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Updated: Oct 31, 2018 260 Comments · by

Weekend Open Thread

Weekend Open Thread |

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Off the Shoulder Top: Free People 'Show Me Some Shoulder' Off the Shoulder Cotton BlouseSomething on your mind? Chat about it here.  Soooooo: here's a confession. I'm kind of drooling over this crisp, clean, off-the-shoulder top from Free People… despite the fact that it reminds me so, so much of an outfit I would have loved in the early ’90s. (Who else can totally see Drew Barrymore in a pixie cut and barrettes/floral bobby pins rocking this look with dark lipstick?) Growing up, I always heard that if you remembered the trend the first time it came around, you should sit it out the next time — but if that were true I'd never wear skinny jeans, leggings, flared jeans, ankle pants, or a zillion other things that are popular right now, and probably, neither would most of you. I struggled with this for a few years, but now have this theory: fashion trends are going at lightspeed these days, bolstered by fast fashion, social media, and the 24-hour news cycle — so trends come and go much more quickly than they did 30-50 years ago. So I say, wear what you want, what you like, what you're comfortable in. This blouse is $78, sizes S-L, at Nordstrom. Free People ‘Show Me Some Shoulder' Off the Shoulder Cotton Blouse Psst: here's our guide to slow fashion for workwear. (L-2)

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Comments

  1. Anonymous

    Can anyone recommend a work tote (preferably black nylon) in the $150-ish range? I know the hive loves Tumi or L&S but those are unfortunately out of my budget. I’m currently using a Longchamp Pliage, and I love that it’s big and lightweight, but the lack of pockets is driving me crazy. Trying to find my keys in there is like searching a bottomless pit.

    TIA and happy Friday!

    • JJ

      If you’re willing to wait a few weeks, Ruelala and HauteLook (and possibly other flash sales) often have Tumi totes. The nylon ones are almost always $115ish when they’re on sale.

    • LoudyTourky

      I’ve had Baggallini Avenue Tote for just over a year and love it. It’s not beautiful but it is so practical. Perfect work commute bag for me. Key fob, perfect spot for my train pass, internal pocket for my phone, full zipper, enough room for my lunch, etc.

    • lawsuited

      I just hopped over to Lo & Sons because I’d been looking at the black OG with lavender lining as while ago and they’re having a 25% off sale, but they’ve changed their solid coloured lining to a weird bird patterned lining? I’m from the Kate Spade school of thought when it comes to bag linings, so I’m out with extreme prejudice.

      • Anonymous

        I have a 2-3 year old OG and it has a lining with a jaquard bird print. Lavender on lavender. I’m not sure it’s new — maybe it just photographed differently. Mine looks lavender IRL and not print-y.

        • NoLegalCounsel

          If it makes a difference, I didn’t realize the lavender lining on my 3 year old OMG has a tone on tone bird pattern until this thread. I had to look!

          • ace

            Thirded — I have a 2-3 year old black with lavender lining OG and it has a very faint bird pattern.

          • Anonymous

            I also have an older one (from 2011) that has the faint bird pattern. It’s not new, but I haven’t seen the latest models in person to know if it’s suddenly more prominent.

          • Anonymous

            I bought one in June 2015 – same faint bird pattern – not that noticeable in reality

        • lawsuited

          Woah, maybe they’ve just added a close-up photo of the lining to their product photo line-up. I’m glad they did, because I don’t like it and before would have ordered without knowing!

      • Em

        Don’t know what the Kate Spade school of thought is but a co-worker has a bag with the bird printed lining and I was just admiring it the other day. Admittedly, it’s a little Portlandia – “put a bird on it” – but I think it looks nice.

        • lawsuited

          Kate Spade bags usually have really interesting linings, so I take the Kate Spade school of thought on linings to be that linings matter. And linings do matter a lot to me (more than they probably should), so I would be disappointed to get a bag with a bird patterned lining rather than a solid lining if that’s what I was expecting. Of course, some people may like the bird pattern in which case a Lo & Sons OG is the bag for them!

    • Jules

      I’m eyeing the Tumi Nora large size. It’s looks a bit larger in width and height and a bit narrower inside than what I’m carrying now. I would like a bag that fits over the handler of a spinner but want to be able to put legal size folders/expandable folders, a decent-sized laptop, toiletry bag and other sundries.

      Thoughts?

      • Anonattorney

        I have the Tumi Sinclair Viera tote and I LOVE LOVE LOVE it. It’s amazing. Perfect for work – fits my laptop + one expandable folder.

    • Aurora

      Women in Business Thoroughbred tote – comes in black nylon, very stylish and durable, I’ve had mine for over three years and still love it. Can get it on Amazon for under $100 and through the official WIB site for not much more.

      I’d also recommend checking out online consignment – if you like a particular higher-end back but not the price tag, you may be able to find it in your price range gently used. It’s how I nabbed my first Rebecca Minkoff bag and I love it.

      • Jules

        Ooh, I’ll check that out. The Tumi — in a really gorgeous teal — is on Rue La La for about $200, which seems low for that brand (but high for me). Thanks!

      • Meg Murry

        How have the handles held up? That is my concern with cheaper nylon totes – the body of the bag is usually fine, but synthetic straps tend to crack, shred or otherwise just not hold up to my daily abuse.

        • Jules

          I’ve been really happy with my current tote, a French Connection faux leather. It’s been in daily use for a couple of years, there’s been a little bit of thread pulling off the handles/straps but not much. I have another one from the same brand that I use less (and it has only short handles, not a long strap) and it also still looks good after a few years.

        • Aurora

          After 3 years, there’s a small amount of cracking but no shredding and only along the an interior seam on the handle (don’t know how to describe that better), so not very visible. The faux leather is otherwise completely intact, and I carry these bags around for months at a time (I switch out between 3 main work bags).

        • Lauren

          The handles are great. I’ve never had a problem with them.

          BTW, has anyone heard from Ellen?

          I’m wondering whether she ever landed the MD she so wants to marry.

          • Rachel

            We are rooting for her. For such a pretty girl, she sure has had lousy luck with men. Who cares about money when you have no man to come home to.

    • Laura

      Just a thought, but have you considered getting a purse organizer? I got one as a gift and it was seriously life changing. Mine has numerous pockets to stick keys, makeup, etc. I used to get so angry at never being able to find my keys but now it’s amazing!

      • OP

        That’s an amazing idea that seriously never occured to me before. I wonder if I could find one made especially for the Pliage.

    • Anonymous

      I stalked the Lo & Sons bag I wanted for months until it went on sale 40% off, which put the price at $170. I’ve been extremely happy with it — it’s light, great for travel or for everyday use, and is very comfortable to wear.

  2. Angel

    I just got a promotion that has been 6 years in the making (hooray). My boss tells me that a certain VP was instrumental in making it happen. Unfortunately I just accepted a new internal role and will be somewhat leaving his/her org in a bad spot – just by virtue of his team having to train a new person.

    What, if anything, can I do to express my appreciation to this VP and regret at leaving? This VP is rather new, so s/he really went out on a limb to endorse me despite not working with me long. Had I known this in advance I still would have taken the new role…but I just feel badly.

    Advice appreciated!

    • Ellen

      YAY KAT! Open thread’s! I love Open thread’s, tho this blouse is an open invite for Frank to grab at my boobie’s. FOOEY!

      As for the OP, Kudo’s to you! You can tell your VP that you apreciate his recomending you but that you will MISS him.

