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Workwear sales of note for 5.26.23:
- Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale just started!
- Amazon – Memorial Day Sales! Lots of discounts on Amazon Essentials and more.
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off all sale styles (through 5/29); 40% off your entire purchase (including suiting).
- Anthropologie – Extra 40% off sale.
- Athleta – Up to 60% off, PLUS an extra 30% off!
- Banana Republic – Summer preview, 30% off your purchase!
- Banana Republic Factory – 50%-70% off everything + extra 25% off purchase
- Bloomingdale’s – Memorial Day Sale, save up to 50% off on summer essentials, plus save up to 40% on designer items!
- Boden – 30% off everything, including sale (ends 5/29).
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off sale; already up to 70% off (ends 5/31) – also mix & match sale with men’s shirts, 4 for $249.
- Cole Haan – Up to 50% off sale styles.
- Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19; up to 50% off everything.
- Everlane – Up to 30% off, 400+ sale styles.
- Express – Summer kickoff sale, 30-50% off everything (plus $35+ steals).
- H&M – Up to 60% off online and in-store.
- J.Crew – 40% off your purchase; extra 50% off sale styles; up to 50% off summer styles
- J.Crew Factory – 50-70% off entire site and storewide; extra 60% off clearance.
- J.McLaughlin – Up to 40% off!
- Loft – 40% off full-price styles
- M.Gemi – MDW sale, up to 70% off (but returns accepted only for store credit).
- M.M.LaFleur – Short but sweet sale.
- Madewell – Get 30% off your purchase.
- Ministry of Supply – 25% off sitewide.
- Sephora – Up to 50% off select beauty
- Shopbop – Up to 50% off designer sale!
- Sue Sartor – Lots of cute dresses on sale!
- Talbots – 40% off one item, 30% off everything else (through 5/29).
- Theory – Up to 60% off + an extra 20% off.
- Universal Standard – Up to 35% off!
- Victoria’s Secret – this weekend only, buy 3 panties get 5 free ones.
Other noteworthy sales:
- CB2.com – Up to 50% off everything!
- Joss & Main – Up to 60% off, plus an extra 20% off with code.
- Tuft & Needle – Save up to $775 on mattresses. (Reader favorite bed brand; Kat really likes hers!)
- West Elm – Memorialy Day Sale, up to 60% off.
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
- Favorite comfy pants for an overnight plane ride?
- I’ve got a nasty case of tech neck…
- What’s a good place for a relaxing solo escape?
- What’s the best commuter backpack?
- I’m early 40s and worry my career arc is ending…
- I canNOT figure out the proportions in this current season of fashion…
- How is everyone wearing scarves in 2023?
- What shoes are people wearing to work between boot and sandal season?
- What’s a good place for a relaxing solo escape?
- What are some of your go-to outfits that feel current?
- I need more activities that are social, easy to learn and don’t involve extreme running/jumping/etc.
Pretty. I’ve got a couple of animal print (both snakeskin and leopard) items that I’ve got my eye on. I don’t like to buy trendy things/things that I can’t wear for many many years to come. Should I be concerned about this with these prints, especially if the items I’m looking at are shoes? Belts and blouses to a lesser extent.
Animal print shoes are more classic and less “in your face” than animal print clothing, so I’d say go ahead.
Is snakeskin trendy? I almost never see snakeskin, or if I do, it doesn’t register as “Hey, it’s an animal print!” so I’d say it’s pretty safe. Leopard might go out eventually, or at least the leopard flats that are ubiquitous right now, but particularly the more subtle leopard will probably be safe for many years.
I don’t know if snakeskin is trendy, but I’ve seen a lot of items online that I like. I’m a horrible judge of these things and wouldn’t notice if something were “dated” unless it were a decade or two out of date. *sigh*
I consider snakeskin to be a neutral with added texture. Snakeskin and leopard print shoes have been around for a long time and are here to stay provided that the style of the shoe is itself classic.
I don’t think you should be worried about this, especially with shoes and belts. (I would probably stay away from blouses but that’s just me). I think snakeskin shoes (fake obviously) are classy and match well with a lot of work attire, and are less noticeable than leopard print. Both are versatile!
Women in the kitten family have been rocking leopard for generations and consider it timeless, but appreciate that the trendiness makes it easier to find and buy. So if you like the animal prints, load up!
Just don’t match your snakeskin print dress to snakeskin shoes as I have seen…
Sorry to start off with an immediate TJ, but I’m looking at having to set up a trust for an elderly parent to protect their assets from some less trustworthy family members. I know absolutely nothing and have emailed some local lawyers. I’d like to be an educated consumer and know some of the basics and questions to ask to decide if a) the lawyers are providing decent suggestions b) pitfalls to look out for and c) some basic trust 101, so I can understand what the heck they’re talking about. Any suggestions are appreciated.
Caveat: This isn’t my area of law, but my general questions would be as follows. Who should be the trustee, will the trust be revocable/irrevocable, if the parent needs care in the future, will the trust protect assets and still allow the person to qualify for governmental insurance (Medicaid is the major payor for long term nursing home care) , how will the trust interplay with wills and powers of attorney, what is the process for moving assets into the trust, how to maximize tax advantages?
A good estates and trusts lawyer (or possibly an elder care lawyer) should be able to answer your questions and lay out the pros/cons of each set-up.
This is my area of law – and these are all the right questions. I would also make sure that the attorney will help you transfer assets to the trust (our firm gives a “how-to” guide, prepares new deeds, and coordinates with financial advisers to do so). The last thing you want is an empty trust.
Also, I would be prepared for the cost. A trust is complicated and (particularly with medicaid asset protection trusts) has to stand the test of time – the price will reflect that.
Medicaid asset protection...
This is just a general comment for the lawyers (not the OP… thanks for helping in this situation…).
This continues to make me sad….
I hate that our legal system allows people who are wealthy/educated to hide their assets so that they can “qualify” for Medicaid down the road. It disgusts me, actually, and families that do it should be ashamed.
Our family saw elder care and estate lawyers to work out a trust etc.. for my disabled father after my Mom passed. As the lawyer “gently” urged my father to consider “shielding” his money, my father’s response was…
“Someone has to pay, right? It may as well be me. I should be paying for my own care, if I can afford to do so”.
Amen to your father. If you can afford it, you should pay for it. Medicaid is for those who can’t. As I’m getting read to send in a huge tax payment that will really hurt me, I can’t help but get frustrated by wealthy people who hide behind such legal tax shelters.
+1 thank you for saying this – I just went through losing my Mom a month ago after a protracted stay in three different assisted living situations. Honestly, there aren’t many elder communities anyone would want to have their loved one live in if all they had were government assisted choices – our government reimbursement for these facilities are an embarrassment and the they reflect this neglect. Thankfully, my Mom was able to pay for her own care until the last couple of months, although she went through every dime she had as her savings were extremely modest. Why wouldn’t someone want to pay their own way if they had the ability?
Well….yes and no. We were almost in this situation with my grandfather. He had a small amount of money in his bank account, and owned a mobile home worth about $18k. In order to qualify for MediCal (for a nursing care facility that was about $2k / month) he would have had to sell everything and have less than $2k in his bank account. That seems crazy to me – we had briefly considered keeping the mobile home for maybe one of the grandkids to have as a place to live while in college, or my uncle and I thought about keeping it for me to stay in when I visited and other out of town guests to use. My grandfather ended up only being in the care facility for 10 days, so we skipped the MediCal route and just paid cash for it, but I can think of lots of situations where the MediCal rules aren’t exactly horribly fair. Think of all of the situations that could arise when forced to sell a family home. Maybe other generations are living there. Maybe the other spouse is still living there. Maybe there is a disabled adult child living there?
The problem is that most insurance companies only pick up about 90 days per year of nursing home care, at best. Long term care insurance is prohibitively expensive for many – my grandfather certainly could never have afforded that. Until the industry comes up with a mechanism for, at the very least, middle class families to afford some kind of insurance that covers long term care, the tax shelters probably need to stay in place.
