Coffee Break: Mini Faceted Stud Earrings

rebecca-minkoff-jewelry-saleI mentioned this the other day over at CorporetteMoms — there are a ton of pieces of Rebecca Minkoff jewelry marked way, way down on Amazon — like add-on item low. I’m not quite sure what’s going on with pricing and inventory — the earrings I paid $8 for are back up to $48 — but some items are still marked down, so if you see something you like at a price you like, I’d buy it now.  These simple studs are only $16, in gold at least — the silver ones are back up to $28. Rebecca Minkoff Mini Facetted Stud Earrings



  1. Work bag love :

    I just upgraded from my old disgusting Longchamp tote to a Tumi Voyageur tote, and oh my goodness. It is so much nicer and the quality is SO good!! I got the medium size and it’s huge, big enough for my lunch and a laptop. I also like that it’s very professional looking, and they even monogrammed the hang tag for free. It’s like 3x the price of the Longchamp but I think it’s going to last much longer.

    • I did the exact same thing. I bought a small Voyageur Q-tote to replace my medium Longchamp Lepliage tote that was fraying at the corners. I even had the LePliage corners repaired for the cost of shipping/handling, but once the corners frayed again, I was done with it. The best part about the switch is that the Voyageur tote has multiple pockets on the inside and outside, so I’m no longer rummaging through the bag looking for my phone and my keys. I will never buy another LePliage bag again.

      • Work bag love :

        Yes, never again! I can’t believe I paid that much for a bag that started to fall apart after 6 months. And it’s so nice that the Voyageur lining isn’t black, so it’s not like a black hole searching for your keys.

  2. Anon for this :

    I’m trying to be vague here, but I’d appreciate any thoughts. I started at a new job last year and it has a 3 year term commitment, which I agreed to. So I have 2 years left on my commitment. I just saw a new job posting for pretty much my dream job and my skill set is a good match. I expect a longer lead time for any sort of interview/offer process, but less than 2 years. These types of jobs don’t come around that often. Should I apply? I know that I would be burning bridges at my current organization if I left before the end of my commitment.

    • Killer Kitten Heels :

      I don’t think I would – if the type of job you’re looking for doesn’t come around that often, chances are the professional community is small, which, to me, means there’s a not-insignificant risk that the bridges you burn with a move like this could extend beyond your current organization, to others where your boss/co-workers have connections as well. It’d be one thing with less than 6 months left, but to bail with two full years left? I’d be very worried about what that would do to your professional reputation.

    • Anonymous :

      Is your term commitment a clerkship? Then definitely no. Probably no anyway.

    • I would not apply.

    • I would not apply, but I would try to reach out to the Hiring Manager/HR Coordinator on LinkedIn and keep in touch until the time comes that you are free to apply there. Who is to say that the person who takes this job will still be there in 2 years time?

    • Anon for this :

      Thanks, all. I knew in my gut that not applying was the right answer, but I needed other people to tell me. I will wait until my term is almost up.

    • Anonymous :

      Depends on where you are applying. I work in govt and our timelines for hiring have changed quickly depending on circumstances. It could be a lot closer to your timeline if they haven’t secured the funding for the position yet and it’s just a prospective pool that they are looking to establish.

    • Was it a verbal commitment or a written contract? Why is there a 3 year commitment? Is it because after 3 years, it will need to be renewed, or after 3 years, you get additional $$ or what? Because if it’s intended to be a 3 year job, after which either of you can walk away, but no other repercussions, I say you totally go for it and see if you get the offer and if it really does seem like a better opportunity all around. You may not get it, but may be considered down the line and some opportunities really don’t come around that often.

      • Anon for this :

        It’s part of a contract. The job doesn’t end after 3 years – I can stay if I want to – but it seems to be a standard minimum amount of time to commit in my field.

        • What are the damages, if any, for termination? Is there any possibility that if you move on from this job, you would be working with these folks again in any capacity? If the answer to everything is a “no,” I say go for it. Life is too short to be waiting out for something better.

    • I would apply assuming that there are no financial repercussions from leaving early. If this is indeed your dream job, then you have nothing to lose by burning a bridge.

      • Anonymous :

        False. What if she thinks it’s her dream job but it turns out not to be? What if it is actually her dream job but the org goes through financial trouble and she gets laid off through no fault of her own? What if it’s a dream job now but a great manager leaves and is replaced by a terrible one? Life and careers are long and it’s never worth burning bridges, even for a “dream job.”

        • THIS.


          A person who quit her pretty good job (altho not under contract) for her “dream job” which turned out to be a complete and total, career-ruining dumpster fire and is SO GLAD she didn’t burn bridges when she left. ‘Cause she needs to go back.

