Splurge Monday’s TPS Report: Contrast Crepe Sheath Dress

Michael Kors Contrast Crepe Sheath Dress | CorporetteOur daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I always do love a good surplice neckline, and this one looks chic but professional. I like the high waist, the draping details, and the small leather details. It’s $1,995 at Nordstrom. Michael Kors Contrast Crepe Sheath Dress

Here are a few more affordable options (one, two, three) and two plus size options (one, two).

Seen a great piece you?d like to recommend? Please e-mail [email protected]



  1. Can we talk red carpet?

    My favorites (not in order):
    Reese (looked better in the photographs than on the RC I think)
    Scarlett (for pure fit, color and skill at turning heads – I would have preferred a different necklace!)
    Marion (I think this one will be love hate but she pulled off the unusual back)

    Laura Dern (too heavy looking)
    Aniston (yawn)
    Rosamund (great fit but overworked)
    Nicole (cheap looking)
    JLo (too much dress for her and the bubblegum pink lipstick was an odd pairing)
    Chrissy Teigen (plunging neckline OR slit but not both, please, and the lipstick was way too dark)

    • I think it’s sweet how Lupita exposes her brother to the glamorous life.

    • Diana Barry :

      Funny story, DH (despite being clueless about fashion) totally called that the predominant color would be white.

      I loved:
      Lupita (plus her makeup was GORGEOUS)
      Rosamund – every time they showed her in the audience I loved that neckline. Slit was kinda weird though.
      Viola Davis
      Renee Russo (but did not like her makeup)
      Anna Faris
      Karolina Kurkova

      Did not like
      J Lo (too deep V and makeup bad)
      Reese – the black piping looked constraining, just kind of boring
      Nicole Kidman – the belt was BAD, otherwise it would have been fine
      Patricia Arquette (but loved her speech!)

      • Woods-comma-Elle :

        I agree with all the ‘did not likes’ and would also add Kerry Washington to that – the peplum did not work for her at all, it made her bottom half look disproportionate to her top half.

        I also loved Viola Davis (that lipstick was awesome) and, surprisingly, Gwyneth, though I preferred the style of her dress to the colour.

        • Pretty Primadonna :

          I joked to my beau that baby Isabelle stole Kerry’s style. I usually love everything she wears, but post-baby, she’s had quite a few misses.

          And before anyone objects, this has nothing to do with baby weight, the way the clothes fit, etc.

      • I also loved Anna Faris’s dress! The Guardian had her as a style ‘miss’ but I totally disagree.

    • Boston Legal Eagle :

      Why oh why does J Lo keep wearing the deep Vs? Her whole look was very dated (probably because she wore something similar years ago…) Loved Lupita and Reese. Did not understand the weird flower on Gwyneth’s dress – would have been so pretty without that.

    • I thought Margot Robbie looked fabulous.

      • Brunchaholic :

        I’m fairly certain Margot Robbie could literally wear a trashbag and look fabulous. Huge crush over here- that woman has PRESENCE.

        I loved Anna Kenrick’s dress!

      • Brunchaholic :

        I’m fairly certain Margot Robbie could literally wear a trashbag and look fabulous. Huge crush over here- that woman has PRESENCE.

        I loved Anna Kendrick’s dress!

    • Loved Lupita, Scarlett for fit/color (though I agree that the necklace was too much) and Zoe Saldana. I actually really liked Jennifer Aniston’s dress — super detailed up close. Also I think Margot Robbie KILLED it.

      I thought many of the dresses last night were misses based on the wearer’s skin tone — too much pale on pale for my taste. Jessica Chastain was the biggest miss for me. That top was ill-proportioned. Also hated the Cotillard dress.

    • Jennifer Aniston was my number one. Absolutely breathtakingly gorgeous.

      • mintberrycrunch :

        +1. She is so effortless. I also loved Cate, Gwyneth, and Lupita. Did not love Marion, J. Lo., Anna Kendrick (looked like a prom dress to me), or Julianna (although I was so excited that she won!).

    • Rogue Banker :

      Oh yes, let’s talk. :)

      You’d think I’d be used to Lupita killing it, but oh my goodness, she looked FLAWLESS. *hearts in eyes*
      Reese – very classy.
      Scarlett – necklace is a little much, EVERYTHING else is amazing. That color!
      Jennifer Hudson. LOVE the yellow.
      Cate. Simple and striking.
      Meryl. ♥
      Jamie Chung. Love the neckline.
      Tegan and Sara. THAT is how you do punk at the Oscars.

      JLo. WAAAAY too much V.
      Keira Knightley, I love you, but that pattern makes you look like upholstery.
      Sienna Miller. Not a fan of that weird skirt.
      Patricia – bad cut on the dress, AMAZING speech (I was applauding on my couch)
      Nicole – Kinda bleh, and the belt was a bad choice.
      Jared Leto. Guys with long hair can be hot, IF AND ONLY IF they take care of it. Scraggly ends on the red carpet – yuck!
      Zendaya – her dress looked like it was about to fall off.
      Solange. That much fabric with the kind of sheen looks a little like a tent.

