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Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Glen Plaid Blazer

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. brown-orange-blazer-olivia-palermaBoth Olivia Palermo and Chelsea28 create a lot of interesting fashion — very stylized pieces for stylish women. This blazer, with beige and orange accents and a menswear vibe — seems very cool. There are matching pants, but I'm not really a fan of the high-waisted, loose pants (plus, as Tim Gunn would say, it's a lot of Look). I'd wear it with a simple black sheath dress or — depending on how style-forward you and your office are — possibly with a leather accent like a leather skirt or vest. (I think I am remembering this suit from Akris.) The blazer is $199, available in sizes XXS-XL, over at Nordstrom. Olivia Palermo + Chelsea28 Glen Plaid Blazer Frustratingly I can't find a good glen plaid blazer in plus sizes, but this tweed jacket has a slightly similar vibe, and this highly rated blazer comes in a similar-ish khaki/brown. Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-all)

Sales of note for 3/15/25:

  • Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off
  • Ann Taylor – 40% off everything + free shipping
  • Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off sale
  • J.Crew – Extra 30% off women's styles + spring break styles on sale
  • J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off 3 styles + 50% off clearance
  • M.M.LaFleur – Friends and family sale, 20% off with code; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 40% off 1 item + 30% off everything else (includes markdowns, already 25% off)

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

281 Comments

  1. My divorce became final six days ago. Even worse was that it was on what would have been our third wedding anniversary and fifth year anniversary of our first date. I haven’t seen or spoken to him for a year since he moved out. We didn’t have kids and he didn’t try to fight, he let me have everything and because he said all he wanted was the divorce. I know that since we don’t have kids there’s no need for us to be in contact but that doesn’t make it easier. To top everything off I am turning 30 next month and I was already dreading it but now I am even more.

    Just needed to get that off my chest and looking for some commiseration. Thanks everyone.

    1. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Divorce is awful, and of courses you’re grieving for the life you thought you would have. After I got divorced, I was so sad that I probably wouldn’t have gotten out of bed if I hadn’t had kids (they are pretty insistent on things like breakfast).

      Four years later, I don’t even know who that girl was. I never, ever thought I would say this, but I’m so unbelievably grateful that he left.

      1. +1 to the last sentence. Five years on, I’m so happy that I became the person I am today, and I don’t think I could have become this person in my marriage.

      2. +2 to the last sentence. Over 8 years divorced and I’m actually grateful that he left. It took years to get over, but my life is far better and more fulfilling that I ever dreamed.

        Take as much time as you need to heal. But you’re going to be just fine!

      3. Oh, yes, times a million!

        Three and a half years ago I ran away from my home and my marriage, and every morning I woke up weeping because I was so scared and lonely and I missed my home so much. Last Saturday I married the most wonderful man in the whole wide world, and on the morning after my wedding I literally woke up laughing with joy. And I’m in my late 50s! At 30 you really do have your whole wonderful life ahead of you!

        It takes a while, and it’s awful, but there are so much better days ahead! Keep putting one foot in front of the other, and remember: The only way out is through!

      4. Not sure you’ll see this now, but co-signed on “Four years later, I don’t even know who that girl was. I never, ever thought I would say this, but I’m so unbelievably grateful that he left” right down to the number of years. I would never have left him, or at least not until after I’d wasted a few more years wanting desperately for us to work out. Him leaving meant I moved to London, and now (four years after the Ex left and all the mess in between), the guy who it worked with without me even trying and I are buying a place and about to start trying for a baby.

    2. I realized the other day that my ex-husband has been remarried for a year now. We also didn’t have kids and I haven’t talked to him since tax time of 2014 (divorce was in process at the time)

      I’m not sure that I have advice so much as my thoughts: acknowledge the moments and the time you spent together as they come up and then let that thought go. It isn’t always easy, but it is good practice.

    3. Aw, I’m so sorry. I hope you can do something fun for your birthday with girlfriends or by yourself (spa getaway?). Turning 30 is something a lot of people dread, regardless of what else is going on in their lives, but I think you’ll find once you’re on the other side it’s not bad at all. I was absolutely miserable in the months leading up to my 30th birthday but once it was behind me I found that I was so much happier and freer and was able to let go of BS and toxic people and I, to put it bluntly, give no f-cks. I’m 32 now and soo much happier than I was in my 20s!

    4. Ouff that’s all rough. I hope you can plan something fun and exciting for your birthday. I’m finding my thirties to be absolutely fantastic. So nice to feel more confident and independent than my 20s.

    5. What happened to make him was so eager to get out that he let you have everything without a fight?

      1. Gosh, I’m sure she’s never asked herself that question. What a helpful response.

        OP – take my word for it that your 30s are SO MUCH better than your 20s. You will get through this and you will be a better person.

      2. Ugh you are the worst. Maybe he felt bad about ending his marriage and wanted to make the process as painless as possible?

      6. I assumed that he viewed everything in life as disposable, including his marriage. He woke up one day and decided that he was done, so getting out of the marriage needed to be as easy for him as packing up and walking out, even if that meant incurring the “tax” of leaving her to reap the financial benefit of their time together. He felt no sense of responsibility toward OP, their marriage, or the life they’d built together because he was, at his core, a self-centered person.

        1. I posted yesterday that my soon to be ex finally found an apartment, after we’ve been living in separate bedrooms basically all year. He’s moving out Sat., and he informed me he is only taking his clothes and an air mattress. Not the bed he bought, or the giant TV he had to have, or his dresser, or the other things we’ve accumulated together.

          I see it as passive aggression. He’s just walking away, throwing his hands up in the air for me to deal with his stuff. He informed me he’d rather buy new things. Some people are indeed wasteful, impulsive, and see things as disposable.

          1. Let me clarify: he bought his own bed to live in his own bedroom. But he doesn’t want to take it.

          3. My dad did this when he left my mom after 25 years of marriage. No doubt that it was just one more way to leave her with his physical baggage in addition to the emotional baggage.

          5. My ex wanted me to pack stuff for him that I was willing to let him have. I packed all kinds of hideous wedding tchotchkes. That made me so happy – let him move all of that stuff and have to deal with it when he got there. Ha ha. There’s honestly only one thing I ever regretted giving him and it was a gift from a friend of his, but I am certain that he and his wife never used it or unpacked it and it meant something to me.

      7. Thanks everyone. I’m the one who ended things and filed (we wanted different things and had different levels of ambition) but your support and HELPFUL comments are appreciated.

        1. You were wise to recognize what needed to be done, and go after what you wanted. You are a strong woman and you will be better than fine!

    6. I think Lynne is absolutely right- let yourself grieve the life you thought you were going to have.

      I had a really peaceful separation from a long term partner (about five years actually..). We weren’t a good fit- no one had wronged anyone else, we are still friends (going to her wedding in November) and I thought I didn’t have the right to be sad because I knew at the time even as the dumpee that it was for the best but I didn’t realize how much I had been building castles in the air about what I thought my life was going to be like. I spent hours uncontrollably sobbing while simultaneously trying to reassure my mother that I was okay and that no one had died cause she had never ever seen me cry like that in my entire life when I was mourning what I had lost.

      It’s much much better now (I’m getting married myself in a couple of weeks :) but it doesn’t mean it’s not very painful now and it’s natural to miss him and the life you had and thought you were going to have. But vacuums don’t stay. They get filled- you get to decided what to fill them with snd 30 I think is a perfect time to rebuild (as one who just turned 30 myself). *hugs*

      1. Nothing to add really, just that I could have written this. Thanks for sharing, and glad you’re happy now. : )

    7. Thanks everyone. (Mostly) all your replies were helpful. I know it was the right thing in the end. Part of what hurts is that he was so quick to agree and made a big deal about just wanting out once I filed. It’s hard to explain but I know it was right even though I still miss it sometimes, if that makes any sense.

      Thanks again. Especially for the advice about my upcoming 30th.

      1. Enjoy your 30th!

        I’m late 30s with 3 kids and a marriage that requires counselling – I’d love to be 30 and single again – the grass is always greener I guess :)

      2. It makes sense! I’m also going through a divorce. It was my idea because he was unfaithful and couples counseling didn’t work. We were only married 4 years, but I often felt he didn’t want to participate in our marriage the way I want/need. We likewise have no kids, but its still a loss. I got married thinking this is the person I’ll build a life with. I hid all our mutual photos on FB and took them off the physical walls at home when he moved out 8 months ago. I’m glad I didn’t delete them because I’ll probably want them at some point, but right now I don’t want to think about the life interrupted.

        Are you in therapy? I’ve been going, and its really helpful. Its helped me grieve and also focus on what I want. I can move anywhere, choose anything, its all up to me. That sense of self-determination is scary but also empowering.

        I encourage you to look at your 30th as another birthday. I just turned 32. Of course 30 is seen as a milestone, but perhaps think about how its no different than 29 or 31. Treat yourself, but don’t think its a marker that you “should have” figured out your life by now.

      3. It helps me to remember that even though birthdays are a Big Deal (especially 30), you’re only one day older than you were the day before. You may have a new label but nothing has actually changed.

        1. THis. Everyone around me cannot understand that I don’t feel like celebrating. DH never wanted to, and has tolerated me doing this over our 40 years together. Last year, I started giving him the bday he wanted…a hug, “happy birthday” and moving on. MIL poisoned the fetes for him permanently. So I’ve also given up being upset that he has been dealing with my bday the way he would want.

