Weekend Open Thread: Maeve

110 Comments

1. I’m staying in Manhattan this weekend and have no plans. What would you recommend I do?

   1. A Broadway show is always the answer for me

      1. Buena Vista Social Club is SO GOOD!

   2. Museums. Eat well. Picnic in the park.

   3. depends heavily on what you’ve done before in the city, what you’re into. nyt just had a bookshop crawl in brooklyn. if it were me i’d take a look at what the museums have to see if anything is of interest. i’d also just start at 59th and 5th and start shopping down 5th ave, you can do same in soho.

   4. When I have weekends like that I like to go to a weird/fancy exercise class, get brunch, get a massage or spa treatment, shop, and find a cultural attraction.

      1. ooh see if you can go to AIRE ancient baths? or maybe someone can recommend a good korean spa, although that may be in queens

         1. Aire used to have a bizarre aqua cycling class in the basement that was literally just spin bikes thrown into a pool. I don’t recommend it but the spa looked nice.

      2. This is what I would do too.

   5. Where are you staying?

   6. Without knowing where you are staying or what you like to do, I would at least play for lotto tickets to Shakespeare in the Park (crapshoot because it’s a lottery; otherwise you have to wake up very early/stand in the stand by line but you might win!). This year’s production is great and being in the park at night watching great actors perform is just magical.
      You could also check out the newly redone Frick or go to some kind of bathhouse (I like the Russian baths downtown) or catch an outdoor movie – you can google around for free screenings or just get tix for RoofTop Cinema (https://rooftopcinemaclub.com/us/new-york/midtown/screenings). If you’re still in town Monday, Bryant Park will be screening Manhattan on the lawn.
      There are also lots of summer concerts, too (go to the parks webs*te). Or go to Tatiana near Lincoln Center and sit at the bar. Reservations are both impossible if you plan ahead and possible if you are alone or party of two and can be flexible going last minute. Same for Via Carota if you prefer Italian in the West Village. Or get omakase or just some really great hand rolls somewhere (KazuNori has 3 locations and all are great; I also love Noz Market on the UES).

   7. Run in Central Park. Walk around eating soft serve. Get a decent bagel. Read in a park. Go to a fancy cocktail bar and talk to strangers. Get a decent slice of pizza. Go to Moma or the Cloisters.

2. i’m 55 and have started playing the “is she younger or older than me” game. it’s amazing how hard it is to tell sometimes — people who have protected their skin tend to look younger, and the people who have not really, really look older.

   1. What kind of conversation are you trying to start around this?

      1. I read it as a reminder to all of us to wear sunscreen, which is great advice!

         1. Ew.

   2. I try to remember that people who have hard lives or health problems or bad genes (or just live a long time) look older too. It’s not a moral failing and not deliberate neglect that causes an aging appearance. And it’s also okay to age.

      Basically everyone thinks they look younger than their age, and very few do (it’s almost comical how prevalent this idea is). But go ahead and congratulate yourself on looking young, just please don’t disparage others.

      1. She never said she looked young.

      2. I agree. I live in a somewhat rural Midwestern region and you can tell that the blue collar people look a lot older than the office/knowledge workers on the local college campus.

         Access and affordability of healthier food options as well as healthcare (preventative and other) is such a huge factor, as is general stability of the job market. Someone working paycheck to paycheck on production shifts in the nearby meat packing or automotive factory has very different day to day worries than my family has.

         1. And smoking/alcohol use is very aging in my circles.

      3. I think many, many people look younger than their parents and grandparents looked at the same age. That’s all they mean. They don’t mean they look young compared to people around them. And it’s accurate.

         1. It’s only accurate in so far as styles have changed so that older women keep up with youthful trends. But it’s a real mutton dressed as lamb situation. The styling is youthful but the wrinkles, the greys, the menopause weight, the arthritic movements, etc, still give us away. You don’t overall look younger than Betty White did at 60, you’re just dressed like a contemporary 20 or 30 year old.

