ByElizabeth Hours Updated
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Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Marled Colorblock Sweater Dress

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

This sweater dress looks very cozy, but still professional. I would jazz it up with some chunky gold jewelry and maybe a fun shoe. On particularly cold and snowy days, I’ve always preferred dresses to pants — thick tights keep my legs warm enough and I don’t have to fuss around with trying to stuff pant legs into snow boots. (If you’re in the market, my Sorel boots are now on their fifth winter and look as good as new!) 

The dress is $139 and available in sizes 0X–3X. It also comes in misses sizes XS–XL, petite sizes P–XL, and plus petite sizes 0X–3X. Marled Colorblock Sweater Dress

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279 Comments

  1. I love this sweater dress, and Talbot’s has the petite’s at only $119! I think I can wear this dress to court, since it is a nice grey color, which is conservative enough for me to wear and more importantly, also stay warm! Thanks for high lighting it, Elizabeth!

  2. Hello! I need a warm boot (or shoe) for commuting. I can’t have it be a big heavy snow boot and my presence is that it slip on- so something big enough to slip on or that zips on the side would be ideal. I have big snow boots for big storms but need something for walking and waiting for the bus in Boston. Thank you!

    3. This is a great time to pick up high quality, waterproof, classic boots that are good for commuting and look nice too. They are pricey but with care last me for many years. What is your price point? Do you just need an inexpensive but warm commuting boot, or want something that looks nice that you might wear all day with tights?

      La Canadienne and Aquatalia.

    4. I’m really happy with Naturalizer’s Tess boot for this purpose. It’s water resistant and has decent arch support and isn’t heavy/stiff like a snow boot.

    5. I recently bought a pair of Sorel Joan of Arctic wedge chelsea boots, and while you’d need a warm sock I’ve been so impressed with these for walking in wet and/or snowy conditions. The tread is enormous, they’re waterproof, and I can also definitely wear these to my (business casual) office.

      1. Second this! I love my Joan of Arctic wedge boots, I stay dry (if not the absolute warmest – warm socks help) and also feel cute – win win!

    6. I just got the women’s commuter boots from LL Bean. They are mid-calf boots but they’re fairly slim and lightweight, very warm and comfortable for commuting via the T in the winter, and they zip up on the side, so you’re not toiling with laces when you get to and from work.

    7. They’re really not cute — but I use my Merrill jungle mocs for exactly this purpose (in Boston). They are slip on, warm and completely waterproof. They hold up perfectly to the incredible amounts of road salt that the city uses, and I can wade through shallow puddles without hesitation.

    8. The sorel emelie chelsea is just perfect for this- fine with tights and skirts to go to work, and also cute with cuffed jeans and no-show socks on the weekend

    9. I got a pair of Columbia low snow boots for this. If you lace them loosely they are slip on! Very warm and feel like sneakers.

      1. I second Columbia boots. Mine are waterproof, warm, and so lightweight they feel like bedroom slippers.

  3. I’m struggling to accept my boyfriend’s habits. We are long distance and he’s great on the phone, but when we are together I have a hard time. I’m not a neat freak, but he’s much more messy (leaves garbage on the floor, his kitchen has weeks of dirty dishes). He’s consistently late, including to things that are really important to me – he was 3 hours late to dinner with my parents last week (he showed after we paid the bill) and said that he forgot he had to fill his car up with gas. We were in his town, so that was hard to explain to my parents. He told me he is planning to get his PhD- he has a bachelor’s- but we’re in our early 30s, and I can’t imagine being long distance/him in school anther five years.

    I’ve tried to explain that trash and kitchen mess gives me stress, and it’s important to me that he make an effort to be on time for things like family events. The school thing has been such a surprise I haven’t talked much about it. He’s not a bad guy, but these are big things to me. How do I talk to him about these? Do I go for a mega talk or pick one? Couples counseling would be hard because we’re so far away, but I’m open to suggestions.

    1. The parents dinner is a huge red flag. He should have been freaking out apologetic to be late at all and his excuse doesn’t make any sense. I would personally draw an ultimatum that you are prepared to keep: you expect X, Y, and Z and if he can’t meet that, you should break up. A person can hide a lot long distance: cheating, substance abuse, etc.

      1. Yes, it sounds like he’s not fully functioning for whatever reason. Even if he’s trying. Or yes, he could be hiding something. Either way he is far from partner material.

      2. +1. Three hours is excessive to say the least, even for people who have a habit of being late. Something else is going on there. I’m sorry.

      3. This sounds a lot like my ex. If it’s something he didn’t want to do, he’d be hours late or suddenly get sick at the last minute. There were plenty of times I was out with friends and he’d show up hours late or not at all, or I’d be home on a Saturday night when we had dinner plans at 7 and he’d show at 8:30. I called him on this several times and he would always say I was overreacting or whatever and didn’t I believe something really came up?

        On the career front too, he was an entry level accountant despite being in his 30s and knew he needed a CPA to move up and would talk about doing it but never made concrete progress. Oh, and his apartment was always a disaster – looking back, he didn’t know how to cook and clean for himself because he was so used to his mom doing it for him.

        He’s an ex for obvious reasons and my husband doesn’t pull this BS. DTMFA.

      4. The messiness would probably be worth working on if he’s an otherwise great guy, but being 3 hours late for dinner with your parents (failing a major emergency) says he’s just not that into you and not worth planning your life around. Coincidentally, it doesn’t sound like he’s planning his life around you either given that he’s decided to complete another 2 degrees without talking to you about it.

    2. My red flag is that the only positive thing you’ve said about him is ‘he’s not a bad guy’. Is this the relationship you want to be in? I realize we’re only seeing a tiny sliver of the relationship but he seems disrespectful of your time and space.

        1. I read this as Dump the Futher Mucking A**hole

          Not trying to be nitpicky, I promise, CountC. Just thought it was funny that my head did this.

      3. +1 I don’t know what advice to give because I can’t get past “what value does this guy add to your life?”

      4. This this this.

        My rule is that the relationship stands or falls on the worst parts. What does it matter if he’s (sometimes) pleasant if he’s not fully functional and can’t be relied on?

    3. DTMFA unless you want to spend the rest of your life covering for him and his childish behavior. Think about how you felt trying to explain this to your parents. If you felt any kind of cognitive dissonance at all, listen to that.

    5. Girl. Run. One day you may have kids with this man, and your ability to cope with this will diminish to nothing. If you want a career and life, you can’t live with a man like this. He will consume your free time with his immaturity.

    6. I don’t think you’ve found the right person for you. You can either move on and find the right person for you, or you can spend time on a relationship that isn’t going anywhere.

    7. Omg please go get therapy to explore why you value yourself so little you are calling someone who showed up three hours late to dinner with your parents “not a bad guy.” I’ve been! I’ve dated that guy way too long! And getting some professional help after we broke up was so key to not repeating that mistake. Because obviously you break up today, he is rude and gross and barely functional.

      3. I was married to that guy for fifteen years and I am here to tell you there is no scenario in which it gets better.

    8. You aren’t even in the same city, he’s inconsiderate and frankly sounds pretty disgusting, and you don’t even seem to like him that much. Move on.

    9. Did he run out of gas, or stop to get gas (for 3 hours). Did he send a text that he was out of gas, running late, at the slowest gas station on the planet. The flags couldn’t be any redder on this. You are dating a full grown toddler and that probably isn’t good for anyone.

      1. Not knowing where they live, maybe he ran out in the middle of nowhere and needed to call AAA. Or maybe he didn’t have AAA (I mean, it wouldn’t shock me) so he had to walk a long way to get help. But even if that is the case, I have to wonder who, in their early 30’s, is still this bad at managing their fuel levels that they’d get in this situation and not be insanely apologetic after the fact? I’m 30, I’ve never run out of gas and I’d be mortified if I did and it made me even one hour late to dinner with the people who could become my in-laws.

        1. I feel like she’d have mentioned that if there were extenuating circumstances. This sounds like a he just didn’t show “because”

      2. I am confused by this too. Does he mean that he ran out of gas on the road, and had to walk miles to a gas station to pick up gas and walk it back to his car?

        I know people whose executive function is this legitimately this poor. I’m not surprised he is interested in a PhD program; people who are bright but fundamentally unequipped for adulting in the modern world often do stay in school a long time, sometimes because it gives them time to catch up developmentally (if that’s ever going to happen), sometimes because the “absent minded professor” stereotype benefits them there, and sometimes because they have a lot to offer because of the way their brain works. I have seen people improve but often at a high cost (for example, developing a full fledged anxiety disorder about time and dishes can help with time and dishes, but might not be worth it and might not be sustainable).