      Grandma Trudy is looking for love b/c her bunions were NOT attended to year’s ago and she walks more like a Penguin b/c of it. I told her NOT to worry, b/c she is still walking at age 93. Grandma Leyeh is NOT that old and she likes when we fawn over her. She even made Rosa and the kid’s come down to sit with her.

      I am planning a MATZO party for passover, where everyone has to bring their own Matzo’s. Has anyone in the HIVE ever held a MATZO party? If so, what did you put on the MATZOs? Jelly, Jam, Butter or Cream Cheeze? I am thinking all of the above….YAY!!!!!

    • NoLegalCounsel

      A thank you note. Chances are you will be working with the VP again, soon.

    • Idea

      Take him out to a nice lunch, on you to chat and network and say thanks.
      Or invite him to an outside networking invite, and pay his guest fee.

  3. annon

    Love the simplicity of the shirt, however, off the shoulder is not flattering on women with large shoulders and “other things”!

    • Anonymous

      This. If I can’t fit a normal, strapped bra under a thing, that thing does not have a place in my closet.

    • Anonymous

      One thing I learned….. no woman has fat shoulders or clavicles. It can be a very se*y and chic look. I hadn’t ever thought about this until I was reading some fashion article last year that said this.

      Of course the bra issue varies from woman to woman, but there are a lot of solutions to this too that surprised me when I was looking. Certainly not for everyone.

      But for me, I am not comfortable showing skin normally…. not upper arms, not legs (many reasons) and certainly not cleavage (tired of men staring at the crack). But this look was surprisingly nice on me. I would have never guessed.

  4. linda l

    I think it’s more “don’t wear the trend exactly the same way you did the first time” so it doesn’t look like you haven’t updated your wardrobe in 20 years (or however many years). So wear a 90’s inspired top with current pieces and don’t go head to toe 90’s.

    • Shopaholic

      +1 The off the shoulders look is actually a big trend this spring/summer. I just bought a new top and I’m excited to wear it!

      • emeralds

        Love the off-the-shoulder look, can’t wait to find a piece that works in my life to rock all summer!

  5. Anon for this

    Work advice request, please. If you have a peer (same level, report to same manager) that you actively dislike, to the point that you’re at the “B!*ch eating crackers” stage, what are some ways to get over that?

    Long story short, another lawyer in our department (reports to the female GC like I do) is just the living embodiment of mansplaining. He comes across as incredibly condescending and appears to think that my work (and other lawyers’ work) is not as important as his. I know others feel similarly about him, but I’ve also recently received a very nice promotion, raise, and bonus, so I know the GC (and exec leadership) think I do a good job. If he’s truly harmless and just a really, really annoying mansplaining coworker – how do I get over that and not let him get to me?

    • Anonymous

      As long as he is not impacting your work, stop caring about his opinion. Turn him into a (mental) case study on out-dated gender stereotypes? Figure out how to be amused by his attempts to assert dominance that does not correspond with his level of importance? Try to get him to mansplain something really outside of his area and keep asking questions, just to see how far he’ll go (like, how does an engine work)?

      Basically, mentally flip the switch to makes him a person to pity, rather than rage against.

        • CountC

          Also remember that this is about who he is, not who you are. Don’t internalize it and don’t take it personally – it’s not. You have evidence that the people who supervise you think you do good work and are good at your job. Eff him and let him make himself look stupid.

      • Anonymous

        “Oh, is that how you file a case? I thought I just had to put in the filing cabinet! I’m not sure why they didn’t teach that in law school. Bless your heart!”

    • Anonymous

      I wish I knew. I am so tired of my male cube-mate explaining my job to me (even though we work on completely different projects in different areas).

  6. Anonymous

    Feel like this is the only place I can vent about this…we have a local magazine that profiles a different family every month. This month the mother of the family said her “career” was selling Rodan + Fields (a multi-level marketing scheme for those of you don’t know). I would have had no problem if she had said her career was taking care of her family (she has 4 kids!!) or volunteering in the local schools. But something about someone claiming as a “career” something that requires them to harass all their acquaintances and essentially beg people for money irked the h-e-l-l out of me! I am just so over these pyramid schemes!

    • Anonymous

      Ha, I have a friend whose mother just started selling Stella & Dot. I told her I don’t like to support pyramid schemes. I was quite coldly informed it’s not a pyramid scheme. “She reports to the woman who recruited her, and now she has a few people she recruited under her. That’s all.”

      • Anonymous

        Oh my gosh…. I’m so tired of Nerium and Plexus. I could scream. Plus they post constantly on Facebook… I unfriend them.

        • Sydney Bristow

          Neurium, Shakelee, and the essential oil one are all over my Facebook lately. The annoying thing is that I actually want to see their other posts so I can’t just unfollow them.

        • Anonymous

          Plexus is a big one in my area. That particular pyramid scheme goes hand in hand with anti-vaxxers, which makes it even worse. I know someone who got in really early on Shakelee and seems to be doing incredibly well, but most of them appear to be selling their souls for the kind of money they could make working at McDonalds 5 hrs/week.

        • Shopping challenge

          Me too. I recently trolled someone who was selling Plexis in an on-line group by asking if it was solar. Sadly, she didn’t get it.

      • Proud S&D shopper

        Stella and Dot is *awesome* if you like jewellery and is actually something practical and useful and doesn’t promise to heal your soul or cure cancer. Just because it is sold by independent people rather than in a store does not mean it should be lumped in with the other junk we are talking about here.

        • Cat

          The point isn’t whether or not you like the merchandise (or whether the sales pitch is reliant on questionable-at-best medicine), it’s being nagged by the MLM Mafia on FB to constantly be purchasing from them or to become their “recruit.”

        • Anonymous

          It’s overpriced costume jewlery that’s sold by lemmings who have to shell out their own money to buy the jewelry in the first place.

        • Sydney Bristow

          I just don’t want to support an MLM business because I find them to be predatory. No problem supporting independent people and choose to do that by buying a lot of my jewelry through Etsy.

    • Maddie Ross

      Argh, yes! My FB feed is full of R&F, among others. I’ll be honest, I’m actually kind of intrigued by R&F, as I’m always looking for good facial product systems (like Paula’s choice-esque). But until I can buy from a website, or even a kiosk at the mall, there ain’t no way.

      • Delta Dawn

        I’m intrigued by R&F, too. I really don’t want to purchase from a pyramid scheme friend, and I unfollow all of the (many, many) people in my feed that are always selling R&F, Plexis, Jamberry, Usborne books, etc., but I’m getting really close to making an exception to try this skincare. Can anyone talk me out of or into this?

        • Icky

          I tried R&F and it left this coating on my face that smelled so bad during hot yoga that it made me queasy. (True story.). How’s that for a disincentive?

        • Maddie Ross

          The one near me only sells ProActiv that way, not the skincare lines. But maybe they’ll expand…

    • Meg Murry

      I think what makes me saddest about MLM is that almost everyone I know selling it is also a public school teacher. As if it isn’t bad enough that our area doesn’t pay our teachers very well, now they have to resort to MLM as well. Especially since there is a huge group of teachers selling R&L at a local elementary school – I’m not sure how they are going to make any money once they all stop buying from each other because they were recruited into selling it. So far at least I haven’t heard any horror stories of them pushing it to the parents. But some of the quasi-science (or straight up incorrect science) I see on their Facebook posts selling it makes me glad they were only teaching my kid in 1st grade when I was most concerned just about them teaching him to read and write, not advanced science.

      • Zelda

        This. I have a facebook friend who is a public school teacher and she regularly posts her latest jamberry jams on instagram/facebook. At least she isn’t intrusive with it (at least not to me).

