Coffee Break: Lapis Lazuli Ring

107 Comments

1. Any suggestions for what to do in the following cruise ports? I love snorkeling but my family doesn’t so I think I’ll probably have at most one snorkeling tour (if anyone has any insight into what island would be best for snorkeling, please share).
   -St Johns, Antigua
   -Bridgetown, Barbados
   -Castries, St Lucia
   -Rosseau, Dominica

   (Please no “don’t cruise” comments. We know what we’re getting into and understand we won’t see any of these places in much depth. We haven’t had the chance to visit any of these islands yet and hope the cruise will help us figure out which ones we want to go back to and see in more depth.)

   1. Antigua – speaking for near St John but not so close that you’ll be swarmed by all the people you arrived with – we had a fabulous French-Caribbean lunch at Casa Roots, which is a short drive north from the port. It’s a tiny beach, though, so afterward you could go to a longer one for more space to walk and swim if desired. If not, Casa Roots has a few loungers first come first serve.

   2. We did the Eat n’ Lime food tour in Antigua and there were people from a cruise on it with us, so at least at the time (2019) the schedule worked out with the cruise schedule. Food was great, people were nice, and we got to see a cute little slice of St. Johns away from the main shopping areas.

   3. I cannot fathom why anyone would get on a plague barge knowing what we know about Covid; norovirus; tax evasion; environmental impact and slave-like working conditions for back-end staff as well as recruitment practices that put workers in debt bondage.

      1. 🙄

      2. I have to agree with this. If you read at all about what cruise ship employees have to endure – such as bad healthcare, no time off, and below-minimum wages, you may think twice about getting on a cruise ship. On the last cruise I went on, my brother got chummy with the bartender and found out that the bartender was getting paid only $60 a month in wages and relying entirely on tips.

         1. Do you stay in hotels? Have you ever asked the housekeepers, maintenance guys and/or people who put out the breakfast stuff in the morning what their lives are like? Or do you reserve your selective outrage for situations where you feel like you can add a snarky comment in response to someone’s question?

         2. But this is also true at international all inclusive resorts and restaurants and bars in less developed countries. Unless you only travel to Western Europe, Canada, and similar countries, the staff is not treated by the standard that would be considered normal in the United States

            1. They can live locally, with their families and not be held captive at sea.

            2. No one is holding them “captive.” Workers from countries like the Philippines take these jobs voluntarily because they pay better than anything they can get at home. They send almost all the money home (while living for free on the cruise ship) and their families at home are comparatively wealthy thanks to the cruise ship wages.

               Dear god. Cruising is not my favorite kind of travel and I don’t think it’s great for the environment but the employees are not enslaved. It’s hard to get a job on a cruise ship because so many people want these jobs.

            3. And actually many employees at resorts don’t live with their families either, because the resort areas are too expensive. I know it’s super common in Mexico for resort staff to live at the resort. Their lodging is heavily subsidized if not free.

            4. https://www.humanrights-in-tourism.net/card/137#:~:text=Modern%20slavery%20in%20the%20cruise,conditions%20comparable%20to%20slave%20labour.

            5. That website is not an objective source and is full of hyperbole. Also everything it says applies to workers at resorts in developing countries.

         3. That’s a little misleading… The tips are significant. It’s not really any different than waitresses in the US who are also paid less than minimum wage and earn a big chunk of their income through tips. I don’t love tipping culture in general, but cruise ships certainly aren’t the only ones who do it. And tips are added to your final bill and almost everyone pays them, so it’s not like the staff is only getting tips from a handful of generous guests.
            Also I don’t know why you think resorts in Mexico or the Caribbean would be any better. I’m sure they pay their staff really poorly by US standards too, but the cost of living is much lower there so it isn’t inherently a poverty wage.

      3. Wow, you seem fun. I’m guessing your friends went on a cruise and didn’t invite you, and you’re still salty about it?

         1. My friends aren’t big on slave labor either. Same reasons we try to make ethical decisions about all purchases.

            1. I think you need to look up the meaning of the word “slave.” Calling cruise ship employees who take these jobs voluntarily because they pay far better than any job they can get at home “slaves” is really offensive to Black people and other populations that have actually been enslaved.