    • Top 5: Rosamund Pike, Jennifer Aniston, Reese Witherspoon
      Bottom 5: Lady Gaga, Emma Stone, Julianne Moore

      Did not like Jared Leto’s look at all.

    • Amelia Earhart :

      Lupita is always on point, I don’t believe I’ve seen one red carpet look of hers that I thought didn’t look amazing.

    • Gail the Goldfish :

      Lupita (who always looks fabulous; she either has amazing taste or a stylist with amazing taste)
      ScarJo-Green! I love green. Necklace was a bit much
      Cate Blanchett-dress was simple, but I liked the turquoise necklace/black dress combo
      America Ferraro-I thought the neckline was a little off, but the color was gorgeous.
      Anna Kendrick-I don’t usually like pink, but this worked for her

      Emma Stone (that color was hideous)
      JLo (also the color, plus the neckline)
      Naomi Watts (sequiny strapless bra thing-just what?)
      Marion Cotillard
      Kiera Knightley-I get that you have limited options for gowns when pregnant, but that was a hideous pattern/color

      Also, cutest couple award goes to Anna Faris and Chris Pratt, who when asked what they were doing after, said “well, we have a toddler at home… so not going home!” They are generally adorable. Closely followed by Chris Evans, who was with a friend and shut down the “is this your girlfriend?” question hilariously quickly.

  2. For some reason, I am used to keep light colors for tops and dark colors for the bottom.
    If this were the inverted color combo (white torso, black skirt) I would have liked it better. Not that I can afford it..

    • I agree — this would be awful on me. The color placement would be like a funhouse mirror.

    • Asideralis :

      I’m the same way. It really bothers me to have a lighter bottom half. *shrugs* Who knows why.

      • I’m pear shaped, so this dress would make me look extremely bottom-heavy. I’d love it if the colors were switched around.

        • Also, dirt… every time I sit in a light colored skirt I worry about how dirty it’s getting.

          • I think that’s part of what makes it such a stunner. It says yes I am hardcore enough to be wearing a flawless white skirt because I am more powerful than everyday grime. I see this as the dress you wear out to lunch with your sister in law who has 6 kids and keeps making rude comments about you letting the family name die out because you’re not breeding with her brother.

          • la vie en bleu :

            “more powerful than everyday grime”

            hahahaha, love it!

          • I don’t want this dress, but I do want you to write fanfic about all my clothes now.

          • I probably default assume SIL as “brother’s wife” because I’m not married and my brother is, but when I initially read this, I was thinking SIL as that and then wondered why on earth she would want you to breed with her brother!

    • Prior comment seems to have disappeared.

      More thoughts on dress:
      1. I like white near my face. It seems to do a good job lighting it up.
      2. I don’t like white on my bottom half b/c that’s the part of the outfit that gets the dirtiest the fastest. If I need a dark color somewhere, it’s in the southern hemisphere. Wet sidewalks? Sloppy lunch? Greeting from sticky toddler? Not enough Shout wipes in this world to get me to wear a white skirt outside of being a bride.

    • Hildegarde :

      I think this is beautiful. I’m also a pear, so I have sympathy for keeping the darker color on the bottom, but this is lovely enough that if I had the funds I might get it anyway. I would definitely have the top part of the back slit sewn up, though; it looks like it goes pretty high.

    • I feel like the impracticality of it (both for making the lower half appear bigger and for dirt risks) is part of what makes it so striking – “look at me, I’m so fancy that I don’t have to care about such things!” That said, yes, it would definitely be better looking striking on someone who is not me.

    • I couldn’t put my finger on it, but THIS is why I have an offwhite/gold skirt that I never wear! Thanks for illuminating that for me.

    • la vie en bleu :

      I love the look of people wearing white, but I can never wear light-colored anything for more than 5 minutes without getting it dirty somehow bc I am the biggest klutz in the entire world. :o(

  3. Yay! Pricey Monday’s! I Love Pricey Monday’s and Nordstrom’s and this Dress, Kat — but even me, a very sucessful PARTNER at a NYC Law firm find’s $1995 to pricey for me today! Especially after this weekend where dad berated me for my tuchus and for NOT being more fruegel now that I am almost 34! FOOEY b/c I thought I WAS being freuegel by NOT yet reacheing my Febuary Allowance yet and there is a whole week to go!

    Dad was happy about my step’s but b/c I have NOT lost weight in my tuchus, he is suggesting now that I do MORE Arobeic activity in the NYSC. He suggested I do squat thrust’s (FOOEY) and jumpeing jack’s and something where I hang from the horizontal bar by my leg’s so that I can see for myself just how heavy my tuchus is. I said I would try the first 2, but NOT the last one. He also want’s me to run 30 minute’s on the ellypitcial machine b/c this will NOT hurt my knee’s with all my extra tuchus weight. I said I would try it.

