There’s nothing wrong with wearing flats for work, and it’s never felt more on-trend to do so (I have theories about this that I’ll try to write about soon). Still: it can be tricky to find a tiny heel that’s sturdy and stylish and doesn’t cost $500+ (ahem). These Betty pumps from Naturalizer are pretty well-rated — and some colors are even on sale right now. I like the gently pointed toe, as well as the affordable price: $99 at full price. They’re available in sizes 4-12 in medium and wide sizes at Nordstrom, Naturalizer, and Zappos (ooh, and the black pair pictured are down to $79 at Zappos). Betty Pump
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Anon for this
01/03/2019 at 2:37 pmAnyone have any favorite cooked quinoa recipes? We made some for a salad a week ago and froze some, but we have a bunch left in the fridge. If I can’t find something that sounds appealing I’ll just toss the rest tonight.
C
01/03/2019 at 2:47 pmI substitute it for rice in dishes like curry and fried rice. I also make a salad with it similar to pasta salad with feta, cherry tomatoes, olives, and basic. Dress with balsamic, lemon, and olive oil.
Ms B
01/03/2019 at 2:50 pmThe southwestern quinoa mason jar salad here: http://makingthymeforhealth.com/southwestern-quinoa-mason-jar-salads/. Delish whether served from a jar or not . . .
SC
01/03/2019 at 3:05 pmDeborah Madison’s quinoa with pine nuts and cumin-lime vinaigrette. You can find the recipe online, but basically, you add a yellow bell pepper, pine nuts and dried fruit, then toss in a vinaigrette with lime juice, lime zest, cumin, coriander, shallot, garlic, a chili pepper, olive oil, and cilantro.
Anonymous
01/03/2019 at 3:09 pmI like to use it as the base to a burrito bowl–add beans (black or pinto), avocado, cheese, and either salsa as the dressing or a honey/lime vinagarette (just mix up honey, lime juice, olive oil and some spices like cumin, garlic, and chipotle.)
DLC
01/03/2019 at 3:10 pmFood52 website has a great recipe for a quinoa kale pilaf with goat cheese, pine nuts and lemon. The recipe calls for the quinoa and the kale to be cooked together, but I’m sure you can adapt it for your already cooked leftovers.
EM84
01/03/2019 at 3:36 pmQuinoa, boiled egg, pine nuts, dried cranberries, feta cheese, cilantro and cherry tomatoes cut in half. Toss together, enjoy. I would also recommend checking 101cookbooks blog, she has great recipies, which never disappoint.
Artemis
01/03/2019 at 2:40 pmDoes anyone have any experience with Be The Match? I registered 9 years ago and got a call today to potentially donate as a high match within the next 2-6 months. I should put my money where my mouth is, I need to take the weekend to do some investigation and thinking and discussion with family, but I’d appreciate hearing from anyone who has been a donor, who has declined donation, who has received a donation, or really any connection at all with this process. I know it can save someone’s life, I’m also just nervous all of a sudden!
Anonymous
01/03/2019 at 3:04 pmUnfortunately I do not have a connection to the bone marrow donation process, but I wish I did. I lost a close loved one three months ago after a years-long battle with aplastic anemia and MDS. No living family members were a match and he remained on the registry for more than a decade before he became too ill to receive a donation even if there was a match. I can’t tell you what to do with your body, but if you do have an inclination, and can save a family the heartache we just went through, I would encourage it, and would do it myself in a second.
Anon2.0
01/03/2019 at 3:14 pmI can’t speak to the physical aspects of donating, but I am also on the registry. My cousin donated to someone when he was in his 20’s and they are still in touch – truly changed both of their lives and cousin is a huge advocate for the registry as a result. I think it is such a beautiful selfless act for a stranger, but think you’re absolutely right to think through all of the personal ramifications first!
Anonymous
01/03/2019 at 3:14 pmMy mom received a stem cell transplant about four years ago. She was randomly matched with someone who had registered. All of her close family members were not enough of a match, including her brother. From what I understand, there are two different ways they collect from donors (and I don’t think you get to chose, it depends on what the person needs.) My mom only needed stem cells, so they just took blood from the donor. If the person needs bone marrow, then I think the donor is put under anesthesia and it is harvested from the hip bone. It just leaves you sore from what I have heard.
