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Workwear sales of note for 3.24.23:
- Ann Taylor – 40% off everything
- Athleta – 20% off shorts, swim, linen & more
- Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything; extra 15% off purchase
- Boden – Up to 50% off
- Brooks Brothers – Clearance styles to 70% off. Some pretty serious markdowns!
- Express – 40% off dresses & tops
- J.Crew – 25% off your purchase; up to 50% off special-occasion styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 15% off 3 styles; extra 20% off 4 styles; extra 50% off clearance
- Sephora – Up to 50% off select beauty
- Talbots – 25% off select styles; 25% off markdowns
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
- What are your favorite parts of a typical day?
- At what point in your life (age, income level, whatever) were you able to take an annual vacation?
- What shoes can I keep at the office to go for mid-day walks (that go with everything)?
- How do you release stress or trauma that’s stored in the body?
- What are the best “networking for women events” you’ve ever been to?
- I feel like we’re burning through any savings we acquire…
- I hate my job and make 30% of what DH makes – should I quit?
- What do you keep in your office?
Random question but I’m hoping some of you smart ladies can at least point me in the right direction. Our neighbor is a large landowner/farmer slowly retiring and selling off some of his land. We’d like to approach him about buying a few acres that adjoin our property. They are part of a larger parcel which is not currently for sale, however he has other land on the market now and has expressed an interest in selling off more. We’d be doing it as part of a 1031 exchange, from the proceeds of a rental property we have, and have run that by our accountant. But who would need to be involved in subdividing the land and what would that process look like? In NJ in case it helps. Thanks!
I think it would probably be your municipal government, or maybe county? Who do you pay property taxes to? And it would probably require approval of some sort from that governing body. I would start with your neighbor, though, because it wouldn’t make much sense to start researching the subdivision process before figuring out if he’s even interested in selling it like that.
anon a mouse
In my city, it would have to go through the planning commission to subdivide the larger parcel into smaller ones, then your neighbor could sell you the smaller parcel you want. It may also need to be blessed by a zoning commission if the zoning for the new parcel isn’t set by a master plan.
My parents live in rural NJ and there is a 3-acre minimum to build (6 acres if off of a private road). You might want to buy a parcel that you could sell as a marketable parcel if you ever needed to in the future.
And for farmland assessments for taxes, you may need to use as farmland.
Typically if you two come to an agreement, you would have it surveyed (probably already been done), draw the new boundaries, and then submit to the local city/borough/township or county (not sure which in NJ) for approval before you could legally purchase.
It sounds to me like your neighbor already knows how this is done if he is already selling off a piece of his parcel. I’d start by confirming his interest and see where that takes you.
What is a 1031 exchange? I am not admitted in NJ, but I do think that I would rather invest in a coop or condo in NYC if I were you rather then in farm land. But hopefully, someone else in the HIVE can help on this matter. Good luck!
This necklace looks like it was slapped together with leftover pieces from other jewelry. No wonder it’s almost 50% off it’s original price.
A great way to articulate what I was feeling. It doesn’t go together at all and seems made of leftover parts.
It’s one of those necklaces that when you see someone wearing it, you stare, because it never hangs just quite right, and then you wonder if there is a stone missing and the person doesn’t know, but then you realize it was meant to be that way and so you don’t need to tell the person, and meanwhile you’ve just missed everything they said. Terribly distracting. Really, asymmetry in things that hang doesn’t work as well as people think.
I actually don’t mind it, but looking at the picture of the necklace on the model, it looks like you would need a microscope to see it. May be a bad job with proportions on photoshop, but it definitely stopped me from looking further.
Anyone tried smile direct club for invisible braces?
My neighbor had good luck. He periodically went to a city an hour away for new mold casts. His front tooth was crooked, and now it is significantly straighter. However, he didn’t need any teeth pulled. It was only a straightening issue.
I did it and didn’t love it. It took about 3x as long as they originally estimated despite my wearing them as prescribed. Now I’m just supposed to wear the final retainers at night but my teeth shift A LOT during the day. I’m going to see an actual orthodontist for a better solution.