          It’s funny how we assume others want to celebrate the way we want … I’ve just given up hoping, making reservations, etc. for my day. All in all there’s less disappointment on my plate that way. And yes, it is now “just another day.”

      4. I’m 32, and I don’t totally agree with the conventional wisdom that the 30s are so much better than the 20s, BUT – I dreaded my 30th, too, and a few weeks later, I’d totally forgotten that it happened. Like Anonymous at 10:15 said, once you’ve been through it, you’ll see that it’s just another birthday.

        1. Well, if it’s helpful, my 30s were better than my (current and almost over) 40s.

      5. You know him better than any of us could of course- but it’s possible that the wanting to get out fast has nothing to do with you directly and is more a him thing. Some people just like to rip off the band aid and forget, Some people ease out of things. I myself like to process things to death so if you are similar I can see how him leaving made you feel like you didn’t have enough time to reconcile yourself to it. It seems perfectly natural to be put out.

        1. Thank you. I am like you in that I like to process things to death as you say. I’m the one who “left” him and filed but your advice is helpful all the same.

          1. I totally get that, and I think one of the hardest things about this is that sometimes you just have to let the feelings rest and be…there’s not necessarily any working through them, just living with them. Time is an herb that cures all diseases.

    8. I have no advice to give about the divorce, but I have been where you are regarding an upcoming milestone birthday clouded with bad events happening on previous birthdays.

      I CELEBRATE. I take the day to do something for ME. One year it was staring at the Eiffel Tower. Usually, though, it’s a day in NYC being a foodie, shopping, the theater, etc. I celebrate the DAY, not the DATE (which depresses me.) But I love celebrating the fact that I made it through another year and I have a whole new year in which to change my life. I celebrate that I am alive and I have NOT screwed up so badly yet that it can’t be fixed.

      Oh, and cake. Cake and champagne.

      1. I like that, celebrate the day (meaning today) and not the date (meaning the history of it).
        Thank you!

    9. I am so sorry. My best advice to you, as someone who went through this a decade ago, is to SEIZE THE DAY and not let this define you. You are 30. That is the perfect age to start fresh; young enough to have a whole life ahead of you (I know it doesn’t feel that way) but old enough to enjoy life as an adult.

      Take a solo vacation or 3. Decorate your new place nicely. Take up a new hobby. And eventually, definitely after a year, START DATING AGAIN.

      I didn’t invest in love for almost 10 years after my divorce, and now I am nearly 36 and it is far too late for me. I would give anything for a chance to rewind the clock 5 years. You are SO YOUNG. This is your chance to fulfill your potential! <3

        2. Seriously!

          It’s never too late for love…..

          As my 75 year old horn-dog father reminds me far too often. TMI!!!!!!!!

        3. +1 – I met my husband at 40 after kissing frogs for many many years. It’s never too late for love.

      2. It makes me so sad you think it’s too late for you. 36 is so young in the grand scheme of things! My best friend met her husband at 39 and they even have a kid.

      3. 36 is SO YOUNG too! It didn’t become too late for you in the 6 years that you’re older than OP!

      4. I met my husband a month after I turned 36, after being single for seven years and having long given up on love and relationships. I was not looking to date and meeting him was completely random. We got married three years later. We have a 14 year old daughter and in August we celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary. My cousin turned 40 this year and her wedding is on Saturday. It’s never too late. 36 is still young.

      5. Ha, thanks ladies. You all rock.

        But seriously, not to scare the OP, but you will be COMPLETELY INVISIBLE to men in 5 more years. Ask me how I know. Nobody wants me anymore, except those who do and they are….single for a reason. I’m talking “will call you 17 times and leave increasingly angry and aggressive VM messages on the night you’re out with your friends” crazy.

        Women on this board will disagree but try this experiment: Go on Match and use reverse match to see how many men are looking for a 34 year old single woman. Then see how many are looking for 35 – watch 90% of those matches disappear and see if you can look at your reflection in the mirror after that.

        1. I met my husband on match when I was 40. I know of two other women who were 37+ when they met their husbands on there, and another who is 39 and engaged to the guy she met on match.

          1. Divorced at 37. Met my BF at 38 (online even) and I am very not invisible to men at my age. I’m about to turn 40 in little over a week.

            I’d say that being invisible to men that are only looking for 34 and under is a good thing. I want a man that wants me for who I am, not any notions of age.

        2. Ouch. Hope this isn’t too harsh, but you’re putting out serious angry vibes with your comments – “single for a reason”, completely invisible. If this is the vibe men pick up on, you might consider if they think you’re “single for a reason” too.

        3. Somehow I managed to find husbands at 26, 40, and now 57.

          It only takes one. Just get out there and live your life and lightning may strike when you least expect it.

        4. I’m 36 and definitely not invisible – online or in real life. If you choose to be, ok, but don’t infer that your choices and perceptions are universally true. I was just online dating for the first half of 2016 (until I met the man who is now my boyfriend) and men of a variety of ages (30-45 was how I’d set my matches) were all quite interested. I had tons of great dates and met some really nice people.

        5. Is this a troll? I almost can’t believe this is serious.

          FYI – I’m 36, nearly 37. I met my now fiance online a week after I turned 35. It’s been sparks and joy ever since. And in no way, shape or form am I “invisible” to men by any stretch of the imagination.

          Please disregard that post… Factually inaccurate. ;-)

        6. BS. Met my rocket scientist at 42 and he’s 3 years younger than I am. #notallmen

        7. I online dated all through my 20s and it was a disheartening slog, regardless of age. Yeah I “matched” with a ton of people, but they often outright lied to me or ignored things I explicitly stated on my profile (one of the first things in my profile was “Please don’t contact me if you’re a couple who wants a threesome; I’m on here to find a partner” but I had couples messaging me about once a week anyway. I still get angry thinking about it). Even the ones the dates that seemed to go well ended up treating me as one option in a large buffet. Oh, and I’ve gotten the increasingly angry voicemails thing, I’ve had guys insist on “being a gentleman” and dropping me off at my doorstep only to show up at it later unannounced and unwelcome, the whole gamut…

          Anyway. My point is that getting more attention at a certain age isn’t necessarily better attention, and in my early 20s I had no idea how to distinguish between the two or protect myself. I’d rather get a small amount of options in my 30s and know how to choose and what to do about them, than the firehose of utter misery I got in my early 20s.

      6. Ha, I’m about to turn 36 and my 30s have been so awesome that I’m like, OMG, I bet my 40s will be EVEN BETTER.

        And FWIW, I’ve got a reeeeeeeeeeally active dating life as a 35 year old woman, including via online dating. My reflection in the mirror looks just fine.

      7. I think that you did not really learn the lesson you are trying to teach someone else… It shouldn’t be, ” I should have seized the day when I was young!” But rather, “I should seize the day today, no matter what age I am!”

    10. My attorney circulated divorce papers on the date that would have been our second anniversary but for the fact that we were getting divorced… A few months later I lost my job. I was in my early 30s. Things looked bleak – divorced, unemployed, over 30. But things got so much better. I met a wonderful guy. I got a new awesome job. When I look back, its like a phoenix rising from the ashes. Things stunk (first husband was a jerk, job was toxic), I hit a bottom, but now I am in such a better place. Wishing you an awesome rise from the ashes as well.

    11. Also, I recently realized that I can no longer remember (i) my wedding anniversary, (ii) my ex-husband’s birthday, or (iii) my ex-husband’s MIDDLE NAME. Yes, I had to look it up. So life really, really does go on.

      1. I only remember my ex’s birthday because it’s the same day as Derek Jeter. Ha ha.

    12. I echo what all these ladies are saying. I wasn’t married, but I was living with my partner of 6 years when he left (now almost 5 years ago, when I was 29). I felt like my world imploded, like I lost my identity. But now, with time, I am so, so grateful I didn’t marry him and that he left. I didn’t lose my world or my identity, I gained it when he left.

      That won’t help at all now, but you will get there. Are you in LA? If so, let’s get a group together for something fun.

  2. First, I don’t think that fitted blazers should come in SML sizing unless they are denim or <$50.

    Second, this could make any person frumpy.

    1. I agree. This reminds me of the blazers my mom wore in 1990. I can’t imagine that drawing a horizontal line across the low hip has gotten more flattering with time.

    2. Yeah, it looks like a man’s blazer. Just weirdly large and ill-fitting on the model.

    3. It’s especially bad with that tiny cami. It needs a collared shirt at least, for balance. But yes, ill-fitting.

      1. When I first looked at this picture without my contacts in I honestly thought the green parts of the cami were a tattoo on the model’s chest and torso and didn’t even realize she was wearing a cami underneath.

  3. I just needed to share a good book I’ve been reading with everyone – Teddy Wayne “Loner”. It’s short, and a quick read – it reminds me of catcher in the rye, but less “trying so hard”…I need book suggestions, if anyone has read anything good lately!!

    1. I read a great trilogy by Rebecca Cantrell called the Joe Tesla series. The main character is an agoraphobic software billionaire who lives in an old Victorian home in the tunnels under Grand Central and stumbles upon big crime plots. He has a service dog and they wander the tunnels because he’s too phobic to go outside. The whole setting of the books is really cool. And for anyone who is worried about the pet characters in books, the dog lives through all 3 books.

      1. I really appreciate the dog update! I can deal with a lot in a novel but animals dying will just set me off on a spiral. I just started Belgravia because I missed Downton Abbey (Julian Fellows wrote both). It’s fun so far. Last book I really got a kick out of was The Love Affairs of Nathaniel P.

