ByKat Hours Updated
Comments 354 Comments

Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Graphic Print Shawl Collar Blazer

Fun Blazer for Work: Milly Graphic Print Shawl Collar BlazerOur daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. This graphic print blazer strikes me as a fun option for a casual day, or a creative office. Let's throw the bikini top out the window and, I think, go with your basic white or black unless you happen to have a matching yellow already in your collection. (I clicked over to “Milly tees” to see if they have a matching yellow in the collection, but they only have silly message tees for $80-$90 — though I do like the “Fancy AF” one.) I like this with matching black pants on the bottom, but because I hate trying to “match blacks to make a suit,” I'd go with gray or white pants as a separate. The blazer is $450. Milly Graphic Print Shawl Collar Blazer Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-3)

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

354 Comments

    1. I do. I was diagnosed with an iron deficiency and a Vitamin D deficiency, so I take some supplements for both. I have noticed a marked improvement in my energy levels.

    2. I take a multivitamin + omega 3 for eye health (optometrist recommendation) and mild anti-depressive effect + vitamin D because I don’t get outside enough and I wear moisturizer with sunscreen.

      I do think it helps my overall health but I view it as support only and not a replacement for a varied diet rich in fruits and vegetable. I like knowing that even on the weeks when my diet isn’t great – I’m getting certain minimum levels.

    3. I’ve been taking Vit D off and on for a few years since my doctor diagnosed me with a severe deficiency. It’s hard with Vit D because it’s a new-er concern and there is disagreement about how much you need, and what normal is.

      For what it’s worth, the recommended 15-30 minutes of sunshine a day, doesn’t keep my Vit D level and once it’s low, only taking supplements with raise it.

      I’ve just recently started taking per my doctor B12 and Fish Oil. B12 because I was on the lower end of normal, and Fish Oil because of cholesterol. Too soon to tell the results. Oh and I started a multi vit at the same time because I figured it couldn’t hurt.

    4. I take the Olly chewables – delicious. They don’t have iron which I probably need but I find vitamins with iron really difficult to digest. I keep them on the dining room table and have gotten into the habit of taking them directly after dinner.

      1. Iron is notoriously hard that way – taking with food is ideal, but not dairy or caffeine. They make a complexed iron supplement that I started in college when I had terrible anemia that’s much better than anything I’ve seen since – it was called Hemocyte then.

      2. I take Olly vitamins, as well. They are good!

        I take pre-natal vitamins and their “Totally Calm” supplement in the morning and melatonin at night.

        I also take Vitamin D and Omega-3 on and off.

    5. I have a severe vitamin D deficiency and also a Vitamin B-12 deficiency so I take both of those every day. I don’t necessarily feel different but keep taking them. I also take a probiotic every day, which has helped regulate my stomach issues.

    6. I take a hair and nail one because my stylist recommended it. Just started three weeks ago and I think I notice a difference in my hair, but that seems implausible, so who knows.

    7. I take Vitamin D because I just relocated to Europe coming from a sunny country.
      I also take a zinc and vitamin C supplement for immune system and a vitamin B pill for energy.
      All of them are just from the Boots brand.

        1. I LOVe my new job! the move is slightly complicated as I have to go trough a lot of paperwork, and it does not help that I was staffed on a project in another country.
          But despite the little administrative hurdles, I am very happy because I feel valued. I was feeling invisible and like an ugly duckling for too long. It is refreshing to have a fresh start where I get to be the persona I always wanted to be — might be some alter ego or just the real Houda waiting to blossom, but I am different, assertive and thriving.

    8. I just started! In the space of two weeks, I had two doctors recommend I start taking Calcium and Vitamin D supplements to help with bone density. Apparently you can only improve your bone density up until age 35, and after that, you’re just trying to slow the rate of decline. So I picked some gummy vitamins for calcium and vitamin D at the store and have been taking them for about a week now.

      2. +1

        Calcium and vitamin D for me. I live up north, don’t spend much time in the sun, and my doctor checked my Vitamin D level and it was very low.

        I should be on iron, but often don’t bother because I am just borderline and this is still healthy/normal for my age.

        The best Iron I have found is VitronC. It is a formulation of iron that is likely like to give you an upset stomach or constipation. It is combined with vitamin C which increases absorption. You require a lower dose because it is absorbed so efficiently.

        I admit I do sometimes take a gummy Costco multivitamin, as I know my diet isn’t… perfect… but pretty good. I am also freaked out by a couple friends who were vegan/vegetarian (I lean in that direction) who became severely vitamin deficient.

    9. I take a gummy prenatal every day and have for about 6 years (did have a baby in the middle of that and BF-ed for a year). I basically started as soon as I thought we might even think about babies and have kept it up. I do find it makes my hair a bit thicker. And I figure it can’t hurt, even though not specifically planning on more kids.

      1. What brand is your prenatal? I haven’t been able to find gummy prenatals anywhere!

          1. Thanks! Unfortunately no Target as I’m in Canada but will try to find the Olly brand.

    10. Prenatal & fish oil. My big trick is freezing the fish oil pill so that I avoid the dreaded fish burps.

    11. I take the Women’s One A Day and Citracal. I take them in gummy form and keep them at my office at work. I get excited to take them because I use them as “dessert” after lunch. It’s like having 4 healthy Starburst candies! :)

    13. Multivitamin, fish oil gummy, probiotic and magnesium. The probiotic has really helped me deal with dairy and the magnesium has hugely decreased migraines

      1. Ooh, I need to take magnesium. I’ve been suffering from a dull headache, crippling nausea and smell sensitivity for two weeks and am suffering.

        I’ve had atypical migraines (nausea with a minor headache) a few years ago and the doctor recommended giving it a try.

        1. My neurologist had me try 400 mg of magnesium and 400 mg of B2 for migraines. Beware stomach issues from magnesium and lots of energy/orange pee from B2. It took me a little too long of waking up at 3am everyday to realize that I needed to take B2 in the morning. They didn’t work for me but it does take months of taking them religiously every single day to see an effect.

          2. My neurologist also recommended magnesium, but oddly, it made me itch like crazy (I started freaking out that maybe I had bedbugs or something, then realized the timing coincided with starting the Mg–and when I stopped it, so did the itching)

    14. I do. Before pregnancy: One A Day Women’s Multi-vitamin, biotin (for hair), fish oil or Omega 3-6-9 (skin and hair). Currently: prenatals, but wondering if I can still take the biotin, etc.

    15. I do. I take a B-complex that includes B12 because my levels have been low before, I take a slow-release Iron vitamin during my period, and fish oil. Then I started taking quercetin to replace my zyrtec after reading a study about it, which I think is working out ok. I also have a turmeric vitamin for reasons related to join pain/ inflammation/maybe future dementia prevention, and I figure it’s not harmful if it doesn’t do anything at least. I also keep d-mannose for uti-related reasons but do not take it regularly.

    16. I used to take a multi and fish oil until I read that for the former, it’s really hard to absorb the nutrients and also the mislabeling scandal, and for the latter I saw a new study saying there isn’t a clear link between fish oil supplements and health benefits. It seems there are always new studies saying this and that, but I don’t want to put stuff in my body unless I’m reasonably sure it’s helping.

      I have heard that calcium and vitamins D supplements are recommended for women, so I may focus on those.

  2. PSA: button front shirts

    All you (curvy) ladies who have given up on button front shirts, do check this out.

    http://www.neimanmarcus.com/en-sg/Lafayette-148-New-York-Leigh-3-4-Sleeve-Ruched-Gingham-Blouse-Nectarina-Multi-Lafayette-148-New-York/prod186570030_cat47970749__/p.prod?icid=&searchType=EndecaDrivenCat&rte=%252Fcategory.jsp%253FitemId%253Dcat47970749%2526pageSize%253D120%2526Nao%253D0%2526refinements%253D&eItemId=prod186570030&cmCat=product

    I bought it at half price in turquoise from Last Call and it fits like a dream and no gaping etc. Nips in at the waist but roomy in the bust and doesn’t need tucking (I’m short waisted) due to the curved hems that hit perfectly at the hip.

    Pricey, but totally worth it. I’d rather have one like this than 5 of any other type.

    And I don’t work for this brand:)

  3. I need a new job that pays more. I’m working on that but in the mean time I need to up my income. I make a decent full time salary but it’s just not enough to cover all the bills.

    I have one side hustle, social media, with one client. I’m looking for others but I think I need to pick up an hourly job to supplement until I can get more social media clients.

    Those who have done this, what’s been the “best” experience. My availability is mostly weekends, possibly a few nights during the week. Retail? Babysitting? Catering (thinking of serving)? (Nothing restaurant related, I’d be fired in a heartbeat, I just can’t remember enough to get peoples orders correct, and hats off to those who do, it’s a skill I just don’t have).

    Any other ideas?

    1. Retail in a dept store might be a good bet as you could also use the employee discount when you needed to buy things for yourself or pick up various gifts (baby/birthday/wedding) and save some money that way as well.

      1. That is a good point about the discount.

        Retail survivors, any company that you would stay away from? I know it’s probably impossible to tell if issues are with a specific stores management or the entire organization, but I thought I’d ask.

        I’m in an area (South East) with at least one of each major department store, within a reasonable driving distance, from either work or home.

        1. As someone who has worked part time at a number of stores, I want to urge you to do something else to make money. Unless you find some unicorn job, the money is never very good and most large retail companies require that you work a set amount of hours a week and are very inflexible. I really encourage you to look into babysitting or tutoring. Retail is miserable for most people.

          1. +1 Worked in Old Navy and Gap for several years during the summers in college. Would never make that my main side hustle now since the $$ isn’t great and it was a huge drain on my energy (standing for 10-hour shifts is exhausting). Since you do social media on a side for one client, maybe you could expand that? I’d either do what I do in my day job as a freelancer for other companies OR something where I get to determine my shifts, like babysitting, etc. Anything work-from-home, too.

      1. I didn’t consider tutoring because I’ve always thought it’s mostly math that people need tutors for and I’m seriously not a math person.

        I have my MBA. I don’t think I’d be a good SAT/GRE or GMAT tutor because I didn’t do fantastic on any of them.

        1. Check if your scores are high enough to do something like Kaplan. They have a very definite script and method so you don’t have to be a super teacher to be able to teach their system.

        2. I put myself through law school tutoring but I had a very high LSAT. Test prep companies normally require a fairly high cut-off score.

        3. If you could see yourself tutoring, definitely doublecheck, I believe you can tutor all kinds of subjects!

      2. I second this. I’ve been out of work since September and have been doing a few side gigs to fill the gap and tutoring has been the best in terms of flexibility and pay.

