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Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Lucille Dress

Remember work travel? Before it was replaced by Zoom, I spent a not insignificant amount of time on planes, trains, and automobiles for court conferences, depositions, and client meetings. I’ll admit, however, that I still haven’t quite figured out how to de-plane, de-train, or de-car without looking like a wrinkled mess.

Gravitas claims that this dress is a “go-anywhere, take-anywhere, stow-anywhere piece” that will smooth out its own wrinkles within an hour of unpacking or wear. If there’s a way I can avoid looking like a hot mess upon arrival, I’ll try it! The dress also has built-in shapewear, so one less thing to pack if that’s something you’re usually wearing.

The dress is $275 and available in sizes 0–24W. It comes in red, black, and navy. Lucille Dress

For more affordable options, check out Leota's dresses, which are made from wrinkle-free fabric and come in both regular and plus sizes.

Sales of note for 12.2.24 (Happy Cyber Monday!! See our full sale listing here!)

Sales of note for 12.2.24 (Happy Cyber Monday!! See our full sale listing here!)

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

417 Comments

  1. Yay! Happy Monday! I love pricey Monday’s and a dress like this that can double as something I can wear AFTER work as well. The V neck appears to be acceptably conservative, and even tho it is sleevless, I think I can wear this at work w/o too much peering in by Frank. I also LOVE that it comes in Red, b/c the manageing partner loves me to wear Red, particularly to court, and I REALLY want to be able to go back to court soon. In this vain, I was told by one of my cleints that they prefer me to go to court if we have to rather then settle the cases, but I am kind of stuck b/c the judge wants to clear his calendar, which keeps building up b/c the people keep filing new WC claims which I must defend. If anyone has an easy solution for me, please share!

    Also, I am happy that the election is finally resolved! Dad wants to know if there will be a reversal of the NY cap on sales tax deductions? Are there any people who work with the Federal Internal Revenue Authority that can comment on this? He wants it gone so that he can deduct all of his property taxes. Anyone?

  2. Pfizer vaccine is >90% effective in the first analysis! I know it probably won’t be quite as effective in the real world, but it’s still such great news. Between this and Biden, 2020 is finally turning around!

    1. Yay! This was really fantastic news to wake up to!

      Can anyone with more knowledge about clinical trials explain this statement to me though? “The vaccine proved to be more than 90% effective in the first 94 subjects who were infected by the new coronavirus and developed at least one symptom” –> How can it prove effective if they got infected and developed symptoms? Does it just mean that 90% of those 94 people received placebos? Also, how is 94 people in a sample of thousands or tens of thousands of late-stage trials a sample size that they can deduce 90% effectiveness from?

      1. Yes, it means that of the first 94 participants in the trial who got symptomatic Covid, over 90% of them had received the placebo, not the vaccine. 94 people is not a huge sample size, which is part of why the vaccine may be less effective in the real world, but it’s good enough to get at least a rough estimate, and I would assume the trial will keep going for more data.

        I have zero faith in the American people to take a vaccine in large enough numbers to get us to proper herd immunity, so I’m very relieved that I will at least be able to get vaccinated and be very well-protected. This is almost certainly not a measles vaccine where you only have a 1% chance of getting the disease if you’re properly vaccinated, but it seems much better than the seasonal flu vaccine which is more like 50-50.

        1. In my area, except for antivaxxers who refuse and perhaps a segment of children of people who are struggle so much that vaccine noncompliance for their children is the least of their many problems, people tend to get vaccinated. I’d expect greater compliance here for 1) selfish reasons (vacation, visit relatives) and because 2) the lockdowns and economic freefall many have experienced make them eager to end it for the larger group (like I am no healthier than my least healthy neighbor at this point).

          FWIW, I think we here will be last in line (after the elderly in nursing homes, healthcare workers, first responders, people in prisons and people who work there, hospital patients, etc.).

          1. What about those who got the vaccine? How many of them got COVID 19? Isn’t that the more relevant question? After all, we will be taking the vaccine, not the Palcibio. Of course you will get the virus if you get the Placibio! That is obvious!

        3. It will be much more like the flu vaccine in terms of efficacy than the measles vaccine. However, at least in our family’s experience, we will still get the flu but a much lighter version of it with the vaccination.

          1. You have no evidence for this claim that it will be comparable to the flu vaccine efficacy, please don’t spread misinformation. Flu vaccine efficacy issues stem from the fact that every year those developing the vaccine have to guess which strains will be most prevalent, and they don’t always include the correct strains in the vaccine.

      2. The 94 are the ones paticipating who got covid in the study, not the number of people participating overall, which I believe is about 43500 people.

        The how-effective-number is connected to how many of the volunteers who got covid (94 so far) had the vaccine, and how many had the placebo.

    2. Awesome news! And for those who have Covid fatigue and are about to break the rules, hang in there!

      1. We will still need to mask and social distance for a good long while though. This isn’t an immediate get out of jail free card.

          1. I don’t think they do, honestly. Given the number of people I see who think that no other precautions are required as long as you distance OR mask OR “you trust your friends”, I don’t trust people to understand that a vaccine is not the “end” of the pandemic.

        2. Oh for sure, I think most people understand this, that’s why doctors project that life won’t really go back to normal until some number of months after the vaccine has been released. There’s gonna be a priority system in place.

    3. I’m cautiously optimistic because we need long-term safety and efficacy data on a larger number of participants, but this is a wonderful step in that positive direction.

    4. i love that pence immediately tried to take credit for it and the head of vaccine development immediately said they were never part of warp speed or took money from the us gov

  3. To the commenter looking to get involved in the GA Senate race, I have a few leads for you!
    Donate to the candidates directly
    Donate to Fair Fight (Stacey Abram’s organization that will be very involved in this run off)
    Sign up to write postcards by googling the Georgia Postcard Project
    I am also in TX and am doing all the above in the hopes of turning out GA voters once again in January.

    1. Thank you for this – just signed up to write postcards and I donated to Fair Fight over the weekend.

    5. Not being from Georgia, I didn’t know much about Stacey Abrams but wow, good for her for all the work she did in GA to get out the vote for B-H. Having said that, what do you think is the best “reward” for her in a B-H cabinet? What best leverages her strengths?

  4. I know there are some Desis here, so how are you celebrating Diwali this weekend? I’m thinking of ordering some fancy Indian food, cleaning the house, and lighting some candles. My kids also love reading this kids Ramanyan.

      1. Also, to answer your question: we will be lighting diyas (ordered from Pyarful), making sure we have a clean house, and everyone is getting new clothes.

    2. Clean the house, make sweets ( generally I would make many, keeping it to one this time), meet (2) friends in a park for lunch, light a lot of lamps ( I have around 120 brass lamps which I take out every year two times, once for Diwali and other when the temple I visit in India has a light festival next month), prayer and meditation. No kids yet..so no kid related activities.

    3. Diyas
      Flower rangolis
      Sparklers
      Fairy lights
      Buy sweets
      Fancy lunch
      Read the Ramayana ( we love Amar Chitra Katha)

    4. I am not Desi and I know very little about your holiday but it sounds so joyful – lights and sweets everywhere.

    5. I am white, husband is Desi. Typically we go to the big Diwali party hosted by the local indian cultural group and/or the celebration at local temple. Obviously, not happening this year. We have some children’s books about Diwali that we will read. On Saturday, we are going to go to my in-laws’ house, dress up in fancy indian clothes like we had a real party, and have some indian food/maybe sparklers for the kids and/or some crafts. Luckily my in-laws are in easy driving distance and it will be 10 people total, including my sister-in-law and her family.

    6. Have a wonderful holiday! In the before times, my daughter’s classmate had her father come in to give a presentation about Diwali. He had a powerpoint presentation that ended with distributing a coloring page, so my little Episcopalian was delighted (she loved to color) and told us all about it at dinner.

  5. How does one discuss or negotiate start dates for a job? I am interviewing for a position in the US, in the initial telephone interview I indicated that I planned to relocate to the US next year and that I would be open to starting work remotely if a faster start date would be required. However in recent days I have thought about this and would instead prefer to start in 2021 (whether remote or relocation from my overseas location) and not this year. The main reason is I would like to spend time visiting my parents in December, it is currently possible for me to fly to the country where they live. With COVID19 I am anxious that if I don’t take this chance to go see them it may not happen for another year either due to flight cancellations or maybe not having accrued enough leave days. I do plan on getting tested before travelling. While at my parents I would prefer to spend this last month of the year not working, I usually see them once a year so would rather maximise it.
    I know there is intense competition for jobs this year with the pandemic and I am concerned about how to discuss possible start dates when I talk to the hiring manager for this position later this week. I worry that saying that I have a trip planned would make me look like I am not interested in the job. In my current location I am also in a different time zone so again I worry about other candidates that are closer to the company’s location being prioritized. I am not working at the moment but can afford this break, but would really want a job starting 2021 hence this dilemma. Advice?

    1. Wait until you get an offer, and then say you’re available Jan 1 and see how it goes.

    2. Following as I may be in a similar situation. I am expecting an offer this week but it may be next week. I had previously said I needed to give a month’s notice as I’m involved in a major project, with company-wide impact, that is wrapping up the first week of December. If I end up giving notice late next week, or the week after, that puts us into mid-December, and at that point I would rather start Jan. 4 and take time off around Christmas (I have taken one vacation day since July because of this project). I don’t want to start off on the wrong foot, but need a break between this current job and my new one, and what I’m hearing from my new job is they don’t have immediate needs or any big deadlines I would need to jump into immediately.

    3. My advice is to go through this in good faith…which doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to share everything. If you already know that they want someone who absolutely has to start next week, and you can’t do that, I think it’s fair to let them know now that so you both don’t waste time interviewing. But if it’s like you’re flexible and they’re flexible, wait until you get the offer. There’s always the chance they push and you have to give up your December break time (or not take the role), but you’re doing it in good faith.

    4. You need to ask about it in a way that makes it obvious it’s not a dealbreaker for you to have to start sooner, unless of course you’re willing to risk extended unemployment.

      Like- “Based on the goals for this position and things that are in-flight, would it make sense to start after the holidays? If so, I would love to take this time between positions to visit family. If not, would remote work be an option until that time?” (Assuming that in your hierarchy of preferences, New Job + Family Time > New Job + Remote Work with Family Time > No New Job.)

      1. Oh I missed that you don’t have the offer yet. If the conversation you’re having makes it obvious that they need someone ASAP, AND you’re willing to start, then I’d skip “late start date” and focus on “remote work before then.”

    5. It all depends on your personal leverage – if you have skills in a hard to fill job, are a total rockstar, new company thinks you’re the top person and no one else is close etc., new company will probably work with you. If you’re in a close race, they’ll move on to the next person with more availability. I’d personally try to figure out how you could start sooner remotely and move later, even if it means you have a weird schedule for a while.

    6. Yup wait until you have offer in hand. I actually think it’s a good argument – many companies are trying to stretch their budgets so knowing they have someone good lined up but don’t have to pay them for another 6 weeks could be good. In addition, it doesn’t always make a whole lot of sense to start someone in late Nov or early December (depending on your line of work). Either people are off / in and out a lot because of holidays, or they’re crazy with year end stuff and so it’s just hard and inefficient to train people. It can be a better use of time/ resources to wait until after those big PTO / busy times. Show your flexibility but I think it sounds very reasonable.

    7. Step 1: get an offer. Step 2: Let them know your strong preference is to start after the first of the year. It’s already 11/9. If you don’t have an offer for another week or two then this should be no big deal at all. Between Thanksgiving and the weeks surrounding Christmas, you really only have 4 real work weeks left.

      If it won’t work for them for whatever reason, only an insane company would immediately pull the offer. They’ll likely go back and forth with you and you can decide if it’s a dealbreaker. I’m sure it’s industry specific but in my industry it would 100% not be a big deal. You could even offer to start ASAP then take 2 weeks off to visit your family (unpaid leave) in Dec if they for some reason need you butt-in-seat in the next few weeks. I did that when I was 25 and getting married and got a new job. I started, worked 3 weeks, then took 2 weeks of unpaid leave for my honeymoon.

    8. My experience was pre-pandemic but I received an offer in early December 2019 and negotiated a late January start date. I went from a very small business to a large company. My small biz employer was closed the last two weeks of December for the holidays and the offer was timed such that most of a two week notice period would have occurred over the 2019 Christmas holidays. So I negotiated to give my two week notice when we reopened at the start of 2020. New employer was fairly accommodating. Granted, the job market was not as tight as it is now, but do not discount that business tends to slow at the end of December and in most instances, it is probably not that big a deal for a new hire to start in January.

  6. This dress is lovely, and I love that it’s size inclusive. You can’t see it in the pictures of the dark colors, but it has a flattering sort of wrapped waist. I’m hesitant to purchase a $275 dress right now when who knows how long it will be until I wear it, but I’m very tempted. Might have to go on the Christmas wish list!

    1. This dress would have been a godsend last year, when I was traveling all the time for court appearances. Now who knows when I would wear it?!

    2. I once tried on a few dresses from this brand when they showed up at Lord & Taylor (RIP), and the fabric felt awful. Like Gap stretchy pants from the 90’s – stretchy, but somehow stiff? And scratchy. Not worth the price, IMO.

      1. But that’s probably the ideal fabric for traveling. Most “travel” clothing collections are stretch poly blends. It really is so nice to unroll something that’s has been smushed in a suitcase for 12 hours, hang it up, and have it look perfect the next morning.

  7. DH has recently had *terrible* breath. It coincides with him starting weight watchers, which has changed his diet to heavy in yogurt/eggs/fruit/lean protein.

    When he was on a keto diet a few years ago, a he had a similar problem- but not the same smell. He is still eating many of the foods that avoid “keto breath” and unlike that smell, it isn’t that sickly sweet.

    We’ve been googling trying to figure out what he needs to add back into his diet. Any ideas or suggestions where to google?

    4. Maybe totally not the reason, but i have had bad breath more often during quarantine, and I think it’s a result of not talking all day/keeping my mouth closed all day. Just a thought.

    5. I was told that the sweet smell is from burning ketones, and the terrible breath is from burning protein. I think I read this on Jenny Ruhl’s low carb troubleshooting website.

      Burning protein for energy is not typically the goal of any diet, since it’s rough on the kidneys. I don’t know if he’s eating too much protein and not enough non-protein (so his body is burning the protein instead of fat or carbohydrate), or if he’s just not eating enough calories (so his body is burning his own muscle; my insulin runs high so I have to watch out for this, because my body would rather burn muscle than fat, sigh).