        1. My coworker told me about a s1t3 that tells you whether the dog makes it through movies. It’s called “does the dog die” dot com.

          1. Ha! When I was growing up I would make my mom read a few chapters to warn me about things like this if I got suspicious that it might be coming.

    2. Try Girl Waits With Gun and its sequel, Lady Cop Makes Trouble, by Amy Stewart. They’re mysteries based on one of the first female deputies in America circa 1914.

    3. I just finished “Kindred” by Octavia Butler. Really fascinating sci-fi-ish novel about an African American woman in 1976 who time travels to slaver-era Maryland, and complications ensue…

  4. This suit is horrible. It looks like one of my first cheap suits I bought at my first business formal job when I had no money. Frumptastic and cheap looking.

    1. I had a similar glen plaid suit with a similar long jacket and a full, long pleated skirt. I wore it to my first job in 1988 and I felt so grown up. I was 22 going on 70, for sure.

      1. This would be the ultimate 4-piece set for this suit:

        Pictured jacket
        Pictured pants
        Full, long pleated skirt
        Pencil skirt that is sold only in petite-appropriate lengths that will only come 1 size smaller than you should wear

        Above two items to be worn with panty hose.

          1. YES! Sold in the grocery store in a plastic egg.

            I rocked that whole ensemble back in the day.

      2. I had the same thought – reminds me of the longish jackets with oversized lapels that I wore in the late 80s/early 90s.

  6. Tips on supporting a friend through a breakup when you’re not sad about the breakup? I can’t/feel no need to trash talk the ex because (a) I’m also friends with him, and (b) I respect his integrity for breaking it off – he didn’t love her so he didn’t want to string her along. It’s a terrible feeling for her, I know, but she really will be better off now that she’s not pouring her heart and soul into a guy who doesn’t feel the same way about her. I want to be sympathetic but also don’t want to be complicit in talking smack about my guy friend/DH’s good friend.

      1. I’ve definitely been making it a point to do more fun stuff with her and include her in things she/they might not have wanted to do before. I think I need help steering the conversation away from him when she starts calling him a jerk. I’ve gone with “I’m so sorry you’re hurting” and maybe that’s really all I can say?

    2. You sound ill suited to supporting her about this particular thing, and I actually think it’s fine to say that. “I love you and I’m so sorry you’re hurting, but I’m also friends with him.”

      1. I’ve really been struggling with this, but I think you’re right. I’m the friend you call in a crisis. Guy you’re sort of seeing left you in a bar in Podunk, Nowhere by yourself at 2 a.m. (pre-Uber)? Alcoholic boyfriend relapsed and you have to get out of the house? Need a restraining order against your abusive ex? I’ve got you. But I’m not great with non-crisis crises, if that makes sense. I want to Do Something but I’m not sure there’s much I really can do.

    3. When my ex and I broke up earlier this year, I was sad but I didn’t hate him and I didn’t want to trash talk him, I just wanted my friends to help me feel better.

      Maybe it’s the same for your friend? I think generally, unless it’s a terrible breakup or the guy was a jerk, you don’t always want to trash talk the ex.

      I would make sure to stay away from telling her she’ll be better off. It may be true, but it’s not usually helpful. Plus that always seems to come across better from a single friend than someone who is married…

    4. I don’t think talking smack about an ex is helpful in a breakup situation anyway – when people tried to do that to me, I really distanced myself from them. It comes off as questioning the person’s judgment for getting involved with the guy in the first place. So, I’d just focus on talking to her about how she’s feeling and letting her talk about that. If she wants to vent, you don’t have to join in slamming your friend, but let her talk. She’s probably just really sad. Let her guide what you talk about and don’t be afraid to check in on her feelings and ask how she’s doing.

    5. You sound like you’re closer to the guy in this scenario. That’s fine, but I wouldn’t hold yourself out to this person as a supportive friend if you’re not willing to listen to her vent about him at least a little. I think that’s a pretty natural reaction to a breakup even when he hasn’t done anything objectively wrong.

    6. Your friend might be looking to get involved in something new to occupy a block of her time. Could you be a person who goes along and joins the new activity also? Even if just a few times while she builds her confidence back up? It’ll give fresh topics for conversation that have nothing to do with the ex.

    7. Support and validate her instead of trash talking him. She’s great, she will get through this, she is strong because of XYZ, you admire for her 123, etc.

      1. I think I agree with Anonymus. It is NEVER a good idea to badmouth the guy, even if he is a SCHLUB, b/c there is alway’s the posibility that she could get back with him, and then tell him that YOU said he was a SCHLUB. On the other hand, it is OK if SHE calls him a Schlub and you agree — that is different. Just support her. That is what my freinds did when I tossed Sheketovits. I called him the Schlub and they agreed with me. So even if I ever got back with him (which I can NOT fathem at all), I would NOT sell my freind’s down the road b/c it was ME that did the name calling. What does the HIVE think? Am I all wet on this or not? YAY!!!

  7. I spotted a variant of the Tumi Voyageur Q-Tote on the train today that was made with a charcoal grey fabric. I’ve been put off the Voyageur tote in the past because the price seemed very high for nylon (though I love the design). However, I’m almost certain that this was not nylon: it was a slightly heathered fabric with no sheen and looked fantastic with the black leather accents. Has anyone else seen one of these bags out in the wild (or better yet, in stores)? I’m kicking myself now for not asking the woman where she got it!

      1. Oooh, that is gorgeous!

        To the OP, this isn’t the exact bag you’re looking for but Dagne Dover has some really nice totes in coated canvas, cheaper than Tumi too.

        1. I heard they’re really heavy, no? Gosh, I wish I could see one in person before I buy it :-/ I need a stylish, solid work tote stat!

      2. I’ve got this bag and it is fantastic. At a distance, the heather looks almost like a flannel with a really low nap (if that makes any sense). It’s well constructed, has plenty of pockets, and because it’s coated canvas, I don’t feel the need to baby it in the case of rain or having to put it on the floor

        1. Yes, it looks like flannel …. I have a bag coated in flannel and love the look.

          But is it cleanable?

      3. That’s the fabric! And it’s beautiful, too. But the bag I saw today was totally the Q-tote (leather accents that went down the sides of the bag, zip top without the closure here). Odd because I’m not finding it anywhere!

        Thanks for the Dagne Dover recommendation, I’ll have a look.

    2. I own this bag and purchased it in the fall of 2014 on sale. It’s the 2014 Voyageur design. I spotted someone carrying it and knew it was what I wanted. I think, unfortunately, you might have trouble finding a new one. I’d sell you mine but I love it too much to do that.

    3. Another thought- call the Tumi Factory Store in Vidalia, Georgia. It’s a true factory store with first run items, not an outlet. They sell styles that they are discontinuing and sometimes you can find the color/style combo that you can’t find other places.

    4. I’mma let you finish, but the Mansur Gavriel Large lady bag is the best work bag of all time.

      (Thought about the Dagne Dover, but I am never buying another bag again).

    5. I was just in the Tumi store this weekend buying my Voyageur and I’m almost positive they did have a line of bags/luggage with the type of fabric you’re describing. It was something similar to nylon but not fabric.

      As a side note, I’m in love with my Voyageur and I think it was 100% worth the money.

  8. Question for you all who have been divorced and now say you’re far happier/more fulfilled etc than you ever thought you would be- Do you think that for whatever reason you married the wrong person? Or you just grew apart? I guess what I’m wondering is why people get divorced. Like, you loved this person once and thought it was a good fit. Did your judgment turn out to be wrong? Did one (or both) of you just change? And do you think that whatever went wrong in retrospect is something that could have been expected or obvious to you from the beginning?

      1. I think for my parents it was that at some point my mom stopped respecting my dad. She still loved him but when they got married she thought he was the moon and the stars and as the years passed and real life set in, the shine wore off and she began to see him in a different light. They still loved each other and remained friends after the divorce but at some point she just didn’t want to be married to him. There was a significant age difference when they met so maybe that was part of it. But I think it’s very hard to maintain a relationship if you no longer respect your spouse. For her that happened because he wasn’t interested in doing some things as a father and husband that she thought he should/would.

        For others I know it’s because so much was said in the heat of the moment that it becomes impossible to recover. I don’t think people get married thinking they’ll get divorced but I think a lot of people think that marriage is supposed to be easy when it actually takes a lot of work and upkeep, and I think women especially are taught to view marriage as a goal vs. seeing it as part of the longer process of your relationship.

    2. I married the wrong person. We’d been dating for 4 years, he was more into me than the other way around, and I was young and stupid and thought I ‘owed’ it to him to get married because I had ‘strung him along’ for so long. We never fought, likely because I wasn’t emotionally invested enough to become upset or feel really happy / excited about anything related to our relationship.

      We also have very different goals that only became more evident as we progressed with our education / careers. We developed very separate interests / friends / schedules, etc. so that when the divorce actually happened, our individual lives didn’t change that much. It should have been obvious from the start that this would happen, but again, I was young and dumb and assumed it would all just ‘work out.’ Didn’t.

      We dated for 4 years and were married for under 3. Admitting to him that I wanted a divorce was very hard, but it was such a relief to just say it out loud and figure out how to move on. No kids, no assets because we were both still in graduate school.

      I remarried 5 years later to a perfect-for-me partner, and we have a kid. Not sure what ever happened to first husband – we did not keep in touch.

    3. Almost all my friends who married in their 20’s are divorced. The only one who is still married knew her husband since college, but didn’t marry until late 20’s and only after being long distance for a significant period.