          • Anonymous :

            +1 million. I so wanted to walk out of my Big Law job with both middle fingers in the air telling people exactly what I thought of them, but I restrained because professionalism and all that jazz. Less than a year later I was calling everyone I’d worked with at that job and asking them for references because the “dream” job I had left Big Law for turned out to be HORRRRRRRIBLE. Thankfully they remembered my years of hard work and were happy to give me a great reference but if I’d gone out the way I wanted to (or bailed before finishing a term contract) I’m sure that would have been all they remembered and I would have been up a creek without a paddle.

    • Speaking as someone who had a job as an NYC prosecutor, which is a three-year commitment: If that’s your job, it’s a commitment you do not want to break. Your resignation may be refused and you may, instead, be terminated. Also, the legal community knows about the commitment and will know you broke it (or think you were so bad they terminated you). You may be in an office of several hundred attorneys, many of whom will end up as judges, clerks, or litigation elsewhere, and many of them will consider breaking your commitment to be all they need to know about your reputation.

      • Anonymous :

        Yup. Everyone knows that these jobs have a 3 year commitment. It would be career killing to leave early. It’s a small, small world.

  3. Dagne Dover :

    Has anyone purchased one of their totes? Thoughts?

    • I’ve had mine for 15 months and it does not show any wear. I got the mini tote and carry it every day. Fits my coffee mug, other work stuff, and I like the slot for my subway card. It is a bit heavy though.

    • Yup, I have two – the leather one and the standard one. Both look veryhigh end, I’ve gotten multiple compliments, and are some of the few ‘stylish’ bags that fit my 15′ laptop. Would highly recommend – I’m not gentle with them and theyve held up well to frequent plane rides (being shoved under seats, etc.).

  4. Mercury Retrograde WTF :

    Y’all…. Mercury in Retrograde is wreaking havoc on me the last 48 hours:

    1) Went on my first Match date (a coffee date) Saturday am. It went well, we decided on dinner that night. I determined he is one or more of the following: a) manic; b) so highly intelligent that I could not follow his thought patterns; c) a conspiracy theorist. No Bueno.

    2) One of my best guy friends from the time I was in high school on is having a tough time with getting sober. Saturday night he asked if he should move to my city (1100 miles away from his WIFE and KID). I said no of course. This morning, he asked if we should get married and if there was a future for us. UMMMM… I have not been attracted to him “like that” since we were 15. I am super close with him and his family (other siblings, parents) and his parents call me their adopted daughter. Uuuuugh

    3) My fantasy team which should have been ridiculously solid was terrible.

    End rant.

    • At least he asked you if he should leave his wife and kids for you before he did it…. WTH, poor guy?!

      • Mercury Retrograde WTF :

        We are trying desperately to convince him he needs a longer-term clinical program to deal with his underlying issues. All I can do is be there but I cannot be someone’s “savior” or “reason” for getting sober. Plus, as I said, no. He’s basically my brother. uuuuuuuugh.

        • Anonymous :

          And, maybe, disengage? “Look, I can’t keep being your person when you have apparently developed romantic feelings. If isn’t healthy for either of us or your marriage. I need to take a step back.”

          • Mercury Retrograde WTF :

            Yeah. I have stopped responding to him today. Spoke with another good friend of ours to let him know about this latest bit and we both agree that I shouldn’t respond anymore. I’m in contact with his parents too although I’m not telling them about this part for now. It was out of nowhere. I think he was drunk and just grasping.

    • I think Mercury goes out of retrograde on Thursday, though, so it’ll be over soon!

      Since we’re having ridiculous dating stories today, here’s one: I’ve texted a few times with a guy who (1) canceled our first planned meet-up a while ago, then (2) did not respond yesterday when I asked if we were still on to meet last night, then (3) texted me today to say his phone was dead all day yesterday, but he’d love to make it up to me with dinner, and (4) says he would be available late next week. I wasn’t that interested to begin with, and I don’t want to be overly rigid (things happen), but I’m tired of this and I haven’t even met the guy yet.

      • Mercury Retrograde WTF :

        Thank. God.

        Guarantee your dude is married. This sounds a lot like a guy who ghosted me after a lot of back and forth like that.

        • Ha! Wouldn’t be surprised at all, at this point. And of course I got the apology text this morning *right* after I unmatched him on Tinder, so clearly he was paying attention to that. Good luck making it to Thursday!

    • Anonymous :

      You must have had Aaron Rodgers too, ugh, I feel you.

  5. Is it just me, or is all that jewelry pretty bad-looking and terribly reviewed? I have one RM thing (the Morning After Bag) which is nice, but I don’t know- what are everyone’s thoughts on the brand as a whole?

    • Anonymous :

      I have some RM jewelry that I like, but I think buying stuff like that on Amazon can be kind of dicey with respect to fakes.