Now, if you’ve got a pension or other retirement plan that would make it not that big of a stretch to pay the $2500 – $4000 a month full time care might cost? You’re right, that’s probably abusing the system. But I think a lot of the people thrown into using those shelters are people like my grandfather – who have very modest savings (we’re talking less than $50k), maybe a small house, and want to leave something to their families.
No that’s exactly the point. If the taxpayers are paying for your care, you don’t get to leave something to your family. Nor do you get to give your family a mobile home to use as guest housing.
I agree, it’s not that simple in all cases. I’m surprised that SoCalAtty’s grandfather is living someplace where the costs are 2K per month. The average nursing home costs in my area is 10k per month.
$2500-$4000 a month? Hah! In my LOW cost of living state, the average nursing home cost is upwards of $5000, and in many (most) places closer to $10,000 a month.
OP, unless your family is independently wealthy, assume that all assets he has will be used up by his end-of-life expenses, and do what you can to tie it into a trust so that other family members can’t siphon it off from him – but understand that there probably will not be an inheritance, and the sooner everyone understands that the better.
The number one piece of advice I can give is to make sure there is enough money to afford to put him into a decent place that will still keep him under Medicaid/Medicare once the money runs out. In our area, the Medicaid only places are pretty sad, but if you can afford 6 months-1 year buy in to a place that will transition him to Medicaid once the money runs out, that is for the best.
Wow! This was in Northern California, about 2 years ago. Lincoln, to be specific. The $2500 / $3000 a month or whatever it was was just the bed itself, and the food, I think. His existing Medicare insurance picked up a portion of it, I think the nurse and doctor visits. Maybe that’s why it was cheaper? Because I know the “cash” rate was $200 / $250 a day, or something like that. Definitely NOT a HCOL area, that’s for sure. I’m in the LA area now, but my family isn’t from here.
Also, like I said, he was there a whopping 10 days before he passed, so we ended up paying cash and withdrawing the MediCal application.
Thanks, he is definitely not wealthy. I already know that we will need Medicaid in the future, but I’m mostly trying to prevent people from taking funds prior to that.
Quite frankly inheritance is the last thing on my mind. I just want to make sure what is there isn’t taken and then I have to try to figure out what to do with no money and before Medicaid.
I don’t know how people do this. I’ve got my toe in the water and already want to cry.
In response to SoCalAtty, and for others out there in a similar boat, there are many different things that impact how/if/when a person can qualify for government assistance. More than a decade ago, we needed to apply for these benefits for my father but Mom was still living in the house. She was allowed to stay in the house and keep her vehicle but other assets had to be spent down to a certain level before he would qualify.
And I would suggest that while other dependents may have ideas of how they would like to use a family home (as you suggested), it really is most people’s primary asset – if they aren’t going to be living there themselves, it needs to be liquidated to pay for that person’s care and not treated as an inheritance. I don’t see it as unfair at all.
You should also discuss whether you really need a trust, or if you just need a trusted person to act as financial power of attorney (which can be a separate person from the medical power of attorney). In our area, there is an accountant who specializes in doing this, if you think it should be a neutral (outside of the family) person.
In my mother’s family, for my grandma, there were enough brothers and sisters that 2 of them have medical power of attorney, and another 2 have financial power of attorney. Each of the 2 with financial can sign checks up to a certain level, and need both signatures above the next amount.
Medicaid asset protection...
Shame shame… SoCalAtty…. You are a lawyer, probably making more money than my severely disabled father made his entire working life and you wanted HIM to pay through his taxes for you to have a mobile home to use for your visits etc…? Think about it.
I completely agree that it is ridiculously expensive to pay for the care of families often need with aging/disability and it is crushing to many many families. In many ways, it is sad that families are now more disconnected, fewer can afford to (or want to…) take in their elderly relatives to care for them. And as a society, we haven’t figured out how to provide this care and make it affordable, and good quality. Thank goodness Medicaid allows a spouse to keep the house/car/some income, but that honestly is not enough for many spouses and it upsets me very much to see how couples are devastated by illness and disability.
But to try to avoid paying for your own end of life care so your family can have an inheritance…. or a mobile home for college/vacations? Absolutely shameful.
I like your posts frequently SoCalAtty so I am being hard on you because I know you can take it!
Well….there is a little more to it than that. Like I said, we would have LIKED to keep it. Not so much for me (although that would have been nice, not going to say it wouldn’t have been), but because there are family members that were having a hard time that could have used it. Not to mention the thing was only worth $18k – and we actually explored the possibility of me just buying it outright, but there is some “look back” period where that wouldn’t have been ok with MediCal. Not sure how that works, that’s not my area of law, but we were advised against it. Again, he was in the facility for a whopping 10 days before he passed, and so we used up the rest of what was in his bank account to pay for those 10 days and all of the other arrangements, which brought the balance to zero. We sold the mobile home, but I have no idea what happened to that money, I’m pretty sure my Uncle took off with it, but my half or $18k less the broker fee really isn’t worth starting a family feud over.
What I find absolutely disgusting is that someone like my grandfather can pay into taxes and toward Medicare for 75 years and not be offered ANY coverage for full time care. We’re talking about someone that left school after the 4th grade and went to work to help feed his family. Nope, no coverage, sorry. And be told “sure, you can get the care you need, but only if you sell everything!” That’s crazy. Believe me, over the 75 years my grandfather worked and paid taxes (and he worked up until the year he died, he was amazing) he paid MORE than enough taxes to deserve to be both covered and hold a little back, maybe not for me, but certainly for other family members that REALLY could have used some help.
So sure, I get what you are saying, but what does my success have to do with what my hardworking grandfather should be forced to do with the small things he might have liked to have passed on? We’re not talking about a big, valuable house here – we’re talking about a few thousand dollars in a bank account and a little mobile home. So maybe if I had no money and was working a retail job that’d be ok, but because of what I do it’s not? I’m not being snarky, I’m just pointing out that it shouldn’t matter what the family members do or do not have. It is kind of awful to say to someone like my grandfather, “thanks for working your rear end off all those years, we’re only going to take care of you if you sell ALL of your stuff and drain your bank account.” That’s what really gets me.
Well, who’s considering the community spouse here? The well spouse then impoverishes him/herself and gets caught in a cycle of poverty, which the government pays for later. Families would be better off being allowed to keep more at the outset and still qualify rather than spending down to $0.
Also note, your needs for long term care may not happen when your finances are at their maximum or before compounding takes place. Consider that you could be 40 years old in need of LTC because of a disabling disease. I used to think like your father, but now, I plan to investigate every option I can to preserve assets, since I “did everything right” and may have to spend my savings down now – before they can compound – to pay for my loved one’s care.
Nah SoCal. I’m still thinking that actually if you have 18k in assets, use them to take care of yourself before the rest of us do. I don’t really care that you personally seem to think your needy relatives deserved that money. That just means tax dollars are propping them up
And we do have a system to help people like your grandfather. It just depends on them helping themselves first.
Anonymous – and you don’t think that 75 years of tax-paying offsets that at all? Interesting. I look it a little differently – he’d paid his dues and should have been able to hold on to what little was left. Moot point, but that was my thinking.
Nope. Paying your taxes for 75 years is not some super special thing. If you’re suggesting tax financed long term care for the elderly, even if they have, say, 25k of assets left to themselves, awesome. I expect you’re the first one telling your representatives you think you should be paying more in taxes for that.
I’m curious if those of you that are against medicaid asset protection are also against tax shelters for the wealthy. I guess the latter is not contributing to a limited pool while the former is taking from the limited pool. Regardless, people tend to think on is okay and the other is not depending on which side of the aisle they reign from. I see them as fairly similar. If one is okay, the other should be too. Alternatively, we should put a stop to both.