      My female friends who married young were very, very focused on getting married. Too focused. All of the guys needed nudging (red flag!!).

      All of my friends who married in their 30’s are still married.

      1. I could say the same except I wonder if that will not be true when I’m in my 40s – i.e., if the 30s marriages will start to get divorced too.

      2. Huh. Interesting. In my circle the dividing line seems to be about 26/27, not 30. All the couples that got married in our late 20s (me included) are doing fine, but many of the couples that married right out of college have since divorced. We’re only in our late 30s though so I guess there is still time for the later marriages to end.

        1. Exactly. It’s hard to tell except from far in the review mirror. A friend of mine who got married 2 years ago at age 28 was telling me (who got married 7 years ago at age 23), that it’s so much better to get married in your late 20s because all her friends who got married in their late 20s are really going strong in their marriages. I was flabbergasted because, given that we’re now 30, our friends who got married in their late 20s have been married 1-3 years, so I’d think it would be tough to determine whether they are lasting marriages or not!

      3. My Dh & I got married super young (19 & 20) and celebrated our 22 anniversary last month. We are still going strong. We like to say we’re the exception that proves the rule that you shouldn’t get married young.

    4. With distance and having learned a lot about my ex-husband post-divorce, I was fairly emotionally fragile (fresh out of treatment for any ED) and looking for someone to sort of take over my life and tell me how to live it, because I was scared to do it on my own. My ex-h was struggling with his s*xuality and looking for a way to have the life he thought he should have, and wanted someone who would fit into that mold (not someone who had strong ideas of her own about how her life should be).

      In the short term, it worked, but his struggles grew less able to be suppressed, and I grew out of being a fragile girl.

    5. I totally married the wrong person (twice), and it was because I grew up learning all kinds of crazy things in my family of origin, like “people who love you are supposed to tell you you’re not good enough,” and “you should definitely marry the first person who’s willing to stay in the same room with you for five minutes because that’s the best you can do, given that you’re so inadequate.”

      It took a lot of therapy to realize that none of that was true, and that there really are lovely, kind men out there who would love me just the way I am. But it was worth the wait and the work!

    6. Going through a divorce, and I think I married the wrong person. We dated 2 years, married for 4. We got married at 27/28, so not too young, but we were still in the process of developing our interests.

      Gradually, it became clear we had different interests, goals, and dreams. He didn’t like going to any events with me (“let’s just stay home and relax, why do you want to go see speaker, concert, etc”), didn’t like my burgeoning interest in gardening (“why are you wasting time and money when you can just buy veggies at the store”), didn’t like our dog we adopted together (“why are you wasting money on a dog toy?”)…I felt he was very negative and that brought me down.

      Then he started flirting with tons of girls online. He put a PIN on his phone, and a friend even contacted me saying she felt he was inappropriate with her, saying her photos were sexy. He deleted his FB saying it caused drama. I felt he wanted attention elsewhere because I developed my own interests.

      The divorce is hard, but I feel confident its the right decision. I need to be true to myself.

    7. The NYT has a really good series going on right now that addresses this question. It’s in the vows section.

    8. We got married at 25. Over time as we aged into who we are as individuals, aspects of our dreams and goals became more pronounced. I.e. he was always family-oriented, but having 4 kids and moving back to his tiny hometown became his life goal; I was always career-oriented, but moving to City to pursue Dream became my life goal.

      Our marriage and divorce weren’t acrimonious at all. We respected and cared for the other person and their dreams (that had always been there in some form) and understood that we couldn’t be the people we wanted to be if we were married to the other. We’re great friends now – cheerleaders for the other person and their dreams becoming reality.

    9. I don’t know that he was the wrong person per se. We were madly in love with each other and got along wonderfully. But we got married really young and he had some pretty serious mental health problems that he refused to get help for (depression with periods of mania, out of control anxiety) that had a huge impact on our relationship. We dated for 2 years, got married practically right out of college, and I didn’t have any idea exactly how bad it would be living with his untreated depression and anxiety until the first year we were married.

      We had an amicable yet gut-wrenching divorce after being married for 5 years. At that point, our relationship dynamic was so unhealthy that he both would have needed to get help for the mental health issues and we would have needed to commit to some serious couples therapy. I was used to tiptoeing around him and always trying to avoid upsetting him, and the anxiety made him both controlling and overly emotionally dependent on me. The depression just made him so negative and difficult to be around — it got to the point where he outright told me he resented me for being such a happy person. We also had totally different ideal lifestyles. I am a social extrovert who loves people, and he was an antisocial introvert who wanted to hang out at home (and wanted me at home with him too).

      I think the point at which one is willing to get a divorce is different for everyone, but for me that point came when I was looking at the path forward and it looked like years of work to be maybe happy but maybe not. I just felt so tired at that point, and the only thing that made me feel at peace was the idea of being alone and starting over. It was absolutely the best thing for me and us splitting turned out to be the catalyst that turned my ex-husband’s life around as well.

      I did view being single and dating again as a chance to use my hard-won knowledge about what personality traits did and did not work well with me (vs. I had no sense of this at all when I first met my ex-husband back in college). I specifically avoided dating people who had certain personality traits I’d learned didn’t work so well with me (e.g., high conflict, homebody, bossy), and I avoided anyone with mental health issues because I knew I just didn’t have it in me to go through that again. On the other hand, there were other things about my first husband that I really loved and knew I wanted to have in my life again (e.g., I wanted a really strong intellectual connection, someone who managed their money well, etc.).

      I’ve been with my now-husband for 5 years now and am so so much happier than I ever was in my 20s. He’s a much better fit for me. Realistically, my ex-husband was a good enough fit for me that we could have made it work, but it would have been a LOT of work, and I am 100% sure I would be nowhere near as satisfied with my life as I am now.

  9. I’m stuck in an anxiety spiral related to childcare for my kids. Younger child (2) is in a good school close to our home/work, and that is very working parent friendly (no mandatory classroom hours). Older child (3) is in a GREAT school that is farther away from home and work, and is slightly less friendly to working parents (mandatory work hours, not open as late as younger child’s school). Younger child’s school is less expensive than older child’s school. A spot just opened in younger child’s school for older child.

    On paper, it’s a no-brainer to move older child (cheaper, more convenient, one drop-off until older kid goes to K). In practice, it’s harder. Older child is sensitive, shy, and slow to adapt. Husband likes that older child is getting a curriculum that is more Montessori based, not strictly play based. We would only get a portion of this year’s tuition back (but other school would ultimately be cheaper over the next two years). Older child has done some “camps” at younger child’s school, and generally seems to like the program. But when asked directly, older child vehemently does not want to attend younger child’s school full-time, and prefers the school she is currently attending.

    Are we (a) placing too much emphasis on the type of school our (very) young children are attending, and (b) over-thinking whether older child can adapt to a new classroom and program? Any other thoughts? Husband and I cannot reach a conclusion. I’m 51/49% sending both kids to the same school, and husband is 51/49% keeping the kids where they are.

    1. Are there any part – time options? Could you get a full time spot at good school for older child and let older child continue parttime at great school for a couple months to ease the transition?

    2. Of course it depends on the child to a certain extent, but having a 3 yo myself, I would be careful about placing too much emphasis on the preference of a 3 yo. And also remember that it’s nothing about the school itself that is likely causing your 3 yo to be anti-move – it is the idea of a move itself. Given the convenience and cost factors, I would almost definitely move my older child. I think there can be great things about Montessori programs, but I frankly love my child’s play-based school and think there are great benefits to that type of curriculum too. Maybe consider a Montessori based kindergarten+ if that’s really your preference for education.

    3. A) you don’t ask a three year old where she wants to go to school

      B) mid year is an odd time for the change

      C) at 2 and 3 your children are not in school. They are in day care. It matters that they are taken care of and exposed to things. That’s all.

      D) do what’s easiest. If your husband wants to keep 3 year old in Harvard of day care, he can do all the classroom time and early pick ups.

      E) srsly though zero percent of your children are in school please calm down

      2. Not sure how mid-year is different from any other time of the year for a daycare change. Many daycares start to incorporate some preschool curriculum in the 3’s and 4’s classes even if they play a large part of the time. There may be some initial bumpiness with the transition, but kids get over it.

      3. +1

        You should not even be asking a 3 year old what their preference is in situations like this.

        I am a little concerned for you guys.

        What do you do for your anxiety?

      4. I don’t understand why everyone is in such a tizzy over school vs. daycare. Who cares????

        The OP seems to be struggling because her older one loves her school (or daycare, if you prefer to call it that), and older child is shy and reluctant to move to a new place. That is completely understandable. I don’t think OP is struggling because she is concerned that older child would move from a “school” to a “daycare.” Whether the place older child goes to calls itself a school or a daycare seems irrelevant.

        Let it go, ladies.

        1. Thanks, right on.

          (strangely amused that this post is taking off for a totally unexpected/unrelated reason).

        2. Long time reader. Of all the threads I have read, this might be the most inane and unhelpful to the OP.

          Signed,
          Proud aunt of a 2 year old who says she loves to go to “school” because she gets to carry her lunch and wear a backpack.

        3. Because the idea that toddlers need “school” is developmentally inappropriate and frankly, dangerous. Kids need to run and play. Stop feeding into the rat race.