        I’m a CPA, so I have tutored people in CPA exam prep as well as college students in accounting. I’ve done a little Excel also and Quickbooks. Of course, it depends on your field and areas of knowledge as to how feasible an option this is.

        wyzant dot com is where I have found my opportunities.

    4. Personally I like babysitting. It’s fun, easy, and working weekend nights keeps me from spending money.

      1. I’m 30 and have never babysat before, but I’m a responsible adult. How do I get into babysitting?

      2. I babysat for years in NYC when I was an ADA. It’s pretty cushy — generally at least $15/hour + cab fare home, and a lot of people leave you money to order in, too. Once you get a client or two, you can get a lot more by word of mouth.

        1. +1 When I nannied in a major city, I often pocketed the cab money and took public transit home!

    5. I’ve been working on squeezing the blood out of my turnip paycheck and some of the things that I did – cancel dental and vision insurance, reduce my FSA contribution, move my retirement from Roth to regular, and change my tax withholding. I managed a couple hundred extra bucks every paycheck with all those adjustments.

      1. Also – can you reduce any of your bills? That would be worth investigating.

      2. This sounds like poor advice. I would be hesitant to cancel dental or vision insurance or reduce any FSA contributions. You could save a tiny bit more now but when you need major dental work, you will be screwed.

        Same with tax withholding and retirement – I don’t advise short-term gain for long-term pain.

        1. I don’t have dental or vision. I don’t have vision because it doesn’t pay enough to be worth it for my lenses. I just use FSA in years when I need glasses. For dental, I have a great dentist and I pay out of pocket for my regular cleanings and x-rays. The only out of the ordinary dental expense I’ve had wouldn’t have been covered anyway. For the dental work I’ve needed, it wouldn’t be worth it.

        2. Dental and vision through work for me is only around $3-$5 (for both) a week. Even though it’s basic coverage, I’d rather cut somewhere else. One tooth issue and the coverage more than makes up for itself.

          1. Dental insurance covers almost nothing. I have plenty of friends who have dental insurance and still had to pay thousands out of pocket for big procedures. I don’t have it, even though my finances are in great shape, because it’s simply not a good buy for me.

            Even assuming dental insurance covered these procedures, it’s probably still not a good buy for most people. For many people (myself included) the costs of medical insurance are greater than the expected costs of medical procedures over their lifetime. I don’t buy medical insurance because I’m scared of the risk of having a $5,000 procedure. I’ve paid way more than $5,000 in medical insurance premiums already at the age of 30 and $5,000 is a gamble I can afford to take. I buy medical insurance because I could get hit by a bus and run up a million dollar hospital bill and that is something I cannot afford. There’s no such possibility with the dentist, and I’ll take my chances on someday having to cough up $5,000 out of pocket to avoid paying hundreds in premiums every year.

        4. I was one of the folks who thought I didn’t need dental insurance (which on my paycheck, was really like $20 a month).

          Then I had a medical emergency and was treated with a medication that destroyed my teeth, and I suddenly needed 4 root canals and 4 crowns before they abscessed.

          Total bill? About $14,000.

          I now love dental insurance.

          1. +1 – if the annual cost of the dental insurance would be about the out of pocket costs for two cleanings (which would be covered by the insurance), then you might as well have the insurance. If the annual premiums costs significantly more than the cost of 2 cleanings, you might reconsider your options.

          2. I’ve never been offered dental insurance that covered cleanings at my choice of dentist. You have to use specific ones, and in my experience they tend to be shady dentists with poor reviews online. It’s worth $200 a year to me to use a dentist I like and trust.

    6. Are you in a city with pro sports teams or major college athletics? If so, I’d recommend looking into catering work with whatever company manages their boxes. Some of the best college-era money I made was catering athletics event boxes at my ACC school. It had a decent hourly rate, plus the football boxes gave hefty tips at the end of the season. They also handled catering the boxes at the basketball stadium, also a major concert venue. All work was nights and weekends. I also know a lot of people who work for the event management company checking tickets, etc. The hours are super-flexible, which is good for a side gig.

    7. I would look at what you can cut from your budget, including changing your housing situation if necessary. You shouldn’t need 3 jobs to afford your lifestyle, especially in the LCOL Southeast. You’re setting yourself up for disaster when you lose one of the jobs and I can’t imagine that working all these side hours wouldn’t affect your performance at your full-time job.

    8. I’d second the tutoring comment – look for places where ESL students need help with things like SAT tutoring. With the changes to the test coming up, it’s a good chance to get in on the prep market.

      If you’re able, lifeguarding is often pretty flexible, though not necessarily high paying.

      But finally, I’d agree with other commenters here: having another job is going to be at best a temporary fix because there are just not enough hours in the week to make it a sustainable lifestyle if you’re already working a primary fulltime job that requires an MBA. I think it’ll really help if you run the numbers on your options with an eye to sanity retention. How many hours are you realistically going to be able to commit per week? What does the take-home pay look like in that situation?

    9. Bartend or beer cart at the local golf course /country club. Tips are usually much better than regular restaurants because you are dealing with the same folk week after week and they don’t want a reputation as stingy. The downside (depending on how you view these things) the cuter and friendlier you are the more money you make. On the one hand I think ewww gross, no way, no how. On the other hand, a fool and his money soon part ways. Might as well be going to me. I don’t personally have a side gig but I know a couple of women in white collar jobs that work the country club scene.

    10. Re: Lowering cost of living/cutting bills/changing housing:

      I agree that a retail job on top of a fulltime job is not sustainable. I wanted to clarify a couple of things:

      The job I currently hold does not require an MBA and doesn’t pay me for having one (that’s why I’m looking for a new job with better pay).

      Less than 2 years ago, I filed bankruptcy, at the same time that my mom (who lived with me) was passing away. So my credit is still in the toilet, and my previous living arrangement, where I split bills with my mom, drastically changed. The only housing option I can see, is getting a roommate, and that I think would require a lot of work. Probably worth it, but it’d take me probably a couple of months to get the house ready and room for someone to move in.

      And yes I’m working on cutting bills, I cut the internet plan last night, I need to decide if it’s worth it for me to cancel the lawn and pool service and do that myself.

      1. Sorry if I’m misunderstanding here but – you’re paying for lawn and pool service?? While you cut out Internet?

        1. Shockingly my internet , lawn and pool service are approximately the same cost.

          I somehow got upgraded on my internet service to a ridiculously fast connection, that’s not needed so I dropped it to the lowest rate.

          I would need to equipment to do the lawn.

      2. Yeah, I think this is fake. “Pool serivce”? Come on. Move somewhere without a pool. If this is real, you’re trapped in a lifestyle you can’t afford. You need to seriously downsize.

      3. Get a roommate! That sounds like the best and easiest solution. Much easier than getting a side job. I agree that babysitting is a great side gig, but I also think that you have to cut your cost of living and housing costs are a huge part of that.

      4. You could sell your house. It sounds like you can’t afford it and don’t want a roommate.

      5. I’m confused that you have time for multiple side gigs but you don’t have time to do your own laundry.

        1. If it’s not real, it is sad and misguided. We should give her good advice.

          Get a roommate, or sell this house fast.

          You will save a TON of money by living simply in a 1 bedroom apartment.

          This is where you should devote your time. Do not waste time working in retail. Clean your dam* house, and get a roommate.

          And you should sell it in a year….

          1. I appreciate the honest and helpful responses. And I’m a little shocked by the vitriol from the others.

            I wish this was a fake post. I followed up with an additional post providing some further background.

            Getting a roommate is an option, as is selling the house. The reason why selling the house doesn’t seem to be the solution (see other post), I’ve filled for bankruptcy less than two years again and have no one to cosign, so I’m not sure I’d be able to find a rental. And my mortgage payment is around $500 a month (the taxes and insurance are a problem).

            I never said I didn’t have time to do my own laundry. Yes I have a lawn service and a pool service, both are carry overs from when my mom was still alive and we were a two income household.

            My biggest priority is to find a better job with a salary more in line with my experience and education, and hopefully a shorter commute so that I have more time to do things like the pool and lawn (at least 45 minutes in the morning, and more problematic closer to an hour and a half at night).

            Next I need to look at the roommate option and how quickly I can get a room ready.

          2. What if you advertised a summer rental for a college student, and asked for someone to pay very low rent and also clean your house and take care of your pool?

          3. I have a 60+ hr week job and take care of my pool and lawn. I promise you can find the time. Lawn mower on craigslist. Pool chemicals from a discount store. Use youtube to figure out how to execute on both.

      7. Hahahaha. Sell your house. Immediately. Drain the pool.

        What kind of hoarder are you that it would take months to make the house ready for a roommate?

        1. I’m not sure why I’m even bothering to respond to you. I’m not a hoarder. I live in the house I grew up in and since there were only two of us, the third bedroom was used as an office / craft room so it would need to be cleaned out and stored somewhere and the other bedroom still has some of my mothers things/heirlooms

          1. After reading more about your situation, I wanted to tell you that I am sorry for your loss. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot in the last few years — losing your mom, bankruptcy — it’s a lot to take on. I suspect that bringing in a roommate feels impossible because there’s a psychological burden associated with cleaning out your mother’s things and letting someone new into her space. I certainly understand that. But I also encourage you to try really hard to not let those burdens interfere with what you need to do to make your life sustainable going forward. Do you have a friend who could come over and help you clean out your mother’s old room to make it ready for a roommate?

            Alternatively, you might think about how much you could realistically earn by selling the house, and whether that cash infusion would help lift the weight off your shoulders.

            Good luck. I wish you the best.

          3. Agreed – I was coming to offer support but Lorelai had a great response that makes mine superfluous.

            With the bankruptcy, Money is right that keeping the house is probably more cost efficient in the long run as she may not be able to rent with a bankruptcy. She needs a safe place to live.

            Baby steps MoneyStruggles: 1) Work on the living space for a roommate 2) Maybe get a college student as a roommate to do the pool and yardwork as someone suggested up-thread. 3) Work on a plan to get a better job or a side job. 4) Take care of yourself and give yourself time to grieve. Good luck!

    11. Babysitting with some housecleaning. This is the golden unicorn for me and I would happily pay up to $22 an hour (in HCOL) for someone to do this. It’s very hard to find someone consistent and reliable. And if your family pays you in cash, this could add up quickly. The housecleaning part would include laundry, loading/unloading dishwasher, tidying up, etc. Not scrubbing toilets or anything. Of course, only do this if you enjoy hanging out and caring for kids. If you have no experience babysitting, I’d give it a pass.

    13. Side/weekend gigs that always seemed kind of fun to me: wedding coordinator, resume reviewer, working as an usher at fun events, working as a kids’ entertainer (clown, magician, face painter), delivery person for a florist or other retail store.

      But I want to add that you can buy a decent hand push lawnmower for less than $100 and cut your lawn yourself. You can also deal with your own pool cleaning – it’s not that hard. We would never outsource those things and we have the equivalent of two biglaw salaries, plus multiple kids.

