ByKat Hours Updated
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Thursday’s Workwear Report: Stripe Sheath Dress

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Machine Washable Sleeveless Dress: Michael Michael Kors Stripe Sheath DressOur daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. My endorsement of stripes has been middling at best — I’m certainly not all about the Breton shirts the way other bloggers are. Still, I like the contrasting patterns on this sheath dress from Michael Michael Kors, and the fact that it’s marked 40% off and is machine washable doesn’t hurt. It’s available in regular and petite sizes 8-16 at Nordstrom for $83. Michael Michael Kors Stripe Sheath Dress A couple of lower-priced options are here and here; two plus-size alternatives are here and here. Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-all)

Sales of note for 1/31/25:

  • Ann Taylor – Suiting Event – 30% off suiting + 30% off tops
  • Nordstrom – Cashmere on sale; AllSaints, Free People, Nike, Tory Burch, and Vince up to 60%; beauty deals up to 25% off
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20 off your $100+ purchase
  • Boden – 15% off new season styles
  • Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
  • J.Crew – Up to 40% off winter layers
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off sweaters and pants
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – End of season clearance, extra 70% off markdown tops + extra 60% off all other markdowns

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

213 Comments

  1. Yay Kat, this is a GORGEOUS Sheathe dress! What a great buy at Nordstom’s! Great Pick!

    And Rosa agreed with me that we could BOTH wear it at Mom’s Birtheday Party b/c Mom says we look like twins now that my tuchus is under control. I always get my size down to size 2 by Labor day, but by the time it is Thanksgiving, it all goes back up. FOOEY! But for now, I can fit in it, and dad can NOT complain about my tuchus for a change.

    I wish the ENTIRE hive a happy weekend and a small tuchus! YAY!!!!!

  2. Can I express my frustration with services where you have to call to make an appointment but which are impossible to get on the phone to? I have tried to call my dentists to make an appointment four times and have yet to get hold of anyone, due to the line being busy and then the surgery closing for lunch. It’s not as if I want to go to the dentists anyway…

    1. Same. I’m surprised more places don’t have online booking for existing patients.

    2. That’s frustrating. But so is the other trend I am seeing of never being able to get a human being on the phone and being expected to do everything online or by email. I finally cancelled my handy subscription because despite emailing the service 3 times I was unable to talk a live person about cancelling a last minute appointment.

      1. This is why I cancelled Handy, as well. I couldn’t get anyone live to explain to me why my billing was fluctuating every 2 months for an otherwise fixed-cost service.

    4. Do you actually get a busy signal, or are you on hold with music interrupted by “your call is important to us” BS? Either way, that’s terrible customer service. You should let your dentist know – maybe by email or an old-school letter. She may not know how bad her patient access is.

      1. Years ago I worked for a large medical practice in the city and one of the owners would regularly call the main line during his lunch or commute and time how long the wait was to speak to someone. Some doctors forget that their bedside manner starts before a patient even meets them or speaks to them; it starts with the first call and everyone else they speak to before meeting with the doctor. That really stuck with me.

    5. I was having this problem with my dentist earlier this year (I kept getting her voicemail and never hearing anything back) and I went to another dentist who took me as a new patient right away and always answers their phone.

    6. Ugh.

      I take care of my father’s medical appointments. It takes hours on the phone just to schedule/dispute billing errors/fight with insurance companies, and this is where most of my vacation days go. Even the “good” clinics/hospitals/providers have cut their customer service down to the bare bones. So much wasted time. The worst is when you wait on hold, then finally get someone, then they decide you need to speak to someone else and when they transfer you….. They hang up on you. And you have to start again.

      Another favorite is one of his clinics never has a human pick up a phone, so you must leave a message, and then they call you back at their convenience. Who can answer their personal phone at all times at work? Impossible.

      1. Do you have access to Health Advocate? We’ve used this company in the past and it really does save a lot of time.

      2. I get you, totally. I dealt with my elderly relarive’s medical care before he died and it took SO much time to reach people with the information I needed. I particularly loathed systems you mention in your second para. It assumes you are near your phone and can answer at any time. I always felt like a beggar leaving messages for doctors to call–and most of the time they never called back.

  3. Can we talk about fisherman sweaters? I love them and want one but they look awful on me. I have a somewhat small frame, esp. on top, and they just make me look like a cream colored, textured marshmallow. Is this something that is just not for me or am I missing some secret to making them work?

    1. I’ve seen some variations on fisherman sweaters that have a deep V-neck–whether cardigan or not. I’m petite too, and I find I can get away with more volume on top if there’s a neckline that breaks it up. (If this option would be fisherman enough for you!)

      1. I take what I can get! I already have a fisherman-style wine cardigan, which looks cute if worn open with jeans and a tank top (I’d call it a fisher-wife sweater, maybe?) I will look for a deep V though – that may work. I think the combination of crew neck and chunky knit is probably not doing me any favors. Thanks!

    2. I can’t get them to work on me either- I’m 5’9 and an athletic hourglass (no boobs, but shoulders) and the bagginess through the middle just makes me look wide all over.

        1. That one is cute, but I also feel like TS (either of them really) is exactly the type who can pull of a fisherman sweater …

          1. Yeah, she’s SUPER skinny so even if it adds 10 pounds to her appearance she still looks fantastic. Normal people, not so much.

    4. I’ve found the same. In photos I’ve seen of myself, I think I look 20lbs heavier in a white fisherman sweater. My only solution would be to wear tights/leggings underneath to at least emphasize a smaller bottom half, but even then it makes me feel frumpy. I think I’ll declutter mine from last winter and chalk it up to a “best left to pinterest” trend.

        2. That does look nice! And it’s cropped, so I wonder if that would help–showing more of the hips than letting the sweater skim over them.

    5. Lol, if you think they look marshmallowy on your small frame, imagine my disappointment when I wear one on my plus-size frame! I have some boxy cashmere sweaters and a chunky knit cardigan that I wear to get a similar effect without adding so much bulk.

      1. Yes, I’m a size 14 and I look like the big puffy ghost from Ghostbusters in one of those sweaters.

    6. Maybe try an open-knit version. They are a little less bulky and hang a bit better.

  4. Does anyone bike commute to a business casual or business formal office? What do you wear?

    I’m thinking of starting to bike commute in NYC, and am puzzling over what to wear on my commute. I have an office, so could change once I am at the office, but to get into the office, I have to use a very public lobby and wait at elevators where I am sure to run into other associates and partners. I was thinking of commuting in a dress. Thoughts?

    1. How long is the commute? How much of a workout are you expecting? How sweaty will you get?
      I’m not in law, but many folks in my office run or bike in. They wear workout gear for the commute and change in the office.

      1. Also– there was a post about bike commuting on this webpage several years ago. It is called “the style of cycling” and was posted 11/22/11.

      2. Commute is 25 minutes, not a huge workout and wouldn’t sweat too much. It’s a long enough commute that I would not want to wear work clothes from a comfort perspective.

        1. I commute by bike in DC, and even without sweating a lot, it’s definitely better to wear workout clothes and change at the office. We have locker rooms at the office where I can shower on hot days and put my hair up into a sleek bun while wet (so it looks intentional). I don’t think it would be a big deal to see colleagues in the lobby while in your commuting workout gear.