        So is this guy in denial? Has he not realized that he’s different from other people and that other people feel time passing, or that “out of sight, out of mind isn’t how everyone operates? (Some people with poor executive function also lack theory of mind.) Does he seem selfish or inconsiderate when time and organization aren’t involved? Is being with him worth it even if this is just how he is?

    10. Being single is being preferable to being with someone like this. You may not realize it now, but you are settling for the dregs of what is out there in terms of partners. There is never a reasonable excuse for someone being three hours late (at that point, they have skipped the event) without calling. He didn’t want to be there and came up with a lame excuse for why he ditched you, which you bought, therefore letting him off the hook. My friend, you can do so much better than this. You deserve more. I would send him a polite text breaking it off and move on with your life.

    11. LOL girl 3 hours because he needed to get gas? Was he harvesting and refining it himself??? I’m confused about how that was “hard to explain to your parents” but seemingly not hard for *you* to accept as a valid excuse. You deserve better.

    12. Weeks of dirty dishes? Weeks?? WEEKS? In his mid-30’s? Three hours late to dinner because he forgot to put gas in the car? How does that even . . . No, honey, no, stop wasting your time on this overgrown child. Seriously. If he’s still struggling this much to function as an adult, and it’s stressing you out this much, and he doesn’t even appear to be trying to get his poop in a group, he’s not husband material, and you’re too old for this stuff.

      Honestly, you say you can’t take anymore long distance, but do you want to live with this man? He’s gonna be just as messy but you’ll have to deal with it all the time, and/or need to do all the work to keep the place tidy.

      And yes, I get that executive dysfunction is a real thing caused by real problems, and some people do get better with the right partner who’s willing to put in the emotional labor to help them, I promise I mean no disrespect towards the women who have helped their partners deal with their dysfunctions, but that doesn’t mean you’re obligated to fix him.

          2. I was reading it as a PG alternative to “get one’s sh!t together”… and was amused accordingly … but agree, somehow using the PG terms makes it too literal!

      2. The weeks of dirty dishes bothered me as much as the lateness (which is also a giant issue and grounds to DTMFA immediately). And the fact that you’re long distance and you’re seeing the weeks-old dirty dishes means either (1) he’s not cleaning the apartment at all before you come over, even though you’re long distance, or (2) this is somewhat clean for him.

        To answer your question, I’d go for a mega talk and say that if he doesn’t get help within X time, I’m out. You are much better off freeing yourself of this stress than trying to accept these immature behaviors.

        1. I wonder whether the weeks old dirty dishes were because the BF expects OP to clean them. In other words, is he doing no cleaning of his apartment and expects OP to clean and do all his dishes when she visits? OP, are you cleaning his apartments during his visits?

          Unless you want to be his mom, not his partner, I would dump him now.

          1. That did not even occur to me, and now I’m even more horrified.

            I see below OP is going to break up, thank goodness.

    13. He forgot to fill his tank? At 3 hours late, I would’ve thouhht he got beaked by a swan or something

      1. Agree with all comments above that this guy is not prioritizing moving your relationship forward.

        Also stopping by to make sure the reference here to “beaked by a swan” is both acknowledged and appreciated.

    14. This sounds more like a mental health issue than just troublesome habits. Being 3 hours late for an important event with no explanation? Leaving weeks of dirty dishes out? That’s not how healthy people function. Unfortunately there’s nothing you can really do – he has to see a problem and want to get help.

      1. Agreed, but minor quibble with your second sentence: the event clearly wasn’t important *to him*. He knew he had to come up with SOME excuse for blowing it off, so he offered the thinnest, least plausible one imaginable. Just enough for OP to continue to kid herself.

        1. Or he spent every minute of three hours in a moment-to-moment panic and had no idea what time it was or that he was missing the event at all until the situation was resolved. Or the event was so important to him that he had to block all thoughts of it from his mind or he wouldn’t be able to focus or function. I genuinely can’t tell if he’s manipulative, controlling, and disrespectful from the amount of detail OP shared.

          1. You don’t have to be manipulative and controlling to be disrespectful. I dated a guy like this for way too long. He was just selfish but didn’t know it.

      2. That’s not necessarily a mental health issue, it’s likely that he just does not care and so won’t prioritize. He’s just a jerk.

    15. “ How do I talk to him about these? Do I go for a mega talk or pick one?”

      Don’t pick one. Pick them all. This guy sounds horrible! Move on with your life. He doesn’t want to change. He’s doing nothing for you but holding you back. Break up with him YESTERDAY.

    16. All – thank you, thank you for the insight. I have known him a long time and the ‘bad habits’ didn’t bother me as much when we were friends, but now that I’m trying to think about partnering with him, it’s really bugged me. I also looked up DTMFA and started laughing at my desk. Thank you. I’ll break up and explain why. If he changes for the better for the next girl, more power to him, but I really don’t want to wait around.

      1. I’m so happy because the first thing in my mind when I read through this was:
        Gurlll, why?

        If I had to live with someone like this, I’m pretty sure I’d snap and stab him at some point as he sat in a corner texting while I wrangled kids and a disgusting home.

      3. Been here, done that, could write a book. He ultimately sought out therapy and a doc to work through underlying mental health issues and I met my now husband three or so months after we broke up.

    18. I don’t think you two are compatible. It is very unlikely that you will get him to change his behavior, so you need to decide if these are deal breakers.

    19. I’m sorry but why are you with him? In my past relationships it was always the opposite. I’m happy when we are physically together, but then things bother me when we are apart. Also, there is no excuse for being 3 hours late unless something like your plane was delayed or you were physically stuck underground in a subway. The PhD thing also sounds like an excuse. Seriously, why are you with him?

    20. My husband struggles with executive dysfunction. He always has. We met when we were young, and I put in the emotional labor to help him (past and present). He has done the kind of thing you’re describing, although not specifically with my parents involved, and nothing as egregious as you’re describing in a long time. What has mattered is that (1) he takes medication to help with these issues, (2) he’s put in serious work on developing systems for himself so he can function as an adult and be a kind, responsible husband and father, and (3) he has real strengths so that I can say more about him than “he’s not a bad guy.” And STILL, at least once or twice a year, some of these issues are part of a web of resentment and anger on both our parts. Basically, he’s gotten his sh*t together enough to handle routine responsibilities but seriously struggles with taking initiative and dealing with one-off, non-routine tasks. That’s as good as it’s going to get.

      So far, I’ve decided the good outweighs the bad, though I’ve been close to ending my marriage a couple of other times. Unfortunately, there’s a negative cycle aspect to it–stress from outside factors also tends to reduce his executive functioning, which means this problem is at its worst when life in general is at its worst. Also, because it’s a continuous issue, it’s always in the “negative” column when other, unrelated problems arise in our marriage.

    21. I think you already know what to do. This is not going to work–cut your losses. This is an irresponsible person–arriving three hours late to dinner when uber and taxis are available suggests he didn’t really want to be there. You don’t want or need a project, you want a partner. He is a man baby, and the dishes and trash are another sign. Time to say good bye, so sorry.

  4. This looks cozy.

    Question about online decorators. I think this has come up before so apologies in advance but tempted to give one of the services a try to get some help pulling together my living room. Looking for some upgrades with lighting and art and maybe to rearrange things a bit just to make it all look more cohesive. Which services have you tried and were you happy/unhappy & why. Thanks!

    1. I used Curio Design to pull 3 spaces in an open-concept house together – liked the spaces, liked the designs, liked the process.

    2. I tried Modsy, and was really disappointed. They basically just repeated the exact layout I had in the room with new furniture, and disregarded some of my requests. I did not find it helpful at all.

    3. I wasn’t thrilled with havenly. I think it helps to know your style – I prefer a very traditional/colorful style – feminine English steampunk (?!?) if I had to name it. I love deep saturated color, traditional 1890s-1920’s styles of furniture, velvet, leather, aged brass and raw metal accents, etc. I was pretty clear about this (and had multiple mood boards) and still got a west-elm looking modern design…which seemed to be all that a lot of theses designers new how to do. Scandinavian or mid-century modern is fine! Just not for me. After 2 revisions (in which they simply added things from my pinterest) I threw up my hands and asked for a refund.

      1. This is why I don’t do it. As far as I can tell, they only really do one or two styles. I have a 1912 craftsman house that I intend to keep as a craftsman house and no one but a specialist would understand what to do. I’ve done a fair amount of research myself as to what is and isn’t appropriate for my home, but at the end of the day, I just don’t over-decorate.