      1. +1000

        Get a roommate. Devote your free time to preparing the house for this.

        But you should sell. You are living way beyond your means.

    14. I worked retail for 10 years (yikes!) and if you’re going to do it as a second job, I recommend men;s shoes. Do not under any circumstances do women if you want anything relaxing. Nine times out of ten, when a man goes to buy shoes, he wants to buy them, he’s not just browsing. They know what they want and they don’t make a giant mess. Of all my retail jobs (men’s shoes at one midrange department store, women’s shoes at two midrange department stores, a women’s fashion store, and a women’s brand specific shoe store), men’s shoes was by far the least drama.

    16. Moneystruggles, I’m sorry for your loss, and it sounds like you’ve had a difficult few years. But I think you need to listen to some of the “tough love” in the comments.

      Start by cutting as many bills as you can. Reducing your internet service is a good start. Switch to a flip phone with no data plan. Get rid of the lawn and pool service and start doing these things yourself. If you can’t keep up the pool, drain it.

      Don’t get an extra job. Spend your evenings and weekends cleaning out your house. Don’t “clean out” the craft room/office just to store it. Storage costs money. Sell whatever has value and donate or throw away the rest. You say it will take several months to get it ready. Give yourself 2 weeks. Then get a roommate ASAP.

      Your mother’s room will probably be much more painful to clean out, but you need to do it. Give yourself a little more time there, maybe 1 month. Then get a 3rd roommate. You cannot afford to avoid this. And instead of working 2 jobs to pay all your bills, you’ll do 6 weeks of intense work and then have very little extra work to collect rent from two roommates. It will be worth it. It is probably the only sustainable way to pay your bills and keep the house you grew up in. (And if you still want or need to take odd jobs for extra cash, feel free.)

      If you get a job that pays more, then save, save, save. Keep the roommates. Put money in retirement. Put money aside for a deposit or down payment on a 1-br condo closer to work to rent/buy in 5 years.

      1. I truly do appreciate each and every helpful post. And yes, thank you for recognizing that it’s been a tough few years. And frankly for some of them, it was just a matter of putting one foot in front of another mental health wise and just not being able to make some of these changes because I lacked the capacity to manage them.

        It’s different now, not that I suddenly have all this extra energy but that the emotional upheavel of the last few years has finally calmed down.

      1. Yay! This is so cute and the model look’s like ROSA! Great Pick, Kat! It is not unfortunateley for me b/c of the bikini top, I know I would have Frank’s hand’s all over me with this one. FOOEY!

        I was born in the 1980’s Grandma Leyeh keep’s reminding me of and that I should be MARRIED by now. I know in my heart she is right, but I just can NOT find the right guy yet. So many men in NYC, but all are children, not MEN. I want a REAL man to be a father to our children, not an overgrown child who just want’s to play house with me. I got rid of Sheketovits, thank GOD, and now I hear he is tormenting some other woman.

        Myrna and I went out to Brookelyn where she took me to a guy’s loft apartement in DUMBO. It is so industrial lookeing that I did NOT even know I was in NYC any more. But I did like it. One of these day’s I am goeing to move out of the Upper EAST side to a big place like he has where I can raise children. For now, however, I am STUCK on my MacBook all week, writing breif’s for the court. Dad also made me do 15,000 step’s on my fitbit ALL weekend b/c I kind of forgot to wear it for 2 days and he saw NO step’s. FOOEY b/c I am tired from all the walking.

        Now that it is getting warmer, I hope Kat and Kate will sponsor more health-related p’osts so that I can chime in with my new found EXPERETISE! YAY!!!!!!!

        1. Ellen, thank goodness you are back! We were all looking for you last week and missed you! We all have to get out there now and do more exercise now that Spring has sprung! I think the website will continue to promote good health and overall well-being. And don’t let your dad’s nasty comments get you down. I am sure in his own way he means well.

      3. The sartorial and musical styling of the 80s have now been back for longer than the original 80s!

  5. Can anyone recommend a GOOD charity evaluator? And by good I mean one that focuses on output, not input. I frankly don’t care how much the CEO gets paid, or what percent of donations go to overhead of fundraising. What I want to know is how effective the organization is. Does anyone measure this?

    2. Are you looking for national level charities or more local? The United Way is a big funding source for many local non-profits in my area. They have a fairly comprehensive review process for their grants so seeing who they fund in your area might be a way to get a sense of who is doing good work.

      1. and then after you do that, find out how to donate to the organization directly – UW takes a huge, HUGE admin percentage. 14% where I am.

        1. Someone has to pay for their substantial vetting process, right? If you find value in that service, it seems worth it to me to support it by donating through UW. At least the first time. I see this as similar to finding a local store that does a great bra/running shoe/bike fitting or wine/book recommendations. It’s a little sketchy to go in and have them do the work of finding the perfect product for you, and then go order it online where it’s cheaper. If we don’t support the business by buying there at least the first time when they helped you, it’s not going to survive long enough to always be there as a resource. They can’t do it for free.

      2. Just throwing it out there–but why is 14% bad? They have staff to pay, fundraisers to plan, etc. Why do we expect nonprofit workers to make salaries at the poverty line? I would hope charities like United Way–who are all about helping people get sustainable employment–would pay their employees enough to live on for one job. I’ve seen too many charities looking for that Charity Navigator “95% goes to services” goal line, and their employees are on food stamps or working 2 and 3 jobs.

        1. Thank you writing this. When I was working as a pretty senior level director at United Way, managing 6 others and a portfolio of $30 M, I was making $40K in a HCOL. My secretary was making something absurdly low like $23 K (WITH a college degree). Morale was really low because salary was low.

          1. This is one of the reasons I don’t care about what the CEO makes, or what overhead is. People take a salary cut to work in nonprofits, but if you want quality people who have other options (i.e., you want to actually be effective and not just keep your overhead low), then they have to be paid at a certain level. Someone making $100k at a senior level who’s a rockstar will more effectively leverage each dollar of donations than a mediocre person who’s paid $60k. Sometimes you get what you pay for, even in a nonprofit.

          2. This. In my early non-profit career, the vast majority made under $25,000–that’s not sustainable income.

        2. I absolutely support high overhead for nonprofits – higher salaries, fundraising costs – heck, I work in this industry. And you need to pay good people good salaries to keep them in their jobs. I only – ONLY – use this as a rule of thumb with the UW. In most cases, they are acting as an ombudsman and not providing direct services. I only meant to convince people to, when possible, contribute directly to the organizations that are providing the services. UW can be helpful for some orgs that are too small to have the fundraising and finance staff that they need, but in my experience, for most organizations, they lose out on huge gains when people give directly through the UW.

          For example, many companies really push their employees to give through payroll deduction to UW as part of the UW’s campaign. Yes, payroll deduction is easy – and it’s great to be able to say that you have 100% participation (or whatever) from your staff in giving to the UW. My husband’s company gives you a half day off if everyone gives something to UW. So we give $10. And then we give the rest of our money directly to the orgs that need it. Sure, they take out overhead, but their overhead is paying for salaries and fundraising for direct service provision.

          On the side note of supporting overhead for nonprofits, there is a good ted talk from a guy I heard speak at an agency conference a few years ago and, while it’s controversial on both sides of the aisle, I highly recommend it. Let me try to find his name.

          So again, I’m super pro necessary overhead costs, but I’m pretty anti UW for a lot of reasons. I don’t see they add a lot of value.

      3. So, each United Way is different and independently run. But United Way does some pretty cool stuff besides fund other charities.

        My local chapter runs 2-1-1, a 24/7 line for people in need of housing, food, or medical care or are in a suicide/mental health crisis.

        They have a food bank, and a veterans program where they hook vets up with a case manager to help them get mental health counseling if needed, get a job or an education, and start acclimating to being a civilian. They also help parents with children with developmental delays, with early intervention programs.

        They also have their own emergency services, where people in a bad state could get help.

        I only know this because my local United Way was a client of mine. I interviewed a number of people in-person that UW helped directly–one woman was a single mom with 2 kids. Her child died after a long bout with cancer and she couldn’t afford to bury him. United Way wrote her a check for the funeral.

        There is a neighborhood that is very poor. UW offers a mobile dental clinic for preventative care and gives free treatments and supplies. This is a neighborhood where 3 children SHARE one toothbrush.

        Another guy was making minimum wage and had no skills to get a better job. He entered United Way’s job-training program, and now works as a a sous chef at a major hotel.

        Another one was a mom who was convinced something was wrong with her child. She went to 3 different doctors who rolled their eyes at her and said she was being paranoid. She called UW’s 211 and got connected to their developmental delay program, where her child was tested and found to have severe autism. He’s now getting free medical treatment.

        So I know UW’s get a bad wrap, but don’t lump them all together. Some of the chapters are AMAZING.

      1. This is the gold standard, although they focus almost exclusively on international work. You may be interested in the ‘effective altruism’ movement more broadly (although they have a glibertarian streak).

    4. There are just too many different missions out there to compare one charity to another. Number of people helped(are all ways of helping equivalent? helping underprivileged kids in school vs helping ex-inmates to integrate into society), number of trees planted, tons of CO2 avoided, number of confidential but illegal documents unveiled…simply impossible IMO.
      Bonus – Added complexity: preventing people from starving vs investing into local economies – these shouldn’t even be weighed against one another.

      1. No, but it would be feasible to compare, for example, programs providing food aid in the same part of the world.

    6. I don’t have an answer for a “clearinghouse” of this information, but I know this is becoming more and more popular as its own, standalone industry. It’s called Program Evaluation. Essentially consulting for the nonprofit world. Lots of foundations are requiring it now for nonprofits applying for grants.

    7. I am not a big donor, but I always give to charities/organizations whom I have seen and followed closely or I have been directly benefited from them (for example, the organization where my mentally retarded cousin stayed for few years when my aunt died. Though we paid them for her care, they were excellent and my cousin was very happy there and didn’t want to come home. Research institutes which are working to find cure for diseases which affected me or my loved ones). The other way I give is directly to the people who are in need (mostly these are in kind donations) with zero overhead.

  6. I am officially back to 50# lost as of today! That was irritating. In another 6# or so I’ll be back to my lowest adult weight. Aiming for another 25 by the time I leave for a trip in June and maybe another 50 overall. Willing to be flexible – more concerned about my clothes and hopefully being able to do pull-ups some day.

    But yay! Go me. Just wanted to share because I’m excited and had struggled so much these last 6 months.

    2. Congrats! My two goals for 2016 are to pay off my debt and be healthier and I have been kicking butt on goal #1 but gone nowhere on #2.