    Myrna drove by yesterday to hang out and to drive me back to NYC from LI. Dad keep’s pointing to her tuchus and tells me why cant my tuchus be like her tuchus? Mom say’s that it is probabley b/c of heredity and b/c Myrna’s mother has a smaller tuchus then she doe’s. Myrna agreed and she showed us picture’s of her mom and dad and her mom DOES have a smaller tuchus also! Mabye that is my saveing grace–Mom’s tuchus! But then dad said that there were big tuchused mother’s of girl’s he “dated” behind the iron curtain and the daughters did NOT have big tuchuses. Mom suggested it was b/c there was a food shortage and the girls could not have access to tuchus fattening foods. Dad said FOOEY–I should have a small tuchus if I EVER was to find a guy to marry me. I said FOOEY b/c men like the Judge and the manageing partner both like my tuchus!

    Anyway, I have a full week of work and this is the last week to bill my monthley quota. It is a short month, so I need to make up the full month this week. Frank tells me that I need 156.25 hours–that is alot even for me to bill, so I may not have as much time to update the HIVE on thing’s this week! DOUBEL FOOEY!

  4. coloring/seasons/whatever :

    I’m drawn to the idea of basically creating grown-up garanimals, but I’m clueless as to where to start, and how to best pick coordinating colors.

    Part of the problem is that I have no idea what “season” or tone I am. Is there anywhere that I can figure this out? I’ve got hazel eyes and fair skin. It burns before tanning, but it can get (ruddy) tan. I have sandy brown hair that truly is blonde in the sun. I get highlights, but they don’t look out of place, if that makes sense. I have dark lashes & brows (but not thick/black). I feel like I look best in deeper jewel tones, but I can pull off just about any color except pale yellow…Where do I start?

    • Color Me Beautiful :

      1. Go to a library.
      2. Check out Color Me Beautiful. Yes, it’s from the 1980s. But colors are colors.

      Or, if you’re TL/DR:
      How do you look in tan?
      Do you look waxy in off-white? Or better than you do in white?

      I’m a winter. Brown hair, brown eyes, and I have a very ruddy complexion. I can wear very dark colors or very light colors and wear tan, but not near my face. Tan near my face makes me look like a waxy corpse. Medium colors are tricky on me (but not my sister, who is a summer — light eyes, light hair, pinkish skin).

      The book has color swatches — you almost don’t need to read it.

    • Read the classic “Color Me Beautiful.” There appears to be an updated version from the one my mom had in the 80s. http://www.amazon.com/Reinvent-Yourself-Color-Me-Beautiful-ebook/dp/B004GGSX9O/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1424705438&sr=8-2&keywords=color+me+beautiful

    • Killer Kitten Heels :

      I made myself work-garanimals, and what I did was pick three neutrals that I liked (black, gray, navy) and three “accent” colors that I liked that I felt matched my neutrals (I went with olive/muted greens, purple in all shades, and mint because I think I look good in it), plus white, and basically just called it a day. I do have some items in other colors (cobalt blue, some red, some pink), but I mostly rely on the neutrals + accents for the core of my wardrobe. I think picking colors you like and will be happy to put on every morning is a lot more important than getting your colors “right” according to some book or “expert.”

      So to answer “where do I start” – start by picking your neutrals, the stuff that’ll be the base of your wardrobe, and then decide on preferred accent colors from there. (Example, I don’t own yellow because the probability that I will pull the yellow shirt out and wear it with my black suit one bleary morning and then spend all day feeling like a giant stupid bumblebee is high.)

      • My approach was similar.

        99% of my clothes (work and non-work) are black, grey, navy, camel, medium blue, green, or ivory/white (mostly if you count stripes in a nautical tee as a color). Off the top of my head, I can think of one skirt, one long sleeved blouse, and one short sleeved blouse that don’t fall into these colors – that’s it. Over 50% are black, grey, camel, and blue. I just don’t like other colors on me and got tired of spending money on clothes that sat in my closet and frustrated me in the mornings when I felt like I had “nothing to wear”.

      • Rogue Banker :

        I do something like that as well. My coloring: blonde/green, pale skin, pink undertones, couldn’t tan if my life depended on it. :P
        Most of my work basics are some variation on neutral – mostly black and grey, with bits of navy and camel/tan – and almost everything else is some variation on blue/teal/green, pink, or purple. Today is black slacks/boots, dark pink top, maroon jacket. Just about everything I have has cool undertones, so most of it ‘goes’ together and I can just grab whatever out of my closet in the morning.

    • I don’t think it really matters if you pick “your” colors, so long as you pick colors you like to wear and feel good in. Are there any particular colors that you get more compliments when you wear, or you feel good when you wear? Do you have a strong preference for navy, gray, brown or black as your neutral? As long as you look fine in the colors you pick, they don’t have to be the 100% best color for you – for instance, with my coloring I probably look best in chocolate brown as a neutral and red as a color. But I personally really like black and charcoal gray better as neutrals and find it easier to match everything that way – and I naturally gravitate toward purple and cobalt more than red. So my palette is black-grey-purple-blue, with a touch of camel and pink for when I want to lean pastel for warmer months. Maybe not as flattering as brown, tan, cream and red would be, but it makes me happier and that’s good enough for me.