      4. Norovirus is definitely not a cruise only thing FYI. I’ve been on probably 20+ cruises in my life with no one in my party ever getting sick but a dozen of my in-laws were taken out by norovirus at an all-inclusive in Mexico last summer. I have another friend who just had a Caribbean resort vacation ruined by norovirus. Norovirus is a risk at any establishment that serves food and a much higher risk in any setting which serves food en masse, especially buffet-style, but that applies to resorts just as much as cruises.

         We’re Covid cautious and still avoiding cruises for that reason, but 99% of people are back to 2019 normal and if you’re attending concerts and other large gatherings without masks, dining indoors, etc. I don’t see what particular risk there is associated with a cruise. There’s always a risk of getting sick when you travel and that risk is higher if you eat indoors and don’t mask indoors, but again I don’t see why a cruise is riskier than a resort if you’re choosing not to take any Covid precautions.

      5. “Plague barge” haha! I couldn’t talk an elderly relative out of going but she said she’s made her will and if she doesn’t come home, she doesn’t come home. Not huge on the Petri dish aspect myself but had never thought about the environmental and ethical aspects before.

   4. No idea on snorkeling but we did a brewery and distillery tour on barbados that was great. It was Banks brewing and TBH i forget the distillery. It was one of the organized cruise ship excursions. This is where DH discovered that rum cake is not, actually, a good thing to eat if you feel a little over-served (lol).

2. We’ve talked a lot about vacations here lately. Does anyone have any good suggestions in the midwest? Like many others, I’m looking for relaxing, good food, with some fitness options, maybe some classes available as well as hiking.

   Thanks!

   1. Not exactly Midwest, but northwest Arkansas fits! There are lots of amazing food offerings, museums (especially Crystal Bridges, an excellent art museum), and plenty of nature. Very extensive mountain bike and hiking trails.

      1. Crystal Bridges is indeed wonderful.

   2. Sounds like you want a Miraval-type spa resort thing which doesn’t really exist in the Midwest. People will probably tell you to go to the Kohler spa but it pales in comparison to places like Miraval.

      In terms of non-spa resort vacations, Chicago of course has incredible food and lots to do. I think Kansas City, Minneapolis and Indianapolis have underrated food scenes. Madison and Ann Arbor are fun college towns. The best nature stuff is in northern Minnesota and Michigan, especially UP/Mackinac Island. The Indiana Dunes and the beach towns in southwest Michigan are very fun for a day/weekend in summer, but they’re not places I’d fly to or spend a week at. The Midwest is very big, if you share where you’re coming from people might have more specific suggestions.

   3. Kohler, WI!

      1. What do you do in Koehler? I have family in that area, and always considered it kind of a boring trip. These nature, but it’s not any different than the stuff at home. I would love to learn of anything exciting to do in the area.

   4. Following. I’ve been looking for something like this — we went to Nemacollins a few years ago and thought it was terribly overpriced. We wanted a spa vacay and they kicked us out of the separate spa building at 6pm, meaning we had to get dressed and trundle out in the freezing cold. not happy.

   5. Thanks for the comments so far. We’d like to do something within driving distance from approximately the middle of Iowa if that helps. I feel like many of the places you all have discussed are too far to drive comfortably and we’d rather not fly for multiple reasons.

      1. DSM? Minneapolis, Omaha, KC, Madison and even St Louis and Chicago are all pretty easy drives. The UP of Michigan is a schlep for pretty much anyone tbh. I’d look at Minnesota for nature stuff. Do you have kids?
         Also hi! I grew up in Ames and always get excited when I see Iowans here. there aren’t many of us I don’t think.

         1. Another DSM native and child of two ISU grads here!

            FWIW, we’re doing Door County, WI this summer. Not a resort, but should be plenty relaxing.

3. I reread the 2017 nail appropriateness post, and it is wild to me how judgmental people were. A woman wrote she had a perfect candidate but the woman’s sparkly brown nail polish was making her question an offer. Another woman wrote that she had interviewed a girl with blue nails and every person on the interview panel made note of it.

   This seems like the type of thing men would never notice, and women wind up penalizing one another over. And, more than anything else, just seems kind of catty and mean-girl. Have things changed a lot since 2017? Would you doubt a woman’s credentials or level of professionalism based on her nail color?