    4. Congratulations! I’ve pull trying for pull-ups for 2 years. We’ll get there!

    5. Congrats! What an amazing accomplishment. I was losing weight for a while and was down 40 lbs, but my eating habits have been terrible the past few months and I’ve just stalled. Last week I buckled down again and it’s nice to feel in control and healthy. One day, I’ll also be able to do a pull up.

    6. Congratulations – that’s a great accomplishment. Can you share with us how you did it? (I’m guessing some combo of diet and exercise, but I’d love to hear anything that you found particularly effective or helpful).

      1. Paleo and now keto (which is mostly the same as paleo for me, just with some cheese and the occasional gluten-free tortilla).

        And yep, working out. I like a combo of CrossFit/lifting + running. Training for a half right now. Muscle matters for sure.

  7. Any healthcare lawyers (or similar) out there? My practice is heavy on compliance, and it’s definitely challenging and I’d really like to get better at it. My partners would like me to go to a CLE/conference this year. Any suggestions? I’ve already been to the AHLA one in Chicago that they do in the fall, so I don’t want to go back to that one, but I’d love to go somewhere else interesting. The focus should mainly be Medicare compliance, and other health care industry-related issues.

    TIA!

    1. If you are focusing on Medicare compliance for Stark/AKS/FCA purposes, then the AHLA fraud and abuse conference in Baltimore is a good one. I’ve also been to the Physicians and Hospitals conference, which is also good, but more general in focus (operational, transactional, and compliance). Check out the ABA health law section offerings as well.

      1. I was going to suggest the Baltimore conference as well. I went my first year as a lawyer and learned a ton.

  8. I am going to NYC with my mom and sisters this weekend. What should we do? We’re having tea at the Plaza. We’d like to eat at some good restaurants and do some shopping. We have all been to the Whitney, and other than that, we aren’t super interested in museums. How would you structure your three days?

    1. NYC is my favourite place in the world to visit. I like to split up my time in theme days, generally staying in the same neighborhood each day. A shopping day, a museum day, a touristy day (doing Times Square or whatever), a day to visit another borough. If you know what neighbourhood you’ll be in each day, it makes it easy to plan meal reservations. Like if I were you, I would plan my shopping day around tea at the Plaza and browse up and down Fifth Ave before tea.

    2. How about something like the Tenement Museum, followed by lunch on the Lower East Side?

      How about theater? I would just go see shows.

      1. I would go see shows too. TKTS is the way to go. The line moves faster than it looks.

        1. They also have a booth in the financial district (South Street Seaport) that doesn’t have long lines, so if you’re downtown site seeing during the day, you can pop in and get a ticket for a show that evening.

  9. No, no, no. Kat. This is awful. I actually wondered if you had accidentally posted your April 1 post early.

    1. Ha, agreed. (But I guess the April 1 post would have recommended wearing the bikini top under the blazer, for those days when your office is both too cold and too hot).

    4. I love this. I agree its hard to tell will the bikini top under it, but I think its super sheik.

      1. Seriously. I love what Kat has created with this blog but my god, either get with it on fashion or hire someone who is. Thank god for Cap hill style

        1. Yeah, the style picks have not been much of a draw for the last few years, but at this point, I almost don’t look at the featured item (except when it is eye-wateringly awful, as in this case). In a funny way, I think it’s somewhat telling that Kat is still on the “funny socks as self-expression” kick – there was a WSJ article this weekend on how that was the case a few years ago, but now the era of funny socks is over. To me, Kat’s picks started becoming less relevant when she became a full-time blogger; it seems like she hasn’t kept up with where professional women’s style has been going.

          1. I agree with this– you can tell she isnt actually going to an office everyday.

        2. Hmm…cap hill style if you’re early/mid 20s or dressing for the weekend. Not sure she gets it right for professionals that need to dress for advancement beyond a certain level.

          2. She’d have me wearing Black Halo and Mango clothes with strappy high heels all the time and clutch purses and costume jewelry and a Zara blazer to top it off. Oh and for commuting, a nylon Lo and Sons bag. That may work for some partners but doubt it works for many. I think her recommendations for women are on-par with recommending Bonobos, Suit Supply and Joseph A Banks for men. Also, I think partner dressing is hard bc you need to look high quality and substantial without looking like you make more money than any client – not sure I’d go to Belle to get that just right.

    6. I, too, checked today’s date because I thought this was an April 1st post. Regardless, if you like this jacket, do not wear it with a yellow blouse, matching or no (come on Kat!). Orange, blue, maybe a gray. Nice fabric, none of that t-shirt business.

    7. Dido. This blazer is all kinds of awful. I’m still not convinced it isn’t a joke.

  10. Paging any attorneys with experience with the Global Entry program – or specific referrals.

      1. (Not the OP) How long did it take for you to get yours? I just put in my application this weekend.

        1. It was organized through my firm. The interviews were all scheduled for the same day in one of our conference rooms so we didn’t have to go to the airport. I don’t quite remember details, but it was roughly 1-2 weeks from the time I filled out the application to when I got the email scheduling my interview, which was about a month away. Overall my guess would be the process takes around 2 months total.

          It has been 100% worth it.

        2. From when I submitted it, it was about two weeks from when I got my email to schedule my interview. I scheduled the interview for the following week and was approved ten minutes after my interview.

        1. If you don’t find anything by searching for GE specifically, I’d try searching for customs lawyers as its a CBP-administered program and revocation is typically for customs violations.

  11. Anyone else here prediabetic/type 1.5 or 2 diabetic but otherwise in great health? I’m 33, exercise regularly, eat healthy (low carb, high veggie), and am at a normal weight, but this is the third year in a row that my glucose numbers are inching up closer to full-on diabetic. Doc is going to run some additional tests to try and figure out what’s going on, but I’m baffled. There really isn’t anything more I can do on lifestyle changes.

    1. DH was treated for years as a type 2 before doctors figured out he’s type 1 so can’t control it with diet alone.

      1. That’s what I’m afraid of. I only started testing glucose 3 years ago when my employer recommended/paid for it, so my numbers have always been high. I think the first year or two the doc just thought I wasn’t fasting correctly or it was a fluke.

        1. Keep pushing your doctor. I think doctors assume type 2 with adults rather than long undiagnosed type 1. Type 1 is scary but much more managable these days. We were actually relieved at the diagnosis because he was finally able to control it.

    2. This may be kind of farfetched, but if you wanted to reexamine diet, you could look into some sort of personalized counseling like the type discuss in this article (Nutrigenomix), if it is even available: http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2016/01/11/a-personalized-diet-better-suited-to-you/

      It is maybe possible that some food you’re eating that is supposed to be regulating blood sugar is actually spiking it. You could maybe consult with a dietitian for a second look at your diet, though it seems like you probably already have it under control and live a healthy lifestyle, you do your daily 30 mins of exercise, etc. Even though diet and exercise are the most common factors, maybe it isn’t for you.

    3. I’d look into whether you are actually healthy or just American healthy. Cut out meat or at least greatly limit it, add in lots of legumes and some nuts and seeds. Soda is an absolute no go, you should be drinking water all the time. Try getting into a bod-pod to check your actual body composition. If your exercise is yoga or zumba try lifting instead.

      2. Please, please, please ignore this advice to cut out meat, unless you want to do so for ethical reasons. Grass-fed beef, for example, is an excellent source of nutrition, provides excellent blood sugar control, promotes high levels of satiety, and can serve as an superior substitute for empty carbohydrates you might otherwise be eating. Unfortunately, the meat-is-bad-for-you myth that began in the eighties refuses to die, despite the findings of recent science.

        1. Yep. I took this with a grain of salt. Does anyone who claims their diet is low-carb and full of veggies actually need to be told to stop drinking soda?

        2. Recent science? You mean literally all science has proven meat bad. Here are a few DOIs of articles studying diabetes and veganism. Obviously all peer reviewed from real journals.
          – 10.1016/j.mehy.2014.06.014
          – 10.1111/j.1753-4887.2009.00198.x
          – 10.3945/ajcn.2009.26736H
          – 10.1371/journal.pone.0107561

    4. Could you have pcos? (Poly cystic ovarian syndrome). It screws up your hormones and can cause insulin resistance.

    5. It might be worth it to meet with someone to go over your diet. When I had gestational diabetes (I was also at a healthy weight, ate healthy, and was active), it was really interesting to see what spiked my blood sugar. Things that I wouldn’t have really considered–like beans, certain sauces, and certain vegetables that I thought were not high carb. Yet, I could eat a donut and not spike! It didn’t really make sense and took some trial and error to figure out what I could and couldn’t eat.

    6. Yep this is me (though i’m a few years older, 37). I have a famly history of the disease (both parents and most of my extended family) so I was getting my Ha1C tested every year in preparation for this. In December it came back at 5.8 (pre-diabetic is 5.7) so I made some major changes: became pescatarian (used to be veggie) and severely cut all starchy carbs (i.e. non-vegetable carbs), as well as tried to increase exercise (that hasn’t borne out that well). I’m also checking my BG multiple times a day and focusing on 2-hour post meal to make sure I am back below 120. They say fasting BG is the last to go, so don’t rely on that too much. I have also limited my fruit intake (especially sugary fruits like bananas) and of course cut out all refined sugars (cakes, pies, etc. except maybe a small piece here and there for a very special occasion). So far, based on my randomized testing, i think my BG levels are better, so i’m going to get a home Ha1C test done at the end of this month (three months) to see if my numbers are better. good luck!!

    7. I am prediabetic, pretty healthy, and take metformin. It took a bit of getting used to it, but I highly appreciate it now. I don’t experience those insulin spikes now.

  12. My good-old-boy firm is making some efforts to be less good-old-boy. Is a way of saying “we are trying to help diverse [students] [ candidates]” that doesn’t misuse “diverse”? They mean to say “people of diverse backgrounds” and “people of other races” and perhaps “people from other places or, at least, other ZIP codes.” But “this is a program for diverse people” just doesn’t look like good English (and these are native speakers).

    1. I think diverse candidates is a fine phrase, e.g. “We particularly welcome applications from diverse candidates.” “Diverse” has become an adjective in modern English usage.

      1. I agree with this. I really dislike the word “diverse” as an adjective modifying a person. I am not “diverse.” We as a group can be diverse.

    3. “We particularly seek candidates whose backgrounds or life experiences would contribute to the diversity of our organization.”

  13. My bf broke up with me this weekend. We had been dating for almost 7 months, the long distance for the last 4. While (upon reflection) I agree that it was the right decision, it was completely unexpected (he recently visited and gave no indication that he had doubts) and I’m still processing all of its implications.

