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Updated: Apr 2, 2023 292 Comments · by

Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Lounia Fluted-Sleeve Sweater Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS) | ·

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A woman wearing a black midi-length dress with black pumps

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I’m not always a supporter of the Fun Sleeve look, but I think it’s really working on this Ted Baker dress. The fluted sleeves are a manageable elbow length and aren’t so dramatic that they’d get in your way while you tried to take notes in a meeting.

I finally feel like my calendar of evening networking and charity events has gone back to pre-2020 levels, so I would wear this on a day when I knew I had somewhere to be after work and wanted to look extra fabulous.

The dress is $295 at Nordstrom and comes in Ted Baker sizes 0–5 (equivalent to 00–14). It also comes in dark blue, white, and lilac.

Sales of note for 9.30.24

About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

  1. Anon

    Need help finding a lighter-weight professional jacket to wear to and from work and work conferences. I live in Chicago and currently only own a couple of big parkas for winter, 1 ski jacket, and 1 thin rain jacket from Columbia. I read through some older posts on here and found these while searching. Any suggestions or other recommendations?

    https://www.macys.com/shop/product/london-fog-womens-hooded-double-breasted-trench-coat?ID=15071461&pla_country=US&CAGPSPN=pla

    https://www.eddiebauer.com/p/20612683/womens-girl-on-the-go%26reg%3B-trench-coat?ch=pla&cm_mmc=GooglePLA-_-non_brand_NB-_-US-_-Outerwear_Rainwear_Chicago_DMA-_-0067343100000050-_-145006100605&color=Black&gclid=Cj0KCQjwz6ShBhCMARIsAH9A0qWw9IOFmtoUFHtvh9771uJIJWzAZiKxVwylJCXN4JtqPMctbLzHY3waAsOxEALw_wcB&size=M&sizeType=Regular&sp=1&utm_campaign=PLA_NB_Outerwear_Rainwear_Chicago_DMA&utm_content=Outerwear_Rainwear_Chicago_DMA&utm_medium=psrch_pla&utm_source=Google&utm_term=0067343100000050

    https://www.samedelman.com/product/womens-belted-trench-coat-3028546/birch-ec0238630?icid=SamEdelmanRecommendations_Sam+Edelman_3028546_99900_EC0238630

    Thanks in advance!

  2. Anon for this

    Late last year we had a leak in our master shower. After months of getting multiple quotes we hired a licensed contractor recommended by several neighbors to replace it. He had great references and the pictures we saw of his work were good. Unfortunately he did an unsatisfactory job and last week we had to fire him midway through. I’m mad at myself over the money and time we lost, but even more than that the thought of having to start this project again is completely overwhelming. I don’t know what I’m asking for here, maybe commiseration or maybe for someone to tell me we will get through this. For such a trivial thing it has been surprisingly disruptive to our daily lives and the stress of it is catching up with me.

    • Anon

      I remember how frustrating it was when our master shower was out of commission for a few weeks. Sympathy! You will definitely get through it, but how much time depends on how much work you are doing in addition to just fixing the leak. I am the type of person who just fixes the leak and leaves the old structure intact otherwise.

    • BeenThatGuy

      This is not trivial. Having home emergencies/repairs can truly disrupt your life. I had a similar situation 2 years ago that put me back in therapy. I never realized how truly dependent I was on having a calm home environment. The mess, things being out of place, the expense, etc all takes a toll. Throw in dealing with a bad contractor and it can become very stressful.

      • anon

        Yes. I agree with this. I’m finally getting through a stressful situation in my home environment, and WOW. Until recently, I didn’t realize how much of a toll it was taking on me.

        • Ribena

          Seconding this. I’ve had a leak down my kitchen chimney since September (I jokingly wonder if the strength of the seal was tied somehow to the health of QE2, as the leak first happened the day before she died), and of course because I don’t know if any fix has worked until there’s heavy rain, getting it mended has been dragging on and on and on. At this stage this is going to be the thing that delays me selling up and moving. Being a homeowner is great….

      • OP

        Well for starters he skipped some important steps that the manufacturer of the waterproofing system requires, which he only begrudgingly did when we pointed them out. We stupidly continued on, but when he started installing the tile it was just terrible. The grout lines weren’t even close to straight or consistent in size, tiles were sticking off the wall, the cuts were jagged, etc. He admitted it was bad and offered to redo it, but at that point we wanted to cut our losses since it was clear we would not be satisfied.

      • Anon

        Yeah I’m a little confused here – how do you know he wouldn’t have fixed the issue? I feel like you can only label work “unsatisfactory” at the end.

        • OP

          Replacing a shower isn’t something that can be fixed midway through. Once the tile is up in a significant quantity taking it back down will compromise the waterproofing. His offer was to redo it, meaning demo and start over completely. Given how unhappy we wrote with his first attempt I was not about to do that again.

          • Anon

            I agree that this was the better route. I did a master shower reno and was not happy with the tile work, and had them re-do it. It was better, but still not great (I could have predicted this) and now I am not happy with the shower but I can’t spend the money to have it redone again by someone else. Better to move on at the stage you are at.

          • Anon

            I would have made the same choice you did, OP.

            If midway through the job, the quality of the work is so poor that the contractor is going to have to rip it out and re-do it – well, thanks but no thanks on having that same professional complete the re-work. I’ll take my chances with another contractor.

            My grandpa built houses for a living; my dad and uncles helped him at times. I was around enough construction sites, and learned enough to know that a person who doesn’t care about doing the work right the first time isn’t going to do more than a passable job if they have to re-do it. And I also know it can be really, really hard to find good people to do work – my grandfather struggled with it his entire career. He’d have subcontractors who’d do a great job the first time, or the first few times, and then they’d stop showing up or they’d do such subpar work he’d have to get it redone. He had a rule about never allowing a subpar, substandard job to be finished – easier to call it, rip out what’s there and start over. His philosophy was once the work is done, it’s easier for everyone to talk themselves into just leaving it as-is, even if people know there are problems. If you see problems halfway through, halt the project at that point and fix the problems, or start over. Especially with bathrooms, precision, quality work is important because water damage can completely ruin a house, and if you have serious leaks that come from faulty remodel work – your homeowner’s insurance may not cover it, or may fight you before paying for repair. We had friends who moved into a house where a bad DIY remodel job caused a serious leak from the master bath shower into the downstairs, and it was a major effort to get the insurance company to cover the damage. They tried to insist our friends sue the previous homeowner; they eventually did pay out but then they dropped our friends’ coverage and they had to pay high premiums to their next insurer just to get homeowner’s insurance.

            I feel for you, OP – this is exactly why we keep putting off a much-needed master bath remodel. Not because of the money, but because of the hassle. But if the job is half-done, you can’t leave it like that – you need to take a deep breath and start making some phone calls to get the job finished. Start asking anyone you can think of – friends, coworkers, people at the gym or any clubs you’re involved in, distant relatives, etc. Someone knows somebody who can come finish this for you. Good luck.

        • Anon

          If he’s not competent to place tiles, he’s not going to suddenly become competent, is what I would have been thinking.

    • here she goes

      There’s something about contractors in your home that adds a whole other level of stress. They’re in your space, you just want it fixed but your’e going to see it every single day so the stakes are higher for you….idk it’s just a lot. I work with and manage contractors (industrial though) all day long, so when we were building our house I project managed all the subs. I was certainly capable of it and it went well enough, but wow – residential contractors working on your home is a whole other type of stress.

      • Anonymous

        I’ve done a few renovation projects and I’d agree. For some reason a reliable plumber is a unicorn in my area. Another thing that stinks is that the talented craftspeople here are mostly exclusive to high end builders. You can have the taste and budget for gorgeous tile and still not get a great tradesperson to install it. It’s frustrating!

    • Anne-on

      It’s incredibly stressful to work with contractors, especially if you find out they aren’t doing the work you’re paying for properly. We have an old home that we’ve been updating over the years we’ve owned it and at least once per project I seem to have a meltdown – there is always something that goes wrong, the mess/noise is worse than expected, pets get let out accidentally by a sub contractor, something gets broken, etc. And this is working with a small group of well vetted professionals I’ve been using for 10+ years – it’s just hard! I’d give yourself a few days to regroup, and then call up your other options and get some quotes. Good luck!

    • Anon

      Would it help you to know the same thing happened to me and it turned out great? Our first contractor was a complete asshole and a real nightmare including ripping a hole in the beautiful new tub we’d purchased. Bonus: he didn’t pay the subcontractors. After weeks of a mess and paying a fortune, we fired him.
      The next guy we found via the electrician of the original contractor (who reached out to us because the original contractor stiffed him). The new contractor was great. He made a few suggestions and got straight to work. I honestly can’t believe how beautiful the project turned out. We’ve used the second contractor for other projects and have always been grateful for his expertise and professionalism. I wish you so much luck! What looks like a closed door is hopefully an open window

      • OP

        That does make me feel better and I am so glad to hear your project was eventually a success! Thanks for sharing.

    • Anonymous

      What intrigues me is that you’re mad at yourself over the time and money lost. I can’t see any reason for that, from your post. You got multiple quotes, you checked him out, you saw photos, you checked with neighbors. You monitored the job, pointed out errors, and when it wasn’t satisfactory, you took the hard step of firing him. I fail to see a cause for anger at yourself in all that.
      Is getting angry at yourself when something goes wrong a pattern that you’ve recognized in yourself? If so, is there a way you can give yourself grace in the middle of this? You didn’t cause the leak, you didn’t do anything wrong in the process, and you’re actively working to come up with the next solution. It’s all stressful and frustrating, yes. But you deserve better than having this taken out on you, personally!