We are redoing our headshots. Attempt #1 featured a shine like my forehead was an oil slick. And apparently my eyes disappear into my cheeks when I smile now.
I need help with makeup and “headshot face.”
I know some commercial photographers but I need someone who can also find me non-commical makeup people and smile coaches or something. Is there a term for what I need that is google-able?
A makeup artist should be able to help. What city are you in?
Look on Pinterest for headshots so you can find some that look good for you — then practice a bit at home. Look up Tyra Banks “smize.” And it’s ok to bring powder and lipstick with you to the shoot!
Is this how it should be?
I have a child who wears braces on her legs. It should not be life-long, but will be for the next year at least.
Our neighborhood public school has uniforms, including pants and shoes (including colors). To get the braces into shoes, they have to be XXW, which can be hard to find, especially in school colors. And a lot of pants won’t fit over braces (unless they are soft pants with yoga flares at the bottom). Braces over leggings also works.
The shoe thing is the sticking point. The school and counselor say I just have to comply with the shoe color policy. I told them I am doing my best, but have half of zappos inventory in my house right now trying to find something that works.
They really seem to not care, not understand that this isn’t a choice of mine, and that the braces are per a doctor for a medical reason. Do I just send her when school starts in August in whatever shoes fit that day and let the chips fall where they may?
We don’t even go to this school yet and I hate it and want a reset. I don’t want these awful people to take it out on my kid, either.
Wow, your school sounds completely unreasonable. Do the best you can, but I wouldn’t work any harder to meet its asinine requirements. And if somebody complains — at that point, they’re not accommodating a disability and they have bigger problems than a kid wearing the “wrong” color of shoes.
The school is legally required to accommodate a disability. Get her whatever shoes work best and tell the school to pound sand. They are well aware that leg braces aren’t something done for fashion or fun.
+1 – it sucks that you have to fight this, but you absolutely have the winning hand here.
+1 – Call the principal, this is total BS.
Seriously, this is awful. Tell them to shove it.
Inspired By Hermione
Yes, this. I would start working on a 504 plan NOW, even if this is the only thing in it (and if she needs accommodations for anything else, work on it ASAP). This is some ableist BS and I’d make it a very big issue if they won’t immediately accept “she is disabled and this is a necessary accommodation” as reasoning.
How absurd. Get as close as you can and call it good. (Black for navy, tan for white, etc.)
I agree with everyone else except that, depending on her age, I would get this sorted out without involving her (so I wouldn’t just send her to school in non-compliant shoes) so that she doesn’t have to deal with the stress of it firsthand.
I thought I was doing that by getting a jump on the discussion now before the teachers/admins are on break for the summer, but OMG. Never was it ever better to beg for forgiveness than ask permission I guess. This is the pits. I get that kids may pick on my daughter because of her braces but she does not need adults bothering her as well.
I am someone who used to have to wear braces in my feet. Absolutely fight this and escalate it to the school board if you need to. Show them how many shoes you have tried—they may not realize how absolutely beastly it is to get shoes that fit with braces.
Co-sign to finding a way to figure this out without involving your daughter. Braces can make you self-conscious. Being sent home for having the wrong shoes will make it worse.
Also, I know you didn’t ask, but you may want to work with your daughter on a script to tell people why she wears braces, I had multiple surgeries while in grade school and my parents and I would give a five to ten minute presentation to my class beforehand which always helped normalize it for everyone else.
I’m sorry. This sounds so frustrating! At this point, I’d be tempted to show the school how what they’re doing is unlawful. However, for me, it’d be worth bringing in the disability point person for the district or whomever deals with discrimination complaints before lawyering up/throwing around your law license.
Never too many shoes...
Grrrrr – this makes me rage. Just send her with whatever shoes are comfortable with the brace and leave it at that.
Related, public school uniforms is a thing that makes me nuts and should not be allowed.
So I’m familiar with the public schools in my very low ranked big city. They have uniforms so that kids don’t steal other kid’s nice/name brand stuff. If they’re all the same then there’s nothing for the other kids to take. Obviously the reasons can vary based on district/location but I don’t see a problem with public school uniforms.