      I’ve been reading the Vivienne Files Starting from Scratch on a capsule wardrobe to help me pare down my ridiculous closet, and I’ve found it helpful. http://www.theviviennefiles.com/p/starting-from-scratch.html

  5. CorporateInCarhartt :

    Apropos of nothing, a lint (not lent) vent.

    I recently got a navy J Crew suit. I know, I know, the quality has gone downhill, but I still love the cut and fit of their suits, and needed a navy suit. This one is beautiful and fits perfectly. The jacket is longer than most of mine, but the cut is so nice it looks great. I would be very happy with this suit if it weren’t for one thing … it is the lintiest (yes, new word) suit I’ve ever owned! I have to basically walk around with a lint roller at all times. It collects lint if I breathe. Or walk. Or anything. I look down, and there are white lint marks all over my cuffs, the hem, everything. It makes wearing it a pain. Has anyone else ever had this problem with a suit? Is there any remedy other than constant lint-rolling?

    • What is the fiber content? Some fibers are lint attracters. It’s not just the fiber content either, because some weaves are lint attracters too.

    • CorporateInCarhartt :

      It’s the Super 120s merino wool. I have a few others like this, but they are much lighter, so maybe they are just as linty, but they don’t show it. I wonder if there is anything you can do to make a suit repel lint … I’m starting to avoid that suit entirely, which is a waste.

    • I find JCrew’s recent merino wool products VERY linty as well. Or I have the tippy pants (I think) and they get lint on them like crazy.

    • CorporateInCarhartt :

      Maybe I should embrace it, get as much lint on there as possible, and pretend it’s avant garde. It may be my only option at this point.

    • Merabella :

      Maybe try wiping yourself down in a dryer sheet?

  6. Here’s one for the long-term paired up readers – how soon did you know that your SO was a keeper and how did you know? I suppose one could use all kinds of terms like ‘the One’, mr/ms Right, soulmate etc – I don’t really subscribe to those terms, but they’re as descriptive as any in this instance to clarify what I’m trying to ask.

    • I knew I wanted to move in after about 6 months. I knew I wanted to get married after about 6 months of living together. I think it came down to liking him as a person, feeling like I could be myself around him, and finding that we could handle conflict in a healthy manner. Plus we were on the same page about lifestyle, like we knew we both wanted to get married and have kids, we are both financially responsible, we are both OK with having alone time away from each other, etc.

    • – My SO makes me a better person (more even-keeled)
      – I would rather spend time with my SO than be by myself, including just sitting quietly together doing our own things (I’m an introvert)
      – Don’t want to keep secrets from my SO (and I believe the feeling is mutual)

      • +1

        Though for me instead of secrets it’s sharing my feelings. I by nature clam up, so when I realized I was actually willing to talk about the crappy stuff with someone, it was eye opening.

        • Yes, I agree with that one, too. Sharing feelings–everything from things I think might be trivial/excessively whiny to the really big stuff.

      • I love your list and would agree with all three of these. One of my favorite things to do is grocery shopping with my husband. I would say I knew I wanted to marry him after about 1 year of dating.

    • Diana Barry :

      Our first date was 5 hrs long! And I knew after it that this was going to be something super special. It was a BIG spark right away. (note, we met online so had not met in person before our first date)

    • Boston Legal Eagle :

      Feeling like I could truly be myself around him is what made me know – there are very very few people I feel that way around. I think this was more of a gradual realization, not any specific moment. We dated for over 6 years before getting engaged so there was plenty of time to get to this point. He is also my best friend and my favorite person to spend time with, and I hope it stays this way.

    • Clementine :

      I knew it was something special pretty early on. We had been friends for a while and I was struck at how easy our relationship was, even though logistically it was pretty complicated. I realized I felt more like myself than I had before, if that’s possible.

      I knew for certain that we would end up getting married about two years in. My husband was out of the country and someone very close to him died. He couldn’t get back, and I immediately traveled the multi-state journey to go see the family and attend the services. I don’t know how to explain it, but in that difficult experience I realized that we were a team and he was the person I wanted as my partner forever. I was 24.