      • OP

        Thank you I needed to hear this. I do have a habit of this type of thinking, but thought I had worked through it in therapy.

    • Anonymous

      Hoo man I feel ya. We had a similar issue; the guy rebuilding our shower after a flood never connected the pipes and if my husband hadn’t been sitting there hovering the guy would have flooded the house again. JFC.

  3. Sacramento?

    My partner and I are thinking about moving to a new city within the next year. Sacramento (or the surrounding area) is one of the options on our short list. Pros and cons seem to include:

    Pros:
    – Weather
    – Plentiful outdoors activities and scenery within a 2 hour drive
    – Housing prices appear to be slightly lower than our current city (east cost, HCOL)
    – Pretty good network of family and friends, as my partner grew up in the area
    – Access to jobs in SF that would only require 1-4 days/month in the office? This pro is much more speculative. I currently have a fully remote job that I love and don’t intend to leave any time soon. However, my role is common at tech companies. I’d be open to the occasional commute to SF for the right opportunity.

    Cons include:
    – Fire season. This is my biggest blocker when I think about moving to Sacramento. The air quality and smoke during fire season seem unpleasant, unhealthy, and likely to get worse in the coming years and decades. I realize it’s unlikely my home would be destroyed in the city itself or immediate suburbs, but the risk of smoke and poor air quality feels like a deal breaker to me. My partner thinks I’m overstating the potential impact, and that this is something you just deal with for a couple weeks out of the year by running air filters and limiting time outside. I suppose I could handle air quality issues for a few days up to a week or two, but it seems like there have been recent years where the fires have gone on for months, with people feeling the health impacts even indoors.
    – Other climate risks, such as drought and possibly flooding.
    – No direct flights to the city where my parents live.

    TLDR: We see several advantages in moving to Sacramento, but the risk of fire and smoke feels like a deal-breaker to me. Am I overstating the likely risk and impact to our lives during fire season? Is this a legitimate reason to avoid the area, despite other possible benefits? Would also love to hear about other pros and cons from anyone who has experience living in the Sacramento area.

    • Maudie Atkinson

      My in-laws moved from the Bay area to Sacramento, largely to stretch their retirement dollars. A few things they have noticed in that move, which may or may not be factors for you:
      Ready access to world class cultural attractions, like museums and touring shows and concerts
      Sacramento is much more politically conservative area than they were accustomed to and expected
      Less cultural and racial diversity

      • Anon

        It’s conservative compared to the Bay Area but liberal compared to almost everywhere else. Democrats usually win elections by 20+ points.

      • anonshmanon

        Depends on what you want in a city I guess. I like the dining options and general neighborhood vibe.

        • Anon

          Yeah I sort of think boring is good! I want decent restaurant options but beyond that there are a lot of advantages to a place that’s “boring” if that translates to clean, safe, quiet etc. I travel for excitement and adventure.

    • Californian

      I would be more concerned about the demographic homogeneity (and it’s follow-on effects on cultural events, politics and the kinds of friends you can make) than I would be about air quality. The effect of the homogeneity on your healthcare choices would probably be limited to possibly-longer drives to get care because while Sacramento is conservative, it is still located in California, and state law controls what services healthcare providers offer.

    • Anon

      I have asthma and a lot of otherwise great cities are off the list for me because I know I would struggle as a result of fire season. I, personally, don’t think you’re overreacting, but obviously many people love Sacramento and other cities where this is a consideration.

      That said, no direct flights to where my parents live would also be a dealbreaker for me especially as they age.

    • Anon

      I have asthma and a lot of otherwise great cities are off the list for me because I know I would struggle as a result of fire season. I, personally, don’t think you’re overreacting, but obviously many people love Sacramento and other cities where this is a consideration.

      That said, no direct flights to where my parents live would also be a dealbreaker for me especially as they age.

    • Anon

      We left the Bay Area and fire season was a big reason why so I don’t think this is a silly concern. However we have kids and there’s a lot of evidence it’s really unhealthy for them. I mean it’s unhealthy for everyone but the impact to kids is a lot more because their lungs are still developing. So if you don’t have kids I’d probably worry less about it.

    • Anon

      I grew up outside of Sacramento. The weather is generally good. The key is that it is two hours from the things you will want to do. Two hours from amazing skiing in Tahoe, which also means two hours from great summers on Lake Tahoe. It is two hours from San Francisco and the ocean. Allergy season is long and bad. I was before the massive fires, so I cannot speak about that. We lived in Folsom, so toward the mountains and above flooding concerns. I found it to be a generally good place to live and probably would have happily stayed but my career had other plans.

    • Anon

      I have friends who left Northern California (they were living just north of Santa Rosa) after three straight years where they couldn’t let their kids play outside a good chunk of the summer and fall because of the wildfire smoke. This excellent snow year not withstanding, it is likely to get worse as time goes on, and my friends didn’t want to deal with it. So they moved back East.

      The air quality issues posed by wildfires are no joke and they’re not trivial. A lot of people with respiratory problems have had to leave NorCal because of the air quality during fire season; even indoors, air filters can only do so much. Our friends also had to evacuate their home and go stay with friends in San Francisco several times, either because fires were getting too close or the smoke was so thick it wasn’t safe for them or their kids to breathe the air. It’s definitely something I’d think about very carefully before making a move.

      • Anon

        IIRC, 2017, 18 and 2020 were bad fire years recently. In my opinion, 21 and 22 were far less so. 2020 hit extra hard because a freak thunderstorm ignited several dozen fires early in the season, and this came on top of covid anxiety and it was just awful.
        I would be much less relaxed about this if I had children or were planning to have any.

    • Agurk

      We left CA because of the smoke, and we were in SF (so only a few weeks usually). It was getting worse and worse, and we had an infant we didn’t want to subject to the smoke. It also exacerbated an autoimmune condition I have. It’s not just burning wood — it’s plastic and pressure treated wood and tires and really nasty s$$t. The fires aren’t going away, they’re going to get worse.

      If you do move to Sacto, look at a map of future flood zones. The delta is projected to have major increases in flooding from climate change (those atmospheric rivers aren’t going away either).

      Honestly you couldn’t pay me enough to move back to CA.

    • Anonymous

      Personally, I put a lot of weight on living near family so I could overlook a lot of cons for that pro, but YMMV (and really, how your inlaws are matters a ton here).

      Also, how inconvenient is the connecting flight to where your parents are? If you drive to SFO can you get a direct flight?

      Is there any appetite to moving to where your parents live (and do you also have friends where your parents live)?

      • Anon

        +1 – I love my city, which is imperfect (near gulf coast, hurricanes, flooding) and our state has a lot of warts (which is putting it lightly). I like humidity so the weather is fine for me, and I detest ice/snow so I don’t miss the winters from my 15+ years on the east coast; it gets cold enough here for me. I feel like we can enjoy the outdoors ~9 months a year, with limitations in summer.

        Biggest pro? being close to immediate/extended family and a network of friends who are like family, and being in a major city where we have access to art, diversity, good food, big companies, multiple airports, culture, etc. – and hopefully being part of what ultimately makes the state “better” – is worth it to me.

        I feel like the safest bet for climate concerns are the great plains, Midwest, and northeast – none of which are appealing to me at this stage of life.

    • Anon

      I’m surprised you listed weather in the pro column. I’m from the valley originally, live in the Bay Area now, and I wouldn’t want to live through those valley summers again, where you can’t really be outside on a beautiful sunny day for most of the summer because it’s ridiculously hot (100+)

      • Anon

        I also lived in the central valley area and now live in the east bay. It is way too hot most of summer to actually do much outside and kids have to do indoor activities regardless of fire most of the time. Personally, my allergies get really terrible when I go to the Central Valley. A friend moved there from the bay area a few years ago and her kids are having lot of allergies. I suggest you spend a month or so there before you decide to buy to see how tha allergies impact your kids.

    • Nesprin

      So…as an Oaklander, fire season is bad, but it’s a season (Aug- Sept), which can be mitigated by getting out of town for the weeks when fire peaks+ having a generator or backup power (since power will probably go off if you’re in a high fire area) + a HEPA filter+ N95s if you choose to stay home.

      Downtown sacramento is shockingly cute- full of parks and cute restaurants, and victorian houses. You may want to also think about Davis, which has a college-y downtown, is closer to the bay, and has great rail service. SFO, OAK and SJC are not undriveably far from Sacramento if SAC airport doesn’t help.

    • Anon California

      I have lived in California my entire adult life, been evacuated for wildfires twice, lived through the fallout (literally) of many more and here are my thoughts:

      First, fires suck. But then so do hurricanes, tornadoes,blizzards, floods (and this year notwithstanding that is not usually a problem in California) and every other natural disaster. Northern and Central California got hit hard the last couple of years; the decade before it was Southern California. But every place you go is likely to face some kind of weather related issue arising from climate change. I have a friend who moved because of the fires just in time to get hit with massive flooding in her new city. I stay so obviously that is not a game changer for me. Central California has its advantages and disadvantages just like every place. Unfortunately it is almost impossible to know whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages without living here.

      But I also want to point out that Sacramento is hardly racially homogeneous. It has a smaller Asian population that San Francisco but a much larger Black population (and the White population is roughly the same).