        2. I do it and have been lucky enough to get to the elevators that take me to the showers without running into major partners, but I’ve also shared an elevator with the managing partner of the firm while in my workout clothes. There’s a big hill at the end of my commute so I usually get sweaty and thus like to shower.

    2. Two options that I have used in the past are: (1) a gym membership for the gym next door to my building. Since I am in Texas, I needed to shower off after biking in, so it was necessary; and (2) the bathroom in the lobby of my building when I lived in a northeastern state and just needed to change. I think the bathroom was in a Starbucks or something. Maybe one of these will work for you?

    3. Love the idea in theory. I wouldn’t commute in a ?dress. Claire Underwood running outfit. Sleek, dark.

      Only you know time/effort to fix sweat/hair/make-up/clothing.

      So….carry a suit in every day? Seems challenging.

      But I would only consider this if you have a safe route, with a critical mass of other bikers. City biking is not for the faint of heart…in NYC of all places. My brother got hit in Chicago and we had too deaths of cyclists just last week alone.

    4. I bike commute 4.5 miles, 25-30 minutes, in my work clothes when the weather is nice. I don’t bother even trying to bike if it’s over 80 degrees in the morning because I don’t have a place to shower when I arrive. But if it’s cooler than that, the breeze from the biking keeps me from sweating very much as long as I give myself plenty of time to pedal at a fairly leisurely pace. Sometimes I get a little moist, so I keep deodorant in my desk.

      My office is business casual. I find it perfectly comfortable to bike in an a-line or full skirt or dress and sleeveless blouse, and add a cardigan or wrap of some kind when I get in to the office. I know some people won’t bike in skirts, but I don’t see the problem. Plus you can wear bike shorts under them to absorb any sweat, and take them off when you get to the office. I love the Betabrand dress yoga pants for biking in pants when it’s cooler or cold. I’ve also heard good things about Athleta palisades pants. If you’re biking when it’s cold, get a good windproof jacket and gloves.

      1. +1

        Love my betabrand yoga riding pants.

        No reason why you couldn’t wear a skirt with bike shorts underneath.

        I ride (mostly downhill on the way to the express transit stop ) 2 miles – takes less than 10 minutes so I don’t get sweaty. I’ve worn my betabrand pants and a t-shirt and change the shirt at work. Or I’ll wear bicycle shorts with a bike skirt on top and carry my dress or work pants in my pannier. Keep my shoes at the office. I change in a restroom in the basement level of my office building so I ride up in the elevator without worrying but I wouldn’t care if anyone saw me.

    5. Colleagues who bike bring in several days’ worth of clothes at a time. One guy brings in like 4 suits on Monday (non-bike commute), then changes at the office through the week, and then folds them and carries them home on his bike on Friday.

      If I weren’t terrified of city biking I would probably invest in ponte dresses that are less likely to wrinkle to store at the office.

    6. I do this and wear bike clothes to commute, then roll my clothes in a backpack. My boss knows I bike commute and asked how I do it without wrinkling all my clothes, so it works better than I expected! In bad weather, you can put clothes in a plastic bag (and/or get a waterproof backpack cover – standard cycling/hiking gear that’s pretty cheap) for extra insurance.

      1. My husband did a biking commute for a little while – invest in tire guards so if it rains or you go through a puddle, you don’t end up flinging cold water all over your back! He also used waterproof panniers to carry his laptop and papers. I think he folded and rolled his clothes … and he probably also didn’t care much about wrinkles.

    7. I do this, same as Liz – I get changed in my office (where I keep deodorant, baby wipes, and makeup). It’s a little weird to be seen walking around in my sweaty bike clothes, but not a huge deal to me.

      My boss also bike commutes – he drives to work every Sunday to drop off his suits and pick up the dirty laundry.

      Question for Hive bike commuters – what do you do with your sweaty bike clothes in the office? I sort of spread them out in an unused file cabinet drawer in my office, but they’re frequently still damp when I get changed into them in the evening.

    8. I bike commute every day, but it’s only about 10 minutes. Even so, I always wear comfortable workout clothes and change when I get to the office. I keep my jackets hanging in a cabinet I converted (took the shelves out and bought an expandable clothes rack). Shoes I keep in a drawer. Everything else goes in my backpack carefully folded and put inside a packing shell to keep them from getting wrinkled.

      Everyone at work knows I bike commute, and if anything, they seem impressed. It’s not awkward at all when I see them at the elevator. If anything, I am constantly told the stories of how they would bike commute, but for [fill in excuse here].

      I absolutely love commuting to work via bike, I don’t pay for parking, don’t have to deal with idiot drivers in the morning, and I show up feeling happy and ready to start the day! I wouldn’t go back to driving for anything.

    9. Betabrand has some cute “bike to work” clothes on their site. Can’t vouch for them personally (I always showered at the gym in my building if I was biking to work) but yeah, some are cute.

    10. I think the gym membership nearby might be my best bet. I’m not sure coming in with workout clothes on would be appropriate in my business formal office, and it sounds like it’s not a great idea to come in something more casual and change.

    12. Suuuuper late to this: I bike commute now, in my work clothes–dresses included, with slipshorts underneath. If you’re going to do it in a skirt suit, check to make sure you can get up on the seat without popping the seams around the slit at the back. My husband winter bikes in Canada, but i’m not quite there yet.

      Check out blogs about Copenhagen style for outfits that make biking seem normal rather than sporty.

  5. Interesting question came up yesterday re rental properties — so here’s a survey — if you were going to buy a rental property (house or apartment), where would you buy? Doesn’t matter if you’d never want to get into owning/managing property — but I think we have so many ladies reading here from practically every state — that it’d be useful to hear — oh the x neighborhood in Austin is really booming and apartments rent in like 2 days or whatever.

    I know Manhattan (which I’m sadly priced way out of) but I know there’s good markets everywhere so let’s hear some others.

    1. I’d only buy within my own city. I don’t know enough about Austin/SF/Seattle/wherever to feel comfortable owning property there.

      1. I feel the same way. My city changes so much even from block to block within a neighborhood. It took years of living here to feel like I really knew which areas would be good to live in.

    2. We have a rental property (4 BR SFH) in a college town. I won’t give the city because it will out me. We thought that our renters would be students, but we got 20 non-student applicants within the first week we listed the place.

      I agree with Veronica Mars that I wouldn’t want a rental property very far from where we live. We have relationships with trustworthy contractors of various trades so we can get someone good to fix stuff pretty quickly. DH also wants to be able to drive by periodically to make sure the renters are doing city-required things like maintaining the lawn and shoveling sidewalks.

      1. We don’t have rental properties, but live near a small college and seminary – so we’d want to stay local and target that population as well.

    3. I’d buy a 2 bedroom apartment in a university town – there will always be students looking to rent and most students need to split the rent with a roommate.

      1. Same – and universities are more permanent than anything involving industrial estates.

    4. I’d buy a duplex in Richmond (where I am now), live in one half, and rent out the other. Property is cheap (for now) but there’s a booming rental market with a large R1 university, a smaller university with a law school, a ton of healthcare jobs between several hospital systems, and plenty of of law/banking/etc. as well. Target tenants would be grad students or young professional-types.

      1. OP here — I’ve lived in Richmond and felt that way when I was there 8 yrs ago. Now I’m just an hr away. When you say Richmond do you mean the city itself (the Fan) or do you mean the suburbs — Short Pump; West End etc? I imagine the city bc that’s where younger folks want to live.