Anyway, we are so, so thankful to my mother’s donor. When she was diagnosed with cancer, she was in her early 50’s, was working full time and was an active grandmother. The doctor said she had six-nine months to live without the transplant. She is now, four years later, doing so great. It literally saved her life. I am still able to have my mother and she has been here to meet two more grandchildren since she received the transplant. I think if you at all can, it is a very special thing to do for another family. I wish I could give you a big hug!
Anonymous
01/03/2019 at 3:20 pmI got the call once and was prepared to take 2 weeks of from law school 20+ years ago. It didn’t go forward and I haven’t had my #s come up since. Our daycare teacher got a kidney 2 years ago and I know that donation would be the right choice for me should the opportunity come up again (done having kids, very healthy, regular blood donor).
Anonymous
01/03/2019 at 3:27 pmI donated stem cells to my mother a few years ago (PBSC process: https://bethematch.org/support-the-cause/donate-bone-marrow/donation-process/donating-pbsc/) but was also prepared to do the traditional bone marrow donation, until the doctors changed their minds and went the stem cell route. Neither are completely simple procedures, but also not that major. Particularly if they want to go the stem cell route, it’s only a little bit more involved than donating blood. You get shots a few days ahead of time to stimulate stem cell growth, then they hook you up to a machine and circulate your blood through. I am on the registry and if I was called to donate again to a stranger, I would strongly consider doing it.
anon
01/03/2019 at 3:27 pmI work in cancer research, and have had close contact with donors and recipients (and their families). Stem cell transplants have become fairly standard these days, and the donation process has been streamlined with the convenience and comfort of the donor in mind. The most important point that I want to make is that there’s no harm in starting the conversation about donating. You will be given many opportunities to say no along the way, and to do so in a way that protects your privacy and dignity. Truly informed consent is taken very seriously, and the transplant centers understand that there are many valid reasons why a potential donor would choose to say no. So I recommend giving them the chance to help you learn about the process so you can have all the information to decide what’s right for you.
I can’t give exact details about procedures because there are several possible types of donation, but in my personal experience, the donors I’ve met thought it was unquestionably worth it (even without meeting the recipient). Stem cell transplants are horrible procedures for the recipient, but in most cases the only other option is death.
Best of luck with your decision and thanks for signing up with the registry!
Anon
01/03/2019 at 3:36 pmCan we talk more about registering/donating? I have it in my mind that donating marrow is excruciating and agonizing. Not so? The Be The Match site makes it seem like even the surgical marrow route isn’t that harrowing.
Anonymous
01/03/2019 at 4:21 pmMy good friend that donated said it was not anwalk in the park, but likened it to wisdom teeth surgery (which he has had) and others have described it as plastic surgery level (pain, anesthesia, some recovery/bruising). His bone marrow saved an 8 year old boy who had been on the registry for 5 years. That boy is now in college and they stay in touch. As others have said, it was a life changing experience for both of them.
anon
01/03/2019 at 4:59 pmNone of the donors I’ve worked with described it as agonizing or harrowing. Generally they fall somewhere on the spectrum from “not a big deal” to “somewhat unpleasant”. Never met anyone who regretted it.
anon
01/03/2019 at 4:45 pmI got a call that I was a potential match a few years ago. I was also super nervous! I was willing to go forward, but did not end up needing to make the donation, apparently because the medical treatment plan changed for the patient. The Be the Match counselor who called me explained the process, told me that there was a chance I would be called upon to donate marrow, but that I might also be called upon to donate [plasma–I think??], which would be much less invasive–that depended on what the doctors recommended in the case. I could obviously say no at any time, but they asked that I think about whether I would be willing to go forward before making a verbal commitment, so that the patient’s medical team could properly assess what to do.
They told me the age and gender of the patient, but wouldn’t say more.
Mary Ann Singleton
01/03/2019 at 5:42 pmI haven’t heard of this registry but now I’m considering it. How do they figure out if you’re a match? Do you give a blood sample to get on the registry?
Anon Lawyer
01/03/2019 at 6:42 pmI just went to register and apparently they send you a kit for a cheek swab.
cake
01/03/2019 at 8:23 pmBecause of this thread, I signed up for the registry and am expecting my cheek swab kit in a few days. Thanks, OP! Would never have thought to do so otherwise.
