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Well, it finally happened: I'm almost out of the beloved Bioré sunscreen that readers turned me on to a while ago. Reports on the newer versions of the sunscreen haven't been as complimentary, so I've been on the hunt for another daily sunscreen. I can't remember where (I feel like it was an article about what products dermatologists use, but I'm not sure!) I saw a link to this sunscreen, but when I saw that it was only $12, I made an impulse buy. (The one I'd been considering, but haven't tried yet, is the Elta MD Sunscreen — at $35 it isn't so much more expensive, but hey, $12 is better than $35…) I've got to say, I'm really impressed with this Missha sunscreen! It is a very watery substance, much like the original Bioré, but it has a thicker feeling once it's applied. It blends and absorbs well into my skin — the only con I saw was that the first few days the slightly powdery fragrance annoyed me. It's $12 at Amazon; apparently SokoGlam, Target, Wal-Mart also carry the line. (There are a few different colors of caps — I have the one with the pink cap; it looks like the blue cap is for waterproof. I'm not sure what the difference is between the pink cap and the green cap! Missha All Around Safe Block Soft Finish Sun Milk EX SPF50+/PA+++
Two other mini-reviews for sunscreens I've tried: I Woke Up Like This feels more like a physical sunscreen; not watery at all — and it's slightly tinted to offset a white cast; it's probably the most moisturizing of the sunscreens I've tried. (It was included in this Costco “Case Full of Seoul” my mom got me for Christmas.) I only tried Tatcha's sunscreen briefly in Sephora, and at $65 it's definitely on the Very Expensive side, but it has a very watery, weightless feeling like the original Bioré — and it's got Sephora's green “clean” seal of approval.
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Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Shoe Help
Hi all. I need recommendations for a new running shoe that can double for cross training as necessary. I’m not a hardcore runner – maybe closer to 30 miles a month than 50. I’ve liked nike in past shoes (I don’t need a ton of support), but open to any new recs!
CountC
I LOVE Altras. They make road and trail shoes. I like them because they are zero drop (I am a mid to forefoot striker) and have a very wide toe box which allows your foot to splay out naturally.
BB
Ideally, you should go to a running store or athletic shoe store and try them on. It’s really hard to judge what shoes will work for a specific person because it depends heavily on your stride and what level of support you want. I have a neutral stride and like heavy support shoes for example. But you might pronate more to one side than the other and want a lighter shoe. It’s really hard to tell, but also super important to make sure you get something that will work for you.
emeralds
Yes, I would strongly recommend going to a running store for a fitting and to try on a bunch of shoes. Even if there’s a brand that has historically worked for you, sometimes the yearly updates to the model will stop working for your feet.
In my life, I’ve gone from Nike to Asics to Brooks.
BB
I’ve pretty much gotten a new brand every time I go since I have no preference and choose based on feel. Last few years have been Brooks to Mizuno to Nike to New Balance.
Anonymous
I third this recommendation. My feet are partial to almost any Nike shoe above all others, but nobody else in my family likes Nike. You should go to a store and try a bunch on before deciding.
littleperfection
Brooks Adrenaline have been a family favorite for us for almost a decade. Running and regular lifting with occasional rowing, trail runs and elliptical mixed in.
Anon
I use these for (occasional) trail running and at the gym. Love them!
In-House in Houston
I love Asics. They fit me great and I’ve never had a blister or lost a nail. You can get them on sale frequently at the running warehouse dot com.
Anon
My entire family loves the Saucony Ride series. I have flat feet and my husband + daughter have arches yet we all love this shoe. The current version is the Saucony Ride ISO, and I highly recommend it.
Anonymous
Whhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyy is this called “Sun Milk”? I am now confused as to whether I should be drinking it or applying it to my skin. (actually, a little confused, although I am inferring it is sunblock, in which case CALL IT THAT. hrumph).
Anon
Dude, go eat a cookie or something.
Vicky Austin
A cookie?! With *milk*???? How very dare. The idea. Hrumph.
nebbes
Eh. It’s a Korean brand. It’s not a big deal.
Anonymous
Because it’s lower-fat than sun cream, naturally.
Never too many
Bahahahahaha.
Anonymous
It doesn’t look like they have FDA drug labeling that is required for sunscreen, so maybe they can’t legally call it call it sunscreen/sunblock.