    4. LOL at people who call daycare “school.” Your child is TWO. She’s not in school, she’s in daycare.

      1. Yup. All my mommy friends do it. Omg first day of school! Picture time! Nope. Daycare.

        1. Calm down, ladies! If you have a class, I don’t see any harm in calling it a school. It’s not a diploma mill.

        2. Ok, ouch. This is about as non-helpful as you can get. I have kids and call daycare school. Daycare refers to itself as “school.” You know how much this impacts? About nothing.

          1. Except if you’re in an anxiety spiral about the educational programs that your 2 and 3 year old attend, might actually be very useful to remind yourself that they aren’t actually attending school at all, just going to day care.

          2. Fair point re: anxiety spiral. I think the anxiety stems from the fact that our current set-up “works,” in that we have a routine and everyone is doing fine on a day to day basis. Switching programs is attractive as it could make life much easier, but as any working parent can appreciate, messing up status quo can throw everyone off – from excessive tantrums, to sleep regressions, to [insert other consideration I’m not thinking of, which is why I posted the inquiry].

        3. This must be a new thing. All of my mommy friends do it too and say it as if it’s SUCH a life constraint — can’t possibly move or take a new job or take a vacation mid year bc the child is in SUCH a good SCHOOL. Um — he’s 18 months old, no he isn’t.

          1. Oh, honey. No, just no.

            I’ve had friends not date guys who were geographically undesirable. No reason a job change or school change can’t fall into that category.

            Signed,
            School, all daycares, work, YMCA, church, home are within 2 miles of each other

          2. Yep, definitely a new thing. When I was a kid, everyone went to daycare. Now all my rich mom friends send their infants to “school.” It’s become just another way to brag about your wealth and status…”pssh, daycare, I would never dream of that! My child goes to Such-And-Such Fancy SCHOOL.” To me, referring to daycare as “school” no different than bragging about your fancy vacation or luxury car. It’s just another form of label/name-dropping.

          3. Exactly. Day care is like this horrible thing only bad mommies do. My child is just such an eager learner that we really felt he was ready for school. Oh please. He poops in a diaper. He is in daycare because the cat can’t watch the baby.

          4. Y’all, I write to you from the suburbs.

            Schools: often at churches, usually just during the school year, frequently half days

            Day-cares: soley for working families; open year round; usually open b/w 10-12 hours a day

            Pre-schools: could be either

            Schools: often short for pre-school

            TBD, they are such information sponges when they are younger, I don’t see the harm in trying to enrich the environment beyond what is in the home. And with our state, a 5-star rating offers a lot of school-type features, even if called a daycare (e.g., Miss Linda’s Tiny Tots out by the airport which has 3 shifts of care for all working parents).

            Don’t give yourselves the vapors. Have a coke and a deep breath. All better now, no?

          5. Yikes, you don’t have kids, do you? My LO is almost 2 and yes, absolutely we love his SCHOOL and wouldn’t consider a lifestyle change right now that would mean moving him to another school. Not all daycares are created equal and we did a lot of research to pick the one he’s in. And yes, the primary concern is that he’s taken care of during the day, but there’s definitely a didactic component and curriculum for 2 year olds.

            To the OP, I tend to agree with the others that a 3 year old doesn’t make the decisions. If it is easier on you to have both children at the same place and you like that place, I would move her.

          6. Echoing Anon at 10:24. Certainly at 18 months, when they are really starting to communicate and learn a ton of things, their environment is really important. A Montessori school is a school, a Reggio Emilia school is a school – a daycare is a daycare. What’s wrong with calling it what it is?

          7. @ an:

            I DO have a kid, and I think referring to daycare for a 2-year-old as a school falls somewhere between inane and dangerous. My kid goes to a decent home daycare where they do reading games and puzzles and science projects in addition to playing outside/dress-up/whatever (and there’s no TV), so yes, there is a ~~didactic component~~ but it’s a daycare. It’s a good daycare with a lot of activities that doesn’t just park a dozen kids in a bare room with a TV all day, but it’s still a daycare. If a daycare for young toddlers in any way resembles an actual school environment, they’re doing something very wrong.

      2. This always bugs me too, but in the case of Montessori, it is a “school” — kids can be there at age 2 in the toddler program.

        1. It’s Montessori-style daycare. Just because it calls itself “school” doesn’t make it a school.

          2. Not necessarily. My child went to a Montessori school starting in infancy. It goes through middle school (grade 8) so it’s most definitely a school. We pulled him out at about age 4 because it was no longer working for him, and enrolled him in a play-based preschool. OP, it’s a difficult decision, I know, but doing what’s easiest for your family is really the best choice here. Play-based programs are actually really, really good for kids! The child will not be disadvantaged in any way.

      3. Because if you call it daycare, everyone immediately working mom shames you about how terrible it is to send your kid to daycare. Saying school makes it more vague about how old your kid is and people you don’t know well are slower to comment.

        Like so many other working mom things, no way to win here.

        1. ^ All of that.

          “Daycare” has this reputation of being a grim last choice option for people who are awful parents who dont want what’s best for their kid. It’s not. At all. My SAHM painted it that way to me, and I was almost expecting it to be some kind of cold war orphan bunker with rows of cribs with crying unattended children. Instead, I found out what it was actually like– a warm and nurturing environment with professionally trained teachers. Not glorified babysitters, but professional teachers who have actual child-development related education.

          Sometimes I call it daycare. Sometimes I call it school. I’m not rich, and when I call it “school” its more out respect to her teachers than it is me trying to show off my status– that would just be bizarre.

          2. Agree with all of this. I mostly say it’s daycare, but I use “school” interchangeably and mostly when referring to the teachers (who are amazing).

          3. +1 Yes my daughter is clearly in the “daycare” phase as she is 17 months, but the older classrooms become more and more like a school as she moves up. Additionally, we frame it as “school” for our child’s sake. She loves going, and our hope is that we are painting a positive association for her with the idea of going to school.

          4. WORD.

            Also, it’s so much more awkward to sing, ‘Baby came to developmentally-appropriate care setting incorporated as a child care center today, developmentally-appropriate care setting incorporated as a child care center today, developmentally-appropriate care setting incorporated as a child care center today’ than ‘Baby came to school today, school today, school today!’.

            Also, I really wish you lived in my city. I feel like we would be friends (I hope).

          5. another +100 to this, especially the last sentence. This is my take on it too.

            Plus a little bit of the point Clementine makes. Honestly, “school” is only 1 syllable and it rolls off the tongue easier than “daycare” or “childcare center”. That’s the other reason I tend to default to “school” over “daycare” most of the time.

            My former SAH-MIL also imagined daycare as an institution with rows of crying infants in cribs like a bleak orphanage, and now she is the world’s biggest evangelist for our daycare center and helps calm down her other friends who are so upset about the idea of their grand-babies at daycare and encourages them to give it a chance.

          6. This exactly. And some of them are actually on school campuses – mine is actually on an elementary school campus, and starts at 3 months and goes through pre-k. I am literally dropping my child off at a school.

        2. So because you’re scared of people shaming you, instead you’re shaming the working women who can’t afford to put their kids in a place called “school” and have to use regular old daycare? That’s nice.

          3. I guess I call my kids daycare a school b/c I’d never call their teachers (who have degrees in early childhood education and child development) “compensated loving caregivers who expose my children to a lot of things while helping them learn to go to potty and try new foods,” because the wordy phrase would never do them justice.

            I say “my kids were in daycare” when describing what they did before kindergarten (“they went to daycare because I work”). Other kids have nannies, mom at home, or somehow aren’t out wandering the street.

            Working women can’t win. If I gave up this career to be a baby-room teacher at a daycare, would you all still find me to be a working woman who had all of the same issues we have (and at a fraction of the income)? Rearing children is important work. How you label the schools (or whatever you call them), with a heaping side of scorn, is not OK.

          4. Your post reflects that you don’t understand. Most of these places do not choose to be called “school” or “daycare.” This discussion is about the word the PARENT chooses to use. My child goes to a place with “Development Center” in the title. I have never once called it the development center. I have called it daycare. I have called it school. With neither word have I ever intended to “shame the working women,” since I am one of them, and it has nothing to do with who can and can’t afford anything, because they are the SAME PLACE. School and daycare are the same place.

            You yourself are feeding into the problem by assuming “school” means fancy and “daycare” means cheap. Neither of those are true.

        3. Yes, agree. Thanks – no real way to win here as a working parent. I find the responses here regarding whether the program is school or daycare non-responsive (and the references to “mommy
          friends” odd and unnecessarily condescending).

          Just like many other working parent decisions, I have guilt that I’m moving older kid out of a program that she loves b/c it’s marginally better for us. Similarly, she’s kind of a bear when she’s off her routine, and I’m not sure how long it will take her to settle in. Angry 3 year old = potentially equally or more disruptive than 2 drop-offs.

          1. Agree re:non-responsive.

            Second, hugs. You will make a good decision for your family. There may be bumps if you change or doubts if you stay with your current set-up. Either way, you and your family will be ok.

      4. Hugely unhelpful, thanks!

        Both programs are, in fact, schools. I’ve seen the corporate governance documents. The kids could stay at either school through 8th grade or through 12th grade, respectively. We will enroll the kids in public school for K, though.

        I do use the programs as daycare, so if you’d prefer that terminology, feel free to read the post substituting “daycare” for “school.” Or, just scroll on by, and go to the next post.

        1. Oh please. Maybe calm down? These are tiny tots. They sound like they are both getting excellent care. If you stay with the status quo, they’ll do great. If you move them, they’ll do great. Because daycare decisions don’t matter beyond are they being taken care of.