      • Anon

        There are weather issues everywhere getting worse with climate change but fires are a much bigger health issue. Hurricanes and tornadoes may destroy your property but are very unlikely to harm you if you obey evacuation orders and guidance about when to go to the basement. And with fires it’s not just like you get harmed if you’re the unlucky one who gets hit – everyone in the area is exposed. The science on the long term ling damage from wildfires is actually really alarming.

    • Anon

      I live in SF, have spent time in Sacramento and have also lived in the Central Valley. Anywhere in the Valley it’s going to be super hot, 100+, in the summer. To offset that, it’s a dry heat and the AC is always cranked up wherever you go, to the point that if you run cold you’ll want to carry a sweater. Many homes have pools! The winters are mild and spring and fall can be absolutely gorgeous. On the wildfires, we had a few bad years here for sure, but I don’t think that means it’s going to be that bad every single year, and also it doesn’t mean that during the bad years, bad smoke will hit Sacramento every time. Smoke patterns vary a lot depending on exactly where the wildfires are and how the wind is blowing. California is a huge state, and there have been bad fires whose smoke didn’t reach my part of the state at all. I wouldn’t rule out Sacramento, or any other part of California, based on concerns about wildfire smoke alone. Come visit Sacramento and see how you like it, and visit SF while you’re here. You can take the train (Amtrak connects to BART) to SF from Sacto. It’s a really pretty train ride especially in the spring when everything is green and fresh.

    • Anonymous

      I live in the Bay Area.

      Cons are:
      Hot weather in summer
      Traffic
      Still a 2 hour drive to either Tahoe or ocean
      Boring
      Fire season is a serious thing.

  4. Anon

    Chapter 13 here. I haven’t been reading recently, so I hope you all are doing well. I wanted to hop on and tell you all that I have officially completed my first 6 months in my 100% payment plan! This is 6 out of 60 months, but it still feels like an accomplishment.

    Now for the other news… I have a second interview this week at a well respected company in my industry! This would also be approximately a $30k increase in salary. You all were great the first time around with your positive vibes, so keep them coming!

    Lastly, I have an appointment later this week to see an apartment that would decrease my monthly housing costs. I’ve already been rejected twice in this endeavor, so perhaps third time’s a charm?

    • Anonymous

      Have been thinking about you. Good luck on the interview and apartment. So much is just a numbers game, so glad you are keeping your chin up and trying. One of these will work. And six months is a big deal—getting started is the hardest part. Wishing you well!

    • Anon

      Good luck!!!

      Maybe be prepared to immediately offer an extra month or two on the apartment, if you have that savings, so they feel more secure? Or come prepared to say something about your financial situation?

  5. Cora

    People who live by themselves and work from home – what do you do after work on weekdays to make sure you have social interaction during the week? I text my friends all the time but they’re not big talkers-on-the-phone, and I do try and work out of coffee shops etc

    • Anon

      I’m on calls for work all day, I feel exhausted with social interaction by the end of the day, lol. Make plans with friends?

      • Anon

        Same. Social interaction is draining for me, so I’m happy to limit it during the week. My once a week trip to Target is enough ha

          • Anon

            It is enough social interaction for me during the week when I’m exhausted from my enjoyable but high caliber job. I prefer saving your type of social interaction for the weekends. Have a great day!

      • Anne-on

        Ha, this is me, I am drained after 3-4 hours of video calls daily. My husband is an extrovert and he finds a lot of his social outlet through exercise – he’s in a weekly golf group and then does crossfit 2 nights a week. We also have neighbors we’re friendly with and he’ll arrange to get together with the husband a few times a month to have a beer and chat. Do you do any hobbies or activities regularly during the week that might scratch that itch for you?

    • Anonymous

      I only WFH once a week, but I make in person plans with friends on days I do. I meet someone for a run or a walk, happy hour, to watch sports on TV, take a fun class, etc.

      Caveat is that I have plans like that 5-6 days a week, so my natural inclination is to be active and get out of the house and meet up with friends.

      If you’re less active, what about setting up a phone call or face time with a friend?

      • Cora

        Honestly I think I should just make plans with friends, I just fell out of practice with doing that. I often have plans at least 3 days out of Thursday – Sunday, but I don’t like not having actual socialization Monday – Wednesday. Work zoom calls don’t quite scratch that itch for me.

        • Curious

          Swimming at our local pool, going to yoga, and attending Sierra Club meetings all scratch think itch for me. It feels good to have light social interactions around a purposeful activity.

          • Cora

            I do swim and go to yoga and that is pretty good – swimming is actually pretty perfect because I’m tired after and fall right asleep. I think adding something like Sierra Club would be good because its a regular activity.

          • Curious

            I’m jealous! Swimming hypes me up and I need melatonin to go to sleep. Maybe I’m not working hard enough. Re: Sierra Club — I shopped around a lot when I got out to Seattle and landed on the group here because they were awesome. Our main organizer is non-binary, and the group does effective work in ally ship with many tribes. The culture of different clubs varies. I’d encourage you to just try some things out! I found Sierra Club by chatting with a volunteer after we knocked on doors for a political candidate. I had also attended some rallies, a League of Women Voters event, and my local Democratic caucus meetings before finding the right fit. Best of luck!

    • Anonymous

      On Mondays and Wednesdays I go to dance and on Thursdays I usually go out with a fried

    • Anon

      I work from home three times a week. My job is very collaborative so I’m on calls most of the day and am drained by the end. Once or twice a month I might schedule post-work dinner or drinks with friends, but otherwise the most social I get is exercise classes.

    • Anon2

      I schedule my dance/fitness classes for the days I WFH, so I have a reason to leave the house in the evening.

    • Anon

      I used to do a lot of fitness classes and a had a couple regular hangs with friends, like trivia night at a bar.

    • helloanon

      At least half my day is spent on calls or video calls, and my team is really active over Slack, so I get a lot of social interaction from work.

      I also walk my dog 3x a day and one of those walks is more of a visit because we always stop at a neighbor’s house so our dogs can play. We have a nice chat for 20 minutes while the dogs run around and have become good friends as a result. A couple other neighbors tend to bring their dogs at the same time, so it ends up being pretty social for the humans and dogs!

      Other than that, I try to plan a social outing one evening a week but I don’t always meet that goal. I’m pretty introverted so the combo of work + dog walk is pretty good for me most weekdays.

    • Anonymous

      I go to the gym, invite a friend or neighbor for drinks, eat dinner in a restaurant, or go to a bar most evenings. I text with BF and friends the few other nights and maybe walk through the neighborhood to be alone with others.

    • Anonymous

      For me, I need in person social interaction in order to feel like I’ve filled up that cup so Zoom calls for work or texting don’t fill that gap for me. And I need daily social interaction with actual friends vs. being in a coffee shop or the dog park and making small talk with people I don’t really know.

      I am in the office 3-4 days a week, but I am not friendly with most of my coworkers, so it doesn’t feel social to me. I happen to work with 2 friends (we were friends before we were coworkers) but we’re on different teams so I only see them if we plan to eat lunch together. That does feel social enough to me.

      I have a consistent “set plans” schedule a most nights a week and then I only have to make other plans a handful of times a week.

      So, this is what I do:
      Mondays: I watch the Bachelor with a few friends and we rotate who hosts (host provides dinner, others provide wine and snacks). I often schedule a date or a run with a friend before the Bachelor on weeks I’m not hosting.
      Tuesdays: I take a workout class in the AM with a close friend. We usually grab coffee afterwards. I sometimes also get happy hour with a friend or a date after work on Tuesdays.
      Wednesdays: I play in a soccer league after work. My teammates aren’t my “friends” but we’ve played together long enough it’s fine.
      Thursdays: I have a standing bar trivia date with several friends. I also usually run with a friend before trivia.

      On Sundays, I go to either my parents or my aunt’s house for family dinner. So, I only need to “make plans” on Friday and Saturday which is easy enough. Usually Friday’s are my “rest” day, so I will meet up with a friend for a drink or something and then come home to have a nice quiet solo night (movie, takeout, early bed).

      I know that this is probably a “lot” to most people but I’m a very active, high-energy extrovert and this is my ideal level of activity.

    • Anon

      My friends are pretty much all married with kids, so I do a lot of fitting into their schedules. (Asking if they’re taking their kid to the park after daycare and meeting them there, going over and making dinner with them, having a tv show we’re binging and going over and watching an episode or two after kid is in bed, or watching remotely simultaneously and discussing the episode over text or gchat). This may not be the stage of life you’re in, but I’ve found that if I want to get the amount of social interaction I need and see my friends regularly, I’ve got to meet them where they are and not worry about how much effort they’re putting in vs I am. Before the kids era, having weekly traditions that people would automatically put in their calendars like trivia night or being a part of regular group activities like sports or volunteering took a lot of the effort out of creating social opportunities.

    • Anonymous

      3-4 nights a week, I walk the dog with neighbours who also have dogs. Gets us outside, I generally walk longer than if I walk the dog by myself and we all sleep better after a good walk.

    • Anon

      I don’t. I’m an extrovert too, but I don’t typically make social plans on the weekdays. Weekends, at least one day I usually have a dinner or some other outing with friends – which takes planning – but reading some of your replies, it looks like you already typically have plans th-sun and are really just looking to book m-w, and I find that sort of surprising. Are you not content spending any time by yourself? That may be something to lean into.

      • Anon

        I have plans 6-7 days a week, but still spend plenty of time alone. Like say I finish work at 5, grab drinks from 5-7 and then have 7-11 alone in my apartment by myself.