Yep, anon, I have, and do. Actually, I don’t think we should be paying MORE taxes for this – I think the government should be doing it as part of Medicare. ESPECIALLY for our Vets, of which my grandfather was one. If the government wants to play in the single payer pool, they should go all in.
Aside: did you know that Medicare will now not pay for hearing aids (they used to!), but will pay for acupuncture? Utter nonsense.
Do you have a rough estimate?
Also, what should I expect to pay for the initial consultation (as in figuring out the basics of what the heck is actually needed)?
Trying to brace myself.
I really wouldn’t want to guess – I live in a low cost of living area. I’d say 20-25 billable hours?
Will the relative be doing it him/herself, or do you have their power of attorney? Will you be going with him/her to the appointment?
Things to consider:
1. revocable vs irrevocable trust – revocable means they can change it, irrevocable they can’t. You might want irrevocable trust if Medicaid qualification might be a concern down the line (in > 5 years)
2. Have an independent (non family, 3rd party) trustee, especially if you are worried about people trying to get their hands on relative’s assets.
3. Who will be the successor beneficiaries?
Thanks. I’m going solo at the moment to try to get a sense of what the heck to do and then I will work through it with the parent. At the current time, no one has complete power of attorney (only as it relates to being incapacitated and health care issues).
Basically, what I want is something that protects them from financial abuse. There are some people in our family who are already trying to siphon off money (parent isn’t loaded) so I expect it will only get worse as health continues to decline.
If you are worried about people taking money from them – are those other people on any joint accounts? That is the first step, usually. Irrevocable trust will also help but you really do need an independent trustee so that the bad relatives don’t try to say you had undue influence.
Thanks for this. Very helpful information. Now I just need some of the lawyers I emailed to email me back!!
Medicaid asset protection...
I would see an Elder Care Lawyer that also does trusts. That will get all the expertise you need in one place, and will probably be less expensive than a big TRUSTS lawyer.
Not sure if this has been addressed, but is the OP attorney-in-fact or conservator for this relative? If not, the relative should be the one initiating this, and bring the OP along if they wish. Could be why the attorneys haven’t responded, this sets up a messy situation of who is the client, etc.
Nope. I am not (which is why I’m asking all the probably dumb questions). Just a concerned adult “kid” trying to figure all this craziness out.
Meg Murray – The financial POA is interesting to me. Now I’m going to have to figure out the difference between the two!
I appreciate the suggestions from everyone. I’m trying to figure this out, while realizing my parent is slowly turning into a shell of the person they once were. I consider myself a fairly educated person, but this is all just such a mess (plus the emotional aspect to it) that I just want to curl up in a ball.
My mummy succumbed to her cancer. I took 3 days off, traveled 11 hours to take care of all arrangements. My sister cried her head off, my father who has been a jerk to mum didn’t do much and my other sister is not emotionally strong. I had to hold the fort. After coming back to my place, I held a memorial for mum so many of our friends came over a day and half.
I still didn’t cry over her passing and I’m already at the office. I will not make any crazy decisions but now I can get on planning my job search because I didn’t want to quit so mum wouldn’t worry about my financial stability. My older sister will move to my place and over the next days /weeks, I will rearrange my life to live fully, celebrate her legacy and stay afloat.
I want virtual hugs from my overseas overachieving friends.
So sorry to hear of your loss. Hugs and sincere condolences.
Oh Houda, I’m so sorry. Hugs to you from NYC. Please find time to take care of yourself in the midst of all the family craziness.
You sound amazing. Sorry for your loss and here are some huge hugs. Look forward to focusing on you very soon.
Houda, I’m so sorry for your loss. Hugs from nyc.
Many hugs. You’re clearly the rock in the family, and I think it’s amazing that you’re taking care of everyone. I’m sure your mom would be incredibly proud of you, and I’m so sorry about your loss.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope your strength and stability was a source of comfort for your mom. I will be thinking of you.
So so sorry to read of your loss, Houda. Sometimes it helps to just power through all those practical things that need to be done, and to be the strong one for everyone else, but I hope you will take time for yourself if you need it and I hope there is someone who will take care of you too. Lots of hugs from Canada for you.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Houda. I’ll be thinking of you and your family.
Big hugs, Houda!
I am so sorry to hear of your great loss.
Sending you my strength. You can do this.
Thank you for being there for your Mom, and for the rest of your family.
So sorry for your loss, Houda.
Many hugs, and much admiration for your poise and strength.
Losing a parent is so hard. Your family is lucky you’re there to hold down the fort and I’m sure it was a comfort to your mother to know that you would be able to do all this when the time came. Don’t forget to take time for yourself in the coming weeks and months as everything settles down. When my dad died, the immediate period following and all that had to be done, in many ways, was easier to deal with than the time that followed. It’s been years now and I’m now sure I ever let myself fully process the grief. Don’t forget to be kind to yourself as you do all you do for others. Find time to cry if you need to. I think living your life to the fullest sounds like an excellent plan forward and a fitting tribute to your mother. Always know you have a lot of people across the world who are keeping you in their thoughts. Big hugs.
Having lost both parents (my mom many years ago and my Dad two years ago), I second everything AIMS said. Take care of yourself and give yourself time to grieve. So sorry for your loss, Houda.
Huge hugs, Houda. I am so sorry for your loss. You are a wonderful additional to this community and I always look forward to reading your thoughtful posts. We are all thinking of you.
Hugs. It’s okay to cry whenever you want – there’s no right timeline for mourning.
Sorry Houda. It’s especially hard to be the strong one. Now that you’re away from your family, take time to grieve.
Amen to not making any big decisions right now. I lost my own mom one month ago today – and while I, too, was the “strong” one, I’ve found my own lack of focus and clarity since than to be surprising and disorienting in itself. Take your time and be gentle with yourself is the advice I’ve been receiving from smart people who have been there themselves.
Sending good thoughts to you. I’m so sorry.
My thoughts are with you, Houda. I’m sorry for your loss and wishing you all good things going forward.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I haven’t lost a parent yet, so I can’t even imagine the feeling. It hurts to just think that one day they’ll pass, so my heart truly goes out to you.
anon a mouse
Many hugs to you in a difficult time. I am sorry for your loss.
desi inside and out
I am so sorry for your loss Houda. I am thinking of you and your family.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you will eventually find peace about this and your job situation, and that it comes sooner rather than later.
la vie en bleu
Oh, I’m so sorry, Houda. I’m sending so so many hugs.
Big hugs and much love. Hoping you find peace and wishing you the best in the job situation. ♥
So sorry. Take care of yourself.
S in Chicago
I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending kind thoughts your way.
I’m sorry too, Houda. You and your family are in my thoughts.
Gail the Goldfish
So sorry, Houda. Hugs.
Houda, I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ll be thinking of you and your family, and sending virtual hugs. It sounds like you’ve been the strong one for your family, please make sure to take care of yourself and grieve as you need to.
So sorry to read this, Houda. Take care* of yourself as well as everyone else and know that the hive is sending good thoughts to you. (*Eat nourishing food, get enough sleep, spend time in the natural world, even if it’s just a green corner of the urban landscape, and give yourself time away from lists of chores, tasks, obligations.)
Maizie and Silvercurls
I am so sorry.
There is a special pain in being the strong one.
Please remember to take care of yourself too.
Loosing somebody close is like experiencing a personal earthquake.
Your surroundings are completly changed. It will take time to get to know
the new landscape, the world without your mother.
Late to this, but I wanted to send so many hugs and condolences for your loss. I’m sure your mum was and will continue to be proud of you, you sound like an amazing and strong woman.
girl in the stix
So sorry for your loss. Yes, having a full, rich life will be a wonderful tribute to your mother. Be kind to yourself . . .
Houda, I’m so sorry to hear of your mother’s passing. I wanted to add my virtual hugs and support from afar. I hope you will be able to move to something far more rewarding for you personally and professionally in the job world. I have always enjoyed your thoughtful posts. Please do take good care of yourself as you are grieving, and know that people around the world care about you!