Housecounsel
Does anyone watch Schitt’s Creek? There was a whole exchange about body lotion being called “Body Milk.”
If you aren’t watching Schitt’s Creek, you are missing out.
Anon
Yes! I was chuckling about this post just because I recently watched that episode about body milk. That show is amazing.
Housecounsel
So glad someone else caught it!
Anon for this
Lately I’ve been feeling so mentally overwhelmed. Any tips for reducing mental load? I’m up for promotion at work in the next 6 months, so when at work I need to be 100% on. Then, I’m studying for the GRE – again, requiring a lot of mental focus. And my boyfriend is going through a rough patch and providing emotional support is, again, taking a lot of brainpower.
I already exercise regularly and it’s amazing, but it’s not enough (and don’t think I can increase the time I spend on it within cutting into my recovery time). I’ve automated and outsourced as many chores as I can. I don’t feel stressed or depressed – I just feel like my brain is worn out from having to be so focused all the time. Suggestions?
Anon
Stop doing some of the things you’re doing. Make things lower priorities. Recognize that you’re already doing a TON and there are no “life hacks” for over-exerting yourself.
NOLA
I wonder if music might help you focus and, perhaps, even be a little soothing, especially when you’re studying. I think Baroque and Classical music, which are generally pleasing with very steady beats, are considered the best for that. Some may find it distracting, I know. Otherwise, I’d suggest drinking… sorry, it’s just a lot and there’s not much you can do without dropping a major ball in your life.
Walnut
Have you defined what “success” looks like for you in these scenarios? Do you have certain projects/metrics/etc in your job that will make your case for promotion? If so, plan on those and stop doing, let slide or delegate work that isn’t supporting the promotion.
For the GRE, what is your target score? Have you taken practice exams to baseline? Are you focusing your studying efforts in the places that will move the needle on your score?
Emotional support for your BF – can you carve out specific times to be 100% focused on him? If you’re trying to be super focused while at the office and during study sessions, is he aware that you’re responding to texts, taking calls, etc during designated breaks only? Basically, are you ensuring the time you spend with him is quality rather than also flipping through GRE flashcards at the same time?
anonarama
Can you batch studying for the GRE or otherwise put boundaries around it? Only do it on Fridays, or for the hour during the day when your focus is best?
Rainbow Hair
Would it be helpful to think about which things charge your batteries and which deplete them? I hate to admit it (because I hate sweating) but exercise charges my batteries. So I categorize it differently from things like work, professional development, certain volunteer things — stuff that drains me (while one of my besties is super energized by networking — weirdo). A social club I’m in is a battery charger, but my work associated with running the club is a drainer. Anyway, my point is, it sounds like you need more charging activities/time. For me it feels like when you restart a computer to flush out the RAM.
It doesn’t actually sound like you don’t have enough hours in the day, but rather that you just can’t keep going full throttle mentally. So here are some things that I find recharging that maybe you would want to do: listening to a podcast in the shower (instead of fretting in the shower); fortnightly ladies beer date; an absorbing craft/sewing project or doing my nails in a fancy way; reading a book before bed (instead of scrolling instagram).
Is the GRE not starting until after the promotion decision? Because if I’m reading that right, I would encourage you to just pretend it doesn’t exist. Future you will deal with that, but current you doesn’t have to. If you are studying for it now, can you push it back? Is that an option?
anon
I had this conversation with my therapist when I was in juggling a load similo yours. I started losing my verbal skills: forgetting words, unable to finish sentences. She called it mental fatigue, and apparently its a real thing.
Unfortunately, there’s no fix besides rest. Long term rest, like at least a year after graduation for me. But I can tell you what she told me: you haven’t suddenly gone stupid, this is just temporary.
Anonymous
Reflexology! like 60-90 minute sessions.
Remodeling without permit
I am planning to gut and remodel my bathroom. All of the contractors I met with (licensed with glowing reviews) have indicated willingness to do the job without pulling a permit. This surprised me as I assumed a reputable contractor would encourage a permit, and I was perfectly willing to follow the rules. The benefits of unpermitted work seem to be saving money and time, both of which are attractive to me. I do not plan to sell anytime soon. Wise give, how would you decide between permit and no permit?
Anonymous
In addition to whatever advice you receive about whether this is rational or not, factor in your personality. I am very much a rule follower, and I somehow let myself be convinced to do a remodel without a permit, and it still makes me a bit anxious 3 years later. If I had to do it over, I’d just get the permit for piece of mind if nothing else.