        IIRC from previous posts, Cora and I are both late 20s and live in the city near our friends so I don’t see why she wouldn’t make plans m-w? This time in our lives is so fun and also so rare (and sadly starting to end for me as people buy houses in the suburbs, get dogs, have kids and now aren’t as available as they once were), I definitely want to take advantage of it.

        I only WFH 2x a week, but it’s really hard for me to spend an ENTIRE day solo and I imagine it is for Cora too! It’s not natural to spend all day alone! I can’t go a full day without human interaction.

      • Anon

        It sounds like she swims, and that’s a lot of time alone with your thoughts :)

      • Cora

        Agree with Anon, I still have plenty of time by myself. And I do enjoy my own company. If I were working in person, and my colleagues were there like it was pre-pandemic, I wouldn’t be asking this. But since thats not the case I’m not sure if it is the best idea for me to not really have a conversation in person for 3 or 4 days at a time; and honestly my therapist agrees. Yes I’m working but I’m effectively by myself any days when I don’t make plans or at least plan to go to an exercise class etc.

    • PolyD

      You know,I just want to give props to those of you who realize social isolation isn’t great for you and do so much work to try to get the interactions you need.

      I am an introvert who likes to socialize – I love going out and doing things, but don’t have a ton of stamina for it. But I think I’m going to have to step up my efforts to get out more, because my job is effectively 100% WFH – were supposed to go in once a week, but hardly anyone is there on the same day, so it’s not great for seeing people.

      So, I applaud your efforts and am reading along to get some ideas for myself!

    • Anon

      Book club (if you’re friends aren’t into it there may be one at a local book store)
      Dinner at a restaurant with a nice bar area and chatty staff
      Hobby class – pottery, sewing
      Regular scheduled walk with a neighbor
      Volunteer or hyper local political activities (like neighborhood budget meeting with city council person or trash pickup)

      • Anon

        +1

        Start checking out more organizations/activities in your community. Start buying some season tickets, volunteering, taking a fun class or joining a club, take a walk. Fight for women’s rights. Listen to a new album/CD every night. Organize/clean one room a night (takes just minutes, keeps everything clean). Move food shopping to Monday nights – not crowded, now weekends are free. Tuesday night cook 1 or 2 bulk things so you have leftovers other nights. Invite a friend over to cook/eat with you. Call your grandma or grandpa or aunt or godparent or parent every wed night for 15 minutes (alternate weeks).

    • Anonymous

      I WFH all the time, 30s partnered but no kids, I’m also an introvert (maybe more on the extroverted side if it’s a spectrum). I try to do 1 dinner hang out with a friend during the weekdays at least, and I keep 1-2 days for doing errands after work and 1 night for a bigger workout and 1-2 nights just vegging out. I do try to do social things one day a weekend and family things (hang out with my local brother or SIL) on the other day

  6. OOO

    Anyone have recs for a family-friendly resort near Bozeman, MT or Salt Lake City? Planning a family reunion for next summer, and family will be traveling from across the US so will need to be within an hour of one of those major airports. Looking for a place that has a pool and maybe one or two other activities for kids and tweens, like ziplining, etc. Will also need to be interesting enough for young adults, like a serene setting, proximity to national or state parks, spa, etc. Would ideally have a fire pit and other places for us to gather. Seems like a resort would be the best venue for this family reunion since it is self-contained and usually has restaurants on-site. The resorts I have found in those areas so far are $600+/night in the summer – looking for something around half that price. TIA!

    • anon

      I would focus on SLC, not Bozeman, at that price point, unless you’re willing to go very, very basic (and maybe not even then).

      • Anonymous

        +1 to the recommendation to stay closer to SLC for that price point. I love Bozeman but it is not cheap!

    • Anonymous

      For $300 a night you’re not getting a decent resort. Sorry. It’s just not realisitc

      • Anon

        Yeah I’m sorry but… this. You’re seeing all the resorts at $500+ per night because that’s the standard price for this kind of thing.

    • Curious

      If resorts don’t work, maybe look for ski condo rentals in the Park City area? I don’t know about pools, but there’s plenty to do.

    • Anon

      I stayed at the Cheyenne Mountain Resort in Colorado Springs. It has the amenities you want and the price was extremely reasonable. The rooms are a little rustic but not shabby.

    • Anonymous

      Are you absolutely committed to Bozeman or SLC? If you’re willing to go elsewhere, then I’d suggest the Estes Park Y in Colorado or Asilomar in Monterey, California. Asilomar would be actually perfect for your group – there’s a pool, tons of hiking, a beach, golf, fire pits, lots of gathering places, a lovely central lodge where you can gather for playing games and eating takeout pizza, and more. It’s probably close to your price range. It’s an easy drive from the San Jose airport or you can fly into Monterey.

  7. Lipedema

    Does anyone have experience being diagnosed with lipedema (note: not lymphodema)? I just found out about it yesterday, and it seems to align with symptoms I’ve had. How did you get diagnosed? Have you tried anything that helped improve the appearance or reduce pain and sensitivity?

    • Anon

      Does anyone have experience being diagnosed with lipedema (note: not lymphodema)? I just found out about it yesterday, and it seems to align with symptoms I’ve had. How did you get diagnosed? Have you tried anything that helped improve the appearance or reduce pain and sensitivity?

  8. Speed Queen?

    Hi All – Our dryer conked out last night. It’s a 5 year old cheapie GE from home depot. The washer is a much older whirlpool – it’s at least 15 years old and still going strong. It feels like it’s time to replace both. I am not interested in giant front loading laundry towers that will text me when the load is done and get moldy in weird ways. I recall a lot of mentions of Speed Queen on this site at one point, and suspect that a new SQ pair would be what we’re looking for: solid, plain vanilla appliances that will last for years without tons of maintenance. (Luckily, privilege, privilege) money is not an object – is SQ the way to go for what we need?

    • Cat

      I wouldn’t replace a washer for no reason but yes, Speed Queen is what you want. We have a no-frills pair (the controls are manual dials!) that have been going strong for 20+ years… knock wood :)

      • Anon

        +1 on not replacing the washer if not broken.

        And your dryer is not old! When ours stopped working we had it fixed for much less than a new dryer.

        Otherwise, look at Wirecutter and what’s on sale at Costco.

        • Anon

          +1, I use a local family-owned appliance repair company and they do fantastic work at very reasonable prices. It might be worth getting a quote on a repair.

    • Anne-on

      I’d go to a local store and see what’s in stock. I agree with you on top loaders – I refuse to ever get a front loader washing machine again after we had big mold issues with 2 ‘high end’ brands (LG and Samsung). Our appliance place suggested either speed queen or whirlpool for reliability (our repair guy said the same thing). Since our washer had died and we do a ton of laundry we went with the whirlpool which would arrive in 3 days – there was a 2 month waiting list for Speed Queens at the time (2021).

    • Josie P

      I have a Maytag top loader with an agitator – they do still make them! I also didn’t want a front loader and am happy with it.

    • Anon

      We have a very no-frills top-loading washer/no-frills dryer from Whirlpool, bought at Home Depot, and they’ve served us well for over 8 years now. I personally think all the Internet of Things features (i.e., texting you when the load is finished) just means more stuff that will break over time. I also don’t believe in front-loading washers after my mom and several of my friends went through multiple rounds of repair to try to get theirs clear of mold. Speed Queens are great, but they’re expensive. A W/D set is going to run you over $3k; a basic Whirlpool W/D set is under $1500. If our current set breaks, I’d consider SQ, but I also think basic long-standing brands can provide good value. If you have the money and don’t mind spending it, get the Speed Queen set; otherwise, I’d read online reviews and find a set where actual users report minimal issues.

    • Anon

      I love our LG giant front loading machines. The key for mold is you never close the door except when it’s in use, just crack it open so it dries out. It’s gentle on clothes and has great steam options so you can avoid a lot of ironing.

      • Anon

        +1. I had front loaders for years and just switched to a (nice, fancy) top loader in my new house. I was expecting to love it because that seems to be the consensus, but I really miss my front loaders! The extra wear on my stuff is noticeable, and I’ve only been using it for three months. One complaint is “debris” seems to be harder to wash out, since the clothes sit in the water the whole time (vs front loaders that tumble; everything seems to drain better). Plus, it doesn’t spin things as dry so the dryer has to work harder and longer.

        The sales tech I worked with (who seemed very knowledgeable – independent, family-owned shop), said top loaders are great for the stage of life with messy kids and you just want stuff clean, but he prefers front loaders because they are gentler on clothes.

        Speed Queens are universally loved by everyone I know who has them, though; I think the TC5 rather than the newer/fancier one.

    • Speed Queen OP

      Thanks All! I would just do the Whirlpool, but I wonder whether the quality has gone down since we bought ours, as quality seems to be down for everything. I don’t mind spending the extra for something that comes with a longer warranty and a “built to last” reputation. Our local appliance place has Speed Queen in stock so I think we’ll go take a look.

    • Anon

      I bought a Speed Queen pair years ago and have not had to have one single service call. If you get a Speed Queen washer you should know that the “regular”
      Cycle is much like most modern washers in that it wets stuff and flips it around, but the “heavy duty” cycle is like the machine of yore which fill to a level that you determine by setting load size and then agitated fairly vigorously. If you run the spin cycle an extra time after a full cycle is done then the drying time will be minimal. I can get a load through the washer and the dryer in under an hour.