        1. I live in the city proper in Northside. For the purposes of this scheme I would buy in Oregon Hill, Northside (Virginia Union/Bellevue/Rosedale), or Near West End. Maybe the Museum District, but I’d like more outdoor space than I could get there. If I worked downtown I would look into Church Hill or Fulton. For a true income property that I wouldn’t be living in, Jackson Ward or Carver.

          Seriously, if you’ve got the money and are only an hour away…do it. My SO and I have stable jobs and a generous budget for what we were looking for, but apartment hunting was basically a 15 hour a week side gig for me in April and May. Open houses with lines, emailing when a listing posted at 6am to Zillow and still having people ahead of me, app denied because someone else could move in a few days sooner…it was nothing on those truly crazy markets, but the demand is definitely there and there are just such limited rental options in Northside and NWE.

        2. I’m also in Richmond. I’d agree that Northside would be a great option as well as Church Hill north of Broad. I have a hard time seeing the near west end as investment-worthy given current housing prices there.

    5. I would look for a vacation destination with a good food scene. Charleston is the first place that springs to mind – a lot of great restaurants, the downtown is really cute, there is a lot of history in the area, it’s near the water, etc.

      I don’t think that I’d necessarily want to deal with steady tenants because I’d think you could get a lot more income this way.

    6. If you are going for a vacation rental as opposed to a long term rental, make sure to investigate what the current (and proposed) city regulations are on vacation rentals. My city is clamping down on airbnb so my income stream from my vacation rental in town will have to change to a long term rental or no rental at all.

      Also, if you buy in a different city from where you live, find a good management agency. I pay 8% to have my rental property managed.

    7. I had a condo in my city that I aged out of. I rent it out now. Only possible b/c when I moved out, I still qualified for a mortgage w/o having to sell my condo. I’m not sure that that would pass w/ underwriting these days (at the time, I broke even on the rent, but I make ~500/mo now, but just had to do a lot of upgrades / replacements before the new tenants moved in; builders-grade stuff does NOT last forever).

    8. I would either do Chicago (north side, near the lake and the red line) where I used to live, or the small college town where I live now. I would want it to be a place where I was very familiar with how the neighborhood changed, block to block, and also I would want to know people nearby if I myself wasn’t.

      1. I have a rental place in Chicago, where I used to live. It is River North, so very close to the loop, where almost everyone works and very close to trains as well as restaurants, major attractions. I make a lot off of it, even with paying the management company. I would choose a city you know of and think honestly where would it make sense for people to want to rent such that that area will be desirable to a wide range of people- grad students, young professionals, empty nesters, medical residents (I am close to a lot of major hospitals), etc. My building is newer, so no old building issues that crop up, though I have had good tenants. I would say the West Loop and South Loop are other areas that booming in terms of places, but because I have a 2bed/2bath and am in an already popular neighborhood, I can charge way more in rent than you could because the West Loop is predominantly studios and 1 beds; I am also closer to public transportation.

    9. I’d get a vacation rental on a beach within a few hours of DC. A friend does this and covers all the costs with the rental income and uses the house with his family when it is not rented

  6. Has any new employer ever created a job for you? We hear so much about how networking is the only way to find a job, don’t even bother with online apps bc they get 4000 resumes for every spot and yours will never get read etc. And I feel like I know guys who have been able to connect with a friend of a friend and suddenly they walk away with a new VP position — that I assume wasn’t posted for the world to apply to so they didn’t really have to go through a competitive interview process. Or at least I know guys who make it sound like this is how it went down.

    Ever happen for you? This is my dream scenario — that I meet someone who thinks I’m so smart and experienced that they HAVE to have me so they create a role just for me. Alas in my industry — commercial litigation — I don’t see it happening in my lifetime.

    1. I was hired into my current in-house legal job this way. The company I’m at knew they had a need of some type of position of my expertise, and one of the Deputy GCs had been my summer associate mentor years ago. We had kept in touch on Facebook and had run into each other a few times. He called me out of the blue and asked if I wanted to come in-house, because they needed someone with my knowledge. I accepted (obviously) and said what level and salary I would expect to make the switch. Within a few months, I was promoted to SVP and currently have a “Chief” title. So, it happens!

    2. It happened to me, but it was a very unusual circumstance that got my foot in the door in short term limited way and they didn’t want to lose me. Same industry as you. I think what you get by networking is a chance to stand out. It’s like dating – when you’re looking at online profile it’s easy to just write people off, but when you meet in person, you may find you click even though he is not 6 ft 2 or whatever criteria you use to weed people out.

      1. This happened to me. I was working in a PT/temp position and they created a position for me in the BU where I was working to compete with a job I was being offered in another BU. I got the temp/PT position through networking. The interview process was a total joke because they all knew I was overqualified.

        1. Oh sorry, not a position in the legal department, but it is a JD preferred position on the business side.

      2. It hapened to me this way also! I did NOT know anything about Worker’s Compensation Law, but the manageing partner, who I literaly BUMPED into in the elevator, found out I was an attorney at law, and HIRED me to do WC law with no experience WHATSOEVER! After a few year’s of doeing it, I became the FIRM’s go-to lawyer on it, and NOW I am head of the WC departement at my firm. YAY!!

        Dad say’s this is proof positive that the Barshevsky’s can do anything if we put our mind’s to it. Now if it was ONLEY true about finding a decent guy interested in MARRYING me! I have been trying for along time to find that guy and all I have come up with so far are TOAD’s! FOOEY!

    3. It hasn’t happened to me, but I’ve gotten all my jobs to date via applying to online ads!

      1. +1 Same. I’ve never really understood people who say this never works. It’s a lower hit rate than a job where you have a personal connection but it still works out for tons of people every day.

      2. I got two offers from cold applications to giant universities. I knew one person veeeery vaguely at the university where I work now (think, we have a mutual acquaintance and ended up sitting together at lunch at a conference). My industry tends to have very regimented HR and hiring processes, so maybe it’s easier in academia?

      3. I got my as-close-to-a-dream-as-it-gets federal job from a cold application.

        Unicorns do exist.

    4. Not at VP level yet, and not law, but it happened to me. My current position was created with me in mind because I worked closely with my now-boss on a long-term project when I was with an affiliated organization. My current organization had a need, matched it to my skills, and now I’m creating a new business unit. Position was posted, but only when I had an offer in hand and had to go through the formal application process.

    5. My first job out of college was created for me. My consulting class was working with XYZ company on Subject. After we gave our final presentation/analysis XYZ contacted me and asked if I wanted a job at their company in Brand New Role. It was unexpected, but I happily accepted.

    6. I got my paralegal/law clerk/intern gig this way. I was injured at my pre-law school job and not really excited about finishing out the summer at that place. My coworker’s dad was a lawyer who had a big trial coming up and not enough associates/support staff. They hadn’t been sold on hiring someone because they didn’t know if they’d have enough work over the long term. My coworker told his dad about me and suggested they hire me just for that summer. They made a position for me and I ended up staying on all through law school. Part time during the school year and full time over the summers.

    7. Have you considered looking at an industry group, where you could offer your expertise at a CLE? I’m an in-house attorney for an energy company and we have a group of attorneys who all work for energy companies and we get together several times a year and send out emails when we have questions. We recently had a CLE and one of the speakers was from a firm, and he offered to speak for free. At the CLE, someone approached him and asked some specific questions and he offered to help her out for free. He was so helpful that she went back to her GC and told him about how great he was and how much $ they’d save in outside counsel if they hired him, and they did. I think you need exposure as an expert in your field, be very helpful and something will happen.