    • Beans

      The MLMs are absolutely predatory and seek out low-income and, many times, stay at home and homeschool moms. While the sellers all claim to be making tens of thousands each month, the reality is that very, very few people actually make money and many end up losing money. The products are generally crappy as well (I am sure there are some exceptions) and I can’t even imagine how embarrassing it is to constantly harass your friends and families to buy products from you.

      • MLMs

        Has anyone been given the “thrive” pitch? It’s an “all natural supplement.” It’s like a drug and the promoters are like amped up cult members.

  7. Fourth tier anon

    Is there anyone here who is a lawyer but didn’t attend a T14 or top tier law school? I went to a fourth tier law school. I knew what it was going in. I had an opportunity for a full scholarship, otherwise would have had no way to pay for it (this was the same case for my undergrad).

    My mom is wonderful but she struggled to put food on the table when I was growing up. My dad was never involved although he comes from a family that was way better off than me. I know I shouldn’t let it bug me, but the snide and passive aggressive comments from them (some of them lawyers) about it really get to me. I know I didn’t go to Yale and I don’t make a six figure salary. But I did what I could to get out and better myself. My mom and are above the poverty line now and my grandpa is in a good retirement home. If anyone else has to deal with this how do you put up with it?

    • Senior Attorney

      What’s to put up with? You’ve done great! Full scholarship? Helping out Mom and Grandma? You are way ahead of the game!! Anybody who would make snide comments to you is absolutely not worth the time of day.

      Or how about cultivating a blank stare and a seriously curious “what do you mean by that?” response to those morons?

      • Anonymous

        +1 – You have probably gone further (given the starting point you had to where you ended up) than anyone making the comments.

        Take any backhanded comments at face value with an “I know! And I did it without Dad’s help!”

    • Anonymous

      Once you’re out of law school and gainfully employed, your school doesn’t matter that much. These people sound awful.

    • Anonymous

      I went to a non-T14 law school that I paid for by borrowing. I applaud you for going for free. I would never trash talk anyone. Mean is as mean does. If these relatives were AmLaw50 equity partners, I’d think they’d be too busy tease you, so I guess that even with their fancy degrees, they have enough time in their day to be mean. Sad, really. Be glad you’re the better person.

    • Anonymous

      Who’s ‘them’? Your Dad’s family? If so, a response along the lines of “The great scholarship was definitely a deciding factor for me as not everyone can rely on family money to pay for school.” is totally appropriate. Or, if you want to be nicer, just say “.. [awkward pause]….Okay…..[abrupt change of topic]”

      Non T-14 school here. I went to a great regional school because I knew I wanted to stay in my area and wanted to be able to chose my job without worrying about affect my debt repayment. Lower tier school to be debt free is totally a legit choice.

      Their comments say a lot more about them than about you. Proof that money can’t buy decency.

      • Emmer

        + a million to your last sentence. This has nothing to do with where you went to school and everything to do with them being snobby a-holes. I did go to a T-14 school but I think you are awesome and have nothing but respect for your path.

    • Anonymous

      Holy crap, I’m so mad on your behalf. Fuck them. Ask them why they didn’t pony up the $$$ for Yale!

      You sound like a great success and you should be really proud of yourself.

    • Shopping challenge

      You passed the same Bar as everyone else!
      Keep an active file of accolades and awards to remind yourself when necessary of how kick@$$ you are to get yourself to where you are now. Honestly, if there schools were objectify better, and you’re competing with them, the difference must be in you.

    • Anonymous

      I went to a fourth-tier law school at night and have worked in biglaw, government, and in-house. No one has EVER made a snide remark to me about my law school. If anything, people assume that I am a bada$$ hustler because it’s much more difficult to get those jobs without being from a T-14 school.

      All this is to say– the comments you’re getting are just rude family looking for a way to make you feel bad about yourself. Treat them the same way you would treat any rude family member. Ignore them, avoid them, change the subject, play bingo, enlist another friendly member who will also roll their eyes. There is zero need to justify yourself. Personally, I would give them a pause, raised eyebrows, followed by a flat “Seriously?” And then change the subject. THEY should be embarrassed, not you.

      Honestly, these relatives sound nasty. Have you talked to your dad about this? He should be the one telling them to back the eff off. As your internet friend, I give you permission to completely avoid them! No one should have to put up with this kind of sh!t from extended family.

    • lucy stone

      I went to a TTT and my husband went to a first tier school (I think it was like T25 when he was there) and I get a lot of snide comments from other alumni of his school, but I also live in a state where 90% of the lawyers never passed a bar, so whatever.

      • padi

        I grew up in the state where 90% of lawyers never take the bar and moved to one of the States with the most difficult bar exams in the country. From watching my parents divorce and a family member having a major personal injury case–boy does that state need a bar exam to weed out some really awful lawyers.*

        If I were to hire a lawyer, I would rather hire a lawyer who went to a TTT and passed a difficult bar exam than one who slid through law school and was admitted on diploma privilege.

        *I went to undergrad with a few now diploma privileged lawyers and think they might be good lawyers who would’ve passed the bar in that state anyway.

        • lucy stone

          There’s at least five people practicing here who I am entirely confident would not be able to pass the bar with multiple attempts. We also don’t require the MPRE of anyone, diploma privilege or not, because hey, who needs ethics?

      • Anonattorney

        Is that Wisconsin? Are there other states that allow you to practice without passing the bar?

      • Lavinia

        I was asked over and over during law school internships if I was going to be a “real lawyer” or just rely on diploma privilege. I took a bar exam–and passed–but I’ve never actually used it. I’m glad I have the flexibility to practice outside the state, should I ever need it.

    • Another Third Tier Graduate

      I went to a school that hovers between the third and fourth tiers. I went at night, which apparently has some kind of additional stigma. Full scholarship so no debt. I posted a really lengthy comment a couple of weeks ago about my experience, which I weon’t repeat, I’ll will say the following:

      Be proud of what you’ve accomplished. You got a full ride to law school and are a practicing lawyer, and it sounds like you did it on your own. I’d hire you before I hired your dad’s relatives. They are bad, petty people if they are making snide remarks about your law school and their opinions are worthless. I’m not sure why you even have to interact with them, but you could say the truth the next time one of them piles on, which is that you’re proud of your accomplishments and don’t understand why they would make a comment intended to be hurtful to you. Or you could say neither and remind yourself that success is a lot sweeter when you’ve really worked for it. I bet your mother and grandfather are bursting with pride for you, and that means a hell of a lot more than the opinions of persons unkind and impolite enough to denigrate your law school and accomplishments.

    • Anonymous

      Yes I did! Full ride as well. I make six figures now many years out. I hated that attitude, but once i left east for west coast it rarely happens now. plus i’m established and don’t care. cheers to you, the world is bigger than their nonsensical narrow view. i’m reading Originals and I like how he makes the case that people that ‘succeed’ in the traditional ways are so obsessed with that model they often fail to do bigger, better, more interesting things. :)

  8. Anonymous

    This is probably stupid but I just had to share. My father and his brother are lawyers. So is my mother’s brother. They have their own practice. It was no problem that my male cousins wanted to work their. But they didn’t support me being going to law school.

    I did it anyway without help from them. I don’t really talk to my family much anymore. I just won a case against a company that my dad’s firm has lost to in court twice before. I know there are a million factors and each case is different, but part of me is celebrating this as a big @#$! you! to my family.