    • Anon

      If you’re interested in repairing your dryer yourself, there is really not much to a dryer. My then-15 yo son and I fixed mine once by taking it apart and watching Youtube videos. I was desperate becaus it is a gas dryer, which is not something you can usually buy off of the floor, so it has to be ordered, and I don’t have a plug for an electric dryer. If the motor is shot, it may not be worth fixing, but there are several other things that are easy fixes.

  9. Anon

    Where can I buy running shorts that are a little longer? I prefer the loose fit shorts (versus the skintight ones) and don’t need them to come down to my knees. But the ones I see in the stores are so short that they would require me to shave my bikini line!

    Thanks!

    • Anonymous

      Nike.

      I’ve been wearing Nike running shorts for 15 years and they’re my favorite (though expensive, but I’ve had decent luck at TJ Maxx or thrift stores). They are loose but long enough that I’m comfortable in them and they have the built in underwear.

      • anon

        The standard, popular Nike shorts have like a 3″ inseam. I’m 5’8″ and they barely cover anything.

        OP, I have found 5″ running shorts from both Adidas and Brooks. You may need to size up in Brooks if you have larger hips.

        • Anonymous

          Oh, I guess height does matter. I’m 5’3″ so they’re longer than mid thigh on me!

        • Marie

          +1 for Brooks Chaser running shorts with the 5″ inseam. They are expensive, but they last forever. I buy them when I can find them on sale because I am not picky about colors for running shorts.

        • Anon

          Another vote for Oiselle. The Long short was recommended to me here and I LOVE them.

        • anon

          I love the Athleta shorts for general casual shorts but they ride up so badly on me when I run. I suspect this is a function of how my legs are shaped because they are super flattering and comfortable in every other respect.

      • Anecdata

        I love running in women’s basketball shorts, which are close to knee length and fit very loose – like high school gym uniform shorts 😅

  10. Anon

    Reposting from weekend thread since it was stuck in mod:
    Thoughts on this jumpsuit for evening wedding/bar mitzvah outfit? I’m 5’1, curvy, 42 and am finding most dress options not to my liking (I am a fan of neutral colors, geometric prints, no ruffles etc.) Would love other suggestions if you’re not a fan of this one! https://www.dressthepopulation.com/products/djug26-3053001

    • pugsnbourbon

      Love it for a wedding. Not 100% sure about bar mitzvahs – the V-neck might be a little low for that kind of event.

    • Anon

      OP here: thanks for the replies-would be wearing to a bar mitzvah celebration, not services in the synagogue.

    • Anon

      I only wear jumpsuits if I know the restrooms are going to be squeaky clean. Which means I mostly avoid them. I have never been able to reconcile the cuteness of jumpsuits with the hassle involved in taking them off to go to the bathroom. But everyone’s mileage may vary with that; I know some people can get through a 4-hour event without peeing even once. I’m not one of those people.

      • Anon

        I pee frequently, but don’t find jumpsuits that much more inconvenient, so long as I can button / zip / fasten it myself.

  11. Anonymous

    What do you do at home in the evening that isn’t watching TV or reading? I’m single / live alone so things involving other people is off the table.

    I usually work out before work and then go to a class for my hobby or meet up with a friend for something after work. I get home around 7:30, eat something, and then have about 2 hours to kill before I go to bed. I end up lying on my couch and scrolling on my phone, which I don’t love.

    I’m not a huge TV person, I have 2 shows and 2 sports teams that I watch and that’s plenty of TV for me. I have never enjoyed video games, and I read all day every day for my job, and by the time I get home I find myself not wanting to read much (I do read for fun for 10ish minutes in the AM when I first wake up and for 10ish minutes in bed before going to bed).

    The hobbies I have aren’t conducive to doing at home / during this time. I’m usually a little tired so something I can do while lying on the couch is fine.

    I guess, what’s the lying on couch watching TV equivalent for people who don’t like TV?

        • Anonymous

          I Wordle in the morning (sharing scores is the “proof of life” check on my grandma) but I think a book of crosswords would be fun!

    • Anon

      Knitting. Word games. Zigsaw puzzle (although they are hard when lying down but just sitting they are fine.)

    • Ribena

      This is part of why I switched to evening workouts. Then on days I don’t read, I like to work on an embroidery project, while listening to a podcast or audiobook.

    • Anon

      Maybe something artsy? I do some watercolor but there a bunch of things that could fit this – cross-stitch, paper punching, gouache, etc.

      A friend of mine runs a social media page where she makes and posts graphs about a hobby of hers – I’ve thought something like that could be cool.

    • pugsnbourbon

      Something artistic? Drawing, painting, embroidery, etc. I have a friend who does those advanced paint-by-numbers to zone out and relax.

    • No Face

      Do you like board games? Some them are playable online with others. I was downright addicted to play Settlers of Catan after work on the internet for a year.

    • anon_needs_a_break

      meal-prep? learn to bake? (I would say cook a more complicated dinner but getting home at 7:30 is already to late for me to do that ;))
      home projects?
      I don’t conflate work reading and reading for pleasure but I see you do?
      puzzles
      yoga or meditation
      a long walk?
      I also feel like you don’t need to “hack” every moment of the day. Having an hour or two to do nothing is heaven and actually important for our health.

      • Anonymous

        I totally agree that I don’t need to “hack” every moment of the day, I want something I can just chill and do but I don’t like TV (which I feel like is what all of my friends do when they just want to chill).

        It’s not that I conflate work reading and pleasure reading, but more that I’m just done with reading by the time I get home. It begins to feel like a chore, even if I love what I’m reading.

        • anon a mouse

          This is a great time to be a dilettante and explore lots of different things! Have you ever wanted to try a new craft or sport? Maybe one night a week you could do a class. (pottery? painting? rock climbing?) Or look at Masterclass for things you could learn more about at home. Plan future trips – research restaurants, put together itineraries, etc.

          I really like doing puzzles and listening to an audiobook – something about the two together keeps my brain engaged but it’s still relaxing. Or think about volunteering – there may be ways you can help out from home, like phone banking for a cause you feel strongly about.

          If you were to look back 10 years from now, is there anything you wish you would have explored on a lark?

      • Anon

        +1 to your last point. I don’t really see what’s bad about just chilling and scrolling on your phone.

      • Anonymous

        I like podcasts, but I can’t just listen to them. I need to be doing something too (so I usually listen to them while cleaning, commuting, or on runs).

    • Mpls

      Chores – laundry, cleaning the kitchen/bathroom/bedroom? I do (well, try to do) a little bit through out the week, so there’s less on the weekends.

      But honestly, it’s mostly reading or working on handcrafts (cross stitch, crochet, sewing) while watching/listening to TV/podcasts.

    • Anon

      I play games on my iPhone while my husband watches TV and I either halfway watch or completely ignore the TV.

    • Z

      Lots of my girlfriends seem to have the same chill/artsy hobbies – knitting, crochet, cross stitch/embroidery, painting. They’ll put something on the tv or music for background noise and go for it. Some of them enjoy it so much that they take commissions and sometimes sell on Etsy or at art fairs.
      I do not currently do any of those hobbies, I’m with you in getting stuck laying on the couch scrolling on my phone.

    • anon

      Is there an org you’re passionate about that could use a few hours of virtual volunteering a week? Not sure where your skills/background land but smaller non-profits may need help with things you could do from home. Basic website maintenance or updates, drafting emails or letters, creating or maintaining a wishlist, etc.
      There are also a number of orgs that mail homemade cards to young people going through cancer treatment, you could make some of those each week.

  12. Anon

    Has anyone had sclerotherapy for burst capillaries or bad leg veins? I get that I have to wear compression hose for a week. What else should I be aware of? I have an appointment to treat a quarter sized area above one knee that is unsightly.

    • Anon

      This is so common with aging. Usually once it starts, it is not a one time thing, and recurs for the rest of your life. That’s why most people give up on “treating” them because they come back in an adjacent place.

      The recommendation is often wearing compression stockings… indefinitely if you want to try to decrease the chance of new ones. To prevent more, try to be active, elevate your legs when you are sitting down.

      • Anon

        My veins got a lot better as I got older. All I can guess is that it’s because when I was younger I had PCOS, a GI malabsorption condition, and a lot of nutritional deficiencies that weren’t diagnosed or treated yet at the time, but they are now. I don’t even wear compression anymore, though I appreciated it when it was needed. I do elevate my legs a lot still.

        I would be annoyed if they chalked this up to aging if it were really from a medical condition.

        I never got sclerotherapy though so I don’t know about that.

    • Anon

      OP: I have one main spot that I attribute to pregnancy or pushing a baby out. I don’t have varicose veins and no vein / swelling problems otherwise, so it’s just cosmetic. I guess if it works, yay. But it may be like chin hairs — just b/c you get rid of today’s chin hair, doesn’t mean that new ones won’t arise (still, laser / electrolysis may be one of my better life choices, so hoping this is also). I guess we will see.

    • Anonymous

      This was the best thing I have done for myself. I got them all cleaned up about 10 years ago and now my legs look great. I had them done once by a dermatologist which was kind of meh then afterwards injections by a vascular surgeon. Got a few double sessions which is preferable to shorter but more frequent ones due to less follow up days in the compression stockings.

      For about 3 or 4 years I went once a year for touch ups but it’s been fine since then.
      Compression stockings were only 72 hours for me. My only other advise is to do in the winter so the stockings are not all hot and sweaty and avoid aspirin or other anticoagulants for the 2 weeks prior.