    • I have sworn off of RM. Paid big (for me at the time) $$ for a MAB when they first came out and it looked like crap within the first 6 months. Hardware fell off, bottom bulged, and handles sagged and the company didn’t stand behind it. So I won’t buy from them anymore.

      • I got mine second hand for like $100 so it was very “what you see is what you get.” I probably would not pay full price (though now that I’ve bought a bag second hand, I may never buy one full price/new ever again…) and it’s not the most tailored or sophisticated handbag but it holds EVERYTHING and looks pretty good doing it.

    • I have also sworn off Rebecca Minkoff. Within 1 month of carrying my saffiano leather bag, the place where the handles connect to the bag started tearing and I can see that the “leather” was really like a millimeter in thickness. I was extremely gentle on the bag, so I’m guessing it’s just the materials or bag design.

  6. purplesneakers :

    Are Uniqlo’s super thin merino sweaters worth it? I’m thinking of buying a couple to upgrade my student work wardrobe but I’m wondering what other people think of them.

    • Anonymous :

      I have one of their merino cardigans and it’s ok… it’s thin and looks thin. If I was going to up my sweater game, I would buy one nice cashmere sweater instead.

    • I have several and really like them. Best cardigans I’ve found at a reasonable price point (and I looked hard). I haven’t tried the non-cardigan version.

    • It wasn’t worth the money at all. It looks as thin as it sounds, feels like it would tear with the slightest tug, and wasn’t warm.

      • I found them lightweight but warm at the same time (which I love) and not thin at all. Maybe there are multiple merino fabrics?

    • Anonymous :

      I love mine. Great colors. I hand-wash them. I’m wearing a Uniqlo sweater today that I bought in the fall of 2014; it looks almost identical to when I bought it. Their thicker wool sweaters pill more easily, in my experience. My thin merino from them have held up (shape, color, pilling) very well. For the money, it’s a good choice for a student work wardrobe budget.

    • I love the four V-necks I bought last year. I tried them on and found the fit and fabric much nicer than the Tippis I was looking at in comparison. I wore them constantly and they’re holding up well. Hand wash and don’t spin.

  7. Management Speak :

    Can we talk about management styles? (And no, I don’t mean the cheesy, clichéd phrases and meaningless platitudes that we so often associate with management outlooks.) I mean the way you handle disputes, insubordination, conflicts, egos, delegation, reviews, remediation… actual real-life stuff.

    Are you nice? Warm, reassuring, positive?

    Hard, professional and get-the-job-done-cool?

    I’m trying to “find my style” and I’m finding it really, really hard.

    • I think I fit into the first group (nice, warm, reasuring, positive). I hope everyone is like me, but they are not. I read another article about negotiation in the Harvard Business Review. Dad told me me that
      you can better negoitate contract’s or settelment’s if you look at peeople’s faces. For those of you with WEB access, here is the link:

    • In my experience, it’s okay to have a go-to style but one should recognize that different situations and different people require different approaches. I engage in all of the above, including RAWRING as appropriate (which I literally had to do this morning).

    • I would say I am caring where it’s warranted, tough, a cheerleader for my staff when they are doing great work, very fair in their evaluations. With disputes, I try to take everything into account and, with them, come to a reasonable agreement. For remediation, that’s the toughest, but set goals and expectations and document, document, document. One of my folks is struggling and I document every meeting we have. I email notes on the meetings to myself and copy my boss. That way, if this person’s performance comes up in our regular meetings, we’re on the same page.

    • Meredith Grey :

      Piggy backing on this- does anyone know of or would recommend a 1-2 day course/seminar that offers to teach this kind of thing?! I’m an attorney but I oversee staff and feel like I need some lessons on how to do this more effectively…

    • Anonymous :

      I’m not a manager, so take this with a grain of salt, but my manager and the manager above her would fit into your first and second categories, respectively. And you know what? They’re both good at their jobs. I would suggest start by being yourself and troubleshoot management situations the way you would other situations that arise.

      If the problem is that you are now managing former peers, there are often classes and seminars available on that topic (Google “peer to supervisor training”).

      Sorry if this is overly simplistic, but I think managing is only harder if you’re trying to behave in a way that doesn’t come naturally to you.

      • Anonshmanon :

        +1. When it comes to the troubleshooting, the ask a manager blog is super helpful! She’s covered a lot of scenarios over the years.

    • I’m 15-20 years older than my direct reports, so I find my management style to be that of teacher most of the time. I’m regularly coaching them, and team meetings are always full of diversions when a topic is mentioned that hasn’t come up before, so if anyone on the team isn’t familiar with it, I can bring them all up to speed together.

      As far as your options, I’m all of the above. I try to keep things positive, but if someone f*cks something up, I let them know in no uncertain terms, then tell them how to handle the fallout and what to do in the future.