    6. Non-diet possibility – any chance he has tonsil stones? They will give you terrible breath until they fall out. Gargling with saltwater or using a waterpik on them can help ease them out.

      1. Nope, it’s 100% diet related. It’s normally totally fine and just started the week he changed his diet. The last time it happened he did check with his dentist who confirmed it was diet related. That was years ago and a different type of diet.

        For those that suggested water- this is what we found in our googling as well. On reflection he definitely hasn’t been drinking much water so hopefully that should help a bit.

    7. Ah Keto breath. It’s a thing. I don’t know of any solution but I definitely had to tell my husband many times that it was a problem. I hated to think of him being that dragon breath guy at work.

      1. Exactly. Except luckily he WFHs now. He does coach sports though so he is being really careful and thank goodness for masks!!

    8. More water, and it may be just a coincidence but my DH has had good results with a parsley supplement.

  8. For a fun thread: please share your best pancake recipe. Our household has undertaken a fun new challenge with breakfast for dinner once a week and our pancakes need work!

    1. Oh fun! I use the BBC’s Fluffy American Pancakes recipe which I feel get closest to my preferred Bisquick. But I also do some add ins – will chop up bananas, add apple butter etc. I’ll also do sourdough pancakes if I remember to make it up the night before – it’s a good way to use starter.

    5. My dad’s recipe, which was our go-to growing up and still the best I’ve ever had:

      3/4 cup flour
      2 Tbsp sugar
      1/2 tsp. salt
      1 tsp. baking powder
      2 eggs
      1/2 tsp. vanilla
      1/4 tsp. lemon extract
      3/4 to 1 cup milk

      It’s almost like a crepe disguised as a pancake. So so so good.

      1. This! We love the king arthur pancake recipe. We’ve made it with wheat flour and added cinnamon. We’ve also made it with white flour and added blueberries. Both are delicious.

      2. We always use malted milk powder instead of white sugar for pancakes. It gives them that special Diner taste.

    7. Alton Brown’s Buttermilk pancakes (from his baking book, although I’m sure it’s also available online somewhere) has ruined most diner pancakes for me. It makes a perfect flavorful and fluffy pancake.

    8. Combine: 1 egg, 3 tbs melted butter, 1 c. buttermilk. Combine: 1 c. flour, 1 tbs. sugar, 1/2 tsp baking soda, 3/4 tsp baking powder, 1/4 tsp salt. Combine dry and wet ingredients.

    10. Google for the NYT’s sheet pan pancakes recipe. It has mini chocolate chips in it but is just as yummy without them and it’s a whole pancakes game changer as they are all done at the same time!

    11. If you’re interested in getting a sourdough starter going, the discards make great pancakes, and you’ll have good discards within the first week. Lots of advice on the internet about this.

      Another way to make really fluffy pancakes is to separate your eggs and beat the whites to an almost stiff consistency, then fold them gently into the rest of the batter.

      Last, this would be a good time to buy a quart of buttermilk and try real buttermilk pancakes. The only adjustment is cutting the baking powder in half and adding a little baking soda.

  9. Wondered if anyone could comment on quality for LL Bean men’s clothing? I’m looking to buy DH some pajama/lounge shirts. I’d like to avoid buying fabric that’s too thin or overly synthetic.)

    If anyone has a better rec on stores, pls share?

    (Yes, I know he should shop for himself, but I’m buying these so he’ll stop wearing street clothes in bed. Oh the way these man babies manipulate their partners do their adulting for them…)

    1. You’re manipulating him too! And indulging his Peter Pan ways right now. But anyway.
      I’ve been happy with L.L. Bean’s quality. I don’t know about men’s clothes in the cut can be off, but the quality is very good

      2. +1 on the quality. For what it’s worth, I have had the LLBean Mastercard for 15 years with no annual fee and free shipping both ways, so there’s no downside

      1. I mean he wears the sweater or shirt he wore all day to bed at night. When asked whether he would wear a pajama top if he had one he responded yes. This is a new issue bc we are used to NYC apartments that are overheated so he’d wear a T-shirt to sleep in. But now we are staying in a house in the burbs (covid escape) that gets cold at night.

        1. do you mean like a button down PJ top? IME my DH (who would go to bed in the t-shirt he changed into after work (back in the Old Times) and the boxers he wore all day never converted to Official PJs except on christmas morning. I got him to put on a fresh t-shirt for bed, sleep in boxers, and wake up and step into pajama pants. We have 3 girls now so neither of us thought wandering around the house in just boxers made sense anymore.

          FWIW we found Kohls to have the best flannel PJ pants relative to price and lounginess. LLBean and similar were very thick and hot for non-winter mornings. Old Navy is cut wrong and they fall apart. DH has a great pair of fancy (ie wear on Christmas) PJs from Brooks Brothers that he loves.

    3. Brooks Brothers makes really really nice PJs for men. My husband won’t wear pajama tops, but does like their pj bottoms. LLBean long sleeved t-shirts are his choice for pajama tops/around the house wear – they’re thicker than Hanes and get nicely soft after being washed.

    4. Quality is generally good, cut is very often “dad jeans” in nature (boxy, roomy, etc).

    5. I have had luck giving my husband waffle-knit/thermal t-shirts and telling him they are PJ tops.

    6. I’ve purchased men’s clothing from LL Bean for years. The quality is great, the shipping is included, and I think their prices are fair instead of these fake 40% off “sales” like Lands End. Even my step sons like LL Bean and wear their sweaters and hoodies.

    7. My husband has a lightweight fleece pullover hoodie that is never outwear and is loungewear only. It doesn’t have to be labeled sleepwear. Just only used for sleepwear. So you can buy normal stuff and just label it sleepwear.

      In fact my husband runs hot 99% of the time except for when he’s sick. So whenever we see him in that hoodie, my kids (teens) day “uh oh, dad has a cold!” (And it’s an uh oh moment because he is the biggest man cold sufferer ever)

  10. Any scripts or suggestions to deal with workers who don’t want to follow instructions that are part of their basic every day tasks? I’m younger than this person, female v his male and he is petulant and simply decides things don’t need to be done (they do!). He told my manager that I had a tone and was nagging. My manager spoke with him and said he’s on board to do his work (!) but this situation is giving me anxiety, even seeing him and worrying about how he’s going to speak to me. Please help! Thank you.

      1. +1 I’d document this kind of behavior and his exact words. Something tells me this won’t be the last time. Once there’s an established pattern you can manage his ass out the door.

    2. There are things in your control, and things outside your control. Outside your control: making him less sexist, making him like you, making him like being managed, preventing him from damaging his own job/career, etc. It sucks when someone mistreats you, but work on caring less about this sexist a-hole. This is not your fault!

      If I were you, I would email this guy with instructions. (“Bob, when you do the X report, you must include A, B, and C. Thanks!”) I would forward the instructions, including the guy’s response if he writes one, to your manager. (“FYI, I’m working with Bob on the tasks he keeps dropping to get his performance where it needs to be.”) If you have to give him lots of instructions, maybe a weekly version. (“Bob, as we have discussed previously, you’ve missed some tasks that you need to complete regularly. When you do the X report….When you talk to the customer, make sure you note it in salesforce…Yada yada.”) If the regular emails don’t work, visibly copy the manager.

      1. Depending the type of work (I’m in publishing where everything is very much project-based), I’ve also found it useful to create a project plan (I use a free version of Smartsheet) that details what they need to do and requires they check off as each mini step completes. They receive email reminders through the system (super easy to set up) until something is done . I include a line for comments. This can get the person more focused on tasks than personalities and provides a clearly documented space for when work is (and isn’t) getting done and any snags along the way. Any delays, it’s easy to make one update to the due dates and the rest adjust. Couple this with weekly email check-ins like described above. If your boss tells you that this individual thinks you are nagging or shrill or any other sexist nonsense, I’d be sure to name it as sexist (in front of your boss so your boss is more attuned to look for it going forward). Sometimes I think it’s easier for managers to ignore inappropriateness until you call it out as a problem.

    3. Are you his boss or senior to him? It seems like the reporting lines aren’t clear here. Why are you telling him what to do? Is there a legitimate reason that he thinks the tasks don’t need to be done?

    4. You need to convince yourself that you indeed have the authority and agency to both a) request tasks be done in a timely fashion and b) that his tone to you is professional and collegial.

  11. CRIED TEARS OF JOY, HAPPINESS, RELIEF AND MANY OTHER THINGS watching Madame Vice President elect Harris on Saturday night. After 244 years, this country has finally elected a woman as Vice President. I still have goose bumps today.

    2. Can I just say that we didn’t quite elect her? She was on the joint ticket.

      Signed,
      Resident of one of those states that elects governors and lieutenant governors separately, so they seem to often be at odds with each other. Why do that? It does not seem like a good idea. [Almost as bad as letting the runner-up be Vice President, which we don’t do any more; can you imagine???]

      1. To your parenthetical, I kind of wish we’d kept that! Maybe it would have forced the parties to work together. LOL. A gal can dream.

        1. If I were P, I’d demand an official food tester. No way I’d eat cookies baked by the VP. Would love to see an imaginary final season of VEEP where this is a plot device.

          Also, I was not a primary fan of Harris politically (she would seem to be OK as a neighbor), but am I right that Joe has had what would be some senior moments as of late? I think of how Edith Wilson hid her husband’s incapacity and how that is something we really might see play out now (so I am thankful that while Biden’s VP is not my favorite pick, she is at least young and mentally sharp, more instability we do not need).

          1. I haven’t seen anything that suggests senior moments. His speaking style has never been as tight/crisp as I prefer, but that’s a known quantity for Biden. If you look at old clips of him speaking, his is at his best when he’s somewhere between worked up and downright pissed off. That’s something he and his campaign worked really, really hard to avoid as part of their counter to Trump.
            I’m honestly impressed at the disciplined campaign he and his crew ran. They never, ever took the bait from the Trump folks.

          2. You are wrong. This is a cruel talking point of the conservative media. There is no evidence that Joe Biden is senile or suffering from dementia. And to pretend that you’re just casually throwing it out there…toxic. Shame on you.

          3. Sometimes he misspeaks, but between being a normal human being and having a well-documented stutter to work around(interesting to thread on that: https://twitter.com/adrianaclimbs/status/1325192926817906688?s=19 ), I am not particularly worried about his mental state. Honestly, even if he were not very sharp at all, a president has only so many hours in their day, so hiring smart and good people and trusting them is more important anyway to run an administration.

          4. Joe has a speech impediment. You’re being very cruel. Are you also the kind of person who uses the r word?

          5. “You are wrong. This is a cruel talking point of the conservative media. There is no evidence that Joe Biden is senile or suffering from dementia. And to pretend that you’re just casually throwing it out there…toxic. Shame on you.”

            All of this. Please take that BS elsewhere, thanks so much. Try Breitbart.

          6. Enough with this nonsense picking on his speech impediment already. The man spits out a gazillion stats whenever he speaks. If that’s what “not mentally sharp” looks like, then sign me up.

          7. I also thought Biden sounded very out of it when I first heard him speak and felt concerned especially when he seemed disoriented, since it looked so familiar to me from what relatives have gone through with aging. But the point about the speech impediment and examples of how he’s misspoken throughout his whole career helped me make sense of what I was picking up on.

            It still bothers me that he seems to recite memorized talking points instead of answering people’s questions, but this is just politicians I assume!

    3. I wasn’t a huge fan (policy wise) of VP Elect Harris in the primaries. But, it feels AMAZING to have a female VP and I am SO EXCITED. Huuuuuugr huge win for women

        1. This is some nonsense. No. No, that’s like saying Ivanka having a big role in the White House is a huge win for women.

          1. Honestly, before this, I really thought that Ivanka was the most capable of the children. She had a separate business. IIRC, she started it as a fine jewelry line, but that fizzed and she realized that providing affordable workwear was something that people really wanted and needed (ah, Before Times). At any rate, I had a pair of shoes and they were surprisingly fantastic and affordable. [Yes, I realize there were some IP hiccups, but nothing that Rebecca Knock-off hasn’t had a million times more lobbed at her.] At any rate, she and Chelsea Clinton were friends (and if those were two kids who probably at times wished they’d been born to an anonymous truck driver or fry cook or supermarket cashier or church organist, I bet it’s those two).

        2. Honest question – can you expand on why you see it that way? We’ve already had multiple female Supreme Court justices. Is it because she has young children?

          1. If mothers have trouble reaching the upper echelons, then WOMEN will have trouble reaching the upper echelons. Aside from the obvious overlap between the two (while not all women are mothers, so many are that discrimination against mothers is de facto discrimination against women), the lack of women at the highest levels means fewer mentors and fewer women changing norms, which impacts women below them.

          2. I do think that having kids still at home makes it remarkable (to me, juggling kids literally in the home 24/7 even though they should be in grade school). IDK whether O’Connor had them (if she did, they were likely grown). Ginsberg had 2 (grown). IIRC neither Kagan nor Sotomayor is a parent (Sotomayor has the complication of diabetes, which often is a problem).

            Honestly, I see many women fail to make it 10 years practicing law and that is largely b/c they become a parent, so they retire their degrees while they still owe on their student loans, which is such a tragedy of lost potential.

            You can do a lot even though you are a woman. You will fail at a lot of that when you become a parent. Sadly.

          3. +1 to posters above me. “You can do a lot even though you are a woman. You will fail at a lot of that when you become a parent. Sadly.” I am living this. I have never had significant negative issues in my career because I am a woman. I have had many significant negative issues in my career because I am a mother.

          4. “You can do a lot even though you are a woman. You will fail at a lot of that when you become a parent. Sadly.”

            Aren’t you choosing though to scale back on some things in your life in order to make room for kids? We can’t expect to have kids and maintain the same trajectory as before. Having kids is a lifestyle choice. If you’re in an equal partner relationship, then your partner would accept this hit to their lifestyle as well.

          5. @11:07– We know that’s not how it usually plays out, regardless of prior statements or intentions. Almost invariably, the mother makes more sacrifices. There’s an entire field of research about this, and it’s one of the reasons I chose not to have kids.

          6. @Anonymous at 10:34 – O’Conner had them but they were grown. She was actually a SAHM for a period of time because, as a young female lawyer with kids, she had trouble getting a job. I’ve always found her life pretty remarkable.