  9. Sweden/Finland

    Looking for recs for Stockholm, Helsinki, and the surrounding areas. I am going to visit some friends in Helsinki and taking some time in Stockholm on the way. In a last minute change of plans, my younger brother (21/college junior) is joining me! So wonderful.

    He loves history and old stuff, I am more interested in art, design and city sites. We both like nature and outdoor activities. Any recommendations for things to do in Stockholm and the surrounding area? We are definitely open to a day trip or two. Would also appreciate any cool sites for my brother to check out in Helsinki should he want a quick escape from me and my girlfriends.

    • Anonymous

      In Stockholm, my favorite things were wandering the Gamla Stan (old town) and the Vasa museum.

      I went to Helsinki in early April and it was still bitterly cold (significantly colder than Stockholm). I didn’t love the city, but I only spent about 10 hours there (flew for the day from Stockholm). The Upsenski (Russian Orthodox) Cathedral is beautiful and was my favorite thing I did in Helsinki itself. I also visited the Lutheran cathedral, and went to a farmer’s market by the harbor where I had great Baltic salmon. The highlight of the day was going to the Suomenlinna sea fortress which is a UNESCO world heritage site. The ferry ride there was COLD but the fortress itself was picturesque and really interesting, and seeing Helsinki from the water as we sailed away was fun too. The ticket for that was pretty cheap, I think less than $10 US.

      In general I was really struck by how Russian Helsinki feels, between the considerable Russian influences in the architecture and the fact that there are street signs that have Russian on them. I’ve never been to Russia but Helsinki felt very, very different than the rest of Scandinavia. It’s a fun place to experience.

    • espresso bean

      Agree with everything Anonymous above said. Helsinki felt VERY Russian and kind of cold to me. Stockholm, on the other hand, was like a wonderland and surpassed my every expectation. You only need 1-2 days in Helsinki, but you’ll want 3-4 in Stockholm.

      My friend and I took the overnight ship (cheesy, but fun) from Stockholm to Helsinki and spent one night there. Then we took the two-hour midday ferry from Helsinki to Tallinn, Estonia, which I would highly recommend if you’re already going to Helsinki! It’s charming and underrated. We spent a couple nights there, and then we took the overnight ship back to Stockholm.

    • Coach Laura

      Yes to the Vasa Museet and also the gardens adjacent to the Vasa. And then there is a water taxi that takes you to the old town and the Stockholm Palace. And then wander around to the little shops by the Palace.

      Liked Helsinki. Went to the Sibelius Homestead outside Helsinki.

      And definitely recommend taking the short trip to Tallin and exploring the old walled city.

  10. Interview suit

    Getting married next month and moving from NYC to Connecticut so will have to start looking for a new job. I have not interviewed in years and wonder if I can wear a pants suit versus a skirt suit to an interview.

  11. AIMS

    I need to bring dessert to a dinner party. Any favorite easy recipes? Looking for something that’s simple to make last minute and that would travel well.

  12. Tumi Sinclair Nora?

    Comment got lost, sorry if this is a duplicate.

    I’m eyeing the large size Tumi Sinclair Nora tote, have been looking for a non-leather bag that can go over the handle of a spinner suitcase. It’s posted dimensions are bigger in height and width but smaller in depth (? the inside) than my current work tote. I need to carry legal-size folders and/or expandable folders, a decent-sized laptop, toiletry bag and other sundries. Any have this bag and can comment on its size or usefulness (or anything else)?

    TIA

    Jules

  13. Big Law to Non Profit

    Reporting from the morning thread, but I’d love any advice of making a transition from big law to a non-profit (and how decide if it’s the right move).

    I was offered a job this week at a non-profit, working in a legal role in a field that I feel very passionately about. I am excited and flattered to have been offered the role, but I am also a bit apprehensive, as this would be a very big change for me (currently big law, so this would entail a greater than 50% pay cut, loss of day-to-day flexibility, less job security and starting back at the bottom of the totem pole). I love the people that I currently work with, and I feel like I have it good as big law goes. The new job would still have long hours, but without the corresponding compensation. However, I am feeling burnt out and am not excited about the potential career paths available in my current field (law firm partner/counsel, working in house at a bank, etc.). This move would bring me closer to a field that I have always wanted to get back into.

    I would love thoughts from anyone who has made this type of move, or considered something similar and decided against it. What questions would you ask? Any tips for negotiating salary (I will be switching fields, so have limited leverage, and the pay is on par with what I expected, although much lower than what I’m making now)? Any tips on getting a feel for a group/organization’s culture or for determining long-term opportunities in a new field?

    • Anon

      What do your finances look like. Are you one of those biglaw associates who knows that time in biglaw is limited and lives within 50% of your salary — or just way below your means? Or do you pretty much live a biglaw type of life? Reason I ask is — how much will your day to day life change with a pay cut >50%? Will you have to switch apartments? Endure a longer commute? Give up a luxury car? Will you feel ok with less (I assume) going into savings and a 401k?

    • Anonymous

      Compare the overall compensation not just the salary dollars – retirement, health, vacation benefits, sick leave. mat leave etc.

      If you can’t get them to up the starting salary, can you negotiate a 6 month review instead waiting a year? Do you move up salary lockstep like in biglaw or otherwise? If otherwise, how?

  14. Anon

    Has anyone here tried HairStory yet? Specifically the New Wash? $40 is a lot for me but I really like in theory the idea of working with and not against my curls. Thanks.

  15. Anonymous

    How much should an accountant cost for tax prep? For perspective, married in the past year, purchased a home last year, have combined income of 200K+, and have K1 statements. This would also be our first year with a new accountant.

    • Jules

      There was a long thread about this earlier this week, I think, maybe Monday or Tuesday. FWIW, I’m in a smallish Midwest city, similar economics and filing status (partner in a firm, so K-1 and not a W-2 and self employment tax issues) and last year paid about $700 for federal, state and city prep. It strikes me as a lot but I don’t what to eff with it.

    • Anonymous

      I had mine done at H&R Block in the Bay Area for years and it always cost around $300-$400 (married filing jointly, 2 states + federal). But then I found out that our tax person had royally screwed up years and years of tax returns and we had to pay a ton of penalties and interest. So this year I am going to attempt it myself (which I did for years before I was married).

      • Anonymous

        I would not go to H&R with a K-1. That’s some specialized sh!t there. H&R is mostly just people running TurboTax for you.

        • 4:21

          Yes, I learned my lesson. I will never go there again. If it’s a complicated situation you need a real accountant, if it is a simple situation it’s much cheaper to use TurboTax.

      • Curious

        Do you have any recourse there? Can you file a malpractice complaint? You would still owe the taxes I guess but the interest and penalties should be recoverable damages. There should be some safe harbor with the IRS if you show you used a professional and the professional screwed it up. It should get you out of interest and penalties.

        • 4:21

          I was exaggerating a wee bit when I said we owed “tons” of penalties and interest. The total tax bill (it was owed to a state tax board, not the federal IRS) was less than $1,000 and the penalties and interest part of it was less than $200. It was a huge annoyance, but honestly, the time it would take me to fight them is worth way more than $200. We’ve since moved to the Midwest and I was able to sweet talk a nice guy at my local H&R Block into filing the amended returns for me for free (apparently their official policy is to charge $99 per return for an amended return even when the mistake was theirs, which is crazy). I couldn’t even get ahold of the H&R Block office I used in California, which was obnoxious. But I believe it’s all behind me now (knock on wood) and it’s worth $200 to me to never think about this nonsense again.