Former Baltimore City high school teacher…. Also so they don’t wear gang colors. “Uniform” was more like khaki pants, white shirt (technically collared but they let it slide) and a black fest with the school logo on it. Our principal always said controlling the color palate + wearing the vest was most important when penalizing someone for uniform violations.
Hmm. I guess I’ll throw this out: my kids’ school has truly wonderful administrators and teachers, but, if they were being asked about it directly by a prospective parent 3 months before the school year when they’re in the midst of the end-of-year hubbub for the current year, I can’t say they’d have much bandwidth to be soothing. I say this not to be a jerk but to give you some encouragement that things will almost certainly be okay!
Wholeheartedly disagree. This parent isn’t looking for soothing. She is looking for very reasonable and legal rights as it relates to disability accommodation. This is educator/administrator fundamentals, not helicopter parenting. Good lord.
I agree completely. This response would be appropriate if the OP was nervous that all her daughter’s friends were in a different class and wanted to chat about with the teacher. A parent should always be able to discuss a child’s disability and the resulting necessary accommodations.
As a former teacher and now mom, I would send her to the school the first day in whatever shoe works, with two things you can try to make it a little easier on you and her. First, a week or two before, send an email to the principal explaining the issue, your child’s class assignment, and that your child will be wearing the only shoes that can accommodate her medical needs, and that your doctor’s note will be provided upon request (alternatively you can just attach a note from the doctor and avoid this). Second, I’d send it again on the first day in the backpack, with a cover note to the teacher letting him/her know that you’ve let the administration know about this deviation. Then proceed with your business. NOTE: I’d ignore this issue for the next couple of months, this is asinine, potentially illegal, and I’d be super frustrated too!
You can request a 504 plan that documents her need for leg braces and states the reasonable accommodations (ie, ability to wear her normal shoes and pants that work with the braces). Ask your school or the district who the right person is to develop this 504 plan.
This school seems extremely unreasonable! I broke my ankle in HS and had to wear a boot cast for 3 months. The boot cast had a high sole, and only 1 shoe (a hiking boot) on the other foot was tall enough to match the boot height so that I didn’t hobble with an uneven gait for 3 months. I wore that brown hiking boot every day, regardless of the occasion. We had to dress up when we were traveling for sports, and I still wore the hiking boot with a dress (even though I obviously couldn’t play sports, I still went with the team). No one batted an eye. It wasn’t exactly a choice to be in a boot cast and wearing a matching height shoe on the other foot!
Look at Target’s line of adaptable clothing — they carry uniforms and might be helpful for the pants aspect of it. Cat + Jack adaptive. Lands End also have adaptive uniform clothing. Also have you looked at Plae Adaptive? They have some sedate options that allow for braces (navy).
But 100% agree that the school is being unreasonable. Contact an advocate if the school won’t budge — I’m sorry you’re going through this.
I would not have ever even engaged on this issue. Send her to school in appropriate shoes that are “close enough” but more importantly are comfortable for your daughter. I’d be shocked if it ever got brought up. My kids go to Catholic school with a supposedly strict uniform code and my son has worn hideous nikes all year and its never been mentioned. If I called and asked they’d say Nikes would never ever be allowed or tolerated. Their failure to understand your daughter’s needs is, of course, troubling, but I’d be shocked if they actually care once the school year starts and they actually see and meet your daughter. Also, they wont take it out on her. Only an actual psychopath would seek retribution on a 5 year old wearing non-uniform shoes due to having leg braces. Should you encounter that (unlikely) circumstance, I’d deal with it then. Meet the devil when he comes; dont borrow trouble, etc.
OK Hive – I need a reality check. Am I overreacting or not?
Last summer, my BF and I took a break at my request. It coincided with his annual summer trip (his job means that he has summers “off” – which means he still needs to work but can do it anywhere). He was away for three months and when he came back we started back up again. He was honest with me at the time that he had been with someone else during that time.
I spent the weekend at his family’s lake house and discovered that the other woman is a “cousin” (not sure the exact relationship; not first cousins) who is staying with her parents who have a house nearby. When I asked about her, he told me that they had known each other “forever” and spend the better part of the summer before together “just driving around and visiting places I always meant to see.” I think he could tell I was not thrilled so tried to assure me that they are just friends. But the more he talked, the more I felt like this relationship is a problem. They have a shared interest in a fairly arcane academic field, he feels like she is one of the few people who “gets” him, she is really easy to talk to, etc.