  8. Is anyone else having trouble with subscribing to comments? I’ve been checking the box but I’m not getting any comments.

  9. Don't want to be self-conscious :

    Started recently as a new associate and I feel like I am bad at this job. I love the people and I feel comfortable asking questions. Is this just new job (a.k.a. no longer a summer associate) blues?

    How do I become good? I feel so lucky to be here and of the supports in place (this firm is a non-killer type of place), but I still feel lost and totally lame at what I do.

    I am also perpetually paranoid about bar results. X_X

    Encouragement, advice, talking-to needed.

    • New Tampanian :

      Fake it til you make it. And try to be a sponge and learn everything you can.

    • I’d be more worried if a brand new lawyer did not feel this way. Trust me, every good lawyer was terrified and lost when she first started practicing.

      Find more experienced associates and build good relationships with them. Those are the relationships that you’ll 1) learn the most from and 2) probably keep for the rest of your career. If your firm is a non-killer type place, you may work with associates that are more willing to informally mentor you if you put in the effort.

    • Anonymous :

      The bar is probably weighing on you more than you think. I bet once you hear and if you passed, you’ll feel a lot better. Otherwise I think it’s pretty normal to feel a bit clueless as a first year. One of the partners I work for told me that the job of a first year is just to be a sponge and absorb as much as you possibly can. People expect you to work hard and have a good attitude, but they don’t really expect you to generate much useful work at this point, and fortunately the first two things are pretty easy for you to control. Ask lots of questions! This is the time to ask them. Nobody will judge you or think your questions are dumb, but when you’re a third year who can’t do basic first year associate tasks people will judge, so learn as much as you can now when you’re supposed to be clueless.

    • Get the books The Curmudgeon’s Guide to Practicing Law and Swimming for Baby Sharks.

      Try to find samples of the work you’re supposed to be doing/ask if there’s a similar case or matter you can look at when you start a project.

      Proofread everything, give it an effort, read your state’s law blog every morning. be eager and make the changes suggested. If you’re in court (like, cattle call type stuff), introduce yourself to court staff. Tell them (assuming no client around) you’re just starting out (IME, they actually do feel kind of protective over friendly “new kids,” as opposed to d-bags).

      All new associates need a lot of support and training. law firms are kind of bad at providing it. So it’s basically a perfect storm. :)

    • Anonymous :

      If you’re in NYC, let’s get a drink! You’re doing things exactly right if you’re terrified.

      • Anonymous :

        Also, PS, you won’t know what you’re doing til you’re 5 years out.

        • Anonymous :

          5th year attorney here. I was just beginning to feel like I knew what I was doing. And then I lateraled. When does it start to feel like that again?!

    • Making friends with people who have been there a few more years than you is so, so valuable. They can guide you away from missteps (no, don’t ask the partner that! ask [person] in [division]!) and translate things from legal/firm jargon into english for you. My wonderful first officemate used to coach me through writing challenging emails, and we’d always bounce things off each other. Such a valuable relationship. I also made good friends with some of the more experienced paralegals. They couldn’t help with the straight-up law stuff, but understanding how the firm worked was their specialty.

      But don’t worry too much! This is a normal way to feel.

    • I’ve been practicing law for decades and can still recall the 1st year associate fear and anxiety. It makes my heart rate go up just thinking about it. I was just about convinced that the licensing people would drive down from the state capitol in order to personally remove my license from the wall in my office. Slight exaggeration. But not much. I would like to tell you it went away the second year, or the third year, but it didn’t. It goes away gradually, with experience. It’s my belief that any lawyer who seems outstandingly confident right out of the gate is either faking it successfully or an arrogant moron who doesn’t understand how much he/she doesn’t know. Fake it for now, put your head up and move forward, and it will get better. I promise.

    • This was a nice thread to read. I just started a few weeks ago, legal aid, and it is /so stressful/. I feel like I’m going to break everything. I found out I passed the bar last week and if anything, now I’m just thinking “Oh my G-D PEOPLE THINK I KNOW WHAT I’M DOING,” and “They’re gonna realize I’m so bad at this any day now,” and “This is the fourth email or chat I’ve sent to my supervisor today and I’ve interned here since 1L summer, I should know this stuff!” I’ve got a ton of support but it’s a nice reminder that it’s okay to feel this way. I’ve got three of my own clients and as soon as I get my bar card, everything won’t go through my supervisor anymore. I’m anxious just thinking about it.

  10. I was asked to give a mini lecture on taking meeting minutes to a group of new employees out of college. What are your best tips and or resources for meeting minutes? I don’t even know where to start on advice.