    5. I have used Swatchpop several times and loved it. I have returned to them for at least four different projects. They sometimes have a 10% discount code on their instagram account– I bet they will do one on Valentine’s day if you want to wait that long.

  5. I caught up on the money diaries on Refinery 29 for the first time in a couple months last night and I was very surprised to read the one entitled “655,000 in Washington DC.” Did anyone read that? I think it’s the first time that I’ve seen a diary with someone who comes from truly significant family wealth and I found it absolutely fascinating. Some of the comments said that it was cool that a woman coming from so much wealth still chose to work as a surgeon and I have to agree. Anyway, thought you all might find it interesting too.

    https://www.refinery29.com/amp/en-us/surgeon-washington-dc-salary-money-diary

    1. I liked it. She definitely has more money than I could ever imagine, but she’s working hard and doing good things with it.

    2. I loved it. My husband also read it at my suggestion (he’s in medicine), and he found it great too. I thought she was by far one of the most down to earth and inspiring diarists I’ve ever read there, despite the huge discrepancies in our backgrounds.

    3. I liked it too. I appreciated that she was super frank about her financial situation. I also appreciated that she gave to charity (a lot of people in the comments didn’t seem to understand giving through a family office, but having dealt with a lot of high net worth people, that made total sense to me), given how many of my peers earning mid-six-figure incomes in biglaw literally give less in absolute dollars than my relatives who are working poor.

    4. It is interesting to me. One thing that jumped out at me is that they apparently bought their car(s) in cash, since they don’t have a car payment, either. I also see she didn’t estimate their monthly food costs, which is usually a pretty big line item.

      So what’s interesting to me is that we have a similar HHI, but she spent about my monthly mortgage payment on clothes in a week. She used her inheritance to buy her house, so she doesn’t have that monthly cash outlay, but arguably in effect, she’s using her inheritance to buy the clothes, since money is fungible. I wonder if she ever thinks of it that way, and whether that would change the spending.

      1. This feels super concern trolly. Congrats on you being perfect but she can easily afford her expenses and is doing just fine.

        1. Omg no it’s not, it’s just a discussion point. Not fawning over somebody doesn’t mean you live under a bridge. People here are so touchy about their wealth. Pointing things like this out doesn’t mean somebody is calling you a terrible person or anything. Freaking out about it says a lot more about you than the person posting.

          1. Um I am not wealthy at all. I just don’t think this lady is a) spending her inheritance on clothes, or b) needs to think differently about her spending.

      2. I disagree that she’s using her inheritance to buy clothes. She used her inheritance to buy a house, which is an asset that will provide significant value for her entire life (and beyond) and will appreciate. She’s using her current high salary on clothes – something that would be easy to cut back on if she had her high salary temporarily or permanently reduced due to divorce, disability, etc. Money is sort of fungible, but the difference between a fixed expense you can’t easily do without (ie., a house) and a splurge you can easily stop spending money on (ie., designer clothes) is significant in my opinion.

      3. Money Diaries don’t list food as an estimate item in that portion at the top where they put their monthly bills. The reader gets an idea of monthly food costs from the diary itself. That’s just the consistent format of the R29 Money Diaries (which you may not be familiar with).

        Like the poster above said, she’s not really spending her inheritance on clothes because she’s used it to buy an asset that will appreciate, and she can easily lower her clothing spend if something happens to her salary. But, more importantly, who cares if she does spend her inheritance on clothes? She is not in any kind of financial bind, and she can use her money to buy whatever she wants.

        I thought the comment section on that MD was pretty interesting and there were fewer pitchforks than I anticipated. There was a big split, but there were some actual thoughtful comments and generational wealth that I found very interesting and respectful.

      4. But money is fungible for everyone. So when you got birthday money that you spent on a sweater at the mall does that mean that “arguably” you used the birthday money to buy t@mp0ns because you later bought those and money is fungible? No because the difference is timing and intent — assuming not living *literal* paycheck-to-paycheck with absolutely not a cent saved each month.

        1. Not for everyone – some middle class people (my parents included) are just extremely debt-averse and won’t buy a new car until they had saved up the full price. They drive cars for 20+ years and have never bought flashy or luxury cars, so if definitely isn’t a status symbol things for them.

          1. +1

            Totally agree.

            I grew up lower middle class and my parents only bought a car for cash. They saved, bought used or even if they bought “newish” car it was last year’s model bought at the end of the year/end of the month, on deep discount, at cheapest dealer with no frills – using Consumer Reports best value recs. And then drove it forever.

            When they made $ later in life (from saving $ like crazy and not wasting it on car payments), they still were very smart and bought pre-owned certified from the dealer (saving a lot of $) with cash, and very reliable Toyotas.

        2. I don’t think buying a car in cash is old-money at all. I think it’s just part and parcel of the smart mindset that the only debt one should take on is a modest mortgage (or possibly educational or medical if unavoidable). I think it’s prudent money management 101.

          1. Prudent money management is why anyone coming from old money who still has that money today is doing well. I know plenty of people with insanely high incomes who are broke af because they get loans on cars and boats and second houses and god knows what else. They’re not going to have anything to leave to their kids.

          2. Right. Making a good six-figure income and financing a car just doesn’t make any sense. Why would anyone take on debt that they didn’t have to? Isn’t it just more prudent to save til you can afford the car? The only situation I can see financing a car is when someone is truly poor enough that they can’t afford it, and they need a basic car to get to work. But to finance a luxury car??

    5. I thought it was interesting that they had a prenup and her husband only just recently paid off his law school loans. Clearly he was on the hook for that himself, which is fair. The writer also wasn’t making that much in salary until recently.

      1. Yeah, I didn’t think that was so surprising, though. It sounds like they don’t have any shared debt since they don’t have a mortgage and don’t have car payments, so it may not have made financial sense for them to use family money to pay off the loans depending on their terms. I did find the part about updating their prenup interesting. I’m privileged although don’t think at her level of wealth, but I don’t think I could handle having the kind of prenup it sounds like they have.

        1. While neither of my twenty-something children have a serious partner yet, I could see — if they married someone who had significant student debt — paying off that student debt as a wedding gift. That, I think, would be a really great gift to a newly married couple. Debt of any sort hanging over one’s head is just so nerve-wracking.

          1. Thanks LaurenB! It’s always good to have the privileged-neurotic-East-Coast-princess hot take on any given topic!

    6. I found that one so interesting. I couldn’t relate to the financial aspect so much, but it was a fun read. Women physicians are rockstars. And she was such a wonderful aunt.

    7. So I always wonder, when I see $2000 dresses, who is buying them. I guess I just found out. She spends double our mortgage payment (actually pretty close to our total monthly household expenses) on clothes/beauty every month. Must be nice.

    8. Of all the fascinating things in this entry, I really got stuck on the $450 haircut (with $80 tip). Not at all judging her because she clearly works hard and has enough money to spend on whatever she wants! My regular haircuts are $75, and I feel like my stylist does an excellent job– I am just not sure any haircut could be so much better that it’s worth almost $400 more. I am in a MCOL city, so not as expensive as DC, but even still… Again, not at all a criticism of her choice, but if there is a magic haircut that will be more than four times better than what I’m currently getting, I’d kind of like to experience that!

      1. I feel like once you reach a certain level, say $100, there are significant diminishing returns to paying more for a haircut or a service like massage/waxing.

      2. It doesn’t say haircut, though, it says hair appointment. This could be a color + cut + keratin treatment, or some other combination of services. When you add on those things, it’s very easy to add up to $375 before tip.

      3. Same! My haircuts are only $40 but they seem great. I definitely think I’d look a lot better if I got haircuts (or at least blowouts) more frequently, but I don’t understand what a $450 haircut would do for me that a $40 haircut won’t.
        Also seems like kind of a stingy tip – I sort of thought 20% was the minimum, although maybe percentage-based tipping goes out the window at such a high price point.

        1. It was $450 including tip, so $370 for the cut and $80 tip. That’s just over 20%, which doesn’t seem lavish but also isn’t stingy.

          1. Oh ok, gotcha. I thought it was an $80 tip on a $450 haircut, which is less than 18%. Agree 20% isn’t stingy.

      4. She didn’t say “haircut,” she said “hair appointment.” I had a hair appointment just before Christmas and I dropped $400 (can’t remember if that included tip, I think it did) for Brazlilian blowout, cut, and several products. So, yeah. It’s possible and I highly doubt it was just a cut.

        1. +1 – I can definitely see color/treatment/cut/style running close to $400 in DC. A cut and blow out alone at the moderately fancy place I used to frequent in NYC’s UES in 2010ish was roughly $200.