Anon
Is a permit required in your area? For example, in the SEUS, they tend to be much more hands-off about these things than, say, NY. Where you are, the local gov’t might offer permits, but it may not be common for homeowners to pull them if they’re doing a cosmetic remodel and not new construction, for example.
Anonymous
Aren’t there rules about what types of work do and do not require a permit? Why are these contractors offering you the option?
Senior Attorney
I always pull permits. Eventually the property is going to be sold and unpermitted work can leave you in a world of hurt when the time comes.
I recently did a bathroom remodel
A lot of it depends on what you are planning to do. Obviously check your local laws, but in many jurisdictions, a remodel doesn’t need a permit unless you are expanding the footprint of the house, moving/removing a load bear wall, etc. Generally, flooring, drywall, replacing fixtures/lighting, etc don’t need to be permitted.
anon
Right. I just had my bathroom refinished and checked my local code. My honest interpretation was that what we were doing doesn’t require a permit, so we went without it.
anonarama
permit didn’t even occur to us for our bathroom remodel, but we weren’t moving water lines or anything major like that.
Anon
Ok I didn’t pull permits for my bathroom and kitchen remodels. Technically any time you open a wall in my area you’re supposed to pull one, but our house is old, has old wiring, etc and the danger was that they would make us rewire the entire house, which we didn’t have the budget for. So we went without. I did not move any walls or change the roofline so the remodels were largely cosmetic.
Anon
I should add that when we had foundation work done it was permitted. We paid a lot more and in the end it was to have one of the contractors wait around my house for two days (because the inspector no-showed the first day) in order to spend 10 minutes watching the inspector shine a flashlight around without ever going under the house.
Anonymous
I think this depends on where you are. I’m in NYC and we decided not to because we thought we could get away with it and needed to save the money that saving time meant. My husband is a structural engineer and we were confident that what we were doing was safe. It’s possible it might cost us money when we sell – we built a partition wall that enclosed a dining are into what legally could now be called another bedroom, but maybe not if someone discovers the wall isn’t permitted – but we felt the benefuts outweighed the risks. Also an architect did a search and found no one has pulled a permit for our (coop!) apartment bldg in 20+ years, which meant our neighbors weren’t bothering with it either.
kiki
I am in San Francisco and no one would dream of asking for a permit when buying a house. I’m sure the contractors just don’t want to deal with the delay and headache.
Anon
I bought the Missha but with the blue rather than pink trim on the bottle – not sure what the difference is, but it is also a watery milk.
I hadn’t tried it yet because I still had some elta MD left, when my husband ran out of sunscreen. I suggested he try the Missha and now it’s his JAM!! Like, don’t touch my sunscreen. That’s mine.
He loves how thin it goes on with no chalky residue or oily shine.
He wears facial sunscreen daily, rain or shine, after having a couple of basal cell carcinomas removed.
Anon
Thanks for the guy rec! My bald husband might like it too!
Venting (but advice welcome) re retirement in U.S.
Ugh. DH recently started a new job (RN) and I found out this weekend he has (we have) basically a week to make a one-time choice between enrolling in a traditional defined benefit pension plan or receiving a match in a defined contribution plan (401(k) equivalent). We are having such a hard time deciding.
We are planning on staying in this area long-term. Employer is one of three major employers in the area (so, there is a good chance DH will stay with this employer until retirement, but also a chance he might want to consider one of the others down the road, who knows). Pension plan vests after 5 years, no problem staying that long probably. Pension would be approx. 50% of income if DH stays until retirement.
FWIW, DH and I make roughly equivalent salaries. I’m in the public sector and have a combination plan (small defined benefit that will probably be approx. 1/3 or 1/4 of my salary if I stay until retirement, + 401(k) equivalent). We each have probably 25-35 years until retirement.
Thoughts? Advice? Commiseration? I feel like I know the pros/cons of each option but the decision is difficult.
Anon
Defined benefit sounds like the way to go, although pension funds get raided all the time (is the employer public or private?), so it’s still not without risk.
Anonymous
defined benefit for sure
emeralds
My employer has similar options, and I went with the defined benefit. I figure I can always supplement my savings in the market, but it’s hard to beat the security of having that level of funding nailed in (assuming my state stays solvent).