            I have often wondered if the fact that O’Conner and Ginsburg were mothers while Kagan and Sotomayor were not reflects, in part, the fact that practicing law at the highest level has become so much more brutally demanding in terms of time. (Obviously, I have no knowledge of whether either of them wished to become a parent in the first place.). O’Conner and Ginsburg faced a tougher row to hoe in terms of more “traditional” discrimination (for lack of a better word), but it’s fairly well-documented that biglaw, big accounting, and finance have all become significantly hungrier in terms of hours over recent decades. I try to be very honest with people about the fact that I’m not sure I would have achieved my own professional success if I’d had my child as an associate, rather than after making partner. Which is an extremely sad thing.

          7. To anon @ 11:07:

            I did not choose to scale back when I had kids, the choice was made for me by everyone else. I have a unicorn childcare situation (mom lives with us) and my husband is an equal partner. I wanted to bill tons of hours and get big bonuses after my maternity leaves. Each time I came back from maternity leave (at two different firms), my workload crashed no matter what I did. One partner said, “I don’t know why you aren’t staying at home” to my face because my husband is successful, but I’m sure others thought it. I was literally his go-to associate before I had my first. I once had a partner suggest that a brand new, young, inexperienced white guy with no clients go to a conference on behalf on our office to interface with partners from our other offices and with clients. When I said that I, an attorney who was running cases and had trial experience, should go, she said “Oh I thought you wouldn’t want to” because I just had a baby.

            If I became a dad or never had kids, I would not have had any of these problems.

        5. She doesn’t have policies, she has ingrained misogyny. That’s not a win for women at all. You can’t compare policies to morality.

        6. Amy Coney Barrett is a “win” for women the same way Clarence Thomas was a “win” for black people. In other words, not at all.

          3. This is really problematic. You are declaring that if people don’t agree with you, they don’t count.

          4. My goodness, no. Why is it a “win” to have women/minorities in positions of power? It’s a “win” because it will benefit women/minorities who are not in positions of power in some way. If the policies they advance do not benefit women/minorities who are not in positions of power, and in fact, actively harm them, then it is not “a win” to have them in positions of power. Yeah, a woman who doesn’t advocate for woman’s rights “doesn’t count” as a good thing for women’s rights. Duh. Unless you’re satisfied with tokenism. How can I make this clearer for you?

            Why is this complex? Are you deliberately trying to misunderstand? We can disagree on how trade policy impacts the price of aluminum. We cannot disagree about fundamental human rights.

        7. No. Her policies will harm women. Don’t pretend otherwise. I don’t know about you, but I can’t be placated with a token.

          3. Anon at 10:33, that was my point. Clarence Thomas’s rulings have harmed black people, just like Amy Coney Barrett’s will harm women. She’s a token and not a win for women.

      2. I was a huge fan as one of her constituents in California, and I am DELIGHTED. I burst into tears this weekend thinking of all the women younger than me, including my daughter, who will live in an era when it’s perfectly normal to have a woman in the White House.

      3. I’m happy for her, but after the letdown of 2016, a female VEEP feels like a consolation prize. We’ve already had a black president so a black VEEP after that- again nice, but I wasn’t as emotional as I was in 2008. It’s cool to have an indian person, as a person with kids who are half indian (and half white). For a while, I was certain the first south asian to rise that far would come from the GOP side (which has prominent SA people like Haley and Jindal). So anyway, it was nice. Her speech made me happy. But I can’t help from feeling like it’s just a consolation prize after 2016. I do very much hope that this following relatively soon after Obama will really open the floodgates for candidates who aren’t white men. Would not be at all surprised to see the GOP run a woman on their ticket next time. I also hope and expect that Harris will be a very visible VEEP, which would make a difference. I would very much like this country to get use to the visual of a non-white man in position of power again.

    4. AMAZING! Sad it took so long, but so happy it has finally happened. Also, I am biracial and my family has a crazy amount of similarities to Kamala’s, so this win hit me especially hard!

    5. Any suggestions for BIPOC small businesses or etsy shops selling Biden/Harris gear? I want to buy shirts for me and my daughters!

      1. When they announced the winner on Saturday, I was sitting on the couch with my husband and got all weepy. Husband thought I was crazy. I wasn’t crying because of Biden, though he is just fine and I voted for him. It was just such joy and relief that not only will my 3 month old son never know a world where that man was president, but he will come of age where women and POC are succeeding in the highest levels of office.
        We still have a lot of work to do, but it is such a relief. Now we have 2 senate seats to tackle in the runoff here!

        1. Same! I’m also pregnant and was just so overcome that my first child will be born in a world where there’s a woman in the White House.

  12. My office is finally going remote (essential employees and were working 80+ hour weeks through the spring and summer. Now we have a handle on our operations, we’re going wfh as much as possible … with the ability to go back to in office around the clock operations if needed)

    What are your best wfh tips? Live in an apartment in a city with a roommate who still goes into the office and I have a small desk in my bedroom. I won’t be bringing a monitor home (think we’ll be wfh for about a month- not worth the hassle).

    Mostly concerned with getting in a good routine (clear start / end to day, eating actual meals and not constant snacks, fitting in a workout) and staying motivated / focused and actually getting work done

    1. Honestly, for a month at home, I’d bring home a larger monitor or even a dual-screen setup if I had it. That’s been the best thing for me for working at home.

    2. I get up, shower, and get dressed sufficiently that I could go outside everyday.

    3. Bring the monitor since trends aren’t showing signs of slowing and we’re entering winter months where nabbing it is only going to be more of a hassle. If you have a lot of background noise invest in comfy earbuds. But a cheap ring light so folks can see you better. Enjoy!

      1. They haven’t said it but I think they’re having us wfh now to keep us “clean” so when things get bad we’re more likely to be healthy when they can bring us back when / if needed. So, if things continue as they trend we’ll likely be back in the office before too long.

        I also don’t think I’m allowed to bring my monitors home.

        Great idea on the earbuds. I just bought AirPods and I’m excited to be able to walk around while on a call. Luckily we don’t do a ton of video calls (and there’s no pressure to look good – just wfh professional – while on calls so but concerned about lighting / make up for video calls, etc)

        1. You should double check on the monitors, it’s a pretty basic part of having employees wfh.

          1. Bare bones govt office – we can’t take them off site but we are provided with a laptop and a tablet

        2. I’m a fed, too, and we were all allowed to take monitors home way back in March, and this is when we thought we’d be back in the office by June.

          Ha.

    4. Possibly plan on working from home long-term as many didn’t at the beginning of the pandemic but it definitely would have made things easier as the weeks wore on.

    5. I’d ask about bringing home your monitor (at least one), keyboard, and mouse. Nothing kills my productivity faster than squinting at my tiny laptop screen trying to draft something.

      I thought we were going home for 4 weeks in March and will be remote for probably a year minimum… am so thankful I took that stuff home early on!

    6. 1. Wash up and get dressed first thing, even if getting dressed is workout clothes.
      2. Get up from your computer regularly.
      3. Give yourself a big 30-60 min break at some point if you can. Work out, go for a walk, etc.
      4. I drink herbal tea all day, instead of snacking. Drink sparkling water as an alternative.
      5. Get a good monitor. I bought two refurbished monitors from Best Buy years ago and I have been very thankful for them during this time. I know you said you don’t think you can bring a monitor home, but I would ask.
      6. Get a desk chair. I have a small, cheap one from Office Max or something, not even an excellent one, and it makes a huge difference.

      Also, assume you are going to WFH longer than expected. Many, many, many businesses have realized that they can function really well remotely. Your bosses may fully intend to bring you back in a month and change their minds by the end of that month.

    7. I work out first thing, and then get dressed in clothes that I could leave the house in (as Anon at 9.50 says). I have been leaving the house at lunchtime most days to get some Vitamin D and a coffee.

    8. Get your ergonomics set properly before you do anything else. I slouched on a loveseat for three months, and now I’m getting an MRI for sciatica.

    9. As far as working out, I do that first thing in the morning then get showered and dressed. Otherwise, I’ll keep pushing it to later in the day and then never do it.

      I’ve sort of fallen in the habit of eating my first meal around 11 so that’s when I take a break to get some food ready. I’ll shut down my PC at the end of the day so I’m not tempted to just check email or do more work.

      I started WFH back in March and it took me a while to find a routine. Take some time to find out works best for you and then stick to it.

    10. Stick to your same schedule that you have now – get up, get ready for work, and ‘commute’ to your desk. My company doesn’t Zoom so I don’t need to be camera ready but I still shower, do my hair and makeup, and put on some sort of leggings + sweater outfit. I’ve been working 9-5-ish so at 5, I leave my office/desk and start doing things I would do when I got home from work – clean-up, change into evening lounge clothes (I literally change into different leggings and a comfy top), then go about making dinner and chatting with DH. I found that it was important for me to keep some semblance of my ‘former’ work routine otherwise it’s easy to slide into the pjs all day, do nothing, no lines mentality.

    11. set aside a “commute” in morning and evening to separate your personal life from work life. i sometimes use mine to take a walk around the block, or to drink a cup of tea, read a book, watch youtube, play with the dog, do a 10 minute stretching video etc. its just nice to have a block of separation

    12. I do my workouts before work starts – I am energized and don’t skip them when work gets tough during the day.
      Have proper work set-up, having a real desk and real chair eliminated WFH back pain and sore axx for me. I bought ikea desk that can be adjusted to sitting/standing and office chair.
      I have never used a big monitor and actually prefer to use laptop only (no second keyboard, no mouse), my eyesight is perfect (I set my monitor brightness to zero, though).
      Get up from chair every hour – grab water or coffee or tea – and never skip this little movement. It also helps to get some relief for your eyes.
      I take a shower and wash my hair after the morning workout, put on decent clothes and light make up.
      Have a plan for each day – your objectives and then make sure you hit them.
      I take a walk (15-30mins) each day (depends on your covid zone) or hang out on the balcony if the weather is hell. A colleague of mine does walking meetings (when she only needs to listen in, not when she is presenting).
      When someone makes me angry, I buy a houseplant in the garden center around the corner. I have 150 plants now.
      I have regular team coffee (no business talk) every second Friday (on top of our 1:1s), it helps us keep the team spirit.

  13. Who were your female role models growing up? Specifically, which female public figures did you look up to and admire? Who inspired you? I was contemplating this over the weekend. I was a girl and teenager in the 90’s and early 2000’s and the only female role models I can remember were family members, friends, and teachers. I was raised by parents who loved but sheltered me in a fairly religious household, and I didn’t learn about feminism and feminist icons until college. I feel like I had to have had other influences from public figures, but I’m coming up short.

    1. My mom. She was a single mother by choice, a well-respected attorney, and she had high expectations for herself and everyone around her. Seeing my mom through her struggles and triumphs had a greater impact than learning about any historical or cultural icon.
      I was also inspired by the girls in the American Girl doll books. I think role models that kids can relate to are more powerful than public figures. As a kid, the concept of being president was just such a far fetched thing it didn’t really concern me. But I was inspired to work hard from reading about Molly’s camp war canoe, or to help others, like Samantha and her friend Nellie. Those small things had a greater impact on my character and career than reading about, say Susan B. Anthony or Rosa Parks- they were just too far away.

      1. I LOVED the American Girl books. I just bought a “vintage” set on eBay (Molly, Samantha, Kirsten and Felicity). Molly and Samantha are by far the best ones. I would pour over those books for hours as a kid.

    2. I was also pretty sheltered growing up in the 80s and 90s, but Sally Ride was a big deal.
      I was in high school when the controversy over admitting women (Shannon Faulkner) to the Citadel was going on. Thank goodness for some wonderful teachers who countered the negative messaging I and many others got at home on that one. The way the school and the country at large treated her was reprehensible.
      We learned sanitized bios of Sojourner Truth, Harriet Tubman, Susan B Anthony and Eleanor Roosevelt.

    3. I actually think it’s quite feminist to have both male and female role models. As a young child in the late ’70s and early ’80s, I was obsessed with the space program. My early heroes were the Mercury, Gemini, and Apollo astronauts, all men. I was going to grow up to be an astronaut just like them. It never really occurred to me that the American astronauts were all men until Sally Ride came along, even though I knew about Valentina Tereshkova.

      1. +1 and thank you for saying this. I have had both female and male role models and mentors, both public and private. Both men and women have had significant impact on my life and have supported me and shown me what could be done.
        Frankly, I never grew up thinking I couldn’t do something because I was a woman, and it was hard for me to understand those my age (40) who did or do feel that way (those in older generations, I completely understand. Change is slow). While I acknowledge their feelings, women today saying they are “crying” with joy or relief because of Harris is foreign to me. I have always assumed there will be a female President or VP in my lifetime, and I’ve hoped it could be someone I personally can admire–I’m not going to get excited about a candidate or alleged role model simply because they are a woman.
        To me, it’s not a great travesty that we’ve never had a woman in certain positions of power, it’s just looking forward to the future because we haven’t had one YET. I hope to teach my daughter to see the world the same way.

        1. To be clear, now that I’ve been through grad school and law school and am a working mom I do understand why it’s a big deal to break the glass ceiling. I just don’t think that little girls can really understand the obstacles women face, or that they should only have female role models.

        2. +1 I grew up firmly believing that I could be or do anything that I wanted too and I still feel that way. I remember a trip to the orthodontist when I was in elementary school – the old, male doctor asked me what my favorite subject was and I told him math. He actually laughed at me and told me that “girls don’t like/can’t be good math”. I thought my mom was going to come unglued. The next time we went to the office, she brought him a cut-out article from something about how girls ARE good at math and better at it than boys. That moment stuck with me. My mom is awesome and instilled in us that value that we can do anything, no matter what anyone else tells us.

          1. I grew up believing that women could do anything but after working in a male dominated industry with a huge (misogynistic) boys club I am starting to doubt that. Not because the women here aren’t capable, but because the system is designed so that we fail.

          2. Yep, I was told that growing up by all the adults around me. Then I did anything I wanted to do (joined an extremely male dominated branch of the armed services) and BOY did those same people change their tune quickly.

    4. We’re probably about the same age and I really looked up to Madeline Albright, Christiane Amanpour, Nina Totenberg, Condoleeza Rice, and other women who I saw on/in the news. To me, it seemed like they were having big impact, in big conversations. I was also aware of the usual cast of characters in “inspirational women in history” lists – Harriet Tubman, Susan B Anthony, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Mother Theresa, etc etc – but I couldn’t relate to them as much as the first ones that I mentioned- I pictured myself in a snappy suit and heels, flying around the world, telling people what to do. In a way, (pre-pandemic), I made that part come true- even if my career in tech is day-to-day unrelated to national and global politics.