Before I left last night to come home, I asked him to please not be around her. That it made me uncomfortable (he will be there another 3 weeks). And he flat refused. He explained that her entire family will be in and out of the house all summer (they are the ones with direct lake access for a boat), that they will both be at too many family events to name, and that would be impossible to even try to avoid her and he is not inclined to try. He implied pretty strongly that he thought I was being irrationally jealous, particularly since our break had been my idea. So I suggested he just come home, which he also refused to do because he has made plans with his family, and would just have to come back for a family wedding in two weeks.
So I just called the house (his cell phone service is spotty there) and his mother told me that he and a bunch of the “younger crowd” were out on the lake. When I asked who all was over, she mentioned the “cousin” and her siblings. So he is literally with her right now. Am I crazy? Should I be OK with my boyfriend spending a significant portion of the next 3 weeks with a woman he has been intimately involved with and who he describes as one of his best friends? And if not, suggestions for articulating that?
OMG, what?! DTMFA. Everything about this is weird and inappropriate.
yeah this is a you problem. You broke up with him and told him he could date other people. Sorry you didn’t think that through but you’re lucky he took you back and now you want him to blow up his family traditions? Just move on with your life. And calling his house phone to check up on him? You’re nuts.
YOU WERE ON A BREAK
This relationship is not going to go the distance. Get out when it makes sense for you to do so.
Additionally, while you do not state the reasons for the separation, they are probably related to his nonsense.
I agree. Get out now. I am pretty sure in some states you can even marry your cousins, so if you can, you certainly can legally have s-x with them, no matter how creepy this sounds. Personally, who wants to be with a guy who has been with his cousin all summer. FOOEY! I would not want my gene pool to mix with my own relatives, as it is not good for the child.
Speaking of which, did anyone read the NY Times article about Sperm Banks mixing up peeople’s sperm and women getting babies from people they did NOT choose or want? I now do NOT want to use any sperm bank, and will only get personal (but artificial) insemination from a man I know. We simply can NOT trust third parties to ensure we get the right sperm. DOUBEL FOOEY on that!
So, I would probably let this boyfriend go. I can’t imagine wanting to take a break from a boyfriend if things were going great, and it sounds like he may have moved on in the interim. It’s also kind of weird that he was dating his cousin (I guess it depends on how many steps removed this cousin is, but still), but really it just seems like you guys aren’t on the same page. Also, I agree with him that it’s unreasonable to expect him to not be around his family…you just may counter that it’s also unreasonable that his summer fling was also FAMILY.
I mean, it sounds like it’s a close family friend. My husband and I refer to the children of our close friends as our daughters’ “cousins,” when there’s no actual blood relation. OP said they’re not first cousins.
This. I’d want to clarify the relationship. My BFFs are fraternal twins. Their kids are actual first cousins but all three of us have been close for like 30 years so my kids will refer to their kids as their ‘cousins’ when talking to others because it’s shorthand for the closeness of the relationship. Multiple holidays and summer vacations together etc.
No, there’s no need to clarify any relationships here. OP and her boyfriend weren’t together, he hooked up with somebody else, and now if OP wants to continue the relationship she needs to deal with it. The degree of consanguinity has nothing to do with the glaring issues otherwise present in this relationship.
Legitimately, why do you want to stay in this relationship? I’m assuming you do since you’re asking for advice on how to have this discussion with your boyfriend, but I can’t understand why you still want him to be your boyfriend.
Get out of there, leave them to their nonsense, and don’t look back.
Thanks all! I should clarify that I think half of the town is a “cousin” in one way or another. They have a pretty broad definition of who is related. (I was also introduced to an aunt who it turns out is not related to him at all but is his grandmother’s best friend???)