  7. Yesterday’s thread about meeting smart guys in NYC at events got me thinking. I’ve pretty much given up on meeting guys out and about (I’m mid-30s and in Chicago), so I put time into online dating. Pretty much everyone I know who met their SO after age 30 met online. But I would love to meet someone IRL! How do I find the balance between online dating and events? It seems like you have the best chance of meeting someone at a class or something that meets regularly as opposed to a one-time event, but then that’s an investment of time…

    those of you who met SOs later in life offline, were you making a concerted effort to do so?Or is online pretty much the default these days?

    I know I can do both online and IRL stuff (and I plan to!) but just wanted to hear everyone else’s experiences.

    1. I met the person I am involved with now through trail running. We met after a race when I busted into a conversation he was having with a photographer friend of mine to bitch about something that had happened during the race. The photog friend left the convo after a few minutes and HTD (hot trail dude) and I kept talking. He had to go after a while, he asked if I was on FB, he friend requested me almost immediately afterwards, and we started chatting. We are not in a serious relationship, but we are monogamous until proven otherwise and are having fun and enjoying each other’s company. Maybe it will turn more serious, maybe it won’t, but it works for both of us based on where we are in our lives and what we have going on right now. It is so stress and drama free, while also being fun, it’s amazing.

      Obviously, this is not necessarily the type of situation everyone is looking for, but my getting back to your original question, we met at a shared-interest activity :) I wasn’t looking to find someone as I am/was quite content with my life. I was sweaty, dirty, shirtless, and fired up about the incident at the race – so I wouldn’t say I was in my best form!!

    2. I met my husband online when I was 40. I loved online dating and never had much success after college with IRL dating. With online dating, I could really get into deal breakers early, and I knew people were single and interested in a relationship (for the most part). IRL just seemed inefficient – I’d chat with someone for a while only to later learn of a girlfriend or an imminent move to another state, etc. I also preferred dating sites that were more comprehensive (match once upon a time before okcupid got popular in my city) because there was a lot more information to screen with before wasting my time going on a date. I didn’t have days to devote to random hobbies in the hopes of meeting someone and no one popped up in my actual life so online was a great way to date for me. I was looking for a relationship, but I wasn’t willing to settle so online dating really made that possible. My husband is someone I have tons in common with and we could have met thousands of times based on our jobs and social circles IRL but we never did. And given that we were both actively dating, if we’d waited to do that, odds are we shoulder have been with other people then.

      1. PS – even with online dating, you still meet in real life, is just a vehicle to find the person you’re going to meet.

    3. Similar to what Scarlett said above: Aziz Ansari’s fantastic book about dating called Modern Romance advises you to think of online dating s!tes/apps not as dating tools, but introduction tools. Focus on the IRL part of it.

    4. I think that there’s often a big difference in mindset when you are first meeting someone IRL vs online. Online is more like a shopping experience — “no, i want long sleeves, next. no, i don’t like that shade of green, next.” while IRL is just… there’s a person there, and maybe he’s the only one. Is he cute? Does he think I’m cute? Should I go flirt with him?

      Which is to say, I met my husband at a bar and if it were online dating I probably would’ve swiped by him. He was/is scruffy and a little uncouth, and not A Professional like I thought I wanted. But he’s sexyAF, supportive, and he shares my values. We are complimentary in traits where, online, I would’ve looked for someone who was identical.

      (A friend texted me the other day, “ugh this guy i met on tinder is [job my husband had when i met him] so i think i’m just bailing on our date.” and I had to be like, “ahem, wrong audience for that complaint.” I know that for some people, these things that we ‘shop’ for in online dating are legitimately essential, but when you meet someone IRL, the pheromones and whatever can lead to you making potentially irrational decisions that might end up pretty well!)

      1. Whenever I swipe left on a guy because he has dumb facial hair or he’s posing next to his truck, I wonder if I’ve actually just dismissed the love of my life.

    5. I wasn’t going to do online dating for a variety of reasons, chief among them the fact that my former husband was on every. single. dating. site. from about five minutes after I left him. I met Lovely Fiance at our local Rotary Club. It was a great screening mechanism because Rotarians are self-selected to be reasonably successful and interested in community service. Plus they have friends. A single friend of mine in Rotary has had the married Rotarians take her under their wing and set her up with their single friends.

      Also, Lovely Fiance is seriously into cycling and we know tons of people who have met their spouses and SO’s through that. So… “shared interests” again.

    6. Definitely focus on doing both IRL and online stuff. I worry sometimes that I am not interesting enough, so my IRL events were things like alumni and professional mixers, but I put most of my energy into online dating because I knew it had the largest pool of single people. After about five months of intense effort earlier this year, I met an amazing guy on bumble and we’ve been super happy for the last four months and are already talking about marriage and kids. I’m 38, FWIW. Good luck and don’t give up!!!

  8. On a personal front, I have a classic “should I say something or not?” question, for anyone who feels like playing this morning.

    My BFF from high school and I are both 34. She’s a very creative/entrepreneurial type who has never stayed in a conventional job for very long but has started various nonprofits and businesses. I am, well, the kind of woman who reads this site: pretty conservative when it comes to life planning and financial security. My career has not included a lot of adventures or risks, for better or worse.

    BFF also tends to go from one relationship to another, and has essentially never been single since we were teenagers. She is very conventionally beautiful, whereas I’d say I am average looking (and have also put in some serious time in singledom, though I’m married now).

    About 6 months ago, she met a guy who has $$$$$$$. It was the same time she was leaving her last steady job, and did not have a new one lined up. Currently, she is traveling the world with him and has no plan for income in the near future. He just built a house in a foreign country where she has no friends, family, or work prospects, and they are moving there together in January. They are discussing marriage and kids. Obviously, the latter is an irreversible decision once it’s put into action.

    I need to figure out if I’m just judgy and jealous, or if I have a genuine concern for her well-being and need to speak up. I have met this guy, and he was perfectly friendly and polite, but she says he’s a very dominant personality and that she needs to make sure she isn’t always overpowered by that (and, you know, the money). I feel like if she herself is saying this now, in the throes of new love, it must be a pretty serious concern. Furthermore, she has told him that bringing in income is important to her, but she doesn’t have any goal to be financially independent–meaning that if she needed to leave him, she wouldn’t be able to. Combine that with being totally isolated and unable to work in this foreign country, and I’m really concerned about her ability to get out and stand on her own if she needed to. Added to all of this, of course, she will have a harder time getting a job the longer she opts out of working. She also has an admitted history of coupling for money (her first marriage) and then becoming extremely unhappy and resentful about the strings attached to that.

    If anyone in her life was going to express doubt about this plan, it would be me. What do you all think?

    1. I would focus on encouraging her to pursue her creative interests as a way of having some economic freedom and a creative outlet. It’s clear she’s decided that this relationship is what she wants so I’d focus on encouraging her to not lose herself too much while in the relationship.

      She may be able to work primarily online which would have value if she wanted to leave him in that she would not be leaving behind her business in foreign country. E.g. via Etsy

      1. She did mention Etsy, but wouldn’t the income be basically peanuts compared to what it takes to support herself? I don’t know if it would even cover a plane ticket home, actually, depending on whether she has savings.