      5. She didn’t say it was only a hair cut though, she said hair appointment. For the amount of time she seemed to have been there based on her timeline, I strongly suspect that she had other processes done – highlights, etc. I am in LCOL and my haircut + processes can easily run over $200 if I add a color process, but my hair cut alone is $55. I wasn’t surprised by this at all.

      6. Eh, she’s in NYC right? And she’s been going to the same person for years. The last person I went to for years (I’m SF) slowly increased his rates over time and by the end I was paying over $300 for partial highlights and a cut, before tip. I think it’s a combination of VHCOL area and a very experienced, well established stylist. I wasn’t surprised by that number at all.

        My hairdresser moved away and I’m using a different salon now, and my cut and partial color still run well over $200.

      7. My guess is it was cut + color. In DC, that’s SUPER easy to spend with tip. I generally spend $350 every time I go, and I just have highlights, no grey coverage yet.

    9. Good for her. I don’t see why she would need to apologize for having her family pay for her medical school tuition. I paid my kids’ undergrads and am currently paying one of my kids’ grad school tuition, all fancy-schmancy “name” schools. We intend to set up trust funds for our eventual grandchildren’s college educations. What could be more important than investing in education? She seems pretty normal to me, to be honest.

    10. I have a good friend like this person. In fact, if the career were “big corporate executive with a JD/MBA” it could be my friend. Nearly the same age, also in DC!

      My friend out earns her husband 5:1 easily. She is also from a LOT of family money, and they recently purchased their $2M home with family assets. She worked her butt off in college (where we met; she was a double major in math and chem), got top grades, went to a top law school, then a top business school, and has been highly sought after ever since. Her husband is a legit nutty professor. Teaches at one of the big schools in DC, but is also a semi SAHD and is writing a book. They have 2 kids and a full time nanny, but Dad is the parent-on-call because my friend is corporate executive-ing around the globe.

    11. One takeaway I had is that highly successful people seem to sleep and eat way less than I do. I understand that might just be the nature of the beast of being a surgeon but she had some days where it seemed like she ate next to nothing until after 8:30 pm. I’d be passed out by then.

      1. Sometimes it is amazing what you can “train” your body to do.

        Signed,
        MD who didn’t eat breakfast/lunch for years… and even now does very sporadically and while sitting at a computer furiously writing notes at the same time.

        1. Yeah, my son is graduating medical school this spring and doesn’t eat breakfast. Lunch – if he eats it – is a protein bar. When he shadowed doctors before medical school, he said none of the surgeons ate except power bars standing up reading xrays. He decided he could live that way.

      2. Yes, I think that people who naturally need less sleep tend to be more successful because they just have more hours to work with than the rest of us and are able to function at a higher level while meeting society’s conflicting expectations that we get up early to work but then also stay up late to socialize. If you read biographies of successful people, particularly Presidents, you’ll often see references to how they sleep 4-5 hours per night.

  6. My 4 yo daughter loves nothing more than to match me so I’d like to get her some matching clothes for her birthday. Google is not getting me much that seems trustworthy. Any recommendations? I love marysia but don’t necessarily want to spend that much on her part of it. :)

      1. +1. And you can probably get matching/coordinating clothes for your husband too, if she’d like that.

        If you click on women you’ll see ‘family matching’ under ‘new and now’

    3. Depending on your style, Smocked Auctions and Beaufort Bonnet have cute matching PJs. And Lilly Pulitzer sells the same prints in both adult and kid sizes. If that’s not you, Old Navy has the coordinating styles for family photos that might work. Or maybe just go for matching t-shirts?

    4. Old Navy and Target both have options. I’ve been really impressed with the quality of Old Navy toddler clothes – to me, it’s not noticeably worse quality than Primary, GAP, etc. and it’s way cheaper.

    5. Hanna Andersson has matching jammies so this might get you started? Also, Old Navy and Gap websites sometimes show coordinated family outfits — you could probably find a few matches in there somewhere.

    7. My friend is a huge Boden fan and is always wearing matching stuff with her girls – I assume it’s all from Boden.

    8. Little Blue House by Hatley makes tons of matching sleepwear sets (for the whole family including the dog). Quality is generally pretty good and their sleep leggings are super comfy.

  7. My employer just changed our retirement plan (Roth IRA) over to Vanguard. There is no employer match. Any recommendations on which of their funds to invest in? TIA!

    1. Vanguard offers lower fees if you can invest higher amounts – so these are all Admiral funds, but most have a sister fund that you can invest lower amounts in and then they convert it for you to Admiral when you meet the limit:
      VTSAX – total stock market index
      VFIAX – 500 index fund admiral

      then maybe a target retirement fund like VFORX, which is 2040, but they have them for 2045, 2050, etc.

    2. The Vanguard Index 500 fund (large cap blend, may be called Admiral) is doing really well. I’d split between that and a retirement target date fund.

    3. For retirement amounts, I like the target retirement date accounts. Unless you were super into the stock market or index funds such that you will rebalance over time, I find this to be the most low effort way to get close to the ideal mix of stocks and bonds over time.

      1. I like the target date funds as well. I’m also increasingly buying the funds that have minimum requirements for environmental, social, and governance practices. They’re not perfect, but companies are increasingly trying to please ESG-focused investors.

        For Vanguard, look at the ESGV and VSGX ETFs and there’s also Vanguard index and actively managed funds.

  8. How do I know my Drunk Elephant Protini moisturizer is empty? Is it when the pump top gets stuck and stops pumping? If so, I’m annoyed at how quickly I went through the jar for how much $$ it cost, and if not, I’m annoyed at not being able to take the stupid thing apart.

    2. Eventually it’ll stop pumping anything out. I’ve been able to pull it apart and look inside.

  9. Thoughts or advice on living on a student budget in your 30s?

    I’m 31, single, and going back to school for a master’s degree this year. I was fortunate enough to have a high-for-me salary for past few years ($120K in a MCOL area) which allowed me to pay off my college loans, build a small emergency fund, contribute to retirement, save up a good chunk, and generally feel like a responsible adult.

    The degree will be helpful for pivoting my career, and I’m getting a full ride (with a $30K yearly stipend, which just barely covers rent in the school’s housing in the HCOL city where the program is located). But I’m torn between wanting a quality of life that I’ve gotten used to (e.g. weekly house cleaning, grocery delivery, laundry services — all due to terrible work hours, so I expect to be able to cut back somewhat) and not wanting to dip into my savings for living expenses. I don’t really want to live with roommates at this point in my life.

    1. If you want to have a “adult” lifestyle, I would really look into something besides the student housing. IME, Student housing is often highly overpriced and you are largely paying for the convenience of being in a building with all students and not having to worry about logistics (utilities, subleasing for the summer, etc.). I strongly strongly suspect you can get an apartment significantly cheaper if you look outside of student housing. And it has the added benefit of taking you out of the student bubble, which makes it easier to live an adult life.

      1. This. $30k for an apartment is crazy when on a student budget, especially since that probably only covers the 9 months of the school year. You can find something decent for less that $3k a month in even the most expensive cities.

      2. Thanks for the advice. I’ve lived in the same tiny (but modern) studio apartment at $600/month to minimize fixed costs and so I can buy time. The prospect of coughing up 3X that for school housing is not inviting and throwing all my budgeting skills out of whack.

    2. If you’re living on a $30k stipend, you absolutely cannot afford weekly house cleaners, grocery delivery and laundry services. This is exactly what people mean when they use the phrase “golden handcuffs.” If you can’t give up these things, you shouldn’t have gone back to school. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but it’s wild to me that you’re even considering digging into savings for these luxuries.

      1. Wow. Yeah. You can’t afford that stuff now. I’d suggest going without for six months and then see what you really miss, if anything. Sounds like you just need to get back in the habit of doing these things yourself, which should be easier when you have more time and flexibility.

      3. +1

        I was a student in my 30’s living off a lot less than you are getting. It is definitely manageable, but yes you need to cut out those luxuries. Maybe if you want to keep one thing… housecleaner once a month or every 2 months.

        Obviously the easiest way to live simply is to have roommates, which can be fun for a year or two and I did that. But I also wanted out and recommend finding small one bedroom or studio, or a dorm if they are subsidized ( I did that for one year). Look like crazy for cheaper places. Find the neighborhood you want to live in (NOT the trendiest) and walk the streets looking for for RENT signs to often find the best deals not advertised widely in vintage buildings, but your junk in storage and live in a small space.