Single Anon
01/03/2019 at 3:01 pmWhich are your favorite dating apps, and why? One of my resolutions is to get out there more…
How Long
01/03/2019 at 3:18 pmI think this is at least somewhat location dependent. I’m in a mid-sized southern city, and most of the professional women I know use Bumble. I like that and Tinder best just because the most people are on those apps in my city. I had the most success with Bumble when I paid to see who swiped right on me and just chose from those people.
Smaller apps like Hinge had such a small user base that I didn’t think they were worth it here. If I lived in a larger city, I do think I’d like Hinge because each profile has some fun information and lots of pics.
Ellen
01/03/2019 at 3:47 pmI have tried these, and get alot of results, but none that have delivered a guy who wants me for me. Many guys want me for my paycheck, and all guys want me for the evening (and the price of a few drinks — no thanks). Men have a s-x drive that causes them to NEED to have s-x with pretty women, and that is NOT where I am at this point in my life. These are schlubs, by the way, and I would feel the same way at my age even if Brad Pit wanted to have s-x with me. Not unless we are in a relationship leading to MARRAGE! How many times do I have to go through this with these so-called men who think like 15 year old boys when it comes to s-x? It’s not as though they haven’t had women before, it must be that they are compelled to want to have me take my clothe’s off for them just b/c they deserve it? OMG, haven’t they heard of #metoo? FOOEY on them! I do NOT just have s-x and have these loosers slobber all over me then leave. DOUBEL FOOEY!
Anon
01/03/2019 at 3:28 pmAgree that it’s location dependent. I met my now-husband on Tinder in D.C., but Tinder’s easy here bc there are lots of (objectively decent – college educated, professional, government-do-gooders, etc) men and not as many…others. With a volume app like Tinder, though, you just have to hold you standards high – don’t swipe on anyone you wouldn’t actually want to meet up with/don’t find attractive/can’t spell/etc.
I thought OkCupid had some good questions and I really liked seeing the answers. Honestly, I’d just download them all.
Airplane
01/03/2019 at 3:44 pmBumble. But in my city the paid version would have been a bad investment. On the regular version when you go in it always shows you the 100+ or whatever people who have already swiped right on you, sign up for paid to unlock! Well, I’d go on a mad swipe session (prob 80% no’s) and then go back and that number would drop…not worth it to pay to be showed 100 people because the app will show you those people anyway and most of them are guys you don’t want!
OKC
01/04/2019 at 1:31 pmMet my husband through OkCupid. I had a few good matches through that and none on Tinder.
Midwestern city about 3 years ago now
Anon
01/03/2019 at 3:13 pmThese shoes are beautiful. Thank you for the pick!!
Anonymous
01/03/2019 at 3:22 pmThere is a Sarah Flint vibe to these. I like! And I like the price!
anon for this
01/03/2019 at 4:14 pm+1!
Anon
01/03/2019 at 5:20 pmI’m not a fan of this trend of having a higher vamp on shoes. I’m sad that I’ll probably eventually have to jump on this bandwagon to stay relatively current.
Anon
01/03/2019 at 5:42 pmI either need a high vamp or a strap to keep my foot in a shoe! So I’m happy about it. I ordered these in two sizes, hoping one of them fits and that I can keep them on my feet and not walk out of them.
Birch Tree Pose
01/03/2019 at 3:29 pmDating advice needed –
I am dating someone amazing, who definitely likes me a lot, but prefers to take things slowly. It’s been almost 3 months, and we see each other about once a week for Real Dates and have very limited communication in between (mostly texts to set up future dates, with an occasional just saying hi/saw this article type texts). These real dates include activities, meals, drinks, sleep overs, and are often extended into the next day.
In my Ideal World, this is my perfect set up, and in fact exactly what I described to friends as what I wanted 6 months ago – I have a very busy life of my own and need time for work, life and my own hobbies and friends. But in reality it feels kind of unsatisfactory. I want to see him more! I want more day to day interaction!
I’m just trying to work this all out in my head, and would appreciate any wisdom, maybe even some tough love.
Triangle Pose
01/03/2019 at 3:49 pmIf it is unsatisfactory in reality, talk to him about it! Say you appreciate taking it slow but that you need more day to day contact whether in person or text, whatever applies to you. Also, do you know what taking it slow means to him? Like, are you exclusive or not. That, to me is the real question whenever people say things like “take it slow.”