    • Anonymous :

      It’s pretty simple, IMO. They need someone to write down what the meeting was about, what happened/applicable status of things discussed, what the actions are, and maybe who attended. I don’t know what else you could really say other than to use common sense and that if miss something, make sure you speak up and ask what the thing was.

    • End with recap of action items.

    • Focus on what was done/actions voted on (and vote count). Also what action items need to be accomplished, who is responsible, and what is the deadline. Don’t worry as much about a verbatim transcript of what was said.
      Templates are helpful for filling in information like roster for attendance, just put present or absent next to each name, filling in the time that the meeting was called to order and adjourned, whether any guests were present, information for committee reports and so forth. If you can get a copy of the agenda for the meeting ahead of time, you can pre-fill some of the template.

    • Encourage to write everything down even if it doesn’t make sense or seems like a side priority. At my first job out of college, I’d often sit through meetings that meant literally nothing to me, but could then bring my notes to a consultant on the project who could explain things I didn’t understand. If I had sat in those meetings and tried to judge what was important enough to note down rather than just copying literally everything, I would have had a very poor rate of success.

    • Anonymous :

      As a fellow new person, making outlines before the meetings is helpful. I’m awful at taking notes, didn’t take notes in college (not my learning style), and god forbid I ever have to take them without my laptop. The last one I know will happen – we’ll just have to deal. I’ve tried every type of notetaking, I know what works.

      Anyways, back to outlines. Even if you have no clue what’s going on putting it into the agenda of the meeting can give you some clue.

    • Anonymous :

      I would:
      -go over what should be included: brief summary of topics, decisions, actions (with who and by when)
      -speak to why it is hard in the beginning (no context, unfamiliar terms, etc) and how to cope (e.g., write down everything, as suggested above)
      -review progression of maturity of note taking and any tips (e.g., if the facilitator rewords something and looks for confirmation, that if always a sign to me that that particular issue is significant and should be recorded)

  11. Anonymous :

    My (borderline narcissist) mother texted me this morning, upset because she found out I’m friends with my dad’s new wife on Facebook. I had unfriended my mother a couple years ago during a bought of high-intensity drama on her part when I was no-contact with her, and just told her I don’t really use it any more besides for work (I’m a social media contractor.) I don’t know how she found out because I thought I had scrubbed everybody from my friend list who might report back to her, but…. who knows.

    I am not interested in adding her back because it will only create drama and I am not going to keep exposing myself to her passive-aggressive “my kids don’t understand!” social media posts – I am comfortable with controlling her contact through phone/text. But she, lent me some money to refinance some high-interest loans from grad school a few months ago and I am still paying that back (maybe not my wisest choice ever, but what’s done is done), so I’m overall interested in keeping the peace. Any advice?

    • Anonymous :

      Tell her that the new wife pressured you about it and that you appreciate that your mom isn’t like her? Maybe it will be appealing to her that she’s ‘nicer’ than the new wife?

      But reality check – Don’t ever ever ever involve her in your financial life. Pay her back asap. Really bad idea given what else you’ve talked about here.

      And honestly, kind of crappy to lie to her about Facebook and then take her money?

      • Anonymous :

        It’s not lying – I use it, but I am not super-engaged, and I would in fact get rid of it if I didn’t have to use it so much for client work.

      • Oh man, you don’t have any narcissists in your immediate family, do you?

      • SuziStockbroker :

        Yeah, I am not big on lying in general, but I would totally tell a little white lie like this to a narcissist. New wife pressured you and you appreciate that your mom isn’t like that.

        Flattery will get you everywhere with a narcissist.

    • Any work reason to follow dad’s new wife? Does she post stuff that could be of interest to your industry? Or maybe you followed her awhile back to be able to see dad’s vacation photos and forgot to disengage? Or if you want to go more nuclear, “mom, you don’t get to police who I am friends with on FB. It’s none of your business.” I know this will not go well with an N mom though. I’d be more likely to make some kind of excuse that she would buy.

    • MarkZuckerbergAlias :

      I’d add her back but take a really good look at your privacy settings. I have a special ‘high boundary’ group on facebook that can’t seen any pictures, postings, etc. Basically, they see what a non-friend sees.

    • Nod and deflect. I don’t see why you need to explain yourself. And I say this with a super N dad.

      • Yup, this is the answer. Just be calm, come up with a few lines you can use in advance (maybe something like “Mom, I told you that Facebook isn’t a big deal to me, so let’s just drop it” or “It doesn’t matter whose friend requests I accept, mom, and I’m done talking about it”) and just repeat them as necessary. Repeat repeat repeat, walk away if it doesn’t stop. DON’T get angry, DON’T explain yourself, DON’T get upset and feed into the drama. Be calm the way you would with a child who’s having a tantrum. This is really good boundary practice.