And in a lot of ways, he is a great guy. He is a gainfully employed, financially responsible, non sports obsessed man who can cook/clean/take care of himself and his life and is not looking for a mother. He is remarkably sweet, always calls when he says he will, remembers special occasions, etc. He has a good relationship with his family and is low drama. I have a demanding job and he is good about respecting that. Given some of the guys I have dated, he is a virtual prince. But I cannot help but feel like he was not taking my concerns seriously and did not even really understand why I was concerned. His attitude is “we agreed to take a break; you ASKED to take a break; I was honest about what I did and think you are being silly just because you found out my affair was not with some random stranger.” And I feel like it is a big deal that his affair is with a women he describes as one of his best friends and who he is planning on continuing to see on a regular basis.
Then. Break. Up. With. Him.
You do not get to dump a guy and then whine about what he did while you were broken up.
+1. Either you’re ok with what he did on his break, or you’re not. I’m Team Guy in this case.
Right, it’s not an affair if they were both single.
He’s being completely reasonable. You are not.
He didn’t have an affair. YOU broke it off. He had a relationship with someone else who it sounds like probably isn’t an actual cousin. Stop saying affair. He didn’t do anything wrong. This relationship is highly unlikely to work for so many reasons.
This seems very Game of Thrones to me. Pass.
I side with your boyfriend. You wanted to take a “break” and now you’re uncomfortable with him being around someone he was with during that time, someone who apparently is a lifelong close family friend? I mean, I can see why you’re worried that he’s more into her than he is into you. By all means issue an ultimatum if you can’t stand him being around her — everyone’s allowed to have their relationship deal-breakers. But if he were to ask me for my advice in the wake of such an ultimatum, I would tell him not to ditch his friend for the sake of this relationship.
Never too many shoes...
Depending on his ethnicity, “cousin” can have a very broad meaning. I have people that are always introduced as cousins and we are not related at all, and some who are like the grandkids of my grandparents cousins, which is also like not being related. It could be way less weird than it seems.
For the record though, asking him to avoid someone in this setting is not okay. Asking him not to hang out one on one with her is one thing (and for me personally even that is too much), but to avoid a group activity where all the “young crowd” hang out? That is a big, and unreasonable, ask.
That being said, I don’t think you asked for a summer long break because things were awesome, OP, so I think maybe this relationship has run its course and it is time for you to move on…
I can understand asking him not to hang out one on one with her. But asking him to avoid her in family/friends group situations seems like a bit much.
It’s clear he has no interest in changing his behavior, so you need to decide if you want to stay with him as is. If you want to stay with him, you know that this “cousin” (ew) will always be in your lives, your boyfriend has no interest in distancing himself after their fling, and expects you to be okay with their ongoing relationship, i.e. you can’t ever nag him about this again. Is that something you can live with going forward?
Ok I would not be with this guy but I also think you are exhibiting over the top behavior as well. This relationship is not going to be good because the cousin will always, always be in his life. End it now.
Yea… no. I would not pursue this relationship any further (assuming you are dating to find “the one”). He’s right in that he can still spend time with her, because family vaca etc, but it doesn’t sound like he’s evening acknowledging how upsetting this is for you or, more importantly, working harder on his relationship with you. Instead, he’s escalated the fight with you. (Like, he could be telling you hangout plans beforehand, then call you afterwards to chat).
Also, the cousin thing is a huge turn off for me.
You were on a break!!!
The only right answer.
We were ON A BREAK!!
You broke up with him, he had a casual fling with an old friend while single. Now he’s back with you. You are entitled to say “i feel conflicted and a little jealous and wish you werent in such close proximity to her, but i trust you and hope you have a great time with your family.”
If you cant trust him, why are you in the relationship? For me, it’s that simple.
Wondering if anyone here has had a similar experience with a boss who was formerly an advocate and is now in a more competitor-like role, even though we still work together. I’ve worked with a partner in my firm for several years; in the earlier stages of my career he was a great advocate and went out of his way to get me the best cases and experiences to help my development. Now I’m at a seniority level where I’m getting the client calls instead of him, and he’s clearly threatened by it. I landed a major client that he had been courting for years (like, enough annual revenue to get me partnership) through a relationship that he has no involvement with. He’s always been insecure but has generated a lot of revenue. He’s now forcing himself onto these cases, where the client has called or specifically requested me, even if his knowledge is not a value-add to the matter. I think it’s primarily related to claiming the revenue because he “developed” me, but also because he’s ultimately an insecure and jealous man. It’s not at a point yet that I think I would leave my firm over it, but it’s happened on four or five matters now and I’m getting increasingly frustrated by it. Not necessarily looking for advice, but interested to see if others have had similar experiences.