I’m so sorry Houda for your loss. I hope you can remember the good times with your mom and I wish you peace.
Houda, so sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself.
I’m sorry for your loss, Houda. Hugs.
Houda, I’m so sorry. I hope you live your life to the fullest. *hugs*
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Will be in NYC this week for work. Staying in midtown. Any recommendations for dinner solo and pescatarian? I like good food but have not had time to do my research.
Yay! Pricey Monday’s! I LOVE PRICE MONDAY’s and this pricey dress from Bloomie’s, EXEPT for the color and V neck. To me It look’s like MILATARY GREEN and that is NOT flattering on women with brown hair. While I could wear it, I do NOT think other’s can as well. The V neck would also encourage men to stare at my boobie’s.
As for the OP, I have a freind who is Pescatarian. YAY! I used to think that was an Eastern religion until I met him. FOR THE BENEFIT OF THE HIVE, a “Pescatarian” is a Vegetarian who eat’s fish & Seafood. With that said, if you are getting your manageing partner to pay, I think you could go to LeBernardin (very French and very pricey, and the waiter’s like to stare at me); OR for going solo, Ed’s Lobster Bar in Soho (where guy’s don’t try to pick you up if you say NO). You also could try the REDEYE Grill in Midtown, which has lot’s of fish and lobster — My dad took me there and loved it, tho Rosa did NOT like the Lobster Bisk, OR, I just remembered, the Grand Central OYSTER Bar, which is a CLASSIC for out of towners and you can eat alone if you want w/o worrying about it. When I was eateing oysters there, I met a milatary guy who immediately thought I wanted to have sex and he said he was goeing back to his unit and wanted sex, but I told him I am NOT that kind of girl. FOOEY! I hope these help!
This weekend, Myrna and I ate alot of cookie’s and cakes and watched movie’s. No men for us — and what a relief! No stareing, no ooogeling, and no grabbeing. The manageing partner’s brother wanted to come over and hang with us, but Myrna said no b/c that would ruin our girl’s weekend in. Beside’s, she think’s he want’s to have sex with her and me together and that is strictley VERBOTTEN! FOOEY!
I have alot of billeing work to do this week b/c we are MOVEING at the end of the month and I have to bunch up my billeings NOW b/c I will be busy moveing later in the month. YAY!!!!!
Anon in NYC
Esca has to be on your list. It’s at 43rd & 9th.
Will you be in midtown east or west?
Taboon – all the fish entrees are great, but I especially like the Halibut.
Totto Ramen is awesome for dining alone because you can usually just walk in and get a seat at the bar. They have a veggie ramen. I think it’s cash only, so FYI.
There are two Totto Ramens – one between 8th and 9th on 52nd and one between 9th and 10th on 49th. The 49th is larger and it’s the same food…FYI :).
Second the ramen rec and Ippudo west takes cards I think, also has a veggie ramen. You could also do Yakitori Totto, Fig & Olive (at 5th).
These sound great. Thanks!!!
Alanna of Trebond
DC -- hose or tights this week?
Last week was a tights week. This week, interview in DC. It will be a lot warmer. Hose? Or still tights?
It’s totally tights appropriate weather but many people will be putting theirs away this week because we are so sick of wearing them all winter. They may come back out next week when we realize it’s still kind of cold.
Depends. DC can be stuffy, depending on the employer. Skin-tone pantyhose are always the more formal option so, weather aside, you might stick to the pantyhose just to be safe (given that it’s an interview).
The DC temps are in 30s (lows) to 50s (highs)? That’s not tights weather in my book – tights are for highs in the 30s, IMO.
Where I am, tights are for if any part of the day is or could be sub-50.
No one here, except for kids who wear shorts perpertually, goes bare-legged except when it is truly warm (north of 70).
Same here! I’d freeze in the colder states if tights are only okay in the 30s!
It’s not that they are only okay in the 30s – its just everything else feels warm when you’ve been wearing tights in sub-freezing temps for the last 3 months.
I would typically wear pants (not shorts) in 30/40/50 degree weather, but if I do wear a skirt, I’m not going to wear tights.
Tights are for if any part of the day is or could be below the mid-60s, in my book! Brr!
It’s supposed to get up to 60 next week so I think it will be too warm for tights. As much as I hate them, I’d wear hose for an interview next week.
I wore hose last week (the day before the snowstorm!) for a job interview. I felt entirely appropriate.
The problem with looking at the high is that if you leave for work early in the morning and come home from work late at night it doesn’t matter what the temperature was in the afternoon.
I bought a dress that generally fits my pear shape well, is high quality and is lined. However, I’m a little – uh – lumpy? at a size 12. What are your go-to pieces for smoothing out the front, other than Spanx ? I need to wear it all day at work under the dress, of course. Thanks!
Control top pantyhose or DKNY makes these smoothing panties that I like.
I have a flowy slip I got from Target that I love, but it really depends on the dress whether it will work or bunch up.
Any suggestions for shapewear that starts from the br* as opposed to the hose? (ie, something like a corset … but googling that seems to take me much more to the lingerie style as opposed to the “foundation garment” as my grandmother would say)
There are control top hose that go up to the bra. Poke around the shapewear or hosiery section of almost any decent department store and you’ll find them. Lots of brands.
Call it a girdle, not a corset, as my grandmother would say (our grandmothers would be friends, with tiny waists).
la vie en bleu
if it’s just the front, I wear a cami that’s good and stretchy. Jockey has good ones, but I also have a ton from ON.
I want a bag in a rich, jungle green, like the color I’ve seen on a few of the new Kate Spade bags (link to follow) but in a more open, shoulder bag w/straps, less structured style purse — something I could wear on my shoulder for commute & to hold laptop, files, etc. Any suggestions? Ideal style would be similar to the Michael Kors Jet Set Leather Tote. Thanks in advance for any vicarious shopping help!
The KS Cedar Street Harmony comes in that green. It’s more like a tote and comes and medium and small. I googled it – it’s not on the KS site in that color.
Dooney & Bourke has several styles in this color, some even on sale. This Furla bag is also gorgeous: http://www.zappos.com/furla-lotus-large-carryall-emerald
Thanks for the suggestions, Bonnie & Anonymous — exactly what I had in mind.
I’m going to Cayman next week for several meetings with financial types. I’ve heard the “black suit” is not done there. Any suggestions on what to wear? Should I wear a light coloured suit or are separates better?
I would choose a tan suit. Still suity, but feels more tropical.
A light grey suit would work as well.
Love this dress and everything MaxMara.
We’re going to Barcelona at the end of the month and it’ll be our first time there (and in Spain!). I would love any suggestions/tips/food and sight recs from all you thoughtful ladies!
Load up on churros and chocolate sauce.
“Bring me with you” is my suggestion!
Too many suggestions to write now, but have fun!
The usual tourist spots are worth it (Park Guell, Sagrada Familia, etc.). If you’re a Salvador Dali fan, I also highly recommend taking the train out to Figueres to see the Dali museum there–it’s in his old home, and it’s mind-melting in the best way possible.
You guys! My son’s last day on active duty in the Marine Corps is today, and over the weekend we found out he’s been accepted to graduate school beginning in June! I am a happy mom today!!
desi inside and out
congrats! yay for him and yay for you!
yay for both of you!
la vie en bleu
brag away, lady! That is all awesome news! #illcometoyourbragparty
That is totally worth bragging about. Congrats to all of you!
That’s wonderful! Congratulations.
So happy for you and your son, Senior Attorney!
Congrats to you and him!
Congrats. My nephew’s official last day is September 11, but he’s saving leave to start college in the fall. (He enlisted on his 18th birthday, despite much family pressure to wait until after college.)
It’s a great feeling having them out of harm’s way.
I’m looking for suggestions as to how to approach my property management company regarding fixes I’d like in my (DC) apartment.