   1. Yes. I do think the pandemic changed that — nail away.

   2. I think it’s unprofessional to judge people on what they do with their bodies.

      1. That’s a nice sentiment but it’s not reality. If you want to wear pajama pants on your body, you’re going to get some judgment.

         Do I think the color choices would matter today? Most likely not. But when offices were more formal, most certainly it would have. Should the wearer care? That’s a whole different issue.

         1. I think you know what I mean.

            1. In case you don’t:

               As long as hair is clean, brushed, and well maintained, it is not unprofessional to have long hair, short hair, grey hair, curly hair, or what not.

               As long as nails are reasonably trimmed, it is not unprofessional to have bare nails, polished nails, etc.

               It is not unprofessional to be overweight, underweight, old, or young, in shape, or out of shape.

               People who don’t understand that or conflate those things with pajama pants don’t belong in an office environment, ya know?

      2. I agree. Skills, not appearance.

   3. I think a lot of workplaces have gotten more casual post-pandemic.

   4. IDK — if you had extreme cat-eye eyeliner or vivid rainbow eyeshadow on for an office-job interview, I think it’s a “reflects on your judgment” issue. And maybe it’s OK to have one thing not be conservative (e.g., short nails, loud color), but not Flo-Jo nails. FWIW, my spouse does a lot of hiring and he seems to mainly find out that “conforming to office norms” is a general problem area for people who may be new to the workforce and anything like this is going to raise a red flag when businesses get burned with hires not working out for this reason.

      1. Yes but both examples here were color, nothing else. Choosing brown and sparkly or blue, for example, on natural nails.

   5. It’s weird to care about nails. The only time I’ve ever noticed a colleague’s nails was when they were so long they impeded typing and made noise

      1. I think the more “done” or long or shaped they are, the more likely it is to look rough because of chips or breakage. I see a lot of pointy nails and it is a weird look to me.

         1. Me too. I thought about it more and it’s really strange and probably unhygienic to glue bits of plastic or fibreglass to the tips of our fingers purely for decoration.

            1. yes and no
               a lot of evidence for nail painting across cultures and throughout history for both men and women. so yeah strange but also… not strange.
               not sure about the hygiene issue.

   6. While workplaces have gotten more casual, there’s still a ‘dress for your day’ type atmosphere. I would want other participants in a big meeting to be focused more on my brain and my message than noticing something unusual about my outfit. I don’t want them spending one second thinking anything about my appearance other than “she looks prepared and confident.”

      If an interviewee came in with super loud polish on, it’s not like it would be an automatic no on professionalism, but I might try to suss out ‘adherence to office norms’ a bit more than I would otherwise.

      1. This. You can be fashionable and don’t have to be a conservative dresser but your outfit/fashion choices in hair/makeup/nails/clothing should not be distracting in an interview. An interview is generally someone at their most office formal self so if it’s loud/distracting in an interview, I would assume it’s even more out there on a day to day basis and question fit for our office.

         1. I just don’t think any nail polish can be “loud” in 2023.

            1. Definitely a lot fewer than it was in 2017. I remember when black or brown or blue polish was considered something mostly sported by teens, goths, and artistic types. These days, every other suburban mom has them or had them at some time or another. I don’t think anything color-wise would even raise an eyebrow now absent something like fluorescent green.

         2. I have only worn clear or red nail polish since becoming admitted to the bar. My experience is that if you wore black nail polish in college, men expected alot from you s-xueally and just presumed that you would do anything they wanted even w/o them taking you out to eat or paying for a calzone afterward. My Grandma told me this was something new, but then again, she never wore any nail polish, even clear, so she did not understand just how bad it had become since I was growing up. Now, I just wear red and clear nail polish b/c the manageing partner likes both, and never black or glittery nail polish for the reasons stated hereinabove. FOOEY on men for making assumptions like that b/c I would not mind trying out other colors.