            1. You seem nice.

            2. Agree—some people look ridiculous chasing trends at 40. Find your style already, stop chasing lost youth.

         2. I look way older than my parents!

   3. I agree. Who knows these days. Recently I met someone who I thought looked middle aged and she was 70!

   4. I find that certain types of makeup, especially the overdone or outdated kind, can make people look so much older.

      Think dark eyeliner around the whole eye, too much bronzer, self tanner etc, combined with an unrealistic „girly curly“ hairstyle…

      Honestly, I am wearing less makeup now at 45 than I was wearing 10 years ago – the foundation and eyeshadow settles too much in wrinkles , so I’ve moved to lipstick, cream blush, eye brows, and brown mascara. I also moisturize the heck out of my skin and think it looks younger than some of my peers who do the whole face all done look.

      I think I commented here a while ago about the horrifying women’s networking event I attended where I could somewhat tell who was on a vanity GLP-1 based on their sunken-in face and wiry arms.

      1. Same age, and I’ve also noticed that doing too much actually looks worse (to me). I still wear makeup but use lighter formulations and softer colors than I used to. Coverage is no longer my goal.

      2. I actually think makeup makes a big difference in looking like you take care of yourself. I think it goes a long way to minimizing uneven skin, sparse brows and thinning lips. Bad makeup is bad at any age. But barefaced is definitely aging.

   5. I will say (and repeat often to my kids), I am frequently surprised when I find out how much younger than me certain people are who work with me that are heavy smokers. Smoking definitely ages your skin dramatically.

   6. IMO, how you move is the most important characteristic in whether you “seem” older or younger. Wrinkles and hair are secondary.

      1. This is definitely what makes the difference for how old I seem (if I’m favoring my back, or hunching to get a deep breath, I look fifteen years older right there).

      2. I have no idea what the secret is, but as a (way) overweight, somewhat frumpy 45 YO mom, when I visit my college daughter on campus, her professors often think we are sisters. I’m legit older than many of them. Not complaining by any means, it’s just that being so baby faced that I still get carded consistently is finally starting to pay off.

   7. … and how do you know they “protected their skin”? Are you with them when they’re applying their skincare products? IDK, this seems so overly judgmental, and who even cares. Nobody gets the moral high ground for having better skin. And, I wouldn’t even assume that’s the reason for the differences; I’d be more likely to pin it on overall lifestyle, genetics, health factors, etc.

      1. I thought she was talking about sun protection. My sun-loving aunt has skin like sandpaper. Wrinkled sandpaper.

         1. It’s highly genetic even still. I’ve been diligent/borderline obsessive about sun protection since my early 20s but my fair English skin shows a ton of damage. Not so much wrinkles yet (I’m only 41) but lots of freckles and pigmentation. People with darker skin can get a lot more sun with a lot less visible damage to show for it. I hate people making it entirely about sun protection – obviously it’s a factor (and I’d wear sunscreen even if I was dark, to lower my cancer risk) but as far as visible aging, your skin tone and genetics play a huge role.

            1. This, it’s 1000% genetics. I’m in the very lucky camp of amazing skin, always have been and never have I ever mistaken this fortune for anything I’ve done.

            2. It absolutely is not 1000% genetics, lol.

      2. The sunblock evangelists can be way too much sometimes. Give it a rest—I think sun exposure is natural and healthy. OP doesn’t. No one else cares.

         1. well, my brother just got melanoma so there are quite a few of us who like slowing down cancer when it is easy to do so.

            1. There are a lot of studies that show no correlation between sunscreen and cancer prevention.

            2. Thats a bold faced lie. Shame on you. There is scientific consensus on the link between sun damage and skin cancer.

            3. There definitely is scientific consensus on the link between sun damage and skin cancer!

               But sunscreen can be counterproductive if people increase sun exposure by a greater amount than sunscreen can compensate for.