Anon
This. TAKE THE DEFINED BENEFIT PLAN FOR SURE. It’s rarely an option these days, and you can always save to supplement it.
anonarama
yes – but make sure you have the vesting period on your calendar and stay for it no matter what
Anon
Disagree. Those benefit people retiring soon (older workers) and defined contribution is much better for mobility. If you have 25+ years to retirement it’s a no-brainer to do DC, those are popular because he workforce today is much more mobile.
OP
Thank you all, I appreciate the input. I’m a lawyer and risk-averse and always wonder if I’m too risk-averse, but I was leaning this way too.
Senior Attorney
Just to pile on, defined benefit for the win!
Mpls
Honestly, I don’t trust defined benefit plans anymore. They sound great, but there’s a reason nobody offers them anymore. In order to go that route, I’d want to make sure they’ve given you the numbers on its level of funding or have some understanding of what is available.
Personally, I’d take the defined contribution so I had control of the money instead of trusting that everyone involved in managing and funding that plan is doing the right things. Defined benefit plans are only awesome if they work – it’s easy to promise the money, but harder to have it on hand to pay out 30-40 years down the road.
Mrs. Jones
I also love this sunscreen, in pink or green (haven’t tried the blue). Son likes it too.
Anon
How do you make exercise a priority? I always hear that when I get into the swing of it and find something I like then I’ll enjoy doing it. Years later, that hasn’t happened. I just hate it. I’ve put on a few pounds so I know I need to do it but I don’t find it enjoyable at all, mentally or physically.
Anon
Answers to the following questions will help me and others come up with some more targeted ideas of exercise to try!
How do you best motivate yourself?
How much variety vs. routine do you like?
Do you like solo exercising or working out with others?
Do you like pushing really hard or are you a bit more low-key?
Do you like or dislike competition?
Anon
I’m not the OP but I could also use the help.
I motivate myself with rewards (food or new top, lipstick, etc), I like variety, I’m low key, hate competition, I don’t mind group exercise as long as everyone minds their own business.
Anonymous
I’d suggest Pilates reformer classes if they have them in your area – it’s pretty low-key (still a great workout though), there is a lot of variety in the exercises you can do, and (in my experience) no one is really paying attention to anyone other than themselves.
Anon @ 3:34
Try pilates! Easy to do both in group classes or with youtube/Fitness Blender videos.
In terms of motivation, I find it can be helpful to start with external motivation, but try to focus on internal motivation too. Lots of positive self-talk! Make sure you tell yourself how great you are! And really focus on how your body feels after you’re active, how your energy level feels (might go down the first couple weeks while your body is adjusting but then should go up), any decrease in your stress levels, increase in your sleep quality, etc. Ideally, you’ll get to the point where you enjoy being active because it makes you feel better.
Anon @ 3:34
I should have also asked how much exercise experience you have?
If you prefer to work out at home or not at home?
And what time of day you prefer?
Also, in my mind, the key is to find physical activity you enjoy doing, put it on your schedule ahead of time, and make it as easy for yourself as possible. So packing your gym bag the night before, or laying out your clothes the night before if you’re going to be exercising at home in the morning, or changing into your workout clothes immediately when you get home if you’re going to be working out at home when you get back from work.
Calico
I love Mel Robbins’s advice for this which is basically- you’ll never feel like doing it. You’ll never feel like exercising. You just have to do it. She talks about how you have to parent yourself when it comes to stuff like this.
anon
Yeah, basically this. Two years ago, I was you, OP. You can’t rely on feeling motivated; you really have to make it a habit. For me, that’s meant exercising at the same time of day, without fail. Otherwise, it’s too easy to talk myself out of it, find something better to do, yadayadayada.
And, be prepared for exercise to just plain suck for awhile. It takes a long time to build the habits and stamina that make it semi-pleasurable, physically and mentally.
Reading Gretchen Rubin’s Better than Before book actually help me clarify HOW to make a routine that works for me.
Anonymous
This. I wouldn’t not eat vegetables. Exercise is like vegetables – if you love it, great but if you don’t, your body still needs it anyway.
Anonymous
This. I have been exercising 10-12 years, since mid high school. I might have liked it in high school but I can’t say I like it to date. Sometimes I’ll do something that is REAL COOL and briefly get excited that I can do that thing, but day to day after work (or before, depending on your preference) /nobody/ I know of is super jazzed to go to the gym or go on a workout.