        • Anonymous

          H&R Block preparers are not “professionals” in the sense that there would be an actionable malpractice claim. They have no formal accounting training–anyone can walk in off the street and apply. Anon above is correct when she says they are basically taking what you bring in and putting it into H&R Block’s version of Turbo Tax for you. And it depends some on the management of a particular location, but some can be very aggressive in trying to generate high refunds in a way that is not supported by tax law, because the incentives for it exist from the top.

          They do offer their own “audit guarantee” which 4:21 might have recourse under, but based on her reply sounds like it’s not worth it to her.

          • Anonymous

            ETA: Penalties can sometimes be abated for reliance on a professional but its a facts and circumstances test whether the reliance was reasonable. As 4:21 points out, would not have been worth it to fight in this case. However, even if penalties are abated, you can never get out of interest on the tax owed.

    • Anna

      I’m a CPA (in the Midwest) and the fees charged by my firm depend on the level of work required. For a MFJ return with W-2s and itemizing deductions, the return should take no more than an hour to prepare. Average cost is approximately $200 and this includes a staff/senior accountant preparing the return, a manager/partner verifying the return, and the time necessary for admin to scan documents, print the return and compile the tax return package.

      • AZCPA

        Area definitely plays into it – in my large southwestern city, quality tax prep from a good firm starts at $350 for the type of return you describe. Of course, our H&R Block offices around here (see above posts on NOT using this type of company) charge nearly $300.

    • Anonymous

      In greater DC area similar income and I guess complexity though not K1 but other issues. Last year was $1750 including checkins every quarter and quarterly filings. This is the first year it was that high but there were lots of additional schedules to file. I think the first year we used him it was about $1000. It’s worth every penny though. He’s a CPA, partner at a firm, and has lots of resources to find answers to complicated questions (apparently my new w-2 is the most bizarrely complicated he has ever seen). We don’t live in DC anymore and he still handles our stuff.

      • Anonymous

        I should add that I did our taxes for number of years using turbo tax but it was such a stress. I am not trained as an accountant or lawyer, although I manage our household finances I think quite well, but the complexities were too much. When we hired our current accountant I had basically already done our taxes that year and he corroborated that I was doing them pretty well. But, it took hours (I mean maybe 60 hours?? Maybe more? of my weekend time!) and so much stress on my own shoulders and then I would get cranky and stressed and my family wouldn’t want to be around me. And it just wasn’t worth it. So there is power to understanding how to do your own taxes but also, this is something where I feel like at your (our) income level, you can absolutely feel comfortable letting someone take the stress from you and that money is worth while. Ok for me.

  16. Anon

    Has anyone found a drugstore substitute for Living Proof? Money’s a little tight and spending $60 on shampoo and conditioner defies reason, even though I love love love it.

    • lucy stone

      The Costco Moisture Plus conditioner is close, but not as great. I am also a Living Proof junkie who is embarrassed by what I spend on it, so I try to alternate my LP products with Head and Shoulders/Kirkland. If it’s the weekend I always use my cheap stuff unless I know I’ll blowout and style my hair. I also only wash every 2-3 days in the winter and use dry shampoo to extend it.

      • Not OP Anon

        Which dry shampoo do you use? I wash on a similar schedule and I definitely need to start doing dry shampoo on the non-wash days.

        • JJ

          The Living Proof dry shampoo is the best I’ve ever used. I buy a couple bottles at a time, so I always have some on hand…

          • lawsuited

            +1 Living Proof is the best dry shampoo I’ve ever used and I’ve tried a LOT of different brands. It is pricey though, so I only use it for special days and use Batiste the rest of the time.

        • lucy stone

          Alterna Anti-Aging Caviar. I have dirty blonde hair and as long as I rub it in there’s no problems. I usually put it in at night and then brush it out in the morning post shower.

  17. Anonymous

    My iPhone 4’s battery is shot so I finally need to upgrade. Thoughts on the 6 vs. 6s? Other than email, texts and calls, I primarily use my phone for the camera and from reading articles online it seems like the 6s has a significantly better camera, but I’m curious to hear people’s thoughts. Thoughts also on the 16GB vs. 64GB sizes? I feel like I don’t *need* the space. It would be nice to have tons of music and high-res photos on my phone but I’m not sure it’s worth $100 to me. On the other hand, I hope to have this phone a long time and it’s not a huge investment for a lot more space.

    • Anonymous

      I really regret getting the 16GB 6 – it is not enough storage. I hardly have any apps and mostly use my phone for texting, internet, and taking random pictures. I frequently have to find things to delete because I’m out of space. I know several others that have the same problem. IOS is too big now and Apple really should stop making the 16GB. I had the 16GB 4 and never had these issues.

    • Anon

      I really regret getting the 16GB 6 – it is not enough storage. I hardly have any apps and mostly use my phone for texting, internet, and random pictures. IOS is too big now and Apply really needs to discontinue the 16GB I frequently have to delete things because I’m out of space and I never had this problem with my 16 GB 4.

    • AIMS

      I think it’s worth the $100. The way I think about it is I am putting the contents of my old phone onto new one and expect to still add new content as I use it so I need the space for what’s already there and for what’s to come.

      But – for those with storage issues – deleting text conversations is a good way to add space; some of those long chains take up a surprising amount of memory.

    • Anonymous

      I recently had to make the same choice and went 64 gb 6S because I keep phones for a while. When I went 3 to 5 last time, the iOS had become too complicated for the 3.

    • Anonymous

      Um, no, the shape has not been altered. Americans have gotten so fat that skinny is no longer perceived as real.

      • Anonymous

        There is no way that is real. Check your expectations and your judgement.

        • AZCPA

          I think it could be real, but that’s because models generally and especially lingerie/swimsuit models are incredibly thin. Doesn’t mean it’s a look I like or that most women should aspire to.

    • Bonnie

      Definitely photoshopped. It’s especially noticeable in the unnatural curves of the left leg.

    • string bean here

      I think the legs have been photoshopped just based on the thigh gap. That being said, my legs are thin and look like that, and I eat plenty of food and do moderate exercise. Just naturally string-bean body type.

      Why are you “weirded” out by skinny legs? People come in all shapes and sizes. I’m equally happy to see all body types in advertisements.

    • Anonymous

      Well… it’s skinny, but it’s my body type. She is slightly bowlegged, which makes her thigh gap more prominent. This is a common variant.

      Thigh gap is such a silly thing to focus on. It depends on your pelvis and hip orientation – not just your thigh circumference.

      This isn’t photoshopped. She actually has muscle definition, which is NOT what the modeling world promotes at all… particularly for underwear models. If anything, I have seen them try to photoshop it this OUT.

      Seeing women with no definition in their legs, where their thighs/leg lines are just straight and thigh circumference = lower leg circumference makes me scared for their future health.

      This model actually looks thin, and more healthy with the muscle definition.

      Remember, a lot of this is just genetics.

      • string bean here

        I have the thigh gap too from being bow legged. I just meant it looked photoshopped from the gap in the crotch area, making it look square (kind of like the target snafu), but I could be over thinking it :)

  19. mom anon

    Having a dinner play date with some parent friends this weekend – need some vegetarian toddler-friendly recipes. Mac and cheese, yes, but I would like to do something different. Ideas?

    • AIMS

      Cauliflower parmesan from NYTimes. A bit time intensive but always a huge hit (you can make it a bit healthier by baking the cauliflower first, instead of frying).

      • Jules

        Yeah, for most toddlers “something different” is not what they want. But you could do somewhat separate dishes for kids and grown-ups — maybe something like pasta where everyone has the same base but the toppings are different, so the kids get simple tomato sauce or butter and the parents have something spicier or more sophisticated, like arrabiata or Thai peanut sauce.