            4. Here’s a good write up on sunscreen: https://yourlocalepidemiologist.substack.com/p/here-comes-the-sunscreen-088

            5. Anonymous changing goal posts for fun.

            6. There can be a strong scientific consensus on the link between sun damage and skin cancer without as strong a scientific consensus on how successfully sunscreen prevents either.

         2. I’d really rather avoid skin cancer. If it makes me look younger as well great side effect but that’s not why I’m wearing sunscreen

      3. I don’t have wrinkles for make up to settle in at 45, but if people are giving me any credit for protecting my skin, they’re just wrong.

         1. Same. I don’t intentionally tan but have burned my fair, freckled self way too many times to count and honestly hate the feeling of sunscreen for anything but a day at the beach. I still have smooth, unlined skin at 45.

            1. You’ll be sorry when your 60, and you keep your dermatologist in business taking off the pre-cancers.

            2. You want her to be sorry to justify your own choices. And that seems weird.

            3. Thanks for your kind concern, 8:33. It’s so refreshing to encounter someone who approaches situations fully informed and not with blind, sycophantic, ill-informed pronouncements that demonstrate the irrational hatred eating them up inside. May the day you deserve fully embrace you.

            4. Right there with you at 55 and yet to encounter anything remotely precancerous. It’s genetics not sunscreen.

            5. As with most medical conditions, it is a combination of genetics and environment. Since you can’t control your genetics, all you can do it is try to modify your environment. If you care about that, I guess.

   8. as someone who doesn’t have dyed hair i think about this a lot too — i feel like my grays age me a lot.

      1. I also am letting myself go gray, and yes it does age me. But so what.

      2. I think dyed hair ages people a lot as well. So many people start coloring their hair at 35 and never update the color or method or whatever it is, and they look like people clinging on to youth by the time they are 50.

         1. I always notice when someone has hair that is all one color—there are supposed to be variants—better to go grey slowly than to have one block of color on your head, or highlights that don’t suit you.

            1. You’re not wrong, but I think it’s the often difference between buying a kit at the drugstore vs. spending hundreds at a salon.

            2. That is true – a good colorist can really do magic.

   9. My theory is that it’s difficult to know how old women are because everyone in TV and movies is 25.

      The sitcom about high schoolers? All the actors are 22-26.

      The movie with a 45 exhausted mom? Actress is 25-28.

      All male celebrities on the red carpet, including those with visible wrinkles and grey(ing) hard? Their date is mid-20s.

      News anchors are young and/or have botox/filler/other more extreme treatments, so their true age is obscured.

      That, and there’s nothing in the middle. The truly elderly female characters are very old, like actresses who are 70+ with lots of wrinkles and white hair, so everything from 16-60 is played by someone 25 to maybe 35.

      There’s plenty of exceptions, but the general sense that in TV and movies, most of the time they are not casting women who are actually the age they’re supposed to be playing, and often choose women who are much younger to play the character, likely skews the overall sense of how old [age] looks in real life.

      1. I disagree about actresses. 20-somethings play teens often, but don’t normally play 40-somethings. Hollywood is agist so they might cast a 38 year old woman to play 45 (and a 30 year old man to play her son), but they don’t age women up quite that much… and most actresses would be reluctant to take on those parts at that age, because taking on middle-aged mom roles normally means the end of sexy ingenue type roles.

         1. What is common is to see the 20-something play the age appropriate spouse to a 45+ year old man. That skews expectations as well.

3. I have a few people in my life (my boss and my in laws) who just b!tch and moan if they don’t get their way and try to bring everyone’s mood down with them. Unfortunately, I have to spend a lot of time with these people which means a lot of time walking on eggshells and I am so over it.

   1. I’m sorry. When I’m in this mood, I just shut up! I don’t know why people can’t at least do that.

      1. (And I get that a passively negative mood can sometimes bring other people’s mood down anyway, but it’s still different from trying!)