          Do you want to get out of the anxiety spiral or not?

        2. My mother-in-law is a teacher at a preschool, ages 2-5. She has been a teacher for like 50 years, including many years as a high school teacher, so she is a lifelong professional teacher. Even when she has the 2-year-olds, she is preparing, making lesson plans at night, etc. You can call it what you want, but dedicated professionals who are in this field call her institution a “school” and they are “teachers.” I am forever amazed at how dedicated she is and how hard she works, including the continuing education requirements, researching special issues for her kids as necessary, etc. The school runs on an academic calendar. When I was looking at daycare, the facilities in my area were very different from my MIL’s school.

          2. Yes, but they need play that will encourage large motor development, and small motor development, and social skills, and how to listen and interact with others, and have sensory stimulation, etc. I mean, that may translate to outside play, coloring, story time, sandbox, but you still need a schedule, supplies for activities, and some idea of what you will be talking about to guide kids through the activity. You can’t just leave a horde of two-year olds in a room to “play” for an entire day and not have some sort of plan.

          3. Our infant room even had lesson plans. 3 months to 1 year. Our lead teacher (who had a MA in early childhood development) used to post the weekly calendar so we could see what the babies would be doing that day.

            I think you misunderstand. It was something like “morning snack” then “read a book” then “sing a song” then “go on a stroller ride” then “sensory play with noodles” and so on.

            Our infant room had weekly themes like “farm animals” or “bugs” or “the beach” and the songs and sensory play and toys would all revolve around the theme. Like for the “beach” week they played with sand, then read a book about beaches, sang some “beachy” songs, and played with fish toys floating in trays filled with water.

            That stuff doesn’t just magically happen. You need a plan to implement. You don’t just put a bunch of babies in a room with toys and say “have at it.”

          4. The teachers at my kiddo’s “school” do put a ton of thought into their lesson planning, drawing on their specialized knowledge of early childhood development. That doesn’t mean that they expect kids to sit at desks and take notes, but instead that the teachers offer them fun activities that help them learn how to interact with the world, and how the world works. One that sticks out in my mind was when the teachers put materials of different textures on the floor and encouraged the kids to walk and crawl all over them, feeling how the cardboard felt different than the packing bubbles or crumpled paper or (sticky-side-up) contact paper, etc. Then the kids painted on those surfaces to explore more. The teachers also keep in mind developing fine and gross motor skills (making and climbing over piles of pillows! sticking stickers onto things!), developing social skills (“let’s all paint a mural together (without fighting)!”), language development (“what color should we sing about?!”) etc. It’s play, it’s super fun, but it’s a (developmentally appropriate!) learning opportunity too!

            Nothing criminal about that.

      5. +1 I’m a mom, our daycare is called “The ___ School” and I still think moms who talk about putting their 12–week-olds in “school” are ridiculous. There are legal distinctions between daycare and school and something that’s open 10 hours a day (as daycares are to accommodate working parents) are not actually schools.

        1. I always called it “school” with a “nudge, nudge, wink, wink” when my son was very small.

          This threadjack is cracking me up.

          1. Me too! Actually I frequently call it “baby school.” But I’ve been known to put “baby” before everything – like “have a good baby day!” when I drop him off.

            But I’m weird like that!

        2. It’s fine if you don’t want to use the word school, but why are they “ridiculous” for calling it school, when it has school in the title? Serious question. Do you expect everyone to consider the legal distinctions and ignore the name of the school? Should they be calling it “The ___ DAYCARE Not School-Even-Though-That’s-It’s-Name?”

          1. I don’t know…I just think school has a meaning and kids don’t go to school until they’re in kindergarten. That’s why preschools are called PRE-school, because that’s where you go before you are old enough go to school.
            Also, I can only speak to my area, but around here the use of the term “school” is definitely a wealth and status thing. There are three ‘fancy’ (and significantly more expensive) daycares around here that have school in their name (one is Montessori, two are affiliated with the local university) and the rest of the daycares don’t use the term school, they’re just the “___ Center” or whatever. I feel like a lot of people emphasize the school to distinguish themselves from the poors and make it clear that their kids are getting a fancier/more prestigious education, and I think that’s incredibly obnoxious (and also ridiculous when you’re talking about a baby…maybe at the toddler level it actually matters what they’re doing, but 3-month-olds are not learning quantum mechanics or Mandarin). To me, it’s a lot like saying “We drove our Lexus to my parents’ house in Michigan for Thanksgiving” when you could just as easily and much less obnoxiously say “we drove to my parents’ house in Michigan for Thanksgiving.” It doesn’t add anything to the message except communicate that you have a certain level of wealth.

          2. +1. I find this whole thread jack bizarre…particularly the seeming lack of information about what goes on at daycare/preschool/school.

            My son goes every day to a place called “[NAME] School.” Thus, “school” is in the name of the institution. It also has gone through a very rigorous accreditation process, which many professional daycare centers do not. At 4 years old, he has a defined curriculum, which the parents get notice of on a yearly and monthly basis. He gets homework once a week. He is writing, learning phonics, starting to sound out basic words, and is working on math concepts. He is taught by people who have early childhood education

            I don’t think it’s pretentious to call it a “school” because that’s what it is.

          3. But they have to use one word or the other. “We drove our Lexus,” in your opinion, is equivalent to “Baby goes to school.” But what’s the equivalent to daycare? You didn’t say “We drove our Honda,” you just omitted the car. That’s fine. But it won’t work with school/daycare. You have to use a word. You’re asking people to be less “obnoxious” by choosing the word that you prefer, which is daycare. It’s obvious from this thread that there’s a circuit split on that.

            So it’s not fair to say everyone is ridiculous for using the word “school,” and many commenters above have repeatedly explained that it has nothing to do with wealth. Particularly when school is in the title, “The ___ School.” The most expensive childcare option in my area doesn’t have school in the title and is referred to as both a school and a daycare. Because people can choose their words and we don’t get to be the boss of what other people say– or what words mean.

    5. I have had a 2 and a three year old. I would never have had them at different schools until the older one went to K. Our daycare closed and I waited until the 2 year old turned 3 so that we could move them together. It was to a school that was small and loving, but not the sort that my Tiger Mom friends send their kids to (and then have the nanny ferry them to Kumon).

      When you work FT, the solution to childcare needs to accommodate all parties, the kids and the grownups. All choices are compromise choices. When it doubt, pick the easy option unless there is some sort of need (vs preference) to keep the kids in different schools. Like if it were a therapeutic preschool for ASD or something.

      1. Thanks – that makes sense. It’s almost harder to go this direction, since we started with the inconvenient set-up out of necessity (we moved before our second was born and first kid’s school became less convenient).

      2. “All choices are compromise choices.”

        This x 1,000,000. There is always a tradeoff when it comes to child care decisions. Pick the choice that you believe will maximize the family’s total well-being. If that means the 3-year-old has to make a transition, that’s okay.

        With a 3-year-old, or even a 10-year-old, you do not ask the child’s opinion on major life decisions such as child care arrangements, school placement, where to live, etc. Kids don’t see the big picture and will base their preferences on crazy things like whether the ice cream truck visits the day care once a week during the summer (very important to my child). It is the parent’s job to make the decision and then help the child through the transition.

      3. Agree completely. And will just add that less stressed parents (from one drop-off pickup site, more convenient location, shorter drive) = less stressed kids and family. I moved my kids to a different daycare/school/I don’t care what you call it when they were 2 and 4, and my older was a little shy. It was fine. We did something nice and distracting with them the first few days as a treat, and the kids were fine. A decade later, they have no psychic scars.

        Also co-sign earlier advice that it’s bad to ask kids what they’d do if you want to make the decision. At this young age, they can’t tell the difference between feedback and controlling their fate.

    6. OMG it’s DAYCARE. All of my friends do this too — oh we can’t possibly move or change commutes or whatever bc our 18 month old is in such a good SCHOOL. Um — he’s in daycare, he can go to one cross town. Send her wherever it’s cheaper and easier.

      1. I’m guessing you don’t actually have kids? And I’m a slacker mom who sent her kids to the cheaper daycare, but still felt a twinge about it. I too sometimes roll my eyes at how parents over-agonize over decisions, but until you deal with the screaming toddler for weeks on end who doesn’t want to be dropped off, it really isn’t that simple.

    7. This is a really tough one and I completely understand why you’re conflicted. Before I had kids, I would have advised you to of course move the older one to the same school, no question. But now that I have kids I see that these decision are not that easy. I have had my kids both in play-based preschool and Montessori, and I would say that we prefer the Montessori method, hands down. I am constantly amazed at how much more my kids are learning at the Montessori school. And yes, to the Anonymous below, it’s a school, not a daycare. There are lessons, they are learning language/art/science, etc.

      If you really want to keep the older one at the Montessori school, you could consider hiring a part time sitter to pick him up on some days/every day (and pick up your younger one too). That might offset some of the inconvenience of two different drop offs/pick up every day.

      On the other hand, I am very much on board with convenience and I think that if you decide to move the older one to the other preschool, it will be an adjustment but he will be fine.

      Either way, I don’t think you can make a bad decision.

      1. It’s a day care. What do you think happens at these horrific non school day cares? News flash- also they do coloring.

      2. Have your kids stuck with Montessori through kindergarten? There was a discussion on the moms site the other day about how Montessori kids have a tough time adjusting to non-Montessori kindergartens.

        1. My kids aren’t old enough for kindergarten but no — we plan to put them in a regular public school when the time comes.