Anonymous
01/03/2019 at 3:57 pmHave you discussed this? It’s not clear that he’s on a different page.
Taking things slow is designed to make you want more (or to give you time to decide you don’t without having to change your whole life). So I’d say this is working, and maybe in the next few weeks you propose two dates in the week.
Anon
01/03/2019 at 4:31 pmDefinitely talk to him. When dating now hubby, after three months of once a week dates he flat out said “I’d like to see you more often, at least twice a week, are you okay with that?” Was very mature and straight forward and received an enthusiastic yes.
Anon
01/03/2019 at 7:52 pmSounds like he’s still dating other people. Talk to him but also don’t settle for less than what you want.
Anonymous
01/04/2019 at 12:46 amNot sure where you are getting the seeing other people.
Some people are busy, and not chit-catters. I’m one of them.
CostAccountant
01/04/2019 at 2:19 pmWhen I read this I immediately thought married or in another relationship.
Thanks to my Hivemind
01/03/2019 at 3:29 pmI just a big long “feelings” email.
To my husband.
We’ve been married for 15 years with 3 kids. Definitely under stress lately, which almost seems to be regular for us since The Recession.
I have no idea what kind of response I’m expecting, or what would be a good response, or what would be a bad response. I’d just like to thank everyone on here who talks about marriage, and long-term relationships, seriously, problems and all (Ok, ESPECIALLY problems!) because it’s hard to know what’s normal and what’s not and where my personal line is. Thank you all for helping me figure it out.
Thanks to my Hivemind
01/03/2019 at 3:30 pmHa, just *sent* a big long “feelings” email. :) Hopefully the email is better written than my forum comments :)
anon for this
01/03/2019 at 4:14 pmGood luck! I hope it works out for you.
tz
01/04/2019 at 1:36 pmI do this semi-regularly because I can express myself better when I am on my keyboard typing and not interrupted by another persons emotions/words etc.
The important thing is that you are keeping the lines of communication open. Good luck!
anon for this
01/03/2019 at 4:16 pmWhat are your favorite work pants other than Eileen Fisher? Not a fan of those.
Small Firm IP Litigator
01/03/2019 at 4:28 pmPretty much just Boss and Theory.
Anonymous
01/03/2019 at 5:15 pmRecently, loving the Nic+Zoe Wonderstretch straight leg pants. I got the first pair on sale and got the second full price because I was always reaching for the first pair. The right amount of tight for me without looking like ponte pants.
anonypotamus
01/03/2019 at 5:38 pmEverlane ponte skinny pant (both cropped and full length), but I just checked their website and don’t see them listed anymore…
Anonymous
01/03/2019 at 6:47 pmI just picked some up in the CWYP sale, excited at the prospect they’ll be good!
Anonymous
01/03/2019 at 4:16 pmI got some bad news today – my beloved boss is retiring. I’m not totally surprised but it is a blow. I haven’t had many good bosses in my life, who were kind and supportive and went to bat for me when needed. I’m sad. But also anxious, because he told me who’s being contemplated to replace him, and apparently one of my incredibly toxic co-workers is interested in his job. If she gets the position I will straight-up quit – she tried to get a coworker fired last year because that person’s successful threatened her, and she has been known to *scream* at admin assistants who don’t move fast enough for her liking. There are several other people up for the job I would work for with no (or few) issues but that woman is a no-go for me. I would rather work at Starbucks. Is there anything I can, or should, do to let anyone know I can’t work for this person? I like my company and my job but I figured out a long time ago that life is too short to work for a psychotic person.
anon
01/03/2019 at 4:38 pmIs speaking up something your boss is in a position to do? I don’t think it’s terribly unusual, when retirements are involved, to have some influence on who your successor will be. I’d start with your boss, since you have a good relationship with him, and explain your concerns as neutrally as you can. Who else will be the decision maker here, and what is your relationship like with them?
And see where the cards fall. But don’t quit unless/until this person is hired.
Small Firm IP Litigator
01/03/2019 at 4:33 pmThese shoes are too dowdy for me, and I am pretty old. I have a few Varas. If you want a Vara-like shoe that isn’t $700, Cole Haan makes some good looking shoes that are fairly similar. I haven’t bought that style, but have some plain Cole Haan pumps and they have wore quite well.
Never too many shoes...
01/03/2019 at 5:53 pmTotally agree. This have an 80s/Grandma vibe that I am so not here for.