    • I am not one to define “keeper” by time limits or “wanted to live together” or “wanted to get married” because I generally don’t think in those terms, but looking back I knew Mr. AIMS was a keeper for me when 1) very early on, a friend of mine was being a bit of an a**hole about a debate we were all having as a group and he was very lovely about it and I couldn’t help but think “he’s really patient, he’d be a good dad” (at this point, this was just a very abstract thought); 2) when I had an allergic reaction to something I ate on a date, again somewhat early in our relationship, and he took fantastic care of me, stayed up all night to make sure I was okay and kept a really cool head the whole time, even though he later admitted he was totally freaked out, which helped keep me calm, too; and 3), when we just “fell” into spending all our time together without ever consciously making that decision because it was just so easy and fun. Obviously, it’s different for everyone, but I don’t think we ever really had to make a decision to commit to each other because we just didn’t want to do or be with anyone else. I’m a big proponent of not forcing relationships. Every time I’ve tried or friends of mine have tried, it ended poorly.
      I think one other thing that always helped me figure this sort of thing out is to think about what I want in life (e.g., likes to travel, good parent, wants pets, calm in a crisis, whatever) and see if the other person seems like they have those qualities, and to ask myself what kind of life do I want for myself in 10 or 20 years (not just I want kids and a dog and a house in X place) and does this person fit into that? I think a key for the last bit is “does this person fit into that as they are” – not “do they fit into my future if only they were more like how I want them to be towards me” because that rarely ends well.

      • Your last paragraph about wanting the same future and taking someone for who they are is good advice. We just fit together. He’s the same loving, loyal, helpful, dedicated, supportive guy that he was when we got together 10 years ago. He still can annoy me in the same ways he always have, but I decided that I can live with those quirks. He’s got my back, I’ve got his, and we are both committed to the life we chose together.

    • I knew he was special when he would watch Disney movies with me, I knew I wanted to marry him after living together 3 months and realizing he was the only person I could never get tired of. He’s my best friend.

    • Within a week – it was so clear that he was perfect for me almost instantly and vice versa. We were engaged in a month of meeting each other and married in six.

    • We met in college, so our relationship was very casual at first. I knew that I wanted to stay with him when I briefly broke up with him after about a year and I missed him. Not very romantic.

    • anon a mouse :

      I knew Mr. Mouse was the one when I would rather be with him than be by myself. I love my alone time and had a high bar to giving it up.

    • I started seeing DH 15 years ago this week, so the question is well-timed for me. We were pretty immediately inseparable, and within two months, I asked him to move in with me. (Which seems crazy when I write it, because my longest prior relationship was 1 year.)

      How did I know? I loved to talk to him, and I didn’t feel like I had to represent myself in a better light – we were both super-honest right away. I felt as comfortable with him around as I did when I was alone. We made each other laugh a lot.

      There was romance, of course. He wrote me songs, and the LGPs were amazing and frequent. But the stuff that made him a keeper then are the same things that make him a keeper now.

    • We could be ourselves around each other. We felt totally comfortable and had fun. So if he had proposed after 3 months, I would’ve said yes (which is crazy!). In real life it took us 5 years to get married just due to finishing grad school, jobs, etc…

    • I don’t know about “knew he was the one,” but I knew he was a serious contender as he made rapid improvements to his apartment to make it “Parfait-friendly,” as he put it. The first time I spent the night at his place and was getting ready in the morning, I said, “You can tell this is a bachelor pad because there are no mirrors in it at all.” Next time I came over, there was a full-length mirror mounted on the bedroom door. First time I cooked at his place, I made a comment about his lack of good knives. Soon after that, he dropped some serious coin on a good chef’s knife and got some nicer pans as well. And most tellingly: I wear a lot of hats. He installed some hat hooks in his entryway. I swooned. He said, “Where you hang your hat is your home, right?” Yes. Yes it is.

    • mintberrycrunch :

      My husband makes me more “me,” if that makes any sense. I never feel the need to apologize or minimize any part of myself when I’m with him (and by extension, I am less likely to feel that way with anyone, ever, now). That’s the greatest gift that anyone could ever give, imo. I would say I knew I wanted to marry him after about six months of dating (although we didn’t get engaged for another 2 years and weren’t married for another year after that).

    • I knew it would be something serious after our 3rd date, but it was probably a year into the relationship that I knew he was “it” and we’d likely get married. We went on our first week-long trip to Hawaii around the 11-month mark, and travelling well/spending that much uninterrupted time together sealed the deal for me (I’m an introvert, so I normally need some “alone time” after a few hours with people, but with him, I was totally fine for the entire week and that said a lot to me).

      Pardon the cheesiness (I’ve been working on our wedding vows, so I’m feeling extra sappy lately). One of my fondest memories of our entire relationship is from that trip: reading books side-by-side on the balcony of our hotel room with a glass of wine next to me and the ocean in front of us and not needing to talk at all – just enjoying good books and each other’s company. To borrow a phrase from F. Scott Fitzgerald, it was then I realized I wanted to do everything in the world with him. I can’t drink Rombauer chardonnay without instantly being transported back to that moment.