Hell, even my personal trainer, whose job it is to stay fit and keep others fit, has admitted that if he works out too late at night he barely wants to follow through with it.
You just do it until not doing it isn’t an option, whether you’re motivated or love it day to day.
Anon
By far the thing that’s helped the most is picking a non-weight goal and going after it. I have the most luck with races – signing up for a 10k and then working through a couch to 10k program, for example. Though you could just as easily make it about lifting x weight or getting certified as a yoga teacher or qualifying for a master’s swim team. Non-weight goals, I find, are much easier to break into manageable steps and have much more interim successes.
NOLA
I agree with Anon above. Figure out what the barriers are. Do you hate gyms? Prefer outdoors? Could you do something at home? Do you prefer classes or machines? Signing up for a gym for classes or a trainer would get you there. I used to have equipment at home because I much preferred to get home and work out. Now, I go to a gym and a group of us keep each other accountable. I hate classes, but a friend of mine signed up for a specific gym just because she likes barre classes. Workout buddies can also be really helpful. If you’re trying to lose weight, using an app like Myfitnesspal makes it very satisfying to be able to log your exercise and see your progress. Mfp isn’t perfect, but I’ve lost 60 lbs since last May using it.
Anon
The only way I run is to commit to meeting people for early morning runs (or any other time that works). I would never get up on my own regularly to run alone.
Jimmy
My main motivation for working out that I want long term health and mobility. This is really generic but day to day what motivates me is seeing family members that didn’t take care of themselves live lives I don’t want to live and also by seeing older people who I want to be when I am old. One of my favorite cycling class teacher is probably 70 years old and there are several people well over 65 in other classes I take, all. I want to be them when I am old!
I suggest going to classes/gyms that have more diversity in terms of age, seeing people in their 20s/30s do headstands and push-ups is very demotivating to me.
anon
+1. I hate to say this, but my in-laws are my motivation. They are in their late 60s and in worse shape, mobility-wise, than my 92-year-old grandpa. They have not taken care of themselves in terms of diet and exercise at all, and it is honestly heartbreaking to see how much it affects their lives. No playing on the floor with their grandkids, outings are hard and sap all their energy, DH has to do everything from changing lightbulbs to putting away their holiday decorations because they physically can’t. It’s so easy to forget the “why” of working out, but this is it, for me. I want to be active with my family for as long as possible.
Anon
I was blessed to have great examples of this! With the exception of a grandmother born with a heart defect every older relative is healthy and mobile! I gave several aunts/uncles in late 60s-mid 70s still playing tennis, hiking, biking, going to workout class all the time. My one uncle is mid 60s and still has guns (muscles not weapons). His arms are rock hard. He plays in a basketball league with men half his age (and also ones his age) weekly and in the summer will frequently go for a 5 mile run, swim a mile, go surfing for several hours and play tennis or pickup basketball all in one day!! (He’s not even a workout-holic! He just has very active hobbies and enjoys doing them and is keenly aware that at his age it’s use it or lose it) My grandfather played tennis until his mid 80s and only stopped because he tripped and broke his back (and fully recovered to going on 2 mile walks afterwards). I’m determined to enjoy my life as long as possible and had a great example set for me by my family!!! I have an aunt my marriage who is early 60s and can’t walk or stand or sit for too long and has back, knee, hip, and hamstring problems due to not taking care of herself earlier in life. It’s heartbreaking. We were on a beach vacation a block from the beach and she couldn’t even go look at it from the observation perch, let alone get on the sand.
anonarama
I’m not usually a fan of exercise either. I stick with it and/or get out of ruts because I a) focus on how my body feels when I don’t do it (stiff, tight) and b) I pair it with something I like doing, like listening to podcasts or music, or if it’s on a stationary machine, reading a trashy novel.
Gail the Goldfish
I go to an expensive gym. I’m much more likely to go to the gym when it costs me $100 a month rather than $10 (if you can afford it, try a personal trainer to at least get you a routine). Also, there are certain tv shows I like that are on netflix, so I’ve just made a bargain with myself that I can only watch them if I watch them while on elliptical (or other machine). I don’t love most of it (except for yoga), but I also tell myself I want to stay in shape so that when I retire in 25-30 years, I’ll still be in good enough physical shape to travel and do other activities. A lot of my older relatives are very out of shape and have a lot of health-related limitations, so that helps with the motivation on that front.