    Although I’ve realized that I’m more sad about being single again and other potential implications for my future (less ties to my former location, etc) then specifically about not being with him, I’m still sad about what could have been. I’ll also miss the good times we had together, intelligent conversation, etc. I’ve also just started a new job today, so this week has been full of changes. Any advice for distracting myself when I’m down and moving on from a relationship with someone I genuinely cared about, even though he wasn’t “the one”?

    1. I’m really sorry to hear. I am a big fan of a cathartic cry – I have no scientific basis for this, but I feel like it helps rinse out some emotions and get me past feeling on the edge of tears for a long time. I like to watch the movie The Fall (with Lee Pace and an adorable child actor) with some wine. Makes me cry every time but not for sad romance reasons.

      I tend to dwell, so I try to lean on friends and plan a few fun things to look forward to. If you can afford it, fly to visit a friend who lives out of state. Get a friend or two and go to a fancy restaurant you’ve wanted to try. Have a friends game or movie night. And let yourself feel sad sometimes. You’ll feel better soon.

    2. Try to frame it as not wasting anymore time on the wrong guy. Honestly, anyone who is insensitive enough to break up with you on the day before you start a new job? so not worth wasting time on. And if you were still with him, you wouldn’t have been open to meeting a new guy who could be ‘the one’.

      Short Term – do all the activities etc that he wasn’t interested in but you loved + ben and jerry’s cookie dough ice cream

    3. Sorry if it double posts.

      I’m really sorry to hear. I am a big fan of a cathartic cry – I have no scientific basis for this, but I feel like it helps rinse out some emotions and get me past feeling on the edge of tears for a long time. I like to watch the movie The Fall (with Lee Pace and an adorable child actor) with some wine. Makes me cry every time but not for sad romance reasons.

      I tend to dwell, so I try to lean on friends and plan a few fun things to look forward to. If you can afford it, fly to visit a friend who lives out of state. Get a friend or two and go to a fancy restaurant you’ve wanted to try. Have a friends game or movie night. And let yourself feel sad sometimes. You’ll feel better soon.

    4. Treat yourself to a Blue Apron subscription and pick a few movies from the Criterion Collection to work your way through. You know you’re going to want to eat and watch TV, because that’s what we all do when we’re stressed out and lost, but this way you’ll be enjoying good food with minimal effort (plus envy-inspiring leftovers for lunch the next day!) and watching interesting movies instead of the usual pad thai + TLC marathon (yup, those are my weaknesses). Cooking a good meal and savoring a good movie with a glass of wine will help you appreciate your nights alone during the week.

      On the weekends, wake up early and get a workout in so you won’t mope around all day. You want to give your brain time to process what it needs to process without letting it physically drag you down. Some moping is inevitable (and ok!), but how we feel physically can perpetuate negative mental feelings, I think. Hit a 9 AM yoga class on a Saturday and treat yourself to some window shopping and that Ben and Jerry’s on the way home (although my vote is for red velvet cake or Phish Food).

    5. His loss is your gain. This is a great time to focus your energies on doing a kick-ss job at work, staying late, getting happy hour or otherwise spending time with colleagues, etc. Also, spending time with friends who you may not have been able to see as much while you were in a relationship. Also, maybe go out on a date or two and see how things go.

  14. Hi ladies! I’m taking a trip to the Loire Valley in April. What clothing you pack for a 5 day trip, and any other tips? I’m planning on drinking lots of wine, of course! Merci. : )

    2. One pair of jeans, three tops, a cardigan, and one dress. A weather appropriate jacket and scarf, day time comfy shoes, and a pair of flats that go with the dress.

    3. Stay a night at the Domaine des Hauts de Loire and have dinner (and breakfast the next morning) and their fantastic Michelin 2-star restaurant. It is my favorite hotel in the entire world!

      For clothes, I’d bring a warm jacket. I was there in April and it was colder than I expected. All I had was a wool blazer and it wasn’t enough.

    4. We went to Blois when I was a teenager and my big memories were this:

      The Chateau was beautiful- wear shoes with a non-slip bottom as some of the staircases can get slick.

      My mother ordered something called ‘Fisherman’s Soup’ which, to this day, is one of the most disgusting single dishes I’ve ever tried. I like fish, I like sardines, and like most food in general, but this in taste, color, texture, etc. was much like what I expect comes out of a garbage disposal that has been left in a field for 6 months.

      1. Wait, if that was actually soupe de poisson (or even better, bouillabaisse) it’s ordinarily a GLORIOUS dish and served with rouille (a garlicky spread) and toast. It can be grayish in color and I’ll admit it doesn’t look appetizing, but I’d guess your mom just had a bad bowl of soup! Funny how food memories can stick out.

        1. She was expecting something like bouillabaisse and I don’t recall if it was soup de poisson, but I think it may have been called just ‘soupe de pecheur’… It was definitely grey and probably was just a bad bowl of soup.

          Man though, the memory is just so so vivid!!

    5. For outerwear, I’d bring a fashionable trench coat. Also an umbrella. Comfortable (but fashionable) walking shoes- like slip on Vans perhaps, and some flat booties.

    6. Thank you all! Planning on taking a trench coat, jeans, a few light sweaters for layering, a dress or two, and of course an umbrella.

    1. In private law for sure. But the ratio of legal aid and crown female lawyers are very high. They pay less, but they are 9-5, with full benefits. I left a $125,000 job for a $55,000.00 job. Big difference is that know I work only 40 hours a week and I have life with my family. Yes it was a paycut but it is a great work-life balance. Same with paralegals and legal assistants.

      We need to get out of the mindset that lawyers and professionals need to work 24-7.

  16. Does anyone have any advice about moving on from an embarrassing situation at work? I’m a first year associate. This morning I was part of a presentation given to more senior partners as well as outside policy consultants. My power went out so my alarm didn’t go off so I had to rush out the door. I made it just in time for the presentation and wasn’t late but when I got up there and started talking one of my presentation partners pointed to my forehead and I was mortified to find I had left in such a rush that I still had my frownies on my forehead.

    (http://www.amazon.com/Frownies-Forehead-Between-Eyes-Patches/dp/B00027DMSI) for those who don’t know what frownies are.

    I’m so embarrassed. I know word has gotten around the firm about what happened. Should I pretend it never happened? Address the situation? Laugh it off?

    1. Apologize to your presentation manager and just move on. The quicker you dont dwell on it, the quicker they’ll forget.

    2. I would laugh it off. This is one of those situations where I would poke fun at myself any time someone brought it up. “I KNOW, can you believe it? I guess it’s time to switch to Botox, eh?” (laughs to follow)

      It’s really not a big deal and people will forget about it. The more you talk about it (addressing the situation), the more people will remember it. If you treat it as NBD, other people will treat it as NBD.

      1. I agree completely. This seems mortifying now (and trust me, I’ve had my share of mortifying moments), but it will be an awesome war story later on in your career. Laugh it off and people will treat it as NBD.

    3. I’d move on and laugh about it in an upbeat way if it comes up. Don’t think making a larger joke out of it will serve you well unless it’s already come up.

    4. Honestly, the only people that know what frownies are are frownies users themselves. They probably think it’s just a sticker from your child or some random non-wrinkle-related beauty product. It is nbd. Like if you have your fly down – people point it out, but nobody is really that shocked by you in any meaningful way.

    5. I know this is not the point, but do those work? I’d never heard of them before, but I absolutely have those lines that these are designed for.

      Anyway, agree with laughing it off when/if it comes up. Don’t make a big deal about it, because it’s not. I think people take their cue from you on these kind of things – if you act embarrassed or like it was a big deal, it becomes a bigger deal.

    7. Is this real? Wow.

      I used to use two-step mascara. First there was a thick white primer coat, and then you let it dry, and applied a thinner black coat.

      So of course one day I went to work with thick white mascara on. I didn’t have a presentation, but one of the senior execs from home office was in our office that day, and when he stopped to chat with me, I saw him cock his head to one side and kind of look at me funny. That’s when I realized I had forgotten the black coat of mascara.

      1. PS as far as how to get over it, I won’t tell you I didn’t cringe thinking about this moment for quite some time, but as they say, time heals all wounds.

    8. If it helps make you laugh and feel better….

      I have alopecia areata, meaning I lost not just my hair, but my eyelashes and eyebrows.

      Everyday I put on fake lashes and eyebrow wigs (yes, they’re a thing), then use some crazy manipulative makeup to make it all look natural; the end effect is quite normal, but without all the fake hair my makeup resembles a draq queen’s look.

      I had a major presentation, but I had been feeling sick and took a ton of cold medicine, so I was super groggy.

      I put on my makeup, tossed on my wig, and rocked that darn presentation.

      Until I went to the bathroom and realized I had completely forgotten my eyebrows and lashes, so I looked like a clown/alien-beast with crazy makeup. Moreover, I had put my wig on wrong so it was tilted, so my bangs were flopping on the side and the “part” was somewhere around my ears.

      But my Powerpoint was ON POINT darnit!

      2. I love this. You are AWESOME.

        OP – it would have been way worse if you showed on up late but looked perfect. You’re fine, totally fine. Definitely laugh it off.

    10. The situation is objectively pretty funny, so I think you need to laugh along with the others in a good-natured way, and it will be soon be forgotten.

    11. When I had been at my firm less than six months, I was sitting in a negotiation for forever and the nerves in one of my legs went dead. I got up to leave the room to edit some docs, put weight on that leg, and my ankle buckled out. I bit the dust (carpet burn on my knees and everything … and I was wearing a skirt) in front of EVERYONE – managing partner, client, opposing side, opposing side’s in house counsel, opposing side’s outside counsel. Third degree ankle sprain. In my panic, I stood straight up, then went right back down again, spraining ankle again. Somehow (fight of flight?) I laughed about how I must have tripped and left the conference room and got into the conference room next door, where apparently I passed out. Then I woke up and worked the rest of the day (not saying I’m the smartest, but my work ethic is pretty solid).

      I was so mortified about falling in front of everyone, but I started laughing about how it was probably the most embarrassing thing that would happen to me as an attorney, and I’d gotten it out of the way in the first 6 months! I also got a reputation as a trooper for laughing about it and moving on. So, I’ve been there, and eventually you will move on. Laughing along with the others is good. It may have the potential of becoming a good “war story” to share when others share their embarrassing moments. Happens to all of us. And the good news is that you didn’t come away with an injury … at least a physical one!

  17. I’ll be at the PTO for the UT conference on Thurs/Fri this week (any other r*ttes going?) and have a few questions:
    1. I arrive at 11pm at DCA and am staying within walking distance of the PTO, is that short metro ride (and walk on Eisenhower) ok that late, or should I just uber?
    2. Any favorite restaurants that are easy to get to? I’ll be on my own Thursday, but am staying in the area to visit a friend and we want to grab dinner to wait out traffic before heading to her home in MD.
    3. Anything else you recommend?