            1. Correction: I was already admitted to the Bar when I served subpeenies and did wear other colors on occasion, but it was on that job that the men in the office thought I was available for them s-xueally and made repeated unwelcome advances on me b/c of the nail polish, Grandma Leyeh said. That is about when I met the manageing partner, who luckily did not see me on a day that I wore that silly nail polish. He hired me on the spot and soon thereafter gave me his firm ideas on how a female attorney should be properly outfitted, and since he was willing to pay for my wardrobe, I listened! YAY!!!!

   7. I feel like it’s a whole different world since 2017. To wit, I watched the House Financial Services Committee hearing online yesterday, and Ranking Member Maxine Waters was wearing what looked like baby blue nail polish. Now, Ms. Maxine is not a woman who dresses conservatively nor is she a woman who GAF, but we are talking about the 9th most senior member of the House of Representatives wearing baby blue polish at a hearing – something many of us probably couldn’t have begun to fathom a decade ago.

   8. Maybe it depends on how senior you are? I think wfh now and do my own nails in more sedate colors since they chip (only salon gel really lasts on me) but pre pandemic I had new gels every week and I rarely wore any kind of traditional nail color. My favorites were in the turquoise – teal – deep green category. Sometimes purple. Sometimes sparkly. I did fine. I know my stuff and my nail color has no bearing on my abilities.

      1. I guess I should add that my nails are short. I do find myself judging people whose nails are so long they can’t efficiently use a keyboard …. It’s not about the color though.

   9. If you are interviewing for a job that requires meetings with corporate clients or jury trials, don’t wear any make-up or jewelry that you would not wear for those circumstances. Whether you like it or not, people do make judgments about you and how you will be perceived by those you serve. I dyed my hair blue during a time that I didn’t have any court hearings coming up for months. I would never pick a jury with blue hair because I want the jury thinking about the case and not my hair – that’s just basic respect for the client.

4. I’ve never bought a new car, but am going to b/c a local chain gives better deals on new cars (and used cars still seem to be outrageously marked up). And I’m pro warranty on anything new-to-me.

   If I look online, I see colors and other options. But it’s not like I can get something like a Kia Telluride made for me (or can I)? I just am supposed to give the dealer what I want and then see if they can find a pre-built one sort of like that (white, tan interior, highest trim level with some options they should be able to install). Asking here so I don’t give off a deer-in-headlights vibe when I walk in.

   1. Once we knew which model we wanted, we checked online to see which dealers had one with the right trim package, color, etc. Then we contacted that dealer and went and negotiated the price, etc., for the car.

   2. No it doesn’t get made for you. You tell the dealer what you want, they see if they can find it to sell it to you.

      1. This is not actually true. Some car dealers/companies will let you make to order. It really depends on how long you can wait. They may have a custom “slot” available at the factory in two months time for example. Then more time for completing the build and shipping your car. You can just casually ask if they only sell from inventory or can you order a specific configuration you have in mind. They may not offer the option right away because they want the quick sale. I don’t know about KIA though. Also KIAs are being stolen very easily these days I heard, you might want to check into that.

         1. +1 I had a car made for me so I could get the exact trim packages I wanted. Looking back I wouldn’t recommend doing it again. It gave me almost no leverage to negotiate when finally confirming all the financing for the car.

   3. You can usually ask them to locate one in your color/specs at another dealership and have it delivered, but do note that this usually negates any kind of discount they can give you on a new car. Your cheapest option will be new from what they have in stock (at least that was the case when I bought a new car in 2020). When my husband had to buy a new car recently, we just looked online and could see which color/models were being shipped to which dealerships and went to the dealer with the color he wanted.

   4. You can usually ask them to locate one in your color/specs at another dealership and have it delivered, but do note that this usually negates any kind of discount they can give you on a new car. Your cheapest option will be new from what they have in stock. When my husband had to buy a new car recently, we just looked online and could see which color/models were being shipped to which dealerships and went to the dealer with the color he wanted.

   5. Not sure if the Telluride is an example, or the car you’re looking at but at least near me, Kia dealerships have a reputation for being jerk dealerships to work with (and it played out in practice for us at two separate locations). We saw high pressure sales tactics, not letting you test drive the car unless you’ve purchased it, trying to get you to switch to the models they want to sell and claiming they match the criteria, adding $2k-$10k in market/location fees. None of the other dealerships we were working with from other car brands were doing these things. For me, this was enough to stop looking at Kia, at a minimum know that if you experience that it’s not necessarily normal.