    • Baconpancakes

      Falafel! They can eat them with their hands, along with cucumber slices and cherry tomatoes the adults can put into their pitas.

    • Susan

      How about some kind of veggie pancake … zucchini fritters, corn cakes, latkes, etc. Or a veggie soup? I made a creamy broccoli soup once that was a shockingly big hit with the toddler set.

  20. Nice Cube

    I will be in LA for my birthday this year, yay! I will be with friends and family – 10 adults (including my parents) and three kids aged 1- 5, coming from all over the LA area. How should I celebrate? I would looove to have a beach party picnic, where we bring food and drinks and hang out, but that seems really hard to pull off, esp with kids. Any ideas? Are some beaches better than others for something like this? Santa Monica was the place to be when I was a kid, is that still true?

    • Wildkitten

      Is there a beach location with bathrooms and you can rent picnic tables and tents? Maybe a city park next to a beach?

    • Susan

      Sounds like the Annenberg Beach House is the perfect venue for you! Not sure exactly when your birthday is/what your budget is, but you can rent different spaces there, including just some picnic tables in the courtyard, which is super low-key. Right on the beach and there’s even a play area next door.

      Otherwise, a beach day party is easy. Just pick a spot with reasonable parking (again, not sure when your date is but if it’s the weekend during the height of summer, parking can be an issue). It’s shocking how much crap you start hauling to the beach once you have kids, so if you are doing a potluck sort of thing, take it easy on the parents :)

      Another option with a similar vibe (if you have a bigger budget) is to rent a poolside cabana at a hotel and invite everyone over for a day of luxurious poolside lounging.

      Happy birthday!

  21. Wordy

    Ellen (who gets on my last nerve) hasn’t been around for a few days. On vacation? Or has Kat finally decided to screen her out?

  22. Hermione Granger

    I had a terrible week, but my last meeting of the week was a sit-down with my boss during which I asked for and received a raise for the first time in my life!

  23. Randi

    Is there a website I can put my zip code in and find reliable averages for electric, water and gas? I googled but I’m hoping for a recommendation of something that was found valid.

    • Interview suit

      I’ve been working in a VERY VERY casual office for the last 6 years- I have a surprise (last minute) and very formal interview on Monday in a tech sector company, where I know I’ll need to be business formal. Would anyone object to someone wearing a blazer+dress suit? Both are same navy wool suiting material – it seems fine in my mind but I would hate to make the wrong impression.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t really see that being possible – bills vary so much, not just with use but the size and efficiency of the home. I don’t see how an average would be of any use, other than perhaps inside a large apartment building where the physical construction is uniform in all homes.

    • Anonymous

      Just go onto the “city-data” website, find the state/city you are considering, and post a question asking this. But yes, you do have to indicate the size apartment/house you are looking for and whether you are anticipating central heating/cooling vs. radiators/AC units.

  24. profmama

    I’m organizing and hosting an academic conference this week, and have two questions:

    1) What’s the best way to list my role on the conference agenda? I had the vision, got the grant, got all the speakers, planned the agenda… Organizer? Convener? Is there another word? I feel like this is a major accomplishment and I want it associated with my name. Or should I just say that it’s sponsored by my academic department?

    2) I have two amazing assistants helping me put it together. They’ve consistently gone above and beyond. Besides publicly thanking them, what would be a good way to express my gratitude? They’re both graduate students, late 20s/early 30s, women.

    • Wildkitten

      Absolutely say that it is organized by you, not just your department. Some ideas – Conference Organizer? Conference Name CEO?

      Amazon giftcards? Champagne? Vacation days? Opportunities to present at said conference?

      • profmama

        Yes, I did give them first dibs on appropriate presentation opportunities. One declined at first, realized she’d like to, and I found a spot for her yesterday.

        Champagne and vacation days are great ideas, as is the coffee gift card below.

    • Sarabeth

      I don’t think you list yourself as anything in the program, but you can put it on your CV. I assume you are doing stuff like introducing the conference – it will be obvious that you are in charge.

      Give your grad students gift cards to the campus coffee shop. If they are not people you would be writing letters of recommendation for anyway, write a note to their advisers so that their advisers can quote you praising them in their letters.

    • Anonymous

      You could call yourself the Chair of the Conference Planning Committee or something like that, and name your grad students as the Vice Chairs.

    • PamBeasley

      The common term for this role within many conferences is General Chair.

  25. Going Anywhere

    Sell me on your city!

    I work for a major corporation with offices in pretty much any American city you can think of. The company lets you transfer between offices at will. (My entire department works remotely with no one in the same office as anyone else.)

    I’m currently living in D.C. After paying $1900 for a one bedroom apartment and putting my SLs on the 25 year repayment plan, I’ve realized I’m never going to get ahead financially here. I’m basically living paycheck to paycheck, and that’s not ok by me at this point in my life.

    Where would you go to make a $90k salary go the furthest and why?

    • Anonymous

      Two cities I might seriously consider are Denver and Minneapolis — outsdoorsy, good book culture, decent airports, lots of professional sports. (I also like winter and snow, and have lived in the Northeast and Midwestern plains, so weather isn’t a minus.)

      That said, I have considered relocating to Minneapolis seriously but can’t make myself pull the plug because I am in my 30s, black, and single. I value and need a level of diversity that rules those cities out for me, but I think they are great in a lot of respects. So it depends on what your considerations are.

      • NYtoCO

        +1 Denver! We were just named the #1 best city to live in by US News. I love it here, the weather is amazing if you like 4 seasons. Proximity to the mountains is great. The airport is a major hub with flights anywhere. There are a bunch of really cute, distinct neighborhoods. I like the food/drinks/beer scene here.

        However, it might not be as LCOL as you might assume… I’ve heard people compare it to Chicago in terms of that, but I don’t have personal experience.

    • Socksberg

      Consider Philadelphia! That salary would get your pretty far here, and there is always tons to do.

      • Anonymous

        +1 million! Love Philly, among many reasons because it is still economically diverse in a way that so many cities aren’t. On $90,000 you will be able to buy a place (small in the city but large house in the inner suburbs) if you want or rent a nice place in the middle of the town, go out to eat and have vacations, and still save.

    • Anonymous

      I’ve lived in every region of the US except the Southwest, and if could go anywhere, it would definitely be back to the Midwest. Midwesterners are so friendly and laid back. It’s just an easy place to live (although the point above about lack of diversity in many places is well-taken). Cleveland! “Mistake on the lake” but there’s waterfront, good museums, zoo, world-class orchestra, international airport, and it’s SO cheap. Northeast Ohio has great parks, too, if you’re into biking and hiking.

      I also seriously considered Madison, WI a few years ago. I was surprised how progressive, pretty and outdoorsy it felt. But I have no long-term experience there, and of course winters can be brutal.

      • Anonymous

        +1 to the Midwest and Madison specifically if you can handle the harsh winters. I agree with the assessment that it’s pretty, progressive and outdoorsy, and it definitely has a lot going on with the university. For a big city, I love Chicago, but it is the most expensive Midwestern city by a lot. I think it is still significantly cheaper than DC though. I think that many of the smaller Midwestern cities would be really nice places to live including Columbus, Cleveland, Des Moines, Kansas City, Minneapolis (again, if you’re ok with a long harsh winter) and Indianapolis.