  13. Anon

    A senior colleague was supposed to be vacationing for spring break this week. He tested positive for covid last week and had to cancel is vacation plans. Instead, since he is not on vacation, he decided it was appropriate to wear a surgical mask and come into the office. I am scheduled for surgery this month and cannot afford to get sick (and also, have so far avoided catching covid). He sits in the office immediately across the hall from me and refuses to shut his door. WTAF.

      • Anonymous

        Yes, he could have tested negative on day 5 (you don’t mention when he tested positive) and is now allowed, per CDC guidelines, to be in public while wearing a mask.

        • Anon

          I thought CDC guidelines required a fitted mask (so, not a surgical mask, unless an additional device is being used to create a seal).

          Of course, they whispered this so that they could technically follow the science without actually invoking airborne transmission protocols. It’s been interesting seeing which of my physicians understands airborne contagion and which just does what they’re told.

          • No Face

            Augh. Can you work from home? I don’t mind some with a mask after 5 days have passed, but not before then!

    • anon_needs_a_break

      I would without a doubt go to HR and then go home. This is absurd.

    • anonshmanon

      I’m sorry, OP, that sucks! I am honestly surprised that he even cancelled his vacation plans.

    • Cat

      If he doesn’t have symptoms I think he’s actually behaving consistent with CDC recs – in public, masked, 5 days post test?

        • Anon

          She said he’s symptomatic. But also the CDC says you’re supposed to stay home for 5 days after a positive test even if no symptoms,and most workplaces have policies along those lines.

        • It Only Takes 5 Minutes

          It is in line with CDC’s current guidance. (Side notes: it is guidance, not rules, and you can take steps to be more protective of others around you even though no one is forcing you to.)

          It is inappropriate for him to expose OP because she needs to remain uninfected until her procedure.

          Even if he has no symptoms, he is still infections and could transmit the virus to her. This is the entire point of asymptomatic transmission. (It is also why medically vulnerable people now avoid all indoor public places now that no one is masking.)

    • Anon

      Are you sure it wasn’t one of his family members who tested positive? Most families would cancel the trip if anyone in the household tested positive. If he’s sick himself and in the office that’s super inappropriate, and I’m sorry.

    • Anon

      Ugh. It’s the not shutting the door that seems extra annoying (maybe it’s hygiene theater…but at least try to show colleagues you are taking precautions).

      If I were you, though, and I REALLY couldn’t get sick, I’d wear a KF94/N95. Or arrange to WFH the week or two before your surgery. There’s plenty of illnesses to catch apart from this guy.

    • Anonymous

      He may be negative, but you may want to mask up yourself just to add to the protections.

  14. Anon

    Talk to me about healing a broken marriage. Or just getting divorced and moving on.

    My husband had nothing but contempt and disdain for me for months. Rolled his eyes when I talked, walked out of the room midsentence if he did not like the topic, would easily say less than 10 words to me after he got home from work for the entire evening. This was during 2021-2022, when I was exhausted from working full time and staying home with kids for so long while he worked outside the home.

    These were the hardest years of my life and he was not there for me at all. He is normally the guy who goes above and beyond. I married him because it seemed so wonderful to have a person like that as my life partner when times got tough. But after more than a decade of marriage, times got tough and he was just so mean and dismissive. So what now?

    We have been in marriage counseling at my request. He is being great with me and the kids, but he also complains about how we are not emotionally connected. Of course we are not! He has no explanation of why he was so mean to me.

    What should I do?

    • Anonie

      Is it possible he was depressed during that time period? That in no way excuses the behavior, but I am just trying to rule out potential reasons since you say this was so very out of character for him. An explanation would probably help with closure as you decide how to move forward.

      Regardless, I am so sorry for that pain you experienced.

      • Anonymous

        I’m wondering if there is something that built up over the weekend that led to you asking an internet forum, first thing on a Monday morning, what you should do about your marriage. If so, can you take that into your next therapy appointment? It sounds like this is a really difficult time for you both, and it’s really hard. I’m so sorry.

      • Anon

        That was my immediate thought. Not an excuse, but you said you were looking for an explanation and that seems like the obvious one.

        • Anon

          I don’t like to say it, but honestly I’d question whether he was cheating. Suddenly having no time or respect for your wife is a pretty common sign of it.

          OP, is your therapist helping? Or are you just spinning wheels. It sounds like you have not had an honest conversation with your husband about this time in your lives so how can you move on?

    • Monday

      What’s his participation like in marriage counseling? Is he owning the way he acted and acknowledging how it affected you?

      • Anon

        At first, his view was that he was the same as always and that I just had a hard time during the pandemic. Then, he said that if he stopped talking to me, it is because I am negative person. Now, he says that he will take my word for it and he’s sorry.

        • Anonymous

          What were your conversations about his behavior at the time this was happening? It’s important to identify bad behavior in the moment. If you pointed it out and he dismissed you, then focus on that. If you didn’t point it out because you were overwhelmed, talk about strategies to continue to check in with each other during hard times. But if you’re asking him to remember and explain something that was a nonevent to him a year plus ago, even though it was a big deal to you, I think you’re likely to stay stuck. He’s probably not going to be able to give you a “why” that will be satisfying to you. The place you have to get to is, our communication broke down in a major way and we both played some part in that, and we’re both actively working to make sure that never happens again.

    • Anon

      I’m sorry, but there’s no coming back from that. You should want better for yourself and it kind of worries me that it’s been so long living with this. Begin divorce proceedings. You deserve more.

      • BeenThatGuy

        I was coming here to say something similar. Once you get to the point where one party is rolling their eyes and walking out of conversations, it’s really hard to come back from that. It’s like being married to a teenager who is disgusted with you all the time just for breathing. No thanks.

      • Senior Attorney

        I sadly agree with this. It would be one thing if he owned this horrible behavior and apologized and was working hard at making it up to you, but the way you describe it? Nope. Even if he’s being nice now, (a) he’s gaslighting you about his former behavior and (b) you’ll always wonder when the nastiness will start again.

        • Monday

          +1, having seen the answer to my question above. He violated his commitment to you and isn’t really showing any remorse. He seems to think this was ok, at the very least, and therefore I couldn’t trust him not to do it again.

      • Anon

        I was going to say the same. I would never be able to emotionally reconnect with and trust this person again.

    • anon

      How long have you been in counseling? It sounds like there’s lots of built-up resentment on both sides.

      • Anonymous

        Months at this point. I am hurt by how he treated me, but I thought we had a really good marriage before.

    • Anon

      Oooph. I’m so sorry you went through that.

      From the outside: you were emotionally abandoned by your partner. I don’t see how you heal from that if he’s not actively trying to. Does he even acknowledge that this happened? Going to marriage therapy at your request and doing well now isn’t the same as him trying to heal your marriage.

    • Anon

      I’m so sorry. Anecdata: being treated with contempt and as if I were annoying and stupid on a daily basis was the harbinger of doom for my marriage. Caught him cheating. I think he treated me that way because he wanted me to be the bad guy who broke up the marriage and didn’t have the balls to do it himself and/or had a real need to feed his 24/7 victim status .

    • pprrm

      BTDT. He was cheating. I’m so sorry you are dealing with his contempt. (I did, too). I walked and I have never, ever been happier and more successful. Best decision of my life.

      • Anon

        I suspect OP’s husband is never going to tell her the truth, but he was very very likely having at least an emotional affair during this time.

      • Anon

        Because this is a possibility: ensure that you have access to money that he does not have access to, and talk seriously about a post-nup if you decide to continue. Consider getting a counselor for just you. Consider a STD test.

  15. Golf

    How hard is it to learn how to golf? My kids are taking lessons and I was thinking it might be fun to join them. I am late 40s and don’t really exercise although I do take walks but I am generally healthy. Since I am not young anymore, I wasn’t sure if there were any concerns about developing shoulder problems? Any other concerns or tips? TIA!

    • Anonymous

      Lots of people start golfing at your age, if you’re generally healthy I can’t imagine that it would cause you any shoulder or other problems. I know lots of golfers in their 50s and 60s and golf may exacerbate preexisting problems (these are all people who do other types of exercise too, so my dad hurt himself playing basketball which then impacted his golf) but I don’t know anyone who got injured playing golf.

      I personally found it easy to pick up, but I would recommend taking lessons from the pro both to make sure your form is good and to learn how to improve. Do you belong to a club or a course?

      Do you have clubs yet? Have you been to the driving range to hit yet? Have you played a round of golf yet? I learned that I love going to the range but I hate playing a round, so I don’t really play anymore.

      For starting any hobby or sport, my #1 tip is that you need the right equipment but you don’t need the best equipment.

    • Anon

      Take lessons with a pro, if you’re naturally athletic it’s pretty easy to pick up.

    • Anon

      It’s not a one size fits all activity. I am naturally athletic and played every sport under the sun growing up and I found golf very easy to pick up. There isn’t a base level of fitness needed and it didn’t take much for me to be able to hit the ball far and straight. It sounds like you may be less inclined to sports, so it may be different for you.

      Definitely take lessons with a pro. They’ll help your form which should help you avoid injuries (though I find golf injuries to be rare and related to overuse or exiting injuries so I think you’d be fine).

    • Anon

      Thanks for asking this question as my husband and I have considered taking up golf, but are worried we will look like idiots out there in our late 40s/early 50s, complete newbies to the sport.

      We do belong to a sports club with a golf course and can get lessons from a very experienced pro. I am interested because I love being outside; my husband is interested because he loves physics and the precision involved in getting the ball where you want it to go. I don’t know if we’re “naturally athletic” but we both hike, bike, raft, etc. and love it. How many lessons would we need with a pro before we could reasonably start golfing by ourselves?