      1. This is likely area specific. In our area, the Kia and Mazda dealerships are owned by the same group and have a fantastic reputation. By contrast, I LOVE VW products but would never buy because the local dealerships are horrible to deal with. If I lived in our old city, I would 100% go back to VW product but you couldn’t pay me enough to deal with the dealership in current city.

   6. You can get one made for you, and there was a time recently where new car inventories were so low that it made sense to get what you wanted made since the wait time was long anyway. I think those times have mostly passed though. I’ve found the best method is to find a make and model that I like online first. Then, I start exploring the options/prices available online at local dealerships. Then, I test drive the option(s) that I like the most. Make it clear that you are test driving only and not interested in talking prices. Leave the dealership. If you have settled on what you want, again, compare options/prices locally. I then go into different markets to see if an even larger dealership has the car I want for a lower price. If they do, I take that price to my local dealership and see if they will change their price to match. If they aren’t willing to match, I walk out. Don’t be afraid to walk out.

5. OK — I see that over at Ally, there is a slight dip in CD rates. What does this mean??? [I just want the layoffs to stop and they seemed to rise once interest rates started rising.]

   1. I think it might have more to do with bank industry issues and competition for money from savers. I opened a no penalty CD at Ally at 4.75% about six weeks ago (right before the SVB failure). Those same CDs are now only offering 4.25%. I suspect they might feel less pressure to offer high rates if people are happy to keep their money at Wells Fargo, Chase, etc.

   2. A little fluctuation is normal and they don’t seem to have changed that much? I opened a 5% Ally CD in early March and I see 4.8% today? That kind of variation isn’t something I’d read into.

6. not sure why this would have been blocked– trying again. What’s the quality like on Lulu’s? for the price point don’t expect anything great but OK for a wedding guest?

   1. Perfectly fine for wedding guest dresses. It’s not super high quality but it won’t fall apart and there aren’t obvious production defects. I’ve bought a few cheap yet acceptable wedding guest and bridesmaid dresses from them.

      1. Seconding this. Perfectly acceptable quality. I’ve been happy with the dresses I’ve gotten there but they are nothing amazing

7. Thanks for the pink lipstick recommendations yesterday PM. I ordered a few of them! If anyone else has recs for a peachy pink lippie, no brown base, moisturizing, I’m all ears!

   1. My favorite lipsticks lately have been the lisa eldrige ones. I have “love of my life” but looks like dance card or kitten mischief may be a good one for you. I assume you have looked at Nars? I feel like they are go–to brand for peachy pink. I’d also look at fenty beauty lip shine in glazed

      1. That is such a good point about NARS, as 0 r g asm is really the lip color I’m looking for. I’ve tried their balmy lip thingy and it’s too sheer for me, and I have some “winter” colors from the Claudette collection, but they’re darker and more matte than what I’m looking for. They must have something in between!

         1. What you want is NARS Instant Crush.

            1. SPOT ON! Thank you!!

         2. Nars has a satin lipstick in that color, so maybe try it. Niagara is another color to check out. Also, I just found pat mcgrath in Venusian pink in my bag and think it could be another good option for you

            1. thanks! Looks like the o color in the satin might be a bit too orange (I think the blush is pinker) so it sounds like a trip to sephora to test them is in order! Will check out the Pat McGrath too, if they have it in-store.

8. TW: eating issues

   Does anyone else struggle with binge eating and how did you break the cycle? I’ve struggled with binging on and off for years. I thought I had nipped it in the bud a few years ago but am back in one of the worst cycles I’ve had in years. I’m not sleeping well and am in a life transition (had a baby 9 months ago) which is presumably driving it.

   Probably the answer is going back to therapy. But interested in techniques, tactics, etc. that have worked for others.

   1. I had this problem. It was always worse in periods of terrible stress, crazy work schedules, when I was unhappy or depressed (usually because of the prior reasons) and when I was looking for any small thing to give me a reward/comfort at the end of the long day.

      Other than getting rid of the stress, crazy work schedules, depression… the other things that helped….

      Sleeping better/regularly. Pretty hard to do in your situation I’m sure.