    • I was a young, single mother when my now-husband and I started dating. We knew each other from high school but he had gone away to college, while I stayed and when to our hometown university. A few years later, we ran into each other and exchanged numbers so we could catch up. In high school, we had been friends and there was definitely a spark there, but it never worked out for us to date (I had a boyfriend or he had a girlfriend, etc. . . ). On our first date, we did the typical dinner and a movie, and then went for a walk downtown and ended up sitting in a park talking for hours. We didn’t want to leave each other. He asked to see me the next night, but I told him I didn’t have a babysitter and he said that was fine that we could take my daughter out for ice cream. I saw how he really understood that being with me also meant accepting my child and that he was willing to do so. We have been together for 12 years now, married for almost 10, and have two more children. But it was that date for ice cream that made me realize he was different.

    • i was in law school and had been dating my now-husband for about a year. things were going really well, though I had issues from prior relationships.

      one night, I got really drunk and basically passed out on the floor just outside his bathroom. he put a blanket over me, laid down, and slept on the floor with me all night long. I knew he was the one. nearly 14 years later, my instinct at that point was correct.

    • Brunchaholic :

      I knew within a week. Can’t explain why, and that had never happened to me before.

      It’s really interesting that you don’t subscribe to terms like “the One” or “Mr./Mrs. Right” because I cannot TAKE the term “a keeper” myself! So weird that different things grate different people. (And even more weird how ingrained in all of us that kind of terminology is…)

  7. Anon for this :

    Starting Monday off with “gardening” questions!

    1. What are your thoughts on changing your intimate grooming habits based on a partner’s preferences? I usually keep things pretty low using a trimmer, but my current partner definitely prefers complete hair removal. Part of me feels like it’s a reasonable accommodation for his preferences but part of me also feels like it’s my body/my choice and I’d be selling out a little to change it for him.

    2. Thoughts on sugaring versus waxing?

    3. General tips/advice on preventing ingrown hair?

    • 1) I would take his preferences under advisement, but I wouldn’t undergo something painful, expensive, and time-consuming just to please him, if I wouldn’t do that otherwise. And I wouldn’t do that otherwise.

    • I have a regimen so I don’t frighten small children at the pool, and got a Brazilian maybe twice (in my 20s). The ingrown hairs were awful and the growing-out stage was beyond awkward. It made me weirdly sensitive to seams on clothing (in a bad way). Some ingrown hairs had me worried that I had something much worse.

      If it floats your boat, then you do you. But for me, too much to do for someone (in my mind, based on experience: once something is on the menu, you can’t really take it off the menu).

      Think of the Chris Rock routine: men don’t go back in the LGP arena (and I’d file this under that) and women don’t go back in terms of lifestyle they’ve gotten used to.

      • I did the same thing. The one time I did it, I regretted it until things were back to “normal.” I do a LOT of sports, and that wax was the biggest mistake ever. 2 days later I was back on my normal routine, and I rode 4 horses 2 days in a row. Think welts where my underwear seams hit. That hair is there for a reason! Ouch.

        I’d take it under advisement, but I’m not going to put myself in pain.

    • I prefer to sleep with Channing Tatum but I do to make my partners quit their jobs to work out full time. My view is that my vagina is a take it or leave it proposition. If you’re not enthusiastic about it the way i keep it, please move along.

    • I shave everything off every day. Takes only a couple of minutes. I really don’t like hair and this would be a deal breaker for me.

      • anon for this :

        I’m curious what you mean by this would be a dealbreaker for you – if your partner asked you to stop shaving everything off (since that is what you do)?

      • +1 I’m the same way. I hate hair.

    • I got laser hair removal (removed everything down there) and I love it. I got 10 treatments over about 18 months (with groupons, so total cost was ~$500) and now I just have to shave every week or so (and there is no razor burn/bumps because there are only a few hairs that really grow anymore). I will probably have to get touch ups once a year or so eventually but it was totally worth it to me.

    • I think (1) would depend on how it came up. If I asked and he expressed his preference, then I would look into my options to see if I could accommodate without putting myself out. If he out of the blue suggested that I should change my grooming habits, I would be considerably less receptive.

      For ingrown hair prevention – I’ve tried just about everything and nothing ever eliminated them completely. The hard wax was better than the strips, and DermaDoctor pads helped some, but ime if you’re super prone to ingrown hairs, waxing and shaving aren’t really options. No experience with sugaring.

      ETA: On advice from thiss*te, I tried shaving with conditioner or oil instead of shaving lotion, and I use a man’s razor, which is much sharper than women’s razors. They help enough that I can shave for Very Special Occasions, but I can’t do it daily or even weekly.

    • My lady parts are a take them or leave them proposition. If you arent enthusiastic about them how they are presented to you, please move along. Getting to visit with my lady parts is not an invitation to a dialog about how you would like to change them.

      • Anonforthis :


      • Diana Barry :


        I get waxes and have been getting them for years (like 12?) and so I have much less hair and hardly ever have to go any more.

      • la vie en bleu :

        ha love this, you said it better than me. ;o)

      • I think I would feel very uncomfortable, by the request, if it was directed at me.
        when you have s e x the idea is to give and take pleasure the each others bodies and not jugde or review them.