      • Anon

        I would start with pro lessons and then spend time at the driving range / chipping range / putting green to practice before you play. And then, definitely start with playing 9 holes (or if your club allows it, just a few holes) before you play 18.

        Once again, it’s hard to say how many lessons you’d need before you start playing holes because it really varries how long it takes people to pick it up.

        Do you have friends that golf? A twosome of two newbies might be a bit harder out on the course, but a foursome with another couple who golfs would be a good way to start.

        The main thing about being “ready” to play actual holes is that your speed of play is going to be on par with the course standard (some have a time posted, some don’t, but also the interval of tee times are a good indicator). You don’t want to slow down the groups behind you (and definitely let them play through if they’re catching up to you).

    • Anonymous Grouch

      It’s not hard! I am your age, not particularly coordinated athletically, and was in OK “neighborhood walk” type shape. I took group lessons at a local public course through our parks department, and got a set of beginner clubs after the first set of lessons (there were loaner clubs for the first course). The lessons were “Get Golf Ready” 1 and 2, and then “Taking it to the course” which are PGA developed courses available in a lot of places. After that I was comfortable enough to play in a beginner, non competitive league and enjoy myself, and I’ve since had private lessons from time to time to work on particular things. Golf is good exercise if you walk, and for the first time in my life I have toned arms!

    • anon

      I’ll be the exception – for me, it was really hard. I’m athletic, but for the endurance sports (running, cycling, swimming) not for ball sports. I never played soccer, softball, basketball, etc. – not even as a little kid – and so my hand-eye coordination really isn’t developed. For me, golf was/is hard to learn and I haven’t done it successfully – it was pretty clear I would need to be able to dedicate a solid amount of time to practicing every week, and I just couldn’t make it happen. If your kids are into it, that may be easier since you’ll have built-in time/reasons to practice and people to play with!

      • Anon

        I am good at several ball sports and just never got it with golf (lack of time, lack of time, lack of time). It is truly something a retiree can master in a way that I won’t be able to. Back to tennis, which is also hitting a ball with a stick, but I play with one racket for the whole game vs having to make decisions. I played one course with something like 18 balls lost in the woods before deciding maybe I am better just practicing at the driving range or putting green at the practice place vs actually golfing a game.

        • anon

          For me, the driving range was pretty easy to get a handle on, and so was putting. But once I wasn’t hitting off the tee, I was a mess. I feel like that’s the part that is really in particular hard to learn.

    • anon

      Take lessons with a pro at an indoor simulator type place. I’m learning for the first time at 38 and after just a couple 1-hour lessons and some time at the driving range, I feel like I could accept an invitation to go golfing with all my finance bro coworkers. The Trackman technology is SO powerful. I went from never making contact with the ball to driving 60-70 yards with some consistency after two 1-hour lessons.

      • anon

        …what about putting and chipping and all that, though? Getting a handle of drives has never been my issue, but once I’m not hitting off the tee it’s a whole ‘nother story.

    • OP

      Thank you all! I am not naturally athletic and never played sports so I need a little push to try this, so this is just what I needed! My kids are taking lessons from a pro and I would use him too (but have my lessons at a separate time from them). We don’t belong to a club but since I will be at the driving range anyway, I think it will work out. What prompted this thinking is that I figured maybe I would try it instead of sitting around watching them lol!

    • Anon

      My grandfather – born in the 1920s, so not in an era of intentional “exercise” – golfed into his 90s.

      But as far as ability, I can do mini golf, but swinging over my head and hitting a teeny ball with the teeny head of a club? I look like one of those old cartoons twisting myself up like a rope haha.

  16. Headed to Boston

    I’m going to a wedding in Boston in two weeks. The dress code is black-tie optional. I was planning to wear a velvet cocktail dress. Thoughts? I really don’t want to have to buy and pack a long dress. We’re going to spend the day before wedding walking around Boston. What would you wear? I’m coming from a much warmer climate, so I’m a little at a loss.

    • Cat

      idk, velvet is a really wintry material for a mid-April wedding. No need to buy a long dress, though.

      For the day walking around you’ll need to check the weather closer to departure. It could be like 40’s and raining or it could be sunny and mild!

    • Anon

      Even in Boston, velvet is too wintery for April. I think a midi dress in a formal material is perfect for BTO. Do you know many people going to the wedding and if so, do you know if they skew dressy or casual? I’d say most weddings I go to are BTO and most have just about everyone in a midi or long dress. FWIW, chiffon dresses pack really easily since they don’t really wrinkle.

      There are also plenty of affordable long dresses out there. I’ve gotten mine from Nordstrom Rack and Lulus and they’ve all been in the $80ish range, so similar price to cocktail dresses too.

      As for what to wear during the day, it will totally depend on the weather. I’d probably plan on jeans, cute sneakers, and a sweater or long sleeve top and light to medium weight coat but it will depend on the weather. Spring is very, very fickle in the Northeast.

    • Anon

      If you don’t want a long dress, midi is fine but I wouldn’t wear a short dress to a black tie optional wedding. I also wouldn’t wear velvet in April, regardless of the climate.

    • Flats Only

      Yes, it could be cold. A velvet dress might seem a little out of season in April, but as long as it’s a spring or neutral color (esp. navy or grey) and not an obvious Christmas dress (red, dark green, plaid) you will be comfy and warm and I don’t think anyone will think you look weird. It sounds like you’re going to spend the day walking around the city in the outfit you’re wearing to the wedding? In that case make sure you have comfortable shoes and a coat, and makeup to touch up with.

  17. Anonymous

    Is there a way to set up an alert so Nordstrom will tell me when a certain item goes on sale?

    • Anon

      You may need to add the Nordstrom app. You can put things you’re stalking on your wish list. Then in notifications you can toggle on price drops. It’s under “account- notifications”

      • Anon

        You can also set up a google alert for a price drop on a particular item. I did this for a certain brand and type of acne sticker that I love but is ridic expensive. I get an email to my inbox and if I think the sale/reduced price is worth it, I buy.

  18. More Sleep Would Be Nice

    Any tips on resources, things to read, courses on building analytical and quant skills and thinking? I’m happy to pay, and work may support it, but also open to quicker things that will help build muscle over time.

    • Curious

      Consider cracking the case interview and similar books. They teach you how to break down business problems into math pieces to solve.

  19. Happy News

    Just learned some wonderful news and had to share. A friend is engaged – it will be the second marriage for both – I’m over the moon for them. And they met at Rotary! It made me think of Senior Attorney and all the times she’s touted it.

    • Senior Attorney

      WOO HOO!! Let’s hear it for Rotary Romance!!! Give your friend a big Rotary hug from me and my Rotary husband!!

      • Senior Attorney

        Also tell them I am making a $20 donation to the Rotary International Foundation in their honor at this week’s meeting on Wednesday!

  20. WATCHES

    My family gave me an apple watch for my birthday and I am feeling a little ungrateful. I mostly WFH and don’t wear a ring, watch or bra. Even when I was in an office at work, I would take my watch off to work on my laptop. When I go to the jail (no apple watches allowed) or court, I always wear a regular watch. I have an ipad and iphone so it seems that the only reason to keep this is if I want to track my movements all day. Will I get used to it and grow to love it? Or should I fess up and return now when we can get out money back? I hate to hurt feelings.

    • Panda Bear

      I recently got an (old, refurbished) apple watch, for the sole purpose of listening to music more easily while running. I got tired of always shoving my phone into my shorts pocket. Otherwise, I never wanted/needed an apple watch, and I haven’t found any value in it other than for music while running. If your family are kind and reasonable, I would say let them know that you appreciate the thought, but just don’t see yourself using the watch!

    • Anonymous

      If you actually were ungrateful, you wouldn’t be wrestling over this. But you ARE grateful — you’re grateful they went to the expense and trouble of getting you this gift. And you don’t want to hurt them. So you’re grateful to them. You’re just not grateful that you now have an expensive gadget that you won’t ever use. In an ideal world, you’d be able to express this to them and return the watch. How would this play out in your family?

      • WATCHES

        My husband would prefer if I say I don’t like a gift so we can get something I want. But I am wondering if I will actually love it. That’s why I am trying to find out how others feel about their smartwatches. I enjoyed analyzing my rem sleep but that will only be entertaining for so long.

    • Anonymous

      Idk, I asked for cheap earphones for Christmas, not AirPods, because I break all technology I own.

      Guess who got AirPods?

      DH insisted there were no other options.

      • Anon

        haha

        You are me.

        I’m also sure I would lose those unattached air pods.

        They are actually a little risky in my city, where people get mugged for their phones not infrequently. By wearing those white I-have-an-iPhone-on-me air pods, you are signaling to everyone you have an iPhone + air pods + and possibly other valuables on you.

    • Cat

      the people I know that really make the most of them use them as a phone replacement when outside – exercising, running a quick errand, chilling outside – bc of the text feature.

    • Anon

      I really like my Apple watch because it buzzes when I receive a text or a call and therefore I do not have to be constantly looking at my phone (which is always on silent because I both hate random electronic noises and because I am paranoid I will forget to silence it when I am in court). I also appreciate the reminders to stand up every hour (good for my back). I can understand why you would not wear it to the prison but there is no reason you cannot wear it to court.

      As an aside, I love it for directions when I am walking because it tells me when to turn so I can not always looking at my cell phone. But that might not apply to your life.