    • I wouldn’t reply to a text. Texts are such a poor way of communication. If she calls you wailing the unfairness of it all, say “Gosh mom! You’re right! I can’t think how that happened! Technology these days. I’ll fix it pronto.”

      Then do as AliasMark suggested and make a high-boundary group just for her.

    • I ignore N-texts from N-mom as a matter of course. It’s far too easy for them to derail and manipulate the discussion in that medium. You owe her no explanation, nothing else but the money she lent you; don’t let her attach strings to anything, because you know Ns don’t let go.

    • Meredith Grey :

      Deflect, ignore or outright lie. Protect yourself first. N family members have their own special set of rules.

  12. I’ve had a constant headache for two months. At first I thought it was just a tension headache, but it has relentlessly gotten worse. The pain is unilateral, on my left side. It extended from my upper teeth and into my temple. Piercing.

    Because of the tooth pain, I assumed it was a tooth issue, as I was overdue for a dental exam. 3 weeks ago I went to a dentist who did a thorough exam. She said one of the teeth seems ‘slightly less sensitive’ and that there was a tiny spot on the xray (which ‘could mean anything’), but that everything was normal. The pain is near-ish a cavity that was filled 4 years ago. She suggested she re-do it in case that is causing pain. I am going back in tomorrow for the filling. She said if that doesn’t work, she would put a crown on my tooth because maybe it’s cracked.

    In the meantime at the dentist’s suggestion, I went to an ENT. He did an endoscopy of my sinus and didn’t find anything. He put me on a week of antibiotics, which I finished a week ago. He has offered to do a sinus x-ray but said sinus issues do not usually cause temple pain.

    The pain persists. I feel crazy. I’ve tried charting it but can’t find any correlations. Not a certain food or a certain movement, etc. Some days it is excruciating and I am in tears, other days it is more manageable. The problem I am having now is locating the pain. It feels like, if I concentrate on my tooth, my tooth hurts. Concentrate on my temple, my temple hurts. Think about sinus, it’s in my sinus. Sometimes it feels like eye socket pain. Has anyone had anything like this? Could it just be psychological? It’s definitely worse when I feel anxious – but the headache makes me anxious. Tylenol helps slightly. I’m going to go through with the tooth work… but where to next? Just a GP? A neurologist? Eye doctor? I’m at my wit’s end.

    • Definitely go to a GP. Maybe neurologist. Does naproxen help? Maybe 600-800mg of ibuprofen? (DO NOT TAKE IBUPROFEN AND NAPROXEN SIMULTANEOUSLY). You don’t want to take these medications constantly without the supervision of a doctor. But it could be migraines.

    • Anonymous :

      That sounds horrible! I’ve never had your symptoms but in case it’s helpful: I spent more than a decade chasing the cause of my migraines. Saw my GPS, specialists, etc. At this point I’m fairly certain neck tension is the cause, with the referred pain resulting in the headache. So mostly muscular, but also some nerves being aggravated by the tight muscles. Does this sound like it could be your problem, or part of it?

    • Anonymous :

      My MIL has had a constant headache for a few years (sorry to scare you), and she hasn’t found a solution yet. For a while they (meaning drs) suspected it could be a pinched nerve, and she did some physical therapy which helped for a period of time. I think it’s time you went to a neurologist and got some scans.

    • Anonshmanon :

      I would try a neurologist.

    • Anonymous :

      Seconding a neurologist to ask about Trigeminal neuralgia.

      • +1. I had clients with this, it’s horrible but a diagnosis at least provides some clarity. Good luck, and I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

      • Anonymous :


        Many people see dentists and ENT’s before being diagnosed with trigeminal neuralgia.

        If possible, see a neurologist with an interest in headache.

    • Rural Juror :

      This to me sounds like sinus pain; when I get inflamed sinuses it feels like my back teeth are rotting out. Mine clear up when the weather improves, which really doesn’t help unfortunately.

    • Anonymous :

      Go to a neurologist. It could be a type of headache (cluster headache, sudden onset of a chronic migraine, or trigeminal neuralgia) or it could be something more serious. Not to scare you, but one of my healthy-in-her-twenties friends had a headache like this for a month that she ignored and she ended up having a small stroke (headache was due to a blood clot). She is still recovering a year later. A neurologist will definitely treat this seriously.

      • Mercury Retrograde WTF :

        Second. Also not to scare but it could be a sign of an aneurysm that hasn’t ruptured.

    • Tired Mommy :

      Do you clench your teeth/jaw? i realized i did this after getting headaches all the time. also apparently i didn’t place my tongue in my mouth properly and had to work at doing it “right.” headaches went away after that

      • Seconding this.

        • Wanderlust :

          +10000 to this. I had migraines and neck pain for YEARS until my dentist recommended a mouth guard at night and physical therapy on my jaw. It helped me go from 1-2 migraines a week to 1-2 a month.