   2. I was just thinking about something similar. I posted a week or two ago about canceling a family vacation because everyone was refusing to commit and seemed incredibly unenthusiastic for actually getting it scheduled, despite professing interest in going. I ended up feeling kind of down about it because our once-close family had already fractured somewhat after multiple deaths and now no one can be bothered to plan because it’s easier to just stay home. I’m concluding, though, that it’s on me to protect our family’s enthusiasm and interest in having fun and taking trips and doing enjoyable things. I’ll keep inviting whoever wants to have fun too but the days of letting the downers of the group sink everything for everyone are over. It’s amazing how contagious a negative outlook can be and I need to fight against it.

      1. That’s an interesting takeaway from the situation. You know your relatives, but I’d be hesitant to chalk it up to a negative outlook.

         1. It’s not just this where they’re negative – it’s always something, always glass half-empty, always an “eh” or “meh” as the top emotion. I love them dearly and we have many wonderful memories but we’ve all suffered in recent years in different ways. I think we’re in different places now as we each forge our own recoveries. I’m not going to write out the full backstory here but suffice it to say that I do find negative moods contagious and worth separating from.

            1. There’s also toxic positivity. They’re grieving and you’re mad because they’ve lost interest in something they once enjoyed. That’s a total normal reaction and maybe sit with that a bit. You don’t have to grieve the same way but it doesn’t make them wrong either.

            2. She didn’t say they were wrong, and she doesn’t sound mad to me at all. She said that they were “in different places” and that their moods were negatively affecting her. That is beyond fair and doesn’t need to be picked at.

            3. She clearly does think they are in the wrong as she is chiming in agreement about people who bitch and moan. Can’t be bothered, “protect” enthusiasm, etc.

   3. I hate this. Why do so few people know how to regulate their emotions? It’s fine to feel things but it’s YOUR responsibility to process them without taking it out on others

      1. I guess—but I’m also convinced people who repress too much emotion make themselves physically sick.

         1. I didn’t say repress your emotions. I said regulate them and don’t take them out on others. Go for a run, have a tea, take a kick boxing class, journal, go to therapy. There’s literally endless options to process your emotions in a healthy way that doesn’t burden those around you.

            1. This feels like escapism. It’s ok to burden people sometimes.

            2. I think talking to someone about what you’re going through or even venting is different from b!tching and moaning and maintaining a “meh” attitude at best even at special occasion gatherings.

            3. OP at 11 am, you’re just arguing for codependence? Plenty of people process plenty of emotions without needing a second person in the room. Of course community can be a wonderful thing, don’t get me wrong, but you do not need community to process your feelings.

            4. Processing feelings is therapy speak. Feelings come and go and don’t need to be “processed.” That assumes that a person has any control over how feelings manifest and that’s just nonsense.

            5. Okay, my point is that you can do whatever you want to do with your feelings alone.

               Your feelings are almost entirely within your control to manage.

4. Without knowing where you are staying or what you like to do, I would at least play for lotto tickets to Shakespeare in the Park (crapshoot because it’s a lottery; otherwise you have to wake up very early/stand in the stand by line but you might win!). This year’s production is great and being in the park at night watching great actors perform is just magical.
   You could also check out the newly redone Frick or go to some kind of bathhouse (I like the Russian baths downtown) or catch an outdoor movie – you can google around for free screenings or just get tix for RoofTop Cinema (https://rooftopcinemaclub.com/us/new-york/midtown/screenings). If you’re still in town Monday, Bryant Park will be screening Manhattan on the lawn.
   There are also lots of summer concerts, too (go to the parks webs*te). Or go to Tatiana near Lincoln Center and sit at the bar. Reservations are both impossible if you plan ahead and possible if you are alone or party of two and can be flexible going last minute. Same for Via Carota if you prefer Italian in the West Village. Or get omakase or just some really great hand rolls somewhere (KazuNori has 3 locations and all are great; I also love Noz Market on the UES).

   1. Nesting fail; intended for the NYC weekend thread above.

   2. i thought about that too when i was giving suggestions but i believe shakespeare in the park ended on 8/23/26 for this year.