        Good luck. You’ll be surprised how easy it is to transition back to this lifestyle and in many ways, the simplicity can be nice. And your fellow students will definitely be raising eyebrows if they see you sending out your laundry and ordering in groceries.

      4. You’re right about the golden handcuffs. TBH the luxuries are not expensive where I live and given my low rent — costing me less than $500/month altogether (I live in a tiny tiny studio apartment for $600) — which is completely worth it given my current crazy work schedule. I’m happy to go back to grocery shopping and doing my own laundry once I have time. I think I have come to associate these comforts with my working-crazy-hours-personae-slash-adult-lifestyle (which I don’t wholly love and admittedly I’m trying to take a break from by going back to school) and wanted to see if I could find a way to squeeze some of these comforts in my newly slashed budget. Sigh.

        1. $500/month is a lot though, when your salary is $2,500/month (and I’m assuming take home pay is even less than that – a stipend isn’t tax-exempt, right?)

      5. +1 you can’t have all the things you’re used to. I totally understand not wanting to give them up, so I’d prioritize one and drop the rest.

    4. You’re a successful adult, so you do you, but this entire situation is… not connected to reality.

      You’re earning $120k in your late 20s/early 30s in a MCOL area with no family to support. You are doing really well financially, and are far more comfortable than the vast majority of Americans. A career “pivot” may very well take you to a less comfortable place. If that’s what you want, fine, but that doesn’t square with not wanting roommates, wanting luxuries like weekly house cleaners and laundry service, etc.

      $30k a year in a HCOL city is brutal, just brutal. I suggest you make a budget and determine exactly how much your preferred standard of living is going to cost you. Then figure out how to make the math work on $30k a year (roommates, old apartment, etc.). Look at those two situations and figure out exactly how much you’re willing to take out of savings.

        1. Full tuition plus stipend is often a fellowship that comes with a 20 hr a week job. I did it and had a second job, but it was brutal.

          1. Yeah, if she’s getting a stipend, she’s likely doing some job like teaching at the school. It would be brutal to be a student, do that job and then do an additional job.

      2. Fair point. I feel like I’m at a weird place where I’m young enough to transition to a different career, but have been working enough years to feel the pain of what I’m giving up. I don’t like the MCOL city I’m currently in though (few friends and family, limited career trajectory), it’s hard to transition to different companies or locales, and I’m also terribly burnt out from the crazy hours I’ve been working for the past few years. I feel stuck and ready for a change. I could theoretically go back to what I’m doing now after grad school, but for now I really need a break away from this line of work.

    5. I would consider a student loan to maintain your lifestyle while being a student if you expect to have good earnings after school. The idea is to “smooth” your lifetime income over the year(s) with lower earnings if you’re fairly confident you will be comfortable in your earnings after school. This is what many MBAs do, but post-MBA jobs are typically relatively high earning.

    6. It depends on your level of savings and realistic salary post-graduation (and prospects of the field). I was super frugal in college and law school as a K to JD student. I would have gotten more out of school if I’d been willing to spend more on bonding activities with classmates.

      If I went back to school now, I’d not give up many of my working person luxuries because I have significant savings. It really wouldn’t make that much of a difference to spend an extra $5k on luxuries that allowed me to spend more time on school/networking.

    1. Night and frankly I think it’s kind of gross not to. I can’t be the only one getting sweaty during the day and tracking in pollen, other people’s germs, etc to my bed. I see women’s black feet after wearing flip flops all day and can’t imagine not taking a shower before putting them into my bed.

      1. Morning and frankly I think it’s kind of gross not to. Imagine going to work without washing off all your night sweat.

        1. That’s a lot less gross than not washing off day sweat AND all the grossness of life (particularly in the city), especially if you don’t sweat much at night.

        1. I sincerely hope most of those women do, but I’ve known several women who haven’t and it always grossed me out. I know that many of you are morning showerers and I’m not trying to insult you, but the OP asked for why people shower the way they do and those are my feelings on the subject. Perhaps those of you who don’t walk the streets of San Francisco regularly feel differently.

      3. Same. Plus showering at night is how I relax and it signals my body it’s time to go to bed.

        1. That’s how I feel as well, BUT I would guess that those who shower in the morning feel energized, and it signals to their brains that it’s time to start the day.

    2. In the morning, because I have curly hair and that’s the only way for it to look decent.

      2. I have curly hair and shower at night. I don’t style, then rewet and style in the morning.

    3. Night. I don’t dry my hair and don’t want to wake up early enough to let my hair air dry before work. I don’t wash my hair every day, but since I need to shower at night on the days I do, I’m just in the habit of doing it at night. I also like the idea of washing off sweat and gross stuff from outside.

      1. Ditto. I like going to bed clean and not having to get up too early in order to air dry my hair.

    4. Night. Sheets stay cleaner, nice and relaxing, one less thing to have to do in the morning.

    5. Either or. Depends on whether I’m going to the gym in the morning. I’m not a sweaty person and I don’t have “black feet” or anything like the other commenter suggested. I prefer nights but my hair looks better if I do it in the morning.

      1. Yes, this. The only way I managed to persuade myself to get to the gym last night was that my hair needed washing anyway and it seemed like a waste to wash it without a gym/swim beforehand.

    7. Morning. I work out in the morning at 5am, so have to shower after. I also sleep-sweat a fair amount and feel icky if I don’t.

    8. Morning. it’s an essential part of the “waking up” process. But I wash my face and, in summer when I’m not wearing socks all day, my feet, before bed.

    10. Both. I take a brief shower before bed to rinse off and warm up. The morning shower takes a bit longer with hair washing and leg shaving. The peremptory response to the anonymous haters who will undoubtably come out to chastise me for taking two showers, because that it how it seems to be around here these days, is twofold:(1) the night shower is very short and the morning shower is fairly short and (2) my part of the country has no water supply problems whatsoever.

      1. Same. I workout in the evening so I do a quick rinse/body wash at night. Then I take a longer/wake up shower (wash hair if needed) in the morning.

      2. I also shower at night and in the morning. I started showering at night at the suggestion of an allergist who said that going to bed having at least rinsed off all the pollen, dirt, dust, etc. from the day would help my allergies (and it totally did). I don’t really wash at night, just rinse, although I will shave my legs. The next morning I wash hair and all my bits and pieces. I do have to moisturize more, especially in the wintertime. In the summertime, the night/morning showering is great as I go to bed refreshed and then also get to wash off sleep sweat before I go to work. I don’t take long showers – my nighttime one is maybe 5-10 minutes and morning is max 15.

    12. It varies, based on when I go climbing/riding/skiing. I always at least rinse off after I go climbing (usually 3x a week after work) or riding or skiing (mostly just weekends right now) – so those are later showers, and I don’t always shower in the morning if I did the night before and I’m not washing my hair before work. But my hair looks best if I shower in the morning and actually dry it (it gets limp if I sleep on it) – so sometimes I do both (e.g. showered last night after a hard climb, washed my hair this morning). But I cast no judgement upon anyone else’s shower routines, so long as they shower on a regular basis!

    13. Night.

      1) I workout after work most nights so I have to. I first got into the nighttime shower routine playing sports in high school, and needing to shower at night after practice.
      2) even on days I don’t workout, I like to get into my bed nice and clean. Wouldn’t want to get into bed with the day still on me.
      3) I straighten my hair most mornings. It takes enough time, I don’t need to add in drying time.
      4) I have 30 mins from when I wake up til when I’m out the door, so no time to shower

      On weekends I sometimes shower during the day (daytime workout, wanting to shower before I go out, or coming home too late/tired/drunk to shower)

    14. Morning. My hair won’t look good if I don’t and I need it to wake up. Also to not sweat. No clue why, but I sweat so much more if I don’t shower in the morning.

    15. Both. I come in sweaty from the gym at about 7 pm and shower then, but I don’t wash my hair. I shower and wash my hair and style it in the morning. Otherwise, my hair is unmanageable.

    16. Night. Combination of factors led to this. First, I grew up in a 1 bathroom house so family members were assigned either night or morning for showers. I was night so started the habit. Second, as an adult I exercise after work and like to shower the sweat and grime off.

    17. Question for the morning shower people, do you shower at night if you work out or have a long flight during the day? I always feel SO gross after plane travel that I want to shower ASAP, but I know friends who will fly for 6 hours and then just go to sleep.

      1. Yuck, gross. I always shower if I’ve been on a plane, even if I showered that morning and plan to shower the following morning. Have your friends seen any of the news stories about how germy planes are, and how infrequently they really get deep-cleaned? I’m not a germophobe in general but I am about planes. Planes are filthy.