Basically, I’ve lived in my 1920s-era apartment building for 2 1/2 years, and there is major paint peeling, paint bubbling, and mildew (and probably mold) issues in the bathroom. It looked OK when I moved in…everything is painted before new tenants. But the bathroom just has a window, no fan or ventilation system, and the paint on the tiles has started to peel, the paint on the wood windowsill (in the bathtub/shower stall) has started to peel, revealing rotting wood, and despite running a de-humidifyer all the time and cleaning/spraying often, I can’t keep mildew (and probably mold) from flourishing in this environment.
How would you approach the property management company? I’ve learned they can be unresponsive at times, so I will definitely document.
Research the local regulations. In NYC, for instance, I think LLs are required to paint every 3 years. Not all do, but if you’re dealing with a management company, it’s a good way to approach them.
ETA: from the sound of it, they probably painted your bathroom with regular paint and should have used paint specifically designed for bathrooms. I had this problem in an old apartment. If they or you do repaint, something to keep in mind so you’re not in the situation again next year.
Yes, that sounds like exactly what it is. They probably used the cheapest flat paint possible, which is fine in most places, except that it shows marks and scuffs like nobody’s business, but in the bathroom, it just doesn’t work.
I would just send an email explaining what needs to be fixed, simply. “Hey, because there’s no fan in the bathroom there’s mildew and mold and the paint is peeling. I need you to have someone come in and deal with the mold and rotting wood and then reprint. Thanks.
Start with the front desk, or whatever is the normal way to submit maintenance requests. Document your contacts with them. If they don’t act, you can call the DC housing office and get them to send an inspector who will then contact the property manager to remedy the problem, if it is indeed a hazard or outside of regulations.
Definitely say something like “I am concerned about mold and mildew” in your request, so they know this is a real issue and not purely cosmetic (although there’s nothing wrong with the latter either).
A tip: this happened in our past condo building too and leaving the door propped open during showers helped prevent the paint from peeling.
Thanks, everyone. This was helpful. Email sent.
Have you ever heard of a doctor who just doesn’t charge patients?
I’ve started getting physical therapy treatments that are intensive – 4 trainers and an MD I see regularly. They told me they took my insurance and even pre-checked my insurance number, explaining how I only got 30 sessions per year. However, when an EOB came today it said it was all out-of-network and that I may owe $1200. I freaked.
When I called and spoke to the office manager, she told me that I would not receive any bills from them – “not for a penny.” She said it is against their ideology to charge copays or deductibles or do balance billing, and to just take whatever the insurance gives them. No out-of-pocket charges ever. Is this real life or am I being scammed like crazy?
They’re non-American doctors and practice some eastern stuff, so maybe this really is their philosophy? Google/yelp/zocdoc show nothing but 100+ incredible reviews and I couldn’t find any civil court cases, etc. Should I keep going or run?
No it’s fine. Lots of health care providers send an insurance company a huge bill, but take what they reimburse and don’t seek to recover the balance from their patients. It’s a big point of contention with insurance companies generally but not your problem. If you’re worried follow up and request an invoice showing zero balance due from you.
I don’t know that you’re being scammed . . . but it also doesn’t seem entirely on the up and up.
My husband’s long-term dentist does this. Supposedly she bills insurance and we don’t have to pay what insurance doesn’t cover (even if the EOB says “you may owe your dentist $XXX”). I’m sketched out by it — it seems like it really incentives her to jack up her prices for insurance. Does your insurance pay SOMETHING, even if it’s out of network? If your insurance isn’t paying, and you’re not paying, I feel like you may be missing a key piece of information here.
Doctors are required to bill for copays/coinsurance, by the terms of their contracts with insurance companies. The fact that many don’t do it doesn’t change the fact that insurance fraud is being committed.
This issue isn’t nearly as clear as you have presented it actually. But either way it’s not an issue for a patient.
While the contracts may require billing for co-insurance/co-pays, they often prohibit balance billing. Some even seek to prevent an in-network provider from billing for non-covered services. Out of network providers don’t have the same contractual obligations to insurance companies so I wouldn’t jump to the conclusion that it is automatically fraud. Governmental payors are a whole other ballgame.
OP, I would ask for an account statement showing that you have a zero balance
Insurance companies want patients to have some financial skin in the game so they will only seek necessary care. I think this is a ridiculous way of doing it but it is what it is. For that reason, the copay is in part to make sure you keep going only if you really need to. Absent a copay they think you would be like “woo hoo, doesn’t cost me a dime, I’ll go forever.” Personally, in reality I think most people dislike going to the doctor and missing work/fun time and wouldn’t keep going just because it is free to them. There is plenty of data to support the latter too though.
I have been to a couple of doctors (dentist, psychotherapist) who never collected my co-pay. If you asked point blank and they told you they would never charge you, it seems pretty straightforward to me, but if it makes you feel better, you could document the statement somewhere.
It shouldn’t affect you, but it sounds like a fraudulent billing practice by your PT. In general, out-of-network rates are higher than in-network, so some medical providers choose to not join networks for the increased reimbursement.
Medical billing 101:
When a provider is in-network, they bill the insurance carrier, who pays a contracted rate, and bill the patient if there is a copay, coinsurance, or deductible amount due. The network contract determines the overall payment, and the remaining balance is adjusted off. So if the bill is $500, but your insurance’s contracted rate is $120, then whatever you pay and whatever the insurance pays will add up to $120.
When a provider is out-of-network, they may bill the patient for the full amount and let the patient seek reimbursement from their insurance carrier, or they may bill the carrier first. Either way, the patient is responsible for 100% of charges, regardless of what their out-of-network coverage pays. So you should be on the hook for $500 in the original example.
Your PT office is gaming the system, and could be charged with fraud or even lose their license to practice. Since you’re going for a short-term problem, it’s not a big deal, but if it were a provider you went to regularly, you might want to switch to avoid drama later on.
Has anyone skipped a wedding, eloped, and regretted it? Anyone super glad they had a wedding instead of eloping?
My fiance and I are thinking about eloping versus wedding. We are paying for it ourselves. It would cost about $25k to have a wedding, and eloping seems basically free in comparison (plus would allow us to go on a more extravagent honeymoon). We’ve floated the idea to our parents, and both sets seem okay with it.
Would I regret not having a wedding? Is one day really worth $25k? We are able to save all the money without going into debt, but that would be our next year of finances.
I think the main thing to think about here is how the rest of your loved ones will react. Big weddings are a chance to share your joy with those you love, and for them to celebrate and support you as you start your lives together. I know my family and friends were filled with joy to celebrate with my husband and me. But eloping makes financial sense certainly, and you could always have a party afterward to celebrate with friends and family.
Agree with this – the best part of my wedding was seeing all of my closest family and friends in one place and having them celebrate with us. I didn’t care much about the other “wedding” stuff (dress, what flowers to have, invitations, etc.) Eloping + (hopefully cheaper) party after sounds ideal.
I had a wedding and wish we’d eloped. I was never a woman who dreamed of my wedding since I was a little girl and I found the process stressful. We’d originally planned to elope/have a destination wedding but our parents objected so we had the standard church and reception to-do. I didn’t enjoy the wedding planning process and honestly didn’t really enjoy my wedding. I wish we’d stuck to our original plan.
+1 to having a wedding and wishing we’d eloped.
I was on the fence, and actually enjoyed the wedding planning process (not traditional, but about 85 people), but felt there was too much pressure/stress to enjoy the actual day. And I could have used the $$ elsewhere.
Viva Las Megas
This was me. I never dreamt of a big wedding day, was uninterested in picking dresses and bands and floral arrangements and loathed the idea of spending so much money for it all. We eloped and had a party with close friends and family a few months later. I agree that how your family will react should be a consideration, but disagree with the idea that their reactions should a major driver of the decision. IMHO, it is about your commitment to your spouse – sharing it with other people is secondary (and for me, optional!).