    • Anonforthis :

      I wouldn’t go the whole hog. I have really strong feelings about total hair removal. Namely, I find it creepy and pervy, since it essentially makes you resemble a pre-pubescent girl.

      I might ‘tidy up a bit’ more frequently though.

    • Edited to add that I would do this regardless of SO…I shave legs/underarms daily regardless of who I’m with–even just me. I would prefer to uproot the entire garden if I could, but there’s not enough money for that on the regular. So, I tend to it myself with the phillips bliss razor between heavy duty garden work. SO doesn’t care, but he (and I) agree that fallow is a more desirable condition than cornstalk stubble for garden partying. (Also FWIW, I didn’t get my first BZN till I met him, and surprised him on honeymoon)

      I would never attempt to plow/uproot the garden myself. Too many bad scenarios playing out, I think. My stylist uses a liquid wax (no paper/fabric strips) and it is way easier/less painful than strips. Less painful than legs, IMHO. No advice on ingrowns, I battle that too.

    • Shopaholic :

      I tend to wax it all off because I like the way it feels. I don’t know how I would feel if a partner expressed a preference but I suppose it would depend on the manner in which the preference was expressed.

      FWIW, I find it gets easier the more often I wax, and now my hair is growing in finer so it’s less painful. I use a scrub on the area every couple days and that helps with the ingrowns.

    • Opposite of a lot of folks here, I completely consider his preferences as I don’t think it’s that big a deal to wax or anything else. It’s an easy way to make my SO happy so why not.

      • Does that still apply if you’re not the one who brings it up? I can see preference being a factor but if someone brought it up to me and/or insisted on it, I would find that a HUGE turn-off.

        • I had a BF once who wanted me to be a redhead. Like mentioned it repeatedly. I ultimately decided that he needed to be with an actual redhead (or just someone else).

    • I wax regularly, but not everything comes off, I leave a generous triangle on top – I don’t like hair underneath, or on the sides, but I like it on the top, which is where it hurts the most to wax anyways. I don’t wax for an SO, I am single, this is entirely my preference- but if a guy asked for it all gone, I’d probably say “too bad, no”. I like having some hair, and since the underneath is waxed, it really shouldn’t affect most activities- it’s not like I’m overgrown, so the option I’m presenting is reasonable.

      The more I wax, the finer the hair, I’ve been going regularly for around a year, and I go around 6 weeks between waxes now-I’m fully smooth for around 2 weeks, and the growth is definitely softer.

      I used to get terrible (TERRIBLE!) ingrowns, until I found Tend Skin, it 100% works.

    • Have you ever tried waxing? My first time (full brazilian) was when I was contemplating taking on a new gardener, before he really even had a chance to express a preference I just thought it would be fun to try. But if my BF asked me to (respectfully) I would at least try it once. I was surprised by 1) how much less painful it was then I expected, and 2) how much I actually liked the feeling/extra sensitivity. I’ve always hated shaving and had bumps/redness after shaving but that’s really been minimized after waxing. I go monthly now. I haven’t tried sugaring so I can’t help you there, but the place I go to won’t use sugaring for the bikini area.

    • la vie en bleu :

      1. Never. Full stop.
      So far this has never been a problem. If anyone had the gall to actually question me or say something out loud, I would probably kick them to the curb pretty fast. This is probably my biggest dealbreaker now that I think about it.

    • I changed my grooming the other way due to my partner’s preferences. I used to wax it all off. The Rocket Scientist shrugged and said “do whatever you want, but a little hair isn’t gonna get in my way.” So I stopped. Don’t really miss the expense. A wild and lush English cottage garden is every bit as lovely as an austere Japanese rock garden.

      • Merabella :

        I love this description. I am going to call it my Wild and Lush English Cottage Garden.

    • PinkKeyboard :

      1. My husband (when we were dating) asked me if I could grow hair there (I had previously been completely bare) because it made him feel like he was gardening with a child. That seemed reasonable and he waited awhile and until I asked his opinion to share it. I still clean things up a bit thought.
      2. No idea?
      3. Exfoliate religiously and they make pads (I can’t remember the name) you can apply to help clear things up.

    • Anonymous :

      My SO never expressed it as a preference. In fact, he had never experienced it before. But he talked about it a lot and I finally gave it some thought. I never even trimmed. Just had no experience with that (and I was already over 40). He always said he didn’t want me to feel pressured because he felt the maintenance would be too much. So then one morning when I had more time, I decided to surprise him and I shaved it all off. He went nuts – loved it. I’ve kept it shaved ever since. I just like the feeling. And I like it better for s3x as well. FWIW, he started shaving as well. Not fully (upper part is just trimmed really well). We both like it.

    • Pretty Primadonna :

      I would consider his request and go from there. If I didn’t have strong objections to waxing/manicuring, I would do it to please my partner.