Senior Attorney
Yeah, I see the trainer four times a week. It’s stupid expensive but it gets me into the gym.
In-House in Houston
I just signed up for an app called RunBet. I have to run 4xweek for 30 minutes each, and I had to pay $40. If I complete the “game” (4xweekx30min run) then I get my $40 back, PLUS I get to share in the pot of those who didn’t complete the game. Right now, there is $8920 in the pot and 217 out of 223 are still eligible. Which means 6 people already didn’t complete week 1 and there’s 240 dollars in the pot to share with those who complete the challenge. They even have one for walking (steps) and for weight loss. So this is my motivation….to at least keep my $40, but hopefully make a few bucks in the end. So far, it’s been fun and I’ve been motivated to exercise. We’ll see how the next 3 weeks go.
Anonymous
Please report back! This is the old GymPact model and I miss it so much (company shut down).
Rainbow Hair
I hate exercise. But when I’m not traveling, I work out 3-4 times a week. I have done it consistently since August, which is a big deal for me because I hate exercise. I motivate myself, to the extent I am motivated, with the knowledge that I am less depressed and less anxious when I do it, that I sleep better and have more energy, and that I can focus better all day if i do it.
NB I still hate it. I don’t think I’ve ever had a moment in the last five months of consistently working out where I’ve been like, “oh, I like what I’m doing right now.” But I have prioritized it because in the bigger picture, I feel better and like how I feel when I am working out.
An important thing for me is… if I try to motivate myself with negativity, it either doesn’t work, or swings waaay into the disordered space, really really quickly. I can’t work out/eat healthy/etc. because I *don’t* like myself. I have to workout because I DO like myself, and I want that self to be around in the future, to be not as crazy, etc. I prioritize my health (mental and physical) because right now I am good and worthy of that. You are too.
Rainbow Hair
Also — I found a place that does 30 minute HIIT classes. I don’t think I could stand giving up much more of my day than that. But a trainer makes a group of 3 to 8 of us do a bunch of hard, uncomfortable stuff for 30 minutes, and at minute 31 I’m out the door waving “see ya soon!” and back to my non-sweaty regular life. When I really really don’t want to be there, I promise myself I can bail after 15 minutes if I still want to. I haven’t yet, but I keep the option there.
Middle age
You have plenty of good replies. I’m a late-50s attorney, spectacularly uncoordinated and unable to play any sport well in school, therefore hated exercising until I had children in my early 30s. I started then to lose the baby weight, still disliked it for a while but somehow kept it up continuously for almost 30 years. For me, the motivator was the glass of wine or an occasional dessert, to keep fitting into my clothes. Started with group classes at the Y, then switched to jogging and running on the treadmill, now do a combination of Sprint 8 on the treadmill (HIIT), free weights, TRX and machines. I am no more coordinated than when I started but I have come to love it and can’t go more than a day or two without without doing something. It’s made a huge difference in my health, attitude, flexibility and daily life. Please keep trying!
anon
This may not be a popular response, but I make it a priority by telling myself “I will run for an hour nonstop today no matter what.” and then i have to do it and there’s no excuse for not doing it. Raw willpower and force. I only do this when I’m just off the bandwagon and want to get back on. At no point am I going to WANT to do it, so I just force it. At a certain point I begin to enjoy what I’m doing, so it’s cool again.
Lilian
I applied for a job and have a phone interview tmrw. I went to check the job description on the company website and its been completely taken down. It makes complete sense, but I haven’t seen that before. Is that normal?
Anon
I have always experienced this, which is why I take screenshots of it when I’m applying. See if you can still find it on LinkedIn.
Anom
It makes sense bc they have already gathered their list of candidates and are no longer advertising for it. Either look for it on another website (job ad aggregator type site) or ask your HR contact for a copy of it now (i.e., before 5 pm/COB today).
LIlian
Found it on another job search board! I think I may have applied during one of the last days they were taking resumes, as it has been up on the job board for at least a month and I applied about 1.5 weeks ago.
food and shame
My husband comes from a family where his sisters and some other relatives are morbidly obese. He is merely overweight and says that he is trying to go back to deliberate eating of good food at mealtimes, no 4th meal (often some ding-dongs or half a bag of fritos) and exercise more. He does well for a while and then something happens and he always winds up heavier than before (he tried intermittent fasting and must be the lone person who does not have easy fantastic results). Each round makes him feel worse than before.