Eloped and haven’t regretted it even once. We basically just planned an extravagant honeymoon during which we had a lovely private ceremony. We ended up spending about $1600 on the ceremony, which isn’t quite free, but it was money well spent to us because we basically only had to show up. The fee included a beautiful venue, a romantic private cottage, flowers, an officiant, cake and champagne, and most important – a great photographer to document the whole thing. I think because we have pictures that look like great “real” wedding pics, it doesn’t feel like we skipped anything. We also had a big dinner with family at a nice restaurant to celebrate when we got back. My parents ended up paying but the dinner was a fraction of what even a modest wedding would cost. I think the fact that neither set of parents minded is key though. I can see this being a bigger issue if you have lots of family drama as fallout, although likely then you’d have family drama regardless. Anyway, it was absolutely the best way to go for us and we don’t regret it for a second. There’s just something so intimate and special about it being just the two of you. In fact, we’ve since heard from lots of married people we know that they wish they had done it our way. Whatever you chose, congratulations.
We eloped, basically ran off and made it legal. We decided to go to Las Vegas for this, but apart from the cost of that very short trip, it didn’t cost anything. I would easily do it again. I think neither of us would have enjoyed a wedding at all, and even if we did, there are much better uses for that money. For example, doing something just the two of us and having a really awesome honeymoon. I think our families wanted a wedding, but they weren’t all that bothered, I think.
ETA: sometimes I go to friends’ weddings and wonder “maybe we should have done this.” But when I give it even a minute of further consideration, I’m even more convinced that I’ve made the right choice for myself.
You didn’t exactly ask this, but we eloped and have never regretted it. Neither of us wanted the expense or the hassle of a planning big wedding. Our families were both fine with it – if they weren’t, we would have had a big wedding. We threw a party afterwards to celebrate our nuptials, at a fraction of the cost of a wedding (and requested no gifts).
Even now, many years later, I am continually surprised by the number of people who say to me “Oh, I wish we’d just eloped.” Our elopement provided everything we needed: photos, cake, champagne, and a marriage certificate at the end.
We had a big wedding that we paid for ourselves, and while I loved the wedding and the planning process and have great memories, I wish we hadn’t done it.
Killer Kitten Heels
My H wanted the wedding, and I don’t mind that we did it – and also my wedding was really fun – but I wouldn’t have missed it if we’d done something simpler/smaller or straight-up eloped instead.
Anon in NYC
This was pretty much my experience. I wanted to get married just the two of us (specifically because I wanted the ceremony to be private and between just the two of us), and have a celebration with friends and family later. My H wanted a wedding, so we had one. My wedding was fun and I loved it and I don’t regret it, but I really, really wanted that private beach ceremony.
+1. My experience exactly (though I would have preferred a mountain resort vs. a beach :) ).
We did a tiny little wedding with just our parents, and it was fantastic. We still had a ceremony, followed by a champagne toast and cake, and then took our parents out for a wonderful dinner at a Michelin 3-star restaurant that night. We spent maybe $4000 total on everything. I loved it.
It’s definitely a “know yourself” thing though. Some people really want the community experience of having everyone together to celebrate. I’m pretty introverted, so for me, I wanted to focus on DH and our relationship that day, and I knew that a big wedding would have been more stress and money than it was worth.
I got married at town hall on a Saturday by a judge. 10 minutes, less than 10 people. It’s been 13 years and I don’t regret it at all. I initially thought I would, but the more I see other people plan their weddings, the money, and sometimes the drama, the happier I am I never did it. Caveat, I never had little girl dreams of a big wedding, I hate being the center of attention, and probably would have punched my photographer if he told me to stop having fun to take another damn picture.
I also disagree that what your family thinks should be a huge consideration. If they want a wedding, they can get married. We have 3 grown kids, and I honestly don’t care how/if they get married as long as they are happy, just tell me when/if to show up. I know other families are different and don’t think either way is better/worse, just offering a different perspective.
Good luck whatever you decide!
anon for this
I think this is a little bit generational, but my aunt and uncle eloped. Forty-five years later, they’re still married and my grandmother is still holding a grudge. It’s probably a know-your-family situation.
I don’t think weddings are worth the cost, especially if you’re paying for it yourself and both sets of parents are fine without one.
I had the big church wedding funded by my parents (at 23) and when I look back on it, it feels like something we did just to make our families happy. I wanted an evening wedding with black bridesmaids’ dresses–and got a 3 pm reception in pastel pink because that’s what Mom thought worked best. She paid for it, so whatever, but if I were getting married NOW I would skip the whole thing and head for the courthouse.
We had a tiny wedding: 10 family members, courthouse ceremony, and dinner at a nice restaurant afterwards. I had always dreamed of a big wedding, so I worried I would regret it and my in-laws didn’t love the idea. It was so, so nice. It was lovely, intimate, and gave our families the opportunity to really talk and get to know one another. Even my in-laws agreed. I would not have had it any other way.
My best friend eloped and regretted it. Her folks weren’t there, and that was a memory that would have meant a lot to them and it weighed on her later. It also made for tough relationships with her in-laws for a bit–although that was totally unfair, and I suspect they would have been tough inlaws regardless. She also bought a dress later to do pictures because she felt like she missed out somehow (they did in Vegas wearing just a sundress).
Just my opinion, but if those sorts of things are considerations but you still don’t want to go traditional, you may want to do a hybrid approach: Have a very simple destination wedding where you would want to honeymoon . If there is someone who is most dear that you would want present, such as your folks or a sibling or whomever, pay for them to come. You still will come out much cheaper and you can have the pretty dress, a great memory, and photos without all the stress and hoopla.
I eloped for my first wedding, and my parents didn’t get to be there. They were sad about that. And now I’m getting married again this June, and my mom died last year of relatively sudden leukemia. So now she won’t get to be at either of them. I’m a little sad about it now, too.
I think this is actually a situation where you can have your cake and eat it too. I’m planning an elopement right now – we’re getting married at city hall & having dinner after. We’re hiring a photographer and I’m wearing a pretty dress that I love. We’re debating having a party later on for our friends and family, but don’t feel the need to do that (and before all the haters say you can’t have “two weddings” – I don’t think a later celebration is a second wedding, just a party and it can be a lot more low-key than a formal wedding). We’re not saving a ton of money with our plan – the elopement itself will cost a bit, as will a party, but it’s keeping things how we want them to be – intimate and about the two of us. I don’t anticipate having any regrets. For more context, we’re in our 40s, have been to a ton of weddings so they’ve lost a little of the “wow” factor for us, and we have a couple of family weddings just about every year so we don’t really feel the pressure to throw the “reunion” event this year ourselves (in fact, there are three family weddings this year already).
I had a big wedding and never regretted it. I have a huge family, and am pretty close to them, and it was really fun and joyous to get all of our friends and family together in one place to celebrate. In fact, one of our first priorities in our wedding planning was being able to invite everyone, even if it meant cutting back on other things, like decorations or favors or the honeymoon. I love that all of our friends and family have met and had fun together. And to me, having a wedding was not just about the two of us and our relationship, but also about how we are part of a larger family circle, and having those circles merge, which may not apply to all families.
Alanna of Trebond
I just got married and spent a great deal of money on it. It was wonderful. I am so glad I never have to plan another wedding again (fingers crossed)! I am so happy that everyone came from everywhere.
The insurance question reminded me – anyone have recommendations for a good, friendly dentist in the downtown DC business district? I just went to one last week who shamed me for not going to the dentist when I was unemployed/underemployed, barely made eye contact, and completely blew off my concerns about whether my insurance would cover certain procedures. I need to get cavities filled, but I don’t want to pay that dentist any more money.
Dr. Porvaznik is great! Located right downtown on K Street.
Watergate Dental in Foggy Bottom. Either Dr Gluck or Dr Patel are great. I hadn’t been to the dentist for 3 years and they didn’t bat an eye. (I had the same experience as you at a previous dentist in College Park he almost made me cry!)
OK, not in the business district, but Modern Dentistry is fantastic. 10 minute walk from the AU/Tenleytown Metro.