Commiseration. At my old firm, I had a similar issue – landed an important client (not as big as yours, but still prestigious and with the potential for more) through a personal connection. Partner made a huge fit to have the client listed as his (therefore getting most of the sign-on bonus and a cut on the billing) because client was supposedly coming to us for “his expertise” (they weren’t). I tried to push back and was told to stuff it because that is how law firms work. I no longer work there (and client left to go somewhere else when I went in-house).
I think this is fairly typical and have experienced this odd dichotomy at 2 firms I worked at previously- where the partner wants you to develop but then is also threatened by your professional development and then inserts themselves unnecessarily (often to everyone’s detriment). No advice, except hopefully the clients can see through it, (in my experience they often can).
Yeah, he is veerrry thirsty and a lot of clients do see through it, though plenty don’t. I think this one does, and they’re coming to me for a reason, which is still satisfying at the end of the day and what gets me over the frustration. My gut was telling me this is pretty common, but none of my friends have experienced it yet.
It’s late, but here’s a suggestion. If you have a close enough relationship with the client contact, as them to send an email stating that they want you to get the internal credit for that client. It doesn’t need to go so far as to say it’s a condition of the firm getting the work, but it should be enough to convince any decider of credit matters that it goes to you. If the other partner objects, then you can escalate things. As far as him inserting himself on your matters, tell him and anyone else at the firm who needs to know that the client does not want multiple partners on a matter where it is not justified. Firms understand that. Also, credit fights are very very common, and the more you push back on credit gobblers, the less people willing try to ru; you over in the future. It sucks that firms operate this way, but it is what it is. You can win this. Good luck!
Two thoughts. First, in my firm a partner has to be responsible for each client matter a non partner brings in, so part of this may just be firm policy. Second, is there someone else you can talk to about how to make sure your origination is known? I would include it in your review memo, etc.
The weather here is resolutely not turning summery so I am determined to eat and drink like it’s summer. I made mini caprese skewers with balsamic drizzle for a film afternoon yesterday and have just done a caprese + orzo pasta salad (caprorzo?) for lunches for the rest of the week. Other than ice cream and sangría, what am I missing? I have switched to iced coffee for the summer and I’m loving that.
(Desperately trying to ignore the fact that I’ve just signed up for a half marathon!)
Rose wine! Cheese plates. Watermelon + chili lime spice?
I’m all about fruit in the summer – strawberries, peaches, apricots, all the watermelon.
Inspired By Hermione
Corn on the cob! Cold tortellini salad with cherry tomatoes and salami. Watermelon!
What are your favorite healthy snacks to take to conferences when you’re not sure what food will be available there? Moving around from room to room all day fwiw.
I’m the master of eating something quickly in the hallway if lunch doesn’t work. My mainstays are Kind bars (mainly because I can’t have wheat), nuts and jerky strips, and I’ll try to grab a banana or orange whenever I luck out and can find them at breakfast or have a rental car to do a grocery run. I also will sometimes bring instant GF oatmeal to make with hot water in my room if I need a snack before cocktails because lunch options were sparse. Wish more places would learn that if you’re only offering sandwiches, have some salad sans dressing or fruit as well for the celiacs out there…
Buy some healthy snacks from Barefoot Provisions and bring them with you. I do not benefit from this recommendation at all. This helped me stay on track while at a conference.
Almonds in little baggies
Kind bars, almonds, dried apricots. And I bring a few of my own favorite tea bags as well.