    • First Year Anon :

      Also consider adding on a visit for a massage. My father had really back neck/head pain that he went for CTs for etc., and found out it was a tight tiny muscle. The second he got it massaged he felt better and has not had any problems since (oh, 12 years ago?).

      Even if it’s not that, the pain is probably making you tense and making it worse.

      • +1 – I had muscle in my neck that would be annoying at best, and tension headache at worst (but would go away with 800mgs of ibuprofen). Massage helped, but it helped the most when I was going on a really regular basis (1/month) and worked on the whole of my upper back and neck (not just neck) with epsom salt baths and stretches.

        My upper shoulders and middle back (where I had previously pulled a muscle) were contributing a lot to the tension/pain I was feeling in my ear.

    • Anonymous :


      Try anti-inflammatories, cold-packs or hot packs.

    • Get a massage! At the very least, you will get temporary relief.

    • Meg Murry :

      Not sure if this would cause 1-sided pain, but it’s possible that if the filling is slightly higher or lower than your teeth were previously that your bite is misaligned and that can cause issues with your jaw muscles and therefore headaches. Can you ask the dentist about that?

      That said, if at all possible don’t let it get put into your chart as TMJ – because many health insurance plans have clauses that specifically exclude TMJ treatments (at least in my state). For whatever reason, treating headaches is ok, treating tooth pain is ok, but if it gets diagnosed/coded as TMJ treatment you are SOL.

    • Depending on how your sinuses formed, the nerves of your upper teeth can actually lie along the floors of your sinuses, making it incredibly hard to differentiate where the pain is coming from. I’m hoping your next dentist visit gives you the relief you need.

    • I had something similar where I couldn’t exactly locate the pain – was it my tooth? my ear? sinuses? It turned out to be two things: I needed a root canal, and I was grinding my teeth at night causing TMJ and teeth pain.

      I had a tooth in the back that needed a root canal badly, but 3 dentists (including the specialist that does root canal) said I didn’t need a root canal. I can’t remember how I actually got the specialist to perform the root canal, but once he got in there he said “Wow, the nerve is so inflamed and red! That is very painful! You really need this root canal!” I mention this to you since you mentioned you are/may be having a tooth issue.

      Secondly, I had no idea I was grinding my teeth at night! The dentist gave me a few nights worth of muscle relaxers and a night guard, and it did the trick. I haven’t had a problem since.

      In any case, I hope you get to the bottom of this and feel better soon!

    • In case you’re still watching– I get these kind of headaches if I wear my glasses instead of contacts for more than a day– it’s like eye strain that extends into my temple and wisdom teeth. I’d throw in getting your eyes checked too.

  13. Anonymous :

    I need recs for pants that are less formal than suit pants but more formal than jeans. I’m thinking khaki-type pants or ankle pants in less formal colors…but I need them to be long (I’m almost 6′) and don’t know where to find them. My go-to store for suit pants was The Limited and they don’t have anything in tall sizes that fits the bill. I ordered the Old Navy pixie pant and it was long enough but didn’t fit me well or look good at all so it went back.

    • NY&C?

    • Anonymous :

      Loft or Ann Taylor and buy in long. The Marissa skinny ankle pant from Loft works for me, but Ann Taylor has something comporable (and a little more high quality).

    • BeenThatGuy :

      The Old Navy Pixie Pant is horrible. They run so small and very irregular. Try NY&C. The Audrey pant.

    • Anonymous :

      I like BR’s tall stuff, or the Gap.

    • JuniorMinion :

      I just ordered some Target bi-stretch pants – they have a long length – will report back on how they look!

      • pugsnbourbon :

        I am wearing Target bi-stretch pants right now. The fabric is pretty thin and not soft at all, but they’re comfortable and slim fitting without being too tight.

    • Not That Anne, The Other Anne :

      NY&C is my friend for pants like these. They have long lengths and they can be as casual as you need them to be. Plus you can usually find some kind of ridiculous deal on them every month or so.

  14. If you take a quick break at work – bathroom, getting water of coffee, walk around the floor – how long is that? 5 mins? 10 mins?

    • Anonymous :

      It depends. The bathroom is right across the hall so usually only takes 2-3 mins. I just go when I have to use the facilities, not because I want a break. If I just get a coffee it takes 5-10 minutes. Sometimes I take 15 minutes and walk around for a bit after getting my coffee.

    • However long it takes? I hope no one is giving you a hard time about how long your bathroom breaks are…

      • Nahh, I just get really antsy in the afternoon and I need more than a couple minutes to clear my head so I can focus properly again.

        In another team I know someone who has been here for a while and takes a 1 hr lunch because she says it enables her to focus better in the afternoon, and she just stays a bit later. So they’re not strict.