5. Really struggling to find basic, long sleeved cotton T-shirts. They are all mixed fabric these days. My favorite T-shirts are actually from Kohls (Sonoma brand) from at least five years ago, some are probably closer to 10 years old. But according to the recent reviews even these are not the same. I’ve also tried L.L. Bean pima tshirts and they are good quality but they just are not very soft and the drape isn’t great.
   I really struggle with clinginess in the chest area, even though I’m not that big (36c). I’m not looking for a very baggy look just a normal T-shirt. Can anyone recommend soft, preferably cotton non-clingy T-shirts? Ideally available at a normal retailer, nothing specialty or deluxe.

   1. Maybe the Love Long sleeve Pima cotton Lululemon shirts? I have a couple of them and they are soft and non-clingy. I have some of their muscle Pima Cotton tees that are decades old and they really hold up.

   2. Have you tried the supima cotton ones from lands end? They’re my favorite.

   3. No suggestions for you, but try again on Monday morning.

   4. I just get Amazon essentials for this, they’re like 10 bucks and great.

      1. I did try these but they don’t feel soft even after washing. They say they are 100% cotton but they feel like a blend. Hard to describe but was super disappointed with them.

         1. Things from Amazon are often mislabeled. I am a science nerd so I’ll do experiments on various fabrics and anything I’ve tested from Amazon was not as labeled.

            1. Thanks for validating what I suspected!

   5. I would check Talbots or the Classic T-Shirt Company. Both have 100% cotton long-sleeve tees.

   6. Old Navy and GAP have iterations of this each season.

   7. I am a devotee of the J Crew Factory Slub Cotton v-neck tee.

   8. I was really surprised and impressed by the hefty t-shirts at JC Penney. They’re really inexpensive and 100% cotton. Like the “old days” before “tissue-tees.”

   9. Try Uniqlo. I thought I saw this when looking for some clothing for my daughter.

      Echoing the poster who said Amazon essentials are often mislabeled. I have one child with very sensitive skin. It erupts if it isn’t 100% cotton.

6. I’m the OP from a couple days ago with the first international work trip to Asia. Thanks to all the commenters. I was already planning to carry-on only since it’s a short trip. I will keep in mind the feedback from some commenters that it’s okay to not have a lot of travel experience. I don’t intend to lie, but I also don’t want to fumble around, especially in front of colleagues that don’t know me well (and I don’t know them well enough to be confident they are as aware of their privilege as the commenters). Notifying my credit card company ahead of the trip and international data were good tips – would love a few more in that vein.

   1. Download books to your Kindle / movies and shows to your tablet — sometimes the inflight system is down and you really don’t want to be on a 10+ hour flight without anything! Plus if you are watching a show on your own tablet, it doesn’t auto-pause for cabin announcements. The worst is the 15+ minute “welcome to the United States” guide to reentry on the way home, in both origin language and English, at least on AA! I just want to finish the movie, dangit!

      While on the topic of in flight entertainment, not all planes use Bluetooth. Either bring traditional jack style headphones or one of those AirFly thingies that allow Bluetooth to work. (If you’re in business or first it’s likely the airline will provide nice over-the-ear ones for you, if in economy they will offer the cheapest wired in-ear headphones you’ve ever seen or felt.)

      Earplugs + noise cancelling over-the-ear headphones are priceless. I find Airpods to be fine for short flights but for flights over 4-5 hours I bring the big guys for comfort.

      Bring a few small USD (1s and 5s) for tips at the airport in case you are included as someone’s guest for lounge access. In general in lounges, unless obviously marked, everything is free – basic wines, beers, drinks, etc included. Tips not ‘required’ but very much appreciated by lounge staff in the US.

   2. Definitely ask your female colleagues about dress for the trip. Asian business fashion tends to be very formal and very plain to an American eye. Don’t be surprised if a pant suit, high neck shell in a neutral color and small earrings is the expected look.

      Read a little business etiquette guide for the country you’re going to. You don’t have to be an expert, but knowing what to expect (greet oldest/most senior person first, only drink when toasting, etc.) will make you feel more comfortable.