Suggestions for Portland, Maine and surrounding area? DH and I are flying into Boston, renting a car and driving to Portland, probably also stopping in Cape Cod, Martha’s Vineyard, Nantucket (maybe), we haven’t quite hashed it all out yet.
yes! Portland is great and has so much amazing food. Central Provisions, Eventtide Oysterette, Scales, the Holy Donut, the Blue Spoon, Bard coffee, Tandem Coffee, Mount Desert Ice Cream – all tested and approved. Walk around the historic downtown, visit all the cute shops, eat all the great food. There are a few museums that are worth seeing too. Take the ferry to one of the islands or do the mailboat ride. They also have some sail & wine events but they book up really fast. Walk the Eastern Promenade, try sea kayaking, go to Crescent Beach and Fort Williams, get a lobster roll (I’m partial to the Lobster Shack at two lights). There is a whole area with microbreweries around Allagash Brewery – they have food trucks and a beer garden vibe.
We were just there! We had a life-changing meal at David’s Restaurant in Portland. We also loved Bard Coffee. We also spent a few days at Acadia, which we loved. You can just drive around a do the look-outs if you’re not hikers.
Can anyone explain the origins of the custom of having high school seniors wear identical tuxedos (for boys) and off-the-shoulder dresses (for girls) for class photos? Is it regional? Is it an old-timey thing that’s fallen out of favor? Was it a 1980s thing?
I’ve only ever seen it twice: on my cousins who graduated from Baltimore-area high schools in the early 90s and recently at a Richmond-area high school. Having everyone wear the same (shared?) outfit seems so peculiar to me.
My daughter’s school senior pic is wearing one of those black drape things that look like an off the shoulder dress, that have been around forever – my mother is wearing the same in her 1957 high school graduation photo.
And in case you think we are somewhere rigidly traditional, we are in Berkeley.
+1 I grew up in the Bay Area and wore one for my senior photo.
+1, late 90’s, NYC. It was just a velvet drape for girls, dickie for the boys. I agree that they did it to make everyone look uniform without the students (very very diverse economic backgrounds) have to buy any special clothing.
My high school photo is one of those drapey things- -in Birmingham, Alabama in the late 00s. It was literally just a piece of fabric you draped across your b r a, not a shirt.
It keeps students from standing out in a negative way (via crazy outfit for attention or being too poor to afford a decent outfit for the picture) and it’s exceedingly easy to do – fabric shoulder drapes for the girls and jacket and dickies for the guys. No need to come in with specific clothes or change.
It wasn’t an outfit. It was some sort of drapey thing that the studio provided girls. My parents (from KS and MA) in the mid-70s both had the same style. I think it was just a standard for portraiture.
We had the drapey thing in our high school photos. This was in 2001 in a small city in the southwest. That same high school no longer does those pictures and everyone’s picture now is just in a cap and gown.
Never too many shoes...
I have never heard of or seen this – must google to see what is being discussed. For my high school photo we had academic gowns with an over collar in our school colours. Mortarboard and plastic roses optional.
Never too many shoes...
Thank you. I have never seen such a thing.
Inspired By Hermione
That seems…not great for people who may not want their upper chest or shoulders exposed. Not even for modesty reasons, just body shape/comfort. This is just so baffling to me as someone who had no idea this was a thing.
Inspired By Hermione
Yeah, had no idea. We had senior photos taken privately if we wanted/could afford (although a lot of kids did other students’ photos for free- I did for my best friend and my brother did for one of his) or normal photo day photos, however you want to dress. If anything, the defining characteristic was a photo in a wheat field.
SMC - San Diego
My southern California teenager wore one of those black drapes that are made to look like a dress just last year for her senior picture so definitely not old-timey!
Drapes were the standard in 1995. Most kids had one shot in the drape (yearbook requirement) and one in some other outfit of their choosing.
At my high school in Maryland (1982) seniors had their portraits taken in two poses: cap and gown, and drape/tux.
The drape/tux pictures are the ones we used in the yearbook.
I like them, it lends a timeless quality to the picture. Only my gigantic 80’s hair gives the era away, LOL.
We did not do that at my high school but we did do it for my sorority composite photos (I think they still do it also). This was circa 2001-2005, and it was so we all looked “the same” in the composite.
I graduated from high school in 2012 and we did the same thing. It was really easy to do since the photography company came to our school and we had a variety of kids from different socioeconomic statuses, so no one was over or under dressed. And looking back, we looked great…. at least in my opinion.