      3. HAHAHAHAHA. Two-year-olds are not “learning” language and art and science. Good grief. I feel like I will be the biggest Tiger Mom ever because I care about academics so much more than most of my white American friends (wouldn’t let a kid miss school for sports, etc.) but even I know that two-year-olds cannot be seriously learning academic subjects. They’re coloring and playing with blocks just like all the poor kids at OMGDAYCARE.

        1. OMG — have you MET a 2-year old? All they do, all day, is learn. About everything. Probably better in some environments than other.

          Some may say “learning about quantum mechanics and the pull of large masses in space on an X/Y axis” and others may say “gravity” and others may say “fall down go boom”. Tomato, tomato.

          I try to work in math and fractions and science and geography when I make banana bead with my children. And in high altitude cooking, you can add in more geography and science. Or you can just have fun. Win, no?

          1. Isn’t that the point though? That there’s so much new in the world to them that no matter where they are, they’re going to be learning new words and experiences without freaking the F out about whether they’r getting a sufficient education?

          2. Yes! They are constantly learning language, and there is a difference between a daycare where someone is talking to them and singing to them for much of the day, and one where they are being supervised but not actually interacted with more than the bare minimum. Who cares about academic development, my kids are just happier when they are being exposed to new things and new challenges (and they sleep better at night!)

            I’m actually sort of surprised that I’m on this side of the debate because overall I really think most childcare places are just fine for most kids, and small differences in perceived quality won’t actually make a difference long term to a child’s development. And that OP should go ahead and have kid switch schools… Even if there is a transition period, she will adjust and may even like it just as much or better in the long run. (I’m a fan of play-based schools myself).

    8. Where your kids spend their time is the biggest/hardest part of being a working parent. I get it. In that vein, I would go with what makes your life as a working parent easier or makes you feel the most secure in where your kids are spending their time.

      My oldest is also a sensitive, slow to make friends kid. We have transitioned him a couple of times, and he has managed to do well with prep work and support from us. Based on what you have said, I would switch your oldest. One drop off/schedule/Halloween Policy is so much easier than two. If you make the transition, do it quickly and present it as a positive to the oldest. Good luck!

      1. Thank you, very helpful. Glad to hear the transition went well – good advice on the prep for the transition.

    9. I just moved my one year old from a daycare situation that was going well (Montessori) to a significantly lower priced option that was more convenient in terms of hours and location. The newer school is far less structured and it seems more disorganized, but it’ll be okay.

    10. I find it interesting that ‘school’ is perceived as better than play based learning by some posters. My understanding is that educational studies in fact show that time outdoors and play time have better outcomes.

      Finland consistently rates highest on international education surveys (e.g. PISA survey) and they have play based learning until age 7. Formal ‘school’ doesn’t begin until age 7.

      1. Yes, I’ve read this research and agree. I think, OP, that your decision could come down to where you think the teachers/providers are the best and that may not be about curriculum. I don’t think the curriculum matters, its how the people who are taking care of your child are treating your child. If you think your older child will receive similar love, affection, and encouragement at the new school than I think she’ll be fine!

    11. It’s daycare, not year 7 of an integrated K-12 program, and children can adapt to new places pretty easily, even if they are shy or struggle at first. You are fine either way, but you seem to be excessively anxious about this. I get that you want the best for your kids, but what’s best for them is ultimately what’s going to be the best for you (personally, financially, whatever).

      1. Yeah I didn’t see the ages when I first read it and assumed the kids must be at least 5 and 8 or something. Instead they’re really tiny and while they can’t imagine the change, will likely be fine with it.

    12. I would go with the easier, cheaper option for you. The tone of the comments above is unnecessary but they are right that it’s daycare and kids will adjust to new situations. You clearly care a lot about your kids, which is most important.

    14. You said you’d be saving time/money if you switch the older kid… what if you think about how that time/money is being spent? For example, if you prep the older one and switch them (teaching some coping skills and about how things sometimes change and everyone is ok and sister is there if you need a familiar face, etc.), does older kid get less frazzled parents in the morning? Does older kid have more money for college because of where the money went? Does older kid get to do more fun things in the morning/after school because there’s not so much commuting? Does older kid get more fun weekend activities since there’s now more money to afford them?

      I was the older kid, the slow to adjust kid, the kid who hated change. Over time, life taught me that change always happens and that I can cope by being more specific during change about what stays the same, and that’s ok too. For example, in the middle of a move, I sometimes eat the same thing for lunch each day. It feels like a sense of familiarity in the midst of temporary chaos. I have friends who plan their outfits for the week on Sunday so they know they can rely on that, even if everything in their office is changing or nutty, etc.

      TL;DR- it sounds like you’re amazing parents and that maybe this just needs to be reframed as all of the ways older kid can benefit from the change rather than you feeling anxious or guilty because you would also benefit. <3

      1. Op, if you are still reading past the semantics, I wanted to share that we recently moved our not-quite-3 y/o from a program she was happy at to a program that was more convenient (and IMHO better). We spent a month hyping it up, then counting down “in just 3! Weeks! You’ll be starting XYZ!” We talked about how she’ll make new friends, visited the new playground, and even said things like “only big girls get to go to XYZ”. So by the time first day of XYZ rolled around she was beaming at the idea and skipped out the door. She had the best dropoff EVER and it was on her first day (with some other teary 3-y/o s). If we had asked her, she’d never have wanted to make the change.

    15. Toddlers don’t ned a curriculum. They need to play all day. That is how children learn.

  10. I had asked a few weeks ago re an invite to an alumni function for a biglaw firm in NYC. I had been a fairly senior associate who left in good standing (and not working for another firm) about 2 yrs ago and didn’t get an invite to the event. Consensus here was to just ask bc it’s a business networking event, not like asking for an invite to a wedding.

    So I emailed the senior most non atty at the firm who knew me — think Chief Administrative Officer/Chief HR Officer (marketing isn’t directly her jurisdiction but she’s most definitely involved in this event) — only to be ignored. At this point — whatever. I couldn’t make last minute travel plans anyway. But I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was annoyed. After grinding away for 2400+ hrs per yr and mentoring their junior attys for YEARS — which they knew/noted (and the current/former associates are the ones I want to see) — it doesn’t feel good to be ignored. Part of me wonders if I were a white male associate, would I have been left off the list? Maybe — it very well may be disorganization across the board since this isn’t a revenue generating function. But if I were a white male who was left off and emailed asking to participate, would I have been ignored? I wish there was a way to subtly let them know that excluded the very few diverse female senior attys you’ve ever had isn’t a good look whether you mean to or not.

    1. Were you at Sidley? They seem to find me whenever I move (on hotmail, which I gave them when I left, and now at my firm). I think if you’re on Linked in as having worked there and are easy to find, they find you. Also, my name is the same.

      1. Former Sidley attorney here, I have been so impressed with how many alumni events they have invited me too in the last few years! Diverse attorney. OP, I’m hoping it wasn’t Sidley, that would really surprise me.

        1. It’s like they don’t notice that my zip is OMG flyover country USA now. But I’ve love to drop in to your event in Midtown. But it’s nice to be invited.

    2. Has the event already come and gone? Try emailing someone less senior. The officers at my firm get literally hundreds if not thousands of emails a day. It would be so easy to overlook something. Someone less senior likely has actual responsibility for the guest list and event planning and would be more responsive. Or, just call!

      I think it would be appropriate, after the fact, to let them know that they might be overlooking some of their alumni and that their process makes it difficult for alumni who want to attend to know about the event or get an invitation.

      And even though my first instinct would be to assume they don’t want me there, being on the outside and looking in, it’s easy to see how this could very well just be the mistake of a marketing department that doesn’t really know who the attorneys even are all that well.

      1. +1

        How about a phone call? Email is often not the best form of communication.

        Try to do it soon, before you explode!!!!

    4. OP here – not Sidley.

      I’m not pursuing it, just venting anonymously. At this point I’d have to call/email a junior partner I’m friendly with and to me that just looks/feels desperate — esp. since he isn’t the confident type who’d say “done, you’re coming, I’ll have you added to the list.” He’d go thru the “oh I don’t know why. Let me look. Let me get back to you. So-and-so said you don’t live in NYC anymore but Whoever said blah-blah-blah, but let me see if they’ll make an exception.”

      It would just have been nice to reconnect with dozens of associates I worked with over the yrs — some are friends but many are becoming social media contacts, so these events are nice to rekindle those connections to where you can say – hey nice to reconnect, let’s get lunch next month. Oh well.

      1. Does your ex-firm’s web site have an “alumni” tab? We do and CWT does and my current firm does (but harder to find). Usually those go to a marketing person who puts all this stuff together. Alternatively, call the receptionist for the office where it is, say “I’m not sure how to RSVP to this alumni event” and then have him/her patch you through to the right people.

  11. Has anyone ever owned a Skagen handbag? I know the watches get a lot of love but I found a gorgeous purse and I’m wondering if the quality is also really high.

    1. I have one, and the quality is on par with the pricing. I’ve had it for a little over a year and it’s held up very well.

      1. Thanks! I’m looking at the Mikkeline leather satchel. Do you happen to have that one?

  12. Hi all, looking for recommendations for a good high quality parka. I would prefer something in a bright color, but the typical navy and army green are fine too.

    1. How warm does it need to be (where are you located)? I have a Patagonia Tres which is GREAT but quite expensive. If it doesn’t need to be quite as warm I would go with LL Bean.