Dr. Pukatch on I between 17th and 18th in NW.
Thank you, ladies! I was fairly traumatized to find out I had cavities for the first time in my life, and the uncaring dentist almost made me cry as well!
That’s terrible! I saw Dr. Hodas at Dental Bug on D street and she was so kind and down-to-earth. The staff was super friendly as well. I hadn’t been to the dentist in ages & had three cavities (I know I know – I have dental insurance now and will be better from now on!) and there was no shaming, only kindness!
Gail the Goldfish
You may not actually have cavities… I had a new-to-me dentist tell me I had multiple cavities (after having never had one), went to my family dentist when I was home for a holiday for a second opinion and lo and behold, no cavities. Can’t help but think that dental insurance I had for the first time in my life had something to do with the cavity opinion….
Is that actually a thing that happens?? Fake cavities? Now I’m terrified and super glad I’m going to a second dentist.
It’s quite possible that I do have them, though. I picked up a lot of bad habits over the 5 years since my last dentist’s visit.
L in DC
I’m obsessed with Dr. Schneiderman — literally painless fillings. He’s fantastic and I like the hygienists and office generally. He’s right downtown on 19th St.
Dog-parenting advice needed, please.
We have two pups, one lab, one lab/hound mix. My folks recently purchased a lake house. Its on a large lot, but still somewhat suburban-feeling neighborhood. There are no fences. We can let our Lab play fetch/run into the water/etc. because she will come directly back when called. The Lab/Hound is very independent and likes to go exploring. He’s not running away, per se, there is just a lot of interesting things out there! Anyways, he is rather heartbroken that he can’t engage in the same play, and has to stay on leash. Has anyone had success with invisible fences? I’m worried he’s either too old, and the place is too “occasional” for this to work, or that it’ll be overkill. Any thoughts?
We love our invisible fence. We’re on our second. Both our lots were treed/hilly and made fencing difficult and really expensive. Our dog is lab mix and it works great for him. He learned it quickly both times and now doesn’t even need the collar or anything – he just knows the line.
Consider the risk that if he does get “over” the fence, he may be loathe to come back in because of the shock. I’m not sure if this is urban legend, but I’ve heard about this. Are these set up to zap both ways?
Yes, that’s true. I think newer models are different, but ours were both old-style ones that would shock on both in and out. So yes, if they get out, they won’t wander back into the yard on their own. But if a dog gets out a traditional fence, it’s unlikely they’d get back in on their own either. So not really a big difference in my mind.
I would start working on his recalls… 5-10 minutes a day, with a baggie full of a treat he adores. I use chopped up hotdogs for my pups. Work with him alone, and get him so that he will come to you in his own yard 100% of the time. He will likely not have an issue coming when he is called in his own yard, it isn’t that interesting, and who can resisted pieces of hotdog? Then work with recalling them both together in your back yard. Then, next time you are at your folk’s house, put him on a long lead and see if both dogs will come to you when called for bits of the super-favorite treat, pulling him toward you with the lead if needed. I’m betting he’ll get in the habit of coming to you quickly, especially as he’ll see the need to get there before your other dog gets all the treats! Once he is coming 100%, you can take off the long leash. You’ll never be able to just let him run free without close supervision, but this may work, and will be cheaper than installing an electric fence.
Hounds are like that, they put their noses down and don’t pick it up till they are done, and lost. I know this from personal experience. It’s usually almost impossible to train out of them so think fence. I don’t know a lot about electrical fences and the hounds I know wouldn’t be deterred by one once they are “on the trail”. Hope that’s at least sort of helpful.
This! One of my dogs–just a barky ratter–will come back, or think you are playing chase, and she’s easy. The other one? We have no idea what she is and can only assume there is some hound in there, because once she’s out, she’s GONE and no amount of hot dogs would bring her back without a heart attack on my part.
la vie en bleu
this is super low-tech and I don’t have a dog myself so take with a grain of salt, but I just remembered this from growing up. A friend of mine had a big yard that was too hilly to have a good fence, his parents put up a long, heavy duty wire between trees for a long distance (maybe a few hundred feet?) and then the dog got hooked up to a leash that was attached to the wire, but he could go the whole distance of the wire. He got to roam pretty far without human supervision and seemed pretty happy with it, but still couldn’t get out of their yard. They didn’t leave him out there all the time, but when they were home, they’d let him out and he could run around instead of someone having to be with him on a leash. And he had enough space we could even go out and play fetch with him and stuff while he was still attached.
Maybe that would be enough roaming for your guy?
Dog trolley. I won’t recommend any form of tie-out as a permanent form of containment, but for occasional use, or in my case, used to allow a house dog some controlled roaming in the back yard for bathroom breaks, these are great. Check Amazon.
My inlaws had this in their very large backyard for their dog that liked to roam and would dig under the fence. Worked really well.
need NYC recc
suggestions for drinks and/or dinner in Chelsea in NYC. No particular cuisine, but need to have some decent vegetarian options.
I recently had dinner at Co. in Chelsea, which is sort of Pizza and Italian and it was delicious, and I even walked in on a Friday night with a friend and was able to get in. I also love Marmont in Chelsea, which is french.
need NYC recc
Anon in NYC
This is a casual place, but Westville on 18th St. is a good option for dinner – very vegetarian friendly. You can certainly get drinks there, but it’s more of a restaurant. It doesn’t take reservations.
Cookshop (10th Ave. & 20th St.) also has a lot of vegetarian options and is more fancy than Westville, and does take reservations. It’s also good for drinks, although the bar area gets pretty crowded.
need NYC recc
We recently found out that our daughter will be born with a cleft lip and palate later this spring, and will need reconstructive surgery. We aren’t sure what to expect. My husband has a cleft lip, but is dissatisfied with his reconstruction, and was pretty psychologically affected by his scar growing up.
We live in a more rural area in the Pacific Northwest, equidistant from Portland and Seattle. My OB is in our local area, but my husband grew up here and feels pretty strongly that we should get our daughter’s surgery in a much bigger city. (We are also not against traveling further if the care is better.)
Can anyone give experiences with this, and what to expect? Our doctors don’t seem to know too much, and don’t have any recommendations for doctors in bigger metro areas. All the Children’s Hospitals seem to have cleft clinics, but we have no idea how to figure out which ones are ranked higher or might provide better care.
I’m cross-posting this in Corporette Moms too.
No advice, but I am constantly floored by how advanced medical technology is even when compared with just 10-15 years ago. I hope your husband is pleasantly surprised at how much technology will improve your daughter’s surgery over what he had 28 years ago. A friend’s daughter was born with the same issues 8 years ago and you can’t even tell now. Good luck to all three of you.
Killer Kitten Heels
I have a cousin who was adopted at 2 years old who had a cleft lip and palate when my aunt adopted him – even having gotten it fixed at an “older” age, the fix was flawless. He’s 8 now and you’d never know he had it done – no scar, no visible effects at all really. My aunt’s not in the PNW, but the procedure was done at a local-to-her hospital well outside of a major metro area, for reference.
My neighbors have a child with a cleft lip & palate and have had very good experiences with Seattle Children’s. He’s needed a few surgeries and they’ve been very happy with his progress & care there.
Yes, every experience we’ve had at Seattle Childrens’ (from life-threatening to green-stick bone fracture) – all have been amazing. Will defer to others on finding a good doc but Childrens’ is fantastic. Best of luck to you and enjoy your little one!
I have nothing but positive things to say about the care my kids have received at Children’s Hospital in Seattle. Everything about the place is geared towards caring for children, and they are connected to the UW, which is a huge medical center. I don’t know anything about cleft lip surgery, but one of my kids had an issue that was resolved through a laparoscopic procedure, which was easier and had better recovery than the traditional surgical route, and I found out later that this procedure is only about a decade old and our surgeon at Seattle Children’s hospital is one of the national experts in doing this procedure.