        I appreciate your compassionate reply just the same.

        1. Why would her income be peanuts? have her previous entrepreneurial efforts been failures? Depends on her interests and abilities including ability to market herself. Is she a jewelry maker? Photographer? Graphic Designer?

          1. Fair enough–I should have clarified. Her creative skills are all related to theater, none of them involve any material production of items that can be sold. If she were to start doing something like that she’d be new to it.

            Her businesses in the past have had mixed results. She has always required financial backing from either her parents or (ex) husband.

          2. So your friend is living her life now exactly as she always has. I wouldn’t say anything.

        2. It might be peanuts but it would add up over time and presumably she wouldn’t have any expenses to spend it on so it could go straight into savings.
          There are other options beyond etsy if she wanted to maybe teach English or do translations, if she speaks a foreign language.

        3. Etsy income is peanuts for most people because they’re trying to pay the rent, buy groceries, etc. If you have a partner covering all the day-t0-day expenses and you sock all the money away into savings as opposed to going on shopping sprees, even a few hundred dollars a month adds up quickly. Also, does she really have NO savings? I would never do what she’s proposing, but if she has even $10k in savings and the guy is going to be covering all their living expenses, her ability to buy a plane ticket home is not going to be an immediate concern.

    2. I don’t think you’re jealous. I think you’re coming from a place of genuine concern and her plan sounds terrible to me too. I would have one conversation where you say you really like the guy and you’re so happy for her that she’s found love, but you point out that she’s said she wants to bring in her own money, and ask her how exactly that’s going to work when she’s alone in a foreign country where she doesn’t have a work visa. You can express what you’ve said here – that you’re worried she’ll feel isolated in this new country if she’s not working and that you think being out of work for a long time will affect her future job prospects. And then assuming she says she wants to forge ahead, you should just be supportive and not raise it again (and don’t say “I told you so” when she calls you from the foreign country to tell you she’s miserable).

    3. I think I would love to find a guy with money who will let me travel the world with him. Seriously though, I understand your concerns but you have to let her live her life and be there when it falls apart.

    4. You don’t sound judgy or jealous, you sound like you have valid concerns based on what she’s said and years of knowing her. I would focus less on the “what ifs” of their relationship ending – it’s going to fall on deaf ears – and more on her setting up her new life in this foreign country on her terms, not just going along with what he wants. She needs to make sure she’s able to work so she has an outlet for her creativity and so she brings in some of her own income. Reassure her that it’s OK if she’s not able to move with him when he wants to. If this is a forever relationship, then moving in March rather than January really isn’t a big deal.

    5. I think it sounds like a pretty nice situation for her, in line with all the other choices she has made in life, and she can always buy a plane ticket home.

    6. I think you and I have very similar BFFs from high school except that mine has already gone through with what yours is now doing. They’re now divorced and his dominant personality has only gotten worse in the divorce process. I never said anything at the time, but we’ve talked about it since their split and she acknowledged that there was nothing I could have really said or done. It was like a collision course with destiny. So I guess I wouldn’t say anything, though I would make every effort to listen and ask questions so that she could use me as a sort of sounding board for her own doubts, to whatever extent she may have them. I also did – and would in your situation – make a point of saying that as happy as she is now, it’s always wise to have a back up plan and some of your own money stashed away. I don’t know if you have a non-awkward way of bringing it up but I said something about how I always need to maintain a separate bank account with a bit of emergency cash stashed away to make me feel at ease in a relationship based on watching my mom struggle in her second marriage. Maybe you could find something analogous in your experience to advocate for her having a plan B if this doesn’t work out.

    7. I’m the friend who always says something in this sort of situation. I would invite her out for dinner so that the two of you have a lot of time to talk face to face (so she can see that your love and concern for her is genuine), and then ask her some gentle questions about whether her plans for her career have changed, whether she’s thought about what her career prospects will be in foreign country, what her timeline for marriage/children with this guy is and whether she feels truly comfortable with that, if she feels comfortable with her level of financial independence. I think it’s really important that you accept her answers rather than critique her choices or play devil’s advocate as she tries to explain herself. As long as she’s put her mind to these things, and is satisfied with the consequences, then there’s nothing more to say on the subject. But I would want to know that my friend had thought about those kinds of things before making a series of no-take-backsies life decisions.

    8. The biggest and only thing you need to raise with her is timing around kids and consequences of having kids.

      With kids, if their ordinary residence is in the other country, it’s extremely likely that she will not be able to leave the country with them and return home if the relationship does not work out. If he is a domineering personality, he is unlikely to allow her to move with the kids and a court is very unlikely to change children’s primary residence based solely on the mom preferring to live elsewhere. Even if he is physically abusive to her, courts in many countries will not terminate contact or access unless he abuses the kids. If she tries to leave the country with the kids without permission from her ex or the court, the kids would likely be forced to go back and she could loose custody or access entirely.

      DO NOT underestimate how much having children in a foreign country with a foreign national can trap you in that country for the rest of your life if you want to see your kids.

      1. adding that she should be super careful with her birth control until she knows she wants to have kids and stay in the country. If she has an accidental pregnancy, she should think carefully about if she wants to have kids and stay in the country before telling him about the pregnancy. Abortion is illegal in many countries and some countries will also allow the father of the unborn baby to prevent the woman from leaving the country to get one.

        1. It also depends on the laws, customs and parenting styles of where she’s going to live plus the immigration laws and her future status (alien, perm resident etc). You don’t say where but England would be different from Turkey which would be different from Argentina. (I’m presuming it’s not Saudi Arabia, Iran or similar because you would have said so.) I agree that she might be taking a risk if she has kids and should have an out. In an extreme case, a husband could monitor a woman’s monthly cycle and might know she was pregnant when she misses her period.

          For you, I’d agree that you could talk frankly about some of this with her but in the end, just tell her that you’ll always be there to send her plane fare if she wants to return.

      2. I agree with this. Having kids abroad can make returning home without him a much more complicated question than just having enough money for a plane ticket.

    9. As one of the least free-spirited people ever, I think that as long as she has enough money for a plane ticket back home, she’ll be fine. So, if I would say anything, I would just make sure she has enough to come home if she needed to.

      I have similarly fee spirited friends, including one who described being on the verge of homelessness as “exciting”, who are always bouncing around from thing to thing. They seem happy. I would be a complete wreck. But I think what she’s doing sounds like it would be a grand adventure to someone who does not value security. Just be there for her if she needs you, and otherwise let her have her adventure.

      1. It’s not just a grand adventure, though, she’s talking about having kids with this guy. I really don’t understand the sentiment from people here saying, well she can always just buy a plane ticket home. Uhh, no, she can’t, not if she ever wants to see her kids again.

    10. I don’t think you are being judgy or jealous.

      A few thoughts:

      I don’t like the idea of moving far without a ring. It puts all the risk on one person, and that’s just inequitable. (It does work well for many people, but if it doesn’t, it’s entirely the problem of one party, usually the woman.)

      I also dislike the idea of not keeping skills current, whether it be because the new guy is loaded or someone becomes a SAHM.

      Women almost always have issues with their looks. Sometime, it’s being disregarded or not being treated well because she’s not conventionally attractive; other times, the attention paid to conventionally beautiful women can actually make their lives hard. Consider talking to your friend about what she’s looking for out of a relationship, what she is willing to put into it, what happiness looks like for her, etc.