    5. I guess I took a broader view. People like Helen Keller for overcoming things, Anne of Green Gables for her spunk and refusal to dim her light, women scientists before it was accepted.

      1. Same. Born in 1980, she was First Lady from 1992- 2000 so during my formative teenage years. I decided I wanted to be a lawyer as a teenager and she was one of the few women lawyers I knew about. I hated that she sort of had to give up her career as a lawyer to be First Lady and hearing the commentary on her wearing pantsuits was the first time I really realized how much women were judged on their appearance regardless of how much they accomplished.

    7. I was thinking about this, too! Now my role models are the women from Hidden Figures, Michelle Obama, and Kamala Harris. Then it was my teachers and my mom (and maybe Mother Theresa and nuns? The wonders of a Catholic childhood). When Kamala was talking about little girls being able to aspire to this office, tears were running down my face, and I kept saying “not just little girls.”

    8. Christine de Pizan. I read a blurb about her in an Inspirational Women book someone gave me (other hits from this book: Hatshepsut, Amelia Earhart, Sarah Bernhardt), then had to choose a Renaissance figure to do a project on for class. I still love her.

    9. My role models were always people I knew personally. My childhood pastor was a major inspiration to me – she modeled a Christianity that was so moored in real people’s actual lives, and infused with an intense and personal love. I attribute the fact that I’m still a Christian today to the fact that my conception of the faith was shaped by her leadership. (She was a Jamaican immigrant; I didn’t know for a really long time how unusual it was for a white child in the south to grow up in a community led by a Black woman.)

      Maybe the closest thing I had to a “public figure” role model was Johnnetta Cole (if you’re not familiar with her, she was long the president of Spelman College); my father knew her from work that he did and introduced me to her when I was about 11 at a speech she gave and then I met her several times over my teen years. She said some things about shaping and forming women for leadership that I still think about – basically, she was the first person I heard give the message that it was absolutely okay for women to be focused on and to pursue leadership. I think women are often subtly encouraged to downplay their ambitions, and both her message and her example were such a counterweight to that. (Also, every time I met her she spoke to me like I was a person with opinions and interests that were worth hearing about, which I wasn’t used to as a kid/teenager.)

      But in general, I’m not really inspired by people I don’t have a personal connection to.

    10. In the 90s/2000s I can’t think of any specific public figures. I grew up in a conservative family and while there were only a handful of things I felt I was discouraged from due to my gender, there was certainly no rah rah feminism. Women in my family all worked, but out of economic necessity. Most women in my family played sports in college, did the yard work at home, etc so while my family wasn’t into gender norms (for some things), there was also no feminism being taught at home.

      Growing up I knew my grandmother was a bad*ss. My mom and my aunts are super outspoken and don’t take anyone’s sh*t. I followed the Olympic teams of sports I played and looked up to them (in Olympic years … not much to follow about the field hockey team in off years back then). I was super into Joan of Arc. I read a lot of historical fiction that had girls doing cool things (Dear America books, American girl) but there were no public figures I was aware of as feminist role models.

      Being a kid after 9/11, I (like a lot of kids) was into the idea of joining the military but I was given the impression that while women could do that, they shouldn’t.

    11. I never have really found public figures to be particularly personally inspiring.

      I find most of my professional mojo and competitive streak actually comes from my SAHM, who is incredibly smart but channeled it into masterminding the household (if something is on her to-do list it is getting. done.) and investments rather than a career outside the home. While I have no kids and a career, she definitely taught me how to maximize my own potential whatever I am doing.

    12. Honestly, I was a bookworm in a professional but not intellectual family where most of the women were SAHMs, so most of my role models came from fiction (Jo March comes to mind first). Feminism wasn’t on my radar until high school and at that time, I began looking up to female members of Congress in my own state in particular.

    13. An incredible artist who is semi-local to me (WV) is in the middle of a series called “100 Bada$$ Women.” She is painting a portrait every day of an inspiring woman and posting them to her site with biographical information about each of them. Some of her subjects were familiar to me, but I have learned so much by reading her posts. I highly recommend it for anyone looking for female role models or who just wants to be inspired in general.

      She started with a portrait of RBG on the day she died and is up to #47. https://iamsassa.com/

    14. Same timeframe as you, I definitely looked up to Madeleine Albright and Sandra Day O’Connor.

    15. This was nearly impossible growing up pre-internet; I just didn’t have access to information about strong women. My TV watching was strictly controlled, as were my library choices. Sally Ride was the only then-current widely-celebrated public figure, I think (and technically Christa McAuliffe, though most of that situation was hidden from me).

      As I got older and gained more power over what media I consumed, fictional strong women played a bigger role for me.

    16. One of my good friend friends had two parent lawyers- one was a prosecutor and one was a Big Deal public defender (I didn’t know this until I was much older). Her neighbor was a boy in our grade that I met through her. His mom was a state supreme court justice.

      These two kids lived in the same town as me, but had different lives: they had au pairs and house cleaners and on the surface it seemed all fancy, since my mom was a SAHM who did a lot but one thing she did NOT do was clean our house well ;). Anyway, I spent a lot of time with these kids as I got older and I really understood that they didn’t have au pairs and house cleaners and a big house because they were Rich and Fancy, they had this stuff because Mom and Dad worked their butts off and couldn’t do everything. Someone had to watch the kids and scrub the toilets. As I got into high school I wanted to be the kind of family where mom AND dad worked, and we could hire out for some of the other stuff that I hated doing.

    17. Not quite the answer but I attended a single sex high school. There were no dumbing things down to make the boys feel better, no mansplaining classmates, just strong academics, a history of powerful, accomplished alums, and an expectation of achievement. Such a great experience at just the right time.

    19. My mom, for sure. She was a feminist long before she ever heard the word and she made sure her children (daughters and sons!) were too.
      I also had a unique experience in college in that the majority of my subject’s faculty were women. There were three professors in particular who really shaped who I am today – incredible mentors and supporters.

    20. I was in my twenties when Bill Clinton was elected and Hillary Clinton became part of the national discussion because she was a different kind of First Lady. She got so much crap in the media for having a career. She had do publish a cookie recipe to soften her image (rage!) I admired her so much and still do. I did not have any role models like her growing up.

    21. They were actually mostly athletes. I was a competitive swimmer, so lots of American female swimmers. I also had a book about women athletes that I read over and over. I particularly remember Jackie Joyner-Kersee and Steffi Graf from that book. Oh, and now that I think about it I also checked out two books from the library over and over about an ice skater and a gymnast. I LOVE HRC so much, but that didn’t start until college, really.

    22. I was born in 1958 and was a girl and teenager in the 60s and 70s, so pickings were slim! I read a lot of books about historical figures: Florence Nightengale, Clara Barton (founder of American Red Cross), Madame Curie, Harriett Tubman, and so on. I was very into the arts so I was inspired by artists like Isadora Duncan, Frida Kahlo, Georgia O’Keefe, as well as a lot of Hollywood actresses including Katharine Hepburn. I remember reading a children’s book about the little girl who integrated her school in the south and found that very inspiring because she was about the same age as me. Jo March, for sure! Then, later on, the early feminists: Betty Friedan, Gloria Steinem. I was always quite inspired by Shirley Chisholm, who had the guts to run for President, for crying out loud!

      1. The girl is Ruby Bridges. She came and spoke to my grade school in the early 2000s and we were all shocked at how “young” she was. We had learned about her in school but something happening in 1960 feels ancient to a ten year old in 2003! Then she came and she was middle aged. And I realized my oldest aunts and uncles were older than her. And that put a LOT in perspective.

        For a minute I was shocked that you forgot her name, but that makes sense if you’re contemporaries! Inn my experience, she’s one of the better known names from that era, but we also learned a lot about her in school (makes sense – easier for a kid to relate to another kid!)

        1. This reminds me of the time I asked my grandfather (born in the late 20s and graduated from high school in the early 40s … just in enough time to be in WW2) if he read To Kil A Mockingbird in school.

          He did not. Because a) he was a working adult with four school aged children when it came out. So, a tad late for him to have read in school And b) even if it had been published then, he wouldn’t have because prep schools like the one he went to would have never have read it.

          I think my grandfather read the book as an adult, but it was crazy to me that he was too old to have read a classic like that in school!

        2. Thanks, Anon at 1:10 p.m. Yes, Ruby Bridges. Just looked her up and she’s just four years older than I am. And to be honest I feel like the book I read might have been fictional. I was googling around and can’t seem to find it. Anyway, I remember in particular a part about how the girl was so proud to have a new poodle skirt and crinoline petticoat, and Ruby is wearing a white dress in the photos.

          1. The book is called Mary Jane by Dorothy Sterling. I read it too and greatly admired her as a young teen integrating her high school. My situation was not dissimilar in the 1970s

      2. A bit younger than you, but agree on the books about Clara Barton.

        From a fiction standpoint, honestly Nancy Drew was my role model!

        And Helen Reddy’s I Am Woman was inspirational to me even though I was in middle school when it came out.

    23. Sandra Day O’Connor
      Barbara Mikulski (but her one-time opponent Linda Chavez was a demon in my world)
      Geraldine Ferraro (her keeping her maiden name was a topic of some discussion and the reason I cringed recently when someone referred to the VP-Elect as Mrs. Harris)

  14. What are people’s thoughts on Rothys? Are they shoes I could wear on my commute in NYC? Are they more casual wear or could I wear them to work/court (appellate lawyer)?

    1. This is my brutally honest opinion, but I’ve never understood the appeal. They look like cheap, plastic shoes to me.

    2. I would not wear them to court. They were somewhat popular on my NYC office pre-WFH, but as a commute and casual day at the desk shoe. I have not seen them on anyone in court in NYC.

    3. I worked in a jail for three years. I wore Rothy’s every day because I could toss them in the wash on my way back in the house everyday afterwork. They were fine for that but absent a need to toss them in the wash nonstop, they would not have been my shoe of choice!

    4. Casual or commuting wear only. They don’t look like dressy shoes in person, even the points.

    5. In the Before Times, I used to wear Rothys for business casual with pants only. They look odd with skirts and dresses, definitely don’t cut it for a business formal office or court, and would be terrible for any type of commuting. I can’t drive in them because the sole is so flexible, and I don’t like walking more than a few blocks in them either. They are really just slippers masquerading as business casual wear. They are also really useful for signaling that you are a member of a particular demographic (C-r33tt3 basic b*tch?), especially when worn with the Going Out Blazer or the J Crew sweater blazer and the OG bag.

      1. Interesting point about demographics–here in my rural red region, seeing them on other women is a way to pick out who bothers to shop somewhere other than Kohls.

    6. Casual or commuting wear. They really aren’t ‘professional’ shoes but I can see wearing them on a weekend/if you’re setting up for a conference/wearing to run out for lunch if you want to leave your heels in the office.
      I used to see them a lot at big conferences where you were on your feet for hours on end. Otherwise though they were great for travel – looked nicer than sneakers, comfortable enough to quickly walk through airports in, foldable enough to be shoved in my bag without worrying I’d hurt them, great for ‘casual’ team dinners and washable (because planes/airports/conference floors are gross).

      1. I’d agree. I also really liked them for my standing desk – much better than just my stocking feet.

        I personally liked Rothy’s for the fact that I could look decent and still run at a dead sprint after a small child who had decided to go full Kanye on me.

        These are also really good for walking on ‘historic’ floors because the rubber sole is fairly nonslip. Also my preferred travel shoes because they’re easy to slip off, pack down small, and also are good for walking. (Guys, remember travel?!? That was nice.)

    8. They’re my pandemic shoes – I wear with athleisure because I’m not a big fan of sneakers. I find them quite comfortable (but as compared to “real” shoes) and prefer the merino line (tighter weave and less plastic looking p; the patterns also look better, IMHO than the single colors). Would wear to my casual office, cannot imagine wearing to court unless recovering from surgery or in a casual/criminal state practice.

      1. I also forgot to note that they seem VERY popular with the medical professionals I’ve seen lately- my doctor, dentist, dental assistant, and a NP were all wearing them over different visits. They said similar things – they look nice (though, as discussed, obviously not dress shoes), comfortable enough when you need to be on your feet, but for them the big draw was that they could be washed.

    9. Thank you everyone. Needed these replies because I have seen them worn regularly in federal court in another part of the US, and was curious if was the case in nyc.

      1. Cannot speak to NYC federal court norms, but I have seen flip-flops in state criminal court there.

      2. In California I see them in state court civil court all the time. And I wear them to court myself with pants since I find them comfortable and cannot wear heels. They are more formal than my Allbirds flats (which are more comfortable but much more casual). I think New York tends to be more formal than much of the rest of the country. Having said that, I still force myself into pumps for jury trials since that reads “lawyer” to your average juror.

        But honestly as long as they do not scream “look at me”, I generally operate on the assumption that nobody is paying that much attention to my shoes, especially black flats.

  15. The elastic has fallen apart on my Round 1 masks and after trying a disposable mask, they seem great.

    Am I right that while they are disposable, say if you rotate b/w 2 of them (my car is basically an autoclave when I park it in the sun), you could wear them for a while if you only use them < 1 hour/day for grocery runs, doctor visits, getting takeout? So it's not like disposable diapers, where you toss after one use. It's more that they aren't washable and are meant to be thrown out vs laundered. Or just toss every day b/c it is a pandemic?

    1. I have a desk job in a hospital and our infection expert (she’s not a doctor, but an MPH) has said all pandemic that we (non-patient care employees) can wear them as long as they aren’t soiled with food or makeup and as long as we keep them on a clean tissue when not in use. She recommends that we replace them once every week or two to keep from depleting stores too quickly in case there’s another shortage. And yes, car in sun will kill the germs. So I think you should be fine.

      1. This is how I use them.

        Some doctor offices in my city make you switch from your cloth mask to a disposable mask that they give you in order to come in, so I think that makes me suspect that overall, the disposable masks must be better. They are to me much more comfortable, which I didn’t expect, so I am a convert. I’m pretty green in other ways, but cases are rising and if this helps at all, I am willing to try it.

        1. For me there is no way those disposable masks are effective without a cloth mask over the top to hold them down. My face is too small for the disposables and they gape terribly at the sides.

          1. What you can do is twist the earloops a few times before looping them over your ears – that will give you a tighter fit. My daughter is quite petite with a small head / face and that works for her. I’m assuming you are shaping the wire to the contours of your nose.