   3. I was wondering if you were on your trip!

      Less relevant if you have the international data sorted; but I really really like to have google maps downloaded offline for my destination – at least you’ll be able to get around!

      Along the lines of the carry-on only thing – truly, less is more across the board. I know it’s hard to predict what you’ll need, and therefore tempting to bring lots of stuff that sounds like a good idea, but anything you can cut is one less thing to be fumbling with. This is true for both travel days and office days – streamline your purse/day bag as much as you can. (If I’m staying in a single hotel; I usually just dump out my whole carry-on and use it for my day backpack; if I’m moving every day, sometimes it’s nice to have a small scrunchable tote).

      Presumably your company has covered this; but if you’re going to China and your corporate email is through google, make sure you know what you’re supposed to do (are all your colleagues using whatsapp while you’re there; is IT installing a recommended VPN, etc)

      Take a picture of your passport so you have a copy saved.

      Sorry for the TMI, but if I need to arrive in the morning and go into work meetings without a chance for a real shower, I change undies at the airport or just before landing. I dunno, it tricks my mind into thinking I’ve had a real night’s sleep and a fresh start to the day.

      If you don’t fly much at all (this is the same for domestic and international); know that you have to be at the gate usually ~20 minutes before the actual leaving time of the flight. They close the doors before the flight is actually scheduled to take off. (Your boarding pass might have 2 separate times listed – a flight time and a boarding time, or a tiny text note along the lines of “Gates close 20 minutes before boarding”.

      When you’re returning to the US, you often have to go through secondary airport security that is right at the gate (so it feels like you’ve “already gone through security”; but there’s another checkpoint at the gate, so leave time for this. This one operates on essentially the same rules as US TSA security, so you can’t take through liquids, might need to take laptops out of bags, etc.

      1. I … don’t believe you. You change your underwear in the airplane bathroom? But it’s so tiny and there’s always a puddle of water on the floor.

         1. I’ve done this myself. Some of the bathrooms are bigger than others and you can totally avoid touching anything gross if you’re wearing slip-on shoes. I strategically wear undies that are worn out, and then just throw those away in the bathroom when I change to fresh.

      2. re timing — the long haul flights from the US usually start boarding way earlier than domestic flights do, as they’re bigger planes that take longer to load. I’d suggest getting to the gate for departure around 40-45 mins prior to the actual ETD.

         for returning to the US, many foreign airports don’t post the specific gate for your plane until it’s close to boarding time, so keep an eye on the departures board as you get to around an hour prior to ETD. Basically when your gate is posted, it’s time to get there.

         also for returning to the US, this varies by airport, but basically allow time for 3 things- security, passport control, and then possibly secondary screening at the gate (if you’re chosen for this it’s usually a cotton swab of your bags to test for chemicals, not “get everything out” IME). If passport control is after security, it might be terminal-specific or even gate-pod-specific, meaning you feel like you’re “done” with lines after security and you’re roaming around dining and shopping killing time, only to encounter a passport control line later. Leave time!

7. Any alternatives to Duolingo? Wow, it’s really gone downhill! Looking for something that will teach basic daily life phrases but without the toddler-level gamification! IYKYK.

   1. Sometimes it depends on the language. But there’s always Pimsleur!

   2. I’m also really annoyed by the increased gamification. Rosetta Stone is am alternative with a very different vibe (bonus, may be free through your library).

   3. Anki if you want the spaced repetition part, but you have to source your own “deck” of phrases, etc. you want to learn.

   4. No, but I listen to movies etc in German/French/Spanish with English subtitles, and I think it helps a little. When I was younger, I’d travel and enroll in a week long language course for half days, spending the rest of the time exploring. It was infinitely better than Duolingo and they don’t have weird emojis on my phone haha

   5. Memrise

   6. Watch shows that are in the language you want to learn with English subtitles. For French, Astrid and Call Your Agent are helping us along.

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