Last night I went downstairs and found him inside our pantry closet with the door shut and light off, eating food (a bag of chips).
I had to leave for work early and will work late tonight. I hope he was on Ambien when this happened (he makes all sorts of bad food decisions on it), but if he was or wasn’t, is this something to discuss next time I see him awake? Or just wait and see if he brings up?
[And if he had a drinking problem, I’d not keep alcohol in the house, but it’s food, which I need, but which I try not to buy the binging variety, mainly because of things like this.]
Anonymous
On the binge eating – DH and I are both at a healthy BMI but we know ourselves and do not keep cookies, chips, ice cream or other junk food snacks in the house. We would both binge eat if it was available. I can finish a big bag of chips in one sitting but I’m too lazy to leave the house to go buy them. I bake muffins or cookies on the weekends with the kids but like 12-18 at a time instead of 2 dozen plus. Kids get a bag of chips after swimming lessons that they eat on the way home. Food dialogue with kids focuses on that’s it’s okay to have treats but most of our foods should be healthy foods to fuel our bodies.
For us it’s a health issue, his dad died early and I’ve had some health scares with my parents. We eat healthy and exercising regularly (mostly by being active outside with the kids) because we want to do everything we can to be there for our kids.
Has he ever done therapy? I definitely ate more when stressed and developing non-food related coping mechanisms has been a huge factor in getting my eating under control. i still have the instinct to go for the junk food first but having other options/strategies on how to deal really helps and helps me say no. Definitely depends on personality as well. I’m an abstainer not a moderator so IF works for me.
Anonymous
OP here — thanks
If there is one thing I’ve learned in life, it’s that abstention is easier to attain than moderation if something is truly problematic.
I don’t come at this with the baggage he does (he says “he doesn’t deserve to be this fat” as if size is sort of a punishment (do his sisters “deserve” to be morbidly obese? does anyone?!). He has no older male relatives b/c they all seem to die of massive heart attacks at his current age + 10-15 years, so the clock is sort of ticking.
mascot
Another way of looking at his statement(and speculation as to what he really feels)- why is this harder for me than it seems to be for other people? I’m doing the “right” things and still not getting or keeping the results that I want. I can no more change my tendency to be overweight than I can the color of my eyes, etc. Everyone has their struggles in life and their strong points, but weight/appearance struggles are pretty tough in our culture.
anonarama
I avoid buying a ton of stuff for this reason, and what I do buy (popcorn and candy for kids lunches) I keep in my husband’s trunk in the cold garage because in the middle of the night I’m not going out there!
Anon
I know this tends to be overrecommended here but he might want to see a therapist (and a nutritionist) – this sounds like an eating disorder, which can happen with both overeating and undereating. Keeping foods in the house that have to be cooked and/or are only super healthy (fruits, veggies, meats, plain breads) can help with the unintended weight gain from the bingeing, but you need to address the bingeing as well. A nutritionist might help figure out the best eating pattern for weight lost or weight maintenance and be able to review bloodwork for an underlying physical cause – I have found working with nutritionist that they look a little more carefully than doctors at bloodwork imbalances whereas doctors tend to focus on imbalances only to the extent it falls out of the “healthy range” set forth on the lab results.
Rainbow Hair
I agree with the advice about therapy. Especially since he sounds really unhappy about it. Life is too short to be miserable around food or in your body.
Rainbow Hair
Though SA makes a good point about… how do you tell him you’d support that in a way that would sound anything but critical? But if he comes to you for advice/support on getting external help, well, that’s something I would recommend.
Anon
Therapy is not over recommended here, or probably anywhere. Lots of people could benefit from it for many, many different reasons.
mascot
I’ve struggled with my weight most of my life, including some bouts of pretty disordered eating and body image. But, over the past decade or so, I’ve stopped viewing it as a major measure of my self worth and I have much better body image as a result. I exercise because I like being strong, it keeps my mental health in a good place, I want to set a good example for my kid, and I want to stick around for a while. I try to eat healthy the majority of the time because of many of the same reasons. I know that certain foods I will absolutely eat until they are gone so I don’t keep those foods in the house. My doctor is happy with my bloodwork and I don’t have any chronic health issues related to the extra pounds. So maybe he can re-frame his goals around something that isn’t “weigh x pounds.” I would ask him about the Ambien- that’s not a good side effect and maybe he can find alternatives to help him sleep.