    2. Just buy new cloth ones. They’re cheap, there are tons of really well-designed ones now, including some that claim very good efficacy, and they’re better for the environment.

      1. Get ones with adjustable straps so that you can keep using them after the elastic loosens.

        1. Or add silicone mask adjusters to the elastics on your cloth masks. I bought some from penny supplies on Etsy & they show you how to add them to your masks using a bobby pin.

      2. +1, and if you’re really worried about their effectiveness, you can get cloth masks with filter pockets and rotate through the filters.

        I’ll admit, I don’t wear a lot of the cloth masks I bought back in May and April, because the ones I bought more recently are more comfortable and stylish. I really love the cotton masks I’ve ordered from CurvySense, they hold up well through the washer and dryer.

    3. Yeah, if you leave them alone for a few days in between wears, germs will die off. But do yourself a favor and get new fabric ones. Athleta’s 5-pack is great.

      1. +1. If you’re rewearing it without ample time to let germs die off in between, is that safe? Also acne from facial oils can form.

    4. I prefer the disposable masks and wear them until they get dirty or otherwise aren’t wearable. Doctors and nurses wear them all day every day and so I’m slightly more comfortable with them for that reason. I also find them easier to wear- I find cloth masks really restricting.

    5. I have the disposable medical masks and wear them more than once. I also keep them in my car for the most part. I don’t do a lot of trips outside my house that don’t involve my car. I agree they get plenty hot sitting in there.

      I also think my glasses are partially protective against aerosols so I 100% always wear them or sunglasses when I’m out and about.

      1. By the way, I saw a guy on tik tik demonstrating how aerosols work using the fact that he was in a cold climate and you could see his breath in the air. For those of you who are in more wintery climates than mine, you might try this without a mask and with an assortment of masks. If nothing else, you can see how no mask is 100% and that distancing is equally important.

    6. I wear them much as you do – for bursts when going to the grocery store, etc. I rotate them as you describe and I wear them for maybe 2-3 weeks before disposing. My physician husband discards the ones he’s using to treat patients, but for the masks he wears to the grocery store, etc. he does the same thing — rewears for a few weeks before disposing. He’s very conscientious so if he “approves” that, it’s good enough for me.

    7. I’ve heard you can put them through the dryer to kill germs, but I’d need to look up what heat settings are recommended. When I was using the disposable masks, I was hanging them up between (brief) wears, and rotating between a few at a time. I prefer cloth masks though, way better for the environment.

  16. Do any of you have a Solo Stove? We’ve used our patio all summer long to host socially-distant hangs and to just generally enjoy our outdoor space. We live in the upper Midwest, so that time is rapidly coming to a close.

    Husband and I currently own a raised, portable/movable firepit, but it gives off a ton of smoke so I’m eyeing up a Solo Stove. Any pros/cons from those of you who might own one? I’m attracted to its tidiness, its smokeless nature, ease of use, and its looks. We have a large patio area (and are a family of 5) so I’m also wondering if anyone has size or accessory recommendations. Thanks, wise hive!

    1. Hello from also in the upper midwest! We have and lovethe medium size one- we bought the bundle with the ring stand, and also with the black garage/organizer stand – which are both great. We’ve had it for a few weeks, and maybe used it 5 times- I love that we can put it back in the garage when we’re done, in a dedicated tidy spot with the wood, cover, and accessories. I also love that it doesnt require a dedicated spot in our patio/yard, and doesnt disturb the ground underneath – even the grass. It burns hot, and it’s smoky for maybe the first five minutes, but then it’s pretty smokeless. The only real downside is dumping/disposing of the remaining ash- it can get messy, and we havent figured out a good way to manage that yet. I have ash all over my black sneakers today, from trying to dump it out yesterday afternoon.

      1. Agree with all of this! They got me with Instagram ads this summer and I’ve been glad we have it for outdoor gatherings this fall. It puts off some smoke to get started or if you don’t keep the fire burning hot, but otherwise isn’t too smokey. I will echo that cleaning it out is a pain. Definitely get the weather proof cover – just because you can put it away after each use doesn’t mean you will want to. For social distancing purposes, I wish it threw heat a little further but for a small group gathered around it, you are probably fine. We have the medium size, maybe the largest one would be better for that. Make sure you have a source of well seasoned wood for it – it makes a difference in how well it burns.

        1. +2 to the above. I have the medium sized one and it does not throw heat for the driveway HHs I have been using it for. I still really like it, but don’t get one of the smaller sizes if you are using it as your main source of heat.

    2. We have the medium size- our friends who have the small size say it is too small. Confirm if you do it right, it really is smokeless. It is also very light and easy to move, which I love for our tiny backyard.

    3. I have the small one and I’m having some trouble getting it lit and keeping it that way. Former Girl Scout so I know what I’m supposed to be doing, but it doesn’t work. Any tricks or products you use for that? I just bought fatwood to try, which feels like cheating :)

      1. I assume you’re using a teepee log formation- a log cabin doesnt really fit, even in the medium size. I lose fire when I don’t have enough air circulating under the flames- those holes at the floor of the cylinder and around the bottom can sometimes get clogged – especially if I use too much kindling or have too much ash down there

        1. I was actually doing a small A-frame. Maybe I’ll give the teepee approach a try, and I’ll check for the ash situation too.

    4. YES and it is truly amazing. I have the Bonfire model for my city backyard. It’s perfect for 2-5 people. My suburbs friends have the Yukon model and said it eats firewood too quickly (but is nice if you have a family and need a large size fire pit for regular use of 4-7+ people). It’s my best pandemic purchase. I didn’t buy any of accessories because they seem unecessary. It truly provides a lot of warmth and crackle with minimal smoke. I don’t mind campfire smell but DH immediately takes off his fireput clothes and puts them away to prevent them from contaminating his inside clothes.

  17. I know now is not the time to search, but I’d like to try a new church. How did those of you who attend (and maybe switched) find yours? Honestly our area is pretty affluent and not as diverse as I’d like it to be. I’m trying to proactively seek out ways to diversity our community, and church seems like a great way to accomplish that. We’re Episcopalian, but I’d be open to other denominations.

    1. For me it’s really important that my church is LGBT friendly. I’m not part of that community myself but don’t want to be part of any church that isn’t welcoming to people who are. I find that by clicking around the church’s website and social media you can often tell if they are indeed welcoming and inclusive.

        1. I’m Jewish but I love passing churches with rainbow and BLM flags.

    2. By trying a bunch of different ones in my preferred denomination, although I would’ve been open to others had we not found the right fit. During Covid times, it’s pretty easy to find online church services. No, you probably won’t meet people that way, but you will get a sense of whether the worship style is for you.

      TBH, I don’t have as much of a sense of community through my church as I’d like. Or maybe it’s happening more slowly than I’d like. But I like its stance on social justice and the worship style, so I stay.

    3. A lot of churches are doing online services. You can start there to see if you like the worship style, messages, etc. I really don’t know much about denominations, but we go to a Nazarene church. I like it because it has a modern worship style and really tries to reach out to people who may not have had much experience attending church before.

      As far as diversification, see what types of outreach programs they have.

    4. Actually, now is a great time to search because so many churches have virtual services, bible studies, etc. I always start with the church website to determine if their values/views meet my minimum standards. Then, I would watch the online services to see if you like it. If they are having virtual smaller group meetings, attend one. That can narrow down your options by a lot so that you only need to visit a couple of places when it’s safe.

      1. This is actually a terrible time to look for a church. I am considering leaving my UMC congregation because of the pastor and lay leadership’s stance on COVID and racial justice. I don’t know how I’d be able to get connected with the people of a new church or evaluate what the place is really like. On-line services are just passive consumption, and you don’t meet or interact with anyone. Our church has very few small groups meeting on line, and none are accepting new participants. To someone visiting for the first time during the pandemic, things would look even worse than they actually are, because there is a sizeable proportion of the congregation that does not agree with the leadership but whose voice has been silenced in the virtual world. It’s also impossible to get involved with the youth and music ministries right now, which to me are the most important parts of church life.

        1. I was thinking along the same lines. In my area, congregations that are more diverse are also a bit more conservative. But this doesn’t mean the congregants agree with the leadership’s views; people just take more of the attitude, “Well, of course a priest would say that; he’s a priest.” I think that might not come through online.

    5. If you’re already Episcopalian, try out some other Episcopalian congregations that are a little further away. They can vary a fair bit depending on the makeup of the congregation.

      I’m Anglican (name for Episcopalian in Canada), I moved to the suburbs but I still attend the downtown church where are led by a female minister (married with kids), we have a refugee support group, sponsored 2 Syrian families, have included BLM signage outside our church, and LGBTQ couples can be married in church.

      1. We’ve had people move in and out of our Episcopal church for similar reasons. I’d definitely check out other Episcopal and Lutheran churches in your area.

        1. On the Lutheran front – if you are Episcopal, look for an ECLA church, not a Missouri (LCMS) or Wisconsin synod church. The latter two are not in full communion with any other denominations (even ELCA) so I think you’d have to formally convert to take communion, and don’t allow women pastors (along with many of the other theological and cultural positions you would imagine with that policy).

          We visited our church because it is the closest ELCA church to where we live, and we knew we wouldn’t go regularly if it wasn’t within walking distance (city life!). Luckily for us, it was the one with the BLM signs, rainbow and trans flags, and immigrant welcoming banner and we are very happy with our small congregation. The ELCA is NOT a diverse denomination by any stretch – our congregation is more diverse than most but is not demographically representative of the larger city. You might try UCC churches too.

    6. I redid my (Episcopal) church’s website a couple years ago and have thought way more about church websites than I ever wanted to. Websites really do say a ton about a congregation. It’s been true in my experience that if a church uses the diocese’s default website template*, they’re a stagnant congregation that’s not moving forward. *How to tell: if it reminds you of web pages you used to visit using Netscape. On the website, take a moment to read the welcome from the rector – they put a lot of thought into that and it will tell you a great deal about where the church has been and where it’s going. Look at what the minister’s saying on the church’s Facebook page – does it jive for you? (It’s almost always the rector posting on FB.)

      Keep in mind that the Episcopal church is overwhelmingly white, affluent, and older, and racial diversity can be hard to come by. LGBTQ can be easier to find.

    7. Counterpoint: This actually might be an ideal time to search. In my area, services have moved online or are hybrid for the most part . Might be a good time to audit a few in your area and get a feel for what feels like the right message and tone that aligns with your beliefs. Smaller social groups may be meeting via Zoom. Could be a way to dip your foot in and try a few without a lot of commitment.

      1. IME, smaller groups that are meeting by Zoom are not accepting new participants, especially casual visitors.

    8. My husband has always gone to pretty liberal and diverse Catholic churches. He has found them through recommendations by his Jewish friends. Not sure if there is a connection, but I find it kind of funny.

  18. For the Texans on this site- I’m crowdsourcing some thoughts on my career/politics and would really appreciate your input. I grew up in texas but have been living on the east coast since college (and I’m early 30s) I have always wanted to run for office and I am still relatively involved in the democratic party in my hometown. I’m a very moderate democrat and WOC (pro- business, gun owner, socially liberal) and I’m trying to get a sense if over the next 15 or so years demographic (or other) shifts are likely to result in the possibility that a a moderate democrat could consistently win a statewide election. I know the party thinks that a blue (or purple) Texas is imminent, but I am less bullish on that.

    I love Texas and want to move home and get really involved in its future. I’m just trying to wrap my head around whether this is a decision to get involve in local politics and maybe run for congress but never go any higher than that. In the interest of making an informed decision.

    Does that make any sense?

    1. Would you move to a Texas city (you may be too centrist for winning a primary) or big-city suburb (probably spot-on) or somewhere really rural (probably not good for your electability, although some races are nonpartisan and in smaller places, you may deal with fewer nutters in a primary).

    2. After the election results skewed as red as they did, I ABSOLUTELY think there will be some central movement from Texas Dems. Personally, I’m quite annoyed that we didn’t have more centrist Dem candidates. You can’t win in Texas by advocating for the Green New Deal, “sensible” gun regulations (universal background checks are about as far as you can go from my discussions–anything less specific than that will be interpreted as “taking all my guns”), medicare for all, or any of the other wishlist items from Dems at the national level. Also, the Democratic party *drastically* under spends in Texas. It was nearly impossible to get a Biden sign even a month out. I ended up buying five from a kid who made a small side gig of getting a bunch produced. Not really how I’d prefer to get it done but… I wanted a freaking sign! Anyhow, excuse the lack of a coherent response. There’s a lot bouncing around in my head re elections in Texas right now.

    3. You probably need to say where you’re from. Also confused about if you’re interested in local/congressional/statewide. I think statewide office is going to remain republican for a while. I also think the redistricting that’s about to happen is going to make a lot of republican congressional seats – NEWS MEDIA WHY AREN’T YOU TALKING ABOUT THIS. Texas is about to get a bunch of new seats and they will all be districted republican!

      If you really want to run I’d move home asap. In my big texas city, people don’t like people who spend too long outside the state. I went to a HYS law school with a lot people who planned to move home and run for office. Admittedly many were Republican and now are Democrats, which is an interesting shift that I think certain cohorts of a bunch of smart, idealistic people will have undergone depending on age. Almost all are disillusioned by politics. A couple have run for school board.

      1. I’m from Houston, although I could be interested in moving elsewhere in the state. I’m interested in running for congress, but looking ahead to running for statewide office as part of a longer term goal.

        I do plan to move back ASAP. You’re right about not liking ppl spending a ton of time out of state, which is one of the reasons I feel the need to do so much long range planning on this.

        1. Yeah, I think it’s tough to know what seat you’d want. But super interested in this! Couldn’t run for Fletcher’s obviously. I think Sri Kulkarni and Sima were both really likeable and those seats just don’t seem like they’re flipping soon. I think Dan Crenshaw in particular is here for a long while. Sheila Jackson Lee is 70 – maybe hers?

          As a democrat from Houston I’d be looking much harder at following an Amanda Edwards type trajectory. Or Lina Hidalgo! Who knew? Something local. But maybe that’s just me not feeling super optimistic about a lot of flipping anytime soon. I don’t think demographic changes in Houston are what’s going to flip the state – Houston’s already blue. And the legislature is going to make sure that the red districts stay red. But then I am literally just an interested local, so take that with a grain of salt!