    1. The walk will be fine, but metro stops running at 12 so depending on your flight arrival, etc I’d just uber. It shouldn’t be expensive.

      For food you can walk down king street and have a variety of places and options at your disposal, and there is a trolley or a 1-2 mile walk. Virtue Feed and Grain by the water is pretty good and in the moderate price range (not sure what you were looking at dollar wise). In my experience the places up toward Eisenhower are chains, but I don’t go there super often except for the AMC Hoffman.

      The weather is supposed to be beautiful this week – if you’ll be here for the weekend, consider Mount Vernon?

      1. Agreed with all of this. If you go to King St for dinner, I’d yelp/check posted menus, because there are some good places on the whole stretch, but a fair bit of it can be pretty overpriced/tourist-focused, especially the seafood places closer to the waterfront.

    2. Metro closes at midnight on weeknights which means the last train is passing through around 11:30, so depending on the actual timing of your flight/ luggage it may not be an option.

    3. I’d uber because the metro might be running only like every 20 minutes at that hour, and the uber ride would be so cheap.

    4. What’s PTO and UT? Have no idea what part of old town you mean, but in Old Town, I love La Fromagerie and also Hanks Oyster Bar is a DC favorite with a Old Town location.

      2. And, “UT conference” is the University of Texas Advanced Patent Law Institute.

        Thanks everyone! I didn’t know about the nightly closure/decreased service so I’ll just use Uber. It should be lovely weather, I’m pretty excited. Our days won’t be too long so I feel like I’ll get out enough on Thursday and then be able to have fun Friday evening as well. Mount Vernon is a great recommendation, thank you!

        La Fromagerie looks amazing and kind of exactly what I need–thank you!!

  18. Good morning:

    I’m going to ask my therapist and try to find some other references but wondering if folks here have some insight.

    I’m the one who’s husband was moving out.

    Our daughter is 19 months old. He wants to see her at least once daily, and is shuttling her to his place, taking her shopping, taking her to school, etc. I’m 100% for them having a relationship but I think for her she should have one primary home and a regular schedule/structure for seeing him. I feel like he’s doing what’s convenient for him. What’s an amount of time/regularity for him to see her that is best for her? There isn’t a set person who does pickup or drop off because it’s dependent on his schedule. I’d like to suggest a set schedule he has to work around so she has consistency.

    Appreciate any feedback. Thanks.

    1. Honestly, how is it confusing for her that sometimes daddy picks her up and sometimes mummy? Lots of still married couples do this.

      He is her father. If you two live close enough and schedules work out that she can see both of you every day, that is fantastic. If she is living with you full time be he sees her daily, quit while you are ahead. Do you want him to have her every other week and you not see her for a week at a time?

      Flip it. If the one primary home is his and you have a set limited schedule to see her, do you like it?

      Conflict is bad for children. Seeing their loving parents is not.

    3. She does need some consistency, but I can’t quite tell what the situation is here. Is she sleeping in the same place every night? Does she get up at roughly the same time every morning, and have bedtime at the same time every night? If those basics are in place, then I think there’s room for a lot of flexibility in the rest of it.

      1. Agreed. I initially responded with vicarious indignation for you — if he wanted to see her every day, he shouldn’t have bailed. However, this knee-jerk anger reaction is wrong, I know, and she should see both parents regularly if you can make it work. Consistency in her life doesn’t require that she her dad only Tuesdays and Thursdays, or some other arbitrary schedule. But also H should not treat your daughter as a toy he can play with when it’s convenient, and you should be able to plan your life, too. The arrangements can’t be all about him, and there should be no short-notice demands and changes. Definitely talk to the lawyer.

    4. Could you break up the week? You have Sun, Mon, Tue, he has Wed, Thur, Fri, Saturdays are alternated? I agree with other posters to speak with your lawyer. As I have mentioned in a prior post, my jurisdiction is big on the 50/50 arrangement and thinks one week on one week off is too long for kids to go without time with both parents.

    5. A schedule should be part of your custody agreement. I agree with you that consistency is good for the child. I disagree that you need one home base though. My now-ex and his ex split when their baby was a little under a year and they had 50/50 physical custody. When the child was very small they switched off every other day. Once the kid started a more regular daycare, they alternated 3 day/4 day schedules, and when he went to school they did every other week.

      From a logistical standpoint, I could envision a decent schedule for your ex to see the child every day: he can pick her up from daycare, give her an afternoon snack, then drop her off at your house at a designated time. From a more practical standpoint, though, it really depends on your relationship with your ex. You have to protect yourself and your child; if daily contact will do nothing but increase his opportunities to make your life difficult, then do not agree to it. My ex and his ex did 99% of their trade-offs through the daycare/school because we could never trust her to show up when and where she said she was going to. It’s heartbreaking to sit with a child for hours upon hours waiting for their parent until it’s time for bed and the parent still hasn’t shown up or responded to calls. Don’t do that to yourself or your child.

    6. I’m pretty sure the research backs up that kids that young should have really frequent visitation. I think your best case scenario — to give her enough time with her father and you enough stability — is that he needs to set a consistent schedule, but you have to agree to frequency.

      I’m sorry that I don’t remember your story’s details, but are you uncomfortable with him spending alone time with her? If not, figure out what works best for you and suggest it. If she’s spending almost every night with you, a reasonable schedule might mean he has to commit to picking her up MTWF and spending an hour or two with her, with W being an overnight (and the Thursday visit is his getting her ready/dropping her off), and then a set time on the weekend. If it’s easier for you, suggest that he pick her up every morning, have breakfast with her, and do drop off (that might be better if his job is unpredictable in the evenings). But he has to meet you half way — he can’t just decide each week, or each day, what time he can work out. You need to find a schedule that works the vast majority of the time, because constantly renegotiating it will drive you crazy. (I say this as as someone whose stepwife is a flake and always trying to change her visitation.)

      It absolutely sucks that this means so much interaction with him, but it is best for her, and in a couple years she’ll be able to spend more time between swaps.

      1. I really appreciate all the feedback and comments. Like some of mentioned, there are lots of things in play here and I really need to focus on what is best for my daughter, which includes parents who work together towards what is in her best interest. I’m thinking I need the therapist to help me cope with change and an attorney for facilitating a legal change if that becomes necessary. The impetus for this post was that there was a short term suggested change (like a hour notice to extend the time by hours) and I was too afraid of backlash to suggest against that change. When I did see him I told him how I felt, and it ended up being a big fight where he told me all the times I did something “wrong” to justify what he did. Anyway, somewhere there is a balance between her needs, his and mine … but with hers put first. Thanks again all.

        1. Definitely see a therapist (plus a lawyer). It’s going to be really hard to balance what’s best for you with what’s best for her. It’s really easy, if one parent is far more reasonable than the other, for an unreasonable parent to be taken advantage of. It’s also really easy to get sucked into a race to the bottom of how you treat each other. So a therapist should be able to help you figure out fair boundaries for yourself and how to assert them.

          But as an outsider (and not a therapist), I’d say two things. First, an hour’s notice for a significant schedule change is not acceptable, barring an emergency. It is completely reasonable for you to be upset about that, not want to make the change, and not want the situation to arise in the future. You are not a bad parent or a bad person if you felt slighted or inconvenienced or disrespected. But! Don’t waste your time trying to explain to him how you feel. Don’t expect him to be reasonable. He left; he is not going to validate you or give you what you need. Talk to him about concrete expectations and behavior. Maybe at some point the two of you could see a counselor to work on being better coparents, but if he’s not willing to do that now, trying to get him to recognize and respondd to your feelings is just a path towards unproductive fighting.

    7. You need to set up a parenting plan (ideally through each of your lawyers) that will address all of this. I shouldn’t be whatever he feels like.

  19. OK, apparently my comment got lost in moderation hell…

    Canadian lawyers, there is an interesting article on CBC today about how female lawyers are leaving criminal law in droves due to poor pay/lifestyle. I wonder if anyone has experienced this.

    1. I’m not a lawyer but a few of my friends are and the only two in criminal law are men. Most of the women I know in law are at the SCC/other government because the hours are much better

      1. I’m not a lawyer either but I do know lawyers and I have friends in law school, and not a single woman is in criminal law or considering it. Only men. Craziness. I guess the industry really needs a revolution.

        1. I do criminal defense and see lots of women lawyers on both sides. My specialty (appellate) in particular.

    2. OHMYGOD I read that article this morning while getting ready and ranted to my husband about it.

      The headline is totally misleading. Women are leaving private practice, and this particular study is on the number of women who leave private criminal practice in Ontario.

      There are two issues that are being treated as one in the article. The first is women leaving private practice, criminal law in particular. The second is endemic sexism in the criminal law.

      Crown attorneys and legal aid lawyers are still criminal lawyers first. The perception that it’s easier to be a government criminal lawyer is accurate only in respect of mat leave and benefits. There is always a position to return to without the need to rebuild a practice and a reputation. However, the hours are rarely 9-5, Crowns bear the burden of presenting the case to the court and making decisions regarding likelihood of conviction, and legal aid lawyers have enormous caseloads. Both give advice outside of normal working hours, Crowns to the police and legal aid to people in police custody.

      The article seems to suggest that only female lawyers in private practice deal with systemic sexism. Not so much. Defense counsel recently tried to introduce me to the judge by saying, “Do you know this little lady?” On that day, court ran from 10 am until 6:30 pm, and then we drove 130 km home from circuit court. When I worked at legal aid, a client’s father introduced himself outside the courtroom, then said, “I had no idea you’d be small! I love tiny women! You, uh, wanna go for a drink?” I have experienced little sexism from the bench (far more ageism) but it appears in droves from defense counsel, and especially from the public. I get a lot of, “But you don’t look like a lawyer!” when I tell people what I do.

      I love criminal law; it’s a front-line way to have a great deal of impact on people’s lives in an incredibly stressful situation. I love building relationships with other players in the justice system. I love that criminal law can be a checklist (“X did, on date, assault -touching without consent – Y contrary to s. 266) but that it has so many moving parts that I have to juggle. I love that it’s like improv, that you never know what’s going to happen or who’s going to say what, and that you need both a solid knowledge of the law and a basis in common sense and people skills. These are all things where, to turn the sexist arguments around, what are typically considered female roles are very useful.

      I started reading the comments and then closed the window after “maybe this is a field where men are better suited.” Because so.much.rage.

  20. I’m sick and cranky, let’s play bah humbug.

    Bah humbug to doctors with strict cancellation policies who have very limited phone hours and no voicemail.

    1. I’m with you, Bonnie. I got a call at 4 pm on Friday from my doctor’s billing office saying essentially, “Your payment portion for your MRI is $535. How would you like to pay for that? Will you pay for it now or when you come for your test?” I said let me check on that, called HR, found out a way to have it done for $200 less, and I’m still waiting to hear that my doctor’s office has faxed over the orders to the new facility. It took me about 90 minutes on the phone to get as far as I did on Friday.