        1. I know planes are gross, but I am often exhausted and just collapse into bed after a flight. I’ve been doing this for decades and somehow I have always been fine.

          1. Yeah, ideally I’d want to shower after a flight. In reality, if I’ve been traveling all day and I get home (or wherever I’m going) late, I’m crashing into bed and I’ll shower after I’ve had some sleep. I’m thinking of a trip last year where we were stuck in the Denver airport for 19 hours. I was disgusting when we actually got to SLC, but getting some real sleep, in a bed, in a dark, private bedroom for at least a few hours was the priority, then I could take a shower.

          2. See, in that case (the awful 19-hour travel days), I’m DESPERATE for that shower and will gladly go to sleep 10 mins later to facilitate it immediately.

      2. Yup. I’m about 50/50 because I shower after working out at night (2-3x week) but shower in the AM all the other days. I also cannot imagine NOT showering after a flight if I’m able (getting off a plan and right to work happens much much too often) but if possible I at least try to wash my face/hands and reapply my makeup and brush my teeth after a flight.

    18. Definitely night, gives me more time in the morning and helps me relax, plus it gives my hair time to air dry. I absolutely hate going to bed dirty. I also tend to exercise after work or go dancing in the evenings, so I’d feel extra gross working up a sweat and then going to bed like that. I have on occasion taken a very quick shower in the morning before work if I did go to bed dirty, or got extra sweaty during the night.

      1. Always in the morning, at night if I feel gross, and ALWAYS after getting off a flight.

    19. Before my morning shower, I am outside and I walk dogs and feed animals before having a cup of tea. But I really only wake up when I hit the shower. Like a zombie. I’ve never gone to work ever without my morning shower, except when the power was out which meant no hot water. Would love to take a shower at night but it won’t work.

    20. Morning, because that’s when I work out. In the summer, when I get sweaty and gross just walking out the door, I will often do a very quick rinse-off shower in the evening. I do enjoy evening showers — they just tend not to work as well for my schedule anymore.

      1. Morning, because I can’t stand how gross my hair is 20+ hrs after showering, and wouldn’t want to feel that at work/dinner. Also, because I’ve been doing morning showers forever, it’s an essential part of my waking up and being alert.

  11. My SO and I are hosting another couple at our house for dinner in a couple of weeks – what should I cook? I wouldn’t say it’s a “dinner party” – not fancy – but I’d like to make something tasty. No pork, but no limits other than that. I’m a fairly experienced home cook. What do you make in this scenario?

    1. Lasagna because everyone loves it and I don’t have to stand over a stove to finish it while I have guests. It can just hang out in the oven (then to rest 10-15 minutes out of the oven) while I drink wine with my friends.

      1. Oof, I vote no lasagna and do not think everyone loves it. If it’s not fancy, I vote something people can customize a bit more – like some type of mexican dish with toppings.

      2. brilliant. I was going to suggest an alison roman recipe but on seeing your suggestion, Lasagna sounds just perfect. I’d make the smitten kitchen one (delicious but time consuming, easily accomplished ahead of time and reheated day-of) with a sharp vinegary salad, maybe cheese and crackers as an appetizer, and for dessert I’d pre-scoop coffee ice cream into small juice glasses, stick a chocolate covered pretzel in each, and drizzle hot fudge over each before serving.

    2. I’d do braised short ribs in red wine, roasted potatoes, and a green veggie. Not everyone is crazy about short ribs, though, so as an alternative you could make a pot roast or a chicken.

    3. We have people over all the time. These are our favorite company meals:
      -chili
      -chicken tacos (skinnytaste has some good recipes for crockpot chicken tacos)
      -grilled chicken and veggies – may be more of a summer meal if you can’t grill right now
      -spaghetti and meatballs
      -pesto pasta with chicken
      -stir fry chicken (or beef) and veggies with rice

    4. I made chili for my last casual dinner party. I also made some cornbread muffins, and put out shredded cheese, onions, and sour cream for toppings. We had “churro cake,” (an easy cinnamon streusal-topped coffeecake that was a cake mix hack) and vanilla ice cream for dessert. Everything was make-ahead except the cake, which I put in the oven while we were having dinner. 35 minutes later, we had warm cake and a delicious-smelling house!

    5. Brisket (you make it overnight, stick it in the fridge, skim the fat, and then just warm it up slowly) with buttered egg noodles and a green salad.
      I make this on Sunday nights frequently – you can make the whole thing ahead of time and stick it in the fridge, Do the egg wash last right before popping it in the oven. Red wine, green salad, and chocolate cake would all feel very cozy!
      https://www.eatyourbooks.com/library/recipes/1671619/chicken–pea-skillet-pie

    6. I love doing a roasted chicken, a quick pan sauce, roasted vegetables, a simple green salad, and (store-bought) sourdough bread. Roasted chicken is really easy and delicious and looks elegant without being fancy or too expensive.

    7. Google Chicken Marbella. It is an old recipe, but is easy, colorful, delicious, and can be prepared in advance. Serve with good bread and a salad. I use boneless skinless chicken breasts, and cut down the recipe to the number of people I am serving. I would not make lasagna–it is easy on the hostess (as is chicken marbella) but between the gluten, heavy carbs, cheeses, and meats it is not a sure fire hit any longer.

    8. Hard no on the brisket. The holiday season is full of overeating, and your guests will probably want something lighter. If no pork is the only constraint, I’d guess that they are reasonably adventurous eaters. Why not something fresh and herb-filled, like Vietnamese bun with shrimp?

  12. Travel recommendations for Germany? I’m thinking of going in mid-June for two weeks. I like to balance cities and outdoor/countryside time. I want to be sure to visit a couple of breweries. I’m comfortable driving and I’d kind of anticipated this would be a road trip. What should I be sure to see? Should I try to visit any neighboring countries? Thanks, everyone, you always have such good travel advice!

    1. Southern Germany and the Romantic Road. I’d make sure to hit Freiburg (my fave), Nuremberg, and Rothenburg. If you plan to go to Freiburg, post again and I’ll give specific beer garden recs.

    2. Berchtesgaden is one of my favorite places in the world. Beautiful scenery and fascinating (though horrible) history. You’d be very close to Austria, and could also visit Salzburg and take a train to Vienna.

    3. I absolutely loved living in Freiburg and agree it is beautiful. The North is also stunning and we lived in Hamburg and I found it to be a sleeper of a city. Absolutely gorgeous and so walkeable and historic, extremely sophisticated. It is near the beautiful Baltic islands of Rügen etc. Berlin is a fab place to see iconic things but ugly. Munich and the south is comically Alpen but a bit boring, in my opinion.

      1. Berlin for history, good food and nighttime fun. For the North, you could do Hamburg and Lübeck – the latter has a wonderful medieval old town surrounded by water, and it’s close to the Baltic sea.

    4. Maybe the Black Forest villages and then you can either poke over to France (Strasbourg & Colmar) or Switzerland (Basel).

    5. If you’re a craft beer enthusiast, either really do your homework or prepare to be underwhelmed by breweries. Germany has great pils, hefeweizen and other traditional beers. IPA can be found, but you have to know where to look.

    6. Lake Constance/ Bodensee deserves some consideration when you’re thinking about where to go – I spent a year living in Konstanz and it’s totally gorgeous. Fully intact pre-1400 city centre which is rare in Germany for obvious reasons!

  13. I’m a lawyer and I HATE it when my to-do list gets backed up. I’ve been practicing 5 years. I feel like I made promises to clients or partners and I’m breaking them. No one is mad, no one is bothering me (haven’t even asked) but I hate getting things late – even when I’m the one who set the deadline, or when I don’t have a deadline but I set my own. I don’t litigate so these aren’t filing deadlines, it’s like, “I’ll do this research and get back to you in a couple weeks.” Well, that was 2 weeks ago. I don’t have anxiety (I can sleep, I’m not having physical symptoms). I had a ton of urgent work get dumped on me over the holiday season and everything that was on my plate in mid-December is just now on the top of my list.

    How can I learn from this? Any strategies? I am trying to communicate and say “I’m sorry, I won’t be able to get this to you this week, but I hope to circle around to it next week” but that also feels wishy washy and crappy.

    1. Are you sure no one’s mad? I don’t mean to be rude about it, but if you’re missing deadlines, even internal ones, people are likely frustrated. Your strategy needs to be from the very beginning to be upfront about what you can and cannot do. And if you’re not working in a way to be hitting your targets, then as a 5th year, so you shouldn’t be telling people that you can’t do things for them.