          1. Yeah. How easy do you think it would be to move elsewhere in TX, or would people not take too kindly to that? I do love Houston but there are also plenty of other places I could move and would for my own personal reasons be interested in living (suburban, more rural like outside of Austin for example)

          2. Hmm not sure! I think that’s where my Houstonian knowledge ends! I guess the main point I was trying to confirm was that if you’re thinking you’d want to run for congress, I’d have a very good idea of exactly what seat and what timeline because I think several of them are pretty locked up for the time being and any redistricting won’t favor democrats. Your best bet in Houston or elsewhere might be a retiring dem rather than a flip.

        2. Have you worked on any campaigns? Done any grassroots engagement? Worked in public service on the local level? That would better data points than we could.

        3. Also if you are from Houston and involved with democratic politics, please take anything this internet stranger says with a grain of salt! We need more committed candidates moving home!

    4. Well, you have the relatively recent example of Beto running at a state level to inform your decision.

    5. so i now live in Houston, but have previously lived in DC, NYC and Philly. Let’s just say that this past weekend I was really missing my old cities. Houston voted blue, but there are definitely Trump supporters in town with big signs outside their houses, I do not think a blue Texas is happening any time soon. If you look at the map, as soon as you go outside the city it is much more red and I think people here care very much about their own interests – guns, oil, etc. that even if they don’t like Trump, they were too selfish to think of society as a whole.

    6. I’m about your age and a native Texan, and I say GO FOR IT! We need more folks like you that will take the plunge. I think things really are making strides in the direction you want to go – especially in the cities and among our generation. As far as a statewide election, I don’t have enough insider knowledge about that to have helpful commentary – but I wanted to send you my support. I can see a future where Texas shifts in that direction, and honestly feel that a purple Texas is much more reflective of the people who live here.

    7. Maybe this is a bit heretical, but part of what I’m thinking about is if I really want a political career, maybe it’s worth moving to a place where that’s a bit more tenable for someone of my description. I love Texas and so I want that to be the answer, but I also deeply love this country in general and am willing to move to most places and make a new life there. I live in Virginia now and I genuinely love VA and virginians. Texas just has such a special place in my heart.

      1. I would just expect that no matter where you end up, you’ll have to “pay dues” for a little bit before jumping straight to a campaign. Where I live there is an established structure, for better or for worse, that picks the progressive candidates (and a similar one for conservatives) for everything from local city council to statewide office. If you try to run outside of that structure, it’s much more difficult. I’m not saying it’s right by any means, and it’s something I’d like to help change as I get more established in my state, but it’s definitely the reality.

    8. I worked in Texas politics in 2014-2016 (so, pre-Trump) and I absolutely loved the moderate Democrats I knew – both staff and members. Articulate, smart, and dedicated. I’d encourage you to consider the state legislature – Texas’ economy is (or was, when I was there) the 13th largest in the world, making it about the size of South Korea. If you want to make a difference, the #txlege (huge on Twitter – follow it) gives you a real opportunity to actually get things done in a way that gridlocked federal government doesn’t (I’m in federal now, and all the ugh).

      Start small. Choose somewhere you’d actually like to live and run for school board/city council/etc. Build a track record and a brand for yourself and see where you end up. Good luck!

    9. I’m kind of annoyed at the sentiment that demographic shifts will turn Texas blue. Demographics aren’t destiny. If you look at the NY Times’ Shift from 2016 map, the I-35 corridor from DFW to San Antonio shifted left, the Valley and West Texas shifted right. At least here in Fort Worth, that shift left actually occurred between 2016 and 2018. While many, many more voters turned out in 2020, we stayed at our 2018 red/blue split.

      If you want to be elected to an office in Texas, move here and get to work. Register voters and increase turnout. Run for office and lose but build up your network, campaign experience, and name recognition. Texas is huge, learn about what voters in your community care about. I’ve talked to people that are very concerned about the environment – but they need to keep their jobs at the oil fields. Some vote R just because that’s their team, but give them the right issue (marijuana legalization) and they start thinking of switching sides.

      Also, Annie’s List has training and support for women candidates in Texas, check them out.

    10. Beto’s race in 2018 changed the playing field for Dems running in Texas significantly. We (Texans running as Democrat for office, and Texans looking to volunteer to help them) have better infrastructure, exposure and more capability to raise money now thanks to Beto’s campaign. At least in my area (Tarrant County) local groups that formed to do the footwork of voter registration and education.
      This outcome of this election cycle showed, to me, that we have ever increasingly attractive candidates, who can raise money and have eager volunteers but we weren’t able to get the votes needed to win. Perhaps in the future that will change. I know that any redistricting done by Republicans is going to make it even harder in the future.
      That being said, we need good people to run and run again if they don’t succeed the first time, NOW and in the future. We need volunteers to continue to work to support campaigns and between voting cycles register and educate voters. Tarrant county went blue for Beto and again for Biden in the last two election cycles, which is a big deal for Texas politics. So yes, come on down and get involved in Texas politics.
      I guess I don’t understand why you need to determine if it’s worth doing and how far you intend to go right now. I would think as you follow this desire and get involved you will find that answer more easily than if you try to analyze it that answer into existence.

    1. I haven’t but I just wanted to say I’m about your size and I’m envious that you have that dress. It would be very flattering on! Though probably too short for me at 5’11”.

      I’ve heard good things about their quality.

  20. Is there a good place to get some N-95 masks?

    Cases are spiking and we feel it’s a matter of time before someone in our family gets it. We can isolate due to having as many bedrooms as people, but would want something to use to stop in-household spread should only one of us seem to get sick at first (with the goal being we keep one grownup healthy to help care for others / note symptoms / manage, since we have young kids at home who could survive for a while on cereal and granola bars, but our halloween candy is dwindling, so they’d need at least a remote grocery order while we convalesce).

    1. We got some from Honest PPE, which was recommended in my local paper, and everything that arrived (within a week) looks good/legit. We placed the order since my husband has jury duty coming up and we have a high-risk person in our household. I would not order from Amazon right now since there are so many counterfeits in every category of product they sell.

    3. I saw N95 masks at Menards and the Home Depot. By the paint section. Other hardware stores may have them, too.

      (I’m in a blue enclave in Indiana, so it may depend where you’re located.)

  21. i literally spent all weekend trying to think about what one or two issues am i so passionate about that could’ve led me to vote for Trump in lieu of Biden. the only things i could come up with, was something like eliminating Israel and putting all Jews in camps (I am Jewish and grandparents are Holocaust survivors) or a candidate saying if you have two kids you have to give one away (i’m a parent of 2), which if that was the views of the opposing candidate, i think we’d have even bigger problems. You can support more conservative views, and vote for that in every other race on the ballot. I really truly have been trying to understand. Like, I can kind of get if you work in the oil industry, are concerned about defund the police, or some other issue that effects you personally, but why do you want a president whose allies are dictators, who doesn’t believe in science, says horrible things about veterans, won’t condemn white supremacists, etc.. Is it that people are just that selfish?

    1. NY Times had a few good articles about this over the weekend but the one interview that stuck with me was the one where a lady said “he says what we think. I’m glad I don’t have to be afraid to say it anymore.” There is a lot of racism and misogyny in this country under a thin veneer of civility. Trump tears off the veneer and people are emboldened by that, not saddened.

      And lack of education – people literally believe anything they read on social media. They have no ability discern false information. Education is this country needs to vastly improve if we want the next generation to be critical thinkers.

      1. Your second paragraph is my extended family (born, raised, rarely leaves Alabama and Mississippi) to the core. Guns, god, babies (anti abortion) and that is about it – all things they fully believe republicans defend/protect and therefore they get their vote. The headlines about “defund the police” (mind you, they had no true understanding of what the intent/movement was) was just icing on their cake of why they would never vote democratic. They don’t understand or care about foreign policy. They’re being told that they’ll have to pay for everyone’s college tuition and healthcare if dems win, and they can’t afford that for themselves, so why on earth would they vote democratic. Taxes will go up with dems is another thing they squarely believe, meanwhile 1/3 of them are below the poverty line and don’t understand that their specific taxes are unlikely to go up at all. The other 2/3 are a hair above, but still don’t understand it. They believe everything their pastor feeds them to boot.

        It’s incredible to observe from afar, especially in my squarely blue northeastern state, but I’m at the same time grateful for the perspective.

        1. I have relatives in my extended family with similar views. The ones who are well-off are particularly worried that they will have to pay for everyone else’s healthcare and tuition. I’m just not engaging with them for the time being.

      2. People are so emboldened now. Someone had the nerve to say “black people are the problem” in a FB comments section of a news article, using their real name, and then several people sub-commented agreeing with them. Straight-up open, proud racism, which in my experience would have been far more underground pre-Trump.

        On the one hand, f%^# people like this. One the other hand, at least they’re letting us know who they are.

        1. Yes, I do appreciate that we now know they are out there instead of pretending that we are in a post-racist society.

    2. From what I have heard it from my sample size of Facebook acquaintances: single issue voters (often but not always catholic) who are thrilled that Trump appointed conservative judges to the SC and is pushing through legislation that gives big business more freedoms. The ‘I just vote for the guy who lowers taxes’/’the stock market is doing great, what are all you people made about’ crowd. The law and order crowd who bought the Fox News propaganda about defunding the police. Those are who I would call the ‘shy’ Trumpers.
      The ‘loud and proud’ group are the racists/homophobes/misognyists/anti-Semites who truly do want to go back to the days when being a straight white man meant you were worth more than women/minorities/etc.

      1. Agree with this- it came up on my husband’s college friend chat group, and the guy who reluctantly admitted to voting for trump said he did it as a “small business owner who has to vote for the guy on his team if he’s up to bat even if he doesn’t like him as a friend outside of the game” Selfish BS in my mind- if you’re embarrassed about who you’re voting for maybe you need to rethink your vote.

    3. Where do you live? There are >50M americans who voted for Trump. They have priorities like a pro-life belief, a lower tax rate, interests in oil & gas, a staunch opposition to gun control, a dislike of new entitlements…and a million other republican ideals.

      Yes, to some people, gun control issues >> social issues.

      1. even if your main issue is pro-life, after the SCOTUS confirmation, it should not have been a major issue in this election

        1. I can’t think of a way to make this sound not-snobby, but have you met most Americans? Do you really think they are following SCOTUS confirmations as closely as you are? I can guarantee you that my 94 y/o grandmother with diminishing mental capacity voted for Trump because she is anti-abortion. Full stop.

          My BFF works in a rural area of a swing state. During the election she would text me every time a coworker told her why they were voting for Trump. It was guns, guns, abortion, guns, oil, farms, and guns. You can argue all day long that X or Y candidate is for or against these issues, but most people don’t do a whole lot of candidate research and they vote party lines.

          I asked where you live currently because the question you are asking is one I hear often in my very liberal state. My in-laws are from a red state and my extended family lives in a swing state (most of them are in the liberal urban centers but some are in the outskirts).

          1. “Have you met most Americans?” So true. I have lots of very ardent trump supporters in my family. Their talking points are make America great again, antifa, riots, snowflakes, all lives matter, cities are dumpster fires and just the general trump is a real man stuff. Try to drill down one level deeper and there’s nothing there.

            Their support for Trump is like their support for their favorite sports team. It’s an identity. Facts don’t matter.

          2. Pretty much every pro-life person I know is VERY aware of ACB’s confirmation. It was a major news event in those circles/churches/etc. I live in an urban state, but with significant rural, flyover country ties.

    4. I found out that my conservative uncle who previously voted for Obama and Clinton (under pressure from his family) voted for Trump. His kids are shocked and one is considering cutting him out of his life (not just over this, but it’s a factor). Uncle’s reasons were a) Trump’s peace deals in the Middle East, b) he doesn’t support critical race theory, and c) (related to b), he does not like Kamala Harris. He is also a small business owner and I know it influences his economic priorities in elections. He often speaks to his brothers who are full-blown racist conspiracy theorists and he no longer has the moderating influence of his late wife to counterbalance their pernicious influence. I think he has also spent a lot of time on YouTube listening to centrist/right-wing personalities taking down critical race theory.

      Overall, my cousins and I are baffled that someone who claims to be not racist has made critiques of critical race theory (a perfectly valid thing to do), but then turned that into support for the racist, white nationalist candidate. It’s shocking and disappointing.

    5. I read the WSJ, and their coverage of Trump over the years was almost entirely about his pro business agenda. Their endorsement of him noted his unique style of governing, and did not at all evaluate the massive financial risk that he was turning the US into a Russian style plutocracy. I think if you are one of the folks in the financial industry who don’t consume much media outside your field you likely were voting for a pro business agenda.

      1. This is a generalization, but a lot of people in the financial industry are only smart to a point. They can crunch the numbers and move columns around and sometimes they can be strong strategists, but it’s not a field that requires critical, original thinking and analysis. Between that and the wealth it generates, I’m not surprised the field attracts Trump types.

    6. A similar question came up few days back and I answered sincerely. My comment was taken down because the people on this board don’t want the truth, they just want an echo chamber where they can assure each other they are good and others are bad. Anything that suggests that they are not really as saintly as they think they are is not very palatable and should be removed ASAP. Self-reflection is hard work, it is much easier to turn a blind eye to the realities and go back to virtue signaling.

      1. Are you the one who called Dem policies “dangerous” then refused to discuss why you believe that? Defending your position is hard work, it is much easier to make inflammatory statements without any explanation.

      2. Were you the commenter who talked about how every adherent of a particular religion endorses violence? Your comment was despicable. I’m (one of) the people who reported you, and if I was running this site, I would have blocked your IP from commenting ever again. It was one of the most vile things I’ve ever read here, and I’ve been reading this site since around 2010.

      3. Well if you were the commenter who said that all Muslims are bad, no exceptions, then got deleted then I don’t think you have a leg to stand on here.

      4. Why is it that all Trump voters are bad/evil is allowed here and all Muslims are bad not allowed? Why the hypocrisy? Of course it is vile, inflammatory for you if you are not at the receiving end of the harm done by that ideology.

        1. Do you really not understand the difference between political opinion on the one hand and religion and ethnicity on the other?

      5. Hey, are you going to do some self-reflection as to why you keep supporting a political party who cannot seem, for the life of them, to win the popular vote? If you are willing to do that self-reflection maybe I’ll do some. If you’re going to stay in your entrenched position that you are right and everyone else is wrong, then forget it. You’re doing you’re own “virtue signaling” with this ridiculous post; it’s just a different (very questionable) type of virtue.

        P.S. your post got taken down because it was insulting and inflammatory, not because of what you said. Learn to read a room, maybe. I hope you are not this bad at understanding your audience in your offline professional life.