    2. Go to a Nurse Practitioner. Even those walk-in clinics in drugstores take normal insurance and you can be seen pretty much on the spot.

    3. +1 Why are doctors’ offices so firmly still stuck in the dark ages?! I seriously don’t understand why in this day and age I can’t make just see a Google calendar type of thing and make an appointment online. Or why they can’t respond to emails. Grr. My doctor’s office tried something that was supposed to be “online appointment booking” but all it was was a system where you select “Monday AM/ Tuesday PM etc.” and then they get back to you…so…pretty much useless and takes way longer than a phone call.

      1. I am waiting for the rest of the world to catch on to ZocDoc. When I was in NYC, I selected primary care/dentist/and ob-gyn based in part on whether they were on ZocDoc. Unfortunately, there aren’t nearly as many docs on it where I live now.

        1. A thousand times this! I wonder why more doctors outside of NYC aren’t jumping to sign on…

        2. Love ZocDoc (although is it me or do some bad docs definitely try to get patients by being always available on ZocDoc?)

      2. My massage therapist has an online calendar that shows all of her available times. I can book a spot online and that spot then moves to unavailable. I know with doctor’s visits it is harder because different types of appointments can take different amounts of time but that should be a fairly easy algorithm to create. Sick visit 10 mins, physical 20 mins, etc. (Made up numbers here of course).

    4. I totally agree with you.

      I manage my father’s health care. He sees a lot of specialists, and being on Medicare, it appears that many of them are limiting their numbers of Medicare patients. So often there is no appointment for 3-4 months… some of his doctors are booked up for SIX months. I kid you not.

      I am also a doctor.

      And I am running ragged. I am exhausted, seeing more patients in less time, and patients expect me to respond to emails in a timely manner. It’s becoming more and more impossible.

    5. And this is why I use One Medical Group. The membership fee is by far my best spent money

    6. Yeah, and ba humbug to Drs who cancel bc of “snow” (which turns out to be nothing) and promise to call and reschedule and never do. Dr office admin needs a revolution. I could never treat my clients that way!

  21. My cat met my friend’s one year old for the first time over the weekend. The meeting did not go well. Kitty is friendly with people but extremely aggressive toward animals. He’d never met a baby. Kitty was pretty OK with baby when someone was holding it and when it was standing, but kitty freaked the eff out when the baby started crawling. Baby made a beeline straight for kitty and kitty gave a warning hiss (which baby of course ignored because baby) then looked like he was about to lunge at baby. I scooped kitty before any damage could be done and put him in another room for the rest of the visit.

    DH and I are planning to start TTC soon and I’m pretty concerned about how kitty will react to a new baby. There’s a ton of material online but I’m still nervous. I don’t really want to put off TTC because I’m in my mid-30s, but I also don’t want to risk creating an uncomfortable home environment for kitty. Rehoming the cat will never be an option. Has anyone successfully navigated a similar issue?

    1. I have a friend whose cat started behaving aggressively toward and swiping at their baby and were unable to get it to stop. They eventually took it back to the shelter, but they did exchange it with another cat. Yes, getting rid of a cat is awful, but it’s sort of even if you adopt a new one and baby will always be more important than a cat.

    2. If rehoming the cat is never an option you are not ready to be a parent.

      Most cats adjust to babies. You watch them carefully, separate them when you can’t be watching, and they get used to each other. If your cat is aggressive to your baby and you can’t keep them apart, rehoming the cat must be on the table as an option. If your baby is severely allergic to cats, rehoming the cat must be an option.

      1. We had to return our dog to the rescue organization when she turned out to be aggressive towards our baby (after becoming aggressive towards me when I was pregnant). It was gut-wrenching and the rescue organization treated us like the worst kind of scum, but your child’s safety has to be the most important priority.

        1. My heart breaks for the poor dog :( being returned to a rescue after being abandoned at least once before. People like you shouldn’t be allowed to have pets.

          2. Re-homing the dog somewhere that has loving people who could properly care for the dog instead of dumping the dog back at the rescue (which is most likely a charitable organization with limited funds and people who work with them).

            Also maybe socializing the dog better beforehand and getting the dog better used to people and children. There is a such thing as socialization and obedience training.

            A dog is a big commitment. Especially if that dog was abandoned before and came from a rescue. A dog is not an accessory that can be simply chucked aside when a shiny new toy comes along. The least that could have been done was to find a loving home for the dog.

          3. And that was the exact reaction we got from the rescue. They basically wanted us to let the dog kill our child or maul me. This was after we had spent thousands of dollars and countless hours on training, doggy day care, 5 walks a day, etc. etc. Sorry, but in the final analysis a dog is just a dog and can go find another home where it doesn’t want to kill its family.

          4. I hope your child never has any anger, behavioral or mental health issues because you can’t simply abandon a child when you get tired of dealing with it.

            I don’t blame that rescue organization one bit for looking at you like you were scum.

          7. @ Just ugh, most rescue organizations have a provision in the adoption contract that you are required to return the animal to the rescue if you cannot keep it. So your suggestion to rehome the animal on their own not only would violated this standard provision, but based on the fact that rescues insist on it, is counter to what the rescue organizations believe is in the best interest of the dog–that they have control over its next home.

          8. My rescue (non profit, not well funded but a great org) has this exact provision. How they can check/enforce, who knows. They’re in Indiana and I’m in Mass. But, the provision is there and I signed the contract.

        2. Also, when we adopted the dog we had to sign an agreement that we would NOT rehome it ourselves and would instead return it to the rescue. Many rescues have identical policies.

          My baby was not a shiny new toy that came along. The dog was supposed to be a member of our family that instead turned out to be a dangerous menace even after we took extraordinary steps to try to make things work. Another dog from the same litter was returned for the same reason.

          1. I fully support your decision. It sounds like you did everything you possibly could to keep the dog. A dog is just an animal, and it’s not worth risking your child’s safety or your own safety to live with a dangerous one. You don’t have to justify yourself to anyone, much less the insane dog supremacist.

          2. You didn’t do anything wrong. You tried everything. Babies come first. They have to.

        3. We had a similar situation. Fortunately, we had been working with a trainer for over a year and knew we may have issues with kids. We had 3 homes on stand by in case we had to regime, which we did. Dog went to go live with the dog walker we’d used for 5 years, which was his second home anyway.

          In our case, the dog bit- unprovoked- the toddler. We had every precaution in place, DH was right there. Our trainer told us our options were rehoming or keeping kid and dog 100% separate, always. That’s no way for a dog to live, always crated or gated away from the family. But that was our final option if we couldn’t rehome. We would not have taken him back to the (no kill) shelter because he has aggression issues (and now a bite history), was six, and a black bully breed mix. He’d never get re-adopted.

          But he is living it up in an adult only home with 2 other dogs now. And we are eternally grateful.

        4. Just Ugh, you’re being an idiot. I love dogs as much as the next person and am not inclined to have children myself, but it is unconscionable for you to lambaste people for prioritizing the safety of their own children over the temporary sadness a dog or cat will feel if it gets rehomed. What do you really expect people do to? Risk their children’s lives? It’s absurd to refer to a child as a “shiny new toy.”

          Do you go onto the comment pages of articles about kids mauled to death by dogs who were known to be dangerous and stick up for the owners? What do you think is “scummier”- a person who lets their child (or another person’s child) get injured or killed by a dog or a person who returns a dangerous dog to a rescue? Because I think a dog owner who doesn’t separate a dangerous animal from children is scum. WTF.

      2. The cat is 14 years old, has a lot of health problems, and cannot tolerate being in a vet’s office or being boarded anywhere due to his aggression toward other animals. I don’t know anyone with an animal- and kid-free home who could him. So, giving up the cat would mean giving him a death sentence. I’ve had kitty since he was 9 weeks old; I’m not going to have him killed because he’s inconvenient.

        1. That’s perfectly fine. Wait until he dies to have kids then.

          What is your proposed solution to an animal who is aggressive with your baby when you’ve tried and failed to keep them apart? It’s a terrible choice to have to make, but if you aren’t ready to put your baby ahead of you cat, you’re not ready to be a parent.

          1. Especially since you know aggression is an issue, unless you have a home large enough to separate the two, no babies.

        2. It sounds like your options then are 1) physically separate your cat, which will be unpleasant for the cat unless you have a large home or are willing to move 2) keep your baby in a confined space – probably not very practical or pleasant 3) avoid TTC until the cat dies 4) give the baby up for adoption if it turns out the cat doesn’t like it

          I think it is unpleasant, but the other poster is right – getting rid of the cat should be on the table in extreme situations (baby is allergic, cat won’t stop attacking baby) Since it sounds like the cat is not going to have a much longer natural lifespan, you are probably best off putting off TTC even though you don’t want to. There is no perfect solution, unfortunately.

      3. Yep. You always think you will love your cat just as much as you will love your child, until the child arrives. If you really don’t want to consider rehoming the cat under any circumstances, then you need to wait until it’s gone before you have a baby.

        1. Our dog was our first baby. My MIL said “when you have a baby, suddenly the dog will just be a dog.” We didn’t believe her. We had babies. The dog is a dog. A good and loved dog, but he’s just a dog now.

          1. That’s nice for you, I suppose, but far from a blanket statement to be made about the rest of us.

          3. Not true at all. My mom’s cats are her children just as much as I am. My mom taught me that they are autonomous beings with feelings and wants. As a toddler I may have been scratched a few times, but I learned really quick to respect the cats. As an adult I am a cat owner and respect the autonomy of the little beings I share my home with

        2. I was referring to TBK’s statement, not lost academic’s. Sorry, but I don’t love or value my dog as much as I love my babies.

    3. I have a friend who has two cats and one didn’t react well to their baby. They did their best to keep the cat and the baby apart and that seemed to work, at least in their two story house. The cat was pretty cranky and preferred to be upstairs away from the kid most of the time anyway.

      1. This is probably what I’d have to do, which would be heartbreaking too. We have a three story house so I could shut the cat away in the finished basement or in his bedroom (yes, the cat has his own bedroom) but he really prefers to be where we are. He sleeps in our arms.

          1. If she’s going to keep them separated, why can’t she? I’ve known plenty of people in similar situations who had a child and an elderly pet who didn’t handle it well. They had baby gates and restricted the pets to just one or two rooms. It’s not ideal, but life happens and you make it work as best you can.

          3. Re: heartbroken – She’d get over it pretty quickly, if her baby’s safety is on the line.

            For the OP, I’d urge you to make sure that you have a plan for a toddler, too. Babies are pretty easy; toddlers are much harder to keep away from things. Eventually, they learn how to open doors.