        • Anonymous :

          A really productive partner at my firm takes a 20 minute walk every afternoon. Usually around 3.

        • 15 minutes is not unheard of in my organization.
          Especially now with cell phones, and people leaving their cube/open office to take or make a semi-personal phone call.
          I think that’d be fine.

    • Anonymous :

      When the weather is nice, I go sit outside for 15-20 minutes after eating my lunch at my desk.

    • Anonymous :

      I try to go outside and take a brisk walk twice a day, Maybe ten-fifteen minutes.

  15. I binge watched Bojack Horseman and Cleverman over the weekend and now I’m in a funk. Suggestions for something happy and Neflixable to watch instead? It might be a Kimmy Scmidt kinda night if I can’t find anything new.

    • Stephen Universe is totally delightful and sweet. Bob’s Burgers gets slightly less delightful by maybe the 4th or 5th season, but there’s a lot of good there, too. Adventure Time. My Name is Earl, if you’re not feeling cartoons. 30 Rock.
      For movies, Forgetting Sarah Marshall never fails to cheer me up.

    • I started Crazy-Ex Girlfriend this weekend on Netflix. Like it so far.

      • YES! I relate to way too many of the songs…

      • Fantastic show! I love how all of the characters are “damaged” emotionally in different ways. They are all good people, but their baggage keeps getting them into these unhealthy situations.

        Plus the songs are just incredible.

        If you like Crazy Ex Girlfriend, definitely check out “Galavant” which is basically Monty Python and the Holy Grail making fun of Game of Thrones.

    • Gilmore Girls, Warehouse 41 (if you like scifi) and not sure if its on Netflix but Hart of Dixie was ADORABLE, and got even better after season 1. If nothing else the costumes are amazing – the go fug yourself website also did writeups for some of the episodes which are fantastic.

    • Anonymous :

      I read good reviews of Fleabag (Amazon streaming) and plan to watch it. I liked catastrophe and it seems to be the same sense of humor.

  16. In House or Firm? :

    I’m a senior associate at a big law firm where I’ve been dissatisfied with my career & prospects, but not unhappy like so many people are. My issue has been more of stagnation and uncertainty in my partnership prospects. My hours are reasonable overall — 1900-2000 hours per year — below market pay (but fairly close, particularly given my hours), work almost exclusively with good people who want to see me succeed. I am not getting the level of experience I would like to be given my seniority, but I’m told those opportunities will come, it’s just a bit of a crap shoot when the right cases will come along to expand my skill set. I’ve expressed my dissatisfaction to a few trusted people, and I am seeing improvements to the type of cases & level of work I’m getting, so this is are looking up.

    I have a job offer from a publicly traded company to go in house doing the same work. It would be more management of outside counsel rather than lawyering myself, so I would just give up on getting to try a case, argue a motion first chair, etc. It’d be a 20% pay cut, which I can manage. It would unquestionably be good, new experience– but it would be totally different. I am skeptical that the hours would really be different, but I’m OK with knowing it would be no more than I do now, and potentially less.

    Two good options, lucky me, right? OK, the hard part is I’m considering having kids & quitting work for a few years. Putting aside the advisability of that decision, would I be making a huge mistake to take a job knowing I’m considering leaving in 12-18 months? Or should this fact in no way factor into my decision, given how unpredictable life is? Who know, maybe I’ll love in house and decide not to quit, or maybe they’ll let me go part time… What say you, hive?

    • Blah, my comment below was meant for you.

    • I’m going to channel Sheryl Sandberg and tell you “don’t leave before you leave.” In other words, press forward with what you want to do with your career and don’t let the possibility of kids stop you from taking on challenging assignments. I totally agree with that path – if you are not that enthused about your current situation, you are definitely going to be less than enthusiastic about returning to work after maternity leave. If you *love* what you do and it is rewarding for you, the prospect of returning to work may not be that bad. Plus, not to say that this will be the case with you, but I had trouble conceiving and each time it took longer than I had hoped. If I had stayed in a job only because I thought I was going to have kids soon, I would have been truly miserable.

  17. I would seriously consider the in house gig. If you’re committed enough to time off with your potential kids that you might take 1+ years off work for them, I think you should look for a job that might accommodate that. From what I hear, it’s very very hard to get meaningful reduced hours at a firm; I know that’s more realistically available in house.

    I was litigating, then had a kid, didn’t work for 8 months, then came to this in house gig where I work full time, a very predictable 45 hours/week, and where my boss says, “What?! No! Go home!” when I tell him my kid isn’t feeling well.

    (But also, I just don’t care at all about the glory of litigating, so maybe my perspective is different? I love the research and writing and strategy, which I still get to do here, and I don’t have to argue in front of people!)

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