    11. I have a friend who did pretty much this about 10 years ago. It turned out that the guy really is the love of her life, and they are raising kids in an exotic location and madly in love.

      At the time it seemed like a lark — okay, this guy is just the latest in a long string of guys. But it turned out he was actually different, and they are both in it for the long haul.

      She didn’t ask me for my opinion, and I probably would have only said to not have kids unless she was 100% sure. But it’s been incredible to watch their deep, loving relationship develop from something that initially was very spontaneous.

    12. I think you should stay out of it. If she asks your opinion, be honest. But she’s an adult and she knows or should know what she’s doing. If you tell her how you feel without her asking your opinion, then I think you risk offending her and then she doesn’t feel like she can confide in you which furthers her isolation. Just my opinion. That’s what I would do in a similar situation.

  9. I posted yesterday about signing up for Okcupid (I also downloaded Tinder). Day two and I’ve only gotten messages from weirdos. Just as I feared, like 80% of guys say they are only interested in a “fit, active” woman a.k.a no fatties. (Nevermind the fact that you can be fit even if you’re not a size 2.) So that’s disappointing. Growing old with cats is starting to sound more appealing.

    1. Set your match limit in your messages–I think mine was set to 80%. It’ll then filter out anyone that’s less than that criteria and set it aside so you don’t see those messages. It’ll cut down on the number of total messages you receive, but it’s easily worth it to avoid it. I honestly think there is harassment for ALL women online–that’s not to say that your experience isn’t hurtful (it is) but I want to put this in context. It’s pretty hard to avoid scummy messages in general on these types of sites.

    2. Don’t let it get you down! Seriously. I used to feel the same way when I would first sign up for online dating. You have to ignore the weirdos (they email everyone! It’s nothing about you specifically that is attracting them) and play the long game. If that means only messaging with a couple guys a month, so be it! You really have to dig for quality guys sometimes… and then sometimes you’ll have a great week when you get some nice, normal messages and the world feels full of possibility. There doesn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason to it, but what I have found is that you have to sift through the noise, be patient with it, and be in it for the long haul.

    3. It’s a slog. It’s area dependent, but maybe try coffee meets bagel? At least where I am, OKC was pretty cool a few years ago, but now seems to contain more weirdos. CMB matches you with people you know via your facebook networks, so I’ve found more guys who were at least on paper more my type- educated, professional, put together, career oriented. And you have to like them back before they can match you… so you get less ‘hey bb u dtf? hmu lol.’

      And yeah, the “fit, active, leads a healthy lifestyle, takes care of herself” is so obnoxious. I wish they’d stop trying to be coy about it.

      1. Thanks! Two of my friends have met their husbands in the last 2 years via Okcupid which is the reason I downloaded it, but it does seem like apps are more popular these days.

    4. Well, you’ve signed up, given it two days, and passively waited for people to message you. It would be pretty surprising if you found the love of your life from that.

      1. No, I forgot to mention in my original comment that I have messaged guys but haven’t heard anything back.

          1. And actually, if you signed up yesterday, probably nobody has even read those messages yet.

        1. Not intended to be mean. Finding someone can take years! It’s not going to happen overnight, no matter what your method is. Dealing with rejection is scary, but a part of life.

      1. Ok, I’m not seconding the “get a grip” sentiment because the comments on online dating websites ARE absolutely bizarre when you first start out, but I also want to say that it’ll tone down. The first few days of having your profile up are always when you attract the most attention. And not always the best attention either as you’ve seen. I’m not exactly sure why this is but I think when people have been on the site for a while they get used to seeing the same profiles pop up and can filter for new ones and pounce on those.

    6. keep screen shots of the really bizarre messages. They’ll entertain you with a bit of time and distance. Also check out feminist tinder on instagram and tinder nightmares (I think twitter) your experience is pretty common.

      Says the girl that is entering year 2 with a guy she met on Tinder.

        1. They helped me keep things in perspective while I was going through the online dating world.

      2. +1 to screen shots.

        Also, with the really weird ones, I would egg them on and see just how aggressive and/or weird they would get. I found it entertaining.

        1. I saw somewhere a girl kept responding with song lyrics (I think it was Hello from Adele) That could also be entertaining.

    7. I love the “fit and active” code word for “no fatties”. I am a size 10-12 but quite fit and active. Met a guy on Match once; he suggested we go hiking as a first date at Runyon Canyon. (Very popular spot in the middle of LA, not like we were going way out into the woods for a first date.)

      The hike is a pretty steep climb and he started huffing and puffing about halfway up. We stopped a few times for him to catch his breath – to the point that I started to feel a little badly for him, although the hike had been his idea so it wasn’t like I was forcing him to do something way outside his comfort zone.

      I wasn’t really planning on seeing him again, but this was more than confirmed when he texted me later to tell me that he enjoyed meeting me but wanted to be with someone who “prioritized fitness”.

      I texted back “LOL okay great maybe you should try going to a gym and meeting someone there; at the very least you might accidentally get in shape to walk uphill for 10 min. Was worried you weren’t going to make it through the hike.” It was possibly the most petty thing I’ve ever said and I still feel good about it.

      9. As someone who has been there, Runyon Canyon is fine to jog if you’re in shape. This is hilarious! At least you got to go outside and enjoy a great view.

    8. Yeah I went to look at my OKC profile that I hadn’t touched in 5 years and wanted to throw up. I’m clearly not ready to date yet.

    9. It’s going to be worse on Tinder, because that pool is even more focused on looks/hookups. I recommended doing Bumble the other day because I think you have a better shot of meeting people there, and I still recommend that. The upside is also that no one can message you unless you have also liked their profile–so you can prescreen out the ones you already know are weirdos based on poor decisionmaking in profile narrative/photo choices.

      You might also try the League, which has a screening process up front.

      1. Thank you for the Bumble rec – I downloaded it this afternoon and I really like it so far!

  10. I know we’ve had a few threads about Boston lately, and I have read those, but I have a few other questions and didn’t want to take over those threads. I’ve poked around the archives a bit as well, but will continue to.
    1. Where would you recommend specifically for dinner in the North End? Preferably not the fanciest/most expensive place on the block, but otherwise anything goes.
    2. What are your favorite off-the-beaten-path activities? I’ve been to Boston a number of times and am heading there in a few months for some R&R. I’d love any suggestions for fun things I might not have done/know about.

    Thank you all! You have the best travel recs :)

    1. 1. Bricco, Tratoria Il Panino, L’Osteria or Pizzeria Regina if you want super casual and super delicious
      2. ICA, wandering Tremont Street/South End shops and/or SoWa.

      1. I second the ICA, and there has been a lot of upgrades to the green space and harbor walk near the ICA – worth a stroll!

    3. 1. second Daisy’s above – also Panza. Giacomo’s is the classic, and is good if a bit overpopular (they also have a South End location). Be prepared to pay cash in the North End; in the past few years more places have started taking cards but I’d check first!