      1. I am in the southeast but we have had really cold winters with lots of snow this past five years.

        1. Really cold winters (for the SE) should do fine with anything from Lands End, LL Bean, Columbia.

          1. Just to add – Length makes a difference (get one that covers your backside – mid-thigh length is good) and also think about how often you’ll use it. I have a couple different coats I use during the winter – a couple for just regular cold type of days, and a longer one for Freezing Too Cold sort of days (Lands End down coat that goes to the knees).

            Basically – I wouldn’t spend $400 on a coat I’m only going to wear 3-5 times a winter, but I might spend $200.

    2. Last year I got the Eddie Bauer Women’s Sun Valley Down Parka and it made Wisconsin winter so much more bearable. Mine is navy and I think it’s as pretty as a parka can get. Can’t say I’m looking forward to busting it out (the thought of winter coming makes me cry a little on the inside), but at it kept me warm through several work mandated ice fisheries.

      I do really like the look of the new Eddie Bauer Women’s Ketchum Down Parka – plus it’s on sale because it’s new. It comes in a pretty Antique Rose that looks brighter than it sounds.

    3. There are still several options for Patagonia parkas on 6pm. Highly, highly recommend.

    4. Cintamani. They are like Canada Goose but cheapee and imo better. They’ve has some bright colours the last few years.

  13. When you see that you have a 2nd connection on LinkedIn at a company where you’re applying for a job, do you do anything? If so, has what you’ve done worked in the past?

    1. I call/text/email the person who “connects” us (if that person is someone I’m close to and I’m ok with them knowing I’m looking for a job) and say “I’m applying for a job at _____. LinkedIn shows that you worked with _____ who is in their legal department, back when you were both at ______. Do you know ____ well enough to make an introduction or reach out to him on my behalf?” Gives the mutual friend the out if they (1) don’t know the person that well or (2) don’t want to help me (though I don’t typically do this if I don’t think the person would be willing to help if they could).

      1. I do the same. Though more and more I am finding people respond saying — oh so and so was in my Harvard Law class but I don’t know her at all; or I met her once at a conference or on a flight or whatever. Which to me makes it feel like LinkedIn is deviating from what it used to be. I feel like it used to be a vehicle by which you connected to people you really knew — and then if someone asked for an intro, you made it bc you knew both parties well. Now it seems like just another social media vehicle to collect contacts that you may or may not know. Has that been anyone else’s experience?

        1. I only add people whose work I know well, but acquaintances and friends of friends add me and I feel like I can’t ignore them (I ignore random people I’ve never met). I actually got an email from a college friend asking if I could give one of my LinkedIn connections a reference. I think she was non-plussed when I told her that he was a business contact of my father-in-law and although I knew him socially and he was a nice guy, I hadn’t worked with him and couldn’t give him a reference. I get why she was annoyed, but I also feel like I can’t ignore a request from an important business contact of my FIL, you know? So it’s kind of a lose-lose situation.

        2. Yes, I totally agree. I don’t like the emphasis on more and more connections. I’m pretty picky about who I connect with, for example I have a rule that I will only accept requests from connections who I have met in real life (unless we’ve emailed/worked together remotely A LOT), but even then there are a bunch of connections that I have that I have only met only once or twice. If someone asked me for a connection to them I’d have to disappoint them because I barely feel that I could reach out to them for something for myself.

  14. I need a simple, classic watch to wear to class. Any recommendations for one in the 50-150 range with a brown leather band and numbers on the face? No fancy features needed. TIA!

    1. Skagen watches – one of my friends has one and really likes it. She wears it with a leather band and I think they’re in your price range.

    2. Have you looked at Skagen?

      I’ve had the older model of this one (http://www.skagen.com/us/en/women/watches/leather/ancher-leather-watch-pdpskw6082p.html?referer=productlisting) for about 4 years now and it’s holding up great for daily wear.

      There’s also this one: (http://www.skagen.com/us/en/women/watches/leather/anita-sub-eye-leather-watch-pdpskw2405p.html?referer=productlisting) for a bit of a different aesthetic.

      Buying them off the website is on the upper end of your budget bracket, but I’ve seen Skagen at Winners (in Canada) several times, so there might be a cheaper way to find them if you have some time to scout.

    3. look at Fossil watches. The same company that makes Michael Kors watches makes theirs, and they are significantly less obscene looking. Lots of simple, classic looks.

      1. +1 to Fossil, exact same watches as higher end brands since they’re made by the same company, at a much lower price.

    5. Not sure if they have options with numbers on the face, but I’m in love with my MVMT watch.

    6. I have a Kapten & Son’s watch that is minimalist and I love it – looks like theyre selling through norstroms as well as their own site now.

  15. Someone on here was recently bemoaning that the new Nike Frees are really different than their older models. I love a minimalist running shoe, and the old Nike Frees fit me perfectly but I hate the new ones. I found that the Nike Free Kids RN is fairly similar to the old Nike Free, but just slightly less flexible in the toe box.

    If you too loved the old Nike Frees, this could be a good shoe for you, depending on your shoe size (up to boys’ size 7): http://www.zappos.com/nike-kids-free-rn-big-kid-black-anthracite-metallic-silver. They’re also cheaper!

  16. I have an old blazer that I love, but the lining is looking pretty shredded now. Can a tailor re-line it, and about how much would that cost?

    1. I have had blazers relined by my usual seamstress. It usually costs $30 to $50, depending on the style.

  17. What a rough start. I had surgery on my foot a few weeks ago and have been working from home since. This morning was my first day back at the office. I am wearing a boot but use crutches as well for stability but am able to get around and walk on it. I ordered an uber and watched as it traveled 8 blocks to me, saw it at the corner of the block and then saw it drive away just before it came to get me. Confused, I looked down to see that the driver had canceled on me. I feel 98% certain that I was canceled on because the driver saw my crutches and bailed. I wanted to share because I think it is a perspective worth sharing. I am a petite young white woman and have never had trouble getting a taxi but know this is all too common for women of color, people with disabilities, elderly, etc. This is a temporary state for me, but a daily occurrence for many. Really gives you a sense of microaggressions and how if this happens first thing in the morning, it can feel like death by a thousand papercuts by the end of the day or week.

    (Also one of the annoyances of being a woman with crutches is that men view it as an invitation to speak to you and I don’t mean a coworker asking what happened or someone kindly opening the door for me when it’s obviously difficult to do so with crutches. I mean walking by quietly minding my business and men saying “what happened?” or “hey, that really sucks, but why not smile?” I don’t comment on strangers’ predicaments in life, I don’t know why men do it to women.

    3. Be sure to contact Uber. I don’t think they look fondly on that sort of thing. I’ve found their customer relations folks to be very responsive.

    5. I understand; I’m blind, and Uber drivers often leave me because of my service dog. You can go in the app to help, accessibility, and I want to report an assistive device issue. Someone will follow up with you through email and/or a phone call. If it’s not showing you the trip in the help menu, you can see it under account and history.

    2. 38K here, and I love my Elomi sports bra. The underwire only comes up halfway in the middle. The rest of the middle has fabric to prevent cleavage or my cups from runnething over when I bend over!

  19. Anyone looking for a really good, healthy on the go breakfast option – googleweb the following “Superhero Muffins by Shalane Flanagan and Elyse Kopecki”

    They take some time to make but OMG they are so good.

    1. Those look amazing–thanks for sharing! Do you put in the entire 2 teaspoons of cinnamon? That seems like a lot.

    2. These look amazing but kind of bummed that they have 21g fat/25g carbs/8g protein per serving (just calculated). I wonder if they’d be good with a couple scoops of protein powder in there and maybe less butter?

  20. Anyone from the Stamford, CT area? Just moved here and looking for a hair stylist. Cut/color/highlights. Thanks!

    1. Are you in Stamford proper or one of the surrounding towns? I’m a little bit north of Stamford and can give you the names of places that were recommended to me in Westport and Darien, but I just moved here myself so haven’t tried any of them yet.

      1. Downtown Stamford. Would be willing to go to Westport or Darien for a great salon though. Would love the names!

    2. What type of hair do you have? I go to Hiro’s Hair Salon in Greenwich for cut & highlights and I absolutely love it. It’s a Japanese hair salon, I’m not Asian but have stick straight hair with not many options for styles and they do an amazing job. Multiple friends (both straight and curly hair) use Salon Shahin in downtown Stamford.

      1. Curly/wavy hair so Hiro’s might not work for me. I will definitely look into Salon Shahin though. Thanks!

        1. My friend with curly hair was recommended Dawn by the salon and didn’t love her (and she only cuts I believe) but she’s been with Lindsey for cut & color for years and likes her.

  21. Hi all. My mom is nearing 60 and is mostly a monolingual Spanish-speaker with some knowledge of English, acquired by living in the states for many years. I want her to get comfortable with English and be able to speak to monolingual English speakers. Any recommended English language learning programs? Ideally something she can use at home.

      1. I was doing some Duolingo German for no particular reason and was surprised when I went to Amsterdam and was actually able to understand some signs and things in Dutch. So it works more than I expected!

    2. My mom (same age) used Rosetta Stone to learn Spanish and liked it. Taking classes is really helpful to – to actually practice talking out loud. Ultimately, at that age, she can learn to understand English a lot easier than she’ll be able to learn to speak it.

    3. I know you said something she can do at home, but if you live in a relatively diverse area, check out your local public library. Mine has a lot of resources for English language learners, as well as discussion groups to practice with.

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