      I actually prefer no hair, but waxing hurts me, even after having it done regularly for about six months. I haven’t ever sugared, but I have friends who do it themselves and say it is comparable to waxing. I tried to make my own sugaring concoction, but that was a total fail. Using a depilatory cream has been the best way for me to stay manicured and I really like the results.

  8. Former Partner, Now In-House :

    Has anyone been following Ellen Pao’s case against Kleiner Perkins? I am embarrassed to say that I read about it for the first time in the NYT this morning. But I am fascinated that one of her complaints is that she was asked to take notes in a meeting because she was the girl. Would love to see the trial testimony and argument about that.

    Would also love to hear what anyone else thinks, especially those who have been following it.

    • I believe there is a great deal of institutional sexism in Silicon Valley and especially in VCs, but having read about Pao and her husband, I don’t have a great deal of sympathy. They seem very litigious and have sued a number of other people. I also think it was stupid of her to get involved with a colleague. Yes, it is sexist and unfair that inter-office romances disproportionately hurt women, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel more sympathy for women who have also been discriminated against and haven’t made bad decisions. Basically, I think KP deserves every bit of bad publicity, I just wish the plaintiff were different.

    • Yes, I have been following it. As someone who experienced massive gender discrimination in my career (banking in Europe, only female investment professional at a hedge fund where trading floor was worse than the worst trading floors you could imagine), she is literally my hero for standing up to the man. However, I have worked across from John Doerr on a few deals, and he is a mean mofo, so I don’t expect this to be pretty. But every time I read about it (it’s been covered by Fortune extensively), I just want to write Ellen a letter saying, “You didn’t deserve this. You go girl.”

      I will say that adding s3x to the equation has complicated things for her. And having a husband that’s not completely on the up-and-up. But that still has nothing to do with the fact that she was forced out.

  9. purplepear :

    Any advice on how to deal with an email heavy culture while still maintaining focus throughout the day? I feel like I need to tend to my emails constantly so I don’t miss anything but I know it’s hurting my productivity.

    • I have this issue and it doesn’t help that I also have ADD.
      I have disabled desktop notifications. I have booked 6 30-min slots in my workday called inbox review and that’s when I check all emails. It gives me time to work on larger blocks but is not as strct as telling woworkers i’ll check email twice a day.

    • I have it set so a window pops up in the corner of my screen. In a second or two, I can tell if the email needs immediate attention or not.

  10. any advice on how to stop furrowing my brows so much? I think I’m starting to get wrinkles from this, and I’m only 26. I don’t really want to try botox or whatever, but I feel like I’m too young for this…

    • following this. I’m in the same boat. I am seriously considering botox for the between-the-brow furrow. I’m 35. DH says it’s not RBF, but my normal is slightly furrowed.

    • I know you said you don’t want to try botox, but it’s the only thing (I can think of) that will actually make you furrow your brows less. Alternatively, get an eye exam and make sure you aren’t furrowing your brows because you’re having trouble reading/seeing.

      • la vie en bleu :

        I would get an eye exam anyway. I realized I was leaning into the computer too much and booked an eye exam to see if my prescription had changed and asked my eye doctor about computer glasses. She was very helpful in figuring out if I could see clearly, and when we figured out that it wasn’t that, she had lots of advice about workplace habits that helped my eyesight/headaches and posture dealing with staring at a computer all day.

        • anonymous :

          Yeah, I just had an eye exam last week. I was virtually certain that I needed glasses, but apparently my vision is still normal.

          • Do you know when you’re furrowing? I think the first step is identifying the situations which cause you to furrow. I recently moved into a new office, and noticed I was furrowing quite a bit while looking at my computer. I adjusted the brightness and contrast, and it improved significantly.

    • I know these look silly but I wear them at night and my “2’s” are much lighter. I furrow my brow really hard at night and this makes a world of a difference.


      • PinkKeyboard :

        THis is brilliant! I furrow in my sleep and couldn’t figure out how to fix it… being asleep.

      • anonymous :

        How do you know you furrow in your sleep?

        • I know I furrow in my sleep because I wake up with deep, deep lines in the morning. They soften after a few hours but I’m sure it’s doing some damage at night.

      • Moonstone :

        I wear these too. If you are wondering what they feel like, cut a triangle into the flap of a gummed kraft envelope and stick it on your head. It’s true that the lines are less pronounced for the first few hours in the morning, but I don’t know if they do any permanent good.

  11. Killer Kitten Heels :

    I don’t furrow, but I had a habit of clenching my jaw so often that I was giving myself TMJ. I made a point of focusing on relaxing my face every time I thought of it, and every time i switched tasks or took a break or felt my jaw hurting. Maybe now that you’re aware of it you can try consciously un-furrowing whenever you catch yourself doing it and see if that helps?

    • Ugh. I have this same problem with clenching lately. I already wear a mouth guard when I sleep, and am trying to be conscious about doing it less during the day. One thing I found also helped temporarily is getting a good back/shoulder massage. I found myself clenching less for about a week afterwards, but then went back to old habits because I haven’t been able to find the time to go back.

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