      2. Harbor Islands, in my mind the boat ride is worth the cost and the island visit which is just a nice and optional extra. Breweries, particularly Harpoon, Night Shift, or Aeronaut. If the trip hasn’t been scheduled yet, try to come for Head of the Charles – that’s always a perfectly classic Boston fall weekend. I love to do [self-planned and guided] themed food tours of Boston – e.g. a chocolate tour throughout back bay or bakeries throughout Brookline, ice cream in cambridge, etc. Getting lost in the Harvard bookstore is enjoyable, though maybe not everyone’s thing. MIT museum is totally offbeat and one of a kind. If you’re willing to leave the city, I’d do a North Shore day – go apple picking and explore the summer ocean towns in the fall and maybe go to the Peabody Essex Museum (personal fave).

      Hope you get the rest you’re looking for, enjoy your trip!

    4. Isabella steward gardner museum!! It is just so unique and lovely. Id also get a burrito at pelon afterwards. Or go to a red sox game but go to the bleacher bar! If you get food/drinks uou can sit in deont of the window to the outfield. Go in 3rd inning and it’ll be less crowded. In north end i like neptune but it’s $$$. But also modern pastry over mikes, or you can get a sandwich at bricco (down the alley!)

    5. Thank you all! These suggestions sound delicious and relaxing and I can’t wait to put them into action. :)

  11. A friend of mine made a lovely quilt for me but it’s falling apart because I love it so much I use it a lot. It’s the perfect couch-snuggling blanket. It has the traditional pieces of fabric sewn together on the top and a fleece backing. It has filling, but the top and back are not stitched together, if that makes sense. I want to wash it, but I’m afraid I’ll undo even more. Is there somewhere I can send it for the quilt version of a buff and polish, i.e. touch up the sewing and/or clean?

    1. So, quilting actually refers to the process of stitching the front and back together to secure the batting. You could have it quilted but expect to pay hundreds of dollars.

      Your best bet is probably washing it with woolite in a bath tub and hanging it to dry outside.

      1. Could you find someone who does the yarn thing to keep it together? I’ve inherited some quilts that are pieced together but not quilted, rather there are a lot of little pieces of yarn tying the top, bottom, and batting together. That might be a cheaper option.

    2. Caring for old (or well-loved) quilts is a PITA. If it’s cotton, you definitely shouldn’t have it dry cleaned because it will degrade the fabric. Your best bet is to wash it in the bath tub with a mild laundry detergent, gently wring it out, and then dry it on a flat surface (I only wash quilts in the summer so that I can lay them outside on the deck or grass). It’s really important to dry quilts flat, because they are so heavy when wet that gravity pulls on the stitching.

    3. What part specifically is falling apart? Is the stitching that holds the blocks together on the top coming out, or is the batting shifting around because there is no quilting holding the layers together?

      Basic long-arm machine quilting for a lap-sized quilt can cost under $100, but it wouldn’t work well on a quilt that is already finished (bound around the edges). If the main problem is the lack of quilting and you are able to smooth all the layers flat, you could tie the quilt yourself. There are many quilt tying tutorials on line. No sewing skills are required. I would tie the quilt to stabilize it before washing.

  12. Inspired by the Olympics, anyone have recs for inspiring sports books they’ve read recently? I loved The Boys in the Boat, for example, and I’ve read several books about Mount Everest climbers that were gripping. I’d love to add some similar books to my ever-growing reading list!

    1. It’s not a recent book but I thought Born to Run by Christopher McDougall was fascinating.

    2. How recent of a publication date do you want? I read In These Girls, Hope Is A Muscle until the cover fell off when I was growing up, and I still get it from the library. Also want to know what other people’s recommendations are!

    4. I enjoyed Gold by Chris Cleave. It’s fiction but in a sports setting (two competitive cyclists training for the Olympics).

      1. +1 to Perfect Mile

        Unbroken by Hillenbrand has a lot of sports-related content and is similar to the Boys in the Boat (and the Boys in the Boat were on the same ship to Germany as the main character, Zamperini). Hillenbrand also wrote Seabiscuit which is great.

        Into Thin Air. Very sad book.

    6. These sound great! Just requested two from the library right away and added most of them to my list! Thank you all!

  13. I realized lately that my sugar/sweets intake was out of control. I was having dessert every day after lunch and dinner. I exercise 5-6 times a week and eat healthy meals the rest of the time, but sugar was doing me in. I wasn’t even enjoying it anymore. I think i was kind of addicted.

    Just to see how it would feel, I cut out desserts and sweets cold turkey two weeks ago. Everything else in my diet is exactly the same. I do allow myself honey in my tea, but otherwise dessert is fruit.

    I cannot tell you what a difference it has made! My clothes fit better, my face looks less puffy. I just feel slimmer and healthier. I can’t believe it.

    I don’t want to live a life where I never eat chocolate again, but I needed to reset my palate and remind myself that dessert is a treat, not a daily requirement. I missed it for two days, but now I don’t even crave it anymore!

  14. Hi hive! I’m looking for recommendations for a Grand Canyon 3 day weekend trip itinerary. I’ve never been so I’d appreciate any and all advice. Budget is mid-range and I pretty much just want to see it and hike (moderate difficulty) around for a couple days. I’ll be flying in from north Texas. TYIA!

    1. Are you flying into Phoenix? If so, I recommend renting a car and driving from Phoenix through Sedona and to the GC. You will be going to the South Rim (North Rim is several hours further). Sedona is amazing. You can see the red rock formations and stop for lunch in town. There are lots of cute little restaurants and shops. The best is Elote, but I think they are only open for dinner. I also recommend the Red Rock Café (more of a breakfast place). In fact, I would consider spending a day or at least half a day in Sedona– it is really beautiful and unique.

      One thing I would really recommend, if you want to budget for it, is a helicopter tour of the canyon. The two main companies are Papillion and Maverick. If that is too spendy, you can do a Pink Jeep Tour– I think they have a couple options that include some hiking. I don’t know much about specific hiking recommendations, though. There is an Imax theater in the little town before the Canyon, Tusayan, that shows an interesting film about the Canyon, early exploration, etc. It’s kind of neat to see it before seeing the Canyon itself. I would pop into some of the old lodges/hotels at the rim of the Canyon, especially the El Tovar, which is a really cool old lodge that still takes guests (but you have to book over a year in advance). It’s nice to have lunch at El Tovar and look out over the Canyon. Their restaurant is casual at lunchtime and more formal at dinner.

      I would spend one night in Sedona, and then if you want to focus your time on the Canyon itself, you could spend the next night in Tusayan (right next to the Canyon). If you are really super dedicated, you can ride a trail mule down to the bottom and spend the night at Phantom Ranch.

      2. Second the rec to spend a night/day in Sedona (and see the sunset!). There are a lot of half day hikes you can do around there and then drive up to the GC for the next two days.

  15. Question for my travel-saavy ‘rettes: Any recommendations for specific rental apartments in Paris for a week-long vacation, whether through AirBnB or another site?

    2. We booked with Haven in Paris a few years back and had a good experience. Its probably a bit more expensive than an AirBnB, but felt more legitimate/reliable for me.

    3. This is late but in case you check back – my BFF and I found a houseboat on the Seine on AirBnB that was AMAZING.

  16. Shop for me please – going to trial in two weeks and need to update my lounge wear for long nights at the office. Have just discovered I like leggings. Looking for thick black leggings that don’t make me feel like my backside is exposed, even if I’m not wearing a long t-shirt. Only leggings I currently own are LuLaRoe, and while comfy they are decidedly not thick or constricting. Must be available online; no time for in store shopping. (see, trial in two weeks.) Thanks in advance ladies! You’ve never let me down.