      Keeping no binge – worthy foods in the house.

      Keep lots of healthier easier to eat snack options. I will pay anything for fresh beautiful berries and keep them washed and in a big bowl in the fridge and I can always grab them. Also my favorite spiced nuts. I still eat too much, but it is better than a bag of potato chips.

      Still buy some dangerous foods I love, but only a small package, and once its gone…. that’s all I have!

      If I felt like I had to binge – chose popcorn. Takes work to make it (I make it on the stove) so I was likely to stall.

      You have some great reasons to be stressed. Congrats on the baby! But what a life change. Can you ask your partner/family/friends for more help? Even the smallest thing. You don’t have to do it all.

   2. I eat huge amounts of food as a comfort thing from growing up deprived of enough food. One immediate thing you can do is try to replace with sliced cucumbers or carrots or steamed vegetables – it’s a helpful replacement for me for the feeling of just stuffing myself and not having to exercise restraint, but it’s not as damaging. Can also do with fruits or dried seaweed or things like that to have healthy alternatives.

      I don’t ever buy chips or ice cream because no matter what, I eat it in a single sitting. I just can’t stop it, so it’s better to not put the temptation there (easier not to buy than to have to try and exercise restraint).

      I don’t let myself get hungry, as that’s by far the biggest trigger. Eat breakfast every day, have protein bars on hand, pack or plan your lunches and dinners. Make sure your blood sugar levels aren’t spiking or dropping, and just try not to ever let yourself get hungry throughout the day.

      Be aware of the urges – don’t bat them away or wrestle with them. Look at a craving, say hello. Journal, practice mindfulness, make you’re paying attention to your needs.

   3. I found Overeaters Anonymous, which is a 12-step group, helpful for a period of time. Also, if you are having trouble with sleep, have you considered that you may be dealing with some depression symptoms that could be helped by medication? If bingeing is a coping mechanism, treating underlying depression and/or anxiety could be helpful. And hugs to you – I found early motherhood so hard. It just upends every aspect of your life.

      1. OP – Probably wasn’t clear – I have an infant so my sleep is just normally disrupted from that (he still eats once overnight, he gets up very early, etc). I can sleep just fine when he sleeps fine!

   4. Been there, done that. For me, it was about figuring out my stressors and doing my best to control the things I could control. In your case, having a baby 9 months ago means you’re probably not sleeping well yet and you don’t have a lot of free time for yourself. Please get whatever help you need in order to get some self-care in, which may involve a nap, walking around by yourself, or a coffee with friends (and no baby). For me, it was a stressful job environment that wasn’t good because I felt like I was sacrificing my time with my baby to do work I didn’t like for people who didn’t value my contributions and sacrifice. Consider this to be a mental health issue and talk to your doctor – therapy may help, along with regular meet-ups with friends, massages, walks in the woods, etc. I am rooting for you.

9. I eat huge amounts of food as a comfort thing from growing up deprived of enough food. One immediate thing you can do is try to replace with sliced cucumbers or carrots or steamed vegetables – it’s a helpful replacement for me for the feeling of just stuffing myself and not having to exercise restraint, but it’s not as damaging. Can also do with fruits or dried seaweed or things like that to have healthy alternatives.

   I don’t ever buy chips or ice cream because no matter what, I eat it in a single sitting. I just can’t stop it, so it’s better to not put the temptation there (easier not to buy than to have to try and exercise restraint).

   I don’t let myself get hungry, as that’s by far the biggest trigger. Eat breakfast every day, have protein bars on hand, pack or plan your lunches and dinners. Make sure your blood sugar levels aren’t spiking or dropping, and just try not to ever let yourself get hungry throughout the day.

   Be aware of the urges – don’t bat them away or wrestle with them. Look at a craving, say hello. Journal, practice mindfulness, make you’re paying attention to your needs.

10. I’m curious: does anyone have hope that the gun laws in the US will change? Even in the past few days it feels like things have gotten crazy – the more kid who was shot for going to the wrong house, the driver shot who pulled into the wrong driveway, and now I read that an Illinois man shot his neighbor in the head over a leaf blower. Don’t get me started on the school shootings.