        My family is all in the Midwest so I will never leave but if they would follow me, I think I would also love to live in the Pacific Northwest (although Seattle especially is really getting up there in terms of cost of living) or Portland, Maine. I haven’t spent enough time in Denver but based on what I’ve heard I think I might like that too.

    • Anon

      I’d go with Pittsburgh. Major sports stadiums, lovely river, cool food, and a beautiful downtown. It is also really close to beautiful mountains for skiing/snowboarding. As a Canadian it is the only American city I would ever even contemplating living in. It reminds me of Canada, which is the highest compliment I could pay a city.

      • Carrots

        We’ve also got great cultural happenings here – the theatre and music scene is wonderful. We don’t have a whole lot in museums, but they’re great if you’ve never been or they get new exhibits in. I would also say we’re very friendly. We’re also getting to be a younger city – more 20s/30s are coming back after going away for a while or coming for the first time.

    • CDA

      Check out Des Moines, Iowa.

      Seriously. Admittedly, I have a bit of hometown bias, but it’s on lots of “best places to live”-type lists that a quick internet search will pull up.

      • Anonymous

        Hi, Iowans! I am just so happy to see Iowans on here. I spent almost 10 years in Iowa City, and, yes, Des Moines has definitely grown in vibrancy or culture, size, and so many other things. I miss Iowa all the time!

      • Go Cyclones!

        I grew up in Ankeny and went to Iowa State for undergrad! Living in St. Paul now…

    • Buffalo

      It’s a rust belt city that is really coming along. They’re developing the waterfront, there are breweries at every turn, amazing restaurants opening regularly (and staying open) and lots of outdoorsy things to be done. You’ve got Allegany State Park, Letchworth State Park, Stonybrook State Park, the Finger Lakes and Niagara for the wineries and Niagara Falls.

      A lot of the younger population is moving back into the city. It’s really great here.

    • Anonymous

      I would second those who mentioned Minneapolis – great outdoor recreation (winter, spring, fall or summer!), plenty of cool, unique restaurants, good shopping, close to the urban and close to the country, weather is decent, and there are lots of diverse people there. I don’t even live in Minneapolis but love to visit (live about 3.5 hours away). We visit for the sports teams, the shopping, the fun restaurants and to visit friends.

    • Rachel

      I would second those who mentioned Minneapolis – great outdoor recreation (winter, spring, fall or summer!), plenty of cool, unique restaurants, good shopping, close to the urban and close to the country, weather is decent, and there are lots of diverse people there. I don’t even live in Minneapolis but love to visit (live about 3.5 hours away). We visit for the sports teams, the shopping, the fun restaurants and to visit friends.

    • Hildegarde

      You should seriously consider my city, Cincinnati. $90k goes far here because the cost of living is very reasonable, there is a ton going on (new restaurants, breweries, great cultural resources), the pace of life is pleasant, people are nice (hooray for the Midwest), winters are usually cold but not brutal (although summer is brutally humid), and Cincinnati has a significant number of Fortune 500 companies, so if you ever want to switch jobs there are other places to go where people do sophisticated work and make good money. People call Cincinnati a city of neighborhoods, because many neighborhoods have their own unique character, and many have a small walkable downtown areas, and they inspire a lot of loyalty.

      A few drawbacks, so you can make an informed decision: although Cincinnati has an extensive parks system, there isn’t the same outdoorsy culture here as there is in other places, like Denver. It’s just not as easy to find awesome hiking, skiing, etc. The public transit is improving slowly, but is not great. It would be difficult to live here without a car. Finally, if you’re not from Cincinnati, the best ways to make friends are either through work, if you work at a place with other transplants who arrived when you did, or to join an established group of people, since many people here grew up here, left, and then returned. My friend group consists of a bunch of us who fit the latter description, and we make a point to reach out to newbies, so if you do move to Cincy, let me know and I can introduce you to people.

    • Twin Cities

      90K will go a lot further in Des Moines than Minneapolis, but I live in Minneapolis and I think you can live pretty well on 90K here. If you can deal with winter, we have a delightful combination of arts and culture, sports teams, outdoorsy activities a few miles outside of the cities, tons of parks in the cities, urban life, great restaurants, major airport with tons of direct flights, etc. I’m a transplant here (since 1998) and I love it. Downsides are that we are not particularly ethnically diverse, winter (for me, but a lot of people get into winter sports), and the fact that so many native Minnesotans are so entrenched with their high school and college friends that it is near impossible to break into the friend circles. But never fear, the Twin Cities are chock full of transplants and my husband and I have made tons of lovely transplant friends. Minneapolis definitely leans left, which suits me but is not for everyone. Oh, and we have a ton of big companies (Boston Scientific, 3M, Medtronic, various banks, Ecolab, etc.) so if you’re looking to make a move down the road you will have options.

    • AZCPA

      Tucson, Arizona! After all those recs of cities in the midwest and northeast, I have one thing to say: it’s 80 degrees here right now, and I’m going swimming later.

      But more seriously, it is an extremely low COLA area, with tons of great restaurants and lots of outdoorsy things to do. Our airport is very easy to fly from if you want to get away, and a top 10 city in size (Phoenix) is 90 miles away if you need a weekend of big city shopping and entertainment. Yes, the landscape is an adjustment from other areas, but it truly has its own beauty that people who spend more than a minute here tend to really come to appreciate. And yes, the summers are hot, but everyone and every business has air conditioning. Plus the really hot part only last about two months – far shorter than the brutal winters back east.

    • Pittsburgh

      I don’t know if you’re checking this anymore but I can’t believe nobody has mentioned Pittsburgh! Friendly people, very low cost of living, tons going on culturally. The weather is not amazing but way better than many midwestern cities. There are lots of transplants and I’ve found it very easy to make friends here, including with people who grew up here (a lot are boomeranging back to the city). I love it here, I really can’t say enough about how great of a city it is.

    • Anonymous

      I’m a little surprised you are living paycheck to paycheck. $90k is a great salary – higher than I will ever have in my life, and I have no big company benefits/retirement matching and pay for my own health insurance. It sounds like you don’t even have commuting costs since you telecommute. Maybe take a look at Mr. Money Mustache and figure out where the rest of your salary is going, and start gathering some tips.

      But I am glad you are thinking of moving. This will help a lot.

      • Anonymous

        I don’t think the OP is financially irresponsible at all. esp with hefty student loans. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to enjoy your life and still have money left over after bills, and that is hard to do on that salary in DC.

        • Anonymous

          This really is a website for the elite… I know I need to accept that.

          We just have different values. It is not that hard to enjoy life without a 90k salary – even with loans.

          But I also think many on this site have a lot to learn about financial planning and management.

          • anon

            and city, Anon. I lived in NYC and DC and the money all goes to taxes, housing, etc. In Seattle it’s way better, but actually last several months my costs are more than income, and I do know about management. I don’t shop hardly at all, don’t have cable, live outside city, etc. and life stuff comes up .Medical bills, home maintenance, car trouble, so many unexpected things, and so forth. I’m a single earner with a kid. Low six figures should and is doable many places… but doesn’t mean it’s easy, even if frugal. Esp with loans.

    • Sasha

      Raleigh, NC. I am from the triangle area of NC and its a great affordable place to live. Raleigh has LCOL, lots of transplants, culture, and great food scenes. Weather is pleasant. College basketball is fun. Close to mountains and the beach.