    2. This is just life for me. I’m in house and there are always projects/contracts, etc., that are behind on my to do list. There is nothing I can do about it unless they allow the hiring of two more lawyers for our group and since that will never happen, such is life. I communicate, communicate, communicate with my internal and external customers and put out the most urgent fires first. I also work with my boss and my internal customers (or your managing partner as the case may be) to make sure I am prioritizing properly and to set reasonable goals/timelines for things. I am bad at delegating, but that’s an area which can help if it’s available to you.

      Honestly, I don’t personally know anyone in law who doesn’t always feel like they are behind in something.

    3. It is NOT crappy to give people realistic expectations. I totally get where you’re coming from, but telling people optimistically that you’ll get something done sooner than you can is actually worse than telling them a later, more realistic date.

      Also, I wish I were like you in setting internal/personal deadlines that actually motivate you. I’m terrible at that.

      1. +1 I’m not a lawyer but my spouse worked with one recently regarding unpaid wages and it was so much more frustrating when the lawyer would say “I’ll meet with you tomorrow/you’ll have the money by the end of the week” and then wait to the last minute to push it off vs. just realistically managing everyone’s expectations.

    4. Don’t create your own internal crisis based on the first week back to work after a break, when a bunch of stuff got dumped on you. Pull back and look at the bigger perspective; get back up to speed this week, and then next week figure out if there’s an ACTUAL crisis.

      Also, all these people you think you’re letting down? They just got back to work with a desk full of overdue stuff, too. Everyone is in catch-up mode this week.

    5. This is a reality of the practice but your feelings about it are completely valid and well held. Instead of saying your sorry, try saying, “Thank you for your patience as this took longer than I anticipated (or as I worked through these complex issues). Have the statement be an affirmation of your work and an acknowledgment that it took a little longer. It comes across in a much different way than an I’m sorry and it alleviates some of your emotional burden.

  14. Does anyone have a good dupe for the European Wax Center exfoliating gel? I’ve used that product a lot when I would go there for bikini waxes, but their location is now rather inconvenient for me get to and they don’t appear to sell the product online from their website. I like that it exfoliates without being “gritty abrasive” if that makes sense. Thanks!

    1. I loved that product so much but found that it was too expensive for how quickly I went through it so a few years ago I eventually found the Dr. G Brightening Peeling Gel and it is amazing. The 4.2 oz bottle is just over 11 dollars on amazon. You can always search for other peeling gels as well, very common in Asian beauty products.

  15. Advice on things to include/consider in prenups from those who have been there? I’m getting married in about 3 months, and my fiance and I have decided we want to put one in place for a variety of reasons. We have a meeting with a lawyer in a few weeks, but I’m not sure what we should be thinking through beyond division of property. He makes significantly more than I do, but we’re both highly compensated – I’m a GC with income in the mid-six-figures; he’s a law firm partner making in the low seven-figures and both intend to continue working full time following the marriage and birth of our child (due in May).

    (I know there are people who have Strong Feelings about how prenups are a terrible sign about your marriage/relationship, but that’s not my question – I’m very secure in our relationship (which has lasted for 6+ years) but we’ve both been divorced previously and believe that there’s value to trying to do what we can now to make that process less painful and drawn out should we ever get there.)

    1. I thought both parties need their own lawyer for a prenup? IANAL, though.
      FWIW, I think you’re wise to do this. My net worth is a fraction of your salary and I would do the same. I worked too hard for what I’ve got to chance it.

    2. I’d probably do a prenup and your wills at the same time, if possible. All marriages end, either in death or divorce, so why not prepare for both possibilities at the same time. A lot of the considerations overlap – how to provide for children from prior relationships (if any) as well as children you have together. What kinds of things will be shared assets vs. separate. How is real property shared?

      1. I should have mentioned that this is part of doing the estate planning stuff too – he has children from a prior marriage and we want to make sure all the pieces fit together in terms of inheritance, possible divorce, etc.

    4. I don’t see an issue, you both have a lot of assets to protect. Make sure you have your own lawyer and counsel with them specifically on the likelihood of various provisions being nullified (this happens sometimes). It may get contentious so make sure to leave the prenup talk in the negotiation room with your lawyers.
      Protect your assets prior to marriage, but make sure you don’t get excluded from assets you gain while married. It’s easy to agree to a “what’s mine is mine and what’s his is his” as “fair” but life changes – you don’t know how you’ll feel after kid is born about working – and you’ll be super upset if you stop working after kid(s) or just because you can afford to not work, then he divorces you and you’re left with significantly lower assets than him and years out of the workforce.

    5. I haven’t gone through one, but I considered it due to a modest family inheritance. I’d just make sure you feel comfortable with whatever you decide on (re: terms) for the big issues, like student loan debt and any family wealth. I’m not sure how important it is to get really in the weeds on income/expenses, but maybe others can comment.

    6. I found a book that was super helpful. Quick search makes me think it might be the one called Prenuptial Agreements: How to Write a Fair and Lasting Contract, but I’m not totally certain. That helped me really understand the range of possibilities and things to consider. Frankly I’m a little worried about your timeline – we went into the lawyer contact stage with an exact idea of what we wanted and deviated only a little, and one of the lawyers dragged their feet and it took 7 months to get it done. Make sure you have a lawyer for both of you, and figure that out now and get started as soon as possible. You want the thing signed long in advance of the wedding.

      1. Thanks! I just looked it up and that looks super helpful. We actually very likely won’t sign until after the wedding (so it’ll technically be a post-nup), among other things bc I’m pregnant (which doesn’t automatically nullify a pre-nup in my state, but can be raised as a form of duress).

    7. My suggestions

      1) use it to clearly lay out what assets each of you brought into the marriage, because even though these wouldn’t be community property, things get muddy after a while.

      2) you may want to say that any gains during the marriage on your sole and separate pre-marital properties remain yours (This way you don’t have to sell assets to distribute gains in the case of divorce.)

      3) specify no alimony will be requested by either party in the case of divorce (you can’t do this with child support but you usually can with alimony)

      4) you can specify that your 401k remain your own. No one wants to be tracking down a long-ago ex spouse years in the future when you have to take mandatory distributions

      I have heard of clauses like “if the husband cheats, the prenup is void” but I think that is ridiculous and I’ve only heard of it in connection with sports stars.

    9. I know nothing about prenups personally (not the marrying type), just wanted to say I think it’s a very responsible choice in almost all marriages–even ones with low-incomes, and balanced assets. I think avoidance of prenups is an even worse sign as it indicates not being willing to not to have an outside authority prevent them from attempting to take advantage of the other person if things were to go awry. Who wouldn’t be willing to agree that they won’t go after the other person’s financial assets in the event the relationship dissolves? That seems like an even bigger red flag, personally.

      1. Eh, not really. You talk about things “going awry” as if it just happens, like catching a cold. Perhaps with other men, I would have wanted a prenup, but my husband is one of the most fundamentally ethical and decent people I’ve met in my almost 40 years on this planet, and it isn’t part of his nature to screw people like that.

        This does not come from a place of idealism: my parents have experienced multiple ugly divorces, and I got a front-row seat for that dysfunction. What I picked up from watching each spectacle unfold was that it was, in some ways, all too predictable; people didn’t actually behave that much differently during the divorce than they did before and during the marriage.

        1. Nobody thinks they’re going to get divorced when they get married. I’m 55. Divorce happened in the most unexpected corners of my friend group.

          1. Yes, but were all of those divorces messy? I don’t think Anon at 2:06 thinks she’s immune from divorce – just that her husband would behave ethically if it came to that. I feel the same way about my own husband, and believe me when I say that I don’t think I have some amazing, divorce-proof marriage.

        2. You do you, but even the most ethical person in the world could change due to mental illness, manipulation by someone else, find a new religion, a child he didn’t know about from prior to your marriage, any numebr of things outside your control, etc. Also, as I like to say you have a pre-nup, it’s the laws of your state, you just didn’t get to choose the terms of it.

        3. You’re assuming that fights over assets and such in a divorce are due to a lack of ethics. They very much can be due to straightforward disagreements about what is fair or necessary. There are plenty of divorces in which no one was trying to screw someone else, and yet the proceedings were still drawn out and unpleasant.

  16. I’m starting a new job on Monday. Not law, but professional corporate type job. I want to make a great impression. Any tips or suggestions? I don’t have a whole lot of experience in the corporate world, but I’m not a new graduate. My previous jobs were working for smaller companies with very few people.

  17. Has anyone found a lined, v-neck with sleeves, ponte dress they love?

    I had one by Peserico which was perfect however w some recent weight gain, it’s now too small.