    7. Some of the recurring reasons I’ve heard from moderate Republicans:
      – “Defund the police” slogan/movement–this was discussed recently here, and folks talked about how “demilitarize the police” would be better.
      -Economics: don’t want taxes to go up; don’t want redistribution to benefit people who are lazy, don’t have initiative, remind them of their never-do-well relative, etc.; don’t want pie-in-the-sky liberal econ experiments that’ll mess with what people have (e.g. universal basic income, which is a fringe idea, but still scares people)
      -Nat’l security/border: Most people don’t want kids in cages, but they don’t want to completely defund DHS (recall that abolish CBP was a popular slogan too). And many immigrants support legal immigration with limits, esp if their families had to wait in line…
      -COVID restrictions: People are afraid of a mass national shutdown, people don’t like how out of control mask-shaming has become (which is also happening to liberals in northeastern states if people are unmasked OUTSIDE, e.g. in states like Mass.), people think the widespread shutdowns weren’t worth the hysteria, economic pain, increase in other health emergencies (lack of preventative health screenings, increase in substance abuse, mental of health issues, closed schools, etc.)
      -Fatigue with the overreach of cancel culture, thought policing, etc.

      There was a good piece in the NYTimes a day or so ago where Rep. Connor Lamb was interviewed. He rebutted some things AOC said in a recent interview. AOC claimed Dems need to do better with digital advertising, Lamb (who’s from a swing district and won) said no, it’s not about that, it’s the message (e.g. people don’t like the idea of defund the police).

      1. I like AOC a lot. She’s very smart but she lives in a northeastern urban bubble.

        1. I’m pretty sure they have internet in other parts of the country. She’s not wrong about the digital thing. That’s not to say Lamb isn’t right about the messaging part.

          1. Oh look our resident “definitely not a racist but…” is here to tell the young WOC to shut up. Classic!

          2. How do you conclude that? My desire for her to be quiet right now has nothing to do with her ethnicity. I dislike how she went after the Lincoln Project, and I think she doesn’t fully understand how her policies / positions drive away those who would have otherwise come over to Biden-land. Anyway, how odd that after I just voted for a biracial woman to be one heartbeat away from the presidency (and was a supporter of hers earlier on in the process), that you think I want to shut POC up. Here’s a concept — can you try, just try, to think about evaluating someone’s policies and pronouncements based on who they are and not the color of her skin? I don’t particularly want to hear from Amy Coney Barrett right now either and she’s Whitey McWhiterson.

      2. Ugh, mask-shaming is not an actual problem and I can’t take anyone seriously who thinks that it is or that it’s on par with issues like the active destabilization of our democratic process. Sure, be privately pissed about it, whatever, but it’s not an actual issue of national importance.

      3. Honestly most of this reads like selfishness to me, especially the idea of poor people being lazy and the unwillingness to take covid precautions.

      1. Oh blech. I’m Jewish btw. The embassy moving was stupid and all he did was “broker peace” with states that weren’t fighting Israel to begin with.

        1. Belch yourself.

          The embassy move was voted on by the Senate in the ’90s and passed by a huge margin. Once we moved our embassy, other countries followed suit.

          Those peace deals ARE incredibly important.

          You are Jewish, but you are ONE Jewish person and not the spokeswoman for all Jews, nor for Israel.

      2. Zionists are not doing a wonderful service to that nation or the Jewish people in general.

    9. edited to add – i live in Texas, DH works in energy and we still couldn’t stomach the idea of Trump for another 4 years

    10. I can’t think of anything that would get me to vote for Trump or a Trump Lite candidate. However, if in the next cycle the Dems have gone all progressive and want to forgive college debt and take away private healthcare and the Republicans have a Never Trumper nominee I would vote for the Rs. I am not interested in funding someone’s philosophy degree and think all you need to do is take a look at the VA to see how poorly we would run healthcare.

      1. There is a difference between privatizing healthcare vs. privatizing health insurance.

    11. One of my long time friends lives in Texas (I’m in CA) and he voted Biden. He posted a pic of Biden and Harris this weekend after the election was called. A lot of his Texas friends were actually calling him names. One of his friends said “you and your commie friends” – so I guess now I’m a commie – and got a lot lot likes! I want to say ignorance but these people are just as educated as my friend and I are. I guess willful ignorance. It is really disappointing.

    12. My husband’s southern baptist relatives are one issue voters: abortion. We’ve had discussions with them and literally the O.N.L.Y. thing they care about is voting against a party that permits abortion. I chose my words carefully there – they’re voting against Democrats, not for Trump. Most of them think Trump is undignified, crass, a bad person, etc, etc, but they feel morally that they can’t vote for a party that allows “murder.” The rest of the policy about human life – healthcare, education, etc, etc – doesn’t rise to the level for them of balancing out “murder.”

      My older relatives were Bush Republicans in the last century, but social media and cable news have changed them. My family’s always been comfortably middle class, doing the type of professional jobs that you used to be able to do with an associate’s degree but now need a master’s for. My mother called me nearly in tears last week, worried about socialism and anarchy and riots. She says she doesn’t watch the news anymore, but she spends ALLLLLLL her time on FB, so heaven knows what inaccurate memes and snippets of doomsday news stories she’s seeing in her feed. When Abigail Spanberger lambasted the party for going too far to the left, I can tell you that the threat of socialism is very real among middle class Republicans with just enough education to remember from high school that socialism = Russia = Cuba = bad. Republicans have very successfully painted the Democratic party as the party of the big bad wolf of socialism for millions of average Americans.

      1. If you’re anti-abortion, you should vote Democrat. You end up with fewer abortions because of improved access to birth control, among other things. Of course people who claim to be “pro-life” don’t actually care about fewer abortions, though. If they did, their votes and actions would look very different.

        2. Uhh, do you realize that the pro-choice crowd considers many forms of birth control abortion?

          2. I can’t help them if they’re that uneducated and unable to process information correctly.

    13. thanks all. as i mentioned above, i am in TX and DH works in energy. i have a friend whose grandmother had 9 kids (very pro life) and voted democrat for the first time in her life in 2016, bc even though she cares SO much about abortion, she cares more about society as a whole

    14. Money, money, money. I got mine and I don’t care about people other than myself. I don’t know how else to explain some of my / h’s extended family otherwise.

    15. I have several relatives who voted for Trump in 2016 (cousins and an aunt) and a few of them did vote for him again this year despite being considerably less enthusiastic. They are low to moderate-income, white or Mexican-American, with some community college (one has a bachelor’s degree). Several are veterans (enlisted, not officer). They identify as Christian but don’t attend church, and they favor marriage equality (one of my cousins – not among the Trump voters – is gay and he and his partner are fully accepted and supported by the family), although they are not particularly progressive on trans issues. None of them were ever really attached to Trump as a person, and one of them really disliked him, as she is a survivor of s*xual assault during her military service. All live in Texas.

      So why did they vote Trump this year? Some of the things they mentioned:
      -Defund the police bothered them since they think that most police are trying to do the right thing. They want more police in their (largely low-income, higher crime) neighborhoods. They do think there are racist police but the nuances of the “defund” agenda were lost on them and they are very afraid of things getting less safe.

      -Not a lot of patience for protesting in general (which they viewed as something that rich people with time who don’t have to work do) and they felt like a Biden victory would lead to even more violence/rioting/looting. They are low-income and people on TV saying that destruction of property doesn’t matter bc business owners have insurance angered them. Some of them own small businesses (very small, like a corner store with 1 or 2 nonfamily employees) and those who don’t are employed by small businesses.

      -In general while they will, if you talk to them about it, agree that racism is a problem (including in their own lives in some cases), they do not generally feel much in the way of privilege as men/white people (not all of them are white, but those who are). This is because their lives are fairly financially precarious. Most of them earn about $30-40K annually; maybe one has hit $50K at some point in her life. They’ve needed food stamps or welfare at times in the past. They struggle daily to keep the lights on, a roof over their head, etc. and so someone talking about white privilege or male privilege on TV just makes them mad.

      -When you talk about free college or medicare for all or a green new deal, they want to know where the money would come from. If you tell them that Biden would only raise taxes on the rich, that doesn’t actually go over that well bc in general they view taxation as the government taking away money that belongs to you. So the fact that the government is only going to do it to rich people doesn’t mean much to them – that doesn’t make it okay in their view. (Also, even if college were free, they had so many challenges getting there/getting through it that it’s not particularly important to them as an issue.)

      -The economy mattered to them the most. Trump talking big about China and getting our jobs back and all that – that was appealing to them, because they general feel left behind economically. They were persuaded by arguments that Biden’s/the left’s plans (like GND, M4A, free college) would be super costly and hurt the economy. In general, their vision of the American dream is one where they have jobs that will let them support themselves and their families (note – this is why they mostly supported a higher minimum wage). Having lots of benefits provided by the government is not part of that vision. Put differently, they’d rather be able to pay for college than get free college.

      Social issues (abortion, gun rights) generally didn’t matter to them at all. They were neutral to positive on drug legalization.

      The plural of anecdote isn’t data, but it was an interesting conversation. I will say that all of them expressed some degree of excitement about having a woman as VP and all were neutral to mildly positive on Biden. All said they were glad that they weren’t going to have to listen to Trump shooting off his mouth anymore. Also, probably the funniest thing – even though some of them didn’t vote for him they were waxing on about how great Obama is. Absence (and time) make the heart grow fonder…

    16. I work in Big Oil. We are seeing a lot of job cutbacks right. As a single mom, a lot of consideration went into my vote. While my positions of social issues are definitely aligned more with the left as I’ve gotten older, I’ve always voted R, strictly because that’s what puts food on my table and a roof over my child’s head. When it comes down to it, we all want to treat humans as equals and with kindness, but if it’s a very real possibility that your own child’s welfare in the balance, how can that not be the most important issue to you? That said, I voted for Biden. And haven’t told a soul. And I was an “undecided” for a long time. It’s not about Trump voters all being ignorant racists – not everyone’s story or options are the same.

      1. Real question – I truly understand voting for the hear and now putting food on the table but wouldn’t that make more sense voting at the state and congressional level R and not at Presidential level? Also, will you be able to look your child in the eye knowing you voted against a healthier Earth (in terms of climate change but ALSO in terms of polluted air, water, and ocean since Rs are rolling back environmental protections that were in place for decades) that your child will inherit?

        To me voting is about looking at the hear and now and looking at what I want for the future. I would be literally ashamed to look my kid in the eye to vote for a party that is literally rolling back protections related to run-off, dumping, particulate allowance and air filtering, fracking that made our groundwater vulnerable, etc. And I say this as a proud Texan and Houstonian whose entire career is in that same field. It’s the same way Boomers have been voting slashed budgets for their immediate wallets and then closing their ears when their is no investment in their states. It’s mindboggling to me.

  22. Is it just me or is one of the key things that refutes Trump’s allegations of fraud the fact that the Democrats didn’t do better? Like if it was all a conspiracy, why did the Dems do badly in a number of House races and fail to win the Senate? Did the conspiracy involve voting Biden as president and then GOP down ticket? Like #worstconspiracyever

    1. I know. If Democrats were going to commit fraud, wouldn’t McConnell and Graham be our number one targets? The GOP is so deluded.

      1. Or that NJ Congressman who switched from D to R? Why was he re-elected if there was a D conspiracy?

      2. they’re totally shameless. when you see the videos of maga ers yelling “count the votes” in arizona but “stop the count” in michigan ON THE SAME DAY it truly illustrates the level of shamelessness. dems need to get on that level honestly if this is the fight we’re having. taking the high road is not working

        1. This was literally an episode of Veep. Between that and the Four Seasons Total Landscaping fiasco, comedy writers must be like, “we can’t compete with that”

      3. Right! I saw that tweet this weekend. Do you really think if we could rig elections Mitch McConnell would have won??

        Honestly Trump is going to keep this going as long as he can because he’s fundraising during this period to “keep the fight going” but the fine print says funds may be used to pay off his re-election campaign debt. Article in the WSJ this weekend, that liberal rag.

        Once a grifter, always a grifter.

    2. HAHAHAHA. No.

      You do not commit fraud before an election for several reasons. It is harder to do; the ballots are sealed and the voting machines need to have “zero tape” read out of them at the start of the day. You do not know who will show up on Election Day to vote; voting with their names en masse could lead to a lot of questions and expose the fraud. Most importantly, no one risks going to jail when the fraud does not change the result. If you are going to win by 10 or lose by 10, you don’t bother trying to stuff a few ballot boxes.

      Ergo, fraud is committed as the results start to come in, after the election is over. At that point, your #1 consideration is speed. American ballots are long; there’s no point in filling out each and every little persnickety race, city council position, ballot question, or amendment. You laser-focus on the race you want to flip and churn out new ballots as fast as humanely possible.

      That is why “undervotes” are an indicia of fraud. While many people will cross their vote (for example, in 2012, many Massachusetts Obama voters also voted for Scott Brown), and there are a certain number of people who will blank their ballots for down-ballot races, high numbers of undervotes raise questions.

      1. Yeah, that doesn’t make any sense. An unusually high number of votes for president only and no one else down ticket would be flagged and raise questions so it would be like putting a giant neon sign on those ballots.

        Obviously, there is no fraud. It’s just sad (but also typical and hilarious) that they can’t even come up with a coherent conspiracy theory.

        1. That’s what Trump’s lawyers claim, without evidence. It’s also what Jill Stein said in 2016 to justify a recount. Undervotes are perfectly normal, including the extent to which they have been observed this year in WI.

        2. You have to compare Wisconsin to Wisconsin in prior years, not to other states. Because it all depends on what’s down ballot. I often skip the endless slate of judges and transit directors and parks directors because I’ve never hear of any of them (sorry, Leslie Knopf.)

    3. I mean, it’s a cute thing to point out, but no, it’s not at all key. It’s key that the Republicans have not provided evidence, that a lot of their lawsuits were already dismissed or withdrawn, and that this is also true for states with Republicans controlling the election.
      But when it comes to circumstantial things that we smirk about, my favorite is that half of the donations for the Republicans’ litigation go to offsetting the campaign’s debt. So transparent!

    4. This point actually makes me feel better. There’s a part of me that has been anxious that they really would find some evidence of fraud, however inconsequential (I mean, if there was ever a time that a person might tell themselves that the end justifies the means…) and create a bunch of a drama.

