “do the thing”!

    1. Hooray! Isn’t it such a good feeling? I had a horrible time with the prep (couldn’t drink all the Suprep due to its nastiness, throwing up and shaking, etc) but it was just one day and the peace of mind is SO WORTH IT. Especially with the growing incidence of colon cancer in younger people.

      Now I’m hoping that practice catches up with the research before my next one in 5 years and the fasting period is less restrictive (and maybe the drink improves, too LOL)

  19. I’m waiting for results from a breast biopsy. The nurse said I would receive a call on Friday afternoon with the results. I’ve been trying to distract myself, but as we’re closing in on the afternoon it’s getting harder and harder. Any suggestions on how to pass the time without becoming a ball of anxiety? I’m already working from home and attending a virtual conference to obtain my CLE credits and my kids are home from school today for Veterans Day, but I can’t shake the pit in my stomach.

    2. Call them if you don’t hear from them. Don’t let it upset your weekend. I have been there and know how it feels. Hugs.

      1. I absolutely agree. Call if you haven’t heard by mid afternoon so you don’t get lost in the Friday shuffle. I had this exact experience in September. I am sending good vibes that yours turns out just fine like mine did.

    3. Ohhh, the wait can be hard… The first thing to do would be to acknowledge that and treat yourself gently, like you would a friend who was in this situation. I personally find that when I have a pit in my stomach it helps to move — go out and take a walk, or put on music and dance. Hope the call is good news, when it arrives!

    5. OP here. Thank you for the good vibes and support. I just got the phone call and results were benign. Huge sigh of relief!

      3. Oh I legit gasped with relief on your behalf. OP, I’m so glad. Cheers to you.

        1. Thank you. I was feeling very alone in this process as I didn’t mention it to my friends and my family sort of brushed it off and said “I’m sure things will work out and be fine.” As a long time reader, these caring responses are really touching and I’m getting choked up reading them.

          Opening a bottle of wine in honor of Shots, Shots, Shots!

Comments are closed.