    • Manchester, NH

      If you picked DC because you like being in the heart of politics, consider Manchester, NH. Being the first primary, we get more political attention than most states. St. Anselm College has a national political institute and has famous politicians speaking there year round and the events are open to the public. No sales tax and no income tax. Real estate is very affordable. I have a four bedroom, four bathroom house with finished basement and garage for $270k. I’m 10 minutes from the states’ capitol and 20 from Manchester. There are really neat businesses in refurbished mill buildings along the river. You are 45 mins from Boston (when not in rush hour), an hour from the White Mountains and an hour from the beach/ocean. I absolutely love it.

      I’d also love Portland, Maine or Stowe, VT but the cost of living is higher there than Manchester, NH. Portsmouth, NH is nice too.

      • Anonymous

        To offer a counterpoint, I lived near Manchester NH for a summer internship in college and HATED it. The people in Manchester and the suburb I lived in were way too conservative and pro-gun for me. Admittedly, I have lived in pretty liberal places (Boston, Bay Area) for much of my life, but I’ve also lived in a Midwest swing state and have spent some time in Raleigh, NC (and liked both places) so I don’t think I need to live in a place that is all liberals. But I felt isolated and attacked in Manchester. I was also harassed by men on the street (and in the grocery store, at the bank, etc.) more there than I ever have been before or since in any other place I’ve lived. I was seriously catcalled or approached in a really crude way at least once a week. I loved the proximity to Boston and Maine and to nature (the White Mountains are gorgeous!!) but it was a really awful experience and is the only place I’ve spent significant time in that I’m confident I could not live in long-term.

    • EE

      Look up a list of states without state income tax and see if any of those are palatable to you. :-) Florida, Nevada, Texas, Washington state, maybe a few others.

    • In House Lobbyist

      Nashville.

      No state income tax, generally low cost living, big city perks but still feels like a small city, booming restaurants and social scene, tons of parks and outdoor spaces.

  26. Anonymous

    Lots of lawyers here. Anyone have a recommendation for a good but not too spendy trial bag?

  27. Paging Mae Wood

    Mae Wood -after reading your post here, I bought your two novels. I love fiction and couldn’t put them down. Found the s*x scenes a little tiresome but only because I wanted to get to the end to find out what happens to your heroine!

    • Anonymous

      Ohhhh me too! I loved the first one and am saving the second. It was crazy and unrealistic in exactly the way my fantasies are. Recommended it to all my book friends.

  28. BetaBrand yoga riding pants

    Following up with a review of my BetaBrand yoga riding pants. I am looking for pants to wear while riding my bike on my commute to work and into the office that look decent for a business casual environment (with a sweater or knit jacket). They have dress yoga pants that someone here raved about.

    They look great and I love them. I ordered XL Petite but they were too large (that never happens!) so I am sending back with free return shipping and reordering LP.

    I am going to tell them that they need a reviews page so that people can post things about sizing etc.

  29. India trip

    Hi all, I’m going on vacation to India and Nepal in about two weeks for 15 days. I’m doing a group tour because I didn’t feel comfortable as a single woman traveling alone. The tour starts in Delhi and travels to Pushkar, Jaipur, Agra, Varanasi, Lumbini, and Kathmandu. What should I keep in mind regarding clothing? Should I make sure to always wear long pants or long skirts and have my shoulders covered? Any other tips for traveling in India and Nepal? Thanks so much.

    • Ade

      You’ll be completely fine! Keeping your legs covered is a good rule of thumb. In the cities- Delhi especially, you’ll see women in jeans and tops. Standard fare for other places is the Salwaar kameez, a knee-length tunic over pants (many women wear leggings instead of the matching pants now), and it also is worn with a “dupatta”, a scarf that draped over your shoulders and covers your chest. Those are ubiquitous and you may want to pick one up. Have a fantastic time!

    • Batgirl

      I found it really useful to bring a few large scarves/pashminas so I could cover up more or less depending on where I was and how comfortable I felt.

    • teslagirl

      I wore long pants with a long tunic every day and I always felt like I fit in (as much as a blonde North American can fit in). Make sure that your top is long enough to cover your bum and you will be fine. I loved Rajasthan, especially Jaipur, so I am jealous of your trip. FabIndia and Anokhi (both chains, but Anokhi is based in Jaipur) have lovely clothing items, so you may want to get a few things there. I was not a big fan of Agra; the Taj Mahal is wonderful, of course, but the crowds were extreme. Hopefully you will get to go to the “Little Taj” as well. Varanasi is an assault on the senses but just go with it and you will love it. India is crowded and dirty and chaotic but I would go back tomorrow.

  30. Anonymous

    How do we feel about the MM (medium size) Louis Vuitton Neverfull bag in the brown/dark brown (non-logo) check?

  31. Labellion

    Completely agree with Kat here. It is exhausting to keep up with the minor trends, although I still follow the big ones. Just bought a lovely pair of high waisted, wide leg navy pants for the spring that are actually comfortable!

    Looking for recs of comfortable and professional wedge heels, preferably available in beige (nude for me). I’ll be traveling for work a lot the next few months and the plan is that they would go with everything. I will be on my feet a lot. I have small bunions, so nothing too narrow.

    I will be interacting with high level members of management as part of this travel and I’m hoping for a promotion, a lot of which depends on my success with this new venture. I guess I’m trying to say, I want look like I have a place at that table without trying too hard. I know that is a hefty load for one pair of shoes to carry, so if anyone has advice on the overall situation I would love to hear it! I’m trying to not get too wrapped up in the possibility of promotion in case I don’t get it.

    • Anon-Y

      Rockport Total Motion Low Wedge? I find the adiprene insoles really comfy on other models – I know you asked for nude, but the “New Taupe Waxed Calf” works really well as a neutral for me, and also ages well (deals well with rain, scuffs etc).

  32. New to Chi

    Relatively new to Chicago and am trying to figure out good spots for a birthday celebration.

    Looking for recommendations for a good Saturday evening spot (not a club) OR fun day-drinking/brunch spots.

    Late 20s-early 30s crowd, nothing too pricey as it’ll be a gaggle of grad students.

    Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

    • Wildkitten

      I like to day drink at Big Star, but there are a hundred amazing places in Chicago. You might get more responses if you post again on Monday.

  33. Moonstone

    Looking for a book recommendation for a 16-year-old girl who enjoyed Hunger Games. Help me out, hive!

    • Anonymous

      Handmaid’s Tale: it’s a classic for a reason. It blew me away when I read it in my early 20s.

    • CKB

      I enjoy young adult fiction. I LOVED the Luna Chronicles series by Marissa Meyer. First book is Cinder. It’s a twist on classic fairy tales. 4 books – Cinder (Cinderella), Scarlet (Little Red Riding Hood), Cress (Rapunzel) and Winter (Snow White).

      She also might like The Selection (a trilogy) – a cross between Hunger Games and the Bachelor. And the Divergent series is also really enjoyable if she hasn’t read that yet, although some people really hated how it all ended.

    • Moonstone

      Thanks for all the suggestions! Yes, she read Divergent already. And I was already leaning toward Handmaid’s Tale, although I was concerned it was a little too mature.

  34. Lo

    Ladies –

    I just had to tell someone. Today I did something that has taken 15 years for me to do. I stood up to my family and wrote an email to my dad and mother and addressed them to let them know how their divorce and subsequent negative and hateful behavior to one another has affected me. And I told them that they could no longer be involved in my life or kids life if they decide to continue this behavior.

    I’m proud of myself for standing up for myself and speaking out.

    Just had to say that.

    • Sharon

      Lo, I’m proud of you too. It can’t have been easy to let your parents know how you feel and how their behavior was affecting you and your children. Maybe this will move them toward changing but even if it doesn’t, they can’t go on thinking they are the only two people in their drama.

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