My experience (in Canada FWIW) is that the quality of hospitals varies widely in general, and the quality of doctors even more so. I’ve had far better surgery experiences in major centres compared to rural areas where the competition between doctors/nurses for jobs is less. I’m not familiar with cleft lip surgery, but scar revision surgeries and laser treatments have made major advancements in the past two decades and you may be able to find comfort for your husband in that as well as whatever advancements have been made in cleft palate/lip revision. Also, I know this is a bit different for me because my situation is a chronic illness that I share with my dad, but if it’s any comfort to your husband – I’ve found that my experience with my illness is way different (more positive) than my father’s was growing up because he parents from that perspective. And, it makes for a unique bond between us where we have shared experiences that make communication easier for us in general even on non-medical things.
This is wonderful. I think this might work well between my husband and daughter too. :)
I’m so glad! I just went to a meeting for our local Crohns and Colitis group for the first time last week to sign up to volunteer, and I was shocked at how different my experience has been compared to others, a compassionate father (and a loving and supportive mom and extended family) has made all the difference in the world in normalizing my experiences. I feel pretty lucky to have a family who worked so hard to get me good care, and I bet your kid will too :)
I’m a NICU doc and have a lot of experience caring for babies with cleft lip/palates. It’s never easy to learn your little one will be affected, but having an antenatal diagnosis affords you the opportunity to plan/read and make these important decisions when you can think clearly and are not exhausted and newly post-partum. Know that nothing you could have done would have prevented it. Clefting just happens. Not anyone’s fault.
These are my recommendations:
1. Deliver somewhere where there is a Level 3 NICU and an associated medical school. This might mean transferring your care to an academic-based OB. Sometimes, babies (even term, otherwise healthy ones!) develop breathing problems soon after birth and babies with clefts are notoriously difficult to intubate (put a breathing tube into the trachea). A small-town doctor, even a seasoned one, can get into serious trouble very quickly. Also, about a third of kids with clefts have other issues and go on to need ENT/other specialists. You should have been referred for a high-level ultrasound. I’m biased, but I think Seattle Children’s is the way to go–that is a a well-established NICU and a regional referral center that sees most of the kids with cleft lip/palate in the tri-state area.
2. The first hurdle is establishing feeding–this is another reason to deliver somewhere where you have seasoned NICU nurses and speech therapists. Many of the new “Baby Friendly Hospital” initiatives emphasize exclusive breast feeding, but it is nearly impossible for a baby with cleft to establish the amount of suction necessary to get enough calories from just nursing at the breast. You’ll need a special type of nipple–usually called a Pigeon Valve or a Haberman–to establish feeding and growth. If your little one has difficulty gaining weight, you may need to fortify your breastmilk or use a specialty formula.
3. Anticipate 3 surgeries: one at 3-6 months, one at 1 year, and one at 7-10 years, based on dental development.
Thank you so much for this! Thank you all for the other responses too.
So far, you all have bumped Seattle Children’s higher on the list of possibilities. I really appreciate hearing everyone’s experiences, and I am sharing them with my husband too.
I have no experience with clef pallet, but I wanted to chime in and say I had wonderful deliveries at UW. First was a CS with a complication, second was a vbac. Good luck!
maybe too late in the day: planning a girls’ trip to Miami for end of March. Any tips on which neighborhoods to stay in? We’re looking at hotels and airbnb both and would like to be walking distance to beach and great restaurants. Nightlife is not as big of a priority – as long as we can uber/taxi that’s fine.
any advice is appreciated! Thanks!
I’d suggest South Beach. There are a ton of hotels, but check reviews closely. Some are beautiful, some are dives. There are also lots of big apartment buildings on West Ave (away, but walking distance from the beach) where you can frequently find a short term rental on craigslist (or, I’d guess, airbnb). Ocean Drive (just off the beach on the other side of the island) has lots of restaurants, as does Lincoln Road.
South Beach is your absolute best option. I used to rent a few blocks from the beach, and it was amazing. You can avoid the nightlife if you want, but great people-watching and great accomodations. I agree – check CL for rentals and VRBO and airbandb. There are some wonderful luxury hotels on the beach too, if that’s in your budget. You’ll have a blast!
PS: There are no bookstores on South Beach. Plan for that. I didn’t. :)
Thanks for both your suggestions! we booked out tix for mid-April and chose an airbnb place near Lincoln Road!
Recommendations for unscented, effective deodorant??
I’ve used Lady Speed Stick (some fruit scent) for years out of habit but lately it hasn’t been effective and just leaves me and my clothes smelling of both BO *and* tropical fruits… not a delightful scent! I then tried regular unscented speed stick and it left a white residue all over everything, smelled strongly of “deodorant,” and again just left me reeking of BO and “deodorant smell.” Not pleasant.
There are just SO many choices and I never know what to pick!
I like Secret Clinical Strength. I use the waterproof one and the scent isn’t that strong. I put it several minutes before getting dressed to avoid residue. I also like some of the OldSpice scents (Bearglove, maybe?) but I just use that as touch-up for work-outs.
I have had better luck with men’s unscented deodorants. If residue is a concern, consider the spray on kind (dove makes a good one).
Mitchum Power Gel, Sensitive Skin, Fragrance Free. I buy six-packs on Amazon and love it. It dries quickly, is completely unscented, is very effective (I sweat like crazy), and only leaves a residue if I am sloppy about dragging on my clothes right after I put it on.
I use Mitchum Men’s Fragrance Free as well, just the solid stick. I do switch out with Dove unscented, though, because The Mitchum irritates me if I use it too much.
This is a problem I definitely used to have. I know you are asking for unscented, but I’ve seriously tried everything out there, both scented and unscented, from clinical strength to regular to all natural, and the only deodorant that works for me is the brand Arm & Hammer. I use the baby powdered one (ugh not a fan of baby powder smells) but it is really light and I NEVER get body odor… EVER. anymore.
I second the Mitchum Power Gel fragrance free. Works for me, and Secret and Lady Speed Stick are not strong enough. Though I buy the men’s version because I think it’s stronger. And then I can share with my husband and it’s one less competing set of toiletries.
This may be weird, but I swear by Old Spice (the blue solid). It works, it smells great, and I never ever have any residue. Ever.
I second the Old Spice recommendation. I’ve been using it for a decade now and it works much better than any women’s deodorant that I’ve used, and doesn’t smell like “old lady”.
As someone allergic to the aluminum hexaclorinate (not sure if spelled correctly) found in most mainstream deodorants, I’ve used the original, unscented Tom’s of Main stick deodorant for 30+ happy years. I’ve also enjoyed using their lavender-scented stick deodorant after purchasing one on an “emergency” basis after I managed to pack for a trip without _any_ deodorant!
Oooh, it burns
Sigh. I finally bit the bullet and tried a creme hair remover to get rid of my teeny tiny blonde little mustache that, as near as I can tell, only bugged me.
I have of course burned my face (and perhaps my lip?) with the creme and it is now red and splotchy and kinda hurts when I laugh, smile, or eat. This was done last night. Anything I can do now to make it better? I’ve been applying Vitamin E (fine Palmer’s Oil) but I’m not sure this is helping.
The character Daisy on Madam Secretary was also wearing this dress on last night’s episode! Love this shade of green.
I was recently asked to give my SO input on engagement rings (!!). I used to want a solitaire on a thin band but now I’m more interested in just a simple band / eternity type ring. And then I’d plan to pair that with a simple gold wedding band. Does anyone have thoughts / suggestions / etc on a “simple but elegent” type engagement ring? I think all rings are beautiful (honestly) but for my style and lifestyle, I think I would do best with a band / flat type ring.
For flat (no prong) designs, check out Cross Jewelers in Maine online – they specialize in low-profile, long-wearing designs and have a good FAQ section on how to preserve rings/stones. Love their designs. If you’re not in Maine they might give you ideas.
Take a peek at “Worn On TV” both the website and Pinterest page. You can follow your fav shows and get the look! (Good Wife & Scandal included!)
Look Live has Diane Lockhart!