    1. I’d check the Hobbs sale. I snapped up a few great dresses (machine washable! with sleeves!) over the holidays. Lucky sizes on everything but great prices.

      1. Seconded. I wore one of mine yesterday and was reminded why I think of it as a secret pyjamas dress. So comfortable!

  18. Hello! I am in Montreal with two toddlers. I don’t know the US well.I would like to book a break in the first week of March: ideally something in the US, somewhere warm, and preferably not too long a flight (so maybe not California). I have considered Florida, but I don’t really want to go the Miami resort way (although we may have to). I was thinking something in nature–it can be in the middle of nowhere–and with little things nearby to do with children (going for short hikes, some small town…). Is there anything like that that comes to mind, or would you rather recommend a city break like Charlotte or Savannah? (or indeed Miami). We just want to relax in a low-key, warm place with the kids. I realise this is all very vague, but any suggestions would be hugely appreciated. Thank you!

    1. Charleston! (Definitely not Charlotte.) Lots of nature (Charles Towne Landing State Park is delightful and has a mini zoo inside), boat rides (when I went on one last May, dolphins were swimming alongside us), lighthouses (Morris Island), history.

    2. Charleston! (Definitely not Charlotte.) Lots of nature (Charles Towne Landing State Park is delightful and has a mini zoo inside), boat rides (when I went on one last May, dolphins were swimming alongside us), lighthouses (Morris Island), history.

      1. For Charleston with kids– I would recommend staying somewhere outside of the city near a beach– maybe look at Airbnbs on Sullivan’s Island or even further away on Hilton Head. Then you could go to the beach and also see some history in town. It will most likely be warm enough for the beach in early March but may be windy and cool at night. The city is very walkable and hard to get around by car, so it may not be great for toddlers.

        Also, check out St. Augustine and some of the islands near Jacksonville. (Fly into Jacksonville.) Savannah is wonderful but is very much a walking city, so I don’t know if you’d want that with toddlers.

      2. Charleston is great, but it depends on how warm you want. It will probably be in the 60s or low 70s F in March, which is very pleasant for walking around, but isn’t beach or swimming weather. Savannah is doable as a day trip from Charleston, and I think it’s very toddler-friendly (just bring a stroller for the walking).

        Miami doesn’t really have a ton of “resorts” in the sense of all-inclusives where it’s kind of expected that you’ll spend most of your time at the resort. If you want to go to Miami, it’s totally possible to get a nice hotel on the beach but spend your days out and about exploring the city, only returning to the hotel to swim and sleep. Miami will definitely be warm enough for swimming in March. There is also fun stuff for kids within a few hours drive of Miami: Everglades National Park, Florida Space Coast (Kennedy Space Center, etc.) and of course Orlando (Disney).

    4. Georgia and SC and northern Florida do not guarantee beach weather in March if that’s what you mean by warm (although the way this “winter” is going, this year might be plenty warm!). The Gulf side of Florida is typically calmer and warmer than the Atlantic side so you might try Tampa area and anywhere south of that — Sanibel Island is good for kids although definitely not the “middle of nowhere.”

      1. South of Tampa there are some beautiful areas – the Sarasota area and the islands around that part can be a great spring break. I would look at Airbnbs on Longboat Key or Siesta Key in Sarasota. There are good things to do with kids and it’s a really easy area to navigate.

    6. Arkansas! It’s cheap, beautiful, nature is the main attraction, and there’s tons of family friendly stuff to do. You can stay in a cabin on a bison ranch (Google Ratchford Farm), or spend a day searching for diamonds at Crater State Park. Petit Jean Mountain is gorgeous in the spring, or there are lots of lakes and rivers to choose from if you like boats or rafting. It’ll definitely be warm compared to Montreal, and that’ll probably be early enough that it won’t be too wet/buggy yet.

      1. Hi neighbor!! I totally agree with this assessment. Eureka Springs is a smaller town that’s beautiful, surrounded by beautiful hiking/nature, and is very quaint. You’d get there probably by flying into Northwest Arkansas (there’s a ton to do in that area that fits your parameters). You can also fly into Little Rock and go to Crater of Diamonds (above), and Hot Springs National Park. There’s another state park called Toltec Mounds that I remember loving when I was a kid. Both Little Rock and Hot Springs have really cool children’s museums and other fun stuff. I live in central Arkansas, so I’d lean toward that, plus it’s warmer.

    7. I would do key west although I think you need to book ASAP or else it will be sold out.

      Get a direct flight to Miami, spend a day there checking it out and then drive down to Key West. It’s a cool drive especially if you haven’t been to that part of the world before. You go through the everglades which is definitely worth a stop. Then the bridge to key west is really cool scenery and there are neat roadside americana places to stop.

      The town of key west is chill, you can largely get around on foot/bike/pedicab. There are good restaurants and quirky sites. The beach there is good for kids, shallow and very little waves.

      1. If you’re still reading responses, I highly recommend the Golden Isles of Georgia (Jekyll, St. Simons, Cumberland). If you’ve got the budget for it and want very nature/disconnected, stay at Greyfield on Cumberland (it’s a national seashore and Greyfield is the only non-camping accommodation on the island). If it’s too expensive, stay on Jekyll or St. Simons and take a day trip. March is not reliably swimming-weather warm, though, depending on what you’re looking for. You can fly into Jacksonville or Savannah and it’s about an hour drive from each. If you want swimming weather warm, you’ve got to go to South Florida, but the gulf side is less big-city than the Atlantic side. Sanibel is nice.

    9. Second Charleston or maybe St Simons in Georgia. You can stay in Charleston or nearby at Kiawa, Isle is Palms or other nearby beaches. This is what American professionals would do. You can mostly be at the beach and go into Charleston for nice meals.

  19. Anyone own the Knomo Park Lane carry-on? I cant seem to make a decision between the Knomo ( a soft sided carry-on) and the ubiquitous Away.

    I’m tempted by Knomo as it’s a bit unique. Anyone care to opine?

    1. The Knomo looks ok, but don’t see it as all that unique. I have an Away and absolutely love it – get a fun color if you want something that stands out. On the airport shuttle Monday my Bigger Carry On was on the rack with two others, but all different colors. The three of us grabbing them actually had a cute “Away club” moment before disembarking.

    2. I have a few bags by Knomo, including Sedley and love them all. The are very practical (dividers, pockets, card holders, pocket for chargers, phones etc), allow me to be organized (work bag, hand bag, carry on bag – every item has its own place in the bag and I don’t have to search for them foe minutes), they look polished, but not pretentious and I love the combination of fabric and leather (easy to wile the fabric with a wet microfiber cloth). I love that I can slip my Knomo Elektronista handbag into Grosvenor handbag and then put that one over the Sedley carry-on. I just bought a backpack for city breaks. Also, their customer service is great – my chain mechanism on one of the handbags got broken and after sending the service team a pic of the handbag ID, they sent a new chain free of charge.

  20. I’ve been drooling over this cardigan/blazer since it was posted here. It’s down to $130. I said if it got down to $110 I’d snag it. What does the hive think? Is it worth it if it hits $110, or is it even likely that it will go on sale at that price? Would you spend $130 on it? I’m in the middle of revamping my wardrobe and it would be a staple piece I’d wear a ton if I owned it (I know based on similar pieces I’ve owned).

    https://www.macys.com/shop/product/charter-club-pure-cashmere-blazer-regular-petite-sizes-created-for-macys?ID=7823102

    1. If you’ve been obsessing about it this long, I wouldn’t let a $20 differential keep you from buying it. You can always ask for an adjustment if it goes on further discount. Buy it now while they still have your size.

      1. I also think every week you wait is another week you can’t wear it and get your money’s worth. You won’t want to be wearing this in May/June.

    2. I bought it after seeing it recommended here and ended up returning it. I have a really hard time with wool and often even cashmere and this one was too itchy for me. But I think I’m more sensitive than most. It seems to still be available in a lot of sizes so my guess is you’d probably be okay if you wanted to wait for one more price drop, but I agree, a $20 price difference doesn’t seem like that big of a deal when you’ve been obsessing for a while.

  21. I’d spend $135 on it and was tempted, but I live in a warm-weather climate and wouldn’t get year-round versatility out of it. You’ve had your eye on it a while and still like it, so it’s not an impulse purchase. I say go for it while they have your size, and don’t let the $25 hold you back.

    1. I agree don’t let the $25 hold you back. For stuff like this I use shopstyle which lets you track items and lets you know when they go on sale so you don’t have to keep checking the site.

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