Mrs. Maisel
01/03/2019 at 4:45 pmI had a second interview for a position today and expect that an offer is forthcoming. During the interview, they asked my current salary. While I shared that information with them (it’s publicly available anyway), I’m worried that it will lead to an offer that is less than I want. While I’m negotiating salary, is it fair to raise the fact that I’m expecting a pay increase at my current job in the next 6 months? I’ve already discussed a raise with my boss and she is supportive, but we are in the middle of performance reviews so it hasn’t happened yet (it’s a big, months-long process). I want to be able to convey that by accepting this new position I would be taking a risk and I’m reasonably confident I’ll receive a pay increase at my current job, so I’m asking for even higher at this other position. Is that a ridiculous position? Any other tips on negotiating offers? I have a list of things such as parking, my annual license fee, continuing education, leave, etc. to ask about/try to negotiate. Thanks!
anon
01/03/2019 at 5:15 pmWhen you are negotiating salary, you don’t need to justify your ask to them because of what it means to you, it’s about what you’re worth to them. First, they should understand that you don’t want to leave your current job unless you get a good pay bump. And ask for MORE than you want, so they can come back and meet you in the middle-ish. You can say something like, “Is there room for movement on that figure? I am targeting something closer to $X, given my [experience and whatever else they need you for].” Then stop talking and let them respond! If they push back, you can explain that you are factoring an expected raise into your considerations.
Mrs. Maisel
01/03/2019 at 6:18 pmThank you, great advice!
Anon
01/03/2019 at 5:28 pmMy current firm asked me about my salary during my first interview, which I had not been expecting. I had absolutely no idea what this firm would expect to pay since it’s a small litigation boutique firm, so I gave them a range of salaries I wanted in my new position. Obvs, they came back at the low end of that range, which was only about $5k higher than what I was making. (The salary was actually a lot higher in that they pay for a lot more than my other firm, but in hard numbers, the difference was $5k.) I asked for another $5k. I am pretty sure they were expecting me to do that since they really didn’t bat an eye and gave me the extra money pretty easily. No one asked me to justify the salary increase.
Also, the reason I cared about the salary increase wasn’t as much the money as it was being able to nicely explain to my old boss why I was leaving. New firm is paying me more than he was able to, and I felt like that would make me leaving hit him less personally.
Mrs. Maisel
01/03/2019 at 6:19 pmThank you!
Ariadne
01/03/2019 at 5:01 pmHow tight should jeans ideally fit?
I’m going through my jeans in a bit of a closet clean up today, and I’m noticing most are slightly loose…not too large, but looseish (both my skinnies, and a couple of bootcuts). I’m a mostly skirt and dress wearer 95% of the time, but I would love to have an amazing fit A+ type of jean from time to time. Also wondering what wash of jean is in style. I have a few older dark,wash bootcuts that I rarely wear, and when I do reach for jeans, wear black skinny jeans— that are slightly loose— I do have a light coral pair that is loose… not sure if it’s in style.
I’m a size 12/14/16 and usually the loosest part of the jeans on me is the leg. I have wider hips, and a waist that is about eight inches smaller. Every year or so, I have an epic jeans trying on session in stores, take pictures, and very few come close to looking good, or being of good enough quality or fit to alter. I have the best luck with rockstar jeans in black, as the other colours have different fabric content and don’t fit as well. I have altered some jeans myself in the leg, but if there is too much stretch, they bag out anyway. I wear skirts and dresses to work in a casual environment, and most people wear jeans tighter than me, so I’m wondering if anyone has any tips. TIA
anon
01/03/2019 at 11:09 pmTry Levis 721 high waisted skinny jeans. Similar fit to the rockstar but better quality fabric
Anonymous
01/04/2019 at 10:07 amCitizens of Humanity Rocket jeans have been game changers for me. Love them, especially the high waist ones.
Ariadne
01/04/2019 at 12:38 pmThank you! I try both these brands in my next epic try on.
pugsnbourbon
01/04/2019 at 2:27 pmA little late to the party, but right now my favorite pair of jeans is a high-waisted, black, skinny pair from Target’s Universal Thread brand. I was really pleasantly surprised how they stretch but don’t bag and the fabric feels more “jeans” than “jeggings.”
Ariadne
01/04/2019 at 7:56 pmThank you for the suggestions!