        2. No judgment! My dog has a bedroom too :) And I’m pretty sure her bed is better than mine, though she likes to steal mine too.

          1. My dog also has a room to himself. It’s a sunroom off of our living room where he can monitor three sides of the house. Tons of sunning and opportunities to bark at anyone who passes by. I’m rather jealous of his room, to be honest.

        3. If you know kitty has a tendency to be aggressive, and you’ll be keeping him separate from the baby, what happens if kitty gets out or you/significant other don’t communicate and accidentally let kitty out and it hurts the baby? We all think those things don’t happen to us, but they do.

          Spoken as a parent whose child was bitten by our dog, who had never been aggressive towards humans, but generally made me uneasy around our kid and was accidentally out when he bit…if you can’t have the animal and kid together, you don’t have a viable long-term solution.

          1. Agree, I would not feel comfortable having both a baby and an aggressive animal in the same house. No matter how careful you are, accidents happen.

    4. I have done this twice. Once with a cat and my oldest son. Second time around with the same cat plus a new cat for my second kid.

      While it’s true that not all cats like people and babies they aren’t used to both times it worked out for me. The cats were used to the babies being around and just there, so by the time the babies had started to crawl the cats didn’t mind. Had a crawling baby suddenly appeared on the living room floor, they probably wouldn’t have been so happy.

      My advice would be just to go ahead and TTC. Not to jinx it but you don’t know how long it will take you to get pregnant. It took two years for me to get pregnant with my first. But I got pregnant with my second the first month we tried. So you never know. Also if your old cat is like my old cat who just slept a lot and wasn’t super into climbing and jumping it shouldn’t be a problem in the early months because babies aren’t mobile. They stay were you put them so if they are out of reach of the cat you won’t have to worry. You can slowly introduce them and give the cat time to get used to the baby.

      1. I first read this as “once with a cat and once with my oldest son.” And I briefly thought you’d rehomed both….

        1. My coworker used to joke that she rehomed her kid. It was temporary and part of an elimination thing to figure out the poor kid’s issues. He was born with severe allergies to lots of different things and had severe asthma and eczema. His docs determined that things in the house were causing the issue but that mom and dad were likely bringing those things with them on their clothes. They knew they would likely have to have family take in their dog at this point but the doctor wanted to narrow down that it was for sure the dog first since the allergies were so numerous. So, the baby went to live with her sister for a week or so since that would be a 100% different environment. Different air. Different water. Then they started to reintroduce things from their home one at a time. Once they would find an allergen they would remove it again, wait for him to get better then start again with the next item. All and all, I think he was out of the home a month. It was a stressful awful time but she liked messing with people and saying “oh, he’s allergic to our dog so he’s with my sister now.” And people would say, oh, the dog? And she’d say, no the kid. Then watch their horror and then explain the process.

      2. Agree. Unless you’re adopting, there will be considerable lag between the appearance of a newborn and a crawling infant, so don’t stress. There are a lot of resources out there for introducing cats to the idea of a baby before you give birth.

    5. I think people are massively overreacting. My dog is aggressive to strange babies who lunge at her. I think most animals are. But she’s very loving once she gets to know people and I have no qualms about having a kid because I know she will gradually adjust to the baby. A baby that the animal sees and smells 24/7 and can be gradually introduced to over time (infants also aren’t mobile and can’t lunge at the animal) is completely different from a crawling kid she’s met once. My dog is also elderly and special needs and I do not consider surrendering her an option (and good for you for recognizing that adopting an animal is a lifetime commitment!!) So disappointed that so many people think “give up the pet” is an acceptable solution, especially before trying options like hiring an animal behavioral therapist.

      1. . No, people think “give up the pet” if you’ve tried and failed to fix the problem.

      2. An (awful) acquaintance of mine had a dog for years. He got married. Wife insisted on getting a new puppy. Old dog was aggressive to the puppy. Wife insisted they get rid of the dog because omg the dog would be aggressive to kids some day. 5 years later, they still have no kids. I still can’t believe he let his wife get rid of his dog. If my dog were aggressive to my actual children, though, despite all reasonable efforts to correct the problem, rehoming the dog is a no-brainer.

      1. I don’t think there’s a fence in the world that will keep a truly determined cat in.

      3. Keeping cats outside has a devastating effect on native North American songbirds, FWIW.

    7. I think people are overreacting on this. I haven’t had this situation, but friends who have had either kept kids and cats separated until, after careful supervision, cat got used to kid or, in one case of a cat who kept swiping at kid, declawed the cat. Which isn’t terribly humane, but better than getting rid of the cat (that cat also has gotten used to the kids and just ignores them now).

    8. I really think it’s a big leap from the fact that kitty was aggressive to an unknown, crawling toddler to the conclusion that kitty will be aggressive to your future baby. When you bring your baby home from the hospital, it will essentially be an inanimate object as far as the kitty is concerned. By the time the baby starts moving around, your kitty will recognize that it is a member of the family. If the kitty isn’t otherwise aggressive to people, especially family members, I wouldn’t worry about it too much.

      1. This is a good point. Cats are very smell oriented, and a strange child will smell very foreign for a cat (and also lack the restraint to pause and let the cat become familiar with him/her).

        My cats still like to get a good whiff of my hand sometimes before letting me pet them, but I think familiarity could help a lot in child-cat relations.

      2. My cats are very into to people, and frequently say hello to visiting adults; but they seem to know when children visit and hide under the couch. These cats have been living with me since they were wee kittens themselves so I wonder if it’s ingrained.

    10. Lots of opinions so here’s my 2 cents. Cats almost NEVER like children – it’s normal for cats and doesn’t mean they are aggressive. Crawling babies and toddlers LOVE chasing cats and grabbing tails and fur and eventually get scratched. I can’t tell you how many babies and toddlers where scratched by our cats growing up. My little sister was attacked (four paws on top of her clawing vigorously) as a toddler by one neighborhood cat after she tried to pick it up by grabbing it’s fur. She learned and so did the cat and everyone lived with just a few booboos to heal with bandaids and kisses. My sister never stopped being fascinated by and loving cats, which she keeps to this day. I don’t think cats are going to do much damage to a child (the worst would be a scratch on the eye?) and learning to live with animals present a good learning opportunity. Nor do I think kids will really hurt the cat who can defend itself (exception for older phycopathic kids that want to hurt animals which is rare but real). There should be an exception for elderly cats who deserve some peace, which you can achieve by giving them spaces up high to escape to and sleep in the main rooms of your home. Maybe engineer a way for your cat to easily be on top of a refrigerator, bookshelf or armoire? Many a cat would love this. No reason to be extreme here.

      1. I have had 4 cats (2 at a time, sadly the originals died within a year or so of my oldest kid’s birth) around 2 baby/toddlers. One elderly cat would have been happiest as an only pet, did not like other animals or really like kids, but she just avoided the baby. Baby slept in a crib, cat continued to sleep with is, and she was fine making herself scarce or staying out of reach during the day. I think she actually really enjoyed peering condescendingly at the toddler who couldn’t reach her (as cats do). Other cat was indifferent. My 2 current cats LOVE my kids, despite hair/ear/tail pulling, being sat on, being hugged, all the awful things little kids do to cats. Granted the first baby was in the house before the cats, and we introduced them slowly and carefully, but it still could have gone either way, we just absolutely lucked out. I think you’re borrowing trouble. Cat hating random kid does not equal cat hating random charging toddler does not equal cat hating your baby that she can warm up to slowly. There’s no way I’d do my family planning around a cat. As most people have mentioned there are lots of other solutions.

  22. Hello,
    Every time I put some earphones on, my stomach starts making noises.
    Doesn’t matter whether I ate or not. It is definitely audible and would not stop.
    Then the moment I take out the headphones, my stomach stops.
    I have had this happened during exams, silent meetings and whenever I am nervous (with or without earphones) but when I am in the team room stuck for hours with other consultants it is just embarrassing. I tried drinking water, hunching over, massaging my stomach.. nothing
    Any thoughts?

  23. Reminds me a bit of Carrie’s patchwork jacket from season 3 of SATC (googleable). every time she wore that I was like, WT everlovin-F?

    Pass!

  24. Can you recommend (a) a DC based therapist who’ll talk about career issues; and (b) a career counselor?

    I’ve posted here a few times fairly miserable about how my career and life turned out and people have always said — therapy. While I’m not necessarily interested in it, I’m unhappy enough where I must do something.

  25. What fashion blogs do you read besides this one?

    I used to like youlookfab but I think her taste has diverged too far from mine (cropped flares? Really?) and the fawning comment section nauseates me. She could feature something Carol Brady wore and her fan club would be up her ass about how original that granny square poncho is and how they will have to add many versions of it to their wardrobes.

    Bonus points for – professional attire, not sample sizes.

    1. I like ExtraPetite. I wear regular-sized clothes, but her ensembles inspire my looks.

    3. Capitol Hill Style (hate Belle’s holier-than-thou attitude, but she does put together nice outfits)

      the Directrice (started following her as a result of a recommendation here a month or so ago – quirkier but still conservative)

      Gigi’s Gone Shopping (reviews of JCrew and other similar mall stores, good for judging whether particular pieces will flatter or not).

    5. I’ve been liking Blue Collar Red Lipstick. I think it was recommended here. She thrifts most of her outfitS, which adds a little fun to me.

    6. Memorandum. She left the “corporate” NY world and now is in SF doing something more creative, but I like the archives for corporate style and she still features classic pieces styled in fun ways.

      1. Ugh, I find her so obnoxious. Her outfits are nonsensical for a working woman (far more so than Kat’s) and she comes across as really entitled and self-absorbed.

    7. I find most style blogs are completely dreadful these days, so I only read GOMI.

  26. I’ll probably post this question on an additional thread later today, but does anyone know what brand of suit Lisa Gay Hamilton (character is Celia Jones) was wearing in House of Cards, Chapter 42? I. LOVE. IT. I’ve tried to look for a photo from that episode, but have struck out.

    The fabric was textured, horizontal ribs (but not super even, like corduroy), sort of a combination navy/black. Jacket had an asymmetric opening, with a tall (maybe nehru?) collar.

    1. I want an entire blog dedicated to finding HoC outfits. Particularly obsessed with that dove grey dress Neve Campbell wore (Link to follow)

    4. No, but I also want to know if anyone knows who makes the reddish-maroon skirt suit Clare wears in the (I think) fourth episode. It’s got a sort of A-line/trumpet skirt and a fitted collarless jacket (almost more of a mandarin collar).

      1. Me too! Watched that episode yesterday and I have been scouring the internet ever since. Especially when she paired it with the matching suit jacket! I LOVE that look!!!

  27. What to wear to campus info sessions for consulting companies? Suit? Business casual?

Comments are closed.