I don’t get it. I’m getting lots of bumble matches, but I’d say 75 percent don’t respond to my message and let the match expire! What’s the point? My messages aren’t weird; I just ask them a question about something in their profile.
Lots of guys are on Bumble for the ego boost only and aren’t actually looking to date. It’s not you, it’s them.
That’s just the nature of online dating. I think a lot of guys on bumble just swipe right on the vast majority of people, and wait until they have a match to see if they are interested. Are you on other apps? I find it a good mix to be on others too, where the guys message me first. And I will admit that I sometimes swipe right on guys that I’m then not interested in when they message me, but that is at least partially cause they send stupid messages like hi or hey.
I’ve heard many (most?) guys swipe right on everyone and only vet the girls out once they get a message. Annoying.
Inspired By Hermione
Can confirm, I’ve watched my 20-something brother on tinder and he swiped right on everyone, indiscriminately and very efficiently. I asked him why one time and he did the “I dunno, just easier, I don’t like spending lots of time on it.”
Family pregnancy announcement help?
Coming to the end of my first trimester and starting to think about when/how to tell the parents/in-laws that we are expecting. In a perfect world we would tell everyone in person simultaneously, but that’s not possible–in-laws live out of state and my parents (although local) are divorced. I’m sure this is not unique to me, so I’m here to crowd-source solutions. What did you do?
Additional wrinkle: We are scheduled to visit the in-laws about a week before the date I really feel comfortable with this becoming public(ish) knowledge. They generally cannot be trusted to keep anything to themselves, so I am not loving the idea of telling early just because we happen to be with them (also, there’s still the issue of telling my parents). Would it be crappy to wait a week after seeing them and tell them via video chat or something?
Call your parents before you go. Tell the in-laws when you see them. Balance out the first-to-know with in-person. I would get over the week. This is your parents. State firmly that this is a private early peek just for them.
+1. The 12 week mark isn’t magic and it will be stressful for you to pretend not to be pregnant when you visit.
Calling one set before going to see the other is a good idea. LOL at “this is private” stopping them from telling every breathing relative and acquaintance, though. It would work with my parents, but not his. I wish they could be controlled so easily!
Point taken on 1 week being not a huge difference. I was really wanting to get the first round of tests back before spilling the beans (and also maybe delay activating the aggressive unsolicited “advice” machine any sooner than necessary?). I’m not overly concerned about having to try to hide it…we don’t do any problematic eating/activities with them and I’m past the nausea phase.
When it comes to you and your pregnancy, do what makes you feel the most comfortable. If you tell them over video chat and they question why you didn’t tell them earlier, it was because you wanted to wait to hear the heartbeat. End of sentence, move on.
We told our parents all at different times (my parents right from the beginning because #ineedmymom and his parents at the beginning of the 2nd trimester). They don’t communicate with each other though so it was easy. Good luck! You and the baby come first!
I guess I disagree with the above comments – the 12 week mark isn’t magic, but I think you should do what you feel comfortable with and if your in-laws are known blabbermouths, that’s a good reason for delaying telling them. We saw my in-laws when I was about 9 weeks pregnant and my parents when I was maybe 11 weeks pregnant, and didn’t tell either set in person. We actually got a voicemail from my doctor’s office with our NIPT testing back when we were at my parents’ house and DH and I took a walk privately to call the nurse back and find out that everything looked normal and we were having a girl. After we heard the heartbeat at my 14 week doctor’s appointment, we called both sets of parents to tell them. My in-laws had suspected I was pregnant, my parents were oblivious, but both sets of parents were thrilled and nobody seemed upset that they didn’t know a couple weeks earlier.
That said, I’m a super private person and really wanted to minimize the risk of having to tell anyone about a loss. I know a lot of people would want to lean on friends and family even if something went wrong, but I did not.
Thanks for this. I am 100% with you on preferring to deal with any possible loss or other issues privately. I’m glad other people find support and comfort with their families, but that’s not me. I also don’t want some random relative to out me on social media when I have no intentions of announcing at work for as long as I can get away with it, but that might be too tall an order. Le sigh…