      • Ribena

        Yes, this is why I like my Apple Watch too. I can control my music and my podcasts without picking up my phone, i.e. with much smaller likelihood of getting distracted. It really helps with putting my phone face down and away from me during the work day or when I’m reading the evening, because I know that if someone on my ‘allowed’ list calls or texts, my watch will buzz. And it’s unobtrusive to whoever I’m with, because there’s no ‘ping’ (so annoying in an open office or coffee shop when the person next to you is constantly pinging!)

    • Ginger

      My family also gave me an Apple watch as a gift and my first thought was I really don’t need this thing, but I’ve come to love it and I replaced it after trying to go without for a few weeks when it died.

      Watch some YouTube videos to understand the watch functions. I’m am constantly learning new things that it can do. I did not know that I could use it for walking directions (posted above).

      I like:
      Paying at the checkout by merely double clicking on the watch. No need to take out my wallet or my phone.
      Taking quick phone calls or responding to texts without using my phone.
      Alerts for work messages and emails.
      Alarm – gentle vibration on my wrist vs a loud jarring noise.
      The timer .

    • Shananana

      I’ve had mine 2 years, and am not consistent with it, but do find use out of it when I do use. The number one thing I use my watch for outside of music when cleaning or walking is to set timers for myself that vibrate. I have a terrible habit of convincing myself things will take so much longer than they do and using that as an excuse to not do the thing, and using the 15 in timer on the watch has become my ultimate hack to get anything done. More than half the time the thing I was avoiding cause my head said it would take an hour is done in one 15 min stretch. And as someone below put it, when I don’t want to give myself an opportunity to get distracted by my phone, it is a way to still change music and be alerted to calendar times.

      So, I guess that I am saying is I have added it to my ADHD toolbox on days I am struggling with focus.

      • Ribena

        Oh yes, I use the timer for this purpose too. “5 minutes” of tidying, a few times a day, actually makes a huge difference.
        I also use it to stop time disappearing when I’m getting ready – I’ll set a 3 or 5 minute timer and just repeat it when it finishes, so I snap out of staring into space or scrolling

      • Anon

        My sister with ADHD also finds her watch invaluable for the timers and reminders

      • WATCHES

        It sounds like I might be less dependant on the phone. That’s not a bad thing. Mmmm.

    • Anonymous

      I like my watch because it helps me find my phone, which I misplace like 1000x/day.

  21. Anon

    Favorite productivity hacks and/or podcast episodes or articles on productivity? I’m trying to revamp my motivation and having tips and tricks always helps.

    • Ribena

      I don’t specifically have podcast episodes on productivity per se, but a whole bunch of podcasts on the wider subject:
      – Laura Vanderkam’s Before Breakfast – I read her book Tranquility By Tuesday after she was interviewed on What Should I read Next and thought it was fantastic.
      – The Lazy Genius podcast
      – How Do You Write with Rachael Herron – obviously this is specifically good for being productive in my writing (my side thing), but it carries over into productivity in my day job
      – a recent find is Isabella McGuire Mayes’s A Dancer’s Mindset; the main target audience for this is ballet dancers in serious pre—professional training, which isn’t me, but again lots of the lessons are tr-nsferable.

      My main hack is to use the pomodoro method (or Windows’s built in Focus Timer, now, on my work laptop) – if in a work day I can get 3-5 seriously focussed bursts of work done, I’m happy. Some days I get that done before lunchtime, so it means I don’t feel bad for spinning my wheels in the afternoon (I work intensely and quickly in short bursts, always have done).

    • Anon for this

      Eat the Frog first thing in the morning
      Bullet Journal to manage personal life/tasks/lists

  22. IS Love Blind?

    Is anyone else deep in the chaos of Love Is Blind?? I’m SOOO into it!
    – Barrett & Tiffany. Seem so sweet together, but I think she’s going to find out that he’s up to his eyeballs in credit card debt and dump him at the altar.
    – Zach & Bliss: Is it possible that he’s weirder in person than he appears to be on TV? I think he’s awkward on camera, but seems harmless? She seems great, but needs to decide if she’s okay with his failed relationship with Irina. If she isn’t, she needs to cut and run, because there’s no way to change those facts.
    – Micah & Paul: I didn’t understand what he saw in her, until we met his mom. And now it makes sense.
    – Marshall and Jacqui: I hope they end things so that she can go have a chaotic relationship with Josh, and Marshall can meet someone more serious and on his level.
    – Chelsea & Kwame. I do not understand his appeal, nor why she is SO head over heels for him.
    – Irina – byeeeeeee

    • Anonymous

      Omg yes. I honestly don’t see it making sense for a single couple to say yes – Brett and Tiffany seem too good to be true, I hadn’t thought about debt but I was thinking more where is his family/friends along the way. I am rooting for them but don’t have a good feeling.

      Irina and Micah are awful, reality TV people. Kwame doesn’t seem ready for marriage or moving. Also, there were so many baby blankets/items – !??! Is this weird just to me!

    • Anon

      – I agree that something isn’t adding up with Barrett’s finances. He looked so shifty and uncomfortable during that money conversation, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s in debt.
      – Zach seems like an intense person. If you’re not totally into him then his personality and demeanor are off-putting. Irina seemed more interested in “winning” him over Bliss vs. actually having feelings for him.
      – Paul and Micah have grown on me but wanting to spend half your time in Arizona is a big deal. Culturally and climate-wise it’s so different from Seattle. I understand why Paul immediately said no and didn’t want to entertain the idea.
      – Marshall is a mature, sensitive guy and Jackie is a mess. She’s in that immature phase of claiming she wants a nice guy yet falling for for indecisive jerks. Marshall dodged a bullet.
      – I’m annoyed at Kwame for acting like moving to Seattle is a huge sacrifice when he signed up for a Seattle-based dating show. His speech about wanting several years of adventure before putting down roots reminded me of Bartise and Nancy last season. When you’re dating a 30-something woman no you can’t burn 3-5 of her fertile years…and also act like you’re making a heroic compromise by having children before she turns 36.

      • Anon

        “Marshall is a mature, sensitive guy and Jackie is a mess. She’s in that immature phase of claiming she wants a nice guy yet falling for for indecisive jerks. Marshall dodged a bullet.”

        I think I realized this when Jacqui was talking about how her “normal type” is a 6’5″ guy with face/neck tattoos who dates a lot of women…and then she also goes on to say she’s never really been loved or had a guy care for her the way Marshall did. Like, girl, the two things are absolutely connected. She transparently needs to date a few more players who can’t get real jobs because of their face tattoos – and probably treat her like crap – before she’s done with that phase of life. I also had a phase where I only dated “bad boys” who were superficially exciting but absolutely terrible partners. I fortunately grew out of it before I met my now-husband. She clearly hasn’t grown out of her “I Only Date Losers Who Mistreat Me” phase. I wish her the best of luck but she should not go on any more marriage-oriented reality shows until she’s really done.

    • Anon

      – I cannot stand Irina and can’t figure out why anyone else is putting up with her. Blech.
      – Totally agree on Micah and Paul. The picture all came together the minute his mom came on-screen. Many men don’t like to admit they’re looking for their mothers when they look for a partner, but this is a prime example that it absolutely happens.
      – I had high hopes for Barrett and Tiffany but the financial perspectives are too different and it seems like that matters to Tiffany a lot. I will say, as a saver married to a spender, spenders can change their ways and get serious about finances if they want to; my husband did, shortly after we got together. I’m not sure Barrett wants to.
      – Chelsea and Kwame will make it to the altar but then Kwame’s gonna cut and run. Could not be clearer he’s not ready for the commitment. And frankly Chelsea just seems kinda desperate. Like, Kwame could really be anyone who showed interest in her. I am not getting that they have a “connection” other than maybe the physical.

    • Anon

      So happy to see this post because I am so into this show!! Agree with you on all fronts. I had not noticed any red flags about Brett but that is a good point – I am still rooting for them though – they seem like the most solid couple.

      The scene where Paul meets Micah’s friends was so cringey – I felt bad for Paul but thought he handled it well. Micah and her friends and Irina definitely give off mean girl vibes. And based on the trailer for the future episodes, I am guessing that she doesn’t say yes (she said in the clip she wanted Paul to answer first).

      I am keeping my fingers crossed for Zach! He does seem like he is there for the right reasons. I can see how it would be hard for Bliss to get over not being first choice though.

      The couple that interests me the most is Chelsea and Kwame! He does not seem
      as into the relationship as she is. If I were Chelsea, I would not be ok with him having those talks with Micah. He still seems to like her and I bet if Micah said she wanted to get back with him, he would. He does remind me of Bartiste too.

      Can’t wait for the next round of episodes!

  23. NYNY

    I posted a few weeks back about a workhorse sweater dying, and I wanted to share that I’ve (hopefully!) found a replacement. The original was a black silk-blend boatneck 3/4 sleeve from Banana circa 1998(!) that held up well until this year. I just ordered a similar sweater from Banana and will report back. The original had the kind of fine rib that appears like a flat knit, and this is more ribbed, so it may read more casual, but it’s the closest I’ve found and not terribly expensive, so it’s worth a shot.

    Their new items tend to sell out quickly lately, so it’s this if you’re interested: https://bananarepublic.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=580084002&cid=77996&pcid=5032&vid=1&nav=meganav%3AWomen%3AWomen%27s%20Clothing%3ASweaters#pdp-page-content

    • Anon

      Yeah that definitely looks like its from 1998… in a good way! Please report back on quality and if you have issues with getting bra straps to not show

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