Anon
I think it’s his body, his eating. His health is your business, sort of, but he already knows he’s not supposed to be binge eating. I don’t think you can successfully police him on this. His motivation needs to come from him.
Senior Attorney
What is there for you to discuss with him?
I struggled with my weight for years, and the very last thing I needed when I was having a hard time was for my spouse to say “I saw you engaging in binge eating last night and I want to talk about it.” Really? What do you expect him to say? What do you have to say to him that you think will be helpful?
I feel like the one and only appropriate thing for you to say is “Do you want to talk about it?” and then listen to what he has to say instead of thinking you can fix him.
Anonymous
Yeah this is where I am.
Anonymous
OP here — thanks. I guess the thing I want to make sure of is that it is OK to say something if he doesn’t bring it up first. Food is such a tricky thing — we all have to eat. And I don’t want to make things worse (if he was on Ambien, he often does things and doesn’t remember unless I mention something). Different story I think if I had stumbled upon him taking someone else’s pain pills or something not OK to have.
Senior Attorney
If there’s an Ambien problem, that’s an Ambien problem and should be addressed as such. Otherwise I’d keep my mouth shut about the eating.
Anonymous
+1. If he wants help he will ask for it.
anon
Any tips for when you work at the largest employer in your city and don’t want to relocate — but you’re pretty darn unhappy because chaotic management is making your job impossibly hard? The great irony is that it’s on several of those “best places to work” lists — which is true from a benefits standpoint. I’ve been here since 2005, which is a long time and starting over isn’t very appealing. It wasn’t always this bad; I just think I’m noticing the deeper issues now that I’m higher on the ladder.
Maybe I just need to learn how to care less? A chaotic environment is just … not awesome for someone who is conscientious to a fault and tends toward anxiety.
Anon
Is there another, better managed section of HugeEmployer that you could lateral to? I worked for one of those companies and the working environment varied tremendously from section to section. If not, remember that just because they’re the biggest doesn’t mean they’re the only one, and that those surveys aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. Working at caring a bit less is a good place to start. I had some major workplace Stockholm Syndrome that I had to work past in order to successfully job-search but eventually I did it. You can, too!
Anonymous
You have options:
1. Change yourself. Do the necessary work on your anxiety and “conscientious to a fault” so that you aren’t set off so badly by the chaos around you.
2. Change your environment. Switch to a different department, take a different kind of job in your same city, switch careers, relocate.
Right now you’ve got yourself stuck: you’ve been at this workplace so long you can’t imagine anything else, you won’t move to a different location, you can’t deal with staying at this job, and you can’t imagine yourself at any other job in your city. Change one of those things.
E
Hey, I love this sunscreen! I bought it in South Korea last year. At first I didn’t like it but am so glad I gave it another try. It makes my skin look great all day, and I love that it’s matte.
Melanie
Elta MD zine (cehmical free) is the BEST in terms of effectiveness and durability, even in intense sun & salt. A little goes a long way and no white cast. Slightly clogging for me, as my skin is not a fan of silicones – but because of that, it basically functions as a primer as well.
I’m going to try the Coola for comparison one of these days.
Birdlover
Hi everyone,
I want to ask for a promotion. I think that there are two people that I need to invite to a meeting to ask for this (one who is my boss in the system, and one who is the boss of my team – neither of whom know of every single thing I do).
Should I give them both a heads up about the meeting topic before scheduling? If so, in person or by email with documentation? It feels somewhat awkward to me to do this. I could also just set the meeting (though one normally uses an EA to help schedule, so not sure if that would work) with an appropriate meeting title (not sure what title to use).
Thanks so much!
LAnon
Yes, I would give them a heads up. You can be a little vague but just mentioning to each of them when you see them, “Hey, you’re going to see a meeting request come through from me; I want to chat with you and Other Boss about my career progression.”
Giving them a heads up will give them the chance to get on the same page ahead of time and make the meeting more productive. Otherwise, you run the risk of having a meeting with some awkward possibilities like: a) neither of them really say anything or want to discuss because they aren’t certain what the other one is thinking or b) they have differing opinions and try to politely disagree with each other in front of you.