    I’d be very interested to hear from any Rs here who think the existing laws are OK.

    1. Nope, nothing happened after Sandy Hook so I don’t think anything will change. For some people, the right to own guns really is the hill they will die on.

       1. Agree, congress is owned by one lobbying group or another, and this is a big one.

       2. Or more likely the hill they will shoot someone else on. :-/

       3. Agree. They’d rather buy bulletproof shelters for classrooms than turn in their high-capacity guns.
          I had to go scream into a pillow when that TN rep said “We’re never gonna solve this.” We literally had an assault weapons ban and mass shootings increased after it expired. I truly hope the NRA eats itself soon.

       4. Yup I think if nothing changed after that, nothing ever will.

       5. This is my take. If we didn’t do anything after our children were murdered, I don’t think anything will make them change their minds.

    2. Are you well versed in gun laws, as in, do you know what they are in your state and your county or city? (There are often local regulations as well as state-level regulations.)

       If you’re going to talk about something changing, you have to understand the status quo first.

       1. That doesn’t make any sense. We’re all well-versed in innocent people being shot and killed, mass murders caused by automatic guns, and people who commit suicide by gun, who might be alive today had they chosen another, less fatal, method. That is today. That is the status quo. No I don’t know the details of my city and county gun laws, except that the marriage permits and handgun permits were sold at the same window. We only got 1.

       2. No, we are allowed to have opinions on this public safety issue without being professionally trained armorers or legislators.

    3. Add to the list the young man who was shot multiple times for trying to get in the wrong car at a gas station in Georgia. Nearly identical car parked one pump over.

    4. Yes. I do believe they will change. I have kids so I have to hold onto hope.

       Plenty of things have changed that no one thought would change.

       1. right, but like, for the worse mostly.

          1. Ha…but for real, this.

       2. I feel the exact opposite. I have kids, so for my own mental health and sanity I can’t give myself false hope. I do work to change gun laws but I would utterly destroy my mental health if I allowed myself to get my hopes up that things will change.

    5. I think they can change. I think they can and should. I think there should be a widespread campaign about how ridiculously dangerous it is to keep a gun around. About how it makes everyone in the house twice as likely to be murdered and your own children many many times more likely to kill themselves. I think the conversation about mental health and guns should start with why anyone in their right mind would have a gun around people they love knowing this.

    6. I think they will eventually change, but not for another 20-30 years. Once the majority of voters are people who grew up with a real fear of school shootings, I think the appetite for gun control will be significantly more.

       1. Every generation says this, though. People always vote Democrat when they’re young and Republican when they’re old. The current baby boomers grew up protesting the Vietnam War but there was still plenty of support for Iraq.

          1. But there hasn’t been a draft since then.

             And non-hetero people have marriage and rights. Huge change since the 80s. In my lifetime.

             Things change when we decide what we won’t give up – our loved ones

             1. it’s good to be impatient for change but the amount we have had in the last 50 years is staggering.

                The steps backwards are the most terrifying…

11. Is it possible to have an successful indoor herb garden?

    Have a friend in Brooklyn who misses having a garden. She has quite a few plants in her apartment and they are thriving. She wants to cook more and I think an herb garden would be amazing for her if it was possible to sustain indoors.

    Is there anything I can buy online and send her? Which herbs thrive best indoors, in your experience?

    I was just watching the series High Maintenance on HBO (which is just fantastic btw) and was wishing she had a community garden space to use like the Guy had in the last season.

    1. They have kits for hydroponic herb gardens that come with everything you need, including a built in grow light. I think that’s the way to go. I really enjoyed mine. A common brand is Aero Garden, so you can get an idea of what I mean, but there are others.

       I only stopped using it because I wanted my counter space back and can grow herbs outside most of the year; but it was still really fun, and the herbs get BIG.

    2. I have an AeroGarden. I have a black thumb, except for this. I choose a kit to plant, tell it what I am planting and follow the instructions. Every two weeks, it reminds me to add fertilizer and over the course of time, I add water when it tells me.

       I have grown herbs, peppers and flowers over the last 15 months. I will pull the flowers out and plant new herbs in a couple weeks. I have a second one that we will plant with catnip this summer when we get back from vacation.

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