      1. That is definitely going to happen. I’m sure every election has some instances of fraud by individuals. That doesn’t mean that every instance goes toward a single candidate, or that it is significant enough to impact the vote count. But they’re definitely already dredging up every individual instance they can find to create a narrative that fraud was a problem in states that Biden won (but none that Trump won), and that all the fraud went in Biden’s favor. It will create a bunch of drama. No facts or lack of evidence will change people’s mind. By January, at least 48% of the country will honestly believe that Biden was not legitimately elected President.

    5. Favorite tweet this weekend:

      “My gut is that most conspiracy theorists have never been project managers.

      Their optimism is adorable”

      2. HAHAHA right??? The level of coordination and planning it would have taken to pull off what T rump and his supporters are claiming is phenomenal. Like we can’t even get a building built and have it done on time and under budget; how the heck would anyone (or group of people) have successfully coordinated that kind of widespread fraud??

        1. I didn’t think it was a conspiracy theory that electronic voting machines are sketchy as all get out. Doesn’t mean they’re being used for fraud though; I think security is just expensive.

    6. Yes and also the republicans are not challenging the validity of the down-ballot races, especially the ones they won. They were on the same ballots!

  23. Does anyone have a recommendation for supportive/orthopedic house shoes or house slippers for men?

    4. A second pair of whatever is the preferred outside shoe. The second pair never goes outside, so it’s the “inside” shoe. For me, that is a pair of New Balances.

      1. You have no idea how upset DH was when he wore his inside converse outside on accident.

    5. My husband wears Croc Rx (not regular crocs) as recommended by his podiatrist. There are some that look fairly like normal shoes.

  24. What mascara do you love? I’ve used the same Maybelline mascara for probably 15+ years and I think it’s time for a change. I have to use waterproof b/c my eyes tend to water and I sneeze a lot which causes them to water too. Also, eyelash curlers? I bought one of those heated curler-thingys but it didn’t do anything for my eyelashes. TIA!

    5. It’s the perfect time of year to try the holiday sampler set at Sephora! I try a new full-sized favorite once I finish the pack.

    6. I’ve tried everything from Covergirl to Dior and I always go back to Maybelline. Also, it is recommended that you get a new mascara every 3-6 months so I don’t want to spend $30 on a tube.

    7. I like the Milk Makeup Kush waterproof mascara, which I buy from Sephora. It’s waterproof and vegan. I don’t normally go for waterproof but I need something that will last all day without smudging and this does it.

    8. I really like the mascara from Thrive Causemetics. It’s a tubing mascara with fibers and stays on until you remove with hot water. Nothing I have tried even comes close.

    9. Monsieur Big and Perversion are my favorites, but I got a Lash Princess freebie from Ulta once (the green and black tube, can’t remember the name) and that was pretty great too.

    10. I really like Urban Decay Perversion mascara. I’ve cried with it, sweated with it, and it is great (combined with my favorite eyeliner, Stila Stay All Day). It doesn’t make my lashes super crusty and comes off fairly easily for being waterproof.

    11. I like Lancome Pret A Porter or Hypnose, both are waterproof. My wfh mascara is Loreal Lash Architect or Loreal Volume Collagen, also waterproof.

  25. I was recently promoted (yay!) and am in the process of transitioning jobs with my predecessor, who has also been promoted. I am already official in my new role and predecessor is official in theirs, but predecessor has not moved to their new work location in another state yet. Predecessor has been in the role for over a decade and seems to be having a hard time letting go. I am starting work in my new location this week and will be taking over predecessor’s office. Over time, they have amassed a huge amount of both non-critical work-related and personal ephemera in their office. It is dirty and bursting at the seams with unfiled papers, binders, books, personal decorations, shoes, etc. When I visited a few weeks ago to start the transition, predecessor commented that they will “try” to clean out the office before they leave, but their belongings are still all over the office. I don’t want or need most of these items. I am eager to get the office cleaned and organized and make it my own, but don’t want to insult predecessor as I will need to continue to work with this person. The mess is stressing me out. How would you approach this?

    1. Are they still working in the space? You can’t organize it and make it your own until they leave, it’s not your office yet.

    2. The week the predecessor moves, ask building services for a large trash bin and a large recycling bin. Have them placed their office. If predecessor doesn’t take the hint, then go in and mercilessly trash everything over the weekend before you start the role.

        1. I think your reaction is overwrought. This is exactly how every office reassignment works at my employer.

    3. Could you box everything up and then ask the predecessor where they would like for it to be stored? If you don’t get an answer, is there a storage closet or file room that you could move their stuff to? Something similar happened to one of my co-workers but in that case, the predecessor was passive aggressive and didn’t move her things probably just to be difficult and I think her stuff is still where she left it but boxed up – ugh!

  26. I have a long way to go in understanding or forgiving Trump voters. In particular, I have noticed that the wealthier blue-collar workers in my state — yes that’s definitely a thing — are among his most ardent supporters. What kills me is that I know several who are married to Latina women, have biracial children, and don’t see the glaring cognitive dissonance. Their wives vote exactly like they do. I get that they are voting for economic reasons and because they’re gun nuts — but I truly despise these men (and women) for not seeing the bigger picture. And I know that’s a “me” problem but I am angry and can’t get over it.

    Signed,
    Grew up blue collar, now one of those college educated liberals they love to hate

    1. Their entire political ideology is basically “f*ck you I got mine.” I have no clue how to meet these people in the middle.

    2. I’ve pondered this a lot and have observed a few things that might be happening:
      1) some people know that he’s racist and don’t care because their other conservative values are ranked higher.
      2) These guys see their wives as different and not like other latinos (if they are anti-immigration in the very conservative sense) and
      3) the wives may be or may consider themselves as white with latino heritage
      4) they may be second or more and so look down upon more recent immigrants *cough cubans and dominicans* cough no matter if their own grandma or mom hopped the border illegally/overstayed a visa in search of a better life like the people that might currently do it

      1. At least in the SEUS, I’ve met enough racist white educated liberals that it may also just cancel out (especially if the liberals are classist as well). I hear what people say when only other white people are in the room, but I can’t imagine that people can’t tell.

    3. A lot of hispanic people are religious and socially conservative. A lot of legal immigrants don’t have a ton of empathy for illegal immigrants or people who try to “shortcut the immigration process” via asylum (I’m talking about the perception, not the reality, of asylum here). So I think it is patronizing to assume cognitive dissonance because they are married to latina women or to assume the latina women don’t understand the implications of their vote. You don’t need to forgive anyone so you can feel however you want, I just caution you to stop assuming all non-white people should default dem because that is very much not reality, especially with hispanic and asian communities. I also get frustrated with “tax bracket republicans” so I certainly feel your pain there. I wouldn’t worry about getting over it, just channel your energy into productive action (the january runoff in GA, state/local elections, 2022) instead of spending that energy judging your friends/acquaintances/coworkers.

      1. +1 One narrative doesn’t fit all immigrants. Democrats need to figure out their target audience and what ticks them. Cubans aren’t going to vote like Mexicans like Colombians. Chinese Mainlanders aren’t going to vote like Hong Kong-ers like Taiwanese like Vietnamese. Immigrants also care more about international policies because their emotional interests are still with their motherlands. Trump is particularly well liked in my community for his “hard stand” on China. In another community the issue may be anti abortion.

      2. Fair enough. I have a hard time understanding how anyone religious can support Trump, but that’s another conversation entirely.

    4. Interestingly enough, I don’t know any wealthy Trump supporters, the people I know (or knew) who’ve voted for him were working class people just trying to get by, and they chose to believe that a Trump presidency would mean a better economy – lower taxes, higher salaries, more career opportunities, basically a path to wealth. And the reality is, Trump doesn’t actually care about poor people. He wants to keep dangling the prospect of wealth in front of the workers like a carrot in front of a horse.

      But in those cases, the “my uncle voted for Trump, but he’s not a racist or anything, he just cares about keeping his hard earned money” doesn’t inspire a lot of sympathy for me.

      1. Many people cannot imagine that increased taxes could lead to more security for their families. They think the money will be spent on something else, and they’ll be worse off than before, when they’re already struggling.

    5. Of 3 people (not relatives) I know who voted Trump:

      One is a gay white man, married to same, with an adopted black child

      One is a white woman my age (mid fifties) whose son married a black woman and so she has a biracial grandchild

      One is a white man who married an a Indian immigrant (now citizen) and is loving stepdad to her children (whose father is also Indian)

      I don’t get it!

  27. Is anyone combining households for the holidays? Would you feel safe going to your elderly parents if you live in Va and they live in NJ (cases going up in both places but you don’t hear it in the news) IF you could stay home for 2 weeks prior to that. By staying home I mean not leaving the apartment, no takeout, no picking up mail in the lobby, and of course no seeing friends even outdoors. Of course I’d still have to take out the trash a few times and when leaving the building exit thru common elevators and doors to the garage (and while you can find the trash room empty, hard to find the elevators and garage door ever totally empty). Would you consider it? Parents are no help here because they’re like nah you don’t have to stay home for weeks, come when you want, come over tomorrow even if you went to the office today.

    1. While I think it’s wise to self-isolate before seeing elderly parents, I think the risk of picking up COVID in the elevator is overblown. I am planning on not seeing family (parents are 30 mins away) if cases in my area continue to rise the way they’ve been, but I really don’t think you have to worry about the trash room / elevator / garage exposure

    2. Is your concern infecting your parents? If so, then given what you said it sounds fine.

      We are hoping to visit my elderly grandma and thinking of getting COVID tests them quarantining for 5 days after, them driving to see her. Her state and our state both require neg tests to travel.

    3. Yes, I would do it after isolating for 2 weeks and did over the summer. Wear a mask in the elevator and otherwise don’t worry about that. Unless you get stuck for 30 minutes or more, I think it is extremely unlikely you will catch something in the elevator. (I say this as a New Yorker in an elevator building). I also think you can get delivery and go out for a walk or jog pretty safely (we did).

    4. Based on your parents’ approach, I would also want more information about exactly what they would be doing in the two weeks prior to arrival.

    5. Yes, we are going to see my in-laws for TG (just the 4 of us, total). None of us are hermetically sealing ourselves off beforehand, but we live a pretty Covid-safe life as is (WFH, and the only people we see indoors, unmasked, are my parents; otherwise it’s just brief periods of time indoors like a restaurant bathroom or quick grocery run).

    6. I’m sure it’s probably fine, but if your visit isn’t time sensitive (and holidays are kind of arbitrary) I’d aim for the window when numbers drop again after the winter holidays but before Easter. That way you don’t risk being part of the second wave or getting sick during the period when hospitals are overwhelmed. Not suggesting you wait forever, just avoid peak times.

      1. Me again. I actually don’t think it’s fine. Could you at least push it out to a safer time? Maybe create a family memory of the year we celebrated Christmas in spring?

    7. No. My anecdotal observations have been that people underestimate how much exposure they are getting. Either they are truly unaware, naïve, or lying. I know a handful of people who have gotten the virus while isolating and “have no idea where they could have gotten it”. Or they got it from a family member who was isolating and has no idea where they could have gotten it. According to health officials, the data shows spread is being driven by gatherings like this, and according to health officials, we need to skip family gatherings for the holidays this year, because we are in for a painful Winter. Sorry to be the debby downer, but I think its better to cancel. For what its worth, my family is also not doing holidays with extended family and it really really sucks.

      1. I think this is the voice of reason. In March, 1 out of 20 people in my NJ city were positive (and that only counts those tested). Ambulances were declining to take sick patients (with any illness) to the hospital if they were likely to die and instead leaving them to die at home. If there’s another peak in December, do you want to be here/participate in the behavior that causes it?

      2. Yep, same. I’m not happy about it, but we’re in a hot spot and it would be absolutely foolish at this point.

  28. Here’s our TG dilemma. We have 3 households:

    Husband and me. We are very careful, take all precautions, no socializing, etc. H is tested periodically by the hospital he works at. We take Covid seriously and he’s on top of the numbers medically.

    Daughter, lives in city by herself, works from home, no socializing, basically out of the house only for walks and groceries/necessities. Takes Covid seriously.

    Son, lives in city w 2 roommates (he has his own bedroom and bathroom), all are grad school students in the same program taking classes remotely. All are quite cautious; one of the roommates is high risk due to a lung issue; they are tested every Fri at their school and I feel very assured that they all take Covid seriously and practice appropriate measures. These are NOT party kids by any stretch of the imagination. No dating right now, all socialization is outdoors and distant.

    So we were going to have my daughter and son for TG. Son’s two roommates are from another country and are obviously not going anywhere for TG, so son asked if he could bring them. They will have just been tested, they are very isolated physically and my spouse thinks it’s ok bc they are a self-contained unit w my son Whether it’s us 4 or the additional 2, we will be masked unless actively eating, table will be set so we are all far apart, etc. Unfortunately outdoors is not an option as it’s Chicago. Thoughts?

    1. Forgot to mention that I have seen both my kids a few times since the pandemic began, but all outdoors/distant (I’d drive to see them and we would walk around; I am not entering their apartments.)

    2. Invite them. Extra people from the same apartment is a small additional risk that is more than offset by giving people a place to go for the holidays. Even if they wouldn’t celebrate normally, they are here and someone can cook a turkey for them.

    3. Out of this group, the person with the most exposure is your husband so I wouldn’t expose the roommates to him.

      1. Agree that my husband is the biggest risk factor, but he’s also periodically tested, following all protocol for healthcare workers (obviously), and he’s the one wearing the N95/face shield/protective gear over his clothing when he’s doing deliveries or interacting with Covid-positive patients.

    4. Fellow Chicagoan, I hate to say it but I wouldn’t do it. I personally know several people in Chicago who have caught it in the last few weeks who are “taking it very seriously, taking all precautions”. I don’t mean to suggest they’re being dishonest, but that we truly cannot rely on others’ precautions at this point. My parents and siblings also live in the city and the warm weather has been a blessing because I got to see them when I thought I wouldn’t. But I’m not sharing any indoor spaces with anyone that doesn’t live in my household (just me and DH) because that’s what health officials are recommending.

    5. Don’t do any of this. You and husband should have Thanksgiving alone or POSSIBLY with your daughter there. No son – he can stay with his friends.

      1. This actually sounds like a great idea. Your son could spend it with his friends & introduce them to some American holiday traditions if he wants (watch the parade/sports) & have some food. Maybe they could also share some of their cultural traditions with him.

    6. I think your son and bus roommates, if your description is accurate, are one pod. You take them all or take none, including your son. Also, how far would they have to travel to see you? That also matters.

      1. Thank you all for your feedback; I truly appreciate it. Anon at 6:47 – just city to suburbs, not a far distance.

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