    1. My favourite leggings are by Hue, look for the ones with the wide waistband. Totally opaque and very comfy.

      1. +10

        I got these (wide waistband Hue) with Amazon Prime a year or so ago, so check that. I love them and also find them opaque and very comfy.

        One note — I find them really long. I’m 5’7″, and there are a few extra inches of fabric more than I need. But I just let them bunch up at my ankles because they’re my favorite pair.

    2. Zella, Live in leggings. With a long aran cardigan or other boyfriend cardigan, long sleeve t shirts, and tall boots that are comfortable but polished.

        1. I will have to look into these. I tried on lulu pants recently and found them really pinch-y and thin, not supportive. Also I almost choked at the price.

    3. I’m a huge fan of lululemon leggings. Not cheap, but I’ve been wearing the same pairs for like 7 years and they still look great.

    4. I love the foldover capri leggings from Old Navy and have multiple pairs in black. They are thick and made with cotton, which I prefer over the new tech, sweat wicking stuff.

    5. You could try Betabrand too – some don’t even look like leggings. (I swear I don’t work for them. Recommended them three times today. )

  17. Does anyone here use the StyleBook app? I downloaded it last week and now am obsessed with loading my wardrobe into it. I haven’t even tapped into the other functions, but it’s kind of crazy the effect that just snapping a picture of each item has on me – I supposed it’s akin to using a food journal to track your food. I’m hoping it will instill some greater sense of fashion in me, but at the very least I am a bit more aware of how very much I own that I don’t wear. Would love to hear if anyone has any tips or tricks for using it.

  18. I just matched on Bumble with someone who is 766 meters away. The call is coming from inside the house!

    3. LOL. I work and live in pretty highly densely populated areas and now quite often my matches are 250m away. It’s always a bit creepy.

  19. I emailed the executive director of a nonprofit to ask a question about a job posting (her contact info was included), and she invited me to coffee to talk about the org and the position. (Maybe she Googled me?) What do I wear? A suit? I’ll bring my resume, but should I bring a cover letter too?

    1. I don’t think you need a cover letter since you are meeting her face to face. I’d probably wear a suit or suit separates.

    2. What kind of nonprofit is it? Unless it’s a very conservative one, I’d probably skip a full-on suit and stick to separates. You can have a little fun with accessories, too, if that’s your thing.

      1. I think that the assumption that all nonprofits are more casual than the private sector is erroneous. I used to work at one where the executive director wore a suit most of the time. That said, I’d wear a sheath dress with a blazer. You can take off the blazer if the director is more casual or leave it on if he/she is more dressed up.

        1. True that nonprofits differ, and if she were heading to an interview then she’d definitely need to wear a conservative suit.

    3. This is pretty NPO specific – obviously arts orgs and going to be a completely different game from health care. Look for staff photos on the org website – it will guide you to either business formal or business casual. Shy of that I’d go suit separates or sheath dress.

  20. So I just saw Suicide Squad for the second time and I have to say I hope one day i will half the bad@ss Amanda Waller is. because, damn. (I also want that blazer with the elbow stripes!)

  21. On this sweltering, 95 degree day, I just wanted to give a shout out to whomever recommended Monistat’s Chafing Relief Powder Gel. Wearing nothing under my linen dress today is literally life changing.

  22. Here’s a public shopping announcement for anyone who LOVES cute flats–as well as a challenge for anyone who can find a similar pair in extended size (11.5 or 12). Boden has the cutest little bejeweled flats. I love the square toe that is a little pointy but not so pointy as to aggravate (my) old feet. And they are SO interesting. Link to follow.

  23. Totally said something at work that I shouldn’t have/don’t usually say. Have a peer who is nice enough on the surface but in a yr of working with her — a lot of mean girl stuff has come out; she just feels she’s better than everyone and is constantly talking about how everyone else (including our bosses) are dorky; and FYI she’s not 22 and still in the party stage of her life – she’s married, 37 yrs old with 2 young kids living the suburban life. So today she was going on about a colleague in a different dept who is a perfectly nice normal guy — about how he’s so uncool and it’s so horrible to have to make small talk with him (he’s not). Didn’t mean to say anything and usually I can ignore but I literally ended up saying — well he’s here to work, not be a super cool party bro. She was offended and I’m sure will now be whispering about me — but I’m so over her . . . .

    1. If it makes you feel any better, she was probably whispering about you anyway. Isn’t that what mean girls do?

    2. I’m confused what you think is wrong about your response. It seems perfectly appropriate to me. If someone says something negative to you about someone else, especially when you’re in an environment where the walls have ears, I think you kind of have to say something that makes it very clear that you disagree. Maybe I would’ve chosen something along the lines of, “Oh really? He seems so nice” but your statement works too.

  24. Question – my husband and I picked out baby names years ago, when we had just started dating and we’ve since referred to our hypothetical children by those names, e.g., “Oh I hope Jane/Joe likes such and such activity!” So the names have a ton of sentimental value. The problem is now that we’re expecting and it’s a girl and our girls name is super, super common (one of the top 5 baby names in the US for several years running) and our last name is also ridiculously common (think Jones). If our last name wasn’t so common I wouldn’t sweat it but the thought of our daughter being not only one many Emmas in her class but also possibly not the only Emma Jones is making me worry we’d be bad parents for cursing her with this ridiculously common name. If it matters, we have a middle name picked out that’s pretty rare but I definitely don’t want to call her by that.

    1. I think Emma Jones is a lot better than calling her Kneighdean.

      Seriously though, there’s nothing wrong with a classic name, and name trends come and go anyway. All the Jessicas and Emilys of the 80s survived!

      1. Yep, My name is Jessica and my twin sister is named Emily, and we made it. A traditional, easy-to-spell name will be a gift to your child, even if it is also a common one.

    2. Is this a modern parenting thing that every snowflake must have a unique name? I graduated in a high school class of 430, which had 53 boys named Christopher. Somehow each and every one of them managed to survive school and life, and yes some of them had last names like Smith and Jones. I’m sure your Emma will be just fine.

      1. Nope, this “thing” has been around forever. That’s why so many of the classic names have a million nicknames, so kids could be distinguished from their parents and cousins and neighbors. See: John/ Jack/ Johnny/ JJ, Will/ Liam/ Bill/ Billy/ William, Beth/ Betty/ Liz/ Ellie/ Eliza/ Betsy/ Lizzie/ Libby/ Liza/ Elizabeth, and yes even the million versions of Chris/ Topher/ Toph/ CJ/ Christopher. Plus all the Junior/ JR/ Chip/ Skip/ Trip/ Trey/ Ford/ Quinn/ etc nicknames.

        The difference is back then, circles were smaller and you likely knew most people you and your child would interact with in their whole lives, so it was more “obvious” what a unique name might be. Now the circles are much wider and more unknown, so naming trends help you predict. Yes, of course, all kids will be just fine with their names. But it’s not unreasonable to want your child’s name to be distinguishable in a crowd of 100 of their peers.

    3. Is there a longer version of your name that you love, that would allow for various nicknames? Like she could be Emanuelle, called Emma at home, but Ella/Emma/Nellie at school? Emerson – Emma/Emery/Mer. That kind of thing. You could still have your Emma, and she could still be Emma if she wants or she could choose a different (similar) name if she wanted to.

      That said, classic names are popular for a reason. If you like it, use it. Don’t change based on a what if.

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